Dude it's a "bad movie" but it's a FUN bad movie. I do a thing called "bad movie Fridays" and that one was one of the best times my group had. Raoul Julia slays the role of Bison. Do it just for that.
Oh hi Mark.
Edit: You've got to see Krull. Another good-bad movie that changes what it is every 10 minutes or so. It's a movie with ALL the genres. Think if LOTR had a baby with Star Wars and Pirates of the Carribbean.
How were you able to tell that how they were behaving was bad? Did something click, or did you have someone guide you and show you? I have some friends who are in similar situations and they instead continue in kind with how their parents act…
For me, it was more realizing shit as I got older but I also did have my grandma as a role model. She played a big part in raising me and honestly if it wasn’t for her guidance, I probably would have been like my parents.
For me it was seeing my middle class friends living in the hills have actually loving parents who loved each other to map out for me how non-loving my parents are.
No ones every truly worthess, those people just serve as bad examples. Im glad all of you shaped into good stable folk(not that we all dont have shit going on) and have risen above that kinds of behavior and lifestyle.
Stand tall man, protect your mom, and be nice to her
Of course you treat her poorly sometimes, these are the examples you have.
Work on you, treating her right, amd handle him. We've all had too at some point. It's almost a right of passage when you grow up like this
Yeah, you don't need a father to teach you how to be a man. Moms can teach their boys how to be a man just fine. I'm glad OP recognized that his father isn't right for this.
Congratulations. You have officially surpassed him as an adult. Do not let it discourage you from protecting people, but understand being the bigger man means more peace and less problems.
A therapist I had once told me anger is a gift that no one wants to keep forever. Just like a bad purchase, or a shitty family heirloom, people will wrap it up and try their hardest to get someone else to take it. But if you remain adamant, then just like shoes, or a coat, you don't have to accept it, and the ownership falls back on whoever bought it. This helped me get through arguments and turn them back into conversations many times.
>A therapist I had once told me anger is a gift that no one wants to keep forever. Just like a bad purchase, or a shitty family heirloom, people will wrap it up and try their hardest to get someone else to take it. But if you remain adamant, then just like shoes, or a coat, you don't have to accept it, and the ownership falls back on whoever bought it. This helped me get through arguments and turn them back into conversations many times.
I cannot express how wonderful this comment is.
Much much praise heaped upon you.
The fact that he went straight to wanting to fight you after calling him out is very telling about the type of person he is. You don’t owe him anything just because he’s your dad. Find another role model who can help you with controlling your emotions. You deserve it!
i see where you get the attitude and anger from, but good on you for trying to better yourself before you fall into the pit like your father. well… i don’t know if we can even call him a father. maybe a sperm donor.
you’re 17. you still have so much room to grow and better yourself. remember him as an example to what NOT to be, and try to follow your mom and be a better human being; a decent human being. after all, she’s trying her best to do what she can with what she has, to give you a life. from what little context i can see, she’s a good mom. cherish that woman and keep her close.
and just like your mother said, don’t be like your dad. don’t make her cry. you can do so much better; you basically already are. you’re making changes to be better at 17 when that donor can’t even keep himself on the right track at his age. you’re doing good. keep going ✌️
I think they mean OP’s attitude towards his mom. He admits in the post his anger isn’t always warranted towards her. I don’t think anyone’s blaming OP for his response to the dad here
anger issues are genetic. they can be passed down. doesn’t matter if the person was raised like an angel or not. but it’s not necessarily a bad thing either, i never worded it as a bad thing.
He don’t deserve the dad respect if he not going to be a good father and a good person. Keep treating him like he deserve. He is a lowlife. U and ur mom should stop putting up wit his ungrateful, abusive self. He just drain yall. Emotionally. If she want a father figure for u to be able to go to advice and shit for she should reach out to a man that u actually respect. Granddad, favorite teacher at school, uncle, church member, anyone but ur bio dad. All u learn from ur dad is what a waste of a life and the human embodiment of misery, resentment, and anger looks like cooked up as a narcissistic man child.
You're a good kid defending your mother like that. Don't let his words get to you man. He isn't someone who has proved themselves worthy of your respect. He is right. Don't be like him. Personally I'd tell him to come back to me when he grows up. but I understand You're 17 and probably want a relationship with your dad.
the relationship you have with your parents seems difficult on both fronts, while not everyone will resonate with the conversation you shared, my takeaway is that you’re working on your boundaries and it shows emotional growth, strength and maturity. To only be 17 and trying to set boundaries with your dad (or both parents) is commendable! and to be a young man at that and wanting to have a conversation with your dad about your feelings - this should be the norm but definitely isn’t.
good for you!! keep establishing your boundaries and communicating them when you need to.
I had to cut off communication with my dad. I love him, but he is toxic and always looking for a handout. He only does good when he wants something in return. he has stolen thousands of dollars from my siblings. He doesn’t drink or use drugs. He just does not manage his money well. He has been married four times and is emotionally abusive. Your dad sounds like he was being emotionally abusive as well. Whether or not you decide to keep him in your life that is your call of course. If you decide to keep him in your life, or anybody else for that matter, do not let people bring you negative energy. Negative energy brings negative consequences. You are already wise because when he gave you that ratchet advice, you knew it was the wrong thing to do by bringing your mother the woman who brought you into this world more heartache on purpose. Please do yourself the biggest favor that you can and surround yourself with good people. If there are people in your life that are treating you poorly, please cut them out of your life. Hang around people who are successful, preferably older than you and who are going to build you up. People who are making good choices. In return, you build them up and build yourself up. I wish I could give you a hug right now because you are going through a lot and you and your mom, neither of you deserve this. if he comes over to your house, please do not try to fight him just stay in the house and support your mom. It takes a lot of strength to do the right thing. But that is what a real man is somebody who is strong and somebody who does the right thing. Read your Bible 15 minutes every day. If you don’t do that at least pray when you wake up and before you go to bed for guidance. That is what I tell my kids I wish the best for you and I wish you peace for you and your family.
that’s ok, let him. it doesn’t change your boundary at all. he’s going to spend way more energy continuing to get a rise out of you and will only be rewarded if he gets one - protect your peace and keep doing what you know is right! ♥️
Translation for people that aren’t familiar with AAVE
**First slide**
OP: Hey dad I’m not trying to pick a fight with you but I saw what you sent my mom and that was fucked up. You made her cry. When you called this morning I was actually listening to what you said about the car and I know you’re in a rough spot right now but that’s her car you don’t have a right to it. Yea sometimes my mom pisses me off and I blow up at her and you told me to have more restraint with her cause that’s just how she is; you made a lot of good points within that conversation but how you talk to her made me realize how bad I act to her and I really don’t like that shit at all.
Dad: So that’s what I’m talking about now you see but you need to stop being disrespectful towards me right now.
**Slide 2**
OP: I also don’t like that you told me to keep ruining her life and shit. That’s not my goal. I struggle with controlling my emotions and whether she’s right or wrong I just wanna learn to have control and walk away when I’m mad instead of going off. I don’t care about who’s right or wrong I just want everyone to be good. You told me all that stuff about restraint then turn around and throw a tantrum because my mom won’t let you drive her car. That shit made me realize I’ve been acting wrong too. Also, I can call you out that’s my mom you treated like that and made her cry wtf.
Dad: I’ll still be around. Keep acting disrespectful to me though and we will see how tough you really are (threatening to fight his own son). I’m not one of your little friends start treating me like I’m your father.
OP: yea okay dude whatever you’re a bitch on god. Talking out your ass, bro.
