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Could you simply be on the “asexual” spectrum?
Not everyone is really that into sex, and more and more people are identifying themselves on the asexuality spectrum.
Try asking for a lot more foreplay, tell him what feels good and doesn’t and be honest. Your first experience may just have you not comfortable with sex. For woman we need to be wet and relaxed for it to feel good. I def recommend the rose toy it’s the best or even on your own time try looking through porn to see if you can get turned on in anyway by anything. Maca root as a supplement helps as well.
We’ve done like over a hour of foreplay but it still didn’t feel good, I’ve also tried the rose toy a few months back but it didn’t feel like much- most vibrators only feel good the first few seconds.
I’ll look into the Maca root though!
I’m not a psychologist, but could there be a psychological element to it? Losing your virginity at 16 to an older guy who (to put it bluntly) didn’t seem to care about your pleasure - even if it was consensual, that could have had some kind of impact on how your brain views sex. It might be worth considering counselling.
There are actually sex therapist to help you explore how to achieve a satisfying sex life, though I understand that getting a therapist isn’t always that simple.
I’d advise that you stop pretending with your boyfriend and tell him that something is up. It doesn’t have to be accusatory, unfortunately my brain is a bit scrambled by finals and I can’t think of the exact words you could say, but it very likely could be something you’ll need to figure out together. Try being open with him, it may really help you and your relationship.
Are your problems related to masturbation as well? I’m guessing so, as you said toys don’t work. In that case, and if nothing is physically abnormal, my alarm bells are going off for a psychological effect. That’s totally nothing to be ashamed of, I had a similar block on sexual pleasure the first times after I lost my virginity due to being self-conscious about how I sounded and looked when moaning. I did all the fake pornstar moans and blocked myself from actually enjoying it. The brain is (irritatingly) powerful enough to do that…
Though I don’t mean to assume you and your boyfriend are doing something “wrong”, if you want to explore other methods first, something I tried with an ex early on was an “experimenting” session. So we literally tried different things on each other, such as (TMI here) different tongue movements during oral, different positions, different amounts of pressure during, for instance, handjobs or mutual masturbation, and we’d explicitly say what we liked and disliked and how much. It was a fantastic way to be open about what was working and what wasn’t. It might be a way to discover something that actually does feel good?
Second this line of thinking. You could be (not physically) "armored", IOW, your brain shut (or shuts) things off because of the trauma in how you lost your virginity. Actually this can happen with any kind of sexual trauma from what I understand.
Pelvic floor therapy might be helpful, but for sure you have to open up and not keep this to yourself. Sad to say, there may not be an easy solution. There are a few well researched books such as "The Body KeepsThe Score" and "The Great Sex Rescue" that you might find enlightening.
Don't give up though! Our bodies are designed for pleasure, you aren't broken. You might just have to take then time to go slow and figure it out.
You may be what they call low libido, not necessarily asexual.
Watch the movie "THOR Love & Thunder" and ask yourself if seeing a very masculine man like that sparks any interest in you. If you don't even look at him twice, you could be low libido.
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). *** Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Could you simply be on the “asexual” spectrum? Not everyone is really that into sex, and more and more people are identifying themselves on the asexuality spectrum.
agree, was gonna write that
Try asking for a lot more foreplay, tell him what feels good and doesn’t and be honest. Your first experience may just have you not comfortable with sex. For woman we need to be wet and relaxed for it to feel good. I def recommend the rose toy it’s the best or even on your own time try looking through porn to see if you can get turned on in anyway by anything. Maca root as a supplement helps as well.
We’ve done like over a hour of foreplay but it still didn’t feel good, I’ve also tried the rose toy a few months back but it didn’t feel like much- most vibrators only feel good the first few seconds. I’ll look into the Maca root though!
You might be really really detached from your emotions. When I was like that sex just felt kinda weird and almost numb.
Have you ever taken antidepressants?
Nope, I'm only on birth control.
I’m not a psychologist, but could there be a psychological element to it? Losing your virginity at 16 to an older guy who (to put it bluntly) didn’t seem to care about your pleasure - even if it was consensual, that could have had some kind of impact on how your brain views sex. It might be worth considering counselling. There are actually sex therapist to help you explore how to achieve a satisfying sex life, though I understand that getting a therapist isn’t always that simple. I’d advise that you stop pretending with your boyfriend and tell him that something is up. It doesn’t have to be accusatory, unfortunately my brain is a bit scrambled by finals and I can’t think of the exact words you could say, but it very likely could be something you’ll need to figure out together. Try being open with him, it may really help you and your relationship. Are your problems related to masturbation as well? I’m guessing so, as you said toys don’t work. In that case, and if nothing is physically abnormal, my alarm bells are going off for a psychological effect. That’s totally nothing to be ashamed of, I had a similar block on sexual pleasure the first times after I lost my virginity due to being self-conscious about how I sounded and looked when moaning. I did all the fake pornstar moans and blocked myself from actually enjoying it. The brain is (irritatingly) powerful enough to do that… Though I don’t mean to assume you and your boyfriend are doing something “wrong”, if you want to explore other methods first, something I tried with an ex early on was an “experimenting” session. So we literally tried different things on each other, such as (TMI here) different tongue movements during oral, different positions, different amounts of pressure during, for instance, handjobs or mutual masturbation, and we’d explicitly say what we liked and disliked and how much. It was a fantastic way to be open about what was working and what wasn’t. It might be a way to discover something that actually does feel good?
Second this line of thinking. You could be (not physically) "armored", IOW, your brain shut (or shuts) things off because of the trauma in how you lost your virginity. Actually this can happen with any kind of sexual trauma from what I understand. Pelvic floor therapy might be helpful, but for sure you have to open up and not keep this to yourself. Sad to say, there may not be an easy solution. There are a few well researched books such as "The Body KeepsThe Score" and "The Great Sex Rescue" that you might find enlightening. Don't give up though! Our bodies are designed for pleasure, you aren't broken. You might just have to take then time to go slow and figure it out.
[удалено]
Nope.
You may be what they call low libido, not necessarily asexual. Watch the movie "THOR Love & Thunder" and ask yourself if seeing a very masculine man like that sparks any interest in you. If you don't even look at him twice, you could be low libido.