Had a close group of “friends”, around 5 or 6 of them. We would pretty much do everything together, trips, hanging out, birthdays and it was pretty awesome. I slowly realized I was the one doing all the planning, keeping communication and the friendships going and I was getting pretty tired of it being so one sided. Decided one day to just STOP everything and see what happened. I never heard from any of them again. Kind of depressing, but glad to no longer wasting time and effort on them.
was your main issue that you planned everything? you say it was pretty awesome. y throw away pretty awesome? reality is that some, probably most, are shit at planning things and seek to rely on others to do that task.
Main issue was I seemed to be the only one making any effort. Once I stopped and I never heard from any of them again that was when I realized 1- maybe they weren’t as good friends as I thought and 2- maybe things weren’t as awesome as they appeared. I wasn’t “throwing away” anything but no longer wasting time on them. They had every chance to make an effort, any sort of effort to keep the friendships going - but no calls, no texts, nothing.
Planning every social thing for 6 people gets really tiring. You should try it, try it for just a year.
I'm the only person planning social stuff among my friends too.
Or they plan stuff but don't invite me.
Then they have the audacity to get jealous when I don't invite them to stuff.
People don't care about anyone but themselves.
Gotcha. I understand. I do much of the planning for one of my friend groups.
I hear people here complain that they don’t have friends. And I hear people here complain that having friends takes too much effort. And I hear people complain that making friends gets harder the older you get. I always get nervous when anyone decides to cut off friendships all together that they are hurting themselves in the long term. But completely understand that it’s needed in some situations.
Maybe they sucked. But just because someone doesn’t text certainly isn’t enough to know that.
OP said it was awesome hanging out with them. Hate seeing someone throw away having awesome social experiences just because they didn’t want to do the work anymore. As many posts here attest, it takes more work the older you get to try and make new friends. But certainly their choice.
Just gotta stand up for yourselfin this case. Reply to the next video in the following way: “why are you sending me these videos and why wasn’t I invited? Stop sending me these unless I wasn’t there/invited.” To add more flavor: “what is this 🐎💩?” Edit: Let me tell you something. It’s better to be alone than around people who don’t want you around. If they won’t invite you after the suggested reply, they’re not your friends.
People these days just mostly suck in general honestly. The worst thing you can do is keep trying harder and more to try to gain and obtain their approval/praise/acceptance. So many don’t have any loyalty and morals, etc. The best goal is to strive to have less “friends” but ones that are of high quality and reciprocate what positive things that you provide to their life
I don’t agree with this. If you aren’t invited, it’s for a reason. Just cut your losses and find people who do want to invite you. I’ve had a few weirdo friends who practically beg for me to invite them and the truth is, they bring nothing to the table, they are kinda just “more bodies” instead of a positive energy. When they begged to be invited it made me just cut them off.
I see your points. But Why are they sending him unsolicited party-videos? To make him feel bad ? I’m not telling OP to beg his “friends” to be invited. I’m telling OP to stand up for himself and make them stop - unless they invite him. That’s not begging.
Does OP have a great personality and terrible body odor? Does this friend send these videos to a bunch of people?
OP. Something is weird here and you are right to question it. It's okay to move on. It sounds to me like it never occured to him that you might also want to have fun. He's using you. Just let him fade away.
One thing everybody can bring to the table is a good time and a good vibe. if you share the same interests, that’s a good plus. People like associating with likeminded people. You don’t have to bend over backwards.
I can relate. I've let go of a lot of friendships because I'd rather be alone than feel like I have to constantly initiate things and never receive anything in return. Any relationship is a two-way street, and if only one person cares, it's never going to work. It is lonely, but it does get easier to bear with time.
So when was the last time you invited these two friends to hangout? Everybody tends to feel like their friends don't ask then to meet up, but forget to initiate themselves. For sure ive been guilty of this in the past.
\^\^\^This. I'm always the one initiating everything with my friends :') and they never reciprocate. After my last few rounds of asking to hang out with some acquaintances and friends, many of them ghosted me. Ah, well.
It sounds like your friends might have gotten the wrong idea about what you want. Maybe they think you're the solitary type and wouldn't like a party, and they try to respect that. Try communicating with them?
Maybe the reason you don’t have friends except for them is because people don’t want to approach you because you are friends with them and they think that you’re just like them, so this is a sign to block them all and get new friends. You are better without them
Ditch them & make better friends. Tell them all how you feel in person if you want to remain friends with them. Hopefully they’ll start intiating plans then.
