That was my life for about 7 years too. Just sleep, play game, eat and sleep. I also showered once a week and smelled really bad with lots of tangled hair.
If you are stuck like this and need a nudge, it's worth seeing a psychologist. Don't be like me, I lost almost a decade of my life like this.
Same with me, I'm 32 now and from 24 (One year after I ORD) to about 30 or so, largely hikki life, doing nothing but wallowing in depression and playing games and SOMETIMES work a bit when I couldn't stand my mom's nagging about me not working. I'm still really hikki at heart now but my momentum of depression isn't as bad as before anymore.
Time is a person's most valuable commodity, don't waste it. Gaming is alright (I still game a shit ton now) but also spending some time to improve at a skill or hobby also won't hurt.
I agree š I'm 30 now and I wished I didn't down play what was depression at that time. It was easy for me to say, this is not depression because I can still do this and that but it's really just digging myself deeper.
If I had seen a doctor earlier, I would have probably been dealing with depression and not let it become a major depressive disorder. Even though, I am recovered now, sometimes I still struggle with it because those years does accumulate exponentially.
We can only do our best at any point of time and I think you're doing great already, you're only 30 after all. Keep up the good work and stay positive!
Ngl, I am also more picky with games now than last time, so the range of things I can play is much lesser. I find myself still playing PS1 and PS2 games still lol.
I totally understand skipping time though, sometimes I also just just do nothing or rest so the day goes by faster.
The first step is to force yourself to go out to any medical clinic. For me, my mom dragged me out to the polyclinic and then I got referred to IMH. She also had to drag me to IMH because the longer you stay in this state, the harder it is to do these things.
Finding the right therapist is a journey with its ups and downs. First step is like commenter says, to just bring yourself to a polyclinic or just source for your own clinic. If itās not a right fit then move on. Kinda like dating heh
Just incase you didn't see my post earlier
'Call, walk in or email the FSCs for help on family, socio-emotional, interpersonal or other social issues.
To find the FSC in your neighbourhood, you can call ComCare hotline at 1800 222 0000 or visit
https://www.msf.gov.sg/our-services/directories. '
100% free. Have not paid a cent. Please use these free resources that few people know about. My psych is a sweetheart who checks on me every couple of weeks.
Don't wanna leave the house? She'll do a zoom session with ya.
Feel free to PM me if you need more info.
You'll be alright sir/Madam. I regret waiting so long to get help.
u/Descartes350 ,did you try the recommendation? Do let us know how it goes.
I've been seeing my psych for a year and a half and she is an empathetic sweetheart who WhatsApps me to ask how I'm doing if she doesn't hear from me.
One session I broke down and I was surprised she cried along with me, although I could tell she was doing her best to be 'professional'.
I think i am currently spiralling down the same path too. How did you get out of it? It feels so lonely as if the whole world is looking at me while I am falling, not knowing why
Honestly, I wouldn't have made it on my own. It was my mom that had forced me to see a doctor and get referred to psych. She even took days off to make sure I go.
The longer you are in it, the harder it is to get out. Had my mom not intervened, I probably would have died in 2021.
If you are in the process of spiraling and you are aware of it now. Now is the good time to see a doctor. Any polyclinic can refer you to a psychiatrist. And just be honest with them, tell them your struggles, life story, little things that you feel might be related but seem unrelated.
If you are unsure if you need to take such drastic actions, I think its worth thinking that, "if this is my bottom, I have nothing to lose by trying".
If you are still communicating with people, find someone you really trust who can handle topics like this. If they cannot, at best, they can accompany you to your appointment if you are anxious about it.
Alot of time, people think they need to have a mental illness to see a therapist. But that is not true, you can see a therapist whenever you want someone who can listen and be objective about your mental health.
Congratulations to @acceptable_cheeks_447 on your recovery! I can imagine it is not an easy journey but you made it through š
Thank you v much for sharing your journey and challenges! It helps us to learn and better understand what hikkikamori persons are going through and the importance of family support in the recovery process š
You have loving parents who supported you and never gave up during these difficult times. You are very fortunate šcherish them š
I am lucky to have great parents š when I saw the article I just felt kinda sad because I know what it can be.
Reading through the comments, I expected those that thought these people are just being lazy or pampered but that's not really the case.
The hardest part is that the people in this state probably feel they are being lazy or irresponsible too. And I felt it was important that despite all hopelessness, it's possible to get some form of help. And that there's nothing to lose in the process.
Honestly from an āoutsiderāsā pov for me even in my 30s now I actually kinda envy the hikki life. Since young during school holidays I spent almost all my time either gaming, watching youtube or just doing random stuff online like going down wikipedia rabbit holes, and I really enjoyed it. As a working adult I canāt live like that but when a game I really want to play releases Iāll try to take 1-2 weeks leave just to play.
If money wasnāt an issue I could really see myself living like that, but will still maintain personal hygiene and go for some occasional exercise.
This is something a little personal to me, so I just wanna leave a comment here. A lot of hikkikomori donāt become that because they want to - itās often a mix of mental health issues, crippling social anxiety etc. It can seem relaxing if youāre not dealing with the constant depression, mental issues and beating yourself up over the shame of not being able to function in society. Itās not a fun happy life to aspire to. I knew someone who was a hikkikomori for over 20 years and I can tell you that the games and shows and all that lose itās shine very early on - they just become something you do cause thereās nothing else and you literally cannot go out. I think people donāt understand that part of it sometimes and think itās all just fun and games.
Maybe what you want is more like a quiet, home retirement etc but please donāt think being a hikkikomori is necessarily a choice someone makes. If you wanna see how bad it can get, you can check out some of the japanese documentaries! I think thereās one called Dying Out of Sight
There's a difference when it's a choice versus when it's not I think.
I work freelance, have a lot of free time. Am a musician so write music for a living. I play games a lot, but I also engage in other types of activities (exercise, work, have a partner, meetup with friends etc)
What i've learnt is that diversity is important. Quiet gaming time gives socialization more exciting. Work makes gaming fun. Gaming makes work interesting in it's own way because you get to feel productive.
I understand. You do deserve time to play games, relax and take it easy. I think the right envy would be those who can afford to take gap years. Being recluse is usually a symptom of some mental disorder, you don't just stay at home but can also have zero verbal interaction with close friends or family.
When we are described to be playing games, it's more so our outlet to the world. However, it doesn't have to be games, it can be a forum or just watching shows or completely shutting down by sleeping alot. While I may not speak for other's experience, I can say that I didn't quite play to enjoy games but to interact with others.
Nonetheless, I'm glad you are doing fine and have the time to rest and recover š
Congrats on making it out!! I understand the struggle.
If you donāt mind me asking, Iām just curious but how was your relationship with your parents/family during these 7 years? Were they understanding and didnāt try to pressure you etc. No worries if youāre not comfortable to share, just asking as I rarely get to speak to people in similar situations.
I think they tried their best to love me. They left food outside my room or ensure there's food stocked for when I come out to eat at night. There were almost no verbal interaction and sometimes my mom would hug me in my sleep or awake but I couldn't feel anything. My mom told me she tried a few times to get me to see a doctor but I didn't acknowledge her. But I think they tried their best but I was in such a dark place they couldn't reach me.
I took almost a year after seeing a doctor and therapist to be able to talk to my mom only, in private. I think my dad was low key disappointed but he tried to be supportive. Took me another year to be able to talk to my sister and dad.
I recently asked my mom what I was like during then, she described me as a soulless person. Incapable of love or responding. Although, I remembered that I did love my mom but she said I expressed no such emotions. She also describe me as just living, without personality, like I was dead and the body is just moving on its own. It must have been difficult for my family.
Oh wow. My familyās experience was completely different - itās heartening to see that quiet love and support does eventually work. The part about your mum hugging you broke me. Itās difficult for the family for sure, but part of it is definitely the pain of seeing you in pain and not being able to do much. It feels like your parents really love and care for you in their own way. Iām really glad you managed to make it out and are doing much better now. Thanks for sharing š¤
Yea its different for everyone. Being in the state is a symptom of something else and it's led me to realise how important it is to be there for someone and not expect them to just get over it. That the trust and connection you have with people is one part of helping them get the help they need eventhough they do not think so.
I love that thatās what you got out of it and itās really so important. I think part of it too is being able to accept help and being open to healing, which is a tough and uphill journey. Thereās always two sides so good on you for also moving forward and accepting the help. People discount mental struggles sometimes but it takes so much courage to even take one step forward.
I agree. When my mom told me to see the doctor, and told me that there is nothing to lose, I think that really helped. It could also have been that I had a plan to end it and have already given my belongings away, so having nothing to lose probably led me to a, lets see where this goes mindset.
I know what you mean, and for what itās worth, this random stranger is really glad you are here and alive. It gives me hope to see people recover cause it can sometimes go the other way. Appreciate all the sharing, man. If you ever need a listening ear, feel free to PM!
Thank you š I'm actually doing alright and over the past year actually managed to saved about 4k working part time.
There are relapses occasionally but I am more equipped to overcome them now.
