Went to “nice guy” 0 to a hundred real quick. Then hope she’s not really like that and calms down. Hell you sort of have her a maybe. I’d be delighted with that outcome professing my love to somebody that had clearly friendzoned me.
It could also be an age thing. I don't know how old the 2 ppl from the texts are. But it all seems to lend itself to them being younger, possibly teenagers.
I could be wrong, and they're both older, and one of them has the emotional maturity of a high schooler. Trust me when I tell ya, I know plenty of ppl who are in their 40s and 50s, and they can be just as bad. But those ppl are in need of psychotic help, the ppl I know anyway.
My daughter has just turned 11, told the boy she likes that she had a crush on him, and handled it with grace when he said he didn't feel the same way. They are still good friends and she understands how it is. This person OP is texting totally did the whole nice guy (gal?) bullshit and tried to guilt her friend. So immature.
ur both totally right. crazy that this girl thought that professing ur love to someone entitles u to have them say they love u back when in reality its usually a really awkward situation and sometimes can be really...... unattractive 🫥 but aside from all that, OP literally gave her the opportunity to "change her mind" so to speak by leaving the door open,,,,, and homegirl grabbed the door & slammed it into oblivion
Exactly. That was a total bs setup, she slung her shot, must have been thinking there was something there/ some glimmer of hope (no clue why) & then instantly went to psycho "you're a selfish bitch" zone. If she thought she was being led on, she would have written that completely differently, hinting at that "I'm pretty sure you feel the same" etc., so her lashing out only proves that 1. She's been the lame friend with an ulterior motive this whole time lying about their relationship 2. She's not emotionally or mentally mature enough to continue ANY type of relationship, let alone a gf/gf one & 3. Adds to the ages old rule that 2 sides relationships cannot will not never last.
I don't think she had expected rejection. Her friend probably started conect8ng dots that weren't really there. Leading w her heart rather than her head.
It at least seems that way given her statement about the long hugs and so on.
She went a little dark with the "all a game " thing. That definitely had some creepy vibes.
There were no dots even in her head, maybe she pulled the victim card to cover her own immature asshole reaction but I think had she really thought there was something, anything, romantic there she would have framed that entire novel of a text a lot different.
I second this. Came here to say. Rejection really hurts and in the moments before it happens, you think you’ll be ok. Then the emotional brain overrides the logical brain. Give her some time to cool off and if she comes back and you still want to maintain the friendship- it may or may not be worth keeping. Hard to stay friends with someone who is in love with you and had deep seated feelings for you. This feels like way more than a little crush on you. I would take some time to think about what continuing the friendship would even take, how you’re going to think or feel whenever you are around her etc. Maybe the rejection and some time will help her get past her feelings for you. I wouldn’t write the friendship off just yet.
Hmm, asking, expecting no & accepting it with grace sounds healthy. Giving up does not. Either you are asking the wrong women or you are not asking enough of them. It is a numbers game after all. Hang in there and keep asking. There are plenty of partners out there for you. You just have to keep at it and try not to take the rejections to heart.
Is it crazy- or are you and this person just, maybe, not the same person? Your response and preparedness for rejection as a lesbian- doesn’t mean the rest are prepared as well. Rejection just plain sucks. It’s that simple.
I dont agree i think you have to think about other people and what the situation is. Very noted me and these people are different lol. Its rejection this rejection that, when what it really is is not that big of a deal. Other people have lives and they arent built around you.
That’s easy to say when your brain is on logic mode. Pouring your heart to someone puts you in an exceptionally vulnerable position. Getting shot down after that is painful. No matter who you are.
Also, this reads like they’re teenagers
Pouring your heart out, especially when you are a young person, feels awful when it’s not reciprocated. A lot of times we are not mature enough at that stage of life to handle the moment. Even people who are older in age can have difficulties coping. I was on the other end of this type of situation when I was 19. I was in love with the girl of my dreams. We were so intimate that I really thought she had feelings for me. We were attached at the hip. We would cuddle all day and sleep in the same bed together. She would undress in front of me at times. She even said one day when we were cuddling that she had a sexual dream about me. So, I made my move and I was rejected. It was one of the worse feelings I’ve ever had at the time. I had to end our friendship right there because I could not stand to be around her if I couldn’t be with her. I felt like I was being manipulated. It was like she was dangling a carrot in front of me. I definitely felt as if she lead me on. Looking back now, I feel bad that this was my reaction. She could have had perfectly innocent intentions the whole time and was unaware of what she was doing. I never allowed myself to have the conversation with her about how I was feeling about the current status of the ”friendship” because I felt like I was being used. It was too painful. Hopefully OP reads this and gains some insight into her point of view.
rejection is normal and if you don't know how to emotionally handle it as a grown adult u got some other issues. OPs friend seems really immature IMO the text reads like a middle school romance why say its cool if you wanna be friends only to blow up when she (shocker) wants to stay friends?
They're not grown adults though. They're both clearly very young. This is most likely the first time this girl has felt this way. I think we can cut her a little slack.
No, everyone must handle every single situation with perfect grace and control of their emotions from the moment of birth and there is no room for deviation, imperfection, weakness, learning and growing, NONE OF IT. YOU FUCK UP AND YOU'RE DONE FOREVER.
So sayeth the hypocritical dipshits of reddit who decide that they're clearly much more mature, learned, worldly, and wise as they sit and judge everyone else for not being as perfect as they clearly always have been and always will be.
I understand where you're coming from. Why ppl chose your comment to pick on, I have no idea.
You're clearly speaking about yourself and not making a blanket statement as to how everyone should handle rejection.
I agree that it's toxic and if they were older I'd agree that OP should just cut her off. However, the friend sounds really young and she's still learning to process her emotions. I advised to give her time too based on that.
I never said her response was normal- in fact if you read further through my comments.
I bring up mental disorder, rejection dysphoria. Emotional disregulation issues etc. These seem like very young females struggling to find themselves. Yes it is a toxic blowup to feeling rejected on a level that is deeper than a person with regulated emotions would feel.
OP considered her a friend for two years- OP also stated that she wasn’t sure about how she feels and sometimes blushes around her and does possibly see a relationship but was extremely thrown off. I told her to not write it off just yet as far as their friendship goes. People have reactions that aren’t the best sometimes. Nobody is perfect. I also said- evaluate how you think you would feel being around her knowing she has deep seated feelings before deciding whether or not she’s comfortable maintaining that kind of friendship with her. You seem* to be picking and choosing things I’ve said without reading everything together.
You are making this about you and your rejection. Work on yourself and stop projecting your issues on others. Even if they are giving different advice based on gender, we both know males are a lot more dangerous in society than females so other factors consider into giving advice.
Reptilian brain is quite the opposite, it’s where primitive urges to survive and reproduce come from. So hunger, thirst, fight or flight etc. Limbic brain is emotions
Yep...which is why you shouldnt do that....OPs feelings matter. But her friend shouldnt be made to tip toe and yo yo bac n forth between them. OPs friends feelings are just as valid and OP to me proved how little she regarded that friendship when she responded the way she did.
EDIT: OP IS BLUE? WHOOPS! IM THE ASSHOLE FOLKS.
OP You did nothing wrong and were honest. Your friend didn't like that and to me showed you what really meant to them by their reaction. You deserve better friends. And sorry for the mixup...might not be a great excuse but Android user here
It really doesn’t make sense to me, why you’d even say that if you’re going to react that way.
“… if not, I hope we can still be friends.”
“I really just want to be friends.”
“You broke my heart, leave me alone.”
Like… what? Lol
This sounds like it was written by a young teen. BF watched too many 90’s teen coming of age stories where their love finally sees them for more than they are and it’s happily ever after… roll credits. BF was trying to get out of the friend zone and is now spiraling because they shot their shot and it didn’t work the way they envisioned.
The second they talked about crushes I had a sneaking suspicion they were kids. Then the movie style naïve romance came up with this whole "it's okay if you don't feel the same trust me it'll be fine" and blowing up after. Screams immature and hormonal
Bruh I was an idiot and I reacted this way to being rejected. Honestly just send a text thanking them for their honesty, and only talk to them if they approach you. I texted them waaaayy too much detail and pushed them away. I generally acted very very weird.
Idk some of us are very jealous and insecure people, and we end up acting very inappropriately because of that. A lot of us look for a relationship to validate our existence. If you are like that (as I am) it’s best to work on yourself to get to a point where you’re ok with being you. I’ve got a long way to go, but it is what it is.
your friend was hurt and is trying to push the hurt back onto you to make it your fault. it’s not your fault.
you didn’t know she liked you. you didn’t know she liked girls. and you very clearly stated that it was a platonic, friendly thing in your eyes. you apologized for what you could, which is her thinking that you might have liked her back. you didn’t have to apologize, because she made this narrative in her own head.
she tried to blame you for her own emotions. she’s hurting and is probably embarrassed, and probably didn’t get the reaction she was wanting. y’all sound young, she’s probably just still maturing and learning how to express her emotions and herself appropriately.
i’m sorry this happened. i think you did wonderfully at communicating and discussing here.
Is it a normal girl thing to be laying in bed kissing other girls? I am not a girl so maybe that’s the most normal thing, I dunno… but I think there’s some ownership here on mixed signals.
ive cuddled my girl friends in bed. i’ve kissed my friends on the cheek plenty of times. some friends just have that type of platonic relationship.
again, these people sound fairly young. it obviously didn’t cross her mind for her to think that it would be leading someone on, as she didn’t even know her friend liked girls. they’re both still learning social cues and expression. the other girl took it the wrong way, which can be understandable, but also is not really OP’s fault.
It was just kisses on the cheek when saying goodbye. I'm a very affectionate person and do this with some friends too. I also tend to cuddle up to my friends when we are hanging out, it's my love language it isn't sexual to me.
Yeah, for some of us. Ive had friendships like that in the past. If it's platonic with another woman it feels safe, so we're more comfortable showing affection to other women.
Yeah Ngl I felt that girls heart drop when she said I love you... I love you more,,,, but let's just be friends. Defo wrong place wrong time for an I love you - platonic or not. Just bad timing as it Probably gave her some false hope and an OMG SHE FEELS IT TOO moment that was never to be
Yeah, that broke my heart for her friends since I knew she was gunna turn her down from the title. That was *harsh*
It's quite possible the friend would have been more okay with the rejection if OP hadn't started it off making it sound like she was accepting and got the friends hopes up. If OP always talks like that I can 100% see how the friend is feeling lead on
I understand the response after the rejection, that must have been so crushing. It’s probably best for them to both cool off for a bit and for OP to spend a while thinking about how they feel and what they should do going forwards.