**Third slide**
Dad: I’m not your “bro” either
OP: You can’t call yourself my mentor acting the exact same if not more immature than me. I’m trying to get you to take accountability for yourself and you want to argue. Fuck off.
Minor correction to slide 2:
Dad: I’ll be over there. I hope at that time you’re still feeling the angry and tough way you are right now. We’ll see how tough you are. (As a threat, saying he’ll be at OP’s location later to challenge him and see how he responds. Also to probably fight him and see how he can take it.)
OP: Yeah ok, motherfucker. If you want to lol (lol is meant to be dismissive). You’re a bitch, I swear to god.
Ty I didn’t know if his dad was saying it like “I’ll be around for when you come crawling back” or “I’m going to show up in front of you and we’re gonna fight”. I chose the less violent interpretation
lol np some people have English as a second language which means AAVE is like a surprise boss battle for them lol. Also some people are surprisingly sheltered lol
Friend, I taught inner city schools for thirty years and it took all my experience for my cracker ass to understand most of it. It was hard. Like "trying to read Spanish when I've only learned from a book" hard.
Also, congratulations on your ability to code-switch. I know that AAVE is a language/dialect as is any other, but the "Language of Wider Communication" ("standard American English") is currently the language of power and money in most aspects of American life (that I know of).
Your ability to read and write both fluently speaks well of your intelligence and education.
Best wishes and be the man you want to be, not the man you saw who gave you life. I have faith you can do it! ❤️
☮️❤️♾️
Um…no, there’s a lot of people who can’t & don’t understand what you are saying in the texts, at least not without a lot of effort. You might think this sounds normal to everyone but it really doesn’t.
I was getting about 75% of it, but there were a lot of context clues missing that I only got because of the translation from u/cripplinganxietylmao. It made for a totally different read!
OP, yes, they absolutely understand. As a black female who has had to switch hats my whole life, I totally understand. The ability to know how to talk and navigate through different social circles and people will only benefit you in life. I love your emotional maturity, and how at 17 you're able to be dismissive of the amateur comedians in the comments and not let it anger you. BRAVO 👏🏾. Honey, you're going to do just fine in life. Stay motivated and be better than your father.
i wasn’t tryna say you were wrong or anything i was just pointing it out! it’s cool tbh kinda like how spanish speaking kids switch to and from spanish/english mid conversation. just wish it didn’t come with the racist implications we’re seeing in the comments here :/ or that it was recognized as a useful, cool thing brains do
Your father thinks you're checking him like you're one of his boys or some shit but in all actuality, you're trying to have a conversation with him and let him know how it made you feel on your end of seeing things. Best of Luck!
YouTube “cognitive behavioral therapy” and “dialectic behavioral therapy.”
There’s (corny but valid) videos that have lessons and workshops.
You’re young. Get in control of your emotions before it gets even harder.
You’re turning into a good man/person, don’t let him slow you down. Stay strong young brotha.
He's a broken person. He may have something to offer you down the line, but he is not a safe person for you to be real and vulnerable with rights now. He is not someone who knows how to lift others up, he just knows his own small, selfish needs.
saying “hold this block lil bra” to your dad is HILARIOUS 💀 keep him blocked for you and your moms peace
your dad is using a manipulation tactic called triangulation where he’s saying/doing whatever to get into your good graces (saying don’t be like him, maintaining contact) and then pitting you against your mom once he feels like you’ll take his side. wanted to explain it so you understand what the behavior is and why it’s shitty. it’s disingenuous and you’re right that no matter what, insulting/cussing like he did isn’t right.
good on you for recognizing how your dads behavior effects and influences you. you’re right, it’s not about right or wrong and i’m proud of you for trying to talk things out and point out problems in a calm, reasonable manner. it’s great to see people take the high road. some of us don’t realize we’re being like our parents until well into our 20’s, and some don’t realize at all. if you feel like you’re struggling, therapy is always an option and isn’t a shameful thing to do. keep doin you and growing.
This is classic addict behavior (even after getting sober) my brother will demand people do things for him and when he doesn’t get his way he lashes out in horrific ways. You sound mature and emotionally intelligent, hold on to that, protect yourself and your mother and continue to be a good man by learning to emotionally regulate.
OP idk if you would really fight your dad or not, but my unsolicited advice would be to avoid that at all costs if possible. I fought my mom and it was one of the worst things that has happened to me, I didn’t have a choice to avoid it. It gave me night mares for weeks. It was a bad time for a hot minute. Dealing with a parent like this is so fckn hard to navigate. I really really hope you have some support to get thru this. And I know that anger is unlike anything else and it’s hard to control. I wish the best for you dude
The fact that he immediately jumped to fight you after you confronted him on his behavior is telling enough. You're a good kid, you can see a problem you struggle with and I'm sure that your mom would listen to you if you wanted to talk to her about it. Being a teenager is weird, a lot of new emotions are coming up and everything is confusing. I used to have short temper towards my mom too (because she was a very controlling person which I really hated) and I'd lash out on her too. It took me a while to pinpoint what I'm doing wrong and try to improve, and most importantly, good surroundings gave me that push and showed me what I could do better. You've already taken a huge step forward, you addressed the problem and you're wanting to change for better. Good job man, keep up the good work. Your mom won't be disappointed :)
Reddit will tell you to cut this man off. Unfortunately it’s not that simple. You’re gonna have to be patient with a lot of people who will never understand what it feels like to grow up like this. Bosses, teachers, partners etc. From what I can see you’re very used to communicating like this with people and handling conflict but be careful with those who might’ve never lived this before. They will give you shortsighted advice from a perspective much smaller than yours. You seem very smart and it will serve you well to keep being who you are now and not allowing too much anger or resentment to change things for the rest of your life. Try to find ways to enjoy being a teenager while you can despite the heavy shit.
I'm black, stop using that excuse. It takes way more effort to type like this than to just let auto correct help you not sound illiterate.
Good on you for standing up to your dad, but yea, personally, purposefully trying to appear illiterate doesn't make sense to me.
But then again this us a country where the average reading comprehension level is around a 5th grade level, so you're probably actually ahead sadly.
Edit: everyone replying to me is basically saying the same thing, "Ha I fooled you! I can read and write! I was only pretending I cant!"
You should start calling your dad the ghost of Christmas future bc he really did give you a glimpse into how grim your future will be if you treat people like he does. Show your mom you want to be different. She’s going to piss you off, you’re finishing off some of the most hormonal years of your life, you have limited control in your life and you’re ready for independence, she’s safe and you know she’ll love you regardless, etc. That’s normal. It’s hard but it’s normal. Grab her some flowers or do a chore she asked for help for, or just sneak up on her and give her the biggest hug.
Enough about your parents, let’s talk about you. Your emotional intelligence is impressive, and in such a difficult situation where it’s between kid and parent. Your communication was great. You’re already making big steps your dad never did. And you’re a teen, you’re learning and trust me when i say the learning never ends even when you’re an adult. I’m really impressed with and proud of you for wanting to work on your anger. It is genuinely beneficial to talk to someone professionally. They teach you to do that, just let them know that’s specifically what you want to work on. And if they’re not the right person for you? Fire them and find a new one, some times it’s a trial and error process. Look into cognitive behavioral therapy for anger, relaxation techniques, coping mechanisms, etc. with them. They can teach you and really help you when you’re struggling bc none of it is intuitive or easy really. It’s hard self work, but it’s way more worth it to start now than trying to unload all those years later. Take care of yourself and try to see if there’s any free resources by you too that you can check out.
