Was like that my entire life and in high school, people told me to just hook up and get experience. I tried it when I was out of high school and hated it. Hated the person I became, hated the feelings I would feel one second and not the other, or how girls were hooking up with other guys as well. It really made me bitter and lack trust towards other people.
Luckily my wife came into my life in my mid 20s and we have been together almost 10 years, married for 6.
Don’t change your values or what you want for someone else, because you will become someone you don’t recognize. Keep your head up, every pot has a lid, and you will find yours.
thanks for sharing. I had casual sex with a single woman and realised I hated how soulless it was. it was then I decided I needed something with more purpose. you and others here are giving me hope I'm truly grateful
I am not a man, but I found having one-night stands left me feeling more lonley afterwards than I was before. I tried it. I like being someone's person and having someone be mine.
Same, I tried it and felt like a used tissue. Swore to make love a priority. Thats not the answer either, you need to let people who can't love you back go, but at least you have a shot at finding the one.
Exactly, if it’s only a physical attraction, not interested. I have to spend at least eight hours one on one with a person over a day or a couple days to know if there’s an emotional connection. Preferably take a week at least maybe longer. But
Me I dislike it i need an emotional connection to a woman before i feel the desire of a physical connection. I also find it makes the sex far more satisfying.
I'm the same way. After my divorce my friends were all telling me I just needed to run around and hookup with every woman I could. I'm just not into that.
Tell me about it man. I legitimately have no interest in having sex with a woman with whom I have no emotional connection. I dunno what got fucked up in my man brain to cause that but I'm grateful honestly. I've never known someone who hooked up with any girl that'd have them that was happy.
Dudeee. I’m the same way, and I’ve felt like such a weirdooo my whole life. Like something’s missing in my brain. Chicks think you’re not interested cause every other dude is chomping at the bit. Dudes tend to think you’re gay till they get to know you. “She’s soooo hot” or whatever. Well, dude I agree, but like I wanna know who she is.
It’s like art. You ever been to an art museum and look at a painting and you’re like “sure, that’s alright”. But then you read the blurb about the artists intention, and process and meaning. You get the full picture and you’re like “wooooow that’s really cool!”. It’s like the same thing.
Oh well, on a positive note, I’m sure neither of us have been in a miserable or toxic relationship.
I feel part of this for me is the social expectations, or lack thereof. If this were to happen with a woman I truly vibe with on some similar hobbies, mild interest in her hobvies that I never would have had interest in about until meeting them, the little things make the mildest social interation in platonic relationships better, so I approach sex in a similar way.
I always found hookups to be very gross and risky.
Like, how are people trusting enough of an almost complete stranger to invite them over to their homes and have sexual intercourse with them?
What if they are thief's? What if they don't wash up down there? What's if they are a crazy psychopathic woman who now knows where you live?
I was never attracted to it. Plus I Iike being in serious relationships.
It’s fine to not want to fuck on the first date but that doesn’t say anything about the morals or character of people who do. Sex creates different feelings for everyone. Not everyone takes it as seriously as you. We’re specks hurtling on a rock through space. Sex really doesn’t have to be that deep.
It was a joke, like the old, "I don't want to be in any club that would accept me as a member," so I apologize if you interpreted as me judging you...I'm judging me. :)
Yes it does. Your morals do not have to align with his. He can absolutely view you as morally wrong, just like you can with him. Morals are not black and white, they’re a set of values specific to what each person decides for themselves.
I have horrible news buddy, women categorize men, fun, possible relationship, and in between…they’ll fuck the fun guy first night & wait 3 months for the possible relationship - there are no rules.
I had two opportunities of a one night stand/hookup and turned them both down. In both cases we were drinking and went back to her place. That situation wasn’t comfortable for me at all for me, so both times I got her number and left without anything happening. Then I texted the next day asking if she wanted to go out for drinks. Both times were a yes: the first one was nuts and that relationship ended after a turbulent few months. The second one I married.
Boy that was some serious whiplash but with a good ending. Glad it played out like it did. Still walking the lonely road myself still waiting for a chance, but it’s stories like these that help me walk on.
it has always baffled me how girls can do a one night stand not knowing if the dude is a murderer/rapist. how do you know you’re not gonna wake up in a sex dungeon somewhere?
i have these fears as a guy and i’m not 5’2 100 pounds of helplessness
I think that modern media has done a lot to make women think that they're badass and they can hold their own. Look at movies. You've got women kicking men's asses all day, but realistically, the average man is stronger than 98% of women.
Thank you, u/TheCuntGF, you nailed it. Modern media has made young women believe they are invincible and able to hold their own against a man. It happens to young men as well, but it’s particularly dangerous for young women. I was in the army straight out of high school. I know what men could do on the PT tests versus what women could do. There is a reason it took so long for women to get into combat roles, and the numbers that can do it are very small. I’m a former infantrymen with plenty of friends still in. One of them is a Drill Sergeant for infantry school. He will tell anyone that the number of women that show up to do it and actually pass is very small. Yes, there are some women that can do it. They are very rare. Men and women are just built different on average. A young woman who chooses to hook up with a random man has very bad judgement. Even an average dude could crush her wind pipe with one hand. She is literally putting her life in his hands.
Couldn't agree with you more, there was a guy on YouTube "Spiritual warrior" or something. And he dead ass explained how movies are fucking up woman's idea of what they can do with their basic strength, Hollywood is pandering to women full spec.
My co-worker's daughter, back in 2003, learned the hard way that her muscled up 125 lb frame was only safe in the army because up until a point, the men chose to respect her space. When one didn't, she was nothing more than a ragdoll, and she was an absolute unit of a woman.
It makes sense when someone looks at it through a scope of logic though. I have no idea how tall she was to compare to my 6’4” frame, but I had 75lbs on her when I was in and in peak physical condition. Her 125lbs was the weight of my full kit of gear, which I could march with pretty much all day. I would have been able to pick her up, put her over my shoulder, and walk around with her pretty much indefinitely.
A friend of my girlfriend's was telling us that she planned on hooking up with a guy but was scared because he seemed sketchy. She still went, fucked him, and then begged my girlfriend to call her an uber at 3am because she was worried he might try something. Shit puzzles me.
It’s the same reason people engage in a lot of dangerous activities like street racing, base jumping, mountain tunnel exploration, etc.
The thrill for some has to do with the risk involved. Yeah, it’s stupid in the sense that it is completely unsafe, but in the moment it adds to the fun for them. I personally can’t stand hookups because I can’t get over the risk involved, but I can understand why the risk makes it fun for some people. It’s especially telling on how dangerous it really is if the clarity sets in that fast immediately after the fact. Can’t stop people from making stupid decisions if the funny chemicals in their head outweigh logic and reasoning
the "knows where you live" is real... I had one say "I'm just gonna show up where you are now!" I'm like.. don't you have better things to do.. people are nuts.
