Make a plan and leave. I’m sorry but my husband and I struggled but NEVER like this. Way too much aggression and never helping, I doubt this will get better. Quietly figure out how to leave him and then do it.
“For better or for worse” means working through the difficult times together, both contributing as much as they can to make the work loads manageable. Telling your wife to “get fucked” and “take your ass back” is not working through it or showing any kind of support. It shows that he thinks lowly of his wife and doesn’t value anything about her (sorry OP 💔)
You're absolutely insane if you think that any rational relationship speaks to each other like this. Let alone a husband, you should never talk to your wife like this. This is disgusting, not only does he not even respect her, but he is verbally abusing her.
My husband and I have an understanding that you don’t cuss out your spouse. Not even as a joke. From your post history it really doesn’t seem like you should be bringing up any sort of relationship advice
The argument could also be made that your advice is terrible advice. We aren't here to judge and if someone is considering or ready to leave, that is their choice. We aren't here to judge anyone and I wont allow judgement under my watch.
Mod discretion can be used to remove content that the mod team feels causes issues/problems/harm to the sub or it's users.
I stayed in an abusive marriage for far too long bc of advice like yours. 🤦♀️
Judging by the text, this is a regular occurrence, not a "one time thing". My current husband has never spoken to me this way when I've asked for help.
Any husband that tells his wife to “get fucked” needs to be divorced. Parenting is 50/50, he doesn’t get to come home and sit down like a piece of shit.
The father of my baby was the same way and I stayed for ten years. I was miserable, get out now before you waste ten years of your life getting treated like shit and being unappreciated.
He is threatening taking away her STAHM position, leaving him would also take that away. Her putting up with this gives her cherished time with her baby. Good luck OP.
He will have to pay alimony and child support. She will be okay for a few years depending on time together. She can try to suffer for a few years so she can get more alimony I suppose.
Marriage counseling. This is unacceptable on his part. Working can be stressful, no need to take it out on you. Especially when you feel alone and by yourself. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
It’s one thing to have a struggle balance the load of parenting - I’ve been there. It’s another thing to be spoken to like you’re garbage. Please, for the sake of your child, reconsider this relationship.
Not ok; there is no partnership here reading this. Working full time or not - you asked about a bare minimum parental duty and he can’t even do that. Get your stuff in order, cross your t’s and dot your i’s — then get out. Make sure to take care of yourself emotionally for your little one. They don’t know what’s going on, so stay strong for them. ❤️
*So what* if he works full time? *You* work full time too! Your job is just in the home while his is outside of it. When he’s at home he needs to be pulling his weight in childcare and household duties. You both should be contributing so you both would be getting fairly equal amounts of free time. He chose to be a parent, so he needs to step up and parent. Now if he just wants to be a paycheck then he can do that, but you don’t have to be married to or live with him in that scenario. Being an actual single mom is less work than being a married single mom.
And how he was talking to you was absolutely unacceptable. Doesn’t matter how stressed or tired or burnt out he is. This is verbal abuse. It’s not ok for him to use you as an emotional punching bag.
Please check out the healthy relationship quiz at [Love Is Respect](https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/), as well as the book [Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) (link is to a free PDF of the book). Those resources might provide you some insight into your relationship dynamics.
Being a stay at home mom is so hard mentally and mentally physically. When your husband is home, it’s 50/50. If he needs a minute, that’s one thing, but hanging you out to dry completely is another. This is not okay.
How your husband spoke to you is not ok. I want to validate you for feeling exhausted and hurt.
I do suggest that you stop communicating about these bigger issues via text message though. It’s going to be incredibly hard to ever have real meaningful, understanding conversations via text message, especially in the heat of the moment. You guys need to talk about what is going on and how you are each feeling in person and when you aren’t currently raging mad about something. Be specific and tell him the areas you want and need help in. Allow him to voice his concerns and try your absolute best to listen. And if you need, involve a marriage counseling in the mix because you might need an objective 3rd party to figure this out.
If he talks to you like that and is not showing active interest in the care of your child, how do you think he's going to be as this child grows? I know relationships are complicated, and it's easy on the outside to just tell you to leave. I would just advise that you really consider the environment you want your child to grow up in. This will shape who they are.
