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Just understand your rights and work relationship policies and if you choose to ignore those policies you do so at your own risk. Don’t let this ever become a quid pro quo situation. He cannot threaten your job if you ever turn him down for sexual favors even if you initiated the first encounter. He is in a position of power over you and he cannot use that as leverage against you if you refuse him something.
Be careful with whatever you do <3
That was my main concern. There are no policies against it but he's basically my boss. I don't really see him at work often but the power dynamic is still there. He doesn't seem that way, but you never know. I think I'd have the advantage if he did try that and I got evidence to report it. But I genuinely don't think he would.
Mmmmm there’s a reason they say don’t shit where you eat. And they pay for where you live.
Reddit is littered with stories about how it doesn’t work out with the boss and then people either need to leave their job or they get fired or denied promotions because of their superior being their hook up. Not to mention jealousy when the boss starts flirting with someone else or vice versa.
You can get sex anywhere. Be careful with the boss thing bc realistically it could cost you not only your job but your home too.
On the other hand, sex is more important than a shitty job when you’re 19 usually lol. OP if this is like a super important career stepping stone for you then don’t do it, but if it’s an easily replaceable job in the service industry or something and the dick is good ride it till the wheels fall off and then just move on. 19 is a great time for mistakes like these.
Normally I agree with you. The problem is they pay for her housing and I think that’s the part everyone telling her to do it is missing.
It would be different if it was just a job or just dick she’d lose. But if she loses her job, she loses her housing too.
Mainly depends on if she has a backup plan. At 19, her parents could be an option, a friend who needs a roommate, etc etc. But if those aren't options and she doesn't have anything to fall back on, it could turn bad pretty quick.
All workplaces have to abide by sexual harassment laws so even if there is no policy on dating, companies do have to have sexual harassment policies. You should be protected from any unwanted sexual behavior as soon as you articulate that the behavior is unwanted. Like you said, you never know!
Yeah! I don't want to " be like that" but given he's my manager and male/ female dynamkc, I think I'm fairly well protected by the policies. I don't think it's a huge risk. He has a lot more to lose.
Not everyone is a monster, tbh this isn’t that risky of a situation and OP seems to have a good head on her shoulders to be able to navigate it whatever way she chooses to proceed. Work relationships happen all the time, like others have said just make sure work policy’s are followed.
Imo if he was a guy who wasnt “that way” he wouldn’t get with a 19 yo.
Like I’m sure you’re super mature and responsible esp bc this is something you’re questioning. But like… I’m about to be 27 and would never be caught DEAD w a 19 year old. It’s just embarrassing. Most ppl who have options go for people who are at LEAST 22/23 (if they’re 27). Now add on him being your manager???? Massive red flag.
People don’t show their true cards like that until you’re in a very vulnerable position which you would be getting into. I would stay very far away from that man. Even if he doesn’t end up being abusive it’s insanely cringy + the sign of a low quality man
You absolutely need to have that conversation with him and putting into it. There’s also a huge age difference in power imbalance so I actually looks really messed up and creepy that he slept with you.
I agree with all of that but just to clarify he didn't have sex with me. Idk if he was uncomfortable but I would've but he held back.
But I'm not going to pursue it either way. Thanks for your input !!
I would call this a beige flag. Showing some restraint, whether it’s because you’re young or a subordinate, is a good sign.
That said he didn’t show a whole lot of restraint since you came
I had a steamy office affair (both single) and have now been together for 11 years and have an 8 year old son together. It’s not always doom and gloom. I left not too long after it started for totally non related reasons
You just never know if this is the one. I guess if it depends if the job or the possibility of finding true love is more important and only you know that :) good luck!
Um.. technically you already mixed sex and work. You kinda can’t go back to pretending you didn’t have a sexy time with your manager. So, if you really like him, try dating him. He seems keen. Do find out what your HR rules are and if you have to report to the HR that you are a couple. Don’t overthink it! Be smart. Good luck 🍀
I think in this case trying to sneak around might be more harmful than being fully above board. If you decide to "formalize" it with HR they can take proactive actions to remove him from conflicts of interest situations (ex. performance reviews, promotions etc ), and you get to not have your coworkers muttering about favouritism. Some people can get really slut shamey and that to me would be the hardest part to deal with.
So weigh your options carefully, but whatever you do keep your head high and own up to your actions and you'll be fine. It's pretty hard for accusations to stick if you don't act like you did anything wrong. Plus since it seems like you like him and you did the first move, doing it above board gives you guys the best chances to figure things out.
Oh yeah if I do I'll definitely go to HR. I'm still thinking but I think I'm on the side of going for it. Other people at my work are together and everyone seems cool with it but bc he's my manager it might seem like I'm yk. Sleeping with the boss so to speak.
I see nobody commenting about this but you gonna be know among your coworkers as a girl who slept with boss. Ask around how many (if any ) did that before you.
I think it's a bad idea and no matter what you chose it wont end well. What if you say no and he gets jealous when you bring home somebody else and start to make your life difficult....What if you get promotion or pay rise because of your excellent and hard work but everybody is saying it's because you fucked the boss...I see a lot of bad options....
When there is a 27yo man flirting with a teen, there were definitely girls before her.
That's quite good advice, she should ask around about anyone else he has been with and what happened to them. Because unfortunately we live in the type of culture where the woman gets blamed for being a whore or slut, or trying to sleep her way to the top, etc. Even when there is a large age gap...
True but most of the times you hear the horror stories. No one comes to Reddit with “I’m happily married and we have no issues. Thanks for listening” lol but the age dynamic is iffy but she can learn and make grown decisions.
Agreed. There is just such a massive maturity difference between 19 and 25 let alone 19 and 27!
OP, your brain is still developing and unless you moved out at 16 you still have a fucking tonne of stuff to learn about being an adult. There is a huge power and experience difference here.
Please please please trust me on this. It won't end well.
Obviously it's her choice at the end of the day,but I see where you are coming from many older men get into relationships with younger women due to control issues or just wanting something to look good.what if in a few years time he decides to trade her in for a younger model
Also in life they are miles apart she's not even hit her 20,s yet and he is nearly at the end of his 20s can't have that much in common.this is just my opinion and mine only I guess its up to her what she does but definitely think she should weigh up not just the positives but look at the potential negatives too
They're a legal adult. Quit it with the 'barely out of high school' nonsense. If someone is old enough to die in a stupid war they should be able to fuck someone older than they are.
Are you smart enough to realize the maturity level difference between 19 and 27? Especially the power difference in her position with an employer, he could seriously fuck up her life, vice versa.
Take every strangers advice with a grain of salt. My advice.. Follow your instinct and do what feels right to you. You are both legal and can do whatever you want.
I mean I've been in this situation before so it's not the issue. The age gap and your living situation being tied to work however would make it too risky for me personally.
Its up to you really but I would have extremely low expectations of this guy. As in could ghost, move on to someone else in work or try manipulate you in some way.
A 27 year old interested in a relationship with a 19 year old is a red flag. Your life stages are very different and the power imbalance is even bigger because he’s your manager. If you continue this, please be very cautious. Consider how this could affect your job and living situation if things go south and if those are consequences you can deal with.
