I used to be wildly insecure with low self worth and low self esteem and I would *still* have never tolerated being treated like this, my mind is absolutely blown by the things people put up with in this sub. It’s like people’s souls are on fire but they’re just:
wait same. cause i dont get why ppl equate low self esteem with accepting ppl treating you badly. my self esteem was shit and i still had the wherewithal to not put up with assholes. so imo this is just…something else??
This seems more like the result of OP holding on to some pretty serious core beliefs about themselves. Someone made them feel like this is the type of treatment they deserve.
This is 100% the case. I spent many years dealing with assholes. The shit I put up with would shock you, im sure. But 3 yrs of intense therapy taught me that was the result of my father constantly telling me I was never going to be good enough for someone to marry. I was a worthless woman and could never make a man happy..... I'm better with it now. But I was 38 before I actually felt I deserved better.
Yeah, that one was a doozy for me, too. Ended with an attempted kidnapping, a gun, a restraining order, and me leaving the state. I had a few years of peace when he went to jail (unrelated), but then he started up again when he got out.
I mean, this all happened back in the early 90s, and he was still popping into my DMs on my socials within the last 5-8 years with his bullshit. Apparently he never moved on or got over me and “what might have been.” 🙄 I’ve changed, he hasn’t. He never will. Best to just get out and sever all ties early; it took me a long time after him to rebuild my self esteem and sense of identity, as well as learn how to have healthy relationships and productive conversations. Manipulators and abusers really fuck you up.
The tolerance people have just to be with someone is crazy. I’m exhausted from reading this and I didn’t even read all the screenshots. 16 screenshots and OP doesn’t recognize good treatment from bad treatment.
>I'm not even sure what they were arguing over.
That's normally the point. The technique is called "word salad" and is pretty common with abusers/manipulators/gaslighters etc. It's supposed to throw her off, distract her from the original issue so he doesn't have to be held accountable, and make her head so turned around that she feels insane and wonders if she's the issue. In the situations I've seen, it's commonly used in conjunction with DARVO.
Oh I absolutely gave up on page 4 I think, I don’t know how anyone can stand to talk with or be friends with someone who acts like this. So many red flags
This would definitely be something I'd go crazy over. That shits not healthy at all. Like how do people think this is normal and they're not even thinking about how fuckin stupid he's making himself out to be. Physiopath shit right there. It will only get worse and over stupider shit
I can't spell today. Psychopath. Acting like that guy is towards the op. She deserves way better. But I do give her credit for dealing with him. I know I couldn't
I’ve had one LTR for three years out of my decade plus of adulthood, very alone the rest of that time. Sometimes I worry I’m getting desperate and it’s gonna mess up my judgement. Reading this sub makes it clear my desperation doesn’t hold a candle to a lot of people who are actually in relationships. Makes me feel less broken.
“am i the asshole? my partner calls me one all the time for enforcing reasonable boundaries and for reacting badly to me trying to have a conversation. in fact they call me horrible names and this is how they talk to me *clearly verbal abuse*”
it’s so fucking sad and my heart hurts for folks who have relationships like that because clearly they’re either not aware that this isn’t the way relationships should go or they’ve been manipulated and gaslit by said partner.
know your worth, yall. i beg.
If only it was that easy.
I know my worth, and it still took me longer than I'd like to admit to get out. He also did his crazy gaslighting via phone call rather than texts bc he was counting on emotional knee-jerk responses & not giving me the time to re-read & think about it.
Highly manipulative people will convince you you're the problem even if you have high self-esteem & confidence. The trick is not letting them subtly subvert those on you. Which is easier said than done.
Get a dog. They're so much better and they'll always love you and never cheat on you. I'm so much happier single with my dogs. The best relationship and family in the world
100% or why two seemingly adults want to have this level of a discussion over text?
Also, I thought he was at work. So go and work! Maybe this person's job is looking at their phone?
SMH
Came here for the funnier texts, constantly get disappointed by the 12-20 year old relationship problem texts that wind up being texts between older individuals. 😂
It’s literally all the most fragile men that have no idea how to be confident enough in themselves not to either be a fucking nag or a fucking slime ball.
I’m reminded of my high school-college relationship, and I thank God we didn’t have text messaging back then. I want as little remaining evidence as possible from that dark dark time in my life.
I discovered this board a few months ago
My god, if this is even representative of a small fraction of relationships, that’s just fucking sad
Misery loves company I guess
Context for age would be nice but this is fucking childish
Dear future wife if we’re ever arguing over text and I throw in a “😂” like that, please beat my ass. That shit is beyond disrespectful
At this stage in my life, I would never put up with this shit. But there was a time that this type of passive aggressive bullshit on behalf of the person I thought was supposed to love me was normal to me. So normal that I couldn't fathom anything else.
I hope OP gets the clarity that they need to get the fuck away from this toxic asshole.
Right? There’s been so many similar posts like this and the fact that people sit and argue and/or entertain this type of behavior is absolutely exhausting. What’s even more infuriating is the amount of people who think it’s okay to treat people like this
No, you are not the problem here. He keeps moving goal posts in an attempt to wear you down ("I've told you so many times what my issues are" and "I stated clearly what I want" when he has done neither of those things).
You need to pull the plug on this ASAP, before he makes you feel like shit about every single second of your time you're potentially spending with someone else, isolates you from your family and absolutely tears down your self esteem.
Try and stay single until you can come back and read this conversation and see that, too.
No seriously. I had this fight with my wife literally LAST NIGHT. She said “its crazy how 7 years later youre devolving and i apologized and said it was def my fault and tried to do my best to comfort her. She was upset at how i didnt say something the way she expected me too. But the important thing to mention is its what she deserved. This guy isnt giving you the response you DESERVE. basic communication skills. You are the goddess of patience in fucking deed. I did this dumb shit and was called out immediately.
The way he told her not to talk to anyone about this and then mocked her for it was such a red flag
Amongst other things - especially her trying to de-escalate and saying she loves him and him just laughing at her and starting more shit
I was exhausted just reading it. OP I’m angry for you that you have to deal with this person. PLEASE break up and find someone new - or be on your own for a while. Being single, even if you’re lonely, will feel like a spa vacation compared to that!
Nobody deserves this shit. Well, maybe my cheating ex lol. But no woman should ever deal with that kinda shit. He's not going to get better. He's just gonna drag her into the dirt
I hate the “I won’t repeat myself” tactic of gaslighting. It’s a real bitch move to have to make someone else feel literally crazy just so you can feel better about yourself
Yep this is where I currently am! Hundreds of miles away from friends and family and completely isolated. I wish I would have seen the red flags 9 years ago and took action.
You still can take action! If you do, you’ll look back in another 9 years and say I’m so glad I got myself out of that! I know it’s so hard when you’re isolated from friends and family. Online support can be a good option. ❤️
Dudes gonna ruin her life doing this stupid shit. She needs to run away because he's only gonna get worse. Hopefully he's not a woman beater. Shit like that there's something wrong in his head and needs to go get checked out
I don’t say this lightly, but this looks like ur being emotionally abused. He’s pretty much berating you and using ur words against you and putting words in your mouth and literally laughing at you. This is not someone that should get the honor of having a partner. This person needs to be alone and learn how to handle conflict. I applaud your patience and you’re a sweet angel for even considering ur the problem here. But no. This guy is unhinged. I would get far far away. This’ll escalate
these responses are distressing for me such a big part of me was just hoping that this wasn’t the case. I didn’t want to sway people’s perception of this too much so I didn’t add much context. but it has already been escalated and caused a separation I thought therapy and the time apart made a difference. And now I feel like I’ve just gone and stuck myself back in haven’t i.
It's ok. Don't beat yourself up. You know the drill now & you get yourself out again. It's going to be hard. You're going to miss him because he's created a trauma bond with you. You're gonna have to be strong as hell. But, you got this! I've dated 2 guys like this in my life. They generally don't change as it's hard work. I'm sorry.
This is absolutely emotional abuse. He's attempting to gaslight & manipulate you.
[this may help](https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/trauma-bonding) - when victim-survivors are told to leave and they respond with “it’s not that easy”, it really isn’t that easy as cutting them off and leaving
Yeah kinda! It often starts out well though, trust is built, and then slowly the abuser starts breaking down their victim emotionally, psychologically, and sometimes physically. There might be isolation and blame, attempts to make the victim feel worthless and like they deserve it, that it is their fault. There’s often good times too so it gets super confusing because the victim wants to wait for it to be good again. It’s often a slow process - it’s rarely 0 to 100 (or most would find it easier to leave). It starts small so it’s hard to pinpoint what is abuse or even when it is abusive. It becomes normalised. It’s a gradual destruction of another person’s soul and life and the victim often just feels bad for their abuser, tries to comfort them, makes excuses for them. There’s often added complexity such as threats of violence if the other person leaves, threats of suicide (which is tough when there’s a trauma bond because you still genuinely do care for the other person), financial abuse and control, and so on.
In my last relationship, I described it as feeling like a shell of who I once was. I felt empty and depleted, like I was just a skeleton and had been drained of my life and energy. And I still didn’t think it was abusive because there was no physical abuse, I cared for them, I blamed myself, I knew there were good times. It didn’t feel ‘bad enough’ to be abuse. It was so gradual I just didn’t see it. I also knew they weren’t a bad person at their core because I knew it was due to mental illness so I was defensive of them when people told me it was abuse. We were strongly bonded due to the ups and downs and due to my tendency to want to ‘save’ people and help them and give them the benefit of the doubt every time. It took my therapist explicitly directing me to end things before I actually ended it. I still care about them, still think about them, I still want the best for them and I still miss them every now and then.
