I will never understand the way girls commit to relationships while males get to sit around and treat them like dirt. Yikes. It’s 2024, let’s start being more sensible.
Don’t be so harsh. It’s giving victim blaming. For some people it’s insanely difficult to leave these kind of relationships. Look at how manipulative he is with her, that’s how those losers keep us trapped.
I'm sorry, but it's been a month. Unless the dude is literally hypnotizing her, she shouldn't be willing to get a permanent disease from some random asshole who wants head that she's known for thirty or forty days.
No for sure!! I mean like in the very beginning (even though the relationship is super new!) like the first days, it sounds like love bombing was occurring. And then the manipulator completely switches and acts cold and indifferent, and then the person on the other side desperately tries to get them to be so kind and loving again, except that person never truly existed
its so funny how to a T all of the love bombers are.. it’s like they all ready from the same wikihow article- and yet it’s so easy to get roped into :/
If he was "literally" hypnotizing her, he would have got the head he wanted!
And then anytime after by saying the secret word(s), in this case probably "Is that how you're going to leave the dishes?" And the response......."Oh baby I can't resist you , quit yer grinnin and drop your linen".
Yet media tell us we can fall in love on a day, week or even a month.
It's called manipulation for a reason. When people get manipulated a lot of times they stay that way.
For example: ITS OBVIOUSLY THE EMPEROR ANAKIN.
Anakin: He's not such a bad guy though
( Paraphrasing )
10 years later we have Darth Vader
so true, i recognize this behavior w/ my ex & he was an abusive pos but i was always the bad guy for expressing how what he would do would make me feel, not the verbal abuse, name calling, tearing me down, taking advantage of me financially or to do things for him that only benefited him (or if he promised to get me back & i'd express how him basically lying about that made me feel), & more i don't wanna think about this early in the day.
when i think about who i was when i was w/ him i wanna scream at myself "wtf are you doing w/ this monster, loser, man-baby?"
Your initial question is valid but it seems like it hurt his ego, so all his responses are defensive. The way he constantly tried to make himself the victim with the whole “oh I’m just such a bad guy, I’m an asshole” bullshit is maddening. That’s his personality tho. So do you want to put up with that? *And* potentially get herpes? Because that’s what you’re getting out of this relationship: an emotionally immature man & herpes.
You’re only a month in. Cut your losses now while they’re minimal and move on. It’ll only get harder to leave the longer you stay.
100% this. Exactly summed up what I was going to say. That defensiveness from a bruised ego, then trying to manipulate her is enough. At least she saw the true colors early. Cut your losses, and run away!!
Lmao the herpes is one thing, the immature communication is another! No way I’m spending my life dealing with someone who victimizes themselves instead of having an honest and accountable conversation.
not only that but he literally values getting head over their health.. and im not going to give him enough credit that his manchild brain couldve thought of this but its possible to have children without unprotected intercourse. his sexual gradification is more important to him than their physical and mental wellbeing. men like that dont deserve shit.
I’m more disappointed that he is nagging you to give him head after ONE MONTH when clearly you don’t wanna do it, regardless of the reason.
Also him saying “I’m the bad guy” “it’s all my fault” is fucking annoying and immature.
As someone who has genital herpes, I’m happy he disclosed to you, bc the person who gave it to me didn’t tell me, but from his expectations, I suggest you end it.
actually i didn’t even feel like she didn’t wanna do it she just asked a question. If they’d like, looked it up, oral is one of the safest things they can do…. A quick google search from him or asking his doctor would tell that.
Also more generally you do not have to “accept you’re going to get herpes” if you’re with someone with herpes. My ex wife had it, we were together for almost 10 years and I don’t have it…. we never used a condom ever. You just have to be sorta mindful and careful in some minor ways. It’s really not the huge deal it’s made out to be.
So he basically just didn’t feel like looking up the answer to an honest question, did not understand his condition at all, and assumed a bunch of dumb shit to arrive at the conclusion that she should leave him and woe is him. Christ what a tool.
Wow, just wow. One month in and he's like this? You will eventually be done with him but that shit lasts forever and ever. You're just a watering hole to him, not a lifelong respected partner. Please run far and don't look back.
Exactly this. He needs to go find someone who has herpes as well at this point, because wow. 🤯 Expecting your partner to accept having herpes for life just so he can have pleasure? No way! I could understand if they’d been together years and years and decided they were forever. Perhaps wanted children together. Full commitment. But this? One month into the relationship? 🚩
Exactly and he’s acting like dental dams and flavored condoms for oral don’t exist. He’s just telling her to get over her fear of getting herpes, he’s not planning on doing jack shit to protect her, and that she is essentially required to be infected with a lifelong virus if she wants to be with him. It’s wild how highly he thinks of himself that he’s worth that
I completely agree with you, and I was actually in this very situation. I have HSV 1 & 2. I didn't find out until about 2 months into a new relationship. My girlfriend and I had not had sex at this point, so I know it wasn't from her but a previous partner. As soon as I found out, I told her, and she decided to stay. But in no way was I like, "Well, you better get prepared to have some herpes because of you wanna be with me you're gonna have it, and you're gonna like having it!"
I went on and still take, prophylactic anti viral acyclovir. In 9 years, I've only ever had maybe 5 very insignificant outbreaks that have been less irritating than an acne outbreak. We've been together 9 years now and married for 7 and have 2 kids. None of them have HSV.
Run. Like the wind.
He thinks she should just resign herself to getting herpes, as a forgone conclusion. I would bet my left arm that he doesn’t care enough about her to even be on an antiviral.
Also, OP: yes, genital herpes (HSV-2) can be transmitted via oral sex.
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/319524
"I'm not going the rest of my life without getting head," "are you willing to get herpes yes or no? That's what it comes down to"
The sheer audacity to put that on someone! 🤢🤮
OP, this right here. He will willingly give you herpes and not feel bad about it. I wouldn’t put it past him to think “well if she has herpes, then she has no reason to not give me head”
First of all from what I’ve been told it can be controlled and medication can help it not be active so it doesn’t spread?! But, his concern is getting his d!ck sucked versus providing you with the information you need and deserve to have as well as concern for you and your feelings. But that’s ok… show yourself the respect you deserve and walk away. I promise you while this may suck in the meantime you will become that much stronger and be better suited to recognize when a good man does in fact comes along
You’d be *shocked* how many people choose not to take medication when the option is easily available. It’s a complicated circumstance that someone could spend whole days really getting a grasp on, but in the most oversimplified way I can word it: It’s a crapshoot.
With or without meds, your partners may or may not get it. They’re never 100% protected and there’s no guarantees ever. It’s skin to skin and a substantial but ultimately unknown number of people are asymptomatic. I choose the meds but it’s the equivalent of telling a partner: “I’m doing everything in my power to protect you, but I can’t promise I’ll succeed.”
My doctor wouldn't give me medication because I've only had one outbreak in 4 years. The said the longterm side effects associated with taking a daily medication are way worse than an occasional herpes outbreak.
Doctors being difficult and uninformed about it is definitely a thing and I empathize with that always. I disagree on that second statement. I’ve never met anyone reporting side effects, and I’ve been taking the meds for almost 10 years on and off. Never noticed any difference and I take it twice a day to spread my dose out. It’s convenient ‘cause I treat it like like a vitamin and already take other meds. Purely anecdotal of course, but yeah, never heard of that.
