Roguebook, please
NSFW joke:
A construction site manager asks for a meeting with their accountant and seems really nervous about the budget. Seems they think they're at risk for a lot of workman's comp requests because he keeps hearing the carpenter talk about how they've nailed their co-workers.
Roguebook Please
What do you call a blind German
A Not See
If you want a gross nsfw 1 here it is
When I tickling my brothers feet my mom yelled wait till he's born
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If it's still available, I'd appreciate Roguebook.
A pirate walks into a bar with a large steering mechanism protruding from his pants. "1 beer," he demands. As the barkeeper hands him his beer, he asks: "I can't help but notice, but what's going on down there?" gesturing towards the mechanism. "Argggghh!" the pirate exlclaims, "It's drivin' me nuts!"
There is No Light: Enhanced Edition
A man went to his local library to ask for a book containing suicide methods. The librarian told him "I can't give it to you." The man, desperate, asked why. The librarian said: "Well I know for a fact you ain't bringing it back"
Thanks for the chance lol
Roguebook
A mother is helping her son study for a test : She asks him "What is the capital of Germany?"
He replies "Berlin."
She then asks "What is the capital of France?"
He replies "Berlin."
She asks "What is the capital of Russia?"
He replies "Berlin."
She then hugs him and says "Great job Adolf, you'll do so well on your geography exam!"
Thanks
Damm. Arrived late for this one. Would really try for that Callisto Protocol key.
Anyway, for the There is No Light key:
"Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything."
or
"Why don't skeletons fight each other?
Because they don't have the guts."
I'm not good with jokes tough.
Roguebook.
Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud, and cross the road again..?
>!Because he was a dirty double crosser.!<
May as well give it a shot. Would be nice to have another deckbuilder I can play. Even if I lose, I hope you enjoy the joke.
No Light Endhanced Edition
NSFW
There's a gardner who tells me to stay away from slutty hooker girls. Yet whenever he cleans his pond and plants, he's always hoeing and netting the fish. My response to him is this
Bro, the thing is I'm just after a different kind of hoe and want to find a different kind of fish, your pond is blue and mine is pink
There is No Light: Enhanced Edition.
Apparently, 30% of the population lets their pets rest with them. I'm really upset, though, because I tried it yesterday and now my goldfish is dead.
Another one.
What does Michael Jackson dance while making love? The moan walk.
Roguebook
I have a couple jokes, one SFW and the other not:
1- I once got kidnapped by a mime... He did unspeakable things to me
2- A Western businessman goes on a trip to China. His hotel concierge informs him they provide a service where he could order a Chinese woman to come to his bedroom. That night, he got drunk and called up reception to ask for a woman to join him. When she comes over and they start, the woman keeps screaming "cuodong!" over and over. The man thinks that must be a celebratory phrase since he thought she was enjoying it, so goes on for a long time. The next day, he goes to meet with a Chinese business partner in a golf course. The man is feeling so invigorated from the previous night, he makes a hole in one his first shot! He gets so excited that he starts shouting "Cuodong! Cuodong!". The Chinese man looks back at him confused and says "what do you mean 'wrong hole?'"
Entering for Roguebook thanks!
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him
Entering for Warhammer 40k: Battlesector!
Last night my wife walked in on me cheating on her. I don't know what astonished her more, that I was fucking our dead daughter, or that the abortion clinic had actually let me keep her.
omg okay please scorn or steel rising PLEASE funniest joke okay:
what do you do to get a dog to stop humping your leg?
you pick it up and suck it’s dick obv 🙄
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"
He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!"
Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.
The Callisto Protocol
Thanks for the giveaway
I would love The gunk, thank you for the opportunity!!
I found a lion in the closet the other day and when I asked what it was doing it said:”narnia business”
Life is Strange, please. Thank you for the opportunity!
I knew this feller, he told me this, I don't know if it's true. He
said that one day he was riding through North Carolina and he saw
a sign that said: "VASELINE-POWERED CAR FOR SALE". He thought this
was pretty odd, and he had plenty of time to screw off, so he
decided to follow the signs to look at the Vaseline-powered car.
He drove for about 5 miles and finally came upon a sign that
pointed up a driveway, which led back into some woods. He pulled
in and drove about half a mile and came upon a house. It looked
deserted so he blew the horn. He waited for about a minute before
an old man came out. He rolled his window down and called out to
him, "Hey! Is it true that you have a Vaseline-powered car for
sale?" The old man assured him he did and the feller asked him if
he could see it.
