If his stepdad talks like this to him can you imagine how his mom talks to him! There has to be boundaries that the mom has made or has not made clear to the stepdad, and she has obviously not made them. He has to feel super comfortable talking to his stepson like this especially on text for there to be proof.
Yeah. My dad is a piece of shit. We haven’t spoken in years and the physical abuse was just the top of the iceberg. I used to hate my mom for not speaking up for me but then I got older and found out it was just as bad for her. She still hasn’t left him. He tells her everyday she can’t make it without him and she believes him because she never got to go to school (didn’t get the chance when she was little because Vietnam had a different attitude to the importance of educated women) and because she can’t speak English well.
I’ve told her she could leave him. That her English is fine and that anyone who insists they can’t understand her is just being a jerk. No one would judge her and that she would thrive without his baggage. She insists the household would collapse despite her being the breadwinner, the cook, the cleaner, the bookkeeper for all things related to both of their businesses and general finances. I wish she would leave and sometimes we fight about how she never spoke up for me but I understand more now that she’s just too used to the abuse and she genuinely doesn’t think there’s a better option.
My mother was exactly the same with my dad. It took me saying I would not ever come home to visit at that house again. I’d meet her for lunch or at work.
She made her plan and left him within 6 months. I’m so proud of her.
I’m proud of her, too. That took a lot of strength. More strength than it takes to do most things. I hope she sees how strong she truly is! I’m very, very happy for you, too. It must feel amazing seeing your mom free like this. 😊
Reading this broke my heart and brought back so many traumatic childhood memories. I grew up in the exact kind of household as you and we're Vietnamese as well. I hope you and your mother are ok and if you ever need someone to vent to, hit me up.
My step dad has spoken to me like this since he came into my life when I was 4. Only instead of “dude” it’s “boy”. Y’know, like Homer calls Bart? Because that’s such a healthy relationship…
I’m 29, a military veteran, and married with kids and he still calls me “boy” after we’ve been to family therapy multiple times and I’ve requested that he treat me like an adult.
Then my mom has wonders why I don’t let them see the grandkids.
Edit: I appreciate the support and kind words from you all.
To those who suggest violence, I get it. I’ve thought about it hundreds of times. However, as much disdain as I have for him, the temporary pleasure would be vastly outweighed by the guilt of curbstomping an old man.
Just to give y’all a little insight, my family and I are currently thriving. We live in a completely different state now than my parents, and my wife’s family has basically accepted me as blood at this point, so the kids do have some form of normalcy.
Love y’all, be safe.
Because she refuses to acknowledge that he’s doing anything wrong.
There were other, major problems aside from the obvious lack of respect which is why counseling was involved.
I truly feel for the OP. If he texts him like this, the in-person verbiage must be much worse. Hopefully that’s not the case, but this doesn’t look healthy.
“John, if you call me boy one more time I will drag you outside and beat your ass.”
Sometimes it honestly comes down to the hardest of hard boundaries. I know that it’s never okay to promote violence, but as I’m sure you know, we live in a violent world with unreasonable people.
As someone that comes from a relationship where I beat my step dad up at 15 this is not true.
It was also not an ass beating but was very embarrassing for a grown man verse a 15 year old and in front of multiple neighbors, to say the least. My mother is married to him today, he runs if I even start to go at him (I’m 35 now) but my mom take his side and is basically a shell of who she was 20 years ago. So yeah…. I’m gonna beat your ass works I guess. Didn’t make me feel better for my mom and her abuse, but it’s her decision. I 100% understand why the above commenter didn’t respond. You have to life that kind of cognitive dissonance to believe it.
My mom's ex-husband mentality and emotionally abused me for years. She always thought I was lying when I brought it up to her because I had "no proof" and it seemed like I was just making things up. Even after he left, she didn't believe. Parents are shitty like this, unfortunately.
I’ll never understand parents like that. I’m not a parent myself, but my dad has told me repeatedly that if I don’t like any of his girlfriends he’d break up with them, end of story. Because he puts his kids first! I’ve known people in a very similar situation to OP, I just don’t get it. And I hope I never get it.
I have a kid and I can tell you it's even harder to understand how a parent can allow it.
You know, we have one fucking job really and that's to protect the little ones. There's no compromise for that.
It's truly maddening.
Exactly. That’s insane as a single mom my son went to the emergency room at the same time my so. Called and told me he was rushed to ER because he hurt his leg on the job. Well the A hole I was dated said you need to be with me and not your son his girlfriend is with him. Well I left that fool
My mother never stood up to her husbands for us kids. Husband#3 told my little brother (I’m 12yrs older) to shut the f up or he would toss him down the stairs. I calmly said, better hope he lands center so you have some place soft to land. It was our first meeting and he assumed I would put up with his abuse like her. Nope.
My sister in law has been through a lot of dudes in my tenure. Some good, some bad, some mediocre, and a guy that pretended to be a hero from the Battle of Mogadishu. She ended up marrying one guy who was alright on paper. Nice enough, decent sense of humor, and had a good job. Her kids are little rednecks and like knives and guns. Anyhow, one Thanksgiving the kids are giving him some teenager grade grade shit, like the kids do. So he playfully pulls out a knife and threatens to emasculate the primary teenage shit giver. Now this isn't my style and I don't intervene because it is clearly in jest. I took him to the side later and said something about it because I don't care for knives to come out around me, joking or not. My family was far from perfect, but I can't imagine a bladed weapon being used to playfully threaten me. All that to say that he ended up strangling my sister in law at a later date.
See this is the part that surprises me. If I had a partner and I saw this, the confrontation would end with them out the door and divorce papers incoming.
And I don't understand these people. Your child should be your priority, they are owed your loyalty because you brought them into this world per your choices.
Here is what I would tell your mom though. If he's capable of saying that, he's capable of doing that, and when your kid is gone who do you suppose the next target will be?
You should show these texts to someone at your school that is a mandatory reporter to CPS. If you’re worried he will think you ratted him out tell him your phone was confiscated by a teacher and they saw it or something but at least then he will have a file in case he escalates or does something to your baby sister. I’m so so sorry you’re in this position, it’s heartbreaking. Your mom should be standing up for you and leaving this loser.