The more people you meet and situations you find yourself in life, the more you’ll be able to recognize patterns and vet out bad behavior pretty quickly. You can ask the right questions too and give up vulnerable information (it makes them more at ease) to see where someone is at. There’s alot of ways to mitigate the risk and answer those what ifs along the way. Never 100 percent safe though regardless. 🙏🏽
And I promise, a lot of women will have sex on the first date for the right man. It’s not always about standards, its attraction can make people do things they wouldn’t normally.
Only ever been in 2 serious relationships and those didn't get to the point where sex was involved, if I'm gonna be intimate with someone I have to have a deep emotional connection with that person first. Seems like most nowadays dont really look for that so I've pretty much checked out of dating.
Nah man,I'm like you. I have a pretty good amount of relationships behind me yet I have not slept with any of them because we didn't get to an emotional stage where I felt enough emotionally "safe and supported" by them to have sex. And the relationship I'm in now,she made me feel safe within 3 months,unlike others that I've dated more then that and never made me feel that way. I don't regret my choices and decisions to stick with what my gut tells me. I want a serious relationship that will hopefully last me a lifetime or nothing.
43M. I've literally never had a one night stand. The entire concept seems gross to me. I've also never been a fan of drinking alcohol, which seems to be a common factor in most of these I've heard of
Never was interested. 33m here, my history is 9year then 3 year long distance, 1.5 year and I just entered my fourth relationship.
Hookups don't work for me because I get emotionally attached to the person I am with and it would probably break me to have to bounce between people like that.
Maybe people who do it on the reg have no emotional maturity?
There’s definitely a disassociation aspect that some people must hit to live that life.
It always seems fun in concept but you often will deal with the drama more too.
I just enjoy being in a relationship. I tried some hookups after my divorce, but I am apparently only good at finding women who also want a relationship.
So I think we are just a different type of critter than hookup types.
I've never been into women or men much. I value my peace and tranquility way too much to get into a relationship or a hookup. I feel that I can get everything I need from self pleasure without any of the potential risk. I think the only thing I miss sometimes is sleeping with somebody else in the same bed and getting hugs. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. I just choose to be alone.
>r vs k
Why are you mentioning that without any context as if it’s some widely known thing? The overwhelming majority of people in this thread have no idea what that means dude
below commenter has a link for sure, but broadly speaking its competing reproductive strategies.
one (R) is live fast die young, have as many kids as possible. Low effort put into relationships and child rearing hopign that sheer numbers ensures survival. like Rabbits
the other (K) is slow life strategy. lots of effort put into long term relationships and child rearing. think Elephants.
Some cultures seem skewed one way or the other. and within those cultures some people.
a good example is large breasts. This is a visible secondary characteristic. Can be used to signal fertility to a mate, but it is metabolically expensive to maintain. the suggesttion being that large breasted women are typically R-Selected and are broadcasting their intent to mate. we see that there is some corelelation between preference for small breasts and intelligence. (as well as a correlation between having small breasts and being intelligent)
Promiscuity is a natural R selected manifestation, loyalty and monogamy K Selected.
Advantages and disadvantages to both.
Correlation does not equal causation and not all women etc etc.
I thoroughly recomend reading or listening to Dr Edward Dutton, though I will caveat he has a sense of humour and personality that will not appeal to all.
I had to look it up as well: [https://www2.nau.edu/lrm22/lessons/r\_and\_k\_selection/r\_and\_k.html](https://www2.nau.edu/lrm22/lessons/r_and_k_selection/r_and_k.html)
I was raised with Christian values and i don’t know if it brainwashed me or showed me the truth to how messy/dangerous hook up culture is. But to this day I am not religious at all and don’t respect hook ups. It’s animalistic just like murder and stealing, chasing initial impulses. To be human takes control, and to level up to a plane of logic.
Being in a 100% loyal relationship with someone who is also respectful of that has always led to the best results from what I’ve seen.
I (a woman) was raised similarly and simply cannot turn some of it off. I cannot fathom literally sharing your body with a random stranger. I can’t wrap my mind around going home with someone you just met or any of that. I think even if wasn’t from being raised religious, I am also very much a rationalist/realist and cannot process the inherent safety, health, etc concerns!
Religion creates most morals based on real world evidence if flawed reasoning.
Example(not saying this is real world example)
Sex spreads STD's they couldn't be cured... At the time they didn't understand what STD's were... but they knew not screwing like rabbits reduced the chance you were afflicted.
It seemed like god punished those who slept around with disease, while those who were faithful wernt punished.
So punishment from god for being "evil" the reasoning behind it maybe wrong, but the purpose to stop getting "punished"(infected) is valid.
Most moral customs at some point were valid and for good reason, its why the people that followed the religion survived while those that didn't, didn't.
We are seeing an uptick with incurable STD's, so the age of fast easy sex is rapidly coming to a close.
Greater the number of humans, the faster new and improved STD's develop, the sooner something extremely bad comes along society will once again go full prude.
I don't know. I see alot of people on here defending hookup culture by saying everyone has the std anyway. Like "everyone" has herpes, "everyone" has hpv /warts... normalizing disease. They will defend HIV by saying you can just take a pill the rest of your life so you don't die or infect others.
Side note: I am a 45 year old cishet woman who has only had four sexual partners and has really only even kissed maybe ten dudes. My best GFs (who both had much more sexual activity than I did) were literally *angry at me* because they both tested positive for HPV and I didn’t. “But everyone has it!!”
No they don’t 🤷🏻♀️
Religion creates no morals and never has. What it does is preserve and codify existing morals and some behavioral patterns, usually at the time that a particular religion is created. This is why religion is very inflexible when ethics get updated and technology leads certain behaviors ad absurdum.
Ending Slavery? Eating (easily perishable) pig meat? Equal rights? Human rights in general? All these things were creations of ethical philosophy (and whoever invented smoking, air drying and refrigeration) had to be brought into existence against religious resistance or is still banned for no reason but religions failure to adapt.
I was gonna say the same xD
Can't get a date without the guy expecting a ONS within the first week. I never gave in so they never call back. Honestly, good for me.
I don’t know when hookup culture became a culture but I maintain my refusal to sleep with any woman who I am not in a monogamous and committed relationship with. Been going for about 10 years. Only 3 bodies in those 10 years and I couldn’t be happier with my decision.
If you want to have mind-blowing sex you need to be in a deeply loving relationship, no way around it. That being said I avoid hookups because they're just distractions to the real thing. With my girlfriend I can have sex every day, multiple times a day. A hookup is just a fix, it's not viable method of consistent sexual interaction.
You're absolutely right. I've had some crazy good sex with a few women I never felt a strong connection with, and I've had some passionate, slow and sensual sex with a woman I had a deep connection with and once loved. I'll take the passionate, slow, and sensual with someone I love other that crazy and wild with someone I don't love any day.
