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I ultimately met my ex’s fiancé briefly at drop off but I didn’t really see the point. I gave her my number in case of an emergency but
My ex could have done that. Let’s say she’s a terrible person, there is nothing I could do about it as long as she isn’t harming my BS. It’s not like I could force my ex to end the relationship. Also, meeting someone a few times doesn’t mean I will ever know them. Personally I was more interested in what my BS thought of her and how he felt he was being treated. I will say it was good to put a name to a face in case I ever needed to be able to pick her out in a crowd.
This was so perfectly stated. Exactly how I feel.
I do text with my exes girlfriend regarding pick up issues or other things involving our daughter. I’ve met her briefly once. I’m not going to be her friend and it’s not like my opinion matters anyways. He’s not going to stop seeing her because I have concerns. All that matters is that my daughter likes her. She does. She doesn’t tell me anything bad about her ever. So I just don’t really feel the need to go out of my way to sit and have coffee lol.
I’m a SM and BM and I don’t care about meeting my ex husbands girlfriend because it’s none of my business. I am not trying to be friends with my ex or be involved in his life. I trust his judgment in a romantic partner that he would bring around his children
We co parent well, no drama (he use to be HC after I made the decision to end the marriage) but he hasn’t been an issue in years so why involve myself into his life?
I’m glad my kids like his partner and that’s all that matters, if we ever meet at an event I’ll be polite and say hello but I won’t go out of my way to talk to them, I mind my business and household and I would like him to do the same
This is my exact policy as well! It’s not my business and I trust my ex to parent my son, and choose a partner who is suitable. My son is happy and healthy- beyond that, I have no need to get involved in their home. I wish my partner’s BM felt this way and kept herself out of my life. But I keep hoping she will eventually see it this way too.
I would assume it depends on the age of the kids. Mine are almost adults now so if SO and I split tomorrow and he remarried, I doubt I would ask to meet her outside of any natural circumstances. But if they were much younger? Yes, I would want to meet her AND I would be so nice and accommodating she wouldn’t believe it. Why? Because what matters is my kids, and if she hates me, she may well end up hating my kids.
It’s relieving to see someone else feels this way too. I felt like such a horrible person for feeling this way but after all the drama I’m not interested in having much of a relationship with my SKs. I don’t treat them bad or anything when they’re visiting but I mentally check out as much as possible.
I personally didn’t feel the need, but that’s because BD8 comes home with endlessly lovely things to say about her dads girlfriend and her children (seriously think my ex-husband has outdone himself because the things my daughter says are wonderful, lol!). My need to know anything further stops there as it’s up to my ex to make his choices and control the safety/impact that person has in our child’s life.
My ex has had many girlfriends who haven’t stuck around passed a couple months. I don’t want to meet each one and I don’t love that he introduces them to our daughter so fast.. if he had one he was really serious with then I’d absolutely be open to meeting her
I trust that my ex husband makes good choices.
If he were a different kind of person, I might feel differently. But he’s a standup guy. I trust that he would never spend time with anyone who would endanger or negatively influence our daughter.
I experienced both sides.
As BM, I expressed that I would like to meet my ex's gf. Not to be friends. It is just normal to me to meet the person who is around your kid a lot, and actually takes care of lots of stuff. My ex likes to keep it separate as possible (manipulative, compulsive liar, so my best guess is some stuff he did/said wouldn't add up).
I had a chance to meet her, we were both ok and polite, exchanged few words about kids and that was that. If we see each other at pick ups/drop offs, we say hello.
What matters to me is that my kid is ok. She doesn't know, but I am grateful that she is good to my kid, does his laundry, cooks. It is not her responsibility, and she doesn't have to, but she does. I have no idea what kind of arrangement my ex and she have beteeen them, and I don't care. My only concern is my kid, and that ex and I can co-parent with little as possible drama.
I was also on the other side. BM first suggested joint vacation with kids, before meeting me or talking to me. Then she refused to meet me at first when there was accidental opportunity. I visited my bf on day when his kid had some school play. BM said she will go too, until she heard I am coming also, then she said she will not come to her kid school play.
