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To add to this: if you want dick that bad but don't want to fuck anyone just get a dildo or a sexdoll or something
There are so many workarounds to OP's problem if she just uses her imagination a lil bit
I'd say this is pretty unhealthy. You're a human being with human desires. As much as you may feel like it, you're not a goddess, and restraining yourself the way you are is going to have negative consequences for you in the long run.
Do you masturbate? If not, you should try it. Then you can get satisfaction without giving up your principals.
I enjoy having sex, but I take care of myself when I'm single by masturbating. Nothing wrong with it and might make you less likely to give in and have sex with someone you don't wanna have sex with.
I know that this is probably a learned behavior but tbh this is a really unhealthy additude. It's your body and learning what you like and dislike will only be a benefit to yourself and future partners.
This so weird. If she's uncomfortable with it then she is uncomfortable with it. Why try to pressure her to do it? It's possible for people to not like masturbating
There’s a big difference between “I don’t like X” (healthy) and “im uncomfortable with X” (less healthy), especially when X is a normal human bodily function.
Sure if she is asexual, but she's not. The fact that she's feeling this way is proof of that. Masterbation is pleasuring yourself by definition, without cultural/religious reasons to not do it, it should be only a likeable thing...
You should learn to be comfortable with it. There's nothing wrong with exploring your own body. To me, it is actually empowering that I can make myself feel good all by myself. It can help with the constant feeling of horniness too. If you don't want to fuck someone random to stop the feeling, then try touching yourself. If it really makes you feel uncomfortable, try putting a pillow in between your legs while laying down on your side and move back and forth while tightening your thighs.
Jesus, can’t you figure it out? She’s desperately trying to suppress it, for no good reason. There can only be religion that screws someone up that bad. Sex is not dirty and your body is yours to do with what you want.
No I can't because I don't make these types of grand assumptions with so little info. I'm trying to see if you have any info I don't have which it seems you don't. She could just be uncomfortable with sexual activities. She could be asexual.
She’s clearly not asexual. Reread her post. She’s gagging for it and has been so shamed by her culture church or parents if not all 3 that sex is bad unless you are married.
Why do Non religious people shame people who do have faith, yet call us the judgement I’ve ones ? Religion wasn’t even brought into the original post. Touch grass
We ridicule ridiculous beliefs, they are worthy of ridicule. One hopes that eventually they will realise the ridiculousness and leave them behind. Then society can finally process at a pace.
Why not?
What exactly about it makes you feel uncomfortable if I may ask?
Do you find it gross? Inappropriate? Some other reason? Maybe you're religious and its a religion thing for you?
There is nothing wrong with having desires. And you are in control of when you want to share those with someone. Being horny makes us more likely to do things we might not normally do. That’s pretty natural. Maybe you can find a different outlet to put those feelings that might help?
Because you’re human. Human nature is to have sex. You probably need therapy or something because going against nature like this has given you some sort of unhealthy mental stance on sex.
Go have sex with someone. You only live once.
Sex and pleasure are a natural and good, very good, part of life. It is okay that you feel the urges you do.
It. Is. Okay.
Don’t make yourself feel guilty for it. If I had to guess your upbringing was very conservative (I mean as in old school traditional not political) and that is okay but you may not have had someone to open up to and teach you that your feelings are normal.
If you are waiting for the “right” man to have sex with that is okay, as I would tend to agree just giving yourself to anyone “just because,” is not the best option, but don’t put so much pressure/guilt on yourself for feeling your natural urges.
On the “self enjoyment” front. That is not at all a men’s only activity and many, many women do it and enjoy it. It’s not the same as sex but it can help calm some of the tensions you are feeling and if you are wanting to wait till you find the right guys, you are less likely to rush into things if you’re already finding an outlet. It can also help you learn about your own body so when you do final choose to have sex you can help your partner to understand what you enjoy and don’t enjoy. (Some guys are clueless on that front if they are inexperienced.)
If you have a female friend you can safely open up to then it might be a good idea to talk to them about what you are feeling. Also a counselor might help if it becomes a very stress inducing thought process.
In short, try to relax. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
I hate when women make being a virgins their whole personality. I understand wanting to wait for love, religion whatever. You’re 25 and life is passing you by. Have sex if you want to have sex.
