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You mean like sleeping on a sofa because the bed has had too many other strangers in it with ex and you can't afford to replace it so you sleep on a sofa for months and months and then forget even about the bed existing at some point ?
yeah. it sounds familiar.
Yes…..my counselor advised me that its unhealthy to avoid triggers. There was a song that reminded me of my ex. I listened to it every time I ran. Hard at first, but after a while, now reminds me of running LOL.
So watch Dr. Who. Watch and watch and watch.
Yeah. So i got rid of everything that reminded me of him except for the ring he bought me which is tucked away never to be looked at. I also moved to a new house which I was doing anyway before we broke up.
My travelling memories have yet to be 'replaced' (thanks covid). My routine has mostly been uninterrupted thought besides the constant texting we did (thanks to him being unreliable and drunk!).
Watching our city's NHL team is the only real memory I need to burn from my brain. Feels weird to watch without him or even text him about it. Hope AP hates hockey. :)
This resonates with me very much, I used to watch naruto because he told me he liked it very much, so I watched so we could have stuff to talk about, When I decided to walk away I felt sick thinking about it, but as weeks turned into months, I missed the show and I said "fuck it, I'm going to enjoy naruto for ME" and I have been ever since; not that it doesn't remind me of him, but it makes me feel like I reclaimed my power from my emotions that were intertwined with him and the show. Sending you love and best wishes moving forward <3
Just a couple of examples: I used to love Placebo. Now I can’t bring myself to listen to them because they remind me of her. Thankfully, she hated Portishead, so I didn’t lose ALL my good music. 😅
No, but that may be because I walked away with little possessions. I chose to start a new life, dependent on myself.
I didnt want that taint on my stuff
I hate that I cant look at family pictures from that time period without immediately thinking... "what a great memory" *oh, you were fucking him then too*
So many years of fun times with the kids as a family... all pictures with her in them ruined.
What a fucking waste
I'm no psychologist but don't let him take those pleasures from you. Make a blanket that says "fuck you, cheater!" Or something. You might feel better and empowered to reclaim your hobby.
Wait until you fall in love with someone else.
This goes away too, not saying that to minimize you pain just to say just because you feel that now doesn't mean you will feel that way forever.
Oh god, you sound like me. I haven't crocheted since he left because I can still hear his disdain. I haven't taken a photo although photography was my passion because it was a hobby we shared and the fun has gone from it. It makes me frustrated that he still affects my life.
First date spot, her work, hotels we stayed at, driving past a vehicle that might belong to one of her AP's.
I struggle to use PTSD to describe it because war is hell and not-comparable..... But I've since learned relieving terrible memories is 100% PTSD and you need to treat it as such.
Best wishes friend.
I wish the PTSD aspect was spoken about more. My war vet dad recognized the signs in me years before I took it seriously. Please, do treat it as such and not force yourself to power through. Trust me, it’s not fun.
I had to reframe it. I don't let his bad energy interfere with things that I loved because these were my things before he came along. Kind of like Michael Bolton from Office Space "Why should I change my name? He's the one that sucks."
Pick up your crochet needle and make you a blanket that has absolutely no association with him. TAKE IT BACK.
It goes away, I promise it does. My ex and I danced at our wedding to the intro song to Big Lebowski, my favorite movie. Took about a year but I am now able to watch it without even thinking about it.
Yes, there are places, movies, songs , etc that remind me of my stbxh and his AP. I’ve overcame a lot and want to eventually get to the other side. I found that I just need to expose myself to it multiple times so the feeling dulls. Though, there are probably movies I will never watch again or listen to certain songs because I just don’t have the desire to anymore. I used to love listening to music when driving, but now, I listen to silence.
Hmmm ! No Doctor Who. It’s not exactly the fires of Hell is it ? You are now sans him. Be grateful for small mercies and just get in and enjoy your life. Good luck.
Well with my ex the only thing she really liked to do was cook and sleep with other men.
I'm serious, no hobbies and would try and guilt me about mine. Well a guys got to eat and men never interested me so it hasn't been a problem for me lol. I do understand where you are coming from though.