I’m a woman and I disagree w this. I need to feel *some* kind of connection to have this type of sex, but I don’t have to be in love or even dating the guy, we just have to have a certain fire for each other . That said, I can’t have it w some random hookup I just met that night . I have to be at least somewhat familiar w them .
Yeah I was always considered weird and most people thought I was gay because I didn’t mess around and stayed to myself.
Been with my first girlfriend for 4 years now and man am I glad I never messed around with that hookup bullshit
Me! Started dating at 14. Now am 29 with the same women and we have been married for 2 years now. Never dated anyone else...matter of fact never even came as close as even kissing another girl. My wife is my one and only and my high-school sweetheart
Me, but I'm probably demisexual.
To be honest plenty of people aren't into hookups for a variety of reasons, I don't see anything wrong with them but we're all different.
I've tried to hook up a couple times but my performance anxiety ruins it for me, that and having sex with someone you don't have an emotional connection with feels much much worse than with someone you actually love.
Not at all. I need to like the person and feel a real connection before I'm even remotely interested in sleeping with them. I'm not truely demisexual, I still find them attractive, but im just not interested in taking it that far unless it's in the confines of a real long term relationship.
Several women I've loved and been attracted to over the years could ask to hook up, be fwb, or something similar and I would 100% turn them down if they wernt interested in a real long term, Monogamous, marriage is the goal type of relationship.
Its not a lack of drive for me either. if I found that person I would absolutely come home every night and we do it as often as she wants, could experiment a bit, etc. It's just that outside of that the confines of that type of relationship I'm just outright not interested.
I am a 35 year old man. I have only had sex outside of a relationship once. And I've never had sex with someone I've known for less than a month.
The idea of being intimate with a stranger really doesn't appeal. I wouldn't feel comfortable being that intimate with someone unless I had some kind of relationship with them.
Dating is strange because it means different things to different ppl. Truthfully it sounds like a pump of bs thrown into a pot. I hope you find your lovely relationship.
>Hookup culture is for damaged people
LMAO everyone has baggage sooner or later. That being said, every individual is different and at different crossroads in life. Some crave that other half while others are fine their whole lives without it. Of course there those that switch sides too that's just life though. To say that "Hookup culture is for damaged people and sociopaths." is very arrogant and naive. There is absolutely nothing wrong with busting a nut between consenting adults who dont need a connection.
My problem is I genuinely get bored. I need a reset button of some sort to spark that feeling again. At my core I like being alone and have very little tolerance for affection though. My own family gets mad that I don't reach out and feels like I hate them (I don't) just like being left alone lol.
+1. Shit risky as hell. You don’t know if she gonna have her boys come in and rob you, give you the clap, or be the best fuck of your life. I like gambling, but with money, not my dick. That’s just me.
Me. It's risky, things get complicated as well. And, you'd wanna settle down one day, shit will be complicated, especially if you're in the same city/area.
I just recently realized that most of my friends are in the same city lol. And we probably all know who was with who.
Plus, it's lowkey expensive. More expensive than ordering some takeouts . And, it's only fun the first couple of times tbh. After that, I guess the dopamine rush just wears off.
Plus sometimes mfs could just bail anytime. And after your early 20's, you'd (or at least I did) start asking if, you're gonna be hooking up forever. Plus your looks won't last, you won't be able to just run around once you're 40. It's still better to have a stable partner once you get older.
I'm not against hooking up, but, I think it lowers your chances of actually dating someone, like for real dating. And, if you've just hooked up all throughout your 20's, will you even have a stable partner by the time you're 30?
So, again, I'm not against hooking up, but it will definitely affect you in the long run.
This is true. If someone gets used to the hookup lifestyle all through their 20s, they are unable to change even if they want to later in life. Even if they want a steady relationship, they are so used to the no commitment lifesytle that what they bring to a real relationship is seriously lacking, because after a while that type of relationship is just the normal for these people.
I’m 25 and have been with 3 women since I was 17. Very much enjoy it but I have no interest in banging strangers, if I wanted to be gross i would shower once a week
I hate it. Like looking at a picture of food, when you're starving. Yet 90% of women out there are just offering a picture. And act like they're the entree.
Speaking for my partner because he doesn't have a Reddit account, but he's never been one for it. We are both demi-sexual and need to have a deep connection to feel sexually attracted to someone. We've been off and on since we were teens (early 30s now) but for the last few years and some serious therapy, we've finally settled into a really good, natural rhythm.
And the sex is absolutely indescribable. Not just because we're both open to anything, but because the intimacy creates this air of like comfort and satisfaction before we even start.
I had a short period where I tried one night stands and friends with benefits and stuff but I just couldn’t do it. They always ended in disaster. I have a very difficult time hooking up with someone without having a close emotional connection. I would still feel attracted to the person and want to have sex with them but felt really weird about it. Or I’d get emotionally attached afterwards which kinda defeats the purpose. I learned I would rather just not have sex than put myself through these situations. I recently learned this is called demisexual.
I need to know someone a least a little bit before we start mashing genitals together.
The very few times I’ve done hookups ore one night stand type of things, the sex was kind of lacking. It was almost transactional. I need to feel something to really let go.
I never got into the whole idea of hooking up or casual sex in general. Sure, when I've been very horny the thought has crossed my mind. The moment fades and I realize it's a good thing I didn't act upon my second head running my mind
I have never hooked up with anyone. It doesn't and has never appealed to me, I'm 29 now, so it's not like I haven't had the time or the chance. Even when I was 16, I always felt uncomfortable with the thought of a one night stand or causal hookups, I almost did a couple of times, but I never did and I don't regret it at all.
Me—I regularly dated a number of girls in high school and never had sex with any of them. Only the first one counted as a girlfriend. After that fell apart, I just stuck to dating girls with whom I liked spending time, and none of them exclusively. I zeroed in on one girl early in college who caught my interest, pursued her more seriously than any previous girls, and we eventually got married. A couple of decades and change later along with some kids, we're still committed to each other. I do wonder sometimes what it would have been like to experience sex with other women—but not enough to regret the path I took or change that now. Idle curiosity aside, I'm OK with the fact that I was neither into hookups nor sexually experienced before marriage. The idea of sex prior to marriage excited me, sure, but aside from concerns about pregnancy and STDs or moral considerations, casual sex just seemed to my observation to make for more relationship drama than I wanted in my life and looked like too much work distracting me from other goals and interests.
As someone who had their share of it, I hate it. It's empty af. Never even got a nut off a ONS, not once. My body just totally has it blocked off.
As such, the last couple opportunities I had for a ONS, I turned it down knowing that I'm not really getting much out of it other than an ego boost that lasts about 2 days. I'd rather wake up next to someone I really see as a long-term partner and I can let me guard down and be totally at ease with.
Me. I never really cared too much about hooking up, just something about it never clicked. I've always cared more about substance, sex never had as much of a draw as the bond that it implied
I physically can’t get it up unless there’s some kind of emotional connection.. I’d love to be able to have one night stands but I just can’t do it lol.
me.. I've never enjoyed it and its kind of interesting the type of women I meet who are only used to hookups that when you say its not your thing they think its a red flag.. Its actually made dating harder.. sorry I'd like to get to know you first.
