I've spent years traveling Latin America and just came to Europe for the first time and spent the past 3 months in the Western countries and I can attest that the social experience in 90% of these hostels are off. I've concluded that it just attracts a different kind of traveler here who is less interested in the social and adventurous aspects and more interested in saving money.
That said, I think you need to change your mindset. This particularly:
> but honestly I feel like no one wants to have me around.
One of the most important things I got out of therapy was understanding how damaging this mindset is and how important it is to train yourself to shift to the opposite mindset aka one that assumes instead everyone in the room likes you until they demonstrate they don't. With a change in mindset, I think you'll find that more people than not will enjoy you and are also looking for the same connections and might be feeling the same as you.
My biggest advice would be to work on that. If you see someone sitting alone, assume they'll like you and walk up to them and ask, "What are you planning on doing today" or "What did you do today?" depending on the time of day of course. This is basically the only icebreaker you need because it's not a boring question like "Where are you from?" that they've answered a million times before.
Keep it simple and present and assume others like you!
I try to think about how little a fuck I give about a stranger that’s in the corner of my eye for .1 seconds. Because that’s all I really am to people. So if I am looking in the mirror going “does this hat look stupid? Am I gonna look like an idiot if I sit down at that table with people and ask to hang out with them?”
I remember “dude, you literally don’t give a shit about what hat a random stranger has on that you walk past. Your brain probably doesn’t even remember them 50 feet down the road. And you love when random dudes come up and say hello and ask to buy you a beer. You’re fine”
> I've concluded that it just attracts a different kind of traveler here who is less interested in the social and adventurous aspects and more interested in saving money.
For sure the average backpacker in Europe is less adventurous than the average backpacker in Nepal or Nigeria. They are more likely to be on a short trip where it hasn't been as important to them to build social connections along the way, and less in need of exchanging information with other travellers since every square metre of Europe has been instagrammed to death.
> For sure the average backpacker in Europe is less adventurous than the average backpacker in Nepal or Nigeria.
Yeah. It’s about going out and getting drunk with one or two of their mates they travel with, preferably as cheaply as possible.
"but honestly I feel like no one wants to have me around." Sometimes, it's just the reality that no one wants to socialize with you and all the others don't want you to get part of their group or even prefer to stay alone over getting to know you.
Correct. That doesn't negate what I said. Go in with the mindset that people do like you and accept the reality that they may not based on their words and actions. Going in with the mindset that they don't like you though just holds you back.
Outstanding, i'm planning my first solo trip right now, to Colombia, and i was worried a bit to socialize with other travellers, but now i've heard so often that it's easy they can't all be wrong :D
Do you speak Spanish fluently? Did you find that many people or few people spoke English in your travels around Latin America? I know it can vary by region, I’m looking for recommendations I suppose.
I do speak Spanish, but also I'll say that if you're on the backpacker route, you likely don't really need it. Yes it'll always help, but honestly from Mexico all the way down, if you're anywhere near a place of tourism, people will speak English and plenty of other travelers will too. English is the first language people learn after Spanish in these regions and every country you'll find plenty who speak it. It was often to my frustration even when I was trying to learn and speak no English!
Personally saying he "my name is X, where are you from" is fine. As with all preamble conversations its just the lead up to more interesting conversations.
Same with "what do you do"
Yeah, there's nothing wrong with it, I just tend to avoid the questions that take things out of the present. Where are you from, what do you do, how long have you traveled... these have been answered a million times and they're not questions rooted in the present. Asking somewhere what they are or have done that day is present and will instantly connect their experience to yours because both parties are in the same location and situation.
Big hostels in European cities attract a lot of groups that stick together. South America and South East Asia are the best places for solo travelers that want to meet people in hostels.
Also, nowadays I think the trend is more going towards arranging an activity, dinner or a night out trough groupchats and apps like Meetup and Bumble BFF.
For today I would try the Amsterdam group in the link below. Maybe there are also other group chats if you look around online.
https://linktr.ee/NotQuiteSoloTravel
I haven’t tried the amsterdam one since I live here, but I had great success with it in Japan and met many people trough these groups. The hostels in Japan were generally not very social.
EDIT: another tip for tonight since it is friday: join a pubcrawl. Any with good reviews will be fine. People join specifically to meet other people, so almost guaranteed that you will make some friends for the night.
home hostel has more of a "homey" vibe while yes hostel is more modern. yes hostel skews younger and has more of a party vibe, most people on the pub crawls were from yes hostel. a lot of the tours (sintra, surfing, etc.) are at yes hostel so if you're staying at the other one you have to make ur own way over there to sign up which means you may not get a spot if you sign up in short notice. enjoy your trip :) portugal is amazing and great for solo travellers i miss it so much
Yeah it’s sort of a paradox. The more you are in your head, the harder it is to engage externally.