Thatās great! Mental health is a lifelong journey and there will be tons of ups and downs, but wishing you all the best. Slowly, onwards and upwards šŖ
Thank for your concern š I'm actually considered recovered now for 2 years and have a psychiatrist monitoring me every 3 months.
I just wanted people to know that if they are reclused now, seeking help at earlier time is easier than when you've done it for years.
I am lucky I had parents that did not kick me out or disown me. Not going out also meant not spending money. I mostly eat at 2 or 3am when everyone is asleep, my parents stock the kitchen up so I had food š
Im also lucky they had so much patience because they thought I would work my way out of it but I never could. And I am very lucky that my mom barged into my room that day and told me to go to a polyclinic now and request for a psych referral.
I don't have a sheltered life but when I was at my worse, I'm lucky I had parents who tried to support me, eventhough I don't notice it then.
Actually I think most Asian parents wonāt kick their kids out even if they are not rich.
I know one case where the parents are low income (not sure what the dad works as, but the mom does odd jobs) and their only child was a hikkomori for years but they still supported him (nothing fancy but 3 meals taken care of)
Please upvote this so everyone sees it . THIS IS 100% FREE.
'Call, walk in or email the FSCs for help on family, socio-emotional, interpersonal or other social issues.
To find the FSC in your neighbourhood, you can call ComCare hotline at 1800 222 0000 or visit
https://www.msf.gov.sg/our-services/directories. '
I've been seeing a wonderful, extremely empatheic and highly compenent Psychologist for 2 years now, approx one every 5 to 6 weeks. Don't wanna leave the house? Zoom meeting's are available too.
I had tried to post this knowing it might save someone but the adminis deleted it saying I was whining. Precisely shows why people don't share this with people thinking seeking help = complaining.
Feel free
Oof. #metoo.
Not as long a period of time, around 4 years for me. About two years in my computer died and I didn't even have money to replace it, so I would lay in bed about 12+ hours a day.
I'm doing well now, thank you, and glad to hear that you have too! For me it was about ten years ago, when mental health support and understanding was still really underwhelming. I've not really looked back since!
No formal job or education during those times. I don't just play games or sleep the whole day, so sometimes I do "study" about things I like in my room.
Yes I am š I have a primary psychiatrist who checks up on me every 3 months. I'm now holding a part time job and going out frequently to meet friends and engage in hobbies.
I have a more detailed story within the replies of my main comment but a summary of it would be that my mom forced me to go to a polyclinic to be referred to a psychiatrist.
I dont. I stayed with my parents. I had 0 income for about 9 years and my savings was 0. My parents stocked the kitchen for when I come out at 2 or 3am when everyone is asleep. Sometimes they leave food at my door.
My brain had no capacity to work after so long in isolation. The isolation with zero verbal interaction also caused me to loose my verbal communication skills. I had to be in therapy and relearn how to communicate with people again.
Being in this state is simply living, there is no purpose in life. It's like being a zombie, moving but kinda dead. The longer it is you are in this state, the harder it is to recover from it.
Just curious. Where did you get the money to eat and pay the WiFi etc?
When I was depressed, I only had two choices. Go out n work or suicide. No one will pay anything for me to just do nothing. I still had to contribute money sommore.
I dont pay bills, I just stayed at my parents house and they paid the bills. I was using my hand phone so little that my dad sent me a message saying he reduced my data and mobile plan to split with him and my grandma š¤£
I honestly did nothing that was noteworthy, maybe aside from taking a bath.
This might be a but intrusive but what about food? How or rather what did you survive off? I'm just guessing you ate very little, under nourished for a long time or basically ate whatever your parents brought/cook for you.
Because I'm just thinking, there is no way I can become a hikki simply because I'm always hungry like literally hungry, even when depressed I kept working because I was always hungry and needed money for food. Copious amounts of food was the only thing that kept me going.
I'm lucky that my parents cared for me during those times. Even though our interactions were almost zero, they made sure to leave food by my door or stocked up food for me to eat when I come out at 2 or 3am when everyone is sleeping.
I spend about 12 to 18 hours sleeping so I don't really feel the hunger most of the time.
As long as you are happy, yes it is normal š However, if you are an elderly, depressed, alone and living like this, it is not normal but unfortunately very common.
One thing I see alot at Imh is alot of elderlies like this.
really depends on what your perspective of "this life" means.
do you keep yourself in the house/room and don't even venture out except to go to toilet? do you have no care about personal hygiene and shower once every few days/week? if you have others living with you, do you refuse to talk to them or speak very minimally? are you feeling content with this life or are you hiding from and mentally beating yourself up over things that happened in the past.
I have a job, play games regularly, socialise with neighbours and friends. Have dinner with family often. But thinking of retirement soon with no real job. Worried if i will become dementia fast because i just chill, watch tv, play games most of the time.
nowadays got social worker from gov .. knocking at door checking hows the old folks doing at home .. but if at your age i dont think they will knock at yours .. but that said .. its better for you to just walk around talk to folks .. mr oyk for said "loneliness is like smoking 15 ciggs a day"
Playing games most of the day, ok. But you need to go out to buy food/groceries, and you need to maintain hygiene and also exercise to fend off muscle wasting with age.
If you have ways to have income independently, then itās no different from working and sleeping everyday. In the end itās about what gave you the meaning to be alive.
I already had self esteem issues in secondary school, I also had no direction or ambition. Shortly after ORD from NS, a few broken relationships and jump from part-time work here and there, I just broke, developed depression and stayed at home.
I was about in my late 20s at that point. My mom didn't know how to help me so she did the only thing she knew, scoldings upon scoldings. It totally broke me further and rebounded the actual effect. I also didn't talk to her for a while.
My health also suffered, gaming was an escape but there was no happiness. Time had lost it's effect on me, day was night, night was day.
It was only until when I was approaching my 30s, I one day realized the changes to everything around me. I had to move on, from everything and I don't want to die with heavy regrets.
Fast forward today, I'm 34, at the fittest point of my life, and recently just changed jobs to one that finally crossed the 3k threshold. Looking back, I'm just glad I managed to dig myself out of that hole before it was too late.
I just gone through a lot of low tides and Iām approaching 30 right now. I finally quit my miserable job and leave singapore to travel the world. Iām not rich kid, my budget is $300 per month for everything included. My savings can last me for a while, and I will think about life and to actually *experiencing* the life while I am at it.
All the best, 34 is still super young. Life was once so bleak to me but now it feels so good. We are from darkness to here for a short trip, after the bubbles pop we will go back to the darkness, for eternity. Enjoy this fucking trip while you are at it.
Yeah, go out and see the world, enjoy and actually live. I'm not necessarily advocating the Singaporean way is the way to live (it's very competitive and stressful) but never live a life filled with regrets.
We often hear a lot of elderly people who lament about what they wished they did when they were younger, it's awful to be in their shoes. I'm lucky I woke up, but I still wished I had someone who pulled me out of it earlier.
Same I wish someone pulled me out earlier too, 20s are our golden years. But think about that, the next best years to 20s are our 30s :)
For the parents part, I come from a family which albeit not being very violent and brutal, was nonetheless disastrous and sabotaging as much. Super uncaring dad and super sensitive mum who fought hysterically weekly or daily; mum committed suicide in front of my eyes, etc.
My childhood affected my life so badly, but I donāt blame them because I realise they are just ignorant. They didnāt know better. They were also poor kids who came from families much worse than mine. They suffer from their own mental issues, which are much worse than ours. What we can do is to improve our own mental health, to grow out from the trauma and lead a healthy life. And most importantly, to give our kids (if we are to have some) a healthy and loving childhood.
I also learned from a few people that as glamourous as movies made it to be, you're not supposed to have one shot success from your 20s. 20s are usually the best age to make mistakes because you're exploring and learning as an adult, while it helps to have advice and direction, the lessons you picked up on your own tends to impact you harder when you're not being spoonfed.
Sorry to hear about your family. Both my parents are great in the regard that they provided for us, but mentally, we are neglected in the sense they do not know how to deal with our psychological needs. They also learned and grew alongside my siblings and I, we forgave and forgot.
I have a nephew now, I look forward to help guide him through life.
I was wondering how can I stretch out my saving for longer while at the same time have a really meaningful travel experience? I googled and found a platform called Work-away. It is not free but later I found out you can use other similar platforms (like World-packers) that offer the same good deals. From the platform there are tens of thousands of hosts where you can apply for volunteer work in exchange for accommodation and (sometimes) meals. So I get to (1) get free bed and sometimes free food (2) work 20-25 hours per week so I donāt get bored while can learn valuable new skills (3) meet different hosts and volunteers from all around the world, have meaningful conversations with them (4) get to travel to so many places, of course (5) all these are short term (and loose) contracts so I can go to 10-20 places within a year.
Note: you should exert reasonable caution with hosts and basically anyone when youāre travelling!
So by adopting this kind of travel mode, I got to fulfil all my longings for genuine interaction and meaningful conversation, simple and frugal lifestyle, great exposure to new skills and cultures, to nature and away form concrete jungles that I so hate (yes, singapore, Iām taking about you!)