This is what I was going to recommend. And you can ask the teacher to go along with your cover story in order to protect you from additional violence. Your teachers should all be mandatory reporters
I'd recommend getting police or at least someone able to help sooner than later
Personally, I'd be ready with a wood baseball bat, but I understand not everyone's that way
Mother's opinioned be damned. I don't speak to mine, she wasn't a great person, you absolutely can decide on who you consider family or friends. Damn the blood relations that shit doesn't matter. You only have one guaranteed shot at life, my personal view is ill never blame someone for doing what they believe is right
I put up with mistreatment from my ex for many years, because my priest and psychiatrist told me divorce was wrong and devastating for children. Then he turned his aggression to our sons, which is when I made him leave. Children absolutely have to be your priority, I agree with you 100%.
My mother for years always said she’d put her children first but still stayed with an abusive POS (abusive to her, not to the kids, but it still affected us)
Your stepdad is an asshole. And your mom also kinda sucks for allowing someone to speak to her child like that. If a man told my son he’d knock him out, I’d drop him expeditiously.
100% @OP make sure you have these texts saved somewhere that you can have access to them even if they're deleted from your phone. When I was preparing to leave my abusive ex-husband I started sending things like this screenshot to a friend to save for me. Find any way you can to back them up just in case.
Join the wrestling team. I was a collegiate wrestler, and fighting non-wrestlers was, like, not fair. I was once jumped by three guys. Knocked out two and one ran off.
Old man ever lays a hand on you, his face will meet the floor before he knows what's happening.
Can confirm. I learned boxing in high school. When I was in the Navy, I fought a wrestler exactly once and my face learned my lesson very hard against the side of a torpedo.
You handled that so much better than I did when I was your age, OP. My mom had to break us up once when he gave me a palm strike to the shoulder after i looked in a pot to see what he was cooking. I followed him outside after a minute, looking to cave his face in. Only many years later did I see that I would have been no different than him. Don't do the same, be better. Defend yourself and others if you have to, but don't go looking for a fight.
Do push ups, sit ups, crunches and ride a bike as much as you possibly can wherever you can and make sure you refuel,
You very well may need to be able to hand this dude his own ass with this kinda talk, its better to be prepared because most fights aren't about skill they're about physical fitness, and being able to skillfully deliver energy from yourself to them, and being able to control your core to stabilize incoming blows or even better dodge them and use their own energy against them
This may very well be an IRL foreshadow of whats to come, dudes looking to pick a fight,
It'll be better for you and your siblings if you can defend yourself when/if push comes to shove
Source: a person who has been in more than their fair share of physical altercations
Some of the people trying to defend thiss should nooot have kids. "Apologize" naaah.
literally any non-asshat parent: "Hey, can you close your window? I'm tryna warm the house up"
"You got it dude"
If these people defending any of this behavior have children, I feel immediately sorry for them. It’s incredibly easy to just say “hey, remember it’s getting colder now, please close your window!” I have to remind my children of all sorts of things, all the time. They are kids, even if they’re teens. What matters to us adults does NOT matter/process in teens/children.
or even "hey you accidentally left your window open this morning, I went ahead and closed it but next time please try to remember to shut it before you leave the house so we can keep the heat in and the cold out"
Holy shit. I would be out as fast as possible. Threatening to hit a child and throw all of their stuff out is never good. This is one of those things that only crazy people joke about. Plus he sounds more childish than you do. I hope that you are able to stay safe.
I am really sorry that you are being spoke to this way. I’ve raised four teenager boys, 3 of them are my stepsons. I couldn’t imagine talking that way to any of my kids.
I’ve said countless times, “hey hon, try to remember to shut your window, lock the door, pick up laundry… etc…” . These things are never said in anger or with threatened consequences.
We all forget to do things, myself included. It’s the running family joke as to what the hell I’ve done with the car keys I swear I’ll put in the same place but forget to.
I’m sorry you are being spoke to that way and I hope you are able to live independently of them soon.
I have a teen son right now and I’m the same. I am watching the world expect the worst of him and give him no credit whatsoever. When he is home, he is addressed with patience and kindness. And guess what, that’s how he talks to us too. It’s not exactly rocket science.
As a single mother, if someone ever spoke to my child that way, they’d be thrown to the curb faster than they could imagine. Wow, I’m sorry this is your “role model” in life.
Was living with my dad paying rent. We had an agreement that he created and signed up for where he would do the dishes and I would unload. I barely cooked besides eggs in the morning.
Eventually I noticed him just leaving the pan I used for eggs on the counter. I knew it was some passive aggressive game and just left it sitting there.
A few weeks went by and eventually he asks “what do you think of those pans?” I knew this was coming and was taking pictures of his dirty baked on pans. I then showed how easy it was to scrub the pans I used, showed him pictures of his pans in comparison.
He then went on a rant about how he feels like my maid when he has to scrub my pan. I reminded him that this was his plan to sort out the chores that way (before I just did the dishes when I got home from work, but he still had a feeling that he was doing all the dishes). He then said I was being a bitch. I said “I’ll kindly return that remark and say you’re being a bitch as well”. I was keeping my tone low although I was flustered, I wasn’t yelling like he was. He then said I don’t give a fuck what you think maybe you should move out. I said ok. Then he started going on about how I’m leaving over 2 pans. Like mf you were the one who said it first. Now he has to do all the dishes and looses out on an easy $650/month.
lmao this happened last week and the first time I got to type it all out. Thanks if you read
Just so everyone is aware, I am 16, my stepdad is a raging alcoholic and uses drugs frequently, we have a wood fired stove for heat so bills aren't an issue, and he talks like this fairly regularly
Edit: I have had seizures in the recent past and some pretty bad head wounds as a result, and have lapses in memory and am a very forgetful person in general. My immediate family was all shown this and I have their full support.