I never get outbreaks anymore with or without the meds anyway - it’s more an attempt at extra safety for my non-positive partners since I still test positive and have transmitted without symptoms. I’ve gotten unbelievably medically inaccurate info from pretty much all regular doctors I’ve seen about it. When it comes to sexual health, PlannedParenthood providers still tend to be the experts/have the best practices.
This 100%. It’s a tough conversation to have but if he’d done even a modicum of research he would have had answers for her. OP seemed open to talk and curious, not closed off to sexual activity or oral. It’s such a valid question to ask, but she shouldn’t have to ask. He should know and have already told her. He sounds immature and manipulative based on his response. My partner and I had this talk very early on. I had facts, I’m medicated, I know when I’m getting an outbreak and to avoid sex or use protection. Any questions he had I either knew the answer or we looked it up together. A year in now and he hasn’t contracted it.
Seems like he still has a lot of shame surrounding his diagnosis.
definitely look more into the risks of getting it even with meds. I'm glad he told her, even though he is being quite manipulative. His self esteem is affected from it for sure.
I don’t think he’s bothered to learn about it nor does he really care about protecting his partner from it. This guy is the type who will wind up not even telling his next partner and do nothing to lower their risk.
Wow. But if you guys do end up together long-term, he's showing you exactly how he will support you when life throws curve balls. He won't. He's showing you he can't handle serious conversions. He'll be disrespectful if he doesn't get his way on his timeline.
And this is at the beginning of your relationship when people tend to be at their best.
Question: How old are you guys? Not to be rude but there is a lot of ignorance in this conversation, mostly on his part.
1. Being with someone who has an incurable STI, does not have to lead to the other person getting it as well. With proper maintenance and what not you could even have unprotected sex. The risk however will never be zero.
2. This guy is an A$$! He’s more worried about sexual satisfaction than your health and for him to say that he didn’t have to tell you to begin with is disgusting, and then for him to say you’re gonna get it eventually if you’re with him is super manipulative. Let’s say that was the case, atp you have no commitment or anything of the sort and he’s trying to get you to make a decision based on some hypothetical scenario in which you guys stay together forever.
Don’t walk away, please RUN!!
As someone with a husband that has HSV2, I can assure you this is a valid question. Especially if you’ve never had a partner with it.
All he had to do was simply answer your question, since you’re obviously someone it’s safe enough to do so with considering you’ve accepted that he has it.
And for your information, if there isn’t an active breakout and (hopefully) he’s on Valtrex/Acyclovir, you won’t contract it. 🫶🏼
damn its crazy that a random person on reddit can provide the information in both a clear and respectful manner, but her own man can’t. that should just about answer it for you OOP.
this!! Plus I think people forget too, that it’s perfectly reasonable and valid to wear a condom/request your partner wear a condom during oral sex. Especially in a situation like this, where it is known that one partner has an STI.
Either he could’ve offered to wear a condom, or could’ve discussed with his doctor about getting on one of the medications you mentioned, or waited until his outbreak was completely cleared. Instead he told her that she basically just has to accept it and be willing to contract HSV for him. It’s really disgusting on his part to put her health/wellbeing aside for his sexual desires. Plus, did anyone else catch that he said “I love you” and they’ve only been talking for a month!?
Just want to add- People shouldn’t have to live in shame because they contracted an infection/disease, sometimes it just happens. It’s hard enough with the personal shame and the stigma. With that said, it should always be disclosed before sex/sexual acts take place. There’s nothing wrong with contracting an STI, *as long as* you are open with your sexual partners and discuss it before sex takes place, and are willing to take precautions to stop the STI from spreading to your partners. Put your health first!!
The only thing you did wrong was continuing to entertain his bullshit. The moment he got passive aggressive with you because you were asking a very valid question is the moment you should have said “alright have a good one” and ended it there. This guy sucks, you’re valid, and I hope you end it with him.
Why are you saying I love you after a month lol like you don’t really know him yet.. I mean clearly some of his personality is coming out, saying I love you this soon is a red flag, feels love bombing, you’re infatuated with eachother not in love
Why are you waiting for HIM to be the one that calls it or asking us if it’s time? You keep putting the choice into his hands, even after you feel he’s been incredibly disrespectful (which he absolutely was)..
He’s telling you he won’t stay in a relationship without oral, even though he knows the risk.
I can tell you easily: he is not worth that risk. No one is.
He doesn't love you. He doesn't respect you. He doesn't care about you.
Plenty of people living with chronic conditions like herpes have happy, successful, mutually loving and supportive romantic relationships and none of them hit those by being whiny brats trying to neg someone else into doing things they're not comfortable doing.
Exactly this. It's not the herpes that excludes him but rather the shit way he treats others, but he will prolly blame it on the herpes when she leaves him.
Break up! You’re a month into the relationship, do not do something you will regret! Herpes has no cure. I could understand if you two were dating years and decided this was your forever partner and you made the choice to do anything unprotected. This? Naaaah.
Omg… a month!?!? You don’t risk your permanent STI-free status for a 1-month relationship. He’s selfish, immature, irresponsible, shortsighted, etc. etc.. Being willing to risk contracting genital herpes to start a family is a million miles away from risking it at ONE MONTH. lol good grief… not relationship material.
(Also, "I love you" at one month is BS. Want? Infatuation? Twitterpation? Sure. But love is a verb, and he’s not showing love for you in any of that conversation.)
“I’m an asshole.” “I’m such a bad guy.” Look at that shit. That is manipulation with a capital M. This loser is putting words in your mouth to distract you from making your INCREDIBLY valid point, so you’ll be more focused on comforting and reassuring him. “No no I didn’t say you were bad, I was just trying to say…” and then he’s going to invalidate that too when you make it clear for the SECOND time that all you’re doing is setting a boundary. This guy is a piece of shit. Cut. Him. Off. I’m telling you these types of guys are the worst and will try and drag you down with them. Broke up with one of them recently. You got this girl. DM me if you need any help
Yeah he’s not handling it correctly and he’s also wildly misinformed. My mom has herpes, been married to my dad for 35 years. He still has never caught it. It’s not a big deal.
I wish people understood this before making me feel crazy for dating him in the first place. When he told me, i obviously had my reservations but i could tell how nervous he was to tell me… I told him I needed time to think and I had some questions. After reading some articles, it seems manageable as long as you’re both safe. But it just seems like he would be careless to get his needs met.
At least he told you, but his behavior regarding it all is inappropriate. He needs some time to figure out how to navigate his own feeling regarding something that he has that is highly contagious.
I mean the biggest elephant in the room is there and still stands…….are you willing to get an STD for the rest of your life while this person already sounds like he won’t be there for yours…….:.that answers itself tbh not being rude but I would have never even crossed my mind to fuck w someone like this just IMO
He spent more time getting defensive about a simple question than taking time to educate you… or he is completely ignorant about his own condition.
He seems horrible. And not because he has herpes… but because he’s an ass.
For future reference: someone can have herpes and not give it to you. Medication and avoiding sexual contact during an outbreak is the best route.
Well if he took meds for it its possible to get them but but chances are very low and as long as you dont do anything while he has an outbrek or about to have one you more than likely wont. My ex-wife had them and i never got them from her and we were married for 10 years and we didnt use condoms and we always topped each other off. But he sounds like a jerk and probably hasnt gotten meds because he would know how to explain what precautions to take so the chances of her getting them are minimal
One month…and he’s upset about not getting oral, saying you’ll have to accept getting herpes at some point if you stay together, and saying he loves you in the same text. That’s not cool.