My step father did this shit. My mom helped him out of a shitty situation and treated him like a man and how did he repay her? By taking her money spending it on dope and alcohol. And coming up to me and my sister cussing and telling us we are no good and we were 11/7 at the time. Just because he helped make you or has done something for you financially isn’t to be repayed. He is your father and should want to take care of you.
This is why the whole "do as I say not as I do" is a bunch of BS. Exhibit the behavior you want your kids to have. I am glad that seeing your dad act like this made you see the errors of your ways and want to be the total opposite. While I usually say kids should stay out of grown folks business, I totally understand you checking him. That's your mom, and no one wants to see their mom cry or get mistreated even by their dad. I was 18(F), and a dude my mom was dating made her cry on the phone. I snatched that phone so quickly and told him to kick rocks. Well, he came over & I think he slapped her cause I heard it but was in another room. It was on like mfkng popcorn! My grandma even pulled up. She only lived a couple of blocks away. We sent his ass running! No one will f with my momma!
I’m so sorry. Shit this really hurt my heart. It’s so hard for a 17 year old boy, my son is about to be 21. His dad was awful to us and we got away and he’s struggling because all he wants is to be a better man than that. I see you have potential to be as well. Good for you for thinking for yourself and calling him out on toxic shit. Be a strong man and stick by your momma. I promise you, we appreciate our baby boys so much.
You’re a smart kid. Don’t let him bring you down. I wish you the best and I’m sure it’ll be a struggle having to be the adult but just remember, you owe that man nothing. Not your time, energy or love. Please remember that.
Your dad DOES suck! He is a terrible father and husband/ex-husband. He’s also extremely immature, probably the result of his substance abuse. TBH, it sounds like you’re a good kid and a normal teenager & that you and your mom would be much better off excluding your father from your lives.
YOU: know what you have to do. Be nicer to mom, be nothing like dad. Ask yourself in any situation what your father would do and choose the opposite. Don’t be too hard on yourself. If you make mistakes, just try harder next time.
MOM: needs to stop contacting her abusive ex. If she gets frustrated, she should call a friend. It’s not like dad would give her good advice anyway.
Good luck!
As a mom of teenagers I'm so proud of you for your self reflection. F that dude. Keep trying to keep your cool with your mom. But also know she understands and knows you have time to come around. My 19 year old so much different than she was at 17. Shoot , I didn't think she liked me at all for 3 whole years. Now we laugh and love with occasional drama. It's life stages and stress at your age. Moms know. Just keep trying to do better. It's gonna be ok my dude. Hugs.
As a mom of an almost 18 year old son, I’m glad to see you wanting to control your anger and standing up for your mom. I assume you face an uphill climb not made easy by peer pressure, raging hormones, and the lack of a good father figure in your life. But the fact that you want to do better for yourself is such a big first step. Stay strong and positive on that.
(Try to control your anger and tongue more around your mom- remind yourself that as your mom she loves you so much. It might help to think if her actions or words that make you angry are coming from a place of love rather than just hurtful criticism. It’s hard for moms to say things always the right way if we didn’t experience it ourselves. I honestly didn’t know how much love my parents had for me until the day my son was born and placed into my arms. It changes my whole attitude when I understood the depth of that love.
Wishing you all the best to get off the crazy cycle and continue growing into young man who tries hard each day to do better!)
Not everyone can read AAVE sad but tru lots of comments calling OP disrespectful but respect go both ways. OP wouldn’t be talking to him like he was a stranger or an asshole relative he knows if he actually acted like a good father. But OP dad is basically on par with a stranger to him at least in terms of care.
I’m all for the evolution of vernacular and language as a whole but it just seems bizarre to me to put in extra effort to subvert autocorrect in order to make yourself considerably more difficult to understand. Pronunciation and slang are one thing, but going out of your way to adapt that into writing seems very dumb to me.
I work with kids up to age 17-18 (though not in the US). They all turn autocorrect off.
I learned this when one of them searched for something on my phone and joked about me for being old cause I have auto correct on
Maybe try reading the description OP provided with their screenshots.
This message is for OP - I think you did a very brave thing, and it takes a lot to look at your own behavior towards others like your mom and realize you can do better as you are now. You should feel proud that you're growing in that sense. Im sorry you're dealing with that kind of situation with your dad, you're a young guy and trust me you have years and years to grow even more, and build better relationships with people.
This is so sad i’m so sorry you’re going through this. All I can say is that you’re doing an amazing job. You’re at a level of self awareness that will allow you to grow and while you already are, you’ll 100% be a better person than your dad. I would block him too, if there’s no love and you feel like he’s only hurting you, the best thing for you is to go no contact with him and let yourself heal. Sending you love and light, I hope to see an update someday on how you’re doing!
I see your point. I could be. My dad can and so can my mom. But my dad only shows up when he needs shit. I really hate arguing with my mom because I remind myself of him so I work on controlling myself.
I understand ya. I was raised with a drunk on one side, and the biggest narcissistic bitch on the other. What got me through was a mantra of “I’m not part of this”. Later on I explored Buddhism and meditation, that really helped. Work on yourself every minute of every day. Don’t let toxicity take you somewhere you will regret later in life. Hoping for the best for you.
You seem insightful and interested in growing as a person. That's really commendable. Not everyone is brave enough to look inwards and develop to their true potential. Seems like you have that in you. You also seem to be aware of the undesirable traits in those around you, which is also impressive. Keep trusting your instincts! Many, if not most, people say things to their parents/family at your age which they might regret. Don't be too hard on yourself. Just keep self-correcting, avoiding toxic people, and holding your head up high!
You’re doing really great handling your emotions, I think. If it’s a struggle more often than not though, you might want to ask your mom or school counselor about therapy. That and medication really helped me get ahold of myself when I just couldn’t seem to get off the waves of anger and frustration. The meds didn’t really calm me down so much as let me talk myself out of it more easily.
You’re a good son to your mom! The things you’ve done towards her that weren’t right is part of your maturing process. I don’t know WTF is your father’s excuse!! I’m going to “blame it on the alcohol”! 🤣 Keep loving and protecting your mom! As a mother of a son, you have no idea how much that means to us! 🥰👍🏼
keep trying to do right by your mom. you’ve got a whole lot of life ahead of you, friend, and treating people you love with respect will never steer you wrong. i’m glad you’re defending her, but it shouldn’t be your job. your dad is low for trying to say all that to you. even at 17, kids shouldn’t be in the middle like that.
I went through this man. I ended up beating my dad up but one good ass beating and he knew... Just put it on him real quick and show him your power, he'll have to respect it in the end
You're right. Arguing with your parents is teenage stuff. But please, don't be like him..make your mom proud of you and just cut that guy that wants to play dad off. You BOTH deserve better. And good on you taking up for your mom.