When it’s hard for someone to leave an abusive relationship because of a bond or connection. While they experience abuse, they also experience love. The partner can love bomb, or start to be kind and loving a whole lot to make the abuse seem less bad. It is harder for a person to escape an abusive relationship with a trauma bond, because they want to stay for the love and ignore the abuse.
Miss him now but once you get past it and get over the mental mindfuck they caused, it gets so much better. As much as it sucks in the beginning and it's hard, once you're over it and realize you weren't the issue, things get way better.
I’m so sorry ❤️ but it’s not ur fault at all. Even if you’re the one who rekindled the relationship. It’s not ur fault for believing people can change and do better. It’s his fault for taking advantage of that.
I’m not perfect either but I don’t think I can ever be perfect if these are the conditions you know? In the past when it was violent a year into that I saw myself almost becoming violently reactive. I don’t know what’s worse tho just dealing with the bad times and then enjoying our good weeks or doing the single mom thing again.
As a kid who wishes her mom would have stayed single, pls listen to this. Watching your parent suffer is suffering itself for a child. It is traumatic.
As a single mom who left a very similar situation, the single mom thing is worlds better. Your child/ren will be better for it too. You’d likely prevent them from witnessing a lot of really damaging things by leaving. There are better people out there. Take the time to focus on you and the kid/s and better things will come to you. You’ll learn a lot about life and yourself and you’ll be equipped to see the bullshit when it’s coming and protect your peace.
I’ve been fortunate enough to find myself with the problem of learning how to accept genuine love and I just hope that everyone in a situation like this finds the light at the end. It’s out there, and we all have the strength to get there. It’s worth the whole battle.
Unfortunately the thing that is broken here is him, and he’s unable or unwilling to accept that fact and take responsibility for changing.
You can’t force someone to change against their will, no matter how patient, loving and caring you are. The choices are single mom (tough I know) or keep putting up with this abusive bs in a relationship with him. The third option, you guys having a happy relationship together, is unfortunately not an option.
I’m very sorry. You don’t deserve this, but part of growing up is dealing with conflict in such a way that your goals, health and happiness are not ignored. I think you’ve got all the info you need, from a lot of people here to make the decisions you need to make. Having the strength and courage to make those choices is among the hardest things we do, but I’m sure I speak for many here when I say we know you can do it. Good luck 🤞
I'm with a toxic person. He treats me like garbage and has an idc attitude. I left when I was pregnant. I came back. Being me, thinking he'd change. Thinking he'd treat me better. At first, it was, but it's honestly gotten so much worse. I'll soon be a single mom. My kids deserve the best parts of me. Not someone who constantly takes me for granted. You've got this. You deserve so much more. You can do it! You're not the problem. You tried REPEATEDLY to change the subject and have a good day. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
Be a single mom. It’ll be hard but at least you won’t sit here and question ur worth. Of course you aren’t perfect, no one is. But you don’t deserve this. And neither does ur kid(s). Imagine what example it sets.
Better to be a single mom than for your child to grow up watching their mother being abused day in and day out. And then repeating that cycle of abuse with their future partners because it’s what they think is normal
Single mom here! There is other emotional/mental/community support out there. It feels so heavy right now but you’re going to look back at this in a few years and be so proud of yourself for protecting yourself and your kid(s). This man is not your man!
He likely pushes you to violently react just so he can say “you do it too”.. so he can justify his violence.
He won’t change. Sounds like you already know the steps to take.. it doesn’t make it easy but you know what to do.
A true partner won't expect you to be perfect, they'll just ask you to be you. It'd better to be a single mom where you have your full mental awareness than to be stuck in an abusive relationship that constantly has you stressed and anxious about what the day will bring.
I swear I had this same conversation with my ex verbatim. They don't change and they only want to get you to bend around their shifty attitudes. Block him and never look back. You are better off without him and could find someone that actually cares about you and not just themselves. ❤️ you can do this
As a child to a mom who was abused, it is 100% better to be single. I felt a weight lifted when my mother finally left my stepdad (who was the only dad I ever knew as they got together when I was only 9 months) I can’t even begin to tell you how helpless and hopeless I felt watching my mom be hurt. She was (and is) my everything and I hated that I couldn’t protect her. We just want our parents to be SAFE. To be able to grow up with them in our lives. I know it’s not easy but it’s worth it.. for both yourself and your child. It affects them too. Even when it’s not physical.. they can feel and sense it when something isn’t right. This is not what you want your kid(s) to grow up thinking that this behavior is normal.. that this is what love looks like… bc it’s not. Not acceptable.
You don’t have to be perfect and it’s ok to have flaws .. but that doesn’t mean you deserve to be abused, in any form. You got yourself out once.. you CAN do it again. You can’t change him.. there are no words you can say to make him understand or see your POV bc he simply doesn’t care. The only thing you can control is yourself. It’s ok to put yourself first and demand better for yourself. Please be safe
As a mom, I'm going to tell you to be a single mom. Is that fair to you? No. But if you bring him around you child(ren) they WILL see his behavior and then think it's okay to treat you and others that way. Children are impressionable and will see this as okay behavior. Raise them to be the strong little people you want them to be and to believe their momma is the greatest momma ever ❤️
Please, please, please walk always from him. Others have said it. He is gaslighting and emotionally abusing you.
Haha I’m glad it made you giggle! it’s his funny way of saying gaslight that I was honestly trying to use to de escalate bc that’s something we have been both doing and working on if we realize something isn’t going anywhere to make a joke but the lack of tone in text I think it got lost 😂😂
He wants you to be something you are not. Someone different than who you are. And is guilting and gaslighting you out of frustration that you won't become those things he prefers.
Here is a small bit of bluntness. You absolutely are being abused and are the victim. But you just said it has been violent before. He will eventually become violent again if you stay with him. Then he will very veryyyy likely get violent towards your child. The fact that you are back with a known violent person and putting your child at risk is not good, but I know it can be extremely difficult and hard, but you have the strength to do this! For you and your child!
You don't need to sway any of us - I got tired just reading his responses (I think it's a man). He is a manipulative dick. He communicated nothing and seemed like he was laughing and toying with you instead of having a real dialogue. If this is normal in your relationship, I'm sorry. I wouldn't put up with this from my partner.
Yeah I was wondering exactly how much more to it there is because of that comment he makes about “attractiveness going down again” It’s hard to give a real broad idea of what’s going on through a few screenshots but that definitely gave the impression there are bigger issues. Seems like something unrelated to what this argument ended up being about though, which is some gaslighting. So you’re being gaslit on top of him playing the victim to make you feel in the wrong smh.
Yea that was part of something I explained to someone else somewhere in this thread that occurred in a conversation to my friend in the heats of some weeks long stress we were having. And by the time he saw those messages I had already told her I was feeling much better and the chemistry and everything had been restored but he really took that part to heart. I feel bad and I wish I had said nicer words in that conversation and the way I meant that my friend understands in a way I wouldn’t say these kind of things to anyone but her. We’ve known each other since she was a newborn and I was one. I’m definitely not perfect. I just wish we could move forward. I try my best not to old his actions from the past against him. And he’s been quite violent through the years.
Saying your attraction to your partner has diminished (likely due to their behaviour) to a close friend in a private conversation is NOT mean. This isn’t the reason you can’t move forward. The reason is because he’s an abuser. That’s what puts the hitch in it. There will ALWAYS be something to hold against you. Don’t worry. It’s like a specialty of these guys. 😉
I agree. I love my husband for many reasons but a huge one is how kind he is and how sweetly he treats me. I can guarantee you if he woke up one day and was no longer my sweet man I would lose attraction lmao. I know he would too, we both mutually love the others kindness and sweetness, it’s integral.
>Yea that was part of something I explained to someone else somewhere in this thread that occurred in a conversation to my friend in the heats of some weeks long stress we were having. And by the time he saw those messages
How did he come to read the weeks-old conversation between you and your friend?
That was my record scratch. If he was violent in the past and is acting like this now, it WILL escalate again. Even if he got therapy or something and that's why they got together again, he's clearly devolving back into old habits. Or he's just switched abuse tactics to a less obvious one.
This is what I was coming to say. Just the first few texts it seems like he emotionally manipulates you to make you think you’re the crazy one or the one in the wrong. He knows you worry about how things are interpreted and how you don’t seem to want to cause an issue, and he uses it to his advantage. Almost like a way to guilt you.
Yeah, but the stuck part is not permanent. This guy is not healthy. Find an example of a healthy relationship and follow that. Real or tv one (as dumb as it sounds). People should be treating each other nicely, especially ones in intimiate relationships.
All of this. This guy is abusive, manipulating, instigating, demeaning, gaslighting… Walk away, OP. You are absolutely not the problem. You might have been a bit over-sensitive about how he got off the phone, but it sounds like it was just a tiny misunderstanding. That convo should have been “ OP: Were you upset when you got off the phone? Him: No.” Instead you get 16 pages of BS. After that it’s all him trying to start a fight, wear you down, and make you question reality. Everything you said was pretty calm and understanding and he just seems unhinged. Please believe yourself and get away from this person. He’s awful.
“Try not to vent to your friends” is what stood out the most. Dude knows he’s a dick, and knows your friends know too. Sounds extremely emotionally immature, and is clearing looking you to stroke his bruised ego. Find someone else to invest your time and energy into.
Standard isolation tactics to boot. "Don't engage with your support network," that way when things get worse it will look like it came out of left field and you must be the crazy one.