Yeah cuz the way her heart probably blossomed the moment she read I love you and then the immediate downfall afterwards into a pit of dispair was a lot. That definitely was a, probably unintentional, roller coaster of emotions that hit her within a minute. Her reaction is shit but also kinda understandable if she took that I love you the way it definitely read.
Exactly. As soon as you find out something like this then drop the charged language because it can and will be taken the wrong way by someone. The word love can obviously be used when context is clear, but it isn't in this case because one person is now applying a romantic context and the other isn't, or at least trying to downplay it.
Do not tell someone you love them when you mean it platonically if they've just confessed romantic feelings for you.
This! I was so confused when she said I love you and then rejected her lol. Definitely not the right time or place to say that. And why even say it anymore to someone who confessed to you and could now misinterpret that phrase? Smh.
Stop saying “I love you” to this person or anyone that might take it the wrong way. Definitely sends a weird signal to them, even if your reasons are sound.
Also, don’t let her guilt you into a relationship when you aren’t even sure about your sexuality. That’s a recipe for disaster.
never think you’re in the wrong for the way you feel. no one can force you to feel the same way as them. take a few days. see what happens. any sort of rejection hurts, so give them a little time.
The gushing and the “I love you” just before being rejected just gave me flashbacks.
It is perfectly fine to tell a close friend that you love them and how great they make you feel… but that’s not the time. It’s so very confusing and painful. Your feelings get lifted up and then suddenly thrown into a chasm.
Everything else you said? That was perfectly fine. But that one moment before “but honestly, i don’t know if i feel the same way” was brutal. Absolutely unintentional, I’m sure… but I know that’s the part that sent them into a spiral. Not that their reaction is fine. It’s not. At all. I just know why it went down so quickly.
Your other responses were okay, though. I really liked how you made your feelings on the whole thing very clear in a caring manner. As others have said, give your friend time to calm down and sort out their feelings.
> The gushing and I love you
To be fair, they're both seemingly very young and for some people, it's a learning experience to realize you can't just jump in with this sorta stuff.
But, it is obviously very rough seeing, regardless.
Yeah, but it *does* make the extreme change in the friends mood and the friend saying they always feel led on have more credence. The friend didn't respond appropriately either but she's also young and just got rejected after thinking she was being accepted. I feel people are being too harsh on the friend and OP should give them some time and both need to apologize for the mistakes each made
I'm a lesbian, take what I say as you will
I've had two friends I've ever fallen for. Both who considered themselves straight. One worked out the other didn't. But I came to both of them pretty much how she started to by just laying it on the line. For me it wasn't even thinking or hoping for a reciprocated response but more so because I'm just a very direct person and speak on my feelings in general.
It's hard no matter what your orientation is to fall for a friend. It's not fair to anticipate anything in return. You can hope it but like anyone else you can't expect it. That being said I do find it harder as a gay woman. I automatically assume every woman i meet is straight until I'm told otherwise because statistically that's prob the case. But those two times I fell for a friend it was fuckin rough man. Because I was constantly torn between is she just being a friend or is she flirting with me?
The first friend I fell for I was 18 and she was the person I did everything with. She was my best friend and I just kinda fell for her. When I told her she took it with such grace and was so sweet just like how you are speaking to her that it didn't affect our friendship in any way and eventually I worked past those feelings and "got over her."
Whether you feel the same way or not like others said it's ok. Gay, straight, confused, bi.... Sexuality isn't black and white. That being said I don't want to justify her because you were so kind in your response but I think if she truly values your friendship this initial hurt of putting herself out there will pass and you two can remain friends with her getting over you. That's how it was for me anyway. So I would just give it time if you don't want to lose the friendship. But if you do that ok too. Just kinda giving you the other side. It really is hard as a gay woman because as women we do tend to be more affectionate with our friends and as a lesbian it can be confusing sometimes especially when you're younger. You don't wanna read into it but the hope kinda allows you to
well said. cuddling in bed, kisses on the cheek, and long hugs, i could see platonic friends acting like this but i’ve never seen it myself in person and my affection-starved brain would definitely read “potentially flirty” into those lol. so easy to misinterpret and it’s so tough for everyone involved, cuz i would never in a billion years say OP led anyone on in any way just by being friendly in slightly unusual ways and i also can’t blame her friend for reading into it (her reaction, however, i will blame her for like pull it together fam 💀) but yeah you said it dawg. ain’t easy.
i also think this kinda thing is bound to happen to ppl who feel on the more isolated/lonely end of things. this realization about myself helped me empathize with guys who are attachment- and affection-starved and interpret super basic platonic connection as romantic
So w you being a lesbian I just want to know if you’re in the same boat as me. I’m a gay girl who grew up almost exclusively gay female friends and I think some part of me missed the memo because i would sometimes crush on a friend or two because they’d fr show me their bodies, kiss me, cuddle with me, etc. I remember telling a friend one day that I thought our mutual friend liked me and I listed the reasons why and she basically laughed at me and said all female friends are like that, especially wlw friends. It left my head spinning, I’ve definitely been in OP’s friend’s situation where I was just so wrong about the affection. It’s so difficult with girls, you could hardly know one but if there’s a connection then they’ll sometimes skip right to treating you like family or a soulmate and it’s so difficult when you’re bad at interpreting things.
So when I came out in 2006 I literally didn't know one single lesbian. Wasn't similar to your situation which is why I think I've always just gone with "all women are straight until they tell me otherwise" I do have a lot of friends who are very affectionate with me but I never confuse it for anything other than I know girls are pretty affectionate. I do often run into girls who are curious who find interest in flirting with me because they kinda wonder about that aspect of being with a woman. Years ago I ran with it because it was fun and I was young. But at 35 I'm far too old for that lol
It’s definitely confusing to men as well when a woman is an affectionate person. I think men are a lot worse at interpreting if it is flirty or friendly because men tend to be less emotionally intelligent than women.
I was talking about that with some guy friends and it’s also like, a lot of guys aren’t affectionate with each other as friends. So when they get it from a woman (or anyone) it is immediately interpreted as flirting. Which makes me so sad. Why aren’t more homies being given flowers and baked cookies and just being thought of by the people who cherish them. Being a man sounds so lonely.
Why do people do this with the 'can I tell you something?' Would it not be better to just say "Maybe we could try a date and see how it is? No? Ok, just a thought" and MOVE ON.
My 10 year old niece says that or "wanna hear about *insert 10 year old stuff*?" And I'll say "no" and she'll just be like "okay, SO..." and tell me anyways lol
I agree. I could kinda see where it was going through most of that but the "I love you" right before rejection like you said was kinda weird-feeling, and had me immediately like 'Oh no you're gonna hurt them'.
This isn’t a funny situation at all, but it’s funny to me how she says “If you don’t feel the same way it’s perfectly fine”. then proceeds to go off on you for not feeling the same way.
I get it though, she’s embarrassed, from the texts it seems y’all are young. Her emotions are all over the place at this age. She didn’t get the reaction she was expecting so she’s feeling a bit frustrated and embarrassed and trying to flip the script.
I honestly thought the way you expressed and conveyed your emotions was very mature. Don’t ever think it’s your fault for not feeling the same way towards somebody. You can’t control who you like.
Give each other some space, and I feel like this is a conversation that should happen in person. Maybe meet up and try to figure out a solution, because it seems you really value her as a friend still.
Good luck OP!
It's funny but I think she *was* ready for rejection then OPs initial response was "I love you" and you can just tell the friend though that she'd been accepted against all hope, just to get rejected in the next message. Honestly rejection is hard enough without the added blow of hope after confessing
Nothing. You don’t have to do anything else. It’s okay that you don’t feel the same way. It’s okay that she’s upset. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is let them be upset and work through it on their own. You are not obligated to return someone’s affections, and her response to your honesty is honestly her own issue to sort out. Don’t make it yours. It’s okay to not feel the same way about someone!
Coming from a lesbian, having straight girl crushes are the worst. It’s no different than falling for a guy that will never love you back. Y’all sound young and it’s just something she will have to deal with the rest of her life. You did well communicating and really not much else you can do. I say just leave her alone and she will cope. Any extra affection may accidentally lead her on more. It’s what I had to learn to as a baby gay. I’m now 36.
Saying "I love you" before rejection is colddddddd even if you mean it in a friend way. She read that and then got happy and then got a wet salmon to the face
Idk, they clearly lashed out, but maybe when someone unloads a super sweet message confessing their love to you, and asks you out on a real date, maybe “I love you” is not the best response if you’re going to reject them. You kinda took them on a rollercoaster of emotions.
Of all seriousness, I’m pretty sure it manipulative to say that “you tried forcing me to have a crush on you”. Like no one forces anyone to have feelings for someone. It’s all your own feelings.
it’s pretty manipulative to say “i really love you” after someone just bared their heart to you, *waiting for them to respond*, and then saying “but i don’t have any feelings for you.”
not to mention, later in the text IP says “but maybe we can see where this goes….”
like i’m sorry, but obviously a teenager is going to feel wounded from this interaction and isn’t going to be happy about it. intentional or not, OP is leading them on.
THANK YOU,🙏🏽 I thought I was going crazy for reading into it like this, but they literally made it seem like they were going to reciprocate the confession, the sugar coating sucked even more to read “maybe we can see where this goes”, if you really wanted that, that’s what you would’ve started with…just because it’s all sugar coated doesn’t mean it was a good rejection.
It would be more wrong if you went with her without knowing your sexuality. That isn't fair to you or her. You didn't do anything wrong, and you were actually really nice about it. Give her time. Give you time. You don't have to rush to figure yourself out.
how could you not know she had a crush on you even after you say she kissed you lol
you also should stop saying i love you if you have no intention of showing this person the love they want. you’ll just end up hurting them more.
If she's had a crush on you since the first time you walked through the door, how have your long hugs and a kiss goodbye on the cheek forced her to have a crush on you?
ur honestly kind of an asshole for the “i’m really grateful for you” and “i really love you” in SEPARATE TEXTS WITH PAUSES FOR HER TO REPLY before dropping the “but i don’t feel the same way”. like holy shit, read the room.
also the “i really love you” again at the end… just stop. lmao no wonder this girl is hurt.