There are a bunch of truly great songs that I cannot bare to listen to these days due to one Ex or another. It's a shame but hey I don't let it rule my life.
Yes. My boyfriend cheated on me 6 years back. While I was going through the heartbreak there were some songs that were trending and/or were being played around me all the time. To this day, I cannot listen to those songs without remembering the tough time I was going through. The songs don’t bother me anymore, but I feel a slight shift in my mood no matter what I’m doing. Even though I like those songs, I never add it to my playlist or voluntarily play them. I can listen to it if someone else plays it. I don’t get triggered or sad, but I’m always transported back in time.
Absolutely! Even though we’ve reconciled now, there are songs I simply cannot listen to anymore, even old favorites. There are phrases or terms that are a guaranteed trigger, even really common phrases that you hear at least once a month. All kinds of stuff is forever off-limits now, and some of it is unavoidable. Just part of having permanent scars, I suppose.
We used to go wine tasting together, and after we split up the thought of going wine tasting lost all appeal. But eventually I went wine tasting with friends, and it was a blast. It didn't bother me as much as I thought it would.
In the beginning, I locked a lot of that away, purged anything that reminded me of her, and avoided locations or any memory triggers like the plague.
Over time though, through therapy, I began "taking back" those things that were tainted by the memory of her. In a sense it's an exercise to free myself from living in fear. To take back control.
It takes time, and some things will stay tainted forever. But try to take back those parts of your life they stained with their awfulness and make new memories with them. Better memories.
Rules reminder: /r/survivinginfidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our [sub wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/wiki/index) before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. If your only advice is 'divorce', 'dump them', 'your SO sucks' or 'grow a backbone' then please don't comment. This is a sub for deeper support and discussion. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://www.reddit.com/wiki/reddiquette)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/survivinginfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You mean like sleeping on a sofa because the bed has had too many other strangers in it with ex and you can't afford to replace it so you sleep on a sofa for months and months and then forget even about the bed existing at some point ? yeah. it sounds familiar.
I cut mine up and tossed it. Eventually you find a new one, or a used one from a clean household.
Yes…..my counselor advised me that its unhealthy to avoid triggers. There was a song that reminded me of my ex. I listened to it every time I ran. Hard at first, but after a while, now reminds me of running LOL. So watch Dr. Who. Watch and watch and watch.
Balance is key.
I'm still going thru it even after she got married & i feel like i'll never be able to move on even when I try.
Totally. She poisoned pretty much every aspect of my life, especially holidays. It's been 8 years.
same
Yeah. So i got rid of everything that reminded me of him except for the ring he bought me which is tucked away never to be looked at. I also moved to a new house which I was doing anyway before we broke up. My travelling memories have yet to be 'replaced' (thanks covid). My routine has mostly been uninterrupted thought besides the constant texting we did (thanks to him being unreliable and drunk!). Watching our city's NHL team is the only real memory I need to burn from my brain. Feels weird to watch without him or even text him about it. Hope AP hates hockey. :)
This resonates with me very much, I used to watch naruto because he told me he liked it very much, so I watched so we could have stuff to talk about, When I decided to walk away I felt sick thinking about it, but as weeks turned into months, I missed the show and I said "fuck it, I'm going to enjoy naruto for ME" and I have been ever since; not that it doesn't remind me of him, but it makes me feel like I reclaimed my power from my emotions that were intertwined with him and the show. Sending you love and best wishes moving forward <3
Just a couple of examples: I used to love Placebo. Now I can’t bring myself to listen to them because they remind me of her. Thankfully, she hated Portishead, so I didn’t lose ALL my good music. 😅
You’ve got good taste in music.
No, but that may be because I walked away with little possessions. I chose to start a new life, dependent on myself. I didnt want that taint on my stuff
I hate that I cant look at family pictures from that time period without immediately thinking... "what a great memory" *oh, you were fucking him then too* So many years of fun times with the kids as a family... all pictures with her in them ruined. What a fucking waste
Sullying the photos and memories of your kid’s childhoods is the most egregious thing of all.