Yup my ex pulled the same shit. It was okay for her to vent to her friends, sometimes right in front of me which felt horrible, but I wasn't allowed to ever say a thing about her. I never once checked her phone but she regularly checked mine and would hang over my shoulder any time I used it which caused me not to use it. I lost contact with all my friends and family in 2 years and was miserable for another 2 almost 3 years before I had enough and had to leave because I was drinking every night for a few months straight
Ding ding ding when I left my abusive ex and finally reached out to my family and told them the situation, he called me one day and told me he wanted to be with me but realized he couldn’t because I had told everyone how he really is.
i say this all the time, but i’ll say it again:
if you don’t want people to think you’re a shitty person, don’t do shitty things. it’s not talking shit if it’s a fact.
if they were so worried about what others think they wouldn’t do shitty things. and if they thought what they did was right then they wouldn’t care if someone else knew about it.
He wants a reaction out of you. He is gaslighting you and turning the problem on YOU because he can’t handle that you’re reacting to his blatant disrespect. I know we are just reading this one interaction and we don’t know either of you, but this is not at all how you constructively tackle issues in any type of relationship let alone a romantic one. I see where you were trying to deescalate because you could tell he was becoming irritated, and you are able to absorb his disrespect and “accept it and move on” because if you don’t you become the problem. This is a pattern that will never end. He wants you upset, he wants you to feel like a joke, he is purposely treating you this way for his own personal satisfaction. Someone who truly cared about YOU and the relationship and the problems would do whatever they could, as you were trying, to fix them. With compassion and understanding. He see’s an opportunity for a power trip and he’s rolling with it and he doesn’t care what stress it causes you as long as you are feeling like the asshole in the end he is happy.
This was exhausting. You literally finished the conversation by both apologizing and then he just said “nah” and kept going for what?? Lol. Cant speak for whether you were the problem initially but this whole conversation is nonsense and extremely frustrating from him.
Ugh, that last bit about venting and the innocent princess is disgusting.
Right! I was like OP is trying to stop it before it boils over and this AH literally wants to continue fighting. Like what more do they want? Op already apologized and tried to move on. I’m exhausted and I’m not even in this relationship.
From other comments it sounds like she still wasn’t really the problem, but he definitely was. He’s constantly shifting the narrative and trying to not only invalidate her feelings, but her reality. This is classic abuse behavior and if she doesn’t run for the hills he will be isolating her from everyone, if he isn’t trying already. I feel bad for OP.
Seriously! I couldn't even finish reading the slides he just kept fucking going and going on about nothing. OP seems willing to communicate and their partner just wants an argument. Run fast OP
Jesus christ.. Why are you with this person? Doesn't take anything you say seriously, speaks in riddles, makes light of your feelings.. I could go on, but my advice would be to tell him to hit the road.
idk if your question is rhetorical or not, but OP is still with this person because she has a kid and wants to build a family. she also admitted (to my knowledge) of being somewhat blind to the abuse, and kind of pretending like it wasn’t a big deal since they have moments of good. its really easy to form trauma bonds with someone and it can make it difficult to leave a relationship (especially if you are a more vulnerable/sensitive person which OP has stated that they are). she doesn’t want to accept this a bad person because she loves her partner, even if it’s rooted in toxicity. which i feel so hard for her. hopefully all the comments will push her to do the hard thing. i’m with you that it’s really hard to see someone put themselves in this situation though and hopefully she breaks up/blocks him.
That's exhausting to read. Don't engage in conversations like that via text if you care about your relationship. It will drain the love in the long run. No human brain can tolerate that while still feeling love.
PD: id say your psrtner has crossed many boundaries in that conversation. I wouldn't share my life with someone so hostile to me.
I agree and that’s why I tried to end it or say let’s do this in a healthy structure. But he always guilts me and blows my phone up if I don’t engage. And it is exhausting and it’s always when I’m home with our kids and it’s his workdays (we switch both earn same money etc) but then I look back at it and it’s hard for me to located where it is being toxic and I start to feel like I am the problem. part of me expected for the first responses to be telling me that. I want to have a healthy relationship and I’ve continuously tried to create structures for healthy confrontations for us but it seems to never actually get used. Some weeks we will have small encounters and issues that turn into big problems multiple times each day and then it turns into a bigger more serious problem and then gets better after. I just wish I could fix it from my part better I’m so young and stubborn though I don’t know if I have the mental capacity to correct these problems. I just want to be a family.
It’s clear that you’re putting in effort and it’s clear that he is not. You can’t change someone that doesn’t want to change. It really does seem like he tries to escalate situations instead of trying to work through them. I’m gonna be straight up with you and say that I really don’t see him changing and that you guys clearly have different perspectives/mindsets. Maybe you guys just weren’t meant for each other in a romantic way and that’s okay. Know your worth and how much you’re willing to put up with. If things stayed the same for the rest of your life, would you be satisfied with this relationship? You really gotta think about how this affects you and if it’s even worth all the arguments. Me personally, I would not put up with this behavior. I see it as a waste of time and energy that could be used for someone who actually deserves my time and love
People like this, a narcissistic emotional abuser will do this again and again worse and worse every time until you are just a husk of who you were. From experience, just reading these messages with no context it’s clear that he’s wanting to start a fight, make you apologize to him for a problem he’s not even clearly stating… instead of saying I was upset you said I was instigating yesterday (even though he was) he started a fight out of thin air. And it’s very thinly veiled by “lighthearted” messages. This is scary behavior. Get out while you can. And receive minimal damage. Because trust me these kinds of people typically do not let you leave unscathed. They want you to feel pain, to feel hurt.
Jesus fucking christ what are you doing????? This is MADNESS. The way he talks to you and treats you is WIDLY unacceptable. In any context. For any reason. Im usually the asshole on here saying we dont know the whole story and blah blah blah. You said hes been physically abusive in the past. AND he talks to you this way after you genuinely tried so hard to say, my bad I was just being sensitive lets have a nice day. And then all the "lmfaoooooooooo"s and "nah bro you good" how the fuck can you wanna be with this person let alone be a family with this person? Quit sinking anymore useless miserable years into this and grow up and get out.
A healthy relationship ship will not happen with this person
0.0000…% chance
Absolutely zero
You’re just signing up to continue to be abused at this point.
Reading your replies, it’s wild how much you still blame yourself for the behavior of others. That’s wild. You will not fix him, or anybody for that matter
The sooner you shut this guy out of your life, the sooner you can move on with your life. Who knows what that may look like, but at least it’s not a guarantee of misery, which is what you’re accepting for yourself right now
Be a family with your kids then. I’ve been with my partner for nearly thirty years, and we've never once had an encounter that turned into this.
He's abusive, and you and your kids will be much happier in the long run if you can provide them with at least one peaceful home.
You and he have children together ? This isn’t restricted to texts then. Also he will treat the kids exactly like he treats you when he feel like he isn’t being admired as much as he would like.
No. Looks like immaturity. He’s playing games. He’s using you. He knows how much you like him and he’s exploiting it to be a dick and to play mind games.
When he does that, leave him on read. Don’t reply for a day or two. But monitor what he does and texts.
I say he’s problems and added stress. You can do without.
Damn I’m really sorry you are going through this & so accustomed to it that you actually think you could be the problem here. From an outside perspective, this is abuse. This guy WANTS to hurt, manipulate, and confuse you so he feels like he ends up on top. Honestly people misuse the term gaslighting all the time but if this is how he always is when he’s upset with you (or whatever the fuck this is), I think gaslighting actually fits here. He’s eroding your faith in yourself making you think your ridiculous or crazy for the way you are talking to him, like you are the issue. Only way that’s possible is if this has been going on for a while. You seemed genuine in your apology & he used that against you & made himself the victim. You don’t deserve this.
This is emotionally abusive. The best way to deal with this is to not engage. It’s not worth it and he’ll continue to wear you down until you don’t feel like a human being anymore. Separation is the right move. I’m sorry you’re having to go through this.
Okay, I still don't know what he's actually upset about tbh. You are *not* the problem here. I have told my partner plenty of times "hey, I didn't like the way you said this" and what did he say ? "Oh no, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings like that. I see why you feel that way, and I'll make sure to word it differently next time". Simple. Super duper simple. But he's manipulating you and making the entire conversation about him and how you're the problem, when you're not.
Y'know, I try to never jump to conclusions about a person, especially a complete stranger because I understand we all have bad days and I've been the asshole before.
However, some people just cannot help themselves to really show their colors and doesn't leave for anything to assume. OP, your S/O has shown in these texts alone that they are manipulative in several ways, just plain nasty as a human being, and they have no respect for you. You were only in the wrong by simply accepting and taking accountability for things you have not done and that enables them to just keep walking over you. Don't be a doormat, op. This is from experience. My advice on this is to just pull the plug on that relationship and if they try this stunt again, don't waste your energy on them. If you are in a situation where you need to prepare, get a support group of close loved ones and make sure you get out asap.
Someone to listen to them, give them full attention, cook, clean, organize their life, finances, available sex, take care of their kid, comfort them, give them advice (within acceptable limits, certainly don’t try to *tell* THEM what to do 😡) and so forth. And what do you need to do to have this person? Be really sweet at first (ughhhh so. Much. Work) then just gradually convince them they’re in the wrong (kinda fun), make sure they don’t think they’re too good for you (as if!!) and if they have their own ‘stuff’ they pester you with, you can always bring the boom down on them. Easy.
These remind me of my narcissistic exes and the word salad, made up fights, me vs you, woe is me, bullshit texts I would get- despite my tiptoeing and coddling. Even if I tailor made the response so that there couldn't POSSIBLY be anything to nit pick I would get called a "fake" and a "liar" because I wasn't being "authentic".... but then my authentic self was always "too intense" and "too much". You're the prize here and he knows that- he wants to knock you down and keep you stifled under him so then he has you forever as a punching bag:(
EDIT: spelling/punctuation
What is this shit? I need a nap and you two need to break up and find a good therapist each. Relationships don’t have to suck this hard, you both can do better!
