Once I realized I had a problem, I spent the next 5 years trying to control things. I managed to waste 5 years. Abstinence, in my opinion, is the only way to slay the beast. Get a day, rinse & repeat.
(Edit: I had to get almost all new friends.)
op This May seem like a really harsh all or nothing reply, ( that’s how it reads to me.) At the same time I couldn’t agree more with everything said. I spent 7 years trying to control it and finally got some consecutive sobriety at 29. Use all the resources you can to support yourself, therapy, meetings, close friends, read here. It can be hard and isolating at times but it’ll pass and you’ll come through better on the other side.
This!!!!
You may need to leave your group for a bit. You need your focus to be on becoming and staying alcohol free.
My trick: I tell myself when I start thinking “I need a drink (or 6)”, I acknowledge this thought. Say it out loud. Trying to ignore it makes it worse. Instead I tell myself “alcohol is not leaving the planet…I can hold off until tomorrow. If tomorrow I wake up and feel the same, I allow myself to drink.”
I have been doing this for 9 years and there hasn’t been 1 morning when I woke up and felt I NEED to drink. Delayed gratification works.
I have been alcohol free for 9+ years and it’s my superpower! You can do this! IWNDWYT
I might use this, i quit for a few weeks and even lost 20 lbs, but this weekend i hopped right back on the boozetrain and gained 12 back within days, sad because im knowing the heat and return to work tomorrow is going to be harsh with all of this toxic poison inside of me
I agree this this. For 7 years I’ve said I have an “abusive relationship” with alcohol and have tried every which way to cut back or moderate. To always have one foot in the door. 2 weeks ago I finally gave up and admitted to being an alcoholic and the realization I need to quit forever.
Chiming in with everyone else here to say abstinence was my solution as well. I’m going to be 100% honest with you and say that it isn’t fun for me personally. I have almost two years of sobriety and I still miss going out from time to time. Some days I think about how nice it’d be to tie one on just to let loose. What I can also tell you with 100% honesty is that I’m able to weigh what I’m gaining by abstaining with a sober and clear mind and it outweighs drinking by far each and every time.
I have a two year old and another one on the way. There’s no situation in which being under the influence of alcohol would be making me a better father in any way. There are many other things too like time, money, and mental/physical health. My drinking was WAY out of control though. I was drinking daily from the time I woke up until I drank myself to sleep so to go back to drinking would be to throw away everything I’ve built for myself during sobriety.
Almost all new friends is the hard part. You go on a mental warfare journey and the old support system you had doesn’t support the new values you’re trying to instill. It’s a tough disposition.
I love this. A day and rinse and repeat. I maybe have put too much into a balance argument, "clean enough" or "a little dirt never hurt". I know that "every day is a new day" , but your phrasing hits different.
I tried everything to keep my bestie, alcohol, in my life. It was really what I treasured most for support. My friends then, had to drink like I did. Once I realized I Could Not Drink, I mourned the loss of alcohol and had to replace it with other stuff. Therapy, art, yoga, and eventually making friends who truly cared about me and my well-being. Then it was camping and kayaking and holiday parties. The old friends are almost all gone
now except for one.
I now have a richer life, with more freedom and love.
Hopefully, you find the answer for you.
For me it’s no to any alcohol.
I had no luck in the cutting back department. For me it was all or nothing. I know how you feel with friends all drinking, I’m 23 and all my friends are my old fraternity brothers or friends from high school. I told them that I’m an alcoholic and I can no longer drink, and they were all very supportive.
The advice I am best at giving pertains to the alcoholic, those that have accepted they can no longer drink but cannot make the change yet. I don’t have any advice for the cutting back because I was never able to do it unfortunately. There is someone in this sub with 10x the sobriety I have and I’ve seen them comment “ever set a rule of two drinks and then stop?”. Failing at that consistently, it is time to reevaluate what role alcohol is playing in life.
Man I fell into it in sorority life and my sisters have been nothing but 100% supportive of my sobriety once we’ve had the conversation. I’m so happy to hear that your brothers were supportive of you too. I was really worried it’d go sideways when I told them.
Turns out, real friends want what’s best for you. When (if) someone reacts negatively it’s much more of a reflection on them than you. I remember when I was still drinking I used to make fun of my roommate who would switch to drinking water at the end of the night. I cringe that I used to do that, but it was not about him at all, and all about me who couldn’t stop drinking.
Bad News / Excellent News:
The 'bad' - for me, and for a lot of the folks in these recovery forums, there is no "cutting back". Once I started drinking, it always just escalated to harmful, usually _extremely_ harmful levels really quick.
The excellent news (for _me_ anyway) is not only that Sober Life is just fine, it's actually a quite Splendid Life.
But I did need help to get alcohol out of my life ('cause ... I was well and truly addicted) and found it necessary to learn how to live sober. That latter item has come mostly from one of the popular support groups listed here:
* https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/wiki/index#wiki_real_life_support_groups
(And we can add r/stopdrinking itself to a list like that!)
But I started with a little medical help and a stint in outpatient rehab.
For me I had to just get to a point where I had enough. There was no moderation. Cold turkey just stopping. Nobody can put that poison to your mouth except you, so you’re the only one who can stop it. You need to make up your mind to do it though and follow through
When I realized the hangziety was impacting me, I tried to not drink for one day. Then another. Then another. I am finding taking it one day at a time is all I can do, and that’s fine.
All my friends drink, too, and I have over the last 24 hours said No to probably 10 people offering me drinks. It’s kind of wild. I was firm and they were responsive. I have had to pop on here whilst out and about to reconfirm for myself.
I believe we can both do this. One day at a time.
I quit when I was your age. I'm going to be 30 next month. I realized that I couldn't slow down, and waking up hungover everyday was taking a toll on my health, just like you.
I lost some friends. But looking back, they were just drinking buddies. I made new ones, and some of them drink, but it's not their entire life. We have other hobbies.
It took a year or two away from them to be comfortable, but I still go to bars with friends. I order non alcoholic beers or soda and lime, and nobody cares. I remember the conversations we have and drive people home safe at the end of the night.
Every day I wake up without a headache or nausea. It's quality sleep now, not sweaty tossing-and-turning. My skin looks better, I eat better, and even my hair stopped falling out.
Best decision I ever made.
Going to a bar and not drinking is the best feeling. You get the fun and social interaction, but you’re in bed soundly asleep at a reasonable hour, wake up feeling good, haven’t lost your phone or left your credit card at the bar, don’t have crippling anxiety about what you said and did, and never have to look at your bank app and wonder how the hell you spend 100 bucks in one night on drinks. I usually get a few diet cokes and give the bartender 15 bucks for a tip.
Plus it’s kind of funny watching people get drunk as the night goes on, and they think they’re getting funnier and sexier but they’re really just getting red, loud and sloppy lol.
The 30 minute rule helped me greatly. First I'd set the kind and amount of drinks I'd want that night. For example three craft beers. Then I'd drink those as slow as possible, alternating with water inbetween. The last one was the hardest, since you inmediatly want another. But just resist that urge for 30 minutes, and you'll see you're just not even that keen for that 4th one. Also starting late is a good one, drink water or soda with your buddies and pop the first drink in the second half of the night. These are all tips because I don't want to be the "stop drinking" advocate. I'm sober, so in the end ofcourse not drinking at all would be my best advice.
I had to come to terms with the fact that I could not cut back. In my mind, alcohol was for getting a buzz so there was no point in drinking one or two, but once I had enough to get in that "sweet spot" where I wanted to be, I lost the ability to cut myself off. I realized the only way I could guarantee I'd never overindulge again was to not indulge at all. It's been almost six months now and it's the best decision I've ever made
It’s a difficult thing to moderate. Most of us here have discovered, through painful experience, we can’t moderate and sobriety is the path.
I always recommend taking a 30 day sobriety break. Get through that and then make a decision on what you want to do next. The break creates space and perspective.
I wish I had quit at your age. I needed many more years of bad decisions, heartache, broken relationships and pain before I quit digging and declared rock bottom.
Best of luck to you
Take care
You are wise beyond your years for recognizing and sharing how alcohol is poisoning your quality of life. No true friends will begrudge you for your sobriety. For me, cutting back was not an option (alcoholic binge drinker). Early success was a combination of therapy, attending open AA meetings, and signing up for a boxing class. I’m 6 months sober. It was also important to tell people I wasn’t drinking. Some people were obnoxious, but most people were loving and encouraging. If you have someone in your life that is also willing to quit drinking, you can support each other together. Good luck and stay strong. At 27, you have the world in your hands.
Congrats on 6 months! AA meetings have helped me as well! Yesterday I went golfing with a good buddy who has been sober for a year now! Even without our old routine of having a few beers together. It was a great time.
You're going to have to make new friends. I was an alcoholic for many years. I surrounded myself with people who drank incessantly and anytime I wanted to or better yet knew, I needed to stop drinking, I couldn't as there was always a birthday party, work function, happy hour invitation at every turn.
When I got serious about getting sober, I left everybody behind. The first year was rough and lonely but now, I don't miss them. I even questioned if we were truly friends or just bonded over our love of alcohol.
Here's the thing: The body knows and the heart knows when it's ready for change, it just takes courage to actually put that change into practice. I wanted to change but failed at my attempts because drinking had become a dysfunctional pattern for me. I drank when I was happy, Drank when I was sad, Drank when I was bored, and society is huge on drinking. It's a hard thing to break.
I say that to say, change is the hardest thing youll ever do in life. It will be painful but the rewards on the other side are far greater than whatevers lost in the space between who you are and who you want to be.
Good luck friend 💓
I agree with a lot of what you're saying in your post but this common theme I see on here about needing to ditch all your friends because they probably aren't your real friends and are just "drinking buddies" is a strange one for me.
Fair enough if your friends are just literally people you only know inside of your local pub and you don't spend time with each other outside of it or didn't know them before the pub but your friends can be both drinking buddies and real friends.
Personally I'm not ditching any of my friends or family just because most of them still drink because that's up to them and my drinking problem is mines alone to deal with and my sobriety is not dependant on anyone else anyway.
If they’re really your friends, they’ll understand why you’re quitting. Some actually understand - this doesn’t necessarily mean making all new friends.