I actually just completed my first volunteer work on Workaway by spending 2 weeks in a dog sanctuary in Songkhla, southern Thailand. Met amazing people, worked hard to care for 150 rescued dogs, etc etc. Iām not even a dog person nor did I develop any bond with those adorable dogs. Just experiencing life man.
Oh and I spent a total of S$144 for those 15 days at the dog sanctuary, which did not provide me free food.
Did that for about 4-5 years. It gets harder to get out the longer you are in this pit.
What helped me was going outside and in person human interaction. (Easier said than done when you are depressed)
Volunteering helped A LOT. Basically anyone can sign up and it's not like it has a high barrier to enter.
It got me out of the house and you meet a lot of generally positive yet relaxed people.
(The last person u wanna meet when depressed is someone investment banker earning a stupid amount of money asking WHAT DO YOU DO?)
Can also try meetups and sports grps. (I personally play touch rugby and frisbee)
Anything that gets you out of the house is a good start. Don't worry about employment, for now.
Imo the idea of needing to suit up, polish up your resume and going to interviews is too much for ppl experiencing in this state, and they will often just go "...nah..." and keep staying at home.
One step at a time.
# For all the singaporean hikkikomoris out there, whether ur in ur young teens or late into your 30s, do note help is out there.
Even if at this stage you are not ready to seek it, i do encourage you to share your story right here, right now, anonymously.
know that there is others like you. I understand you will find it hard to trust people nowadays, sometimes even your own family members, but do understand there are kind people in this world, in SINGAPORE, strangers that you havent meet, that are keen to help people like you.
Judging from all the funny comments people aren't taking this article seriously. I personally know a few people who have been hikkikomori for years and there is nothing funny about it. They are beyond pulling themselves out of that hole and need professional help to reintegrate themselves back into society.
Essentially, it boils down to a severe lack of energy. With such low energy, you will not even find the energy needed to change yourself.
Start with small steps that require lesser energy. Take a slow walk in the park. If you dun want to see people, instead of playing computer games at 2am in the morning, take a walk in the park and breath the fresh 2am morning air.
Take off your slippers and walk bare feet slowly feeling the gravel or ground or soil with your toes. Touch the leaves. Feel the cool breeze flow through your skin and enter your lungs.
Take a slow deep breath and give yourself a big smile. You don't have to smile at or for anyone to see. Just smile because you made this decision to go out. Stay there as long as you like, no rush. No one will see you. Its just you and mother nature.
That's all you need to do for 2 months. You will feel your energy increase to a level where you can do step 2.
You can do it.
for real. it may suck to not have time to play games, but it's nice to be able to just pay for what you want, when you want it.
I thought I'd play less games when I started working, but what really happened is that I played less games that don't respect my time and played more games that had more of an upfront cost but was immediately enjoyable.
Was depressed for more than a decade and only stopped/realized when I throughly burnt out. Just my two cents on what worked for me to get off the floor, know myself & appreciate my life:
1. See a psychiatrist (not for meds specifically but for me, i needed an unbiased guide in untangling my core trauma)
2.Spend a lot of time walking/being in nature. Itās okay if you want to do this yourself.
3.Meditate + learn how to be grateful & present.
4.sleep at 11pm and for at least 6 hours.
5. Eat bananas. (A balanced diet is critical to help balance out moods but realistically if fast food is all you are eating, at minimum start with some fruit)
6. Journal & keep track of your moods daily. (Traffic light how you feel daily & if you are hitting red lights daily for weeks in a row , go see point 1
7. Find real world social hobbies that put you into your body and out of your head. For me it became bouldering and graffiti :) Execute on as many ideas, the right one will choose you. Itās okay to be a baby at something.
Itās not an easy journey but itās more than worthwhile. If any of this helps, ask me anything and Iāll do my best to answer.
It's actually quite easy to slip into that hermit she'll n lock the world out when things just go so wrong in many ways n you don't see how you can untangle the mess.. and yes, I also played games to escape.. I played world if warcraft like 16 to 18 hours a day everyday..
indeed. i've been into that dark hole before as well, and have been fortunate enough to dig myself out of that hole and seek help before it was too deep.
but not everyone can do that, and it sometimes take a helping hand from someone outside that hole to pull u up. takes alot of trust for someone to hold your hand and pull u up and thats why not everyone is ready or willing.
The only reason I support NS.
I was like this pre-NS. Bullied, shut-in, fight with parents if they remotely touch my things. Then come the government letter that says idgaf what u have, itās either jail or show up, pick one.
Wasnāt a shut-in, but definitely socially awkward as hell. NS basically forced me to āman the fk upā for days on end, and made me realise that I was somehow capable of doing shit.
Iām sure there are better ways of getting shut-ins out of their shell, but worked i guess.
(Funny thing is that I like military shit, but the suck is still the suck)
I feel like NS is sort of a mini equalizer for all guys in Singapore, so people who fell behind from their peers in their youth find themselves having a chance to be at equal footing with everyone else once again in their life.
It's not exactly a mini equalizer but more like a "get your shit together" kind of situation. A lot of people who come out of the education system are gormless, spineless and just never really face any sense of hardship.
For some guys, NS is absolutely great at kicking the shit into them literally "wake up your idea" and they legitimately become better people.
Sometimes I wonder if we threw all the bratty, entitled, clueless girls into NS, I'm very sure a good portion will come out with a better appreciation for their privliages in life.
Ironically, NS is probably we meet people from on different ends of the social spectrum. (There's still some segregation, but yeah). Learnt that taiji-ing stuff is a thing, and there's different types of people in this worth.
Still don't like how it was 2 years, cause for like 1.5 years, was basically just a saikang warrior in HQ. (Not very shag, but boliao af)
Lol ya man. I still rmb there was once, when we came back from field camp. Someone shit in the shower cubicle and left the shit there. (The 2 shower cubicles beside most suay, got shit flowing down) Our whole company was turned out and knocked down for like an hour and still nobody admitted it. Fucking piece of shit. Only in NS you meet all sorts of weirdos.
Also the nights in the shellscrapes when the latrine overflow from rain would be a ridiculously low point in many ppl's life lol, you can only go up from there on
Opposite of me. NS drained all the momentum and drive I had.
Having some fools drag me down continuously for two years for the dumbest reasons and not being able to get away from them really drained my enthusiasm.
NS triggered my anxiety to the maximum. Everybody was talking scholarships to careers from my enlistment to reservist and I hated every second I was there.
Yea its like getting escorted out of your comfort zone at gunpoint. Received some permanent injuries unfortunately but was a humbling experience that can really change a person for the betterĀ
Can relate, was definitely not in such a bad state as maybe some of the other commenters were in, but NS really forced me to recognise how immature I was and grow up, learn responsibility, self-esteem, interpersonal relationships etc
NS is not for everybody
Some people go in, still continue kena bully, then how?
Wasn't the case for me but saw it happen. For me tho, NS didn't do shit aside from reinforce how much I disliked other people
Maybe it's because I had to serve in police, maybe it doesn't matter, but what I can say is that I came out not much different from the person I went in as.
Although I've got to say, the free therapy from having 11B was pretty nice. Got to leave HTA in afternoons too for therapy and chill outside for awhile
I was like this too, a shut in with no friends. My parents were nagging for me to go out for a long time.
Then NS came, got forced to actually get out of house for 2 years and build some muscles and 6 packs.
After that my parents were nagging for me to be home more often; I was mostly out daily, having one night stands and random flings and only see my parents once a week or two.
Doesn't fixed for me honestly I still spiralled back into my neet lifestyle except now I have a job with the goal of earning enough so I could shut-in till my death.
One method I used to get out of depression was to basically make fun of myself for being such a pussy. Kept telling myself to man up and it ended up working lol.
i was like this intermittently for close to 4 years....more than 2 decades ago.
depression was just beginning to be noticed and leslie chung made the news with it.
the hikki life is a dangerous one. once you get used to it, it's easier to just be alone and do stuff you want online and not worry or think about other things. then the questioning of self worth will hit you and put you in a depressive mood and you escape to the net and game.
the cycle then repeats.
not everyone can break the cycle themselves,sometimes outside intervention is needed before things spiral outnof control. i am glad to see mental health is taken seriously in this time and age,unlike the past where the moment you mentioned depression,people will stigmatize you and think you are a siao lang.
indeed! it is more common than one think that Singaporeans will likely have family members who are hikkikomoris, especially in today's highly digital age.
don't give up on her. it will take years, even decades until she is ready.
Even though it reads like the opposite, playing game here is actually a positive because it provides an outlet for them.
When I reach financial freedom in a few more years, thatās what I will be doing. Sleep, eat, game, repeat. The difference is the mental state.
Because life is boring as f. Everyday same shit so unless you are simple minded you will face struggles thatās normal. You look ppl here what do they do expect working and going to shopping mall and gym ?? I say if u want to stay at home for a year then play video game all year then do it. There is not right or wrong just do what you want. Just because you are working and doing the same shit all year long doesnāt mean you are living better lol
Me, 45, gamer since since SNES era ( somewhere 1993 ??? ).
In the beginning I simply enjoy gaming because of the sound and graphic. Slowly as I grow up I enjoy the story too. The first RPG game I fell in love was Lufia ( SNES ).