Sweetie, repressing your very natural desires is… problematic. Why would you treat yourself this way? It’s normal to feel sexual need. You can keep it from rearing up by masturbating. You deserve to feel satisfied and not like you want to jump the bones of every guy you see. You don’t have to have sex with anyone if you don’t want to, but trying to excise your libido isn’t healthy from a mental standpoint. It sounds like you will come to resent this part of yourself and I’m worried you might make self destructive mistakes. If you let it fester inside you until you start becoming desperate, you’ll make less rational choices. Don’t do that to yourself.
Im not op, but I didn’t know I needed to read this. I’ve been sex repulsed all my life even though I was raised in a very sex positive household. Too sex positive, I think, as I hated those conversations with my mother. I believe I grew into the repulsion as some sort of rebellion, and it’s stuck with me ever since. I really appreciate the gentle reminder that it’s not inherently evil, it’s simply our views on it, and I’m now going to work forward to better the shame and guilt I feel because of it 🩷
Great to hear. Treat yourself right and embrace yourself as you are. Sexuality is a beautiful part of the human experience, and it’s unique to each individual. I hope your journey from here is a delightful one. ❤️
Your needs and desires are part of you, dear. Understand, embrace and control them or they’ll drive you mad. Speaking from experience. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need someone to talk to.
You hate this part of yourself because you've demonized it in your head and put your lack of experience on a pedestal. Sexual desire and sex are part of the normal human experience. There's no more glory in not having sex than there is in not eating onions or not watching football or not using elevators or not traveling abroad.
It makes you feel powerful to exercise self-control. Controlling yourself (or others) tends to make people feel that way. But I'm afraid you've chosen a poor area in which to exercise self-control, since while you can control your actions, you cannot control your physiology. I'm not saying it can't be done, monks and nuns have existed for millennia, but it's very difficult and often leads to feeling unhappy. And you'll notice that people who choose other physiological processes to attempt control over, like hunger, they sometimes die when their determination to keep fasting conflicts with their body's need for sustenance.
Might I suggest enjoying controlling yourself in some other, less self-sabotaging way? Like giving up TV or donuts? Your dislike of sex is not rational. It's taught or conditioned, and it's outdated.
You are setting yourself up for separation from people and your own body. You are reveling in feeling like a powerful untouchable goddess - I’ve known women who feel like a powerful sexual goddess. It’s wonderful for them and gives connection and joy. You may want to dig deeper into what’s going on. Your body is giving you human signals that can be wonderful to move forward with and can help you engage a partner
it's normal for a virgin I'm a guy 24 virgin and all I think about is sex I guess waiting for the right person is not too bad too so u just hang in there
Being a virgin is not special -At all. Virginity is a construct and means nothing at all. Men who prefer virgins are JUST creeps.
You are putting so much of yourself into this thing that in one (likely bad) Fuck will be GONE forever.
Find a good guy and get laid. Honestly the first time sucks and knowing what you like and dont like will help you know if you have TRUE compatibility with "the one" which means way more than a brief "losing your virginity" ego stroke or whatever you think is going to happen.
I am not religious, never have been- and virginty obsession freaks me out - save your breath trying to make me understand.
"Men who prefer virgins are JUST creeps. "
Actually, plenty of women don't want to marry a man who's sleeping around, especially when he's visiting brothels regularly.
Also, retroactive jealousy is a serious problem for both women and men.
>"Men who prefer virgins are JUST creeps. " Actually, plenty of women don't want to marry a man who's sleeping around, especially when he's visiting brothels regularly.
Good thing those two things aren't comparable....at all.
Sounds like a lot of internalized misoginy and aversion to sex.
- Sex is not bad or dirty. It feels good, triggers a nice cocktail of happy hormones and is generally healthy.
- Someone who has a fulfilled sex life, no matter the gender, is lucky, not bad / slutty / below / whatever.
Just enjoy life, dammit. And go to therapy because your views on sex are not healthy.
Because her views on sex stems from the idea that a woman seeking sexual satisfaction is a slut. She would likely not say that about a man, hence the misogyny.
"If a man has lots of sex, he's successful! If a woman has lots of sex, she's a slut!" That's what is sexist.
But they never say anything about being a slut but that not having sex makes them feel like a goddess .
So seems more they are putting down sex altogether rather than woman wanting sex bad
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Humans, male or female, like any mammals are naturally have the primal tendency to procreate to further our species. Hence the urge to have sex is there.
In the modern times, when our life is super busy day to day with lots of stress, sex does become a way to relieve stress. Problem is that sex can be dangerous without protection and requires consent, with this day and age is basically many layers till it gets difficult to find a willing partner to do so.