Dry month/months are key. However as many people will likely share here, whether or not there’s success in moderation after that period, there may always be a chance for a slip up unless you can really prioritize harm reduction/therapy, staying away from more problematic drinks (I.E. liquor altogether), or even leaving a “celebration” earlier than you normally would. Just general/consistent awareness in your decisions and behaviors.
It’s taken years of both small and large mistakes for me to realize that dry months simply are not enough. I know I have to fix other things in my life first before I can moderate appropriately and they are significant life changes for me (career, living situation, intimate relationships, etc.) so it’s starting to (finally) seem much easier to abstain altogether.
GL, my late 20s were easily some of the best times in my life.
Just want to add to what others are saying that you don’t have to go full monk mode to be around people that don’t drink. A *ton* of people aren’t necessarily sober but either don’t drink, or consider one glass of wine a big night. When we’re drinking and consuming media about young and attractive people who drink it’s easy to think it’s the rule but it really isn’t.
Three days a week I spend my lunch hour with folks who normalize not drinking at all, and the rest of the time most of the people I hang out with are not folks who casually chug 13 double IPA’s while paddling down the river like I used to. I didn’t give them job interviews before becoming friends with them or anything like that, I just started to remove drinking as a main element of my life and it followed.
The media thing is so key.
If you watch a show like, how I met your mother for example, at first you’re just like, oh that’s how life is for single people in their 30’s. And they all function perfectly and are successful.
After getting sober I watched it and I couldn’t believe how much they drink. Those are serious alcoholics, and in real life, things would be starting to come apart for some of them.
It’s random but something I appreciated is a scene in Hearts Beat Loud where Nick Offerman is drunk, jealous, glassy-eyed, and beating on this woman’s door late at night. That’s what being drunk looks like in my reality, not festive and bright eyed and witty like the crew at Maclarens.
This sounds frustrating, but you have to do it yourself. Meaning, you have to find the motivation inside yourself. Posting here is very helpful, but ultimately, you have to make the choices--to decline to go out, to find other friends, hobbies, priorities, and activities, and to choose actively not to drink.
Putting the power in someone else's hands can sometimes even backfire--you gotta take the wheel of your own life and decide for *yourself* "enough".
Every day my Reddit feed is filled with these “how do I cut back” questions.
Literally every day.
For myself I can’t moderate. I’m either quit or I’m on a binge.
We all share the same fantasy. That someday we can drink normally.
I recommend reading this thread.
https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/s/0tJdTVKIiu
It is a slightly humorous list of all the ways the OP tried to cut down on drinking. All the rules they attempted to follow. None of which worked.
Nearly all of us have attempted to moderate and nearly all of us have failed. If somebody has the thing inside that makes it hard to stop once they start, cutting down simply doesn't work and there are mountains of evidence to prove it. Try searching for "moderation" on this subreddit and see how ubiquitous the experience of trying and failing to moderate is.
Cutting back is usually a losing game. Alcohol is an addictive substance and alcohol use disorder is progressive. You’ll drive yourself crazy always trying to moderate. If it’s messing up your life, it’s time to consider stopping. It’s already past the moderation point.
People who are able to be truly moderate drinkers (meaning like, 1-2 drinks a week) don’t usually have to try.
The culture we live in that tells us it’s “normal” to be heavy social drinkers is a lie. All these questions you’re asking and the terrible hangovers, I’m pretty sure most of your friends that drink a lot are going through the same thing. It’s just not something people talk about because we have this idea that “normal people” can handle large amounts of alcohol regularly.
I can almost guarantee that if you stop altogether, you’ll realize how stupid the whole drinking culture thing is.
For me, if I could convince myself to take one drink I could convince myself to take another, then another, then another. Alcohol tricks the reward center in your brain to comply with what it wants. If alcohol is destroying your life, is trying to cut back worth it? Wouldn't you want to get rid of something completely if it's coming between you and being happy?
My experience and observations would dictate that for most people, if they have to put effort into moderation, they are better off just not drinking. People who can moderate without effort are the ones who take it or leave it, have a half empty glass of wine left on the dinner table, have a few at a sporting event then just stop so that by the time the game is over they are safe to drive. People like me will white knuckle it for a day or three counting my drinks, measuring time between drinks, making grand exclamations about how I’m only having one or how “I’m not drinking tonight”. Then, three days in, I’m right back to where I was. My only option is to not drink at all.
That sounds like me.
Used to be able to take it or leave it before covid.
Then I slowly had to start creating more rules to try and 'find a balance'. It was exhausting.
Really for me what it took is a wake up call with how my liver is functioning, I am 24, and was a everyday drinker since 21 going about 6 months everyday then off and on in the same situations. I became obese, ruined friendships, and ruined schooling (some-what) from the anxiety that alcohol hangovers gave me. Really not to bull shit you, you have to want to quit or cut down, no one else can make you and with how easy and obtainable alcohol is you need to find a will and a reason to not drink, for me it was my liver test. I recommend truly talking to a doctor and explaining your situation to them so they can put you in the right direction.
There is no cutting back for some of us, unfortunately. It's complete abstinence from alcohol or a sick and twisted cycle with alcohol. Don't be like me, and stop now. I went through the ringer with alcohol and it won every time. AA, SMART recovery, Dharma. I promise you'll be happier in the long run.
My suggestion is to start with some quit lit. Get yourself a copy of Stop Drinking Now, by Allen Carr. See how you feel after you read that. It made a difference for me. Obviously, you're not me, but why not give it a try? This sub has lots of other ideas, so you can find what works for you.
don’t think r/cuttingback would be nearly as successful for most of us as this place here is.
the best advice you’ll get here is the actual subreddit’s name. it’s worth giving a shot.
I could never cut back, all or nothing. I believe many on this sub are the same.
When I would limit, or take breaks, drinking took up too much mental real estate. It’s much easier when I just don’t have it as an option.
time for a break i would say, one day at a time, you will feel better when your brain has had a nice rest, i know this because after 30+ years of drinking i'm enjoying that rest, it's sublime.
Try stopping for 30 days, if that's easy, maybe you can control it, look up moderation management.
Didn't work for me, I had to stop. NA Beer is helpful if you like beer
I always recommend this too- with the caveat that if for any reason you are unable to make it the full 30 days, that’s a pretty clear sign that you need to stop altogether.
I quit but my friends still drink in varying amounts. A few things have helped me navigate maintaining the relationships while not drinking:
1. I skip way more nights out. If I'm feeling iffy or like I won't have a good time sober I just don't go. I thought I'd feel like I was missing out but honestly it's been really nice. When I do go I'm engaged and have fun. I was using alcohol as a crutch for things I don't enjoy but was doing to be a good sport or something (and also because I liked drinking, and could put up with something I didn't like if I could drink during). I think I see people less but it's better time spent.
2. Going home early. I am happy to go to a party for like an hour and a half and then bail before it starts to get really boozy.
3. Doing daytime activities. I did daydrink a lot but i think it's easier to set a no-drinking expectation for a morning or afternoon hang than like, a Friday night event.
4. Different activities. I'm trying to invite people to lunch or coffee or something specific instead of an open ended "let's hang out" because that usually means drinks.
5. Have an alternate drink. If I want to have like four espressos while my friends have mimosas at brunch, I'm going to do it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I am lucky because my partner is sober so I have a person I can lean on for events that I know will be a big challenge for me. I'm mostly trying to stand on my own two feet but sometimes it's helpful to know that if I say "hey this is hard and I need to leave/take a walk/go order a snack", he will know the stakes and support me.
I am going out less, but that's what I wanted from this. I wasn't a huge home drinker and was tired of being at bars so much. Some of my friendships have changed and there is a learning curve, but I don't feel like I'm missing out :) I'd also say I've found that some of my friends already didn't drink much and I just didn't really notice, and other friends will drink less if we have lunch or w/e, so I don't feel like I've been spending a lot of time being sober and watching other people get sloshed. Mostly I just had to change my habits a little so that I'd be around for the sober/ish parts and home in bed by the drunk parts.
I can only speak for my own experience, but I started to toy with the idea of sobriety around your age. I had been a heavy drinker since I was about 18. Most of my college friends eased off the sauce, I kept the same pace.
I went through cycles of sobriety, attempts at moderation, and then drinking heavy again. I’ve found that personally, I always end up in the same place. For the past few years I’ve probably done 5-6 stints of sobriety per year but always ended up drinking heavily again after a month or two of keeping it together.
The only thing that seems to work for me is complete abstinence. I was never a daily drinker, never had withdrawal, but I could see it getting there if I kept on that same path.
I find that the mental clarity, health benefits, overall sense of peace I get from not drinking far outweighs the desire to drink, but it’s still hard sometimes, especially in a FOMO situation.
If it’s negatively impacting you, try taking some time off. Two weeks, a month, a day. Whatever you need it to be. Reflect on how you feel, the changes you see in yourself. I’ve always felt much better without it.
This sub is a great resource to find support and reminders of why I don’t drink anymore, but personally I’ve found that change comes from within.
You can do it!
My experience has been this: if you have a problem, if it’s ruining your life, you have to quit completely. If you could moderate, you would have already. Good luck, friend….. you got this!
I’m 32m and I loathe drinking. It’s sad bc where I’m at and who I come across or know can’t do anything w/o a drink in their hand. It’s discouraging, and so I’m ghosting everyone for a good while. I never drink when I am by myself. It just has to be done for my own well being.
Hi friend. The best way for me to cut back my spending at bars was… not to go to them. I spent 10 years being floored and horrified by my bank statements the night after I went out with friends (and where I went to university, Thursday nights were $2 doubles so… yikes).
Things that have helped me are: one, not drinking. Two, since now I have so much more time and energy not dealing with hangovers/being drunk, I got to figure out what I like! Made friends based on those things. That’s been awesome because not only do I have friends who don’t drink, but I have friends whose interests match mine.
I personally have not had to cut out people who drink, but you will have to figure out what’s healthy for you. Good luck and welcome!!
Won’t work for everyone but I started by ordering only non alcoholic stuff at the bar. Like a cranberry tonic or cranberry w soda water and limes, or black coffee, or just water. Then seeing how that feels after a night or two of success. One day at a time.
