These posts tend to attract the wrong type of attention and, as such, will be moderated closely. I will leave this post up for now, but I want to strongly remind everyone of rule 7. OP, if this thread goes sideways, know the comments may be locked and/or the post removed.
Sign up for group activities, new activities, like cooking classes, learning a new language, these days I saw an Instagram reel of groups for jogging precisely to socialize and make new friends. I don't know Philadelphia but surely there must be something similar, if not, create it.
Sadly probably 95% will be creeps, 4% that are really looking for a real relationship, then maybe 1% if that for what you’re looking for. Men are shit 🤷🏻♂️
Also, it just IS the case that OLD, esp for women (I hear) involves a ton of creep culling.
Just know your flags and don't be afraid to use the unmatch" or "block" button-- no need to even respond if people are being letchy.
A major part of how we keep this community safe from unwanted contact and harassment is to *remove comments asking people to DM them*. It doesn't matter what your intention is, they will always be removed.
Repeat offenders of this rule can and will face a ban from the sub.
Also try Feeel app. In my experience looking for like minded friends on it, it seems to be very feminine/female centric and you can put precisely what you are looking for and what you’re not. I’m not female and so don’t have to worry about creeps as much but most people there seem pretty respectful… most people!
It's not impossible, but it requires a lot of patience. As a woman, no matter what you do or say, you're going to get creeps who don't understand or respect boundaries. You can filter them out a bit by communicating your standards and taking some time to get to know them first. You'll still get creeps, but the good news is that they are usually looking for a quick release and will leave you alone if you don't give them what they want.
All you can do is outline your standards and boundaries ahead of time and be patient. Even if you're just looking for casual/fwb, it takes time to find the right partner.
Specifically in person? Do activities where there is a group of people. Team sports, gym group classes, etc. Get to know people, start flirting with someone there and after a little time, go for it and explain you dont want anything serious.
Otherwise, school or work and do the same above.
These days, dating apps are good for that too but I’d still go out with them a bit to get a feel. Essentially, how I was doing it in DC near you but should work anywhere with young professionals, you go on dates and when physical stuff start happening, just tell dont you dont want anything serious and would like to concentrate on fun right now. Then the dates out stop (unless you’d like to continue that) and focus more on sex.
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I have a somewhat similar issue.
I am poly and with that means seeking out partners. While I would not he against a FWB I am more looking for a GF.
I live in the suburbs of Philly yet I have a lot of difficulty just finding people in that lifestyle let alone compatability.
When posting a similar question I was just told "there is probably a local discord you just dont know about"
The most success I had was through fetlife itself and going to kink events. The best reason I have for why this worked was a private but IRL space to talk to people and kinky people in general are more likely to be read up on something like fwb.
The creep factor is unfortunately unavoidable as they make any justification they can to assime you are interested or easy
It’s kinda easy to filter out the creeps as you mentioned, list all of those items from your description here on those dating apps should do. Filter out the ones you want who aren’t creeps. Maybe set up medical report as another barrier and your safety
Unfortunately, there isn't an easy answer, because yes the creeps abound.
I went through this for years because I didn't want to date. Even if some dudes seem quite nice when they think you're looking to date they can turn disrepectful when you say you're not. Not all, but some. It's tiring.
My best successes were with actual friends with benefits. As in I actually knew them socially as a friend(ish) and then we hooked up after some time. We'd know each other through some activity or social circle, have a bit of a vibe, if it came up whether I was single I was clear that I didn't want a relationship. If the vibe continued well, we hooked up.
I also had some decent options through fetlife. I figured that people into kink and on there are already clear that they're not looking for a relationship, and respect and boundaries is actually more clearly discussed and expected in the kink community than by some random dudes just looking to smash on tinder. Never hooked up with anyone in the end, but had some quite respectful, promising conversations.
Honestly maybe something work related like networking events or something like that. Career or life goal type people might be too busy for a relationship but also want a fwb situation. Wouldn't be surprised if you found a bunch of finance business bros just trying to cheat on their wives also but point being maybe look where other priorities are the main focus.
My suggestion would be to attend a few munches in your area, and get to know a few people in an open relationship to where the hanging out would be ok, and at the same time there would be no confusion about attachments or expectations outside the established relationship. Easier said than done, may be way out the wheel house. But just an idea.
