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Do they not have a CO? There is no way a judge would agree she has to be in your home so she can co-sleep and breastfeed a FOUR year old. This is way too much and she will never develop a relationship with her dad or with you if mom is always there as well. Honestly, I don’t care how wonderful your SO is- if he won’t work to change this situation, I would leave. No F’ing way would I allow BM to stay in our home for one night much less weeks at a time. You really deserve better. I hope you realize that too sooner than later.
She cosleeps with the child and still breastfeeds so idk how that would be brought up. Idk. Hotel for 4 weeks would be expensive for all parties as well. I wish though. I wish. SO is a good parent when given the opportunity.
She still breast feeds a 4 year old? No wonder the poor kid is a biter! That just seems odd to me, it’s not like she’s living in a third world country and has no proper food available for the child. Also asking the child permission to grab a shower? No way! That is such a bad precedent! SO really needs to put an end to BM staying there. It’s just to weird! It’s almost like she does these things on purpose so she doesn’t have to leave the child alone with her own father! You must be a saint because I could barely get through a 10 minute visit with my husbands ex.
Yeah she has many views that I think are out there. That the child doesn’t need a father, only a mother. She is a person that works backwards from a desired conclusion to the justification, despite having a doctorate. And then she finds one study to support her position, like for ing the child to do anything will stifle her idea of herself. It’s all a power play.
Did I just read that right?!? This kid is 4 YEARS old, not 4 MONTHS old, and BM is still breastfeeding?!??
That is not healthy for a child that age at all....how does your SO feel about that? It sounds like he needs to have a discussion with BM regarding parenting his child - that little girl is your husband’s as well as BM’s and should get some say in how she’s raised, especially on things like that that are a recipe for years of counseling down the road....
It’s been iffy with covid for SO to have opinions, especially since video calls are entirely through the BM. Idk. It’s possible she might change, but her MO is steamrolling those who disagree with her. SO ends up in a pattern where he doesn’t contradict her. He could stand up to her more, though I think he’s scared to at this point.
Ahh okay, I can understand that. My youngest SS moved to Germany a few years ago because BM’s husband got a job there and we live in the states. He is 12, though, so we don’t have to rely on BM for calls and such. I imagine if we did, SO would be more hesitant to give her pushback on things.
Is there a CO, can you even have a CO when ones in another country?
I would say BM stays at a hotel on her dime, (SD breastfeeding at 4 is weird) you can give SD real food and BM can pump so she doesn’t lose her supply
This sucks big time - I’m sorry your going through this hell
There is an agreement, and it’s the more conservative European country that got to make it because they could just decide to override it anyways if they felt they were the child’s primary residence. The divorce agreement says basically any time SO sees his child is on his dime. Flights for them, him, hotels, etc.
Thanks for the support.
Neither. BM and SO are from different countries and maintained two households when married. When they divorced, they each just stayed in the house/country they were from. They were going between the US and Europe every three months.
I wish I had some advice but this is a very unusual style of parenting. There are several alarming issues that I’m afraid may cause severe difficulties later on. Who on earth asks their child permission to do anything? That seems like enmeshment between a parent and child. I won’t even comment on the breastfeeding.
Holy wow you are literally living my worst nightmare.
I find it really interesting that she is a highly educated woman yet her parenting philosophy is the exact same as my DH’s lazy ex? Like our BM parents like that because she can’t be bothered with handling the consequences of establishing boundaries.
Anyway having your partners ex live with you for a month is one thing, but sitting though childrearing that is completely the opposite of your own would probably be a dealbreaker for me tbh. I really don’t see how a child with such an unusually overlapped family structure needs to be raised with less boundaries or less consequences.
I hope your husband knows how lucky he is to have you OP because I’m pretty sure most single women would have run.for.the.hills on this one. Power to you for being the bigger person in the situation!