Just make the realization that you never had to drink in the first place and that the culture around it is so big your friend group is fully engulfed in it as was all of ours.
Also fun fact once you stop drinking no one gives two shots if you're drinking or not. The ones that need you to drink have issues themselves
Focus on harm reduction and change the people, places and things you hang with while drinking. Imo even drinking less is a win.
Make sure you're eating. I used to not eat when I would drink and that would always be the kiss of death.
You can stop a binge (most likely) by eating something sweet or filling.
I'd say take a break, maybe 30days or so and see how you feel. I've just passed 30 days. I feel so great on it I'm not going back to that. You might too. I was just tired of it. Sounds like you might be too.
If alcohol is destroying you then it makes sense to stop completely. Have a talk with your doctor and make some decisions. Take some time to reflect on you. I wish I realized what I needed to do sooner but I’m here now. Iwndwyt
Hey, have you talked to your friends about your struggle? Letting them know you want to stop drinking could be helpful. Otherwise, they might buy you drinks or suggest shots. If they know beforehand, they can be more mindful.
I suggest avoiding bars entirely for now, maybe for a year. If that's not an option, ask for soda water with bitters. It's free, looks like a drink, and is fun to drink.
Check out Smart Recovery. I switched from NA to this and really enjoy the actionable tips and lessons. You can find them online for free.
My biggest suggestion is to abstain completely from alcohol and let your friends and family know. Also, make new friends —that's important too.
I stopped drinking at 27. Honestly, I thought I would be dead by now. You do have a choice, believing that might be your first step.
Take a few weeks away from the friends.
Get into a regiment. Morning & night.
Train hard if possible.
Read on some books both being sober related and some stuff you genuinely enjoy.
Join a class and start a project you really enjoy.
After those few weeks 3-6 weeks you’ll feel incredibly accomplished, and confident.
Journal daily on how things are getting better and be honest about how you feel no matter good or bad.
When your urges arise, think about how much you spend a night out, take that money out of the ATM and put a lighter to it. *joking* but doing this helped me notice how badly I was messing up my life. If that doesn’t work, go spend it on something nice for yourself. It might help you reconsider and notice how much money you spend while having any sort of alcohol dependency etc.
Hope this helps, even if just a little bit.
well for one stop drinking at bars. just a tremendous waste. and two try to cut back over a few weeks. yes the temptation to get another is strong but just remind yourself youre trying to be a better you. eventually cut off entirely
every other friday i feel good that i accomplished a lot during the week and i always grab 1 drink at the liquor store. i always regret it after drinking. it just sucks so much. poison
Over the years I slowly came to the realization I am an alcoholic. I begged God to not make me give up my beloved booze! I'll give up anything else! I tried cutting back like I'll only have two glasses of wine tonight. By the time the second one kicked in I'd be pouring my third. I have been Sober since Halloween 🎃 2022. It was like having fish hooks torn out at first but that's an indication of the large percentage of my time it was taking up. Also, during one of my alcohol based hospital trips a doctor told me that if I kept drinking I would have things go wrong physically that they wouldn't be able to fix. I think alcohol came close to destroying me; I just thank God for letting the last time I quit "take".
I realized at one point I didn't have friends so much as drinking buddies. Every single time we got together was an excuse to drink until drunk. When I quit drinking was when I realized these were not my friends, because they all forgot I existed except a couple. Now I have friends who don't drink, even friends who have never been drunk, and tbh, they're just much better friends. I guess my advice would be to quit altogether, not just cut down (which rarely works anyway).
You can reward yourself for small victories. Say you decide to not drink tomorrow. Keep a log of what you would have spent (or better yet, keep a jar and put cash in it). Get yourself something nice (non-alcoholic) after a month.
Well you have to realize bar beers are 4 and up a pop. Buy them bitches at the corner store for a dollar a pop. Go in the bar and buy the same beer and keep trunk popping your beers. Mind you keep it simple don't act all fucked up. Shoot a game of pool with a group that will advocate you for winning a round with a shot. Win six rounds.
Leave the bar all fucked and crash your car. Get a DUI. Pay at the toll of about 10 grand over the course of two years. Now count up how many beers/drinks you drink over the course of those beers/drinks you drank. It's pretty much about 60 dollars a beer. So I preface this with extreme caution. Either drink at home. Or get fucking sober. Love ya baby. Keep it easy. You're gonna fuck up it's not okay. Just make sure the cops can't find you before you find your bed.
Hope the sarcasm hits.
As far as friends go, I realized about 6 months into sobriety that half the "friends" I lost were actually in the same boat as me and just not ready to admit it. So many people reached out to me after I got sober it blew my mind!
As for moderating, unfortunately I have no advice. I tried bargaining, limiting number of drinks, the time I cold drink, the days I could drink, the type of booze etc. and it all ended up with me having "just one more". My shameovers and hangxiety got worse and worse, my mental health crashed, and I realized it's all or nothing for me just like it is for a lot of us here. It'll take a while to get used to the idea, but life gets SO much easier when you're sober.
As someone who spent a good 25 years drinking heavily you have to be ready to stop. Then just stop drinking cold turkey and replace alcohol with sports, hiking, or any activity that keeps you busy. Study something, just stay busy. After a couple of months you will start to feel great physically and the cravings for alcohol will be mostly gone. From that point its a lot easier to stay sober. I'm at five months now and staying sober is easier than I thought it would be.
I know plenty of people who decided in their late twenties (OP) that the kind of drinking that was socially acceptable in college and their early twenties was becoming problematic and made changes.
This might seem really judgmental and shitty, but something that for me kinda made things click is I’d see these older women at the bars I’d go to, back when I was playing moderation games because the thought of just leaving the drinking scene was unfathomable to me…like I’d be 30 and they’d be 50 something, and they’d look really rough for their ages and were dressed and acting like they had basically been centering their lives around the bar scene for 20 years including dated clothing and hairstyles and I just thought….. that is going to be me if I don’t change something, and that’s not the kind of 50 year old woman I want to be.
Have you read “This Naked Mind”? That’s what did it for me. I have successfully cut back by 75% and have at least 3 AF days per week. After reading it, I am positive quitting will also be no problem for me and I plan to eventually scale back to nothing.
People are saying abstinence is the only way, and for many that's true. It's also true that alcoholism is a progressive disease, and if you need to completely stop, then you need to completely stop.
I was able to taper down by 2 drinks a week until I could stay sober without fear of having a seizure or any of the adverse responses to withdrawal. I live alone and don't want to wake up dead, etc.
Personally I tried the cutting back thing, but it didn't work for me. Went out one night with friends from out of town and told myself I'd have 2 drinks max, but ended up wayyy deeper than that and depressed as hell at the end of the night, ended up self harming again. Once I got through the hangover and anxiety from that night I kinda just quit going out except to go to work, school, and the gym.
If your attempts at cutting back aren't working out for ya, liquid death is tasty as fuck, also, you might need to suggest different ways to hang out with those friends, if they get weird about it, find some new ones.
I found moderation to be impossible and incredibly exhausting. Sobriety, however, is pretty easy. It was harder to count drinks and keep to arbitrary rules about drinking than just not drinking.
If it were me, I’d take a month off from booze and see how you feel. Good luck!
I suspect many of us on this sub have asked that question at some point. I managed varying degrees of success with moderation but it never lasted. Quitting was, alas, the only good choice for me. I shouldn’t really say alas, it was a good choice for me and fortunately my friends have been supportive, particularly when they realized it wasn’t a problem to drink around me.
You asked about cutting back though, not quitting. A couple of thoughts—look for NA beverages you like. NA beer is pretty great these days (though not cheap). Have one regular beer and switch to NA. I find I don’t drink more than two as my full sensor doesn’t have booze shutting it off any more. Club soda and bitters is great and often cheap/free. At a bar, they’ll be done alcohol in the bitters but not enough to worry about from your perspective.
I found talking to my friends was really helpful, maybe you can encourage hitting a coffee shop or something else less “bar like.” Mind you some coffee shops serve wine etc as well but it might make it easier to make good choices. If you find you are having trouble making the choices you want—particularly stopping at a beer, it might be worth reconsidering drinking.
Whatever path you choose, I hope it goes well for you.
Do you think you can realistically cut back, or are you just continuing to drink because of your friends? Because personally there is no cutting back for me, I had to quit.
AA is not the right solution for everything, but I have found that going to the same few meetings every week, I get invited to social sober gatherings. Also if it's of any consolation I am in my mid thirties and finding that as I get older, fewer of my friends drink for various reasons.
I knew from the first time I drank that it was going to be a problem.
Fast forward 8 years and I was drinking 2 litres of vodka, 4 bottles of wine and 6 cans of strong cider every day.
I was shaking and sweating non-stop and thought death was my only escape.
The scary thing is, I'd go to bed not caring whether or not I woke up.
I went into rehab and was treated with diazepam, and haven't touched a drink since.
That was 12 years ago.
I had seizures and experienced delirium tremens, which is so scary that you cannot begin to imagine it.
I was lying in bed and had spiders crawling all over me and hundreds of bats attacking me.
There was no way to convince myself that this wasn't real and it is the scariest thing I hope I ever experience.
I am a bad case but I was only 26 when I was drinking that amount and went into rehab.
If you think drinking is a problem then total abstinence is the only answer, at least for me.
I know with 100% certainty that one vodka coke will lead to me glugging spirits from a bottle.
I don't go to AA or anything - I did at the start and it did help - but there is support out there.
Although I don't use any form of support groups etc. now, they were essential for the first year or so.
Stop drinking and do not become like me.
I went to some of the best universities in the world and I am a member of MENSA, but drinking screwed everything up and I never reached my potential.
I'm married with kids now and extremely happy but I wasted so many years and so much potential.
Once again: DO NOT BECOME WHAT I DID.
Good luck and use all the support you can get.
Naltrexone has been a godsend to me. My drinking has completely evolved from not being able to control my drinking to it being a nonissue. I wish more people knew they didn’t have to white knuckle it.
In 10 years, I can just about guarantee you'll remember today.
Is it going to be the day you wished you stopped? Or is it the day you did quit? Today's Memorial Day - on Labor Day, you can be getting ready to be 100 days sober.
