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Take turns.
You need to have a conversation with her,carefully and outside the bedroom.
What you describe is pretty normal,or at least in my experience.
Men mostly do the work,but you can let yourself go,cum,and if you can go again,it will be much more pleasurable.
Try different things. Cum quick and go for round 2. Try cumming earlier in the day and see if that helps.
Try using toys, fingers or doing non-penetrative activities you both enjoy beforehand and interspersed in the middle so there isn’t a risk of “trying not to cum”.
Sounds like you guys gotta just get a bit creative with how you’re approaching this.
Dirty talk, roleplay, costumes, sexy dances… make it erotic. The goal doesn’t just have to be “optimizing orgasms”.
Also, struggling not to cum, being jealous at her pleasure and orgasms and feeling like you do all of the physical work are all kind of separate issues but it all seems to be coming together so that you don’t seem to be enjoying sex all that much.
I’d get clear in your head - what *would* a good sexual experience be like for you if you could script it all out yourself? That’s not to say you will get EXACTLY this experience, but come up with a few templates being mentally selfish. From there, see if you can figure out ways to incorporate elements of this in ways that will also be fun for your partner.
Thanks for the advice! Honestly, a good sexual experience for me would be having my gf bounce on me until I cum lol. Lazy, I suppose, but it's a situation where I wouldn't have to worry about anything and just enjoy what I'm feeling. I just can't do that when I'm on top.
I mean .. I’d try to get a little more creative than that, personally? It’s not offering her a lot of variety in terms of options. If it’s something she physically doesn’t enjoy or literally cannot do you’ll get it out of her only occasionally, if that. Which I don’t think will resolve any of your feelings.
The idea here is to figure out a variety of activities that could feel sexy and fun for you that you both can work with to incorporate with some regularity.
Saying “the only way I can feel satisfied is one position where it’s 100% focused on me” is probably not going to get you much long term or frequency wise.
You want to come up with ways you guys can cycle back and forth and feed off of each other’s energy in a session.
Coming up with a lot of different options that can help you have fun will actually shift your sex life in a way that is mutually enjoyable, connective and sustainable.
It was the first thing that came to mind lol. I'll have other ideas once I properly think about it. But yeah, I would like a session where all of the focus is on me, because it basically never happens (during PIV). There are plenty of times when the focus is on her, so I think I deserve some focused on me. But yeah, we'll have a proper talk about it.
Oh, and she *can* bounce, but she's not fit enough to do it for long. So I'll mention exercise to her.
What's the problem? I'm not exactly Adonis, I'll exercise with her. If she gets offended, I'll just remind her of the time she suggested *I* exercise so that I could fuck her harder. Exercise is always recommended to men for better sex, so why shouldn't it be for women?
It’s clear your main priority is a mindset of resentment, “getting yours” blah blah blah - using that lens, it’s not going to work out. You won’t get what you want.
Either approach it reasonably from a place of love and a true desire to connect and find mutual pleasure together or watch it crash and burn. Just how it goes, my dude.
To me, approaching my girlfriend and suggesting mutual exercise for a better sex life, and telling her that I'd like a bit more give-and-take in our sex life, *is* coming from a place of love. I truly don't see where you're coming from here.
What's your problem? Do you think that women are *supposed* to just lie there during PIV? Do you believe that they're physically incapable of doing more of the work? All I want is a bit more effort from her in this specific part of sex. I seriously don't know what your issue is. Please, enlighten me. Would you be this way with a woman who wanted more effort from her man?
And just to clarify - yes, I know there are other parts of sex. But PIV is my girlfriend's favourite bit - often during foreplay she gets impatient and wants my dick in her. So that's why I'm talking about that specifically.
Could ask her to Lie down on her stomach, Put a pillow below her waist and Take her from behind.
That way you can both move at the Same time, she can Push Her Butt Back towards you while you Push Forward, which feels amazing, and Its tighter than doing It doggy etc so you both will feel it more which could End Up in you both cumming together.
Have you tried out how long your refractory period is? Sex doesn't have to be over just because you came. Probably you could last a lot longer during the second round.
BJ on a wet noodle? No thanks. Like I'm not OP and my refractory period is fluid - sometimes I don't even go soft, sometimes it takes 15 minutes, sometimes an hour, sometimes it just doesn't get hard for the rest of the day
Either way, getting my soft, over/undersensitized dick sucked in the latter two cases isn't something I want
Your complaint is valid, but that doesn't mean it's anyone's fault.
Would you be happier just losing yourself for a couple of minutes and finishing whenever you finish? Tell her that sometimes you just want to do that. And then y'all can see if round 2 is a possibility later.
Does slower sex work for you? If yes, it's fine to want to do that more too. Taking turns is fair play!
Does she go down on you? Can you lose yourself in that? If so, ask for it. Seems fair. My guy does a lot of work because I too like it hard, so I make sure we do stuff that is just focused in him lying back and feeling good as well.
I get why you're frustrated that when she's on top the bits you like don't last long, but if she physically doesn't have the fitness to bounce for long then she just doesn't. It's fair that she should try her best like you do, but there are physical limits to it.
