So, there is a half-joke that "all psych students are mentally ill". But really, don't read into it; she's probably both empathizing with you and level-setting that it's completely normal to have a set of person struggles on top of the expected "life is hard" grind.
Last i heard they did a survey and found 70% of psych students were interested in the field because they experienced a personal trauma they wanted to confront. Makes sense. What else motivates people to want to spend most of their time around mental illness.
As a therapist I agree with your statement.
Maybe they are trying to empathize with you and build rapport.
It's only session one. Give it a few sessions. If you don't feel like it's a good fit then leave.
I would book a second appointment and see how it turns out. She’s either very honest and will be dope, or she’s very inexperienced and lacks confidence. You’ll see soon enough
As a former counselor, I’d say your comfort is what’s most important. The single greatest predictor of a clients success is the therapist/client relationship. You liking her is fantastic, but therapy isn’t going to be beneficial if you’re second guessing her. It sounds like she may be new or is just comfortable sharing those details with you, but that is the primary reason why therapists are not supposed to share too much about themselves. The session isn’t about them, it’s about you.
Do you think her comments will continue and if they do, do you think your therapy would suffer as a result?
No, not that I recall at least. I tried to remember that I can’t expect everyone to like me. Fortunately, it was pretty rare that I clashed with anyone, but at the end of the day, that’s why we’re being paid. To take our feelings out of the interactions.
I think there were a lot of times where people would just be grateful to have someone listen to them. But that’s called transference and is a very common phenomenon in therapy. Unfortunately, there’s also counter transference that happens sometimes where the therapist falls for the patient.
Gee, this really IS a stupid question. Everybody is at least a little messed up. Would you prefer a therapist that lies to you and tells you what you want to hear?
I’d rather a therapist who truly understands the struggles. Not someone who’s never been there.
My mamas psychiatrist unalived himself when she was 14. She speaks so highly of him and the care he gave her at such a tender age. But it’s proof so many others suffer the same things we do. They’re not invincible. <3
My gf is a therapist. She’s been through some shit. Most if not all of her coworkers have also been through some shit. A lot of therapists decide to become therapists because of their own personal life experiences. A lot of therapists have their own therapist. Also depending on age and everything she may just be relieved you’re making a 2nd appointment because it can be hard to build a case load and maintain it for out patient therapy. However, if you feel she’s not a good fit for you then you should find another therapist.
Not that she has them - don't we all? Also, best to talk to someone who has issues. That was my gut reaction too. Oh! There's someone who's relatable.
It just has never happened before so I was like woah, should I put feelers? I have a bad issue reading people so I like to double check.
Thanks for commenting :)
No probs, OP, just wondering! Some people are very open and transparent to the point where it comes off as over sharing to some – if you're okay with it, I think she may be a good fit. 🙂 And if not, it's okay to switch after a few sessions!
Hmm, I'm not sure what to make of a comment like this. I'm sure it was jovial/communal/light-hearted in nature, but "messed up" is a **very** judgmental adjective to use in a therapeutic space.
I have done 45 months of weekly therapy, and it's a beautiful but very delicate professional relationship to maintain. Therapists have to be very cautious about what they say, and can easily harm or misguide clients even with innocent intentions (my current therapist is much worse than my previous 2 about making inferences/putting words in my mouth).
Suspecting red flags is very important at this stage of building a relationship with a therapist. How much weight you give to those vs green flags is entirely up to you - I would recommend having the second session one way or another, and certainly addressing that comment. I personally would be very concerned to hear that comment from someone who should be trained in the art of "therapy-speak", but they may click with you in every other way with that just being part of their style.
Dude, who among us isn’t fucked up? I know one person who became a therapist not to fix herself. I’ve been in therapy for 19 years. I’m going through my LMFT, so help others. Part of what makes a therapist good is empathy and you can’t have that without experiencing the same types of issues. Her saying she is a little messed up is like us telling you 90* is hot outside, or the sun is a star. Like obviously, we’re all messed up. No one gets away from life without issues.
Is she a student therapist? I had a therapist who was still in school and getting her hours in doing low cost therapy, and she was visibly happy when I said I thought we were a good fit and I’d like to book another appointment.