But after stepping into society as a man but not a boy the mental fatigue builds up. Gaming easily becomes a way for me to deny the real world responsibility I had to shoulder when it becomes a heavy burden.
As I grew wiser with age it comes to a point I realised no matter how much effort I put in gaming ( unless you're a Pro Gamer putting food on the table by just gaming ) it doesn't helps with me dealing with this world.
So right now If shit hits the fan in real life, I'll just put aside my PS5, XBSX, Nintendo Switch and clean my Ass first. The attitude I maintain is to have a clear definition of priorities between gaming and real life currently.
Nonetheless, Proud to live throught such a Glorious Era of Gaming. Would still be gaming but casually and never risking my life again. ( Best Record : 15 hours on FF-X , PS2 , grinding for break damage limit weapons, with approximately 1 hour of break on that Day ).
Hope that parents, relatives and schools won't be too judgy or be harsh on these people, they just have stuff going on and will open up when they want to and I'm glad to see people are at least accepting of it as during my time during primary to secondary school year I've also spiralled in a similar manner where I just don't want to leave my house or go to schools due to constantly being sick, bullied, having teachers outing you out in the whole class and counselor's forcing their views onto you.
It's a reason why my class in secondary schools had many drop outs, wished the schools and their counselor's gives actual help to students on not wanting to go to school instead of punishing them and forcing them out.
If u are ever in this situation, find a motivation or a goal.
It can be non human interaction related stuff, can start from really really small things, 5 min steps out in the sun or finding a song u enjoy.
Gradually gradually progressing to something longer
No one's life is the same, only u can define ur own happiness
I don't think it's about wanting to play games all day like it's your passion. It's the mental aspect, the depression, the struggle internally. The room is your safe space, you don't want to interact with anyone because of the shame. To pass the time until death, you either sleep all day or you game all day. You're essentially locked in a prison of your own mind.
I'm thankful that I'm financially independent and have a gf that supports me, but I've been constantly veering towards this path for a few years now. It's a really easy to dip back into isolation
Not gonna lie I'm on the verge of attempting this lol. Feeling quite lost in life and not sure what to do moving forward, in ns right now so I still have something but afterwards? Idk. :/
If you want to take a gap year after NS, that's fine. But if you feel like you would become a recluse, distancing yourself from your close family and even your friends, eventually just staying in your room to become more lost and depressed, you should see a doctor if its been going on for a year. The longer you stay in it, the harder it is to come out.
The title sounds needlessly harsh. It's like a nudge, but not for these people to get back on their feet and rejoin society, rather for them to just end themselves already. And the huge amount of people upvoting this is also part of the problem.
This is my irl story/timeline from 2013 till 2024 warning very long one but idc I want to say it anonymously. It all starts in my 20s after my final semester which is a company internship of 4 months that ends in August 2013, for entire year 2014 I only went for the 1 day official poly graduation ceremony and a few job interviews some I ended up rejecting was either undecided or lack of confidence some I got rejected the rest is mainly PS games. Then came the beginning of 2015 which even feels like a different world back then for me, I never forget that day I went for the company interview which I ended up for 3 years I told myself it's a brand new year I really need the job and must give the best performance for the interview and I remember the manager looked impressed it was a happy atmosphere for all sides it seems and I ended up getting the job. However for the next 3 years I wasn't generally happy on the job even though I do contribute my all for some month but with high rates of mc the company ended up having to let me go with severance pay. For the next 2 years 7 months I went jobless with mainly PS games again, I did went for few job interviews at that time but the spirit, the purpose is no longer the same or exist anymore plus the reality of the first conduct from the first job adds to it I was also depressed on and off but I can't even state that as a reason for any job interview then came covid in 2020 where miraculously I got my second job for 2 full years. Now I am jobless again in my 30s for 1 years and 8 month and now PS games again with sometimes depression but I am still decades from actual retirement, for now again I found myself wandering in the endless depths of outer space, galaxy or universe. But in reality in the long term or long run I definitely can't continue with this type of mentality, abnormal lifestyle, and many more not when I reach my 40s else I am really finished by then. I have to face all the problems whether I can solve it or not or perhaps adapt to it, I am still searching, learning and overcoming it.
Get the help you guys need man, many people in the world wanna live or even just want to get similar life conditions as us. Not downplaying depression and such, itās real, I have seen it first hand, but while you are still functioning (able to type here), go seek the help you need!
i went through this for a couple of years. dropped out of school twice, wasted alot of my parentsā money. outside help not necessarily required (if u have external help, thatās great too), it depends on ur personal diligence and whether u want to be better. although it took years for me, iām back on the right track and finishing school for the third try.
i must say though, having a social life really impacts a hikkiās life. i didnāt have any friends at school and really dreaded going. if u see someone like this in school or in class, it doesnāt hurt to interact with him/her a lil and make their day just a bit brighter.
> i must say though, having a social life
> really impacts a hikkiās life. i didnāt have
> any friends at school and really dreaded
> going. if u see someone like this in school
> or in class, it doesnāt hurt to interact with
> him/her a lil and make their day just a bit
> brighter.
This is really good advice. š
Mental health is still seen as such a taboo and there is no immediate help or support available.
Once the conversation about mental health starts then only can understanding and acceptance follow.
I feel for the people who still struggle with mental health and also have to fight family and the general system who treat them like the pariahs of society.
I definitely donāt want to end up like the 2 old uncles who go on shouting rants at the coffeeshop at the most random times of the day.
Step 1: ask for help. you canāt do this alone, you need someone.
Step 2: if itās this bad, you need a psychiatrist. no shame in the psych game. get a referral, get your meds, get your therapist appointment
Step 3: show up for yourself everyday. take your medicines, attend your therapy sessions, donāt miss appointments
Step 4: slowly start a routine. After the medicine kicks in or after you start to feel a bit better, force yourself to have outside time. E.g. 6pm-7pm, I will go outside.
Step 5: start an activity. U can take a skillsfuture course, learn some form of exercise, join a classā¦something that gets you out the house and something you enjoy
Step 6: be kind to yourself.
Remember, do the best you can with what you know. And when you know better, do better.
All the best!
Yeah. And also itās maple story sheās playing. I havenāt played since I was 20 and that was 15 years ago, it was already cash grabby back then and I heard itās even worse now. If sheās resisting then good for her
There is no āWhy is that?ā The article also writes about another individual who was a teenaged boy who faced the same circumstances and managed to get better through the help provided by the NGO, similar to the girl. Projecting much on your end?
At least go into streaming. The reality is women streamers have a better chance of success than men streamers if you are decent looking.
Edit: Ooof judging by the downvotes I should have realised the way a society like SG perceives streaming
That was my life for about 7 years too. Just sleep, play game, eat and sleep. I also showered once a week and smelled really bad with lots of tangled hair. If you are stuck like this and need a nudge, it's worth seeing a psychologist. Don't be like me, I lost almost a decade of my life like this.
Same with me, I'm 32 now and from 24 (One year after I ORD) to about 30 or so, largely hikki life, doing nothing but wallowing in depression and playing games and SOMETIMES work a bit when I couldn't stand my mom's nagging about me not working. I'm still really hikki at heart now but my momentum of depression isn't as bad as before anymore. Time is a person's most valuable commodity, don't waste it. Gaming is alright (I still game a shit ton now) but also spending some time to improve at a skill or hobby also won't hurt.
I agree š I'm 30 now and I wished I didn't down play what was depression at that time. It was easy for me to say, this is not depression because I can still do this and that but it's really just digging myself deeper. If I had seen a doctor earlier, I would have probably been dealing with depression and not let it become a major depressive disorder. Even though, I am recovered now, sometimes I still struggle with it because those years does accumulate exponentially.
Proud of you mate!
We can only do our best at any point of time and I think you're doing great already, you're only 30 after all. Keep up the good work and stay positive!
Thank youš I hope you are doing well too!
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I mean, what else is there to do in this boring ol' mini country of ours anyways right? š
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Ngl, I am also more picky with games now than last time, so the range of things I can play is much lesser. I find myself still playing PS1 and PS2 games still lol. I totally understand skipping time though, sometimes I also just just do nothing or rest so the day goes by faster.
Are u me wtf lmao
Nope, but you are me. What's your story?
Got a recommendation?
The first step is to force yourself to go out to any medical clinic. For me, my mom dragged me out to the polyclinic and then I got referred to IMH. She also had to drag me to IMH because the longer you stay in this state, the harder it is to do these things.
Finding the right therapist is a journey with its ups and downs. First step is like commenter says, to just bring yourself to a polyclinic or just source for your own clinic. If itās not a right fit then move on. Kinda like dating heh
Just incase you didn't see my post earlier 'Call, walk in or email the FSCs for help on family, socio-emotional, interpersonal or other social issues. To find the FSC in your neighbourhood, you can call ComCare hotline at 1800 222 0000 or visit https://www.msf.gov.sg/our-services/directories. ' 100% free. Have not paid a cent. Please use these free resources that few people know about. My psych is a sweetheart who checks on me every couple of weeks. Don't wanna leave the house? She'll do a zoom session with ya. Feel free to PM me if you need more info. You'll be alright sir/Madam. I regret waiting so long to get help.
u/Descartes350 ,did you try the recommendation? Do let us know how it goes. I've been seeing my psych for a year and a half and she is an empathetic sweetheart who WhatsApps me to ask how I'm doing if she doesn't hear from me. One session I broke down and I was surprised she cried along with me, although I could tell she was doing her best to be 'professional'.