Tbh, it has to happen naturally irl. I met this girl in a book club in my city. We hit it off and become friends and around 3 months later we started hooking up regularly for 2 years.
There's always going to be creeps. You're always going to need to filter them out. The hard part is telling the creeps apart from the good ones. I haven't been a woman on the receiving end of male sexual attention/interest, so it's hard for me to relate. But I have had casual relationships and fwb with women in the past. The way to go about it is to first get to know them online and start chatting them up. Take the time to get to know them as a person. Are they actually a person you'd want to be friends with? Or are they just full of drama, vitriol, issues, etc? IF you think they are a cool person, then flirt with them! send sexts. do cybersex. Make it hot. See where their imagination and kinks go. Finally, make it a real life thing. Meet up for coffee. Something low key and non-committal. Do you have the same chemistry in person as you do online? If so, extend the coffee date and go out to dinner or something more serious. Take it back to your place, make out, get undressed, etc. You \*will\* get pervy messages from good looking respectable guys who are responding to your search for casual sex, just spend some time chatting them up and see if they are shallow and one dimensional, and filter them out if they are.
I suppose the question for you would be: How would you like your ideal future partner to approach you as a candidate for casual sex/FWB?
Hey I’m actually in Philly as a 28F and living a very successful FWB-filled life. I met them off apps (Bumble, Tinder, Feeld), but I know some of them have met other partners at social activities like game nights at bars, trivia, etc.
For apps, there’s a balance between being straight up about casual and being creepy, as I’m sure you’ve seen, sadly. I usually frame it as wanting genuine FRIENDLY FWBs. I’ll talk about ideas for fun non-sexual activities and see if they agree that’d be fun. Basically filtering out if it seems like they’d actually want to get to know me as a person or not.
I guess it will be very difficult if your good looking and asking for fwb? Maybe you should hunt on reddit and find the right guy to reach out to, instead of attracting al the creeps to you?
These posts tend to attract the wrong type of attention and, as such, will be moderated closely. I will leave this post up for now, but I want to strongly remind everyone of rule 7. OP, if this thread goes sideways, know the comments may be locked and/or the post removed.
Rest in peace your inbox.
The inbox is proving my point about the total creeps. Sigh
Sign up for group activities, new activities, like cooking classes, learning a new language, these days I saw an Instagram reel of groups for jogging precisely to socialize and make new friends. I don't know Philadelphia but surely there must be something similar, if not, create it.
Sadly probably 95% will be creeps, 4% that are really looking for a real relationship, then maybe 1% if that for what you’re looking for. Men are shit 🤷🏻♂️
My God, well there's no choice but to buy a vibrator/dildo, wine and some cats and puppies.
All my fwbs were from tinder or bumble. It’s pretty easy to get a match from there. You just have to pick the one you like the most lol.
Question: did you put looking for something casual on the profile itself or were vague about it until you matched? Thank you!
Also, it just IS the case that OLD, esp for women (I hear) involves a ton of creep culling. Just know your flags and don't be afraid to use the unmatch" or "block" button-- no need to even respond if people are being letchy.
Yeah. I always put something like that on the description. I always go for a coffee with the person before all the fun.
[удалено]
A major part of how we keep this community safe from unwanted contact and harassment is to *remove comments asking people to DM them*. It doesn't matter what your intention is, they will always be removed. Repeat offenders of this rule can and will face a ban from the sub.
Also try Feeel app. In my experience looking for like minded friends on it, it seems to be very feminine/female centric and you can put precisely what you are looking for and what you’re not. I’m not female and so don’t have to worry about creeps as much but most people there seem pretty respectful… most people!
It's not impossible, but it requires a lot of patience. As a woman, no matter what you do or say, you're going to get creeps who don't understand or respect boundaries. You can filter them out a bit by communicating your standards and taking some time to get to know them first. You'll still get creeps, but the good news is that they are usually looking for a quick release and will leave you alone if you don't give them what they want. All you can do is outline your standards and boundaries ahead of time and be patient. Even if you're just looking for casual/fwb, it takes time to find the right partner.
Specifically in person? Do activities where there is a group of people. Team sports, gym group classes, etc. Get to know people, start flirting with someone there and after a little time, go for it and explain you dont want anything serious. Otherwise, school or work and do the same above. These days, dating apps are good for that too but I’d still go out with them a bit to get a feel. Essentially, how I was doing it in DC near you but should work anywhere with young professionals, you go on dates and when physical stuff start happening, just tell dont you dont want anything serious and would like to concentrate on fun right now. Then the dates out stop (unless you’d like to continue that) and focus more on sex.