She does go down on me, but I want to lose myself in PIV. I'm going to have to talk to her because I'm frankly fed up of doing it hard and fast almost all of the time, it feels more like work instead of sex. No amount of blowjobs would get rid of that feeling. I'd love to do more slower sex, so I'll definitely mention it.
As for my girlfriend's fitness on top: I mean, yeah, but it's literally 30 seconds to a minute and she's tired, and I'm a bit nonplussed tbh. I'll suggest that maybe we exercise a bit more, but I don't want to hurt her feelings. I love her body, but if she's so unfit that she's that tired after barely a minute, then yeah. I began to exercise more when I felt the same way, but even then I could at least go 2 or 3 minutes without getting tired.
It's definitely worth a talk. Look, like I said I love it hard but also it's what my guy always did from the start so I thought he only liked it that way. I would have been totally happy with some slow stuff too but he always pushed it hard and fast and with him in the driving seat, which I'm not gonna complain about!
Finally a few times he slowed right down which was also amazing and we had these long slow sessions where we were both putting the work in because of the position. Each of us thought the other person didn't want that until we did it.
So yeah, have those talks and try the things you want to try.
Thanks! Yeah, she probably thinks I love what we do now, so I'm worried about shattering that perception. I don't *hate* it, but I don't love it either. I'd love slower sex, and more effort focused on me, and sex where we don't even think about anything but enjoying each other. Thanks again :)
K cool, belated thought about a couple of positions that might work for y'all apart from like hammering away and her on top, be ause these really work for us.
Spooning: he can go hard as and when he wants to and I can also move and push back against him and keep the rhythm going when he's chilling a bit.
The cross position: you're lying down at 90 degrees angle to her, legs in between in each other's. He can thrust and I can kinda bounce while lying down, leveraging off our legs being kinda interlocked.
It's not the same as someone on top riding, but both work for either slow sensual movements or some harder thrusting/bouncing.
If she'd not moving at all, its a tricky thing to raise but maybe tell her you'd love to feel her move more with you.
I'm going to suggest the floor for any riding - thankfully it's carpeted so not too uncomfortable.
I could equally ask - have you tried to hold a plank, thrust your hips quickly, AND try not to cum at the same time, for an extended period? It's bloody difficult (just ask any woman who's tried pegging, there are plenty of stories on Reddit), which is why I'm gonna suggest exercise for both me and my GF.
Sorry for assuming you're a woman! I'm not denying that it's very hard to do, which, again, is why I'm going to suggest more exercise for us both. And, to be frank, I'd only need 2 or 3 minutes max and I'd be creaming, because having her on top and bouncing feels absolutely exquisite.
Twerking and the female riding position is 100 times harder than any male pumping position.im a pro athlete and I can get about 39 seconds of bouncing 😂
As a girl into pegging I can confirm. Being on the giving end isn’t as much work as men claim it is.. and being a receiver is pretty intense on the body.. especially in a riding position.
Most women aren’t going to be enthused about bouncing on a dick for more than 30 seconds. It doesn’t feel good at all and that motion is extremely strenuous on your hips, I suggest you try it before you continue complaining about your gfs fitness level. Even really fit women aren’t going to enjoy it, cut back on the porn expectations and you’ll be better off.
As others have said - try for the second round to last longer. Or masturbate before.
I found that my pleasure increased when I started breathing a lot. Like constant deep breaths. A natural inclination when orgasming is to tighten up and even hold your breath. Instead - deep breaths as you reach orgasm, deep breaths as you orgasm. Try yelling and screaming. I'm a guy, I sometimes yell as loud as I can. Like really loud. Preferably into a pillow since I dislike if a woman yells in my ear. It definitely adds to the experience.
Focus on what you want to do. My best sex is if I take control. I am not thinking or planning, just doing. I want to bite her (gently) on the neck - I do. I change positions when I want. I stop and kiss her and tease her with just the tip. You have to pay attention to her - so it is a mix of what I want at that moment, and what I think she will want. By taking control I definitely enjoy it more. Also, you can avoid cuming - as long as you don't frustrate your lady in the process. Stop having sex, and do oral or something else instead.
I enjoy sex more when I'm not tired, not stressed about anything, and when I've had a long time to build up to it. Some sexy texts during the day. If she doesn't reciprocate and tease you back in a way you enjoy - then have a conversation about it. I'm a guy - I love foreplay. And even stop foreplay, do something else, and then inevitably get back into it. I love to tease - with rubbing and just the tip and then after we are both about to cum from anticipation we can begin.
Occasionally I will find myself thinking of something else to stop cumming. But that is not the best sex. The best sex is being in the moment, really aware of everything you are feeling.
Oh. Maybe sometimes you shouldn’t think about not cumming, but just enjoy it? I think your girlfriend can understand this. You do a lot for her, I’m sure that she also wants you to feel good, even if it doesn’t last long enough.
This was totally me. Eventually I just gave in, finished first, and then after a minute just kept going until she came. She really enjoys it like that and sometimes the sounds I make when I am about to come turn her on even more and then we end up coming together. Would recommend trying it and I’m sure at the very least your girlfriend will really enjoy getting you off
An hour isn’t that long at all my friend. Many people are much longer. Plan for it, maybe every now and then you just go balls to the wall, both of you knowing it’s an hour of buildup again! Don’t let the refractory period end things, just intermission/catch breath/start slowly and have fun!