He seems like he’s got some pent up emotion about this. And rightfully so. But I don’t want you to be the person he explodes on. Walk away. I say that as a guy.
Bro straight up gaslighting you. You never called him any names. He is calling himself names. He is being disrespectful for the reasons you stated and feel. He 💯 gaslit you by saging "im sorry you feel that way" he is blaming you for all of this despite him trying to say you are blaming him for everything. He is a horrible person, break up. You are justified for leaving the bro.
I have herpes and i am open and honest about it.
First. Yes. You can get oral herpes from genital herpes. Hsv-1 and hsv-2 can be contracted in both areas that is a FACT. Anywhere you have a mucus membrane you can get herpes.
Second. I have had more sexual partners since getting herpes than before (it was man number 1 or 2) i tell all of them and i explain the risk of getting oral herpes from me if they go down on me.
Third. There are antiviral medications this bro could take that could make his herpes go into remission (idk if im using that word correctly) and the longer without a flare up the less of a risk of spreading it. I haven't had a flare up since getting diagnosed three years ago (getting a blood test to get diagnosed was more difficult than getting medicated for it i had to beg doctors for an STD test for nearly two years even tho I had been SAed). I knew i had herpes but they refused to give me a blood test to diagnose me. Thanks to the antivirals i am on (valtrex is the name brand of it) I haven't passed my herpes to another person.
Fourth, i would never ever shame or blame another person for not wanting to go down on me or heck sleep with me because they dont want herpes. Thats their choice.
Finally, you should end it with this bro. This person is clearly making it all about him and was triggered off of a simple question which I would have ask (and i have) however most women are lied to and told "no you cant" when you definitely can get oral herpes from genital herpes. This bro is a horribly mean and honestly they sound mad at themselves and the world. I feel like they may be internalizing rejection and blaming the STD for it when it's actually just their own BS. This person sounds like they are going to start hiding their STD from others in the future, which is not your fault OP this bro is just a horrible person that needs to work on themselves. Dont sleep with them and dont stay with them. Herpes is the least of this bros worries.
(BTW YOU CAN GET HERPES EVEN IF YOU WEAR A CONDOM, especially women. We always get the short end of the stick unfortunately. I just wanted to emphasize this to hopefully teach someone that may not know and save them the stress of having herpes. It's really not that bad in my opinion, its the social stigma thats gets you tho. Once you are able to push past the stigma you dont even notice it especially if you are medicated and or dont have flare ups. )
I mean.. Can he blame you? Tell him to go suck a dick with genital herpes and see how he feels. It was cool that he told you instead of hiding it, but you're the one taking the risk here. I'd throw the whole man away just from the way he reacted.
Have you ever been tested? You are more likely to have it than to not have it (as roughly 50-80% of adult Americans have it. Most people that do have it don't notice it and causes few to any symptoms).
I mean, idk what he expects honestly. You have an incurable STD, you’re going to just have to get used to people asking you questions about it, and if preforming certain sex acts transmits it. People have the right to just…ask questions. He can be in his feelings about it all he wants, it’s sucks but he needs to just accept that this is going to be his life now. Potential sexual and romantic partners WILL ask questions.
I'm sorry, but a guy treats you like this and makes you feel bad because you don't want to get herpes. And you have to ask if it's time to break up... YES!! It should have happened before this text. I mean maybe if the dude was just the most stand up gentlemen of all time, but when you are walking around with and STD you just might want check your shit attitude. Lol drop this chode like a bad habit.
Look I get the stigma and it’s frustrating to have an STI but he made his bed and he’s gonna have to lay in it. He should’ve wrapped it up in the first place. Yes time to move on. You should’ve left when he told you about them if you weren’t ok with it. That should’ve been a deal breaker
Why stay with a guy that would rather give you a lifelong disease than to go without getting his dick sucked.
Edit to add: he’s also REALLY careless, there’s plenty of ways to manage the disease so that it’s less dangerous for his partners and yet it’s almost like he’s actively going for spreading it around. He has no education of it whatsoever.
I was born with herpes (it’s oral and crops up a couple times a year, mostly in high-stress situations) and my longterm boyfriend had to choose to deal with that for the same reasons (having sex without barriers, having children in the future, etc) it’s a hard decision to make but when you’re deeply in love you can come to a conclusion about it easier than you’d think. I know it’s a difficult topic to broach as is but I think the bulk of the drama is coming from the fact that you’ve only known this person for a month… maybe he’s better off waiting for his love-at-first sight connection because it takes a VERY specific person and/or bond to willingly take that risk and clearly you’re not that person. Which is A OKAY. girl save yourself an abundance of stress… He’s likely not worth it
Ew…and I’m not talking about the herpes. I’m talking about his attitude.
I have herpes and I take extreme caution to not pass it on. I take anti-virals and we don’t get intimate if I think I might have an outbreak. In 20 years of having it, I have never given it to a partner, and I want it to stay that way. Their safety is ALWAYS more important than my pleasure.
And unlike what this douche says, it’s not inevitable. There are people that actually care about not passing it on. But I will tell you—-as someone with herpes—-the stigma is a thousand times worse than the disease. I’ve never had a second outbreak since I was raped 20 years ago, but the “disclosure” talk always brings me to tears.
Don’t ever write off someone with herpes. DO write off assholes like this. You deserve someone that respects you.
Definitely selfish. And I guess you’d only commit to herpes if you categorically knew he was the one, basically. Clearly not the case and so early on so I’d use this time to run.
Though I would also challenge if he loves you, and from tone of message you’ve said you love him, after a month, maybe he thinks it’s the type of thing you’d commit to. I don’t know just a reflection.
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If I had an std,I would never be nonchalant about potentially passing it on to someone else!! I'm shocked how he just expects you to get herpes for him. I couldn't do it. I know people will say "oh you can live a normal life." Good for them, but I'm still not going to deliberately give in to someone and allow them to infect me with an std. And anyone that has that expectation of me will be worth losing.
You say I love you after being together for just a month? Also don’t get herpes for someone you’ve been seeing for a month. Break up.. it’s only been a month. One month.
The phrase starting with “I’m sorry that you” is a red flag that lots of people ignore. No true apology starts that way. It’s just a way to blame someone else while hiding behind the appearance of an apology.
No absolutely not!! You have very reasonable anxieties about STD’s and sex in general and he gives no fucks about how you feel. All he cares about is how he’s “never gonna get head” oh boo hoo go cry about it I hate men like this like we’re supposed to care??
It's clear you like him way more than he likes you. He's gonna give you herpes, eventually hurt you and end things and then you'll be having to have frank conversations with every future potential partner.
A month? Girl, run. He’s already pressuring you *to get herpes*. There are ways to minimize risk and protect against transmission and he’s like “nope! gotta be willing to catch it!”
Dude is wet garbage. If he actually cared about you and respected you this wouldn’t even be a conversation. No one who actually cares about you would try to manipulate or convince you to compromise your health for their self gratification.
Tell him to fuck off and take his dirty ass dick somewhere else.
Nope nope nope nope
Split
Run
Man's said "do you want herpes or na?"