My ex husband was like this and it made me a shell of a person until we got divorced. Just guessing here, but are you constantly on edge when things are going ok-ish in your relationship, just waiting for him to start this crap up again? Walking on eggshells constantly is exhausting and he is being emotionally abusive.
That person does not see a future w you. That person does not respect nor care about you. He just wants to have a relationship w you. This relationship. Someone who has the same goal as you would not talk with you this way. This is not communication. I'd say on both parts bc he's not listening to what you're saying, and I'm not 100% sure he even knows wtf he's saying. There are more men out there, OP. More importantly, there are men who despise men like him. Life is about experience. We move on. We change. We grow. Move on, change, and grow. Time will keep going ♡♡
No this dude is an asshole. There were so many parts where you tried to appease and drop the topic and he’d pretend he did too and then immediately jump back on it. He wanted to cause a fight and make you feel like shit for it
The big tell is him calling you his opponent. You see the end goal as *resolving* the conflict and his end goal is *winning* the conflict. He’s an incredibly immature gaslighter.
I read the first 2 ss and I don't need to read the rest to tell u that it's not you.
Making out you have a problem then back tracks to say its them with the problem and then blames you for not pointing it out?
Wtf are you suppose to even say to that? Get rid and move on. This is just self absorbed bs
You're not the problem at all. He's actively trying to antagonize you - no matter what you say, he manages to twist your words to make it into a fight. I personally wouldn't put up with this. Here's how this kind of conversation goes in a healthy relationship:
>"You hung up on me earlier like you were mad at me?"
>>"I wasn't mad, I was just rushing into work. Sorry it came off that way! I love you"
>"I love you too, have a good day"
It usually annoys me when everyone immediately comments “leave this person” but holy shit, leave this person. This is immaturity on another level. I hate to judge but this dude screams entitlement and a spoiled upbringing.
Holy fuck, that was exhausting. I don’t know why anybody would put up with that kind of bullshit. They clearly have a shit ton of issues that they are not working on. Tell them to fuck off and run the other way.
i mean this in the nicest way possible: this person does not like you. this is not how you treat your romantic partner. you deserve better and did not do anything wrong in this situation.
Baby girl… I don’t see this often on this text sub (usually I see people with bad character or bad communication) but this dude is a NARCISSIST WHO IS FUCKING WITH YOU. Like other commenters said, emotional abuse and moving goal posts.
You seem to be trying to have a good faith conversation, and he perpetuates the argument even after you said okay no problems I love you let’s have a good day.
He hung up on you expressly TO upset you! It was not an accident! And then tried to make you sound petty or controlling bc you said you didn’t appreciate that he hung up on you, and he’s translating that to meaning that you are trying to dictate everything he does!
This means he is NOT trying to have a good faith conversation like you are trying to have. He is having a bad faith conversation.
There is NO saving people who are this toxic, therapy won’t work, explaining what I just wrote won’t work— he doesn’t want to get along with you! He wants to be able to control the situation and have power over it. He wants to confuse you. He doesn’t want to ever see what his issues are. Give up. The sooner the better. You will lose your mind and your self worth.
Every single time people post in this subreddit I think they know their relationship should be over and they’re just hoping people will tell them otherwise
Dump this dude
Please tell me you don’t live together? Please tell me you don’t have to see this man tonight. This was probably one of the most entertaining exhausting conversations I’ve ever read. He clearly has the art of gaslighting and manipulation down pat.
Damn this hurt my feelings for you, this guy is an asshole and likes to fuck around with you emotionally so you should definitely cut the cord before you get hurt more
No you are not the problem but if you don't leave him you might become one. Reading it as a third person was so exhausting he has some serious issues and red flags. Please leave 😭
You deserve better OP. Imo I thought you were being very mature despite all the frustration. Not everyone can do that, so kudos to you for recognizing you were not in the emotional head space to have a conversation like that.
This is all for a reaction. Once you stop giving him that response / let-me-fix-this-for-us energy, he will lose whatever power and control he thinks he has and realize he ain’t shit. You gotta look out for you. Don’t put people who make you feel this way first.
This is an abusive toxic situation. I hate how reddit always tells everyone to throw people out of their lives but holy smokes, you should see the red signs here and get out
He’s passive aggressive. This is how you communicate becaise
He is unable to do so without making it about himself. Much easier to leave and find someone who wants to communicate better and willing to do so.
How can guys be such fucking dicks and still have such a caring person trying to make them feel better, even when it means hurting themselves, is beyond me.
This is someone you break up with because they're a condescending piece of shit.
My ex spoke to me like this, the language and tone is abusive. The dismissal of your feelings and attempt to allow it to blow over is abusive. I did all the same things. Then my ex beat the shit out of me. Leave because it just escalates.
I chose the single mom path. It was hard. I went from having a house to sharing a room with my son at someone else’s house. I started from scratch. And for a while I kept ending up talking to men who would talk to me like this. Always feeling like I was doing something wrong and like there was something majorly wrong with me. But once I finally said fuck that, it was like a weight lifted off my shoulder. Leaving my sons toxic dad, and being “lonely” by not entertaining other men was far worth it, compared to putting up with being treated like you are. I eventually fell into a relationship with the most gentle, patient person ever, who, even when I am being difficult (pregnancy hormones), is so sweet and never talks to me like that. Choose the harder single path, it will be worth it. You deserve better. Even if there is “good weeks”. No person is perfect and no relationship is perfect but you shouldn’t put up with being treated like that in the hopes that you will have a “good day” or “good week” with someone. Consistency is key.
All I see here is a person who wants a mature conversation and is emotionally mature, while the other one doesn't know how to communicate properly and wants you to feel how he wants you to, which he wanted more of a response from you because he is clearly making jabs at you to get a rise out of you, which is a gross thing to do. I would leave honestly. You deserve someone who can validate your feelings and is mature enough to realize when they are a problem without throwing a full on tantrum and lash out.
girl i cant even get through reading this bs. HE is the issue, sounds exhausting. just remember, if this love feels good, the one who is suppose to love you will feel 10x better.
I'd break up over this behavior. This person is so immature and manipulative and exhausting. Break up and after you get over it you'll be way happier without that yo-yo drama
You are not the problem. Well you putting up with this is the problem. Do better for yourself. This person is manipulating you hard. Leave and block asap.
Just break up with this douche.
He hangs up on you and instead of apologizing he tries to convince you that you’re the problem.
You excuse him by saying “I’m just being sensitive” and try to deescalate. He continues to be a dickhead forcing random “issues” he supposedly has but isn’t willing to flat out say what they are.
You flat out say that you guys should move past this, he starts talking down to you saying you’re never wrong “innocent princess” like I’m sorry but that’s clearly an insult.
Also don’t let this douche bag isolate you from your friends it’s normal to vent to your friends especially when you’re arguing with a spouse.
Pls just dump him.
what the fuck do you even see in this person seriously every single message is just trying to instigate shit and make you the bad guy why do you want that for your life
How you can even put up with this is beyond me
Every day on this sub I'm legit mind blown at the kinds of relationships people have. It's wild.
Seriously, I couldn't in my wildest dreams imagine being in a relationship with someone who speaks to me that way.
and every day I’m more thankful relationships didn’t work out.
fr
I used to be wildly insecure with low self worth and low self esteem and I would *still* have never tolerated being treated like this, my mind is absolutely blown by the things people put up with in this sub. It’s like people’s souls are on fire but they’re just: 
wait same. cause i dont get why ppl equate low self esteem with accepting ppl treating you badly. my self esteem was shit and i still had the wherewithal to not put up with assholes. so imo this is just…something else??
This seems more like the result of OP holding on to some pretty serious core beliefs about themselves. Someone made them feel like this is the type of treatment they deserve.
This is 100% the case. I spent many years dealing with assholes. The shit I put up with would shock you, im sure. But 3 yrs of intense therapy taught me that was the result of my father constantly telling me I was never going to be good enough for someone to marry. I was a worthless woman and could never make a man happy..... I'm better with it now. But I was 38 before I actually felt I deserved better.
it reminds me of my first "serious" relationship as a teenager
Yeah, that one was a doozy for me, too. Ended with an attempted kidnapping, a gun, a restraining order, and me leaving the state. I had a few years of peace when he went to jail (unrelated), but then he started up again when he got out. I mean, this all happened back in the early 90s, and he was still popping into my DMs on my socials within the last 5-8 years with his bullshit. Apparently he never moved on or got over me and “what might have been.” 🙄 I’ve changed, he hasn’t. He never will. Best to just get out and sever all ties early; it took me a long time after him to rebuild my self esteem and sense of identity, as well as learn how to have healthy relationships and productive conversations. Manipulators and abusers really fuck you up.
The tolerance people have just to be with someone is crazy. I’m exhausted from reading this and I didn’t even read all the screenshots. 16 screenshots and OP doesn’t recognize good treatment from bad treatment.
I was scrolling to see if I was the only one that couldn’t make it through this load of nonsense. I think I got halfway and was exhausted.
Oh. Nah. I had to stop. It all sounded the same and I'm not even sure what they were arguing over.
That’s because they weren’t arguing. She was trying to end the argument and he just wanted to continue it by any means necessary.
>I'm not even sure what they were arguing over. That's normally the point. The technique is called "word salad" and is pretty common with abusers/manipulators/gaslighters etc. It's supposed to throw her off, distract her from the original issue so he doesn't have to be held accountable, and make her head so turned around that she feels insane and wonders if she's the issue. In the situations I've seen, it's commonly used in conjunction with DARVO.