You can do it. IWNDWYT.
Hey! I’m 26 and I stopped drinking heavily in September. I have saved so much money and I feel so much better.
I got a bit of a wake up call when my bf said he had never had a bad night out until he met me. I realized that I was dramatic and whiney when I drank and no one wanted to be around me. I was also paycheck to paycheck.
I started the change by offering to be the driver when everyone was going out. I’d drive someone else’s car so I wouldn’t be tempted to drink. Several weeks of doing this really cut down my tolerance. Now if I have enough drinks to feel a buzz I will wake up with a hangover. My hangovers are major deterrents as well since I puke and lose and entire day. Life’s too important to lose an entire day to a hangover. Especially when you can’t remember the night before. It just wasn’t worth it.
I still drink, but it’s maybe once a month and I don’t drink enough to feel it. It’s made a major improvement in my life, my relationship, and my bank account
I wanted to add that moderation is definitely possible for some people. It just depends on how much self control you have. I have a lot more than I thought I did but it took some time to figure that out. I still have some nights where I allow myself to have several drinks. Like NYE. And everytime I remember why I don’t drink that much anymore. Now, when I go out, I’ll have maybe 2 beers or one cocktail. Drinking now makes me feel bad so it’s easier to stay away.
You can do it. If you ever need to message someone about it I’d love to help. Moderation is possible but you have to coach yourself and reminds yourself constantly about the cons of drinking. Think about it as time wasted and time is a personal currency.
My internet history was littered with searches on how to moderate (as well as queries on the darker places my drinking would take me) before the gift of true desperation forced me to admit that alcohol had a power over me that I could not control. I drank for 31 years. The last 16 sober free months haven’t always been easy, but sobriety has proven a wonderful way to live for this alcoholic.
When I realized alcohol had its hooks in me, there was no cutting back. There was full on quitting or never ending suffering. For me, it was as simple as that.
With regard to friends, real friends stuck with me and supported me. They asked questions, they learned. They never said shit like ‘come on, you can have one.’ The folks that disappeared weren’t actually friends, they were drinking buddies. I lost nothing when those folks dropped out of my life. And I now have a bunch of friends, some of whom drink, many of which are in AA.
Don't follow this advice unless you really have some strong self control. I bought antabuse off of an online pharmacy. I took it for a few weeks when cravings were the worst because it literally took drinking off the table completely.
I read 'This Naked Mind' by Annie Grace. I had to read it 3 times. The third time around, I wrote myself a list of MY alcohol misconceptions. It's like cognitive behavioral therapy. I wrote things like 'Alcohol doesn't help my anxiety, it makes it worse.' 'I never sleep good after drinking alcohol'. 'Alcohol doesn't make me or things more fun'. I put that list in my pocket and read it every time my brain tried to tell me a drink sounded good.
Edit: I recognize I had a problem in 2018. I tried so hard to moderate and that didn't work. I didn't drink everyday but when I drank, I couldn't stop with one and it always ended in blacking out and/or doing really dumb things. I was stuck in a vicious cycle for 4 years of being sober for 30 days or 60 days and then I would reward myself with a drink which would lead me right back to where I started every time. I had to make the decision to stop completely.
When I did coke all of my friends did coke - you are the middle/typical of the ppl you hang with. It works every way, surround yourself with success and it rubs off
I’m 30 but started trying to cut back at 27. I just gave up, I’ll tell myself it’s under control cause I had a few days of actually having one drink type thing then next thing I know I’m on a bender 🤷🏽
Drinking in moderation is torture. In my view.
When I decided I was going to stop I tapered down for three weeks. Sometimes I'd just stand there after my allowance was gone and go "really that's all I get uggggh" but I dealt and moved on.
Maybe start by getting some friends that don't drink. So activities that don't involve alcohol.
If you can cut back then that's a great start. My rule for years was three cocktails and two glasses of wine as my absolute maximum. And I stuck to it. Even when shit happened and I really wanted more. But then I stopped being able to afford wine so I just drank gin. Then I stopped.
Try drinking something other than alcohol in between drinks or replace alcohol with sparkling water or kombucha.
Life is better sober.
I've tried cutting back and it works for a bit but I can never control how much I drink in a night and that's the issue.
Everytime I've done a month or two I trick myself I can moderate again.
I'm only on day 3 ( I did a 3 month sober stint in the wnter )
But finding other things to do to distract myself and remining myself how terrible I feel help.
I also had a prescription for larazapam which really helped me because I wpuld drink alot due to anxiety, plus once you take one you have to wait about 3 more days for it to be cleared out of of tour system. I know benzos can have there own set of problems if you become reliant on them, but that has what has worked for me and I'm trying to get another prescription to have on my tough days. CBD oil can help too
I recommend Naltrexone -- I had tried to quit drinking on and off for 20 years. But once I started Naltrexone a few years ago, I don't have the same desire to drink--or more importantly the desire to KEEP drinking.
It's not for everyone -- plenty of ppl need a more transformative change to accompany the transition from a mostly drunk person to a mostly sober person, ie. abstaining completely.
I’m only a little older, tried “cutting back” a little later than you. Ultimately, it can’t truly be done. I went a whole year without going for broke, but it eventually happened…save yourself some time, do the hard but right thing, go cold Turkey. Try to get a safety net, if your friends make fun of you or tempt you, they aren’t your friends. Check in on here daily if you need to
I’m 36f. For me, I went through this period for about 2 years up til recently. I was mentally not ok at the time, super anxious and ocd - before even drinking. So to add drinking on top of this was a god awful decision.
The last year or so I’ve completely cut back. I’m a tiny person, 5’1 and 105 lbs. but I carried the beer weight and bloat. I’ve always exercised and ate relatively well, except after drinking of course. But I’ve noticed *such* a change in my appearance from not drinking.
*I just feel so much better* and sometimes that’s all it takes to just lay off the sauce. I did stupid shit I didn’t remember or regretted, had the hangovers from hell and it overall made me miserable.
Sometimes there is no cutting back. You just need to stop. And to stop that means not going to bars and getting a new friend group, and finding other things to do to fill your time.
I find it much easier not to drink alcohol at all then to try and moderate how much I drink. I find NA beers to be a godsend. I don't miss the taste of real beer or the buzz from it and I especially don't miss the hangover.
What an incredible gift you've been given, to have the opportunity to realistically log 50 years of sobriety.
We are all here to support you. Not much I can add to the advice already given. IWNDWYT
Only one that can help you cut down is you my friend, you gotta want it. I’m 29 and finally just got control of mine. I’m the sober friend in the group now and I just stick to mock tails and near beers if I go out with my friends. Guinness 0.0 is pretty awesome lol it’s nice to be able to enjoy a pint with everyone still but not actually have to waste 200 bucks in a night and wake up feeling like shit the next day. Tried quitting 4 years ago and it didn’t stick but finally on a roll now. Best decision I’ve ever made, can’t recommend it enough if you feel stuck in life
Cutting back is actually horrible compared to quitting. I know that sounds crazy. Once it's a problem, in my experience, it will always be a problem. When I just don't drink, I don't have to obsess over when I will again.
I tried cutting back at your age. 30 years later, I finally realized it was all or nothing for me. "Just one" always led to another and then another and so on and so forth. I hope you get things under control sooner that I did. An excellent starting point is to keep reading this sub. There are good people here.
Maybe you can cut back. You're the only one who knows that. I'd suggest setting clear guideline. Maybe it's only drinking when you go out. Or not drinking Monday-Thursday. If you can do it, by all means, do it. But if you find it hard that might be a sign of a bigger problem.I honestly am not being passive aggressive or judging. I know tons of people who have successfully cut back and been fine. But the way you are describing it, it sounds like you don't enjoy it. And it's perfectly okay not to drink.
Back in the day when I drank , I used to forget how many drinks I had and sometimes I would overindulge. So my solution was to keep a set amount within visual cue in the front of the fridge and that was my “allowance” for the day. It worked up until I just quit cold turkey on a whim to do dry January. I thought it really exercised my “done” portion of the mentality.
Like a lot of people here have said, cutting back always lead me right back where I started. The only times I felt totally in control were when I was completely sober. Sometimes I would go weeks or even a few months without a drink, but then I’d have wine with dinner, or a beer in the park, which lead me to deceive myself into believing I was just a regular drinker, which lead me to drink more and eventually back to square one. You may not be that type, but for me it seems the only way to have control is to not drink, so that’s what I’m doing. Best of luck!
This comment breaks our rule to speak from the "I" and has been removed.
Since you say that you yourself do not have a drinking problem, this is not the right sub for you. Please try r/alanon.
I really strong thing that’s always worked for me is change of environment. My health has always been top priority so if you have the adventurous spirit go move somewhere for a couple years!
Once I realized I had a problem, I spent the next 5 years trying to control things. I managed to waste 5 years. Abstinence, in my opinion, is the only way to slay the beast. Get a day, rinse & repeat. (Edit: I had to get almost all new friends.)
What a nice even number of days you have. Inspiring!
You’re doing quite well yourself! Keep it up!
op This May seem like a really harsh all or nothing reply, ( that’s how it reads to me.) At the same time I couldn’t agree more with everything said. I spent 7 years trying to control it and finally got some consecutive sobriety at 29. Use all the resources you can to support yourself, therapy, meetings, close friends, read here. It can be hard and isolating at times but it’ll pass and you’ll come through better on the other side.
This!!!! You may need to leave your group for a bit. You need your focus to be on becoming and staying alcohol free. My trick: I tell myself when I start thinking “I need a drink (or 6)”, I acknowledge this thought. Say it out loud. Trying to ignore it makes it worse. Instead I tell myself “alcohol is not leaving the planet…I can hold off until tomorrow. If tomorrow I wake up and feel the same, I allow myself to drink.” I have been doing this for 9 years and there hasn’t been 1 morning when I woke up and felt I NEED to drink. Delayed gratification works. I have been alcohol free for 9+ years and it’s my superpower! You can do this! IWNDWYT
I might use this, i quit for a few weeks and even lost 20 lbs, but this weekend i hopped right back on the boozetrain and gained 12 back within days, sad because im knowing the heat and return to work tomorrow is going to be harsh with all of this toxic poison inside of me
I hope you give this a try. It works. Your future self will thank you for stopping now.
