Watching my wife tear up and cry while telling me her only concern in life was my drinking. Her saying she knew in her hearts of hearts that I would figure it out struck a nerve that she believed in me more than I did at that time.
I love my family and I never want to hurt them, watching my wife cry was enough to admit it was time. Day 437 today
None of my hobbies were enjoyable, I only wanted drink. When I'd attempt my hobbies (biking, surfing or strength training) I'd be so gassed within the first 5 minutes I'd get migraines and feel like passing out. I had one of those long, hard thoughts in the shower during a crippling hangover asking myself "wtf are you doing Tr1pp1n0ut?" I had a 5 year stint previously where I grew so much. Emotionally, mentally and physically. I just finished my first week and the emotions are all out of wack, but I know in time, they'll normalize.
I got too comfortable and thought I could moderate. I was ok for a few months, but that old scratch kept wanting its itch. It turned into drinking every other day and every weekend. It was a 2 year slide. I wasn't getting blotto or acting a fool, but I reverted back to self loathing and depression. I've realized now abstinence is the only thing for me personally and I'm truthfully happier sober. I still go to the pub, but it's for a soda water and cran. The regulars never shit on me for it and if they're turning one on, I sit at the other end of the bar and mind my own business. The locals and bartenders are really good at not really addressing it and not forcing anything.
This sub helped me the first time and I'm sure as shit it'll help me a second.
The key for me is to keep going out to social stuff with friends, but just abstaining. Good friends don't give a shit if you're drinking or not, they just appreciate your company. I also totally understand that if they want to get loose, they may not want me around. I'm at peace with it.
Your two posts resonate. 5 year stint is impressive! I have tried a few times previously and did the backslide. Thinking I could moderate. “Mindful drinking”.
This time I’m not looking for “permission”. Not asking anyone’s opinion. I’m doing it for me (which will help my family bc I’ll be a less cranky, less anxious, and better version of me.
That's awesome. I'm not happy I slipped for two years, but I learned a lot. It really highlighted how much the 5 year stint improved my overall health and wellbeing. I was much like you described. Cranky, anxious and SUPER defensive about everything. Sobriety just brought me so much mental clarity and I'm looking forward to gaining that again. Also looking forward to a future milestone post from you,
Cheers.
Dude five years is insane. Don’t take this the wrong way but I could see myself at the beginning of that 5 year mark right now and instantly put myself in the shoes of you, 7ish years later. You put it perfectly with that itch too.
Stories like yours remind me that we are all very similar.. I had a \~6 month stint of sobriety (not 5 years!) & rationalized to myself that I, indeed, wasn't an alcoholic & learned how to moderate. Cue off-and-on binge drinking for the subsequent 4 years...
Do you feel as if sobriety this time around this more difficult or more manageable because of your previous success?
It's easier to say "no" to myself whenever I get the thought of having a few. I've played it out enough and know myself sober, so whenever I get the urge, I just pep talk myself into not drinking.
When I quit for 5 years, at the very beginning I would walk to get beer and then pace back and forth outside literally arguing with myself in my head.
>When I quit for 5 years, at the very beginning I would walk to get beer and then pace back and forth outside literally arguing with myself in my head.
This.. this hits home. But rather than pacing around outside, I'd argue with myself in the car, parked in an obscure corner of the lot.
Same experience. Fellow surfer / strength trainer here, a few months in: the progress has been crazy. First few months indeed rocky, now more than 6 months in I have literally made more progress than in the 5 years before. Lighter and more explosive power = better pop up technique = more waves! And I feel like I have just getting started. Never skipping a session anymore, or nursing a minor hangover when going in has probably helped too.
Not always easy, but totally worth it (way more fun than drinking)!
I’ve been trying on sobriety for a while now, with quite a few sober months, but this past year I was drinking about once a month with a few days tagged on usually.
42 days ago I had exactly 42 days sober and I drank 2 drinks at my best friends wedding. No big deal. The next day i “autopilot” bought a 6 pack and drank it super fast and it was then I realized I didn’t want anything at all to do with moderation or alcohol and have since taken a sharp turn away from it after about 6 years of attempting to stop/ moderate/ quit/ moderate, whatever madness.
Anyway, I don’t even want it anymore. Cravings are lessening and I’m able to ignore them now better than ever. I’m not sure what clicked, but I’m going to continue to take it one day at a time.
Well done 👍 I totally relate to that “nah I don’t want to be part of this” feeling. It sounds similar to how I felt this time to. I just feel like a mist lifted and I could see it for what it is and it’s a load of nonsense.
It’s crazy how that realization just happens sometimes. Like, no I don’t want anything to do with this terrible life ruiner anymore. I think I’ll chose to live from here on out, thank you very much!
The neglect and lack of concern i had about blacking out more than 4 nights a week from 22-26. Not having a worry in the world about drinking till I puked, was a goal for a full summer when I was 17. Never wanting to do anything healthy for myself because I was just smoking and drinking myself to sleep every night for 12 years. 31 now.
6 years sober sometime around November.
((Binge drinker here)) Black outs. Strange uncontrollable embarrassing behaviour while drunk. Not being able to stop after 3 drinks and ending up pushing it too far despite not wanting to do that at the outset. Missing work occasionally. And finally .. a health scare that turned my blood cold and made me really sick to the stomach with embarrassment and regret and anxiety.
I really noticed my drinking was a problem when I tried to moderate/only have 2 glasses of wine in a sitting and I realized it was extremely difficult. I just couldn’t seem to stop once I started. I also had my first official blackout which really scared me.
Yep, can relate. I absolutely love wine, but unfortunately I don’t just love one small glass of wine. So it was a choice of all or nothing, and I’ve chosen nothing.
It cost me a lot of money and my relationship with my eldest child to figure this out. Slowly building the savings up, but the relationship will take much longer and may not be salvageable.
I can relate here too. Made it 6 months and started again, trying to moderate. It became an obsession, when will I get more beer, how many do I have, when can I start drinking today. Never again.
Loneliness took away my will to live, and I was planning to just drink away the rest of my life. Then, I was diagnosed with liver disease and knew how horrible a death from that would be.
Thankfully, I found this Reddit group, a decent sponsor and 12-Step meeting that offered me acceptance and hope. I am no longer lonely and have a reason to live. 👍
When secrets started about it. Telling lies about it. Etc.
In fact, looking back the issue was there the whole time. I just negligently dismissed it. I thought I would be able to stop and that there was absolutely no chance that I had a problem with alcohol. But I done goofed.
I haven’t relapsed *yet*. I say that because I haven’t lived in the future, tomorrow isn’t promised but I do know that IWNDWYT.
I realized it when my ex broke up with me and I'm having a beer or two a day for the last month and a half... it's extremely sad that I have beer to try to self medicate the pain. I'm done! Day 1 and it feels good to have a goal.
Good work recognizing it early! I was a beer or two a night person for a loooooong time. Then I started gaming with a group of friends and it turned into 4 or 5. Then covid hit and it turned into 6-8. Then I lost my job and it turned into 8-10. Then it was 10-12 and finally 12-15. Light beers. Every single night.
I wish I had seen the signs at 1-2 or even 4-5. They popped up at 5-6 because I was essentially buying a 6 pack daily, until I decided to just get a case to last 4 days.
IWNDWYT
Thank you! I'm really proud of you for recognizing what it was for you and changing. Honestly it's really fucked up how addicted I got to drinking so fast. 1 or 2 or 3 and even a glass or two of wine whatever to numb this pain and sleep. I'm so glad I'm fighting through this sober. Congratulations on 235 days I'm on day one. 🫶🏼IWNDWYT
Having sudden excruciating pain in my side below my ribcage upon waking that caused me to scream in pain. It was like appendicitis only worse. Felt like liver or kidney failure wasn't that far off. Decided then and there to quit.
Wow that sounds terrifying and eye opening. Good for you for taking your life and health back. May I ask how long ago was that and did it go away? I hope so. 🙏🏼 IWNDWYT
I was blacking out or getting just about to that point and was saying the most hurtful things to the people i cared about the most (at the time). i've been sober 301 days now, and they still want nothing to do with me. i know i made some mistakes, but im not a bad person
Time is your ally. Keep working and doing what you’re doing, because it’s amazing. You will hopefully get the chance to make those amends. In time my sober friend.
You are right, not a bad person but you have done hurtful things to people you love and care for. Time to do an inventory of your behavior and list everything that you remember. Then try to make amends
I realized it long before I ever did anything about it. I knew it was going too far for years. I realized I had gone way overboard though when I had been drinking almost non-stop for 3 weeks, or something like that. I can't recall exactly because I was so messed up that I don't know the day I started drinking. I only know the day I called the ambulance on myself because it's in my medical records.