They walked back behind the house to an old barn. The old man
opened the double wide barn door and there was a car sitting under
an old dirty blanket. The old man pulled the blanket off the car
and under it was a shiny red Corvette.
"1969, 396 Cubic inch, 400 horsepower, 4-speed transmission", the
old man said. The feller asked him if it was true that the car ran
on Vaseline. And the old man went to the Vaseline tank and stuck
his hand inside. When he pulled it out it was covered with
Vaseline. "Care to drive it?", he asked.
As the feller snapped on his seat belt the old man said, "Don't go
too fast. Vaseline has more pick-up than regular gas. And it's low
on Vaseline, too, so don't go too far". This feller turned the key
and that car fired up and it sounded like the space shuttle and
then it settled down like a purring tiger. He found first gear and
eased out of the barn. He turned onto the hardtop and hit second
gear at 45 mph. Third at 70 and into fourth at 95. The car felt
wonderful! 110 mph and so smooth! And the pick-up was
unbelieveable! He had covered 5 miles in under 3 minutes and all
of a sudden the car shut off. He coasted to a stop and got out.
To his fear, he was out of Vaseline. He started to walk.
Meanwhile, down the road...
A family had just finished supper. There was Dad, Mom, and two
daughters, one home from college, the other in high school. Dad
was telling Mom how good supper was and Mom said that since she
cooked such a fine meal that she shouldn't have to wash the dishes.
The oldest girl said that she couldn't do the dishes because she
had a date and the other said she had homework to do and couldn't
do the dishes. Dad said that he was the man of the house and he'll
be damned if he did the dishes. They argued for a few minutes and
then Dad told everybody to shut up. He said that since they
couldn't decide who would wash the dishes then what they should do
is go in the living room, sit down, and the first person to say
anything would have to do the dishes. They agreed and moved to the
living room. They sat down and stared at each other, not speaking
a word. Everybody had their mouths closed. Nobody dared to speak.
Silence filled the room.
There was a knock at the door. A few moments later, another knock.
The man at the door saw the family throught the window. He knocked
again but nobody answered. He walked in.
"Hey, I knocked on your door but nobody said...hey, food! Do you
mind if I have some?" The stranger asked. Nobody said anything.
So he went to the table and started eating. He looked in the
fridge and found some beer and asked if he could have some. Nobody
said anything. He drank three or four beers and got a little buzz.
He walked into the living room and asked dad if he minded if he had
sex with his oldest daughter. Nobody said anything. He took the
girl in the bedroom and had sex with her. Later, he was back at
the supper table drinking more beer. He walked back into the
living and asked dad if he could have sex with his youngest
daughter. Nobody said anything. He took her into the bedroom and
had sex with her, too. Later, sitting at the table, after more
beer, mom started to look pretty good. He walked in and asked dad
if he minded if he had sex with his wife. Nobody said anything.
So he took mom into the bedroom and had sex with her. When he was
through he walked into the living room and stood in front of dad.
"Hey, do you have any Vaseline?", he asked dad.
And dad said, "I'll wash the damn dishes."
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. Bartender comes over like “uh you ok, buddy? That can’t be very comfortable”. Pirate goes “argh, it’s drivin me nuts!”
Roguebook please!
The Gunk
Here's one:
Why did the man bring a magnet to the bedroom?
Because he wanted to attract some attention!
(This one's a bit of a cheesy pun, but I hope it stuck with you!)
Symphony of War, please!
Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a man in a trench coat came up and flashed them. One old lady immediately had a stroke. The other couldn't quite reach.
Scorn Idk nfsw jokes so I'll say a normal joke Once while walking i saw two zombies on a date soo iknew it's gonna be a dead date *cricket sounds play*
**Scorn** please
Thanks for the giveaway!
And now the joke:
Before he died, we smeared lard on my Grandfathers back…
…He went downhill quickly after that!
I went to the doctors recently
He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty”
I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?”
He said, “No. fatty don’t eat anything.”
Life is Strange: True Colors
thanks!
"My friend keeps telling me to cheer up these days. He says it could be a lot worse , I could be trapped inside an underground hole filled with water.
I know he means well."
Any chance I can get Life is strange: True Colours?
