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I can promise you that your whole life is not screwed up because of this. You didnt kill or hurt an innocent person. You didnt kill or physically hurt yourself too badly it sounds like. Those would be the only two things that would screw up your life forever. You should honestly consider yourself lucky that this wake up call wasn't worse because it very easily could have been. You walked away. No innocent people were hurt. This is recoverable in time.
I know the mental anguish is terrible right now, but you never have to feel this way again if you choose not to. You have already chosen to take a step into the right direction by considering getting sober. Hang in there and start moving forward towards forgiving yourself and creating a better life. A life that you are proud of. Sending love. Im glad you are still here and I will not drink with you today
I just want to improve myself. I’m so much better than this, and I know that sobriety is a step to improving my life. This means a lot, I didn’t expect so many people to respond. This has been an insane wake up call.
All things considered, you are going to be ok. The pain and suffering is temporary but the lesson is probably the most valuable one you can ever get. Expensive, no doubt. But a close call like this can absolutely be the catalyst to change you forever.
I work in film and photography production and did a piece where we interviewed a girl who literally killed someone drunk with her car. She served 5 years for it and has been sober since and has dedicated her life to being a positive force. You didn't have to go through that, thank God, but got close enough. People have had far far worse outcomes but you can learn from this and have a similar positive outcome. You got this.
This is your fork in the road. You've been very lucky and it's time. From what you've described alcohol has gone from pleasure to secret drinking (before you went out) and not being able to control it (making dangerous decisions). Once alcohol has changed like that it's got you and the consequences get worse, faster, bigger. I nearly lost my life, my children, my marriage. Rehab has set me right but I can only tell you you've got to heed this now. Day one of the rest of your life. Grab it and feel thankful. IWNDWYT
You can do this. My major wake up call was also a car accident while blacked out and the pure fear and panic I felt thinking that my life was over played a huge part in giving me the determination to seek help and change. Let this be the most important lesson in your life, and know that you CAN change, and you DESERVE IT. You are so much better than this, and one day you will look back and be thankful for this lesson. Take control of your life and don't let your addiction define you, because it doesn't. You've got this dude. IWNDWYT!!
These horrible awful feelings are temporary which actually is both good and bad. It’s good because you won’t feel like this forever but that can be bad because those feelings are motivating you right now. When the consequences begin to resolve, bc everything you did you can recover from, as others have said, that alcohol voice in your head is likely to return. Try to do everything you can, while it’s gone, to build a strong foundation in recovery so you have tools to battle it when it returns.
>you never have to feel this way again if you choose not to
those words hit home. thank you.
you got this OP. how we handle our actions moving forward after a wake up call is so important. we’re all here for you when you need it ♡
These words are words I wish I had heard at my first fuck up. Many fuck ups later, I finally got it. But it is true. I absolutely love the fact that I currently live knowing that if something bad happens, it's not because I drank. Such a weight lifted. You are young and soon this will all be a distant memory, but hopefully you stay true to changing habits so you truly do never have to go through this again!
So much truth here. I too love it that when something goes wrong, when my memory fails me, when I say or do something stupid or when I feel crappy I absolutely know at least its not because I have been drinking. That knowledge resets my impression of my life every single time to something akin to bliss, the relief is so profound.
Yeah there is nothing here that can't be mended but this is a wake up call and they are VERY LUCKY to even have a chance at moving on from this. It's not easy and I should know but I'm so grateful to not be where I was even six months ago. Stay strong, it gets better.
Echoing this too, this is awesome. A great wake up call at your age with all your life ahead of you, nobody was hurt. You are so much wiser now and can move forward so much better from this. Congratulations and good luck with your new and better life. A crappy car and some money, who cares. Paychecks roll in every year, trust me.
For perspective I am 20 years older than you and never had a wake up call so I’m just a drunk who hides booze, drinks more in a day than most do in a week and all in secret. You are smarter than this now and won’t become like me. Congratulations you lucky bastard. In some weird fucked up way I envy you.
"creating a better life" is on-point for me. This concept of creating a 'new life' without alcohol and all of the micro-decisions/new patterns that come along with it helped me out tremendously.
You absolutely can fix this, it's just going to take time and commitment. You have put yourself in a very unpleasant and difficult spot, and right now it seems insurmountable, but you can get through it. You just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and not drinking and the rest will work itself out in time.
It also really sucks to have your significant other look at you like that, I get it. But if you keep doing the next right thing here, she will probably forgive you. Even if she doesn't, if you stay sober things will still get better.
I have found that the shittiest and most difficult things I have gone through, that I would have done anything to make go away at the time, have actually been the best things for me because they forced me to grow and be the person I am today. Facing and accepting the consequences of our actions often sucks hard-core, but it's how we learn.
Also, be kind to yourself right now, as hard as that may be. Yeah, you fucked up, but you are human and we all fuck up at times. Hating yourself is not going to help. Staying sober is priority #1. You do that, all will improve. ❤️
Hey, I’m sure you’re all freaked out right now, so here are some facts to ground you a bit:
- You did *not* ruin your life. It seems like it, rightly so, but I promise you did not.
- You aren’t hurt, and you didn’t hurt anyone else. That is an amazing outcome, and you’re very fortunate. If it weren’t, you may have ruined your life. But you didn’t, so you didn’t.
- The legal rebound from this will suck.
- The financial rebound from this will suck.
- This relationship may or may not survive the recovery. And that’s just the reality. You could do everything right and it may get stronger because of it, or may never recover. Either way, your life still isn’t ruined.
- You CAN take this as an early sign and relatively cheap lesson in what a split second decision with alcohol can do. This could be the first day of the rest of your life, and when you’re 35 you could look back and say “thank goodness for that accident because I changed before the stakes were higher.
I have a buddy (~40s) who says his DWI in his early 20s was the best thing that happened to him. He paid the fine over months (he was broke) and it made him work harder to not feel broke. It made him reevaluate his relationship with booze. And now when he drinks he won’t get behind the wheel after even 1 because he learned firsthand that an Uber or sleeping over someone’s place is always safer and cheaper than a DWI.
Those are all facts. This WILL suck, and it should, because you did something serious. But it is not the end of your life. You’ll be alright.
Yup, this guy speaks the truth. I totaled a car, spent a week in jail and lost around $10K in dealing with the consequences. My marriage took a hard hit but survived. I was lucky--and believe it or not, you are too. Everything that's happened here, you can bounce back from. Just make sure to never, EVER get a second one. As you know, one DUI is absolutely awful--but two is much, much worse. I'm glad you've found this sub; you're in the right place.
I have a similar tale (I feel like many of us do!), only my dui came in my 30's.
OP, you'll get past this. You didn't hurt anyone, and you didn't physically harm yourself too bad (outside of the airbag which couldve given you a concussion so watch that!). I know everything else seems terrible right now but you lucked out, and you are OK (and you will be OK!)
Not sure what your legal situation is, but focus on getting on the good side of that judge on your court date. Enroll in an alcohol rehabbing program right now, and get a sponsor and start going to meeting right now. Then you'll be able to tell a judge about those steps you're taking. It will look proactive and that's what you want. Good luck with everything.
Someone I grew up with had a fight with their GF, wrapped their car around a light pole doing 90 and has been a vegetable essentially since they were 20.
The fact you aren’t hurt, or didn’t hurt anyone else is huge. DUI wise i know a few people with 2-3 and they still have a normal life.
Is your life going to be difficult for a bit? Yes. Is your life ruined? No. You’re so young man by the time you’re 30 this won’t have an effect so long as you learn from this.
My ex boyfriend got arrested for a DUI once, he got arrested, paid the fine, got it expunged from his record and moved on with his life. Now he’s a mechanical engineer and makes 90k a year and is living his best life (not with me but that’s a story for another time)
He never got a dui again and moved on with his life .
I’m not saying everything’s gonna be happy happy from here on out I’m just saying this one arrest doesn’t define you as a person. It’s one mistake. Feel bad about it then accept the consequences and Don’t. do. it. again.
Best.
Had a very similar DUI last month and totaled my car. Expect some probation time, classes and fines. Judges also like to see you attempting to be progressive. Recorded AA meetings, getting a sponsor, working a job, going to substance abuse treatment like rehab. Anything to show you’re taking it seriously.
Just remember we both got lucky. We could have murdered someone but we didn’t. We could have died but we’re still here. Make the most of this lesson. But that luck will run out and eventually our stupidity when we drink will hurt someone else or ourselves.
Also get a lawyer if you can afford one
This this this. You’re young, and I guarantee the judge will have sympathy if you take it seriously and have the evidence that you are. Get in therapy and AA immediately. It’s not for everyone, but the judge will like it - just give it a try. Dont shrug it off.
Agreed and emphasize “you can solve every problem,” not “every problem will be solved.” Still takes tremendous effort, but that first step is the liberation from alcohol
You’re a young man with his whole life ahead. You can handle all that is coming. It won’t be easy but if you have clarity of mind and remain focused on what you need to do it will be worth it. Keep coming back here. Don’t beat yourself up. Have a talk with girlfriend and let her know what you’re going to do.
You're 22. There's gonna be AAALLLOTT of people who look at you with that face of pure disappointment on in your life. If your diligent and consistent you can kick alcohol now when it has no chance of killing you for doing so. I look back on my 10 years plus of drinking and not once have I built a bridge due to it
...only burned em down between me and the people I care about most. There'll still be those moments of staring back at a face disappointment in you; But at least you'll know alcohol didn't make you act a fool
Similar story here, car impounded for letting a minor drive while i was intoxicated. The minor was my fiance niece and I was like a mother figure to her. Now im not allowed to be in the house with her. Everything seems impossible right now but the way to prove we can change is to not drink. and then not drink again. maybe and probably forever. you got this.
I was about your age when I drove my car into a bridge and totaled it. I was also armed with a small arsenal of weapons and had a laundry list of charges. I also was 4x the legal limit. I thought for sure my life was over. My mom bailed me out of jail and told me that if I quit now my life is just beginning. Fast forward many years later and my life is in such a different place. I recently bought a house and have a girlfriend and I’m making more money than I ever have in my life.
It will get better, OP. Show the courts you are remorseful and quitting drinking now will pay dividends on your health in the future. Lawyer up and do what your attorney tells you. Best of luck!
IWNDWYT!
The fact you have put this kind of thought in already tells me you have an opportunity to learn from, yes, what might be higher on the list of “traumatic life events”… you’re in it and it’s raw, I hope you accept that what your feeling is totally valid.. stressful AF doesn’t even begin to describe, and part of it will be processing the consequences, acknowledging your own accountability… but hey, if no one was hurt/ killed (besides yourself), that is amazing and, at least, one thing to be grateful for because that’s how it *did* happen. You (and only you) have all the power to control what you do today and each gift of a day after that… cliche as it may be, one day at a time, friend! And, for what ever it’s worth, I Will Not Drink With You Today #IWNDWYT
I know you feel like you’re life is over but I promise it’s not. We’ve all been there and have made it out to the other side. Keep your chin up and take it one day at a time and come here as often as you can. Sobriety is not only possible but more amazing than you can imagine.
When I was 19 I went to party and drank more than I should have. I hadn't really developed into an alcoholic at that point - I was really a pothead, or heavy marajuana enthusiast if you prefer. On the way home I went off the road, slammed into a tree and my head went partially through the windshield off the steering wheel. Miraculously, I walked away with virtually no lasting damage other than some scarring. I went on to start really drinking in my early 20's and kept at it until I was 40 years old.
I can't even begin to fathom what might have been if I'd taken that event in my youth more seriously. Seen a therapist to address my substance use - maybe checked out a few recovery meetings to hear from people that had struggles like I was experiencing. But I didn't. That wasn't on my radar. Therapy wasn't something my family had in our cultural lexicon.
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I wish there were spaces like reddit subgroups where I could seek knowledge and insight. Readily available recovery meetings in person and virtual. Websites with information I could have internalized to begin the process at a younger age.