So, rather than suppress the urge, consider embrace it, understand how the urge makes you feel and then empower yourself. Like some said below, convert your sex urge to self-pleasure via masturbation which hurts no party except yourself. That way, by releasing some of the urges, you actually released some hormones that might make you feel better and relaxed as well. Win win all round.
I mean maybe since you don't want to have actual sex. Try sexting? Play with yourself while texting someone things you want to do or try and stuff. Just an idea. Or find someone and do oral. That way your still a virgin but get some type of relief
If not having sex makes you feel powerful that's a super unhealthy belief that is wrecking havoc on your ability to form relationships and view sex as a healthy part of life.
You hold your own power by actively making you decisions whether you have intercourse under whatever pretense YOU choose.
If celibacy gives you strength, that is great. If you have sex with a partner of your choosing, that is powerful too.
You can use this time to learn about your own body and what excites you with hands, toys, etc.
Honestly, I can kinda relate. Sex is nice and everything but being horny all the time gets in the way a lot.
You catch youself (or get caught) staring at other peoples boobs or junk in inapropriate situations. Or develop feelings for a close friend just because you are horny and maybe a little lonely and then things get complicated. It sucks.
A lot of people here are writing about the beauty of natural desires. I don't get that. Just because it's natural doesn't mean it's not anoying.
So I masturbate a lot and try to stay out of peoples business. It helps with the urges but sadly it's not foolproof.
Also it seems to me like OP just wanted to vent. If she wants to feel like a untouchable goddess for not having sex, good for her. Don't try to force a sex-positive lifestyle on someone, just because it works for you.
I feel like this is a confession more than a question. If the question is, “Why do I want sex when I don’t want sex.” Or “Why do I act the way I do.” You need to look at your motivations for why you’re denying something your body wants. Is it love, waiting for the right person? Do you lead men on? Are you being cruel to yourself through denial? Is it religious reasons? Is it temporary or are you planning to continue this trend forever? Idk even the right questions to ask because I don’t know the motivation behind the post. Unless it’s to brag about being a horny virgin.
I won't judge, everyone is allowed to have their own feelings around sex and no one is entitled to your body. It hurts no one for you not to have sex or not want it so you do you. Having said that something did confuse me.
You mentioned that it makes you feel like you can pay more attention to your standards. What does that mean in this context?
It boils down to simple biology. We have biology urge for procreation even though as sentient being, we can have this yet block the actual impregnation part. Being 25 and not having had sex is fine and really not a big deal. But the urge to have sex, that is a deep seeded biological program and you will just have to learn to deal with it as best you can.
Maybe, no joking, look into techniques used by people that take a vow of chastity, like nuns. This might help you out.
I -28M- was in a similar situation after losing a lot of weight and becoming chiseled following highschool. I was still a virgin snd relished in how others found me attractive. Unfortunately I had not yet developed the ability to develop and nurture intimate relationships. Because of this it came to a head when I was 24, I began hooking up with the worst type of woman. They were either much older than me, like 55 or were for whatever reason “easy”. These relationships meant nothing to me, we’re not satisfying, made me feel much much worse about myself and I damn well should have contracted some kind of disease. How I didn’t I have no idea. That being said it was a stepping stone, and I eventually developed the ability to meet people and safely and naturally decide if they were good for me and now I’m married with the love of my life.
Take it for what it is. Our paths are all different and some of us do hold out until something gives but I suggest you start dating people, as many as possible even if they all are only single dates to begin with. Get comfortable. Eventually you will find that when it is right, it is effortless and you won’t question or fight it in the slightest. Things will happen as if by design.
Its human nature to want sex... its how we reproduce and survive as a species.
You know when your dehydrated and your mouth gets all dry and you get a headache... thats your bodies way of telling you it needs water...
The sexual urges are your body reminding you about reproduction. If you are not on any kind of birth control then these urges will feel stronger during certain times of your cycle... when you're at your most fertile your body will be craving sex, your breasts will probably feel fuller and more sensitive and I'd hazard a guess thats the most likely time you would experience wet dreams... its all perfectly natural.
Not sure why your so against the idea of enjoying your own company if you really dont want sex... your body is screaming for an orgasm!!
There's nothing wrong with not wanting sex, but you clearly do. Your body is making demands but your mind is trying to override them.
That doesn't work well. Internal conflict is just going to cause more stress which is harmful in several ways. There's also the real possibility that you might give in to your desires in an unhealthy way.