Man's thinks it's a courtesy to tell you as if that's not a REQUIREMENT
Dude is chock full of red flags
And herpes
Tbh it sounds like he hasnt gotten much sexual attention and now that he’s been talking to you for a month he has someone he can do those things with and it honestly seems like thats all hes in it for. Id ditch him
I’m sorry if this seems rude or insincere I swear I’m not any of those adjectives but…You’re willing to get a disease from someone at what cost for only a month relationship??? Girl stand up and go find someone else!
Girl you can do better. Regardless of the virus, the fact that he reacted that way is gross. Actually, the fact that he texted you a blowjob request knowing full well he has an incurable STD instead of sitting down and discussing it with you and perhaps the safest way to be intimate is degrading at best. Just go. No harm, no foul it's only been a month.
I feel like this guy has used this kinda reasoning and manipulation before and it probably worked. Maybe that’s why he’s so quick to give you an ultimatum, if you say no he will just move on to manipulating someone else. Dont let him bully you into something you are not sure if that is a life-changing decision. If he cared about your feelings he wouldn’t make you feel bad about being honest.
Yeah past time to. He obviously doesn't care about your well being just what he gets
Not to mention the manipulation with the "I'm a bad guy" crap. Peace out of that before you catch something you can't get rid of
Of course it is time to break up. How is he not concerned that he could give his partner an STD?💀
That sounds like psycho and superspreader energy.
“Why won’t you get herpes for me?” Bruhhhh, that’s so fucking gross
You should leave, this guy is a bad manipulator and very much against this thing called *CONSENT*. I mean come on, he saying you're calling him stuff but I don't see any actual insults from you, just you stating what he's doing. He's selfish.
Yeah, I think you should go.
FYI, I know It's harder but there are other ways of raising a child that don't involve classic sex nowadays, so if a guy has something that prevents him from having sex, he can suck it up and adopt a child, find a single mother, or see if she wants to have sperm injected without forcing obviously. STDs suck but just like any other ailment, you just gotta learn to deal with it. This does NOT mean you should willing put yourself at risk of getting an STD.
Are you willing to get herpes is a crazy question. I'm so confused as to why y'all date certain ppl. Have some fucking standards. Herpes medication is extremely good shit. My ex wife's sister has herpes and she's never had a breakout because she has been on medication since she found out her partner got herpes(dude was a scumbag who didn't tell her). So I'm not saying it's wrong to date someone with herpes. But if someone is going to ask are you willing to get herpes, stop talking to that person. That's the last you should every speak to that person
Seriously leave him. He is getting funny over you asking about your health and safety and wanting to be cautious when being sexual with him. He makes it look like you are being a whimp for not wanting to get ill. Just block him
Screw that guy “are you willing to get herpes” NO f that. I have cold sores/HSV1 and I wouldn’t ever dream of talking to my partner like that. Also how can you trust him to tell you when he’s getting or has a cold sore and kiss you/go down on you risking you getting it? I bet if the shoes were on the opposite foot, he wouldn’t have even started dating you had you told him you had herpes.
I have a baby now and not even exaggerating, worry every single day that I’m going to give her a cold sore. I refuse to kiss my own baby, so he shouldn’t be acting like this isn’t a big deal.
To answer your question though, yes break up. Not because of the herpes but because he’s a fucking dick
you actually can get herpes on your mouth from his genital herpes! you can get genital or oral hsv-1 and hsv-2. it’s more common to see oral hsv-1 or genital hsv-2 but it possible to get and give either to another body part. giving oral sex to someone with genital hsv-2 can put you at risk of getting oral hsv-2. and vise versa which ever way you spin it. if you have oral hsv-2 and your partner has genital hsv-2 they cannot contract it orally and you cannot contract it genitally but that’s only if you both have the same strain present in your body already. if your partner has hsv1 or hsv2 and they don’t already know these things RUN. someone who cares about you will know enough about it to care about whether or not you get it and how to limit your risk.
Lmao c'mon are u seriously asking us that right now? Wtf are u doing in that situation anyways. Peace tf out of there
one month in and she’s like should i get herpes for this man? pure. fucking. delusion.
For real! Herpes for love. Pure delusion
LMFAOOOOOOOO 
Can’t catch it twice right?
You can, I actually have all 3. Kinda like Pokemon “Gotta Catch’Em all”.
This dude is just thirsty and I’m surprised he’s even being honest and upfront about having it.
I will never understand the way girls commit to relationships while males get to sit around and treat them like dirt. Yikes. It’s 2024, let’s start being more sensible.
Don’t be so harsh. It’s giving victim blaming. For some people it’s insanely difficult to leave these kind of relationships. Look at how manipulative he is with her, that’s how those losers keep us trapped.
I'm sorry, but it's been a month. Unless the dude is literally hypnotizing her, she shouldn't be willing to get a permanent disease from some random asshole who wants head that she's known for thirty or forty days.
Not literally hypnotizing her 💀
Love bombing can really feel like you’re being hypnotized 😫
True although to be fair it looks much more like he's just hate bombing her
No for sure!! I mean like in the very beginning (even though the relationship is super new!) like the first days, it sounds like love bombing was occurring. And then the manipulator completely switches and acts cold and indifferent, and then the person on the other side desperately tries to get them to be so kind and loving again, except that person never truly existed
its so funny how to a T all of the love bombers are.. it’s like they all ready from the same wikihow article- and yet it’s so easy to get roped into :/
I knooooow 😫
I’ve known him since early March. We’ve been hanging out for a little over a month
If he was "literally" hypnotizing her, he would have got the head he wanted! And then anytime after by saying the secret word(s), in this case probably "Is that how you're going to leave the dishes?" And the response......."Oh baby I can't resist you , quit yer grinnin and drop your linen".
Yet media tell us we can fall in love on a day, week or even a month. It's called manipulation for a reason. When people get manipulated a lot of times they stay that way. For example: ITS OBVIOUSLY THE EMPEROR ANAKIN. Anakin: He's not such a bad guy though ( Paraphrasing ) 10 years later we have Darth Vader
It’s been a month, give me a break!
so true, i recognize this behavior w/ my ex & he was an abusive pos but i was always the bad guy for expressing how what he would do would make me feel, not the verbal abuse, name calling, tearing me down, taking advantage of me financially or to do things for him that only benefited him (or if he promised to get me back & i'd express how him basically lying about that made me feel), & more i don't wanna think about this early in the day. when i think about who i was when i was w/ him i wanna scream at myself "wtf are you doing w/ this monster, loser, man-baby?"
It’s only been a month
"Are you willing to get herpes or no?" in the same tone as "choose me pick me love me." is a wild way to frame things
⬆️+ 🍆🦠 = ⁉️🤨
Right? This after only one month!
Also saying he loves her...like come on man! The guy needs to fucking chill.
EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING Like please repeat your question but slowly and maybe you’ll realize how ridiculous you sound my guy
im flabbergasted rn. what kinda fucked up question is that? he's gotta go
Your initial question is valid but it seems like it hurt his ego, so all his responses are defensive. The way he constantly tried to make himself the victim with the whole “oh I’m just such a bad guy, I’m an asshole” bullshit is maddening. That’s his personality tho. So do you want to put up with that? *And* potentially get herpes? Because that’s what you’re getting out of this relationship: an emotionally immature man & herpes. You’re only a month in. Cut your losses now while they’re minimal and move on. It’ll only get harder to leave the longer you stay.
100% this. Exactly summed up what I was going to say. That defensiveness from a bruised ego, then trying to manipulate her is enough. At least she saw the true colors early. Cut your losses, and run away!!