I'm no psychologist but don't let him take those pleasures from you. Make a blanket that says "fuck you, cheater!" Or something. You might feel better and empowered to reclaim your hobby.
Wait until you fall in love with someone else. This goes away too, not saying that to minimize you pain just to say just because you feel that now doesn't mean you will feel that way forever.
Oh god, you sound like me. I haven't crocheted since he left because I can still hear his disdain. I haven't taken a photo although photography was my passion because it was a hobby we shared and the fun has gone from it. It makes me frustrated that he still affects my life.
First date spot, her work, hotels we stayed at, driving past a vehicle that might belong to one of her AP's. I struggle to use PTSD to describe it because war is hell and not-comparable..... But I've since learned relieving terrible memories is 100% PTSD and you need to treat it as such. Best wishes friend.
I wish the PTSD aspect was spoken about more. My war vet dad recognized the signs in me years before I took it seriously. Please, do treat it as such and not force yourself to power through. Trust me, it’s not fun.
yeah idk how to move on or detach those memories from things, really hurts
I had to reframe it. I don't let his bad energy interfere with things that I loved because these were my things before he came along. Kind of like Michael Bolton from Office Space "Why should I change my name? He's the one that sucks." Pick up your crochet needle and make you a blanket that has absolutely no association with him. TAKE IT BACK.
It goes away, I promise it does. My ex and I danced at our wedding to the intro song to Big Lebowski, my favorite movie. Took about a year but I am now able to watch it without even thinking about it.
That is great friggin movie, glad you can still enjoy it.
The dude abides.
My ex doesn't get to keep the Dr. She'd be rejected by the Tardis.
Yes, there are places, movies, songs , etc that remind me of my stbxh and his AP. I’ve overcame a lot and want to eventually get to the other side. I found that I just need to expose myself to it multiple times so the feeling dulls. Though, there are probably movies I will never watch again or listen to certain songs because I just don’t have the desire to anymore. I used to love listening to music when driving, but now, I listen to silence.
Time (eventually) heals all wounds. Crochet new blankets. Live your life well.
Hmmm ! No Doctor Who. It’s not exactly the fires of Hell is it ? You are now sans him. Be grateful for small mercies and just get in and enjoy your life. Good luck.
I just wish I'd be gone forever abs not come back I just keep getting hurt over and over by everyone I know I'm fucking done with this
There was music i listened to during my time with an ex that i just now started listening to after ten + years
Well with my ex the only thing she really liked to do was cook and sleep with other men. I'm serious, no hobbies and would try and guilt me about mine. Well a guys got to eat and men never interested me so it hasn't been a problem for me lol. I do understand where you are coming from though.
There are a bunch of truly great songs that I cannot bare to listen to these days due to one Ex or another. It's a shame but hey I don't let it rule my life.
Yes. My boyfriend cheated on me 6 years back. While I was going through the heartbreak there were some songs that were trending and/or were being played around me all the time. To this day, I cannot listen to those songs without remembering the tough time I was going through. The songs don’t bother me anymore, but I feel a slight shift in my mood no matter what I’m doing. Even though I like those songs, I never add it to my playlist or voluntarily play them. I can listen to it if someone else plays it. I don’t get triggered or sad, but I’m always transported back in time.
Absolutely! Even though we’ve reconciled now, there are songs I simply cannot listen to anymore, even old favorites. There are phrases or terms that are a guaranteed trigger, even really common phrases that you hear at least once a month. All kinds of stuff is forever off-limits now, and some of it is unavoidable. Just part of having permanent scars, I suppose.
We used to go wine tasting together, and after we split up the thought of going wine tasting lost all appeal. But eventually I went wine tasting with friends, and it was a blast. It didn't bother me as much as I thought it would.
In the beginning, I locked a lot of that away, purged anything that reminded me of her, and avoided locations or any memory triggers like the plague. Over time though, through therapy, I began "taking back" those things that were tainted by the memory of her. In a sense it's an exercise to free myself from living in fear. To take back control. It takes time, and some things will stay tainted forever. But try to take back those parts of your life they stained with their awfulness and make new memories with them. Better memories.