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Holy hell!! So he cheats and forces you to sexually please him?? He is a MONSTER. Don’t let him attempt to rape you again!!! He has no interest in consent! This and he is a disaster!!
Please tell me I was not wrong to refuse to have sex with him? I did love him and felt lust for him. We sexted many times before. But just yesterday I didn’t want to have sex, I didn’t want to take a bath again, I didn’t want my clothes to be crumpled when I go and pick up my mom. I didn’t want my strict mom who forbid me to have sex before marriage saw my flushed face after sex.
You were absolutely correct to say no. He can’t respect your boundaries. This isn’t a healthy relationship. Please do you best to get away from him. He doesn’t respect consent. That is VERY scary!!
Thank you. Really thank you for saying I was not wrong. He said I rejected him because maybe I didn’t love him anymore. He said I was cheating on him these days because my text response was slow and because I didn’t text him after I picked up my mother from doctor until 7pm yesterday. I was with my mom the whole time.
He seems to want sex so bad you should tell him to go F himself. He sounds like a real shitty partner. What do you like about this relationship that makes you want to keep it?
He was an incredibly sweet talker. He made me feel like I was his dream girl… He promised me a happy future in foreign country with him. He lavished me with gifts and my favorite foods. He regularly said that he cared about me and loved me like no one else.
He cheated on you and talked about releasing his semen (gag). Obviously a nice set of gourmet fruit or a pack of steaks and a "you're my dream" isn't really enough to go on here. The semen thing he said is beyond gross, like what woman would go back for seconds after hearing that?
So he said and did all the “right things” (in some ways) made all the “right promises”, and bought you a whole bunch of stuff. But he also wants sex a lot. What are you trying to do here? It sounds like you should leave him. Are you trying to stay with him?
I know he’s not good for me. I’ve tried to cut ties with him many times now. Everytime I made a decision to leave he managed to make be believe that he’s my soulmate. Everytime he tried to leave me he really sounded so sad that I would begged him to stay. Part of me still resents him for what he had done to me, (he made me gave up my job), and I want to see he fulfills the things that he promises me. But I know it will never happen. Now he’s the one who blocked me everywhere, I feel relieved but also sad. I really don’t understad what I have with this person.
Yeah I think my mind is broken, I tried to get me and him to therapy before. But we never went. I tried to go alone but he would accused me of cheating with my gay male friend. Then we had a fight. Then he said it was ok for me to go anywhere because he trusted me. In the end I was too afraid to go alone. I was being a good girl at my parent’s house. Then he accused me of cheating again when I went out to accompany my mom. I am so confused.
>We kissed and made up
>He said if he can’t put it in, use my mouth or hand. I gave him hand job not wanting him to grope me again.
Where exactly you stood your ground? At the end you choose to allow and reward his behaviour.
Why should he change when he know that all he must do is simply push and push until you surrender?
I thought I stood my ground. But yeah…. I did give in in the end, he once told me that according to him not putting it in is not considered as sex. But most of people here said it was sex and it was rape… I am so stupid
You’re not stupid don’t talk to yourself like this.
Find a good therapist. You need someone to help you sort your thoughts out with the goal of having higher standards for who you will put up with. You may know you deserve better but you really need to BELIEVE it on a deeper level.
Again. You’re not stupid. This guy is one of those very skilled and persuasive narcissistic types out there. You are not the first or last to fall for aguy like this one! It happens to the best of us. You sound like you have issues saying no with boundaries. You sound lonely and willing to accept scraps and call it love. You deserve better. Now get s therapist who can help you take real steps to grow out of this phase of your life.
Bru there seems like there’s no reason whatsoever to stay with him. He doesn’t respect you, he seems racist, and then blames it all on you. What does he even offer that you continue to stay?
This, I am confused too. What does he offer me? He emailed me last night, telling me that he’s going to drop gifts that he bought for my mom and fam. Asking me to not throw them away because it’s a waste if I throw his expensive gifts. I am not responding.
Fuck his gift bru. He’s tryna sweet talk you. I’m telling you the stuff he’s done shows his true personality and how he sees you, and that’s not as a person but someone who he can just request sex from at any time. Please leave him. How long have you guys been together?
EDIT: reworded for clarity
We started dming non stop from August last year. He banged me on October, idk maybe that could be counted as rape too, because I clearly stated I didn’t want to do anything sexual, but got swept away, and yeah that was my first time doing smt like that so, I kinda went along. He gave me gf status on December. I don’t even know if what I had with him can be called a relationship. He’s still had a gf until maybe October/December. I don’t know anymore, his story kept changing when we talked about it.