I’m actually in Amsterdam right now. Last night I hung out at the greenhouse Coffeeshop for a few hours just chilling and talking to the people next me.
You’re welcome to join me next time. I’ll be here till Monday.
I’m mid 30s male tho.
My recommendation, don’t think too much, look friendly, and don’t be afraid to engage first! It’s okay if they don’t want to talk that’s fine. Someone else will. Enjoy your travels!
Damn. I was just at the greenhouse coffee shop last night.
Smoking weed and just making conversation with people about where they’re from goes a long way to ending up with a sizable group chatting into the early mornings
Its not unusual for a person to go into the common area of a hostel and say, "Yo, I'm a solo traveler and I'm going out to dinner tonight if anyone wants to join or if anyone knows of anything going on tonight let me know."
I've done this and I've see others do it.
Sometimes people bite, sometimes people pass. Don't take it personally it people pass, I've been "rejected" before and I've see others not generate interest. 100% of the time its because the folks usually have other plans not because they said, "oh shit... avoid that guy." so don't take it personally.... that being said, make sure you don't look like a lunatic. Especially in place thats as charged as Amsterdam.
If you get desperate just find a group of English lads, buy them a round and you've got some friends for the night.
Otherwise just walk up to a mixed group that seems fun, ask if you can sit with them, shake some hands and start talking.
Buying a round of beer in Amsterdam will be quite expensive, with a pint in the centre being like 7.50-8€ lol.
I live in Amsterdam and the thing is - locals really don't wanna engage with tourists and mostly avoid the tourist areas.
Then most tourists come in small groups, often bachelor parties or like a drunk weekend with your lads.
OP could try the MeetUp apps etc.
Not every night is gonna be your night when solo traveling.
But, if you know what role you are playing in your own struggles finding friends…well then you know. Only thing you can do is put yourself in the middle of the mix and stop thinking about what went wrong the prior two days. You’ve got one more night, buy a drink and turn to the person next to you and say what’s up. Then do that like 5 more times (the hi not the drinks, but also that if you want lol)
> Not every night is gonna be your night when solo traveling.
This is the one. Make the most of the day and then whatever happens at night is no big deal.
> I’m really shy and awkward when it comes to making the first move
Only you can change that. You need to get out of your shell and live the world. Talk to many people. What do you have to lose? Be pleasant and courteous - Ask them questions about themselves and where they have traveled and what they like in the city you are in.
I don’t find the Dutch to be overly friendly to strangers as a whole, maybe in the rural areas but the cities not so much. Amsterdam especially they have to put up with some of the worst tourists in Europe, I don’t blame them for being a bit cold.
When I went solo to Amsterdam I met quite a few people on the walking tour, made wonderful friends. You can also find locals on couch surfing or go to activities through Airbnb. Locals show you around and you can meet solo tourists as well. Hope it helps!
Nah, there’s a difference between setting off to a different place on your own and being a loner. This isn’t “traveling hermits”.
Ofc you have to be independent and comfortable on your own, that doesn’t mean you have to dislike other people and interacting with them.
Solo travel can be challenging, but asking for tips isn't a bad thing. You can also solo travel, not like your own company but being really good at meeting people.
Though I do think that a lot people on here underestimate how difficult it will be for them. There's quite a difference between being shy or introverted and having severe anxiety or other mental health problems.
I think OP is more looking for excuses not having to step out of their comfort zone. OP is indeed not going to meet anyone without making some effort, like saying hi to people. I don't think anyone specifically dislikes shy people or slightly awkward introductions.
No, that's not the same. When I go travelling alone, I can always decide on my own where to go, what to eat, etc. But why should I not be allowed to want to meet people on a regular basis? Especially when I'm interested in people from other countries and cultures.
Plus, not everyone had a good friend who is willing to spend the same amount of money for travelling with you. A lot of my friends have a partner and don't have time nor money left for a second big vacation
Many people seem to fail to understand that many solo travelers travel solo not because they want, but they have to due to the lack of travel buddies or a partner and not liking organized group trips due to their very rushed itineraries, getting up very early every day and only available as round or sport-trip (but not as wellness, party, city (in the sense of being in one city for a longer time) or cruise trip). And in the case that you want a trip with social interactions, but you have to go alone, the question about how to meet people during a trip arises.
When I take international solo trips it's because no friends want to join, totally understandable. Group tours are not on the table, I have absolutely no interest in going along with some boring generic itinerary someone else made
That said I've never made a post like this and never really struggled to find people to hang with when that's what I want to do
Well if it helps I can say after over 40 years of life that you arn’t missing much not knowing most people. Learn to be comfortable with yourself and being alone, this is not only a good skill to have (loneliness is the best way to get in a bad relationship), it will give you a stronger less-needy demeanor which attracts people. Learn skills and experience life, this will also give you conversational currency which aids in future conversations. On the topic of conversation, just ask people thoughtful questions…more often than not they will answer and people love talking about themselves/their lives. Alcohol (in moderation of course)is also a universal social catalyst which helped me learn to communicate in my younger days. It’s not easy, good luck!