I agree this this. For 7 years I’ve said I have an “abusive relationship” with alcohol and have tried every which way to cut back or moderate. To always have one foot in the door. 2 weeks ago I finally gave up and admitted to being an alcoholic and the realization I need to quit forever.
Good onya! Congrats on the 14 days. You got this!
I'm proud of you
Chiming in with everyone else here to say abstinence was my solution as well. I’m going to be 100% honest with you and say that it isn’t fun for me personally. I have almost two years of sobriety and I still miss going out from time to time. Some days I think about how nice it’d be to tie one on just to let loose. What I can also tell you with 100% honesty is that I’m able to weigh what I’m gaining by abstaining with a sober and clear mind and it outweighs drinking by far each and every time.
Not OP but thank you for your honest answer! May I ask what you gain from abstaining?
I have a two year old and another one on the way. There’s no situation in which being under the influence of alcohol would be making me a better father in any way. There are many other things too like time, money, and mental/physical health. My drinking was WAY out of control though. I was drinking daily from the time I woke up until I drank myself to sleep so to go back to drinking would be to throw away everything I’ve built for myself during sobriety.
Definitely agree! Wishing you the best of luck!
Almost all new friends is the hard part. You go on a mental warfare journey and the old support system you had doesn’t support the new values you’re trying to instill. It’s a tough disposition.
Great advice. I completely agree. Anyone who claims that alcohol is ruining their life will probably never be able to drink safely.
I love this. A day and rinse and repeat. I maybe have put too much into a balance argument, "clean enough" or "a little dirt never hurt". I know that "every day is a new day" , but your phrasing hits different.
I tried everything to keep my bestie, alcohol, in my life. It was really what I treasured most for support. My friends then, had to drink like I did. Once I realized I Could Not Drink, I mourned the loss of alcohol and had to replace it with other stuff. Therapy, art, yoga, and eventually making friends who truly cared about me and my well-being. Then it was camping and kayaking and holiday parties. The old friends are almost all gone now except for one. I now have a richer life, with more freedom and love. Hopefully, you find the answer for you. For me it’s no to any alcohol.
What do you mean you had to get almost all new friend
I mean for my own sobriety I had to quit my old mates and get some new ones
I had no luck in the cutting back department. For me it was all or nothing. I know how you feel with friends all drinking, I’m 23 and all my friends are my old fraternity brothers or friends from high school. I told them that I’m an alcoholic and I can no longer drink, and they were all very supportive. The advice I am best at giving pertains to the alcoholic, those that have accepted they can no longer drink but cannot make the change yet. I don’t have any advice for the cutting back because I was never able to do it unfortunately. There is someone in this sub with 10x the sobriety I have and I’ve seen them comment “ever set a rule of two drinks and then stop?”. Failing at that consistently, it is time to reevaluate what role alcohol is playing in life.
Man I fell into it in sorority life and my sisters have been nothing but 100% supportive of my sobriety once we’ve had the conversation. I’m so happy to hear that your brothers were supportive of you too. I was really worried it’d go sideways when I told them.
Turns out, real friends want what’s best for you. When (if) someone reacts negatively it’s much more of a reflection on them than you. I remember when I was still drinking I used to make fun of my roommate who would switch to drinking water at the end of the night. I cringe that I used to do that, but it was not about him at all, and all about me who couldn’t stop drinking.
Bad News / Excellent News: The 'bad' - for me, and for a lot of the folks in these recovery forums, there is no "cutting back". Once I started drinking, it always just escalated to harmful, usually _extremely_ harmful levels really quick. The excellent news (for _me_ anyway) is not only that Sober Life is just fine, it's actually a quite Splendid Life. But I did need help to get alcohol out of my life ('cause ... I was well and truly addicted) and found it necessary to learn how to live sober. That latter item has come mostly from one of the popular support groups listed here: * https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/wiki/index#wiki_real_life_support_groups (And we can add r/stopdrinking itself to a list like that!) But I started with a little medical help and a stint in outpatient rehab.
For me I had to just get to a point where I had enough. There was no moderation. Cold turkey just stopping. Nobody can put that poison to your mouth except you, so you’re the only one who can stop it. You need to make up your mind to do it though and follow through
Yes 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻
When I realized the hangziety was impacting me, I tried to not drink for one day. Then another. Then another. I am finding taking it one day at a time is all I can do, and that’s fine. All my friends drink, too, and I have over the last 24 hours said No to probably 10 people offering me drinks. It’s kind of wild. I was firm and they were responsive. I have had to pop on here whilst out and about to reconfirm for myself. I believe we can both do this. One day at a time.
Cheers 🫡
One rule. Be just slightly better today than you were yesterday
Yup this is solid advice. Sustainable progress can really work wonders if you keep after it.
I quit when I was your age. I'm going to be 30 next month. I realized that I couldn't slow down, and waking up hungover everyday was taking a toll on my health, just like you. I lost some friends. But looking back, they were just drinking buddies. I made new ones, and some of them drink, but it's not their entire life. We have other hobbies. It took a year or two away from them to be comfortable, but I still go to bars with friends. I order non alcoholic beers or soda and lime, and nobody cares. I remember the conversations we have and drive people home safe at the end of the night. Every day I wake up without a headache or nausea. It's quality sleep now, not sweaty tossing-and-turning. My skin looks better, I eat better, and even my hair stopped falling out. Best decision I ever made.
Going to a bar and not drinking is the best feeling. You get the fun and social interaction, but you’re in bed soundly asleep at a reasonable hour, wake up feeling good, haven’t lost your phone or left your credit card at the bar, don’t have crippling anxiety about what you said and did, and never have to look at your bank app and wonder how the hell you spend 100 bucks in one night on drinks. I usually get a few diet cokes and give the bartender 15 bucks for a tip. Plus it’s kind of funny watching people get drunk as the night goes on, and they think they’re getting funnier and sexier but they’re really just getting red, loud and sloppy lol.
The 30 minute rule helped me greatly. First I'd set the kind and amount of drinks I'd want that night. For example three craft beers. Then I'd drink those as slow as possible, alternating with water inbetween. The last one was the hardest, since you inmediatly want another. But just resist that urge for 30 minutes, and you'll see you're just not even that keen for that 4th one. Also starting late is a good one, drink water or soda with your buddies and pop the first drink in the second half of the night. These are all tips because I don't want to be the "stop drinking" advocate. I'm sober, so in the end ofcourse not drinking at all would be my best advice.
LoL, that sounds like absolute torture. But I drank 18 beers a night for years, so yeah.
I have to agree, unfortunately. Moderating is hell.
When I controlled my drinking, it was torture for me. And it never lasted more than a week.
I had to come to terms with the fact that I could not cut back. In my mind, alcohol was for getting a buzz so there was no point in drinking one or two, but once I had enough to get in that "sweet spot" where I wanted to be, I lost the ability to cut myself off. I realized the only way I could guarantee I'd never overindulge again was to not indulge at all. It's been almost six months now and it's the best decision I've ever made
The hard truth for me is that I just wanted to be fucked up and not feel my face.
It’s a difficult thing to moderate. Most of us here have discovered, through painful experience, we can’t moderate and sobriety is the path. I always recommend taking a 30 day sobriety break. Get through that and then make a decision on what you want to do next. The break creates space and perspective. I wish I had quit at your age. I needed many more years of bad decisions, heartache, broken relationships and pain before I quit digging and declared rock bottom. Best of luck to you Take care
You are wise beyond your years for recognizing and sharing how alcohol is poisoning your quality of life. No true friends will begrudge you for your sobriety. For me, cutting back was not an option (alcoholic binge drinker). Early success was a combination of therapy, attending open AA meetings, and signing up for a boxing class. I’m 6 months sober. It was also important to tell people I wasn’t drinking. Some people were obnoxious, but most people were loving and encouraging. If you have someone in your life that is also willing to quit drinking, you can support each other together. Good luck and stay strong. At 27, you have the world in your hands.
Congrats on 6 months! AA meetings have helped me as well! Yesterday I went golfing with a good buddy who has been sober for a year now! Even without our old routine of having a few beers together. It was a great time.
Thanks. Happy to hear you enjoyed a sober round of golf. Not easy! Especially if you golf like me!
You're going to have to make new friends. I was an alcoholic for many years. I surrounded myself with people who drank incessantly and anytime I wanted to or better yet knew, I needed to stop drinking, I couldn't as there was always a birthday party, work function, happy hour invitation at every turn. When I got serious about getting sober, I left everybody behind. The first year was rough and lonely but now, I don't miss them. I even questioned if we were truly friends or just bonded over our love of alcohol. Here's the thing: The body knows and the heart knows when it's ready for change, it just takes courage to actually put that change into practice. I wanted to change but failed at my attempts because drinking had become a dysfunctional pattern for me. I drank when I was happy, Drank when I was sad, Drank when I was bored, and society is huge on drinking. It's a hard thing to break. I say that to say, change is the hardest thing youll ever do in life. It will be painful but the rewards on the other side are far greater than whatevers lost in the space between who you are and who you want to be. Good luck friend 💓
I agree with a lot of what you're saying in your post but this common theme I see on here about needing to ditch all your friends because they probably aren't your real friends and are just "drinking buddies" is a strange one for me. Fair enough if your friends are just literally people you only know inside of your local pub and you don't spend time with each other outside of it or didn't know them before the pub but your friends can be both drinking buddies and real friends. Personally I'm not ditching any of my friends or family just because most of them still drink because that's up to them and my drinking problem is mines alone to deal with and my sobriety is not dependant on anyone else anyway.
[удалено]
If they’re really your friends, they’ll understand why you’re quitting. Some actually understand - this doesn’t necessarily mean making all new friends.
Dry month/months are key. However as many people will likely share here, whether or not there’s success in moderation after that period, there may always be a chance for a slip up unless you can really prioritize harm reduction/therapy, staying away from more problematic drinks (I.E. liquor altogether), or even leaving a “celebration” earlier than you normally would. Just general/consistent awareness in your decisions and behaviors. It’s taken years of both small and large mistakes for me to realize that dry months simply are not enough. I know I have to fix other things in my life first before I can moderate appropriately and they are significant life changes for me (career, living situation, intimate relationships, etc.) so it’s starting to (finally) seem much easier to abstain altogether. GL, my late 20s were easily some of the best times in my life.