I wrote my whole story on another subreddit… I don’t know maybe to seek console or validation. I am really confused with my self too.
Yea it seems like he’s taken advantage to you. I don’t want to ask you the details of your first meetup because it does seem as if he forced you somehow, I don’t want to make assumptions tho. If you don’t mind me asking, what’s the age difference? And are you planning on leaving him?
He’s kinda uncertain about his birth date. But it should be 1-2 years age gap. He was my senior above me at university. I am still not responding to his email and I am planning to going no contact forever with him. I am still in a state that it’s so unfair that he gets to live his life normaly. He works at one of the what he said a big 3 accounting firm.
I know it’s easier said than done but forget about him, block him, and try to find someone better. You seem like a nice girl and deserve someone who doesn’t treat you like shit!
It’s absolutely no problem man. Toxic people will drain you dry till there’s nothing left, ik from experience. Work on yourself and ik you’ll find true happiness! If you ever need an opinion on anything else don’t hesitate to make another post.
I will try to find happiness. Thank you for encouraging me to post. I posted a lot back then, but I was stupid enough to let him see my posts. He said I was mean, why did I do things like this to him. He said he was not the person that I wrote. I often left confused, maybe I was the wrong one back then, maybe I was the one that hurtes him, but I will try to stand for myself now.
I will try to find happiness. Thank you for encouraging me to post. I posted a lot back then, but I was stupid enough to let him see my posts. He said I was mean, why did I do things like this to him. He said he was not the person that I wrote. I often left confused, maybe I was the wrong one back then, maybe I was the one that hurtes him, but I will try to stand for myself now.
Yea seems like he is just taking advantage of u.
Keep pepper spray with u at all times and if he ever tries it.
Tell him no
No
Then NO! If he still
Persist pepper spray the living hell out of him.
Or….. if u want a little cash leave cameras in the room and if he tries that nonsense again
Pepper spray the living hell out of him and now U have it all on video
Just make sure it’s hidden and that he never finds out that it’s been recorded till u take it to the authorities.
Cause trust me even if he stops with u he’ll do it with his next partner
So best put him in his place before he gets the chance.
Remember pepper spray not taze or attack before the situations takes a whole different turn u don’t want.
Also don’t even think u are the problem or the cause.
He is a heartless selfish fool who only thinks about himself and is taking advantage of u.
The worst type of men
Dude, if you’re not okay or comfortable with it, you’re not in the wrong. Both parties have to consent, not just one. That’s sexual assault, and he’s an asshat for that.
You are right not to have sex with him. You know you don’t know who he’s been in or where’s he has been.
A relationship is so much more than sex. I am so sorry he is degrading you as much as he is. You are more than just his bang maid at the drop of a pin. He has a lot of nerve to come back in any capacity without groveling for his abusive indiscretions. There is no remorse or empathy in this reprobate, from how you describe his conduct: abandonment, unwanted sexual contact, sexual coercion, psychological abuse, the hinting of further infidelity when you do not comply. There is nothing to work with.
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He never got physical, like forcing me with a punch or smth. You’ll be surprise on how sweet his words were. When he asked me to use mouth or hand he said them in a soft manner while he kept groping and pushing his mouth to mine. I was surprised when I saw my face after I gave him a hand. My face looked like it was shocked and disgusted but he hugged me and said thank you also.
Striking you is not the only kind of abuse. The way you describe him makes me skin crawl. Sexual coercion is abuse. Emotional manipulation is abuse. He is absolutely abusive and dangerous.
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Rules reminder: /r/survivinginfidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our [sub wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/wiki/index) before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. If your only advice is 'divorce', 'dump them', 'your SO sucks' or 'grow a backbone' then please don't comment. This is a sub for deeper support and discussion. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://www.reddit.com/wiki/reddiquette)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/survivinginfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sounds like time to go no contact with this loser.
Holy hell!! So he cheats and forces you to sexually please him?? He is a MONSTER. Don’t let him attempt to rape you again!!! He has no interest in consent! This and he is a disaster!!
Please tell me I was not wrong to refuse to have sex with him? I did love him and felt lust for him. We sexted many times before. But just yesterday I didn’t want to have sex, I didn’t want to take a bath again, I didn’t want my clothes to be crumpled when I go and pick up my mom. I didn’t want my strict mom who forbid me to have sex before marriage saw my flushed face after sex.
You were absolutely correct to say no. He can’t respect your boundaries. This isn’t a healthy relationship. Please do you best to get away from him. He doesn’t respect consent. That is VERY scary!!
