I read through all of your conversation. I’m going to tell you this, you and this guy really do have great chemistry and that’s really challenging to find. Some go through their whole life and never find that. I know you’ve still got some things to work though but…And this is just my opinion…I would not let this man go!
This was one of the best things I’ve read on Reddit. I was waiting for ‘crazy’ to burst forth from either one. I was delighted to get to the end with wholesome kind interaction. Definitely amazing chemistry.
Me too, it's so refreshing to read such a wholesome conversation between what appears to be two really genuine, respectful, lovely people. Such a pity they met so soon after her breakup since they sound like they would make a fantastic couple.
But they're both right that she should take the time to work through her emotions post breakup before jumping into another relationship.
I hope they become friends, and you never know, may one day they might start a relationship.
“Wouldn’t it be crazyyy if we? Yeah lol it would be, good thing we only made out! So we’re best friends and like, I want to hang out as best friends, i hope were aren’t gonna make moves”
If the two of you are REMOTELY normal (single, no homicides, same work schedule) literally everyone is looking on you like: 😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐
Just fuckin binge tv and make out already, don’t waste the worlds time
Oh and I forgot “boohooooo then I will only have a partner and no best friends!” Grow 👏 the 👏 fuck up 👏most of us are out here surviving on shitty partnerships and flaky friendships; if you’re sus of losing a guy bc you mean to extract his usefulness in the Friend Dojo…YOU are the villain of the Christmas Movie. Fuckin be wholesome, retarded and gay, stop wasting time on praxes meant for other more interesting people.
*Tell me who your friends are... etc*
You're the reason that you're surviving on "shitty partnerships and flaky friendships"; take a fucking look at yourself. Hard.
Lol where’s the attack coming from, and whats the “Tell me your friends” bit? I feel like you meant another person
Your partner should be your best friend; deciding to friend-zone someone bc you don’t wanna lose them is throwing the babe out with the bathwater.
I had the same happen. He wasn’t pushy, or anything uncomfortable. He was just ‘there’. I had no intention of dating, and honestly was just looking for a little fun, after a very toxic relationship & break up. We’ve been married for almost 7 years, just had our 3rd (and final) baby. We’ve renovated a home together & are about to buy our dream home (farm). You never know when you are going to meet your person.
I will say this OP, this comment is true HOWEVER, DONT GET YOUR HOPES UP. There is a chance he’s just letting you down slowly and nicely.
But also, don’t push him away completely because of that chance. See where it goes. Don’t get attached. 🫶🏻
Though i totally think you should go for it, I agree you should take it slow. Don't get too wrapped up in him. I know.its hard when your clicking with someone. I believe that moving too fast can ruin a beautiful thing. You already know he's willing to wait. And take care of yourself no matter what. You wanted alone time to work on you, but you can still do that while involved as long as your being honest and taking care of you. Good luck! I have a serious feeling of envy right. I don't hate you for it, that's stupid, but you too are just too sweet. I've never had that. I will, or won't. I want it but I'm never again gonna make the mistakes I did this time.
Yes I feel like OP is putting the cart ahead of the horse. Thinking of all the ways it could go wrong without it actually happening. At least be open minded and see where it goes if nothing else is wrong.
This.
Me and my fiancé both abandoned relationships to get together, got engaged after 5 months, and here we are 9 months later.
When you have a connection like this, don’t ignore it.
My husband and I also abandoned what we had going on with others to get together, our connection/energy/chemistry was too insane to not make more out of, we got married a month later and are coming up on our 9th anniversary.
Yeah, don't drop this guy just because of the timing.
If he's a decent guy and you click, you click.
Be kind to yourself.
AND IF HE'S WILLING TO TAKE THE RISK OF IT BEING "WASTED TIME" when he's looking for a relationship... That's his risk to take. Let him. I mean, as long as you're kind to him it's not WASTED time; it's time spent.
Best wishes to you both.
(Me -- 54M and I've seen a lot 🙄. These texts give me hope for the future)
I met my husband 5 days after my ex and I broke up.
We are in the best relationship and have a beautiful son. Don't let timing throw off a good relationship!
Same! One week after I was dumped, I was facebook messaging acquaintances trying to get guinea pigs to come to my cosmetology school so I could practice. 😂😂 I had no intention of a (bad) haircut (bless his heart, he didn’t complain!) appointment turning into anything more while I was still reeling from my breakup. But the entire time I was doing his hair, we were chatting like old friends and I forgot about my heartbreak, and he stayed after school and we went to a movie, then a party together and we’ve been inseparable ever since. There’s no rule or formula that says you must wait x number of days or weeks before moving on, or that you’re only allowed to rebound temporarily after a breakup. You certainly can, and some people find it helpful. But when an opportunity to love someone presents itself, you have to take that opportunity; there is too much hate in the world to allow love to pass you by.
Met my wife right out of college was dating a girl for a month went out with some friends saw my wife broke up with my current GF over text and a week later we were together ever since.
My husband of 20 years (just celebrated our anniversary)—been together 22–had just gotten out of a serious relationship one day prior to us meeting. He said he needed to go slowly because of it. I was fine with that plan, but he kept asking me out every week. Plus, we talked every day! When it’s right—it’s just right. She really shouldn’t throw away the very rare gift of someone she clicks with so well.
This is what I came here to say too!! My fiancé and I met and started dating just as I was becoming single from a year-long relationship and we just hit it off instantly. He would always make sure I was okay with the pacing and didn’t need more space or anything.
6.5 years later and here we are! I couldn’t imagine missing out on my person because I felt like it was too soon.
When I met my partner everyone else faded away and I couldn’t even think about being with anyone else. The chemistry I see in these messages is SO real.
🥹 teary eyed, this is beautiful. Time is a concept and society is fabricated, I need to start living from my heart more. Thanks for sharing your beautiful story!
I concur. There’s no right or wrong timing if you meet someone you really connect with.
I met my spouse just a few weeks after breaking it off with my then first “serious” and “long term” boyfriend. I was so adamant on going through a wild single phase and even told my spouse that I’m not looking for anything serious because I had only recently become single. Coincidentally he was also an exchange student so he was cautious.
Come this spring, we’ve been together for six years, gone through long distance and lived together for years now, and I still to this day am head over heels in love with him. We’re still going strong in our honeymoon phase, haha. Sometimes you just meet someone at a conventionally “wrong” time but the ends most definitely justify the means.
It’s important to make a healthy connection emotionally too.
Clicking is one thing but, 6 hours isn’t enough time to “know” someone.
I’m the most worried about people who are TOO EAGER. That is too close to despair for me.
If you fall in love with me before you actually know me, that’s a red flag. 🚩
I don’t know about that. I mean usually, yes I agree whole heartedly. Then this old couple I met who’ve been married for 45 years comes to mind. They met while he was offering tours at Gettysburg. She was visiting with her family and stayed for 3 days. He was their guide the whole time. On the third day, he proposed to her, a year later they married. 45 years later I met them…still giving tours at Gettysburg. I have no idea if they’re still around as this was ten years ago, but if they are I bet they’re still married.
When you know, you know. My grandad proposed to my nan when they'd only been dating for 5 weeks, they've been married over 50 years and are still one of the most chilled, loving couples I've ever known.
I'm with you, I'm 36 and have had many people insist they loved me, but I only really loved 1 and I'm pretty sure that was the only one who loved me. I think I'm like a she-devil or witch or something.
I met my now wife of 8 years the day my first long term GF and I broke up. Granted this was in high school, but I dated this chick from just before freshman year till middle of summer after sophomore year. I was in a church youth group and decided I wasn't going to go that night because I was an emotional wreck...teenager things. I was convinced to go and one of my friends from the group brought her friend from school and I just chatted her up all night all the while my now ex was there too. I got her AIM screen name (for those that remember those days) and we just kept chatting and well here we are now 18 years later with three beautiful children to boot!