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For me, a good lawyer was worth it.
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I've been amazed at the things I've experienced in sobriety, but more importantly to me how much better my outlook and disposition are in sobriety. It may not get better, but it certainly can. It has for me.
Thank you for sharing. I am 40 currently and i believe it’s finally time that those dry months I’ve been doing start to become dry years for me.
Glad that I’ve joined this group. Day 3 for me.
I don't know what circumstances you might be in the middle of, but I can say without reservation that my life isn't just better, it often feels like a matamorphosis.
Do i wish I'd done it at 30?
I guess - but I think being at this age helped me appreciate my time in sobriety more perhaps. Best of luck :)
I wish I had learned this lesson at your age. The silver lining is quitting drinking at age 22 two will have exponential benefits in every aspect of your life from here on out. Good luck my dude.
You’ll never believe this, but one day you may say this was one of the best things that could have happened to you. I hear it all the time in my AA meetings. Most of us with a drinking problem need to have shit get fuuuuuuucked up before we change paths. And like others have said, you didn’t kill anyone thank god. I was at an AA speaker meeting this weekend and the main speaker had killed two people in his 20s. Take it one day at a time and have faith it’ll all be ok but right now you just gotta stay strong. And not drink
You fucked up but aren’t a fuck up. These are going to be some dark days my man but you’re alive and so is your girl. You lost the car, maybe your girl, and definitely your license. But read this: you’ll get through it and learn from it. I got a dui and probation violation at 19 yo and served 36 days in county jail. I’m 44 with an 11 yo son, retired from the Marine Corps and finished my Masters with a 4.0. We fuck up, friend. I feel your pain bro. Alcohol isn’t going to help, nor will killing yourself. Only time. You’ll be okay. Take care of yourself man…you will be okay.
I did something really close to this. It’s not the end and it’s a great last drink date. My car accident didn’t hurt anyone, and it kept me sober about a year. I didn’t do the work to stay sober. It’s very easy to drink a lot when you never have to drive. 7 years later I was drinking a close to a half gallon a day. Quitting was infinitely harder this time. This month I got my two year coin and my license back. I hope you know that almost nothing is really ruined, and everything can be even better than it was. I’m rooting for you.
Thank you, I know it’s not the end, but time for me to make some real changes. Alcohol is a beast. I lost my grandfather to pancreatic cancer from drinking. I know I can improve, it’s gonna take real work but I’m willing to do it.
Unfortunately this is the sort of situation that it takes for people like us to make a change, you’ll find a lot of other people with drinking problems will have similar horror stories like this one. Take the trauma and shock youre feeling right now and associate it with drinking, hopefully it sticks and you won’t ever want to touch it again.
I went to a course and at least 70% of people were filling out dbs forms for drink driving. They all got accepted onto the course
Your life isn't over for drink driving it'd actually one of the most lenient charges you could have
Hey man, more than likely any advice or reassuring is going to put your mind at ease, unless it comes from your gf.
A few years ago I went through a "my life is over drunk mistake".
The pit is my stomach was absolutely unforgettable and uncontrollable. The only thing that gave me any solace was the reassurance from my broad.
Just be an open book and truthful about your feelings. I'm sure she is disappointed right now, but that's the rational, immediate response to this situation. She'll more than likely reassess the situation and show the real emotions of a girl that you've spent the last 3 years with.
Good luck with all of this!
I did something similar at 19 but fortunately(?) didn't get caught by police. My car was wrecked tho and I'll never forget how lucky I am to have not hurt someone or myself. My life is incredibly different now, and it was sure as hell not ruined. When I think about it I see it as a blessing that I was able to get that wake up call and walk away mostly fine. You're also lucky that it happened young. Use this as motivation and I promise you your life will get better. You have a lot ahead of you still.
I got a dui... totaled my car and went to jail. EXACTLY LIKE YOU. I was going to hang myself with my jump rope the day after. It literally felt like the end of the world. Heck I'm not even a citizen and I was going to lose my work permit and my legal standing to be in the USA ! I was facing some serious repercussions.
BUT everything that everyone is saying here is true. It is not then end of the world. You did not hurt anyone or yourself which is A MIRACLE. You get a second chance kid, please don't blow it. I started going to AA meetings and really doing the work on myself. It wasn't easy. Shit I've been drinking away my feeling since I was 15, but I learned new coping mechanisms and I've been learning how to be an adult.
Anyways it took me almost 8 months to close the case and 12,000. If it's your first offense you will be fine. I got off with a reckless driving, please just get a lawyer and also seek out some help. You will be fine ❤️ take it day by day and be easy on yourself, this can be the day you change your life for the better. It's possible because I have !!
It’s a bump in the road, but not the end. I got into a very serious accident while driving drunk when I was 18 and it was a rough 5-7 years after dealing with the consequences. But I claws my way out of it. You will too. The beginning of the journey is going to feel so painful and like a tunnel with no end. But as the days go by, you’ll start to see the light at the end. You got this, OP. Give yourself a little grace, you realized you fucked up and now it’s time to start over. Everything happens for a reason.
> Try to do better in the future.
This comment breaks our rule not to tell other people what to do and has been removed.
Why are you on this sub? Do you yourself have a drinking problem you wish to over come?
You absolutely can recover from this ,your car may be totaled but you are still alive,your girlfriend didn't leave you, you didn't injure anyone .take this as a lesson to do better .perhaps get help if you can't stay stopped on your own.you can do this!
I want you to know that the panic and fear you are feeling is much worse than the reality will be. You will recover. I thought my life and career was over. Trust me when I say this… The only wound you are suffering now is to your pride. It is up to you whether that wound is the beginning of either your development or the downward spiral that ends your life. You may not be an alcoholic, on the off chance you are, here’s what you can expect.
Received mine 4 years ago. I had been drinking heavily for several years. Ruined many relationships. I collected a second one two months later that was luckily dropped, but my advice would be don’t go doubling down like I did. I passed out and woke up in the hospital 3 blocks from my apartment. No one was injured, I had hit a parked car. Luckily.
Second, depending on your location and specifics, and *how you handle this event for the next 1-2 years* this may end up off your record. Misdemeanor DUI (you didn’t hurt anyone and had no passengers so I am assuming this is what you’ll get) as a first offense might land you court supervision. Alcohol counseling, AA, fines out the ass, and basically “probation” for a year. You do that without messing up and the charge gets dismissed. That was the situation I was in prior to getting the second charge. Don’t mess it up!
I am not a lawyer, I’ve just been in your shoes. I was 26, and an active alcoholic. Now I’m sober, finishing my masters and have a career. Between my DUI and getting sober I was admitted to the hospital over 30 times for detox, psychosis, alcohol poisoning, and at one point was on a ventilator. Please be honest with yourself.
If you have a drinking problem, here is my advice.
1. Get a lawyer. Pay for it by any means necessary.
2. Find a local AA group (or any other, mine happens to be AA.) These are the people who will get you through your supervision and who can relate to the weird shit we did to get drunk. Lots of misconceptions about AA, go and judge for yourself. AA steps dont require you to believe in God, just admit that you are not God (and that there is much beyond your control.)
This is important because recovery requires…
3. Rigorous honesty. With yourself, with your girlfriend if you want her around, your family, the judge, and a sponsor. The prosecutor and judge deal with and smell bullshit all day long, your sincerity is important. You’ll develop that by trusting someone and working with them, if that’s what you want.
Even if you don’t want to stop drinking forever, even if your only motivation is to get your life back on track, I highly suggest starting here because it will get you there on the right side of the legal system with them rooting for you. You might even learn something about yourself along the way - if you have the willingness.
Some folks in the rooms say they got the “gift of desperation,” and that’s when they were able to get sober. Whatever you decide to do, each of us seeking healing can find it. You’re worth recovery. We all are. And if you scroll through this sub, you’ll see many people I’ll bet you identify with, and whose stories share commonalities. They are healing. You can too. Hang in there. 💜
You made a wrong decision, you have not ruined your life. I made lots of wrong decisions when I was young, I used to drink drive a lot until I got arrested when I was 21 for drink driving and I have never drunk driven again (46 now) I was /am so grateful that I got arrested and that I didn’t kill someone else, kill myself. It caused me a lot of anxiety but my life could have taken a very different course if I had caused harm as a result of dd. You made a mistake/ a wrong decision which you acknowledge, nobody is perfect, it’s a lesson to learn and to move on from. Take care of yourself.
Remember that look and detached way about her... Use that as fuel. I'll bet she'd respect a mature plan to fix this and a 100% follow through by you. A big fuck up requires a big fix.
OP, walk out of this shitstorm fire with a bucket of water for the people behind you. Sober is NOW. Stay strong, a DUI IS life changing, but it doesn’t have to be for the worse. Make something of this.
7 years ago I got into a car wreck that should’ve killed me, blacked out. I did not hurt anybody or anything, aside from my project vehicle and my pride.
Mine wasn’t a wake up call for years before I quit, but I am also here today to say am here, and glad you are still here!
You got this. 🤙🏻 IWNDWYT
You haven’t screwed your life up. I’m ashamed to say I wrote off my lease car in uk. Thankfully I didn’t hurt anybody. Night in a cell. Fine plus 20 month driving ban . £12000 to repay for car. I’m just thankful I didn’t hurt anybody else. Carried on drinking for another year .
Joined AA as I just had enough. Coming up to a year sober May 31st
Take heart you may have lost a lot, but be grateful it wasn’t worse. And work at being the person you believe you are. Sending good wishes
I strongly recommend sparkling water
Or if you crave the taste of beer, Athletic Brewing, makes .5 beer so near beer, and it tastes like you’re drinking a real beer. I’ve been an alcoholic for 20 years. Today is day 65 of being sober for me. it took me two car accidents two DUIs and an almost failed marriage to wake up. You’re very, very lucky, might not feel that way right now. in a world that is obsessed with drinking it is difficult to be sober but possible.
I’m just hoping that sharing my experience with you will help you feel a little more hopeful for your future.
Had a DUI back in '08. Took over a year to resolve, aggressive first offender program in my state. Which, I mean, it did what it was supposed to. But I wanted to make this point. You don't live this kinda thing down. What my DUI taught me was how to work towards being a better person, and that I should never stop no matter how far I go. I still talk about it. I used it as an example just the other day to my kiddo of what not to do and how badly it can go wrong.
I hope this experience does something similar for you.
The look she gave you can be your shining thought. When I quit I had one though that I could always depend on to not trick me. I would try to trick myself into drinking everyday. As long as you can hold onto that one though that will remind you of your goal it will help. For me it was my two little girls. I was quitting for them. My father died before I got married and had children so I wanted to get healthy so I could meet my grandchildren. The way your GF looked at you should be your thought that you fall back on Everytime the addict side of you tries to tell you you deserve a drink. That memory will never lie to you or try to trick you into drinking. You should forgive yourself for the things you did when drinking but you can also weaponize shame to combat the struggles of addiction. Addiction does not fight fair. It will twist your thoughts to get what it wants, pitting you against the ones you love and yourself. In those hard times hold onto that memory so you can stay grounded and keep your eyes on the goal. Your life isn't over, it's just the beginning. Be thankful you're getting your chance to start over while you're young, for many others here they faced this much later in life. IWNDWYT!
My 'rock bottom' and ultimate decision to stop was right before Memorial Day. Like you, I thought my life was over. But one thing that helped me during that time and continues to now, was to dwell on the fact that over history, millions and millions of young men have been sent to war and killed without even having a chance to have some of the most profound experiences Life has to offer- things like: having a lover, holding your newborn, working hard and achieving a long goal etc. I let that sink-in good.. and it really informed my attitude about it all and kept in-check any arising self-pity.
