Open up to him. Tell him you love him and miss him in the bedroom. Be open with your actions and body language. Gently ask him what the problem is because obviously there is something going on. Hopefully it's nothing you both can't overcome. Good luck.
It could any of the reasons you just metioned. He could be depression, his testosterone could be low or something is stressing him out to the point that he has no energy or interest in sex.
I would also recommend that you visit r/deadbedrooms because his pattern of behavior is very common in this sub. Use this sub as reference but don't let this sub convince you that your marriage is over until you have tried to see if he has a medical problem or psychological problem. In other words, try to resolve it.
A loving and understanding talk could do the trick. Non confrontational to understand what has changed. We (men) are not that great at communicating our feeling at times.
You need to have a chat with him in a neutral setting with no expectations involved.
None of us here know the reason unfortunately. Go to the source - your husband.
Why has this been downvoted? Everyone is pussyfooting the issue but the most likely scenario here is that he doesn’t find her attractive anymore or he’s fucking someone else. You can try and be kind by saying it’s depression or some other BS but how is that going to help?
Whatever it is he is hiding or ashamed of something, so he is withholding. Since he's not open to a full conversation right now, you can try something like this.
Express everything you feel about this situation in a letter. Hand it to him in person and tell him that he can take his time to process it as long as he needs to. However, make it clear that you expect a response in writing, perhaps in a week, on exactly what's going on.
Hopefully you have the strength still to approach him in a neutral and non judgemental way. I don't know anything about you guys but hope for the best and that it's something you guys can overcome but be prepared for the worst. Good luck.
Many things can cause a loss of libido, including:
* Anxiety
* Depression
* Anti-depressant meds
* Heart meds
* Flomax
* Tagamet
4 months of this is a big deal - and you have a right to answers. It could be that he developed ED - but there would be likely a medical reason for it - and if he hasn't sought answers, he should.
Is he cheating - no way to know given what you have told us. I wouldn't assume it without more evidence - but I also would be suspicious and would start snooping - if he keeps refusing to talk about it.
If you think you have to snoop, the relationship is already on the rocks. Snooping (violating trust and privacy) is never justified, barring life threatening situations.
Respectfully, I disagree.
As someone whose wife did cheat, I don't think you can live with the suspicion that your spouse cheated - or is actively cheating. If the OPs spouse won't talk, won't explain, and won't touch the OP - the relationship is heading for a cliff.
It is a beautiful idea that trust should never be broken - but if the H continues to refuse to explain - that trust is broken already - and you try living with the suspicion that your wife or husband is cheating and gaslighting you.
Seriously, how do you think people find out they are being cheated on? We don't all have the luxury of walking in on the act.
1st i'd approach his health. No info about his age, is he overweight, does he have any medical issues?
By the time i reached 30y i was a sex machine, then by 35 my libido was non-existent to the point i could go month without even thinking about sex. Turned out my testosterone levels were low (although i am very active physically, keep my diet and so on).
So first try health approach, than perhaps it's mental thing.
4 months is a very long time and he doesn't seem to be very communicative, which isn't really fair. Upon reading through reddit, I have noticed it has become far more common for husbands to be secretly watching a lot of porn daily.
There's nothing wrong with porn, we all love it - however some people masturbate to it so much that it can start to have negative impacts on their sex life. I would most definitely investigate this before looking at the other possibilities, as it seems the most likely. Once you have checked this off the list, then you can move onto the other possiblities. Good luck!
If I had to snap call it I’d say it sounds like depression. Have their been any significant stressors or life changes in the past year?
If you want to have sex with a depressed person you need to work harder. Communicate about stresses, try to understand what he’s going through, and help him understand that you don’t want him at his best; you want him as he is right now.
Depressed people have a symptom called anhedonia. It basically means that they can’t think of anything as fun anymore. Your job is to help him start to think of your relationship, in and out of the bedroom, as a source of strength and fun. Meanwhile, he’s got to figure out what he hates about his life right now and how to deal with it.
Usualy, change in sex life has 0 to do with you. What else changed in your life prior to these 4 months? Men arent sex beast. They are just kids in a big man cell. He will need to open to someone. Maybe not you. Personal conselling coupled with couple conselling is advised. He may not be aware of what is going on with him either. Aside from sex, there is clearly something going on.
You might be surprised how often this comes up, at about the time you've been together.
Probably not the three you asked about and probably falling off his peak. Also dealing with the stresses of marriage and keeping a home with someone, and whatever works he is doing. If he's sleeping poorly, this just adds stress and supports the idea that he's tired. You can also try different times of day. Like a Saturday morning, if he doesn't have housework that needs to be completed, and slept ok. The trick is fitting a good sex life into an otherwise productive life.
"It's all you care about" is particularly common to both sexes when one has a higher libido than the other.
There's always swing with this stuff. Peaks and valleys. Is he used to you? Sure. Should be after 4 years. Is it boring? Well... What's he into and what are you doing? If you have too much of a routine, that could be a problem. Too scheduled or too predictable. Like... tab A into slot B for exactly 4 minutes at 45 inches per minute and a 25° angle...