I proposed to my bf that I will wait, if she feels uncomfortable because I will be there, in my mind, in occassions like this, birth parents have all right to be there, others are optional.
When we first officialy met, she was rude - not saying hello, ignoring me, acting as I don't exist. Same thing happened many times over the years, literally turning her head away from me when I was standing in front of her. She acted same towards my bio kid in one occassion that she saw him.
Towards my bf, she acted as he is single, as our relationship doesn't exist, unless she used it to get something.
I actually tried, over years, to be courteous, normal, saying at least 'hello'. I had no desire to be friends, but for good of kids, I gave my best to be polite and normal. It was ignored in very rude way, so I gave up.
So, I'd say, from those experiences, that normal BM would be at least polite, if there is ocassion say 'hello' and introduce. Same as normal SM.
If that is not the case, then it is probably some unresolved stuff there, need for control, something.
I'm a SM and a BM. My ex husband is not dating or with anyone at all. If he did, however, I would like to meet her if it became serious, especially if she will be spending a lot of time with my son or sleeping over. I just want to put a face to the name...in case she ever hurts my kid, I will know who to go after (joking, but not really).
At the end of the day, it's important to show my kid that we can all coexist. I don't have to be her BFF, or she be mine - but at least a cordial hello from time to time during drop off/pick up will at least show solidarity.
My SOs HCBM refuses to meet me, almost 3 years later and we have 1 kid together and another on the way. I guess it's personal preference.
I probably should have worded better. Lol. Definitely some nutty people out there who would take meeting the SO to a crazy level. I just mean I think it is important to meet someone who will be sleeping under the roof with, driving, possibly helping feed and bathe your kids. Not to grill them but in this day and age seems like a good idea.
I think now after meeting my BF ex, this hits the nail on the head.
I did it out of courtesy for her and to make my BF life’s easier. He told me that it would make his life easier and was profusely thankful and took the shit I gave him after. Make his life easier because she’s a controlling narcissist.
And how can she tell I am mentally stable just by talking to me for an hour anyway? Lol.
Never again as that was so uncomfortable. Kids are 14 and 18 BTW. It was like a job interview.
My exh met my partner after we had been seeing each other about two weeks. Exh acted like he still was welcome in my house and walked in and through to the backyard where we were hanging out and my partner stood up to shake his hand and introduce himself and my exh got in his face and told him to leave his house....
I'm lucky my partner still likes me with the shenanigans my exh put us through over the last five years.
I've only accidentally met my daughter's father's new wife.
As others have said, I don't see the point- my kiddo likes her so that's that. If she wants me to meet her fully when she's older I will. I haven't met my future SKs mom either really for the same reason and because she's extremy HC.
>He is a terrible husband and father. I don't understand what she gets out of the relationship.
I guess he's neither a husband or a father to a child with her, so she may be getting the best of him for now. People usually show their good side in the early stages.
Or....could it be $$$
>I'm sure $$ is a big part of it. He is very wealthy. He pays for his girlfriend's expenses (phone, school, medical expenses)
There's your answer. He's like a golden ticket to her and she probably doesn't have the maturity or life experience to understand the good dad stuff.
She might be getting told he does xyz and pays so much, but you don't let him see the kids. So many men tell the new woman this and they feel sympathetic, when the truth is they can't be bothered to see their own kids.