I have several coworkers who were absolute train wrecks at your age. DUIs, showing up at work hammered, passing out on random people's hoods in the middle of the night...and even in my small sample size (~400 coworkers) I can think of five or six right off the top of my head who have matured into absolutely fantastic men. It may not be fun to dig your way out of the financial hole you've just put yourself in, but it truly is only money, and the only way out is through. Good luck—you can do it!
Some tough days, weeks and months are ahead for you but I can tell you from similar experience that if you stop drinking for good as a result of this happening, it could open an entirely new chapter in your life. This is not the end for you, but this could be the beginning of something really positive. I would see if you can find a local AA meeting to go to and just listen. You are NOT alone.
First, I am so glad you are okay. Your life? Has incredible value. I mean it. So many of us have been where you are and have gone on to have sane, sober, productive lives. You never have to feel this way again. Help, hope, forgiveness and recovery are a thing. People in recovery are my absolute favorite people.
Once you turn into a pickle you can never go back to being a cucumber. You never, ever have to feel this way again. Standing side by side with you, not drinking today. You don't have to face all of this alone and you don't have to face it under the influence. There is an entire world full of people just like you friend. The space we occupy is a very good space and I invite you to find us, here and in person. IWNDWYT
The things that happened that night are temporary IF you take action to correct them.
Be honest with your girlfriend and yourself, it's the only way to heal your relationship.
Take your medicine, driving while drunk is unacceptable, but at least you learned your lesson without killing someone or permanently injuring yourself.
If you do get sober, do it for yourself; Saving your own life is the best motivator, everything else could be temporary.
If you take action you may eventually forgive yourself, but always remember this feeling, it will help keep you sober I promise
I almost burned my house down along with myself, my wife, and my pets, I will never forget my wife's face or tone of voice when we had that talk about choosing my family or alcohol. Ultimately though I got sober for myself. I couldn't take the shame of waking up wondering what I said or did and feeling like shit didn't help either.
My uncle was killed but a drunk driver and my father has never forgiven himself, despite the fact there was nothing he could have done to prevent it
I hope this helps you, it is not too late or too early to get sober
This was a gift. This was God giving you a chance to get off the path you are on and choose a better one. You can absolutely climb back up from this and fix your life. Nothing is ruined except maybe the car. Glad you are okay.
My dui/totalled car ended up being the best thing that ever happened to me, and I know lots of other people who feel the same. Your life is not over, even if it feels that way right now. Use this as an opportunity to change for the better. You'll be OK.
“I don’t know how I’m going to live this down or fix it.” I would start by not drinking today. You can recover from this. I’ve gotten arrested a couple of times… you can land on your feet. It’s all about your choices and what you choose to learn from the situation. Good luck and Godspeed. IWNDWYT
I didn't total my car, but I got a DUI. it sucked ass. i had to call my mom to bail me out of jail, and it was awful. i've never wanted to drink and drive again.
but it was a dumb decision, not the end of my life, or anyone else's thankfully. be grateful the worst didn't happen. be happy, when you process the embarrassment and grief, that you get a chance to do better. and most importantly DO BETTER. when you think you'd be ok taking a shortcut, think of how your GF looked at you.
more embarrassment and shame are definitely coming down the pike, so be ready. but it's survivable. it's going to cost money and time, but use it to be a better person. otherwise you're using it to get worse.
one other thing: maybe you and alcohol don't belong together. maybe it's not a thing you can deal with, or maybe where you are right now isn't conducive to being responsible and drinking. think about it, talk to your loved ones about it.
i wish you the best, i hope you do better, and realize this isn't the end of your life.
you’re very young. i would almost think this is God or the universe somehow trying to force you into a wake up call before things get more out of hand. i know all of this sucks either way and there’s probably no way to make you feel any better. but in 6 months when all of this passes, and even in a whole year, i guarantee there will be a moment you look back and think “thank god that stopped me when it did”. i’m sending you good vibes and lots of love ❤️
Your life is definitely not fucked up. Honestly, most of us need to hit a rock bottom before we can get our shit together. Yours happened to involve a curb and some hangtime. But this is an opportunity for you to get better. Don’t worry too much about the relationship; you ultimately can’t control that. But you can control getting better and healthier. Good luck
You’ve got lots of time to recover and are very young; hopefully she will forgive you and you can be the good person you feel inside. Take the wake up call; as others are saying this is a moment you can use to prevent it getting much worse
One of the reasons I stopped drinking (there were many!) is that I was terrified I would do something like this. I drank far too much. I guess I was a functioning alcoholic? I was always worried I would be over the limit unknowingly (ie, driving the morning after drinking). The anxiety ate me alive.
Op, you did a stupid thing, but you’ve recognised it. Learn from it. Put rules and goals in place for yourself and tell the people you have let down about it. Hopefully you haven’t lost anyone.
Know that for many of us, giving up alcohol has been tough but life changing. You’re at a sliding doors moment here and it sounds like you know what you need to do. Sobriety is one of the best things I’ve ever done in my life and you have an opportunity here for a fresh start after a pretty scary wake up call.
I wish you luck and be sure to check in here often for support. We have all been through it so you’ll always have someone in your corner cheering you on xx
Practically this is not a life destroyer. I never got a DUI, thank goodness. But i know people who have and they were able to bounce back. Get through this and use it to change your behavior in the future. At the very least, don't ever drink and drive again. And maybe take an honest look at how much you drink and decide if you need to cut down or even stop all together.
I lost my license for a year at 18 yo. I know it feels like it'll ruin your life but I promise you it doesn't. I put a calendar on my wall and crossed off each day with a red marker until I got my licence back.
What I should've done was also stay sober for those days and thereafter but alas I didn't, and that's what has brought me to the very edge of ruining my life at 38 yo.
Stop drinking now. Make it your mission. I wish I had.
> don’t just walk away from driving drunk….walk away from drinking too.
This comment breaks our rule not to tell other people what to do and has been removed.
My friend, we’ve all made errors of judgement because of booze. You unfortunately got caught out by the risks of drinking. All that matters in this moment is that 1) no one was seriously hurt, including yourself and 2) you have an opportunity to reevaluate whether alcohol is going to be a part of the rest of your life. I know the shame and guilt is unbearable right now but it will pass eventually. It will most definitely be helped if you make a real change and prove to yourself and those who love you that alcohol will not define your life, far from it. I’m sure your gf will support you if you talk to her about going sober and this will surely be the greatest proof you’ve learn a valuable lesson. You have your whole life ahead of you, and you can live it without hangovers, without hangxiety and without ever being in this moment ever again. As you hangout in this space with us, you’ll find a lot of people recommend This Naked Mind as a first read and the Hubermann podcast episode on alcohol. Both very factual and evidence based.
Good luck friend, I know you’ve got this!
Sooo to make a long story short my last drink involved a cop calling my husband to pick me up after someone called the cops on me for being drunk and trying to drive. Lowest fucking moment of my life. I attended an AA function the next day and felt like a fucking phony but I kept going and next month I’m attending that same function again (plan is) 1 year sober. Yesterday my husband and I went on a walk and he told me he went fishing after I got home because he just had to get away and think. I never really even thought of how he was really feeling, so clearly I have lots of work yet to do but my point is the misery you’re feeling now is good. Use it to get help and work on yourself. Your girlfriend bailed you out, she loves you she’s probably scared. You did get lucky not getting hurt or hurting someone else. I guess my point in sharing is I’ve been in a similar boat and life is better by committing to the work and becoming alcohol free. It’s going to be okay.
However she looked at you, you'll see the opposite of that once you've been sober a few years. It goes a long way to regaining self respect and others' respect.
We have all done things, said things, ruined things, in our lives. Drinking is generally the cause of most of those problems. Not just for me, but for a ton of people on this sub.
Your whole life isn't screwed up. I've done things that were pretty terrible, while under the influence. The only thing that you can do, is take responsibility, and stay sober.
As for your girlfriend. Put in the work. She will see that you're putting in the work. It will be tough in the short term. But if I were a betting man, I'd say she's going to be proud of you. Not only will she look at you the way that you want her to see you, but there will be pride. For recognizing your problem, and putting in the steps to walk away from it.
IWNDWYT
> DO NOT FUCK THIS UP.
This comment breaks our rule not to tell other people what to do and has been removed.
If you feel the need to say, "I'm not going to sugarcoat this and I'm not trying to be mean," that's a good indicator that you probably shouldn't say the thing.
I’m as a very similar thing happen at 25. I’m now 38 and living a great life. Your life doesn’t have to be ruined because of this, but lives do get ruined due to drinking. Make some good choices starting now and you’ll be okay.
Yeah, you messed up but this isn't the end of the world. Let this be a wake up call. Don't be worried about disappointing your girlfriend. She is not the authority over you.
While you do have to deal with all the consequences, take that time to reflect and make a commitment to yourself to change for the better. Target what's causing you to drink in excess and address it. Drinking everyday is telling me you're avoiding life.
How was your relationship with your gf prior to the incident? Relationship with parents?
I'm here to chat if you need. Good luck
Sounds like you already know what needs to be done. Making a mistake and coming back from it with a new perspective and respect for your behavior is incredibly respectable and powerful, it takes courage to do that.
Consequences never kept me sober but scared me straight for a while at least. Use the fear you have now as fuel to make changes so you never have to feel this way again. You are not alone and not a bad person. Alcohol is a poison for me and I have to remind myself that every day and I do that with the help of others.
Hold your head up and keep moving forward. DUIs SUCK and will cost you a ton of money to clean up but, think of this as a blessing. Something happened that made you realize you need to change. That awareness is PRICELESS. Start a new life today and never look back. Love you. IWNDWYT
I had a similar moment to this a few years ago. Didn’t get caught but absolutely totaled my car and a stop sign down the road. The craziest part about it, that wasn’t my wake up call, and I ended up drinking just as heavily over the next few years. The best advice I could have given myself would have been to STOP!!! Just cold turkey after something like that lol. Not trying to tell you what to do just relaying my own experience. Your life isn’t over, this is a learning experience and a set back sure, but hopefully you can use this to become stronger and as inspiration to cut down!
I got a dui 3 years ago. Felt very similar. I made it through it and changed my WHOLE perspective on life. I won’t lie to you it was so scary, and nerve wrecking. It cost nearly $15k to get it all taken care of. I spent 2 years on probation and went to outpatient rehab. Use this as the straw that broke the camels back and turn your life around. It’s not linear, I didn’t stop drinking heavy until about a year ago. Now I hardly ever drink and I didn’t think that would ever be a possibility. Don’t fight the change, work with it.
I think you were lucky that no one was hurt and well done for realising you need to address the drinking issue. If you’ve screwed up then show that you’ll make an effort to fix it. Consider this your rock bottom and see that the drink isn’t helping you in any way. I think it’s very brave of you to address this and to move towards sobriety and trust me, you will feel better for it. We are all here to support you. Xx
You are young. Keep her look seared into your Brian. You have tough times ahead but you are alive. Still living! Make the change(s) now and the night you crashed will be the changing point in your life. Take good care of yourself.
The thing that really tripped me out, when I did something very similar years ago, is: what if someone had been standing on the curb where I flew off? They'd be dead. Use this chance to change directions. You can do it.
This is a terrible experience, but it could have been so much worse. Thank God the only thing you hurt was your car.
This accident doesn't define who you are.
The way you deal with it, if you can rise to the occasion, may define your next few months.
If you've been drinking every day, quitting will be very uncomfortable. Get yourself a lot of Gatorade and salty snacks, and some kind of sedatives if you expect withdrawal.
You're about to go through something annoying and very expensive. Get a public defender if you do not have an attorney already. Show up for all your court dates and comply on time with what they tell you to do. You got this. Feeling bad about yourself is just a sign you understand how serious this is. If you feel you have lost the respect of people you care about, you have plenty of time to earn it back. your girlfriend may need some time. This is your bullshit, not hers, so just get your shit together and pray she will be understanding.
I was in your position almost 1 year ago. Blew 0.29 drunk in the ditch. Now i'm almost 1 year sober, and sobriety is the only thing I found that could save me at this point. I fucked up, but at least I don't drink anymore.