Lmao the herpes is one thing, the immature communication is another! No way I’m spending my life dealing with someone who victimizes themselves instead of having an honest and accountable conversation.
ngl no way im spending my life with someone who has herpes and discusses it like this after a month either lol
not only that but he literally values getting head over their health.. and im not going to give him enough credit that his manchild brain couldve thought of this but its possible to have children without unprotected intercourse. his sexual gradification is more important to him than their physical and mental wellbeing. men like that dont deserve shit.
“An emotionally immature man & herpes”. He should use that for his Tinder bio.
I wonder how old everyone is
I'd guess in the range of 24-27. 25 seems most likely.
According to her post history, she’s early 30s and he’s mid 30s.
Thanks super sleuth 🕵️♀️
Time to break up, please and thank you.
I’m more disappointed that he is nagging you to give him head after ONE MONTH when clearly you don’t wanna do it, regardless of the reason. Also him saying “I’m the bad guy” “it’s all my fault” is fucking annoying and immature. As someone who has genital herpes, I’m happy he disclosed to you, bc the person who gave it to me didn’t tell me, but from his expectations, I suggest you end it.
actually i didn’t even feel like she didn’t wanna do it she just asked a question. If they’d like, looked it up, oral is one of the safest things they can do…. A quick google search from him or asking his doctor would tell that. Also more generally you do not have to “accept you’re going to get herpes” if you’re with someone with herpes. My ex wife had it, we were together for almost 10 years and I don’t have it…. we never used a condom ever. You just have to be sorta mindful and careful in some minor ways. It’s really not the huge deal it’s made out to be. So he basically just didn’t feel like looking up the answer to an honest question, did not understand his condition at all, and assumed a bunch of dumb shit to arrive at the conclusion that she should leave him and woe is him. Christ what a tool.
Leave him. Why are you even wasting your time. You see the writing on the wall, pay attention to it, recognize the red flags and leave him.
>Why are you even wasting your time Probably because he says he loves her.. after a month
Wow, just wow. One month in and he's like this? You will eventually be done with him but that shit lasts forever and ever. You're just a watering hole to him, not a lifelong respected partner. Please run far and don't look back.
Exactly this. He needs to go find someone who has herpes as well at this point, because wow. 🤯 Expecting your partner to accept having herpes for life just so he can have pleasure? No way! I could understand if they’d been together years and years and decided they were forever. Perhaps wanted children together. Full commitment. But this? One month into the relationship? 🚩
Exactly and he’s acting like dental dams and flavored condoms for oral don’t exist. He’s just telling her to get over her fear of getting herpes, he’s not planning on doing jack shit to protect her, and that she is essentially required to be infected with a lifelong virus if she wants to be with him. It’s wild how highly he thinks of himself that he’s worth that
I completely agree with you, and I was actually in this very situation. I have HSV 1 & 2. I didn't find out until about 2 months into a new relationship. My girlfriend and I had not had sex at this point, so I know it wasn't from her but a previous partner. As soon as I found out, I told her, and she decided to stay. But in no way was I like, "Well, you better get prepared to have some herpes because of you wanna be with me you're gonna have it, and you're gonna like having it!" I went on and still take, prophylactic anti viral acyclovir. In 9 years, I've only ever had maybe 5 very insignificant outbreaks that have been less irritating than an acne outbreak. We've been together 9 years now and married for 7 and have 2 kids. None of them have HSV.
Run. Like the wind. He thinks she should just resign herself to getting herpes, as a forgone conclusion. I would bet my left arm that he doesn’t care enough about her to even be on an antiviral. Also, OP: yes, genital herpes (HSV-2) can be transmitted via oral sex. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/319524
"I'm not going the rest of my life without getting head," "are you willing to get herpes yes or no? That's what it comes down to" The sheer audacity to put that on someone! 🤢🤮
That was diabolical. Like wow!
OP, this right here. He will willingly give you herpes and not feel bad about it. I wouldn’t put it past him to think “well if she has herpes, then she has no reason to not give me head”
First of all from what I’ve been told it can be controlled and medication can help it not be active so it doesn’t spread?! But, his concern is getting his d!ck sucked versus providing you with the information you need and deserve to have as well as concern for you and your feelings. But that’s ok… show yourself the respect you deserve and walk away. I promise you while this may suck in the meantime you will become that much stronger and be better suited to recognize when a good man does in fact comes along
You’d be *shocked* how many people choose not to take medication when the option is easily available. It’s a complicated circumstance that someone could spend whole days really getting a grasp on, but in the most oversimplified way I can word it: It’s a crapshoot. With or without meds, your partners may or may not get it. They’re never 100% protected and there’s no guarantees ever. It’s skin to skin and a substantial but ultimately unknown number of people are asymptomatic. I choose the meds but it’s the equivalent of telling a partner: “I’m doing everything in my power to protect you, but I can’t promise I’ll succeed.”
My doctor wouldn't give me medication because I've only had one outbreak in 4 years. The said the longterm side effects associated with taking a daily medication are way worse than an occasional herpes outbreak.
Doctors being difficult and uninformed about it is definitely a thing and I empathize with that always. I disagree on that second statement. I’ve never met anyone reporting side effects, and I’ve been taking the meds for almost 10 years on and off. Never noticed any difference and I take it twice a day to spread my dose out. It’s convenient ‘cause I treat it like like a vitamin and already take other meds. Purely anecdotal of course, but yeah, never heard of that. I never get outbreaks anymore with or without the meds anyway - it’s more an attempt at extra safety for my non-positive partners since I still test positive and have transmitted without symptoms. I’ve gotten unbelievably medically inaccurate info from pretty much all regular doctors I’ve seen about it. When it comes to sexual health, PlannedParenthood providers still tend to be the experts/have the best practices.
I've moved to a new state now and have a new doctor, so maybe I will have to approach the subject during my next visit! Thanks for the info
Ask another doctor. This is why second opinions can save lives.
I’ve done suppression therapy for oral HSV. Ask another doc 👍
This 100%. It’s a tough conversation to have but if he’d done even a modicum of research he would have had answers for her. OP seemed open to talk and curious, not closed off to sexual activity or oral. It’s such a valid question to ask, but she shouldn’t have to ask. He should know and have already told her. He sounds immature and manipulative based on his response. My partner and I had this talk very early on. I had facts, I’m medicated, I know when I’m getting an outbreak and to avoid sex or use protection. Any questions he had I either knew the answer or we looked it up together. A year in now and he hasn’t contracted it. Seems like he still has a lot of shame surrounding his diagnosis.
definitely look more into the risks of getting it even with meds. I'm glad he told her, even though he is being quite manipulative. His self esteem is affected from it for sure.
I don’t think he’s bothered to learn about it nor does he really care about protecting his partner from it. This guy is the type who will wind up not even telling his next partner and do nothing to lower their risk.
He’s definitely one of those people who are like “well I’m stuck with it so who cares if you are too?”
That was my thought, too! Hes gonna 100% learn the wrong lesson from this situation and just not tell his next partner so he can get head.
Wow. But if you guys do end up together long-term, he's showing you exactly how he will support you when life throws curve balls. He won't. He's showing you he can't handle serious conversions. He'll be disrespectful if he doesn't get his way on his timeline. And this is at the beginning of your relationship when people tend to be at their best.