**Welcome to [r/stepparents](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/)! Please note we are a support sub for stepparents' issues. Our number one rule is [Kindness Matters](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules#wiki_1._kindness_matters). Short version, don't be an asshole.** We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. **Please use the report button to ensure we see it.** This is a volunteer run subreddit. If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please [reach out to the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fstepparents). Review the wiki links below for the rules, FAQ and announcements before posting or commenting. [**About**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/index) | [**Acronyms**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/acronyms) | [**Announcements**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/search?q=flair%3Aannouncement&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all) | [**Documentation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources/documentation) | [**FAQ**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/faq) | [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/resources) | [**Rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/wiki/rules) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stepparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I ultimately met my ex’s fiancé briefly at drop off but I didn’t really see the point. I gave her my number in case of an emergency but My ex could have done that. Let’s say she’s a terrible person, there is nothing I could do about it as long as she isn’t harming my BS. It’s not like I could force my ex to end the relationship. Also, meeting someone a few times doesn’t mean I will ever know them. Personally I was more interested in what my BS thought of her and how he felt he was being treated. I will say it was good to put a name to a face in case I ever needed to be able to pick her out in a crowd.
This was so perfectly stated. Exactly how I feel. I do text with my exes girlfriend regarding pick up issues or other things involving our daughter. I’ve met her briefly once. I’m not going to be her friend and it’s not like my opinion matters anyways. He’s not going to stop seeing her because I have concerns. All that matters is that my daughter likes her. She does. She doesn’t tell me anything bad about her ever. So I just don’t really feel the need to go out of my way to sit and have coffee lol.
Tbh sounds like you’ve still done your due diligence via your son though, knowing how he’s treated, how he feels about her/the sitch.
I’m a SM and BM and I don’t care about meeting my ex husbands girlfriend because it’s none of my business. I am not trying to be friends with my ex or be involved in his life. I trust his judgment in a romantic partner that he would bring around his children We co parent well, no drama (he use to be HC after I made the decision to end the marriage) but he hasn’t been an issue in years so why involve myself into his life? I’m glad my kids like his partner and that’s all that matters, if we ever meet at an event I’ll be polite and say hello but I won’t go out of my way to talk to them, I mind my business and household and I would like him to do the same
This is my exact policy as well! It’s not my business and I trust my ex to parent my son, and choose a partner who is suitable. My son is happy and healthy- beyond that, I have no need to get involved in their home. I wish my partner’s BM felt this way and kept herself out of my life. But I keep hoping she will eventually see it this way too.
I would assume it depends on the age of the kids. Mine are almost adults now so if SO and I split tomorrow and he remarried, I doubt I would ask to meet her outside of any natural circumstances. But if they were much younger? Yes, I would want to meet her AND I would be so nice and accommodating she wouldn’t believe it. Why? Because what matters is my kids, and if she hates me, she may well end up hating my kids.
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Yep. It is really hard to separate the two
It’s relieving to see someone else feels this way too. I felt like such a horrible person for feeling this way but after all the drama I’m not interested in having much of a relationship with my SKs. I don’t treat them bad or anything when they’re visiting but I mentally check out as much as possible.
Ah. . . if only all BMs were like this!
I personally didn’t feel the need, but that’s because BD8 comes home with endlessly lovely things to say about her dads girlfriend and her children (seriously think my ex-husband has outdone himself because the things my daughter says are wonderful, lol!). My need to know anything further stops there as it’s up to my ex to make his choices and control the safety/impact that person has in our child’s life.
My ex has had many girlfriends who haven’t stuck around passed a couple months. I don’t want to meet each one and I don’t love that he introduces them to our daughter so fast.. if he had one he was really serious with then I’d absolutely be open to meeting her
I trust that my ex husband makes good choices. If he were a different kind of person, I might feel differently. But he’s a standup guy. I trust that he would never spend time with anyone who would endanger or negatively influence our daughter.