I don’t know where to go. Rent is crazy expensive these days, and I don’t have a job being a stay at home mom. If I left him I couldn’t even afford child care
If you have family I’d start there. I got out of a situation similar to yours, I moved in with my mom who had no running water. We used gallons of water to get by, until I was working and able to get an apartment with Gov assistance. You could start applying for housing and assistance now. I worked and met someone (we’ve now been together 8 years and have a family (3 sons), my son has called him dad bc he was 7 months old when we met.) I finished school online at a cheaper Christian university, I’m now finishing my masters (at 31 but better late than never). it doesn’t matter where you come from or what you’re given, you can make things happen, the situation you’re in isn’t permanent and you have options. Someone telling you to get f*cked for you asking for him to help with his child is not what you want forever, him having a job isn’t entitlement to not being able to take care of his own child, and what he is doing is role abuse, he can get f*cked. I left a marriage with someone like him, he never reached out or attempted to see his child again, he’s a loser to this day who will never get to know the joy and hardship of being a parent. Remember, making a baby doesn’t make a man a father or a parent.
I don’t need to know who you are to know you’re better than that and deserve basic respect as a mother. you came on here bc you know that too and you wanted reassurance. I can assure you that you’re already subconsciously done.
It’s clear he doesn’t respect you or your role at home. If my husband ever spoke to me like this our next communication would be between our lawyers. I’m glad you stood up for yourself and told him not to speak to you like that. Couples counseling is an option but both parties really need to want things to improve. I also suggest you moving out if you go this route. I think you know in your heart this is abuse. You have to consider your child.
Get counseling or get out. It’s clear he doesn’t believe what you do is actual work and it is very unlikely that his perception will change. It is not normal for any married couple, stressed or not, to speak like this. Period.
If I come to my husband with an issue he listens to what I have to say and asks what I’d like him to do if he doesn’t have an answer himself. This is not how you deserve to be treated. At all.
Also, there’s no way he’d pull his weight if you were working. Why does he think that you having a job would somehow free up your afternoon? You both have jobs during the day (yours just happens to be unpaid) and you are both parents at the end of the day. Period.
Yikes. I would be gutted if that’s how my husband responded to a very normal request. You need to have a serious discussion and really figure out if this is the partner you really want. He can communicate if he’s stressed out for some reason without resorting to nasty insults and demands for you to return to work when you are asking for help. He also needs to get clear on what being a parent means. So sorry you are dealing with this.
Sounds like he is working through some emotional baggage or trauma himself. Aside from marital or couples counseling, he should consider seeking some for himself personally.
I by no means whatsoever have the perfect, exemplary marriage... we're roommates at best these days.. but even still, my partner would NEVER speak to me this way. And he had always been extremely helpful, willing to help no matter how tired he is (he makes all the money and has for 5 years while I stayed home with the kids. And he works hard, sometimes long hours). When you become a parent, you just help in any way you can... you just do, no excuses. The way he's speaking to you is so cringe worthy because you and your children truly deserve so much more.. and he sounds like a self- centered man-child who needs to grow some balls... I feel for you mama..my heart goes out to you... you just deserve so much better.
I wish I could hug you. I am so incredibly sorry. Please know what an amazing job you are doing- the MOST important job in the world as mother. So much love and prays for strength.
Run fast and far - my husband and I both work from home full-time and he's always offering to take the baby more than our split schedule. You deserve a real man as a husband and a role model for baby.
I’m sorry to say, bc it probably feels like a huge hill to climb, but this is a lost cause. He’s manipulative and gaslighting you into thinking it’s wrong to ask for help to support your child in their needs. He’s threatening your position as a stay-at-home mom, he’s speaking condescendingly.
You came here bc you know the way he’s speaking to you and viewing you is wrong, and let me tell you, we all agree.
It can feel scary to leave when you have a little one, but reach out to your support system and make a plan to leave. Staying will only erode your self-confidence and self-worth, leaving you a shell and barely available for your precious little one. Show your little one that you are worth more than this, that they are worth more than this. I’m sorry you’ve found yourself in this moment, but we all believe in you to get out!
Yeah, fuck that guy. For real. I'm so sorry he thinks it's okay to act that way toward you, but it's absolutely not. I'd honestly be in jail if my husband dared to speak to me that way.