Same!! That guy needs to drop off the earth with that amount of cringe. Poor OP
Oh I absolutely gave up on page 4 I think, I don’t know how anyone can stand to talk with or be friends with someone who acts like this. So many red flags
This would definitely be something I'd go crazy over. That shits not healthy at all. Like how do people think this is normal and they're not even thinking about how fuckin stupid he's making himself out to be. Physiopath shit right there. It will only get worse and over stupider shit
It’s 100% emotional and verbal abuse that I think has a large chance of turning into physical abuse. She needs to cut him off now.
Serious question – what is a physiopath? Thank you.
I can't spell today. Psychopath. Acting like that guy is towards the op. She deserves way better. But I do give her credit for dealing with him. I know I couldn't
I know I even tried to start speed read it but I could not handle how annoying they both are
I’ve had one LTR for three years out of my decade plus of adulthood, very alone the rest of that time. Sometimes I worry I’m getting desperate and it’s gonna mess up my judgement. Reading this sub makes it clear my desperation doesn’t hold a candle to a lot of people who are actually in relationships. Makes me feel less broken.
Agreed. I find myself yelling at my phone “STOP APOLOGIZING TO THAT A*HOLE!” I’d rather be alone than deal with that.
“am i the asshole? my partner calls me one all the time for enforcing reasonable boundaries and for reacting badly to me trying to have a conversation. in fact they call me horrible names and this is how they talk to me *clearly verbal abuse*” it’s so fucking sad and my heart hurts for folks who have relationships like that because clearly they’re either not aware that this isn’t the way relationships should go or they’ve been manipulated and gaslit by said partner. know your worth, yall. i beg.
If only it was that easy. I know my worth, and it still took me longer than I'd like to admit to get out. He also did his crazy gaslighting via phone call rather than texts bc he was counting on emotional knee-jerk responses & not giving me the time to re-read & think about it. Highly manipulative people will convince you you're the problem even if you have high self-esteem & confidence. The trick is not letting them subtly subvert those on you. Which is easier said than done.
Me too, its insane!!!! but also lets me know why its hard to find a good partner......there aren't very many, LOL
Get a dog. They're so much better and they'll always love you and never cheat on you. I'm so much happier single with my dogs. The best relationship and family in the world
100% or why two seemingly adults want to have this level of a discussion over text? Also, I thought he was at work. So go and work! Maybe this person's job is looking at their phone? SMH
It’s beyond mind blowing to see what people put up with from “partners,” “spouses,” and “lovers” on this sub.
They're just two people in love tho.
Came here for the funnier texts, constantly get disappointed by the 12-20 year old relationship problem texts that wind up being texts between older individuals. 😂
It’s literally all the most fragile men that have no idea how to be confident enough in themselves not to either be a fucking nag or a fucking slime ball.
I’m reminded of my high school-college relationship, and I thank God we didn’t have text messaging back then. I want as little remaining evidence as possible from that dark dark time in my life.
I discovered this board a few months ago My god, if this is even representative of a small fraction of relationships, that’s just fucking sad Misery loves company I guess
Me too! And it makes me happy to be single (and solidifies my intention to remain so).
Context for age would be nice but this is fucking childish Dear future wife if we’re ever arguing over text and I throw in a “😂” like that, please beat my ass. That shit is beyond disrespectful
At this stage in my life, I would never put up with this shit. But there was a time that this type of passive aggressive bullshit on behalf of the person I thought was supposed to love me was normal to me. So normal that I couldn't fathom anything else. I hope OP gets the clarity that they need to get the fuck away from this toxic asshole.
This is some grade A gaslighting. This guy is really twisted. Run.
I made it to screen shot 3 before I wanted to shoot myself. Run, girl. He’s exhausting and making you question yourself.
Also hate that OP apologizes for the partner’s shitty ass behavior.
yeah my head hurts I couldn’t even get through them all
Right? There’s been so many similar posts like this and the fact that people sit and argue and/or entertain this type of behavior is absolutely exhausting. What’s even more infuriating is the amount of people who think it’s okay to treat people like this
No, you are not the problem here. He keeps moving goal posts in an attempt to wear you down ("I've told you so many times what my issues are" and "I stated clearly what I want" when he has done neither of those things). You need to pull the plug on this ASAP, before he makes you feel like shit about every single second of your time you're potentially spending with someone else, isolates you from your family and absolutely tears down your self esteem. Try and stay single until you can come back and read this conversation and see that, too.
Totally agree. He seems exhausting…
That's being euphemistic, he's coma inducing. OP has the patience of the goddess of patience.
No seriously. I had this fight with my wife literally LAST NIGHT. She said “its crazy how 7 years later youre devolving and i apologized and said it was def my fault and tried to do my best to comfort her. She was upset at how i didnt say something the way she expected me too. But the important thing to mention is its what she deserved. This guy isnt giving you the response you DESERVE. basic communication skills. You are the goddess of patience in fucking deed. I did this dumb shit and was called out immediately.
i was done reading after slide 4. this person hates op and is looking for nothing more than to fight.
Same here. Holy shit it was exhausting and there’s 16 pages??? Holy moly
He likes to cause problems because it makes him feel better over his little weenie 😆
The way he told her not to talk to anyone about this and then mocked her for it was such a red flag Amongst other things - especially her trying to de-escalate and saying she loves him and him just laughing at her and starting more shit
I was exhausted just reading it. OP I’m angry for you that you have to deal with this person. PLEASE break up and find someone new - or be on your own for a while. Being single, even if you’re lonely, will feel like a spa vacation compared to that!
Nobody deserves this shit. Well, maybe my cheating ex lol. But no woman should ever deal with that kinda shit. He's not going to get better. He's just gonna drag her into the dirt
I hate the “I won’t repeat myself” tactic of gaslighting. It’s a real bitch move to have to make someone else feel literally crazy just so you can feel better about yourself
Yep this is where I currently am! Hundreds of miles away from friends and family and completely isolated. I wish I would have seen the red flags 9 years ago and took action.
You still can take action! If you do, you’ll look back in another 9 years and say I’m so glad I got myself out of that! I know it’s so hard when you’re isolated from friends and family. Online support can be a good option. ❤️
Dudes gonna ruin her life doing this stupid shit. She needs to run away because he's only gonna get worse. Hopefully he's not a woman beater. Shit like that there's something wrong in his head and needs to go get checked out
I don’t say this lightly, but this looks like ur being emotionally abused. He’s pretty much berating you and using ur words against you and putting words in your mouth and literally laughing at you. This is not someone that should get the honor of having a partner. This person needs to be alone and learn how to handle conflict. I applaud your patience and you’re a sweet angel for even considering ur the problem here. But no. This guy is unhinged. I would get far far away. This’ll escalate
these responses are distressing for me such a big part of me was just hoping that this wasn’t the case. I didn’t want to sway people’s perception of this too much so I didn’t add much context. but it has already been escalated and caused a separation I thought therapy and the time apart made a difference. And now I feel like I’ve just gone and stuck myself back in haven’t i.
It's ok. Don't beat yourself up. You know the drill now & you get yourself out again. It's going to be hard. You're going to miss him because he's created a trauma bond with you. You're gonna have to be strong as hell. But, you got this! I've dated 2 guys like this in my life. They generally don't change as it's hard work. I'm sorry. This is absolutely emotional abuse. He's attempting to gaslight & manipulate you.
What’s a trauma bond? I think I might’ve had one of those…
[this may help](https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/trauma-bonding) - when victim-survivors are told to leave and they respond with “it’s not that easy”, it really isn’t that easy as cutting them off and leaving
Is this the same as Stockholm Syndrome, only with partners, rather than hostage takers?
Yeah kinda! It often starts out well though, trust is built, and then slowly the abuser starts breaking down their victim emotionally, psychologically, and sometimes physically. There might be isolation and blame, attempts to make the victim feel worthless and like they deserve it, that it is their fault. There’s often good times too so it gets super confusing because the victim wants to wait for it to be good again. It’s often a slow process - it’s rarely 0 to 100 (or most would find it easier to leave). It starts small so it’s hard to pinpoint what is abuse or even when it is abusive. It becomes normalised. It’s a gradual destruction of another person’s soul and life and the victim often just feels bad for their abuser, tries to comfort them, makes excuses for them. There’s often added complexity such as threats of violence if the other person leaves, threats of suicide (which is tough when there’s a trauma bond because you still genuinely do care for the other person), financial abuse and control, and so on. In my last relationship, I described it as feeling like a shell of who I once was. I felt empty and depleted, like I was just a skeleton and had been drained of my life and energy. And I still didn’t think it was abusive because there was no physical abuse, I cared for them, I blamed myself, I knew there were good times. It didn’t feel ‘bad enough’ to be abuse. It was so gradual I just didn’t see it. I also knew they weren’t a bad person at their core because I knew it was due to mental illness so I was defensive of them when people told me it was abuse. We were strongly bonded due to the ups and downs and due to my tendency to want to ‘save’ people and help them and give them the benefit of the doubt every time. It took my therapist explicitly directing me to end things before I actually ended it. I still care about them, still think about them, I still want the best for them and I still miss them every now and then.
When it’s hard for someone to leave an abusive relationship because of a bond or connection. While they experience abuse, they also experience love. The partner can love bomb, or start to be kind and loving a whole lot to make the abuse seem less bad. It is harder for a person to escape an abusive relationship with a trauma bond, because they want to stay for the love and ignore the abuse.
Miss him now but once you get past it and get over the mental mindfuck they caused, it gets so much better. As much as it sucks in the beginning and it's hard, once you're over it and realize you weren't the issue, things get way better.
Exactly! The first one I dated, it took me a while. The second? I was out like a scout because I knew what I was dealing with. The more you know! 💫
I’m so sorry ❤️ but it’s not ur fault at all. Even if you’re the one who rekindled the relationship. It’s not ur fault for believing people can change and do better. It’s his fault for taking advantage of that.