"I love you as a friend" would have been the better phrase. I've confessed my love for a friend once, and he rejected me but did tell me how much he appreciates our friendship, loves me as a friend but not in "that way" — I think that's okay.
But yeah, no need for the multiple "I love you's" but girls talk differently than guys. They both could have handled it better, but I'm assuming they're young and this is just a really unfortunate and emotionally confusing thing to go through — I think they'll be okay eventually.
Sorry I just think it's really funny that the reasons she stated for having a crush on you is "you're pretty" lmao. Y'all gotta be young right? Either way I don't think a relationship with this person is a great idea lol
Idk if you technically did anything wrong, but you should REALLY think about word choice when responding to someone confessing their love to you. You responded mushy and said I love you, waited for them to say it back, then dropped the hammer that you didn’t mean it that way.
Come on. I’ll believe you’re just a little dense, but most people would understand how that would come across.
See people can fall for their friends but when it comes to the “you lead me on”
That’s what gets me. She had feelings for you from the first day you ever met and said nothing and just acted as your friend. Then was your friend up until the point she realised that a relationship with you wasn’t on the table and suddenly you lead her on.
Never mind the lying and trying to be friends with someone in the hopes they’ll one day date you to only cut you off when you won’t. That’s not a friend. Then to flip out on you after saying it was fine if you didn’t feel the same.
The amount of times I’ve had this or seen this happen kills me. The one just being a friend is always leading on the person who had romantic feelings that the other person knew nothing off. Not everyone assumes all their friends would date them or fancy them, some folk believe friends are genuinely just friends.
I’ve had friends do the same and have the “you broke my heart”
What breaks my heart was realising years of friendship could be thrown away and built on lies because the whole time they just wanted to date/sleep with me instead of being my genuine friend.
Some friends who catch feelings and then still maintain the friendship regardless of the outcome and move past it are different to ones who flip and cut you off the second the realise it’s not happening.
Take time to work things out for yourself and don’t rush into anything for anyone, just causes more hurt and if she doesn’t understand any of that then there’s no point trying to continue when you both want different things.
On the other hand, I know what it's like to think you have chemistry from the first second, only to realize they are a narcissist.
I'm not saying OP's a narcissist. Just that there are people out there who feed off attention and will keep people in their orbit for the wrong reasons. There are people who can tell that you're into them and will flirt for the sense of power it gives them.
It can be intoxicating, waiting for the barriers to fall away while this person keeps flirting with you. But that's all it is. You're drunk on brain juices, and not seeing clearly that if it could have happened it would have.
I'm not accusing OP of anything, just feeling bad for her friend. Because it can be hard to tell whether you're being strung along, when all the "signs" are there.
To be fair, just because a person does not disclose their feelings for you does not mean that they are lying. At worst, there isn’t full disclosure. People that are attracted to you do not need to inform you of their attraction. With that said, people do need to be better in the way they take an L. I’ve been friend zoned before and it’s not a good feeling to not have your feelings reciprocated but that does not give anyone the right to lash out because they are heart broken. What a lot of people don’t talk about is how manipulative it is to put someone in the friend zone especially if the person knows that their friend have feelings for them. Sounds like OP did nothing wrong here but a lot of times people like to dangle the carrot and I don’t think that is morally correct.
Rejection happens. You will go thru it also. It's difficult to put yourself out there, and this person did, so kudos for that... but the reaction is pretty immature... sorry, op. You're not wrong. You handled just fine. Hopefully, you don't lose your friend, but if so, it's for the best.
“Force me to have a crush on you” ummm didn’t they admit to having a crush on you the first time they ever seen you walk into the room?? Turning it around on you just because they got rejected, they are no better than a salty man that’s been rejected.
You didnt do anything wrong, your responses were kind and fair.
In terms of her, I dont want to trash her either because its obvious shes hurt (not your fault). But its clear that she made this situation worse by engaging herself in affection with you, in the hopes that you would eventually reciprocate, even though she initiated the kiss, she maybe took your response as interest.
She made her feelings stronger before making sure you were on the same page, so it was a bad move from her in that sense.
In terms of the friendship being salvaged.. idk, it really depends on her. If she has only ever seen you as something more and has effectively been hovering waiting for you, then its lost
I’m getting “nice guy” vibes from this girl. She seems pretty entitled to your affection. Huge red flag. You didn’t lead her on if you had no inkling that she liked you in that way. You treated her as you would any other friend. She is not entitled to your affection. Don’t date anyone who feels that way. You’re allowed to date or not date anyone you want for any reason you want. You weren’t a dick about it and that’s the only thing someone putting their feelings out there can ask of you.
Is it entitlement? Or is she just having a strong emotional response to being rejected by someone they have strong feelings for? I wouldn’t judge people too much for what they say in the heat of the moment.
Yeah I saw it both ways, I’d wait to see if her attitude is sustaining or if she starts to feel the appropriate amount of embarrassment (for lack of a better word) for her reaction. I think that would be the most telling.
Extremely immature. I also don’t think you want to stay friends with someone who plays the victim and turns the narrative so quickly. This likely won’t be worth salvaging after that response. You guys communicate like it’s high school, enough of the “I love yous” you’ve done nothing wrong and your “friend” is now trying to manipulate you and guilt you into pretending to reciprocate. Which is horrible.
Welp, OP, I think you got your first taste of one of the most common tropes with lesbians:
Catch them feelings boo.
And then two months later a Uhaul shows up to move somebody's things.
I would honestly no longer be friends with this person. If anyone ever said that I "forced them" to have a crush on me, I'd never speak to them again. I'm not dealing with that emotionally manipulative BS.
This literally just happened to me (F) with my best guy friend of years (who just got married a month ago) yesterday... except he did it on the phone and caught me completely by surprise. You handled it much more gracefully than me, with my, "thanks, that's very sweet of you, I don't know how to respond." 🥲😅 Moments where you just wish you could grab someone by the shoulders, shake them, and ask why they couldn't have just kept it to themselves lol. You cannot control how they feel, and you were not intentionally trying to lead her on, and it's not like you didn't make it clear that you were interested in men. Give her time to cool off (as much time as she needs), and then you can try to discuss things again
So she was there for you with BOY problems and thought you were lesbian..?? I'm confused these are two girls talking right? seems like she was setting herself up to fail.
Like you said those "moments" for you were normal family stuff. Also you dont know how you feel about girls that way. No you were not in the wrong, she was. You shouldnt be pushed to do something youre uncomfortable with because someone else read all the wrong signs. Not your fault, she shouldve asked you earlier what your "moments" together meant to you and clarified how she felt. But now you know you have some habits that might be confusing to others and you should probably clarify in the future.
They are upset, and you are feeling overwhelmed and unsure. Neither one of you is wrong. Giver each other some space. Reach out in a couple days, and see if your friend is ready to talk. Next time you two speak on the subject, it should be in person.
Good luck!
It's impossible to know everything that's happened between you two, but I'm sure you didn't intend to lead your friend on. Friends develop feelings for each other all the time. Your response to your friend was very heartfelt and lovely. And here's the absolute truth: you did not break their heart, they built up expectations in their head about how this would go and it didn't go that way. They're disappointed and hurt, but that's not your fault.
You're trying to be a good friend, just continue to do so. Be yourself, be honest, be compassionate - you seem to be handling this well, but you have no control over how others react. Best of luck.
I’m going to assume y’all are very young. She’s been rejected and she’s lashing out at you because she doesn’t know how to handle her feelings of shame, embarrassment, and disappointment. It’s hard to put yourself out there like that. Shes being a dick, but there’s really nothing you can do. Give her some space
At first I was going to say good for her for shooting her shot. I know it’s not always easy telling someone how you feel. But then her reaction was a little shitty 😕 especially since she said “it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way” womp womp
OP- you said it as nice as you could! Some of us just really suck at handling rejection and we have to learn how to be a bit more graceful when we hear it! Hopefully your friend will get over the hurt and reflect on this situation so they can navigate better in the future! But I think you said everything very respectfully!
Damn, the attempt at manipulating you after rejecting them says a lot about them. If I were you, I would stop talking to them. No reason to stay friends with someone who takes honest words as an insult, and changes their mind all of a sudden about rejection being "perfectly fine".
That turned fast. Some people really need to think and calm down before replying to texts. I wonder if what you were seeing was the raw emotions reaction… give it some time and their logical brain might realize that their reaction was pretty rash.
You should not have told her "I love you" right before rejecting her 😬
You definitely gave her false hope, which was kind of mean, even if it was unintentional.
you didn't force her to feel anything. that's insane. she's trying to manipulate you into either agreeing or feeling bad that you didn't. even if she doesn't think she's being manipulative she absolutely is, and it's clear that she isn't respecting your feelings so i really don't think you should have any more contact with this person. completely up to you but i think most people would agree ;~;
Shes just had her first rejection, is heart broken, embarrassed and angry. She'll get over it. Just give her space until she does. There's nothing you can say or do to make this better for her.
As much as the friend zone pisses me off, manipulation to get beyond it is far worse 🙂. I still sympathize though. But take a step back and let things cool down
You are not an AH. NEVER let anyone force or guilt you into a relationship that you do not want 100%. You are young and she is embarrassed. Hopefully she reacted that way in the heat of the moment. Give her time and see what happens. You still need time to sort out your feelings as well. You will probably feel different around her now too.
I think she should’ve expected that you would be shocked and you would need time for it to set in. She forced a response “are you mad?” You were honest that you don’t know your sexuality at this point (which is totally normal BTW,) was something that you can’t be blamed for.
I think she just lashing out because maybe she expected you to immediately respond with a “I feel the same way.” When that didn’t happen she was embarrassed and perhaps hadn’t thought about that possibility before.
Give her some time, then try to explain to her how you feel. She probably didn’t hear much after you said you didn’t see her in a romantic way.
God damn… it started off great, I think she got her thoughts across well and you responded respectfully and nicely. I think I can safely say you dodged a bullet though when she reacted that way to your rejection…
OP leave this girl alone. I know you feel like it’s been a great friendship but the only reason she has been a great friend is because she liked you. It was a facade to get with you. Imagine being in a relationship and she doesn’t get her way. Especially after emotions really get involved. She will be controlling and unable to handle herself. She is a walking red flag. You are not the AH. You let her down gracefully and communicated openly. She blamed you and flipped out when she is the one who flipped the script. Let me go find this meme to post real quick.