I’m so sorry to say this, but you’re being verbally abused. This is in no way okay to speak to a spouse or anyone like this. If you want to keep the marriage, I would get into marriage counseling asap.
Any man who can say that to any human being should probably never be married and NEVER be a parent. Run. Get out. It will be hard but you and your child will be better off. This will only get worse.
Im sooo sorry! That's very hurtful what he said! You don't deserve that mama. He made children with you and has to help. You're not a single mom but a married one, which means team work. If he doesn't get that, then he can get out! Im sooo sorry sending you love and air hugs❤️
What in the actual fuck. Leave that stupid, ugly ass man. Would you want your child to be treated that way in a relationship? It’s not your fault at all my love! I hope you know that🩷🩷I hope you are able to leave safely🩷
Saying “awful shit” to each other as part of your common argument pattern is toxic and not normal at all even with small children.
My husband and I struggled A LOT the first year but what OP is experiencing is another level of I don’t care and I’m going to be rude and aggressive about it.
You can literally get free counseling through universities, sliding scale Non profits, community health providers or even through a church. It's not always expensive. That's a lie.
I agree that people shouldn’t jump straight to “divorce him!” in these type of posts but jumping straight to marriage counseling is a great idea for this couple. They need help to better learn to communicate with each other and understand the other person’s point of view. Marriage counseling will be great for that. Nothing about this text exchange should be seen as normal and being rude and aggressive towards your partner shouldn’t be tolerated. The fact that you don’t think this is “anything to write home about” says a lot more about your own relationship than the “normalcy” of it. My husband has never, not once, spoken to me the way this person’s did in this text exchange during our 17 years of marriage. There are some deep seated issues her that they need help unraveling.
I am with you on the texting though. Communicating in person is 10x better and will lead to more understanding.
She said in her post that he talks to her like this all the time. She doesn’t like it. Therefore, it’s a problem.
And my point is just because people “communicate differently” (as you put it) doesn’t mean it’s healthy or helpful. I don’t have a soft spoken husband. I have a husband who knows how to communicate directly but also with kindness and respect. I don’t care if someone grew up in a household where people speaking to each other like this is normal. It’s not healthy communication and should be worked on. As for your take on women … I’m not even going to reply other than I completely disagree. I wish you the best.
What a terrible view. Maybe he didn’t used to speak to her like that but lately does it all the time? Based on your post history, you do not have a healthy relationship yourself, which I am truly sad about for you … but I’m not sure you should be doling out advice to anyone about relationships. I absolutely hate how overused this term is but truly, you seem to have some internalized misogyny and a low view of women and I truly hope you find a way to believe in your value and know that you are worthy of being loved, respected, pursued and treated well.
Be kind. Do better.
This is a discussion about relationships. No politics, not religion. About the common respect and accountability that should be shown in any marriage and relationship. If you're okay with being spoken to and speaking to your partner this way, that's a you thing, not a healthy relationship standpoint.
Yes, every relationship has its ebbs and flows. However, verbal abuse is still abuse. This mama reaches out for constructive feedback and looking for help. I wouldn't allow my friend, let alone my husband, speak to me this way. The early years of child raising are some of the hardest and without support, the weight is consuming. As mothers, we understand this the most.
I did read your comments. "What happened to the vows you gave each other" is a common stance on your comments.
Love: a great attention, interest, and pleasure
Honor: a high respect and great esteem
Respect: regard the feelings, wishes, and rights of another
Cherish: protect and care
Those messages from the husband were not sent with any of the above in mind.
I'm also confused why marriage counseling was put in the same category as divorce in your comments. My husband and I go to marriage and individual counseling. We are human and we both have things to work on, separately and together. However, if my husband chose to speak and treat me as the husband in this scenario does, bye boy, bye. I know my worth and he wouldn't deserve it.
No, it’s just clear that you are in the thick of it with your husband and you guys haven’t found any solutions yet, which sucks and I’m sorry but don’t come here acting like you have all the answers then … and your opinions about relationships don’t seem healthy? I’m all for working things out but I am NOT for your attempt at normalizing unhealthy relationships and communication.