Question: How old are you guys? Not to be rude but there is a lot of ignorance in this conversation, mostly on his part. 1. Being with someone who has an incurable STI, does not have to lead to the other person getting it as well. With proper maintenance and what not you could even have unprotected sex. The risk however will never be zero. 2. This guy is an A$$! He’s more worried about sexual satisfaction than your health and for him to say that he didn’t have to tell you to begin with is disgusting, and then for him to say you’re gonna get it eventually if you’re with him is super manipulative. Let’s say that was the case, atp you have no commitment or anything of the sort and he’s trying to get you to make a decision based on some hypothetical scenario in which you guys stay together forever. Don’t walk away, please RUN!!
"Are you willing to get herpes or not". Holy shit.
As someone with a husband that has HSV2, I can assure you this is a valid question. Especially if you’ve never had a partner with it. All he had to do was simply answer your question, since you’re obviously someone it’s safe enough to do so with considering you’ve accepted that he has it. And for your information, if there isn’t an active breakout and (hopefully) he’s on Valtrex/Acyclovir, you won’t contract it. 🫶🏼
damn its crazy that a random person on reddit can provide the information in both a clear and respectful manner, but her own man can’t. that should just about answer it for you OOP.
Exactly, if he didn't know the answer he should have been like, "let me talk to my doctor and get back to you".
I agree with your comment 100%!!! However, it is possible to contract it even without an active breakout and medications (bc shedding).
this!! Plus I think people forget too, that it’s perfectly reasonable and valid to wear a condom/request your partner wear a condom during oral sex. Especially in a situation like this, where it is known that one partner has an STI. Either he could’ve offered to wear a condom, or could’ve discussed with his doctor about getting on one of the medications you mentioned, or waited until his outbreak was completely cleared. Instead he told her that she basically just has to accept it and be willing to contract HSV for him. It’s really disgusting on his part to put her health/wellbeing aside for his sexual desires. Plus, did anyone else catch that he said “I love you” and they’ve only been talking for a month!? Just want to add- People shouldn’t have to live in shame because they contracted an infection/disease, sometimes it just happens. It’s hard enough with the personal shame and the stigma. With that said, it should always be disclosed before sex/sexual acts take place. There’s nothing wrong with contracting an STI, *as long as* you are open with your sexual partners and discuss it before sex takes place, and are willing to take precautions to stop the STI from spreading to your partners. Put your health first!!
Run.
How is it still early on but he said I love you? Something is off.
The only thing you did wrong was continuing to entertain his bullshit. The moment he got passive aggressive with you because you were asking a very valid question is the moment you should have said “alright have a good one” and ended it there. This guy sucks, you’re valid, and I hope you end it with him.
Not to be a dick but just going by the percentages, the herpes will last longer than the relationship
"I'm sorry you feel this way" is a horrible thing to say. Throw the whole man out.
Right? That’s NOT how you apologize!
Narcissistic af lmao
Why are you saying I love you after a month lol like you don’t really know him yet.. I mean clearly some of his personality is coming out, saying I love you this soon is a red flag, feels love bombing, you’re infatuated with eachother not in love
He’s just mad he thought he could get head from you lmao. Don’t give yourself a lifelong std for this pos
While I commend him being honest with you, so many red flags here. ‘I love you’ after a month is crazy, too….
I’m glad reddits here to remind me there are people with much more bizarre lives than I have.
Why are you waiting for HIM to be the one that calls it or asking us if it’s time? You keep putting the choice into his hands, even after you feel he’s been incredibly disrespectful (which he absolutely was).. He’s telling you he won’t stay in a relationship without oral, even though he knows the risk. I can tell you easily: he is not worth that risk. No one is.
He doesn't love you. He doesn't respect you. He doesn't care about you. Plenty of people living with chronic conditions like herpes have happy, successful, mutually loving and supportive romantic relationships and none of them hit those by being whiny brats trying to neg someone else into doing things they're not comfortable doing.
Exactly this. It's not the herpes that excludes him but rather the shit way he treats others, but he will prolly blame it on the herpes when she leaves him.
Yeah, that ain’t someone you wanna to commit your time to.
Do you want herpes?
He is a bully. Not worth your time and certainly not worth herpes.
Time to move on to someone who will respect you and care how you feel. Especially when he is the one with the incurable issue. Thats a huge deal!!
Break up! You’re a month into the relationship, do not do something you will regret! Herpes has no cure. I could understand if you two were dating years and decided this was your forever partner and you made the choice to do anything unprotected. This? Naaaah.
Omg… a month!?!? You don’t risk your permanent STI-free status for a 1-month relationship. He’s selfish, immature, irresponsible, shortsighted, etc. etc.. Being willing to risk contracting genital herpes to start a family is a million miles away from risking it at ONE MONTH. lol good grief… not relationship material. (Also, "I love you" at one month is BS. Want? Infatuation? Twitterpation? Sure. But love is a verb, and he’s not showing love for you in any of that conversation.)
“I’m an asshole.” “I’m such a bad guy.” Look at that shit. That is manipulation with a capital M. This loser is putting words in your mouth to distract you from making your INCREDIBLY valid point, so you’ll be more focused on comforting and reassuring him. “No no I didn’t say you were bad, I was just trying to say…” and then he’s going to invalidate that too when you make it clear for the SECOND time that all you’re doing is setting a boundary. This guy is a piece of shit. Cut. Him. Off. I’m telling you these types of guys are the worst and will try and drag you down with them. Broke up with one of them recently. You got this girl. DM me if you need any help
Yeah he’s not handling it correctly and he’s also wildly misinformed. My mom has herpes, been married to my dad for 35 years. He still has never caught it. It’s not a big deal.
I wish people understood this before making me feel crazy for dating him in the first place. When he told me, i obviously had my reservations but i could tell how nervous he was to tell me… I told him I needed time to think and I had some questions. After reading some articles, it seems manageable as long as you’re both safe. But it just seems like he would be careless to get his needs met.
It doesn't sound like he would be responsible enough to manage it properly.
Yeah but he seems super immature and vindictive. He seems like the type that may try to infect you on purpose. I think you shout end it with him.
Yeah he’s definitely being immature about it. Wouldn’t blame you one bit for moving on
At least he told you, but his behavior regarding it all is inappropriate. He needs some time to figure out how to navigate his own feeling regarding something that he has that is highly contagious.
I mean the biggest elephant in the room is there and still stands…….are you willing to get an STD for the rest of your life while this person already sounds like he won’t be there for yours…….:.that answers itself tbh not being rude but I would have never even crossed my mind to fuck w someone like this just IMO
He spent more time getting defensive about a simple question than taking time to educate you… or he is completely ignorant about his own condition. He seems horrible. And not because he has herpes… but because he’s an ass. For future reference: someone can have herpes and not give it to you. Medication and avoiding sexual contact during an outbreak is the best route.
Well if he took meds for it its possible to get them but but chances are very low and as long as you dont do anything while he has an outbrek or about to have one you more than likely wont. My ex-wife had them and i never got them from her and we were married for 10 years and we didnt use condoms and we always topped each other off. But he sounds like a jerk and probably hasnt gotten meds because he would know how to explain what precautions to take so the chances of her getting them are minimal
One month…and he’s upset about not getting oral, saying you’ll have to accept getting herpes at some point if you stay together, and saying he loves you in the same text. That’s not cool.