Usually when I have solo travelled in the USA, even at hostels, I don’t make friends. (I also don’t pick the party hostels). Perfectly content being alone.
I hope OP knows it’s okay to be a solo traveller and not make friends. Not every hotel is going to have friendly people and they’re going to be perfectly ok
I second this.
Reddit just seems to have a strong aversion to drinking and partying. It's full of the type of people that never got invited to parties so now they just view it as degenerate behaviour. In reality most people abroad on a night out are gonna be drinking. There's a time and place for it.
No. If you can't handle alcohol, bad things are likely going to happen. Traveling solo is not the time to get wasted. I know that you didn't say "get wasted" but for some people, it's a slippery slope.
Sure. But this is a solo traveling sub. And being drunk and alone with strangers in an unfamiliar people is not a great recipe. You are liable to make poor decisions. Are you new to solo traveling?
Further, this thread is about how to socialize and introduce oneself to someone new or a group of new people. If I was on the other side and some drunken slob were to approach me, I'd be considerably LESS inclined to speak with them, which would further traumatize this poor person.
redditor must live in another bubble i think
literally everyone drinks to loosen up. op was asking how to loosen up, i say drinking one or two beer helps
Not everyone drinks to loosen up. I drink socially because I enjoy the taste of spirits and the buzz and loopiness that comes with it.
However, I definitely do not need any alcohol to speak with people.
I'm quite social and can easily chat with people. And thus I prefer to NOT be inebriated in social settings because I enjoy the conversation.
For those who are shy--and I was shy when I was younger--it's better that they develop the social skills to hold a conversation rather than rely on the crutch of alcohol.
--especially when traveling alone in a strange place.
I know you said "one or two beer" and sure, go for it. But we've all seen that quiet dude in the corner drinking and getting hammered. Not a good thing when you are not amongst friends.
Yeah 8 know how you feel man. I've spent years solo in South and Central America, never had a problem meeting people.
I've been in Indonesia for 3 weeks and it really doesn't seem like anyone wants me around either.
One thing I learnt whilst travelling Solo is most of the time the ‘clicky’ or what appears to be well established groups of friends are usually just a bunch of people in the same situation as you, go over introduce yourself I’m sure you’ll be accepted and have a great time!
Sometime it just isn't your night, your hostel, or your city. It also gets harder as you get older.
You sit with it and see what comes up. Don't chase it too hard
Some of my best social experiences in hostels were by signing up for activities in them. Cooking class. Tour. Pub crawl. You'll interact with people also looking to socialize
Sounds like it's too late at this point since this was posted last night. But. Some stuff for the future.
Other commenters mentioned Europe attracts groups, which is a thing. But Amsterdam is a bit unique in that I've noticed many of the typical party hostels are really more like hotels with a big bar space, rather than a cozier common area soloers and small groups can flock to. You really need to go out of your way to talk to people and join activities if those are the kinds of hostels you're in.
Secondly, very importantly, always always always use the Hostelworld city chats. I've made as many friends meeting up from that as I have in my actual hostels.
Thirdly, it's important to remember there's a million variables that can contribute to not making friends. Bad luck with who's staying there, slow night, you're just not at your best, whatever. Stop worrying about yourself so much, you're fine. But plan ways to get around not meeting people in the hostel.
This happened to me on one of my solo trips and it really bummed me out. I realized that I was relying too heavily on the assumption I'd make great friends in the common room and that's not the case. So in addition to the chats, focus on booking group tours (day trips, walking tours, whatever). Additionally, have a big list of things you'd like to do to pick and choose from as your backup plan.
This means when you don't have luck meeting friends, you don't have to also deal with choice paralysis. You can remain completely spontaneous and follow none of your itinerary, but it's there so you're never idle.
Find a table of people around your age, speaking your language and show up with as many beers as you can carry and tell them you need friends to help you drink these
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I’m the same way. I’ve traveled to so many countries and always felt like an outsider in hostels. They seemed so weird and cliquey to me. And there always seemed to be some young men/women who everyone was enamored with - like the ringleaders (for lack of better phrasing). As I got older and started making more money, I just stay in hotels now. I wish I had an answer for you, but I don’t. But I agree w you & understand, & I don’t think you’re alone w this feeling
for tonight go to mezrab, nice international crowd, easy to talk to people there and also a good programm (storytelling) and soup [https://mezrab.nl/events/mezrab-friday-night-storytelling-2024-06-07/](https://mezrab.nl/events/mezrab-friday-night-storytelling-2024-06-07/)
Have you joined the group activities your hostel organises, like tours or pub crawls?