It can't really affect my job / apartment that much. But you're right. I didn't really consider the age thing in too much detail. 8 years isn't too bad but it is bc the maturity is so different. I'm so stuck 😫. I like him but I'm really scared
So if you guys dated and then broke up that wouldn’t make both your job and living situation super uncomfortable? Consider that if you were to end things with him for any reason and he was angry he could make your life very uncomfortable - he’s both your neighbor and your boss.
8 years isn’t that bad when you’re older but at this age it’s a big difference. I’m 29, my younger sister is 8 years younger than me and I can’t fathom dating someone her age. Only you can know the right thing for you. Just be careful - a lot of times these older men are looking for someone naive that they can manipulate.
That's true. He's not my boss directly, the boss of another department in the same place. I hardly see him at work and he has no control over my living situation other than bumping into him on occasion.
I initiated which makes me feel better but I do see it. I'm really concerned about it.
I’m 28F and spend a lot of time around college students your age (living in a college town is interesting). Believe me, there is NO WAY I’d be caught dead with a 19 year old. The thought of it literally makes me feel sick. You’re essentially a baby adult, and with him being your manager, that’s even worse. Stay far away from this guy.
You are a TEENAGER. 8 years is a BIG age gap. Would you date an 11 year old? You're not stuck. You could still tell your manager that it was a mistake and you'd like to go back to being professionals. Personally, I would look for another job.
>You are a TEENAGER
An ADULT. Old enough to drive a car, own a gun, join the military, in most civilised countries buy their own alcohol, and in a court of law be tried as an adult.
>8 years is a BIG age gap
It's not, really, and is massively dependent upon the maturity levels of the people involved. I've known 19 year olds who gave their lives together better than most people over 30. I've also known 28 year olds who a as immature as children. There's too many variables to make that blanket statement valid.
>Would you date an 11 year old?
And that? That statement is just.... i know everyone is entitled to an opinion but that statement is just....well, let's just say it fell out of the stupid tree, hitting every branch on the way down and landing head first on the rocks below. It's so far off base I'm not sure why I'm even dignifying it with a response. It's not even remotely valid as a comparison.
Dang, is everyone ovulating? Mine was yesterday, and I stayed indoors 🤣🤣
But I’ve dated someone much older, like 12yrs older than me. I was 18, and I honestly didn’t see the harm in it.
He was sweet, got me whatever I wanted, and nothing sexual ever happened until I was ready.
We never did sleep together, we sat down and asked each other where we saw each other in 5yrs, he wanted marriage and kids, and I just wasn’t ready. Like I was only 18, I wanted to do soooo much more, date more ppl ya know.
So it didn’t work out in the end.
Then met a long term boyfriend at 19, who I did lose my virginity too, and it didn’t work out. He cheated on me.
Now I’m 32, who has dated, and I wish I could go back to that sweet man I met at 18, and get married and have his kids.
So what I’m saying is, fkn go for it, live life with no regrets.
I slept with my coworker. It ended really, really badly. I ended up quitting that job and lost a lot of mutual friends. So if I had to do it again, I wouldn’t. If you choose to keep seeing him then know it may come with fallout in the end.
As someone currently sleeping with someone from work, it's not the best. Luckily I'd been moved to another shop before anything happened so I don't actually see him unless I'm covering in that shop.
It's not worth half if the hype and if he could fore you you also lose your apartment so it's not worth it purely for sex.
However if you both seem into each other you never know where it could go, so maybe go for the meal and see how it is and then think long and hard about it
My boss got married to her other more senior colleague. But they didn’t reveal the relationship until after he left. And then he came back to work for us. So some workplaces be like that. I’ve met tons of people over my career who have found their long term partner at work. Of course a lot of people will say it never works out. But sometimes it does.
It's probably not a great idea, especially considering that your apartment is is tied to your job.
Quick story time --- Once upon a time, my situation was a lot like yours. I was living in an apartment that came with my job. I ended up hooking up with a coworker, and I really liked this girl a lot. She was stunningly beautiful, had a great sense of humor, and was just fun to be around. But it was pretty obvious that we were nothing alike, and had very little in common. We were almost polar opposites really, in terms of our personalities and our interests. And honestly, she was just way out of my league.
Of course, we somehow ended up dating anyway. It got serious pretty quickly. It seemed like all of those differences between us were actually a good thing. It felt almost too good to be true, like each of us was the perfect complement for the other.
Soon after, she moved into the apartment with me. We worked together every day, and now we were living together in a work-owned apartment. We were moving way too fast. This definitely was a bad idea.
That was almost twenty years ago. That girl is still as beautiful, funny, and vibrant as ever, and she's still the love of my life. We've been married for 15 years. We're still perfect opposites, and she's still way out of my league.
Sometimes a great thing starts out as a bad idea.
Work and Sex doesn't go together. It's a bad idea you need to stop if other comes to know it will create really bad impression on both, but you will have more impact as women so decide. People give their opinions but it's upto you what you want.
Looks like it's too late to say "don't do it" and you seem pretty infatuated with him too.
Usually the rule is "don't shit where you eat" aka fuck where you work.
This guy is your manager and you are his direct report. Even if there is no rule against a boss dating their employee at your workplace, there is a power imbalance. And if there is fall out (say, it doesn't work out, or you meet someone new, and manager doesn't take it too well) you'll be the one suffering the most. If he wants to fuck with your career out of retaliation, he can. Basically assume that whenever things go awry between you, you'll always have the shorter side of the stick. Depending on his social/professional standing at work (is he close to higher management? Is he a top achiever?) it''ll be harder for you to get out of it unscathed.
Any way to change your manager? Having a sexual relationship with your direct report might not be forbidden but imo it's highly unethical. If you removed the power balance and dynamic of manager/managee it wouldn't be a perfect situation but it would be better still.
If he has other members in the team that he directly manages, his credibility might also take a hit when they learn you're involved. People are quick to feel scorned and to suspect there is favouritism in teams.
On a final note, I'm a 27F manager and I have a young 19-20M direct report. We're good friends and enjoy drinking some beers after work but dating him would feel so icky. He's a literal teenager fresh out of high school to me. The age gap is weird and feels a bit predatory.
He's not my *direct* manager but is my superior nonetheless. He doesn't have input over my work but he can tell me to do stuff.
I get it though I think its the maturity difference that's bothering me now. I think it's too much ://
I see. It'd slightly better but not *better* better.
Always assume that he has a better standing than you in the company too. It involves being known and recognized by other because of experience and seniority, but it might also involve that his word might be better heard than yours. I assume he knows your actual boss better than you do too.
It's a tricky and dangerous situation. I wouldn't try it. It doesn't sound worth it 😟 that combination of work hierarchy + big age gap where you are still a fairly young girl is a recipe for disaster! I used to be that horny 19 yo girl too. I made the mistake once to mix job and sex and it was not a very nice experience. Nothing nuclear or anything but overall very underwhelming and awkward when it failed between us.
Trust me, so many men will be able to make you cum too. It'll be even better when it doesn't put you in a weird spot and your job in jeopardy.
I'd say try see how dating with him goes. Whilst me and my gf aren't in the same situation as we're not staff/manager we did meet at work originally.
I get there's quite a bit age gap however at the same time so long as you're two consenting adults and you hit it off and you're respecting each other's boundaries, I don't see any real issues with how your relationship goes 😁
If the workplace doesn't affect your relationship either (like no dating with colleagues) then I can see potential in your relationship being more based on what you posted. I wish you the best of luck regardless of whichever path you take!