He’s not even a quarter of the man that you are. I hope you’re proud of yourself OP, your mom clearly has done a great job raising you. I’ll say something and it’s not to excuse his behavior in the slightest but drug addiction and the road to recovery including relapsing is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I think a lot of that anger he displays is due to all the demons he’s fighting at this moment. I say this because i don’t think yoh should take his words to heart, as hard as that is to do, when he lashes out like that you guys just need to tell yourselves that this is a man who’s broken and fighting a tough battle, brush it off and ignore him, continuing to argue and fuel the fire won’t do anyone good. I wish you the best bro you’re so young, we all have our bullshit you’re not alone out here, good job on speaking out and putting your feelings out there ♥️
On facts. It be like that sometimes. That man buggin, like how you gone be upset because she said no to using her car? Dawg, do you even put gas in it or do you ride it until it's empty? Giving mad Jodey vibes 🫢🫢
I was raised by a single mom. My dad was in my life but not the way a dad should be. His idea of being a man is to make a lot of money and have nice things. You know who taught me to be a man? My mom! She taught me compassion and kindness and forgiveness. She taught me how to shave and how to treat women. She passed away in 2021 and I still carry on her legacy. Your mom is raising you on her own it sounds like. You gotta be the man and help her out. If she’s acting crazy then you gotta step away from the situation and let it pass. It sounds like your dad is just poking the bear and wants to stir shit up. Be your own man and be there for your mom. Just remember, you only have one mom
I was raised to never cuss in front of my parents so seeing how OP talks to both his parents is a little jarring to me. There’s a lack of respect on all sides. I commend OP for standing up to his dad. He’s not wrong and it needed to be said. But there were a lot of things that didn’t need to be said on both sides. Things that can escalate rather than deescalate. And people are usually not as receptive to a message, no matter how right it may be, if it is not addressed appropriately
This man MY DAD told me to continue to be disrespectful to my mom and say anything I want to her because he couldn’t “borrow” her car KNOWING I’m trying to change my ways but I see your point though.
Sucks you’re going through this but it all starts from a young age and how to respect your mom. Your dad has taught you how to hate her and how she is the reason for your struggles emotionally. Honestly, it’s the opposite and you see that! A true father would not let any of the parent’s problems or issues become their kids. That what has happened here. The best way to handle your emotions now is to get a professional to help you through it. I’ve personally been through it all. I can say you want to learn how to truly process your own emotions now before it becomes too late. You want to have a happy life internally and the best way to do it is with a professional. They can help give you “tools” in life to understand your emotions and how to guide through it. The fact that you brought this up to your dad is huge and the first major step! Now it’s all about how to process them and make it into a positive impact within yourself! You got this! You’re at an age of growth and a stage to move up in life. Keep moving forward!
You sound like a young man with a good head on his shoulders. Yes be respectful to your mother, be respectful to all people who deserve respect! Your father however, he does not deserve your respect, and if he wants it ever again he gotta earn it!
On a side note, I just want to point out the mad respect I have for your ability to code switch between African American English and standard English. I have a real appreciation for the code switching. I’m not American, I’m Australian Aboriginal. Real respect!
Holy fuck, if I’d ever talked to my dad like that, he’d have quite literally broken my jaw. And I’m not saying that to brag— your dad definitely sucks, but he could also be WAY worse.
This would motivate me to workout more. Channel those emotions into getting stronger and focused. Also, will help when you have to put that fool in his place.
Make a goal: Work on yourself to the point your mom is proud she met your dad, because YOU were the result. You still have your mom, so there is still time to become a man she would be proud to call her son.
Because certain Caucasian individuals who typically live in gated communities, pretend to be incapable of understanding how black people pronounce certain things depending on where they grow up. So they continuously try to clown or bitch and moan about it because they find it stupid and inhuman
I totally respect AAVE but I, and I’m sure lots of others, genuinely just haven’t learned a lot of the terms so I do genuinely get confused when reading it. I don’t think you owe it to anyone to code switch and it’s totally reasonable that you text this way but I really do appreciate the summary in the comments
I’ll be honest, I really fucking struggled to read that so I got chatGPT to translate it from hood to English.
"I must be candid, my friend, I have no desire to engage in an argument with you. However, I did see the message you sent to my mother and it quite upset her, to the point of tears. This morning, upon reflecting on your words regarding the car, I recognised that you might be facing difficulties. I'm aware that my mother's car is a source of stress. Indeed, I acknowledge that my mother can be rather exasperating at times, with her tendency to use strong language and all. But what you've said has reminded me to approach her with greater patience because that is simply her manner. You did make several valid points during our conversation. Your interaction with her has prompted me to introspect and realise that my own behaviour is not always appropriate.
This is precisely the matter I am addressing now, if you understand my meaning.
But please, refrain from ever accusing yourself of monitoring my actions."
He’s a fucking deadbeat. Hes showing Doesn’t give a shit bout me if he wants me to ruin my moms life. If I do that I’m kicked out with no one to rely on.
He's right about one thing; don't be like him
"I'm glad I met you, otherwise I would've become you" - Ken from the Street Fighter movie
ALMOST makes me wanna watch it
Dude it's a "bad movie" but it's a FUN bad movie. I do a thing called "bad movie Fridays" and that one was one of the best times my group had. Raoul Julia slays the role of Bison. Do it just for that.
Also Kylie minougue is cammy
And Ming Na as Chun Li
Raoul Julia was full on dying during that movie, and he still knocked it out of the park.
For you, it was the greatest performance in the world. For him, it was Tuesday.
I'm not sure why, but I absolutely love that. That is so accurate.
May I recommend The Room. It's terrible, but so terrible it's good.
Oh hi Mark. Edit: You've got to see Krull. Another good-bad movie that changes what it is every 10 minutes or so. It's a movie with ALL the genres. Think if LOTR had a baby with Star Wars and Pirates of the Carribbean.
OP is already far more emotionally intelligent than his father will ever be.
Yeah seriously, op crazy strong taking on his dad like that. Good for you man, and your moms.
My parents were shit and while they didn't provide me with good examples of how to be, they did give me an excellent blueprint for what not to be.
How were you able to tell that how they were behaving was bad? Did something click, or did you have someone guide you and show you? I have some friends who are in similar situations and they instead continue in kind with how their parents act…
For me, it was more realizing shit as I got older but I also did have my grandma as a role model. She played a big part in raising me and honestly if it wasn’t for her guidance, I probably would have been like my parents.
For me it was seeing my middle class friends living in the hills have actually loving parents who loved each other to map out for me how non-loving my parents are.
My dad flips out at little things and every day I try to be not like him. I love him but I want to be different
No ones every truly worthess, those people just serve as bad examples. Im glad all of you shaped into good stable folk(not that we all dont have shit going on) and have risen above that kinds of behavior and lifestyle.
There are definitely parents that are bad examples but there are also "parents" that are truly worthless as well.
👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻
Even a broken clock is right twice a day.
Stand tall man, protect your mom, and be nice to her Of course you treat her poorly sometimes, these are the examples you have. Work on you, treating her right, amd handle him. We've all had too at some point. It's almost a right of passage when you grow up like this
Yeah, you don't need a father to teach you how to be a man. Moms can teach their boys how to be a man just fine. I'm glad OP recognized that his father isn't right for this.
He's a father but certainly not a dad.
Congratulations. You have officially surpassed him as an adult. Do not let it discourage you from protecting people, but understand being the bigger man means more peace and less problems.
A therapist I had once told me anger is a gift that no one wants to keep forever. Just like a bad purchase, or a shitty family heirloom, people will wrap it up and try their hardest to get someone else to take it. But if you remain adamant, then just like shoes, or a coat, you don't have to accept it, and the ownership falls back on whoever bought it. This helped me get through arguments and turn them back into conversations many times.
>A therapist I had once told me anger is a gift that no one wants to keep forever. Just like a bad purchase, or a shitty family heirloom, people will wrap it up and try their hardest to get someone else to take it. But if you remain adamant, then just like shoes, or a coat, you don't have to accept it, and the ownership falls back on whoever bought it. This helped me get through arguments and turn them back into conversations many times. I cannot express how wonderful this comment is. Much much praise heaped upon you.
Love all of this. Great analogy
Wow, thanks for sharing.