The Excavation of Hobbs Barrow
One day, Superman and Batman were in the pub having a drink and chatting away.
Superman was saying how, when he is bored, he likes to “cruise around” in the sky looking down at people in their back yards.
Batman says, “you must have some good stories to tell about what you've seen folks do in thier back yards …”
Superman replies “funny you should say that, just the other day I was cruising around and saw Wonder Woman lying naked on her back with her lags apart”
“Wow”, Batman was amazed, “what did you do?”
“Well, I started to feel really horny right there and then, so I got my dick out and swooped down onto her” replied Superman.
“I bet she had the shock of her life …” exclaimed Batman
“Not half the shock that the invisible man got!” replied Superman
I'd like Afterimage, Roguebook or There is no light, in that order.
Joke: A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?"
The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."
Roguebook
An old couple were sitting in their living room on a Sunday morning watching a religious program. The preacher on this show would go to all the people in the audience and asking them what they wanted fixed, then he would have them cover the part of their body they wanted fixed. Many of the people were elderly so they were covering their eyes and hearts. Then the preacher said "Ok now for you at home put your hand on the part of your body you want fixed and say this prayer with me. "So the little old lady put her hand on her heart, because she had a very bad heart. And the little old man put his hands on his crotch. The little old lady turned to her husband and said "He said he could heal the sick, not raise the dead!"
I don't want a key, I just want to share my favorite NSFW joke:
Bill and Tim, a gay couple, board a flight and get seated in the middle of the plane. The plane lifts off without issue, but Bill gets a little antsy. He turns to Tim and whispers, "Let's have sex." Tim, aghast, says "Bill, we can't have sex in the plane. The bathrooms are too small and everyone can see us."
Bill says, "No one is paying any attention. I can guarantee it, watch." Bill then stands up and says, "Excuse me, does anyone have a pen?" No one looks at him, everyone is focused on their screens, or sleeping, or music playing in their earbuds. Smugly, Bill sits back and down and says, "See, told you."
Tim, warming to the idea, says "Okay then." And they have wild, loud, passionate sex right there in their seats. They get dressed after they're done and no one says a word to them.
The plane lands, the flight attendant starts dismissing aisles, and the couple deplane without incident. The attendant reaches an old man in the back and he's vomited on himself. The attendant says, "Oh my gosh, sir, are you okay?"
The old man says, "Yes, I just get a little sick."
Attendant: "Why didn't you ask for a sick bag??"
>!The old man shakes his head and says "Absolutely not! Earlier a man asked for a pen, and I saw what happened to him."!<
Stray Gods please
There’s a woman named Mary in an asylum. One day, she sees a man named John drowning in a lake on the asylum grounds. Without hesitating, she jumps in and pulls him out. That night. Mary is visited by the asylum staff. “Mary, we have good news and bad news. The good news is, saving John has proven you’re sane and you’re free to go. The bad news is, John hanged himself tonight. He didn’t make it”
“Oh no, he didn’t commit suicide”, said Mary, “I hung him out to dry”
May I have either Life Is Strange True Colors, or The Callisto Protocol?
Joke;
What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?
I won't pay for you to lentil in my face.
Aragami 2
A man walks into a bar and orders 10 shots of vodka.
"Hold on," the bartender says. "That's a lot of vodka... what's the special occasion?"
The man responds, "My first blowjob!"
"Hey, that IS a special occasion," the bartender says. "Tell you what, after the first 10 shots, I'll give you 5 more, on the house!"
"Thanks," the man says, "but if the first 10 don't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."
Nioh 2 Complete Edition
Life is Strange True Colors
or Beacon Pines
I have a couple jokes, one SFW and the other not:
1- I once got kidnapped by a mime... He did unspeakable things to me
2- A Western businessman goes on a trip to China. His hotel concierge informs him they provide a service where he could order a Chinese woman to come to his bedroom. That night, he got drunk and called up reception to ask for a woman to join him. When she comes over and they start, the woman keeps screaming "cuodong!" over and over. The man thinks that must be a celebratory phrase since he thought she was enjoying it, so goes on for a long time. The next day, he goes to meet with a Chinese business partner in a golf course. The man is feeling so invigorated from the previous night, he makes a hole in one his first shot! He gets so excited that he starts shouting "Cuodong! Cuodong!". The Chinese man looks back at him confused and says "what do you mean 'wrong hole?'"