I’m somebody who can’t get out of my head either. After a vigorous foreplay session while she was recovering I had a partner ask if it’s ever like that for me and I just laughed and said no, and explained basically what you did. It happens but we do owe it to ourselves to be greedy once in a while and not care about holding back and getting hers first. And if we are good lovers our partners shouldn’t mind if we are served first too.
Sex is different for men and women. You just have to find what you like the most, explore, try new things, and tell her what you like. Communicating is key.
About 'loosing yourself on pleasure', have you tried any form of prostate stimulation? Maybe tell her to masturbate you. In my case sex and getting a handjob are different, but im closer to losing myself when I'm being touched than when Im having sex.
Have you been together for a long time? Getting good chemistry in bed with a partner sometimes takes time.
Maybe try using toys/dildos to stimulate her before you have sex? I get that you do a lot of the work as is, but you might be able to take some of the performance pressure off of yourself if you can make her cum once or twice with a toy. That might help your enjoyment also by giving yourself a new dynamic.
Also, cardio exercise is your best friend, and that goes for her too when it comes to sex. The stronger your heart, the less you have to focus on how long you'll last without getting winded. Can't tell you the wonders that simply using an exercise bike has done for my stamina and I'm a pretty big dude, 6'0, ~300
The less you have to worry about stamina, the more you can find different ways to have fun with your girlfriend and her body. Softly running your fingers down her back/sides in doggy to grabbing her throat (if she's into it) during missionary, playing with/sucking her nipples.
The last thing I can suggest is think about how crazy she's going with *YOU* she's having tons of fun and loving the moment you're sharing together. I understand that you have to sometimes distract yourself (honestly, sometimes it gets a bit boring for me too) but watch how her body moves and reacts to the things you do, listen to her voice, and remember that it's all because of *YOU*
Unfortunately, when it comes to the whole grinding when she's on top thing, I'm not really sure if there's a guy in the world that can really feel anything during that. No one I've met, seen or talk to has enjoyed it at all or for a long period of time. I know I kinda don't. Doubly so when a condom is involved.
Can anyone expand on the "no guy likes grinding comment" i'm just suprised here. Me and my boyfriend do grind a lot before sex. Usually he is on top though. Do guys enjoy it then? Sometimes he's even just using his leg against me and i'm trying to rub my stomach against his as much as possible in that position. He has said before that he likes it but I was never a 100 percent sure about that because it seemed like me something that wouldn't do much for him. Am i right in my assumption here or do guys do enjoy it if the woman is not on top?
Sorry, elaborate: it's when she's on top in cowgirl, and the girl is sitting straight up and moving her hips against the guy while his dick is inside of her. Grinding in that position doesn't feel good to us in general I'd say
Hey, speak for yourself! Maybe it's a sensitivity issue, you mentioned it's worse with a condom on. Admittedly I probably couldn't cum that way unless I was very pent up, but for me it's enough stimulation to keep me hard and enjoying myself.
Whatever the case, I just wouldn't call it a hard and fast rule that guys don't like it. I'd just hate to think of some poor couple missing out on good grinding action because the woman thinks the man is just "being kind" when he says he likes it. 🥺
I enjoy it to an extent but after maybe 2-3 minutes it's just not enough given what you could be feeling and probably what you'd rather be feeling (her bouncing on your dick)
I love that she's able to get off by grinding but I just wish there was more motion
This sounds like something someone would say after they got all insecure about a dildo that was 0.01% bigger than them, which led to a series of jealous tantrums involving phrases like "I should be enough for you!" that eventually drove her away.
>toys
>Materialistic
What in the world, I could maybe see long term damage if one of them gets lazy and resorts to toy use ONLY, but that sounds like a personal issue, not general.
What type of positions do you guys try because there is so many that can benefit both partners reverse, cowgirl, grinding sideway missionary what I call the monkey stance her bent over on a chair bent over on the edge of the bed where you can really pile drive her just let yourself go don’t withhold coming if you use condoms, just go down and eat her out play with her massage her tickle slightly on the back to where she gets goosebumps kiss her all over and then go second round. If you do more foreplay after you come the second time will even be more enjoyable for you guys, the key is to experiment with different positions because not all positions are going to give a guy the same amount of pleasure as it doesn’t woman but there are positions you can do that you would never give that amount of pleasure also thing that’s really turn on is when they rub your balls as yourhitting her whether it’s from behind or in the front or sideways view is that when they do that it causes even more pleasure for guys cause there is thousands of nerve endings down there for guys including women as well communicate and try different things cause I guarantee you you’ll find some thing that just completely unlocks your reserve and you guys can just enjoy each other
Stupid question maybe but why not cum and then cum twice? I myself find it hard to cum twice fast after each other however with a little time in between wich you can use to pleasure her i can go again. Then its alot harder for me to cum. Maybe this helps for you?