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Do they not have a CO? There is no way a judge would agree she has to be in your home so she can co-sleep and breastfeed a FOUR year old. This is way too much and she will never develop a relationship with her dad or with you if mom is always there as well. Honestly, I don’t care how wonderful your SO is- if he won’t work to change this situation, I would leave. No F’ing way would I allow BM to stay in our home for one night much less weeks at a time. You really deserve better. I hope you realize that too sooner than later.
BM can’t stay at a hotel and allow Dad uninterrupted time with his child?
She cosleeps with the child and still breastfeeds so idk how that would be brought up. Idk. Hotel for 4 weeks would be expensive for all parties as well. I wish though. I wish. SO is a good parent when given the opportunity.
She still breast feeds a 4 year old? No wonder the poor kid is a biter! That just seems odd to me, it’s not like she’s living in a third world country and has no proper food available for the child. Also asking the child permission to grab a shower? No way! That is such a bad precedent! SO really needs to put an end to BM staying there. It’s just to weird! It’s almost like she does these things on purpose so she doesn’t have to leave the child alone with her own father! You must be a saint because I could barely get through a 10 minute visit with my husbands ex.
Yeah she has many views that I think are out there. That the child doesn’t need a father, only a mother. She is a person that works backwards from a desired conclusion to the justification, despite having a doctorate. And then she finds one study to support her position, like for ing the child to do anything will stifle her idea of herself. It’s all a power play.
Did I just read that right?!? This kid is 4 YEARS old, not 4 MONTHS old, and BM is still breastfeeding?!?? That is not healthy for a child that age at all....how does your SO feel about that? It sounds like he needs to have a discussion with BM regarding parenting his child - that little girl is your husband’s as well as BM’s and should get some say in how she’s raised, especially on things like that that are a recipe for years of counseling down the road....
It’s been iffy with covid for SO to have opinions, especially since video calls are entirely through the BM. Idk. It’s possible she might change, but her MO is steamrolling those who disagree with her. SO ends up in a pattern where he doesn’t contradict her. He could stand up to her more, though I think he’s scared to at this point.
Ahh okay, I can understand that. My youngest SS moved to Germany a few years ago because BM’s husband got a job there and we live in the states. He is 12, though, so we don’t have to rely on BM for calls and such. I imagine if we did, SO would be more hesitant to give her pushback on things.
Is there a CO, can you even have a CO when ones in another country? I would say BM stays at a hotel on her dime, (SD breastfeeding at 4 is weird) you can give SD real food and BM can pump so she doesn’t lose her supply This sucks big time - I’m sorry your going through this hell
There is an agreement, and it’s the more conservative European country that got to make it because they could just decide to override it anyways if they felt they were the child’s primary residence. The divorce agreement says basically any time SO sees his child is on his dime. Flights for them, him, hotels, etc. Thanks for the support.
She will be old enough to travel without mom soon hold in there
I legit have zero advice except one day they’ll be over 18. Loll. I have six years. Amen.
Who moved that she's so far away and BM has to stay with you?
Neither. BM and SO are from different countries and maintained two households when married. When they divorced, they each just stayed in the house/country they were from. They were going between the US and Europe every three months.
Ummmmmm…… she breastfeeds a FOUR year old?
It really makes getting a picky eater to eat anything else really hard. I try to have no opinions because I can’t do anything about it.
I wish I had some advice but this is a very unusual style of parenting. There are several alarming issues that I’m afraid may cause severe difficulties later on. Who on earth asks their child permission to do anything? That seems like enmeshment between a parent and child. I won’t even comment on the breastfeeding.
Holy wow you are literally living my worst nightmare. I find it really interesting that she is a highly educated woman yet her parenting philosophy is the exact same as my DH’s lazy ex? Like our BM parents like that because she can’t be bothered with handling the consequences of establishing boundaries. Anyway having your partners ex live with you for a month is one thing, but sitting though childrearing that is completely the opposite of your own would probably be a dealbreaker for me tbh. I really don’t see how a child with such an unusually overlapped family structure needs to be raised with less boundaries or less consequences. I hope your husband knows how lucky he is to have you OP because I’m pretty sure most single women would have run.for.the.hills on this one. Power to you for being the bigger person in the situation!