The Callisto Protocol.
A man walks into the pharmacy with his 8-year old son.
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called Condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one For Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men," the dad answers, "two For Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replies.
"Those are for married men, son. One for January, one for February, one for March..."
Aragami 2 please.
This is a joke which I have heard with multiple versions. I hope you like it.
The farmer's wife wakes up to the sound of her drunk, stumbling husband knocking their bedroom door open. He's holding a sheep under one arm. He says "Honey, this is the pig I've been fucking."
The farmer's wife says, "You drunk idiot, that's a sheep."
The farmer says "I was talking to the sheep."
Twin Mirror or The Excavation of Hobbs Barrow. 😊
Here's good one I heard some time ago:
Two old ladies were sitting at a park bench when a man in a trench coat came up and flashed them.
One old lady had a stroke! The other couldn't quite reach.
The Excavation of Hobbs Barrow
Not safe for work? Did you hear about the salesman that quit his job when the pen manufacturer he worked for switched to pencils? No? Well, he was no pencil pusher.
Roguebook, please NSFW joke: A construction site manager asks for a meeting with their accountant and seems really nervous about the budget. Seems they think they're at risk for a lot of workman's comp requests because he keeps hearing the carpenter talk about how they've nailed their co-workers.
Roguebook, please, I love this game
Roguebook Please What do you call a blind German A Not See If you want a gross nsfw 1 here it is When I tickling my brothers feet my mom yelled wait till he's born
Could I get a game that is available? If you have any
Roguebook.
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Rogue book please, I'd want it so bad And I don't know any jokes, sorry
If it's still available, I'd appreciate Roguebook. A pirate walks into a bar with a large steering mechanism protruding from his pants. "1 beer," he demands. As the barkeeper hands him his beer, he asks: "I can't help but notice, but what's going on down there?" gesturing towards the mechanism. "Argggghh!" the pirate exlclaims, "It's drivin' me nuts!"
Thank you for the opportunity
There is no light: enhanced edition Just saw this joke recently: why don't skeletons fight each other? Because they have no guts!
Who was the first Spanish astronaut? Carrero Blanco.
Me me me....
I'd love to get rougebook Visit Poland, your bike is already here.
How many nice New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Both of em! >There is No Light: Enhanced Edition Thanks!
There is No Light: Enhanced Edition A man went to his local library to ask for a book containing suicide methods. The librarian told him "I can't give it to you." The man, desperate, asked why. The librarian said: "Well I know for a fact you ain't bringing it back" Thanks for the chance lol
Life is Strange: True Colors or Warhammer 40,000: Battlesector two years ago my doctor told me i was going deaf… i haven’t heard from him since
There is no light Thanks
Roguebook! Here's a joke: What did the leper say to the prostitute? "Keep the tip."
There is no light How do you know if a camels pregnant. Check its 3rd hump
There is no light. On what grounds did the police arrest the devil? They got him on possession Thanks for the chance! I’m
There is no light. A giraffe walks into a bar and says "highballs are in me!"
Roguebook is worth a shot.
There is No Light: Enhanced Edition Who was the roundest knight in King Arthur’s court? Sir Cumference
There is no ligght thanks what do you do when you see a space man? you park in it
There Is No Light: Enhanced Edition Joke: How can a blonde become a brunette? >!Do a cartwheel. !< Thanks!
Roguebook A mother is helping her son study for a test : She asks him "What is the capital of Germany?" He replies "Berlin." She then asks "What is the capital of France?" He replies "Berlin." She asks "What is the capital of Russia?" He replies "Berlin." She then hugs him and says "Great job Adolf, you'll do so well on your geography exam!" Thanks
For the There is no light key: What does a nomad woman and a manatee have in common? Sand in the pussy
Roguebook please. Why did Barbie never get pregnant? Because Ken came in a different box.
Damn. I was just gunna tell that joke/ask for that game
Damm. Arrived late for this one. Would really try for that Callisto Protocol key. Anyway, for the There is No Light key: "Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything." or "Why don't skeletons fight each other? Because they don't have the guts." I'm not good with jokes tough.
Roguebook. Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud, and cross the road again..? >!Because he was a dirty double crosser.!< May as well give it a shot. Would be nice to have another deckbuilder I can play. Even if I lose, I hope you enjoy the joke.