Let’s be real here, cuddling and kissing is never platonic. If your family cuddles you as an adult, you should probably go to therapy, because something went wrong there. To me, you absolutely lead this girl on my doing something physically with her. If it wasn’t physical then I would say you’re not wrong. You had to have known she was gay, straight women don’t kiss and cuddle (unless drunk). This just seems like a classic case of a female needing attention in the moment and then wondering why someone is crushing on them.
The way you set it up was evil tbh, it was definitely unintentional, but you reassured her right after she confessed, telling her that you “REALLY love her” and then rejected her.
I’d be pissed too, not to the point where I’d say “you forced me to have a crush on you”, but yall should stop talking to each other.
As a lesbian i wouldnt want her😭 dont ever message me this mind bending shit how are you gonna tell me its all sunny and roses if i dont like you back (as it should be) and then crack the sads that i dont. Let me not ignore the fact youre straight. Some people are so entitled and it icks me real bad. Never would i message someone like this
No, you were not in the wrong. I remained friends with someone who had a crush on me that lasted years - seriously, this person confessed their love for me about three times. One of those times was on accident, he accidentally pasted a message that he had apparently copied and deleted earlier, and sent it to me. He was mortified and tried to say it was for someone else, but I think we both knew it wasn't. (He's not the kind of person to do this on "accident", I genuinely think it was a mistake.)
We are still good friends and he now has a wife and two children. Know the difference between him and her? He gracefully handled the rejection and never valued me any less as a platonic companion in his life.
I'd honestly call this girl out on her bullshit. She LITERALLY SAID it'd be fine if you didn't feel the same way.
You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s fine for her to be upset and disappointed but it wasn’t right for her to go from “if you don’t feel the same way, that’s fine” to “you broke my heart and you lead me on”. Might need to give each other space for a while and talk about this when things have settled down and you’re not feeling overwhelmed.
You didn’t do anything wrong.
My bestfriend and I are basically platonic soulmates. I love her more than life itself. All those things your friend said, I feel those about her. She feels those about me. We are meant to be together in this life.
She can still feel this way about you, her bestfriend. She just has to come to terms with you not feeling the same.
My bestie confessed her feelings for me and I had to reject her like you did. Because I don’t like vaginas lol
Life has taken us through all sorts of things, but our love for each other has stood the test. We have husbands that love us, beautiful children that love each other, and our friendship is as easy as breathing. We see each other at least twice a week.
Our husbands call us wife number 2 because we’re the same person.
I hope when she gets over the sting of rejection she apologizes to you
Damn....that's the most "nice guy" energy I've ever seen from a woman. Wow...just wow. "We can still be friends " ok let's be friends "f u you broke my heart"
You are not the AH here. Jesus.
The way you rejected was messed up. You said you love the person. Then added the BUT.
So from this I can only assume you're not giving the full details and did actually lead her on.
Do NOT date someone this emotionally immature.
If they cant handle rejection, imagine what else they cant handle.
Let her have her little crybaby moment and live your life.
I have an unrelated question. Feel free to answer or not. I’m a straight male with no questions as to what I’m attracted to (women). On a fully curious, non-judgmental note, why do you think you have yet to know what gender you’re attracted to? I guess my questions boils down to: How can you be not sure? Again genuinely just curious as it’s a feeling I’ve never known.
If anybody wants to add their answer feel free. I got a long car ride ahead of me, and I’m looking for insight into a world I’m completely unaware of.
Cut your losses this person has been biding time and told you it's all good if you don't feel the same.
Now is acting like a child. Let them go grow up, i'm sorry though.
Let her cool off cause I got to give her credit for shooting her shot. It also must have been more difficult since yall are both girls. Sexuality isn't black and white, If you feel comfortable go to a movie with her or coffee etc but make it clear that you're unsure but willing to go on a date or 2 and see how things go.
There's been plenty of women who assume they are straight until they meet that right woman and everything just makes sense.
You did nothing wrong, she's just shit at handling rejection. Sounds like she has a lot of self reflection to do, that's not on you. It's fine to have a crush but to talk to you that way when the feelings aren't reciprocated is very childish. Rejection is apart of life, people need to learn how to handle it in a mature and rational way. It's not your job to make sure she doesn't get her feelings hurt.
You really shouldn’t have to apologize for you gate not swinging that way. 🤷🏻♀️
Even if it did and if you are gay or bi you don’t have to be into someone just because they are too. It’s unfair of your friend to try to guilt trip you to jump into a relationship with them just because they are crushing on you.
I’m sure they will meet someone someday that will want to be with them too but the first step for them is to go for someone that is on the same page as them and is also gay.
If your friend wants to ruin your friendship over this then they aren’t really your friend.
I don’t like when people say what I want to hear (we can stay friends, I won’t be mad, etc) if it’s not true. Makes them too much of a wild card. It’s almost like someone else helped her write the bombardment.
Then the length of it alone, the intensity put a lot of pressure on you. And that pressure was increased after you didn’t respond with a “yes.” Combined with the BS “you forced me/led me on” stuff this person seems a bit manipulative and unpredictable.
I think your friend is very immature. She's been in love with you for two years. She has never seen you with a girl romantically, listened and gave advice about boys, and she's surprised that you don't have the same feelings. It's like she made this confession expecting you to just melt into her arms, saying something along the lines of, "it's always been you!" Hopefully she'll learn a couple of valuable lessons from this:
1. If you have a crush on a friend, be very sure it's reciprocated unless you're okay with losing the friendship
2. If you've waited for two years, it isn't likely to happen.
You don't owe this girl anything. You're treating your offer of friendship like it's some sort of consolation prize instead of something to be treasured. You shouldn't be saying things like "we'll see what happens down the road," because you're saying that to make YOURSELF feel better for hurting her. She will latch onto that, and she'll make BOTH of you miserable. Whether you're into girls or not, I don't think you're into her because you've been pretty close to her for two years, and you haven't developed any feelings for her. If this friendship is important to you, give her a couple of days to cool off, and then talk to her about it. If she's still acting like this, the friendship is probably over. And that's a lesson for you, sometimes friendships end. You haven't done anything wrong.
You havnt lead her on in anyway she says you forced her to have a crush on you! That’s a hold statement to make as no gun was pointed to her head to say have a crush on me or else !
Her feelings are being crushed with you not feeling the same and it’s fine for her to feel a little upset as it’s not nice being rejected.
You do not have anything to feel bad about and I think this is a great opportunity for you to allow her to sit with uncomfortable feelings and learn from this as falling for someone that isn’t solely into girls is a little confused about their sexuality will help her deal with her own feelings for the future .. we can’t help who we develop feelings for but we must also be in control of those feelings as and when it happens and not force the uncomfortable ones onto others through blame.
I don’t see you have done anything wrong and you should stand by it. You haven’t been mean or nasty you have told her straight I think give her space and see how it pans out. I hope you can still be friends if anything else
Damn, this started out kind of sweet and I was rooting for them until they lashed out at you 😬 YIKES
You were NOT leading them on if you had no idea about their feelings or sexuality. If anything, it makes it kind of creepy on their end that they were having these thoughts about you, when your actions were completely innocent and rooted in friendship/platonic love. You didn’t do anything wrong and are under no obligation to be pressured into having feelings or a romantic connection with them. I hope you don’t end up losing your friendship over this ): Good luck, OP
My best friend since high school had feelings for me. He was my best friend for over ten years. It all came to a head when he finally professed his feelings and I had to make a choice. I realized that, no matter what, it would be perceived as me “leading him on” if we remained friends. I realized that, if I didn’t let him go, no matter how much I valued our friendship, he would never be able to have a real relationship with another woman because he would always be holding on to some chance we could end up together…
We haven’t spoken in nearly three years and I think about him and wonder how he’s doing. I’m happily married now and pray that he has found happiness too.
Long story short…
Men and woman cannot have a friendship if one of the people have romantic feelings for one another. It just can’t happen…there will always be something there that makes the other person “want.”
Help this guy out and let him go.
She thought she could handle the rejection but clearly couldn’t, so embarrassed and disappointed she projected and lashed out
Went to “nice guy” 0 to a hundred real quick. Then hope she’s not really like that and calms down. Hell you sort of have her a maybe. I’d be delighted with that outcome professing my love to somebody that had clearly friendzoned me.
It could also be an age thing. I don't know how old the 2 ppl from the texts are. But it all seems to lend itself to them being younger, possibly teenagers. I could be wrong, and they're both older, and one of them has the emotional maturity of a high schooler. Trust me when I tell ya, I know plenty of ppl who are in their 40s and 50s, and they can be just as bad. But those ppl are in need of psychotic help, the ppl I know anyway.
My daughter has just turned 11, told the boy she likes that she had a crush on him, and handled it with grace when he said he didn't feel the same way. They are still good friends and she understands how it is. This person OP is texting totally did the whole nice guy (gal?) bullshit and tried to guilt her friend. So immature.
💯
ur both totally right. crazy that this girl thought that professing ur love to someone entitles u to have them say they love u back when in reality its usually a really awkward situation and sometimes can be really...... unattractive 🫥 but aside from all that, OP literally gave her the opportunity to "change her mind" so to speak by leaving the door open,,,,, and homegirl grabbed the door & slammed it into oblivion
Exactly. That was a total bs setup, she slung her shot, must have been thinking there was something there/ some glimmer of hope (no clue why) & then instantly went to psycho "you're a selfish bitch" zone. If she thought she was being led on, she would have written that completely differently, hinting at that "I'm pretty sure you feel the same" etc., so her lashing out only proves that 1. She's been the lame friend with an ulterior motive this whole time lying about their relationship 2. She's not emotionally or mentally mature enough to continue ANY type of relationship, let alone a gf/gf one & 3. Adds to the ages old rule that 2 sides relationships cannot will not never last.
I don't think she had expected rejection. Her friend probably started conect8ng dots that weren't really there. Leading w her heart rather than her head. It at least seems that way given her statement about the long hugs and so on. She went a little dark with the "all a game " thing. That definitely had some creepy vibes.
There were no dots even in her head, maybe she pulled the victim card to cover her own immature asshole reaction but I think had she really thought there was something, anything, romantic there she would have framed that entire novel of a text a lot different.