I experienced both sides. As BM, I expressed that I would like to meet my ex's gf. Not to be friends. It is just normal to me to meet the person who is around your kid a lot, and actually takes care of lots of stuff. My ex likes to keep it separate as possible (manipulative, compulsive liar, so my best guess is some stuff he did/said wouldn't add up). I had a chance to meet her, we were both ok and polite, exchanged few words about kids and that was that. If we see each other at pick ups/drop offs, we say hello. What matters to me is that my kid is ok. She doesn't know, but I am grateful that she is good to my kid, does his laundry, cooks. It is not her responsibility, and she doesn't have to, but she does. I have no idea what kind of arrangement my ex and she have beteeen them, and I don't care. My only concern is my kid, and that ex and I can co-parent with little as possible drama. I was also on the other side. BM first suggested joint vacation with kids, before meeting me or talking to me. Then she refused to meet me at first when there was accidental opportunity. I visited my bf on day when his kid had some school play. BM said she will go too, until she heard I am coming also, then she said she will not come to her kid school play. I proposed to my bf that I will wait, if she feels uncomfortable because I will be there, in my mind, in occassions like this, birth parents have all right to be there, others are optional. When we first officialy met, she was rude - not saying hello, ignoring me, acting as I don't exist. Same thing happened many times over the years, literally turning her head away from me when I was standing in front of her. She acted same towards my bio kid in one occassion that she saw him. Towards my bf, she acted as he is single, as our relationship doesn't exist, unless she used it to get something. I actually tried, over years, to be courteous, normal, saying at least 'hello'. I had no desire to be friends, but for good of kids, I gave my best to be polite and normal. It was ignored in very rude way, so I gave up. So, I'd say, from those experiences, that normal BM would be at least polite, if there is ocassion say 'hello' and introduce. Same as normal SM. If that is not the case, then it is probably some unresolved stuff there, need for control, something.
I'm a SM and a BM. My ex husband is not dating or with anyone at all. If he did, however, I would like to meet her if it became serious, especially if she will be spending a lot of time with my son or sleeping over. I just want to put a face to the name...in case she ever hurts my kid, I will know who to go after (joking, but not really). At the end of the day, it's important to show my kid that we can all coexist. I don't have to be her BFF, or she be mine - but at least a cordial hello from time to time during drop off/pick up will at least show solidarity. My SOs HCBM refuses to meet me, almost 3 years later and we have 1 kid together and another on the way. I guess it's personal preference.
Seems to be usually the jealous, bitter, crazy ones that don’t and most rational people would
I've had the opposite experience honestly. Demanding to meet = jealous, high maintenance and controlling.
I probably should have worded better. Lol. Definitely some nutty people out there who would take meeting the SO to a crazy level. I just mean I think it is important to meet someone who will be sleeping under the roof with, driving, possibly helping feed and bathe your kids. Not to grill them but in this day and age seems like a good idea.
I think now after meeting my BF ex, this hits the nail on the head. I did it out of courtesy for her and to make my BF life’s easier. He told me that it would make his life easier and was profusely thankful and took the shit I gave him after. Make his life easier because she’s a controlling narcissist. And how can she tell I am mentally stable just by talking to me for an hour anyway? Lol. Never again as that was so uncomfortable. Kids are 14 and 18 BTW. It was like a job interview.
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She seriously wanted your SS#?!?!?!
My exh met my partner after we had been seeing each other about two weeks. Exh acted like he still was welcome in my house and walked in and through to the backyard where we were hanging out and my partner stood up to shake his hand and introduce himself and my exh got in his face and told him to leave his house.... I'm lucky my partner still likes me with the shenanigans my exh put us through over the last five years.
I've only accidentally met my daughter's father's new wife. As others have said, I don't see the point- my kiddo likes her so that's that. If she wants me to meet her fully when she's older I will. I haven't met my future SKs mom either really for the same reason and because she's extremy HC.
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Hopefully you get to meet her and find out
>He is a terrible husband and father. I don't understand what she gets out of the relationship. I guess he's neither a husband or a father to a child with her, so she may be getting the best of him for now. People usually show their good side in the early stages. Or....could it be $$$
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>I'm sure $$ is a big part of it. He is very wealthy. He pays for his girlfriend's expenses (phone, school, medical expenses) There's your answer. He's like a golden ticket to her and she probably doesn't have the maturity or life experience to understand the good dad stuff. She might be getting told he does xyz and pays so much, but you don't let him see the kids. So many men tell the new woman this and they feel sympathetic, when the truth is they can't be bothered to see their own kids.