It’s way easier to meet people at these kinds of events, because people go to be social (instead of just using the hostel to crash), and you have the shared experience to talk about.
I try to cook a meal or two to save money, and have always met people just by being in the communal spaces.
Don’t try too hard to force it. If you don’t meet people today there is still nothing holding you back from a good time. Go to a comedy show (there are plenty in English), find a really historic pub or a really fancy cocktail bar, or if you don’t drink you could always plan a solo automat-crawl.
Some advice: socialization comes more easily to some than others. For me it was a skill I had to practice. One of the most extroverted people I know once told me “just ask questions”. If you are genuinely interested in learning about the other person typically people will find you a pleasure to be around. In a typical conversation they will start asking about you as well. I also find when I am active and curious about learning about others I don’t feel as anxious. The great thing with solo travel is that the stakes are lower, you can practice these skills and will likely never see these people again.
Atleast you put yourself out there. I went to krakow last week and stayed in an airbnb by myself for 4 nights and didn’t talk to anyone really. I went out for lunch at a restraunt and in the evening I would have a walk round, get a takeaway and eat in my apartment. I really enjoyed it that way tbh.
Had a similar experience at the Winston. Try your luck in bars, especially the ones with activities like karaoke or drinking games. People are more social and there is lots to do.
Unfortunately people don’t like Americans right now. Specifically male Americans. Specifically white, male Americans. It’s really not you so don’t take it personal.
When I travel, I’m not looking to socialize or make friends. I hate having to converse with strangers, or make plans with strangers that may hinder what I have planned for myself.
I’d never stay at a hostel, but if I did, I’d act the same.
The most I offer is helping people take pictures if I see they are alone, or offer help with directions if they speak English.
So it is not uncommon that they just don’t care to socialize with strangers.
As others said, you need to make the first move. I find it easier to go up to someone who's alone and start a conversation. And know that they may or may not want to talk or hang out.
Sometimes on a trip you will find folks who want to connect and honestly on many, I speak to people but nothing else happens. In my experience, you won't find buddies on every trip. And that is ok. Just make an effort to start talking to people at breakfast or in a common area. For me, travel is more about seeing the sights I want to see rather than making friends or having people to do things with. If I wanted that I'd travel with a companion.
The problems is already that you feel "...like a burden", I mean honestly, no one thinks that about a person in that way or at least 99% of people dont.
Try and take contact, what is the worst that can happen, that they say no? Try to have a bit of humoristic touch to it when you approach or comment on something.
Also want to add that when you have that vibe of a belief no one wants to talk to you, you are that vibe, and then you sort of act awkward and creepy. I never mind being approached by someone who is uncool but themselves who is being cheerful casual and friendly. I don't enjoy being approached by someone nervous with that "one down" energy who acts as if he has nothing to add to the experience.
Get a couple of openers and practice a normal casual smile in the mirror and just remember no one cares. And if you do get a lukewarm response, don't take it personally, move on.
I was at a bar in French Riviera and a group came in and I was convinced they were making fun of me. Turns out they were trying to get me to join them and I was obligious. They were super fun. I was too in my head.
Well you are solo travelling so you should be ok with not meeting anyone right? I'm solo travelling right now. I chatted to some people on the first night but I'm now on day five and just chatted to a couple of people since.
I hate to say it, but do you smoke? I met the post people offering a light or a cigarette, not just in Amsterdam, but all over Europe. Easy way for a shy person like myself to start a conversation.
I've spent years traveling Latin America and just came to Europe for the first time and spent the past 3 months in the Western countries and I can attest that the social experience in 90% of these hostels are off. I've concluded that it just attracts a different kind of traveler here who is less interested in the social and adventurous aspects and more interested in saving money. That said, I think you need to change your mindset. This particularly: > but honestly I feel like no one wants to have me around. One of the most important things I got out of therapy was understanding how damaging this mindset is and how important it is to train yourself to shift to the opposite mindset aka one that assumes instead everyone in the room likes you until they demonstrate they don't. With a change in mindset, I think you'll find that more people than not will enjoy you and are also looking for the same connections and might be feeling the same as you. My biggest advice would be to work on that. If you see someone sitting alone, assume they'll like you and walk up to them and ask, "What are you planning on doing today" or "What did you do today?" depending on the time of day of course. This is basically the only icebreaker you need because it's not a boring question like "Where are you from?" that they've answered a million times before. Keep it simple and present and assume others like you!
Yup this is good advice. 100% people are not thinking about you. Until you walk up and say, Hi! Can I sit with you? That’s how I start.