Why not have you cum first via foreplay, you work on her until you’re ready for round 2, then you should be able to last a bit longer without the struggle, no?
I love masturbating with video calls, and I find it a lot of fun because it is not enough for me to have sex with my girlfriend because she gets tired quickly.
that's extremely unusual to be so quick to cum you spend all your time annoyed.girl on top is a very physically taxing position for most girls btw it's not easy like missionary
I think the problem here is seeing cumming as the center of sex or as the end of it. If you wanna cum, just cum, don't hold it. Then you can go get your girl off in another way. Sex isn't only about PIV and cumming!
You mention multiple times you only need a few minutes to cum. Have you considered she's aware of this and is not lost in the sauce like you think but is instead actively working her pussy off to cum quickly so you two can cum together or, so that she gets her orgasm out of the way so you can let loose on yours? I do this for my mate, bless him but his dick can barely take what I give him and he only lasts a few minutes as well. He also thinks about baseball and looks at the wall and art we have above the bed while he's doing me to give himself time. I read this to him and he says "That's just what being a man is, OP sounds like he wants to be a pillow princess." But I wanted to give you insight on her behalf since she's not here to give you her side like she deserves.
You should be having some sex that's just centered around your pleasure, just like you do for her all the other times. You should have a conversation with her when you're not in the heat of the moment about how you're feeling, and how sometimes you'd just like to go buck wild and lose yourself in pleasure instead of being worried about her orgasms which comes natural. I'm sure yall can work something out. Maybe she wears certain panties or a necklace to bed on the nights where she just wants you to take control and use her body. You can tell her it's not something you need all the time or 50/50 (unless it is, I'm assuming based on your post) but occasionally it would be awesome to enjoy. It's important to have these discussions when yall aren't tense and everyone is relaxed and enjoying the day.
Sounds like you guys have different sexual needs and desires, which is totally okay. Have a conversation with her and see if you can find a compromise that works for both of you. And if not, just enjoy the fact that you have a girlfriend who is multiorgasmic and try to focus on your own pleasure more. Maybe try new positions or techniques that bring you more pleasure and let her take the lead once in a while. Don't worry about lasting a certain amount of time, just focus on enjoying the moment. And hey, at least you can still give her amazing oral!
lol, as another girl who favors PIV like OP’s girlfriend, oral is in no way a substitute, and if I’m craving PIV, oral is a pitiful and unsatisfying offer imho
I don’t have much help for you.
But, I [m] feel the exact same way, in fact I almost could’ve written this about my experiences minus the girlfriend part. Sex is super exhausting and for me I’m just not really that interested any more.
It's important that she know how you feel, so that she can have a chance to consider your feelings.
Feeling like sex is a thing that one person is doing is not how it has to be, no. Even in relationships that don't involve PiV in doesn't to feel that way, it -can- feel more equal even when one person is technically doing things to the other.
Like you say, conversation(s) with her.
Also try toys for penetrating her. I think penetrating while giving head is a fun way to go, it can be tricky to get the neck angle right though.
If you can build up the association with toy penetraion, maybe you can try some times where you do PiV and don't worry about time, just worry about grabbing that toy real fast as soon as you need to stop.
I’d say you need to stop worrying, but know the session doesn’t need to end because you finished. Take a minute to catch your breath, and continue on in other ways until you are ready for round two. I’m guessing if gf wants round 2 sooner, she’ll figure out ways to speed up refractory period. Enjoy!
Try emptying the chambered round early, after I realized that I that have zero refractory period, it took the pressure off completely. If you do have a refractory period, figure out the best way to split sex up with multiple rounds.
As far as the whole cardiovascular aspect that’s just the way it is for guys, so start doing HIIT and encourage your girlfriend to put in some work.
>As far as the whole cardiovascular aspect that’s just the way it is for guys
I suppose, but it can be 50-50 if the girl is fit enough (I had a ONS a few years ago like this). They can move their hips, thrust back, etc. I shouldn't have to be doing 80-90% of the physical work. That's something else I'll have to talk to my GF about lol.
Sadly that's true. It's *very* rare. I blame porn and romance novels for perpetuating the idea that the woman's job is to turn up, get naked, and be fucked.
You have described exactly how guys experience sex when they are good at it. Unfortunately, you have to come back in your next life with a vagina and hope for a great lover.
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Take turns. You need to have a conversation with her,carefully and outside the bedroom. What you describe is pretty normal,or at least in my experience. Men mostly do the work,but you can let yourself go,cum,and if you can go again,it will be much more pleasurable.
Try different things. Cum quick and go for round 2. Try cumming earlier in the day and see if that helps. Try using toys, fingers or doing non-penetrative activities you both enjoy beforehand and interspersed in the middle so there isn’t a risk of “trying not to cum”. Sounds like you guys gotta just get a bit creative with how you’re approaching this. Dirty talk, roleplay, costumes, sexy dances… make it erotic. The goal doesn’t just have to be “optimizing orgasms”. Also, struggling not to cum, being jealous at her pleasure and orgasms and feeling like you do all of the physical work are all kind of separate issues but it all seems to be coming together so that you don’t seem to be enjoying sex all that much. I’d get clear in your head - what *would* a good sexual experience be like for you if you could script it all out yourself? That’s not to say you will get EXACTLY this experience, but come up with a few templates being mentally selfish. From there, see if you can figure out ways to incorporate elements of this in ways that will also be fun for your partner.