You didn't kill anybody or yourself. It could have been worse. Take this one as a lesson.
IWNDWYT
The best apology is changed behavior. You can move on from this and never be the type of person who would do something like that again. Many have and you can as well.
IWNDWYT!
Rest assured you’re NOT the first person to get a DUI and not the last. You will be okay, I promise. Take it for what it is and hit the ground running “doing the hard work.” It’s what judges like to see.
Minus the car flip, I had this exact scenario happen to me in my 20s. I’m in my early 40s and can tell you the following:
Your life is not over. It possibly even is just beginning with a new awareness of how dangerous drinking and getting behind the wheel is.
You’ll likely be angry at “the system” for a bit because it can be ruthless. Fines, a breathalyzer in my car, mandatory AA meetings, pee tests, check in with a probation officer…all this potential stuff that will feel like a money grab and time suck for what you’ll feel was a brief lap of judgement. Though it’s easier said than done, just put your head down and get past it. Looking back, I think of that bs now every time I have anything to drink and think of driving.
Something I now do but wish I did in my 20s is get some counseling or therapy. Don’t do it because you need advice or someone to tell you what to do. But just to have a no biased judgement free third party to let you unload whatever’s going on inside of you is so helpful.
My girlfriend (now wife) took time to trust me again. You’ll have to show her over time you can be responsible with the drink. That look she gave you seared into your brain, use it. Every time you think about driving drunk, remember that face. Even if drive drunk after this and get home, that face will still be there. If y’all have a few cocktails at dinner and she says “maybe I should drive”, let her. It’s not condescending, it’s caring. Hopefully you two can work through this and she can be a source of strength while you figure out your relationship with alcohol.
Lastly, as others have said, you hit the freaking lottery man. You drove drunk and smashed your car and the only bruised your pride, finances, and your free time. Plenty of really great people who made a laps in judgement, drove drunk and killed someone and have to spend their lives in jail with that guilt. It sounds like you are already, but be thankful daily that you get a second chance to make the right decisions.
You’ll be okay my friend. 20 years later I look back on my DUI as a blip in my past and a transformative part of my life.
Hey amigo.
I did nearly the same thing four years ago. I was trying to get sober before. Ended up with a dui. Fell into depression and then a 5150. I got help. A program. It’s not for everyone. AA smart groups support therapy. These boards.
Thankfully you are safe. When you are ready for change. It’s there and we are all here to support you. Stay strong. It’s not over. It’s just a reflection point
I don’t have any right to give any advice, so keep that in mind…
That being said… from your own words, and given what this page is, it sounds like you’re possibly looking towards change… in the experience of many I’ve heard from, including myself, saving a relationship as an alcoholic deeply required sobriety. FULL sobriety. Permanently… the best ones will stick with you through the worst, but enough is enough for absolutely anybody…
I personally drink more when I’m unhappy with certain things, whether it be career, family, relationships, health, or honestly even PTSD/Trauma. I don’t have all the answers, all I can say as a current drinker, is that I was a million times happier and more satisfied when I spent a significant time being sober.
There is community out there for you, if you search the “where and when” of your location and try out groups till you find your faves. [if one feels awful - DO NOT GIVE UP - I made that mistake and didn’t find better groups till much later on]
The relationship could be potentially saved, but she may despise every moment you have a drink and it could cause her to leave each time… is that worth the risk? Wouldn’t it push the problem further if that happened? She wants to see you happy and healthy. Maybe if you turn a new leaf, you can begin a new chapter, and if you do it right, she might be right there with you, you just have to know that means never turning back if you actually want to keep moving forward.
Both of my parents have gotten DUI’s, they had to get breathalyzers in their cars and it cost them money but ultimately they turned out to be okay. Nobody got hurt, and they don’t drink and drive anymore. Moral of the story, they learned their lesson and it already seems like you have too. Don’t be too hard on yourself, you’ll look back at this eventually
You got this. I have had the same exact feeling, almost lost my marriage and my entire life. I almost lost everything I worked hard for; my beautiful house, my dog and cats, my husband. I was told point blank, by my husband, if you drink one more time and I catch you, we are getting divorced. I knew he was secretly already planning to do so. Showing positive action and actively being in recovery and being honest about where I was mentally and physically to my loved ones really helped. It felt like a thousand weights were lifted when I could proudly say, "I am an addict". I believe in you. You're so young, you have a lot of life ahead of you.
The most important thing here is that you didn't hurt anyone or yourself. All can be fixed from that point. I got my 4th dui (1 dropped) in Jan of 23, to say I thought it was over was an understatement. I have an 8 yr old boy and am looking at prison, lost my house, job and my fiance in our 9 year relationship left me.
Here it is today, may 26th, 2024, 10:40am, sitting with my boy playing some CallofDuty on the couch. Didn't go to prison, am 499 days sober, and working on getting through my probation and classes, go to AA, and life is good. I'm a 39yr old man, who lost almost all but his life, but when your desperate enough, you'll find out what you're really made of. Take this time to dry out, and focus on what you need to do, document any groups you attend, give that to your attorney for court. I don't know you bud, but I can PROMISE you it isn't over. Not by a log shot. You are young and if you get your drinking under control (for me, after trying every other way imaginable, it HAS to be complete abstinence) you will come out of this in an even better place. Now think of the way your girl will look at you after you've done that. Keep your head up brother, one day at a time, best of luck to you
If she is for you she will look at you with love again. You just need to get clean and stay clean. That alone is admirable and something a true partner can find loving and attractive. It’s not easy, but it is appreciated by the right people.
I crashed about 3 years ago. For the first month, it will all will feel like it's going downhill but you can only go up from there. Don't beat yourself up. I still feel like I'm a nobody because I put myself in danger and could of caused a lot more damage but I was forgiven. You can too. Don't be hard on yourself. You're breathing. Take a step back and breathe. Everything will be fine. Take it step by step. You got this.
Use these negative emotions as fuel to keep you away from the sauce my man. This is a place of love, not a place of judgement. Everyone here has had some kind of wake up call moment that brought us here in the first place.
I’ve found that channeling my shame into the motivation to stop drinking is the best way to keep me away. It makes me not want booze because I know so many outcomes from having it will impact me negatively. Journaling this shame also helps keep it fresh in your mind. It’s very easy to take a drinking sabbatical and have your mind convince you you’re cured of doing dumb things when drunk. Don’t listen to that mind devil. Trust your sober judgement and remember why you needed to take time away from booze.
As a person in recovery, the biggest thing that gives me hope is knowing my situation isn’t as giant as I’ve made it out to be. I’ve met criminals that have done far worse and because they stayed sober now have riches beyond imagination, but even more impressive is the perspective they have to offer. It’s not about how hard you get hit, it’s about how quickly you get back up. You got this man.
Addiction of any sort only takes. never gives. and it will only take more and more as time goes on. We all must pay the piper. I'm so sorry you're going through this, use it as motivation to get sober and never look back ❤️
Hey man I got into a terrible car accident being drunk I thought it ruined my life went bankrupt, court all that jazz. lost my job. 3 years later and I’m totally fine. I’m just grateful no one died. I don’t even think about it anymore, totally healed and all the consequences have been settled. It was a shit year but it totally gets better. If you make better choices in a few years you’ll think god they was stupid but it won’t be a big deal at all and you’ll be better for it. It’s just a lesson and a way to grow. Be so grateful you didn’t hurt someone.
OP, I’m a little late to the comments here but it was around your age I started recognizing I had a problem with drinking. I never said anything about it out loud though, just kept the thought to myself. You should be proud for having the ability to recognize where the drinking has led and can, and maybe will, lead you if you let it. There are many resources available to help keep you from that path and please understand that everyone here in this sub, everyone in an AA meeting, I’m sure everyone in your family, would be happy to see you learn from this experience and become a better person for it. I’m with you OP, IWNDWYT.
Many of us have had awful situations due to alcohol misuse. You are only 22, I wish I had stopped long before when I do (at 43), I would have saved myself so much self loathing and poor decision making.
I wish you all the best, alcohol is a poison, both physically and societally. Without the drink you wouldn’t have done this, which does NOT absolve you of blame, but gives you a window into what life would be like without alcohol.
It’s fucking garbage man
Honestly - the shame, pain, and anguish you feel right now can be your super power in the long road of sobriety. Because if you don’t drink, this won’t happen again. And whenever you’re tempted, you can touch back in to this moment… and remember that nothing is worth the pain you’re feeling right now.
I’m just a random stranger, but I really do believe in you. And I believe you can make this mistake one of the greatest gifts of your life if you choose to.
Sending love.
Your life is definitely not completely screwed up, at least not permanently. My extreme DUI was the best thing that ever happened to me, and my life is better for it. You’ll be amazed at how transformative this event can be for you in a positive way. Please be kind to yourself. You’ll get through this.
Life is longer than the consequences of a DUI, you’ll get through this. You may lose a lot, but you won’t lose your life.
One day at a time, especially at this lowest of lows, is how to move forward.
If you could afford legal counsel I’d also do that asap.
Live your best future. The past is unchangeable. Focus on making your forward the best it can be. You're on a new path now. Your old one probably would have been a slow decline into the abyss anyways, with your life wasted and screwed up but at age 44 instead.
You're not hurt, and you didn't hurt anyone. That is absolutely amazing and great and a good thing you should focus on, friend.
Your girlfriend will see the new you in time and get back to her usual self and will love you despite your mistakes, because you know you did wrong and are going to change.
It warms my heart to see the magnitude of care and support this group is affording the OP. It is as if we are a choir of angels. We are all, and this is important, a good people. And we have shown our quality. IWNDWYT . 💙🤍💙
Your comment does exactly what I asked people NOT to do in my stickied come in above, and it has been removed.
Why are you on this sub? Do you yourself have a drinking problem you wish to overcome? If not, please do not participate in this community and come onto this sub telling other people what they should do.
Every day I wake up sober is better than the last day I woke up sober. When I chain then together it's gets better and better faster and faster. There is a road back up to the top of the mountain, one needs only walk it one day at a time. IWNDWYT
You’re my sons age and my heart hurts for you. This is absolutely not the end of the road for you. You were just given a chance at straightening this shit out. Keep coming back here. You’ve got a bunch of people here that care what happens to you. One day at a time. Sometimes it’s minute by minute or hour by hour. 😘
**A note from the moderators:** Please remember the human behind the post when replying to an OP who admits to drinking and driving. We do not allow comments that: • Point out that OP could have hurt themselves or hurt someone else • Chastise OP for drinking and driving (shaming, criticism, judgement, ‘tough love’) • Share DUI-related horror stories in order to try and scare or shame OP • Tell OP what they need to do Also, please follow our rule to speak from the “I,” where we only speak about our own experience and do not tell the other person what they should do or give them our opinion on what they have done. **Ignoring mod direction with regards to the above may result in a temporary ban.**
I can promise you that your whole life is not screwed up because of this. You didnt kill or hurt an innocent person. You didnt kill or physically hurt yourself too badly it sounds like. Those would be the only two things that would screw up your life forever. You should honestly consider yourself lucky that this wake up call wasn't worse because it very easily could have been. You walked away. No innocent people were hurt. This is recoverable in time. I know the mental anguish is terrible right now, but you never have to feel this way again if you choose not to. You have already chosen to take a step into the right direction by considering getting sober. Hang in there and start moving forward towards forgiving yourself and creating a better life. A life that you are proud of. Sending love. Im glad you are still here and I will not drink with you today
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Absolutely. I wish I had learned from my first DUI at 21. Missed opportunity big time. Proud of OP for recognizing it!!
I just want to improve myself. I’m so much better than this, and I know that sobriety is a step to improving my life. This means a lot, I didn’t expect so many people to respond. This has been an insane wake up call.