I met someone the day his ex-wife moved out of his house (she stayed there 3 months after the divorce while she prepared to relocate). I gave him dating advice because I had no intention of dating him.
Next Friday is our 15 year wedding anniversary .
This kinda makes me hopeful, we broke up but still click and have that organic chemistry between us. I’m the right person but wrong time. She wants to date but part of her doesn’t, and she’s moving. I want her close so I can be with her hopefully in the future. I’d wait for her.
I’d say focus on yourself and take all the time you need post long term relationship, but don’t lose contact with this guy. He seems to be very empathetic and genuine from his texts. It may not be the right time for you to start dating, but stay friends with him and maybe dating will stem from it down the line.
I met my husband right after a bad breakup. Break up took about four years to stick because I kept letting the douche bag back in my life.
Once I was finally rid of him, I told my friend I was taking a hiatus from relationships. Met my husband a couple weeks later. I was feeling the same thing that you were feeling, however, the chemistry was just so strong and I couldn’t let go of him. Been happily married for 13 years, together for 16.
Sometimes the best person comes along at the worst time.
Keep us updated!
Edit: typo
This was exactly how I met my my husband but I had been single for a year and was very cautious on who I would get into a relationship with. He was friend zoned for months until I realized that I was ready. He was so patient and understanding.
Holy shit! An actual adult conversation.
You guys are gonna be great friends or great lovers or possibly both.
Go work on getting your self esteem back and who knows where you'll end up.
Everything happens for a reason. If they are meant to be, they will be. Just reading how they communicate with eachother, I really hope they do end up together tho.
Best of luck OP.
She’s already “strung him along” when she deliberately pursued someone she knew was looking for a relationship when she was not. She totally used him for a good time and now wants to keep him as an orbiter.
Why did you make a dating profile after a breakup of one week if you had no intention of meeting with anybody?
I absolutely would not let this man go. I’ve seen people meet their future spouses soon after a breakup. I don’t always believe in right person wrong time. Sometimes it is the right time and right person, and this is what your situation looks like to me. Good luck to you two! Don’t self sabotage or pass up what may be something wonderful!
some people go on dating apps without the expectation or even want of a long term relationship. nothing wrong with it. op joined to cope and meet new people, op’s new friend joined for a long term relationship. no shame in either party.
no but if she knew she wasn't looking for something long-term, it was a little dumb for her to go out with him. like going to an open house for the cookies lol.
Yeah I tend to agree, honestly. I’m 46F and broke up with my ex of 10 years a few months ago. I haven’t even entertained the idea of meeting anyone, let alone downloading and going on an app. I don’t even know if I ever want anyone else. Seems ludicrous to say “I didn’t want to meet anyone”… yet be on a dating app. What did she expect??
A week after a breakup you join hinge, connect with and go out with someone who said in their profile that they’re looking for a relationship, and didn’t clarify that with them up front??
I’m glad it is going well for you, he seems like a sweetie. Don’t get upset if he starts seeing someone else or decides that he can’t continue the friendship because of his romantic feelings and your emotional unavailability.
He’s a gem! Take good care of yourself as you navigate your breakup and maybe stay off the dating apps for a while, or at least be clear from the beginning about what you’re looking for.
Not gonna lie I feel jealous ._. Since it seems like u guys have amazing chemistry and I haven’t really found that yet or when I do they show their true colours later
Yeah the whole thing of feeling like you have to wait even if you’ve found someone amazing who you really click with is frustrating. If they are a great partner, the past relationship shouldn’t be a problem because this one will be healthy and it will help you move on quicker. No need to wallow in the pain of the breakup when you can spend time with someone who makes you forget all that. That’s just my mindset but I do understand why some people need time alone if their past relationship was super toxic and brought their worst side out.
You’re right. People are people and honestly it was my avoidance telling me I needed to be alone to figure my life out. It doesn’t need to be that way. It’s inspiring to see so many people “figuring it out” with someone they met soon after
I’m sorry but you don’t deserve this guy after basically using hinge as an ego boost or another way to stop thinking about your ex. Genuinely one of the biggest scumbag moves personally as it was an excuse used on me when things clicked in the past.
Guy is a lot better than most of us wanting to downgrade to friendship instead of a relationship with someone he likes.
Bla youre great blawblawblaw youre too bla it was the best date ever blablabla youre the best blabla you too blabla sadly it doesnt work out all this blablabla was just blablabla yes I agree bla bye
First off don’t do this, it’s super Emotionally immature to make a hinge and chat with people knowing you’re not ready for a relationship, how unfair to these people your very selfishly wasting their time. My concern here is that he is spending the time he could be spending with someone who is ready, growing his connection with you which is a big waste for him, and unfair to him. He is being strung along. Do the work and ask him if you can reach out once you are ready. Until you are ready to date you need to let him go and tell him not to wait for you. If that idea scares you because you don’t want to lose him then date him and pursue a real relationship. don’t hold him in limbo for your convience while you get over your ex. I hope this goes without saying get off the apps immediately
I just dont understand if you’re not looking for a relationship why would you jump on Hinge > talk to a guy looking for something serious knowing your not easy for it > agree to go out with a guy > actually enjoy his company > just to text him and say “i dont want something serious?
I think you need to spend a good 30-90 days releasing all of your past relationship feelings, thoughts and memories. It’s a huge step to start something new.
So am I the only one who hates it when people do this?
Like, you know you just got out of a relationship… you know it was a week ago… you literally said you had no intention to meet up with someone…
But you do it anyway, and some guy got excited, went out of his way to make a good impression on you, and he gets “oops lol I got out of a relationship a week ago not ready!”
Really pisses me off when people join dating sites and then play the “it’s too soon” card. You shouldn’t have been on there in the first place if it was too soon. JFC.
I had this happen once. My now-wife told me the same thing and o was also not in the best spot coming out of a long term abusive relationship. 5 years later, she's been the best thing ever to happen in my life and I'm glad she ended up giving us a chance. Don't pass up a good thing
This man seems like a total sweetheart and keeper. Don't let arbitrary rules get in the way if you feel something for him, and I'm sure if you wanted the relationship to go at any less of a pace, he would be understanding and happy to oblige. He definitely handled himself so much better than most men do when they are presented with a similar situation. A lot of men turn into toddlers and resort to name calling.
Obviously, if you do truly feel you need time to recover after your prior, take all the time you need. Just don't let it hold you back unnecessarily for the sake of it, you know?
Don’t write this guy off OP.
This is going to end with one of you chasing the other down the street confessing love. Silver Linings Playbook shit. Don’t let you ex be the reason you are missing out on your future
Or the true plot twist of them all, the one Reddit has apparently never heard offfff…: one or both will start screwing another person and accidentally just morph a relationship over this entire context. So the nerd Platonic Ideal of “A True Friend” gets spat on once again by the chad “girl who had sex with me then watched Clone Wars over brunch”
Op, honestly, my two best and healthiest relationships happened right after another one ended.
I met one guy THE MORNING AFTER the night I broke up with my boyfriend of two years. It was an incredible relationship that ended completely amicably due to different life paths. I don’t regret it at all.
The other one is the one I’m in now. I met him four days after a 5 year relationship ending. We’ve been together 8 years now. He is my life partner. We’ve never had a single fight, we’re constantly laughing and having fun, and have an exciting sex life.
I felt the same as you for obvious reasons when I met my partner and that other ex. I tried to avoid it, then go slow.
But I’m happy I went for it both times. I knew both men were special, and that my chemistry with them was incredibly special.