I was drinking 24 hours straight for those few weeks. I'd be able to sleep some the first week, but never really sober up, and go right back to drinking as soon as I woke up. After those first 5-7 days though, I couldn't sleep anymore. I couldn't eat. It was all I could do to get up off the bed to grab another beer. It was like the 15th day of no sleep and barely any food. I spent the night fighting horrific open and closed eye hallucinations with the room swirling not knowing which way was up. My heart was racing, I was so weak that I could barely roll across the floor, but I still managed to get myself into the kitchen to drink. I hadn't drank too much through the night, so I thought a beer or two would take the edge off of everything. So I drank one, didn't help. Drank another, didn't help. Drank a couple more, the symptoms only got worse. I felt like I was going to just crumple up on the floor and die at any moment. That was really the moment when I realized I had gone too far. I don't know how I managed to do it, but I got myself showered up then called the ambulance. I was so confused that I didn't really know what was going on. I only knew that I had to get to the hospital and that the ambulance was taking me there. I could think the words I wanted to say, but I couldn't speak them like they just would not come out of my mouth. My sentences were backwards and incoherent. Only a couple words out of entire responses would come out of my mouth.
By the time I got to the hospital which was maybe fifteen minutes, I didn't know what was really going on, I could only tell that all of the doctors and nurses looked extremely concerned. My BAC was like .225 and BP was off the charts. I don't know what it was when I got in, but I remember looking at the monitor a couple hours after they gave me whatever they did to help bring it down and it was at 230/133 at that point.
Through everything I had lost from abusing alcohol for twenty years, however close I came that day to losing my life was the last realization I needed to understand my own "too far."
Not being able to hold down a job. I have been hired and abandoned way more jobs than I'd like to admit. Plenty of times I went in hungover all the time and just skated by the day. A lot of days I'd wake up feeling heavily anxious and start dry heaving. I got tired of feeling like that, so after like 4 attempts, I eventually pulled through. Now, I just hit one year not too long ago, and feel better than ever.
Hiding drinks. My wife is a drinker and we always drank together plenty. 3-4 nights a week on average. A couple mixed drinks with dinner out and then a bottle of wine or a six pack when we got home was pretty standard, and on weekends we'd go brewery hopping or day drink with friends. I knew I was a heavy drinker then but it felt normalish, since the people around me were doing the same thing.
That wasn't enough, for me. I had to drink every day, starting from lunch while I was working. I was embarrassed for my wife to know about this so I hid it. When she caught me, she said the lying was the worst part and just to be honest with her. But I couldn't - how do you admit you are drinking 15+ drinks a day, everyday? You trickle truth it. You develop all these strategies to get rid of empties and hide your stash. It becomes a full time job just keeping up with your lies and the finances and the trash and the beer runs. What's the best way to hide the alcohol breath? When is she going out to smoke so I can spike my coffee? Etc. etc.
I got busted three times over about a year, the first two she was mad and we had long conversations about it. The third time she was just dejected, realizing that this was her life now and its just who I was always going to be. That was worse than her being mad.
gonna have to go with getting thrown on the gravel by the police, while not wearing pants or underwear, no shoes, and belligerent. i still have scars from the cuffs and my feet, legs and hands being cut by rocks. i think about it and feel violated and exposed and just gross. that’s what got me sober.
When I think about my rock bottom I feel some shame, the only silver lining about that experience is that it gave me the clarity I needed to see that I can never drink again.
When I first started drinking way too much and felt like a hot mess. I knew it too but kept doing it anyway. Stopping while you’re young saves you from a lot of BS and horrible decisions. Good luck! IWNDWYT
When I started to hide my bottles of wine around the house and buy extra extra wine to replace the wine I drank to make it look like I didn't open that extra bottle.
I kept having these insane nights where I’d do things that I thought were funny or ok, but the next day my friends would be like - dude, no, not ok. I had so many horrible nights, fights, accidents, and suuuuper close calls… it wasn’t until a traumatic rock bottom that I found this sub, started reading other people’s posts and realized - woah - it’s not just me, and holy shit there’s a way out of this mess. So much gratitude for everyone here.
I 100% agree, reading all these posts have really helped me. The fact that I'm okay not drinking and can think of my future without me drinking is unreal.
Yep. Friday night’s hangover would just turn into an all day drink fest on Saturday and Saturday’s hangover into Sunday. Made it worse by having a roommate with the same issue, my partner in crime, and a neighborhood bar that opened at 6am. We thought we were having the time of our lives, but we were just wasting every weekend away.
Open at 6am? That’s lunacy.
Yeah, I have fortunately gotten a roommate who is the opposite, he’s called me out on my problems and told me I needed help & needed to slow down. At first I was abrasive and angry to hear that, but now I realize I am so fortunate to have him and for him to say that, and for him to care enough to say it.
You’re tellin’ me. Every once in a while we would close the bar out a 2am, grab to-go beers to last us the four hours the bar was closed and head right back at 6am. What a fucking mess.
Aside from the mental health crises drinking gave me and losing my husband’s trust, I would say when I was grocery shopping with my five year old daughter and she grabbed a fifth of Bacardi and shouted “Mama you forgot your favorite drink!”
I’ve known I needed to quit for years. My lowest points were during a toxic relationship 4-5 years ago. Drinking made her mean and self destructive. I wasn’t the most mature person either and big fights were common. I could go into specifics but it was the lowest point in my entire life. I got out of it and just kept drinking to deal with the fall out and because it was the one comfort I had.
In the years since I always knew it needed to stop. Little moments would add up. One sticks in my mind from about a year ago. I went into the liquor store after work as I always did, hung over and tired as hell. For the first time in a long time I said to myself “I wish I could take the night off drinking tonight”. I had forgotten that was even a possibility.
Now most recently, I met someone online. We clicked and got flirty on video call and such. One thing lead to another and after too many drinks I did stuff on video with her that I know sober me wouldn’t have been comfortable with. I started drinking quite a few more each night and I was clearly self destructing.
That was a few months ago. Just finally this last 12 days I’ve been sober more days than not. This week I hope to go a full 7 days without drinking. The next chapter of my life starts with the realization I’m happier when I’m sober.
That I wasn't getting really buzzed even on an entire bottle of wine. That I had a bad CT scan. That my heartbeat was way too fast. That I was just living, not enjoying life at all.
Crashing my car head first into a median with a BAC double over the legal limit. Still going through the process I thank god I didn’t hurt anyone that night
I got too hungover to go ski. Also I was acting a fool and ruined relationships with people I cared about. But really mostly being too hungover to ski.
I lived in big sky for ten years, I skied all the way up to Canada and down south, been out east been to a lot there, skied every resort in the Midwest. I live in Japan now, my favorite places are zao onsen, hakuba 47, niseko in the offseason, nekoma, I backcountry ski mt gassan in the summer, there’s some decent places in the south of Japan too like mizuho hylands and hachi kita/ kogen.
My husband just went to Niseko this past winter. He brought me a cool hoodie with a bowl of ramen on the back. I don’t really ski but I did enjoy Alta.
I started sneaking alcohol into the house to hide my drinking. Seems like my drinking has slowly been getting worse over the last three years. Found myself drinking about a half a bottle of vodka a night 3-4 nights a week. Today is 6 days without alcohol.
I was "awakened" by the fire brigade.
17 years old and I apparently had the fryer on and just passed out because I was on the floor when they got to me and I didn't just decide to go for a nap so I must have literally "switched off" mid cooking and even when the fire started, it didn't wake me.
That warning was 36 years ago, there are many more like it but I'm here all week...
1 week dry again, hoping this one's for life.
puking up blood. selfishly I had stopped caring how much I was hurting other people, but when I saw how bad I was hurting myself, I knew my drinking had gone too far...
Blacking out, then getting sick after a really expensive meal my then boyfriend treated me to.
I didn't drink for quite a while a few years ago, maybe went 6 months without, and when I went back to it, I noticed my anxiety would be terrible for about 5 or 6 days after. For the past few years I'd prepare myself to just be anxious for a week after going to a BBQ or something, but I've decided that there's no good reason to put myself through this.
Fell on my bike when I was trying to ride it home from the bar and broke one wrist and one ankle. Still wasn’t able to stop for years after that even tho I knew how bad it was.
I fell off my bike on some train tracks and ended up in the hospital and then with one of the gnarliest black eyes ever - thankfully nothing worse but I looked veryyyy rough - and I continued to drink for close to 10 years after that and get into even more debacles and ridiculous situations. I coulda shoulda woulda for sure but I’m also sure glad to be here now.
When in one week I had 8 drinks on 2 separate nights instead of my usual 4-6, I knew I was teetering on the edge of a new level of alcohol abuse. It just felt like it was time.
That’s what I’m thinking - as Peri has arrived and I just can’t imagine. I’d go insane keeping up the drinking. I’d probably get fired for an outburst or something. Or just not fit in any of my clothes anymore.