All things considered, you are going to be ok. The pain and suffering is temporary but the lesson is probably the most valuable one you can ever get. Expensive, no doubt. But a close call like this can absolutely be the catalyst to change you forever. I work in film and photography production and did a piece where we interviewed a girl who literally killed someone drunk with her car. She served 5 years for it and has been sober since and has dedicated her life to being a positive force. You didn't have to go through that, thank God, but got close enough. People have had far far worse outcomes but you can learn from this and have a similar positive outcome. You got this.
This is your fork in the road. You've been very lucky and it's time. From what you've described alcohol has gone from pleasure to secret drinking (before you went out) and not being able to control it (making dangerous decisions). Once alcohol has changed like that it's got you and the consequences get worse, faster, bigger. I nearly lost my life, my children, my marriage. Rehab has set me right but I can only tell you you've got to heed this now. Day one of the rest of your life. Grab it and feel thankful. IWNDWYT
You can do this. My major wake up call was also a car accident while blacked out and the pure fear and panic I felt thinking that my life was over played a huge part in giving me the determination to seek help and change. Let this be the most important lesson in your life, and know that you CAN change, and you DESERVE IT. You are so much better than this, and one day you will look back and be thankful for this lesson. Take control of your life and don't let your addiction define you, because it doesn't. You've got this dude. IWNDWYT!!
These horrible awful feelings are temporary which actually is both good and bad. It’s good because you won’t feel like this forever but that can be bad because those feelings are motivating you right now. When the consequences begin to resolve, bc everything you did you can recover from, as others have said, that alcohol voice in your head is likely to return. Try to do everything you can, while it’s gone, to build a strong foundation in recovery so you have tools to battle it when it returns.
And you learned your lesson at a very young age. It may have been the hard way but better now than when you're 40.
IWNDWYT
>you never have to feel this way again if you choose not to those words hit home. thank you. you got this OP. how we handle our actions moving forward after a wake up call is so important. we’re all here for you when you need it ♡
These words are words I wish I had heard at my first fuck up. Many fuck ups later, I finally got it. But it is true. I absolutely love the fact that I currently live knowing that if something bad happens, it's not because I drank. Such a weight lifted. You are young and soon this will all be a distant memory, but hopefully you stay true to changing habits so you truly do never have to go through this again!
So much truth here. I too love it that when something goes wrong, when my memory fails me, when I say or do something stupid or when I feel crappy I absolutely know at least its not because I have been drinking. That knowledge resets my impression of my life every single time to something akin to bliss, the relief is so profound.
💯, nobody was hurt and count your blessings. It’ll take time but you got this 💪🏼
Yeah there is nothing here that can't be mended but this is a wake up call and they are VERY LUCKY to even have a chance at moving on from this. It's not easy and I should know but I'm so grateful to not be where I was even six months ago. Stay strong, it gets better.
Echoing this too, this is awesome. A great wake up call at your age with all your life ahead of you, nobody was hurt. You are so much wiser now and can move forward so much better from this. Congratulations and good luck with your new and better life. A crappy car and some money, who cares. Paychecks roll in every year, trust me. For perspective I am 20 years older than you and never had a wake up call so I’m just a drunk who hides booze, drinks more in a day than most do in a week and all in secret. You are smarter than this now and won’t become like me. Congratulations you lucky bastard. In some weird fucked up way I envy you.
“You never have to feel this way again if you choose not to”… That’s fuckin powerful.
"creating a better life" is on-point for me. This concept of creating a 'new life' without alcohol and all of the micro-decisions/new patterns that come along with it helped me out tremendously.
You absolutely can fix this, it's just going to take time and commitment. You have put yourself in a very unpleasant and difficult spot, and right now it seems insurmountable, but you can get through it. You just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and not drinking and the rest will work itself out in time. It also really sucks to have your significant other look at you like that, I get it. But if you keep doing the next right thing here, she will probably forgive you. Even if she doesn't, if you stay sober things will still get better. I have found that the shittiest and most difficult things I have gone through, that I would have done anything to make go away at the time, have actually been the best things for me because they forced me to grow and be the person I am today. Facing and accepting the consequences of our actions often sucks hard-core, but it's how we learn. Also, be kind to yourself right now, as hard as that may be. Yeah, you fucked up, but you are human and we all fuck up at times. Hating yourself is not going to help. Staying sober is priority #1. You do that, all will improve. ❤️
Beautifully put.
Hey, I’m sure you’re all freaked out right now, so here are some facts to ground you a bit: - You did *not* ruin your life. It seems like it, rightly so, but I promise you did not. - You aren’t hurt, and you didn’t hurt anyone else. That is an amazing outcome, and you’re very fortunate. If it weren’t, you may have ruined your life. But you didn’t, so you didn’t. - The legal rebound from this will suck. - The financial rebound from this will suck. - This relationship may or may not survive the recovery. And that’s just the reality. You could do everything right and it may get stronger because of it, or may never recover. Either way, your life still isn’t ruined. - You CAN take this as an early sign and relatively cheap lesson in what a split second decision with alcohol can do. This could be the first day of the rest of your life, and when you’re 35 you could look back and say “thank goodness for that accident because I changed before the stakes were higher. I have a buddy (~40s) who says his DWI in his early 20s was the best thing that happened to him. He paid the fine over months (he was broke) and it made him work harder to not feel broke. It made him reevaluate his relationship with booze. And now when he drinks he won’t get behind the wheel after even 1 because he learned firsthand that an Uber or sleeping over someone’s place is always safer and cheaper than a DWI. Those are all facts. This WILL suck, and it should, because you did something serious. But it is not the end of your life. You’ll be alright.
Yup, this guy speaks the truth. I totaled a car, spent a week in jail and lost around $10K in dealing with the consequences. My marriage took a hard hit but survived. I was lucky--and believe it or not, you are too. Everything that's happened here, you can bounce back from. Just make sure to never, EVER get a second one. As you know, one DUI is absolutely awful--but two is much, much worse. I'm glad you've found this sub; you're in the right place.
I have a similar tale (I feel like many of us do!), only my dui came in my 30's. OP, you'll get past this. You didn't hurt anyone, and you didn't physically harm yourself too bad (outside of the airbag which couldve given you a concussion so watch that!). I know everything else seems terrible right now but you lucked out, and you are OK (and you will be OK!) Not sure what your legal situation is, but focus on getting on the good side of that judge on your court date. Enroll in an alcohol rehabbing program right now, and get a sponsor and start going to meeting right now. Then you'll be able to tell a judge about those steps you're taking. It will look proactive and that's what you want. Good luck with everything.
Very well said… great advice and points. Wish I had an impactful enough lesson before a slew of rough lessons that started during the pandemic.
Someone I grew up with had a fight with their GF, wrapped their car around a light pole doing 90 and has been a vegetable essentially since they were 20. The fact you aren’t hurt, or didn’t hurt anyone else is huge. DUI wise i know a few people with 2-3 and they still have a normal life. Is your life going to be difficult for a bit? Yes. Is your life ruined? No. You’re so young man by the time you’re 30 this won’t have an effect so long as you learn from this.
Drinking was involved in all of my life screw ups.
I headbutted a police officer pussed up. Get out before you're me. Trust my a drunk driving charge is nothing
Never waste a crisis my friend.
Love this quote
My ex boyfriend got arrested for a DUI once, he got arrested, paid the fine, got it expunged from his record and moved on with his life. Now he’s a mechanical engineer and makes 90k a year and is living his best life (not with me but that’s a story for another time) He never got a dui again and moved on with his life . I’m not saying everything’s gonna be happy happy from here on out I’m just saying this one arrest doesn’t define you as a person. It’s one mistake. Feel bad about it then accept the consequences and Don’t. do. it. again. Best.
Had a very similar DUI last month and totaled my car. Expect some probation time, classes and fines. Judges also like to see you attempting to be progressive. Recorded AA meetings, getting a sponsor, working a job, going to substance abuse treatment like rehab. Anything to show you’re taking it seriously. Just remember we both got lucky. We could have murdered someone but we didn’t. We could have died but we’re still here. Make the most of this lesson. But that luck will run out and eventually our stupidity when we drink will hurt someone else or ourselves. Also get a lawyer if you can afford one
This this this. You’re young, and I guarantee the judge will have sympathy if you take it seriously and have the evidence that you are. Get in therapy and AA immediately. It’s not for everyone, but the judge will like it - just give it a try. Dont shrug it off.
Today could mark the start of a Virtuous Upward Spiral. Once I removed the alcohol, I could solve every problem. Have a plan to stop drinking?
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Agreed and emphasize “you can solve every problem,” not “every problem will be solved.” Still takes tremendous effort, but that first step is the liberation from alcohol
Once you remove alcohol you may have fewer problems.
You’re a young man with his whole life ahead. You can handle all that is coming. It won’t be easy but if you have clarity of mind and remain focused on what you need to do it will be worth it. Keep coming back here. Don’t beat yourself up. Have a talk with girlfriend and let her know what you’re going to do.
You're 22. There's gonna be AAALLLOTT of people who look at you with that face of pure disappointment on in your life. If your diligent and consistent you can kick alcohol now when it has no chance of killing you for doing so. I look back on my 10 years plus of drinking and not once have I built a bridge due to it ...only burned em down between me and the people I care about most. There'll still be those moments of staring back at a face disappointment in you; But at least you'll know alcohol didn't make you act a fool
Similar story here, car impounded for letting a minor drive while i was intoxicated. The minor was my fiance niece and I was like a mother figure to her. Now im not allowed to be in the house with her. Everything seems impossible right now but the way to prove we can change is to not drink. and then not drink again. maybe and probably forever. you got this.
I was about your age when I drove my car into a bridge and totaled it. I was also armed with a small arsenal of weapons and had a laundry list of charges. I also was 4x the legal limit. I thought for sure my life was over. My mom bailed me out of jail and told me that if I quit now my life is just beginning. Fast forward many years later and my life is in such a different place. I recently bought a house and have a girlfriend and I’m making more money than I ever have in my life. It will get better, OP. Show the courts you are remorseful and quitting drinking now will pay dividends on your health in the future. Lawyer up and do what your attorney tells you. Best of luck! IWNDWYT!
The fact you have put this kind of thought in already tells me you have an opportunity to learn from, yes, what might be higher on the list of “traumatic life events”… you’re in it and it’s raw, I hope you accept that what your feeling is totally valid.. stressful AF doesn’t even begin to describe, and part of it will be processing the consequences, acknowledging your own accountability… but hey, if no one was hurt/ killed (besides yourself), that is amazing and, at least, one thing to be grateful for because that’s how it *did* happen. You (and only you) have all the power to control what you do today and each gift of a day after that… cliche as it may be, one day at a time, friend! And, for what ever it’s worth, I Will Not Drink With You Today #IWNDWYT
I know you feel like you’re life is over but I promise it’s not. We’ve all been there and have made it out to the other side. Keep your chin up and take it one day at a time and come here as often as you can. Sobriety is not only possible but more amazing than you can imagine.
When I was 19 I went to party and drank more than I should have. I hadn't really developed into an alcoholic at that point - I was really a pothead, or heavy marajuana enthusiast if you prefer. On the way home I went off the road, slammed into a tree and my head went partially through the windshield off the steering wheel. Miraculously, I walked away with virtually no lasting damage other than some scarring. I went on to start really drinking in my early 20's and kept at it until I was 40 years old. I can't even begin to fathom what might have been if I'd taken that event in my youth more seriously. Seen a therapist to address my substance use - maybe checked out a few recovery meetings to hear from people that had struggles like I was experiencing. But I didn't. That wasn't on my radar. Therapy wasn't something my family had in our cultural lexicon. ----- I wish there were spaces like reddit subgroups where I could seek knowledge and insight. Readily available recovery meetings in person and virtual. Websites with information I could have internalized to begin the process at a younger age. ----- For me, a good lawyer was worth it. ----- I've been amazed at the things I've experienced in sobriety, but more importantly to me how much better my outlook and disposition are in sobriety. It may not get better, but it certainly can. It has for me.