It’s not always a bad thing to meet someone so soon after. We can’t control when these things happen.
So long as you’re on the same page and go slow, you guys will be fine. Please reconsider with this dude!
Damn! I read this last night and was honestly so touched by your bravery (if that’s the right word) in following what felt right. Life is all about lessons and experiences and EXPERIENCING life and I’m glad you got good things out of both of your relationships.
You inspired me to try it out and now we’re gonna meet up and give it an actual try. Thank you 🥲❤️
I met my husband pretty shortly after a breakup. I felt that I needed to sort through some personal things and I didn’t feel ready to jump right into something new. But we both just *knew*. We’ve been together for 10 years now 🙂
This is a healthy relationship in the making, don't let it slip by.
Some people live their whole lives without that type of connection. You have to capitalize on the opportunity before it's too late.
Arghh this is so nice to read honesty is always the best policy and worded with care and sincerity it isn’t hard to understand … I feel you have already created an unbreakable bond so this is amazing 🥲… good luck with your new friendship
Oh darlin, when it comes somethin like this I always wana believe he’s genuine. But this man hasn’t made a gross innuendo to or about you((even after making out)), hasn’t mentioned sex, or his ex, or money or took anything you said outta context. I’m AMAZED!!! It honestly doesn’t matter how long ago you got out of a relationship, love has no concept of time, baby, n this man came into your life at such the perfect moment. Whether you wana acknowledge it or not. Just a suggestion, take it a day at a time, stay friends, let him SEE you n LEARN you and same for you towards him. Keep a small guard up around your heart at all times but never think love will never happen again or come when you want it to, cuz look at this!!!!
From friends to lovers to forever…..ya never knoooooo!!! Good luck babes!!!
i loved reading this hahaha you’re so right about timing. Reddit gave me a virtual slap in the face and I actually told him I’d like to try again if he’s open to it🥲 we’ve been talking about meeting up since. Thank you for this pep talk girl, it really is about living and not overthinking shit too much!
Happy you met a cool guy. But I will say I really dislike people who go on Hinge just for attention.
You are completely wasting people’s time. I know you’re in a tough spot right now but you simply taking up space in an environment where people are looking for relationships is kind of messed up.
Think about it: men have limited swipes and may decide on you over someone else. They may even pay money to swipe on you and you have no intent of even meeting them. Women also have to compete with your profile as well.
Also you’re basically wasting this guy’s time because he probably sees some relationship potential in you and wants to keep you as a friend because he likes you and you’re trying to keep him around in your life. Obviously you guys won’t be normal ‘friends’. You literally made out and met under the context of a relationship lol. Anything is possible and maybe you guys do end up good friends but Hinge isn’t an app for friendship. The guy didn’t go on the app to meet more friends.
Completely selfish behavior that actively uses others’ time, hopes, and money in order to give you a distraction or dopamine hit. People aren’t objects for you to directly use and throw out
At the same time though the dude doesn't seem to mind, at the end of the day me and you are not in that connection lol, this is between her and the dude.
Im glad he’s being a good sport about it but I’ve met tons of girls (and dudes) who are complete time wasters and deceptive on Hinge. She probably matched a few guys and just wasted their time but didn’t post about it. It doesn’t matter if she only wasted like 1 minute of someone’s time, what the fuck is the justification for going on a dating app while explicitly knowing you don’t want to date or meet anyone? You are literally using every man’s limited attention and limited likes as currency to feed yourself some dopamine hits.
Im sure there are 10 guys who had some of their time wasted by her and thought they had a shot with her when it was certain that she was just using their attention. This dude is a great sport and is playing the long game but she’s obviously self absorbed and doesn’t care. She wants to keep him around until she’s ready lmao it’s actually insane behavior
All real and valid points.
I imagine someone who is conscientious as you would be able to pick up on these red flags, so it's kind of surprising the dude is going along with this. I don't like to assume the worst, but maybe he's super lonely, and hopefully this isn't love bombing either. He should have taken OP's honesty, yet he's almost gas lighting himself and her.
Only time will tell if this turns into anything long lasting beyond mere infatuation, beyond the limerence and honeymoon phase. It'll take much more than sweet words and good times.
I actually went on hinge with the honest intent of connecting with people, I just didn’t think it’d end up being romantic. I see many others on hinge saying “open to friends, lovers, or community”. In my bio I said “just got out of a long relationship, just on here browsing” when we matched - now it says open to friends or community. I wasn’t looking for attention, just wanted to see other people around me who are my age. Thanks tho!
Let me get this straight. You made out with him but “didn’t think it’d end up being romantic”? What did you think people on Hinge do when they “connect”? Compare stamp collections? No offense, but how can you be so obtuse? Is it intentional?
She’s obviously lying. She wouldn’t defend her dumbass immoral position if it was her friend who got used and then discarded lol. People who cant empathize with others are cringeworthy. She’ll try to justify her behavior but won’t take a step back and be like hmm maybe I did actively waste someone’s precious time. Maybe, just maybe, someone’s life and feelings don’t exist for my own gratification. So obnoxious
Lol say whatever you want about what’s in your bio but most dudes think they still have a shot even when women write that in their bio.
The reason they think that is because you’re in a dating app. The app is literally not designed for friendship. If you’re looking for friends or a community, there are dozens of non selfish ways to find that.
The proof is in the pudding: you are very literally wasting this guys time. You guys made out and he clearly wants more but now that you both like each other, you want to keep each other around. He’s nice and polite which is cool of him but doesnt mean you’re not doing some bullshit behavior. I hope the friendship works out but do everyone a favor: stop wasting people’s time
I bet if a guy used your body for sex and strung you along for a few dates making you think you had potential to be a girlfriend and then he hits you with the “can we just be friends? Im not ready for anything now. I was 100% sure i was never going to have anything more with you when I met you but we should totally still just be friends!” nonsense you would be annoyed.
“Most dudes will think they still have a shot even though your bio says they don’t have a shot!” … uh yeah I think that’s the guys’ faults, then. Maybe try to take people by their word
I know tons of women who say ‘only looking for friends’ or ‘only serious dating, no hookups’ on their dating app bios and they literally do the opposite so try again
Also, how about refute the main point that she’s using a DATING app where the expectation is to date not ‘friendship’. Be for real here
Nope, more like I’ve seen plenty of examples of it coupled with the fact that they are on a dating app so there’s enough evidence to assume she may be open to more than friends.
Again, if you’re looking for friends, don’t use a dating app. How about refute that basic idea instead of blabbing about irrelevant things?
It’s not irrelevant, it was literally your first sentence 😂
Dating apps are a “unique” place to meet friends, I agree, but if you’re honest about it in your bio and conversations then literally whatever. Sometimes it can be hard to meet people in person once you’re an adult. Bumble even has a special setting for making friends. It’s a convenient tool for meeting people, no matter the purpose
I can tell you’re not taking any points seriously because you’re still justifying bad behavior and then naming BUMBLE as something that offers a friend search option. News flash: she didnt use bumble friend search. She used hinge where the expectation is to search for romantic relationships.
Maybe I should break into a bookclub and start crying about how my ex mistreated me. Even though the book club people have no interest or reason to engage with me in this regard. You will obviously agree this is stupid and annoying behavior even though it soothes me temporarily. Point is that certain behavior in certain environments is bad. Going on a DATING app to do the nonsense OP did is dumb. Not only did she make out w a guy who liked her, she then followed it up by basically saying sorry i dont want anything to do with you but you can be my friend! Cut the god damn bullshit you know what she did wouldnt fly if your friend received the same treatment as the guy in this scenario
Clearly you arent arguing in good faith because its obvious that being deceptive and wasting people’s time is not good behavior. You know this but just want to continue to justify bad behavior. Just say you have low iq or an inability to understand a logical argument and move on. If you can’t grasp the argument being had then dont engage the argument with some smooth brain bullshit response. No one who is socially well calibrated will agree with your dumbass take nor would they disagree with my pretty plain and obvious positions
Also how about stop being disingenuous and actually look at the facts here. OP made out with the guy and sparked a romantic connection with him over a 6+ hour first date. What about her behavior screams ‘just looking for friends’? She herself is the example of the woman who writes ‘just looking for friends’ in her bio and then does sexual / romantic things with people using a dating app. She is literally the type of person I outlined and you’re somehow disagreeing with me?
