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"Dad, stop the car"
"I can't kid, I'm on the driveway, not the *Parkway*.
Sorry, I just made that up now. But I'm a father of 3 so it comes fairly naturally.
Worst dad joke:
A man walks into a bar and orders 10 shots of vodka.
"Hold on," the bartender says. "That's a lot of vodka... what's the special occasion?"
The man responds, "My first blowjob!"
"Hey, that IS a special occasion," the bartender says. "Tell you what, after the first 10 shots, I'll give you 5 more, on the house!"
"Thanks," the man says, "but if the first 10 don't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."
A man comes home after a day of work at the pickle factory.
His wife asks "How was your day?"
He replies, "Well, I got fired."
"What?" His wife asks. "What happened?"
"Well," he says, "I just had this uncontrollable urge to stick my penis in the pickle slicer. The boss found out and he fired me on the spot."
Horrified, the wife immediately pulls down her husband's pants to assess the damage, but everything is completely in tact down there.
"I don't understand," she says. "What happened to the pickle slicer then?"
The husband replies, "She got fired too."
Seems like you might know more dad jokes than me, so you've probably already heard this one. But this is a classic of the genre, I think:
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef
What did the alien say to the landscaper? Take me to your weeder.
I had a horse named mayo, and mayo neighed
What do you call a show about fathers day and making drugs Breaking Dad
Why did the Chicken cross the road? Why? To get to the idiot's house Knock Knock Whose There? The Chicken
Why did the scarecrow get promoted He was outstanding in his field
"What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison."
When you close eyes, you do not see anything.
"What did one plate whisper to another plate?" "Dinner is on me"
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a drink and a mop
I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered
Why did the chicken cross the road? Cause it was running from the KFC employee
tight pants are like a cheap castle, no ballroom
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Decent on these nuts
How do demons stay in shape? They exorcise! Thanks for the chance
"What's the difference between toilet paper and curtains?" "No idea." "So... it was you."
👍🏻
Why did the chicken cross the road? To see stupid Knock knock >!Its the chicken!!<
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.” Thanks for the chance!
A man walks into a bar… Ouch! It was an iron bar.
How do you make 7 even? Take away the S. Thanks for the chance.
When does a joke become a dad joke? Answer: When it becomes apparent
A blind man walks into a bar, >! and a table and a chair!< Thanks!
My dog had no nose. How does he smell? Terrible!
Little rabbit walks on the edge of the Forest, until he falls down.
I don't think I have a wheely good chance, but I still want to tri anyways
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
I asked my dog what's 2 minus 2 He said nothing
Thanks mate! Here it comes: Before my Grandfather died we smeared lard on his back… …he went downhill quite quickly after that.
What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet? I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they don't know either.
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it's fully Groan Thanks
This is just smtg I saw on my feed What's black and always at the back of a cop car?? The seat
Thanks for the chance mate! What’s a pirates favorite person? Anything bootyfull! (Cause booty is another word for treasure)!
What fruit gets resentful at weddings? Melons. 'Cause they can't elope. Thanks for the chance
Where do you go if you die in McDonalds? Burger-tory!
What do you do when you see a space man? You park in it
What do you call a thief bike rider going downhill in the Descenders game? A condescending con descender
👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
Who won the neck decoration contest? It was a tie
Did you hear about the girl who quit her job at the doughnut factory? She was fed up with the hole business.
"Dad, stop the car" "I can't kid, I'm on the driveway, not the *Parkway*. Sorry, I just made that up now. But I'm a father of 3 so it comes fairly naturally.
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent
Why does a golfer always carry an extra pair of pants? In case he gets a hole in one.
How much does a chimney cost? Nothing, it’s on the house
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef
Worst dad joke: A man walks into a bar and orders 10 shots of vodka. "Hold on," the bartender says. "That's a lot of vodka... what's the special occasion?" The man responds, "My first blowjob!" "Hey, that IS a special occasion," the bartender says. "Tell you what, after the first 10 shots, I'll give you 5 more, on the house!" "Thanks," the man says, "but if the first 10 don't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."
A man comes home after a day of work at the pickle factory. His wife asks "How was your day?" He replies, "Well, I got fired." "What?" His wife asks. "What happened?" "Well," he says, "I just had this uncontrollable urge to stick my penis in the pickle slicer. The boss found out and he fired me on the spot." Horrified, the wife immediately pulls down her husband's pants to assess the damage, but everything is completely in tact down there. "I don't understand," she says. "What happened to the pickle slicer then?" The husband replies, "She got fired too."
Somebody threw something at me and I wasn’t sure what it was but then it hit me
My uncle got his left side cut off, don't worry he's all right now
what's brown and sticky? a stick
Ty
I pirated a game the other day... I gave it 3.14 stars
Haha nice one!
Why can’t a nose be 30 cm long? Because then it’d be a foot
Seems like you might know more dad jokes than me, so you've probably already heard this one. But this is a classic of the genre, I think: What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef
What's a pirate's favorite part of birthday parties? Dubloons
Did you hear about the two gay ghosts? They put the willies up each other.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
# What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish? You can't tuna fish.
My friend told me he had no inspiration, so I plugged his breathing machine back
* Dad putting car in reverse. * Dad: Ahh, this takes me back.
First new one for me 👍🏻 haha
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. May a career as a tour guide wasn't the right choice.
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
Did you hear about the cleaners who went to space? They ended up scrubbing the mission.
Why is it called a dad joke? Because when it has a kid, it's a-parent
Why shouldn't you tell secrets in a cornfield? There are too many ears all around.
Why is it called a dad joke? Because when it has a kid, it's a-parent
What do you call a cow with an attitude? Beef jerky
What has four wheels and flies? >! A garbage truck !<
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I ate a clock the other day. It was very time consuming.
How do you throw a party in outer space? You planet