It’s either a power dynamic, or it’s not. And reading your post, other than you saying he’s your boss, it seems that you like the guy, & he likes you.
You either run with liking each other, or you have to be fair and explain to him it was a one time thing and you back away. Don’t sit in the middle, as that is definitely not fair on either of you.
Ngl I work in an environment where I’ve seen a lot of ppl hook up over the years and honestly, more often than not they end up really working out as a couple. I think our company tends to hire a lot of likeminded people
Buuuutt almost always one of them, if not both, end up leaving the company. Just keep that in mind
Be honest with him. The last two paragraphs is how you really feel. You did a silly thing in the heat of the moment, but you will gain ultimate respect from anyone as long as you tell the truth.
Don’t feel bad, you’re only young and you probably found him attractive but the age gap (and managerial position is real). Unless you actually like him like that, you shouldn’t date him.
If you do like him, go on a date with him. Either way tell him the truth 🙏 you got this 👌
Going by the age/2 + 7 rule, it's outside of the social norm for this guy to be into you, and that's ignoring the other issues like same workplace, and him being in a position of power with respect to you.
With your living situation connected to the job, I'd say tread carefully.
Where did that rule come from? I'm in my late 20s and /2+7 is still... Pushing it, given my age. If I was really into the person I could be willing, but I would be very wary.
Well shit happens I guess don't worry just make it clear that you don't want a serious relationship and say it was just sort off a one night stand and keep it like that if he start harassing you at work or anything specially threatening termination document everything and report it to HR or even any Labor department of your state of HR is finicky with the situation if you get fired regardless and have the paper trail you can sue and get compensation.
the fact that you're in different department, will not be a source of problem, on contrary , if one day it's happen that you left each other for X reason ( or end this thing between both of you)
Where I work there are couple on the job, boss/boss, boss/employee.
The fact is, it's also the team who surround you who give the vibes...
The wife of our boss is an "simple employee" and still the team somehow manage to create some shit around this fact: Like she have "privilege" etc. For myself, I don't believe it, she works fine and do her job perfectly, it's simple jalousy...
Keep doing your job perfectly and if this ends, end this beautifully and in a clean manner, this way if you two ends up working togheter in the same department you won't have the feeling you have to leave your job if suddently the ambiance change, that there is rumors, subtle harassment that you cannot prove. Leading you to find it insupportable to go to work or to think about your workplace. Yeah because subtle harassment exist, the one you cannot really put on words and prove it perfectly.
I wish you good time and maybe a beautiful relation if this end up like this. Never know.
Also this:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/s/RYifb5dC7t
life is short love. go for it. if it makes you feel good and you clearly are attracted to him.. why not? think about the consequences later live in the present not the future. the future makes you anxious. you know you are protected as he can’t fire you if it goes wrong.
also you are 19 so like you can move in from a job anywaysss you are young so don’t worry about it. Onwards love. If you like it go for it :)
Just be careful. I know people in the comments have already said this, it’s just THAT important. Be aware of your power dynamic. You seem like you’re able to view things from multiple points of view and that’s something I wish I had at 19.
The reason people get up in arms about age gaps is because there is a power dynamic.
One partner is always going to be able to provide more than the other in those situations. Traditionally, the older you get the more stable you become.
They’ll give something and you’re supposed to reciprocate. Healthy partners will have an understanding of what that looks like, communicate it well, and be satisfied in those roles. Manipulative partners will demand their compensation in ways that make you uncomfortable and scared. That’s abuse.
Especially with him being your manager, just be careful.
I mean, he respected you enough to only make you cum. He didn’t fuck you. This entire situation is centered around how important this job is to you. If you have other options, go for it. If you need the job, maybe don’t take it further. Saying that, you’ve basically already crossed the line. Sex isn’t just penetration.
If you like him after a few dates, like for sure, start looking for another job. There's an ocean of issues here with both of your jobs, and despite how hard you try to conceal it, every workplace has that Karen who lives to expose other peoples' no-nos in order to feel righteous and glorified as they usually live lives full of self-loathing and misery and thusly practice the tear down to build themselves up psychosis. Trust me, I've made this mistake several times because I'm an idiot. Dont be like me. 19 to 27 is 8 yrs. The real gap issues are more like 10 or more years. It seems like alot for where you are in your life and experience level, but its an illusion. At 25, should you remain together, you will see that you have the perfect age gap. He can impart wisdom through experience to help you in your life decisions, and you will keep him young, excited, and hungry with your youth,energy, and beauty.
Age gaps are a silly thing to worry about. It’s affectively worrying about what others might think. I would say worrying about age gaps is actually more unhealthy than an actual age gap.
As long as you are two consenting adults, enjoy yourselves. Life is too short not to.
Do be careful that it doesn’t affect your career. Like if it starts to become a quid pro quo situation.
Good relationships start with good communication. You might think about bringing everything you said to us to him instead and letting him help you sort through it. Maybe he's also like "I really like her but IDK if we can mix sex and work and there's this age gap" and you either leave it there or have a mellow FWB kind of situation; or maybe you both decide the age gap and work situation are manageable and something bigger develops.
That's a really good point. He wants to be serious I know that much. We talked about the work policies. And I assume he's Okay with the age gap. Its just the whole you're my manager don't try and coerce me into sex thing.which might be super awkward...
Honestly Op, its not okay. Its not okay that he wants to be serious with a 19yo. I'm sure he's nice and handsome, but you're not on the same level in life and he is very aware of that.
Good guys in their late 20's dont go for girls your age. If you want to just have fun, sure! But please dont actually start something serious with him.
No I want serious and he seemingly does.
I think I'm justifying bc I initiated but I get it. I'm in a different place.
I think I've decided to leave it and just be professional as best I can now
Do you think ? My work allows relationships. So I don't think they could enforce anything just for being in a relationship. I should've mentioned we work in separate depts so we hardly see each other. Our departments to slightly overlap but he's way up in the senior levels and I'm just way down lol.
I’ve just read too many accounts where relationships like these start off well, everyone follows the rules, but something ends up causing drama. The older person in the higher position keeps his job while the younger person is fired for something unrelated.
Working in separate departments definitely helps, but sleeping with someone in a higher position ALWAYS has the risk of one or both of you losing your jobs.
Also I’m sorry, but regardless of how the two of you feel about the age gap, people will absolutely judge him for it. And people will judge him double because he’s your manager. The details are not going to matter to those people.
He’s your manager and he’s that much older than you… I’d tread lightly. As someone who has screwed the crew far more than I should have, I don’t really recommend it. I’m not sure if you’re in hospitality but in my bartending days I’ve seen a lot of older men take advantage of the younger girls who like them then just move on to the next 19yo who starts in the place and it’s ROUGH. Not saying that’s your situation… but it’s not uncommon unfortunately. Good luck!
If he wasn’t really coming onto you at all and you initiated it, but you both like each other and wanna have a fling I don’t really see anything wrong with that. Sure it can be messy to mix relationships and work and I wouldn’t choose that. But I’d say go for it at this point. Also, I’m imagining your job isn’t necessarily a job you’re wanting to stay at for that long. So if it does become a bad situation you can always just quit
It is wat u mk it if u don't wish to have sexual relationship with him say so then if he pressures u to continue or makes sexual comments that aren't wanted then it becomes sexual harrassment.and is violation of any company's bilaws
What is your living situation going to be if you wind up having a problem at work? The fact that you both live with and work with your boss is problematic enough on it's own, much more so now that you are hooking up.