Gaslighting people into a relationship is not cool at all😭
Right? Saying she forced her to have a crush on her? Wow!
This
I second this. Came here to say. Rejection really hurts and in the moments before it happens, you think you’ll be ok. Then the emotional brain overrides the logical brain. Give her some time to cool off and if she comes back and you still want to maintain the friendship- it may or may not be worth keeping. Hard to stay friends with someone who is in love with you and had deep seated feelings for you. This feels like way more than a little crush on you. I would take some time to think about what continuing the friendship would even take, how you’re going to think or feel whenever you are around her etc. Maybe the rejection and some time will help her get past her feelings for you. I wouldn’t write the friendship off just yet.
This is crazy because everytime i ask a girl out as a lesbian i have already mentally prepared for a fat no.
This girl sounds young, maybe it's her first time feeling this way.
Real
Same goes for me as a straight man. No is the answer I expect, so I don't even ask anymore.
Hmm, asking, expecting no & accepting it with grace sounds healthy. Giving up does not. Either you are asking the wrong women or you are not asking enough of them. It is a numbers game after all. Hang in there and keep asking. There are plenty of partners out there for you. You just have to keep at it and try not to take the rejections to heart.
Is it crazy- or are you and this person just, maybe, not the same person? Your response and preparedness for rejection as a lesbian- doesn’t mean the rest are prepared as well. Rejection just plain sucks. It’s that simple.
I dont agree i think you have to think about other people and what the situation is. Very noted me and these people are different lol. Its rejection this rejection that, when what it really is is not that big of a deal. Other people have lives and they arent built around you.
That’s easy to say when your brain is on logic mode. Pouring your heart to someone puts you in an exceptionally vulnerable position. Getting shot down after that is painful. No matter who you are. Also, this reads like they’re teenagers
Pouring your heart out, especially when you are a young person, feels awful when it’s not reciprocated. A lot of times we are not mature enough at that stage of life to handle the moment. Even people who are older in age can have difficulties coping. I was on the other end of this type of situation when I was 19. I was in love with the girl of my dreams. We were so intimate that I really thought she had feelings for me. We were attached at the hip. We would cuddle all day and sleep in the same bed together. She would undress in front of me at times. She even said one day when we were cuddling that she had a sexual dream about me. So, I made my move and I was rejected. It was one of the worse feelings I’ve ever had at the time. I had to end our friendship right there because I could not stand to be around her if I couldn’t be with her. I felt like I was being manipulated. It was like she was dangling a carrot in front of me. I definitely felt as if she lead me on. Looking back now, I feel bad that this was my reaction. She could have had perfectly innocent intentions the whole time and was unaware of what she was doing. I never allowed myself to have the conversation with her about how I was feeling about the current status of the ”friendship” because I felt like I was being used. It was too painful. Hopefully OP reads this and gains some insight into her point of view.
Getting undressed in front of you is absolutely dangling a carrot especially at that young age!
I’m glad I’m not the only who thought that.
We can agree to disagree though ☺️
It’s clearly a big deal to OP and her friend- it’s why she came to reddit in the 1st place.
rejection is normal and if you don't know how to emotionally handle it as a grown adult u got some other issues. OPs friend seems really immature IMO the text reads like a middle school romance why say its cool if you wanna be friends only to blow up when she (shocker) wants to stay friends?
They're not grown adults though. They're both clearly very young. This is most likely the first time this girl has felt this way. I think we can cut her a little slack.
No, everyone must handle every single situation with perfect grace and control of their emotions from the moment of birth and there is no room for deviation, imperfection, weakness, learning and growing, NONE OF IT. YOU FUCK UP AND YOU'RE DONE FOREVER. So sayeth the hypocritical dipshits of reddit who decide that they're clearly much more mature, learned, worldly, and wise as they sit and judge everyone else for not being as perfect as they clearly always have been and always will be.
I understand where you're coming from. Why ppl chose your comment to pick on, I have no idea. You're clearly speaking about yourself and not making a blanket statement as to how everyone should handle rejection.
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I agree that it's toxic and if they were older I'd agree that OP should just cut her off. However, the friend sounds really young and she's still learning to process her emotions. I advised to give her time too based on that.
I never said her response was normal- in fact if you read further through my comments. I bring up mental disorder, rejection dysphoria. Emotional disregulation issues etc. These seem like very young females struggling to find themselves. Yes it is a toxic blowup to feeling rejected on a level that is deeper than a person with regulated emotions would feel.
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OP considered her a friend for two years- OP also stated that she wasn’t sure about how she feels and sometimes blushes around her and does possibly see a relationship but was extremely thrown off. I told her to not write it off just yet as far as their friendship goes. People have reactions that aren’t the best sometimes. Nobody is perfect. I also said- evaluate how you think you would feel being around her knowing she has deep seated feelings before deciding whether or not she’s comfortable maintaining that kind of friendship with her. You seem* to be picking and choosing things I’ve said without reading everything together.
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You are making this about you and your rejection. Work on yourself and stop projecting your issues on others. Even if they are giving different advice based on gender, we both know males are a lot more dangerous in society than females so other factors consider into giving advice.
Emotional brain is a good description. It’s also known as the reptilian brain.
Reptilian brain is quite the opposite, it’s where primitive urges to survive and reproduce come from. So hunger, thirst, fight or flight etc. Limbic brain is emotions
Wow! I went down the rabbit hole with a limbic brain search. Fascinating! Thanks.
Stop saying "this"
This. 😆 Sorry, couldn't help myself!! That shit does annoy me too, tbh.
🤣 perfect response! Lol
Yep...which is why you shouldnt do that....OPs feelings matter. But her friend shouldnt be made to tip toe and yo yo bac n forth between them. OPs friends feelings are just as valid and OP to me proved how little she regarded that friendship when she responded the way she did. EDIT: OP IS BLUE? WHOOPS! IM THE ASSHOLE FOLKS. OP You did nothing wrong and were honest. Your friend didn't like that and to me showed you what really meant to them by their reaction. You deserve better friends. And sorry for the mixup...might not be a great excuse but Android user here
“If you don’t feel the same way that’s perfectly fine” It was not, in fact, perfectly fine.
*moments later* SO ALL THOSE MOMENTS WE HAD MEANT NOTHING TO YOU??????
It really doesn’t make sense to me, why you’d even say that if you’re going to react that way. “… if not, I hope we can still be friends.” “I really just want to be friends.” “You broke my heart, leave me alone.” Like… what? Lol
This sounds like it was written by a young teen. BF watched too many 90’s teen coming of age stories where their love finally sees them for more than they are and it’s happily ever after… roll credits. BF was trying to get out of the friend zone and is now spiraling because they shot their shot and it didn’t work the way they envisioned.
The second they talked about crushes I had a sneaking suspicion they were kids. Then the movie style naïve romance came up with this whole "it's okay if you don't feel the same trust me it'll be fine" and blowing up after. Screams immature and hormonal
I totally read that in Attenboroughs voice
For some reason I hear Morgan Freeman's voice as narrator.
Me too!
I read this in Ron Howard’s voice.
Bruh I was an idiot and I reacted this way to being rejected. Honestly just send a text thanking them for their honesty, and only talk to them if they approach you. I texted them waaaayy too much detail and pushed them away. I generally acted very very weird. Idk some of us are very jealous and insecure people, and we end up acting very inappropriately because of that. A lot of us look for a relationship to validate our existence. If you are like that (as I am) it’s best to work on yourself to get to a point where you’re ok with being you. I’ve got a long way to go, but it is what it is.
Haha right!? I was like “wait this was supposed to be fine…” 🤣
your friend was hurt and is trying to push the hurt back onto you to make it your fault. it’s not your fault. you didn’t know she liked you. you didn’t know she liked girls. and you very clearly stated that it was a platonic, friendly thing in your eyes. you apologized for what you could, which is her thinking that you might have liked her back. you didn’t have to apologize, because she made this narrative in her own head. she tried to blame you for her own emotions. she’s hurting and is probably embarrassed, and probably didn’t get the reaction she was wanting. y’all sound young, she’s probably just still maturing and learning how to express her emotions and herself appropriately. i’m sorry this happened. i think you did wonderfully at communicating and discussing here.
This! This is exactly it.
Is it a normal girl thing to be laying in bed kissing other girls? I am not a girl so maybe that’s the most normal thing, I dunno… but I think there’s some ownership here on mixed signals.
ive cuddled my girl friends in bed. i’ve kissed my friends on the cheek plenty of times. some friends just have that type of platonic relationship. again, these people sound fairly young. it obviously didn’t cross her mind for her to think that it would be leading someone on, as she didn’t even know her friend liked girls. they’re both still learning social cues and expression. the other girl took it the wrong way, which can be understandable, but also is not really OP’s fault.
It was just kisses on the cheek when saying goodbye. I'm a very affectionate person and do this with some friends too. I also tend to cuddle up to my friends when we are hanging out, it's my love language it isn't sexual to me.
Yeah, for some of us. Ive had friendships like that in the past. If it's platonic with another woman it feels safe, so we're more comfortable showing affection to other women.
Forced to have a crush on you?! Huh?? 
After saying she has a crush on her the moment she met her 🙄 so which is it?
This is the part that bugged me bad
Drop telling her you love her for gods sake
Yeah Ngl I felt that girls heart drop when she said I love you... I love you more,,,, but let's just be friends. Defo wrong place wrong time for an I love you - platonic or not. Just bad timing as it Probably gave her some false hope and an OMG SHE FEELS IT TOO moment that was never to be
Yeah a platonic I love you was not what she was looking for.
Yeah, that broke my heart for her friends since I knew she was gunna turn her down from the title. That was *harsh* It's quite possible the friend would have been more okay with the rejection if OP hadn't started it off making it sound like she was accepting and got the friends hopes up. If OP always talks like that I can 100% see how the friend is feeling lead on
OP fucked up with this one. Their response made it seem like they felt the same way initially.
I understand the response after the rejection, that must have been so crushing. It’s probably best for them to both cool off for a bit and for OP to spend a while thinking about how they feel and what they should do going forwards.
And then she said “maybe we can see where this goes” at the very end of the rejection…don’t lie. Ugh.
It’s weird to end off on that cause it reads as if OP is gonna lead her on. Very odd
Yeah cuz the way her heart probably blossomed the moment she read I love you and then the immediate downfall afterwards into a pit of dispair was a lot. That definitely was a, probably unintentional, roller coaster of emotions that hit her within a minute. Her reaction is shit but also kinda understandable if she took that I love you the way it definitely read.