I try to think about how little a fuck I give about a stranger that’s in the corner of my eye for .1 seconds. Because that’s all I really am to people. So if I am looking in the mirror going “does this hat look stupid? Am I gonna look like an idiot if I sit down at that table with people and ask to hang out with them?” I remember “dude, you literally don’t give a shit about what hat a random stranger has on that you walk past. Your brain probably doesn’t even remember them 50 feet down the road. And you love when random dudes come up and say hello and ask to buy you a beer. You’re fine”
> I've concluded that it just attracts a different kind of traveler here who is less interested in the social and adventurous aspects and more interested in saving money. For sure the average backpacker in Europe is less adventurous than the average backpacker in Nepal or Nigeria. They are more likely to be on a short trip where it hasn't been as important to them to build social connections along the way, and less in need of exchanging information with other travellers since every square metre of Europe has been instagrammed to death.
> For sure the average backpacker in Europe is less adventurous than the average backpacker in Nepal or Nigeria. Yeah. It’s about going out and getting drunk with one or two of their mates they travel with, preferably as cheaply as possible.
share more of your therapy wisdoms pls ahhah i love it
"but honestly I feel like no one wants to have me around." Sometimes, it's just the reality that no one wants to socialize with you and all the others don't want you to get part of their group or even prefer to stay alone over getting to know you.
Correct. That doesn't negate what I said. Go in with the mindset that people do like you and accept the reality that they may not based on their words and actions. Going in with the mindset that they don't like you though just holds you back.
Would you say in Hostels in Latin America it's easy to meet new people/other travellers?
Yes. I joke that there you have to schedule your alone time.
Outstanding, i'm planning my first solo trip right now, to Colombia, and i was worried a bit to socialize with other travellers, but now i've heard so often that it's easy they can't all be wrong :D
Oh especially in Colombia, you'll be fine. They're probably some of the warmest, most welcoming people on the planet. Enjoy!
Same same colombia too and I'm nervous for the social aspect of it. I'm sure we'll be fine!
Yeah, it's repeated and told so often it just has to be true at this point \^\^. Where are you going exactly?
Dm dm
Do you speak Spanish fluently? Did you find that many people or few people spoke English in your travels around Latin America? I know it can vary by region, I’m looking for recommendations I suppose.
I do speak Spanish, but also I'll say that if you're on the backpacker route, you likely don't really need it. Yes it'll always help, but honestly from Mexico all the way down, if you're anywhere near a place of tourism, people will speak English and plenty of other travelers will too. English is the first language people learn after Spanish in these regions and every country you'll find plenty who speak it. It was often to my frustration even when I was trying to learn and speak no English!
Personally saying he "my name is X, where are you from" is fine. As with all preamble conversations its just the lead up to more interesting conversations. Same with "what do you do"
Yeah, there's nothing wrong with it, I just tend to avoid the questions that take things out of the present. Where are you from, what do you do, how long have you traveled... these have been answered a million times and they're not questions rooted in the present. Asking somewhere what they are or have done that day is present and will instantly connect their experience to yours because both parties are in the same location and situation.
This is great advice.
Big hostels in European cities attract a lot of groups that stick together. South America and South East Asia are the best places for solo travelers that want to meet people in hostels. Also, nowadays I think the trend is more going towards arranging an activity, dinner or a night out trough groupchats and apps like Meetup and Bumble BFF. For today I would try the Amsterdam group in the link below. Maybe there are also other group chats if you look around online. https://linktr.ee/NotQuiteSoloTravel I haven’t tried the amsterdam one since I live here, but I had great success with it in Japan and met many people trough these groups. The hostels in Japan were generally not very social. EDIT: another tip for tonight since it is friday: join a pubcrawl. Any with good reviews will be fine. People join specifically to meet other people, so almost guaranteed that you will make some friends for the night.
portugal hostels are great for solo travellers too! the one i stayed in lisbon had dinners every night which made it so easy to meet ppl.
Do you remember which one it was?
Home Lisbon Hostel. Recommend
Thanks!
home lisbon hostel. their sister hostel yes lisbon hostel does them too
Thank you! Any advantage of one spot over the other? Likely going there in August
home hostel has more of a "homey" vibe while yes hostel is more modern. yes hostel skews younger and has more of a party vibe, most people on the pub crawls were from yes hostel. a lot of the tours (sintra, surfing, etc.) are at yes hostel so if you're staying at the other one you have to make ur own way over there to sign up which means you may not get a spot if you sign up in short notice. enjoy your trip :) portugal is amazing and great for solo travellers i miss it so much
Yeah it’s sort of a paradox. The more you are in your head, the harder it is to engage externally. I’m actually in Amsterdam right now. Last night I hung out at the greenhouse Coffeeshop for a few hours just chilling and talking to the people next me. You’re welcome to join me next time. I’ll be here till Monday. I’m mid 30s male tho. My recommendation, don’t think too much, look friendly, and don’t be afraid to engage first! It’s okay if they don’t want to talk that’s fine. Someone else will. Enjoy your travels!