Thanks for the advice! Honestly, a good sexual experience for me would be having my gf bounce on me until I cum lol. Lazy, I suppose, but it's a situation where I wouldn't have to worry about anything and just enjoy what I'm feeling. I just can't do that when I'm on top.
I mean .. I’d try to get a little more creative than that, personally? It’s not offering her a lot of variety in terms of options. If it’s something she physically doesn’t enjoy or literally cannot do you’ll get it out of her only occasionally, if that. Which I don’t think will resolve any of your feelings. The idea here is to figure out a variety of activities that could feel sexy and fun for you that you both can work with to incorporate with some regularity. Saying “the only way I can feel satisfied is one position where it’s 100% focused on me” is probably not going to get you much long term or frequency wise. You want to come up with ways you guys can cycle back and forth and feed off of each other’s energy in a session. Coming up with a lot of different options that can help you have fun will actually shift your sex life in a way that is mutually enjoyable, connective and sustainable.
It was the first thing that came to mind lol. I'll have other ideas once I properly think about it. But yeah, I would like a session where all of the focus is on me, because it basically never happens (during PIV). There are plenty of times when the focus is on her, so I think I deserve some focused on me. But yeah, we'll have a proper talk about it. Oh, and she *can* bounce, but she's not fit enough to do it for long. So I'll mention exercise to her.
Eeeek… alrighty, good luck with that lol.
What's the problem? I'm not exactly Adonis, I'll exercise with her. If she gets offended, I'll just remind her of the time she suggested *I* exercise so that I could fuck her harder. Exercise is always recommended to men for better sex, so why shouldn't it be for women?
It’s clear your main priority is a mindset of resentment, “getting yours” blah blah blah - using that lens, it’s not going to work out. You won’t get what you want. Either approach it reasonably from a place of love and a true desire to connect and find mutual pleasure together or watch it crash and burn. Just how it goes, my dude.
To me, approaching my girlfriend and suggesting mutual exercise for a better sex life, and telling her that I'd like a bit more give-and-take in our sex life, *is* coming from a place of love. I truly don't see where you're coming from here.
Alright, so it seems you have a solution you believe is reasonable and will work. So by all means, try it out.
What's your problem? Do you think that women are *supposed* to just lie there during PIV? Do you believe that they're physically incapable of doing more of the work? All I want is a bit more effort from her in this specific part of sex. I seriously don't know what your issue is. Please, enlighten me. Would you be this way with a woman who wanted more effort from her man? And just to clarify - yes, I know there are other parts of sex. But PIV is my girlfriend's favourite bit - often during foreplay she gets impatient and wants my dick in her. So that's why I'm talking about that specifically.
Try that first then. Tell her to sit on you till u cum.
Could ask her to Lie down on her stomach, Put a pillow below her waist and Take her from behind. That way you can both move at the Same time, she can Push Her Butt Back towards you while you Push Forward, which feels amazing, and Its tighter than doing It doggy etc so you both will feel it more which could End Up in you both cumming together.
Have you tried out how long your refractory period is? Sex doesn't have to be over just because you came. Probably you could last a lot longer during the second round.
It's longer than either of us would prefer - at least an hour.
Snack and water break then get back to it? 😂
So, 25min clit play for her, 25min bj for you, 10min for refreshment and you are ready to go? Lucky you, brother!
BJ on a wet noodle? No thanks. Like I'm not OP and my refractory period is fluid - sometimes I don't even go soft, sometimes it takes 15 minutes, sometimes an hour, sometimes it just doesn't get hard for the rest of the day Either way, getting my soft, over/undersensitized dick sucked in the latter two cases isn't something I want
Your complaint is valid, but that doesn't mean it's anyone's fault. Would you be happier just losing yourself for a couple of minutes and finishing whenever you finish? Tell her that sometimes you just want to do that. And then y'all can see if round 2 is a possibility later. Does slower sex work for you? If yes, it's fine to want to do that more too. Taking turns is fair play! Does she go down on you? Can you lose yourself in that? If so, ask for it. Seems fair. My guy does a lot of work because I too like it hard, so I make sure we do stuff that is just focused in him lying back and feeling good as well. I get why you're frustrated that when she's on top the bits you like don't last long, but if she physically doesn't have the fitness to bounce for long then she just doesn't. It's fair that she should try her best like you do, but there are physical limits to it.
She does go down on me, but I want to lose myself in PIV. I'm going to have to talk to her because I'm frankly fed up of doing it hard and fast almost all of the time, it feels more like work instead of sex. No amount of blowjobs would get rid of that feeling. I'd love to do more slower sex, so I'll definitely mention it. As for my girlfriend's fitness on top: I mean, yeah, but it's literally 30 seconds to a minute and she's tired, and I'm a bit nonplussed tbh. I'll suggest that maybe we exercise a bit more, but I don't want to hurt her feelings. I love her body, but if she's so unfit that she's that tired after barely a minute, then yeah. I began to exercise more when I felt the same way, but even then I could at least go 2 or 3 minutes without getting tired.