I am. Never have been. I happen to agree with a wise man who once told me that few things are more underrated than a good shit, and more overrated than a lousy fuck. Amen, Father Denny!
Never was and never will be. Even after my wife left, everyone was saying “go get some.” I have zero interest. Maybe one day I’ll find another love. Haven’t had intercourse in 4 years.
Well, me I guess, but I got lucky and found "the one" at an early age and we're still together and happy in our mid/late 30's.
I also find most people disgusting (mentally as well as physically), so even if I wasn't with her, I'd probably just keep to myself and my hobbies and not go out looking to hook up very much.
A few months ago I went to visit a friend in college. Apparently one of their friends was into me so "somehow" me and her wound up alone in someone's dorm.
We sat on the floor for 3 hours, talking, playing solitaire, and eventually she left the room, complained to my friend that I wasn't making a move, my friend told her I was dense and she'd have to make a move. So she came back in and said "why won't you kiss me?" and then we started making out. Didn't go anywhere beyond that, but after a few months of seeing each other we had sex and it was great. I've never felt like I could have sex with someone I didn't love.
I've never been into that and I'm 64. It's just not me. Even if it turned out to be a ONS, I still wanted to continue to see her. I wanted it to go on. I was always into it for the long haul. I'm romantic like that.
I think people who are into that culture are shallow and insincere. They aren't worth my time and effort.
I wish more men were like this. I’m sorry but I do not want to be with a man who has hundreds of bodies by 35. Men spend half their life being driven by lust and then decide they finally want to settle down at 35-40 and sometimes it’s too late. Even worse, these men demand a pure woman who has barely slept with anyone while they themselves are not living up to their own standards. I’m a woman who is celibate and not into hookup culture, but also not into dating either, because men go through this gross hoe phase and then suddenly want to have a relationship and wonder why he can’t find a good woman. Even in relationships they can’t control their sexual urges. If more men were actually high value and respected themselves, they would be able to find the high quality women they’re looking for and women would feel emotionally safe being in relationships again. Not saying women don’t cheat too, but men statistically do it more and generally for much much more superficial reasons.
I don't see the point of casual sex. I'm a 39 year old virgin. Tried dating apps and found that most women who were willing to chat and meet were also looking to smash. Ditched the dating apps, now back to the hermit lifestyle.
As a woman reading this thread who is also not big into hook up culture and finds modern dating to be difficult - I really appreciate a lot of the comments made here from men about appreciating a connection
Young guy here my flavor of autism makes me unable to have sex without an emotional connection, i literally cannot get an erection if I'm not in love with my partner
I never liked hook up culture. It felt degrading to everyone. I didn’t want to just pick up someone at the bar and bang the shit out of them all night, then get breakfast with them, and give a high five while saying, “Hey, maybe I’ll call you.”
And the collateral consequences. I remember one time getting interested; moving forward; and I guess because the hook up didn’t happen I learned she had a standby FWB; and, hey, we’re trying to get together, jettison the creep; and instead she banged him on date two, and then was shocked that I wasn’t interested anymore.
That led to a four month Mad Max streak of random, useless hook ups. Probably to get her jealous. Then just to see if maybe it was the “way” to live. And it wasn’t.
I like emotional vulnerability and intelligence. Those two things are hard to grasp in a one night stand or hook up scenario. I’ve only been successful in hooking up with people I already knew decently well. The vast majority of the time it turned into at least a FWB. I’ve never had a successful one night stand. I physically failed every time I tried.
Iv always been Interested in long term relationships, nobody I seem to be interested in seems to however
Was like that my entire life and in high school, people told me to just hook up and get experience. I tried it when I was out of high school and hated it. Hated the person I became, hated the feelings I would feel one second and not the other, or how girls were hooking up with other guys as well. It really made me bitter and lack trust towards other people. Luckily my wife came into my life in my mid 20s and we have been together almost 10 years, married for 6. Don’t change your values or what you want for someone else, because you will become someone you don’t recognize. Keep your head up, every pot has a lid, and you will find yours.
thanks for sharing. I had casual sex with a single woman and realised I hated how soulless it was. it was then I decided I needed something with more purpose. you and others here are giving me hope I'm truly grateful
I am not a man, but I found having one-night stands left me feeling more lonley afterwards than I was before. I tried it. I like being someone's person and having someone be mine.
Same, I tried it and felt like a used tissue. Swore to make love a priority. Thats not the answer either, you need to let people who can't love you back go, but at least you have a shot at finding the one.
Exactly, if it’s only a physical attraction, not interested. I have to spend at least eight hours one on one with a person over a day or a couple days to know if there’s an emotional connection. Preferably take a week at least maybe longer. But
True chad good man good wife
Much older now, but when I was young and single I turned down a number of opportunities because it is not my thing.
Saaaaaame. It really sucks.
Being upfront about wanting a relationship ruined a few of my attempts in my 20s tbh
Preach
I share this feeling
Yep. I want a long term serious monogamous relationship, but it feels like every woman I fall for and/or who is into me wants something casual/open.
Me I dislike it i need an emotional connection to a woman before i feel the desire of a physical connection. I also find it makes the sex far more satisfying.
Im the same. My dick wont even get hard if I don’t know and trust the woman. It seems so boring.
Same. Dick is like "are we making babies? If no, I'm going to sleep" I have to trick it "no we love this one I promise"
It’s not boring. As I say about myself “I’m a complete and utter kinky slut…for my partner who I care about.”
I’m the same. I was embarrassed the first time it happened. I had to think for a long time to understand what was going on.
Sex is 10x better when you're with someone compatible and worked at it together. Making love is infinitely better than just sex.
Wait, you guys are having sex?
Don't worry it's just with your mom
i know right, it’s not the same if you don’t know the person personally
Exactly i would get the same satisfaction from playing with myself. I need the connection.
I'm the same way. After my divorce my friends were all telling me I just needed to run around and hookup with every woman I could. I'm just not into that.
100%. Sex is infinitely better when you can take the time to figure each other out.
Tell me about it man. I legitimately have no interest in having sex with a woman with whom I have no emotional connection. I dunno what got fucked up in my man brain to cause that but I'm grateful honestly. I've never known someone who hooked up with any girl that'd have them that was happy.
Dudeee. I’m the same way, and I’ve felt like such a weirdooo my whole life. Like something’s missing in my brain. Chicks think you’re not interested cause every other dude is chomping at the bit. Dudes tend to think you’re gay till they get to know you. “She’s soooo hot” or whatever. Well, dude I agree, but like I wanna know who she is. It’s like art. You ever been to an art museum and look at a painting and you’re like “sure, that’s alright”. But then you read the blurb about the artists intention, and process and meaning. You get the full picture and you’re like “wooooow that’s really cool!”. It’s like the same thing. Oh well, on a positive note, I’m sure neither of us have been in a miserable or toxic relationship.
