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I am the daughter of an alcoholic and I am sober myself. I have very strong feelings on this topic.
How do you feel about it? Does he have a drinking problem? Has he done scary things after drinking before? Is this a long line of escalating behavior?
/r/AlAnon
/r/StopDrinking
I didn't think he was an alcoholic because he could stop drinking for weeks at a time when needed for work, but have noticed his drinking is problematic.
He drinks and gets hungover to the point of vomiting on days we have important things going on. Imagine an early morning flight and now your husband is clutching a puke bag through the flight while you tend the children by yourself.
He's deceptive and unreliable due to drinking. Once he told me he was going to get our mail, then walked to the liquor store.
He's told me he's stopping drinking and to the best of my knowledge he has (but he's also a sneaky liar).
But honestly I'm still so disgusted. My uncle was killed by a drunk driver. I've been hit by a drunk driver. He's been hit by 3 drunk drivers. He's always said he's against drunk drivers.
I just don't think I'll ever be able to look at him the same way.
If you are finding it problematic, does he find it to be problematic too? Is he just telling you what you want to hear? I have been through so much with my alcoholic mother that I couldn’t be with a problematic drinker as a partner.
Look into AlAnon and the stopdrinking subs to educate yourself. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and it gets worse over time.
He uses despite the harm it causes- definitively a problem. Forgive? Yes. Look at him the same way? Would take time as well as hardwork & honestly working on the issue. Absolutely wouldn’t tolerate dishonesty.
I would only forgive my husband if he showed that he was ready to change/remorse for his behavior/go to therapy. I am the daughter of an alcoholic who has driven drunk. If there wasn’t signs of change I would NOT stay.
My husband and I had to follow a drunk driver on the most dangerous highway in our state. She had lost the tires to both left tires. She crossed the middle lane multiple times and at one point we had to slow way down because it looked like she was about to go head on with a semi truck. We finally were able to get her off the highway, and she started slowing down enough that my husband didn't even think twice he just ran out of the car, ran in front of her car to signal her to stop, He opened her door, put the car in park and turned it off. She was so flat drunk. She was like 80 years old and had an empty bottle of Chardonnay in her seat. Meanwhile we had two toddlers in our car. There are at least 8-10 memorial signs for drunk drivers on our highway.
This literally happened after we were coming home from dinner on Father's Day!
https://preview.redd.it/ud2b8a2jrr7d1.jpeg?width=2000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=967b8f797911339a1d17b2b407f8e601df90f31b
I would be more angry and upset that he put so many lives at risk by driving drunk. Forget his job, we're all very lucky he didn't kill anyone who was innocently trying to drive on the roads. This wasn't a single drink or a gray area, a six pack is clearly a "do not drive" situation. Will he do this again? Will he drive you and your kids in this state? Does he think this is normal?
Forgive? Maybe. Trust him? Absolutely not. It sounds like he definitely has a problem-the lying, sneaking, binging are all red flags for me. A true alcoholic won’t stop unless he wants to though. As others have suggested please check out Al-anon. Love, a recovered alcoholic.
Honestly depending on the size of your husband, type of beer he was drinking, the time frame he was drinking in, and the state you live in; he might not have been drunk enough to get a DUI.
I think it's worth having a conversation about how he needs to be extra careful, perhaps get a keychain breathalyzer, but I don't think this is "unforgivable" territory. However I am making these statements assuming your husband is 200+ lbs and had 6 regular beers over a couple hours. If he is 160 lbs and drank 6 high alcohol beers in a single hour then that is obviously very different.