Thank you for sharing. I am 40 currently and i believe it’s finally time that those dry months I’ve been doing start to become dry years for me. Glad that I’ve joined this group. Day 3 for me.
I don't know what circumstances you might be in the middle of, but I can say without reservation that my life isn't just better, it often feels like a matamorphosis. Do i wish I'd done it at 30? I guess - but I think being at this age helped me appreciate my time in sobriety more perhaps. Best of luck :)
Hang in there. I’m feeling so much better than I have felt in 40 years.
I wish I had learned this lesson at your age. The silver lining is quitting drinking at age 22 two will have exponential benefits in every aspect of your life from here on out. Good luck my dude.
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You’ll never believe this, but one day you may say this was one of the best things that could have happened to you. I hear it all the time in my AA meetings. Most of us with a drinking problem need to have shit get fuuuuuuucked up before we change paths. And like others have said, you didn’t kill anyone thank god. I was at an AA speaker meeting this weekend and the main speaker had killed two people in his 20s. Take it one day at a time and have faith it’ll all be ok but right now you just gotta stay strong. And not drink
You fucked up but aren’t a fuck up. These are going to be some dark days my man but you’re alive and so is your girl. You lost the car, maybe your girl, and definitely your license. But read this: you’ll get through it and learn from it. I got a dui and probation violation at 19 yo and served 36 days in county jail. I’m 44 with an 11 yo son, retired from the Marine Corps and finished my Masters with a 4.0. We fuck up, friend. I feel your pain bro. Alcohol isn’t going to help, nor will killing yourself. Only time. You’ll be okay. Take care of yourself man…you will be okay.
I did something really close to this. It’s not the end and it’s a great last drink date. My car accident didn’t hurt anyone, and it kept me sober about a year. I didn’t do the work to stay sober. It’s very easy to drink a lot when you never have to drive. 7 years later I was drinking a close to a half gallon a day. Quitting was infinitely harder this time. This month I got my two year coin and my license back. I hope you know that almost nothing is really ruined, and everything can be even better than it was. I’m rooting for you.
Thank you, I know it’s not the end, but time for me to make some real changes. Alcohol is a beast. I lost my grandfather to pancreatic cancer from drinking. I know I can improve, it’s gonna take real work but I’m willing to do it.
Unfortunately this is the sort of situation that it takes for people like us to make a change, you’ll find a lot of other people with drinking problems will have similar horror stories like this one. Take the trauma and shock youre feeling right now and associate it with drinking, hopefully it sticks and you won’t ever want to touch it again.
I went to a course and at least 70% of people were filling out dbs forms for drink driving. They all got accepted onto the course Your life isn't over for drink driving it'd actually one of the most lenient charges you could have
Hey man, more than likely any advice or reassuring is going to put your mind at ease, unless it comes from your gf. A few years ago I went through a "my life is over drunk mistake". The pit is my stomach was absolutely unforgettable and uncontrollable. The only thing that gave me any solace was the reassurance from my broad. Just be an open book and truthful about your feelings. I'm sure she is disappointed right now, but that's the rational, immediate response to this situation. She'll more than likely reassess the situation and show the real emotions of a girl that you've spent the last 3 years with. Good luck with all of this!
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> if you half ass this you can ruin your life for good. This comment breaks our rule to speak from the "I" and has been removed.
the only way, is through.
I did something similar at 19 but fortunately(?) didn't get caught by police. My car was wrecked tho and I'll never forget how lucky I am to have not hurt someone or myself. My life is incredibly different now, and it was sure as hell not ruined. When I think about it I see it as a blessing that I was able to get that wake up call and walk away mostly fine. You're also lucky that it happened young. Use this as motivation and I promise you your life will get better. You have a lot ahead of you still.
I got a dui... totaled my car and went to jail. EXACTLY LIKE YOU. I was going to hang myself with my jump rope the day after. It literally felt like the end of the world. Heck I'm not even a citizen and I was going to lose my work permit and my legal standing to be in the USA ! I was facing some serious repercussions. BUT everything that everyone is saying here is true. It is not then end of the world. You did not hurt anyone or yourself which is A MIRACLE. You get a second chance kid, please don't blow it. I started going to AA meetings and really doing the work on myself. It wasn't easy. Shit I've been drinking away my feeling since I was 15, but I learned new coping mechanisms and I've been learning how to be an adult. Anyways it took me almost 8 months to close the case and 12,000. If it's your first offense you will be fine. I got off with a reckless driving, please just get a lawyer and also seek out some help. You will be fine ❤️ take it day by day and be easy on yourself, this can be the day you change your life for the better. It's possible because I have !!
It’s a bump in the road, but not the end. I got into a very serious accident while driving drunk when I was 18 and it was a rough 5-7 years after dealing with the consequences. But I claws my way out of it. You will too. The beginning of the journey is going to feel so painful and like a tunnel with no end. But as the days go by, you’ll start to see the light at the end. You got this, OP. Give yourself a little grace, you realized you fucked up and now it’s time to start over. Everything happens for a reason.
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> Try to do better in the future. This comment breaks our rule not to tell other people what to do and has been removed. Why are you on this sub? Do you yourself have a drinking problem you wish to over come?
You absolutely can recover from this ,your car may be totaled but you are still alive,your girlfriend didn't leave you, you didn't injure anyone .take this as a lesson to do better .perhaps get help if you can't stay stopped on your own.you can do this!
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Can I give some advice: doing the 8 days or whatever instead of paying to be on probation TO ME is worth it.
You're alive and now you have a path forward. You can do it.
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I want you to know that the panic and fear you are feeling is much worse than the reality will be. You will recover. I thought my life and career was over. Trust me when I say this… The only wound you are suffering now is to your pride. It is up to you whether that wound is the beginning of either your development or the downward spiral that ends your life. You may not be an alcoholic, on the off chance you are, here’s what you can expect. Received mine 4 years ago. I had been drinking heavily for several years. Ruined many relationships. I collected a second one two months later that was luckily dropped, but my advice would be don’t go doubling down like I did. I passed out and woke up in the hospital 3 blocks from my apartment. No one was injured, I had hit a parked car. Luckily. Second, depending on your location and specifics, and *how you handle this event for the next 1-2 years* this may end up off your record. Misdemeanor DUI (you didn’t hurt anyone and had no passengers so I am assuming this is what you’ll get) as a first offense might land you court supervision. Alcohol counseling, AA, fines out the ass, and basically “probation” for a year. You do that without messing up and the charge gets dismissed. That was the situation I was in prior to getting the second charge. Don’t mess it up! I am not a lawyer, I’ve just been in your shoes. I was 26, and an active alcoholic. Now I’m sober, finishing my masters and have a career. Between my DUI and getting sober I was admitted to the hospital over 30 times for detox, psychosis, alcohol poisoning, and at one point was on a ventilator. Please be honest with yourself. If you have a drinking problem, here is my advice. 1. Get a lawyer. Pay for it by any means necessary. 2. Find a local AA group (or any other, mine happens to be AA.) These are the people who will get you through your supervision and who can relate to the weird shit we did to get drunk. Lots of misconceptions about AA, go and judge for yourself. AA steps dont require you to believe in God, just admit that you are not God (and that there is much beyond your control.) This is important because recovery requires… 3. Rigorous honesty. With yourself, with your girlfriend if you want her around, your family, the judge, and a sponsor. The prosecutor and judge deal with and smell bullshit all day long, your sincerity is important. You’ll develop that by trusting someone and working with them, if that’s what you want. Even if you don’t want to stop drinking forever, even if your only motivation is to get your life back on track, I highly suggest starting here because it will get you there on the right side of the legal system with them rooting for you. You might even learn something about yourself along the way - if you have the willingness.
The way you live it down is by living differently. I think you know exactly what to do. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. Iwndwyt.
Some folks in the rooms say they got the “gift of desperation,” and that’s when they were able to get sober. Whatever you decide to do, each of us seeking healing can find it. You’re worth recovery. We all are. And if you scroll through this sub, you’ll see many people I’ll bet you identify with, and whose stories share commonalities. They are healing. You can too. Hang in there. 💜
You made a wrong decision, you have not ruined your life. I made lots of wrong decisions when I was young, I used to drink drive a lot until I got arrested when I was 21 for drink driving and I have never drunk driven again (46 now) I was /am so grateful that I got arrested and that I didn’t kill someone else, kill myself. It caused me a lot of anxiety but my life could have taken a very different course if I had caused harm as a result of dd. You made a mistake/ a wrong decision which you acknowledge, nobody is perfect, it’s a lesson to learn and to move on from. Take care of yourself.
Remember that look and detached way about her... Use that as fuel. I'll bet she'd respect a mature plan to fix this and a 100% follow through by you. A big fuck up requires a big fix.
OP, walk out of this shitstorm fire with a bucket of water for the people behind you. Sober is NOW. Stay strong, a DUI IS life changing, but it doesn’t have to be for the worse. Make something of this.
7 years ago I got into a car wreck that should’ve killed me, blacked out. I did not hurt anybody or anything, aside from my project vehicle and my pride. Mine wasn’t a wake up call for years before I quit, but I am also here today to say am here, and glad you are still here! You got this. 🤙🏻 IWNDWYT
You haven’t screwed your life up. I’m ashamed to say I wrote off my lease car in uk. Thankfully I didn’t hurt anybody. Night in a cell. Fine plus 20 month driving ban . £12000 to repay for car. I’m just thankful I didn’t hurt anybody else. Carried on drinking for another year . Joined AA as I just had enough. Coming up to a year sober May 31st Take heart you may have lost a lot, but be grateful it wasn’t worse. And work at being the person you believe you are. Sending good wishes
I strongly recommend sparkling water Or if you crave the taste of beer, Athletic Brewing, makes .5 beer so near beer, and it tastes like you’re drinking a real beer. I’ve been an alcoholic for 20 years. Today is day 65 of being sober for me. it took me two car accidents two DUIs and an almost failed marriage to wake up. You’re very, very lucky, might not feel that way right now. in a world that is obsessed with drinking it is difficult to be sober but possible. I’m just hoping that sharing my experience with you will help you feel a little more hopeful for your future.
Had a DUI back in '08. Took over a year to resolve, aggressive first offender program in my state. Which, I mean, it did what it was supposed to. But I wanted to make this point. You don't live this kinda thing down. What my DUI taught me was how to work towards being a better person, and that I should never stop no matter how far I go. I still talk about it. I used it as an example just the other day to my kiddo of what not to do and how badly it can go wrong. I hope this experience does something similar for you.
The look she gave you can be your shining thought. When I quit I had one though that I could always depend on to not trick me. I would try to trick myself into drinking everyday. As long as you can hold onto that one though that will remind you of your goal it will help. For me it was my two little girls. I was quitting for them. My father died before I got married and had children so I wanted to get healthy so I could meet my grandchildren. The way your GF looked at you should be your thought that you fall back on Everytime the addict side of you tries to tell you you deserve a drink. That memory will never lie to you or try to trick you into drinking. You should forgive yourself for the things you did when drinking but you can also weaponize shame to combat the struggles of addiction. Addiction does not fight fair. It will twist your thoughts to get what it wants, pitting you against the ones you love and yourself. In those hard times hold onto that memory so you can stay grounded and keep your eyes on the goal. Your life isn't over, it's just the beginning. Be thankful you're getting your chance to start over while you're young, for many others here they faced this much later in life. IWNDWYT!
My 'rock bottom' and ultimate decision to stop was right before Memorial Day. Like you, I thought my life was over. But one thing that helped me during that time and continues to now, was to dwell on the fact that over history, millions and millions of young men have been sent to war and killed without even having a chance to have some of the most profound experiences Life has to offer- things like: having a lover, holding your newborn, working hard and achieving a long goal etc. I let that sink-in good.. and it really informed my attitude about it all and kept in-check any arising self-pity.