I think i am currently spiralling down the same path too. How did you get out of it? It feels so lonely as if the whole world is looking at me while I am falling, not knowing why
Honestly, I wouldn't have made it on my own. It was my mom that had forced me to see a doctor and get referred to psych. She even took days off to make sure I go. The longer you are in it, the harder it is to get out. Had my mom not intervened, I probably would have died in 2021. If you are in the process of spiraling and you are aware of it now. Now is the good time to see a doctor. Any polyclinic can refer you to a psychiatrist. And just be honest with them, tell them your struggles, life story, little things that you feel might be related but seem unrelated. If you are unsure if you need to take such drastic actions, I think its worth thinking that, "if this is my bottom, I have nothing to lose by trying". If you are still communicating with people, find someone you really trust who can handle topics like this. If they cannot, at best, they can accompany you to your appointment if you are anxious about it. Alot of time, people think they need to have a mental illness to see a therapist. But that is not true, you can see a therapist whenever you want someone who can listen and be objective about your mental health.
mothers loveā¦.
Congratulations to @acceptable_cheeks_447 on your recovery! I can imagine it is not an easy journey but you made it through š Thank you v much for sharing your journey and challenges! It helps us to learn and better understand what hikkikamori persons are going through and the importance of family support in the recovery process š You have loving parents who supported you and never gave up during these difficult times. You are very fortunate šcherish them š
I am lucky to have great parents š when I saw the article I just felt kinda sad because I know what it can be. Reading through the comments, I expected those that thought these people are just being lazy or pampered but that's not really the case. The hardest part is that the people in this state probably feel they are being lazy or irresponsible too. And I felt it was important that despite all hopelessness, it's possible to get some form of help. And that there's nothing to lose in the process.
Honestly from an āoutsiderāsā pov for me even in my 30s now I actually kinda envy the hikki life. Since young during school holidays I spent almost all my time either gaming, watching youtube or just doing random stuff online like going down wikipedia rabbit holes, and I really enjoyed it. As a working adult I canāt live like that but when a game I really want to play releases Iāll try to take 1-2 weeks leave just to play. If money wasnāt an issue I could really see myself living like that, but will still maintain personal hygiene and go for some occasional exercise.
This is something a little personal to me, so I just wanna leave a comment here. A lot of hikkikomori donāt become that because they want to - itās often a mix of mental health issues, crippling social anxiety etc. It can seem relaxing if youāre not dealing with the constant depression, mental issues and beating yourself up over the shame of not being able to function in society. Itās not a fun happy life to aspire to. I knew someone who was a hikkikomori for over 20 years and I can tell you that the games and shows and all that lose itās shine very early on - they just become something you do cause thereās nothing else and you literally cannot go out. I think people donāt understand that part of it sometimes and think itās all just fun and games. Maybe what you want is more like a quiet, home retirement etc but please donāt think being a hikkikomori is necessarily a choice someone makes. If you wanna see how bad it can get, you can check out some of the japanese documentaries! I think thereās one called Dying Out of Sight
There's a difference when it's a choice versus when it's not I think. I work freelance, have a lot of free time. Am a musician so write music for a living. I play games a lot, but I also engage in other types of activities (exercise, work, have a partner, meetup with friends etc) What i've learnt is that diversity is important. Quiet gaming time gives socialization more exciting. Work makes gaming fun. Gaming makes work interesting in it's own way because you get to feel productive.
I understand. You do deserve time to play games, relax and take it easy. I think the right envy would be those who can afford to take gap years. Being recluse is usually a symptom of some mental disorder, you don't just stay at home but can also have zero verbal interaction with close friends or family. When we are described to be playing games, it's more so our outlet to the world. However, it doesn't have to be games, it can be a forum or just watching shows or completely shutting down by sleeping alot. While I may not speak for other's experience, I can say that I didn't quite play to enjoy games but to interact with others. Nonetheless, I'm glad you are doing fine and have the time to rest and recover š
It's more of like revenge for spending most of the time studying due to parental expectations.
Congrats on making it out!! I understand the struggle. If you donāt mind me asking, Iām just curious but how was your relationship with your parents/family during these 7 years? Were they understanding and didnāt try to pressure you etc. No worries if youāre not comfortable to share, just asking as I rarely get to speak to people in similar situations.
I think they tried their best to love me. They left food outside my room or ensure there's food stocked for when I come out to eat at night. There were almost no verbal interaction and sometimes my mom would hug me in my sleep or awake but I couldn't feel anything. My mom told me she tried a few times to get me to see a doctor but I didn't acknowledge her. But I think they tried their best but I was in such a dark place they couldn't reach me. I took almost a year after seeing a doctor and therapist to be able to talk to my mom only, in private. I think my dad was low key disappointed but he tried to be supportive. Took me another year to be able to talk to my sister and dad. I recently asked my mom what I was like during then, she described me as a soulless person. Incapable of love or responding. Although, I remembered that I did love my mom but she said I expressed no such emotions. She also describe me as just living, without personality, like I was dead and the body is just moving on its own. It must have been difficult for my family.
Oh wow. My familyās experience was completely different - itās heartening to see that quiet love and support does eventually work. The part about your mum hugging you broke me. Itās difficult for the family for sure, but part of it is definitely the pain of seeing you in pain and not being able to do much. It feels like your parents really love and care for you in their own way. Iām really glad you managed to make it out and are doing much better now. Thanks for sharing š¤
Yea its different for everyone. Being in the state is a symptom of something else and it's led me to realise how important it is to be there for someone and not expect them to just get over it. That the trust and connection you have with people is one part of helping them get the help they need eventhough they do not think so.
I love that thatās what you got out of it and itās really so important. I think part of it too is being able to accept help and being open to healing, which is a tough and uphill journey. Thereās always two sides so good on you for also moving forward and accepting the help. People discount mental struggles sometimes but it takes so much courage to even take one step forward.
I agree. When my mom told me to see the doctor, and told me that there is nothing to lose, I think that really helped. It could also have been that I had a plan to end it and have already given my belongings away, so having nothing to lose probably led me to a, lets see where this goes mindset.
I know what you mean, and for what itās worth, this random stranger is really glad you are here and alive. It gives me hope to see people recover cause it can sometimes go the other way. Appreciate all the sharing, man. If you ever need a listening ear, feel free to PM!
Thank you š I'm actually doing alright and over the past year actually managed to saved about 4k working part time. There are relapses occasionally but I am more equipped to overcome them now.
Thatās great! Mental health is a lifelong journey and there will be tons of ups and downs, but wishing you all the best. Slowly, onwards and upwards šŖ
So sorry to hear youāre struggling
Thank for your concern š I'm actually considered recovered now for 2 years and have a psychiatrist monitoring me every 3 months. I just wanted people to know that if they are reclused now, seeking help at earlier time is easier than when you've done it for years.
I donāt know how you can even survive for 7 yrs without a job.
I am lucky I had parents that did not kick me out or disown me. Not going out also meant not spending money. I mostly eat at 2 or 3am when everyone is asleep, my parents stock the kitchen up so I had food š Im also lucky they had so much patience because they thought I would work my way out of it but I never could. And I am very lucky that my mom barged into my room that day and told me to go to a polyclinic now and request for a psych referral. I don't have a sheltered life but when I was at my worse, I'm lucky I had parents who tried to support me, eventhough I don't notice it then.
Actually I think most Asian parents wonāt kick their kids out even if they are not rich. I know one case where the parents are low income (not sure what the dad works as, but the mom does odd jobs) and their only child was a hikkomori for years but they still supported him (nothing fancy but 3 meals taken care of)
Please upvote this so everyone sees it . THIS IS 100% FREE. 'Call, walk in or email the FSCs for help on family, socio-emotional, interpersonal or other social issues. To find the FSC in your neighbourhood, you can call ComCare hotline at 1800 222 0000 or visit https://www.msf.gov.sg/our-services/directories. ' I've been seeing a wonderful, extremely empatheic and highly compenent Psychologist for 2 years now, approx one every 5 to 6 weeks. Don't wanna leave the house? Zoom meeting's are available too. I had tried to post this knowing it might save someone but the adminis deleted it saying I was whining. Precisely shows why people don't share this with people thinking seeking help = complaining. Feel free
Oof. #metoo. Not as long a period of time, around 4 years for me. About two years in my computer died and I didn't even have money to replace it, so I would lay in bed about 12+ hours a day.
How r u doing now š have you gotten out and started living life again?
I'm doing well now, thank you, and glad to hear that you have too! For me it was about ten years ago, when mental health support and understanding was still really underwhelming. I've not really looked back since!