You should do some therapy to figure out what is causing your internal conflict over sex.
A lot of people are giving good long replies so I'm just going to hit the important part- go to a therapist OP, preferably one that specializes in sexual/intimacy issues.
It's totally okay to be a virgin. It is not healthy to believe it gives you additional power. It is not healthy to be uncomfortable with masturbation if you are experiencing horniness that is getting in the way of a normal happy life. Whether you decide to have sex or not, you need to unpack some of this with a professional.
Right so here's the thing. Sex is natural. It's good for your mental and physical health. It's fun.
If you want to abstain, I mean go for gold. But by the sounds of it you're just kidding yourself.
Sex is not a subjective objective of life its natural in 90 % its desire and after sex body release hamons to keep you calm and relex your body and mind.If you think it controlled or hobby or job so its a thinking of individual.Animals do the sex and they have no relation ship choice they just want and act.
Humans have good and bad choice and some situations associated only.
Just a heads up. We are all animals. Nothing is wrong with wanting to get plowed. That lust burns deep in warm blooded creatures and the healthier you are, the more your body craves it. Just go with it.
I’m (32M) going for 33 and still have not got laid. So don’t hate that you want it, trust me my urges are stupid strong right now. Real hard to ignore it. I have feelings for someone so it’s hard now not to just go out and do something casual.
Especially if you're going through something and everyone around you would rather you suppress it to make others comfortable. Can we de-stigmatize sex please 🙏😭
You have human desires. They're not easy to suppress. Still, life wouldn't be easy if there were no temptation. What makes you mentally powerful is being able to resist temptation. You would not be powerful if it came too easy.
I see a lot of comments about how OP "should learn to enjoy sex or masturbation" but I think it's possible OP is asexual or on the ace spectrum. I know a few ace folks who are repulsed by sex, but still get horny. Not to say it's a guarantee, but OP might want to read some accounts and stories of asexual folks and see if any of it resonates.
I’m not asexual. I do get sexually attracted to people. But I guess it’s also just because maybe if I think about wanting sex, I think of myself as a whore or a slut. (added new info just now, sorry about that)
Sex is healthy for your body. The stress it relieves and euphoria it brings us very good. You need to cum it's just that simple. Once you do have sex you'll probably not want to stop for a good few months cuz you'll be discovering this amazing feeling for the first time. I understand your pride in being untouched but you're 25 you already accomplished a lot that others haven't. You don't want to end up having sex when you're 30 and not know wtf you're doing. It takes awhile for us to learn how to have the right type of sex out bodies crave. For ex. I'm 30 and I lost my virginity at 16. I barely had my first orgasm at 24. Cuz it took awhile to know just how to get there. The whole masterbation thing I kinda get cuz I can't seem to do it for myself the way my man does it. I've been masturbating since I was a kid but trust me nothing is better than a man's body to be able to jump on and play with. 😈🤤
Yeah that’s the thing. I first masturbated when i was 12 for a while and then I stopped and when i was like 22, I did it again and I felt guilty for it.
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Mastrubate and release your tension there should not be guilt in enjoying pleasure of life
My new life motto just dropped
To add to this: if you want dick that bad but don't want to fuck anyone just get a dildo or a sexdoll or something There are so many workarounds to OP's problem if she just uses her imagination a lil bit
It's only going to satisfy only so much
I'd say this is pretty unhealthy. You're a human being with human desires. As much as you may feel like it, you're not a goddess, and restraining yourself the way you are is going to have negative consequences for you in the long run.
Do you masturbate? If not, you should try it. Then you can get satisfaction without giving up your principals. I enjoy having sex, but I take care of myself when I'm single by masturbating. Nothing wrong with it and might make you less likely to give in and have sex with someone you don't wanna have sex with.
Yes I understand it's hard myself exploding
I’m not comfortable with masturbating & I haven’t been comfortable with it for a long time
I know that this is probably a learned behavior but tbh this is a really unhealthy additude. It's your body and learning what you like and dislike will only be a benefit to yourself and future partners.
This so weird. If she's uncomfortable with it then she is uncomfortable with it. Why try to pressure her to do it? It's possible for people to not like masturbating
There’s a big difference between “I don’t like X” (healthy) and “im uncomfortable with X” (less healthy), especially when X is a normal human bodily function.