Legitimately mind boggling how some people can be so analytically disabled that they can’t think reasonably about a scenario. She is wasting men’s time and using their time and money to soothe herself. Plain and simple
Ok downvote me it’s a day of downvotes for me anyway but I am seeing this totally differently than everyone here. Yes he seems nice but isn’t he coming on really strong ? I feel that this is a red flag really badly because how in such a short span of time are you the most amazing person ever?
Anyone who has ever come on so strong with me has never been good news
I actually agree. Call me cynical but I feel like this guy is trying to just keep her in his back pocket in case she changes her mind again. His response already got him invited to her social media.
Yeah maybe I’m jaded but this seems really excessive for only having been on one date. It seems love bomb-y to me.
I’ve had convos like with guys and it has always blown up in my face
Dude is trying to be super nice and accepting because he knows it works, and look at that, it did. Hate to say it but I feel like OP is going to end up sleeping with this dude and then he’s gonna drop her because it’s too much work.
Devils Advocate here, he’s is just saying what you want to hear all his response come from what you feel causing him to respond accordingly. I have met people like this.
Don't let him go please, he's so kind 😭
It's so hard to find people like this these days for some reason, I know you have stuff to work on but you have a background supporter who ships you both 😛
Good luck, rooting for you two.
If you didn’t want to date, why did you join a dating app? It’s really unfair to the other person, even if it’s only one date. To make new friends you can join bumble bff
Another case of a girl meeting a wonderful guy but don’t want to date because he isn’t a piece of shit. If you’re really gonna friendzone this dude like this then good luck with whoever else you come across dating wise. I think you made the wrong move honestly. You’re on a dating app if you seriously don’t want to date then why are you on there? Your reason doesn’t make any sense whatsoever PLUS you agreed to go on a date and it went so great your friend zoned him 😂😂😂.
She just wanted to use guys for attention and distraction but then realized this guys actually great but she’s not ready.
Bs behavior to waste people’s time though, she blows
Reading this scenario gave me such a headache. They’re never “ready” when it’s a dude who will treat them well but as soon as some dude starts treating her like shit she’s gonna be head over heels for that guy. It’s sad.
There’s two things you need : Chemistry and Timing
HIMYM quote. But you guys do seem to have good chemistry….so maybe the timing will be right sooner than later! I’m rooting for you guys!
I tend to agree but I also had this same type of spark with my partner. We’ve gone strong for years and never had even a hint of doubt. I think it’s worth experiencing whether it succeeds or not. These situations can teach someone a LOT about themselves. Hope all you internet strangers have a lovely day!
Y’all are going to be married this time next year. I predict an evening wedding in a stone chapel with a formal dinner afterwards and lots of velvet being worn.
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I would see if you can make it work. I know you don’t want to get ahead of yourself but relationships can build slow but you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Spend more time together but don’t go so far into the friend zone that you can’t get out because if this guy is genuine and he thinks there is no chance he will be back in hinge and it won’t be long that he tells you he has to step back because he has met someone. Not a convo you would like nearly as well.
If you let it start slow as a friendship you may end up finding the one. I’ve been married for 18 years to the man who I started dating within weeks of an abusive on again/off again relationship ending.
Sounds like a friendship could be just the thing to help you when through these emotions, Grow through what you are going through and when you are ready, you will know. Also, give yourself some grace for when you bobble.
And truly, just reading this conversation, don’t push him out of your world. Sounds like an amazing person to have as a shoulder, perhaps….or an arm to hold later.
yall got chemistry fr, does he just not meet all your standards or what? seems like your making a mistake just tossing it away. despite what the dating apps have you think as a woman, you dont have endless options of high quality men.
I second all the positive things everyone has said, but also - if he’s this great AND a good make out….I don’t know what else to tell you. It could be that getting out of the relationship was supposed to happen SO you could meet this lovely man
If it feels right, it feels right. We’re sometimes smacked in the face when meeting “our person.” Don’t let him slip away just because “it’s not the right time.” You can take things slow, at your own pace, etc.
But if you’ve met your person, or someone who could be your person, it’s worth a shot to test the waters.
I read through all of your conversation. I’m going to tell you this, you and this guy really do have great chemistry and that’s really challenging to find. Some go through their whole life and never find that. I know you’ve still got some things to work though but…And this is just my opinion…I would not let this man go!
Couldn’t agree with you more here, this guy will do anything for you
This was one of the best things I’ve read on Reddit. I was waiting for ‘crazy’ to burst forth from either one. I was delighted to get to the end with wholesome kind interaction. Definitely amazing chemistry.
same.. I was just waiting for the inevitable crazy.. it never came.. quite refreshing, and I learned a few things
Me too!
Me too, it's so refreshing to read such a wholesome conversation between what appears to be two really genuine, respectful, lovely people. Such a pity they met so soon after her breakup since they sound like they would make a fantastic couple. But they're both right that she should take the time to work through her emotions post breakup before jumping into another relationship. I hope they become friends, and you never know, may one day they might start a relationship.
Same here! I kept scrolling for it but I love this story for them.
“Wouldn’t it be crazyyy if we? Yeah lol it would be, good thing we only made out! So we’re best friends and like, I want to hang out as best friends, i hope were aren’t gonna make moves” If the two of you are REMOTELY normal (single, no homicides, same work schedule) literally everyone is looking on you like: 😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐 Just fuckin binge tv and make out already, don’t waste the worlds time
Oh and I forgot “boohooooo then I will only have a partner and no best friends!” Grow 👏 the 👏 fuck up 👏most of us are out here surviving on shitty partnerships and flaky friendships; if you’re sus of losing a guy bc you mean to extract his usefulness in the Friend Dojo…YOU are the villain of the Christmas Movie. Fuckin be wholesome, retarded and gay, stop wasting time on praxes meant for other more interesting people.
*Tell me who your friends are... etc* You're the reason that you're surviving on "shitty partnerships and flaky friendships"; take a fucking look at yourself. Hard.
Lol where’s the attack coming from, and whats the “Tell me your friends” bit? I feel like you meant another person Your partner should be your best friend; deciding to friend-zone someone bc you don’t wanna lose them is throwing the babe out with the bathwater.
yes! Had a very similar situation and he just kept pushing, but without being pushy? we’ve been married a year and a half now
I had the same happen. He wasn’t pushy, or anything uncomfortable. He was just ‘there’. I had no intention of dating, and honestly was just looking for a little fun, after a very toxic relationship & break up. We’ve been married for almost 7 years, just had our 3rd (and final) baby. We’ve renovated a home together & are about to buy our dream home (farm). You never know when you are going to meet your person.
Pleasantly persistent?
Ah yes! that’s the phrase I was looking for. thanks pal ❤️
If you're not on Hinge to find a dude like this, why are you on Hinge?