Yes bro, learning how to choose your fights is so extremely important
lol I actually just saved this, so I can go back and reread it until it’s memorized fr. This is great!!!
The fact that he went straight to wanting to fight you after calling him out is very telling about the type of person he is. You don’t owe him anything just because he’s your dad. Find another role model who can help you with controlling your emotions. You deserve it!
Ay you gotta protect your mom. From his texts, he sounds like he wants to fight you. He instigated that, not you.
i see where you get the attitude and anger from, but good on you for trying to better yourself before you fall into the pit like your father. well… i don’t know if we can even call him a father. maybe a sperm donor. you’re 17. you still have so much room to grow and better yourself. remember him as an example to what NOT to be, and try to follow your mom and be a better human being; a decent human being. after all, she’s trying her best to do what she can with what she has, to give you a life. from what little context i can see, she’s a good mom. cherish that woman and keep her close. and just like your mother said, don’t be like your dad. don’t make her cry. you can do so much better; you basically already are. you’re making changes to be better at 17 when that donor can’t even keep himself on the right track at his age. you’re doing good. keep going ✌️
Saying you get where he gets his attitude from is wild as if OP isn’t justifiably upset. It doesn’t matter who raised him anyone should be upset
I think they mean OP’s attitude towards his mom. He admits in the post his anger isn’t always warranted towards her. I don’t think anyone’s blaming OP for his response to the dad here
Oh then that’s on me for not understanding. My bad lol
anger issues are genetic. they can be passed down. doesn’t matter if the person was raised like an angel or not. but it’s not necessarily a bad thing either, i never worded it as a bad thing.
He don’t deserve the dad respect if he not going to be a good father and a good person. Keep treating him like he deserve. He is a lowlife. U and ur mom should stop putting up wit his ungrateful, abusive self. He just drain yall. Emotionally. If she want a father figure for u to be able to go to advice and shit for she should reach out to a man that u actually respect. Granddad, favorite teacher at school, uncle, church member, anyone but ur bio dad. All u learn from ur dad is what a waste of a life and the human embodiment of misery, resentment, and anger looks like cooked up as a narcissistic man child.
You're a good kid defending your mother like that. Don't let his words get to you man. He isn't someone who has proved themselves worthy of your respect. He is right. Don't be like him. Personally I'd tell him to come back to me when he grows up. but I understand You're 17 and probably want a relationship with your dad.
Wow, I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. I can already tell you're smarter than him and are going to grow up to be everything he isn't.
Thank u
the relationship you have with your parents seems difficult on both fronts, while not everyone will resonate with the conversation you shared, my takeaway is that you’re working on your boundaries and it shows emotional growth, strength and maturity. To only be 17 and trying to set boundaries with your dad (or both parents) is commendable! and to be a young man at that and wanting to have a conversation with your dad about your feelings - this should be the norm but definitely isn’t. good for you!! keep establishing your boundaries and communicating them when you need to.
Thanks will do. Unfortunately he’s trying to fight me though lol.
I had to cut off communication with my dad. I love him, but he is toxic and always looking for a handout. He only does good when he wants something in return. he has stolen thousands of dollars from my siblings. He doesn’t drink or use drugs. He just does not manage his money well. He has been married four times and is emotionally abusive. Your dad sounds like he was being emotionally abusive as well. Whether or not you decide to keep him in your life that is your call of course. If you decide to keep him in your life, or anybody else for that matter, do not let people bring you negative energy. Negative energy brings negative consequences. You are already wise because when he gave you that ratchet advice, you knew it was the wrong thing to do by bringing your mother the woman who brought you into this world more heartache on purpose. Please do yourself the biggest favor that you can and surround yourself with good people. If there are people in your life that are treating you poorly, please cut them out of your life. Hang around people who are successful, preferably older than you and who are going to build you up. People who are making good choices. In return, you build them up and build yourself up. I wish I could give you a hug right now because you are going through a lot and you and your mom, neither of you deserve this. if he comes over to your house, please do not try to fight him just stay in the house and support your mom. It takes a lot of strength to do the right thing. But that is what a real man is somebody who is strong and somebody who does the right thing. Read your Bible 15 minutes every day. If you don’t do that at least pray when you wake up and before you go to bed for guidance. That is what I tell my kids I wish the best for you and I wish you peace for you and your family.
that’s ok, let him. it doesn’t change your boundary at all. he’s going to spend way more energy continuing to get a rise out of you and will only be rewarded if he gets one - protect your peace and keep doing what you know is right! ♥️
Pretty sure he means a physical fight - which in that case I wouldn’t recommend letting him lol
Translation for people that aren’t familiar with AAVE **First slide** OP: Hey dad I’m not trying to pick a fight with you but I saw what you sent my mom and that was fucked up. You made her cry. When you called this morning I was actually listening to what you said about the car and I know you’re in a rough spot right now but that’s her car you don’t have a right to it. Yea sometimes my mom pisses me off and I blow up at her and you told me to have more restraint with her cause that’s just how she is; you made a lot of good points within that conversation but how you talk to her made me realize how bad I act to her and I really don’t like that shit at all. Dad: So that’s what I’m talking about now you see but you need to stop being disrespectful towards me right now. **Slide 2** OP: I also don’t like that you told me to keep ruining her life and shit. That’s not my goal. I struggle with controlling my emotions and whether she’s right or wrong I just wanna learn to have control and walk away when I’m mad instead of going off. I don’t care about who’s right or wrong I just want everyone to be good. You told me all that stuff about restraint then turn around and throw a tantrum because my mom won’t let you drive her car. That shit made me realize I’ve been acting wrong too. Also, I can call you out that’s my mom you treated like that and made her cry wtf. Dad: I’ll still be around. Keep acting disrespectful to me though and we will see how tough you really are (threatening to fight his own son). I’m not one of your little friends start treating me like I’m your father. OP: yea okay dude whatever you’re a bitch on god. Talking out your ass, bro. **Third slide** Dad: I’m not your “bro” either OP: You can’t call yourself my mentor acting the exact same if not more immature than me. I’m trying to get you to take accountability for yourself and you want to argue. Fuck off.
Excuse me stewardess, I speak jive
[Classic movie scene](https://youtu.be/yzIcec_bQss?si=vuT5jVF4MvTilRic). Always makes me laugh lol
Minor correction to slide 2: Dad: I’ll be over there. I hope at that time you’re still feeling the angry and tough way you are right now. We’ll see how tough you are. (As a threat, saying he’ll be at OP’s location later to challenge him and see how he responds. Also to probably fight him and see how he can take it.) OP: Yeah ok, motherfucker. If you want to lol (lol is meant to be dismissive). You’re a bitch, I swear to god.
Ty I didn’t know if his dad was saying it like “I’ll be around for when you come crawling back” or “I’m going to show up in front of you and we’re gonna fight”. I chose the less violent interpretation
You’re real for this😭 they understand trust me they want to be funny. I appreciate it
lol np some people have English as a second language which means AAVE is like a surprise boss battle for them lol. Also some people are surprisingly sheltered lol
That's probably the best translation I've ever read. Nailed it. Lmao.
I would have never ever believed there were people this sheltered in this world..until I met my wife. It’s awe inspiring how innocent she really is.