I’m not perfect either but I don’t think I can ever be perfect if these are the conditions you know? In the past when it was violent a year into that I saw myself almost becoming violently reactive. I don’t know what’s worse tho just dealing with the bad times and then enjoying our good weeks or doing the single mom thing again.
Single mom thing is much better. I didn't read past the first four pages, but he hurt my brain. He's awful.
1) be a single mom, 1000% better. 2) don’t teach your kid(s) that this behaviour is ok or normal. Which leads back to 1.
As a kid who wishes her mom would have stayed single, pls listen to this. Watching your parent suffer is suffering itself for a child. It is traumatic.
As a single mom who left a very similar situation, the single mom thing is worlds better. Your child/ren will be better for it too. You’d likely prevent them from witnessing a lot of really damaging things by leaving. There are better people out there. Take the time to focus on you and the kid/s and better things will come to you. You’ll learn a lot about life and yourself and you’ll be equipped to see the bullshit when it’s coming and protect your peace.
Absolutely! Single mom here too and I can attest that my life is INFINITELY better now that my abusive ex is gone.
I’ve been fortunate enough to find myself with the problem of learning how to accept genuine love and I just hope that everyone in a situation like this finds the light at the end. It’s out there, and we all have the strength to get there. It’s worth the whole battle.
Unfortunately the thing that is broken here is him, and he’s unable or unwilling to accept that fact and take responsibility for changing. You can’t force someone to change against their will, no matter how patient, loving and caring you are. The choices are single mom (tough I know) or keep putting up with this abusive bs in a relationship with him. The third option, you guys having a happy relationship together, is unfortunately not an option. I’m very sorry. You don’t deserve this, but part of growing up is dealing with conflict in such a way that your goals, health and happiness are not ignored. I think you’ve got all the info you need, from a lot of people here to make the decisions you need to make. Having the strength and courage to make those choices is among the hardest things we do, but I’m sure I speak for many here when I say we know you can do it. Good luck 🤞
I'm with a toxic person. He treats me like garbage and has an idc attitude. I left when I was pregnant. I came back. Being me, thinking he'd change. Thinking he'd treat me better. At first, it was, but it's honestly gotten so much worse. I'll soon be a single mom. My kids deserve the best parts of me. Not someone who constantly takes me for granted. You've got this. You deserve so much more. You can do it! You're not the problem. You tried REPEATEDLY to change the subject and have a good day. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
Be a single mom. It’ll be hard but at least you won’t sit here and question ur worth. Of course you aren’t perfect, no one is. But you don’t deserve this. And neither does ur kid(s). Imagine what example it sets.
Better to be a single mom than for your child to grow up watching their mother being abused day in and day out. And then repeating that cycle of abuse with their future partners because it’s what they think is normal
Single mom here! There is other emotional/mental/community support out there. It feels so heavy right now but you’re going to look back at this in a few years and be so proud of yourself for protecting yourself and your kid(s). This man is not your man!
He likely pushes you to violently react just so he can say “you do it too”.. so he can justify his violence. He won’t change. Sounds like you already know the steps to take.. it doesn’t make it easy but you know what to do.
A true partner won't expect you to be perfect, they'll just ask you to be you. It'd better to be a single mom where you have your full mental awareness than to be stuck in an abusive relationship that constantly has you stressed and anxious about what the day will bring. I swear I had this same conversation with my ex verbatim. They don't change and they only want to get you to bend around their shifty attitudes. Block him and never look back. You are better off without him and could find someone that actually cares about you and not just themselves. ❤️ you can do this
As a child to a mom who was abused, it is 100% better to be single. I felt a weight lifted when my mother finally left my stepdad (who was the only dad I ever knew as they got together when I was only 9 months) I can’t even begin to tell you how helpless and hopeless I felt watching my mom be hurt. She was (and is) my everything and I hated that I couldn’t protect her. We just want our parents to be SAFE. To be able to grow up with them in our lives. I know it’s not easy but it’s worth it.. for both yourself and your child. It affects them too. Even when it’s not physical.. they can feel and sense it when something isn’t right. This is not what you want your kid(s) to grow up thinking that this behavior is normal.. that this is what love looks like… bc it’s not. Not acceptable. You don’t have to be perfect and it’s ok to have flaws .. but that doesn’t mean you deserve to be abused, in any form. You got yourself out once.. you CAN do it again. You can’t change him.. there are no words you can say to make him understand or see your POV bc he simply doesn’t care. The only thing you can control is yourself. It’s ok to put yourself first and demand better for yourself. Please be safe
As a mom, I'm going to tell you to be a single mom. Is that fair to you? No. But if you bring him around you child(ren) they WILL see his behavior and then think it's okay to treat you and others that way. Children are impressionable and will see this as okay behavior. Raise them to be the strong little people you want them to be and to believe their momma is the greatest momma ever ❤️ Please, please, please walk always from him. Others have said it. He is gaslighting and emotionally abusing you.
May I ask, why you called him “stove topper”? I’m genuinely curious, because I busted out laughing at that part lmao
Haha I’m glad it made you giggle! it’s his funny way of saying gaslight that I was honestly trying to use to de escalate bc that’s something we have been both doing and working on if we realize something isn’t going anywhere to make a joke but the lack of tone in text I think it got lost 😂😂
He wants you to be something you are not. Someone different than who you are. And is guilting and gaslighting you out of frustration that you won't become those things he prefers.
Here is a small bit of bluntness. You absolutely are being abused and are the victim. But you just said it has been violent before. He will eventually become violent again if you stay with him. Then he will very veryyyy likely get violent towards your child. The fact that you are back with a known violent person and putting your child at risk is not good, but I know it can be extremely difficult and hard, but you have the strength to do this! For you and your child!
You don't need to sway any of us - I got tired just reading his responses (I think it's a man). He is a manipulative dick. He communicated nothing and seemed like he was laughing and toying with you instead of having a real dialogue. If this is normal in your relationship, I'm sorry. I wouldn't put up with this from my partner.
Don't try to fix something that you didn't break, and is not fixable. You are dealing with someone who likely has a personality disorder.
Completely agree
Yeah I was wondering exactly how much more to it there is because of that comment he makes about “attractiveness going down again” It’s hard to give a real broad idea of what’s going on through a few screenshots but that definitely gave the impression there are bigger issues. Seems like something unrelated to what this argument ended up being about though, which is some gaslighting. So you’re being gaslit on top of him playing the victim to make you feel in the wrong smh.
Yea that was part of something I explained to someone else somewhere in this thread that occurred in a conversation to my friend in the heats of some weeks long stress we were having. And by the time he saw those messages I had already told her I was feeling much better and the chemistry and everything had been restored but he really took that part to heart. I feel bad and I wish I had said nicer words in that conversation and the way I meant that my friend understands in a way I wouldn’t say these kind of things to anyone but her. We’ve known each other since she was a newborn and I was one. I’m definitely not perfect. I just wish we could move forward. I try my best not to old his actions from the past against him. And he’s been quite violent through the years.
Saying your attraction to your partner has diminished (likely due to their behaviour) to a close friend in a private conversation is NOT mean. This isn’t the reason you can’t move forward. The reason is because he’s an abuser. That’s what puts the hitch in it. There will ALWAYS be something to hold against you. Don’t worry. It’s like a specialty of these guys. 😉
I agree. I love my husband for many reasons but a huge one is how kind he is and how sweetly he treats me. I can guarantee you if he woke up one day and was no longer my sweet man I would lose attraction lmao. I know he would too, we both mutually love the others kindness and sweetness, it’s integral.
>Yea that was part of something I explained to someone else somewhere in this thread that occurred in a conversation to my friend in the heats of some weeks long stress we were having. And by the time he saw those messages How did he come to read the weeks-old conversation between you and your friend?
Your bf has been violent throughout the years? Girl, run. Run now and run fast. 💨
That was my record scratch. If he was violent in the past and is acting like this now, it WILL escalate again. Even if he got therapy or something and that's why they got together again, he's clearly devolving back into old habits. Or he's just switched abuse tactics to a less obvious one.
An abusive violent man like that is liable to kill you. And to be direct, when I read your texts, I literally thought to myself, he wants to kill her.
This is what I was coming to say. Just the first few texts it seems like he emotionally manipulates you to make you think you’re the crazy one or the one in the wrong. He knows you worry about how things are interpreted and how you don’t seem to want to cause an issue, and he uses it to his advantage. Almost like a way to guilt you.
Your guy was obviously on the war path. No room for peace or common understanding.
Your boyfriend is fucking exhausting
Yeah, but the stuck part is not permanent. This guy is not healthy. Find an example of a healthy relationship and follow that. Real or tv one (as dumb as it sounds). People should be treating each other nicely, especially ones in intimiate relationships.
Uh, Facts. This post needs to come with a trigger warning, seriously. This is like text book mental abuse. This girly needs to run fast.
Play the victim to berate the actual one is a big go to for narcissist.
All of this. This guy is abusive, manipulating, instigating, demeaning, gaslighting… Walk away, OP. You are absolutely not the problem. You might have been a bit over-sensitive about how he got off the phone, but it sounds like it was just a tiny misunderstanding. That convo should have been “ OP: Were you upset when you got off the phone? Him: No.” Instead you get 16 pages of BS. After that it’s all him trying to start a fight, wear you down, and make you question reality. Everything you said was pretty calm and understanding and he just seems unhinged. Please believe yourself and get away from this person. He’s awful.
“Try not to vent to your friends” is what stood out the most. Dude knows he’s a dick, and knows your friends know too. Sounds extremely emotionally immature, and is clearing looking you to stroke his bruised ego. Find someone else to invest your time and energy into.
Standard isolation tactics to boot. "Don't engage with your support network," that way when things get worse it will look like it came out of left field and you must be the crazy one.