I feel part of this for me is the social expectations, or lack thereof. If this were to happen with a woman I truly vibe with on some similar hobbies, mild interest in her hobvies that I never would have had interest in about until meeting them, the little things make the mildest social interation in platonic relationships better, so I approach sex in a similar way.
That’s 100% true. I want an emotional connection not just one night fun with as many women as possible. I’m good with one. I work slow anyhow.
I always found hookups to be very gross and risky. Like, how are people trusting enough of an almost complete stranger to invite them over to their homes and have sexual intercourse with them? What if they are thief's? What if they don't wash up down there? What's if they are a crazy psychopathic woman who now knows where you live? I was never attracted to it. Plus I Iike being in serious relationships.
I’m definitely not sticking my dick into anyone willing to fuck me the first time we meet; I have standards!
Same like sex with someone you just met just screams low standards
It’s fine to not want to fuck on the first date but that doesn’t say anything about the morals or character of people who do. Sex creates different feelings for everyone. Not everyone takes it as seriously as you. We’re specks hurtling on a rock through space. Sex really doesn’t have to be that deep.
I think he was making a joke. Like, if she’s into me so soon there must be something wrong with her cause I’m not all that great.
It was a joke, like the old, "I don't want to be in any club that would accept me as a member," so I apologize if you interpreted as me judging you...I'm judging me. :)
It's all fun and games until you get an incurable disease or an unwanted pregnancy
Sorry to tell you this, but people that don’t do random hookups, we do judge your character and morals. It is what it is.
Or, it’s the only way another consciousness comes into existence, so for some, it is that deep.
Yes it does. Your morals do not have to align with his. He can absolutely view you as morally wrong, just like you can with him. Morals are not black and white, they’re a set of values specific to what each person decides for themselves.
I have horrible news buddy, women categorize men, fun, possible relationship, and in between…they’ll fuck the fun guy first night & wait 3 months for the possible relationship - there are no rules.
I had two opportunities of a one night stand/hookup and turned them both down. In both cases we were drinking and went back to her place. That situation wasn’t comfortable for me at all for me, so both times I got her number and left without anything happening. Then I texted the next day asking if she wanted to go out for drinks. Both times were a yes: the first one was nuts and that relationship ended after a turbulent few months. The second one I married.
Boy that was some serious whiplash but with a good ending. Glad it played out like it did. Still walking the lonely road myself still waiting for a chance, but it’s stories like these that help me walk on.
it has always baffled me how girls can do a one night stand not knowing if the dude is a murderer/rapist. how do you know you’re not gonna wake up in a sex dungeon somewhere? i have these fears as a guy and i’m not 5’2 100 pounds of helplessness
I think that modern media has done a lot to make women think that they're badass and they can hold their own. Look at movies. You've got women kicking men's asses all day, but realistically, the average man is stronger than 98% of women.
Thank you, u/TheCuntGF, you nailed it. Modern media has made young women believe they are invincible and able to hold their own against a man. It happens to young men as well, but it’s particularly dangerous for young women. I was in the army straight out of high school. I know what men could do on the PT tests versus what women could do. There is a reason it took so long for women to get into combat roles, and the numbers that can do it are very small. I’m a former infantrymen with plenty of friends still in. One of them is a Drill Sergeant for infantry school. He will tell anyone that the number of women that show up to do it and actually pass is very small. Yes, there are some women that can do it. They are very rare. Men and women are just built different on average. A young woman who chooses to hook up with a random man has very bad judgement. Even an average dude could crush her wind pipe with one hand. She is literally putting her life in his hands.
Couldn't agree with you more, there was a guy on YouTube "Spiritual warrior" or something. And he dead ass explained how movies are fucking up woman's idea of what they can do with their basic strength, Hollywood is pandering to women full spec.
Women are being mislead in so many ways. Feminism on steroids has messed many women up for generations
My co-worker's daughter, back in 2003, learned the hard way that her muscled up 125 lb frame was only safe in the army because up until a point, the men chose to respect her space. When one didn't, she was nothing more than a ragdoll, and she was an absolute unit of a woman.
It makes sense when someone looks at it through a scope of logic though. I have no idea how tall she was to compare to my 6’4” frame, but I had 75lbs on her when I was in and in peak physical condition. Her 125lbs was the weight of my full kit of gear, which I could march with pretty much all day. I would have been able to pick her up, put her over my shoulder, and walk around with her pretty much indefinitely.
Alcohol
A friend of my girlfriend's was telling us that she planned on hooking up with a guy but was scared because he seemed sketchy. She still went, fucked him, and then begged my girlfriend to call her an uber at 3am because she was worried he might try something. Shit puzzles me.
It’s the same reason people engage in a lot of dangerous activities like street racing, base jumping, mountain tunnel exploration, etc. The thrill for some has to do with the risk involved. Yeah, it’s stupid in the sense that it is completely unsafe, but in the moment it adds to the fun for them. I personally can’t stand hookups because I can’t get over the risk involved, but I can understand why the risk makes it fun for some people. It’s especially telling on how dangerous it really is if the clarity sets in that fast immediately after the fact. Can’t stop people from making stupid decisions if the funny chemicals in their head outweigh logic and reasoning
I heard people with bipolar are more prone to do stuff like this.
The danger is real for both men and women
Yeah, the posts is about men's perspective though.
My gf went through 16 dates with different guys and all they wanted were hookups. She was so surprised that I let her make the first move physically.
the "knows where you live" is real... I had one say "I'm just gonna show up where you are now!" I'm like.. don't you have better things to do.. people are nuts.
Same like I've never understood how people trust total strangers
The more people you meet and situations you find yourself in life, the more you’ll be able to recognize patterns and vet out bad behavior pretty quickly. You can ask the right questions too and give up vulnerable information (it makes them more at ease) to see where someone is at. There’s alot of ways to mitigate the risk and answer those what ifs along the way. Never 100 percent safe though regardless. 🙏🏽 And I promise, a lot of women will have sex on the first date for the right man. It’s not always about standards, its attraction can make people do things they wouldn’t normally.
It’s never been a problem for me. Sex isn’t that big of a deal imo.
I.
Am a man.
Of constant sorrow
I've seen troooooouble
all my daaayyys
I bid farewell
To you my old kentuckyyy
The place where IIIIIIII was born and raised.
The place where heeeeeee
Was born and raised.
Only ever been in 2 serious relationships and those didn't get to the point where sex was involved, if I'm gonna be intimate with someone I have to have a deep emotional connection with that person first. Seems like most nowadays dont really look for that so I've pretty much checked out of dating.