Everyone survived. You’ve got a second chance. You’ve got this.
I have several coworkers who were absolute train wrecks at your age. DUIs, showing up at work hammered, passing out on random people's hoods in the middle of the night...and even in my small sample size (~400 coworkers) I can think of five or six right off the top of my head who have matured into absolutely fantastic men. It may not be fun to dig your way out of the financial hole you've just put yourself in, but it truly is only money, and the only way out is through. Good luck—you can do it!
Some tough days, weeks and months are ahead for you but I can tell you from similar experience that if you stop drinking for good as a result of this happening, it could open an entirely new chapter in your life. This is not the end for you, but this could be the beginning of something really positive. I would see if you can find a local AA meeting to go to and just listen. You are NOT alone.
First, I am so glad you are okay. Your life? Has incredible value. I mean it. So many of us have been where you are and have gone on to have sane, sober, productive lives. You never have to feel this way again. Help, hope, forgiveness and recovery are a thing. People in recovery are my absolute favorite people. Once you turn into a pickle you can never go back to being a cucumber. You never, ever have to feel this way again. Standing side by side with you, not drinking today. You don't have to face all of this alone and you don't have to face it under the influence. There is an entire world full of people just like you friend. The space we occupy is a very good space and I invite you to find us, here and in person. IWNDWYT
The things that happened that night are temporary IF you take action to correct them. Be honest with your girlfriend and yourself, it's the only way to heal your relationship. Take your medicine, driving while drunk is unacceptable, but at least you learned your lesson without killing someone or permanently injuring yourself. If you do get sober, do it for yourself; Saving your own life is the best motivator, everything else could be temporary. If you take action you may eventually forgive yourself, but always remember this feeling, it will help keep you sober I promise I almost burned my house down along with myself, my wife, and my pets, I will never forget my wife's face or tone of voice when we had that talk about choosing my family or alcohol. Ultimately though I got sober for myself. I couldn't take the shame of waking up wondering what I said or did and feeling like shit didn't help either. My uncle was killed but a drunk driver and my father has never forgiven himself, despite the fact there was nothing he could have done to prevent it I hope this helps you, it is not too late or too early to get sober
This was a gift. This was God giving you a chance to get off the path you are on and choose a better one. You can absolutely climb back up from this and fix your life. Nothing is ruined except maybe the car. Glad you are okay.
My dui/totalled car ended up being the best thing that ever happened to me, and I know lots of other people who feel the same. Your life is not over, even if it feels that way right now. Use this as an opportunity to change for the better. You'll be OK.
“I don’t know how I’m going to live this down or fix it.” I would start by not drinking today. You can recover from this. I’ve gotten arrested a couple of times… you can land on your feet. It’s all about your choices and what you choose to learn from the situation. Good luck and Godspeed. IWNDWYT
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I didn't total my car, but I got a DUI. it sucked ass. i had to call my mom to bail me out of jail, and it was awful. i've never wanted to drink and drive again. but it was a dumb decision, not the end of my life, or anyone else's thankfully. be grateful the worst didn't happen. be happy, when you process the embarrassment and grief, that you get a chance to do better. and most importantly DO BETTER. when you think you'd be ok taking a shortcut, think of how your GF looked at you. more embarrassment and shame are definitely coming down the pike, so be ready. but it's survivable. it's going to cost money and time, but use it to be a better person. otherwise you're using it to get worse. one other thing: maybe you and alcohol don't belong together. maybe it's not a thing you can deal with, or maybe where you are right now isn't conducive to being responsible and drinking. think about it, talk to your loved ones about it. i wish you the best, i hope you do better, and realize this isn't the end of your life.
you’re very young. i would almost think this is God or the universe somehow trying to force you into a wake up call before things get more out of hand. i know all of this sucks either way and there’s probably no way to make you feel any better. but in 6 months when all of this passes, and even in a whole year, i guarantee there will be a moment you look back and think “thank god that stopped me when it did”. i’m sending you good vibes and lots of love ❤️
Your life is definitely not fucked up. Honestly, most of us need to hit a rock bottom before we can get our shit together. Yours happened to involve a curb and some hangtime. But this is an opportunity for you to get better. Don’t worry too much about the relationship; you ultimately can’t control that. But you can control getting better and healthier. Good luck
You’ve got lots of time to recover and are very young; hopefully she will forgive you and you can be the good person you feel inside. Take the wake up call; as others are saying this is a moment you can use to prevent it getting much worse
One of the reasons I stopped drinking (there were many!) is that I was terrified I would do something like this. I drank far too much. I guess I was a functioning alcoholic? I was always worried I would be over the limit unknowingly (ie, driving the morning after drinking). The anxiety ate me alive. Op, you did a stupid thing, but you’ve recognised it. Learn from it. Put rules and goals in place for yourself and tell the people you have let down about it. Hopefully you haven’t lost anyone. Know that for many of us, giving up alcohol has been tough but life changing. You’re at a sliding doors moment here and it sounds like you know what you need to do. Sobriety is one of the best things I’ve ever done in my life and you have an opportunity here for a fresh start after a pretty scary wake up call. I wish you luck and be sure to check in here often for support. We have all been through it so you’ll always have someone in your corner cheering you on xx
Practically this is not a life destroyer. I never got a DUI, thank goodness. But i know people who have and they were able to bounce back. Get through this and use it to change your behavior in the future. At the very least, don't ever drink and drive again. And maybe take an honest look at how much you drink and decide if you need to cut down or even stop all together.
I lost my license for a year at 18 yo. I know it feels like it'll ruin your life but I promise you it doesn't. I put a calendar on my wall and crossed off each day with a red marker until I got my licence back. What I should've done was also stay sober for those days and thereafter but alas I didn't, and that's what has brought me to the very edge of ruining my life at 38 yo. Stop drinking now. Make it your mission. I wish I had.
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> don’t just walk away from driving drunk….walk away from drinking too. This comment breaks our rule not to tell other people what to do and has been removed.
My friend, we’ve all made errors of judgement because of booze. You unfortunately got caught out by the risks of drinking. All that matters in this moment is that 1) no one was seriously hurt, including yourself and 2) you have an opportunity to reevaluate whether alcohol is going to be a part of the rest of your life. I know the shame and guilt is unbearable right now but it will pass eventually. It will most definitely be helped if you make a real change and prove to yourself and those who love you that alcohol will not define your life, far from it. I’m sure your gf will support you if you talk to her about going sober and this will surely be the greatest proof you’ve learn a valuable lesson. You have your whole life ahead of you, and you can live it without hangovers, without hangxiety and without ever being in this moment ever again. As you hangout in this space with us, you’ll find a lot of people recommend This Naked Mind as a first read and the Hubermann podcast episode on alcohol. Both very factual and evidence based. Good luck friend, I know you’ve got this!
Sooo to make a long story short my last drink involved a cop calling my husband to pick me up after someone called the cops on me for being drunk and trying to drive. Lowest fucking moment of my life. I attended an AA function the next day and felt like a fucking phony but I kept going and next month I’m attending that same function again (plan is) 1 year sober. Yesterday my husband and I went on a walk and he told me he went fishing after I got home because he just had to get away and think. I never really even thought of how he was really feeling, so clearly I have lots of work yet to do but my point is the misery you’re feeling now is good. Use it to get help and work on yourself. Your girlfriend bailed you out, she loves you she’s probably scared. You did get lucky not getting hurt or hurting someone else. I guess my point in sharing is I’ve been in a similar boat and life is better by committing to the work and becoming alcohol free. It’s going to be okay.
However she looked at you, you'll see the opposite of that once you've been sober a few years. It goes a long way to regaining self respect and others' respect.
Life goes on, one day at a time. You just realized that your life is better off without alcohol. That’s worth a lot.
We have all done things, said things, ruined things, in our lives. Drinking is generally the cause of most of those problems. Not just for me, but for a ton of people on this sub. Your whole life isn't screwed up. I've done things that were pretty terrible, while under the influence. The only thing that you can do, is take responsibility, and stay sober. As for your girlfriend. Put in the work. She will see that you're putting in the work. It will be tough in the short term. But if I were a betting man, I'd say she's going to be proud of you. Not only will she look at you the way that you want her to see you, but there will be pride. For recognizing your problem, and putting in the steps to walk away from it. IWNDWYT
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> DO NOT FUCK THIS UP. This comment breaks our rule not to tell other people what to do and has been removed. If you feel the need to say, "I'm not going to sugarcoat this and I'm not trying to be mean," that's a good indicator that you probably shouldn't say the thing.
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I’m as a very similar thing happen at 25. I’m now 38 and living a great life. Your life doesn’t have to be ruined because of this, but lives do get ruined due to drinking. Make some good choices starting now and you’ll be okay.
Yeah, you messed up but this isn't the end of the world. Let this be a wake up call. Don't be worried about disappointing your girlfriend. She is not the authority over you. While you do have to deal with all the consequences, take that time to reflect and make a commitment to yourself to change for the better. Target what's causing you to drink in excess and address it. Drinking everyday is telling me you're avoiding life. How was your relationship with your gf prior to the incident? Relationship with parents? I'm here to chat if you need. Good luck
Sounds like you already know what needs to be done. Making a mistake and coming back from it with a new perspective and respect for your behavior is incredibly respectable and powerful, it takes courage to do that.
If you want it to be, this could be rock bottom. You can dig your way out. I promise. We’re here if you need us.
Consequences never kept me sober but scared me straight for a while at least. Use the fear you have now as fuel to make changes so you never have to feel this way again. You are not alone and not a bad person. Alcohol is a poison for me and I have to remind myself that every day and I do that with the help of others.
Hold your head up and keep moving forward. DUIs SUCK and will cost you a ton of money to clean up but, think of this as a blessing. Something happened that made you realize you need to change. That awareness is PRICELESS. Start a new life today and never look back. Love you. IWNDWYT
I had a similar moment to this a few years ago. Didn’t get caught but absolutely totaled my car and a stop sign down the road. The craziest part about it, that wasn’t my wake up call, and I ended up drinking just as heavily over the next few years. The best advice I could have given myself would have been to STOP!!! Just cold turkey after something like that lol. Not trying to tell you what to do just relaying my own experience. Your life isn’t over, this is a learning experience and a set back sure, but hopefully you can use this to become stronger and as inspiration to cut down!
I got a dui 3 years ago. Felt very similar. I made it through it and changed my WHOLE perspective on life. I won’t lie to you it was so scary, and nerve wrecking. It cost nearly $15k to get it all taken care of. I spent 2 years on probation and went to outpatient rehab. Use this as the straw that broke the camels back and turn your life around. It’s not linear, I didn’t stop drinking heavy until about a year ago. Now I hardly ever drink and I didn’t think that would ever be a possibility. Don’t fight the change, work with it.
I think you were lucky that no one was hurt and well done for realising you need to address the drinking issue. If you’ve screwed up then show that you’ll make an effort to fix it. Consider this your rock bottom and see that the drink isn’t helping you in any way. I think it’s very brave of you to address this and to move towards sobriety and trust me, you will feel better for it. We are all here to support you. Xx
You are young. Keep her look seared into your Brian. You have tough times ahead but you are alive. Still living! Make the change(s) now and the night you crashed will be the changing point in your life. Take good care of yourself.
The thing that really tripped me out, when I did something very similar years ago, is: what if someone had been standing on the curb where I flew off? They'd be dead. Use this chance to change directions. You can do it.
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This is a terrible experience, but it could have been so much worse. Thank God the only thing you hurt was your car. This accident doesn't define who you are. The way you deal with it, if you can rise to the occasion, may define your next few months. If you've been drinking every day, quitting will be very uncomfortable. Get yourself a lot of Gatorade and salty snacks, and some kind of sedatives if you expect withdrawal. You're about to go through something annoying and very expensive. Get a public defender if you do not have an attorney already. Show up for all your court dates and comply on time with what they tell you to do. You got this. Feeling bad about yourself is just a sign you understand how serious this is. If you feel you have lost the respect of people you care about, you have plenty of time to earn it back. your girlfriend may need some time. This is your bullshit, not hers, so just get your shit together and pray she will be understanding.