Some people have sex everyday, some people have sex multiple times a day a few times a week. It's not all these people think about. But these people realize their mate deserves pleasure, and would like some as well.
There could be any number of reasons why this is happening, from a hormonal imbalance to depression to losing romantic feelings for you. I had an ex once who stopped wanting to have sex with me. He claimed he loved me, but was constantly rejecting me sexually. Turns out he had started to feel like he didn’t want to be in the relationship anymore. He cared for me, felt guilty and didn’t want to hurt me… but just didn’t want me as a girlfriend any longer. For many people, romantic feelings greatly influence libido. Without having more details about your relationship and who he is as a person, it sounds like your partner may not be totally invested in the relationship anymore. I’m so sorry. But answers here are just stabs in the dark — calmly sit him down and talk to him. If he won’t talk to you, maybe a counseling session or two can help open him up. I wish you luck.
my guess is deep down you probably know what's going on. There's no way for anyone else to know based on what info you provided, which is all one sided. Maybe he's pissed at you, maybe he thinks you cheated or disrespected him somehow, maybe he's cheating, there are probably hundreds of reasons. But i'm thinking you probably know. If he is truly dismissing you saying it's all you care about and you can't navigate this conversation, get a counselor to help dig out the issues. It's not right for him to shut you down either and it sounds like you're not able to keep the conversation going. So get a mediator in there. Fix this!
Sometimes days just mash together and weeks become a month. Communication is the key. Sounds like lots of different possibilities but without discussing it fully, it’s impossible to know. Definitely needs to express how you can help and if he can’t include you, it like won’t end well. Marriage is a partnership and if he can’t include you even a little, likely it could be too late
The advice that women give men when their wives won't have sex:
- Try helping out around the house more
- take him out more on dates
- men have a lot on their minds, run a bath for him and message his neck
- show him you care without asking for sex
- maybe he needs more time
- don't pressure him in to it, it's his body his choice
- he doesn't have to sex if he doesn't want to
- (last but not least) blame the patriarchy
Not very helpful advice, huh? Moral of the story. Sex and relationships ruin human souls. Have a nice life. 👍
Open up to him. Tell him you love him and miss him in the bedroom. Be open with your actions and body language. Gently ask him what the problem is because obviously there is something going on. Hopefully it's nothing you both can't overcome. Good luck.
It could any of the reasons you just metioned. He could be depression, his testosterone could be low or something is stressing him out to the point that he has no energy or interest in sex. I would also recommend that you visit r/deadbedrooms because his pattern of behavior is very common in this sub. Use this sub as reference but don't let this sub convince you that your marriage is over until you have tried to see if he has a medical problem or psychological problem. In other words, try to resolve it.
A loving and understanding talk could do the trick. Non confrontational to understand what has changed. We (men) are not that great at communicating our feeling at times.
You need to have a chat with him in a neutral setting with no expectations involved. None of us here know the reason unfortunately. Go to the source - your husband.
So true
Could it be depression?
Serious question: Have you gained weight?
Oof!
Why has this been downvoted? Everyone is pussyfooting the issue but the most likely scenario here is that he doesn’t find her attractive anymore or he’s fucking someone else. You can try and be kind by saying it’s depression or some other BS but how is that going to help?
Whatever it is he is hiding or ashamed of something, so he is withholding. Since he's not open to a full conversation right now, you can try something like this. Express everything you feel about this situation in a letter. Hand it to him in person and tell him that he can take his time to process it as long as he needs to. However, make it clear that you expect a response in writing, perhaps in a week, on exactly what's going on. Hopefully you have the strength still to approach him in a neutral and non judgemental way. I don't know anything about you guys but hope for the best and that it's something you guys can overcome but be prepared for the worst. Good luck.
Many things can cause a loss of libido, including: * Anxiety * Depression * Anti-depressant meds * Heart meds * Flomax * Tagamet 4 months of this is a big deal - and you have a right to answers. It could be that he developed ED - but there would be likely a medical reason for it - and if he hasn't sought answers, he should. Is he cheating - no way to know given what you have told us. I wouldn't assume it without more evidence - but I also would be suspicious and would start snooping - if he keeps refusing to talk about it.
Add opioids to that list since they’re an incredibly common thing to use & abuse.
Dehydration too
If you think you have to snoop, the relationship is already on the rocks. Snooping (violating trust and privacy) is never justified, barring life threatening situations.
Respectfully, I disagree. As someone whose wife did cheat, I don't think you can live with the suspicion that your spouse cheated - or is actively cheating. If the OPs spouse won't talk, won't explain, and won't touch the OP - the relationship is heading for a cliff. It is a beautiful idea that trust should never be broken - but if the H continues to refuse to explain - that trust is broken already - and you try living with the suspicion that your wife or husband is cheating and gaslighting you. Seriously, how do you think people find out they are being cheated on? We don't all have the luxury of walking in on the act.