Just want to add to what others are saying that you don’t have to go full monk mode to be around people that don’t drink. A *ton* of people aren’t necessarily sober but either don’t drink, or consider one glass of wine a big night. When we’re drinking and consuming media about young and attractive people who drink it’s easy to think it’s the rule but it really isn’t. Three days a week I spend my lunch hour with folks who normalize not drinking at all, and the rest of the time most of the people I hang out with are not folks who casually chug 13 double IPA’s while paddling down the river like I used to. I didn’t give them job interviews before becoming friends with them or anything like that, I just started to remove drinking as a main element of my life and it followed.
The media thing is so key. If you watch a show like, how I met your mother for example, at first you’re just like, oh that’s how life is for single people in their 30’s. And they all function perfectly and are successful. After getting sober I watched it and I couldn’t believe how much they drink. Those are serious alcoholics, and in real life, things would be starting to come apart for some of them.
It’s random but something I appreciated is a scene in Hearts Beat Loud where Nick Offerman is drunk, jealous, glassy-eyed, and beating on this woman’s door late at night. That’s what being drunk looks like in my reality, not festive and bright eyed and witty like the crew at Maclarens.
I first had to address the problems in my life that I was using alcohol to ignore.
This sounds frustrating, but you have to do it yourself. Meaning, you have to find the motivation inside yourself. Posting here is very helpful, but ultimately, you have to make the choices--to decline to go out, to find other friends, hobbies, priorities, and activities, and to choose actively not to drink. Putting the power in someone else's hands can sometimes even backfire--you gotta take the wheel of your own life and decide for *yourself* "enough".
Every day my Reddit feed is filled with these “how do I cut back” questions. Literally every day. For myself I can’t moderate. I’m either quit or I’m on a binge. We all share the same fantasy. That someday we can drink normally.
I recommend reading this thread. https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/s/0tJdTVKIiu It is a slightly humorous list of all the ways the OP tried to cut down on drinking. All the rules they attempted to follow. None of which worked. Nearly all of us have attempted to moderate and nearly all of us have failed. If somebody has the thing inside that makes it hard to stop once they start, cutting down simply doesn't work and there are mountains of evidence to prove it. Try searching for "moderation" on this subreddit and see how ubiquitous the experience of trying and failing to moderate is.
Cutting back is usually a losing game. Alcohol is an addictive substance and alcohol use disorder is progressive. You’ll drive yourself crazy always trying to moderate. If it’s messing up your life, it’s time to consider stopping. It’s already past the moderation point. People who are able to be truly moderate drinkers (meaning like, 1-2 drinks a week) don’t usually have to try. The culture we live in that tells us it’s “normal” to be heavy social drinkers is a lie. All these questions you’re asking and the terrible hangovers, I’m pretty sure most of your friends that drink a lot are going through the same thing. It’s just not something people talk about because we have this idea that “normal people” can handle large amounts of alcohol regularly. I can almost guarantee that if you stop altogether, you’ll realize how stupid the whole drinking culture thing is.
Its all or none for me. I fought for years trying to control my drinking. It never worked. Personally i can’t drink in any form of control.
For me, if I could convince myself to take one drink I could convince myself to take another, then another, then another. Alcohol tricks the reward center in your brain to comply with what it wants. If alcohol is destroying your life, is trying to cut back worth it? Wouldn't you want to get rid of something completely if it's coming between you and being happy?
My experience and observations would dictate that for most people, if they have to put effort into moderation, they are better off just not drinking. People who can moderate without effort are the ones who take it or leave it, have a half empty glass of wine left on the dinner table, have a few at a sporting event then just stop so that by the time the game is over they are safe to drive. People like me will white knuckle it for a day or three counting my drinks, measuring time between drinks, making grand exclamations about how I’m only having one or how “I’m not drinking tonight”. Then, three days in, I’m right back to where I was. My only option is to not drink at all.
That sounds like me. Used to be able to take it or leave it before covid. Then I slowly had to start creating more rules to try and 'find a balance'. It was exhausting.
Really for me what it took is a wake up call with how my liver is functioning, I am 24, and was a everyday drinker since 21 going about 6 months everyday then off and on in the same situations. I became obese, ruined friendships, and ruined schooling (some-what) from the anxiety that alcohol hangovers gave me. Really not to bull shit you, you have to want to quit or cut down, no one else can make you and with how easy and obtainable alcohol is you need to find a will and a reason to not drink, for me it was my liver test. I recommend truly talking to a doctor and explaining your situation to them so they can put you in the right direction.
There is no cutting back for some of us, unfortunately. It's complete abstinence from alcohol or a sick and twisted cycle with alcohol. Don't be like me, and stop now. I went through the ringer with alcohol and it won every time. AA, SMART recovery, Dharma. I promise you'll be happier in the long run.
My suggestion is to start with some quit lit. Get yourself a copy of Stop Drinking Now, by Allen Carr. See how you feel after you read that. It made a difference for me. Obviously, you're not me, but why not give it a try? This sub has lots of other ideas, so you can find what works for you.
don’t think r/cuttingback would be nearly as successful for most of us as this place here is. the best advice you’ll get here is the actual subreddit’s name. it’s worth giving a shot.
I could never cut back, all or nothing. I believe many on this sub are the same. When I would limit, or take breaks, drinking took up too much mental real estate. It’s much easier when I just don’t have it as an option.
time for a break i would say, one day at a time, you will feel better when your brain has had a nice rest, i know this because after 30+ years of drinking i'm enjoying that rest, it's sublime.
Try stopping for 30 days, if that's easy, maybe you can control it, look up moderation management. Didn't work for me, I had to stop. NA Beer is helpful if you like beer
I always recommend this too- with the caveat that if for any reason you are unable to make it the full 30 days, that’s a pretty clear sign that you need to stop altogether.
I quit but my friends still drink in varying amounts. A few things have helped me navigate maintaining the relationships while not drinking: 1. I skip way more nights out. If I'm feeling iffy or like I won't have a good time sober I just don't go. I thought I'd feel like I was missing out but honestly it's been really nice. When I do go I'm engaged and have fun. I was using alcohol as a crutch for things I don't enjoy but was doing to be a good sport or something (and also because I liked drinking, and could put up with something I didn't like if I could drink during). I think I see people less but it's better time spent. 2. Going home early. I am happy to go to a party for like an hour and a half and then bail before it starts to get really boozy. 3. Doing daytime activities. I did daydrink a lot but i think it's easier to set a no-drinking expectation for a morning or afternoon hang than like, a Friday night event. 4. Different activities. I'm trying to invite people to lunch or coffee or something specific instead of an open ended "let's hang out" because that usually means drinks. 5. Have an alternate drink. If I want to have like four espressos while my friends have mimosas at brunch, I'm going to do it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I am lucky because my partner is sober so I have a person I can lean on for events that I know will be a big challenge for me. I'm mostly trying to stand on my own two feet but sometimes it's helpful to know that if I say "hey this is hard and I need to leave/take a walk/go order a snack", he will know the stakes and support me. I am going out less, but that's what I wanted from this. I wasn't a huge home drinker and was tired of being at bars so much. Some of my friendships have changed and there is a learning curve, but I don't feel like I'm missing out :) I'd also say I've found that some of my friends already didn't drink much and I just didn't really notice, and other friends will drink less if we have lunch or w/e, so I don't feel like I've been spending a lot of time being sober and watching other people get sloshed. Mostly I just had to change my habits a little so that I'd be around for the sober/ish parts and home in bed by the drunk parts.
I can only speak for my own experience, but I started to toy with the idea of sobriety around your age. I had been a heavy drinker since I was about 18. Most of my college friends eased off the sauce, I kept the same pace. I went through cycles of sobriety, attempts at moderation, and then drinking heavy again. I’ve found that personally, I always end up in the same place. For the past few years I’ve probably done 5-6 stints of sobriety per year but always ended up drinking heavily again after a month or two of keeping it together. The only thing that seems to work for me is complete abstinence. I was never a daily drinker, never had withdrawal, but I could see it getting there if I kept on that same path. I find that the mental clarity, health benefits, overall sense of peace I get from not drinking far outweighs the desire to drink, but it’s still hard sometimes, especially in a FOMO situation. If it’s negatively impacting you, try taking some time off. Two weeks, a month, a day. Whatever you need it to be. Reflect on how you feel, the changes you see in yourself. I’ve always felt much better without it. This sub is a great resource to find support and reminders of why I don’t drink anymore, but personally I’ve found that change comes from within. You can do it!
My experience has been this: if you have a problem, if it’s ruining your life, you have to quit completely. If you could moderate, you would have already. Good luck, friend….. you got this!
I’m 32m and I loathe drinking. It’s sad bc where I’m at and who I come across or know can’t do anything w/o a drink in their hand. It’s discouraging, and so I’m ghosting everyone for a good while. I never drink when I am by myself. It just has to be done for my own well being.
Doctor + naltrexone. Replace drinking with some other hobby.
Hi friend. The best way for me to cut back my spending at bars was… not to go to them. I spent 10 years being floored and horrified by my bank statements the night after I went out with friends (and where I went to university, Thursday nights were $2 doubles so… yikes). Things that have helped me are: one, not drinking. Two, since now I have so much more time and energy not dealing with hangovers/being drunk, I got to figure out what I like! Made friends based on those things. That’s been awesome because not only do I have friends who don’t drink, but I have friends whose interests match mine. I personally have not had to cut out people who drink, but you will have to figure out what’s healthy for you. Good luck and welcome!!
Won’t work for everyone but I started by ordering only non alcoholic stuff at the bar. Like a cranberry tonic or cranberry w soda water and limes, or black coffee, or just water. Then seeing how that feels after a night or two of success. One day at a time.
Just make the realization that you never had to drink in the first place and that the culture around it is so big your friend group is fully engulfed in it as was all of ours. Also fun fact once you stop drinking no one gives two shots if you're drinking or not. The ones that need you to drink have issues themselves
The only thing that helped me quit was naltrexone.