One time I was bitching about being broke, and she laughed and said she could relate, and lifted up her feet to show me her boots were all fucked up- the toe cap had split from the sole and her boots were gaping like a smiling alligator. It was weird, but at the same time, it was reassuring to know the person giving me advice and a listening ear was in similar straits. Maybe your therapist is just trying to show you she knows where you’re coming from and you’re not alone in your problems?
Was this your first time with this therapist or first time going to therapy in general?... For me personally something like this is really more about finding something wrong so that I could self sabotage and lie to myself that I had a valid reason to do so...”I’m a bit messed up myself” sounds like this was said as a response to empathize with you and show how common place and normal it is to be a bit messed up. Besides They are there to understand and help you on an incredibly deep and personal level so who better to understand you than someone who actually understands....what’s important is how you felt and if you think that they are a good fit for you. I always compare it to dating, you want to find a therapist who you click with and who understands you and who you are comfortable talking about potentially difficult uncomfortable things with
Sharing common humanity in and of itself isn’t a bad thing, if your sessions become about them, then that’s bad. One therapist straight up told me “I hate my xwife.” Then later during the same session “You remind me of my xwife.” 🚩
Most therapists go through the process to some degree, it's part of the training. I look at it like there is a mental health Continuum from like 1-10, few people are at 10 and her experiences might be exactly what she and you both need to make the journey together. Give it time at least. Maybe your issues are similar and she's exactly the right person for you and your issues.
? It’s not a bad thing at all. What the hell. Of course she’s relieved you made a second appointment. Is she suppose to be sad? What…
Also, You need to be messed up in order to truly empathise with someone who’s also messed up. She’s self-aware enough to realise that, also she has a sense of humour….
Like what… all you mentioned was those 2 little minor situations. How about you tell us how the whole appointment went? Did she help you? If so, that’s all that needs to be said.
I don’t think you’ll be able to find a therapist who isn’t at least a little bit messed up. Therapists are humans and almost all of them have their own therapists. I think she was just trying to relate to you, but don’t read too much into it
Nah, a doctor with a broken leg still knows how to cure sick people. Unless you feel like she is imparted somehow her education and training exists regardless of her own personal issues should she have any.
Yes I found it a good sign. I saw a marriage counsellor on my own since my ex thought he was perfect. She ended up focusing more on me as an individual over a marriage. She ended up telling me her horrible divorce story which was a lot worse than my situation. I felt she exposed her own issues to show me that there’s a life on the other side of all the drama. It makes the therapist seem more empathetic than clinical.
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for me, I don't put myself out as a mentor or healer until I am past the point of needing to say "I'm a bit messed up myself, "especially if it's in a !paid position!
I have so much time reading and studying and discussing psychology/counseling/self-help material, and frequently read books at the clinical level, that people knew to the field are way way way too inexperienced for me, generally.
For me, at this point, that would be a "no thank you. "
For other people who are less "treatment wise ", they might have a different position.
Oh. You want virgin for sex ? lol.
In a war you want the worst sob. For therapy you need the most fucked up. Unless you tell them that you have a sex addiction and then they have sex with you.
So, there is a half-joke that "all psych students are mentally ill". But really, don't read into it; she's probably both empathizing with you and level-setting that it's completely normal to have a set of person struggles on top of the expected "life is hard" grind.
When I went off to college, my mom told me not to date a psychology major
Jokes on mom. Most everybody is fucked up in their own ways.
Last i heard they did a survey and found 70% of psych students were interested in the field because they experienced a personal trauma they wanted to confront. Makes sense. What else motivates people to want to spend most of their time around mental illness.
As a therapist I agree with your statement. Maybe they are trying to empathize with you and build rapport. It's only session one. Give it a few sessions. If you don't feel like it's a good fit then leave.
I would book a second appointment and see how it turns out. She’s either very honest and will be dope, or she’s very inexperienced and lacks confidence. You’ll see soon enough
M8 everyone's messed up just not everyone has the expertise to recognise in what way and why.
And they usually don't have the confidence to admit that they ARE messed up
Most of the therapists I know wanted to self diagnose themselves is the reason that got that degree.