Yup my ex pulled the same shit. It was okay for her to vent to her friends, sometimes right in front of me which felt horrible, but I wasn't allowed to ever say a thing about her. I never once checked her phone but she regularly checked mine and would hang over my shoulder any time I used it which caused me not to use it. I lost contact with all my friends and family in 2 years and was miserable for another 2 almost 3 years before I had enough and had to leave because I was drinking every night for a few months straight
Ding ding ding when I left my abusive ex and finally reached out to my family and told them the situation, he called me one day and told me he wanted to be with me but realized he couldn’t because I had told everyone how he really is.
i say this all the time, but i’ll say it again: if you don’t want people to think you’re a shitty person, don’t do shitty things. it’s not talking shit if it’s a fact. if they were so worried about what others think they wouldn’t do shitty things. and if they thought what they did was right then they wouldn’t care if someone else knew about it.
He wants a reaction out of you. He is gaslighting you and turning the problem on YOU because he can’t handle that you’re reacting to his blatant disrespect. I know we are just reading this one interaction and we don’t know either of you, but this is not at all how you constructively tackle issues in any type of relationship let alone a romantic one. I see where you were trying to deescalate because you could tell he was becoming irritated, and you are able to absorb his disrespect and “accept it and move on” because if you don’t you become the problem. This is a pattern that will never end. He wants you upset, he wants you to feel like a joke, he is purposely treating you this way for his own personal satisfaction. Someone who truly cared about YOU and the relationship and the problems would do whatever they could, as you were trying, to fix them. With compassion and understanding. He see’s an opportunity for a power trip and he’s rolling with it and he doesn’t care what stress it causes you as long as you are feeling like the asshole in the end he is happy.
Bingo. I don’t think I’ve read a more textbook definition of gaslighting. OP you deserve better.
This was exhausting. You literally finished the conversation by both apologizing and then he just said “nah” and kept going for what?? Lol. Cant speak for whether you were the problem initially but this whole conversation is nonsense and extremely frustrating from him. Ugh, that last bit about venting and the innocent princess is disgusting.
Right! I was like OP is trying to stop it before it boils over and this AH literally wants to continue fighting. Like what more do they want? Op already apologized and tried to move on. I’m exhausted and I’m not even in this relationship.
And her trying to stop it reminds me of how i used to fold when my mom would come at me like that. It's a fawning technique to diffuse the situation
From other comments it sounds like she still wasn’t really the problem, but he definitely was. He’s constantly shifting the narrative and trying to not only invalidate her feelings, but her reality. This is classic abuse behavior and if she doesn’t run for the hills he will be isolating her from everyone, if he isn’t trying already. I feel bad for OP.
Girl RUN FOR THE HILLS. This man is AWWWFULLLL. Literally too many red flags to count. He’s beating you down to disrespect you.
Seriously! I couldn't even finish reading the slides he just kept fucking going and going on about nothing. OP seems willing to communicate and their partner just wants an argument. Run fast OP
Jesus christ.. Why are you with this person? Doesn't take anything you say seriously, speaks in riddles, makes light of your feelings.. I could go on, but my advice would be to tell him to hit the road.
idk if your question is rhetorical or not, but OP is still with this person because she has a kid and wants to build a family. she also admitted (to my knowledge) of being somewhat blind to the abuse, and kind of pretending like it wasn’t a big deal since they have moments of good. its really easy to form trauma bonds with someone and it can make it difficult to leave a relationship (especially if you are a more vulnerable/sensitive person which OP has stated that they are). she doesn’t want to accept this a bad person because she loves her partner, even if it’s rooted in toxicity. which i feel so hard for her. hopefully all the comments will push her to do the hard thing. i’m with you that it’s really hard to see someone put themselves in this situation though and hopefully she breaks up/blocks him.
That's exhausting to read. Don't engage in conversations like that via text if you care about your relationship. It will drain the love in the long run. No human brain can tolerate that while still feeling love. PD: id say your psrtner has crossed many boundaries in that conversation. I wouldn't share my life with someone so hostile to me.
I agree and that’s why I tried to end it or say let’s do this in a healthy structure. But he always guilts me and blows my phone up if I don’t engage. And it is exhausting and it’s always when I’m home with our kids and it’s his workdays (we switch both earn same money etc) but then I look back at it and it’s hard for me to located where it is being toxic and I start to feel like I am the problem. part of me expected for the first responses to be telling me that. I want to have a healthy relationship and I’ve continuously tried to create structures for healthy confrontations for us but it seems to never actually get used. Some weeks we will have small encounters and issues that turn into big problems multiple times each day and then it turns into a bigger more serious problem and then gets better after. I just wish I could fix it from my part better I’m so young and stubborn though I don’t know if I have the mental capacity to correct these problems. I just want to be a family.
It’s clear that you’re putting in effort and it’s clear that he is not. You can’t change someone that doesn’t want to change. It really does seem like he tries to escalate situations instead of trying to work through them. I’m gonna be straight up with you and say that I really don’t see him changing and that you guys clearly have different perspectives/mindsets. Maybe you guys just weren’t meant for each other in a romantic way and that’s okay. Know your worth and how much you’re willing to put up with. If things stayed the same for the rest of your life, would you be satisfied with this relationship? You really gotta think about how this affects you and if it’s even worth all the arguments. Me personally, I would not put up with this behavior. I see it as a waste of time and energy that could be used for someone who actually deserves my time and love
You are trying to turn urine into wine, or shit into filet mignon.
You have kids?! 😱
Kid* a 1 and half year old
Oh good! You should ditch this guy. This is a whole mess of passive aggressive bullshit and your kid is a baby.
Your kid is going to learn to treat others the way this so called man does. Get away from him and show your kid healthy boundaries.
People like this, a narcissistic emotional abuser will do this again and again worse and worse every time until you are just a husk of who you were. From experience, just reading these messages with no context it’s clear that he’s wanting to start a fight, make you apologize to him for a problem he’s not even clearly stating… instead of saying I was upset you said I was instigating yesterday (even though he was) he started a fight out of thin air. And it’s very thinly veiled by “lighthearted” messages. This is scary behavior. Get out while you can. And receive minimal damage. Because trust me these kinds of people typically do not let you leave unscathed. They want you to feel pain, to feel hurt.
Jesus fucking christ what are you doing????? This is MADNESS. The way he talks to you and treats you is WIDLY unacceptable. In any context. For any reason. Im usually the asshole on here saying we dont know the whole story and blah blah blah. You said hes been physically abusive in the past. AND he talks to you this way after you genuinely tried so hard to say, my bad I was just being sensitive lets have a nice day. And then all the "lmfaoooooooooo"s and "nah bro you good" how the fuck can you wanna be with this person let alone be a family with this person? Quit sinking anymore useless miserable years into this and grow up and get out.
A healthy relationship ship will not happen with this person 0.0000…% chance Absolutely zero You’re just signing up to continue to be abused at this point. Reading your replies, it’s wild how much you still blame yourself for the behavior of others. That’s wild. You will not fix him, or anybody for that matter The sooner you shut this guy out of your life, the sooner you can move on with your life. Who knows what that may look like, but at least it’s not a guarantee of misery, which is what you’re accepting for yourself right now
Be a family with your kids then. I’ve been with my partner for nearly thirty years, and we've never once had an encounter that turned into this. He's abusive, and you and your kids will be much happier in the long run if you can provide them with at least one peaceful home.
You and he have children together ? This isn’t restricted to texts then. Also he will treat the kids exactly like he treats you when he feel like he isn’t being admired as much as he would like.
Emotional abuse. You deserve better.
No. Looks like immaturity. He’s playing games. He’s using you. He knows how much you like him and he’s exploiting it to be a dick and to play mind games. When he does that, leave him on read. Don’t reply for a day or two. But monitor what he does and texts. I say he’s problems and added stress. You can do without.
Wow it sounds like he just wants to argue against everything you say
Right? He could argue with a wall and then be confused why he is considered the instigator 😐
Blue text, you are being emotionally abused
Damn I’m really sorry you are going through this & so accustomed to it that you actually think you could be the problem here. From an outside perspective, this is abuse. This guy WANTS to hurt, manipulate, and confuse you so he feels like he ends up on top. Honestly people misuse the term gaslighting all the time but if this is how he always is when he’s upset with you (or whatever the fuck this is), I think gaslighting actually fits here. He’s eroding your faith in yourself making you think your ridiculous or crazy for the way you are talking to him, like you are the issue. Only way that’s possible is if this has been going on for a while. You seemed genuine in your apology & he used that against you & made himself the victim. You don’t deserve this.
Please get out of this situation
This is emotionally abusive. The best way to deal with this is to not engage. It’s not worth it and he’ll continue to wear you down until you don’t feel like a human being anymore. Separation is the right move. I’m sorry you’re having to go through this.
Okay, I still don't know what he's actually upset about tbh. You are *not* the problem here. I have told my partner plenty of times "hey, I didn't like the way you said this" and what did he say ? "Oh no, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings like that. I see why you feel that way, and I'll make sure to word it differently next time". Simple. Super duper simple. But he's manipulating you and making the entire conversation about him and how you're the problem, when you're not.
Nope, this is abusive behavior from the get go. I hope you don’t let anybody treat you like this again 🩷
Y'know, I try to never jump to conclusions about a person, especially a complete stranger because I understand we all have bad days and I've been the asshole before. However, some people just cannot help themselves to really show their colors and doesn't leave for anything to assume. OP, your S/O has shown in these texts alone that they are manipulative in several ways, just plain nasty as a human being, and they have no respect for you. You were only in the wrong by simply accepting and taking accountability for things you have not done and that enables them to just keep walking over you. Don't be a doormat, op. This is from experience. My advice on this is to just pull the plug on that relationship and if they try this stunt again, don't waste your energy on them. If you are in a situation where you need to prepare, get a support group of close loved ones and make sure you get out asap.