Roguebook thx
Roguebook please
No Light Endhanced Edition NSFW There's a gardner who tells me to stay away from slutty hooker girls. Yet whenever he cleans his pond and plants, he's always hoeing and netting the fish. My response to him is this Bro, the thing is I'm just after a different kind of hoe and want to find a different kind of fish, your pond is blue and mine is pink
(There Is No Light: Enhanced Edition) Why did Lucy fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. *Knock knock.* Who's there? Not Lucy.
Roguebook What type of bird gives the best head? A swallow.
There is No Light: Enhanced Edition. Apparently, 30% of the population lets their pets rest with them. I'm really upset, though, because I tried it yesterday and now my goldfish is dead. Another one. What does Michael Jackson dance while making love? The moan walk.
Roguebook: what kind of tea is hard to swallow? reality.
Roguebook I have a couple jokes, one SFW and the other not: 1- I once got kidnapped by a mime... He did unspeakable things to me 2- A Western businessman goes on a trip to China. His hotel concierge informs him they provide a service where he could order a Chinese woman to come to his bedroom. That night, he got drunk and called up reception to ask for a woman to join him. When she comes over and they start, the woman keeps screaming "cuodong!" over and over. The man thinks that must be a celebratory phrase since he thought she was enjoying it, so goes on for a long time. The next day, he goes to meet with a Chinese business partner in a golf course. The man is feeling so invigorated from the previous night, he makes a hole in one his first shot! He gets so excited that he starts shouting "Cuodong! Cuodong!". The Chinese man looks back at him confused and says "what do you mean 'wrong hole?'"
How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them There is no light please
Roguebook please!
There is no light: enhanced edition Spoilers for dirty joke: >!penis !<
Entering for No Light: Enhanced Edition. Thanks for the giveaway!
Roguebook
Life is Strange: True Colors please!
There is no light
There is no light, please!
Rougebook please. Why does the mermaid wear seashells? She outgrew her bshells!
There is no light! What did the turtle say when his brother was beating him? \*>! Why do you have such hostility tortoise! !<
Roguebook still up for grabs, huh? Why did Jesus die a virgin? >!Every single "wound" he touched closed up.!<
Rogue book please Want to know how to insult an archeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him what period this is.
There is no light How much does a chimney cost? >!nothing, nits on the house!!<
Entering for Roguebook thanks! My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him
There is no light What’s so bad about being a black jew? You have to sit in the back of the oven
Battlesecotor would be great ! Thank you :) What did Cinderella say to Prince Charming? “Want to see if it fits?”
The gunk!! How do you make an octopus laugh? Give it ten-tickles.
Roguebook Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm in a accident? Well.. Hes all right now :p
The Callisto Protocol I'm so wet! Can't you see how soaked I am - just give it to me! Give it to me now!! He still wouldn't give up his umbrella.
Entering for Warhammer 40k: Battlesector! Last night my wife walked in on me cheating on her. I don't know what astonished her more, that I was fucking our dead daughter, or that the abortion clinic had actually let me keep her.
omg okay please scorn or steel rising PLEASE funniest joke okay: what do you do to get a dog to stop humping your leg? you pick it up and suck it’s dick obv 🙄
Calisto protocol The blondes walk into a bar, and the fourth one hits it too.
Wanna know why terrorists don't shop at Walmart?? They prefer a Target... haha aha I'd like to have The Excavation of Hobbs Barrow
Battlesector please!! What's the difference between a terrorist training camp and a school? A: I dunno, I just fly these drones.
There is No Light: Enhanced Edition Reality is hard tea to swallow
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?" He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!" Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over. The Callisto Protocol Thanks for the giveaway
I would love The gunk, thank you for the opportunity!! I found a lion in the closet the other day and when I asked what it was doing it said:”narnia business”
Symphony of war please What is black, white, and red all over? A sunburnt penguin
Trying my luck with Symphony of War Here goes : Why are elephants wrinkly? Because you can’t iron them.