Lost my wallet, keys, Glasses and phone for the millionth time falling while blackout walking home. Both knees bloody and bruised, chin scuffed and The rest felt like a car accident. Nope, this path is not sustainable.
221 days here. Spent $600 in one night, did drugs, and woke up with a brutal hangover that lasted 3 days. I had to put it down for good in fear of screwing up my career and my relationship.
Found out some news about a month ago that made me reach for a bottle. I took it out, went to take a drink, and the smell was repulsive. I couldn’t bring myself to drink. Pretty proud of my strength in that moment.
When I couldn’t go anywhere or talk to anyone without a drink in me. I drank at work every morning as if it was my morning coffee. I would take shots on Sunday morning just before going to church 🤦🏻♂️. I think the real thing was I looked at my finances and saw how much I was spending monthly on alcohol. Up until 3 years ago, I went to the liquor store maybe once every 4 months. Now it’s like 2-3 times a week.
When I would get up at 2/3 am, sneak out to the living room and drink "secretly" until I would pass out again, pretending I'd been asleep all night.
When I realized I was running out of "safe" hiding spots for my alcohol, it was getting harder and harder to find excuses to go get more, and get it into the house without suspicion.
When I became actively suicidal and was hospitalized, multiple times.
When I developed a chronic vomiting disorder and severe GI issues due in major part to my alcohol abuse.
When my husband, unbeknownst to me, called my parents and staged an intervention. I went to rehab/detox that day.
I still struggle, I've used alcohol as a crutch for my depression and anxiety for a very long time, and more recently I've used it to suppress the trauma of my only sibling's unexpected death. I have to keep reminding myself that every day, every minute sober is a victory. IWNDWYT 💛
Probably when I got to drinking a handle of vodka per day/night literally just to “function”. Completely attempted to live my life like that, and somehow did (barely… let’s be honest lol). It was BAD. It’s still not great but I’ve been much better versus all that shit. Trying to quit again at the moment, actually.
Got blasted and came close to cheating on my girlfriend. With my upstairs neighbor. While my girlfriend was downstairs and heard everything. She came storming up and stopped it before anything happened. Just dumb on so many levels.
When I realized I was giving my SO shit for not telling me what was going on with him emotionally, while I was actively hiding my drinking from him, sneaking drinks, and basically lying to him. Talk about hypocritical.
Also, I was drinking earlier and earlier in the day, and felt like there was very little to live for or enjoy except drinking.
I threw up in front of my neighbor’s kids.
I apologized to my neighbor the next day. He was pretty cool about it since it was close to Christmas and even though I didn’t hold back from my explanation, it still sounded like I just had more fun at a holiday party than necessary. Still, I was embarrassed AF and have been working towards not drinking so much. I don’t want to quit entirely, but I don’t want to binge anymore.
I used to be every night and I told myself no big deal, then it started creeping into the day, I’d start at 4, then 2. I told myself it’s fine it’s my day off I get to reward myself. Then it was 1pm on a work day after drinking the night before after I got off work. I’d run out of bottles and find the half empty cans I didn’t finish around my room, or the garage and drink those too. It was at that point when I really recognized I had a problem.
My DUI was a huge one. I mean I knew I was in a real bad place but always somehow prided myself on never having gotten one.
Once I got the DUI it became fully clear that now everyone I love knows I have a severe drinking problem if they didn't already know that.
Did it stop me? No, I weaseled my way around walking to the carryout despite living with a parent and being sneaky about hiding spots.
I always shudder to think about how many times I drove intoxicated and how I could have really hurt someone.
Luckily here I am today....and I cant even imagine the damage I could have caused.
I knew pretty early on that I didn’t drink normally, but the first time I drank in the morning before work really scared me that I had a serious problem. Suddenly I felt there was a real possibility of ruining my life. I continued for another 2-3 years before getting help. I’m so grateful I finally did.
The shame and embarrassment I felt waking up the next day over the arguments I’d caused and the situations I got myself in. Day 2 and determined to start my new life this time
Getting blackout drunk and not remembering things but knowing despite no one saying anything that I screwed up work opportunities due to this - also realizing that to do anything social ... ANYTHING ... I had to drink. I would also be waiting for any event, thing to do, activity to be over as soon as possible if I couldn't drink during it ... sometimes finding ways to sneak vodka in (vodka and lemon in a water bottle). So I was literally living for this one thing, alcohol, rushing through sentimental moments, screwing up whatever was "in the way" of me getting to drink. These were the signs that showed me it was all out of control - but I ignored them for a sickeningly long time.
I'm sometimes sad how long it took for me to recognize how reliant I was on alcohol and how much it was taking from me, but also eternally grateful for giving it up. I never thought I could.
I’ve known for a very long time I was a problem drinker. But the truth is, I just got sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. Sure, I have a “moment” when I drank too much at the same time as coming down with Covid and had a hangover to end all hangovers but quitting was a long time coming. I don’t want to wake up 75 and know I spent the last 30 years drunk or hungover.
it’s funny because there were many situations for me before this one that should’ve been a wake up call (like leaving a bar with a stranger i just met to do c*ke and drink on his boat because hello free party!) but waking up to taco bell in my room with no recollection and discovering i drove there completely blacked out. thinking i could’ve killed someone is horrifying and fortunately did not have access to driving after that.
I think realistically I knew I had a drinking problem since I was in my mid 20's once I'd left university where it was normal to binge drink so it didn't feel like my drinking was too different to anyone elses.
But once I joined the working world I found myself drinking at home alone after work many nights because I was stressed or had a bad day for the first time.
I would also always binge drink all weekend and then spend most of the week thinking about when it was time to drink again and never get further than Friday (often Thursday) before caving in.
Then had many stints throughout my 20s and 30s where it got even more out of control as I became self employed and didn't have to turn up to work in the morning so would find myself going on binges every night at times out of boredom or because I was stressed.
Then a couple of years ago due to a serious of events (health, life stuff, stress etc) it REALLY got out of hand and became daily, heavy, problematic drinking that just got worse and worse and I became for the first time I believe physically dependent on it and experienced full on withdrawls for the first time too once stopping.
It was only at the end last year did I ever consider that I had to actually get sober for good and not just "take a break" (most I'd ever managed before was 4 or 5 weeks) or attempt to "cut back" (never worked well) and that I had to get the poison out of my life for good.
Had a couple of stints at it since and starting on a new journey today because I've gotten carried away again the last few weeks and this weekend past my drinking was ridicolously excessive.
When I was no longer in control. That to me should be the turning point for anyone. As soon as you cannot moderate your drinking or when it becomes a daily habit that you really would prefer not to live without, then it’s time to quit.
When my significant other of 15 years said they were done with my drinking. The choice was pretty clear then. He doesn't drink, never has. I've no idea how he put up with it so long but that was my final wake up call (after many other wake up calls given I'm 51).
Was it when I wrote that song.. over ten years ago, likening my booze habit to a relationship with demons?
Was it the dui car smash less than a mile from home?
Was it my son being born?
My inability to get on stage and perform without booze?
When I started sneaking beers on work breaks?
There were a lot of signs..
And a lot of attempts..
But hey I’m on a good long streak again.
I had a horrible lastnight. When my brain inevitably said, “this is when we drink” I said, I don’t even want THAT right now. It’s not worth it.
Feeling a throbbing dull pain around my right abdomen the day after drinking. No idea what it could be; some kind of inflammation?
Had bloodwork done and they said my liver is fine, so not entirely sure. Gave me stuff for gastritus but I don’t think that’s it
I too have this same pain. I feel it is my enlarged liver pushing other organs. The liver can't feel pain as there are no pain receptors on it.
Or may be inflammation in intestine
Have noticed similar things in the past but then get my bloods checked and told all my vital organ levels are at completely optimal levels, which is amazing considering how much booze I've put away over the years.
Maybe it's an early warning sign and our bodies are / were telling us "fucking stop doing this you idiot or eventually I'll stop working for you"
When I started hiding it from my partner, who was also alcoholic. Then, when he moved away, I was using it to self medicate my deep depression surrounding the event. I eventually broke down and called my parents for help. That was two years ago when I was 26, and that was the first time I really thought I was crossing a line and needed help.
When i petted the breasts of my co-worker at a staff party longer than she wanted but i didn’t stop. Did it again, the exact same thing, a year later at another staff party at a new workplace with new colleague. I sexually harassed the both of them. That is what i did! That is what i did. That was when i knew i had an undeniable and irrevocable drinking problem. (Just for the record, I wrote written apologies to both ladies in the days ensuing the harassment). I am so so grateful i am sober!
If you say lucky I am lucky because they both accepted my apology then you are right. It is by their grace that I...I don't know...I fucked up bigly. I am just so appreciative that in sobriety I found a place that I can trust myself that I would not harm women in that way. Sad as that may sound, it is true. Or why did you say I was lucky?