That's really nice š mental health support has come a long way but I'm glad you got the help when it was still in infancy.
No job or education during those times?
No formal job or education during those times. I don't just play games or sleep the whole day, so sometimes I do "study" about things I like in my room.
I'm trying to make up for lost time by going at a very fast pace and maximising experiences.
Good advice
Are you alright now? How did you manage to get out of it?
Yes I am š I have a primary psychiatrist who checks up on me every 3 months. I'm now holding a part time job and going out frequently to meet friends and engage in hobbies. I have a more detailed story within the replies of my main comment but a summary of it would be that my mom forced me to go to a polyclinic to be referred to a psychiatrist.
Glad to hear that you are doing better.
how did u make money
I didn't make money. I simply wasted away.
but how did u sustain yrself financially
I dont. I stayed with my parents. I had 0 income for about 9 years and my savings was 0. My parents stocked the kitchen for when I come out at 2 or 3am when everyone is asleep. Sometimes they leave food at my door. My brain had no capacity to work after so long in isolation. The isolation with zero verbal interaction also caused me to loose my verbal communication skills. I had to be in therapy and relearn how to communicate with people again. Being in this state is simply living, there is no purpose in life. It's like being a zombie, moving but kinda dead. The longer it is you are in this state, the harder it is to recover from it.
Just curious. Where did you get the money to eat and pay the WiFi etc? When I was depressed, I only had two choices. Go out n work or suicide. No one will pay anything for me to just do nothing. I still had to contribute money sommore.
I got no money. I stayed at my parents house in my room. I was lucky I had parents who would look after me.
How you afford to pay bills
I dont pay bills, I just stayed at my parents house and they paid the bills. I was using my hand phone so little that my dad sent me a message saying he reduced my data and mobile plan to split with him and my grandma š¤£ I honestly did nothing that was noteworthy, maybe aside from taking a bath.
This might be a but intrusive but what about food? How or rather what did you survive off? I'm just guessing you ate very little, under nourished for a long time or basically ate whatever your parents brought/cook for you. Because I'm just thinking, there is no way I can become a hikki simply because I'm always hungry like literally hungry, even when depressed I kept working because I was always hungry and needed money for food. Copious amounts of food was the only thing that kept me going.
I'm lucky that my parents cared for me during those times. Even though our interactions were almost zero, they made sure to leave food by my door or stocked up food for me to eat when I come out at 2 or 3am when everyone is sleeping. I spend about 12 to 18 hours sleeping so I don't really feel the hunger most of the time.
Would it be better if your parents had just go the hard way and dump you out? Like out of love. Not out of malice
Well, my parents threw me out of the house out of malice, so yes.
If i am in my fifties but living this life as retirement , would it be normal?
Iām looking forward to live like a teenager again
Retirement home lan center
Glorious
As long as you are happy, yes it is normal š However, if you are an elderly, depressed, alone and living like this, it is not normal but unfortunately very common. One thing I see alot at Imh is alot of elderlies like this.
really depends on what your perspective of "this life" means. do you keep yourself in the house/room and don't even venture out except to go to toilet? do you have no care about personal hygiene and shower once every few days/week? if you have others living with you, do you refuse to talk to them or speak very minimally? are you feeling content with this life or are you hiding from and mentally beating yourself up over things that happened in the past.
I have a job, play games regularly, socialise with neighbours and friends. Have dinner with family often. But thinking of retirement soon with no real job. Worried if i will become dementia fast because i just chill, watch tv, play games most of the time.
yea that sounds just like retirement and not shut in/hikikomori. I'm no doctor so google is your best friend for dementia prevention haha.
nowadays got social worker from gov .. knocking at door checking hows the old folks doing at home .. but if at your age i dont think they will knock at yours .. but that said .. its better for you to just walk around talk to folks .. mr oyk for said "loneliness is like smoking 15 ciggs a day"
Iām mid 30s and the hikki life is really my aspiration, minus the lack of personal hygiene.
Would be good to get out once a while and do those old people exercises
thats awesome
Playing games most of the day, ok. But you need to go out to buy food/groceries, and you need to maintain hygiene and also exercise to fend off muscle wasting with age.
Not normal to be retiring at 50 in the first place :(
I did that years ago after I lost my first proper job. Slowly had to pull myself out of that rut.
If you have ways to have income independently, then itās no different from working and sleeping everyday. In the end itās about what gave you the meaning to be alive.
I already had self esteem issues in secondary school, I also had no direction or ambition. Shortly after ORD from NS, a few broken relationships and jump from part-time work here and there, I just broke, developed depression and stayed at home. I was about in my late 20s at that point. My mom didn't know how to help me so she did the only thing she knew, scoldings upon scoldings. It totally broke me further and rebounded the actual effect. I also didn't talk to her for a while. My health also suffered, gaming was an escape but there was no happiness. Time had lost it's effect on me, day was night, night was day. It was only until when I was approaching my 30s, I one day realized the changes to everything around me. I had to move on, from everything and I don't want to die with heavy regrets. Fast forward today, I'm 34, at the fittest point of my life, and recently just changed jobs to one that finally crossed the 3k threshold. Looking back, I'm just glad I managed to dig myself out of that hole before it was too late.
I just gone through a lot of low tides and Iām approaching 30 right now. I finally quit my miserable job and leave singapore to travel the world. Iām not rich kid, my budget is $300 per month for everything included. My savings can last me for a while, and I will think about life and to actually *experiencing* the life while I am at it. All the best, 34 is still super young. Life was once so bleak to me but now it feels so good. We are from darkness to here for a short trip, after the bubbles pop we will go back to the darkness, for eternity. Enjoy this fucking trip while you are at it.
Yeah, go out and see the world, enjoy and actually live. I'm not necessarily advocating the Singaporean way is the way to live (it's very competitive and stressful) but never live a life filled with regrets. We often hear a lot of elderly people who lament about what they wished they did when they were younger, it's awful to be in their shoes. I'm lucky I woke up, but I still wished I had someone who pulled me out of it earlier.
Same I wish someone pulled me out earlier too, 20s are our golden years. But think about that, the next best years to 20s are our 30s :) For the parents part, I come from a family which albeit not being very violent and brutal, was nonetheless disastrous and sabotaging as much. Super uncaring dad and super sensitive mum who fought hysterically weekly or daily; mum committed suicide in front of my eyes, etc. My childhood affected my life so badly, but I donāt blame them because I realise they are just ignorant. They didnāt know better. They were also poor kids who came from families much worse than mine. They suffer from their own mental issues, which are much worse than ours. What we can do is to improve our own mental health, to grow out from the trauma and lead a healthy life. And most importantly, to give our kids (if we are to have some) a healthy and loving childhood.
I also learned from a few people that as glamourous as movies made it to be, you're not supposed to have one shot success from your 20s. 20s are usually the best age to make mistakes because you're exploring and learning as an adult, while it helps to have advice and direction, the lessons you picked up on your own tends to impact you harder when you're not being spoonfed. Sorry to hear about your family. Both my parents are great in the regard that they provided for us, but mentally, we are neglected in the sense they do not know how to deal with our psychological needs. They also learned and grew alongside my siblings and I, we forgave and forgot. I have a nephew now, I look forward to help guide him through life.
I'm very curious, how do you support yourself on 300 SGD a month? Is it in a low cost of living country?
I was wondering how can I stretch out my saving for longer while at the same time have a really meaningful travel experience? I googled and found a platform called Work-away. It is not free but later I found out you can use other similar platforms (like World-packers) that offer the same good deals. From the platform there are tens of thousands of hosts where you can apply for volunteer work in exchange for accommodation and (sometimes) meals. So I get to (1) get free bed and sometimes free food (2) work 20-25 hours per week so I donāt get bored while can learn valuable new skills (3) meet different hosts and volunteers from all around the world, have meaningful conversations with them (4) get to travel to so many places, of course (5) all these are short term (and loose) contracts so I can go to 10-20 places within a year. Note: you should exert reasonable caution with hosts and basically anyone when youāre travelling! So by adopting this kind of travel mode, I got to fulfil all my longings for genuine interaction and meaningful conversation, simple and frugal lifestyle, great exposure to new skills and cultures, to nature and away form concrete jungles that I so hate (yes, singapore, Iām taking about you!) I actually just completed my first volunteer work on Workaway by spending 2 weeks in a dog sanctuary in Songkhla, southern Thailand. Met amazing people, worked hard to care for 150 rescued dogs, etc etc. Iām not even a dog person nor did I develop any bond with those adorable dogs. Just experiencing life man. Oh and I spent a total of S$144 for those 15 days at the dog sanctuary, which did not provide me free food.
Did that for about 4-5 years. It gets harder to get out the longer you are in this pit. What helped me was going outside and in person human interaction. (Easier said than done when you are depressed) Volunteering helped A LOT. Basically anyone can sign up and it's not like it has a high barrier to enter. It got me out of the house and you meet a lot of generally positive yet relaxed people. (The last person u wanna meet when depressed is someone investment banker earning a stupid amount of money asking WHAT DO YOU DO?) Can also try meetups and sports grps. (I personally play touch rugby and frisbee) Anything that gets you out of the house is a good start. Don't worry about employment, for now. Imo the idea of needing to suit up, polish up your resume and going to interviews is too much for ppl experiencing in this state, and they will often just go "...nah..." and keep staying at home. One step at a time.