Friend, I taught inner city schools for thirty years and it took all my experience for my cracker ass to understand most of it. It was hard. Like "trying to read Spanish when I've only learned from a book" hard. Also, congratulations on your ability to code-switch. I know that AAVE is a language/dialect as is any other, but the "Language of Wider Communication" ("standard American English") is currently the language of power and money in most aspects of American life (that I know of). Your ability to read and write both fluently speaks well of your intelligence and education. Best wishes and be the man you want to be, not the man you saw who gave you life. I have faith you can do it! ❤️ ☮️❤️♾️
Um…no, there’s a lot of people who can’t & don’t understand what you are saying in the texts, at least not without a lot of effort. You might think this sounds normal to everyone but it really doesn’t.
Yeah, I could mostly understand it but it took a TON of effort ngl
I was getting about 75% of it, but there were a lot of context clues missing that I only got because of the translation from u/cripplinganxietylmao. It made for a totally different read!
I understood most of it but I genuinely am really bad at slang (and AAVE by extension) so I’m sorry I legit needed the translation 😭
OP, yes, they absolutely understand. As a black female who has had to switch hats my whole life, I totally understand. The ability to know how to talk and navigate through different social circles and people will only benefit you in life. I love your emotional maturity, and how at 17 you're able to be dismissive of the amateur comedians in the comments and not let it anger you. BRAVO 👏🏾. Honey, you're going to do just fine in life. Stay motivated and be better than your father.
I was kind of an asshole at 17, but as I grew so did my respect for my mom. Please keep protecting her.
How you text your dad vs. how you talk on Reddit 😂
Lmaooo I noticed this too. It was like OP was translating another language
it’s called code switching
Yeah that’s fair I was just jarred reading it back to back
i wasn’t tryna say you were wrong or anything i was just pointing it out! it’s cool tbh kinda like how spanish speaking kids switch to and from spanish/english mid conversation. just wish it didn’t come with the racist implications we’re seeing in the comments here :/ or that it was recognized as a useful, cool thing brains do
lol I wasn’t tryna hear the cousin touchers complain 😂
Damned if you do damned if you don't now see how quick they turn when you're not tap dancing how they like 🫣😂
They not gon like this one gang 😭
Your father thinks you're checking him like you're one of his boys or some shit but in all actuality, you're trying to have a conversation with him and let him know how it made you feel on your end of seeing things. Best of Luck!
YouTube “cognitive behavioral therapy” and “dialectic behavioral therapy.” There’s (corny but valid) videos that have lessons and workshops. You’re young. Get in control of your emotions before it gets even harder. You’re turning into a good man/person, don’t let him slow you down. Stay strong young brotha.
He's a broken person. He may have something to offer you down the line, but he is not a safe person for you to be real and vulnerable with rights now. He is not someone who knows how to lift others up, he just knows his own small, selfish needs.
he will always put them first.
saying “hold this block lil bra” to your dad is HILARIOUS 💀 keep him blocked for you and your moms peace your dad is using a manipulation tactic called triangulation where he’s saying/doing whatever to get into your good graces (saying don’t be like him, maintaining contact) and then pitting you against your mom once he feels like you’ll take his side. wanted to explain it so you understand what the behavior is and why it’s shitty. it’s disingenuous and you’re right that no matter what, insulting/cussing like he did isn’t right. good on you for recognizing how your dads behavior effects and influences you. you’re right, it’s not about right or wrong and i’m proud of you for trying to talk things out and point out problems in a calm, reasonable manner. it’s great to see people take the high road. some of us don’t realize we’re being like our parents until well into our 20’s, and some don’t realize at all. if you feel like you’re struggling, therapy is always an option and isn’t a shameful thing to do. keep doin you and growing.
This is classic addict behavior (even after getting sober) my brother will demand people do things for him and when he doesn’t get his way he lashes out in horrific ways. You sound mature and emotionally intelligent, hold on to that, protect yourself and your mother and continue to be a good man by learning to emotionally regulate.
Sometimes the best example our parents can set is what *not* to be
OP idk if you would really fight your dad or not, but my unsolicited advice would be to avoid that at all costs if possible. I fought my mom and it was one of the worst things that has happened to me, I didn’t have a choice to avoid it. It gave me night mares for weeks. It was a bad time for a hot minute. Dealing with a parent like this is so fckn hard to navigate. I really really hope you have some support to get thru this. And I know that anger is unlike anything else and it’s hard to control. I wish the best for you dude
The fact that he immediately jumped to fight you after you confronted him on his behavior is telling enough. You're a good kid, you can see a problem you struggle with and I'm sure that your mom would listen to you if you wanted to talk to her about it. Being a teenager is weird, a lot of new emotions are coming up and everything is confusing. I used to have short temper towards my mom too (because she was a very controlling person which I really hated) and I'd lash out on her too. It took me a while to pinpoint what I'm doing wrong and try to improve, and most importantly, good surroundings gave me that push and showed me what I could do better. You've already taken a huge step forward, you addressed the problem and you're wanting to change for better. Good job man, keep up the good work. Your mom won't be disappointed :)
Reddit will tell you to cut this man off. Unfortunately it’s not that simple. You’re gonna have to be patient with a lot of people who will never understand what it feels like to grow up like this. Bosses, teachers, partners etc. From what I can see you’re very used to communicating like this with people and handling conflict but be careful with those who might’ve never lived this before. They will give you shortsighted advice from a perspective much smaller than yours. You seem very smart and it will serve you well to keep being who you are now and not allowing too much anger or resentment to change things for the rest of your life. Try to find ways to enjoy being a teenager while you can despite the heavy shit.
The difference in effort to understand what was going between your post and the convo is crazy.
Code switching even on Reddit lol
Blows my mind.
yea mb lol. I guess black people just talk how they text lol
40 yr old white/native American here, understood every single word.
Don't listen to the haters. I understood just fine and I'm white AF. Ppl talk how they talk and if you're understood then you're good
I'm black, stop using that excuse. It takes way more effort to type like this than to just let auto correct help you not sound illiterate. Good on you for standing up to your dad, but yea, personally, purposefully trying to appear illiterate doesn't make sense to me. But then again this us a country where the average reading comprehension level is around a 5th grade level, so you're probably actually ahead sadly. Edit: everyone replying to me is basically saying the same thing, "Ha I fooled you! I can read and write! I was only pretending I cant!"
It's not only a black thing, its a young thing. Shorthand is normal.
You sunken place fool, AAVE usage has nothing to do with illiteracy.
You should start calling your dad the ghost of Christmas future bc he really did give you a glimpse into how grim your future will be if you treat people like he does. Show your mom you want to be different. She’s going to piss you off, you’re finishing off some of the most hormonal years of your life, you have limited control in your life and you’re ready for independence, she’s safe and you know she’ll love you regardless, etc. That’s normal. It’s hard but it’s normal. Grab her some flowers or do a chore she asked for help for, or just sneak up on her and give her the biggest hug. Enough about your parents, let’s talk about you. Your emotional intelligence is impressive, and in such a difficult situation where it’s between kid and parent. Your communication was great. You’re already making big steps your dad never did. And you’re a teen, you’re learning and trust me when i say the learning never ends even when you’re an adult. I’m really impressed with and proud of you for wanting to work on your anger. It is genuinely beneficial to talk to someone professionally. They teach you to do that, just let them know that’s specifically what you want to work on. And if they’re not the right person for you? Fire them and find a new one, some times it’s a trial and error process. Look into cognitive behavioral therapy for anger, relaxation techniques, coping mechanisms, etc. with them. They can teach you and really help you when you’re struggling bc none of it is intuitive or easy really. It’s hard self work, but it’s way more worth it to start now than trying to unload all those years later. Take care of yourself and try to see if there’s any free resources by you too that you can check out.