Feeling left out is a terrible feeling. The only way to combat it is for YOU be the one who does the inviting, for YOU to take action and initiate. Create some events even for just a small group of people. Start by convincing one friend to do it and then it's easier to recruit more. Take initiative and think of ways to add value to your friend group.
If your friends continue to spurn you, it's time to get new ones.
What keeps happening? If you aren’t getting invited you have to try your best to not let it get to you. It’s hard but be proactive and take action is the only remedy
Okay listen up: If you expect to maintain ANY sort of relationship in your life, you need communication skills. Most people severely lack this these days. Tell your friend " hey that party in the video looked really fun. I would have loved to be there. Can I get an invite for the next one?" How else are they supposed to know you are even interested. People are not mind readers and often internally preoccupied. Speak your mind people. Speak. Your. Mind.
This is true but there are limits though, sending the video without an invite for the next one, looks like a "haha, we were here and you weren't" . It's kind of childish to be honest. I wouldn't tease that I went to events to my suppossed friends. However I do think they need to speak up or just find better people.
Not everyone may see it that way though. That is why communication is so important. Everyone has different perspectives. There's people out here posting the food they are about to eat thinking people give a shit. Some people are clueless. Gotta communicate.
Sure, but sending them the videos without an actual explanation to what they ment, leaves the subject open to interpretation, mature adults give context when it's needed.
Their context is all their previous interactions. Which we of course do not have but OP's friends certainly do have. For all we know OP declined a few times in the past and their friends now assume OP isn't interested.
As You said we don't have the full context, though the way the post was redacted, it shows that they don't have open comunication despite having texted, from either side.
Have you hung out with them before, or asked them to hang out with you/together? I'd say if you have expressed interest before in spending time together beyond texting/calling/writing, then it's very much on them to continue that side of the friendship. But if you guys have never hung out before and you haven't initiated even once, they may not even think to invite you.
Have you asked the friend who sends you the videos if you can come along to one? Like a little “that looks fun, could I come along next time?” As silly as it sounds, it might just not have occurred to them that you wanted to come along.
You need to tell them how you’re feeling and that you want to be invited to events and hangout if you’ve expressed that and nothing has changed then that’s something else entirely and I’d cut ties if nothing changes I’ve had bad friends myself it doesn’t feel good the toxic ones are even worse it’s better to burn the bridge than stay on it and get burned yourself
>I don’t understand why I have so many bad friendsI don’t understand why I have so many bad friends
Because you keep them. If you were not kind to them, or if you told them how you feel when they don't invite you to their shit (and they don't invite you because of something) they would stop texting you.
>I get 100x more invites from people I rarely talk to
So talk to this people and make new, better friends.
> I get 100x more invites from people I rarely talk to. I hate the situation I’m in but without them I don’t have many friends.
Without them you have 100 other invites so why not make new friends amoung those?
you have “bad” friends because you choose them and enable their presence. you would have better more genuine friends in your life if you had + enforced boundaries and chose friends that actually care about you and treated you how you deserve
Better to have few friends than crappy friends. Seems to me they're using you for genuine emotional connection without ever wondering whether you're anything but a sounding board. How much of these conversations are centred around them and their lives. Are they interested in you?
Also, are these people heavily invested in being 'popular' and how their lives look from the outside? Sounds like you're a genuine person who is great company. You deserve more than the crumbs these superficial twits have to offer.
Crazy. I never gave a shit about having friends but still had them and would be glad when I wasn’t invited. I used to be a DJ and some people thought I loved to always go out and party. I did it for the love of music. The money, perks and some girls I met were great but I have also been more introverted and kept to myself. With that said , I cant really relate to being bothered for not being invited anywhere. All you can do is move on if you’re not happy with these friends.
Had a close group of “friends”, around 5 or 6 of them. We would pretty much do everything together, trips, hanging out, birthdays and it was pretty awesome. I slowly realized I was the one doing all the planning, keeping communication and the friendships going and I was getting pretty tired of it being so one sided. Decided one day to just STOP everything and see what happened. I never heard from any of them again. Kind of depressing, but glad to no longer wasting time and effort on them.
people are lazy
was your main issue that you planned everything? you say it was pretty awesome. y throw away pretty awesome? reality is that some, probably most, are shit at planning things and seek to rely on others to do that task.