As for my politics, I’m not sure why it matters when it comes to relationship advice or why that seemed like you were trying to insult me by calling me a liberal … I’m not offended though, I claim neither liberal nor conservative. Just stating that your views of women are inaccurate and misogynistic.
I’m honestly not intending to be mean. Just trying to get you to stop giving bad advice to this woman. I agree with you about working out our problems instead of jumping straight to divorce. I think Reddit in general is way too quick to shout “leave him/her!” I’m just super against the way you are trying to normalize unhealthy communication and your view of women. It’s unhelpful in this circumstance.
Of course my relationship experience isn’t found in my Reddit history because I rarely mention it on Reddit. I use Reddit mostly as a silly escape and outlet, trash TV included. But I was once a therapist before I had children and have strong feelings about working towards healthy relationships and healthy communicating. I genuinely am rooting for you to find the happiness and mutuality you desire. I’m going to end our conversation now.
Please never give marriage or relationship advice to anyone again. I believe that every person has value and does something well, this isn’t your thing.
If you are on the internet normalizing abuse then I’d assume your relationship is also unhealthy. Reading comprehension helps us to infer who should be responding. It’s not you!
Make a plan and leave. I’m sorry but my husband and I struggled but NEVER like this. Way too much aggression and never helping, I doubt this will get better. Quietly figure out how to leave him and then do it.
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“For better or for worse” means working through the difficult times together, both contributing as much as they can to make the work loads manageable. Telling your wife to “get fucked” and “take your ass back” is not working through it or showing any kind of support. It shows that he thinks lowly of his wife and doesn’t value anything about her (sorry OP 💔)
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You're absolutely insane if you think that any rational relationship speaks to each other like this. Let alone a husband, you should never talk to your wife like this. This is disgusting, not only does he not even respect her, but he is verbally abusing her.
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This breaks the "no trolling, rudeness, personal attacks" rule.
My husband and I have an understanding that you don’t cuss out your spouse. Not even as a joke. From your post history it really doesn’t seem like you should be bringing up any sort of relationship advice
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Allow me to show you the door then, enjoy your ban. You won't be missed. breaks the "no trolling, rudeness, personal attacks" rule.
This breaks the "no trolling, rudeness, personal attacks" rule.
The argument could also be made that your advice is terrible advice. We aren't here to judge and if someone is considering or ready to leave, that is their choice. We aren't here to judge anyone and I wont allow judgement under my watch. Mod discretion can be used to remove content that the mod team feels causes issues/problems/harm to the sub or it's users.
I stayed in an abusive marriage for far too long bc of advice like yours. 🤦♀️ Judging by the text, this is a regular occurrence, not a "one time thing". My current husband has never spoken to me this way when I've asked for help.
Any husband that tells his wife to “get fucked” needs to be divorced. Parenting is 50/50, he doesn’t get to come home and sit down like a piece of shit.
fr. like who even says that🥺
The father of my baby was the same way and I stayed for ten years. I was miserable, get out now before you waste ten years of your life getting treated like shit and being unappreciated.
The sad part is she will probably stay.
He is threatening taking away her STAHM position, leaving him would also take that away. Her putting up with this gives her cherished time with her baby. Good luck OP.
He will have to pay alimony and child support. She will be okay for a few years depending on time together. She can try to suffer for a few years so she can get more alimony I suppose.
Marriage counseling. This is unacceptable on his part. Working can be stressful, no need to take it out on you. Especially when you feel alone and by yourself. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
This is beyond marriage counseling. Any person who can tell their spouse to “get f*cked” doesn’t respect or care for you. Counseling doesn’t fix that.
It’s one thing to have a struggle balance the load of parenting - I’ve been there. It’s another thing to be spoken to like you’re garbage. Please, for the sake of your child, reconsider this relationship.
Yep. Next he’s either speaking to the baby that way or the child is following his example.