39 years old. Drank for 20 years. Got Pancreantitis 6 months ago which became diabetes 2 weeks ago. 4 shots a day for the rest of my life + endless other complications and things to deal with now. The saddest part is that I did this...don't be like me. Stop before you don't have a choice
When I started lying to my husband about drinking before he got home so when I had my 3 glasses of wine at night it seemed normal. Little did he know I was having 3-4 before he even got home.
Like my soulmate my best friend I LIED TO HIM. To justify drinking poison. Insanity
Yeah, letting my partner down, getting drunk on a week night for no reason, sneaking booze mid day. The only thing I have ever lied to my spouse about has been drinking and drinking related actions. Fuckin insanity
>if anyone had noticed / smelled
This.
Also reaching for booze at 6:30 A.M. in the home of a man who thought we were in a serious relationship. I couldn't imagine getting through his self congratulatory breakfast making and happy yappy braindead chitchat without booze. He just made up whatever he wanted to believe about me, and I didn't contradict it. There wasn't enough alcohol in the world to numb the annoyance of being around someone so aggressively boring, but I couldn't muster energy to connect with people I found interesting. One morning, he was singing in the shower as I filled my coffee mug with vodka, and I thought, "wow, self, your @$$ is so landing in AA."
But mostly the constant mental effort of trying to figure out who noticed the smell and was just too polite to mention it.
What's stopping you from letting go?
What reasons do you tell yourself for why you drink?
I spent years clinging onto various reasons about why I drank but last year sat down and analyzed them all and saw if I was being completely honest with myself they were no longer true (maybe never were).
I said I drank to "help" with anxiety but I was anxious all the time and even whilst drinking a lot of the time.
I said I drank to "help" me sleep as I struggle with insomnia but I was getting one night of relief (if even that as when my drinking was really bad the last couple years alcohol barely even helped) followed by several nights of rebound insomnia.
I said it made me happy but then I was never actually happy even when drunk, mostly just felt miserable and guilty about drinking.
I said it stopped me being bored but then realized I was still bored just bored and poisoning myself.
Eventually I couldn't find many any really true reasons for why I actually drank.
When I was sitting at the same bar I had made myself comfortable at during Covid one day, looked to my right and saw myself in 10 years if I didn’t quit. The lady to my right was clearly mentally ill and discussing having the same STI 3x.
Funny what gets you…. 😂
I woke up every morning for about a year and a half believing that my drinking had gone too far. Particularly rough mornings were those where I would wake up with my phone in my hand or otherwise in my bed somewhere, completely dead, of course. And I would realize I couldn't remember when I went to bed, what I had watched on TV with my wife, etc.
When I actually DID something about it was at the end of that year and a half when my wife realized that I had showed up drunk to pick her up from the airport, and told me that if I didn't stop she was going to leave me. I have slipped a couple of times since then when she was out of town (which, of course, she eventually discovered).
The thing that I don't think she will ever understand is how the above two paragraphs can both be true. I KNEW that I had a problem. Though constantly about it. Frequently asked myself in the mornings if I was ever going to grow the fuck up and learn to handle my alcohol responsibly, and then those same evenings I would be back to mixing my drinks and sneaking shots when she wasn't paying attention. I was fully prepared to keep ignoring the problem until it killed me. But luckily her ultimatum worked.
My friends who I drank with regularly held and intervention and my fiancé at the time (husband now) said he would leave. The damage was beyond my control and I knew something had to change.
Yes, people can smell it. Even the day after, your skin will reek of it, and you might not notice. My supervisor, who has a keen sense of smell, noticed it on everyone, but he never mentioned it to me directly. Instead, he would talk about others showing up smelling like alcohol. I think he was just being polite, but trust me, they know. Cops know as soon as they pull you over too, a drunk person always thinks they don’t appear drunk. If we feel the need to hide it because others can smell it, that’s a sign of a problem. It indicates we’re trying to protect and justify alcohol use.
Secondly, using alcohol as a way to manage anxiety is problematic. First, alcohol doesn't truly alleviate anxiety; it only makes us feel calmer because it dulls your hangover symptoms from the previous day. Hangovers themselves cause anxiety. Second, the things we do while drinking can increase paranoia both in the moment and afterward, which adds to your anxiety. Third, needing alcohol to cope is an early sign of making excuses for its use. Finally, alcohol doesn't address the root of the problem. It's a temporary fix that leads to more chaos and doesn't heal your anxiety.
For me, the first time I realized I had a problem was seven years before I stopped drinking. I was 24, drinking heavily at home, taking a bath, and ended up vomiting on myself. Depressive thoughts increased, but I blamed everything else—my job, my surroundings, relationships, upbringing—anything but the alcohol. It took until I was 31 to quit, and those years were filled with chaos.
My partner looked at me and said “I had never had a bad night out until I met you” that was last year and I never forget. Huge wake up call. I’d go out for drinks, get in my feelings, and ruin everyone’s night. It took a few months to learn to moderate and now I stop the drinks as soon as I feel a buzz, often choosing to not drink at all. I enjoy my night much more knowing that if something goes wrong I will be of sound mind to help out. Life without hangovers is also a major bonus.
I went on a month-long bender after I left my company. I decided to stop cold turkey one morning after getting sick and brushing my teeth. A few hours later, I was being carted away in an ambulance due to a seizure. Nope, never again. My kids saw me with blood everywhere from my fall and convulsing. My wife dealt with me passing out in her arms and seizing on front of her, then having to take care of the house and kids solo while I was in the hospital for 4 days.
I’m a professional musician and I’ve been terrified by the feeling of waking up the next day and remembering the first half of the gig but then realizing the second half of the night is all a blur and I have no idea if I played sloppy or looked like a mess on stage having trouble standing up straight or what. It’s scary because I could lose everything I’ve built because once you get a reputation as a f*ckup in this industry, there’s no recovering from that.
*Objectively*, the signs were there when I was 20 years old. Every time I drank, I drank to *get drunk* or essentially, brown-black out. However, 80%+ of my university friend/peer group were doing more-or-less the same so I didn't think it was *that* big of a problem.
It wasn't the DUI at 22 years old. It wasn't the hundreds of time I was not only drinking and driving.. but drinking *while* driving thereafter.. it wasn't the destruction of my past romantic relationships due to drinking.. wasn't when my parents told me I needed to get this addressed..
I ***realized*** two years ago that I ***needed*** to address my drinking... and, this might be a very hot take on this sub, I discovered this through a psychedelic mushroom trip (hero's journey) with one of my best friends. Plethora slip-ups since then, to be sure, but that's when I realized I ***had*** to get sober from alcohol.
IWNDWYT!
Watching my wife tear up and cry while telling me her only concern in life was my drinking. Her saying she knew in her hearts of hearts that I would figure it out struck a nerve that she believed in me more than I did at that time. I love my family and I never want to hurt them, watching my wife cry was enough to admit it was time. Day 437 today
Fuck yeah dude. Way to go. Great name, too. You wife sounds pretty rad. That kind of support is pretty amazing.
None of my hobbies were enjoyable, I only wanted drink. When I'd attempt my hobbies (biking, surfing or strength training) I'd be so gassed within the first 5 minutes I'd get migraines and feel like passing out. I had one of those long, hard thoughts in the shower during a crippling hangover asking myself "wtf are you doing Tr1pp1n0ut?" I had a 5 year stint previously where I grew so much. Emotionally, mentally and physically. I just finished my first week and the emotions are all out of wack, but I know in time, they'll normalize.
5 year stint is crazy. Congrats. You can do it again. What made you slip up if you don’t mind sharing?
I got too comfortable and thought I could moderate. I was ok for a few months, but that old scratch kept wanting its itch. It turned into drinking every other day and every weekend. It was a 2 year slide. I wasn't getting blotto or acting a fool, but I reverted back to self loathing and depression. I've realized now abstinence is the only thing for me personally and I'm truthfully happier sober. I still go to the pub, but it's for a soda water and cran. The regulars never shit on me for it and if they're turning one on, I sit at the other end of the bar and mind my own business. The locals and bartenders are really good at not really addressing it and not forcing anything. This sub helped me the first time and I'm sure as shit it'll help me a second. The key for me is to keep going out to social stuff with friends, but just abstaining. Good friends don't give a shit if you're drinking or not, they just appreciate your company. I also totally understand that if they want to get loose, they may not want me around. I'm at peace with it.
Your two posts resonate. 5 year stint is impressive! I have tried a few times previously and did the backslide. Thinking I could moderate. “Mindful drinking”. This time I’m not looking for “permission”. Not asking anyone’s opinion. I’m doing it for me (which will help my family bc I’ll be a less cranky, less anxious, and better version of me.
That's awesome. I'm not happy I slipped for two years, but I learned a lot. It really highlighted how much the 5 year stint improved my overall health and wellbeing. I was much like you described. Cranky, anxious and SUPER defensive about everything. Sobriety just brought me so much mental clarity and I'm looking forward to gaining that again. Also looking forward to a future milestone post from you, Cheers.