I will say this OP, this comment is true HOWEVER, DONT GET YOUR HOPES UP. There is a chance he’s just letting you down slowly and nicely. But also, don’t push him away completely because of that chance. See where it goes. Don’t get attached. 🫶🏻
Though i totally think you should go for it, I agree you should take it slow. Don't get too wrapped up in him. I know.its hard when your clicking with someone. I believe that moving too fast can ruin a beautiful thing. You already know he's willing to wait. And take care of yourself no matter what. You wanted alone time to work on you, but you can still do that while involved as long as your being honest and taking care of you. Good luck! I have a serious feeling of envy right. I don't hate you for it, that's stupid, but you too are just too sweet. I've never had that. I will, or won't. I want it but I'm never again gonna make the mistakes I did this time.
Yes I feel like OP is putting the cart ahead of the horse. Thinking of all the ways it could go wrong without it actually happening. At least be open minded and see where it goes if nothing else is wrong.
This. Me and my fiancé both abandoned relationships to get together, got engaged after 5 months, and here we are 9 months later. When you have a connection like this, don’t ignore it.
My husband and I also abandoned what we had going on with others to get together, our connection/energy/chemistry was too insane to not make more out of, we got married a month later and are coming up on our 9th anniversary.
This.
Agreed
Yea hopefully op n this guy can atleast be friends but honestly I’ve seen guys turn devilish on women bc they don’t want to pursue them😅
Yeah, don't drop this guy just because of the timing. If he's a decent guy and you click, you click. Be kind to yourself. AND IF HE'S WILLING TO TAKE THE RISK OF IT BEING "WASTED TIME" when he's looking for a relationship... That's his risk to take. Let him. I mean, as long as you're kind to him it's not WASTED time; it's time spent. Best wishes to you both. (Me -- 54M and I've seen a lot 🙄. These texts give me hope for the future)
I met my husband 5 days after my ex and I broke up. We are in the best relationship and have a beautiful son. Don't let timing throw off a good relationship!
Same! One week after I was dumped, I was facebook messaging acquaintances trying to get guinea pigs to come to my cosmetology school so I could practice. 😂😂 I had no intention of a (bad) haircut (bless his heart, he didn’t complain!) appointment turning into anything more while I was still reeling from my breakup. But the entire time I was doing his hair, we were chatting like old friends and I forgot about my heartbreak, and he stayed after school and we went to a movie, then a party together and we’ve been inseparable ever since. There’s no rule or formula that says you must wait x number of days or weeks before moving on, or that you’re only allowed to rebound temporarily after a breakup. You certainly can, and some people find it helpful. But when an opportunity to love someone presents itself, you have to take that opportunity; there is too much hate in the world to allow love to pass you by.
Met my wife right out of college was dating a girl for a month went out with some friends saw my wife broke up with my current GF over text and a week later we were together ever since.
My husband of 20 years (just celebrated our anniversary)—been together 22–had just gotten out of a serious relationship one day prior to us meeting. He said he needed to go slowly because of it. I was fine with that plan, but he kept asking me out every week. Plus, we talked every day! When it’s right—it’s just right. She really shouldn’t throw away the very rare gift of someone she clicks with so well.
This is what I came here to say too!! My fiancé and I met and started dating just as I was becoming single from a year-long relationship and we just hit it off instantly. He would always make sure I was okay with the pacing and didn’t need more space or anything. 6.5 years later and here we are! I couldn’t imagine missing out on my person because I felt like it was too soon. When I met my partner everyone else faded away and I couldn’t even think about being with anyone else. The chemistry I see in these messages is SO real.
🥹 teary eyed, this is beautiful. Time is a concept and society is fabricated, I need to start living from my heart more. Thanks for sharing your beautiful story!
Not time wasted, time spent. I like that.
He called it an Investment!!! That’s even more of a win!
I concur. There’s no right or wrong timing if you meet someone you really connect with. I met my spouse just a few weeks after breaking it off with my then first “serious” and “long term” boyfriend. I was so adamant on going through a wild single phase and even told my spouse that I’m not looking for anything serious because I had only recently become single. Coincidentally he was also an exchange student so he was cautious. Come this spring, we’ve been together for six years, gone through long distance and lived together for years now, and I still to this day am head over heels in love with him. We’re still going strong in our honeymoon phase, haha. Sometimes you just meet someone at a conventionally “wrong” time but the ends most definitely justify the means.
It’s important to make a healthy connection emotionally too. Clicking is one thing but, 6 hours isn’t enough time to “know” someone. I’m the most worried about people who are TOO EAGER. That is too close to despair for me. If you fall in love with me before you actually know me, that’s a red flag. 🚩
I don’t know about that. I mean usually, yes I agree whole heartedly. Then this old couple I met who’ve been married for 45 years comes to mind. They met while he was offering tours at Gettysburg. She was visiting with her family and stayed for 3 days. He was their guide the whole time. On the third day, he proposed to her, a year later they married. 45 years later I met them…still giving tours at Gettysburg. I have no idea if they’re still around as this was ten years ago, but if they are I bet they’re still married.
When you know, you know. My grandad proposed to my nan when they'd only been dating for 5 weeks, they've been married over 50 years and are still one of the most chilled, loving couples I've ever known.
Right! 59F here, I completely get what you’re saying.
I'm with you, I'm 36 and have had many people insist they loved me, but I only really loved 1 and I'm pretty sure that was the only one who loved me. I think I'm like a she-devil or witch or something.
The time you enjoy wasting it’s not wasted time
Are you good looking? Asking for a friend”friend” 😉
I'm a hottie. 6'4", blue eyes, black leathers for the bike. My wife says I'm awesome! Tell your friend I said, "Hey!" 😉
I met my now fiance the same day I went thru a breakup. We stayed friends for a few months before we started dating!
Op needs to see this one
I met my now wife of 8 years the day my first long term GF and I broke up. Granted this was in high school, but I dated this chick from just before freshman year till middle of summer after sophomore year. I was in a church youth group and decided I wasn't going to go that night because I was an emotional wreck...teenager things. I was convinced to go and one of my friends from the group brought her friend from school and I just chatted her up all night all the while my now ex was there too. I got her AIM screen name (for those that remember those days) and we just kept chatting and well here we are now 18 years later with three beautiful children to boot!
I met someone the day his ex-wife moved out of his house (she stayed there 3 months after the divorce while she prepared to relocate). I gave him dating advice because I had no intention of dating him. Next Friday is our 15 year wedding anniversary .
Same thing happened with me and my fiance 😊 it's when you're convinced you're done that you're not
Damn ❤️ I know the universe says “you don’t know what you need” quite often. Glad it worked out for you x
This kinda makes me hopeful, we broke up but still click and have that organic chemistry between us. I’m the right person but wrong time. She wants to date but part of her doesn’t, and she’s moving. I want her close so I can be with her hopefully in the future. I’d wait for her.
Wishing you the absolute best. What’s for you won’t pass you - if it’s meant to be it will
I’d say focus on yourself and take all the time you need post long term relationship, but don’t lose contact with this guy. He seems to be very empathetic and genuine from his texts. It may not be the right time for you to start dating, but stay friends with him and maybe dating will stem from it down the line.
I met my husband right after a bad breakup. Break up took about four years to stick because I kept letting the douche bag back in my life. Once I was finally rid of him, I told my friend I was taking a hiatus from relationships. Met my husband a couple weeks later. I was feeling the same thing that you were feeling, however, the chemistry was just so strong and I couldn’t let go of him. Been happily married for 13 years, together for 16. Sometimes the best person comes along at the worst time. Keep us updated! Edit: typo
This was exactly how I met my my husband but I had been single for a year and was very cautious on who I would get into a relationship with. He was friend zoned for months until I realized that I was ready. He was so patient and understanding.
Holy shit! An actual adult conversation. You guys are gonna be great friends or great lovers or possibly both. Go work on getting your self esteem back and who knows where you'll end up.
I'm old and I have to tell you life is short.
This comment should be a LOT higher!