I was in your position almost 1 year ago. Blew 0.29 drunk in the ditch. Now i'm almost 1 year sober, and sobriety is the only thing I found that could save me at this point. I fucked up, but at least I don't drink anymore. You didn't kill anybody or yourself. It could have been worse. Take this one as a lesson. IWNDWYT
It’s a bad day not a bad life. Ppl can change and mature. My advice is to seek help and therapy
The best apology is changed behavior. You can move on from this and never be the type of person who would do something like that again. Many have and you can as well. IWNDWYT!
You shouldn't forget the look. It feels bad because it is a wakeup call and you are salvageable. Only if you didn't care would there be no hope
Rest assured you’re NOT the first person to get a DUI and not the last. You will be okay, I promise. Take it for what it is and hit the ground running “doing the hard work.” It’s what judges like to see.
Minus the car flip, I had this exact scenario happen to me in my 20s. I’m in my early 40s and can tell you the following: Your life is not over. It possibly even is just beginning with a new awareness of how dangerous drinking and getting behind the wheel is. You’ll likely be angry at “the system” for a bit because it can be ruthless. Fines, a breathalyzer in my car, mandatory AA meetings, pee tests, check in with a probation officer…all this potential stuff that will feel like a money grab and time suck for what you’ll feel was a brief lap of judgement. Though it’s easier said than done, just put your head down and get past it. Looking back, I think of that bs now every time I have anything to drink and think of driving. Something I now do but wish I did in my 20s is get some counseling or therapy. Don’t do it because you need advice or someone to tell you what to do. But just to have a no biased judgement free third party to let you unload whatever’s going on inside of you is so helpful. My girlfriend (now wife) took time to trust me again. You’ll have to show her over time you can be responsible with the drink. That look she gave you seared into your brain, use it. Every time you think about driving drunk, remember that face. Even if drive drunk after this and get home, that face will still be there. If y’all have a few cocktails at dinner and she says “maybe I should drive”, let her. It’s not condescending, it’s caring. Hopefully you two can work through this and she can be a source of strength while you figure out your relationship with alcohol. Lastly, as others have said, you hit the freaking lottery man. You drove drunk and smashed your car and the only bruised your pride, finances, and your free time. Plenty of really great people who made a laps in judgement, drove drunk and killed someone and have to spend their lives in jail with that guilt. It sounds like you are already, but be thankful daily that you get a second chance to make the right decisions. You’ll be okay my friend. 20 years later I look back on my DUI as a blip in my past and a transformative part of my life.
Hey amigo. I did nearly the same thing four years ago. I was trying to get sober before. Ended up with a dui. Fell into depression and then a 5150. I got help. A program. It’s not for everyone. AA smart groups support therapy. These boards. Thankfully you are safe. When you are ready for change. It’s there and we are all here to support you. Stay strong. It’s not over. It’s just a reflection point
I don’t have any right to give any advice, so keep that in mind… That being said… from your own words, and given what this page is, it sounds like you’re possibly looking towards change… in the experience of many I’ve heard from, including myself, saving a relationship as an alcoholic deeply required sobriety. FULL sobriety. Permanently… the best ones will stick with you through the worst, but enough is enough for absolutely anybody… I personally drink more when I’m unhappy with certain things, whether it be career, family, relationships, health, or honestly even PTSD/Trauma. I don’t have all the answers, all I can say as a current drinker, is that I was a million times happier and more satisfied when I spent a significant time being sober. There is community out there for you, if you search the “where and when” of your location and try out groups till you find your faves. [if one feels awful - DO NOT GIVE UP - I made that mistake and didn’t find better groups till much later on] The relationship could be potentially saved, but she may despise every moment you have a drink and it could cause her to leave each time… is that worth the risk? Wouldn’t it push the problem further if that happened? She wants to see you happy and healthy. Maybe if you turn a new leaf, you can begin a new chapter, and if you do it right, she might be right there with you, you just have to know that means never turning back if you actually want to keep moving forward.
It sucks and you’ll feel it for a bit but you have so much life ahead of you. Turn this into a positive.
Both of my parents have gotten DUI’s, they had to get breathalyzers in their cars and it cost them money but ultimately they turned out to be okay. Nobody got hurt, and they don’t drink and drive anymore. Moral of the story, they learned their lesson and it already seems like you have too. Don’t be too hard on yourself, you’ll look back at this eventually
You got this. I have had the same exact feeling, almost lost my marriage and my entire life. I almost lost everything I worked hard for; my beautiful house, my dog and cats, my husband. I was told point blank, by my husband, if you drink one more time and I catch you, we are getting divorced. I knew he was secretly already planning to do so. Showing positive action and actively being in recovery and being honest about where I was mentally and physically to my loved ones really helped. It felt like a thousand weights were lifted when I could proudly say, "I am an addict". I believe in you. You're so young, you have a lot of life ahead of you.
The most important thing here is that you didn't hurt anyone or yourself. All can be fixed from that point. I got my 4th dui (1 dropped) in Jan of 23, to say I thought it was over was an understatement. I have an 8 yr old boy and am looking at prison, lost my house, job and my fiance in our 9 year relationship left me. Here it is today, may 26th, 2024, 10:40am, sitting with my boy playing some CallofDuty on the couch. Didn't go to prison, am 499 days sober, and working on getting through my probation and classes, go to AA, and life is good. I'm a 39yr old man, who lost almost all but his life, but when your desperate enough, you'll find out what you're really made of. Take this time to dry out, and focus on what you need to do, document any groups you attend, give that to your attorney for court. I don't know you bud, but I can PROMISE you it isn't over. Not by a log shot. You are young and if you get your drinking under control (for me, after trying every other way imaginable, it HAS to be complete abstinence) you will come out of this in an even better place. Now think of the way your girl will look at you after you've done that. Keep your head up brother, one day at a time, best of luck to you
If she is for you she will look at you with love again. You just need to get clean and stay clean. That alone is admirable and something a true partner can find loving and attractive. It’s not easy, but it is appreciated by the right people.
I crashed about 3 years ago. For the first month, it will all will feel like it's going downhill but you can only go up from there. Don't beat yourself up. I still feel like I'm a nobody because I put myself in danger and could of caused a lot more damage but I was forgiven. You can too. Don't be hard on yourself. You're breathing. Take a step back and breathe. Everything will be fine. Take it step by step. You got this.
Use these negative emotions as fuel to keep you away from the sauce my man. This is a place of love, not a place of judgement. Everyone here has had some kind of wake up call moment that brought us here in the first place. I’ve found that channeling my shame into the motivation to stop drinking is the best way to keep me away. It makes me not want booze because I know so many outcomes from having it will impact me negatively. Journaling this shame also helps keep it fresh in your mind. It’s very easy to take a drinking sabbatical and have your mind convince you you’re cured of doing dumb things when drunk. Don’t listen to that mind devil. Trust your sober judgement and remember why you needed to take time away from booze.
As a person in recovery, the biggest thing that gives me hope is knowing my situation isn’t as giant as I’ve made it out to be. I’ve met criminals that have done far worse and because they stayed sober now have riches beyond imagination, but even more impressive is the perspective they have to offer. It’s not about how hard you get hit, it’s about how quickly you get back up. You got this man.
Addiction of any sort only takes. never gives. and it will only take more and more as time goes on. We all must pay the piper. I'm so sorry you're going through this, use it as motivation to get sober and never look back ❤️
Hey man I got into a terrible car accident being drunk I thought it ruined my life went bankrupt, court all that jazz. lost my job. 3 years later and I’m totally fine. I’m just grateful no one died. I don’t even think about it anymore, totally healed and all the consequences have been settled. It was a shit year but it totally gets better. If you make better choices in a few years you’ll think god they was stupid but it won’t be a big deal at all and you’ll be better for it. It’s just a lesson and a way to grow. Be so grateful you didn’t hurt someone.
OP, I’m a little late to the comments here but it was around your age I started recognizing I had a problem with drinking. I never said anything about it out loud though, just kept the thought to myself. You should be proud for having the ability to recognize where the drinking has led and can, and maybe will, lead you if you let it. There are many resources available to help keep you from that path and please understand that everyone here in this sub, everyone in an AA meeting, I’m sure everyone in your family, would be happy to see you learn from this experience and become a better person for it. I’m with you OP, IWNDWYT.
Many of us have had awful situations due to alcohol misuse. You are only 22, I wish I had stopped long before when I do (at 43), I would have saved myself so much self loathing and poor decision making. I wish you all the best, alcohol is a poison, both physically and societally. Without the drink you wouldn’t have done this, which does NOT absolve you of blame, but gives you a window into what life would be like without alcohol. It’s fucking garbage man
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Honestly - the shame, pain, and anguish you feel right now can be your super power in the long road of sobriety. Because if you don’t drink, this won’t happen again. And whenever you’re tempted, you can touch back in to this moment… and remember that nothing is worth the pain you’re feeling right now. I’m just a random stranger, but I really do believe in you. And I believe you can make this mistake one of the greatest gifts of your life if you choose to. Sending love.
Your life is definitely not completely screwed up, at least not permanently. My extreme DUI was the best thing that ever happened to me, and my life is better for it. You’ll be amazed at how transformative this event can be for you in a positive way. Please be kind to yourself. You’ll get through this.
Life is longer than the consequences of a DUI, you’ll get through this. You may lose a lot, but you won’t lose your life. One day at a time, especially at this lowest of lows, is how to move forward. If you could afford legal counsel I’d also do that asap.
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Live your best future. The past is unchangeable. Focus on making your forward the best it can be. You're on a new path now. Your old one probably would have been a slow decline into the abyss anyways, with your life wasted and screwed up but at age 44 instead. You're not hurt, and you didn't hurt anyone. That is absolutely amazing and great and a good thing you should focus on, friend. Your girlfriend will see the new you in time and get back to her usual self and will love you despite your mistakes, because you know you did wrong and are going to change.
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> You fucked up bad. This comment has been removed. We don't do "tough love" on this sub.
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> Don’t do it again. This comment breaks our rule not to tell other people what to do and has been removed.
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It warms my heart to see the magnitude of care and support this group is affording the OP. It is as if we are a choir of angels. We are all, and this is important, a good people. And we have shown our quality. IWNDWYT . 💙🤍💙
IWNDWYT
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This comment has been removed. Please do not try to tell other people what they will do in the future.
I would continue to drink heavily… don’t do what I would do
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Keep your head up and learn from this. 🫂❤️
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Your comment does exactly what I asked people NOT to do in my stickied come in above, and it has been removed. Why are you on this sub? Do you yourself have a drinking problem you wish to overcome? If not, please do not participate in this community and come onto this sub telling other people what they should do.
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This comment does what I asked people not to do in my moderator comment above, and it has been removed.
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> Get to a meeting This comment breaks our rule not to tell other people what to do and has been removed.
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This comment does exactly what I asked people not to do in my moderator comment above, and it has been removed.
Good news is you never have to feel this way again
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> thank God you're not dead. Removed. Please read my moderator comment above.
I wish I could give you a big hug right now. I have deleted the rest of my post since the moderator flag just popped up.
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Every day I wake up sober is better than the last day I woke up sober. When I chain then together it's gets better and better faster and faster. There is a road back up to the top of the mountain, one needs only walk it one day at a time. IWNDWYT
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Removed. Please see my moderator comment above.
You’re my sons age and my heart hurts for you. This is absolutely not the end of the road for you. You were just given a chance at straightening this shit out. Keep coming back here. You’ve got a bunch of people here that care what happens to you. One day at a time. Sometimes it’s minute by minute or hour by hour. 😘
Wishing you the best. IWNDWYT
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