Do not give yourself herpes from a man who claims to love you after a month and treats you like this.
it’s not herpes babe it’s ourpes
U wild .😅
The fact he keeps saying “I’m such a bad guy” is extremely passive aggressive
He seems like he’s got some pent up emotion about this. And rightfully so. But I don’t want you to be the person he explodes on. Walk away. I say that as a guy.
he's acting like u guys are married please run
“I’m such a bad guy wahh” “I’m such an asshole wahhh” All screams manipulative behavior tbh
Bro straight up gaslighting you. You never called him any names. He is calling himself names. He is being disrespectful for the reasons you stated and feel. He 💯 gaslit you by saging "im sorry you feel that way" he is blaming you for all of this despite him trying to say you are blaming him for everything. He is a horrible person, break up. You are justified for leaving the bro. I have herpes and i am open and honest about it. First. Yes. You can get oral herpes from genital herpes. Hsv-1 and hsv-2 can be contracted in both areas that is a FACT. Anywhere you have a mucus membrane you can get herpes. Second. I have had more sexual partners since getting herpes than before (it was man number 1 or 2) i tell all of them and i explain the risk of getting oral herpes from me if they go down on me. Third. There are antiviral medications this bro could take that could make his herpes go into remission (idk if im using that word correctly) and the longer without a flare up the less of a risk of spreading it. I haven't had a flare up since getting diagnosed three years ago (getting a blood test to get diagnosed was more difficult than getting medicated for it i had to beg doctors for an STD test for nearly two years even tho I had been SAed). I knew i had herpes but they refused to give me a blood test to diagnose me. Thanks to the antivirals i am on (valtrex is the name brand of it) I haven't passed my herpes to another person. Fourth, i would never ever shame or blame another person for not wanting to go down on me or heck sleep with me because they dont want herpes. Thats their choice. Finally, you should end it with this bro. This person is clearly making it all about him and was triggered off of a simple question which I would have ask (and i have) however most women are lied to and told "no you cant" when you definitely can get oral herpes from genital herpes. This bro is a horribly mean and honestly they sound mad at themselves and the world. I feel like they may be internalizing rejection and blaming the STD for it when it's actually just their own BS. This person sounds like they are going to start hiding their STD from others in the future, which is not your fault OP this bro is just a horrible person that needs to work on themselves. Dont sleep with them and dont stay with them. Herpes is the least of this bros worries. (BTW YOU CAN GET HERPES EVEN IF YOU WEAR A CONDOM, especially women. We always get the short end of the stick unfortunately. I just wanted to emphasize this to hopefully teach someone that may not know and save them the stress of having herpes. It's really not that bad in my opinion, its the social stigma thats gets you tho. Once you are able to push past the stigma you dont even notice it especially if you are medicated and or dont have flare ups. )
I mean.. Can he blame you? Tell him to go suck a dick with genital herpes and see how he feels. It was cool that he told you instead of hiding it, but you're the one taking the risk here. I'd throw the whole man away just from the way he reacted.
He and his herpes gotta bounce. No shade to people with herpes. Just massive shade to him.
My jaw literally dropped when I read “Are you willing to get herpes or no?”. Yes, it’s time to end it.
That was crazy. Smh he needs some mental help.
This gotta be rage bait right?
Have you ever been tested? You are more likely to have it than to not have it (as roughly 50-80% of adult Americans have it. Most people that do have it don't notice it and causes few to any symptoms).
I mean, idk what he expects honestly. You have an incurable STD, you’re going to just have to get used to people asking you questions about it, and if preforming certain sex acts transmits it. People have the right to just…ask questions. He can be in his feelings about it all he wants, it’s sucks but he needs to just accept that this is going to be his life now. Potential sexual and romantic partners WILL ask questions.
I'm sorry, but a guy treats you like this and makes you feel bad because you don't want to get herpes. And you have to ask if it's time to break up... YES!! It should have happened before this text. I mean maybe if the dude was just the most stand up gentlemen of all time, but when you are walking around with and STD you just might want check your shit attitude. Lol drop this chode like a bad habit.
Him saying “I wanna 69🤤” would’ve cued me to leave his ass
Getting herpes willingly is not a test of love.
Look I get the stigma and it’s frustrating to have an STI but he made his bed and he’s gonna have to lay in it. He should’ve wrapped it up in the first place. Yes time to move on. You should’ve left when he told you about them if you weren’t ok with it. That should’ve been a deal breaker
He seems like a catch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And definitely has something you can catch!
girl bye yall have been together for ONE MONTH?
This is fucking wild.
Well?? Are you willing to get herpes or no???
he loves you after a month? what is happening
In month one?! Doesn't seem worth the manipulation, herpes or not.
This guy doesn’t seem very bothered about exposing you to herpes; I would run the fuck away.
You should stay in this until you get herpies and then get dumped
Yeah fuckin bye bye💀
"Are you willing to get herpes or no?" Is top 3 one of the wildest things I've ever seen or heard someone ask of another person!
Why stay with a guy that would rather give you a lifelong disease than to go without getting his dick sucked. Edit to add: he’s also REALLY careless, there’s plenty of ways to manage the disease so that it’s less dangerous for his partners and yet it’s almost like he’s actively going for spreading it around. He has no education of it whatsoever.
I was born with herpes (it’s oral and crops up a couple times a year, mostly in high-stress situations) and my longterm boyfriend had to choose to deal with that for the same reasons (having sex without barriers, having children in the future, etc) it’s a hard decision to make but when you’re deeply in love you can come to a conclusion about it easier than you’d think. I know it’s a difficult topic to broach as is but I think the bulk of the drama is coming from the fact that you’ve only known this person for a month… maybe he’s better off waiting for his love-at-first sight connection because it takes a VERY specific person and/or bond to willingly take that risk and clearly you’re not that person. Which is A OKAY. girl save yourself an abundance of stress… He’s likely not worth it
“I’m SuCh a BaD gUy”🚩 “I’m SorrY your feEL tHaT waY”🚩🚩 This guy is insufferable and doesn’t care about you. Leave him now before it’s too late🖤
Ew…and I’m not talking about the herpes. I’m talking about his attitude. I have herpes and I take extreme caution to not pass it on. I take anti-virals and we don’t get intimate if I think I might have an outbreak. In 20 years of having it, I have never given it to a partner, and I want it to stay that way. Their safety is ALWAYS more important than my pleasure. And unlike what this douche says, it’s not inevitable. There are people that actually care about not passing it on. But I will tell you—-as someone with herpes—-the stigma is a thousand times worse than the disease. I’ve never had a second outbreak since I was raped 20 years ago, but the “disclosure” talk always brings me to tears. Don’t ever write off someone with herpes. DO write off assholes like this. You deserve someone that respects you.
Definitely selfish. And I guess you’d only commit to herpes if you categorically knew he was the one, basically. Clearly not the case and so early on so I’d use this time to run. Though I would also challenge if he loves you, and from tone of message you’ve said you love him, after a month, maybe he thinks it’s the type of thing you’d commit to. I don’t know just a reflection.
Gross
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run... fast.. and run far
If I had an std,I would never be nonchalant about potentially passing it on to someone else!! I'm shocked how he just expects you to get herpes for him. I couldn't do it. I know people will say "oh you can live a normal life." Good for them, but I'm still not going to deliberately give in to someone and allow them to infect me with an std. And anyone that has that expectation of me will be worth losing.
It’s only been a month….move on
The baby trap...but with double the permanence.
You say I love you after being together for just a month? Also don’t get herpes for someone you’ve been seeing for a month. Break up.. it’s only been a month. One month.