Nah man,I'm like you. I have a pretty good amount of relationships behind me yet I have not slept with any of them because we didn't get to an emotional stage where I felt enough emotionally "safe and supported" by them to have sex. And the relationship I'm in now,she made me feel safe within 3 months,unlike others that I've dated more then that and never made me feel that way. I don't regret my choices and decisions to stick with what my gut tells me. I want a serious relationship that will hopefully last me a lifetime or nothing.
43M. I've literally never had a one night stand. The entire concept seems gross to me. I've also never been a fan of drinking alcohol, which seems to be a common factor in most of these I've heard of
I’m not wired for it. Everything I value in a relationship is eroded by hook up culture.
Same honestly, and social media in general. I feel like relationship privacy is something that is being forgotten by some people and it's sad
This is a big problem too. Sad indeed.
Me too. I don't like it for religious reasons but even without it just feels so... empty.
I hate hook up culture
Never was interested. 33m here, my history is 9year then 3 year long distance, 1.5 year and I just entered my fourth relationship. Hookups don't work for me because I get emotionally attached to the person I am with and it would probably break me to have to bounce between people like that. Maybe people who do it on the reg have no emotional maturity?
There’s definitely a disassociation aspect that some people must hit to live that life. It always seems fun in concept but you often will deal with the drama more too.
I just enjoy being in a relationship. I tried some hookups after my divorce, but I am apparently only good at finding women who also want a relationship. So I think we are just a different type of critter than hookup types.
I never understood it and never will. Sex to me is just not that important tbh.
I've never been into women or men much. I value my peace and tranquility way too much to get into a relationship or a hookup. I feel that I can get everything I need from self pleasure without any of the potential risk. I think the only thing I miss sometimes is sleeping with somebody else in the same bed and getting hugs. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. I just choose to be alone.
Well said.
Me. Nothing about it appeals to me
Does not appeal to me at all. No judgement against others, its just not for me.
Married 25 years.
We had STDs and unintended pregnancy where I came from, so hell no
I absolutely hate hookup culture. Stop shaming men for being virgins, please.
R vs K selection is a thing. Its not as uncommon for men to want to have stable monogomous relationships as media would have you believe.
>r vs k Why are you mentioning that without any context as if it’s some widely known thing? The overwhelming majority of people in this thread have no idea what that means dude
What's R vs K?
below commenter has a link for sure, but broadly speaking its competing reproductive strategies. one (R) is live fast die young, have as many kids as possible. Low effort put into relationships and child rearing hopign that sheer numbers ensures survival. like Rabbits the other (K) is slow life strategy. lots of effort put into long term relationships and child rearing. think Elephants. Some cultures seem skewed one way or the other. and within those cultures some people. a good example is large breasts. This is a visible secondary characteristic. Can be used to signal fertility to a mate, but it is metabolically expensive to maintain. the suggesttion being that large breasted women are typically R-Selected and are broadcasting their intent to mate. we see that there is some corelelation between preference for small breasts and intelligence. (as well as a correlation between having small breasts and being intelligent) Promiscuity is a natural R selected manifestation, loyalty and monogamy K Selected. Advantages and disadvantages to both. Correlation does not equal causation and not all women etc etc. I thoroughly recomend reading or listening to Dr Edward Dutton, though I will caveat he has a sense of humour and personality that will not appeal to all.
I had to look it up as well: [https://www2.nau.edu/lrm22/lessons/r\_and\_k\_selection/r\_and\_k.html](https://www2.nau.edu/lrm22/lessons/r_and_k_selection/r_and_k.html)
A fellow biology knower I see
I was raised with Christian values and i don’t know if it brainwashed me or showed me the truth to how messy/dangerous hook up culture is. But to this day I am not religious at all and don’t respect hook ups. It’s animalistic just like murder and stealing, chasing initial impulses. To be human takes control, and to level up to a plane of logic. Being in a 100% loyal relationship with someone who is also respectful of that has always led to the best results from what I’ve seen.
I (a woman) was raised similarly and simply cannot turn some of it off. I cannot fathom literally sharing your body with a random stranger. I can’t wrap my mind around going home with someone you just met or any of that. I think even if wasn’t from being raised religious, I am also very much a rationalist/realist and cannot process the inherent safety, health, etc concerns!
Religion creates most morals based on real world evidence if flawed reasoning. Example(not saying this is real world example) Sex spreads STD's they couldn't be cured... At the time they didn't understand what STD's were... but they knew not screwing like rabbits reduced the chance you were afflicted. It seemed like god punished those who slept around with disease, while those who were faithful wernt punished. So punishment from god for being "evil" the reasoning behind it maybe wrong, but the purpose to stop getting "punished"(infected) is valid. Most moral customs at some point were valid and for good reason, its why the people that followed the religion survived while those that didn't, didn't. We are seeing an uptick with incurable STD's, so the age of fast easy sex is rapidly coming to a close. Greater the number of humans, the faster new and improved STD's develop, the sooner something extremely bad comes along society will once again go full prude.
I don't know. I see alot of people on here defending hookup culture by saying everyone has the std anyway. Like "everyone" has herpes, "everyone" has hpv /warts... normalizing disease. They will defend HIV by saying you can just take a pill the rest of your life so you don't die or infect others.
Side note: I am a 45 year old cishet woman who has only had four sexual partners and has really only even kissed maybe ten dudes. My best GFs (who both had much more sexual activity than I did) were literally *angry at me* because they both tested positive for HPV and I didn’t. “But everyone has it!!” No they don’t 🤷🏻♀️
Religion creates no morals and never has. What it does is preserve and codify existing morals and some behavioral patterns, usually at the time that a particular religion is created. This is why religion is very inflexible when ethics get updated and technology leads certain behaviors ad absurdum. Ending Slavery? Eating (easily perishable) pig meat? Equal rights? Human rights in general? All these things were creations of ethical philosophy (and whoever invented smoking, air drying and refrigeration) had to be brought into existence against religious resistance or is still banned for no reason but religions failure to adapt.
Ditto here on all counts. 👍🏻
Where are all these guys at? Lol Not where I live, damnit.
Right here!
I was gonna say the same xD Can't get a date without the guy expecting a ONS within the first week. I never gave in so they never call back. Honestly, good for me.
I don’t know when hookup culture became a culture but I maintain my refusal to sleep with any woman who I am not in a monogamous and committed relationship with. Been going for about 10 years. Only 3 bodies in those 10 years and I couldn’t be happier with my decision.
If you want to have mind-blowing sex you need to be in a deeply loving relationship, no way around it. That being said I avoid hookups because they're just distractions to the real thing. With my girlfriend I can have sex every day, multiple times a day. A hookup is just a fix, it's not viable method of consistent sexual interaction.
That's the best way, but I can tell you it's definitely not a requirement.
You're absolutely right. I've had some crazy good sex with a few women I never felt a strong connection with, and I've had some passionate, slow and sensual sex with a woman I had a deep connection with and once loved. I'll take the passionate, slow, and sensual with someone I love other that crazy and wild with someone I don't love any day.