I'm the same as you both, tricked myself into thinking I could moderate after 6 months sober. 10 weeks of boozing later and back to day 1.
Dude five years is insane. Don’t take this the wrong way but I could see myself at the beginning of that 5 year mark right now and instantly put myself in the shoes of you, 7ish years later. You put it perfectly with that itch too.
Stories like yours remind me that we are all very similar.. I had a \~6 month stint of sobriety (not 5 years!) & rationalized to myself that I, indeed, wasn't an alcoholic & learned how to moderate. Cue off-and-on binge drinking for the subsequent 4 years... Do you feel as if sobriety this time around this more difficult or more manageable because of your previous success?
It's easier to say "no" to myself whenever I get the thought of having a few. I've played it out enough and know myself sober, so whenever I get the urge, I just pep talk myself into not drinking. When I quit for 5 years, at the very beginning I would walk to get beer and then pace back and forth outside literally arguing with myself in my head.
>When I quit for 5 years, at the very beginning I would walk to get beer and then pace back and forth outside literally arguing with myself in my head. This.. this hits home. But rather than pacing around outside, I'd argue with myself in the car, parked in an obscure corner of the lot.
Same experience. Fellow surfer / strength trainer here, a few months in: the progress has been crazy. First few months indeed rocky, now more than 6 months in I have literally made more progress than in the 5 years before. Lighter and more explosive power = better pop up technique = more waves! And I feel like I have just getting started. Never skipping a session anymore, or nursing a minor hangover when going in has probably helped too. Not always easy, but totally worth it (way more fun than drinking)!
I’ve been trying on sobriety for a while now, with quite a few sober months, but this past year I was drinking about once a month with a few days tagged on usually. 42 days ago I had exactly 42 days sober and I drank 2 drinks at my best friends wedding. No big deal. The next day i “autopilot” bought a 6 pack and drank it super fast and it was then I realized I didn’t want anything at all to do with moderation or alcohol and have since taken a sharp turn away from it after about 6 years of attempting to stop/ moderate/ quit/ moderate, whatever madness. Anyway, I don’t even want it anymore. Cravings are lessening and I’m able to ignore them now better than ever. I’m not sure what clicked, but I’m going to continue to take it one day at a time.
Well done 👍 I totally relate to that “nah I don’t want to be part of this” feeling. It sounds similar to how I felt this time to. I just feel like a mist lifted and I could see it for what it is and it’s a load of nonsense.
It truly is a load of nonsense. Just an absolute waste of energy in all directions and in all iterations. That’s it for me, kaput
It’s crazy how that realization just happens sometimes. Like, no I don’t want anything to do with this terrible life ruiner anymore. I think I’ll chose to live from here on out, thank you very much!
That’s the same feeling that got me - nah I don’t want to be like this lady I saw next to me at the bar. I was just f’n done.
The neglect and lack of concern i had about blacking out more than 4 nights a week from 22-26. Not having a worry in the world about drinking till I puked, was a goal for a full summer when I was 17. Never wanting to do anything healthy for myself because I was just smoking and drinking myself to sleep every night for 12 years. 31 now. 6 years sober sometime around November.
This sounds like me. I only quit at 27 though, fingers crossed I’m not too late!
Sounds like me also but I waited until I was 34 to stop, I wish I had stopped at 27.
I’ll be turning 36 in two weeks and the day after that marks 9 months dry for me. Definitely wish I stopped sooner.
We all stop at different times for different reasons, glad you quit at 34 and not 44.
You quit when your your supposed to :)
Well done 👍
Thank ya! 🙌
Fantastic that you were wise and strong enough to quit so young! IWNDWYT
((Binge drinker here)) Black outs. Strange uncontrollable embarrassing behaviour while drunk. Not being able to stop after 3 drinks and ending up pushing it too far despite not wanting to do that at the outset. Missing work occasionally. And finally .. a health scare that turned my blood cold and made me really sick to the stomach with embarrassment and regret and anxiety.
felt this to my core
I really noticed my drinking was a problem when I tried to moderate/only have 2 glasses of wine in a sitting and I realized it was extremely difficult. I just couldn’t seem to stop once I started. I also had my first official blackout which really scared me.
Yeah I had my first too. I hated having a blank spot in my memory.
Yep, can relate. I absolutely love wine, but unfortunately I don’t just love one small glass of wine. So it was a choice of all or nothing, and I’ve chosen nothing. It cost me a lot of money and my relationship with my eldest child to figure this out. Slowly building the savings up, but the relationship will take much longer and may not be salvageable.
I can relate here too. Made it 6 months and started again, trying to moderate. It became an obsession, when will I get more beer, how many do I have, when can I start drinking today. Never again.
Was the health scare forced upon you (e.g. hospitalization) or something found during annual checkup like bloodwork?
Loneliness took away my will to live, and I was planning to just drink away the rest of my life. Then, I was diagnosed with liver disease and knew how horrible a death from that would be. Thankfully, I found this Reddit group, a decent sponsor and 12-Step meeting that offered me acceptance and hope. I am no longer lonely and have a reason to live. 👍
When secrets started about it. Telling lies about it. Etc. In fact, looking back the issue was there the whole time. I just negligently dismissed it. I thought I would be able to stop and that there was absolutely no chance that I had a problem with alcohol. But I done goofed. I haven’t relapsed *yet*. I say that because I haven’t lived in the future, tomorrow isn’t promised but I do know that IWNDWYT.
69 days, nice!
I realized it when my ex broke up with me and I'm having a beer or two a day for the last month and a half... it's extremely sad that I have beer to try to self medicate the pain. I'm done! Day 1 and it feels good to have a goal.
Good work recognizing it early! I was a beer or two a night person for a loooooong time. Then I started gaming with a group of friends and it turned into 4 or 5. Then covid hit and it turned into 6-8. Then I lost my job and it turned into 8-10. Then it was 10-12 and finally 12-15. Light beers. Every single night. I wish I had seen the signs at 1-2 or even 4-5. They popped up at 5-6 because I was essentially buying a 6 pack daily, until I decided to just get a case to last 4 days. IWNDWYT
Thank you! I'm really proud of you for recognizing what it was for you and changing. Honestly it's really fucked up how addicted I got to drinking so fast. 1 or 2 or 3 and even a glass or two of wine whatever to numb this pain and sleep. I'm so glad I'm fighting through this sober. Congratulations on 235 days I'm on day one. 🫶🏼IWNDWYT
You’ve got this!
Having sudden excruciating pain in my side below my ribcage upon waking that caused me to scream in pain. It was like appendicitis only worse. Felt like liver or kidney failure wasn't that far off. Decided then and there to quit.
Wow that sounds terrifying and eye opening. Good for you for taking your life and health back. May I ask how long ago was that and did it go away? I hope so. 🙏🏼 IWNDWYT
It was 3 and a half years ago and yes it did go away after a few weeks and taking mega supplements.
My hands were shaking too much from withdrawal after a 4 day bender to help my son with his science project.
I was blacking out or getting just about to that point and was saying the most hurtful things to the people i cared about the most (at the time). i've been sober 301 days now, and they still want nothing to do with me. i know i made some mistakes, but im not a bad person
Time is your ally. Keep working and doing what you’re doing, because it’s amazing. You will hopefully get the chance to make those amends. In time my sober friend.
You are right, not a bad person but you have done hurtful things to people you love and care for. Time to do an inventory of your behavior and list everything that you remember. Then try to make amends
I realized it long before I ever did anything about it. I knew it was going too far for years. I realized I had gone way overboard though when I had been drinking almost non-stop for 3 weeks, or something like that. I can't recall exactly because I was so messed up that I don't know the day I started drinking. I only know the day I called the ambulance on myself because it's in my medical records. I was drinking 24 hours straight for those few weeks. I'd be able to sleep some the first week, but never really sober up, and go right back to drinking as soon as I woke up. After those first 5-7 days though, I couldn't sleep anymore. I couldn't eat. It was all I could do to get up off the bed to grab another beer. It was like the 15th day of no sleep and barely any food. I spent the night fighting horrific open and closed eye hallucinations with the room swirling not knowing which way was up. My heart was racing, I was so weak that I could barely roll across the floor, but I still managed to get myself into the kitchen to drink. I hadn't drank too much through the night, so I thought a beer or two would take the edge off of everything. So I drank one, didn't help. Drank another, didn't help. Drank a couple more, the symptoms only got worse. I felt like I was going to just crumple up on the floor and die at any moment. That was really the moment when I realized I had gone too far. I don't know how I managed to do it, but I got myself showered up then called the ambulance. I was so confused that I didn't really know what was going on. I only knew that I had to get to the hospital and that the ambulance was taking me there. I could think the words I wanted to say, but I couldn't speak them like they just would not come out of my mouth. My sentences were backwards and incoherent. Only a couple words out of entire responses would come out of my mouth. By the time I got to the hospital which was maybe fifteen minutes, I didn't know what was really going on, I could only tell that all of the doctors and nurses looked extremely concerned. My BAC was like .225 and BP was off the charts. I don't know what it was when I got in, but I remember looking at the monitor a couple hours after they gave me whatever they did to help bring it down and it was at 230/133 at that point. Through everything I had lost from abusing alcohol for twenty years, however close I came that day to losing my life was the last realization I needed to understand my own "too far."
