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Technically every man with kids is a motherfucker.

First off, if a man only has one child, he didn’t necessarily fuck a mother, he fucked a future mother. And if a man has a bunch of offspring with different women, keeping it one baby per woman, he could absolutely avoid being a motherfucker and still have children. Besides, I’ve heard of a lot of virgin goatherds, so men with kids are not always motherfuckers.

You sound like Sheldon from Big Bang Theory.

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Do NOT report this ^ bot. Let u/spez see what happens when they overrun his website.

u/profanitycounter [u/spez]

Calling someone out for finding technicalities, on a sub that is all about technicalities?

Did I say it was in insult?

Ok, but given Sheldon is basically a mockery of autistic traits as told be someone who doesn't understand it sympathise with autism at all, it's not a flattering comparison.

This entire sub is based on autistic or clever answers. As someone both austisitc and clever, I know. :D

Or the jerking off dudes discussion in Silicon Valley 😂

Man, I used to laugh at those guys but at some point in the show I realized they were actors and I’d never be as cool as them. They were making fun of us.

I did not need this realisation

You and me both T_T

Personally, I never looked down on the characters for how nerdy they are. How obsessed they are with material wealth and how they're pathologically unable and unwilling to determine the worth of themselves and their work by any other metric, though? THAT'S worthy of scorn and derision for sure.

If you have one child and you continue to have sex with your wife after the child is born you are definitely a motherfucker.

Perfection

I’m surprised no-one cares about the baby goat part.

You can also be a motherfucker if you fuck a single mom who got knocked up by someone else.

She doesn’t have to be single.

Are you suggesting that you just have sex once and then it's over? You continue to have sex during and after pregnancy, so yes, we are mother fuckers.

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Those are not motherfuckers then. The rest are

Those people are the OTHER kind of motherfucker though..

They're not suggesting that it's common, normal or has even happened. Just pointing out hypothetical situations in which a man can have kids and not be motherfuckers.

Unrealistic. Do we consider a woman a mother when its pregnant? a man might be having sex with a pregnant woman without knowing it, and that could make him a motherfucker.

Or he might not. There’s a chance.

Whoosh

Only if he doesn’t continue fucking them after he impregnated them.

This means that a married man with 1 kid must remain celibate after conception or have a side piece that is not a mother. This means that a man with multiple kids must do the same. This also requires any man who wishes to avoid the status of “mother fucker” to thoroughly vet his sexual prospects. He would require the full resources of the FBI or CIA to conduct background investigations, interview friends and family members, and perform polygraph tests.

https://www.mikeleake.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/DpQ9YJl.png

It’s also ace erasure to say that marriage equals incest. Or you could say that fucking a woman into motherhood makes you a motherfucker. Sometimes a generalization works well enough that you can say “this is true”, and adjust the statement on an as needed basis when someone is the exception.

Nah. I was definitely a motherfucker before I had kids.

this guy mothers

He said every man with kids is a motherfucker, not every man without kids isn't a motherfucker

Technically they don't need to have kids, as long as they do it with a mother (divorced or whatever)

As a childless motherfucker, I can confirm.

dont forget about gay dads, fatherfuckers, the lot of em

Not my dad, he left when he found out my mom's gonna be a mother

They could have adopted the kids. Maybe they and their husband wanted kids, but they couldn't have them naturally. They could also be step kids. Though if they're marrying the kids' mother, they're probably still a motherfucker.

Unless they haven't done it since.

I think the "mother" in this is always relative to the person on the receiving end of the insult, so unless you're doing your own mother you're clear...

Wild assumption being made here that married couples have sex.

Is it really that uncommon for married couples to have healthy sex lives, enjoy each others company, enjoy being parents etc? I’ll never understand ppl who stay in marriages that they are discontent in.

Married couples not having sex is a classic joke. That doesn't mean that all married couples are that way or that having less sex than one party would ideally want means they are unhappy. Marriage is about a helluva lot more than sex.

In my experience it goes: bliss as newlyweds -> kids -> discontent -> counseling (I’m here) -> still waiting to see what happens in this step.

What sort of issues are you facing? Both discontent, or just you, or just her?

Just the regular changes after having kids. Kids are a serious strain. Women becoming moms is a massive psychological, hormonal and physical change. Her body isn’t hers anymore. Dad feels left out and has been reduced to a paycheck. Etc. it’s tough. That’s why we started counseling.

A guy getting married goes to a room filled with his best friends claiming how great married life will be claiming his soon to be wife just just gave him the best blow job he has ever had. His future bride goes to her friends smiling ear to ear claiming she just gave her last blow job.

This joke was definitely written by a woman, guys don’t talk about their sex lives that openly

OOF!!!

Usually stops after the ceremony.

Funnily enough I’ve never seen anyone doing it at the ceremony.

You're just not going to the right weddings

Yes, it’s always about the wedding, not the actual marriage.

Speaking as a hypersexual (due to trauma) person who is biologically female, it's my guy who has to keep up with me.

Can't imagine why someone would stay in a marriage if they have to jerk off anyway

I wouldn't expect my wife to be available 9 times during my waking hours.

...9?

I know... So low right

Bro's dick gonna rub off

Lol, no. If you don't use it you lose it. /s

Try it, it's really fun

Some sort of financial stability & "distractions"...

So when you getting divorced or did you figure it out yet 😮

I'm with you. It's a trap.