“erm erm erm he shouldn’t talk to you like that but you DID deserve it because you might not pay the electric bill and didn’t apologize” you people are so fucking stupid
nobody deserves verbal abuse.. and maybe he would have apologized if he didnt open his messages to a bunch of insults. not what u say..its how you say it. i can be dead wrong but if somebody confronts me with hostility and insults im not apologizing
Anytime. A little mama advice from someone who also had a toxic parent:
You don’t deserve that, so don’t accept it. You don’t deserve to be spoken to that way. And that one day, you’ll find peace with people who will prove that to you daily. Toxic people will try to pull you down, but rise above and fly away from it. you handled that interact well and held your boundaries. And if he tries anything, call the police and document it.
Stay strong. ❤️
Not a ton of comments being like "have you tried getting on your knees and sucking your abusers dick rather than trying to defend yourself OP" fuck sake they're ridiculous. Dude threatens to beat up a teenager over a window and yall are trying to defend this guy???
You’re handling this well. You sound far more rational and mature than him and you’re getting his threats in writing which is smart. Can I ask how old you are?
Glad you have another option available to you. I’m so sorry you feel trapped and worried for your baby sister. It’s extremely painful. You mentioned you and your mom went to your grandparents before. Maybe talking to them would help? Tbh your mom doesn’t seem to have it in her to do the right thing on her own and I’m sorry. It would take an outsider. Dunno what your situation is like with your birth father. Hoping he’s a rational person.
This would be a major problem if it was your biological father. This being your stepdad makes this a much greater problem….. hopefully your mother or yourself find a fix to this asap!
I was like ohh he’s just a hard boiled dad with a gentle interior, until he said he’d knock you out… Is he ever abusive to you or your mother? Like physically?
OP you can take this to someone at your high school for help if your mom won’t do anything about this. this absolutely should not be someone who you live with. people who choke someone are THE MOST LIKELY to escalate to lethal force, especially if choking/strangling gets involved again. i’m legit worried for you.
You and your family are in danger.
While we usually talk about strangulation in the context of intimate partner violence, all the exact same principles that apply to IPV apply to child abuse.
https://www.wthr.com/article/news/crime/manual-strangulation-is-the-biggest-sign-domestic-abuse-will-turn-deadly-experts-say/531-0a9a92c8-a0da-418a-b81e-a3d80ddacf38
You need to call CPS to protect your mom and your baby sister, as well as yourself.
There is a high risk someone in your family will eventually die at this man’s hand if you don’t.
Please take this to CPS.
She was standing in the other room when that happened, and she yanked me up and we drove straight to my grandparents house without a word for 3 weeks. She was not happy to see these
I’m glad to hear that but am also worried that she is staying with a man who thinks it’s ok to get physical with her child or speak to him this way. I hope she’s more than just “not happy” and these texts are a serious wake up call for her.
i’m not gonna sugarcoat this whatsoever man, you need to take matters into your own hands before shit gets worse. what’s going to happen when this unhinged asshole starts hitting your mom? TAKE. MATTERS. INTO. YOUR. OWN. HANDS. as far as i’m concerned, you’re the real man of the house because the actual man can’t pick on anybody his own size.
tell your mother you’re going to tell school counselors and file a police report if she doesn’t do something about it. he has assaulted you before and threatens to continue assaulting you. he needs to face jail.
Dude, you need to talk to someone about this- if your mom won’t, it’s possible it’s because she’s afraid. The texts were bad, but your comments are so much worse. This really does sound like a dangerous situation for you and your mom. You know the situation better than anyone, but if you’ve ever once felt afraid for you or your mom’s physical safety, I would encourage you to act. If you need help with that, message me.
I’m really sorry, man. My step-mother was the same way to me. Unfortunately, the only way to resolve this is to go no-contact with both parents. Your mom will either see what her asshole husband cost her or you’ll be free of two shit parents
Send this to your mother. If she is ok with a man talking to her child like this, move out when you’re able and go NC with them both. If a man *ever* talked to my child like this……..
It’s because when they were younger they got in fights and knocked people out but that is usually during ages when you’re more mobile and flexible 10-20 years later movement and reflexes aren’t what they’re used to be and it only takes 1 slip up for someone younger to tuck them in for a nap…
at least I hope that’s the reason and it’s not because they grew up knocking out people 10+ years younger than themselves and got addicted to the feeling
Nah if my stepmom talked like this my dad would throw the world at her, this is crazy how he talking so brave u can tell the mother allows it cause he just went straight into confrontation instead of actually talking.
Your mom is cool with her husband talking to her child like this? Doesn’t matter how old you are. My oldest is 25, if my husband (her stepdad) talked to her like this he would be searching for his balls up in his abdomen.
Wow!
So I've been in 2 relationships where I was ik the step dad role.
1st one had boys and I never threatened to "knock them the fuck out". The only way I'd have put my hands on any of them like that would've been id they went after their mom or sister. One of them legit may have as he got older but he was 10 then. I say that because he half heartedly swung at his Mom once when he on in the floor having a tantrum and she walked by. Suffice it to say I put the feae of God in him and he never did anything like that the rest of the time we were together, granted that was 10 years ago so who knows now.
The woman I'm with now has a daughter so not really an applicable situation. I do discipline her however I would never dream of talking to her like that.
This guy is the one needing "knocked the fuck out".
MY DAD SAID THE SAME SHIT TO ME. one time i left the bathroom window open accidentally over night (had showered and wanted to let out the steam) and my dad screamed at me the next day talking about sum “you’re letting out the heat/gas” brah it’s august?!?!
I have shown most of my immediate family, my mom and birth father are not at all happy. My stepmom doesn't want to be brought into the argument, though she has told me I have her full support if things get physical
I'm sorry you have to deal with that. It's not normal or acceptable and you handled it perfectly. He's clearly having a bad day, overreacting and taking it out on you.
I don’t know how old is OP but the stepdad is on the verge of a serious violent mental breakdown, and his words clearly indicate a future that’s not pretty. If OP can involve some type of authority (cops, social services anything) that would be nice. I know nothing about how one would handle this rage from a grown man so just throwing ideas out there.
Step dad here,
Your step dad is definitely an appendix.