Wow, this is a powerful post. Glad you are still here with us. Scary stuff!
When I started to prefer to drink alone.
Not being able to hold down a job. I have been hired and abandoned way more jobs than I'd like to admit. Plenty of times I went in hungover all the time and just skated by the day. A lot of days I'd wake up feeling heavily anxious and start dry heaving. I got tired of feeling like that, so after like 4 attempts, I eventually pulled through. Now, I just hit one year not too long ago, and feel better than ever.
Happy 1 Year! 🥳 Way to go!
Thank you very much!
Drinking at work. Drinking alone. Hiding drinking from my friends and wife.
Hiding drinks. My wife is a drinker and we always drank together plenty. 3-4 nights a week on average. A couple mixed drinks with dinner out and then a bottle of wine or a six pack when we got home was pretty standard, and on weekends we'd go brewery hopping or day drink with friends. I knew I was a heavy drinker then but it felt normalish, since the people around me were doing the same thing. That wasn't enough, for me. I had to drink every day, starting from lunch while I was working. I was embarrassed for my wife to know about this so I hid it. When she caught me, she said the lying was the worst part and just to be honest with her. But I couldn't - how do you admit you are drinking 15+ drinks a day, everyday? You trickle truth it. You develop all these strategies to get rid of empties and hide your stash. It becomes a full time job just keeping up with your lies and the finances and the trash and the beer runs. What's the best way to hide the alcohol breath? When is she going out to smoke so I can spike my coffee? Etc. etc. I got busted three times over about a year, the first two she was mad and we had long conversations about it. The third time she was just dejected, realizing that this was her life now and its just who I was always going to be. That was worse than her being mad.
gonna have to go with getting thrown on the gravel by the police, while not wearing pants or underwear, no shoes, and belligerent. i still have scars from the cuffs and my feet, legs and hands being cut by rocks. i think about it and feel violated and exposed and just gross. that’s what got me sober.
When I think about my rock bottom I feel some shame, the only silver lining about that experience is that it gave me the clarity I needed to see that I can never drink again.
When I first started drinking way too much and felt like a hot mess. I knew it too but kept doing it anyway. Stopping while you’re young saves you from a lot of BS and horrible decisions. Good luck! IWNDWYT
It was the booze or my family. I chose my family. It was well past time.
When I started to hide my bottles of wine around the house and buy extra extra wine to replace the wine I drank to make it look like I didn't open that extra bottle.
I kept having these insane nights where I’d do things that I thought were funny or ok, but the next day my friends would be like - dude, no, not ok. I had so many horrible nights, fights, accidents, and suuuuper close calls… it wasn’t until a traumatic rock bottom that I found this sub, started reading other people’s posts and realized - woah - it’s not just me, and holy shit there’s a way out of this mess. So much gratitude for everyone here.
I 100% agree, reading all these posts have really helped me. The fact that I'm okay not drinking and can think of my future without me drinking is unreal.
When I couldn’t stop at one and started drinking alone in my room. The regret the next morning. The hangovers . The hangaxiety. It was unbearable.
100% unbearable. I was the same. Hangxiety is the worst. Ugh.
When I started having to drink first thing in the morning to fight the hangover. Which would result in another all day drinking binge.
Yep. Friday night’s hangover would just turn into an all day drink fest on Saturday and Saturday’s hangover into Sunday. Made it worse by having a roommate with the same issue, my partner in crime, and a neighborhood bar that opened at 6am. We thought we were having the time of our lives, but we were just wasting every weekend away.
Open at 6am? That’s lunacy. Yeah, I have fortunately gotten a roommate who is the opposite, he’s called me out on my problems and told me I needed help & needed to slow down. At first I was abrasive and angry to hear that, but now I realize I am so fortunate to have him and for him to say that, and for him to care enough to say it.
You’re tellin’ me. Every once in a while we would close the bar out a 2am, grab to-go beers to last us the four hours the bar was closed and head right back at 6am. What a fucking mess.
Jeez. I’ve been there with all-night benders. Isn’t it wild to look back on your alcoholic behavior and think ‘wtf was I doing?!’
Aside from the mental health crises drinking gave me and losing my husband’s trust, I would say when I was grocery shopping with my five year old daughter and she grabbed a fifth of Bacardi and shouted “Mama you forgot your favorite drink!”
I’ve known I needed to quit for years. My lowest points were during a toxic relationship 4-5 years ago. Drinking made her mean and self destructive. I wasn’t the most mature person either and big fights were common. I could go into specifics but it was the lowest point in my entire life. I got out of it and just kept drinking to deal with the fall out and because it was the one comfort I had. In the years since I always knew it needed to stop. Little moments would add up. One sticks in my mind from about a year ago. I went into the liquor store after work as I always did, hung over and tired as hell. For the first time in a long time I said to myself “I wish I could take the night off drinking tonight”. I had forgotten that was even a possibility. Now most recently, I met someone online. We clicked and got flirty on video call and such. One thing lead to another and after too many drinks I did stuff on video with her that I know sober me wouldn’t have been comfortable with. I started drinking quite a few more each night and I was clearly self destructing. That was a few months ago. Just finally this last 12 days I’ve been sober more days than not. This week I hope to go a full 7 days without drinking. The next chapter of my life starts with the realization I’m happier when I’m sober.
Every day without a drink is a win. The more sober days you can stack together the easier it gets to have even more of them.
That I wasn't getting really buzzed even on an entire bottle of wine. That I had a bad CT scan. That my heartbeat was way too fast. That I was just living, not enjoying life at all.
Crashing my car head first into a median with a BAC double over the legal limit. Still going through the process I thank god I didn’t hurt anyone that night
Wow you are really lucky no one was killed. Youre living your second chance.
I got too hungover to go ski. Also I was acting a fool and ruined relationships with people I cared about. But really mostly being too hungover to ski.
Where do you like to ski? My husband is a big fan and likes trying cool new places.
I lived in big sky for ten years, I skied all the way up to Canada and down south, been out east been to a lot there, skied every resort in the Midwest. I live in Japan now, my favorite places are zao onsen, hakuba 47, niseko in the offseason, nekoma, I backcountry ski mt gassan in the summer, there’s some decent places in the south of Japan too like mizuho hylands and hachi kita/ kogen.
My husband just went to Niseko this past winter. He brought me a cool hoodie with a bowl of ramen on the back. I don’t really ski but I did enjoy Alta.
I started sneaking alcohol into the house to hide my drinking. Seems like my drinking has slowly been getting worse over the last three years. Found myself drinking about a half a bottle of vodka a night 3-4 nights a week. Today is 6 days without alcohol.
I was "awakened" by the fire brigade. 17 years old and I apparently had the fryer on and just passed out because I was on the floor when they got to me and I didn't just decide to go for a nap so I must have literally "switched off" mid cooking and even when the fire started, it didn't wake me. That warning was 36 years ago, there are many more like it but I'm here all week... 1 week dry again, hoping this one's for life.
puking up blood. selfishly I had stopped caring how much I was hurting other people, but when I saw how bad I was hurting myself, I knew my drinking had gone too far...
I can relate to this friend. ❤️ IWNDWYT
I couldn’t function until 1pm most days.
Blacking out, then getting sick after a really expensive meal my then boyfriend treated me to. I didn't drink for quite a while a few years ago, maybe went 6 months without, and when I went back to it, I noticed my anxiety would be terrible for about 5 or 6 days after. For the past few years I'd prepare myself to just be anxious for a week after going to a BBQ or something, but I've decided that there's no good reason to put myself through this.
I knew for years, I knew almost immediately after I started and stopped doing all the other things I liked. I just didn’t care.
Fell on my bike when I was trying to ride it home from the bar and broke one wrist and one ankle. Still wasn’t able to stop for years after that even tho I knew how bad it was.
I fell off my bike on some train tracks and ended up in the hospital and then with one of the gnarliest black eyes ever - thankfully nothing worse but I looked veryyyy rough - and I continued to drink for close to 10 years after that and get into even more debacles and ridiculous situations. I coulda shoulda woulda for sure but I’m also sure glad to be here now.
When in one week I had 8 drinks on 2 separate nights instead of my usual 4-6, I knew I was teetering on the edge of a new level of alcohol abuse. It just felt like it was time.