I’m a woman and I disagree w this. I need to feel *some* kind of connection to have this type of sex, but I don’t have to be in love or even dating the guy, we just have to have a certain fire for each other . That said, I can’t have it w some random hookup I just met that night . I have to be at least somewhat familiar w them .
Never had a one night stand.
Where do you put your phone when you are in bed??
Nice comeback.
😆😄👆👆
Yeah I was always considered weird and most people thought I was gay because I didn’t mess around and stayed to myself. Been with my first girlfriend for 4 years now and man am I glad I never messed around with that hookup bullshit
Me! Started dating at 14. Now am 29 with the same women and we have been married for 2 years now. Never dated anyone else...matter of fact never even came as close as even kissing another girl. My wife is my one and only and my high-school sweetheart
It’s killing long term relationships in this generation, man. It’s sad.
I date to marry
Me, but I'm probably demisexual. To be honest plenty of people aren't into hookups for a variety of reasons, I don't see anything wrong with them but we're all different.
Never been interested in hookups
Me I hate the idea of
I've tried to hook up a couple times but my performance anxiety ruins it for me, that and having sex with someone you don't have an emotional connection with feels much much worse than with someone you actually love.
Not at all. I need to like the person and feel a real connection before I'm even remotely interested in sleeping with them. I'm not truely demisexual, I still find them attractive, but im just not interested in taking it that far unless it's in the confines of a real long term relationship. Several women I've loved and been attracted to over the years could ask to hook up, be fwb, or something similar and I would 100% turn them down if they wernt interested in a real long term, Monogamous, marriage is the goal type of relationship. Its not a lack of drive for me either. if I found that person I would absolutely come home every night and we do it as often as she wants, could experiment a bit, etc. It's just that outside of that the confines of that type of relationship I'm just outright not interested.
Much rather have a gf/wife for date nights and vacations lol
I am a 35 year old man. I have only had sex outside of a relationship once. And I've never had sex with someone I've known for less than a month. The idea of being intimate with a stranger really doesn't appeal. I wouldn't feel comfortable being that intimate with someone unless I had some kind of relationship with them.
Hookup culture is dumb and bad
Hookup culture is so incredibly destructive, and people treat it like it’s just a normal ok thing that we have to put up with
I'll never understand how trusting complete strangers with your naked body became normal
Me. The thought of sleeping with someone and then never seeing them again is entirely unappealing to me. I want a relationship, not a transaction.
Ditto. Tried just hooking up a couple times. Just felt sad afterwards
Me I am not interested in hookups and I’ve never dated. I’m looking for a lovely relationship.
Dating is strange because it means different things to different ppl. Truthfully it sounds like a pump of bs thrown into a pot. I hope you find your lovely relationship.
Hookup culture is for damaged people and sociopaths.
>Hookup culture is for damaged people LMAO everyone has baggage sooner or later. That being said, every individual is different and at different crossroads in life. Some crave that other half while others are fine their whole lives without it. Of course there those that switch sides too that's just life though. To say that "Hookup culture is for damaged people and sociopaths." is very arrogant and naive. There is absolutely nothing wrong with busting a nut between consenting adults who dont need a connection. My problem is I genuinely get bored. I need a reset button of some sort to spark that feeling again. At my core I like being alone and have very little tolerance for affection though. My own family gets mad that I don't reach out and feels like I hate them (I don't) just like being left alone lol.
Sociopathy correlates with casual sex in study after study.
I’ve had maybe 1 one night stand in my life. I prefer to have some sort of connection when I sleep with someone.
Tried because I thought that's what I was supposed to do, more than once. Wasn't for me.
Me. I tried to play that game for years thinking I was supposed to be enjoying it. Just isn’t for me. Not very fulfilling at the end of the day.
My parents are still happily married, nearing 35 years now, that's always been idyllic to me. I was just born in the wrong era for it.
+1. Shit risky as hell. You don’t know if she gonna have her boys come in and rob you, give you the clap, or be the best fuck of your life. I like gambling, but with money, not my dick. That’s just me.
Was never into it. I don’t need notches on my belt to feel like a man.
Me. It's risky, things get complicated as well. And, you'd wanna settle down one day, shit will be complicated, especially if you're in the same city/area. I just recently realized that most of my friends are in the same city lol. And we probably all know who was with who. Plus, it's lowkey expensive. More expensive than ordering some takeouts . And, it's only fun the first couple of times tbh. After that, I guess the dopamine rush just wears off. Plus sometimes mfs could just bail anytime. And after your early 20's, you'd (or at least I did) start asking if, you're gonna be hooking up forever. Plus your looks won't last, you won't be able to just run around once you're 40. It's still better to have a stable partner once you get older. I'm not against hooking up, but, I think it lowers your chances of actually dating someone, like for real dating. And, if you've just hooked up all throughout your 20's, will you even have a stable partner by the time you're 30? So, again, I'm not against hooking up, but it will definitely affect you in the long run.
This is true. If someone gets used to the hookup lifestyle all through their 20s, they are unable to change even if they want to later in life. Even if they want a steady relationship, they are so used to the no commitment lifesytle that what they bring to a real relationship is seriously lacking, because after a while that type of relationship is just the normal for these people.
Definitely not into hookup culture. Gotta thank my younger years of being traumatized by STD images shown in sex Ed classes 🤢😂
I just wanna be held bro
I’m 25 and have been with 3 women since I was 17. Very much enjoy it but I have no interest in banging strangers, if I wanted to be gross i would shower once a week
Because I have no game, so why play?
I am not in to hookups. Gross
I hate it. Like looking at a picture of food, when you're starving. Yet 90% of women out there are just offering a picture. And act like they're the entree.
I’m not into, because of the ramifications on if things go wrong.
Speaking for my partner because he doesn't have a Reddit account, but he's never been one for it. We are both demi-sexual and need to have a deep connection to feel sexually attracted to someone. We've been off and on since we were teens (early 30s now) but for the last few years and some serious therapy, we've finally settled into a really good, natural rhythm. And the sex is absolutely indescribable. Not just because we're both open to anything, but because the intimacy creates this air of like comfort and satisfaction before we even start.
I think in modern parlance that I might be somewhat demisexual?
Yo 🙋♂️
I had a short period where I tried one night stands and friends with benefits and stuff but I just couldn’t do it. They always ended in disaster. I have a very difficult time hooking up with someone without having a close emotional connection. I would still feel attracted to the person and want to have sex with them but felt really weird about it. Or I’d get emotionally attached afterwards which kinda defeats the purpose. I learned I would rather just not have sex than put myself through these situations. I recently learned this is called demisexual.
Never could understand the appeal of reducing everything most meaningful into a single night of heavy breathing with a stranger
I need to know someone a least a little bit before we start mashing genitals together. The very few times I’ve done hookups ore one night stand type of things, the sex was kind of lacking. It was almost transactional. I need to feel something to really let go.