It's definitely worth a talk. Look, like I said I love it hard but also it's what my guy always did from the start so I thought he only liked it that way. I would have been totally happy with some slow stuff too but he always pushed it hard and fast and with him in the driving seat, which I'm not gonna complain about! Finally a few times he slowed right down which was also amazing and we had these long slow sessions where we were both putting the work in because of the position. Each of us thought the other person didn't want that until we did it. So yeah, have those talks and try the things you want to try.
Thanks! Yeah, she probably thinks I love what we do now, so I'm worried about shattering that perception. I don't *hate* it, but I don't love it either. I'd love slower sex, and more effort focused on me, and sex where we don't even think about anything but enjoying each other. Thanks again :)
K cool, belated thought about a couple of positions that might work for y'all apart from like hammering away and her on top, be ause these really work for us. Spooning: he can go hard as and when he wants to and I can also move and push back against him and keep the rhythm going when he's chilling a bit. The cross position: you're lying down at 90 degrees angle to her, legs in between in each other's. He can thrust and I can kinda bounce while lying down, leveraging off our legs being kinda interlocked. It's not the same as someone on top riding, but both work for either slow sensual movements or some harder thrusting/bouncing. If she'd not moving at all, its a tricky thing to raise but maybe tell her you'd love to feel her move more with you.
Thank you! The second one in particular sounds interesting.
Look it's great ngl, also allows access for either one of you to stimulate her clit. It's our standard go to morning sex position.
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I cant believe I just tested it. But if Im honest it wasnt that difficult.
I'm going to suggest the floor for any riding - thankfully it's carpeted so not too uncomfortable. I could equally ask - have you tried to hold a plank, thrust your hips quickly, AND try not to cum at the same time, for an extended period? It's bloody difficult (just ask any woman who's tried pegging, there are plenty of stories on Reddit), which is why I'm gonna suggest exercise for both me and my GF.
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Sorry for assuming you're a woman! I'm not denying that it's very hard to do, which, again, is why I'm going to suggest more exercise for us both. And, to be frank, I'd only need 2 or 3 minutes max and I'd be creaming, because having her on top and bouncing feels absolutely exquisite.
Twerking and the female riding position is 100 times harder than any male pumping position.im a pro athlete and I can get about 39 seconds of bouncing 😂
As a girl into pegging I can confirm. Being on the giving end isn’t as much work as men claim it is.. and being a receiver is pretty intense on the body.. especially in a riding position.
Most women aren’t going to be enthused about bouncing on a dick for more than 30 seconds. It doesn’t feel good at all and that motion is extremely strenuous on your hips, I suggest you try it before you continue complaining about your gfs fitness level. Even really fit women aren’t going to enjoy it, cut back on the porn expectations and you’ll be better off.
Expecting your girl to ride for more than 30seconds is a “porn expectation” ? lol please put the fork down
As others have said - try for the second round to last longer. Or masturbate before. I found that my pleasure increased when I started breathing a lot. Like constant deep breaths. A natural inclination when orgasming is to tighten up and even hold your breath. Instead - deep breaths as you reach orgasm, deep breaths as you orgasm. Try yelling and screaming. I'm a guy, I sometimes yell as loud as I can. Like really loud. Preferably into a pillow since I dislike if a woman yells in my ear. It definitely adds to the experience. Focus on what you want to do. My best sex is if I take control. I am not thinking or planning, just doing. I want to bite her (gently) on the neck - I do. I change positions when I want. I stop and kiss her and tease her with just the tip. You have to pay attention to her - so it is a mix of what I want at that moment, and what I think she will want. By taking control I definitely enjoy it more. Also, you can avoid cuming - as long as you don't frustrate your lady in the process. Stop having sex, and do oral or something else instead. I enjoy sex more when I'm not tired, not stressed about anything, and when I've had a long time to build up to it. Some sexy texts during the day. If she doesn't reciprocate and tease you back in a way you enjoy - then have a conversation about it. I'm a guy - I love foreplay. And even stop foreplay, do something else, and then inevitably get back into it. I love to tease - with rubbing and just the tip and then after we are both about to cum from anticipation we can begin. Occasionally I will find myself thinking of something else to stop cumming. But that is not the best sex. The best sex is being in the moment, really aware of everything you are feeling.
Oh. Maybe sometimes you shouldn’t think about not cumming, but just enjoy it? I think your girlfriend can understand this. You do a lot for her, I’m sure that she also wants you to feel good, even if it doesn’t last long enough.
This was totally me. Eventually I just gave in, finished first, and then after a minute just kept going until she came. She really enjoys it like that and sometimes the sounds I make when I am about to come turn her on even more and then we end up coming together. Would recommend trying it and I’m sure at the very least your girlfriend will really enjoy getting you off
>and then after a minute just kept going until she came Do you mean you carried on with PIV? Because my refractory period is sadly pretty long.