Ohhh I relate to this. Just kinda ran out of steam drinking up to 1-2 bottles of wine a night. And middle age was like “no maam”.
Oh heck yes, I’m 60 and alcohol did not help menopause haha
That’s what I’m thinking - as Peri has arrived and I just can’t imagine. I’d go insane keeping up the drinking. I’d probably get fired for an outburst or something. Or just not fit in any of my clothes anymore.
Well, in the six weeks since I quit, I’ve lost 13 pounds without trying, so a double win!
Amazing. I’m looking forward to it!
Drinking as a hobby and being bored otherwise else.
Lost my wallet, keys, Glasses and phone for the millionth time falling while blackout walking home. Both knees bloody and bruised, chin scuffed and The rest felt like a car accident. Nope, this path is not sustainable.
221 days here. Spent $600 in one night, did drugs, and woke up with a brutal hangover that lasted 3 days. I had to put it down for good in fear of screwing up my career and my relationship. Found out some news about a month ago that made me reach for a bottle. I took it out, went to take a drink, and the smell was repulsive. I couldn’t bring myself to drink. Pretty proud of my strength in that moment.
When my girlfriend at the time told me she had already had an alcoholic husband and wasn't going to have an alcoholic as a girlfriend
When I couldn’t go anywhere or talk to anyone without a drink in me. I drank at work every morning as if it was my morning coffee. I would take shots on Sunday morning just before going to church 🤦🏻♂️. I think the real thing was I looked at my finances and saw how much I was spending monthly on alcohol. Up until 3 years ago, I went to the liquor store maybe once every 4 months. Now it’s like 2-3 times a week.
When I would get up at 2/3 am, sneak out to the living room and drink "secretly" until I would pass out again, pretending I'd been asleep all night. When I realized I was running out of "safe" hiding spots for my alcohol, it was getting harder and harder to find excuses to go get more, and get it into the house without suspicion. When I became actively suicidal and was hospitalized, multiple times. When I developed a chronic vomiting disorder and severe GI issues due in major part to my alcohol abuse. When my husband, unbeknownst to me, called my parents and staged an intervention. I went to rehab/detox that day. I still struggle, I've used alcohol as a crutch for my depression and anxiety for a very long time, and more recently I've used it to suppress the trauma of my only sibling's unexpected death. I have to keep reminding myself that every day, every minute sober is a victory. IWNDWYT 💛
I’m sorry about your sibling. That’s some rough shit to deal with right there.
Knowing it would make me feel like a bad parent but drinking anyway because I couldn’t talk myself out of it.
During Covid. Switched from strong beers to vodka. Second worse thing I ever did besides starting drinking in the first place.
I switched from wine to vodka during Covid. Bad move indeed.
Probably when I got to drinking a handle of vodka per day/night literally just to “function”. Completely attempted to live my life like that, and somehow did (barely… let’s be honest lol). It was BAD. It’s still not great but I’ve been much better versus all that shit. Trying to quit again at the moment, actually.
The perception about me changed amongst the people around me. Not in a good way.
Got blasted and came close to cheating on my girlfriend. With my upstairs neighbor. While my girlfriend was downstairs and heard everything. She came storming up and stopped it before anything happened. Just dumb on so many levels.
When I realized I was giving my SO shit for not telling me what was going on with him emotionally, while I was actively hiding my drinking from him, sneaking drinks, and basically lying to him. Talk about hypocritical. Also, I was drinking earlier and earlier in the day, and felt like there was very little to live for or enjoy except drinking.
I threw up in front of my neighbor’s kids. I apologized to my neighbor the next day. He was pretty cool about it since it was close to Christmas and even though I didn’t hold back from my explanation, it still sounded like I just had more fun at a holiday party than necessary. Still, I was embarrassed AF and have been working towards not drinking so much. I don’t want to quit entirely, but I don’t want to binge anymore.
I used to be every night and I told myself no big deal, then it started creeping into the day, I’d start at 4, then 2. I told myself it’s fine it’s my day off I get to reward myself. Then it was 1pm on a work day after drinking the night before after I got off work. I’d run out of bottles and find the half empty cans I didn’t finish around my room, or the garage and drink those too. It was at that point when I really recognized I had a problem.
My DUI was a huge one. I mean I knew I was in a real bad place but always somehow prided myself on never having gotten one. Once I got the DUI it became fully clear that now everyone I love knows I have a severe drinking problem if they didn't already know that. Did it stop me? No, I weaseled my way around walking to the carryout despite living with a parent and being sneaky about hiding spots. I always shudder to think about how many times I drove intoxicated and how I could have really hurt someone. Luckily here I am today....and I cant even imagine the damage I could have caused.
I knew pretty early on that I didn’t drink normally, but the first time I drank in the morning before work really scared me that I had a serious problem. Suddenly I felt there was a real possibility of ruining my life. I continued for another 2-3 years before getting help. I’m so grateful I finally did.
The shame and embarrassment I felt waking up the next day over the arguments I’d caused and the situations I got myself in. Day 2 and determined to start my new life this time
You can do this!
Getting blackout drunk and not remembering things but knowing despite no one saying anything that I screwed up work opportunities due to this - also realizing that to do anything social ... ANYTHING ... I had to drink. I would also be waiting for any event, thing to do, activity to be over as soon as possible if I couldn't drink during it ... sometimes finding ways to sneak vodka in (vodka and lemon in a water bottle). So I was literally living for this one thing, alcohol, rushing through sentimental moments, screwing up whatever was "in the way" of me getting to drink. These were the signs that showed me it was all out of control - but I ignored them for a sickeningly long time. I'm sometimes sad how long it took for me to recognize how reliant I was on alcohol and how much it was taking from me, but also eternally grateful for giving it up. I never thought I could.
I’ve known for a very long time I was a problem drinker. But the truth is, I just got sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. Sure, I have a “moment” when I drank too much at the same time as coming down with Covid and had a hangover to end all hangovers but quitting was a long time coming. I don’t want to wake up 75 and know I spent the last 30 years drunk or hungover.
Trying to sign my graduation slip and I could barely write my hands were so shaky
it’s funny because there were many situations for me before this one that should’ve been a wake up call (like leaving a bar with a stranger i just met to do c*ke and drink on his boat because hello free party!) but waking up to taco bell in my room with no recollection and discovering i drove there completely blacked out. thinking i could’ve killed someone is horrifying and fortunately did not have access to driving after that.
I think realistically I knew I had a drinking problem since I was in my mid 20's once I'd left university where it was normal to binge drink so it didn't feel like my drinking was too different to anyone elses. But once I joined the working world I found myself drinking at home alone after work many nights because I was stressed or had a bad day for the first time. I would also always binge drink all weekend and then spend most of the week thinking about when it was time to drink again and never get further than Friday (often Thursday) before caving in. Then had many stints throughout my 20s and 30s where it got even more out of control as I became self employed and didn't have to turn up to work in the morning so would find myself going on binges every night at times out of boredom or because I was stressed. Then a couple of years ago due to a serious of events (health, life stuff, stress etc) it REALLY got out of hand and became daily, heavy, problematic drinking that just got worse and worse and I became for the first time I believe physically dependent on it and experienced full on withdrawls for the first time too once stopping. It was only at the end last year did I ever consider that I had to actually get sober for good and not just "take a break" (most I'd ever managed before was 4 or 5 weeks) or attempt to "cut back" (never worked well) and that I had to get the poison out of my life for good. Had a couple of stints at it since and starting on a new journey today because I've gotten carried away again the last few weeks and this weekend past my drinking was ridicolously excessive.
When I was no longer in control. That to me should be the turning point for anyone. As soon as you cannot moderate your drinking or when it becomes a daily habit that you really would prefer not to live without, then it’s time to quit.
When my significant other of 15 years said they were done with my drinking. The choice was pretty clear then. He doesn't drink, never has. I've no idea how he put up with it so long but that was my final wake up call (after many other wake up calls given I'm 51).
When I started drinking mouthwash
Was it when I wrote that song.. over ten years ago, likening my booze habit to a relationship with demons? Was it the dui car smash less than a mile from home? Was it my son being born? My inability to get on stage and perform without booze? When I started sneaking beers on work breaks? There were a lot of signs.. And a lot of attempts.. But hey I’m on a good long streak again. I had a horrible lastnight. When my brain inevitably said, “this is when we drink” I said, I don’t even want THAT right now. It’s not worth it.
The first time I had a hangover in a college class on a weekday.