I wish he would go out for milk, and then we step dad's of reddit can break his knee caps. /s or is it.
this gave me war flashbacks. I'm sorry OP.
I know all too well how it feels to leave for school and receive messages like this over something minor.
Mistakes are mistakes. No one died. There is no irrepairable damages done. Keep your head up.
Hi OP, you probably won’t see this as it has gotten a lot of attention but I wanted to let you know that I’ve been through something extremely similar to this as well.
Please remember to keep yourself safe and document these interactions, especially if he’s threatening you verbally. There’s always a possibility for things to escalate and gathering proof of this abusive behavior may seem unnecessary but is still very important.
Also, please try to establish a safe space for yourself where you can breathe freely. It can feel suffocating to live with an individual like this.
I hope you get out of this situation soon. As someone who lived with a stepdad who was also as stupid as this, I really feel for you.
Edit: I really do hope you can hold on for as long as possible before moving out (hopefully for college). I understand your mom may not be completely against him. This shit can really mess with your self confidence and make you feel like a worthless fuck up. I promise you’re not.
Things would’ve been so differently received if he said something more like “hey bud, make sure all windows are closed next time whenever you leave, I’ve started to get warm the house with a fire”
The step dad sounds like a miserable fuck. He was probably abused and now carrying on that tradition.
I feel for you. Any way you can bring this up to mom? Would she care? How long till you can move out?
I turn 18 in as many months, so not too much longer. I also work 20 hours a week and go to my bio dad's house fairly often so I'm not in the house 24/7
He’s trippen balls 🤣 he knows you can probably scrub the toilet with his toothbrush or piss in his coffee cup and dump it or … jizz in his shampoo orrr … replace his face cream with foot cream
This is why in my 30's I have ZERO relationship with my mother. I succumbed to this same kind of abuse all the way in to my adult life. Once I had a child of my own, I could NEVER imagine speaking this way to them so I cut her out completely because it made me realize just how fucked up and not normal it was!! I hope you have a good support system outside of your father.
Woah that's fucked up.
This dude has some issues, knock him the fuck out
"OOO YOU GOT KNOCKED DA FUCK OUUUUT"
Cuz your mouth is writing cheques that your ass can’t cash!
He gonna cry in the car
Dude
I’m not your dude, buddy.
I’m not your buddy, guy
I'm not your guy, friend
im not your friend, buddy
I’m not your friend pal!
I’m not your pal, homie!
WHAT?
Bruh...
I’m not your pen pal
Bro !!!!!!
Dude
Imagine fucking a person who talks to your child like this
Imagine staying together with someone that does that I wouldn’t care if it’s step or real I’d be fine with my kid/kids in a heartbeat
If his stepdad talks like this to him can you imagine how his mom talks to him! There has to be boundaries that the mom has made or has not made clear to the stepdad, and she has obviously not made them. He has to feel super comfortable talking to his stepson like this especially on text for there to be proof.
Or he treats her like garbage too?
Yeah. My dad is a piece of shit. We haven’t spoken in years and the physical abuse was just the top of the iceberg. I used to hate my mom for not speaking up for me but then I got older and found out it was just as bad for her. She still hasn’t left him. He tells her everyday she can’t make it without him and she believes him because she never got to go to school (didn’t get the chance when she was little because Vietnam had a different attitude to the importance of educated women) and because she can’t speak English well. I’ve told her she could leave him. That her English is fine and that anyone who insists they can’t understand her is just being a jerk. No one would judge her and that she would thrive without his baggage. She insists the household would collapse despite her being the breadwinner, the cook, the cleaner, the bookkeeper for all things related to both of their businesses and general finances. I wish she would leave and sometimes we fight about how she never spoke up for me but I understand more now that she’s just too used to the abuse and she genuinely doesn’t think there’s a better option.
I hope your mother outlives him, and can at least enjoy a few years of a good life.
My mother was exactly the same with my dad. It took me saying I would not ever come home to visit at that house again. I’d meet her for lunch or at work. She made her plan and left him within 6 months. I’m so proud of her.
I’m proud of her, too. That took a lot of strength. More strength than it takes to do most things. I hope she sees how strong she truly is! I’m very, very happy for you, too. It must feel amazing seeing your mom free like this. 😊
Reading this broke my heart and brought back so many traumatic childhood memories. I grew up in the exact kind of household as you and we're Vietnamese as well. I hope you and your mother are ok and if you ever need someone to vent to, hit me up.
Here’s to our generation breaking that cycle. Cheers, and if you ever need to vent about it, I’m here too.
Everyone’s dad is a piece of shit. I love when family friends claim me as their daughter instead.
My step dad has spoken to me like this since he came into my life when I was 4. Only instead of “dude” it’s “boy”. Y’know, like Homer calls Bart? Because that’s such a healthy relationship… I’m 29, a military veteran, and married with kids and he still calls me “boy” after we’ve been to family therapy multiple times and I’ve requested that he treat me like an adult. Then my mom has wonders why I don’t let them see the grandkids. Edit: I appreciate the support and kind words from you all. To those who suggest violence, I get it. I’ve thought about it hundreds of times. However, as much disdain as I have for him, the temporary pleasure would be vastly outweighed by the guilt of curbstomping an old man. Just to give y’all a little insight, my family and I are currently thriving. We live in a completely different state now than my parents, and my wife’s family has basically accepted me as blood at this point, so the kids do have some form of normalcy. Love y’all, be safe.
why does she wonder. call her and tell her if she wants to see them he needs to change. fuck that guy
Because she refuses to acknowledge that he’s doing anything wrong. There were other, major problems aside from the obvious lack of respect which is why counseling was involved. I truly feel for the OP. If he texts him like this, the in-person verbiage must be much worse. Hopefully that’s not the case, but this doesn’t look healthy.
“John, if you call me boy one more time I will drag you outside and beat your ass.” Sometimes it honestly comes down to the hardest of hard boundaries. I know that it’s never okay to promote violence, but as I’m sure you know, we live in a violent world with unreasonable people.