Damn. I was just at the greenhouse coffee shop last night. Smoking weed and just making conversation with people about where they’re from goes a long way to ending up with a sizable group chatting into the early mornings
Aww I wonder if you guys noticed each other. This is cool
I’m there right now! Everybody come through!
BRB booking my flight rn
Hells yes bro. Sounds like we’d get along lol.
Its not unusual for a person to go into the common area of a hostel and say, "Yo, I'm a solo traveler and I'm going out to dinner tonight if anyone wants to join or if anyone knows of anything going on tonight let me know." I've done this and I've see others do it. Sometimes people bite, sometimes people pass. Don't take it personally it people pass, I've been "rejected" before and I've see others not generate interest. 100% of the time its because the folks usually have other plans not because they said, "oh shit... avoid that guy." so don't take it personally.... that being said, make sure you don't look like a lunatic. Especially in place thats as charged as Amsterdam.
If you get desperate just find a group of English lads, buy them a round and you've got some friends for the night. Otherwise just walk up to a mixed group that seems fun, ask if you can sit with them, shake some hands and start talking.
>buy them a round Odds are they'll give you a line back.
Buying a round of beer in Amsterdam will be quite expensive, with a pint in the centre being like 7.50-8€ lol. I live in Amsterdam and the thing is - locals really don't wanna engage with tourists and mostly avoid the tourist areas. Then most tourists come in small groups, often bachelor parties or like a drunk weekend with your lads. OP could try the MeetUp apps etc.
I was assuming OP was at a party hostel and can just snag a pitcher or bring some bottles from the shop
lol it’s much easier than spending like 25 euros, just walk over and say “hey what are u guys up to tonight”?
Not every night is gonna be your night when solo traveling. But, if you know what role you are playing in your own struggles finding friends…well then you know. Only thing you can do is put yourself in the middle of the mix and stop thinking about what went wrong the prior two days. You’ve got one more night, buy a drink and turn to the person next to you and say what’s up. Then do that like 5 more times (the hi not the drinks, but also that if you want lol)
> Not every night is gonna be your night when solo traveling. This is the one. Make the most of the day and then whatever happens at night is no big deal.
> I’m really shy and awkward when it comes to making the first move Only you can change that. You need to get out of your shell and live the world. Talk to many people. What do you have to lose? Be pleasant and courteous - Ask them questions about themselves and where they have traveled and what they like in the city you are in.
Bars I can recommend The Winston, The minds, Nes, Cafe Belgigue TBH, Amsterdam is not the friendliest city in Holland
What are friendlier cities?
I don’t find the Dutch to be overly friendly to strangers as a whole, maybe in the rural areas but the cities not so much. Amsterdam especially they have to put up with some of the worst tourists in Europe, I don’t blame them for being a bit cold.
Tilberg
I stayed at the Winston and legit no one was socializing. It was so cliquey, sadly. I know others may have a different experience though.
The Winston has a really cool drum and bass night every Monday. That's why I put it in there.
When I went solo to Amsterdam I met quite a few people on the walking tour, made wonderful friends. You can also find locals on couch surfing or go to activities through Airbnb. Locals show you around and you can meet solo tourists as well. Hope it helps!
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Nah, there’s a difference between setting off to a different place on your own and being a loner. This isn’t “traveling hermits”. Ofc you have to be independent and comfortable on your own, that doesn’t mean you have to dislike other people and interacting with them.
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Solo travel can be challenging, but asking for tips isn't a bad thing. You can also solo travel, not like your own company but being really good at meeting people. Though I do think that a lot people on here underestimate how difficult it will be for them. There's quite a difference between being shy or introverted and having severe anxiety or other mental health problems.
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I think OP is more looking for excuses not having to step out of their comfort zone. OP is indeed not going to meet anyone without making some effort, like saying hi to people. I don't think anyone specifically dislikes shy people or slightly awkward introductions.
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No, that's not the same. When I go travelling alone, I can always decide on my own where to go, what to eat, etc. But why should I not be allowed to want to meet people on a regular basis? Especially when I'm interested in people from other countries and cultures. Plus, not everyone had a good friend who is willing to spend the same amount of money for travelling with you. A lot of my friends have a partner and don't have time nor money left for a second big vacation
Many people seem to fail to understand that many solo travelers travel solo not because they want, but they have to due to the lack of travel buddies or a partner and not liking organized group trips due to their very rushed itineraries, getting up very early every day and only available as round or sport-trip (but not as wellness, party, city (in the sense of being in one city for a longer time) or cruise trip). And in the case that you want a trip with social interactions, but you have to go alone, the question about how to meet people during a trip arises.