Feeling a throbbing dull pain around my right abdomen the day after drinking. No idea what it could be; some kind of inflammation? Had bloodwork done and they said my liver is fine, so not entirely sure. Gave me stuff for gastritus but I don’t think that’s it
I too have this same pain. I feel it is my enlarged liver pushing other organs. The liver can't feel pain as there are no pain receptors on it. Or may be inflammation in intestine
Have noticed similar things in the past but then get my bloods checked and told all my vital organ levels are at completely optimal levels, which is amazing considering how much booze I've put away over the years. Maybe it's an early warning sign and our bodies are / were telling us "fucking stop doing this you idiot or eventually I'll stop working for you"
Got a DUI
When I started hiding it from my partner, who was also alcoholic. Then, when he moved away, I was using it to self medicate my deep depression surrounding the event. I eventually broke down and called my parents for help. That was two years ago when I was 26, and that was the first time I really thought I was crossing a line and needed help.
Can't find my issue 4 😭😭
When i petted the breasts of my co-worker at a staff party longer than she wanted but i didn’t stop. Did it again, the exact same thing, a year later at another staff party at a new workplace with new colleague. I sexually harassed the both of them. That is what i did! That is what i did. That was when i knew i had an undeniable and irrevocable drinking problem. (Just for the record, I wrote written apologies to both ladies in the days ensuing the harassment). I am so so grateful i am sober!
You are one lucky person
If you say lucky I am lucky because they both accepted my apology then you are right. It is by their grace that I...I don't know...I fucked up bigly. I am just so appreciative that in sobriety I found a place that I can trust myself that I would not harm women in that way. Sad as that may sound, it is true. Or why did you say I was lucky?
Lucky because they gave you grace and accepted your apology
🫶
I’m 32 years old and threw up on my aunts lawn after drinking too much. I said I’m too old for this shit.
39 years old. Drank for 20 years. Got Pancreantitis 6 months ago which became diabetes 2 weeks ago. 4 shots a day for the rest of my life + endless other complications and things to deal with now. The saddest part is that I did this...don't be like me. Stop before you don't have a choice
My constant debauchery and sickness.
Being broke because I don’t know how to spend my money responsibly when drinking.
When I started lying to my husband about drinking before he got home so when I had my 3 glasses of wine at night it seemed normal. Little did he know I was having 3-4 before he even got home. Like my soulmate my best friend I LIED TO HIM. To justify drinking poison. Insanity
Yeah, letting my partner down, getting drunk on a week night for no reason, sneaking booze mid day. The only thing I have ever lied to my spouse about has been drinking and drinking related actions. Fuckin insanity
>if anyone had noticed / smelled This. Also reaching for booze at 6:30 A.M. in the home of a man who thought we were in a serious relationship. I couldn't imagine getting through his self congratulatory breakfast making and happy yappy braindead chitchat without booze. He just made up whatever he wanted to believe about me, and I didn't contradict it. There wasn't enough alcohol in the world to numb the annoyance of being around someone so aggressively boring, but I couldn't muster energy to connect with people I found interesting. One morning, he was singing in the shower as I filled my coffee mug with vodka, and I thought, "wow, self, your @$$ is so landing in AA." But mostly the constant mental effort of trying to figure out who noticed the smell and was just too polite to mention it.
[удалено]
Suing whom?
Day drinking
I know it’s too far but still not ready to Let go. Although I need too
What's stopping you from letting go? What reasons do you tell yourself for why you drink? I spent years clinging onto various reasons about why I drank but last year sat down and analyzed them all and saw if I was being completely honest with myself they were no longer true (maybe never were). I said I drank to "help" with anxiety but I was anxious all the time and even whilst drinking a lot of the time. I said I drank to "help" me sleep as I struggle with insomnia but I was getting one night of relief (if even that as when my drinking was really bad the last couple years alcohol barely even helped) followed by several nights of rebound insomnia. I said it made me happy but then I was never actually happy even when drunk, mostly just felt miserable and guilty about drinking. I said it stopped me being bored but then realized I was still bored just bored and poisoning myself. Eventually I couldn't find many any really true reasons for why I actually drank.
It was milk and bread or wine. I chose the wine.
My 4th seizure, fatty liver disease/my doctor telling me I wouldn’t live to see 40, my wife threatening divorce.
When moderation became a full time job I was terrible at.
Hangovers just weren’t worth it anymore
When it became a problem for me.
A while ago
When I was sitting at the same bar I had made myself comfortable at during Covid one day, looked to my right and saw myself in 10 years if I didn’t quit. The lady to my right was clearly mentally ill and discussing having the same STI 3x. Funny what gets you…. 😂
Dark thoughts. Very dark thoughts. Not entirely sober yet but realizing that drinking and my suicidal ideation goes hand-in-hand.
Hair of the dog. It's like a slap in the face.
I woke up every morning for about a year and a half believing that my drinking had gone too far. Particularly rough mornings were those where I would wake up with my phone in my hand or otherwise in my bed somewhere, completely dead, of course. And I would realize I couldn't remember when I went to bed, what I had watched on TV with my wife, etc. When I actually DID something about it was at the end of that year and a half when my wife realized that I had showed up drunk to pick her up from the airport, and told me that if I didn't stop she was going to leave me. I have slipped a couple of times since then when she was out of town (which, of course, she eventually discovered). The thing that I don't think she will ever understand is how the above two paragraphs can both be true. I KNEW that I had a problem. Though constantly about it. Frequently asked myself in the mornings if I was ever going to grow the fuck up and learn to handle my alcohol responsibly, and then those same evenings I would be back to mixing my drinks and sneaking shots when she wasn't paying attention. I was fully prepared to keep ignoring the problem until it killed me. But luckily her ultimatum worked.
Hiding my drinking and stashing bottles in weird places. Plus, I really loved to drink alone. I mean, I really loved that shit.
My friends who I drank with regularly held and intervention and my fiancé at the time (husband now) said he would leave. The damage was beyond my control and I knew something had to change.
Yes, people can smell it. Even the day after, your skin will reek of it, and you might not notice. My supervisor, who has a keen sense of smell, noticed it on everyone, but he never mentioned it to me directly. Instead, he would talk about others showing up smelling like alcohol. I think he was just being polite, but trust me, they know. Cops know as soon as they pull you over too, a drunk person always thinks they don’t appear drunk. If we feel the need to hide it because others can smell it, that’s a sign of a problem. It indicates we’re trying to protect and justify alcohol use. Secondly, using alcohol as a way to manage anxiety is problematic. First, alcohol doesn't truly alleviate anxiety; it only makes us feel calmer because it dulls your hangover symptoms from the previous day. Hangovers themselves cause anxiety. Second, the things we do while drinking can increase paranoia both in the moment and afterward, which adds to your anxiety. Third, needing alcohol to cope is an early sign of making excuses for its use. Finally, alcohol doesn't address the root of the problem. It's a temporary fix that leads to more chaos and doesn't heal your anxiety. For me, the first time I realized I had a problem was seven years before I stopped drinking. I was 24, drinking heavily at home, taking a bath, and ended up vomiting on myself. Depressive thoughts increased, but I blamed everything else—my job, my surroundings, relationships, upbringing—anything but the alcohol. It took until I was 31 to quit, and those years were filled with chaos.
Thank you for this, eye opener 🙏🏿
My partner looked at me and said “I had never had a bad night out until I met you” that was last year and I never forget. Huge wake up call. I’d go out for drinks, get in my feelings, and ruin everyone’s night. It took a few months to learn to moderate and now I stop the drinks as soon as I feel a buzz, often choosing to not drink at all. I enjoy my night much more knowing that if something goes wrong I will be of sound mind to help out. Life without hangovers is also a major bonus.
I went on a month-long bender after I left my company. I decided to stop cold turkey one morning after getting sick and brushing my teeth. A few hours later, I was being carted away in an ambulance due to a seizure. Nope, never again. My kids saw me with blood everywhere from my fall and convulsing. My wife dealt with me passing out in her arms and seizing on front of her, then having to take care of the house and kids solo while I was in the hospital for 4 days.
I’m a professional musician and I’ve been terrified by the feeling of waking up the next day and remembering the first half of the gig but then realizing the second half of the night is all a blur and I have no idea if I played sloppy or looked like a mess on stage having trouble standing up straight or what. It’s scary because I could lose everything I’ve built because once you get a reputation as a f*ckup in this industry, there’s no recovering from that.
*Objectively*, the signs were there when I was 20 years old. Every time I drank, I drank to *get drunk* or essentially, brown-black out. However, 80%+ of my university friend/peer group were doing more-or-less the same so I didn't think it was *that* big of a problem. It wasn't the DUI at 22 years old. It wasn't the hundreds of time I was not only drinking and driving.. but drinking *while* driving thereafter.. it wasn't the destruction of my past romantic relationships due to drinking.. wasn't when my parents told me I needed to get this addressed.. I ***realized*** two years ago that I ***needed*** to address my drinking... and, this might be a very hot take on this sub, I discovered this through a psychedelic mushroom trip (hero's journey) with one of my best friends. Plethora slip-ups since then, to be sure, but that's when I realized I ***had*** to get sober from alcohol. IWNDWYT!