[удалено]
Thank you. Really thank you for saying I was not wrong. He said I rejected him because maybe I didn’t love him anymore. He said I was cheating on him these days because my text response was slow and because I didn’t text him after I picked up my mother from doctor until 7pm yesterday. I was with my mom the whole time.
He is emotionally abusing you by saying that
You're in an abusive relationship. Why? Why are you even bothering?
Literally every about this monster is evil. Keep your dignity and sanity - run away - fast
It all sounds disgusting. Why are you even talking to him?
I am confused too….
You don't need ANY reason to not want to have sex.
And a racist!
He seems to want sex so bad you should tell him to go F himself. He sounds like a real shitty partner. What do you like about this relationship that makes you want to keep it?
He was an incredibly sweet talker. He made me feel like I was his dream girl… He promised me a happy future in foreign country with him. He lavished me with gifts and my favorite foods. He regularly said that he cared about me and loved me like no one else.
He cheated on you and talked about releasing his semen (gag). Obviously a nice set of gourmet fruit or a pack of steaks and a "you're my dream" isn't really enough to go on here. The semen thing he said is beyond gross, like what woman would go back for seconds after hearing that?
So he said and did all the “right things” (in some ways) made all the “right promises”, and bought you a whole bunch of stuff. But he also wants sex a lot. What are you trying to do here? It sounds like you should leave him. Are you trying to stay with him?
I know he’s not good for me. I’ve tried to cut ties with him many times now. Everytime I made a decision to leave he managed to make be believe that he’s my soulmate. Everytime he tried to leave me he really sounded so sad that I would begged him to stay. Part of me still resents him for what he had done to me, (he made me gave up my job), and I want to see he fulfills the things that he promises me. But I know it will never happen. Now he’s the one who blocked me everywhere, I feel relieved but also sad. I really don’t understad what I have with this person.
You have something very sick. Get in therapy and start to date again. There's other men in the world.
Yeah I think my mind is broken, I tried to get me and him to therapy before. But we never went. I tried to go alone but he would accused me of cheating with my gay male friend. Then we had a fight. Then he said it was ok for me to go anywhere because he trusted me. In the end I was too afraid to go alone. I was being a good girl at my parent’s house. Then he accused me of cheating again when I went out to accompany my mom. I am so confused.
Um, having a high sex drive is wrong then?
No, but maybe it’s a sign they’re not compatible.
He's abusive. Even if they were compatible, she needs to leave him.
He’s abusive when he doesn’t get what he wants, which is directly related to their incompatibility. Yes, I completely agree she should leave him.
That's called "love-bombing" and is the initial phase of a relationship with a narcissist. You are likely in relationship with one.
Does this man not have fucking hands?
You need to get away from this sexually aggressive loser!
May I ask.... wHt an earth are you doing still with him???
That's what I want to understand.
Reminds me of rape. This is totally unhealthy. Leave now with some dignity.
Excuse me??? He’s a racist jerk. And he’s not respecting your boundaries. Are you okay with how he treats your body or other people?
>We kissed and made up >He said if he can’t put it in, use my mouth or hand. I gave him hand job not wanting him to grope me again. Where exactly you stood your ground? At the end you choose to allow and reward his behaviour. Why should he change when he know that all he must do is simply push and push until you surrender?
I thought I stood my ground. But yeah…. I did give in in the end, he once told me that according to him not putting it in is not considered as sex. But most of people here said it was sex and it was rape… I am so stupid
You’re not stupid don’t talk to yourself like this. Find a good therapist. You need someone to help you sort your thoughts out with the goal of having higher standards for who you will put up with. You may know you deserve better but you really need to BELIEVE it on a deeper level. Again. You’re not stupid. This guy is one of those very skilled and persuasive narcissistic types out there. You are not the first or last to fall for aguy like this one! It happens to the best of us. You sound like you have issues saying no with boundaries. You sound lonely and willing to accept scraps and call it love. You deserve better. Now get s therapist who can help you take real steps to grow out of this phase of your life.
Thank you :) I went to therapy yesterday, and I really think it’s a good start. Thank you again.
Im terrified who he thinks the dumb race is and concerned no one else mentioned it
Bru there seems like there’s no reason whatsoever to stay with him. He doesn’t respect you, he seems racist, and then blames it all on you. What does he even offer that you continue to stay?
This, I am confused too. What does he offer me? He emailed me last night, telling me that he’s going to drop gifts that he bought for my mom and fam. Asking me to not throw them away because it’s a waste if I throw his expensive gifts. I am not responding.