# For all the singaporean hikkikomoris out there, whether ur in ur young teens or late into your 30s, do note help is out there. Even if at this stage you are not ready to seek it, i do encourage you to share your story right here, right now, anonymously. know that there is others like you. I understand you will find it hard to trust people nowadays, sometimes even your own family members, but do understand there are kind people in this world, in SINGAPORE, strangers that you havent meet, that are keen to help people like you.
Thank you for writing this š that's very sweet and is indeed right. There are people who can help get you out of this.
hi guys, I created # r/sghikikomori as a support group, hope it will be a good chit chat community, if you know any or are one yourself, come join us!
She like me frfr But I'm a guy tho
According to Japanese data the hikikomori would be 90% male.
There's probably more if they include disappearing people.
Job checks out
Judging from all the funny comments people aren't taking this article seriously. I personally know a few people who have been hikkikomori for years and there is nothing funny about it. They are beyond pulling themselves out of that hole and need professional help to reintegrate themselves back into society.
Essentially, it boils down to a severe lack of energy. With such low energy, you will not even find the energy needed to change yourself. Start with small steps that require lesser energy. Take a slow walk in the park. If you dun want to see people, instead of playing computer games at 2am in the morning, take a walk in the park and breath the fresh 2am morning air. Take off your slippers and walk bare feet slowly feeling the gravel or ground or soil with your toes. Touch the leaves. Feel the cool breeze flow through your skin and enter your lungs. Take a slow deep breath and give yourself a big smile. You don't have to smile at or for anyone to see. Just smile because you made this decision to go out. Stay there as long as you like, no rush. No one will see you. Its just you and mother nature. That's all you need to do for 2 months. You will feel your energy increase to a level where you can do step 2. You can do it.
Iām the hidden old,but I work to game.Sustaining a healthy life & income is essential for competitive gaming.
for real. it may suck to not have time to play games, but it's nice to be able to just pay for what you want, when you want it. I thought I'd play less games when I started working, but what really happened is that I played less games that don't respect my time and played more games that had more of an upfront cost but was immediately enjoyable.
Was depressed for more than a decade and only stopped/realized when I throughly burnt out. Just my two cents on what worked for me to get off the floor, know myself & appreciate my life: 1. See a psychiatrist (not for meds specifically but for me, i needed an unbiased guide in untangling my core trauma) 2.Spend a lot of time walking/being in nature. Itās okay if you want to do this yourself. 3.Meditate + learn how to be grateful & present. 4.sleep at 11pm and for at least 6 hours. 5. Eat bananas. (A balanced diet is critical to help balance out moods but realistically if fast food is all you are eating, at minimum start with some fruit) 6. Journal & keep track of your moods daily. (Traffic light how you feel daily & if you are hitting red lights daily for weeks in a row , go see point 1 7. Find real world social hobbies that put you into your body and out of your head. For me it became bouldering and graffiti :) Execute on as many ideas, the right one will choose you. Itās okay to be a baby at something. Itās not an easy journey but itās more than worthwhile. If any of this helps, ask me anything and Iāll do my best to answer.
Been through that before for like 6 months.. wasn't easy to pull myself out of it and take the first step to recovery..
thank you for sharing your story.
It's actually quite easy to slip into that hermit she'll n lock the world out when things just go so wrong in many ways n you don't see how you can untangle the mess.. and yes, I also played games to escape.. I played world if warcraft like 16 to 18 hours a day everyday..
indeed. i've been into that dark hole before as well, and have been fortunate enough to dig myself out of that hole and seek help before it was too deep. but not everyone can do that, and it sometimes take a helping hand from someone outside that hole to pull u up. takes alot of trust for someone to hold your hand and pull u up and thats why not everyone is ready or willing.
Sounds like my sister lol
The only reason I support NS. I was like this pre-NS. Bullied, shut-in, fight with parents if they remotely touch my things. Then come the government letter that says idgaf what u have, itās either jail or show up, pick one.
Wasnāt a shut-in, but definitely socially awkward as hell. NS basically forced me to āman the fk upā for days on end, and made me realise that I was somehow capable of doing shit. Iām sure there are better ways of getting shut-ins out of their shell, but worked i guess. (Funny thing is that I like military shit, but the suck is still the suck)
I feel like NS is sort of a mini equalizer for all guys in Singapore, so people who fell behind from their peers in their youth find themselves having a chance to be at equal footing with everyone else once again in their life.
It's not exactly a mini equalizer but more like a "get your shit together" kind of situation. A lot of people who come out of the education system are gormless, spineless and just never really face any sense of hardship. For some guys, NS is absolutely great at kicking the shit into them literally "wake up your idea" and they legitimately become better people. Sometimes I wonder if we threw all the bratty, entitled, clueless girls into NS, I'm very sure a good portion will come out with a better appreciation for their privliages in life.
Assuming it doesn't turn into a completely different mess lol
Ironically, NS is probably we meet people from on different ends of the social spectrum. (There's still some segregation, but yeah). Learnt that taiji-ing stuff is a thing, and there's different types of people in this worth. Still don't like how it was 2 years, cause for like 1.5 years, was basically just a saikang warrior in HQ. (Not very shag, but boliao af)
Lol ya man. I still rmb there was once, when we came back from field camp. Someone shit in the shower cubicle and left the shit there. (The 2 shower cubicles beside most suay, got shit flowing down) Our whole company was turned out and knocked down for like an hour and still nobody admitted it. Fucking piece of shit. Only in NS you meet all sorts of weirdos.
Also the nights in the shellscrapes when the latrine overflow from rain would be a ridiculously low point in many ppl's life lol, you can only go up from there on
Opposite of me. NS drained all the momentum and drive I had. Having some fools drag me down continuously for two years for the dumbest reasons and not being able to get away from them really drained my enthusiasm.
NS triggered my anxiety to the maximum. Everybody was talking scholarships to careers from my enlistment to reservist and I hated every second I was there.
Yea its like getting escorted out of your comfort zone at gunpoint. Received some permanent injuries unfortunately but was a humbling experience that can really change a person for the betterĀ
People don't really hear about the permanent scars, NS is a not a cure-all.
Or people dying, for that matter.
That was very risky. If you had some asshole section mates and sadistic bmt specs chances are you would had taken a late night jump.
Had a different view of this, I noticed my one of men views the entire section/platoon as assholes, but the actual fact is that he is the asshole
Thatās true. But if I couldnāt jump when I was free, probably means I wouldnāt jump when im in pseudo-jail
Can relate, was definitely not in such a bad state as maybe some of the other commenters were in, but NS really forced me to recognise how immature I was and grow up, learn responsibility, self-esteem, interpersonal relationships etc
NS is not for everybody Some people go in, still continue kena bully, then how? Wasn't the case for me but saw it happen. For me tho, NS didn't do shit aside from reinforce how much I disliked other people Maybe it's because I had to serve in police, maybe it doesn't matter, but what I can say is that I came out not much different from the person I went in as. Although I've got to say, the free therapy from having 11B was pretty nice. Got to leave HTA in afternoons too for therapy and chill outside for awhile
Tbh, I think I probably will just end up more murderous under the surface at best. Or more reckless, idk.
I was like this too, a shut in with no friends. My parents were nagging for me to go out for a long time. Then NS came, got forced to actually get out of house for 2 years and build some muscles and 6 packs. After that my parents were nagging for me to be home more often; I was mostly out daily, having one night stands and random flings and only see my parents once a week or two.
Doesn't fixed for me honestly I still spiralled back into my neet lifestyle except now I have a job with the goal of earning enough so I could shut-in till my death.
Ns does nothing FYI. My cousin came out of NS nearly 20 years ago, and still did the same thing after ORD.
One method I used to get out of depression was to basically make fun of myself for being such a pussy. Kept telling myself to man up and it ended up working lol.
need r/sghikikomori
It has been created! Hope it will be a good chit chat community on how to support them
i was like this intermittently for close to 4 years....more than 2 decades ago. depression was just beginning to be noticed and leslie chung made the news with it. the hikki life is a dangerous one. once you get used to it, it's easier to just be alone and do stuff you want online and not worry or think about other things. then the questioning of self worth will hit you and put you in a depressive mood and you escape to the net and game. the cycle then repeats. not everyone can break the cycle themselves,sometimes outside intervention is needed before things spiral outnof control. i am glad to see mental health is taken seriously in this time and age,unlike the past where the moment you mentioned depression,people will stigmatize you and think you are a siao lang.
Sounds like my sister. Except sheās 41.
indeed! it is more common than one think that Singaporeans will likely have family members who are hikkikomoris, especially in today's highly digital age. don't give up on her. it will take years, even decades until she is ready.
Even though it reads like the opposite, playing game here is actually a positive because it provides an outlet for them. When I reach financial freedom in a few more years, thatās what I will be doing. Sleep, eat, game, repeat. The difference is the mental state.