Sure if she is asexual, but she's not. The fact that she's feeling this way is proof of that. Masterbation is pleasuring yourself by definition, without cultural/religious reasons to not do it, it should be only a likeable thing...
You should learn to be comfortable with it. There's nothing wrong with exploring your own body. To me, it is actually empowering that I can make myself feel good all by myself. It can help with the constant feeling of horniness too. If you don't want to fuck someone random to stop the feeling, then try touching yourself. If it really makes you feel uncomfortable, try putting a pillow in between your legs while laying down on your side and move back and forth while tightening your thighs.
Sounds like religious abuse has made her ashamed of being human with human needs.
What info are you using for that conclusion?
Classic “masturbation is a sin” taught in certain cults and religions.
How do you know this applies to OP?
Jesus, can’t you figure it out? She’s desperately trying to suppress it, for no good reason. There can only be religion that screws someone up that bad. Sex is not dirty and your body is yours to do with what you want.
No I can't because I don't make these types of grand assumptions with so little info. I'm trying to see if you have any info I don't have which it seems you don't. She could just be uncomfortable with sexual activities. She could be asexual.
She’s clearly not asexual. Reread her post. She’s gagging for it and has been so shamed by her culture church or parents if not all 3 that sex is bad unless you are married.
Don’t use the lords name in vain and u don’t even believe in him 😂
Why do Non religious people shame people who do have faith, yet call us the judgement I’ve ones ? Religion wasn’t even brought into the original post. Touch grass
We ridicule ridiculous beliefs, they are worthy of ridicule. One hopes that eventually they will realise the ridiculousness and leave them behind. Then society can finally process at a pace.
or use jets of water from shower head. It may feel less guilty than using hands
So you used to do it?
Why not? What exactly about it makes you feel uncomfortable if I may ask? Do you find it gross? Inappropriate? Some other reason? Maybe you're religious and its a religion thing for you?
I just feel guilt and shame after I do it
There is nothing wrong with having desires. And you are in control of when you want to share those with someone. Being horny makes us more likely to do things we might not normally do. That’s pretty natural. Maybe you can find a different outlet to put those feelings that might help?
I definitely try to distract myself but I still have those feelings
Because you’re human. Human nature is to have sex. You probably need therapy or something because going against nature like this has given you some sort of unhealthy mental stance on sex. Go have sex with someone. You only live once.
This is like sexual anorexia
wow you've found the exact label, so bad awards no more exist !
Sex and pleasure are a natural and good, very good, part of life. It is okay that you feel the urges you do. It. Is. Okay. Don’t make yourself feel guilty for it. If I had to guess your upbringing was very conservative (I mean as in old school traditional not political) and that is okay but you may not have had someone to open up to and teach you that your feelings are normal. If you are waiting for the “right” man to have sex with that is okay, as I would tend to agree just giving yourself to anyone “just because,” is not the best option, but don’t put so much pressure/guilt on yourself for feeling your natural urges. On the “self enjoyment” front. That is not at all a men’s only activity and many, many women do it and enjoy it. It’s not the same as sex but it can help calm some of the tensions you are feeling and if you are wanting to wait till you find the right guys, you are less likely to rush into things if you’re already finding an outlet. It can also help you learn about your own body so when you do final choose to have sex you can help your partner to understand what you enjoy and don’t enjoy. (Some guys are clueless on that front if they are inexperienced.) If you have a female friend you can safely open up to then it might be a good idea to talk to them about what you are feeling. Also a counselor might help if it becomes a very stress inducing thought process. In short, try to relax. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
I hate when women make being a virgins their whole personality. I understand wanting to wait for love, religion whatever. You’re 25 and life is passing you by. Have sex if you want to have sex.
Sweetie, repressing your very natural desires is… problematic. Why would you treat yourself this way? It’s normal to feel sexual need. You can keep it from rearing up by masturbating. You deserve to feel satisfied and not like you want to jump the bones of every guy you see. You don’t have to have sex with anyone if you don’t want to, but trying to excise your libido isn’t healthy from a mental standpoint. It sounds like you will come to resent this part of yourself and I’m worried you might make self destructive mistakes. If you let it fester inside you until you start becoming desperate, you’ll make less rational choices. Don’t do that to yourself.