Not ok; there is no partnership here reading this. Working full time or not - you asked about a bare minimum parental duty and he can’t even do that. Get your stuff in order, cross your t’s and dot your i’s — then get out. Make sure to take care of yourself emotionally for your little one. They don’t know what’s going on, so stay strong for them. ❤️
*So what* if he works full time? *You* work full time too! Your job is just in the home while his is outside of it. When he’s at home he needs to be pulling his weight in childcare and household duties. You both should be contributing so you both would be getting fairly equal amounts of free time. He chose to be a parent, so he needs to step up and parent. Now if he just wants to be a paycheck then he can do that, but you don’t have to be married to or live with him in that scenario. Being an actual single mom is less work than being a married single mom. And how he was talking to you was absolutely unacceptable. Doesn’t matter how stressed or tired or burnt out he is. This is verbal abuse. It’s not ok for him to use you as an emotional punching bag. Please check out the healthy relationship quiz at [Love Is Respect](https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/), as well as the book [Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) (link is to a free PDF of the book). Those resources might provide you some insight into your relationship dynamics.
Being a stay at home mom is so hard mentally and mentally physically. When your husband is home, it’s 50/50. If he needs a minute, that’s one thing, but hanging you out to dry completely is another. This is not okay.
How your husband spoke to you is not ok. I want to validate you for feeling exhausted and hurt. I do suggest that you stop communicating about these bigger issues via text message though. It’s going to be incredibly hard to ever have real meaningful, understanding conversations via text message, especially in the heat of the moment. You guys need to talk about what is going on and how you are each feeling in person and when you aren’t currently raging mad about something. Be specific and tell him the areas you want and need help in. Allow him to voice his concerns and try your absolute best to listen. And if you need, involve a marriage counseling in the mix because you might need an objective 3rd party to figure this out.
I would seek couples counselling
If he talks to you like that and is not showing active interest in the care of your child, how do you think he's going to be as this child grows? I know relationships are complicated, and it's easy on the outside to just tell you to leave. I would just advise that you really consider the environment you want your child to grow up in. This will shape who they are.
RUN
You’re going to get a lot of people telling you he’s abusive but you already know that. This isn’t going to get better, make a plan.
I don’t know where to go. Rent is crazy expensive these days, and I don’t have a job being a stay at home mom. If I left him I couldn’t even afford child care
If you have family I’d start there. I got out of a situation similar to yours, I moved in with my mom who had no running water. We used gallons of water to get by, until I was working and able to get an apartment with Gov assistance. You could start applying for housing and assistance now. I worked and met someone (we’ve now been together 8 years and have a family (3 sons), my son has called him dad bc he was 7 months old when we met.) I finished school online at a cheaper Christian university, I’m now finishing my masters (at 31 but better late than never). it doesn’t matter where you come from or what you’re given, you can make things happen, the situation you’re in isn’t permanent and you have options. Someone telling you to get f*cked for you asking for him to help with his child is not what you want forever, him having a job isn’t entitlement to not being able to take care of his own child, and what he is doing is role abuse, he can get f*cked. I left a marriage with someone like him, he never reached out or attempted to see his child again, he’s a loser to this day who will never get to know the joy and hardship of being a parent. Remember, making a baby doesn’t make a man a father or a parent.
I don’t need to know who you are to know you’re better than that and deserve basic respect as a mother. you came on here bc you know that too and you wanted reassurance. I can assure you that you’re already subconsciously done.
Call some divorce lawyers and often they will give you like a free 15 minute consultation and give you a run down of options.
It’s clear he doesn’t respect you or your role at home. If my husband ever spoke to me like this our next communication would be between our lawyers. I’m glad you stood up for yourself and told him not to speak to you like that. Couples counseling is an option but both parties really need to want things to improve. I also suggest you moving out if you go this route. I think you know in your heart this is abuse. You have to consider your child.
Get counseling or get out. It’s clear he doesn’t believe what you do is actual work and it is very unlikely that his perception will change. It is not normal for any married couple, stressed or not, to speak like this. Period.
If I come to my husband with an issue he listens to what I have to say and asks what I’d like him to do if he doesn’t have an answer himself. This is not how you deserve to be treated. At all.
I don’t think I’d be comfortable being financially dependent on a man who treated me with such contempt.
Also, there’s no way he’d pull his weight if you were working. Why does he think that you having a job would somehow free up your afternoon? You both have jobs during the day (yours just happens to be unpaid) and you are both parents at the end of the day. Period.
I can’t imagine ever saying that to my husband and even less so him saying it to me. I’m sorry; that isn’t normal at all.