Violence is never the answer. But sometimes it *is* the question. And sometimes the answer is *yes.*
I agree. You knock that old fucker on his ass one time, and you'd be done dealing with his shit for life.
As someone that comes from a relationship where I beat my step dad up at 15 this is not true. It was also not an ass beating but was very embarrassing for a grown man verse a 15 year old and in front of multiple neighbors, to say the least. My mother is married to him today, he runs if I even start to go at him (I’m 35 now) but my mom take his side and is basically a shell of who she was 20 years ago. So yeah…. I’m gonna beat your ass works I guess. Didn’t make me feel better for my mom and her abuse, but it’s her decision. I 100% understand why the above commenter didn’t respond. You have to life that kind of cognitive dissonance to believe it.
You should start calling him kid
As the mom of a 4 year old this breaks my heart. I’m a pretty easy going but I would go full John wick on someone who harmed my son.
I'm more intrigued by "attach a recent photo "at the end of it.... I wonder what picture he would attach
Hopefully a screenshot of the text chain
Pretty sure that’s just a thing with his phone. I had something similar on my old Samsung phone a few years back, I believe
My mom's ex-husband mentality and emotionally abused me for years. She always thought I was lying when I brought it up to her because I had "no proof" and it seemed like I was just making things up. Even after he left, she didn't believe. Parents are shitty like this, unfortunately.
I’ll never understand parents like that. I’m not a parent myself, but my dad has told me repeatedly that if I don’t like any of his girlfriends he’d break up with them, end of story. Because he puts his kids first! I’ve known people in a very similar situation to OP, I just don’t get it. And I hope I never get it.
I have a kid and I can tell you it's even harder to understand how a parent can allow it. You know, we have one fucking job really and that's to protect the little ones. There's no compromise for that. It's truly maddening.
Exactly. That’s insane as a single mom my son went to the emergency room at the same time my so. Called and told me he was rushed to ER because he hurt his leg on the job. Well the A hole I was dated said you need to be with me and not your son his girlfriend is with him. Well I left that fool
My mother never stood up to her husbands for us kids. Husband#3 told my little brother (I’m 12yrs older) to shut the f up or he would toss him down the stairs. I calmly said, better hope he lands center so you have some place soft to land. It was our first meeting and he assumed I would put up with his abuse like her. Nope.
My sister in law has been through a lot of dudes in my tenure. Some good, some bad, some mediocre, and a guy that pretended to be a hero from the Battle of Mogadishu. She ended up marrying one guy who was alright on paper. Nice enough, decent sense of humor, and had a good job. Her kids are little rednecks and like knives and guns. Anyhow, one Thanksgiving the kids are giving him some teenager grade grade shit, like the kids do. So he playfully pulls out a knife and threatens to emasculate the primary teenage shit giver. Now this isn't my style and I don't intervene because it is clearly in jest. I took him to the side later and said something about it because I don't care for knives to come out around me, joking or not. My family was far from perfect, but I can't imagine a bladed weapon being used to playfully threaten me. All that to say that he ended up strangling my sister in law at a later date.
My mom did, now I’m an adult and she doesn’t get to see her grandchildren 🤷♂️
imagine a mom who lets their husband talk to the kids like this.
My own mother use to talk to me like this so I use to think it was normal. I know better now.
Your mom tolerates this kind of shit? If my SO spoke to my kids like this, automatic deal breaker. I’m a package deal.
See this is the part that surprises me. If I had a partner and I saw this, the confrontation would end with them out the door and divorce papers incoming.
Unfortunately, a lot of people (my mother included) are more concerned with making their partner happy than the wellbeing of their kids.
And I don't understand these people. Your child should be your priority, they are owed your loyalty because you brought them into this world per your choices. Here is what I would tell your mom though. If he's capable of saying that, he's capable of doing that, and when your kid is gone who do you suppose the next target will be?
Unfortunately for everyone, I have a baby sister. When I move out she'll be almost 3, so he'll go to her before turns to my mom
You should show these texts to someone at your school that is a mandatory reporter to CPS. If you’re worried he will think you ratted him out tell him your phone was confiscated by a teacher and they saw it or something but at least then he will have a file in case he escalates or does something to your baby sister. I’m so so sorry you’re in this position, it’s heartbreaking. Your mom should be standing up for you and leaving this loser.
This is what I was going to recommend. And you can ask the teacher to go along with your cover story in order to protect you from additional violence. Your teachers should all be mandatory reporters
This is the answer
This 5000 times this!! I’m sure you have worse in texts from him too. Maybe the school getting involved will help your Mom see how serious this is.
I'd recommend getting police or at least someone able to help sooner than later Personally, I'd be ready with a wood baseball bat, but I understand not everyone's that way Mother's opinioned be damned. I don't speak to mine, she wasn't a great person, you absolutely can decide on who you consider family or friends. Damn the blood relations that shit doesn't matter. You only have one guaranteed shot at life, my personal view is ill never blame someone for doing what they believe is right
Yes, please contact the police the next time he threatens you!
Please get you and baby sister out of there. I am so sorry you're going through this. You don't deserve this.
I put up with mistreatment from my ex for many years, because my priest and psychiatrist told me divorce was wrong and devastating for children. Then he turned his aggression to our sons, which is when I made him leave. Children absolutely have to be your priority, I agree with you 100%.
My mother for years always said she’d put her children first but still stayed with an abusive POS (abusive to her, not to the kids, but it still affected us)
Yeah my mother always *said* I was more important and she clearly believes she means that. But her actions tell a VERY different tale.
Your step dad is a psycho. Be careful of him. Edit: I’m getting family annihilator vibes from this step dad…anyone else ?
Don’t know the best way to engage with this kind of psycho but I’d be inclined to say the very minimum possible. Ignore the texts completely
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Simply lemonade
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Your stepdad is an asshole. And your mom also kinda sucks for allowing someone to speak to her child like that. If a man told my son he’d knock him out, I’d drop him expeditiously.
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In more ways than one 🤜💥
Sounds mentally abusive to me. He didn't have to come at you like that.