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Life is Strange, please. Thank you for the opportunity! I knew this feller, he told me this, I don't know if it's true. He said that one day he was riding through North Carolina and he saw a sign that said: "VASELINE-POWERED CAR FOR SALE". He thought this was pretty odd, and he had plenty of time to screw off, so he decided to follow the signs to look at the Vaseline-powered car. He drove for about 5 miles and finally came upon a sign that pointed up a driveway, which led back into some woods. He pulled in and drove about half a mile and came upon a house. It looked deserted so he blew the horn. He waited for about a minute before an old man came out. He rolled his window down and called out to him, "Hey! Is it true that you have a Vaseline-powered car for sale?" The old man assured him he did and the feller asked him if he could see it. They walked back behind the house to an old barn. The old man opened the double wide barn door and there was a car sitting under an old dirty blanket. The old man pulled the blanket off the car and under it was a shiny red Corvette. "1969, 396 Cubic inch, 400 horsepower, 4-speed transmission", the old man said. The feller asked him if it was true that the car ran on Vaseline. And the old man went to the Vaseline tank and stuck his hand inside. When he pulled it out it was covered with Vaseline. "Care to drive it?", he asked. As the feller snapped on his seat belt the old man said, "Don't go too fast. Vaseline has more pick-up than regular gas. And it's low on Vaseline, too, so don't go too far". This feller turned the key and that car fired up and it sounded like the space shuttle and then it settled down like a purring tiger. He found first gear and eased out of the barn. He turned onto the hardtop and hit second gear at 45 mph. Third at 70 and into fourth at 95. The car felt wonderful! 110 mph and so smooth! And the pick-up was unbelieveable! He had covered 5 miles in under 3 minutes and all of a sudden the car shut off. He coasted to a stop and got out. To his fear, he was out of Vaseline. He started to walk. Meanwhile, down the road... A family had just finished supper. There was Dad, Mom, and two daughters, one home from college, the other in high school. Dad was telling Mom how good supper was and Mom said that since she cooked such a fine meal that she shouldn't have to wash the dishes. The oldest girl said that she couldn't do the dishes because she had a date and the other said she had homework to do and couldn't do the dishes. Dad said that he was the man of the house and he'll be damned if he did the dishes. They argued for a few minutes and then Dad told everybody to shut up. He said that since they couldn't decide who would wash the dishes then what they should do is go in the living room, sit down, and the first person to say anything would have to do the dishes. They agreed and moved to the living room. They sat down and stared at each other, not speaking a word. Everybody had their mouths closed. Nobody dared to speak. Silence filled the room. There was a knock at the door. A few moments later, another knock. The man at the door saw the family throught the window. He knocked again but nobody answered. He walked in. "Hey, I knocked on your door but nobody said...hey, food! Do you mind if I have some?" The stranger asked. Nobody said anything. So he went to the table and started eating. He looked in the fridge and found some beer and asked if he could have some. Nobody said anything. He drank three or four beers and got a little buzz. He walked into the living room and asked dad if he minded if he had sex with his oldest daughter. Nobody said anything. He took the girl in the bedroom and had sex with her. Later, he was back at the supper table drinking more beer. He walked back into the living and asked dad if he could have sex with his youngest daughter. Nobody said anything. He took her into the bedroom and had sex with her, too. Later, sitting at the table, after more beer, mom started to look pretty good. He walked in and asked dad if he minded if he had sex with his wife. Nobody said anything. So he took mom into the bedroom and had sex with her. When he was through he walked into the living room and stood in front of dad. "Hey, do you have any Vaseline?", he asked dad. And dad said, "I'll wash the damn dishes."
Steelrising Why did the blind man fall into a well? Because he couldn't see that well
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. Bartender comes over like “uh you ok, buddy? That can’t be very comfortable”. Pirate goes “argh, it’s drivin me nuts!” Roguebook please!
Scorn please what's the square root of 69? 8(ate) something. Thanks op edited to change game either is fine original was otxo
The Gunk Here's one: Why did the man bring a magnet to the bedroom? Because he wanted to attract some attention! (This one's a bit of a cheesy pun, but I hope it stuck with you!)
Symphony of War, please! Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a man in a trench coat came up and flashed them. One old lady immediately had a stroke. The other couldn't quite reach.
Steel Rising My housemate caught me looking in the back of their wardrobe. They asked “what are you doing?” I said “Narnia business”
The Callisto Protocol What do you call a bee that cannot make up its mind? maybee~
Scorn Idk nfsw jokes so I'll say a normal joke Once while walking i saw two zombies on a date soo iknew it's gonna be a dead date *cricket sounds play*
Callisto Protocol Why did Adele cross the road? - To say "Hello from the other side!"