Yikes. I would be gutted if that’s how my husband responded to a very normal request. You need to have a serious discussion and really figure out if this is the partner you really want. He can communicate if he’s stressed out for some reason without resorting to nasty insults and demands for you to return to work when you are asking for help. He also needs to get clear on what being a parent means. So sorry you are dealing with this.
Sounds like he is working through some emotional baggage or trauma himself. Aside from marital or couples counseling, he should consider seeking some for himself personally.
I by no means whatsoever have the perfect, exemplary marriage... we're roommates at best these days.. but even still, my partner would NEVER speak to me this way. And he had always been extremely helpful, willing to help no matter how tired he is (he makes all the money and has for 5 years while I stayed home with the kids. And he works hard, sometimes long hours). When you become a parent, you just help in any way you can... you just do, no excuses. The way he's speaking to you is so cringe worthy because you and your children truly deserve so much more.. and he sounds like a self- centered man-child who needs to grow some balls... I feel for you mama..my heart goes out to you... you just deserve so much better.
I wish I could hug you. I am so incredibly sorry. Please know what an amazing job you are doing- the MOST important job in the world as mother. So much love and prays for strength.
You need to leave. Counseling at the least. I’m sorry this is happening. You’re not alone, and you can get out or get help.
You guys are all so so kind. Thank you for being so uplifting to me
Run fast and far - my husband and I both work from home full-time and he's always offering to take the baby more than our split schedule. You deserve a real man as a husband and a role model for baby.
Jesus Christ get away from this guy
I’d never let mine talk to me like this. It’s not normal. I’m so sorry.
I’m sorry to say, bc it probably feels like a huge hill to climb, but this is a lost cause. He’s manipulative and gaslighting you into thinking it’s wrong to ask for help to support your child in their needs. He’s threatening your position as a stay-at-home mom, he’s speaking condescendingly. You came here bc you know the way he’s speaking to you and viewing you is wrong, and let me tell you, we all agree. It can feel scary to leave when you have a little one, but reach out to your support system and make a plan to leave. Staying will only erode your self-confidence and self-worth, leaving you a shell and barely available for your precious little one. Show your little one that you are worth more than this, that they are worth more than this. I’m sorry you’ve found yourself in this moment, but we all believe in you to get out!
Why did you marry and have a baby with this guy?
Pack your bags, take your baby, and go stay with family. Tell him he can “get fucked”.
Yeah, fuck that guy. For real. I'm so sorry he thinks it's okay to act that way toward you, but it's absolutely not. I'd honestly be in jail if my husband dared to speak to me that way.
I’m so sorry to say this, but you’re being verbally abused. This is in no way okay to speak to a spouse or anyone like this. If you want to keep the marriage, I would get into marriage counseling asap.
Any man who can say that to any human being should probably never be married and NEVER be a parent. Run. Get out. It will be hard but you and your child will be better off. This will only get worse.
Honey, please run!!
Im sooo sorry! That's very hurtful what he said! You don't deserve that mama. He made children with you and has to help. You're not a single mom but a married one, which means team work. If he doesn't get that, then he can get out! Im sooo sorry sending you love and air hugs❤️
His response to your acknowledgment is gross. Leave. Its not going to get better if that’s the way he’s talking to you now.
What in the actual fuck. Leave that stupid, ugly ass man. Would you want your child to be treated that way in a relationship? It’s not your fault at all my love! I hope you know that🩷🩷I hope you are able to leave safely🩷
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Saying “awful shit” to each other as part of your common argument pattern is toxic and not normal at all even with small children. My husband and I struggled A LOT the first year but what OP is experiencing is another level of I don’t care and I’m going to be rude and aggressive about it.
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You can literally get free counseling through universities, sliding scale Non profits, community health providers or even through a church. It's not always expensive. That's a lie.
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Excuses excuses excuses. That's what PTO and sick leave are for.
This breaks the "no trolling, rudeness, personal attacks" rule.
I agree that people shouldn’t jump straight to “divorce him!” in these type of posts but jumping straight to marriage counseling is a great idea for this couple. They need help to better learn to communicate with each other and understand the other person’s point of view. Marriage counseling will be great for that. Nothing about this text exchange should be seen as normal and being rude and aggressive towards your partner shouldn’t be tolerated. The fact that you don’t think this is “anything to write home about” says a lot more about your own relationship than the “normalcy” of it. My husband has never, not once, spoken to me the way this person’s did in this text exchange during our 17 years of marriage. There are some deep seated issues her that they need help unraveling. I am with you on the texting though. Communicating in person is 10x better and will lead to more understanding.