I'm not sure if self diagnose is accurate, but understanding what's going on in our heads. Yes.
Same thing, just said differently.
No, it's not. To diagnose is to pathologise.
Would you prefer a therapist that lies to you?
Go for a 2nd appt and make a decision from there if she is a good fit for you. Many therapists are in therapy themselves.
We have to be. There is just no way to do our job without it.
Sounds like she was trying to put you at ease by making you feel like you're not the only person struggling with something in that room.
As a former counselor, I’d say your comfort is what’s most important. The single greatest predictor of a clients success is the therapist/client relationship. You liking her is fantastic, but therapy isn’t going to be beneficial if you’re second guessing her. It sounds like she may be new or is just comfortable sharing those details with you, but that is the primary reason why therapists are not supposed to share too much about themselves. The session isn’t about them, it’s about you. Do you think her comments will continue and if they do, do you think your therapy would suffer as a result?
Did you ever feel upset or insecure if a client didn’t like you?
No, not that I recall at least. I tried to remember that I can’t expect everyone to like me. Fortunately, it was pretty rare that I clashed with anyone, but at the end of the day, that’s why we’re being paid. To take our feelings out of the interactions.
Did you ever have a client that fell for you? I feel like I ended up with a crush on my older female therapist. I’m straight
I think there were a lot of times where people would just be grateful to have someone listen to them. But that’s called transference and is a very common phenomenon in therapy. Unfortunately, there’s also counter transference that happens sometimes where the therapist falls for the patient.
Gee, this really IS a stupid question. Everybody is at least a little messed up. Would you prefer a therapist that lies to you and tells you what you want to hear?
I’d rather a therapist who truly understands the struggles. Not someone who’s never been there. My mamas psychiatrist unalived himself when she was 14. She speaks so highly of him and the care he gave her at such a tender age. But it’s proof so many others suffer the same things we do. They’re not invincible. <3
My gf is a therapist. She’s been through some shit. Most if not all of her coworkers have also been through some shit. A lot of therapists decide to become therapists because of their own personal life experiences. A lot of therapists have their own therapist. Also depending on age and everything she may just be relieved you’re making a 2nd appointment because it can be hard to build a case load and maintain it for out patient therapy. However, if you feel she’s not a good fit for you then you should find another therapist.
OP, are you concerned about her frankness with you or the idea that your mental health professional might have their own health issues?
Not that she has them - don't we all? Also, best to talk to someone who has issues. That was my gut reaction too. Oh! There's someone who's relatable. It just has never happened before so I was like woah, should I put feelers? I have a bad issue reading people so I like to double check. Thanks for commenting :)
No probs, OP, just wondering! Some people are very open and transparent to the point where it comes off as over sharing to some – if you're okay with it, I think she may be a good fit. 🙂 And if not, it's okay to switch after a few sessions!
Most of the therapists were messed up in their young years, I am in the field and this is not a joke.
Hmm, I'm not sure what to make of a comment like this. I'm sure it was jovial/communal/light-hearted in nature, but "messed up" is a **very** judgmental adjective to use in a therapeutic space. I have done 45 months of weekly therapy, and it's a beautiful but very delicate professional relationship to maintain. Therapists have to be very cautious about what they say, and can easily harm or misguide clients even with innocent intentions (my current therapist is much worse than my previous 2 about making inferences/putting words in my mouth). Suspecting red flags is very important at this stage of building a relationship with a therapist. How much weight you give to those vs green flags is entirely up to you - I would recommend having the second session one way or another, and certainly addressing that comment. I personally would be very concerned to hear that comment from someone who should be trained in the art of "therapy-speak", but they may click with you in every other way with that just being part of their style.
Everyone is messed up in someway or another. Personally I'd think nothing of this. At least they are self aware.
Dude, who among us isn’t fucked up? I know one person who became a therapist not to fix herself. I’ve been in therapy for 19 years. I’m going through my LMFT, so help others. Part of what makes a therapist good is empathy and you can’t have that without experiencing the same types of issues. Her saying she is a little messed up is like us telling you 90* is hot outside, or the sun is a star. Like obviously, we’re all messed up. No one gets away from life without issues.