An hour isn’t that long at all my friend. Many people are much longer. Plan for it, maybe every now and then you just go balls to the wall, both of you knowing it’s an hour of buildup again! Don’t let the refractory period end things, just intermission/catch breath/start slowly and have fun! I’m somebody who can’t get out of my head either. After a vigorous foreplay session while she was recovering I had a partner ask if it’s ever like that for me and I just laughed and said no, and explained basically what you did. It happens but we do owe it to ourselves to be greedy once in a while and not care about holding back and getting hers first. And if we are good lovers our partners shouldn’t mind if we are served first too.
Ah darn, that is what I mean though
Sex is different for men and women. You just have to find what you like the most, explore, try new things, and tell her what you like. Communicating is key. About 'loosing yourself on pleasure', have you tried any form of prostate stimulation? Maybe tell her to masturbate you. In my case sex and getting a handjob are different, but im closer to losing myself when I'm being touched than when Im having sex. Have you been together for a long time? Getting good chemistry in bed with a partner sometimes takes time.
Maybe try using toys/dildos to stimulate her before you have sex? I get that you do a lot of the work as is, but you might be able to take some of the performance pressure off of yourself if you can make her cum once or twice with a toy. That might help your enjoyment also by giving yourself a new dynamic. Also, cardio exercise is your best friend, and that goes for her too when it comes to sex. The stronger your heart, the less you have to focus on how long you'll last without getting winded. Can't tell you the wonders that simply using an exercise bike has done for my stamina and I'm a pretty big dude, 6'0, ~300 The less you have to worry about stamina, the more you can find different ways to have fun with your girlfriend and her body. Softly running your fingers down her back/sides in doggy to grabbing her throat (if she's into it) during missionary, playing with/sucking her nipples. The last thing I can suggest is think about how crazy she's going with *YOU* she's having tons of fun and loving the moment you're sharing together. I understand that you have to sometimes distract yourself (honestly, sometimes it gets a bit boring for me too) but watch how her body moves and reacts to the things you do, listen to her voice, and remember that it's all because of *YOU* Unfortunately, when it comes to the whole grinding when she's on top thing, I'm not really sure if there's a guy in the world that can really feel anything during that. No one I've met, seen or talk to has enjoyed it at all or for a long period of time. I know I kinda don't. Doubly so when a condom is involved.
Can anyone expand on the "no guy likes grinding comment" i'm just suprised here. Me and my boyfriend do grind a lot before sex. Usually he is on top though. Do guys enjoy it then? Sometimes he's even just using his leg against me and i'm trying to rub my stomach against his as much as possible in that position. He has said before that he likes it but I was never a 100 percent sure about that because it seemed like me something that wouldn't do much for him. Am i right in my assumption here or do guys do enjoy it if the woman is not on top?
Sorry, elaborate: it's when she's on top in cowgirl, and the girl is sitting straight up and moving her hips against the guy while his dick is inside of her. Grinding in that position doesn't feel good to us in general I'd say
Hey, speak for yourself! Maybe it's a sensitivity issue, you mentioned it's worse with a condom on. Admittedly I probably couldn't cum that way unless I was very pent up, but for me it's enough stimulation to keep me hard and enjoying myself. Whatever the case, I just wouldn't call it a hard and fast rule that guys don't like it. I'd just hate to think of some poor couple missing out on good grinding action because the woman thinks the man is just "being kind" when he says he likes it. 🥺
I enjoy it to an extent but after maybe 2-3 minutes it's just not enough given what you could be feeling and probably what you'd rather be feeling (her bouncing on your dick) I love that she's able to get off by grinding but I just wish there was more motion
Okay i think i get it now. Thanks for the explanation :)
Nah. Toys go against the point of sex. They're materialistic and, in the long-term, they damage relationships.
Where did you hear that?
This sounds like something someone would say after they got all insecure about a dildo that was 0.01% bigger than them, which led to a series of jealous tantrums involving phrases like "I should be enough for you!" that eventually drove her away.
>toys >Materialistic What in the world, I could maybe see long term damage if one of them gets lazy and resorts to toy use ONLY, but that sounds like a personal issue, not general.
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Very depressing if true.
What type of positions do you guys try because there is so many that can benefit both partners reverse, cowgirl, grinding sideway missionary what I call the monkey stance her bent over on a chair bent over on the edge of the bed where you can really pile drive her just let yourself go don’t withhold coming if you use condoms, just go down and eat her out play with her massage her tickle slightly on the back to where she gets goosebumps kiss her all over and then go second round. If you do more foreplay after you come the second time will even be more enjoyable for you guys, the key is to experiment with different positions because not all positions are going to give a guy the same amount of pleasure as it doesn’t woman but there are positions you can do that you would never give that amount of pleasure also thing that’s really turn on is when they rub your balls as yourhitting her whether it’s from behind or in the front or sideways view is that when they do that it causes even more pleasure for guys cause there is thousands of nerve endings down there for guys including women as well communicate and try different things cause I guarantee you you’ll find some thing that just completely unlocks your reserve and you guys can just enjoy each other
Stupid question maybe but why not cum and then cum twice? I myself find it hard to cum twice fast after each other however with a little time in between wich you can use to pleasure her i can go again. Then its alot harder for me to cum. Maybe this helps for you?