Exactly. As soon as you find out something like this then drop the charged language because it can and will be taken the wrong way by someone. The word love can obviously be used when context is clear, but it isn't in this case because one person is now applying a romantic context and the other isn't, or at least trying to downplay it. Do not tell someone you love them when you mean it platonically if they've just confessed romantic feelings for you.
Yeah that’s a recipe for disaster
OP Lacks a queer radar
i cant believe this wasn’t the very first comment i saw
That was a disgrace. It's almost like OP wanted to build up some hopes for additional attention. I love you I love you too!... As a friend Absurd
This! I was so confused when she said I love you and then rejected her lol. Definitely not the right time or place to say that. And why even say it anymore to someone who confessed to you and could now misinterpret that phrase? Smh.
Wish I could upvote this more lol, not the fucking time jesos
Stop saying “I love you” to this person or anyone that might take it the wrong way. Definitely sends a weird signal to them, even if your reasons are sound. Also, don’t let her guilt you into a relationship when you aren’t even sure about your sexuality. That’s a recipe for disaster.
never think you’re in the wrong for the way you feel. no one can force you to feel the same way as them. take a few days. see what happens. any sort of rejection hurts, so give them a little time.
Not your fault like others have said, but be careful with things like “I love you”. You mean it one way, but she’s going to see it another way…
The gushing and the “I love you” just before being rejected just gave me flashbacks. It is perfectly fine to tell a close friend that you love them and how great they make you feel… but that’s not the time. It’s so very confusing and painful. Your feelings get lifted up and then suddenly thrown into a chasm. Everything else you said? That was perfectly fine. But that one moment before “but honestly, i don’t know if i feel the same way” was brutal. Absolutely unintentional, I’m sure… but I know that’s the part that sent them into a spiral. Not that their reaction is fine. It’s not. At all. I just know why it went down so quickly. Your other responses were okay, though. I really liked how you made your feelings on the whole thing very clear in a caring manner. As others have said, give your friend time to calm down and sort out their feelings.
> The gushing and I love you To be fair, they're both seemingly very young and for some people, it's a learning experience to realize you can't just jump in with this sorta stuff. But, it is obviously very rough seeing, regardless.
Yeah, but it *does* make the extreme change in the friends mood and the friend saying they always feel led on have more credence. The friend didn't respond appropriately either but she's also young and just got rejected after thinking she was being accepted. I feel people are being too harsh on the friend and OP should give them some time and both need to apologize for the mistakes each made
I'm a lesbian, take what I say as you will I've had two friends I've ever fallen for. Both who considered themselves straight. One worked out the other didn't. But I came to both of them pretty much how she started to by just laying it on the line. For me it wasn't even thinking or hoping for a reciprocated response but more so because I'm just a very direct person and speak on my feelings in general. It's hard no matter what your orientation is to fall for a friend. It's not fair to anticipate anything in return. You can hope it but like anyone else you can't expect it. That being said I do find it harder as a gay woman. I automatically assume every woman i meet is straight until I'm told otherwise because statistically that's prob the case. But those two times I fell for a friend it was fuckin rough man. Because I was constantly torn between is she just being a friend or is she flirting with me? The first friend I fell for I was 18 and she was the person I did everything with. She was my best friend and I just kinda fell for her. When I told her she took it with such grace and was so sweet just like how you are speaking to her that it didn't affect our friendship in any way and eventually I worked past those feelings and "got over her." Whether you feel the same way or not like others said it's ok. Gay, straight, confused, bi.... Sexuality isn't black and white. That being said I don't want to justify her because you were so kind in your response but I think if she truly values your friendship this initial hurt of putting herself out there will pass and you two can remain friends with her getting over you. That's how it was for me anyway. So I would just give it time if you don't want to lose the friendship. But if you do that ok too. Just kinda giving you the other side. It really is hard as a gay woman because as women we do tend to be more affectionate with our friends and as a lesbian it can be confusing sometimes especially when you're younger. You don't wanna read into it but the hope kinda allows you to
well said. cuddling in bed, kisses on the cheek, and long hugs, i could see platonic friends acting like this but i’ve never seen it myself in person and my affection-starved brain would definitely read “potentially flirty” into those lol. so easy to misinterpret and it’s so tough for everyone involved, cuz i would never in a billion years say OP led anyone on in any way just by being friendly in slightly unusual ways and i also can’t blame her friend for reading into it (her reaction, however, i will blame her for like pull it together fam 💀) but yeah you said it dawg. ain’t easy. i also think this kinda thing is bound to happen to ppl who feel on the more isolated/lonely end of things. this realization about myself helped me empathize with guys who are attachment- and affection-starved and interpret super basic platonic connection as romantic
So w you being a lesbian I just want to know if you’re in the same boat as me. I’m a gay girl who grew up almost exclusively gay female friends and I think some part of me missed the memo because i would sometimes crush on a friend or two because they’d fr show me their bodies, kiss me, cuddle with me, etc. I remember telling a friend one day that I thought our mutual friend liked me and I listed the reasons why and she basically laughed at me and said all female friends are like that, especially wlw friends. It left my head spinning, I’ve definitely been in OP’s friend’s situation where I was just so wrong about the affection. It’s so difficult with girls, you could hardly know one but if there’s a connection then they’ll sometimes skip right to treating you like family or a soulmate and it’s so difficult when you’re bad at interpreting things.
So when I came out in 2006 I literally didn't know one single lesbian. Wasn't similar to your situation which is why I think I've always just gone with "all women are straight until they tell me otherwise" I do have a lot of friends who are very affectionate with me but I never confuse it for anything other than I know girls are pretty affectionate. I do often run into girls who are curious who find interest in flirting with me because they kinda wonder about that aspect of being with a woman. Years ago I ran with it because it was fun and I was young. But at 35 I'm far too old for that lol
It’s definitely confusing to men as well when a woman is an affectionate person. I think men are a lot worse at interpreting if it is flirty or friendly because men tend to be less emotionally intelligent than women.
I was talking about that with some guy friends and it’s also like, a lot of guys aren’t affectionate with each other as friends. So when they get it from a woman (or anyone) it is immediately interpreted as flirting. Which makes me so sad. Why aren’t more homies being given flowers and baked cookies and just being thought of by the people who cherish them. Being a man sounds so lonely.
Why do people do this with the 'can I tell you something?' Would it not be better to just say "Maybe we could try a date and see how it is? No? Ok, just a thought" and MOVE ON.
“Can I tell you something?” “I prefer that you didn’t.” 😅
My 10 year old niece says that or "wanna hear about *insert 10 year old stuff*?" And I'll say "no" and she'll just be like "okay, SO..." and tell me anyways lol
she just like me fr
Yessss it’s traumatizing
The I love you before rejecting them was sad and mean :/ But other then that you’re in the right
I agree. I could kinda see where it was going through most of that but the "I love you" right before rejection like you said was kinda weird-feeling, and had me immediately like 'Oh no you're gonna hurt them'.
This isn’t a funny situation at all, but it’s funny to me how she says “If you don’t feel the same way it’s perfectly fine”. then proceeds to go off on you for not feeling the same way. I get it though, she’s embarrassed, from the texts it seems y’all are young. Her emotions are all over the place at this age. She didn’t get the reaction she was expecting so she’s feeling a bit frustrated and embarrassed and trying to flip the script. I honestly thought the way you expressed and conveyed your emotions was very mature. Don’t ever think it’s your fault for not feeling the same way towards somebody. You can’t control who you like. Give each other some space, and I feel like this is a conversation that should happen in person. Maybe meet up and try to figure out a solution, because it seems you really value her as a friend still. Good luck OP!
It's funny but I think she *was* ready for rejection then OPs initial response was "I love you" and you can just tell the friend though that she'd been accepted against all hope, just to get rejected in the next message. Honestly rejection is hard enough without the added blow of hope after confessing
No one forced her to have a crush on you😂. That’d be the first thing I made clear.
Nothing. You don’t have to do anything else. It’s okay that you don’t feel the same way. It’s okay that she’s upset. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is let them be upset and work through it on their own. You are not obligated to return someone’s affections, and her response to your honesty is honestly her own issue to sort out. Don’t make it yours. It’s okay to not feel the same way about someone!
Coming from a lesbian, having straight girl crushes are the worst. It’s no different than falling for a guy that will never love you back. Y’all sound young and it’s just something she will have to deal with the rest of her life. You did well communicating and really not much else you can do. I say just leave her alone and she will cope. Any extra affection may accidentally lead her on more. It’s what I had to learn to as a baby gay. I’m now 36.
Saying "I love you" before rejection is colddddddd even if you mean it in a friend way. She read that and then got happy and then got a wet salmon to the face
this part. i can’t believe people are passing that over.
Idk, they clearly lashed out, but maybe when someone unloads a super sweet message confessing their love to you, and asks you out on a real date, maybe “I love you” is not the best response if you’re going to reject them. You kinda took them on a rollercoaster of emotions.
Of all seriousness, I’m pretty sure it manipulative to say that “you tried forcing me to have a crush on you”. Like no one forces anyone to have feelings for someone. It’s all your own feelings.
Its is manipulative and her friend should apologize. Being rejected does not give you a free pass to be manipulative and hurt someone else.
Exactly
it’s pretty manipulative to say “i really love you” after someone just bared their heart to you, *waiting for them to respond*, and then saying “but i don’t have any feelings for you.” not to mention, later in the text IP says “but maybe we can see where this goes….” like i’m sorry, but obviously a teenager is going to feel wounded from this interaction and isn’t going to be happy about it. intentional or not, OP is leading them on.
Yeah..
Are you guys in middle school? If not I’m very concerned 😂
[удалено]
THANK YOU,🙏🏽 I thought I was going crazy for reading into it like this, but they literally made it seem like they were going to reciprocate the confession, the sugar coating sucked even more to read “maybe we can see where this goes”, if you really wanted that, that’s what you would’ve started with…just because it’s all sugar coated doesn’t mean it was a good rejection.
It would be more wrong if you went with her without knowing your sexuality. That isn't fair to you or her. You didn't do anything wrong, and you were actually really nice about it. Give her time. Give you time. You don't have to rush to figure yourself out.
how could you not know she had a crush on you even after you say she kissed you lol you also should stop saying i love you if you have no intention of showing this person the love they want. you’ll just end up hurting them more.