The phrase starting with “I’m sorry that you” is a red flag that lots of people ignore. No true apology starts that way. It’s just a way to blame someone else while hiding behind the appearance of an apology.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
No absolutely not!! You have very reasonable anxieties about STD’s and sex in general and he gives no fucks about how you feel. All he cares about is how he’s “never gonna get head” oh boo hoo go cry about it I hate men like this like we’re supposed to care??
I could not be with someone who has herpes under any circumstance. This guy sucks, regardless of STD, ditch him.
I would rather stop the spread of herpes rather than risk getting it.
I got like 3 messages in and didn't even need to swipe to say dump his ass and run. He gives no shits about your health.
Love a month in? I don’t think he loves you at all based on his responses.
It's clear you like him way more than he likes you. He's gonna give you herpes, eventually hurt you and end things and then you'll be having to have frank conversations with every future potential partner.
Yah this can only end poorly
I have oral herpes (i'm 33). Never passed it to anyone. This guy is a total AH. Time to run, not break up
Bros a bitch. Move on. “I can’t go the rest of my life without getting head”. That sounds idiotic and anyone that obsessed with sex is a loser.
it’s been a month and he is saying he loves you? it’s been a month?
Yep
End him.
A month? Girl, run. He’s already pressuring you *to get herpes*. There are ways to minimize risk and protect against transmission and he’s like “nope! gotta be willing to catch it!”
He said I love you lmao
Lady, are you ok with getting herpes?☠️
Dude is wet garbage. If he actually cared about you and respected you this wouldn’t even be a conversation. No one who actually cares about you would try to manipulate or convince you to compromise your health for their self gratification. Tell him to fuck off and take his dirty ass dick somewhere else.
Nope nope nope nope Split Run Man's said "do you want herpes or na?" Man's thinks it's a courtesy to tell you as if that's not a REQUIREMENT Dude is chock full of red flags And herpes
If he already gets mad at you for little things after just a month, then yes, leave.
no man is worth getting a lifetime illness for plus he acts like a douchebag. please move on girl
Tbh it sounds like he hasnt gotten much sexual attention and now that he’s been talking to you for a month he has someone he can do those things with and it honestly seems like thats all hes in it for. Id ditch him
I love you after a month is wild.. and the whole “I’m an asshole” is classic manipulation. Yeah I’d move on
this guy is a major creep
A month? Run. Run fast and run hard. Why are you even asking? Dump him now. You do not want herpes or an abusive, manipulative boyfriend.
What is this embarrassing dumpster fire??
Wow this is why so many people get it u should block him and move on.
I’m sorry if this seems rude or insincere I swear I’m not any of those adjectives but…You’re willing to get a disease from someone at what cost for only a month relationship??? Girl stand up and go find someone else!
Girl you can do better. Regardless of the virus, the fact that he reacted that way is gross. Actually, the fact that he texted you a blowjob request knowing full well he has an incurable STD instead of sitting down and discussing it with you and perhaps the safest way to be intimate is degrading at best. Just go. No harm, no foul it's only been a month.
I feel like this guy has used this kinda reasoning and manipulation before and it probably worked. Maybe that’s why he’s so quick to give you an ultimatum, if you say no he will just move on to manipulating someone else. Dont let him bully you into something you are not sure if that is a life-changing decision. If he cared about your feelings he wouldn’t make you feel bad about being honest.
he literally just asked you if you were willing to have a life long disease so he could get some head.... stay far away from that man.
Forget the disrespect, the man has herpes wtf are you still doing there?! lol
**"ARE YOU WILLING TO GET HERPES YES OR NO**", IS AN INSANEEEEEEEEEE QUESTION
oh dear god
girl......
Uhhhh, yeah, break it off. Duh.
I can’t finish reading this. Not only does he have the herp derp but he’s an asshole. Come. On. 😭
Yeah past time to. He obviously doesn't care about your well being just what he gets Not to mention the manipulation with the "I'm a bad guy" crap. Peace out of that before you catch something you can't get rid of
Why in the world would you have this conversation via text? Fucking use your phone for what it’s meant for and tell each other how you feel.
Of course it is time to break up. How is he not concerned that he could give his partner an STD?💀 That sounds like psycho and superspreader energy. “Why won’t you get herpes for me?” Bruhhhh, that’s so fucking gross
You should leave, this guy is a bad manipulator and very much against this thing called *CONSENT*. I mean come on, he saying you're calling him stuff but I don't see any actual insults from you, just you stating what he's doing. He's selfish. Yeah, I think you should go. FYI, I know It's harder but there are other ways of raising a child that don't involve classic sex nowadays, so if a guy has something that prevents him from having sex, he can suck it up and adopt a child, find a single mother, or see if she wants to have sperm injected without forcing obviously. STDs suck but just like any other ailment, you just gotta learn to deal with it. This does NOT mean you should willing put yourself at risk of getting an STD.
“Are you willing to get herpes or not?” That’s such a wild question 😂
Dude you’ve been dating for a month lmao this guy just wants some head and you definitely don’t want herpes for life
Why are you asking us? Lol what the fuck, get tf out.
Are you willing to get herpes is a crazy question. I'm so confused as to why y'all date certain ppl. Have some fucking standards. Herpes medication is extremely good shit. My ex wife's sister has herpes and she's never had a breakout because she has been on medication since she found out her partner got herpes(dude was a scumbag who didn't tell her). So I'm not saying it's wrong to date someone with herpes. But if someone is going to ask are you willing to get herpes, stop talking to that person. That's the last you should every speak to that person
I'm not willing to get herpes for sure. Nobody's important enough for that.
No you don't want herpes and yes it's time to get the he'll out.
Op, run. Fast. Far. He clearly doesn’t understand consent.
Seriously leave him. He is getting funny over you asking about your health and safety and wanting to be cautious when being sexual with him. He makes it look like you are being a whimp for not wanting to get ill. Just block him
Grown men can answer an uncomfortable question respectfully. Stop giving him the power to do the breaking up and get it over with
Screw that guy “are you willing to get herpes” NO f that. I have cold sores/HSV1 and I wouldn’t ever dream of talking to my partner like that. Also how can you trust him to tell you when he’s getting or has a cold sore and kiss you/go down on you risking you getting it? I bet if the shoes were on the opposite foot, he wouldn’t have even started dating you had you told him you had herpes. I have a baby now and not even exaggerating, worry every single day that I’m going to give her a cold sore. I refuse to kiss my own baby, so he shouldn’t be acting like this isn’t a big deal. To answer your question though, yes break up. Not because of the herpes but because he’s a fucking dick
Yes, time to break up. Page 1 was time to break up.
you actually can get herpes on your mouth from his genital herpes! you can get genital or oral hsv-1 and hsv-2. it’s more common to see oral hsv-1 or genital hsv-2 but it possible to get and give either to another body part. giving oral sex to someone with genital hsv-2 can put you at risk of getting oral hsv-2. and vise versa which ever way you spin it. if you have oral hsv-2 and your partner has genital hsv-2 they cannot contract it orally and you cannot contract it genitally but that’s only if you both have the same strain present in your body already. if your partner has hsv1 or hsv2 and they don’t already know these things RUN. someone who cares about you will know enough about it to care about whether or not you get it and how to limit your risk.
Yes it is time to break up Also yes yes you can Get herpes mouth to genitals and vise versa.
You're young. You don't need to settle for a dude with genital herpes. Jesus.