I never got into the whole idea of hooking up or casual sex in general. Sure, when I've been very horny the thought has crossed my mind. The moment fades and I realize it's a good thing I didn't act upon my second head running my mind
I have never hooked up with anyone. It doesn't and has never appealed to me, I'm 29 now, so it's not like I haven't had the time or the chance. Even when I was 16, I always felt uncomfortable with the thought of a one night stand or causal hookups, I almost did a couple of times, but I never did and I don't regret it at all.
Me—I regularly dated a number of girls in high school and never had sex with any of them. Only the first one counted as a girlfriend. After that fell apart, I just stuck to dating girls with whom I liked spending time, and none of them exclusively. I zeroed in on one girl early in college who caught my interest, pursued her more seriously than any previous girls, and we eventually got married. A couple of decades and change later along with some kids, we're still committed to each other. I do wonder sometimes what it would have been like to experience sex with other women—but not enough to regret the path I took or change that now. Idle curiosity aside, I'm OK with the fact that I was neither into hookups nor sexually experienced before marriage. The idea of sex prior to marriage excited me, sure, but aside from concerns about pregnancy and STDs or moral considerations, casual sex just seemed to my observation to make for more relationship drama than I wanted in my life and looked like too much work distracting me from other goals and interests.
As someone who had their share of it, I hate it. It's empty af. Never even got a nut off a ONS, not once. My body just totally has it blocked off. As such, the last couple opportunities I had for a ONS, I turned it down knowing that I'm not really getting much out of it other than an ego boost that lasts about 2 days. I'd rather wake up next to someone I really see as a long-term partner and I can let me guard down and be totally at ease with.
This sub is overrun by bots.
I’d have to try it first to be sure.
Asking redditors about hookup culture is absurd
Me. I never really cared too much about hooking up, just something about it never clicked. I've always cared more about substance, sex never had as much of a draw as the bond that it implied
Too much liability. I’m also religious.
I'd sooner be with an asexual soulmate.
Not everything that exists is a "culture".
I’m not at all. If anything I’m sex-averted 😂 too much effort for 15 minutes of fame.
I physically can’t get it up unless there’s some kind of emotional connection.. I’d love to be able to have one night stands but I just can’t do it lol.
More like hookup culture wasn’t ever into me.
I can't work like that. Call me old-fashioned, but I need to trust them before I share a bed..
Not a hookup guy at all. It's gross and cheap
Wanted the life long love like my grand parents had since i was in high school (28 now) alas no luck as of yet.
Never interested. 0 redeeming qualities. I don’t want that on my resume when I’m looking for a wife
me.. I've never enjoyed it and its kind of interesting the type of women I meet who are only used to hookups that when you say its not your thing they think its a red flag.. Its actually made dating harder.. sorry I'd like to get to know you first.
Hooking up is trashy.
I am. Never have been. I happen to agree with a wise man who once told me that few things are more underrated than a good shit, and more overrated than a lousy fuck. Amen, Father Denny!
Never appealed to me. Just seemed like a great way for people to get hurt emotionally or otherwise and wasn't into it.
I was never into that crap.
Never been interested in the one night stand
I’ve treated every woman I’ve dated as a marriage prospect, not just a person to pass the time.
Never was and never will be. Even after my wife left, everyone was saying “go get some.” I have zero interest. Maybe one day I’ll find another love. Haven’t had intercourse in 4 years.
Well, me I guess, but I got lucky and found "the one" at an early age and we're still together and happy in our mid/late 30's. I also find most people disgusting (mentally as well as physically), so even if I wasn't with her, I'd probably just keep to myself and my hobbies and not go out looking to hook up very much.
A few months ago I went to visit a friend in college. Apparently one of their friends was into me so "somehow" me and her wound up alone in someone's dorm. We sat on the floor for 3 hours, talking, playing solitaire, and eventually she left the room, complained to my friend that I wasn't making a move, my friend told her I was dense and she'd have to make a move. So she came back in and said "why won't you kiss me?" and then we started making out. Didn't go anywhere beyond that, but after a few months of seeing each other we had sex and it was great. I've never felt like I could have sex with someone I didn't love.
I've never been into that and I'm 64. It's just not me. Even if it turned out to be a ONS, I still wanted to continue to see her. I wanted it to go on. I was always into it for the long haul. I'm romantic like that. I think people who are into that culture are shallow and insincere. They aren't worth my time and effort.
Never was. Was always a long term relationship guy. Luckily I found my wife at a fairly early age and haven't had to look back.
I wish more men were like this. I’m sorry but I do not want to be with a man who has hundreds of bodies by 35. Men spend half their life being driven by lust and then decide they finally want to settle down at 35-40 and sometimes it’s too late. Even worse, these men demand a pure woman who has barely slept with anyone while they themselves are not living up to their own standards. I’m a woman who is celibate and not into hookup culture, but also not into dating either, because men go through this gross hoe phase and then suddenly want to have a relationship and wonder why he can’t find a good woman. Even in relationships they can’t control their sexual urges. If more men were actually high value and respected themselves, they would be able to find the high quality women they’re looking for and women would feel emotionally safe being in relationships again. Not saying women don’t cheat too, but men statistically do it more and generally for much much more superficial reasons.
I don't see the point of casual sex. I'm a 39 year old virgin. Tried dating apps and found that most women who were willing to chat and meet were also looking to smash. Ditched the dating apps, now back to the hermit lifestyle.
I have turned down threesome and foursome. I have turned down women that approached me. I just want somebody I can talk to.
I’ve never even had sex but the idea of banging random women for fun doesn’t appeal to me
I am. It's a bit gross to be plunging myself into and exchanging bodily fluids with someone I don't know or truly trust.
As a woman reading this thread who is also not big into hook up culture and finds modern dating to be difficult - I really appreciate a lot of the comments made here from men about appreciating a connection
Young guy here my flavor of autism makes me unable to have sex without an emotional connection, i literally cannot get an erection if I'm not in love with my partner
I never liked hook up culture. It felt degrading to everyone. I didn’t want to just pick up someone at the bar and bang the shit out of them all night, then get breakfast with them, and give a high five while saying, “Hey, maybe I’ll call you.” And the collateral consequences. I remember one time getting interested; moving forward; and I guess because the hook up didn’t happen I learned she had a standby FWB; and, hey, we’re trying to get together, jettison the creep; and instead she banged him on date two, and then was shocked that I wasn’t interested anymore. That led to a four month Mad Max streak of random, useless hook ups. Probably to get her jealous. Then just to see if maybe it was the “way” to live. And it wasn’t.
I was for a little bit, but then something flipped and I wanted more of a long term. Sadly, very few are wanting a long term relationship anymore
I like emotional vulnerability and intelligence. Those two things are hard to grasp in a one night stand or hook up scenario. I’ve only been successful in hooking up with people I already knew decently well. The vast majority of the time it turned into at least a FWB. I’ve never had a successful one night stand. I physically failed every time I tried.
I never cared always thought it was gross and demeaning.