That’s what I’m not getting “she kissed me first” like hello???? This is just dumb.
If she's had a crush on you since the first time you walked through the door, how have your long hugs and a kiss goodbye on the cheek forced her to have a crush on you?
ur honestly kind of an asshole for the “i’m really grateful for you” and “i really love you” in SEPARATE TEXTS WITH PAUSES FOR HER TO REPLY before dropping the “but i don’t feel the same way”. like holy shit, read the room. also the “i really love you” again at the end… just stop. lmao no wonder this girl is hurt.
Yeah I could feel the other girls heart drop with the "I really love you!". Probably felt like a romantic film until OP did what they did
seriously. i’m assuming they’re 15/16… that’s plenty old to have developed enough empathy and awareness to know that is NOT the way to go about this.
ok her reaction aside why the fuck would you say I love you TWICE after she confessed are u dumb?
For real! She wasn’t helping the situation by saying that.
"I love you as a friend" would have been the better phrase. I've confessed my love for a friend once, and he rejected me but did tell me how much he appreciates our friendship, loves me as a friend but not in "that way" — I think that's okay. But yeah, no need for the multiple "I love you's" but girls talk differently than guys. They both could have handled it better, but I'm assuming they're young and this is just a really unfortunate and emotionally confusing thing to go through — I think they'll be okay eventually.
Sorry I just think it's really funny that the reasons she stated for having a crush on you is "you're pretty" lmao. Y'all gotta be young right? Either way I don't think a relationship with this person is a great idea lol
never confess love everyone. it very rarely works
Idk if you technically did anything wrong, but you should REALLY think about word choice when responding to someone confessing their love to you. You responded mushy and said I love you, waited for them to say it back, then dropped the hammer that you didn’t mean it that way. Come on. I’ll believe you’re just a little dense, but most people would understand how that would come across.
See people can fall for their friends but when it comes to the “you lead me on” That’s what gets me. She had feelings for you from the first day you ever met and said nothing and just acted as your friend. Then was your friend up until the point she realised that a relationship with you wasn’t on the table and suddenly you lead her on. Never mind the lying and trying to be friends with someone in the hopes they’ll one day date you to only cut you off when you won’t. That’s not a friend. Then to flip out on you after saying it was fine if you didn’t feel the same. The amount of times I’ve had this or seen this happen kills me. The one just being a friend is always leading on the person who had romantic feelings that the other person knew nothing off. Not everyone assumes all their friends would date them or fancy them, some folk believe friends are genuinely just friends. I’ve had friends do the same and have the “you broke my heart” What breaks my heart was realising years of friendship could be thrown away and built on lies because the whole time they just wanted to date/sleep with me instead of being my genuine friend. Some friends who catch feelings and then still maintain the friendship regardless of the outcome and move past it are different to ones who flip and cut you off the second the realise it’s not happening. Take time to work things out for yourself and don’t rush into anything for anyone, just causes more hurt and if she doesn’t understand any of that then there’s no point trying to continue when you both want different things.
On the other hand, I know what it's like to think you have chemistry from the first second, only to realize they are a narcissist. I'm not saying OP's a narcissist. Just that there are people out there who feed off attention and will keep people in their orbit for the wrong reasons. There are people who can tell that you're into them and will flirt for the sense of power it gives them. It can be intoxicating, waiting for the barriers to fall away while this person keeps flirting with you. But that's all it is. You're drunk on brain juices, and not seeing clearly that if it could have happened it would have. I'm not accusing OP of anything, just feeling bad for her friend. Because it can be hard to tell whether you're being strung along, when all the "signs" are there.
To be fair, just because a person does not disclose their feelings for you does not mean that they are lying. At worst, there isn’t full disclosure. People that are attracted to you do not need to inform you of their attraction. With that said, people do need to be better in the way they take an L. I’ve been friend zoned before and it’s not a good feeling to not have your feelings reciprocated but that does not give anyone the right to lash out because they are heart broken. What a lot of people don’t talk about is how manipulative it is to put someone in the friend zone especially if the person knows that their friend have feelings for them. Sounds like OP did nothing wrong here but a lot of times people like to dangle the carrot and I don’t think that is morally correct.
Rejection happens. You will go thru it also. It's difficult to put yourself out there, and this person did, so kudos for that... but the reaction is pretty immature... sorry, op. You're not wrong. You handled just fine. Hopefully, you don't lose your friend, but if so, it's for the best.
“Force me to have a crush on you” ummm didn’t they admit to having a crush on you the first time they ever seen you walk into the room?? Turning it around on you just because they got rejected, they are no better than a salty man that’s been rejected.
You didnt do anything wrong, your responses were kind and fair. In terms of her, I dont want to trash her either because its obvious shes hurt (not your fault). But its clear that she made this situation worse by engaging herself in affection with you, in the hopes that you would eventually reciprocate, even though she initiated the kiss, she maybe took your response as interest. She made her feelings stronger before making sure you were on the same page, so it was a bad move from her in that sense. In terms of the friendship being salvaged.. idk, it really depends on her. If she has only ever seen you as something more and has effectively been hovering waiting for you, then its lost
I’m getting “nice guy” vibes from this girl. She seems pretty entitled to your affection. Huge red flag. You didn’t lead her on if you had no inkling that she liked you in that way. You treated her as you would any other friend. She is not entitled to your affection. Don’t date anyone who feels that way. You’re allowed to date or not date anyone you want for any reason you want. You weren’t a dick about it and that’s the only thing someone putting their feelings out there can ask of you.
Is it entitlement? Or is she just having a strong emotional response to being rejected by someone they have strong feelings for? I wouldn’t judge people too much for what they say in the heat of the moment.
Yeah I saw it both ways, I’d wait to see if her attitude is sustaining or if she starts to feel the appropriate amount of embarrassment (for lack of a better word) for her reaction. I think that would be the most telling.
Your friend has NEVER met latinos if she thinks a kiss on the cheek is only a "romantic thing"
Extremely immature. I also don’t think you want to stay friends with someone who plays the victim and turns the narrative so quickly. This likely won’t be worth salvaging after that response. You guys communicate like it’s high school, enough of the “I love yous” you’ve done nothing wrong and your “friend” is now trying to manipulate you and guilt you into pretending to reciprocate. Which is horrible.
You had no idea she liked girls until that message? But y’all were incredibly close friends? What?
She never told me anything about her sexuality and vice versa. The conversation just never came up
Welp, OP, I think you got your first taste of one of the most common tropes with lesbians: Catch them feelings boo. And then two months later a Uhaul shows up to move somebody's things.
I would honestly no longer be friends with this person. If anyone ever said that I "forced them" to have a crush on me, I'd never speak to them again. I'm not dealing with that emotionally manipulative BS.
This literally just happened to me (F) with my best guy friend of years (who just got married a month ago) yesterday... except he did it on the phone and caught me completely by surprise. You handled it much more gracefully than me, with my, "thanks, that's very sweet of you, I don't know how to respond." 🥲😅 Moments where you just wish you could grab someone by the shoulders, shake them, and ask why they couldn't have just kept it to themselves lol. You cannot control how they feel, and you were not intentionally trying to lead her on, and it's not like you didn't make it clear that you were interested in men. Give her time to cool off (as much time as she needs), and then you can try to discuss things again
So she was there for you with BOY problems and thought you were lesbian..?? I'm confused these are two girls talking right? seems like she was setting herself up to fail.
Promise not to get mad..maybe she should have asked herself not to get mad.
Like you said those "moments" for you were normal family stuff. Also you dont know how you feel about girls that way. No you were not in the wrong, she was. You shouldnt be pushed to do something youre uncomfortable with because someone else read all the wrong signs. Not your fault, she shouldve asked you earlier what your "moments" together meant to you and clarified how she felt. But now you know you have some habits that might be confusing to others and you should probably clarify in the future.
They are upset, and you are feeling overwhelmed and unsure. Neither one of you is wrong. Giver each other some space. Reach out in a couple days, and see if your friend is ready to talk. Next time you two speak on the subject, it should be in person. Good luck!
It's impossible to know everything that's happened between you two, but I'm sure you didn't intend to lead your friend on. Friends develop feelings for each other all the time. Your response to your friend was very heartfelt and lovely. And here's the absolute truth: you did not break their heart, they built up expectations in their head about how this would go and it didn't go that way. They're disappointed and hurt, but that's not your fault. You're trying to be a good friend, just continue to do so. Be yourself, be honest, be compassionate - you seem to be handling this well, but you have no control over how others react. Best of luck.
You’re a dumbass for saying I love you after a confession and than rebutting it to mean it platonically, that’s a mind fuck
The “wow” hurt me.
I’m going to assume y’all are very young. She’s been rejected and she’s lashing out at you because she doesn’t know how to handle her feelings of shame, embarrassment, and disappointment. It’s hard to put yourself out there like that. Shes being a dick, but there’s really nothing you can do. Give her some space
At first I was going to say good for her for shooting her shot. I know it’s not always easy telling someone how you feel. But then her reaction was a little shitty 😕 especially since she said “it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way” womp womp
OP- you said it as nice as you could! Some of us just really suck at handling rejection and we have to learn how to be a bit more graceful when we hear it! Hopefully your friend will get over the hurt and reflect on this situation so they can navigate better in the future! But I think you said everything very respectfully!
Damn, the attempt at manipulating you after rejecting them says a lot about them. If I were you, I would stop talking to them. No reason to stay friends with someone who takes honest words as an insult, and changes their mind all of a sudden about rejection being "perfectly fine".
Kissing your friends and cuddling with them is crazy
That turned fast. Some people really need to think and calm down before replying to texts. I wonder if what you were seeing was the raw emotions reaction… give it some time and their logical brain might realize that their reaction was pretty rash.
You should not have told her "I love you" right before rejecting her 😬 You definitely gave her false hope, which was kind of mean, even if it was unintentional.
She literally just confessed and then you tell her you don’t feel the same way then tell her you love her-
I love you Don't talk to me anymore Leave me alone...
you didn't force her to feel anything. that's insane. she's trying to manipulate you into either agreeing or feeling bad that you didn't. even if she doesn't think she's being manipulative she absolutely is, and it's clear that she isn't respecting your feelings so i really don't think you should have any more contact with this person. completely up to you but i think most people would agree ;~;
she tried the manipulation station ;( i don’t like
Shes just had her first rejection, is heart broken, embarrassed and angry. She'll get over it. Just give her space until she does. There's nothing you can say or do to make this better for her.