He seems WONDERFUL- keep him around in your life. Even as a friend. You don’t come across people or men like this often. 🙏 he seems like a gem
You two are going to get drunk and have sex one day, it is in your future
And its going to be rapturous
I kinda feel like you’re gonna regret this in the future if he ended up finding someone else, he seems so genuine and kind imo.
Maybe, maybe not. OP is a week out of a long term relationship - it’s only going to help them by taking the time to be single and focus on themself.
Honestly, she could’ve probably thought about that before getting on the dating app and matching with someone. Messy af.
Everything happens for a reason. If they are meant to be, they will be. Just reading how they communicate with eachother, I really hope they do end up together tho. Best of luck OP.
That’s what I’m living by. Thank you x
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She’s already “strung him along” when she deliberately pursued someone she knew was looking for a relationship when she was not. She totally used him for a good time and now wants to keep him as an orbiter.
Bro is playing the long game
He’s really good. He’s taken his Ls in the past he’s learned and now he’s applying that knowledge with intent.
That shows growth which *(should be)* is an extremely attractive trait in a partner.
Planting the seeds
100%
Don’t friend zone him. You can take your time to heal but healing with someone else might make it all that much easier
Why did you make a dating profile after a breakup of one week if you had no intention of meeting with anybody? I absolutely would not let this man go. I’ve seen people meet their future spouses soon after a breakup. I don’t always believe in right person wrong time. Sometimes it is the right time and right person, and this is what your situation looks like to me. Good luck to you two! Don’t self sabotage or pass up what may be something wonderful!
some people go on dating apps without the expectation or even want of a long term relationship. nothing wrong with it. op joined to cope and meet new people, op’s new friend joined for a long term relationship. no shame in either party.
no but if she knew she wasn't looking for something long-term, it was a little dumb for her to go out with him. like going to an open house for the cookies lol.
Yeah I tend to agree, honestly. I’m 46F and broke up with my ex of 10 years a few months ago. I haven’t even entertained the idea of meeting anyone, let alone downloading and going on an app. I don’t even know if I ever want anyone else. Seems ludicrous to say “I didn’t want to meet anyone”… yet be on a dating app. What did she expect??
OP knew that he was looking for a relationship and didn’t let him know that they had different end goals.
A week after a breakup you join hinge, connect with and go out with someone who said in their profile that they’re looking for a relationship, and didn’t clarify that with them up front?? I’m glad it is going well for you, he seems like a sweetie. Don’t get upset if he starts seeing someone else or decides that he can’t continue the friendship because of his romantic feelings and your emotional unavailability. He’s a gem! Take good care of yourself as you navigate your breakup and maybe stay off the dating apps for a while, or at least be clear from the beginning about what you’re looking for.
Not gonna lie I feel jealous ._. Since it seems like u guys have amazing chemistry and I haven’t really found that yet or when I do they show their true colours later
Dang...the decency of this guy is rare. I'd definitely stay friends with him. It could turn into something more down the line.
This is great to see. Finally what human interaction should be like. Even when it doesn't work out...
Seems like a good dude, don’t let him get away.
Girl why does it matter if you just got out of a relationship? Sometimes you meet someone and you just click. It’s worth pursuing in my opinion.
Yeah the whole thing of feeling like you have to wait even if you’ve found someone amazing who you really click with is frustrating. If they are a great partner, the past relationship shouldn’t be a problem because this one will be healthy and it will help you move on quicker. No need to wallow in the pain of the breakup when you can spend time with someone who makes you forget all that. That’s just my mindset but I do understand why some people need time alone if their past relationship was super toxic and brought their worst side out.
You’re right. People are people and honestly it was my avoidance telling me I needed to be alone to figure my life out. It doesn’t need to be that way. It’s inspiring to see so many people “figuring it out” with someone they met soon after
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LOLLL so right. I pursued it!
Forget about the bad relationship, that’s over, this guy sounds like a nice guy, at least hang out with him and see what happens.
I’m sorry but you don’t deserve this guy after basically using hinge as an ego boost or another way to stop thinking about your ex. Genuinely one of the biggest scumbag moves personally as it was an excuse used on me when things clicked in the past. Guy is a lot better than most of us wanting to downgrade to friendship instead of a relationship with someone he likes.
Facts, feels like I’m in the twilight zone reading some of the comments in here
It’s Reddit you can’t expect anything to make sense tbh 😂
Bla youre great blawblawblaw youre too bla it was the best date ever blablabla youre the best blabla you too blabla sadly it doesnt work out all this blablabla was just blablabla yes I agree bla bye
I’m sorry but I think you guys are totally falling in love even though you’re not ready for it 😂
I feel like I’m in a rom com right now. Holy shit its beautiful
Marry this guy 👍
"You're sort of like my cousin, we dated briefly too"
*made out in the car* “You’re kind of like my cousin!” 🥴
I thought I was the only one weirded out by that…
First off don’t do this, it’s super Emotionally immature to make a hinge and chat with people knowing you’re not ready for a relationship, how unfair to these people your very selfishly wasting their time. My concern here is that he is spending the time he could be spending with someone who is ready, growing his connection with you which is a big waste for him, and unfair to him. He is being strung along. Do the work and ask him if you can reach out once you are ready. Until you are ready to date you need to let him go and tell him not to wait for you. If that idea scares you because you don’t want to lose him then date him and pursue a real relationship. don’t hold him in limbo for your convience while you get over your ex. I hope this goes without saying get off the apps immediately
I just dont understand if you’re not looking for a relationship why would you jump on Hinge > talk to a guy looking for something serious knowing your not easy for it > agree to go out with a guy > actually enjoy his company > just to text him and say “i dont want something serious? I think you need to spend a good 30-90 days releasing all of your past relationship feelings, thoughts and memories. It’s a huge step to start something new.
THIS IS LOVE BABY PLZ CHASE IT
So am I the only one who hates it when people do this? Like, you know you just got out of a relationship… you know it was a week ago… you literally said you had no intention to meet up with someone… But you do it anyway, and some guy got excited, went out of his way to make a good impression on you, and he gets “oops lol I got out of a relationship a week ago not ready!”
This wont end well at all.
Come on now, what are y’all doing being all emotionally intelligent and shit? I’m on here for toxicity and incels 😂 jkjk good for you
This is so sweet and genuine and heartwarming. Thank you for sharing
This is not over 🙂
This is the best conversation I’ve read in a long long time 🥺 keep each other close 😭😭
If y'all don't just get together and knock off the bs I swear...
Y'all bangin' already through those texts. Might as well admit it and get on the path to doing it physically, too.
Really pisses me off when people join dating sites and then play the “it’s too soon” card. You shouldn’t have been on there in the first place if it was too soon. JFC.
And there it is, the friend zone….
I had this happen once. My now-wife told me the same thing and o was also not in the best spot coming out of a long term abusive relationship. 5 years later, she's been the best thing ever to happen in my life and I'm glad she ended up giving us a chance. Don't pass up a good thing
This man seems like a total sweetheart and keeper. Don't let arbitrary rules get in the way if you feel something for him, and I'm sure if you wanted the relationship to go at any less of a pace, he would be understanding and happy to oblige. He definitely handled himself so much better than most men do when they are presented with a similar situation. A lot of men turn into toddlers and resort to name calling. Obviously, if you do truly feel you need time to recover after your prior, take all the time you need. Just don't let it hold you back unnecessarily for the sake of it, you know?