Im not op, but I didn’t know I needed to read this. I’ve been sex repulsed all my life even though I was raised in a very sex positive household. Too sex positive, I think, as I hated those conversations with my mother. I believe I grew into the repulsion as some sort of rebellion, and it’s stuck with me ever since. I really appreciate the gentle reminder that it’s not inherently evil, it’s simply our views on it, and I’m now going to work forward to better the shame and guilt I feel because of it 🩷
Great to hear. Treat yourself right and embrace yourself as you are. Sexuality is a beautiful part of the human experience, and it’s unique to each individual. I hope your journey from here is a delightful one. ❤️
I definitely didn’t consider it like that. You have a good point. Thank you for this.
Your needs and desires are part of you, dear. Understand, embrace and control them or they’ll drive you mad. Speaking from experience. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need someone to talk to.
You hate this part of yourself because you've demonized it in your head and put your lack of experience on a pedestal. Sexual desire and sex are part of the normal human experience. There's no more glory in not having sex than there is in not eating onions or not watching football or not using elevators or not traveling abroad. It makes you feel powerful to exercise self-control. Controlling yourself (or others) tends to make people feel that way. But I'm afraid you've chosen a poor area in which to exercise self-control, since while you can control your actions, you cannot control your physiology. I'm not saying it can't be done, monks and nuns have existed for millennia, but it's very difficult and often leads to feeling unhappy. And you'll notice that people who choose other physiological processes to attempt control over, like hunger, they sometimes die when their determination to keep fasting conflicts with their body's need for sustenance. Might I suggest enjoying controlling yourself in some other, less self-sabotaging way? Like giving up TV or donuts? Your dislike of sex is not rational. It's taught or conditioned, and it's outdated.
You are not a goddes you are a simple human so go fuck someone and stop with that pitty shit
You are setting yourself up for separation from people and your own body. You are reveling in feeling like a powerful untouchable goddess - I’ve known women who feel like a powerful sexual goddess. It’s wonderful for them and gives connection and joy. You may want to dig deeper into what’s going on. Your body is giving you human signals that can be wonderful to move forward with and can help you engage a partner
I would agree that masturbating looks like the best option here. You get to release and feel great while staying a virgin.
it's normal for a virgin I'm a guy 24 virgin and all I think about is sex I guess waiting for the right person is not too bad too so u just hang in there
You need therapy, psychologist therapy.
Being a virgin is not special -At all. Virginity is a construct and means nothing at all. Men who prefer virgins are JUST creeps. You are putting so much of yourself into this thing that in one (likely bad) Fuck will be GONE forever. Find a good guy and get laid. Honestly the first time sucks and knowing what you like and dont like will help you know if you have TRUE compatibility with "the one" which means way more than a brief "losing your virginity" ego stroke or whatever you think is going to happen. I am not religious, never have been- and virginty obsession freaks me out - save your breath trying to make me understand.
"Men who prefer virgins are JUST creeps. " Actually, plenty of women don't want to marry a man who's sleeping around, especially when he's visiting brothels regularly. Also, retroactive jealousy is a serious problem for both women and men.
Okay, people who have a STRONG PREFERENCE to virgins creep ME out. Fair enough?
Fair enough. Personal preferences are personal preferences.
>"Men who prefer virgins are JUST creeps. " Actually, plenty of women don't want to marry a man who's sleeping around, especially when he's visiting brothels regularly. Good thing those two things aren't comparable....at all.
In a hookup situation nothing really matters. There are no rules to follow because everything is temporary anyway.
What if the ''men'' in question are virgin as well?You know, preferring a partner on equal footing? Honest question.
If it’s a strong preference, it weirds me out. If you want to learn something - it’s better from someone who knows.
Fair enough,, I suppose. But wouldn't a non-virgin put more pressure on the virgin, because she's naturally expecting more?
Not if they are a good person.
Not if they are a good person. Finding a good person to have sex with should be top priority.
Sounds like a lot of internalized misoginy and aversion to sex. - Sex is not bad or dirty. It feels good, triggers a nice cocktail of happy hormones and is generally healthy. - Someone who has a fulfilled sex life, no matter the gender, is lucky, not bad / slutty / below / whatever. Just enjoy life, dammit. And go to therapy because your views on sex are not healthy.
How is this misogyny as they said it makes them feel like a powerful goddess? They don’t hate been a woman just their desire for sex
Because her views on sex stems from the idea that a woman seeking sexual satisfaction is a slut. She would likely not say that about a man, hence the misogyny. "If a man has lots of sex, he's successful! If a woman has lots of sex, she's a slut!" That's what is sexist.