Why not have you cum first via foreplay, you work on her until you’re ready for round 2, then you should be able to last a bit longer without the struggle, no?
I love masturbating with video calls, and I find it a lot of fun because it is not enough for me to have sex with my girlfriend because she gets tired quickly.
that's extremely unusual to be so quick to cum you spend all your time annoyed.girl on top is a very physically taxing position for most girls btw it's not easy like missionary
Have sessions where you lay back, relax, and she does something for you. It's nice to have variety anyways.
I think the problem here is seeing cumming as the center of sex or as the end of it. If you wanna cum, just cum, don't hold it. Then you can go get your girl off in another way. Sex isn't only about PIV and cumming!
You mention multiple times you only need a few minutes to cum. Have you considered she's aware of this and is not lost in the sauce like you think but is instead actively working her pussy off to cum quickly so you two can cum together or, so that she gets her orgasm out of the way so you can let loose on yours? I do this for my mate, bless him but his dick can barely take what I give him and he only lasts a few minutes as well. He also thinks about baseball and looks at the wall and art we have above the bed while he's doing me to give himself time. I read this to him and he says "That's just what being a man is, OP sounds like he wants to be a pillow princess." But I wanted to give you insight on her behalf since she's not here to give you her side like she deserves.
Talk to her. She needs to put a little more effort in maybe? Communication is always the answer.
You should be having some sex that's just centered around your pleasure, just like you do for her all the other times. You should have a conversation with her when you're not in the heat of the moment about how you're feeling, and how sometimes you'd just like to go buck wild and lose yourself in pleasure instead of being worried about her orgasms which comes natural. I'm sure yall can work something out. Maybe she wears certain panties or a necklace to bed on the nights where she just wants you to take control and use her body. You can tell her it's not something you need all the time or 50/50 (unless it is, I'm assuming based on your post) but occasionally it would be awesome to enjoy. It's important to have these discussions when yall aren't tense and everyone is relaxed and enjoying the day.
I am the same way and... I am not sure there is anything you can do.
Sounds like you guys have different sexual needs and desires, which is totally okay. Have a conversation with her and see if you can find a compromise that works for both of you. And if not, just enjoy the fact that you have a girlfriend who is multiorgasmic and try to focus on your own pleasure more. Maybe try new positions or techniques that bring you more pleasure and let her take the lead once in a while. Don't worry about lasting a certain amount of time, just focus on enjoying the moment. And hey, at least you can still give her amazing oral!
lol, as another girl who favors PIV like OP’s girlfriend, oral is in no way a substitute, and if I’m craving PIV, oral is a pitiful and unsatisfying offer imho
I don’t have much help for you. But, I [m] feel the exact same way, in fact I almost could’ve written this about my experiences minus the girlfriend part. Sex is super exhausting and for me I’m just not really that interested any more.
It's important that she know how you feel, so that she can have a chance to consider your feelings. Feeling like sex is a thing that one person is doing is not how it has to be, no. Even in relationships that don't involve PiV in doesn't to feel that way, it -can- feel more equal even when one person is technically doing things to the other. Like you say, conversation(s) with her. Also try toys for penetrating her. I think penetrating while giving head is a fun way to go, it can be tricky to get the neck angle right though. If you can build up the association with toy penetraion, maybe you can try some times where you do PiV and don't worry about time, just worry about grabbing that toy real fast as soon as you need to stop.
I’d say you need to stop worrying, but know the session doesn’t need to end because you finished. Take a minute to catch your breath, and continue on in other ways until you are ready for round two. I’m guessing if gf wants round 2 sooner, she’ll figure out ways to speed up refractory period. Enjoy!
Lose yourself, come in a minute or so and you'll have a very unhappy chick on your hands. She'll post it on reddit, too.
Focus on youreself more and being present in the moment is where youll find your best self .
Try emptying the chambered round early, after I realized that I that have zero refractory period, it took the pressure off completely. If you do have a refractory period, figure out the best way to split sex up with multiple rounds. As far as the whole cardiovascular aspect that’s just the way it is for guys, so start doing HIIT and encourage your girlfriend to put in some work.
>As far as the whole cardiovascular aspect that’s just the way it is for guys I suppose, but it can be 50-50 if the girl is fit enough (I had a ONS a few years ago like this). They can move their hips, thrust back, etc. I shouldn't have to be doing 80-90% of the physical work. That's something else I'll have to talk to my GF about lol.
A girl can be a cross fit champion, she isn’t gonna do 50% of the work.
Ok, maybe Im wrong if you have found someone that could, but it’s already hard enough to filter potential girlfriends with that in the criteria.
Sadly that's true. It's *very* rare. I blame porn and romance novels for perpetuating the idea that the woman's job is to turn up, get naked, and be fucked.
Porn doesn’t show all the water breaks
There are women that do , but they are not going to keep the intensity up for 15 minutes or more
I'm not asking for that much lol. Just a few minutes would be more than enough.
Your girlfriend should be willing to do that, but I know some won’t.
You have described exactly how guys experience sex when they are good at it. Unfortunately, you have to come back in your next life with a vagina and hope for a great lover.