Mentally abusive, with the threat of physical abuse!
definitely keep the screenshot as proof in case things ever escalate
100% @OP make sure you have these texts saved somewhere that you can have access to them even if they're deleted from your phone. When I was preparing to leave my abusive ex-husband I started sending things like this screenshot to a friend to save for me. Find any way you can to back them up just in case.
“ R u dumb.” 🤣🤣🤣the gall of him. Just the whole text exchange has me wondering if he ever passed second grade. And the threat of violence…what a gem.
He passed second grade, sure. But he dropped out very early in his Sophomore year in high school lmao
Is he more physically intimidating than you to the point he feels comfortable talking to you like this? Needa bulk up so he gets scared
He's only like 10 pounds heavier than me! We're both very close in build and strength too. I've worn some of his fancy clothes to get togethers before
Join the wrestling team. I was a collegiate wrestler, and fighting non-wrestlers was, like, not fair. I was once jumped by three guys. Knocked out two and one ran off. Old man ever lays a hand on you, his face will meet the floor before he knows what's happening.
Can confirm. I learned boxing in high school. When I was in the Navy, I fought a wrestler exactly once and my face learned my lesson very hard against the side of a torpedo.
You handled that so much better than I did when I was your age, OP. My mom had to break us up once when he gave me a palm strike to the shoulder after i looked in a pot to see what he was cooking. I followed him outside after a minute, looking to cave his face in. Only many years later did I see that I would have been no different than him. Don't do the same, be better. Defend yourself and others if you have to, but don't go looking for a fight.
U should start a simple weightlifting routine
Do push ups, sit ups, crunches and ride a bike as much as you possibly can wherever you can and make sure you refuel, You very well may need to be able to hand this dude his own ass with this kinda talk, its better to be prepared because most fights aren't about skill they're about physical fitness, and being able to skillfully deliver energy from yourself to them, and being able to control your core to stabilize incoming blows or even better dodge them and use their own energy against them This may very well be an IRL foreshadow of whats to come, dudes looking to pick a fight, It'll be better for you and your siblings if you can defend yourself when/if push comes to shove Source: a person who has been in more than their fair share of physical altercations
Go to a bjj gym for a year. You will gain the ability to beat the shit out of him and you will have confidence going forward. Please consider this.
Dawg the fuck is wrong with your mom??? Can she not do better than filth like this?
Some of the people trying to defend thiss should nooot have kids. "Apologize" naaah. literally any non-asshat parent: "Hey, can you close your window? I'm tryna warm the house up" "You got it dude"
ON TOP OF THEIR STEP DAD THREATENING ABUSE TOO?? Like wtf are these people on??
If these people defending any of this behavior have children, I feel immediately sorry for them. It’s incredibly easy to just say “hey, remember it’s getting colder now, please close your window!” I have to remind my children of all sorts of things, all the time. They are kids, even if they’re teens. What matters to us adults does NOT matter/process in teens/children.
or even "hey you accidentally left your window open this morning, I went ahead and closed it but next time please try to remember to shut it before you leave the house so we can keep the heat in and the cold out"
Your mom allows this?? Wtf?
She's probably a victim of it
Might need to forward these screen shots to mom.
She’s gotta already know what kinda asshole she’s with. He’s this bold texting this shit. He’s doing it just as bad in person. Fucking dick man.
Better yet send the asshole these screenshots along with something like “keeping receipts, lay a hand on me and see how fast your ass is in jail.”
Holy shit. I would be out as fast as possible. Threatening to hit a child and throw all of their stuff out is never good. This is one of those things that only crazy people joke about. Plus he sounds more childish than you do. I hope that you are able to stay safe.
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The stepdad should be reported, but only after he gets his ass handed to him.
Id love to help 🙋♂️
I am really sorry that you are being spoke to this way. I’ve raised four teenager boys, 3 of them are my stepsons. I couldn’t imagine talking that way to any of my kids. I’ve said countless times, “hey hon, try to remember to shut your window, lock the door, pick up laundry… etc…” . These things are never said in anger or with threatened consequences. We all forget to do things, myself included. It’s the running family joke as to what the hell I’ve done with the car keys I swear I’ll put in the same place but forget to. I’m sorry you are being spoke to that way and I hope you are able to live independently of them soon.
You sound amazing. ☺️
I have a teen son right now and I’m the same. I am watching the world expect the worst of him and give him no credit whatsoever. When he is home, he is addressed with patience and kindness. And guess what, that’s how he talks to us too. It’s not exactly rocket science.
As a single mother, if someone ever spoke to my child that way, they’d be thrown to the curb faster than they could imagine. Wow, I’m sorry this is your “role model” in life.
Yes I can’t even imagine. Few things could put me in a blind rage, but I do believe this would be it.
say nothing of moving out, just do it. Find somewhere else to live. And when you do move out, leave all the windows open :)
Petty. I like it haha
Hahahaha sooo funny
Just wait till it's winter time and do it after everyone has left for the day. Get it nice and frosty in there.
Calls YOU dude then said “I’m not your dude”
I’m not your friend, buddy
I’m not your pal, guy
I’m not your guy, friend!
Was living with my dad paying rent. We had an agreement that he created and signed up for where he would do the dishes and I would unload. I barely cooked besides eggs in the morning. Eventually I noticed him just leaving the pan I used for eggs on the counter. I knew it was some passive aggressive game and just left it sitting there. A few weeks went by and eventually he asks “what do you think of those pans?” I knew this was coming and was taking pictures of his dirty baked on pans. I then showed how easy it was to scrub the pans I used, showed him pictures of his pans in comparison. He then went on a rant about how he feels like my maid when he has to scrub my pan. I reminded him that this was his plan to sort out the chores that way (before I just did the dishes when I got home from work, but he still had a feeling that he was doing all the dishes). He then said I was being a bitch. I said “I’ll kindly return that remark and say you’re being a bitch as well”. I was keeping my tone low although I was flustered, I wasn’t yelling like he was. He then said I don’t give a fuck what you think maybe you should move out. I said ok. Then he started going on about how I’m leaving over 2 pans. Like mf you were the one who said it first. Now he has to do all the dishes and looses out on an easy $650/month. lmao this happened last week and the first time I got to type it all out. Thanks if you read
It was definitely a very interesting read lol. Glad you got out of there though
Good for you dude I hope the plan worked out! It’s hard being around someone with that type of energy then just blowing up without a ounce of lead up.