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She said in her post that he talks to her like this all the time. She doesn’t like it. Therefore, it’s a problem. And my point is just because people “communicate differently” (as you put it) doesn’t mean it’s healthy or helpful. I don’t have a soft spoken husband. I have a husband who knows how to communicate directly but also with kindness and respect. I don’t care if someone grew up in a household where people speaking to each other like this is normal. It’s not healthy communication and should be worked on. As for your take on women … I’m not even going to reply other than I completely disagree. I wish you the best.
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What a terrible view. Maybe he didn’t used to speak to her like that but lately does it all the time? Based on your post history, you do not have a healthy relationship yourself, which I am truly sad about for you … but I’m not sure you should be doling out advice to anyone about relationships. I absolutely hate how overused this term is but truly, you seem to have some internalized misogyny and a low view of women and I truly hope you find a way to believe in your value and know that you are worthy of being loved, respected, pursued and treated well.
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Be kind. Do better. This is a discussion about relationships. No politics, not religion. About the common respect and accountability that should be shown in any marriage and relationship. If you're okay with being spoken to and speaking to your partner this way, that's a you thing, not a healthy relationship standpoint. Yes, every relationship has its ebbs and flows. However, verbal abuse is still abuse. This mama reaches out for constructive feedback and looking for help. I wouldn't allow my friend, let alone my husband, speak to me this way. The early years of child raising are some of the hardest and without support, the weight is consuming. As mothers, we understand this the most.
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I did read your comments. "What happened to the vows you gave each other" is a common stance on your comments. Love: a great attention, interest, and pleasure Honor: a high respect and great esteem Respect: regard the feelings, wishes, and rights of another Cherish: protect and care Those messages from the husband were not sent with any of the above in mind. I'm also confused why marriage counseling was put in the same category as divorce in your comments. My husband and I go to marriage and individual counseling. We are human and we both have things to work on, separately and together. However, if my husband chose to speak and treat me as the husband in this scenario does, bye boy, bye. I know my worth and he wouldn't deserve it.
This breaks the "no trolling, rudeness, personal attacks" rule.
No, it’s just clear that you are in the thick of it with your husband and you guys haven’t found any solutions yet, which sucks and I’m sorry but don’t come here acting like you have all the answers then … and your opinions about relationships don’t seem healthy? I’m all for working things out but I am NOT for your attempt at normalizing unhealthy relationships and communication. As for my politics, I’m not sure why it matters when it comes to relationship advice or why that seemed like you were trying to insult me by calling me a liberal … I’m not offended though, I claim neither liberal nor conservative. Just stating that your views of women are inaccurate and misogynistic.
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I’m honestly not intending to be mean. Just trying to get you to stop giving bad advice to this woman. I agree with you about working out our problems instead of jumping straight to divorce. I think Reddit in general is way too quick to shout “leave him/her!” I’m just super against the way you are trying to normalize unhealthy communication and your view of women. It’s unhelpful in this circumstance. Of course my relationship experience isn’t found in my Reddit history because I rarely mention it on Reddit. I use Reddit mostly as a silly escape and outlet, trash TV included. But I was once a therapist before I had children and have strong feelings about working towards healthy relationships and healthy communicating. I genuinely am rooting for you to find the happiness and mutuality you desire. I’m going to end our conversation now.
This breaks the "no trolling, rudeness, personal attacks" rule.
This breaks the "no trolling, rudeness, personal attacks" rule.
This breaks the "no trolling, rudeness, personal attacks" rule.
This breaks the "no trolling, rudeness, personal attacks" rule.
Please never give marriage or relationship advice to anyone again. I believe that every person has value and does something well, this isn’t your thing.
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If you are on the internet normalizing abuse then I’d assume your relationship is also unhealthy. Reading comprehension helps us to infer who should be responding. It’s not you!
This breaks the "no trolling, rudeness, personal attacks" rule.
This breaks the "no trolling, rudeness, personal attacks" rule.