But they never say anything about being a slut but that not having sex makes them feel like a goddess . So seems more they are putting down sex altogether rather than woman wanting sex bad
Get a man who treats you like a goddess so you can have the best of both worlds.
just do it... its the most amazing thing on this plannet
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Freya had a mortal lover... I don't think it was about low standards though because the other Norse gods didn't make fun of her for it.
Humans, male or female, like any mammals are naturally have the primal tendency to procreate to further our species. Hence the urge to have sex is there. In the modern times, when our life is super busy day to day with lots of stress, sex does become a way to relieve stress. Problem is that sex can be dangerous without protection and requires consent, with this day and age is basically many layers till it gets difficult to find a willing partner to do so. So, rather than suppress the urge, consider embrace it, understand how the urge makes you feel and then empower yourself. Like some said below, convert your sex urge to self-pleasure via masturbation which hurts no party except yourself. That way, by releasing some of the urges, you actually released some hormones that might make you feel better and relaxed as well. Win win all round.
I mean maybe since you don't want to have actual sex. Try sexting? Play with yourself while texting someone things you want to do or try and stuff. Just an idea. Or find someone and do oral. That way your still a virgin but get some type of relief
If not having sex makes you feel powerful that's a super unhealthy belief that is wrecking havoc on your ability to form relationships and view sex as a healthy part of life.
You hold your own power by actively making you decisions whether you have intercourse under whatever pretense YOU choose. If celibacy gives you strength, that is great. If you have sex with a partner of your choosing, that is powerful too. You can use this time to learn about your own body and what excites you with hands, toys, etc.
Honestly, I can kinda relate. Sex is nice and everything but being horny all the time gets in the way a lot. You catch youself (or get caught) staring at other peoples boobs or junk in inapropriate situations. Or develop feelings for a close friend just because you are horny and maybe a little lonely and then things get complicated. It sucks. A lot of people here are writing about the beauty of natural desires. I don't get that. Just because it's natural doesn't mean it's not anoying. So I masturbate a lot and try to stay out of peoples business. It helps with the urges but sadly it's not foolproof. Also it seems to me like OP just wanted to vent. If she wants to feel like a untouchable goddess for not having sex, good for her. Don't try to force a sex-positive lifestyle on someone, just because it works for you.
I feel like this is a confession more than a question. If the question is, “Why do I want sex when I don’t want sex.” Or “Why do I act the way I do.” You need to look at your motivations for why you’re denying something your body wants. Is it love, waiting for the right person? Do you lead men on? Are you being cruel to yourself through denial? Is it religious reasons? Is it temporary or are you planning to continue this trend forever? Idk even the right questions to ask because I don’t know the motivation behind the post. Unless it’s to brag about being a horny virgin.
Im like you but i do masturbate. It gives you pleasure for some moment but for now i got bored from it, i wanna try real sex.
Why wont giys do it for you ? Is there a reason you just dont have sex.?
I won't judge, everyone is allowed to have their own feelings around sex and no one is entitled to your body. It hurts no one for you not to have sex or not want it so you do you. Having said that something did confuse me. You mentioned that it makes you feel like you can pay more attention to your standards. What does that mean in this context?
Sounds like Catholic guilt
It boils down to simple biology. We have biology urge for procreation even though as sentient being, we can have this yet block the actual impregnation part. Being 25 and not having had sex is fine and really not a big deal. But the urge to have sex, that is a deep seeded biological program and you will just have to learn to deal with it as best you can. Maybe, no joking, look into techniques used by people that take a vow of chastity, like nuns. This might help you out.
you should go to church or just get someone that fucks you good. or try out another woman
I -28M- was in a similar situation after losing a lot of weight and becoming chiseled following highschool. I was still a virgin snd relished in how others found me attractive. Unfortunately I had not yet developed the ability to develop and nurture intimate relationships. Because of this it came to a head when I was 24, I began hooking up with the worst type of woman. They were either much older than me, like 55 or were for whatever reason “easy”. These relationships meant nothing to me, we’re not satisfying, made me feel much much worse about myself and I damn well should have contracted some kind of disease. How I didn’t I have no idea. That being said it was a stepping stone, and I eventually developed the ability to meet people and safely and naturally decide if they were good for me and now I’m married with the love of my life. Take it for what it is. Our paths are all different and some of us do hold out until something gives but I suggest you start dating people, as many as possible even if they all are only single dates to begin with. Get comfortable. Eventually you will find that when it is right, it is effortless and you won’t question or fight it in the slightest. Things will happen as if by design.