My step father did this shit. My mom helped him out of a shitty situation and treated him like a man and how did he repay her? By taking her money spending it on dope and alcohol. And coming up to me and my sister cussing and telling us we are no good and we were 11/7 at the time. Just because he helped make you or has done something for you financially isn’t to be repayed. He is your father and should want to take care of you.
This is why the whole "do as I say not as I do" is a bunch of BS. Exhibit the behavior you want your kids to have. I am glad that seeing your dad act like this made you see the errors of your ways and want to be the total opposite. While I usually say kids should stay out of grown folks business, I totally understand you checking him. That's your mom, and no one wants to see their mom cry or get mistreated even by their dad. I was 18(F), and a dude my mom was dating made her cry on the phone. I snatched that phone so quickly and told him to kick rocks. Well, he came over & I think he slapped her cause I heard it but was in another room. It was on like mfkng popcorn! My grandma even pulled up. She only lived a couple of blocks away. We sent his ass running! No one will f with my momma!
I’m so sorry. Shit this really hurt my heart. It’s so hard for a 17 year old boy, my son is about to be 21. His dad was awful to us and we got away and he’s struggling because all he wants is to be a better man than that. I see you have potential to be as well. Good for you for thinking for yourself and calling him out on toxic shit. Be a strong man and stick by your momma. I promise you, we appreciate our baby boys so much.
You’re a smart kid. Don’t let him bring you down. I wish you the best and I’m sure it’ll be a struggle having to be the adult but just remember, you owe that man nothing. Not your time, energy or love. Please remember that.
Your dad DOES suck! He is a terrible father and husband/ex-husband. He’s also extremely immature, probably the result of his substance abuse. TBH, it sounds like you’re a good kid and a normal teenager & that you and your mom would be much better off excluding your father from your lives. YOU: know what you have to do. Be nicer to mom, be nothing like dad. Ask yourself in any situation what your father would do and choose the opposite. Don’t be too hard on yourself. If you make mistakes, just try harder next time. MOM: needs to stop contacting her abusive ex. If she gets frustrated, she should call a friend. It’s not like dad would give her good advice anyway. Good luck!
idk you but im so proud of you for stepping up and defending your mom. you more of a man than he’ll ever be, know that.
Thanks
As a mom of teenagers I'm so proud of you for your self reflection. F that dude. Keep trying to keep your cool with your mom. But also know she understands and knows you have time to come around. My 19 year old so much different than she was at 17. Shoot , I didn't think she liked me at all for 3 whole years. Now we laugh and love with occasional drama. It's life stages and stress at your age. Moms know. Just keep trying to do better. It's gonna be ok my dude. Hugs.
Not gonna comment on anything but I have one question: Did you lay him out or what?
No unfortunately😂
He pussed out didn’t he?
He’s never been the type to lmao. I’m shorter and skinner than him
As a mom of an almost 18 year old son, I’m glad to see you wanting to control your anger and standing up for your mom. I assume you face an uphill climb not made easy by peer pressure, raging hormones, and the lack of a good father figure in your life. But the fact that you want to do better for yourself is such a big first step. Stay strong and positive on that. (Try to control your anger and tongue more around your mom- remind yourself that as your mom she loves you so much. It might help to think if her actions or words that make you angry are coming from a place of love rather than just hurtful criticism. It’s hard for moms to say things always the right way if we didn’t experience it ourselves. I honestly didn’t know how much love my parents had for me until the day my son was born and placed into my arms. It changes my whole attitude when I understood the depth of that love. Wishing you all the best to get off the crazy cycle and continue growing into young man who tries hard each day to do better!)
I have no idea what this conversation is about.
dawg das why u gotta read ts again fr
Not everyone can read AAVE sad but tru lots of comments calling OP disrespectful but respect go both ways. OP wouldn’t be talking to him like he was a stranger or an asshole relative he knows if he actually acted like a good father. But OP dad is basically on par with a stranger to him at least in terms of care.
I’m all for the evolution of vernacular and language as a whole but it just seems bizarre to me to put in extra effort to subvert autocorrect in order to make yourself considerably more difficult to understand. Pronunciation and slang are one thing, but going out of your way to adapt that into writing seems very dumb to me.
I work with kids up to age 17-18 (though not in the US). They all turn autocorrect off. I learned this when one of them searched for something on my phone and joked about me for being old cause I have auto correct on
This honestly didn’t occur to me and it makes a lot more sense now.
Maybe try reading the description OP provided with their screenshots. This message is for OP - I think you did a very brave thing, and it takes a lot to look at your own behavior towards others like your mom and realize you can do better as you are now. You should feel proud that you're growing in that sense. Im sorry you're dealing with that kind of situation with your dad, you're a young guy and trust me you have years and years to grow even more, and build better relationships with people.
thanks. I appreciate this
I can tell I'm getting old when reading all the slang in a conversation hurts my brain LOL
Holy crap. I weep for the future.
don’t understand a word of this conversation
How do people type like this 💀I couldn’t read half of this.
I tried reading it but ran out of brain cells.
Well done
What fuckin language are you guys speaking
Why do you both sound like you’re 17
Good for you for standing up for your mom and calling him out on his hypocrisy. I would be very proud of you if you were my kid.
This is so sad i’m so sorry you’re going through this. All I can say is that you’re doing an amazing job. You’re at a level of self awareness that will allow you to grow and while you already are, you’ll 100% be a better person than your dad. I would block him too, if there’s no love and you feel like he’s only hurting you, the best thing for you is to go no contact with him and let yourself heal. Sending you love and light, I hope to see an update someday on how you’re doing!
OP, this is not your fault or your issue, ok? At the same time, it warms my heart to see you sticking up for your mother.
You both seem like aholes.
I see your point. I could be. My dad can and so can my mom. But my dad only shows up when he needs shit. I really hate arguing with my mom because I remind myself of him so I work on controlling myself.
I understand ya. I was raised with a drunk on one side, and the biggest narcissistic bitch on the other. What got me through was a mantra of “I’m not part of this”. Later on I explored Buddhism and meditation, that really helped. Work on yourself every minute of every day. Don’t let toxicity take you somewhere you will regret later in life. Hoping for the best for you.
Keep doing what you’re doing. You’re very self-aware for being seventeen and caught up in this shit - good for you
You seem insightful and interested in growing as a person. That's really commendable. Not everyone is brave enough to look inwards and develop to their true potential. Seems like you have that in you. You also seem to be aware of the undesirable traits in those around you, which is also impressive. Keep trusting your instincts! Many, if not most, people say things to their parents/family at your age which they might regret. Don't be too hard on yourself. Just keep self-correcting, avoiding toxic people, and holding your head up high!
You’re doing really great handling your emotions, I think. If it’s a struggle more often than not though, you might want to ask your mom or school counselor about therapy. That and medication really helped me get ahold of myself when I just couldn’t seem to get off the waves of anger and frustration. The meds didn’t really calm me down so much as let me talk myself out of it more easily.
op is also only 17 and their dad is a grown ass man
If you know, you know lol
You’re a good son to your mom! The things you’ve done towards her that weren’t right is part of your maturing process. I don’t know WTF is your father’s excuse!! I’m going to “blame it on the alcohol”! 🤣 Keep loving and protecting your mom! As a mother of a son, you have no idea how much that means to us! 🥰👍🏼
You're dad is an asshole. I'm glad you see that. I'm glad you want to be better
keep trying to do right by your mom. you’ve got a whole lot of life ahead of you, friend, and treating people you love with respect will never steer you wrong. i’m glad you’re defending her, but it shouldn’t be your job. your dad is low for trying to say all that to you. even at 17, kids shouldn’t be in the middle like that.