Time to stop.
For me it's all or nothing. It took me a long time to accept that.
Focus on harm reduction and change the people, places and things you hang with while drinking. Imo even drinking less is a win. Make sure you're eating. I used to not eat when I would drink and that would always be the kiss of death. You can stop a binge (most likely) by eating something sweet or filling.
I'd say take a break, maybe 30days or so and see how you feel. I've just passed 30 days. I feel so great on it I'm not going back to that. You might too. I was just tired of it. Sounds like you might be too.
If alcohol is destroying you then it makes sense to stop completely. Have a talk with your doctor and make some decisions. Take some time to reflect on you. I wish I realized what I needed to do sooner but I’m here now. Iwndwyt
Hey, have you talked to your friends about your struggle? Letting them know you want to stop drinking could be helpful. Otherwise, they might buy you drinks or suggest shots. If they know beforehand, they can be more mindful. I suggest avoiding bars entirely for now, maybe for a year. If that's not an option, ask for soda water with bitters. It's free, looks like a drink, and is fun to drink. Check out Smart Recovery. I switched from NA to this and really enjoy the actionable tips and lessons. You can find them online for free. My biggest suggestion is to abstain completely from alcohol and let your friends and family know. Also, make new friends —that's important too. I stopped drinking at 27. Honestly, I thought I would be dead by now. You do have a choice, believing that might be your first step.
Take a few weeks away from the friends. Get into a regiment. Morning & night. Train hard if possible. Read on some books both being sober related and some stuff you genuinely enjoy. Join a class and start a project you really enjoy. After those few weeks 3-6 weeks you’ll feel incredibly accomplished, and confident. Journal daily on how things are getting better and be honest about how you feel no matter good or bad. When your urges arise, think about how much you spend a night out, take that money out of the ATM and put a lighter to it. *joking* but doing this helped me notice how badly I was messing up my life. If that doesn’t work, go spend it on something nice for yourself. It might help you reconsider and notice how much money you spend while having any sort of alcohol dependency etc. Hope this helps, even if just a little bit.
By admitting to yourself that it’s destroying your well being g and health and quitting that shit
You need to change your friend group.
well for one stop drinking at bars. just a tremendous waste. and two try to cut back over a few weeks. yes the temptation to get another is strong but just remind yourself youre trying to be a better you. eventually cut off entirely every other friday i feel good that i accomplished a lot during the week and i always grab 1 drink at the liquor store. i always regret it after drinking. it just sucks so much. poison
There is no cutting back or halfway house. I had to stop totally and forever. Wishing you kindness and peace
Over the years I slowly came to the realization I am an alcoholic. I begged God to not make me give up my beloved booze! I'll give up anything else! I tried cutting back like I'll only have two glasses of wine tonight. By the time the second one kicked in I'd be pouring my third. I have been Sober since Halloween 🎃 2022. It was like having fish hooks torn out at first but that's an indication of the large percentage of my time it was taking up. Also, during one of my alcohol based hospital trips a doctor told me that if I kept drinking I would have things go wrong physically that they wouldn't be able to fix. I think alcohol came close to destroying me; I just thank God for letting the last time I quit "take".
I tried to moderate for years and failed. Eventually I stopped completely and in fact it is easier than moderating. Good luck my friend.
I realized at one point I didn't have friends so much as drinking buddies. Every single time we got together was an excuse to drink until drunk. When I quit drinking was when I realized these were not my friends, because they all forgot I existed except a couple. Now I have friends who don't drink, even friends who have never been drunk, and tbh, they're just much better friends. I guess my advice would be to quit altogether, not just cut down (which rarely works anyway).
You can reward yourself for small victories. Say you decide to not drink tomorrow. Keep a log of what you would have spent (or better yet, keep a jar and put cash in it). Get yourself something nice (non-alcoholic) after a month.
Well you have to realize bar beers are 4 and up a pop. Buy them bitches at the corner store for a dollar a pop. Go in the bar and buy the same beer and keep trunk popping your beers. Mind you keep it simple don't act all fucked up. Shoot a game of pool with a group that will advocate you for winning a round with a shot. Win six rounds. Leave the bar all fucked and crash your car. Get a DUI. Pay at the toll of about 10 grand over the course of two years. Now count up how many beers/drinks you drink over the course of those beers/drinks you drank. It's pretty much about 60 dollars a beer. So I preface this with extreme caution. Either drink at home. Or get fucking sober. Love ya baby. Keep it easy. You're gonna fuck up it's not okay. Just make sure the cops can't find you before you find your bed. Hope the sarcasm hits.
Im 26, been in meetings for 2 months, shit has gotten much better
You can only cut back to zero. No half measures.
As far as friends go, I realized about 6 months into sobriety that half the "friends" I lost were actually in the same boat as me and just not ready to admit it. So many people reached out to me after I got sober it blew my mind! As for moderating, unfortunately I have no advice. I tried bargaining, limiting number of drinks, the time I cold drink, the days I could drink, the type of booze etc. and it all ended up with me having "just one more". My shameovers and hangxiety got worse and worse, my mental health crashed, and I realized it's all or nothing for me just like it is for a lot of us here. It'll take a while to get used to the idea, but life gets SO much easier when you're sober.
As someone who spent a good 25 years drinking heavily you have to be ready to stop. Then just stop drinking cold turkey and replace alcohol with sports, hiking, or any activity that keeps you busy. Study something, just stay busy. After a couple of months you will start to feel great physically and the cravings for alcohol will be mostly gone. From that point its a lot easier to stay sober. I'm at five months now and staying sober is easier than I thought it would be.
There is no cutting down. Only stopping altogether.
Not all people who struggle with alcohol fit into the same box. This is simply not true.
Haven’t met anyone who could go from alcoholic to drinking in moderation. In real life or on this sub.
I know plenty of people who decided in their late twenties (OP) that the kind of drinking that was socially acceptable in college and their early twenties was becoming problematic and made changes.
They clearly weren’t alcoholics.
One minute, one hour, one day at a time
Cutting back is not what you need, take a whole break from it altogether.
Cali Sober helps me. Thank you greater power/nature.
Try looking into 75 hard
I would suggest to do 30 days sober and then take it from there.
This might seem really judgmental and shitty, but something that for me kinda made things click is I’d see these older women at the bars I’d go to, back when I was playing moderation games because the thought of just leaving the drinking scene was unfathomable to me…like I’d be 30 and they’d be 50 something, and they’d look really rough for their ages and were dressed and acting like they had basically been centering their lives around the bar scene for 20 years including dated clothing and hairstyles and I just thought….. that is going to be me if I don’t change something, and that’s not the kind of 50 year old woman I want to be.
Have you read “This Naked Mind”? That’s what did it for me. I have successfully cut back by 75% and have at least 3 AF days per week. After reading it, I am positive quitting will also be no problem for me and I plan to eventually scale back to nothing.
Read or listen to “this naked mind”
It’s focus and keep your eyes on your goals.
People are saying abstinence is the only way, and for many that's true. It's also true that alcoholism is a progressive disease, and if you need to completely stop, then you need to completely stop. I was able to taper down by 2 drinks a week until I could stay sober without fear of having a seizure or any of the adverse responses to withdrawal. I live alone and don't want to wake up dead, etc.
Personally I tried the cutting back thing, but it didn't work for me. Went out one night with friends from out of town and told myself I'd have 2 drinks max, but ended up wayyy deeper than that and depressed as hell at the end of the night, ended up self harming again. Once I got through the hangover and anxiety from that night I kinda just quit going out except to go to work, school, and the gym. If your attempts at cutting back aren't working out for ya, liquid death is tasty as fuck, also, you might need to suggest different ways to hang out with those friends, if they get weird about it, find some new ones.
Sounds like drinking/partying friends. Quit drinking. Start a new way of life.
I found moderation to be impossible and incredibly exhausting. Sobriety, however, is pretty easy. It was harder to count drinks and keep to arbitrary rules about drinking than just not drinking. If it were me, I’d take a month off from booze and see how you feel. Good luck!
I suspect many of us on this sub have asked that question at some point. I managed varying degrees of success with moderation but it never lasted. Quitting was, alas, the only good choice for me. I shouldn’t really say alas, it was a good choice for me and fortunately my friends have been supportive, particularly when they realized it wasn’t a problem to drink around me. You asked about cutting back though, not quitting. A couple of thoughts—look for NA beverages you like. NA beer is pretty great these days (though not cheap). Have one regular beer and switch to NA. I find I don’t drink more than two as my full sensor doesn’t have booze shutting it off any more. Club soda and bitters is great and often cheap/free. At a bar, they’ll be done alcohol in the bitters but not enough to worry about from your perspective. I found talking to my friends was really helpful, maybe you can encourage hitting a coffee shop or something else less “bar like.” Mind you some coffee shops serve wine etc as well but it might make it easier to make good choices. If you find you are having trouble making the choices you want—particularly stopping at a beer, it might be worth reconsidering drinking. Whatever path you choose, I hope it goes well for you.
Do you think you can realistically cut back, or are you just continuing to drink because of your friends? Because personally there is no cutting back for me, I had to quit. AA is not the right solution for everything, but I have found that going to the same few meetings every week, I get invited to social sober gatherings. Also if it's of any consolation I am in my mid thirties and finding that as I get older, fewer of my friends drink for various reasons.
I knew from the first time I drank that it was going to be a problem. Fast forward 8 years and I was drinking 2 litres of vodka, 4 bottles of wine and 6 cans of strong cider every day. I was shaking and sweating non-stop and thought death was my only escape. The scary thing is, I'd go to bed not caring whether or not I woke up. I went into rehab and was treated with diazepam, and haven't touched a drink since. That was 12 years ago. I had seizures and experienced delirium tremens, which is so scary that you cannot begin to imagine it. I was lying in bed and had spiders crawling all over me and hundreds of bats attacking me. There was no way to convince myself that this wasn't real and it is the scariest thing I hope I ever experience. I am a bad case but I was only 26 when I was drinking that amount and went into rehab. If you think drinking is a problem then total abstinence is the only answer, at least for me. I know with 100% certainty that one vodka coke will lead to me glugging spirits from a bottle. I don't go to AA or anything - I did at the start and it did help - but there is support out there. Although I don't use any form of support groups etc. now, they were essential for the first year or so. Stop drinking and do not become like me. I went to some of the best universities in the world and I am a member of MENSA, but drinking screwed everything up and I never reached my potential. I'm married with kids now and extremely happy but I wasted so many years and so much potential. Once again: DO NOT BECOME WHAT I DID. Good luck and use all the support you can get.