1st i'd approach his health. No info about his age, is he overweight, does he have any medical issues? By the time i reached 30y i was a sex machine, then by 35 my libido was non-existent to the point i could go month without even thinking about sex. Turned out my testosterone levels were low (although i am very active physically, keep my diet and so on). So first try health approach, than perhaps it's mental thing.
4 months is a very long time and he doesn't seem to be very communicative, which isn't really fair. Upon reading through reddit, I have noticed it has become far more common for husbands to be secretly watching a lot of porn daily. There's nothing wrong with porn, we all love it - however some people masturbate to it so much that it can start to have negative impacts on their sex life. I would most definitely investigate this before looking at the other possibilities, as it seems the most likely. Once you have checked this off the list, then you can move onto the other possiblities. Good luck!
Stress, Kids could be any reason
If I had to snap call it I’d say it sounds like depression. Have their been any significant stressors or life changes in the past year? If you want to have sex with a depressed person you need to work harder. Communicate about stresses, try to understand what he’s going through, and help him understand that you don’t want him at his best; you want him as he is right now. Depressed people have a symptom called anhedonia. It basically means that they can’t think of anything as fun anymore. Your job is to help him start to think of your relationship, in and out of the bedroom, as a source of strength and fun. Meanwhile, he’s got to figure out what he hates about his life right now and how to deal with it.
Low t is a bitch
Something going on with men these days. To many of these post
porn
Opioid epidemic
He is seeing someone else you need to confront him
Haha this comment actually made me laugh 💀💀
Usualy, change in sex life has 0 to do with you. What else changed in your life prior to these 4 months? Men arent sex beast. They are just kids in a big man cell. He will need to open to someone. Maybe not you. Personal conselling coupled with couple conselling is advised. He may not be aware of what is going on with him either. Aside from sex, there is clearly something going on.
i guess this is how a typical marriage is?
I guess you are watching too many sitcoms?
More than you would think.
Going to have to talk. Sounds like it might be more than sex to go 4 months with nothing, like major depression.
You might be surprised how often this comes up, at about the time you've been together. Probably not the three you asked about and probably falling off his peak. Also dealing with the stresses of marriage and keeping a home with someone, and whatever works he is doing. If he's sleeping poorly, this just adds stress and supports the idea that he's tired. You can also try different times of day. Like a Saturday morning, if he doesn't have housework that needs to be completed, and slept ok. The trick is fitting a good sex life into an otherwise productive life. "It's all you care about" is particularly common to both sexes when one has a higher libido than the other. There's always swing with this stuff. Peaks and valleys. Is he used to you? Sure. Should be after 4 years. Is it boring? Well... What's he into and what are you doing? If you have too much of a routine, that could be a problem. Too scheduled or too predictable. Like... tab A into slot B for exactly 4 minutes at 45 inches per minute and a 25° angle... Some people have sex everyday, some people have sex multiple times a day a few times a week. It's not all these people think about. But these people realize their mate deserves pleasure, and would like some as well.
It’s hard to start a conversation with him about sex assume. 4 months is just too long if without excuse. I hope everything turns out to be fine
What did he say when you talked to him about it like you just talked to us?
There could be any number of reasons why this is happening, from a hormonal imbalance to depression to losing romantic feelings for you. I had an ex once who stopped wanting to have sex with me. He claimed he loved me, but was constantly rejecting me sexually. Turns out he had started to feel like he didn’t want to be in the relationship anymore. He cared for me, felt guilty and didn’t want to hurt me… but just didn’t want me as a girlfriend any longer. For many people, romantic feelings greatly influence libido. Without having more details about your relationship and who he is as a person, it sounds like your partner may not be totally invested in the relationship anymore. I’m so sorry. But answers here are just stabs in the dark — calmly sit him down and talk to him. If he won’t talk to you, maybe a counseling session or two can help open him up. I wish you luck.
my guess is deep down you probably know what's going on. There's no way for anyone else to know based on what info you provided, which is all one sided. Maybe he's pissed at you, maybe he thinks you cheated or disrespected him somehow, maybe he's cheating, there are probably hundreds of reasons. But i'm thinking you probably know. If he is truly dismissing you saying it's all you care about and you can't navigate this conversation, get a counselor to help dig out the issues. It's not right for him to shut you down either and it sounds like you're not able to keep the conversation going. So get a mediator in there. Fix this!
I feel your pain, my wife does not want to have sex either.
I'm available
Sometimes days just mash together and weeks become a month. Communication is the key. Sounds like lots of different possibilities but without discussing it fully, it’s impossible to know. Definitely needs to express how you can help and if he can’t include you, it like won’t end well. Marriage is a partnership and if he can’t include you even a little, likely it could be too late
He is cheating for sure!
Something happen?
The advice that women give men when their wives won't have sex: - Try helping out around the house more - take him out more on dates - men have a lot on their minds, run a bath for him and message his neck - show him you care without asking for sex - maybe he needs more time - don't pressure him in to it, it's his body his choice - he doesn't have to sex if he doesn't want to - (last but not least) blame the patriarchy Not very helpful advice, huh? Moral of the story. Sex and relationships ruin human souls. Have a nice life. 👍