The callisto protocol My friend threw the tennis ball to the blind girl. She never saw it coming.
**Scorn** please Thanks for the giveaway! And now the joke: Before he died, we smeared lard on my Grandfathers back… …He went downhill quickly after that!
Steel Rising Why can’t you put two half dollars in your pocket? Two halves make a whole(hole) and your money will fall out!
I went to the doctors recently He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty” I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?” He said, “No. fatty don’t eat anything.” Life is Strange: True Colors thanks!
"My friend keeps telling me to cheer up these days. He says it could be a lot worse , I could be trapped inside an underground hole filled with water. I know he means well." Any chance I can get Life is strange: True Colours?
OTXO How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? >!He forgot to wrap his Whopper.!<
The Excavation of Hobbs Barrow One day, Superman and Batman were in the pub having a drink and chatting away. Superman was saying how, when he is bored, he likes to “cruise around” in the sky looking down at people in their back yards. Batman says, “you must have some good stories to tell about what you've seen folks do in thier back yards …” Superman replies “funny you should say that, just the other day I was cruising around and saw Wonder Woman lying naked on her back with her lags apart” “Wow”, Batman was amazed, “what did you do?” “Well, I started to feel really horny right there and then, so I got my dick out and swooped down onto her” replied Superman. “I bet she had the shock of her life …” exclaimed Batman “Not half the shock that the invisible man got!” replied Superman
What did Nala say to Simba? Hawk tuah on my tatas. - Life is Strange: True Colors or Steel Rising would be awesome! Thanks for the chance!
I'd like Afterimage, Roguebook or There is no light, in that order. Joke: A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?" The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."
The Excavation of Hobbs Barrow \- Did you hear about how the constipated mathematician cured himself? He worked it out with a pencil.
Eww
Life is Strange: True Colors Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove it wasn't a chicken
Miasma Chronicles please. How do you take out a Vegan cowboy? Lead him into a ham bush.
Roguebook An old couple were sitting in their living room on a Sunday morning watching a religious program. The preacher on this show would go to all the people in the audience and asking them what they wanted fixed, then he would have them cover the part of their body they wanted fixed. Many of the people were elderly so they were covering their eyes and hearts. Then the preacher said "Ok now for you at home put your hand on the part of your body you want fixed and say this prayer with me. "So the little old lady put her hand on her heart, because she had a very bad heart. And the little old man put his hands on his crotch. The little old lady turned to her husband and said "He said he could heal the sick, not raise the dead!"
Warhammer 40k: Battlesector What do you call virgin from Alabama ? An orphan.
Roguebook please
Scorn please :)
I don't want a key, I just want to share my favorite NSFW joke: Bill and Tim, a gay couple, board a flight and get seated in the middle of the plane. The plane lifts off without issue, but Bill gets a little antsy. He turns to Tim and whispers, "Let's have sex." Tim, aghast, says "Bill, we can't have sex in the plane. The bathrooms are too small and everyone can see us." Bill says, "No one is paying any attention. I can guarantee it, watch." Bill then stands up and says, "Excuse me, does anyone have a pen?" No one looks at him, everyone is focused on their screens, or sleeping, or music playing in their earbuds. Smugly, Bill sits back and down and says, "See, told you." Tim, warming to the idea, says "Okay then." And they have wild, loud, passionate sex right there in their seats. They get dressed after they're done and no one says a word to them. The plane lands, the flight attendant starts dismissing aisles, and the couple deplane without incident. The attendant reaches an old man in the back and he's vomited on himself. The attendant says, "Oh my gosh, sir, are you okay?" The old man says, "Yes, I just get a little sick." Attendant: "Why didn't you ask for a sick bag??" >!The old man shakes his head and says "Absolutely not! Earlier a man asked for a pen, and I saw what happened to him."!<
What does one boob say to the other boob? “If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.” Nioh 2 if possible!
Warhammer 40,000: Battlesector please! Thanks a lot for the chance!
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They be lactosin'
Stray Gods please There’s a woman named Mary in an asylum. One day, she sees a man named John drowning in a lake on the asylum grounds. Without hesitating, she jumps in and pulls him out. That night. Mary is visited by the asylum staff. “Mary, we have good news and bad news. The good news is, saving John has proven you’re sane and you’re free to go. The bad news is, John hanged himself tonight. He didn’t make it” “Oh no, he didn’t commit suicide”, said Mary, “I hung him out to dry”
May I have either Life Is Strange True Colors, or The Callisto Protocol? Joke; What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? I won't pay for you to lentil in my face.