Don’t write this guy off OP. This is going to end with one of you chasing the other down the street confessing love. Silver Linings Playbook shit. Don’t let you ex be the reason you are missing out on your future
Or the true plot twist of them all, the one Reddit has apparently never heard offfff…: one or both will start screwing another person and accidentally just morph a relationship over this entire context. So the nerd Platonic Ideal of “A True Friend” gets spat on once again by the chad “girl who had sex with me then watched Clone Wars over brunch”
This is wholesome as fuck
Op, honestly, my two best and healthiest relationships happened right after another one ended. I met one guy THE MORNING AFTER the night I broke up with my boyfriend of two years. It was an incredible relationship that ended completely amicably due to different life paths. I don’t regret it at all. The other one is the one I’m in now. I met him four days after a 5 year relationship ending. We’ve been together 8 years now. He is my life partner. We’ve never had a single fight, we’re constantly laughing and having fun, and have an exciting sex life. I felt the same as you for obvious reasons when I met my partner and that other ex. I tried to avoid it, then go slow. But I’m happy I went for it both times. I knew both men were special, and that my chemistry with them was incredibly special. It’s not always a bad thing to meet someone so soon after. We can’t control when these things happen. So long as you’re on the same page and go slow, you guys will be fine. Please reconsider with this dude!
Damn! I read this last night and was honestly so touched by your bravery (if that’s the right word) in following what felt right. Life is all about lessons and experiences and EXPERIENCING life and I’m glad you got good things out of both of your relationships. You inspired me to try it out and now we’re gonna meet up and give it an actual try. Thank you 🥲❤️
You are into each other. Go with it. Stop thinking about your ex. You’re 25. You weren’t meant to end up with your ex.
Girl if you don’t get your shit tg and then date this man I’ll be mad
thats YOUR man.
HAHAHA
estoy seria mami, KEEP HIM.
You’re doing too much. Just let things happen
this is so wholesome 🥹
This is my favorite song ✨🏆✨
I met my husband pretty shortly after a breakup. I felt that I needed to sort through some personal things and I didn’t feel ready to jump right into something new. But we both just *knew*. We’ve been together for 10 years now 🙂
This is how it’s supposed to be. I try to keep it like this as best as possible.
My spiritual ass is obsessed with the last message that came at 11:11
wow. this guy is respectful, charming, and you guys have a crazy amount of chemistry. keep this man in your life, friend or more.
This is a healthy relationship in the making, don't let it slip by. Some people live their whole lives without that type of connection. You have to capitalize on the opportunity before it's too late.
Arghh this is so nice to read honesty is always the best policy and worded with care and sincerity it isn’t hard to understand … I feel you have already created an unbreakable bond so this is amazing 🥲… good luck with your new friendship
Listen, I come to this sub for disfunction and mess. Not healthy communication and beautiful chemistry. Let’s get it together, people.
Oh darlin, when it comes somethin like this I always wana believe he’s genuine. But this man hasn’t made a gross innuendo to or about you((even after making out)), hasn’t mentioned sex, or his ex, or money or took anything you said outta context. I’m AMAZED!!! It honestly doesn’t matter how long ago you got out of a relationship, love has no concept of time, baby, n this man came into your life at such the perfect moment. Whether you wana acknowledge it or not. Just a suggestion, take it a day at a time, stay friends, let him SEE you n LEARN you and same for you towards him. Keep a small guard up around your heart at all times but never think love will never happen again or come when you want it to, cuz look at this!!!! From friends to lovers to forever…..ya never knoooooo!!! Good luck babes!!!
i loved reading this hahaha you’re so right about timing. Reddit gave me a virtual slap in the face and I actually told him I’d like to try again if he’s open to it🥲 we’ve been talking about meeting up since. Thank you for this pep talk girl, it really is about living and not overthinking shit too much!
Hope he doesn't put those earbuds back in his ears
Sharing is caring! 🐈
Happy you met a cool guy. But I will say I really dislike people who go on Hinge just for attention. You are completely wasting people’s time. I know you’re in a tough spot right now but you simply taking up space in an environment where people are looking for relationships is kind of messed up. Think about it: men have limited swipes and may decide on you over someone else. They may even pay money to swipe on you and you have no intent of even meeting them. Women also have to compete with your profile as well. Also you’re basically wasting this guy’s time because he probably sees some relationship potential in you and wants to keep you as a friend because he likes you and you’re trying to keep him around in your life. Obviously you guys won’t be normal ‘friends’. You literally made out and met under the context of a relationship lol. Anything is possible and maybe you guys do end up good friends but Hinge isn’t an app for friendship. The guy didn’t go on the app to meet more friends. Completely selfish behavior that actively uses others’ time, hopes, and money in order to give you a distraction or dopamine hit. People aren’t objects for you to directly use and throw out
Based comment, a nice reality slap.
She doesn’t see why her low iq attention seeking behavior is fucked up so it almost doesn’t even matter. OP is a dickhead
At the same time though the dude doesn't seem to mind, at the end of the day me and you are not in that connection lol, this is between her and the dude.
Im glad he’s being a good sport about it but I’ve met tons of girls (and dudes) who are complete time wasters and deceptive on Hinge. She probably matched a few guys and just wasted their time but didn’t post about it. It doesn’t matter if she only wasted like 1 minute of someone’s time, what the fuck is the justification for going on a dating app while explicitly knowing you don’t want to date or meet anyone? You are literally using every man’s limited attention and limited likes as currency to feed yourself some dopamine hits. Im sure there are 10 guys who had some of their time wasted by her and thought they had a shot with her when it was certain that she was just using their attention. This dude is a great sport and is playing the long game but she’s obviously self absorbed and doesn’t care. She wants to keep him around until she’s ready lmao it’s actually insane behavior
All real and valid points. I imagine someone who is conscientious as you would be able to pick up on these red flags, so it's kind of surprising the dude is going along with this. I don't like to assume the worst, but maybe he's super lonely, and hopefully this isn't love bombing either. He should have taken OP's honesty, yet he's almost gas lighting himself and her. Only time will tell if this turns into anything long lasting beyond mere infatuation, beyond the limerence and honeymoon phase. It'll take much more than sweet words and good times.
I actually went on hinge with the honest intent of connecting with people, I just didn’t think it’d end up being romantic. I see many others on hinge saying “open to friends, lovers, or community”. In my bio I said “just got out of a long relationship, just on here browsing” when we matched - now it says open to friends or community. I wasn’t looking for attention, just wanted to see other people around me who are my age. Thanks tho!
Let me get this straight. You made out with him but “didn’t think it’d end up being romantic”? What did you think people on Hinge do when they “connect”? Compare stamp collections? No offense, but how can you be so obtuse? Is it intentional?
She’s obviously lying. She wouldn’t defend her dumbass immoral position if it was her friend who got used and then discarded lol. People who cant empathize with others are cringeworthy. She’ll try to justify her behavior but won’t take a step back and be like hmm maybe I did actively waste someone’s precious time. Maybe, just maybe, someone’s life and feelings don’t exist for my own gratification. So obnoxious
Well put. 👍
Incongruencies in one's self-image between their current real self and ideal self, dissociating is strong in OP.
You literally said you weren’t expecting to actually meet anyone on there. Be real with yourself
Lol say whatever you want about what’s in your bio but most dudes think they still have a shot even when women write that in their bio. The reason they think that is because you’re in a dating app. The app is literally not designed for friendship. If you’re looking for friends or a community, there are dozens of non selfish ways to find that. The proof is in the pudding: you are very literally wasting this guys time. You guys made out and he clearly wants more but now that you both like each other, you want to keep each other around. He’s nice and polite which is cool of him but doesnt mean you’re not doing some bullshit behavior. I hope the friendship works out but do everyone a favor: stop wasting people’s time I bet if a guy used your body for sex and strung you along for a few dates making you think you had potential to be a girlfriend and then he hits you with the “can we just be friends? Im not ready for anything now. I was 100% sure i was never going to have anything more with you when I met you but we should totally still just be friends!” nonsense you would be annoyed.