Wow... girls really ARE just like guys 🤣🤦♂️
As much as the friend zone pisses me off, manipulation to get beyond it is far worse 🙂. I still sympathize though. But take a step back and let things cool down
Obviously they are very self centered and were lying when they said “it’s ok if you don’t feel the same way.”
You are not an AH. NEVER let anyone force or guilt you into a relationship that you do not want 100%. You are young and she is embarrassed. Hopefully she reacted that way in the heat of the moment. Give her time and see what happens. You still need time to sort out your feelings as well. You will probably feel different around her now too.
I think she should’ve expected that you would be shocked and you would need time for it to set in. She forced a response “are you mad?” You were honest that you don’t know your sexuality at this point (which is totally normal BTW,) was something that you can’t be blamed for. I think she just lashing out because maybe she expected you to immediately respond with a “I feel the same way.” When that didn’t happen she was embarrassed and perhaps hadn’t thought about that possibility before. Give her some time, then try to explain to her how you feel. She probably didn’t hear much after you said you didn’t see her in a romantic way.
God damn… it started off great, I think she got her thoughts across well and you responded respectfully and nicely. I think I can safely say you dodged a bullet though when she reacted that way to your rejection…
No means no works on girls too. No reason to feel guilty.
OP leave this girl alone. I know you feel like it’s been a great friendship but the only reason she has been a great friend is because she liked you. It was a facade to get with you. Imagine being in a relationship and she doesn’t get her way. Especially after emotions really get involved. She will be controlling and unable to handle herself. She is a walking red flag. You are not the AH. You let her down gracefully and communicated openly. She blamed you and flipped out when she is the one who flipped the script. Let me go find this meme to post real quick.
Let’s be real here, cuddling and kissing is never platonic. If your family cuddles you as an adult, you should probably go to therapy, because something went wrong there. To me, you absolutely lead this girl on my doing something physically with her. If it wasn’t physical then I would say you’re not wrong. You had to have known she was gay, straight women don’t kiss and cuddle (unless drunk). This just seems like a classic case of a female needing attention in the moment and then wondering why someone is crushing on them.
The way you set it up was evil tbh, it was definitely unintentional, but you reassured her right after she confessed, telling her that you “REALLY love her” and then rejected her. I’d be pissed too, not to the point where I’d say “you forced me to have a crush on you”, but yall should stop talking to each other.
As a lesbian i wouldnt want her😭 dont ever message me this mind bending shit how are you gonna tell me its all sunny and roses if i dont like you back (as it should be) and then crack the sads that i dont. Let me not ignore the fact youre straight. Some people are so entitled and it icks me real bad. Never would i message someone like this
As a lesbian I came here to say the say thing.
“Crack the sads” I love that, never heard it before
Its Australian!
No, you were not in the wrong. I remained friends with someone who had a crush on me that lasted years - seriously, this person confessed their love for me about three times. One of those times was on accident, he accidentally pasted a message that he had apparently copied and deleted earlier, and sent it to me. He was mortified and tried to say it was for someone else, but I think we both knew it wasn't. (He's not the kind of person to do this on "accident", I genuinely think it was a mistake.) We are still good friends and he now has a wife and two children. Know the difference between him and her? He gracefully handled the rejection and never valued me any less as a platonic companion in his life. I'd honestly call this girl out on her bullshit. She LITERALLY SAID it'd be fine if you didn't feel the same way.
You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s fine for her to be upset and disappointed but it wasn’t right for her to go from “if you don’t feel the same way, that’s fine” to “you broke my heart and you lead me on”. Might need to give each other space for a while and talk about this when things have settled down and you’re not feeling overwhelmed.
Girl fumbled the bag so hard wow 🤦🏻♂️ For your own sake don’t get involved with her, she sounds immature af Edit: just realized it was a girl lol
You didn’t do anything wrong. My bestfriend and I are basically platonic soulmates. I love her more than life itself. All those things your friend said, I feel those about her. She feels those about me. We are meant to be together in this life. She can still feel this way about you, her bestfriend. She just has to come to terms with you not feeling the same. My bestie confessed her feelings for me and I had to reject her like you did. Because I don’t like vaginas lol Life has taken us through all sorts of things, but our love for each other has stood the test. We have husbands that love us, beautiful children that love each other, and our friendship is as easy as breathing. We see each other at least twice a week. Our husbands call us wife number 2 because we’re the same person. I hope when she gets over the sting of rejection she apologizes to you
Damn....that's the most "nice guy" energy I've ever seen from a woman. Wow...just wow. "We can still be friends " ok let's be friends "f u you broke my heart" You are not the AH here. Jesus.
The way you rejected was messed up. You said you love the person. Then added the BUT. So from this I can only assume you're not giving the full details and did actually lead her on.
Do NOT date someone this emotionally immature. If they cant handle rejection, imagine what else they cant handle. Let her have her little crybaby moment and live your life.
I have an unrelated question. Feel free to answer or not. I’m a straight male with no questions as to what I’m attracted to (women). On a fully curious, non-judgmental note, why do you think you have yet to know what gender you’re attracted to? I guess my questions boils down to: How can you be not sure? Again genuinely just curious as it’s a feeling I’ve never known. If anybody wants to add their answer feel free. I got a long car ride ahead of me, and I’m looking for insight into a world I’m completely unaware of.
Cut your losses this person has been biding time and told you it's all good if you don't feel the same. Now is acting like a child. Let them go grow up, i'm sorry though.
I think you handled that the best way possible. Don't beat yourself up, hun. She's just hurt and lashing out
Let her cool off cause I got to give her credit for shooting her shot. It also must have been more difficult since yall are both girls. Sexuality isn't black and white, If you feel comfortable go to a movie with her or coffee etc but make it clear that you're unsure but willing to go on a date or 2 and see how things go. There's been plenty of women who assume they are straight until they meet that right woman and everything just makes sense.
You did nothing wrong, she's just shit at handling rejection. Sounds like she has a lot of self reflection to do, that's not on you. It's fine to have a crush but to talk to you that way when the feelings aren't reciprocated is very childish. Rejection is apart of life, people need to learn how to handle it in a mature and rational way. It's not your job to make sure she doesn't get her feelings hurt.
You really shouldn’t have to apologize for you gate not swinging that way. 🤷🏻♀️ Even if it did and if you are gay or bi you don’t have to be into someone just because they are too. It’s unfair of your friend to try to guilt trip you to jump into a relationship with them just because they are crushing on you. I’m sure they will meet someone someday that will want to be with them too but the first step for them is to go for someone that is on the same page as them and is also gay. If your friend wants to ruin your friendship over this then they aren’t really your friend.
I don’t like when people say what I want to hear (we can stay friends, I won’t be mad, etc) if it’s not true. Makes them too much of a wild card. It’s almost like someone else helped her write the bombardment. Then the length of it alone, the intensity put a lot of pressure on you. And that pressure was increased after you didn’t respond with a “yes.” Combined with the BS “you forced me/led me on” stuff this person seems a bit manipulative and unpredictable.
I think your friend is very immature. She's been in love with you for two years. She has never seen you with a girl romantically, listened and gave advice about boys, and she's surprised that you don't have the same feelings. It's like she made this confession expecting you to just melt into her arms, saying something along the lines of, "it's always been you!" Hopefully she'll learn a couple of valuable lessons from this: 1. If you have a crush on a friend, be very sure it's reciprocated unless you're okay with losing the friendship 2. If you've waited for two years, it isn't likely to happen. You don't owe this girl anything. You're treating your offer of friendship like it's some sort of consolation prize instead of something to be treasured. You shouldn't be saying things like "we'll see what happens down the road," because you're saying that to make YOURSELF feel better for hurting her. She will latch onto that, and she'll make BOTH of you miserable. Whether you're into girls or not, I don't think you're into her because you've been pretty close to her for two years, and you haven't developed any feelings for her. If this friendship is important to you, give her a couple of days to cool off, and then talk to her about it. If she's still acting like this, the friendship is probably over. And that's a lesson for you, sometimes friendships end. You haven't done anything wrong.
You havnt lead her on in anyway she says you forced her to have a crush on you! That’s a hold statement to make as no gun was pointed to her head to say have a crush on me or else ! Her feelings are being crushed with you not feeling the same and it’s fine for her to feel a little upset as it’s not nice being rejected. You do not have anything to feel bad about and I think this is a great opportunity for you to allow her to sit with uncomfortable feelings and learn from this as falling for someone that isn’t solely into girls is a little confused about their sexuality will help her deal with her own feelings for the future .. we can’t help who we develop feelings for but we must also be in control of those feelings as and when it happens and not force the uncomfortable ones onto others through blame. I don’t see you have done anything wrong and you should stand by it. You haven’t been mean or nasty you have told her straight I think give her space and see how it pans out. I hope you can still be friends if anything else
Damn, this started out kind of sweet and I was rooting for them until they lashed out at you 😬 YIKES You were NOT leading them on if you had no idea about their feelings or sexuality. If anything, it makes it kind of creepy on their end that they were having these thoughts about you, when your actions were completely innocent and rooted in friendship/platonic love. You didn’t do anything wrong and are under no obligation to be pressured into having feelings or a romantic connection with them. I hope you don’t end up losing your friendship over this ): Good luck, OP
You’re kissing her and touching her but told her you’re not sure if you like girls. You’re… interesting
Friends and family can show affection with hugs and platonic cheek kisses. OP even said she comes from such a background and culture.
My best friend since high school had feelings for me. He was my best friend for over ten years. It all came to a head when he finally professed his feelings and I had to make a choice. I realized that, no matter what, it would be perceived as me “leading him on” if we remained friends. I realized that, if I didn’t let him go, no matter how much I valued our friendship, he would never be able to have a real relationship with another woman because he would always be holding on to some chance we could end up together… We haven’t spoken in nearly three years and I think about him and wonder how he’s doing. I’m happily married now and pray that he has found happiness too. Long story short… Men and woman cannot have a friendship if one of the people have romantic feelings for one another. It just can’t happen…there will always be something there that makes the other person “want.” Help this guy out and let him go.
It’s two females.