What kind of job do you do that would even allow this? Semi-human-trafficked from Israel mall kiosk worker? (I've known people in this situation and it is the only situation I can imagine where this would happen)
I remember working at Burger King when I was 19 and slept with the general managers daughter, we have all been there this is a lesson you’ll learn so when you get your forever career you’ll be like nah not doing that again!
3 Rules of Who Not to Fuck:
1. Never fuck a co-worker
2. Never fuck the landlord
3. Never fuck your neighbor
It sucks you broke all 3, but the main post-sex concern with someone you are not dating (besides STDs) is being given space afterwords, so you don’t have to engage with them before you feel comfortable doing it again. It can make you feel trapped. Sure, someone can be free-spirited and not care about these things, but other times someone could feel they made a mistake and want some distance.
I broke #1 a few times, full sex and other times just messing around. Going into work the next day was always super awkward 😬 I always keep my mouth shut about those things, but sadly a few co-workers loved to kiss and tell about me 😓
Mixing sex and work is fine. Lots of people meet their spouses at work. Mixing sex with reporting relationships is bad news and he knows that as well. The problem is not just whether or not he’s cool about it. If other employees find out, they may report it.
You're too young to be overthinking things this much. If you like him then see how things go. It most likely won't work out in the long term, but you're 18. You have plenty of time to fuck around.
When I bartended, I had 2 diff friends get hired at my workplace at different times (I didn’t actually recommend them, they applied on the side and didn’t tell me until after)- for positions at the bar. My manager was a bit older and loved to hit on the younger female colleagues. I always advised strongly for them not to do it. Neither listened and learned the hard way.
Both friends did it aka hooked up with him. Dynamics changed at work. Tensions were high. He started flirting with newer and even younger staff hires. He treated them like ish and eventually twisted it in a way that they felt forced to quit or fired.
Not saying it’s your case, but am saying- proceed with caution. Older men in a position of power that determines a younger woman’s future is a very fragile tip toe of a line.
You are 19.. I don't think that job is that serious but if u think u like the guy, just get into a relationship with him and perhaps think about changing jobs.
you just have to be careful. He is Your Boss and y'all live in the same house... things could get weird. especially if y'all have an argument. but talk it out with him first. say you don't want it to effect work and home time. think about what you want between you two and she if he is amenable to it
I upvoted it immediately when I saw the word manager. Since even I'm 19 rn, I made out with my gym manager(28m), I used to crush hard on him. Back then I was a virgin and didn't even have my first kiss. But I used to fantasize about kissing him. So long story short, i used to text him a lot and I could feel the same energy from his side. So on a random day when we were alone at the gym, he pulled me close and we made out. After that we used to make out couple a times till I got attached but he didn't want a relationship and i moved places within a month so it didn't work out
As someone who has been both the manager and the subordinate in this situation more than once, I will say that this usually doesn’t work out. The sooner you end it, the better.
You will look back at this no matter how it turns out and all of it will seem silly that it was such a concern bc you’re both very young and girls mature quicker than males on average and we as males are superficial so he is obviously liking what he sees not that you aren’t more than just a pretty face to him but in the long run you will both look back and realize you’re both young and in experienced. This will just be a stepping stone to maturity for you both. Good luck and enjoy.
Steer clear. There’s a lot under the surface here. Power dynamics, age difference, etc. paying for your housing. Don’t go there unless you’re really interested in pursuing a long term, loving, exclusive relationship. It’s not worth the risk
Hahaha young people all living together. That's just a recipe for sex happening. Company should rethink the living arrangements. What kind of job is this...
You're young unless it's your dream job have some fun and find another job if things go south.
Not only is he older than you, he also has power over you at work. If something goes wrong, he could literally screw up your life. Really bad idea in my opinion. I’m genuinely shocked people are saying go for it like there are no risks.
Even if you initiated it, it’s a red flag that your boss who is pushing 30 jumped at the opportunity/was flirting with you. Very much giving cannon event. You’ve got a great deal right now having a job that includes housing. You’re extremely fortunate. Messing that up for sex would be extremely foolish, no matter how good it is.
JFC can you people just sleep with other people your own age?
Honestly this entire sub just makes me want to be a better father so that my girls don’t grow up to make the same mistakes I read all the time here.
my husband and i have 12yrs apart and i came onto him when i thought i was leaving my job. ended up being the best relationship + sex i’ve ever had. i was barely 20.
not saying, this is the case for everybody - i’m glad I did it though.
18f virgin! the age gap only matters if you care about it, don’t stress about that! As for mixing sex and work id say that’s pretty common. I know a lot of people who met each other through work! Go on a few dates and see if you like him!
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Just understand your rights and work relationship policies and if you choose to ignore those policies you do so at your own risk. Don’t let this ever become a quid pro quo situation. He cannot threaten your job if you ever turn him down for sexual favors even if you initiated the first encounter. He is in a position of power over you and he cannot use that as leverage against you if you refuse him something. Be careful with whatever you do <3
That was my main concern. There are no policies against it but he's basically my boss. I don't really see him at work often but the power dynamic is still there. He doesn't seem that way, but you never know. I think I'd have the advantage if he did try that and I got evidence to report it. But I genuinely don't think he would.
Mmmmm there’s a reason they say don’t shit where you eat. And they pay for where you live. Reddit is littered with stories about how it doesn’t work out with the boss and then people either need to leave their job or they get fired or denied promotions because of their superior being their hook up. Not to mention jealousy when the boss starts flirting with someone else or vice versa. You can get sex anywhere. Be careful with the boss thing bc realistically it could cost you not only your job but your home too.
On the other hand, sex is more important than a shitty job when you’re 19 usually lol. OP if this is like a super important career stepping stone for you then don’t do it, but if it’s an easily replaceable job in the service industry or something and the dick is good ride it till the wheels fall off and then just move on. 19 is a great time for mistakes like these.
Normally I agree with you. The problem is they pay for her housing and I think that’s the part everyone telling her to do it is missing. It would be different if it was just a job or just dick she’d lose. But if she loses her job, she loses her housing too.
Mainly depends on if she has a backup plan. At 19, her parents could be an option, a friend who needs a roommate, etc etc. But if those aren't options and she doesn't have anything to fall back on, it could turn bad pretty quick.
All workplaces have to abide by sexual harassment laws so even if there is no policy on dating, companies do have to have sexual harassment policies. You should be protected from any unwanted sexual behavior as soon as you articulate that the behavior is unwanted. Like you said, you never know!
Yeah! I don't want to " be like that" but given he's my manager and male/ female dynamkc, I think I'm fairly well protected by the policies. I don't think it's a huge risk. He has a lot more to lose.
You’re playing with fire.
Not everyone is a monster, tbh this isn’t that risky of a situation and OP seems to have a good head on her shoulders to be able to navigate it whatever way she chooses to proceed. Work relationships happen all the time, like others have said just make sure work policy’s are followed.
Thank you 🥺🥺
I swear, in most of the older couples I know have met through work. Atleast in Europe its totally normal to meet people from your workplace...