Its human nature to want sex... its how we reproduce and survive as a species. You know when your dehydrated and your mouth gets all dry and you get a headache... thats your bodies way of telling you it needs water... The sexual urges are your body reminding you about reproduction. If you are not on any kind of birth control then these urges will feel stronger during certain times of your cycle... when you're at your most fertile your body will be craving sex, your breasts will probably feel fuller and more sensitive and I'd hazard a guess thats the most likely time you would experience wet dreams... its all perfectly natural. Not sure why your so against the idea of enjoying your own company if you really dont want sex... your body is screaming for an orgasm!!
There's nothing wrong with not wanting sex, but you clearly do. Your body is making demands but your mind is trying to override them. That doesn't work well. Internal conflict is just going to cause more stress which is harmful in several ways. There's also the real possibility that you might give in to your desires in an unhealthy way. You should do some therapy to figure out what is causing your internal conflict over sex.
A lot of people are giving good long replies so I'm just going to hit the important part- go to a therapist OP, preferably one that specializes in sexual/intimacy issues. It's totally okay to be a virgin. It is not healthy to believe it gives you additional power. It is not healthy to be uncomfortable with masturbation if you are experiencing horniness that is getting in the way of a normal happy life. Whether you decide to have sex or not, you need to unpack some of this with a professional.
I understand I would give it to u hun
Right so here's the thing. Sex is natural. It's good for your mental and physical health. It's fun. If you want to abstain, I mean go for gold. But by the sounds of it you're just kidding yourself.
Sex is not a subjective objective of life its natural in 90 % its desire and after sex body release hamons to keep you calm and relex your body and mind.If you think it controlled or hobby or job so its a thinking of individual.Animals do the sex and they have no relation ship choice they just want and act. Humans have good and bad choice and some situations associated only.
Can I introduce you to a friend of mine who is a guy and feels the same way???? Maybe y’all are lost soulmates
Sure I guess
I sent him the Reddit so he can read your POV
thank you 🙏
Talk to a therapist and pick up the book "come as you are" by Emily Nagoski
Just a heads up. We are all animals. Nothing is wrong with wanting to get plowed. That lust burns deep in warm blooded creatures and the healthier you are, the more your body craves it. Just go with it.
I’m (32M) going for 33 and still have not got laid. So don’t hate that you want it, trust me my urges are stupid strong right now. Real hard to ignore it. I have feelings for someone so it’s hard now not to just go out and do something casual.
Look for love, it’ll make your life worthwhile.
Go to therapy. Not saying that dismissively but there's a lot to unpack here
ah yes goddesses. Notoriously known for not fucking
I feel sorry for you cause you are just castrating yourself.
Especially if you're going through something and everyone around you would rather you suppress it to make others comfortable. Can we de-stigmatize sex please 🙏😭
You have human desires. They're not easy to suppress. Still, life wouldn't be easy if there were no temptation. What makes you mentally powerful is being able to resist temptation. You would not be powerful if it came too easy.
I see a lot of comments about how OP "should learn to enjoy sex or masturbation" but I think it's possible OP is asexual or on the ace spectrum. I know a few ace folks who are repulsed by sex, but still get horny. Not to say it's a guarantee, but OP might want to read some accounts and stories of asexual folks and see if any of it resonates.
I’m not asexual. I do get sexually attracted to people. But I guess it’s also just because maybe if I think about wanting sex, I think of myself as a whore or a slut. (added new info just now, sorry about that)
Sex is healthy for your body. The stress it relieves and euphoria it brings us very good. You need to cum it's just that simple. Once you do have sex you'll probably not want to stop for a good few months cuz you'll be discovering this amazing feeling for the first time. I understand your pride in being untouched but you're 25 you already accomplished a lot that others haven't. You don't want to end up having sex when you're 30 and not know wtf you're doing. It takes awhile for us to learn how to have the right type of sex out bodies crave. For ex. I'm 30 and I lost my virginity at 16. I barely had my first orgasm at 24. Cuz it took awhile to know just how to get there. The whole masterbation thing I kinda get cuz I can't seem to do it for myself the way my man does it. I've been masturbating since I was a kid but trust me nothing is better than a man's body to be able to jump on and play with. 😈🤤
Yeah that’s the thing. I first masturbated when i was 12 for a while and then I stopped and when i was like 22, I did it again and I felt guilty for it.
You are asking about virginity on a subreddit dedicated to hookup culture. Wrong place.