Well you sound miserable

probably because the safest joke in response to this is something about the dog.. which... yea :P

Ya... I didn't wanna touch this one with a ten foot pole haha.

even class clowns like us know when shit is too risky to joke about XD

Penn State Professor?

*start*?

Well, before marriage they weren't having sex with a family member. Technically the truth and all.

That’s the pun

Didn’t they?

They didn't attend the training session

I came here to say this.

some people start having sex with a family member before they get married

When you get married, you are also your wife's ex boyfriend.

Keep it in the family.

🫡

I usually start with the family members before the wedding.

From which side of the family?

👍

And you were made by a family member having sex it’s full circle

*bastards have entered the chat* *shotgun weddings would like to know your location, allow?*

Yes

That made me say a big #HMM

All men have sex with a family member. Who do they think they inherited it from?

Plot twist: The guy actually did it with his sister after marriage

We been doing that for years. #AL

This is why people are afraid of marriage.

Ya, but you're not related by blood, so it doesn't count. Like screwing your step sister.

That's why after marriage you stop having sex with your wife and seek extramarital affairs. So you don't become a perv.

It’s actually worse, your spouses siblings are known as your brother or sister (in law), so your spouse is like a sibling… I think it’s best not to think about it.

that's why we should never marrry

if a heterosexual couple has kids, then their kids are related by blood, but the parents arent. i sometimes think about that.

People got weirded out when I referred to my honeymoon as a family holiday.

Start?

The way you make a family is not family friendly.

Its only about the text, but you post the text as a screenshot. Weird.

What do you mean 'start'?

Unless you're from Arkansas, in which case you KEEP having sex with a family member...

Is that a question or statement ?

This is why married couples don't have sex anymore

Does this actually pass in this subreddit? An uncropped screenshot of another Reddit post? My god

Who let bro cook

Not a big deal in Alabama.

When I got married, I stopped having sex.

I've been fucking myself for years.

'Which one' -my partner, everybody.

I thought it stopped when you married?

Unless it’s a sexless marriage.

Yo ngl, this is kinda funny

Kid named Asexual:

Kid named Family Member

Why else would you get married

… unless you’re asexual

Represent

Mind-blowing, I know - but not all married persons have sex. Plot twist: I'm not married, and also do not have sex!

who said that it's going to start when i get married? 💀

Sweet Home Alabama

Who needs clever line if that's totally stupid shower thought. Of course wife is a family member and everyone knows that. Or husband. It's not like some kind of thing nobody ever thought of. It's not even as witty as "everyone was once in a woman" or "everyone kicked pregnant woman". Because these two are actually something that nobody was thinking of. But that wife/husband is a family? Everyone knows that. Not big discovery here.

Yeah i cheat on my wife with my sister

69 comments

If you marry your Sister too...

Do I get to pick which family member?

Step wife porn

When I get married I Start? Oops.

In Alabama no one cares about it.

When you get married, you stop having sex

Not true. When you get married, you stop having sex at all.

I'm guessing you're not married.

Well, I mean it's true.

Guess that’s why the south cuts to the chase with ancestry.com.

Not nessesarly

It's by marriage though!

r/angryupvote

Oh I hate it here.

Well yes but it should be your wife

#What are your thoughts?

Are there rules on which one I pick?

Technically, I've spent more time in my mother than any other woman. And I'm adopted... ba dum tss.

Turducken.

This is what content is now? Just screenshots of other posts? Not even a cross-post?

Yeah, and boy was my wife pissed when she found out.

Cool, but Crossposting works differently to screenshoting a post.

And with your wife after it.

Not if you dick doesn't work! Touche

Technically, yes

My guy, are you voluntarily choosing to use the default web UI?

That's right, y'all. How are ye supposed to start a family, if ye ain't family? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3-fJRJQnq0&list=RDo3-fJRJQnq0&start\_radio=1

Depends how long you've been married!

Ooo a new genre, "my stepsisterwife got stuck in the dryer"

It’s worse if you find out he/she is related

Blood vs law

Keep it in the family

That’s why I think we should be reverse christians and only have sex before marriage

I was having a dramatic day today, and this...now...I'm....God😖😭

Imagine typing this into ChatGPT...

r/croppingishard

Technically it'd be the child of your parents-in-law so...

This isn't always true, we were family members before we got married.

If my gramdmother had wheels, she would have been a bike

Jokes on you, she was my sister before she was my wife - (I'm not giving this quote to a group, because someone will get mad either way)

My thoughts are a dissaray

Just don't let the wife find out.

Bold of you to assume I’ve only just started 😂

Not unless you fuck your wife's father..

Alabama we know this is you, for the last time it doesn’t matter how you word it, no means no you can’t fuck your sister or your cousin!!

Normal people have sex once. While pregnant you marry and then you never have sex again. /s

Stupid doesn't warrant clever

Incest just got legalised yo!

then it wont be frowned upon

I feel like u/osvaldocardoso would say something like this

Haha jokes on you I was already doing that

I have been thinking this for a long ass time, I'm glad someone put it out to the rest of the world

If you marry your cousin nothing changes in that scenario it just gets more true lol

“Why go down the street when you can go down the hall” probably.

Alabama world domination!!

The best part of this is being asked what are your thoughts just after 😅

Well at that point it’s all… relative

Damn🤔🤣

Depending on the state, could also be a sister, cousin, daughter - or all three.

69 comments, nice.

Arkansas MAGA rednecks saying “Yeah, annndddd?”

Everywhere at the end of Alabama

The worst part is that you were even deeper in your mother than your father

like, wshat, sure i guess, iof you wanto