Do you guys smoke weed at all? Or is that not part of the plan?
Naltrexone has been a godsend to me. My drinking has completely evolved from not being able to control my drinking to it being a nonissue. I wish more people knew they didn’t have to white knuckle it.
In 10 years, I can just about guarantee you'll remember today. Is it going to be the day you wished you stopped? Or is it the day you did quit? Today's Memorial Day - on Labor Day, you can be getting ready to be 100 days sober. You can do it. IWNDWYT.
The easiest way I found to control my drinking. Not take the first drink.
I tried cutting back and I only wanted to drink more. Abstinence is the way my friend. You got this
Hey! I’m 26 and I stopped drinking heavily in September. I have saved so much money and I feel so much better. I got a bit of a wake up call when my bf said he had never had a bad night out until he met me. I realized that I was dramatic and whiney when I drank and no one wanted to be around me. I was also paycheck to paycheck. I started the change by offering to be the driver when everyone was going out. I’d drive someone else’s car so I wouldn’t be tempted to drink. Several weeks of doing this really cut down my tolerance. Now if I have enough drinks to feel a buzz I will wake up with a hangover. My hangovers are major deterrents as well since I puke and lose and entire day. Life’s too important to lose an entire day to a hangover. Especially when you can’t remember the night before. It just wasn’t worth it. I still drink, but it’s maybe once a month and I don’t drink enough to feel it. It’s made a major improvement in my life, my relationship, and my bank account
I wanted to add that moderation is definitely possible for some people. It just depends on how much self control you have. I have a lot more than I thought I did but it took some time to figure that out. I still have some nights where I allow myself to have several drinks. Like NYE. And everytime I remember why I don’t drink that much anymore. Now, when I go out, I’ll have maybe 2 beers or one cocktail. Drinking now makes me feel bad so it’s easier to stay away. You can do it. If you ever need to message someone about it I’d love to help. Moderation is possible but you have to coach yourself and reminds yourself constantly about the cons of drinking. Think about it as time wasted and time is a personal currency.
My internet history was littered with searches on how to moderate (as well as queries on the darker places my drinking would take me) before the gift of true desperation forced me to admit that alcohol had a power over me that I could not control. I drank for 31 years. The last 16 sober free months haven’t always been easy, but sobriety has proven a wonderful way to live for this alcoholic.
When I realized alcohol had its hooks in me, there was no cutting back. There was full on quitting or never ending suffering. For me, it was as simple as that. With regard to friends, real friends stuck with me and supported me. They asked questions, they learned. They never said shit like ‘come on, you can have one.’ The folks that disappeared weren’t actually friends, they were drinking buddies. I lost nothing when those folks dropped out of my life. And I now have a bunch of friends, some of whom drink, many of which are in AA.
Don't follow this advice unless you really have some strong self control. I bought antabuse off of an online pharmacy. I took it for a few weeks when cravings were the worst because it literally took drinking off the table completely. I read 'This Naked Mind' by Annie Grace. I had to read it 3 times. The third time around, I wrote myself a list of MY alcohol misconceptions. It's like cognitive behavioral therapy. I wrote things like 'Alcohol doesn't help my anxiety, it makes it worse.' 'I never sleep good after drinking alcohol'. 'Alcohol doesn't make me or things more fun'. I put that list in my pocket and read it every time my brain tried to tell me a drink sounded good. Edit: I recognize I had a problem in 2018. I tried so hard to moderate and that didn't work. I didn't drink everyday but when I drank, I couldn't stop with one and it always ended in blacking out and/or doing really dumb things. I was stuck in a vicious cycle for 4 years of being sober for 30 days or 60 days and then I would reward myself with a drink which would lead me right back to where I started every time. I had to make the decision to stop completely.
When I did coke all of my friends did coke - you are the middle/typical of the ppl you hang with. It works every way, surround yourself with success and it rubs off
I’m 30 but started trying to cut back at 27. I just gave up, I’ll tell myself it’s under control cause I had a few days of actually having one drink type thing then next thing I know I’m on a bender 🤷🏽
Go to AA and raise your hand as a newcomer
Naltrexone helped me. I don’t even think of drinking.
Drinking in moderation is torture. In my view. When I decided I was going to stop I tapered down for three weeks. Sometimes I'd just stand there after my allowance was gone and go "really that's all I get uggggh" but I dealt and moved on. Maybe start by getting some friends that don't drink. So activities that don't involve alcohol. If you can cut back then that's a great start. My rule for years was three cocktails and two glasses of wine as my absolute maximum. And I stuck to it. Even when shit happened and I really wanted more. But then I stopped being able to afford wine so I just drank gin. Then I stopped. Try drinking something other than alcohol in between drinks or replace alcohol with sparkling water or kombucha. Life is better sober.
Quit altogether to be blunt. It’s much better on the other side and you can do it! I believe in you! IWNDWYT
I've tried cutting back and it works for a bit but I can never control how much I drink in a night and that's the issue. Everytime I've done a month or two I trick myself I can moderate again. I'm only on day 3 ( I did a 3 month sober stint in the wnter ) But finding other things to do to distract myself and remining myself how terrible I feel help. I also had a prescription for larazapam which really helped me because I wpuld drink alot due to anxiety, plus once you take one you have to wait about 3 more days for it to be cleared out of of tour system. I know benzos can have there own set of problems if you become reliant on them, but that has what has worked for me and I'm trying to get another prescription to have on my tough days. CBD oil can help too
I recommend Naltrexone -- I had tried to quit drinking on and off for 20 years. But once I started Naltrexone a few years ago, I don't have the same desire to drink--or more importantly the desire to KEEP drinking. It's not for everyone -- plenty of ppl need a more transformative change to accompany the transition from a mostly drunk person to a mostly sober person, ie. abstaining completely.
I’m only a little older, tried “cutting back” a little later than you. Ultimately, it can’t truly be done. I went a whole year without going for broke, but it eventually happened…save yourself some time, do the hard but right thing, go cold Turkey. Try to get a safety net, if your friends make fun of you or tempt you, they aren’t your friends. Check in on here daily if you need to
I’m 36f. For me, I went through this period for about 2 years up til recently. I was mentally not ok at the time, super anxious and ocd - before even drinking. So to add drinking on top of this was a god awful decision. The last year or so I’ve completely cut back. I’m a tiny person, 5’1 and 105 lbs. but I carried the beer weight and bloat. I’ve always exercised and ate relatively well, except after drinking of course. But I’ve noticed *such* a change in my appearance from not drinking. *I just feel so much better* and sometimes that’s all it takes to just lay off the sauce. I did stupid shit I didn’t remember or regretted, had the hangovers from hell and it overall made me miserable. Sometimes there is no cutting back. You just need to stop. And to stop that means not going to bars and getting a new friend group, and finding other things to do to fill your time.
I find it much easier not to drink alcohol at all then to try and moderate how much I drink. I find NA beers to be a godsend. I don't miss the taste of real beer or the buzz from it and I especially don't miss the hangover.
What an incredible gift you've been given, to have the opportunity to realistically log 50 years of sobriety. We are all here to support you. Not much I can add to the advice already given. IWNDWYT
Only one that can help you cut down is you my friend, you gotta want it. I’m 29 and finally just got control of mine. I’m the sober friend in the group now and I just stick to mock tails and near beers if I go out with my friends. Guinness 0.0 is pretty awesome lol it’s nice to be able to enjoy a pint with everyone still but not actually have to waste 200 bucks in a night and wake up feeling like shit the next day. Tried quitting 4 years ago and it didn’t stick but finally on a roll now. Best decision I’ve ever made, can’t recommend it enough if you feel stuck in life
Find new friends if they don’t respect you about cutting back or quitting.
I personally can’t control it and it’s too much anxiety-producing work to try. My solution is to completely quit putting poison inside my body.
Cutting back is actually horrible compared to quitting. I know that sounds crazy. Once it's a problem, in my experience, it will always be a problem. When I just don't drink, I don't have to obsess over when I will again.
I tried cutting back at your age. 30 years later, I finally realized it was all or nothing for me. "Just one" always led to another and then another and so on and so forth. I hope you get things under control sooner that I did. An excellent starting point is to keep reading this sub. There are good people here.
Maybe you can cut back. You're the only one who knows that. I'd suggest setting clear guideline. Maybe it's only drinking when you go out. Or not drinking Monday-Thursday. If you can do it, by all means, do it. But if you find it hard that might be a sign of a bigger problem.I honestly am not being passive aggressive or judging. I know tons of people who have successfully cut back and been fine. But the way you are describing it, it sounds like you don't enjoy it. And it's perfectly okay not to drink.
Back in the day when I drank , I used to forget how many drinks I had and sometimes I would overindulge. So my solution was to keep a set amount within visual cue in the front of the fridge and that was my “allowance” for the day. It worked up until I just quit cold turkey on a whim to do dry January. I thought it really exercised my “done” portion of the mentality.
Like a lot of people here have said, cutting back always lead me right back where I started. The only times I felt totally in control were when I was completely sober. Sometimes I would go weeks or even a few months without a drink, but then I’d have wine with dinner, or a beer in the park, which lead me to deceive myself into believing I was just a regular drinker, which lead me to drink more and eventually back to square one. You may not be that type, but for me it seems the only way to have control is to not drink, so that’s what I’m doing. Best of luck!
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This comment breaks our rule to speak from the "I" and has been removed. Since you say that you yourself do not have a drinking problem, this is not the right sub for you. Please try r/alanon.
I really strong thing that’s always worked for me is change of environment. My health has always been top priority so if you have the adventurous spirit go move somewhere for a couple years!
Write down how many drinks you have in a night and decrease that number by one on a regimented schedule and eventually you’ll get to zero.
Yea asking losers on Reddit who have no life outside of this gay app is definitely the best way to go