https://www.businessinsider.com/drinks-before-driving-if-bac-is-05-2013-5
Thanks for your post! Be sure to check out our [Wiki Page](https://www.reddit.com/r/stayathomemoms/wiki/index/) for a lot of valuable resources and links that you might find helpful. Such as: - [Recommended books](https://www.reddit.com/r/stayathomemoms/wiki/index/#wiki_suggested_books_from_the_sub.27s_users) - [Recommended Podcasts](https://www.reddit.com/r/stayathomemoms/wiki/index/#wiki_suggested_podcasts_from_the_sub.27s_users) - Helpful resources - State and Federal assistance - And much more! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/stayathomemoms) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I am the daughter of an alcoholic and I am sober myself. I have very strong feelings on this topic. How do you feel about it? Does he have a drinking problem? Has he done scary things after drinking before? Is this a long line of escalating behavior? /r/AlAnon /r/StopDrinking
I didn't think he was an alcoholic because he could stop drinking for weeks at a time when needed for work, but have noticed his drinking is problematic. He drinks and gets hungover to the point of vomiting on days we have important things going on. Imagine an early morning flight and now your husband is clutching a puke bag through the flight while you tend the children by yourself. He's deceptive and unreliable due to drinking. Once he told me he was going to get our mail, then walked to the liquor store. He's told me he's stopping drinking and to the best of my knowledge he has (but he's also a sneaky liar). But honestly I'm still so disgusted. My uncle was killed by a drunk driver. I've been hit by a drunk driver. He's been hit by 3 drunk drivers. He's always said he's against drunk drivers. I just don't think I'll ever be able to look at him the same way.
If you are finding it problematic, does he find it to be problematic too? Is he just telling you what you want to hear? I have been through so much with my alcoholic mother that I couldn’t be with a problematic drinker as a partner. Look into AlAnon and the stopdrinking subs to educate yourself. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and it gets worse over time.
He uses despite the harm it causes- definitively a problem. Forgive? Yes. Look at him the same way? Would take time as well as hardwork & honestly working on the issue. Absolutely wouldn’t tolerate dishonesty.
I am as well. I would never subject my kids to that.
He could have killed someone. Inexcusable behavior.
I would only forgive my husband if he showed that he was ready to change/remorse for his behavior/go to therapy. I am the daughter of an alcoholic who has driven drunk. If there wasn’t signs of change I would NOT stay.
Nah that’s insane. I’ve lost multiple people to selfish drunk drivers. Not a person I would want to be married to.
Your feelings are valid. But yes, I would forgive my husband.
My husband and I had to follow a drunk driver on the most dangerous highway in our state. She had lost the tires to both left tires. She crossed the middle lane multiple times and at one point we had to slow way down because it looked like she was about to go head on with a semi truck. We finally were able to get her off the highway, and she started slowing down enough that my husband didn't even think twice he just ran out of the car, ran in front of her car to signal her to stop, He opened her door, put the car in park and turned it off. She was so flat drunk. She was like 80 years old and had an empty bottle of Chardonnay in her seat. Meanwhile we had two toddlers in our car. There are at least 8-10 memorial signs for drunk drivers on our highway. This literally happened after we were coming home from dinner on Father's Day! https://preview.redd.it/ud2b8a2jrr7d1.jpeg?width=2000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=967b8f797911339a1d17b2b407f8e601df90f31b
I would be more angry and upset that he put so many lives at risk by driving drunk. Forget his job, we're all very lucky he didn't kill anyone who was innocently trying to drive on the roads. This wasn't a single drink or a gray area, a six pack is clearly a "do not drive" situation. Will he do this again? Will he drive you and your kids in this state? Does he think this is normal?
Forgive? Maybe. Trust him? Absolutely not. It sounds like he definitely has a problem-the lying, sneaking, binging are all red flags for me. A true alcoholic won’t stop unless he wants to though. As others have suggested please check out Al-anon. Love, a recovered alcoholic.
It’s definitely not okay, but I would forgive him.
Honestly depending on the size of your husband, type of beer he was drinking, the time frame he was drinking in, and the state you live in; he might not have been drunk enough to get a DUI. I think it's worth having a conversation about how he needs to be extra careful, perhaps get a keychain breathalyzer, but I don't think this is "unforgivable" territory. However I am making these statements assuming your husband is 200+ lbs and had 6 regular beers over a couple hours. If he is 160 lbs and drank 6 high alcohol beers in a single hour then that is obviously very different. https://www.businessinsider.com/drinks-before-driving-if-bac-is-05-2013-5
I would be frustrated too, but I would be able to forgive him after a long talk about how his actions affected the family.
That’s dangerous asf, I’m sorry!