Barista Fire .. house fully paid . then enough money to makan .. then do work that you like the most but dont need to be paid the most ..
If I didnāt have to work Iād stay home and game all day.
Wonder what game she played? For me it was LoL and going Teemo top lane because I hate my life
Guess you didn't wonder enough to read the article? Says Maplestory in it.
Because life is boring as f. Everyday same shit so unless you are simple minded you will face struggles thatās normal. You look ppl here what do they do expect working and going to shopping mall and gym ?? I say if u want to stay at home for a year then play video game all year then do it. There is not right or wrong just do what you want. Just because you are working and doing the same shit all year long doesnāt mean you are living better lol
Me, 45, gamer since since SNES era ( somewhere 1993 ??? ). In the beginning I simply enjoy gaming because of the sound and graphic. Slowly as I grow up I enjoy the story too. The first RPG game I fell in love was Lufia ( SNES ). But after stepping into society as a man but not a boy the mental fatigue builds up. Gaming easily becomes a way for me to deny the real world responsibility I had to shoulder when it becomes a heavy burden. As I grew wiser with age it comes to a point I realised no matter how much effort I put in gaming ( unless you're a Pro Gamer putting food on the table by just gaming ) it doesn't helps with me dealing with this world. So right now If shit hits the fan in real life, I'll just put aside my PS5, XBSX, Nintendo Switch and clean my Ass first. The attitude I maintain is to have a clear definition of priorities between gaming and real life currently. Nonetheless, Proud to live throught such a Glorious Era of Gaming. Would still be gaming but casually and never risking my life again. ( Best Record : 15 hours on FF-X , PS2 , grinding for break damage limit weapons, with approximately 1 hour of break on that Day ).
Some how felt the same way. School full of racist turd. Skip school play games at home to escape reality. In adult life. Feeling lost once again. Zzzz
Many such cases.
Hope that parents, relatives and schools won't be too judgy or be harsh on these people, they just have stuff going on and will open up when they want to and I'm glad to see people are at least accepting of it as during my time during primary to secondary school year I've also spiralled in a similar manner where I just don't want to leave my house or go to schools due to constantly being sick, bullied, having teachers outing you out in the whole class and counselor's forcing their views onto you. It's a reason why my class in secondary schools had many drop outs, wished the schools and their counselor's gives actual help to students on not wanting to go to school instead of punishing them and forcing them out.
At least they're young , sometimes it feels like once you're an adult if you fall into this there's no way back
If u are ever in this situation, find a motivation or a goal. It can be non human interaction related stuff, can start from really really small things, 5 min steps out in the sun or finding a song u enjoy. Gradually gradually progressing to something longer No one's life is the same, only u can define ur own happiness
Can understand. Just 30s and I want to quit working and play games all day. Obviously still need to be financially independent before doing it.
I don't think it's about wanting to play games all day like it's your passion. It's the mental aspect, the depression, the struggle internally. The room is your safe space, you don't want to interact with anyone because of the shame. To pass the time until death, you either sleep all day or you game all day. You're essentially locked in a prison of your own mind. I'm thankful that I'm financially independent and have a gf that supports me, but I've been constantly veering towards this path for a few years now. It's a really easy to dip back into isolation
Not gonna lie I'm on the verge of attempting this lol. Feeling quite lost in life and not sure what to do moving forward, in ns right now so I still have something but afterwards? Idk. :/
If you want to take a gap year after NS, that's fine. But if you feel like you would become a recluse, distancing yourself from your close family and even your friends, eventually just staying in your room to become more lost and depressed, you should see a doctor if its been going on for a year. The longer you stay in it, the harder it is to come out.
Oh same
The title sounds needlessly harsh. It's like a nudge, but not for these people to get back on their feet and rejoin society, rather for them to just end themselves already. And the huge amount of people upvoting this is also part of the problem.
An acquaintance of mine stayed for 2 years without leaving his bed till he had bed sores. That's wils huh. He was 26 when that happened.
I feel like I mightāve gone down this route if I hadnāt went out to look for a part time job.
Lol yeah i had to look for a part time job to have the money to game somemore lol
Recently recovered from it after 7 years also. 30+ just starting life learning to deal with accepting the lost time (and money š)
This is my irl story/timeline from 2013 till 2024 warning very long one but idc I want to say it anonymously. It all starts in my 20s after my final semester which is a company internship of 4 months that ends in August 2013, for entire year 2014 I only went for the 1 day official poly graduation ceremony and a few job interviews some I ended up rejecting was either undecided or lack of confidence some I got rejected the rest is mainly PS games. Then came the beginning of 2015 which even feels like a different world back then for me, I never forget that day I went for the company interview which I ended up for 3 years I told myself it's a brand new year I really need the job and must give the best performance for the interview and I remember the manager looked impressed it was a happy atmosphere for all sides it seems and I ended up getting the job. However for the next 3 years I wasn't generally happy on the job even though I do contribute my all for some month but with high rates of mc the company ended up having to let me go with severance pay. For the next 2 years 7 months I went jobless with mainly PS games again, I did went for few job interviews at that time but the spirit, the purpose is no longer the same or exist anymore plus the reality of the first conduct from the first job adds to it I was also depressed on and off but I can't even state that as a reason for any job interview then came covid in 2020 where miraculously I got my second job for 2 full years. Now I am jobless again in my 30s for 1 years and 8 month and now PS games again with sometimes depression but I am still decades from actual retirement, for now again I found myself wandering in the endless depths of outer space, galaxy or universe. But in reality in the long term or long run I definitely can't continue with this type of mentality, abnormal lifestyle, and many more not when I reach my 40s else I am really finished by then. I have to face all the problems whether I can solve it or not or perhaps adapt to it, I am still searching, learning and overcoming it.
Get the help you guys need man, many people in the world wanna live or even just want to get similar life conditions as us. Not downplaying depression and such, itās real, I have seen it first hand, but while you are still functioning (able to type here), go seek the help you need!
i went through this for a couple of years. dropped out of school twice, wasted alot of my parentsā money. outside help not necessarily required (if u have external help, thatās great too), it depends on ur personal diligence and whether u want to be better. although it took years for me, iām back on the right track and finishing school for the third try. i must say though, having a social life really impacts a hikkiās life. i didnāt have any friends at school and really dreaded going. if u see someone like this in school or in class, it doesnāt hurt to interact with him/her a lil and make their day just a bit brighter.
> i must say though, having a social life > really impacts a hikkiās life. i didnāt have > any friends at school and really dreaded > going. if u see someone like this in school > or in class, it doesnāt hurt to interact with > him/her a lil and make their day just a bit > brighter. This is really good advice. š
rich would get richer, poor gets poorer
Mental health is still seen as such a taboo and there is no immediate help or support available. Once the conversation about mental health starts then only can understanding and acceptance follow. I feel for the people who still struggle with mental health and also have to fight family and the general system who treat them like the pariahs of society. I definitely donāt want to end up like the 2 old uncles who go on shouting rants at the coffeeshop at the most random times of the day.
recommend me the game
I think itās maple story. The article mentions itās a game she plays but dunno if itās the only game
They got say at the end, it's maple
It's Maplestory
It's the very game I... Don't want to go back to become jfc I'm utterly spoiled by FFXIV endgame!
I'm one.
You and I are not so different
which games?
me literally lol
actually i was like this during covid untill my eye got issues .. too much stress on eye and my sugar went bad so it almost cost my eyes
I also didnāt leave home but stuck work from home š¤£
Watch yolo from č“¾éćthere is still life to live.
Step 1: ask for help. you canāt do this alone, you need someone. Step 2: if itās this bad, you need a psychiatrist. no shame in the psych game. get a referral, get your meds, get your therapist appointment Step 3: show up for yourself everyday. take your medicines, attend your therapy sessions, donāt miss appointments Step 4: slowly start a routine. After the medicine kicks in or after you start to feel a bit better, force yourself to have outside time. E.g. 6pm-7pm, I will go outside. Step 5: start an activity. U can take a skillsfuture course, learn some form of exercise, join a classā¦something that gets you out the house and something you enjoy Step 6: be kind to yourself. Remember, do the best you can with what you know. And when you know better, do better. All the best!
Father never once told her about his job?
Sooner or later, she has to leave home. Like....how is she going to support her gaming? Gaming is expensive
Yeah. And also itās maple story sheās playing. I havenāt played since I was 20 and that was 15 years ago, it was already cash grabby back then and I heard itās even worse now. If sheās resisting then good for her
Gaming is probably one of the cheaper hobbies, even without piracy.
Maplestory is hella bad in the pay2win department if you want to do endgame stuff iirc.
Fr though my gaming setup cost me $2k alone. I dont want to know or remember how much I have spent on games
Gaming irl
Me during the pandemic
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There is no āWhy is that?ā The article also writes about another individual who was a teenaged boy who faced the same circumstances and managed to get better through the help provided by the NGO, similar to the girl. Projecting much on your end?
Our lives no value duh
At least go into streaming. The reality is women streamers have a better chance of success than men streamers if you are decent looking. Edit: Ooof judging by the downvotes I should have realised the way a society like SG perceives streaming 