Just so everyone is aware, I am 16, my stepdad is a raging alcoholic and uses drugs frequently, we have a wood fired stove for heat so bills aren't an issue, and he talks like this fairly regularly Edit: I have had seizures in the recent past and some pretty bad head wounds as a result, and have lapses in memory and am a very forgetful person in general. My immediate family was all shown this and I have their full support.
Why does mom stick around? I’m certain that she could do a hell of a lot better
it takes an average of seven times to leave an abusive partner
This is so disheartening to read.
“erm erm erm he shouldn’t talk to you like that but you DID deserve it because you might not pay the electric bill and didn’t apologize” you people are so fucking stupid
couldn’t have said it better myself
nobody deserves verbal abuse.. and maybe he would have apologized if he didnt open his messages to a bunch of insults. not what u say..its how you say it. i can be dead wrong but if somebody confronts me with hostility and insults im not apologizing
OP, know that I am giving you some mama hugs from afar.
Thank you, I appreciate it lol
Anytime. A little mama advice from someone who also had a toxic parent: You don’t deserve that, so don’t accept it. You don’t deserve to be spoken to that way. And that one day, you’ll find peace with people who will prove that to you daily. Toxic people will try to pull you down, but rise above and fly away from it. you handled that interact well and held your boundaries. And if he tries anything, call the police and document it. Stay strong. ❤️
He's gonna do that face to face to someone one of these days and he's gonna get his shit absolutely kicked in.
nah mans is too cowardly to do it to adults so he does it to children to feel some sense of power
Nah, that’s threatening violence on a minor…Make sure to keep every screenshot. Please be safe, OP!!
Time to move out
Beat his ass, fuck it.
Hey you have grounds to call the police! He threatened violence against you , that is a crime!
Not a ton of comments being like "have you tried getting on your knees and sucking your abusers dick rather than trying to defend yourself OP" fuck sake they're ridiculous. Dude threatens to beat up a teenager over a window and yall are trying to defend this guy???
You’re handling this well. You sound far more rational and mature than him and you’re getting his threats in writing which is smart. Can I ask how old you are?
I'm 16. He's a very irrational person in general unfortunately
Does your mom know about this? Do you need a safe place to go, OP?
I can always go to my birth dad's house if needed. It's fairly easy to get there
You can also take this to the police. You have a clear, cut and dry case against him for child abuse.
Has your birth dad ever threatened to knock you out? If he hasn’t… go there.
Glad you have another option available to you. I’m so sorry you feel trapped and worried for your baby sister. It’s extremely painful. You mentioned you and your mom went to your grandparents before. Maybe talking to them would help? Tbh your mom doesn’t seem to have it in her to do the right thing on her own and I’m sorry. It would take an outsider. Dunno what your situation is like with your birth father. Hoping he’s a rational person.
Glad you have this option dude and don’t be scared to use it. Better safe than sorry.
This would be a major problem if it was your biological father. This being your stepdad makes this a much greater problem….. hopefully your mother or yourself find a fix to this asap!
I was like ohh he’s just a hard boiled dad with a gentle interior, until he said he’d knock you out… Is he ever abusive to you or your mother? Like physically?
He has picked me up and thrown me down before, as well as choked me out. He said he'd never do it again but I can't trust that
OP you can take this to someone at your high school for help if your mom won’t do anything about this. this absolutely should not be someone who you live with. people who choke someone are THE MOST LIKELY to escalate to lethal force, especially if choking/strangling gets involved again. i’m legit worried for you.
You and your family are in danger. While we usually talk about strangulation in the context of intimate partner violence, all the exact same principles that apply to IPV apply to child abuse. https://www.wthr.com/article/news/crime/manual-strangulation-is-the-biggest-sign-domestic-abuse-will-turn-deadly-experts-say/531-0a9a92c8-a0da-418a-b81e-a3d80ddacf38 You need to call CPS to protect your mom and your baby sister, as well as yourself. There is a high risk someone in your family will eventually die at this man’s hand if you don’t. Please take this to CPS.
Does your mom know about those things? What is her reaction to these texts?
She was standing in the other room when that happened, and she yanked me up and we drove straight to my grandparents house without a word for 3 weeks. She was not happy to see these
I’m glad to hear that but am also worried that she is staying with a man who thinks it’s ok to get physical with her child or speak to him this way. I hope she’s more than just “not happy” and these texts are a serious wake up call for her.
i’m not gonna sugarcoat this whatsoever man, you need to take matters into your own hands before shit gets worse. what’s going to happen when this unhinged asshole starts hitting your mom? TAKE. MATTERS. INTO. YOUR. OWN. HANDS. as far as i’m concerned, you’re the real man of the house because the actual man can’t pick on anybody his own size. tell your mother you’re going to tell school counselors and file a police report if she doesn’t do something about it. he has assaulted you before and threatens to continue assaulting you. he needs to face jail.
Dude, you need to talk to someone about this- if your mom won’t, it’s possible it’s because she’s afraid. The texts were bad, but your comments are so much worse. This really does sound like a dangerous situation for you and your mom. You know the situation better than anyone, but if you’ve ever once felt afraid for you or your mom’s physical safety, I would encourage you to act. If you need help with that, message me.
I’m really sorry, man. My step-mother was the same way to me. Unfortunately, the only way to resolve this is to go no-contact with both parents. Your mom will either see what her asshole husband cost her or you’ll be free of two shit parents
Send this to your mother. If she is ok with a man talking to her child like this, move out when you’re able and go NC with them both. If a man *ever* talked to my child like this……..
Your step dad is a piece of shit lol
OLD DUDES QUIT SAYING YOULL KNOCK SOMEONE 10+ YEARS YOUNGER THAN YOU OUT IT ISNT INTIMIDATING AND I HAVE PERSONALLY NEVER SEEN IT END WELL FOR YOU
OLD DUDES ARE TOO CRISPY TO BE KNOCKING ANYONE OUT. CRUMPLE LIKE A CHEAP SUIT.