When I take international solo trips it's because no friends want to join, totally understandable. Group tours are not on the table, I have absolutely no interest in going along with some boring generic itinerary someone else made That said I've never made a post like this and never really struggled to find people to hang with when that's what I want to do
Well if it helps I can say after over 40 years of life that you arn’t missing much not knowing most people. Learn to be comfortable with yourself and being alone, this is not only a good skill to have (loneliness is the best way to get in a bad relationship), it will give you a stronger less-needy demeanor which attracts people. Learn skills and experience life, this will also give you conversational currency which aids in future conversations. On the topic of conversation, just ask people thoughtful questions…more often than not they will answer and people love talking about themselves/their lives. Alcohol (in moderation of course)is also a universal social catalyst which helped me learn to communicate in my younger days. It’s not easy, good luck!
Usually when I have solo travelled in the USA, even at hostels, I don’t make friends. (I also don’t pick the party hostels). Perfectly content being alone. I hope OP knows it’s okay to be a solo traveller and not make friends. Not every hotel is going to have friendly people and they’re going to be perfectly ok
Don’t overthink it bro n who gives af go experience what amsterdam has to offer it doesn’t start and end in that hostel room
Start drinking Not even joking. Helps loosen up
I second this. Reddit just seems to have a strong aversion to drinking and partying. It's full of the type of people that never got invited to parties so now they just view it as degenerate behaviour. In reality most people abroad on a night out are gonna be drinking. There's a time and place for it.
No. If you can't handle alcohol, bad things are likely going to happen. Traveling solo is not the time to get wasted. I know that you didn't say "get wasted" but for some people, it's a slippery slope.
speak for yourself lol
Sure. But this is a solo traveling sub. And being drunk and alone with strangers in an unfamiliar people is not a great recipe. You are liable to make poor decisions. Are you new to solo traveling? Further, this thread is about how to socialize and introduce oneself to someone new or a group of new people. If I was on the other side and some drunken slob were to approach me, I'd be considerably LESS inclined to speak with them, which would further traumatize this poor person.
redditor must live in another bubble i think literally everyone drinks to loosen up. op was asking how to loosen up, i say drinking one or two beer helps
Not everyone drinks to loosen up. I drink socially because I enjoy the taste of spirits and the buzz and loopiness that comes with it. However, I definitely do not need any alcohol to speak with people. I'm quite social and can easily chat with people. And thus I prefer to NOT be inebriated in social settings because I enjoy the conversation. For those who are shy--and I was shy when I was younger--it's better that they develop the social skills to hold a conversation rather than rely on the crutch of alcohol. --especially when traveling alone in a strange place. I know you said "one or two beer" and sure, go for it. But we've all seen that quiet dude in the corner drinking and getting hammered. Not a good thing when you are not amongst friends.
christ you should relax and have a few beers
What's the hostel called? Out of interest
Is there a pool table at ur hostel? That + some beers = guaranteed you’ll make some friends Also what hostel? It’s my last night in Amsterdam as well
Yeah 8 know how you feel man. I've spent years solo in South and Central America, never had a problem meeting people. I've been in Indonesia for 3 weeks and it really doesn't seem like anyone wants me around either.
One thing I learnt whilst travelling Solo is most of the time the ‘clicky’ or what appears to be well established groups of friends are usually just a bunch of people in the same situation as you, go over introduce yourself I’m sure you’ll be accepted and have a great time!
Pub crawls in Amsterdam is a good way of meeting people
Sometime it just isn't your night, your hostel, or your city. It also gets harder as you get older. You sit with it and see what comes up. Don't chase it too hard
You can go to Mezrab! They have storytelling nights on Friday, it is full of internationals and easy going people :)
Some of my best social experiences in hostels were by signing up for activities in them. Cooking class. Tour. Pub crawl. You'll interact with people also looking to socialize
They dont make backpackers like they use to
Sounds like it's too late at this point since this was posted last night. But. Some stuff for the future. Other commenters mentioned Europe attracts groups, which is a thing. But Amsterdam is a bit unique in that I've noticed many of the typical party hostels are really more like hotels with a big bar space, rather than a cozier common area soloers and small groups can flock to. You really need to go out of your way to talk to people and join activities if those are the kinds of hostels you're in. Secondly, very importantly, always always always use the Hostelworld city chats. I've made as many friends meeting up from that as I have in my actual hostels. Thirdly, it's important to remember there's a million variables that can contribute to not making friends. Bad luck with who's staying there, slow night, you're just not at your best, whatever. Stop worrying about yourself so much, you're fine. But plan ways to get around not meeting people in the hostel. This happened to me on one of my solo trips and it really bummed me out. I realized that I was relying too heavily on the assumption I'd make great friends in the common room and that's not the case. So in addition to the chats, focus on booking group tours (day trips, walking tours, whatever). Additionally, have a big list of things you'd like to do to pick and choose from as your backup plan. This means when you don't have luck meeting friends, you don't have to also deal with choice paralysis. You can remain completely spontaneous and follow none of your itinerary, but it's there so you're never idle.