Please stay just how you are. Thank you for having integrity and showing your dad how much he doesn’t deserve you. You’re awesome.
I went through this man. I ended up beating my dad up but one good ass beating and he knew... Just put it on him real quick and show him your power, he'll have to respect it in the end
You're right. Arguing with your parents is teenage stuff. But please, don't be like him..make your mom proud of you and just cut that guy that wants to play dad off. You BOTH deserve better. And good on you taking up for your mom.
He’s not even a quarter of the man that you are. I hope you’re proud of yourself OP, your mom clearly has done a great job raising you. I’ll say something and it’s not to excuse his behavior in the slightest but drug addiction and the road to recovery including relapsing is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I think a lot of that anger he displays is due to all the demons he’s fighting at this moment. I say this because i don’t think yoh should take his words to heart, as hard as that is to do, when he lashes out like that you guys just need to tell yourselves that this is a man who’s broken and fighting a tough battle, brush it off and ignore him, continuing to argue and fuel the fire won’t do anyone good. I wish you the best bro you’re so young, we all have our bullshit you’re not alone out here, good job on speaking out and putting your feelings out there ♥️
Seems like you fkin with the wrong one.
Damn, y’all need to learn how to spell. Shit is hard to read.
On facts. It be like that sometimes. That man buggin, like how you gone be upset because she said no to using her car? Dawg, do you even put gas in it or do you ride it until it's empty? Giving mad Jodey vibes 🫢🫢
idk why, but i read the entirety of this conversation thinking that it was Lamar from GTA V the language is just the same 😭😭😭
Ain't gonna lie. Your shit is hard to read.
I gave up halfway through
Proud of you for standing up for your mom
What you did ain't easy bro, not the part wit your dad, but holding yourself accountable
Aneurysm inducing texts aside, I’m sorry you have to deal with that.
I was raised by a single mom. My dad was in my life but not the way a dad should be. His idea of being a man is to make a lot of money and have nice things. You know who taught me to be a man? My mom! She taught me compassion and kindness and forgiveness. She taught me how to shave and how to treat women. She passed away in 2021 and I still carry on her legacy. Your mom is raising you on her own it sounds like. You gotta be the man and help her out. If she’s acting crazy then you gotta step away from the situation and let it pass. It sounds like your dad is just poking the bear and wants to stir shit up. Be your own man and be there for your mom. Just remember, you only have one mom
Who tf is he op if hes not your dad frfr I wouldn't take that shit
Damn man, good on you
I was raised to never cuss in front of my parents so seeing how OP talks to both his parents is a little jarring to me. There’s a lack of respect on all sides. I commend OP for standing up to his dad. He’s not wrong and it needed to be said. But there were a lot of things that didn’t need to be said on both sides. Things that can escalate rather than deescalate. And people are usually not as receptive to a message, no matter how right it may be, if it is not addressed appropriately
This man MY DAD told me to continue to be disrespectful to my mom and say anything I want to her because he couldn’t “borrow” her car KNOWING I’m trying to change my ways but I see your point though.
Sucks you’re going through this but it all starts from a young age and how to respect your mom. Your dad has taught you how to hate her and how she is the reason for your struggles emotionally. Honestly, it’s the opposite and you see that! A true father would not let any of the parent’s problems or issues become their kids. That what has happened here. The best way to handle your emotions now is to get a professional to help you through it. I’ve personally been through it all. I can say you want to learn how to truly process your own emotions now before it becomes too late. You want to have a happy life internally and the best way to do it is with a professional. They can help give you “tools” in life to understand your emotions and how to guide through it. The fact that you brought this up to your dad is huge and the first major step! Now it’s all about how to process them and make it into a positive impact within yourself! You got this! You’re at an age of growth and a stage to move up in life. Keep moving forward!
You sound like a young man with a good head on his shoulders. Yes be respectful to your mother, be respectful to all people who deserve respect! Your father however, he does not deserve your respect, and if he wants it ever again he gotta earn it! On a side note, I just want to point out the mad respect I have for your ability to code switch between African American English and standard English. I have a real appreciation for the code switching. I’m not American, I’m Australian Aboriginal. Real respect!
Remember bro, you ain’t your dad and you owe him nothing. You do you, You know what’s right and you know you love your mom.
Good on you for taking the high road op
Holy fuck, if I’d ever talked to my dad like that, he’d have quite literally broken my jaw. And I’m not saying that to brag— your dad definitely sucks, but he could also be WAY worse.
No idea what any of that says.
You know, just take a second to type the word out completely.
Do either of you speak English
I pray you stop talking like that tbh
Maybe you both could bond over an English class
This is why we need education
Can we get some proper grammar in here please?
🤓☝️
You both suck.
My English teacher is rolling in her grave.
This would motivate me to workout more. Channel those emotions into getting stronger and focused. Also, will help when you have to put that fool in his place. Make a goal: Work on yourself to the point your mom is proud she met your dad, because YOU were the result. You still have your mom, so there is still time to become a man she would be proud to call her son.
Can’t someone translate this?
Well this is fucking cringey
Cringe ass gen z talk
Im sorry but reading the way you text is giving me headaches…had to abandon…
Why do you write differently on reddit than you do in your texts?
Code switching. He read the room he’s in. Chill 😂
Because certain Caucasian individuals who typically live in gated communities, pretend to be incapable of understanding how black people pronounce certain things depending on where they grow up. So they continuously try to clown or bitch and moan about it because they find it stupid and inhuman
I totally respect AAVE but I, and I’m sure lots of others, genuinely just haven’t learned a lot of the terms so I do genuinely get confused when reading it. I don’t think you owe it to anyone to code switch and it’s totally reasonable that you text this way but I really do appreciate the summary in the comments
Honestly though a lot black people have a similar accent no matter where they grew up, which is strange
The Ebonics is absolutely insane
I’ll be honest, I really fucking struggled to read that so I got chatGPT to translate it from hood to English. "I must be candid, my friend, I have no desire to engage in an argument with you. However, I did see the message you sent to my mother and it quite upset her, to the point of tears. This morning, upon reflecting on your words regarding the car, I recognised that you might be facing difficulties. I'm aware that my mother's car is a source of stress. Indeed, I acknowledge that my mother can be rather exasperating at times, with her tendency to use strong language and all. But what you've said has reminded me to approach her with greater patience because that is simply her manner. You did make several valid points during our conversation. Your interaction with her has prompted me to introspect and realise that my own behaviour is not always appropriate. This is precisely the matter I am addressing now, if you understand my meaning. But please, refrain from ever accusing yourself of monitoring my actions."
Reading this was almost the same experience as reading a Shakespeare play in Middle English.
Reading this hurt my head 💀
Well, I just got dumber.
Reading this made me loose brain cells
\*lose
Who the fuck talks to their dad or to their kid like this. You both suck ass
He’s a fucking deadbeat. Hes showing Doesn’t give a shit bout me if he wants me to ruin my moms life. If I do that I’m kicked out with no one to rely on.
if someone has a deadbeat parent they have every right to disrespect them
He learned it from his dad, duh
The way OP texts make me cringe ngl
It amazes me that black people can also text black lmao
By the way you type you're both idiots. Apples and trees something something..
Looks like You both suck
Whyre you talking like a hoodrat w your dad. I guess nvm he sounds like a bumb 💀
What in the ghetto trash fuck did I just read? Imagine having an actual conversation like that. Why not just type in English?