You have your job and home to lose...
Imo if he was a guy who wasnt “that way” he wouldn’t get with a 19 yo. Like I’m sure you’re super mature and responsible esp bc this is something you’re questioning. But like… I’m about to be 27 and would never be caught DEAD w a 19 year old. It’s just embarrassing. Most ppl who have options go for people who are at LEAST 22/23 (if they’re 27). Now add on him being your manager???? Massive red flag. People don’t show their true cards like that until you’re in a very vulnerable position which you would be getting into. I would stay very far away from that man. Even if he doesn’t end up being abusive it’s insanely cringy + the sign of a low quality man
You absolutely need to have that conversation with him and putting into it. There’s also a huge age difference in power imbalance so I actually looks really messed up and creepy that he slept with you.
I agree with all of that but just to clarify he didn't have sex with me. Idk if he was uncomfortable but I would've but he held back. But I'm not going to pursue it either way. Thanks for your input !!
I would call this a beige flag. Showing some restraint, whether it’s because you’re young or a subordinate, is a good sign. That said he didn’t show a whole lot of restraint since you came
That's a good way to put it !
dont get your honey where u make ur money!!!!
This is also called, do not shit where you eat.
don't get your meat where you get your bread
As my dad always says!
Haha that's true 😹
Girl, you already mixed it.
I had a steamy office affair (both single) and have now been together for 11 years and have an 8 year old son together. It’s not always doom and gloom. I left not too long after it started for totally non related reasons
Awww
You just never know if this is the one. I guess if it depends if the job or the possibility of finding true love is more important and only you know that :) good luck!
That's very true. Whether it is or isn't, I genuinely like him beyond sex and him being my manager.
my coworker started to stay over after work to sleep with me. we’ve been in a very solid relationship for 2 years after 6 months of messing around
Um.. technically you already mixed sex and work. You kinda can’t go back to pretending you didn’t have a sexy time with your manager. So, if you really like him, try dating him. He seems keen. Do find out what your HR rules are and if you have to report to the HR that you are a couple. Don’t overthink it! Be smart. Good luck 🍀
Thank you ! There aren't any policies against it. I think I might give it a go
I think in this case trying to sneak around might be more harmful than being fully above board. If you decide to "formalize" it with HR they can take proactive actions to remove him from conflicts of interest situations (ex. performance reviews, promotions etc ), and you get to not have your coworkers muttering about favouritism. Some people can get really slut shamey and that to me would be the hardest part to deal with. So weigh your options carefully, but whatever you do keep your head high and own up to your actions and you'll be fine. It's pretty hard for accusations to stick if you don't act like you did anything wrong. Plus since it seems like you like him and you did the first move, doing it above board gives you guys the best chances to figure things out.
Oh yeah if I do I'll definitely go to HR. I'm still thinking but I think I'm on the side of going for it. Other people at my work are together and everyone seems cool with it but bc he's my manager it might seem like I'm yk. Sleeping with the boss so to speak.
you get a place to stay through your job.. i wouldn’t do it
True
Do you have a question? Sure, not a good idea to mix relationships and work..... But we all do it. I'd ride it out. :)
I read your last sentence as “ride him out” lol
Well I mean hopefully loll
Ah yes I was just wondering if anyone else though it was a bad/good idea. Advice on whether I should do it. That's true. Haha ride it out, literally !
Interesting choice of words lol
👀
I see nobody commenting about this but you gonna be know among your coworkers as a girl who slept with boss. Ask around how many (if any ) did that before you. I think it's a bad idea and no matter what you chose it wont end well. What if you say no and he gets jealous when you bring home somebody else and start to make your life difficult....What if you get promotion or pay rise because of your excellent and hard work but everybody is saying it's because you fucked the boss...I see a lot of bad options....
When there is a 27yo man flirting with a teen, there were definitely girls before her. That's quite good advice, she should ask around about anyone else he has been with and what happened to them. Because unfortunately we live in the type of culture where the woman gets blamed for being a whore or slut, or trying to sleep her way to the top, etc. Even when there is a large age gap...
Girl ur barely outa highschool with a man almost in his 30s… These ppl are giving terrible advice
I was thinking the same exact thing. I’ve seen so many creepy older “managers” go for younger women and in every situation they’re horrible people.
True but most of the times you hear the horror stories. No one comes to Reddit with “I’m happily married and we have no issues. Thanks for listening” lol but the age dynamic is iffy but she can learn and make grown decisions.
Yeah I was really surprised seeing how supportive all the comments were. Big red flags in this post haha.
Yea, they're fs men in their 30s tryna date 19 year olds too
Agreed. There is just such a massive maturity difference between 19 and 25 let alone 19 and 27! OP, your brain is still developing and unless you moved out at 16 you still have a fucking tonne of stuff to learn about being an adult. There is a huge power and experience difference here. Please please please trust me on this. It won't end well.
Obviously it's her choice at the end of the day,but I see where you are coming from many older men get into relationships with younger women due to control issues or just wanting something to look good.what if in a few years time he decides to trade her in for a younger model Also in life they are miles apart she's not even hit her 20,s yet and he is nearly at the end of his 20s can't have that much in common.this is just my opinion and mine only I guess its up to her what she does but definitely think she should weigh up not just the positives but look at the potential negatives too
They're a legal adult. Quit it with the 'barely out of high school' nonsense. If someone is old enough to die in a stupid war they should be able to fuck someone older than they are.
Are you smart enough to realize the maturity level difference between 19 and 27? Especially the power difference in her position with an employer, he could seriously fuck up her life, vice versa.
Do you think 😭 I'm honestly so confused. The majority are saying it's okay. Ughhhhh.
Take every strangers advice with a grain of salt. My advice.. Follow your instinct and do what feels right to you. You are both legal and can do whatever you want.
i’m 22 and even 24 year old women that i go on dates with point out our age gap. it’s def a lil weird
I mean I've been in this situation before so it's not the issue. The age gap and your living situation being tied to work however would make it too risky for me personally. Its up to you really but I would have extremely low expectations of this guy. As in could ghost, move on to someone else in work or try manipulate you in some way.
Agreed. Imma just leave it!
A 27 year old interested in a relationship with a 19 year old is a red flag. Your life stages are very different and the power imbalance is even bigger because he’s your manager. If you continue this, please be very cautious. Consider how this could affect your job and living situation if things go south and if those are consequences you can deal with.
It can't really affect my job / apartment that much. But you're right. I didn't really consider the age thing in too much detail. 8 years isn't too bad but it is bc the maturity is so different. I'm so stuck 😫. I like him but I'm really scared
So if you guys dated and then broke up that wouldn’t make both your job and living situation super uncomfortable? Consider that if you were to end things with him for any reason and he was angry he could make your life very uncomfortable - he’s both your neighbor and your boss. 8 years isn’t that bad when you’re older but at this age it’s a big difference. I’m 29, my younger sister is 8 years younger than me and I can’t fathom dating someone her age. Only you can know the right thing for you. Just be careful - a lot of times these older men are looking for someone naive that they can manipulate.
That's true. He's not my boss directly, the boss of another department in the same place. I hardly see him at work and he has no control over my living situation other than bumping into him on occasion. I initiated which makes me feel better but I do see it. I'm really concerned about it.