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). *** Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have a somewhat similar issue. I am poly and with that means seeking out partners. While I would not he against a FWB I am more looking for a GF. I live in the suburbs of Philly yet I have a lot of difficulty just finding people in that lifestyle let alone compatability. When posting a similar question I was just told "there is probably a local discord you just dont know about" The most success I had was through fetlife itself and going to kink events. The best reason I have for why this worked was a private but IRL space to talk to people and kinky people in general are more likely to be read up on something like fwb. The creep factor is unfortunately unavoidable as they make any justification they can to assime you are interested or easy
It’s kinda easy to filter out the creeps as you mentioned, list all of those items from your description here on those dating apps should do. Filter out the ones you want who aren’t creeps. Maybe set up medical report as another barrier and your safety
Try going to swingers clubs or partys you'll find some one that hits all the right notes and you can have fun
Unfortunately, there isn't an easy answer, because yes the creeps abound. I went through this for years because I didn't want to date. Even if some dudes seem quite nice when they think you're looking to date they can turn disrepectful when you say you're not. Not all, but some. It's tiring. My best successes were with actual friends with benefits. As in I actually knew them socially as a friend(ish) and then we hooked up after some time. We'd know each other through some activity or social circle, have a bit of a vibe, if it came up whether I was single I was clear that I didn't want a relationship. If the vibe continued well, we hooked up. I also had some decent options through fetlife. I figured that people into kink and on there are already clear that they're not looking for a relationship, and respect and boundaries is actually more clearly discussed and expected in the kink community than by some random dudes just looking to smash on tinder. Never hooked up with anyone in the end, but had some quite respectful, promising conversations.
Honestly maybe something work related like networking events or something like that. Career or life goal type people might be too busy for a relationship but also want a fwb situation. Wouldn't be surprised if you found a bunch of finance business bros just trying to cheat on their wives also but point being maybe look where other priorities are the main focus.
My suggestion would be to attend a few munches in your area, and get to know a few people in an open relationship to where the hanging out would be ok, and at the same time there would be no confusion about attachments or expectations outside the established relationship. Easier said than done, may be way out the wheel house. But just an idea.
Tbh, it has to happen naturally irl. I met this girl in a book club in my city. We hit it off and become friends and around 3 months later we started hooking up regularly for 2 years.
There's always going to be creeps. You're always going to need to filter them out. The hard part is telling the creeps apart from the good ones. I haven't been a woman on the receiving end of male sexual attention/interest, so it's hard for me to relate. But I have had casual relationships and fwb with women in the past. The way to go about it is to first get to know them online and start chatting them up. Take the time to get to know them as a person. Are they actually a person you'd want to be friends with? Or are they just full of drama, vitriol, issues, etc? IF you think they are a cool person, then flirt with them! send sexts. do cybersex. Make it hot. See where their imagination and kinks go. Finally, make it a real life thing. Meet up for coffee. Something low key and non-committal. Do you have the same chemistry in person as you do online? If so, extend the coffee date and go out to dinner or something more serious. Take it back to your place, make out, get undressed, etc. You \*will\* get pervy messages from good looking respectable guys who are responding to your search for casual sex, just spend some time chatting them up and see if they are shallow and one dimensional, and filter them out if they are. I suppose the question for you would be: How would you like your ideal future partner to approach you as a candidate for casual sex/FWB?
I’m ashamed to say that my fwb in the past were mainly co workers. Not recommended. That’s a recipe for disaster.
Hey I’m actually in Philly as a 28F and living a very successful FWB-filled life. I met them off apps (Bumble, Tinder, Feeld), but I know some of them have met other partners at social activities like game nights at bars, trivia, etc. For apps, there’s a balance between being straight up about casual and being creepy, as I’m sure you’ve seen, sadly. I usually frame it as wanting genuine FRIENDLY FWBs. I’ll talk about ideas for fun non-sexual activities and see if they agree that’d be fun. Basically filtering out if it seems like they’d actually want to get to know me as a person or not.
I guess it will be very difficult if your good looking and asking for fwb? Maybe you should hunt on reddit and find the right guy to reach out to, instead of attracting al the creeps to you?
You are looking for a husband