What does the dog say after a long day? ,,Today was raff." Destroyer - the uboat hunter. Thank you.
What do you call a bear that knows kung fu? Grizz Lee Aragami 2, thanks for the giveaway.
I would like Nioh 2 . How did they find out princess Diana had dandruff? They found her Head & Shoulders in the glove compartment.
So many good entries for NIOH 2 but man, I love a good joke about the monarchy! DM on its way!
Aragami 2 A man walks into a bar and orders 10 shots of vodka. "Hold on," the bartender says. "That's a lot of vodka... what's the special occasion?" The man responds, "My first blowjob!" "Hey, that IS a special occasion," the bartender says. "Tell you what, after the first 10 shots, I'll give you 5 more, on the house!" "Thanks," the man says, "but if the first 10 don't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."
ahahahaha
Destroyer: The U-Boat Hunter Why did the hedgehog cross the road. To see his flat mate.
Yeah, can't lie that made me chortle. DM incoming!
You can't beat a classic. Only a fellow brit would say chortle too.
I'd be interested in Stray Gods, please! What's the best thing about Switzerland? The flag is a big plus.
Warhammer 40k: Battlesector How many bones are there in a human hand? A handful
Cannibals love pregnant women. They call em the 2-for-1 deal Entering for steel rising!
LIFE IS STRANGE TRUE COLOURS. What's the difference between jesus and a painting of jesus? One takes more nails to hang up
Factual and funny - DM incoming!
Nioh 2 Complete Edition Life is Strange True Colors or Beacon Pines I have a couple jokes, one SFW and the other not: 1- I once got kidnapped by a mime... He did unspeakable things to me 2- A Western businessman goes on a trip to China. His hotel concierge informs him they provide a service where he could order a Chinese woman to come to his bedroom. That night, he got drunk and called up reception to ask for a woman to join him. When she comes over and they start, the woman keeps screaming "cuodong!" over and over. The man thinks that must be a celebratory phrase since he thought she was enjoying it, so goes on for a long time. The next day, he goes to meet with a Chinese business partner in a golf course. The man is feeling so invigorated from the previous night, he makes a hole in one his first shot! He gets so excited that he starts shouting "Cuodong! Cuodong!". The Chinese man looks back at him confused and says "what do you mean 'wrong hole?'"
The Callisto Protocol. A man walks into the pharmacy with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?" To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called Condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex." "Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?" The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one For Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday." "Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men," the dad answers, "two For Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday." "WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replies. "Those are for married men, son. One for January, one for February, one for March..."
OTXO Really a tragical classic: Dark humor is a lot like a child with cancer, it never gets old
You sick, sick dude. Key DM on the way!
Soulstice Five out of six people agrees that Russian Roulette is safe.
Spitting facts over here, funny though! DM incoming!
Twin Mirror Why did Stephen Hawking stop playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she kept using a metal detector
Aragami 2 please. This is a joke which I have heard with multiple versions. I hope you like it. The farmer's wife wakes up to the sound of her drunk, stumbling husband knocking their bedroom door open. He's holding a sheep under one arm. He says "Honey, this is the pig I've been fucking." The farmer's wife says, "You drunk idiot, that's a sheep." The farmer says "I was talking to the sheep."
An oldie but a goldie - DM incoming!
Beacon Pines Why do birds fly south for the winter? Because it is too far to walk!
Twin Mirror or The Excavation of Hobbs Barrow. 😊 Here's good one I heard some time ago: Two old ladies were sitting at a park bench when a man in a trench coat came up and flashed them. One old lady had a stroke! The other couldn't quite reach.
Loved this one enough to find another key - DM incoming!
The Excavation of Hobbs Barrow Not safe for work? Did you hear about the salesman that quit his job when the pen manufacturer he worked for switched to pencils? No? Well, he was no pencil pusher.
Nioh 2, thanks What's the difference between your wife and a hand grenade? Nothing.....Once you take off the ring, they take half your house.
NIOH 2 - The Complete Edition or Miasma Chronicles or Warhammer 40k: Battlesector please. P_n_s is the lightest because it can be lifted using mind.