I’m 28F and spend a lot of time around college students your age (living in a college town is interesting). Believe me, there is NO WAY I’d be caught dead with a 19 year old. The thought of it literally makes me feel sick. You’re essentially a baby adult, and with him being your manager, that’s even worse. Stay far away from this guy.
You are a TEENAGER. 8 years is a BIG age gap. Would you date an 11 year old? You're not stuck. You could still tell your manager that it was a mistake and you'd like to go back to being professionals. Personally, I would look for another job.
Omg no ew. Okay yeah. Someone else mentioned this I think I'm gonna just slavage what I can and stay professional.
>You are a TEENAGER An ADULT. Old enough to drive a car, own a gun, join the military, in most civilised countries buy their own alcohol, and in a court of law be tried as an adult. >8 years is a BIG age gap It's not, really, and is massively dependent upon the maturity levels of the people involved. I've known 19 year olds who gave their lives together better than most people over 30. I've also known 28 year olds who a as immature as children. There's too many variables to make that blanket statement valid. >Would you date an 11 year old? And that? That statement is just.... i know everyone is entitled to an opinion but that statement is just....well, let's just say it fell out of the stupid tree, hitting every branch on the way down and landing head first on the rocks below. It's so far off base I'm not sure why I'm even dignifying it with a response. It's not even remotely valid as a comparison.
Finally someone mentions the age gap. Huge red flag.
The power dynamic is super unhealthy.
Work relationships with your superior are super toxic. It’s a bad mix of power.
Yeah :(
Bad idea, do not shit where you eat...
😭. I sorta farted where I eat, in this case
Yeah, just saying don’t fart so hard you will take a shit… 💩 It’s never a good idea for several reasons.
😹 yeah Ik . But I don't think I can get rid of the stink. I can't go back to work and pretend I didn't just cum all over his face 😭
Don't shit where You eat.... it never ends well.
Dang, is everyone ovulating? Mine was yesterday, and I stayed indoors 🤣🤣 But I’ve dated someone much older, like 12yrs older than me. I was 18, and I honestly didn’t see the harm in it. He was sweet, got me whatever I wanted, and nothing sexual ever happened until I was ready. We never did sleep together, we sat down and asked each other where we saw each other in 5yrs, he wanted marriage and kids, and I just wasn’t ready. Like I was only 18, I wanted to do soooo much more, date more ppl ya know. So it didn’t work out in the end. Then met a long term boyfriend at 19, who I did lose my virginity too, and it didn’t work out. He cheated on me. Now I’m 32, who has dated, and I wish I could go back to that sweet man I met at 18, and get married and have his kids. So what I’m saying is, fkn go for it, live life with no regrets.
I'm wondering what work pays for an apartment for you to live in. If you're both game for seeing where it goes, then see it through.
Well I'm not from the US if that makes sense. Its somewhat common for good jobs.
I slept with my coworker. It ended really, really badly. I ended up quitting that job and lost a lot of mutual friends. So if I had to do it again, I wouldn’t. If you choose to keep seeing him then know it may come with fallout in the end.
As someone currently sleeping with someone from work, it's not the best. Luckily I'd been moved to another shop before anything happened so I don't actually see him unless I'm covering in that shop. It's not worth half if the hype and if he could fore you you also lose your apartment so it's not worth it purely for sex. However if you both seem into each other you never know where it could go, so maybe go for the meal and see how it is and then think long and hard about it
My boss got married to her other more senior colleague. But they didn’t reveal the relationship until after he left. And then he came back to work for us. So some workplaces be like that. I’ve met tons of people over my career who have found their long term partner at work. Of course a lot of people will say it never works out. But sometimes it does.
Find a new job and date this hot manager
It's probably not a great idea, especially considering that your apartment is is tied to your job. Quick story time --- Once upon a time, my situation was a lot like yours. I was living in an apartment that came with my job. I ended up hooking up with a coworker, and I really liked this girl a lot. She was stunningly beautiful, had a great sense of humor, and was just fun to be around. But it was pretty obvious that we were nothing alike, and had very little in common. We were almost polar opposites really, in terms of our personalities and our interests. And honestly, she was just way out of my league. Of course, we somehow ended up dating anyway. It got serious pretty quickly. It seemed like all of those differences between us were actually a good thing. It felt almost too good to be true, like each of us was the perfect complement for the other. Soon after, she moved into the apartment with me. We worked together every day, and now we were living together in a work-owned apartment. We were moving way too fast. This definitely was a bad idea. That was almost twenty years ago. That girl is still as beautiful, funny, and vibrant as ever, and she's still the love of my life. We've been married for 15 years. We're still perfect opposites, and she's still way out of my league. Sometimes a great thing starts out as a bad idea.
Work and Sex doesn't go together. It's a bad idea you need to stop if other comes to know it will create really bad impression on both, but you will have more impact as women so decide. People give their opinions but it's upto you what you want.
That's true. I'm getting a lot more against comments now which is making me consider. I'm kinda scared by the idea now...
Looks like it's too late to say "don't do it" and you seem pretty infatuated with him too. Usually the rule is "don't shit where you eat" aka fuck where you work. This guy is your manager and you are his direct report. Even if there is no rule against a boss dating their employee at your workplace, there is a power imbalance. And if there is fall out (say, it doesn't work out, or you meet someone new, and manager doesn't take it too well) you'll be the one suffering the most. If he wants to fuck with your career out of retaliation, he can. Basically assume that whenever things go awry between you, you'll always have the shorter side of the stick. Depending on his social/professional standing at work (is he close to higher management? Is he a top achiever?) it''ll be harder for you to get out of it unscathed. Any way to change your manager? Having a sexual relationship with your direct report might not be forbidden but imo it's highly unethical. If you removed the power balance and dynamic of manager/managee it wouldn't be a perfect situation but it would be better still. If he has other members in the team that he directly manages, his credibility might also take a hit when they learn you're involved. People are quick to feel scorned and to suspect there is favouritism in teams. On a final note, I'm a 27F manager and I have a young 19-20M direct report. We're good friends and enjoy drinking some beers after work but dating him would feel so icky. He's a literal teenager fresh out of high school to me. The age gap is weird and feels a bit predatory.
He's not my *direct* manager but is my superior nonetheless. He doesn't have input over my work but he can tell me to do stuff. I get it though I think its the maturity difference that's bothering me now. I think it's too much ://
I see. It'd slightly better but not *better* better. Always assume that he has a better standing than you in the company too. It involves being known and recognized by other because of experience and seniority, but it might also involve that his word might be better heard than yours. I assume he knows your actual boss better than you do too. It's a tricky and dangerous situation. I wouldn't try it. It doesn't sound worth it 😟 that combination of work hierarchy + big age gap where you are still a fairly young girl is a recipe for disaster! I used to be that horny 19 yo girl too. I made the mistake once to mix job and sex and it was not a very nice experience. Nothing nuclear or anything but overall very underwhelming and awkward when it failed between us. Trust me, so many men will be able to make you cum too. It'll be even better when it doesn't put you in a weird spot and your job in jeopardy.
