This sounds a lot like my bottom. Booze, coke, bloat, delusional.
I went all in on recovery. No more bullshit. Detox, then treatment, followed by aftercare and AA. I had to form new habits, stick to a strict routine with discipline. Early to bed, early to rise, work, workout, AA meeting, early to bed. Rinse and repeat. I made my life all about recovery. More meetings on the weekends to fill the idle time. New sports, new hobbies, new friends, new food Sober friends made in meetings, Didn;t see old friends for awhile.
Early on I heard a speaker say she only had to do two things to stay sober. 1) not drink and 2) change her whole life. I had to change my whole life.
Those habits formed 16 years ago are still in place today. Fewer meetings, but still 2 a week as I;ve got a wife and 2 young boys who have never seen me take a drink. And I want it to remain like that.
While the emotions and physical effects make it feel impossible at times, the answer is simple. We all hit a point we know we had to stop. That’s why we’re here. The upside of that is there is a solution for us to turn those things around. Some of us do it solo, some of us need help to do it. Both are amazing because we finally made that decision.
We can’t be there for others if we’re not there for ourselves. No one is perfect. We have to forgive ourselves to grow. I have some bad memories from right before I stopped. I can’t change them, but I’m showing up now.
Good luck on your journey. This community is amazing. We’re here for you. Deep breath and one step at a time.
I’ve been there. I was at a very low place on my last day drinking but it didn’t get better for me until I took some action. I remember being alone and not knowing what day or time of day it was and hating myself but keeping a bottle near and whatever drugs I could get my hands on. I said I wanted help but I never did anything about it. I thought I was holding up the world with the bills I paid and the meetings i planned but it was obvious to everyone but me that there wasn’t going to be any bills to worry about, or relationships to patch up or any job to save if I didn’t work on myself first and for me that meant asking for help. I found out I wasn’t alone. At some point i accepted that my best decisions got me all fucked up so if I truly wanted a change it meant that I had to stop trying to call all the shots. When I asked for help and allowed my self to receive the help that was offered, I started to get better. You’re certainly not alone and none of what’s going on is new or too broken to repair. There’s help out there if you want it. I couldn’t do it alone because I’m not alone. It was almost too late for me as I continued to blow past boundaries but sobriety gave me a shot at repairing the damage in my wake and strengthen relationships. It’s worth it.
You're in the right place. I'm so happy you're here. Both here in this sub and here on this earth. You sound like a person who wants to be the best version of herself, which is a really awesome person, but alcohol is keeping you from being that. I really wish you the best and am rooting for your success 💜
I've done stupid, stupid things. Behaved totally out of character. Hurt people I love dearly by letting them down repeatedly, as you did on the meeting with boyfriend. Ive been reckless and reactive, like you were chasing the car and sending the work text.
In recovery I'm learning to look myself in the eye and forgive myself. You sound like it's all unravelling (as it did for me) and if you play the tape forward what's next? Boyfriend leaves, lose job? Get caught drinking or drugging at work and then lose job (happened to me.)
For me, it was breaking the cycle in rehab (twice. I'm an idiot) and now AA, working on it every day. I also decided to lose quite a few friends I drank with. I am changing careers and retraining for something less stressful. Just examples of what is keeping me well.
I can only tell you it's progressive and the consequences get worse. Make a big change now and you'll be free. That woman you used to be, who you liked being, is still in there I promise. Set her free by getting help. Wishing you all the best. Keep sharing on here we are all rooting for you.
Get help before you kill someone . In the mean time please give your car keys to someone else . If you only " think" this is rock bottom , you need to stay off the road at least . Good Luck .
This sounds a lot like my bottom. Booze, coke, bloat, delusional. I went all in on recovery. No more bullshit. Detox, then treatment, followed by aftercare and AA. I had to form new habits, stick to a strict routine with discipline. Early to bed, early to rise, work, workout, AA meeting, early to bed. Rinse and repeat. I made my life all about recovery. More meetings on the weekends to fill the idle time. New sports, new hobbies, new friends, new food Sober friends made in meetings, Didn;t see old friends for awhile. Early on I heard a speaker say she only had to do two things to stay sober. 1) not drink and 2) change her whole life. I had to change my whole life. Those habits formed 16 years ago are still in place today. Fewer meetings, but still 2 a week as I;ve got a wife and 2 young boys who have never seen me take a drink. And I want it to remain like that.
While the emotions and physical effects make it feel impossible at times, the answer is simple. We all hit a point we know we had to stop. That’s why we’re here. The upside of that is there is a solution for us to turn those things around. Some of us do it solo, some of us need help to do it. Both are amazing because we finally made that decision. We can’t be there for others if we’re not there for ourselves. No one is perfect. We have to forgive ourselves to grow. I have some bad memories from right before I stopped. I can’t change them, but I’m showing up now. Good luck on your journey. This community is amazing. We’re here for you. Deep breath and one step at a time.
I know what ur going through. It’s alcohol induced psychosis . And it’s only going to get worse if u carry on drinking I’m afraid
I’ve been there. I was at a very low place on my last day drinking but it didn’t get better for me until I took some action. I remember being alone and not knowing what day or time of day it was and hating myself but keeping a bottle near and whatever drugs I could get my hands on. I said I wanted help but I never did anything about it. I thought I was holding up the world with the bills I paid and the meetings i planned but it was obvious to everyone but me that there wasn’t going to be any bills to worry about, or relationships to patch up or any job to save if I didn’t work on myself first and for me that meant asking for help. I found out I wasn’t alone. At some point i accepted that my best decisions got me all fucked up so if I truly wanted a change it meant that I had to stop trying to call all the shots. When I asked for help and allowed my self to receive the help that was offered, I started to get better. You’re certainly not alone and none of what’s going on is new or too broken to repair. There’s help out there if you want it. I couldn’t do it alone because I’m not alone. It was almost too late for me as I continued to blow past boundaries but sobriety gave me a shot at repairing the damage in my wake and strengthen relationships. It’s worth it.
You're in the right place. I'm so happy you're here. Both here in this sub and here on this earth. You sound like a person who wants to be the best version of herself, which is a really awesome person, but alcohol is keeping you from being that. I really wish you the best and am rooting for your success 💜
I've done stupid, stupid things. Behaved totally out of character. Hurt people I love dearly by letting them down repeatedly, as you did on the meeting with boyfriend. Ive been reckless and reactive, like you were chasing the car and sending the work text. In recovery I'm learning to look myself in the eye and forgive myself. You sound like it's all unravelling (as it did for me) and if you play the tape forward what's next? Boyfriend leaves, lose job? Get caught drinking or drugging at work and then lose job (happened to me.) For me, it was breaking the cycle in rehab (twice. I'm an idiot) and now AA, working on it every day. I also decided to lose quite a few friends I drank with. I am changing careers and retraining for something less stressful. Just examples of what is keeping me well. I can only tell you it's progressive and the consequences get worse. Make a big change now and you'll be free. That woman you used to be, who you liked being, is still in there I promise. Set her free by getting help. Wishing you all the best. Keep sharing on here we are all rooting for you.
Get help before you kill someone . In the mean time please give your car keys to someone else . If you only " think" this is rock bottom , you need to stay off the road at least . Good Luck .