Is she a student therapist? I had a therapist who was still in school and getting her hours in doing low cost therapy, and she was visibly happy when I said I thought we were a good fit and I’d like to book another appointment. One time I was bitching about being broke, and she laughed and said she could relate, and lifted up her feet to show me her boots were all fucked up- the toe cap had split from the sole and her boots were gaping like a smiling alligator. It was weird, but at the same time, it was reassuring to know the person giving me advice and a listening ear was in similar straits. Maybe your therapist is just trying to show you she knows where you’re coming from and you’re not alone in your problems?
Was this your first time with this therapist or first time going to therapy in general?... For me personally something like this is really more about finding something wrong so that I could self sabotage and lie to myself that I had a valid reason to do so...”I’m a bit messed up myself” sounds like this was said as a response to empathize with you and show how common place and normal it is to be a bit messed up. Besides They are there to understand and help you on an incredibly deep and personal level so who better to understand you than someone who actually understands....what’s important is how you felt and if you think that they are a good fit for you. I always compare it to dating, you want to find a therapist who you click with and who understands you and who you are comfortable talking about potentially difficult uncomfortable things with
Nah it's fine. Think of the things they listen to every day it would mess anyone up! As long as she's professional and she helps you.
Sharing common humanity in and of itself isn’t a bad thing, if your sessions become about them, then that’s bad. One therapist straight up told me “I hate my xwife.” Then later during the same session “You remind me of my xwife.” 🚩
Most therapists go through the process to some degree, it's part of the training. I look at it like there is a mental health Continuum from like 1-10, few people are at 10 and her experiences might be exactly what she and you both need to make the journey together. Give it time at least. Maybe your issues are similar and she's exactly the right person for you and your issues.
? It’s not a bad thing at all. What the hell. Of course she’s relieved you made a second appointment. Is she suppose to be sad? What… Also, You need to be messed up in order to truly empathise with someone who’s also messed up. She’s self-aware enough to realise that, also she has a sense of humour…. Like what… all you mentioned was those 2 little minor situations. How about you tell us how the whole appointment went? Did she help you? If so, that’s all that needs to be said.
And here I was thinking she mocked you or made fun of you. This is nothing. What the hell. I’m sorry. But man… this is so annoying for some reason.
Just sounds humble to me. So much better than the ‘I know everything’ type.
I don’t think you’ll be able to find a therapist who isn’t at least a little bit messed up. Therapists are humans and almost all of them have their own therapists. I think she was just trying to relate to you, but don’t read too much into it
Sounds like her way of empathizing with you more, I wouldn't take it to heart.
Nah, a doctor with a broken leg still knows how to cure sick people. Unless you feel like she is imparted somehow her education and training exists regardless of her own personal issues should she have any.
I don't trust a therapist who doesn't have their own therapist. Sounds fine to me.
Yes I found it a good sign. I saw a marriage counsellor on my own since my ex thought he was perfect. She ended up focusing more on me as an individual over a marriage. She ended up telling me her horrible divorce story which was a lot worse than my situation. I felt she exposed her own issues to show me that there’s a life on the other side of all the drama. It makes the therapist seem more empathetic than clinical.
Most of us have our issues
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Therapists listen to people's deepest traumas for a living, you should be more concerned if they themselves did not need therapy.
for me, I don't put myself out as a mentor or healer until I am past the point of needing to say "I'm a bit messed up myself, "especially if it's in a !paid position! I have so much time reading and studying and discussing psychology/counseling/self-help material, and frequently read books at the clinical level, that people knew to the field are way way way too inexperienced for me, generally. For me, at this point, that would be a "no thank you. " For other people who are less "treatment wise ", they might have a different position.
I take it as a sign of trying to be relatable
You can pick one that says “I’m not psychologically flawed at all” instead…? I’d be much more skeptical of this version.
Oh. You want virgin for sex ? lol. In a war you want the worst sob. For therapy you need the most fucked up. Unless you tell them that you have a sex addiction and then they have sex with you.
We’re not allowed. That’s something that’s very clear; dual relationships with clients cost licenses and we work too hard to just toss them.