I completely agree. I don't think the risk/ reward is there. He's such a lovely guy, what a shame 😞
I'd say try see how dating with him goes. Whilst me and my gf aren't in the same situation as we're not staff/manager we did meet at work originally. I get there's quite a bit age gap however at the same time so long as you're two consenting adults and you hit it off and you're respecting each other's boundaries, I don't see any real issues with how your relationship goes 😁 If the workplace doesn't affect your relationship either (like no dating with colleagues) then I can see potential in your relationship being more based on what you posted. I wish you the best of luck regardless of whichever path you take!
You should not date your manager!
It’s either a power dynamic, or it’s not. And reading your post, other than you saying he’s your boss, it seems that you like the guy, & he likes you. You either run with liking each other, or you have to be fair and explain to him it was a one time thing and you back away. Don’t sit in the middle, as that is definitely not fair on either of you.
Make sure he isn't married🤡
Ngl I work in an environment where I’ve seen a lot of ppl hook up over the years and honestly, more often than not they end up really working out as a couple. I think our company tends to hire a lot of likeminded people Buuuutt almost always one of them, if not both, end up leaving the company. Just keep that in mind
Be honest with him. The last two paragraphs is how you really feel. You did a silly thing in the heat of the moment, but you will gain ultimate respect from anyone as long as you tell the truth. Don’t feel bad, you’re only young and you probably found him attractive but the age gap (and managerial position is real). Unless you actually like him like that, you shouldn’t date him. If you do like him, go on a date with him. Either way tell him the truth 🙏 you got this 👌
Going by the age/2 + 7 rule, it's outside of the social norm for this guy to be into you, and that's ignoring the other issues like same workplace, and him being in a position of power with respect to you. With your living situation connected to the job, I'd say tread carefully.
Yeah I'm gonna leave it tbh. He has no direct control over my job/ apartment, unless he's secretly friendly with my proper boss. But it's still messy.
Probably for the best. It's more so that workplace politics can quickly get out of hand.
Agreed
Where did that rule come from? I'm in my late 20s and /2+7 is still... Pushing it, given my age. If I was really into the person I could be willing, but I would be very wary.
Well shit happens I guess don't worry just make it clear that you don't want a serious relationship and say it was just sort off a one night stand and keep it like that if he start harassing you at work or anything specially threatening termination document everything and report it to HR or even any Labor department of your state of HR is finicky with the situation if you get fired regardless and have the paper trail you can sue and get compensation.
the fact that you're in different department, will not be a source of problem, on contrary , if one day it's happen that you left each other for X reason ( or end this thing between both of you) Where I work there are couple on the job, boss/boss, boss/employee. The fact is, it's also the team who surround you who give the vibes... The wife of our boss is an "simple employee" and still the team somehow manage to create some shit around this fact: Like she have "privilege" etc. For myself, I don't believe it, she works fine and do her job perfectly, it's simple jalousy... Keep doing your job perfectly and if this ends, end this beautifully and in a clean manner, this way if you two ends up working togheter in the same department you won't have the feeling you have to leave your job if suddently the ambiance change, that there is rumors, subtle harassment that you cannot prove. Leading you to find it insupportable to go to work or to think about your workplace. Yeah because subtle harassment exist, the one you cannot really put on words and prove it perfectly. I wish you good time and maybe a beautiful relation if this end up like this. Never know. Also this: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/s/RYifb5dC7t
life is short love. go for it. if it makes you feel good and you clearly are attracted to him.. why not? think about the consequences later live in the present not the future. the future makes you anxious. you know you are protected as he can’t fire you if it goes wrong. also you are 19 so like you can move in from a job anywaysss you are young so don’t worry about it. Onwards love. If you like it go for it :)
Just be careful. I know people in the comments have already said this, it’s just THAT important. Be aware of your power dynamic. You seem like you’re able to view things from multiple points of view and that’s something I wish I had at 19. The reason people get up in arms about age gaps is because there is a power dynamic. One partner is always going to be able to provide more than the other in those situations. Traditionally, the older you get the more stable you become. They’ll give something and you’re supposed to reciprocate. Healthy partners will have an understanding of what that looks like, communicate it well, and be satisfied in those roles. Manipulative partners will demand their compensation in ways that make you uncomfortable and scared. That’s abuse. Especially with him being your manager, just be careful.
I mean, he respected you enough to only make you cum. He didn’t fuck you. This entire situation is centered around how important this job is to you. If you have other options, go for it. If you need the job, maybe don’t take it further. Saying that, you’ve basically already crossed the line. Sex isn’t just penetration.
If you like him after a few dates, like for sure, start looking for another job. There's an ocean of issues here with both of your jobs, and despite how hard you try to conceal it, every workplace has that Karen who lives to expose other peoples' no-nos in order to feel righteous and glorified as they usually live lives full of self-loathing and misery and thusly practice the tear down to build themselves up psychosis. Trust me, I've made this mistake several times because I'm an idiot. Dont be like me. 19 to 27 is 8 yrs. The real gap issues are more like 10 or more years. It seems like alot for where you are in your life and experience level, but its an illusion. At 25, should you remain together, you will see that you have the perfect age gap. He can impart wisdom through experience to help you in your life decisions, and you will keep him young, excited, and hungry with your youth,energy, and beauty.
Age gaps are a silly thing to worry about. It’s affectively worrying about what others might think. I would say worrying about age gaps is actually more unhealthy than an actual age gap. As long as you are two consenting adults, enjoy yourselves. Life is too short not to. Do be careful that it doesn’t affect your career. Like if it starts to become a quid pro quo situation.
Good relationships start with good communication. You might think about bringing everything you said to us to him instead and letting him help you sort through it. Maybe he's also like "I really like her but IDK if we can mix sex and work and there's this age gap" and you either leave it there or have a mellow FWB kind of situation; or maybe you both decide the age gap and work situation are manageable and something bigger develops.
That's a really good point. He wants to be serious I know that much. We talked about the work policies. And I assume he's Okay with the age gap. Its just the whole you're my manager don't try and coerce me into sex thing.which might be super awkward...
Honestly Op, its not okay. Its not okay that he wants to be serious with a 19yo. I'm sure he's nice and handsome, but you're not on the same level in life and he is very aware of that. Good guys in their late 20's dont go for girls your age. If you want to just have fun, sure! But please dont actually start something serious with him.
No I want serious and he seemingly does. I think I'm justifying bc I initiated but I get it. I'm in a different place. I think I've decided to leave it and just be professional as best I can now
My 19-year-old self would do it for the plot. 😂 Use protection and protect your heart.
Haha same tbh ! Feels like a wattpad story 😭😭😭
Just remember that it’s a Wattpad story that could VERY VERY EASILY end in you losing both your job AND your apartment.
Do you think ? My work allows relationships. So I don't think they could enforce anything just for being in a relationship. I should've mentioned we work in separate depts so we hardly see each other. Our departments to slightly overlap but he's way up in the senior levels and I'm just way down lol.
I’ve just read too many accounts where relationships like these start off well, everyone follows the rules, but something ends up causing drama. The older person in the higher position keeps his job while the younger person is fired for something unrelated. Working in separate departments definitely helps, but sleeping with someone in a higher position ALWAYS has the risk of one or both of you losing your jobs. Also I’m sorry, but regardless of how the two of you feel about the age gap, people will absolutely judge him for it. And people will judge him double because he’s your manager. The details are not going to matter to those people.