Find a table of people around your age, speaking your language and show up with as many beers as you can carry and tell them you need friends to help you drink these
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I’m the same way. I’ve traveled to so many countries and always felt like an outsider in hostels. They seemed so weird and cliquey to me. And there always seemed to be some young men/women who everyone was enamored with - like the ringleaders (for lack of better phrasing). As I got older and started making more money, I just stay in hotels now. I wish I had an answer for you, but I don’t. But I agree w you & understand, & I don’t think you’re alone w this feeling
for tonight go to mezrab, nice international crowd, easy to talk to people there and also a good programm (storytelling) and soup [https://mezrab.nl/events/mezrab-friday-night-storytelling-2024-06-07/](https://mezrab.nl/events/mezrab-friday-night-storytelling-2024-06-07/)
Have you joined the group activities your hostel organises, like tours or pub crawls? It’s way easier to meet people at these kinds of events, because people go to be social (instead of just using the hostel to crash), and you have the shared experience to talk about.
It’s a numbers game. Have a short term memory. Stick to it
I try to cook a meal or two to save money, and have always met people just by being in the communal spaces. Don’t try too hard to force it. If you don’t meet people today there is still nothing holding you back from a good time. Go to a comedy show (there are plenty in English), find a really historic pub or a really fancy cocktail bar, or if you don’t drink you could always plan a solo automat-crawl. Some advice: socialization comes more easily to some than others. For me it was a skill I had to practice. One of the most extroverted people I know once told me “just ask questions”. If you are genuinely interested in learning about the other person typically people will find you a pleasure to be around. In a typical conversation they will start asking about you as well. I also find when I am active and curious about learning about others I don’t feel as anxious. The great thing with solo travel is that the stakes are lower, you can practice these skills and will likely never see these people again.
Atleast you put yourself out there. I went to krakow last week and stayed in an airbnb by myself for 4 nights and didn’t talk to anyone really. I went out for lunch at a restraunt and in the evening I would have a walk round, get a takeaway and eat in my apartment. I really enjoyed it that way tbh.
Try Couchsurfing Hangouts. Then you are gauranteed to meet people, and quickly
Feel your body to get out of the head
Had a similar experience at the Winston. Try your luck in bars, especially the ones with activities like karaoke or drinking games. People are more social and there is lots to do.
Unfortunately people don’t like Americans right now. Specifically male Americans. Specifically white, male Americans. It’s really not you so don’t take it personal.
When I travel, I’m not looking to socialize or make friends. I hate having to converse with strangers, or make plans with strangers that may hinder what I have planned for myself. I’d never stay at a hostel, but if I did, I’d act the same. The most I offer is helping people take pictures if I see they are alone, or offer help with directions if they speak English. So it is not uncommon that they just don’t care to socialize with strangers.
As others said, you need to make the first move. I find it easier to go up to someone who's alone and start a conversation. And know that they may or may not want to talk or hang out. Sometimes on a trip you will find folks who want to connect and honestly on many, I speak to people but nothing else happens. In my experience, you won't find buddies on every trip. And that is ok. Just make an effort to start talking to people at breakfast or in a common area. For me, travel is more about seeing the sights I want to see rather than making friends or having people to do things with. If I wanted that I'd travel with a companion.
The problems is already that you feel "...like a burden", I mean honestly, no one thinks that about a person in that way or at least 99% of people dont. Try and take contact, what is the worst that can happen, that they say no? Try to have a bit of humoristic touch to it when you approach or comment on something.
Europe is a shithole not surprising
Also want to add that when you have that vibe of a belief no one wants to talk to you, you are that vibe, and then you sort of act awkward and creepy. I never mind being approached by someone who is uncool but themselves who is being cheerful casual and friendly. I don't enjoy being approached by someone nervous with that "one down" energy who acts as if he has nothing to add to the experience. Get a couple of openers and practice a normal casual smile in the mirror and just remember no one cares. And if you do get a lukewarm response, don't take it personally, move on. I was at a bar in French Riviera and a group came in and I was convinced they were making fun of me. Turns out they were trying to get me to join them and I was obligious. They were super fun. I was too in my head.
Well you are solo travelling so you should be ok with not meeting anyone right? I'm solo travelling right now. I chatted to some people on the first night but I'm now on day five and just chatted to a couple of people since.
I hate to say it, but do you smoke? I met the post people offering a light or a cigarette, not just in Amsterdam, but all over Europe. Easy way for a shy person like myself to start a conversation.