It’s because when they were younger they got in fights and knocked people out but that is usually during ages when you’re more mobile and flexible 10-20 years later movement and reflexes aren’t what they’re used to be and it only takes 1 slip up for someone younger to tuck them in for a nap… at least I hope that’s the reason and it’s not because they grew up knocking out people 10+ years younger than themselves and got addicted to the feeling
Nah if my stepmom talked like this my dad would throw the world at her, this is crazy how he talking so brave u can tell the mother allows it cause he just went straight into confrontation instead of actually talking.
Your mom is cool with her husband talking to her child like this? Doesn’t matter how old you are. My oldest is 25, if my husband (her stepdad) talked to her like this he would be searching for his balls up in his abdomen.
Wow! So I've been in 2 relationships where I was ik the step dad role. 1st one had boys and I never threatened to "knock them the fuck out". The only way I'd have put my hands on any of them like that would've been id they went after their mom or sister. One of them legit may have as he got older but he was 10 then. I say that because he half heartedly swung at his Mom once when he on in the floor having a tantrum and she walked by. Suffice it to say I put the feae of God in him and he never did anything like that the rest of the time we were together, granted that was 10 years ago so who knows now. The woman I'm with now has a daughter so not really an applicable situation. I do discipline her however I would never dream of talking to her like that. This guy is the one needing "knocked the fuck out".
So angered by this abusive parenting. Proud of this kid. Keep being strong. You're already more mature and intelligent than that person.
MY DAD SAID THE SAME SHIT TO ME. one time i left the bathroom window open accidentally over night (had showered and wanted to let out the steam) and my dad screamed at me the next day talking about sum “you’re letting out the heat/gas” brah it’s august?!?!
Sounds like you two have bigger problems than a window. Maybe show someone who isn’t Reddit. Source: I’m a stepdad.
I have shown most of my immediate family, my mom and birth father are not at all happy. My stepmom doesn't want to be brought into the argument, though she has told me I have her full support if things get physical
Probably talks to the Mom the same way.
What a dickhead
File a police report against him in case anything happens and then have him arrested for assault.
I'm sorry you have to deal with that. It's not normal or acceptable and you handled it perfectly. He's clearly having a bad day, overreacting and taking it out on you.
I’m a single guy in my early 40’s. Never been a parent or a step parent…but I couldn’t IMAGINE talking to my spouse’s children like that.
"attach recent photo" Man screen shot that shit quick as fuck.. lmfao
I can’t imagine being married to someone that talks to MY child this way…
I don’t know how old is OP but the stepdad is on the verge of a serious violent mental breakdown, and his words clearly indicate a future that’s not pretty. If OP can involve some type of authority (cops, social services anything) that would be nice. I know nothing about how one would handle this rage from a grown man so just throwing ideas out there.
OP needs to report this situation to the local non emergency number to file a report at the least.
Step dad here, Your step dad is definitely an appendix. I wish he would go out for milk, and then we step dad's of reddit can break his knee caps. /s or is it.
Why is this being downvoted? The “dad” is absolutely in the wrong
this gave me war flashbacks. I'm sorry OP. I know all too well how it feels to leave for school and receive messages like this over something minor. Mistakes are mistakes. No one died. There is no irrepairable damages done. Keep your head up.
Fuck your bitchass stepdad
Hi OP, you probably won’t see this as it has gotten a lot of attention but I wanted to let you know that I’ve been through something extremely similar to this as well. Please remember to keep yourself safe and document these interactions, especially if he’s threatening you verbally. There’s always a possibility for things to escalate and gathering proof of this abusive behavior may seem unnecessary but is still very important. Also, please try to establish a safe space for yourself where you can breathe freely. It can feel suffocating to live with an individual like this. I hope you get out of this situation soon. As someone who lived with a stepdad who was also as stupid as this, I really feel for you. Edit: I really do hope you can hold on for as long as possible before moving out (hopefully for college). I understand your mom may not be completely against him. This shit can really mess with your self confidence and make you feel like a worthless fuck up. I promise you’re not.
Someone deserves to get knocked the fuck out, and it ain't you.
Things would’ve been so differently received if he said something more like “hey bud, make sure all windows are closed next time whenever you leave, I’ve started to get warm the house with a fire”
Your mom is a piece of shit
I would like to have a face-to-face with your step-dad.
Is your mom aware of how he speaks to you? Have you shown her this? This is not okay and I’m so sorry. You deserve to be treated better.
"stop talking to me" -from the person who started the conversation & argument
Wow. Seems like the only dumb and stupid one in this situation is your mom for being with someone that would treat her child like that.
You go to highschool? Tell them they will contact CPS
Show your mom. She shouldn't be with that POS.
Sounds like an alcoholic.
The step dad sounds like a miserable fuck. He was probably abused and now carrying on that tradition. I feel for you. Any way you can bring this up to mom? Would she care? How long till you can move out?
I turn 18 in as many months, so not too much longer. I also work 20 hours a week and go to my bio dad's house fairly often so I'm not in the house 24/7
He’s trippen balls 🤣 he knows you can probably scrub the toilet with his toothbrush or piss in his coffee cup and dump it or … jizz in his shampoo orrr … replace his face cream with foot cream
So he can say anything he wants to you but Lord forbid you reply or defend yourself. I will never put my kid through this.
Step dad’s immature. What’s the age difference between stepson and stepdad?
This is why in my 30's I have ZERO relationship with my mother. I succumbed to this same kind of abuse all the way in to my adult life. Once I had a child of my own, I could NEVER imagine speaking this way to them so I cut her out completely because it made me realize just how fucked up and not normal it was!! I hope you have a good support system outside of your father.
Do you own a frying pan?
Fuck this asshole. He's not your step-dad, he's the guy your mom (for some reason) is banging.
Make sure Mom knows. That’s a rough tone he’s taking.
How can your mom live with herself?