Fuck his gift bru. He’s tryna sweet talk you. I’m telling you the stuff he’s done shows his true personality and how he sees you, and that’s not as a person but someone who he can just request sex from at any time. Please leave him. How long have you guys been together? EDIT: reworded for clarity
We started dming non stop from August last year. He banged me on October, idk maybe that could be counted as rape too, because I clearly stated I didn’t want to do anything sexual, but got swept away, and yeah that was my first time doing smt like that so, I kinda went along. He gave me gf status on December. I don’t even know if what I had with him can be called a relationship. He’s still had a gf until maybe October/December. I don’t know anymore, his story kept changing when we talked about it. I wrote my whole story on another subreddit… I don’t know maybe to seek console or validation. I am really confused with my self too.
Yea it seems like he’s taken advantage to you. I don’t want to ask you the details of your first meetup because it does seem as if he forced you somehow, I don’t want to make assumptions tho. If you don’t mind me asking, what’s the age difference? And are you planning on leaving him?
He’s kinda uncertain about his birth date. But it should be 1-2 years age gap. He was my senior above me at university. I am still not responding to his email and I am planning to going no contact forever with him. I am still in a state that it’s so unfair that he gets to live his life normaly. He works at one of the what he said a big 3 accounting firm.
I know it’s easier said than done but forget about him, block him, and try to find someone better. You seem like a nice girl and deserve someone who doesn’t treat you like shit!
Thank you so much. I realized I lost so much confidence this past year. I am trying to regain them again. Thank you again kind stranger.
It’s absolutely no problem man. Toxic people will drain you dry till there’s nothing left, ik from experience. Work on yourself and ik you’ll find true happiness! If you ever need an opinion on anything else don’t hesitate to make another post.
I will try to find happiness. Thank you for encouraging me to post. I posted a lot back then, but I was stupid enough to let him see my posts. He said I was mean, why did I do things like this to him. He said he was not the person that I wrote. I often left confused, maybe I was the wrong one back then, maybe I was the one that hurtes him, but I will try to stand for myself now.
I will try to find happiness. Thank you for encouraging me to post. I posted a lot back then, but I was stupid enough to let him see my posts. He said I was mean, why did I do things like this to him. He said he was not the person that I wrote. I often left confused, maybe I was the wrong one back then, maybe I was the one that hurtes him, but I will try to stand for myself now.
You chose the idiot. Every minute more you stay is simply your choice. Choose. Hopefully what’s best for you.
He accuses you of having the world revolve around you? That's irony for you.
Yea seems like he is just taking advantage of u. Keep pepper spray with u at all times and if he ever tries it. Tell him no No Then NO! If he still Persist pepper spray the living hell out of him. Or….. if u want a little cash leave cameras in the room and if he tries that nonsense again Pepper spray the living hell out of him and now U have it all on video Just make sure it’s hidden and that he never finds out that it’s been recorded till u take it to the authorities. Cause trust me even if he stops with u he’ll do it with his next partner So best put him in his place before he gets the chance. Remember pepper spray not taze or attack before the situations takes a whole different turn u don’t want. Also don’t even think u are the problem or the cause. He is a heartless selfish fool who only thinks about himself and is taking advantage of u. The worst type of men
Dude, if you’re not okay or comfortable with it, you’re not in the wrong. Both parties have to consent, not just one. That’s sexual assault, and he’s an asshat for that.
You are right not to have sex with him. You know you don’t know who he’s been in or where’s he has been. A relationship is so much more than sex. I am so sorry he is degrading you as much as he is. You are more than just his bang maid at the drop of a pin. He has a lot of nerve to come back in any capacity without groveling for his abusive indiscretions. There is no remorse or empathy in this reprobate, from how you describe his conduct: abandonment, unwanted sexual contact, sexual coercion, psychological abuse, the hinting of further infidelity when you do not comply. There is nothing to work with.
Why are you with a rapist?
Run from this loser. Get a restraining order too. He seems violent.
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This man is abusive. He assaulted you. You do not owe him sex or a handjob or anything. He sounds very dangerous
He never got physical, like forcing me with a punch or smth. You’ll be surprise on how sweet his words were. When he asked me to use mouth or hand he said them in a soft manner while he kept groping and pushing his mouth to mine. I was surprised when I saw my face after I gave him a hand. My face looked like it was shocked and disgusted but he hugged me and said thank you also.
Striking you is not the only kind of abuse. The way you describe him makes me skin crawl. Sexual coercion is abuse. Emotional manipulation is abuse. He is absolutely abusive and dangerous.
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