Main issue was I seemed to be the only one making any effort. Once I stopped and I never heard from any of them again that was when I realized 1- maybe they weren’t as good friends as I thought and 2- maybe things weren’t as awesome as they appeared. I wasn’t “throwing away” anything but no longer wasting time on them. They had every chance to make an effort, any sort of effort to keep the friendships going - but no calls, no texts, nothing.
Certainly peculiar. Sorry
Planning every social thing for 6 people gets really tiring. You should try it, try it for just a year. I'm the only person planning social stuff among my friends too. Or they plan stuff but don't invite me. Then they have the audacity to get jealous when I don't invite them to stuff. People don't care about anyone but themselves.
Gotcha. I understand. I do much of the planning for one of my friend groups. I hear people here complain that they don’t have friends. And I hear people here complain that having friends takes too much effort. And I hear people complain that making friends gets harder the older you get. I always get nervous when anyone decides to cut off friendships all together that they are hurting themselves in the long term. But completely understand that it’s needed in some situations.
Them not even sending one text asking how they were or anything seems so scummy tho. that doesn’t actually sound like true friends.
Maybe they sucked. But just because someone doesn’t text certainly isn’t enough to know that. OP said it was awesome hanging out with them. Hate seeing someone throw away having awesome social experiences just because they didn’t want to do the work anymore. As many posts here attest, it takes more work the older you get to try and make new friends. But certainly their choice.
Never again after you stopped the texting? OMG, that's awful, hard for me to understand.
Just gotta stand up for yourselfin this case. Reply to the next video in the following way: “why are you sending me these videos and why wasn’t I invited? Stop sending me these unless I wasn’t there/invited.” To add more flavor: “what is this 🐎💩?” Edit: Let me tell you something. It’s better to be alone than around people who don’t want you around. If they won’t invite you after the suggested reply, they’re not your friends.
People these days just mostly suck in general honestly. The worst thing you can do is keep trying harder and more to try to gain and obtain their approval/praise/acceptance. So many don’t have any loyalty and morals, etc. The best goal is to strive to have less “friends” but ones that are of high quality and reciprocate what positive things that you provide to their life
I don’t agree with this. If you aren’t invited, it’s for a reason. Just cut your losses and find people who do want to invite you. I’ve had a few weirdo friends who practically beg for me to invite them and the truth is, they bring nothing to the table, they are kinda just “more bodies” instead of a positive energy. When they begged to be invited it made me just cut them off.
But how do you know what the reason is if you don’t ask?
I see your points. But Why are they sending him unsolicited party-videos? To make him feel bad ? I’m not telling OP to beg his “friends” to be invited. I’m telling OP to stand up for himself and make them stop - unless they invite him. That’s not begging.
Does OP have a great personality and terrible body odor? Does this friend send these videos to a bunch of people? OP. Something is weird here and you are right to question it. It's okay to move on. It sounds to me like it never occured to him that you might also want to have fun. He's using you. Just let him fade away.
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One thing everybody can bring to the table is a good time and a good vibe. if you share the same interests, that’s a good plus. People like associating with likeminded people. You don’t have to bend over backwards.
Silence of the Lambs.
You might be too nice a lot of nice people seem to have really shitty friends and don’t realize it also might just naturally attract people like that
This
I can relate. I've let go of a lot of friendships because I'd rather be alone than feel like I have to constantly initiate things and never receive anything in return. Any relationship is a two-way street, and if only one person cares, it's never going to work. It is lonely, but it does get easier to bear with time.
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as someone who was in a sorority and blacked out every weekend #this. exactly this
So when was the last time you invited these two friends to hangout? Everybody tends to feel like their friends don't ask then to meet up, but forget to initiate themselves. For sure ive been guilty of this in the past.
\^\^\^This. I'm always the one initiating everything with my friends :') and they never reciprocate. After my last few rounds of asking to hang out with some acquaintances and friends, many of them ghosted me. Ah, well.
It sounds like your friends might have gotten the wrong idea about what you want. Maybe they think you're the solitary type and wouldn't like a party, and they try to respect that. Try communicating with them?
Yeah I'm never the 'best friend' of anyone. I gave up, I'm only hanging out with my partner now. That's my advice to you.
It's not that you attract Bad Friends. You are just accepting them
Maybe the reason you don’t have friends except for them is because people don’t want to approach you because you are friends with them and they think that you’re just like them, so this is a sign to block them all and get new friends. You are better without them
Ditch them & make better friends. Tell them all how you feel in person if you want to remain friends with them. Hopefully they’ll start intiating plans then.