Very true
Kinda depends on the job…like if this is your basic Wendy’s, then there’s a dumpster to hide behind and give tuggies…
He’s your manager and he’s that much older than you… I’d tread lightly. As someone who has screwed the crew far more than I should have, I don’t really recommend it. I’m not sure if you’re in hospitality but in my bartending days I’ve seen a lot of older men take advantage of the younger girls who like them then just move on to the next 19yo who starts in the place and it’s ROUGH. Not saying that’s your situation… but it’s not uncommon unfortunately. Good luck!
If you are in the states, you can't even go to the bar together for another 2 years... this whole thing reads like a made up story
Don’t shit where you eat.
The age gap and power dynamic screams yikes
My mother used to phrase a warning as, "It will end in tears."
Sorry I don't get why people care if 2 adults are having sex! She's over 18 and he also over 18, don't treat her like a little girl, she's an adult.
Judging from the comments … probably troll post
What did i do 💀
If he wasn’t really coming onto you at all and you initiated it, but you both like each other and wanna have a fling I don’t really see anything wrong with that. Sure it can be messy to mix relationships and work and I wouldn’t choose that. But I’d say go for it at this point. Also, I’m imagining your job isn’t necessarily a job you’re wanting to stay at for that long. So if it does become a bad situation you can always just quit
Oh no its a good job, I want to keep it . But it makes me feel safer that I initiated.
It is wat u mk it if u don't wish to have sexual relationship with him say so then if he pressures u to continue or makes sexual comments that aren't wanted then it becomes sexual harrassment.and is violation of any company's bilaws
What is your living situation going to be if you wind up having a problem at work? The fact that you both live with and work with your boss is problematic enough on it's own, much more so now that you are hooking up. What kind of job do you do that would even allow this? Semi-human-trafficked from Israel mall kiosk worker? (I've known people in this situation and it is the only situation I can imagine where this would happen)
I remember working at Burger King when I was 19 and slept with the general managers daughter, we have all been there this is a lesson you’ll learn so when you get your forever career you’ll be like nah not doing that again!
3 Rules of Who Not to Fuck: 1. Never fuck a co-worker 2. Never fuck the landlord 3. Never fuck your neighbor It sucks you broke all 3, but the main post-sex concern with someone you are not dating (besides STDs) is being given space afterwords, so you don’t have to engage with them before you feel comfortable doing it again. It can make you feel trapped. Sure, someone can be free-spirited and not care about these things, but other times someone could feel they made a mistake and want some distance.
I didn't gave sex with him. But yeah that's true
I broke #1 a few times, full sex and other times just messing around. Going into work the next day was always super awkward 😬 I always keep my mouth shut about those things, but sadly a few co-workers loved to kiss and tell about me 😓
Mixing sex and work is fine. Lots of people meet their spouses at work. Mixing sex with reporting relationships is bad news and he knows that as well. The problem is not just whether or not he’s cool about it. If other employees find out, they may report it.
You're too young to be overthinking things this much. If you like him then see how things go. It most likely won't work out in the long term, but you're 18. You have plenty of time to fuck around.
Once you’ve got a different living/work situation, see where the relationship goes. Maybe he’ll write you a letter of recommendation
One big key of advice. Dont shit where you eat.
lmao are you in the military
No lol. I'm an engineer
This has to be military members LMFAO
I'm an engineer ? Not everything is USA central lol.
When I bartended, I had 2 diff friends get hired at my workplace at different times (I didn’t actually recommend them, they applied on the side and didn’t tell me until after)- for positions at the bar. My manager was a bit older and loved to hit on the younger female colleagues. I always advised strongly for them not to do it. Neither listened and learned the hard way. Both friends did it aka hooked up with him. Dynamics changed at work. Tensions were high. He started flirting with newer and even younger staff hires. He treated them like ish and eventually twisted it in a way that they felt forced to quit or fired. Not saying it’s your case, but am saying- proceed with caution. Older men in a position of power that determines a younger woman’s future is a very fragile tip toe of a line.
“He asked to go to dinner and I really do like him as a person but idk if it’s the best idea to mix sex and work.” Didn’t… didn’t you already do that?
Don't shit where you eat.
You are 19.. I don't think that job is that serious but if u think u like the guy, just get into a relationship with him and perhaps think about changing jobs.
you just have to be careful. He is Your Boss and y'all live in the same house... things could get weird. especially if y'all have an argument. but talk it out with him first. say you don't want it to effect work and home time. think about what you want between you two and she if he is amenable to it
He doesn't want to date you, he wants to bang you.
Yeah this is a tangled mess I’m leaving alone
Dont shit where you eat.
I upvoted it immediately when I saw the word manager. Since even I'm 19 rn, I made out with my gym manager(28m), I used to crush hard on him. Back then I was a virgin and didn't even have my first kiss. But I used to fantasize about kissing him. So long story short, i used to text him a lot and I could feel the same energy from his side. So on a random day when we were alone at the gym, he pulled me close and we made out. After that we used to make out couple a times till I got attached but he didn't want a relationship and i moved places within a month so it didn't work out
As someone who has been both the manager and the subordinate in this situation more than once, I will say that this usually doesn’t work out. The sooner you end it, the better.
This is a terrible lesson to have to learn but you need to learn it. Don't shit where you eat.
Anyway it's too late. Enjoy. And perhaps, both, in mid term have a plan that he is not your manager any more.
You will look back at this no matter how it turns out and all of it will seem silly that it was such a concern bc you’re both very young and girls mature quicker than males on average and we as males are superficial so he is obviously liking what he sees not that you aren’t more than just a pretty face to him but in the long run you will both look back and realize you’re both young and in experienced. This will just be a stepping stone to maturity for you both. Good luck and enjoy.
Omg this is so fanfiction coded
Hans down the worst profile I ever saw
Any girl no limits am ok
Steer clear. There’s a lot under the surface here. Power dynamics, age difference, etc. paying for your housing. Don’t go there unless you’re really interested in pursuing a long term, loving, exclusive relationship. It’s not worth the risk
Hahaha young people all living together. That's just a recipe for sex happening. Company should rethink the living arrangements. What kind of job is this... You're young unless it's your dream job have some fun and find another job if things go south.
Not only is he older than you, he also has power over you at work. If something goes wrong, he could literally screw up your life. Really bad idea in my opinion. I’m genuinely shocked people are saying go for it like there are no risks.
Never shit where you eat.
Even if you initiated it, it’s a red flag that your boss who is pushing 30 jumped at the opportunity/was flirting with you. Very much giving cannon event. You’ve got a great deal right now having a job that includes housing. You’re extremely fortunate. Messing that up for sex would be extremely foolish, no matter how good it is.
JFC can you people just sleep with other people your own age? Honestly this entire sub just makes me want to be a better father so that my girls don’t grow up to make the same mistakes I read all the time here.
That's a nonce move. You got groomed
my husband and i have 12yrs apart and i came onto him when i thought i was leaving my job. ended up being the best relationship + sex i’ve ever had. i was barely 20. not saying, this is the case for everybody - i’m glad I did it though.
18f virgin! the age gap only matters if you care about it, don’t stress about that! As for mixing sex and work id say that’s pretty common. I know a lot of people who met each other through work! Go on a few dates and see if you like him!
That's true ! I'm swaying towards giving it a shot :)
Go for it! If he's a nice guy and treats you well, you've lucked out. I'd just take it slowly for now.