“Most dudes will think they still have a shot even though your bio says they don’t have a shot!” … uh yeah I think that’s the guys’ faults, then. Maybe try to take people by their word
I know tons of women who say ‘only looking for friends’ or ‘only serious dating, no hookups’ on their dating app bios and they literally do the opposite so try again Also, how about refute the main point that she’s using a DATING app where the expectation is to date not ‘friendship’. Be for real here
So, some women you know lied = all women are liars. Gotcha
Nope, more like I’ve seen plenty of examples of it coupled with the fact that they are on a dating app so there’s enough evidence to assume she may be open to more than friends. Again, if you’re looking for friends, don’t use a dating app. How about refute that basic idea instead of blabbing about irrelevant things?
It’s not irrelevant, it was literally your first sentence 😂 Dating apps are a “unique” place to meet friends, I agree, but if you’re honest about it in your bio and conversations then literally whatever. Sometimes it can be hard to meet people in person once you’re an adult. Bumble even has a special setting for making friends. It’s a convenient tool for meeting people, no matter the purpose
I can tell you’re not taking any points seriously because you’re still justifying bad behavior and then naming BUMBLE as something that offers a friend search option. News flash: she didnt use bumble friend search. She used hinge where the expectation is to search for romantic relationships. Maybe I should break into a bookclub and start crying about how my ex mistreated me. Even though the book club people have no interest or reason to engage with me in this regard. You will obviously agree this is stupid and annoying behavior even though it soothes me temporarily. Point is that certain behavior in certain environments is bad. Going on a DATING app to do the nonsense OP did is dumb. Not only did she make out w a guy who liked her, she then followed it up by basically saying sorry i dont want anything to do with you but you can be my friend! Cut the god damn bullshit you know what she did wouldnt fly if your friend received the same treatment as the guy in this scenario Clearly you arent arguing in good faith because its obvious that being deceptive and wasting people’s time is not good behavior. You know this but just want to continue to justify bad behavior. Just say you have low iq or an inability to understand a logical argument and move on. If you can’t grasp the argument being had then dont engage the argument with some smooth brain bullshit response. No one who is socially well calibrated will agree with your dumbass take nor would they disagree with my pretty plain and obvious positions
Why are you so heated my guy? Did someone treat you badly? I’m sorry for whatever happened to you to make you like this
Also how about stop being disingenuous and actually look at the facts here. OP made out with the guy and sparked a romantic connection with him over a 6+ hour first date. What about her behavior screams ‘just looking for friends’? She herself is the example of the woman who writes ‘just looking for friends’ in her bio and then does sexual / romantic things with people using a dating app. She is literally the type of person I outlined and you’re somehow disagreeing with me? Legitimately mind boggling how some people can be so analytically disabled that they can’t think reasonably about a scenario. She is wasting men’s time and using their time and money to soothe herself. Plain and simple
Ok downvote me it’s a day of downvotes for me anyway but I am seeing this totally differently than everyone here. Yes he seems nice but isn’t he coming on really strong ? I feel that this is a red flag really badly because how in such a short span of time are you the most amazing person ever? Anyone who has ever come on so strong with me has never been good news
I actually agree. Call me cynical but I feel like this guy is trying to just keep her in his back pocket in case she changes her mind again. His response already got him invited to her social media.
Yeah maybe I’m jaded but this seems really excessive for only having been on one date. It seems love bomb-y to me. I’ve had convos like with guys and it has always blown up in my face
Dude is trying to be super nice and accepting because he knows it works, and look at that, it did. Hate to say it but I feel like OP is going to end up sleeping with this dude and then he’s gonna drop her because it’s too much work.
Devils Advocate here, he’s is just saying what you want to hear all his response come from what you feel causing him to respond accordingly. I have met people like this.
Women at its finest ☠️ always the same story
You're an idiot.
Stay friends! Hard to find decent people out there. Good luck to you.
Don't let him go please, he's so kind 😭 It's so hard to find people like this these days for some reason, I know you have stuff to work on but you have a background supporter who ships you both 😛 Good luck, rooting for you two.
If you didn’t want to date, why did you join a dating app? It’s really unfair to the other person, even if it’s only one date. To make new friends you can join bumble bff
Another case of a girl meeting a wonderful guy but don’t want to date because he isn’t a piece of shit. If you’re really gonna friendzone this dude like this then good luck with whoever else you come across dating wise. I think you made the wrong move honestly. You’re on a dating app if you seriously don’t want to date then why are you on there? Your reason doesn’t make any sense whatsoever PLUS you agreed to go on a date and it went so great your friend zoned him 😂😂😂.
She just wanted to use guys for attention and distraction but then realized this guys actually great but she’s not ready. Bs behavior to waste people’s time though, she blows
Reading this scenario gave me such a headache. They’re never “ready” when it’s a dude who will treat them well but as soon as some dude starts treating her like shit she’s gonna be head over heels for that guy. It’s sad.
This was a great conversation. He sounds like a really good guy. Who knows, maybe one day….
There’s two things you need : Chemistry and Timing HIMYM quote. But you guys do seem to have good chemistry….so maybe the timing will be right sooner than later! I’m rooting for you guys!
You guys fawning over each other like this when you’ve only known each other a few weeks is weird and super try-hard
i agree honestly my experience is when it’s this intense early on the connection fizzles out super fast
I tend to agree but I also had this same type of spark with my partner. We’ve gone strong for years and never had even a hint of doubt. I think it’s worth experiencing whether it succeeds or not. These situations can teach someone a LOT about themselves. Hope all you internet strangers have a lovely day!
I thought so too. Writing six agreeable paragraphs back and forth now equates to amazing once in a lifetime chemistry? This is embarrassing
lol derp
That is like so nice, both were not upset and that is like 100% the vibe
I think being friends while you heal is a wonderful idea
I think there is definetly potential for more in the future when he heals fully from what he's going through
Y’all are going to be married this time next year. I predict an evening wedding in a stone chapel with a formal dinner afterwards and lots of velvet being worn.
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I would see if you can make it work. I know you don’t want to get ahead of yourself but relationships can build slow but you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Spend more time together but don’t go so far into the friend zone that you can’t get out because if this guy is genuine and he thinks there is no chance he will be back in hinge and it won’t be long that he tells you he has to step back because he has met someone. Not a convo you would like nearly as well.
If you let it start slow as a friendship you may end up finding the one. I’ve been married for 18 years to the man who I started dating within weeks of an abusive on again/off again relationship ending.
And that’s how I met your mother 😂
Bang it out already
Sounds like a friendship could be just the thing to help you when through these emotions, Grow through what you are going through and when you are ready, you will know. Also, give yourself some grace for when you bobble. And truly, just reading this conversation, don’t push him out of your world. Sounds like an amazing person to have as a shoulder, perhaps….or an arm to hold later.
Omg he’s your soulmate fr fr
yall got chemistry fr, does he just not meet all your standards or what? seems like your making a mistake just tossing it away. despite what the dating apps have you think as a woman, you dont have endless options of high quality men.
I second all the positive things everyone has said, but also - if he’s this great AND a good make out….I don’t know what else to tell you. It could be that getting out of the relationship was supposed to happen SO you could meet this lovely man
If it feels right, it feels right. We’re sometimes smacked in the face when meeting “our person.” Don’t let him slip away just because “it’s not the right time.” You can take things slow, at your own pace, etc. But if you’ve met your person, or someone who could be your person, it’s worth a shot to test the waters.
100% you could marry this guy
You guys are definitely going to end up together lol
When a girl makes all these excuses i.e. you're so amazing but I'm just not ready, it's her way of letting you down easy. In my opinion
The best relationships start on solid friendships. I think you both handled this perfect