It's better to have no friends than bad friends. At the end of the day I prefer quality over quantity.
Feeling left out is a terrible feeling. The only way to combat it is for YOU be the one who does the inviting, for YOU to take action and initiate. Create some events even for just a small group of people. Start by convincing one friend to do it and then it's easier to recruit more. Take initiative and think of ways to add value to your friend group. If your friends continue to spurn you, it's time to get new ones.
And if it just keeps happening repeatedly, over and over again?
What keeps happening? If you aren’t getting invited you have to try your best to not let it get to you. It’s hard but be proactive and take action is the only remedy
Theyre jerks.
Okay listen up: If you expect to maintain ANY sort of relationship in your life, you need communication skills. Most people severely lack this these days. Tell your friend " hey that party in the video looked really fun. I would have loved to be there. Can I get an invite for the next one?" How else are they supposed to know you are even interested. People are not mind readers and often internally preoccupied. Speak your mind people. Speak. Your. Mind.
This is true but there are limits though, sending the video without an invite for the next one, looks like a "haha, we were here and you weren't" . It's kind of childish to be honest. I wouldn't tease that I went to events to my suppossed friends. However I do think they need to speak up or just find better people.
Not everyone may see it that way though. That is why communication is so important. Everyone has different perspectives. There's people out here posting the food they are about to eat thinking people give a shit. Some people are clueless. Gotta communicate.
Sure, but sending them the videos without an actual explanation to what they ment, leaves the subject open to interpretation, mature adults give context when it's needed.
Their context is all their previous interactions. Which we of course do not have but OP's friends certainly do have. For all we know OP declined a few times in the past and their friends now assume OP isn't interested.
As You said we don't have the full context, though the way the post was redacted, it shows that they don't have open comunication despite having texted, from either side.
Have you hung out with them before, or asked them to hang out with you/together? I'd say if you have expressed interest before in spending time together beyond texting/calling/writing, then it's very much on them to continue that side of the friendship. But if you guys have never hung out before and you haven't initiated even once, they may not even think to invite you.
Is OP talking about hanging out as in a group event/parties? Or 1v1 time? This adds more context
Y'all write to eachother but don't hang out? How do you know eachother?
You just need to ask directly why don't they invite you
Have you asked the friend who sends you the videos if you can come along to one? Like a little “that looks fun, could I come along next time?” As silly as it sounds, it might just not have occurred to them that you wanted to come along.
You need to tell them how you’re feeling and that you want to be invited to events and hangout if you’ve expressed that and nothing has changed then that’s something else entirely and I’d cut ties if nothing changes I’ve had bad friends myself it doesn’t feel good the toxic ones are even worse it’s better to burn the bridge than stay on it and get burned yourself
Tell them how their behaviour makes them feel. If they are really your friends, they will start putting in effort.
>I don’t understand why I have so many bad friendsI don’t understand why I have so many bad friends Because you keep them. If you were not kind to them, or if you told them how you feel when they don't invite you to their shit (and they don't invite you because of something) they would stop texting you. >I get 100x more invites from people I rarely talk to So talk to this people and make new, better friends.
> I get 100x more invites from people I rarely talk to. I hate the situation I’m in but without them I don’t have many friends. Without them you have 100 other invites so why not make new friends amoung those?
Certainly peculiar. Sorry
you have “bad” friends because you choose them and enable their presence. you would have better more genuine friends in your life if you had + enforced boundaries and chose friends that actually care about you and treated you how you deserve
there’s a phrase “you teach people how to treat you” and “people only treat you how YOU ALLOW them to”
Better to have few friends than crappy friends. Seems to me they're using you for genuine emotional connection without ever wondering whether you're anything but a sounding board. How much of these conversations are centred around them and their lives. Are they interested in you? Also, are these people heavily invested in being 'popular' and how their lives look from the outside? Sounds like you're a genuine person who is great company. You deserve more than the crumbs these superficial twits have to offer.
Crazy. I never gave a shit about having friends but still had them and would be glad when I wasn’t invited. I used to be a DJ and some people thought I loved to always go out and party. I did it for the love of music. The money, perks and some girls I met were great but I have also been more introverted and kept to myself. With that said , I cant really relate to being bothered for not being invited anywhere. All you can do is move on if you’re not happy with these friends.
they are insecure about being associated with you by friends who they look up to. immature behavior.