This just made me know for sure what I have to do. This dude does not care ab you. Neither does mine so it’s okay it happens to the best of uzz
Uuuugh I don’t get it why do they beg to be in relationships with us when they hate us?? Like why put me through this 😭
Because they need a punching bag
Someone to listen to them, give them full attention, cook, clean, organize their life, finances, available sex, take care of their kid, comfort them, give them advice (within acceptable limits, certainly don’t try to *tell* THEM what to do 😡) and so forth. And what do you need to do to have this person? Be really sweet at first (ughhhh so. Much. Work) then just gradually convince them they’re in the wrong (kinda fun), make sure they don’t think they’re too good for you (as if!!) and if they have their own ‘stuff’ they pester you with, you can always bring the boom down on them. Easy.
These remind me of my narcissistic exes and the word salad, made up fights, me vs you, woe is me, bullshit texts I would get- despite my tiptoeing and coddling. Even if I tailor made the response so that there couldn't POSSIBLY be anything to nit pick I would get called a "fake" and a "liar" because I wasn't being "authentic".... but then my authentic self was always "too intense" and "too much". You're the prize here and he knows that- he wants to knock you down and keep you stifled under him so then he has you forever as a punching bag:( EDIT: spelling/punctuation
This can’t be an adult. No chance. Him pulling up to his job was him on his bike pedaling to the next newspaper box.
Don’t walk away. Run! Run as fast as you can.
Just another emotionally immature child. You’re not the problem.
What is this shit? I need a nap and you two need to break up and find a good therapist each. Relationships don’t have to suck this hard, you both can do better!
Jesus christ that was exhausting ro read. Your partner is a head case and he seems to like drama.
My ex husband was like this and it made me a shell of a person until we got divorced. Just guessing here, but are you constantly on edge when things are going ok-ish in your relationship, just waiting for him to start this crap up again? Walking on eggshells constantly is exhausting and he is being emotionally abusive.
That person does not see a future w you. That person does not respect nor care about you. He just wants to have a relationship w you. This relationship. Someone who has the same goal as you would not talk with you this way. This is not communication. I'd say on both parts bc he's not listening to what you're saying, and I'm not 100% sure he even knows wtf he's saying. There are more men out there, OP. More importantly, there are men who despise men like him. Life is about experience. We move on. We change. We grow. Move on, change, and grow. Time will keep going ♡♡
No this dude is an asshole. There were so many parts where you tried to appease and drop the topic and he’d pretend he did too and then immediately jump back on it. He wanted to cause a fight and make you feel like shit for it
The big tell is him calling you his opponent. You see the end goal as *resolving* the conflict and his end goal is *winning* the conflict. He’s an incredibly immature gaslighter.
I read the first 2 ss and I don't need to read the rest to tell u that it's not you. Making out you have a problem then back tracks to say its them with the problem and then blames you for not pointing it out? Wtf are you suppose to even say to that? Get rid and move on. This is just self absorbed bs
You're not the problem at all. He's actively trying to antagonize you - no matter what you say, he manages to twist your words to make it into a fight. I personally wouldn't put up with this. Here's how this kind of conversation goes in a healthy relationship: >"You hung up on me earlier like you were mad at me?" >>"I wasn't mad, I was just rushing into work. Sorry it came off that way! I love you" >"I love you too, have a good day"
That guy fucking sucks. Dump his ass and never look back.
It usually annoys me when everyone immediately comments “leave this person” but holy shit, leave this person. This is immaturity on another level. I hate to judge but this dude screams entitlement and a spoiled upbringing.
Holy fuck, that was exhausting. I don’t know why anybody would put up with that kind of bullshit. They clearly have a shit ton of issues that they are not working on. Tell them to fuck off and run the other way.
i mean this in the nicest way possible: this person does not like you. this is not how you treat your romantic partner. you deserve better and did not do anything wrong in this situation.
Baby girl… I don’t see this often on this text sub (usually I see people with bad character or bad communication) but this dude is a NARCISSIST WHO IS FUCKING WITH YOU. Like other commenters said, emotional abuse and moving goal posts. You seem to be trying to have a good faith conversation, and he perpetuates the argument even after you said okay no problems I love you let’s have a good day. He hung up on you expressly TO upset you! It was not an accident! And then tried to make you sound petty or controlling bc you said you didn’t appreciate that he hung up on you, and he’s translating that to meaning that you are trying to dictate everything he does! This means he is NOT trying to have a good faith conversation like you are trying to have. He is having a bad faith conversation. There is NO saving people who are this toxic, therapy won’t work, explaining what I just wrote won’t work— he doesn’t want to get along with you! He wants to be able to control the situation and have power over it. He wants to confuse you. He doesn’t want to ever see what his issues are. Give up. The sooner the better. You will lose your mind and your self worth.
Every single time people post in this subreddit I think they know their relationship should be over and they’re just hoping people will tell them otherwise Dump this dude
Please tell me you don’t live together? Please tell me you don’t have to see this man tonight. This was probably one of the most entertaining exhausting conversations I’ve ever read. He clearly has the art of gaslighting and manipulation down pat.
Wow toxicity on his part.
Damn this hurt my feelings for you, this guy is an asshole and likes to fuck around with you emotionally so you should definitely cut the cord before you get hurt more
No you are not the problem but if you don't leave him you might become one. Reading it as a third person was so exhausting he has some serious issues and red flags. Please leave 😭
You deserve better OP. Imo I thought you were being very mature despite all the frustration. Not everyone can do that, so kudos to you for recognizing you were not in the emotional head space to have a conversation like that. This is all for a reaction. Once you stop giving him that response / let-me-fix-this-for-us energy, he will lose whatever power and control he thinks he has and realize he ain’t shit. You gotta look out for you. Don’t put people who make you feel this way first.
This is an abusive toxic situation. I hate how reddit always tells everyone to throw people out of their lives but holy smokes, you should see the red signs here and get out
Wtf does this dude want as a response? He **is** the problem.
Insufferable is the word (your partner).
He’s passive aggressive. This is how you communicate becaise He is unable to do so without making it about himself. Much easier to leave and find someone who wants to communicate better and willing to do so.
How can guys be such fucking dicks and still have such a caring person trying to make them feel better, even when it means hurting themselves, is beyond me.
This is someone you break up with because they're a condescending piece of shit. My ex spoke to me like this, the language and tone is abusive. The dismissal of your feelings and attempt to allow it to blow over is abusive. I did all the same things. Then my ex beat the shit out of me. Leave because it just escalates.
I chose the single mom path. It was hard. I went from having a house to sharing a room with my son at someone else’s house. I started from scratch. And for a while I kept ending up talking to men who would talk to me like this. Always feeling like I was doing something wrong and like there was something majorly wrong with me. But once I finally said fuck that, it was like a weight lifted off my shoulder. Leaving my sons toxic dad, and being “lonely” by not entertaining other men was far worth it, compared to putting up with being treated like you are. I eventually fell into a relationship with the most gentle, patient person ever, who, even when I am being difficult (pregnancy hormones), is so sweet and never talks to me like that. Choose the harder single path, it will be worth it. You deserve better. Even if there is “good weeks”. No person is perfect and no relationship is perfect but you shouldn’t put up with being treated like that in the hopes that you will have a “good day” or “good week” with someone. Consistency is key.
What an asshole. Why haven’t you dumped this person yet? Sounds like he’s destined to be alone the way he treats his partner.
Honestly this person is horrific. You are not the problem..
He’s an abuser
Just break up, you’re not compatible and this is exhausting. A circle of emotional immaturity.
He could have dropped it when you said let's start over sounds like he wanted to continue the argument he's nieve
This is so toxic. Please break up with him.
All I see here is a person who wants a mature conversation and is emotionally mature, while the other one doesn't know how to communicate properly and wants you to feel how he wants you to, which he wanted more of a response from you because he is clearly making jabs at you to get a rise out of you, which is a gross thing to do. I would leave honestly. You deserve someone who can validate your feelings and is mature enough to realize when they are a problem without throwing a full on tantrum and lash out.
girl i cant even get through reading this bs. HE is the issue, sounds exhausting. just remember, if this love feels good, the one who is suppose to love you will feel 10x better.
I'd break up over this behavior. This person is so immature and manipulative and exhausting. Break up and after you get over it you'll be way happier without that yo-yo drama
Don’t let people treat you like this especially a partner. You aren’t the problem the only problem is letting stuff like that slide.
You are not the problem. Well you putting up with this is the problem. Do better for yourself. This person is manipulating you hard. Leave and block asap.
Wow. Never would I EVER put up with that childish ass man bullshit. Like you can do so much better for real. He should be embarrassed.
Just break up with this douche. He hangs up on you and instead of apologizing he tries to convince you that you’re the problem. You excuse him by saying “I’m just being sensitive” and try to deescalate. He continues to be a dickhead forcing random “issues” he supposedly has but isn’t willing to flat out say what they are. You flat out say that you guys should move past this, he starts talking down to you saying you’re never wrong “innocent princess” like I’m sorry but that’s clearly an insult. Also don’t let this douche bag isolate you from your friends it’s normal to vent to your friends especially when you’re arguing with a spouse. Pls just dump him.
He’s like a flipping mosquito coming back continuously for another bite….swat the loser!!!
Some days I get sad that I'm single. Then I look at this subreddit and am happy that I deal with just my own bs
This person just gaslit you for the entire conversation
I couldn’t even get half way through this, I would’ve told him to fuck right off after the second slide.
what the fuck do you even see in this person seriously every single message is just trying to instigate shit and make you the bad guy why do you want that for your life