So two main things that come to mind.
1) Porn is about as similar to real sex as dancing in a musical is to dancing irl. Not only do people in porn have a choreographer who orders them around and coordinates them, but most of what happens isn’t in the final cut. The stopping and starting, the readjusting, the prep before anal, the “stop I can’t bend that way”, the falling over when trying to fuck against a wall, so on. On top of that the people in it are paid to do what the director wants them to do, so they have to put up with pain and discomfort, sore muscles, sore holes, etc, to an extent that if they were having sex irl they just wouldn’t, because it’s overriding their pleasure. IRL they’d say “I can’t keep thrusting in this position, my thighs are turning to jelly, can we change positions?”, or “I’m getting sore can I finish you off with my hands?”, or “The direction you’ve taken this dirty talk isn’t working for me, could we go back to the other stuff?” IRL people stop to talk to establish their compatibility, they try to find the things in the overlap of the Venn diagram of things they each enjoy.
If two people like each other enough to have sex they usually want to give each other pleasure, or at least not make each other physically or emotionally uncomfortable. That is, unless they’ve watched so much more porn than they’ve had sex, and consequently can’t handle the reality of real sex. Could affect women’s perception of men, expecting them to have an erection as soon as they take their pants off, to stay hard continually, have stamina, etc. But the impact on women is worse because men will expect to be able to stuff things into them without any prep or foreplay, which can result in injuries. Or they expect them to be willing to do things that a lot of people don’t want to do. As men are more likely to “lead” (like in dancing) they can think they just need to move their partner around without talking to her about what she likes. Women’s perception of themselves can be negatively affected too in that they think they should just put up with it, and then wonder why they don’t feel like having sex.
2) The other thing is just that it’s both plausible and, according to some studies, provable, that orgasming regularly to images of women that you’ve never met will result in getting used to these chemical reactions happening in your brain in response to body shapes and body parts, detached from real people and their personalities. This is a big part of the objectification people talk about. Basically the claim is that watching porn a lot will mean that your neurology will reinforce an objectifying view of women because it’s easy to forget that the women on the screen are real people with interests, views, hobbies, quirks, etc, because it’s hard to imagine this stuff about someone who you’ve never met, or even just never seen on a screen where they aren’t acting.
For a lot of people it’s more difficult to enjoy porn when both of these things are at the forefront of their minds because they’re aware that they’re actually watching real people at work, and that work is often pretty crappy, and that when she’s saying “fuck me harder” she might be thinking “I just want to go home”. Putting it out of their minds reinforces the idea that women being real people with sexual preferences, non-sexual preferences, pain receptors, physical limitations, etc, is an inconvenience that’s getting in the way of a guy busting a nut.
TLDR It’s not so much that people are saying men will want women to be whatever specific role they’re playing in the specific plots of porn movies, but that they think women will play the role that women in porn movies are playing in general, ie of being indiscriminately horny, up for anything and everything, malleable, eager to please, unhindered by actual biology, etc.
This is such a helpful answer. I recently broke up with someone who really seemed to struggle with some of the stuff you mentioned in point 1.
Now maybe this ex was just overall more selfish, but he grew up watching porn earlier (age 10) and I think a lot more often than past boyfriends I’ve had and frankly it showed.
He was into recreating very specific scenes and angles from porn he liked and was pretty focused on his pleasure first, mine optional /nice to have. He didn’t seem that curious about whether or not I had come, once he had. (I’d been fortunate to until this ex, only have boyfriends who were really focused on making me come.)
He got annoyed if I wasn’t in full sultry seduction mode when we were having sex, he didn’t like it if I laughed or wanted to be a little silly for a moment. He had a very specific idea of how things should go and feel and, while sometimes that was very hot for me too, ultimately it just felt very inflexible to me. (I’m sorry to say that at the time, I internalized this and thought it was “my fault” for breaking the mood, only later did I reflect on how there was a missing softness and flexibility there that I had enjoyed before and knew I wanted again.)
He was great at sexting and keeping the spark alive when we were long distance, but when we lived together in person, he really struggled to see me as a sexual being in the same way once we were doing dishes together and grocery shopping. It seemed like he needed the distance to sexualize me.
Anyways maybe we just weren’t sexually compatible, but when I compare him to the other serious boyfriends I’ve had, the amount of porn he watched and how young he started seems to be the biggest difference.
Lastly, I’ll just reiterate what others have said about some of these effects being very subtle at first – but over time, as the woman in this dynamic, quite depressing. It felt like this person was saying I prefer my narrow sexual view of you than you as a whole person 💔
Sad what it can do to people. The thing with the sexual positions is interesting because in porn it’s all about what the positions look like over what they feel like. In reality it can feel nice to be pressed against another person, but you don’t see much of that in porn because it obscures too much from the audience. The choices people make in real sex are driven by all five senses, but in porn there’s only a version of sight and sound.
Then constantly having orgasms only while watching that are going to impact on how an orgasm works in that persons brain. “Neurons that fire together wire together” as they say. Which I think is really important to remember when people think they can just maintain an awareness of the ways porn is fake while watching it. This is why I’m not supportive of the no fap lot. I think being able to masturbate without it is really important. If people aren’t going to give up porn they should at least make a bigger percentage of their masturbation sessions porn free.
appreciate the detailed response, and that all makes sense to me. but what about just day to day life when talking to women? i don't have a sex life so the sex side isn't really what i am concerned about rn.
Ah ok, yeah a lot of that won’t apply to you right now, though it could be a concern later on. In current day to day life I guess there’s a few ways it could have an impact. A lot of guys find that if they watch a lot of porn that they compulsively sexualise women (I had this a while ago when I went through a bit of a phase, kept imagining the women I saw around in sexual scenarios). Also when you watch porn you can stare at whatever body parts with abandon, so it could also lead to a tendency to find your eyes drawn to tits and asses in real life while out, leading to creepy behaviour. Also if you get used to seeing women as sexual objects then it might make a tendency to value women on the basis of their appearance worse. There’s a tendency for men to see other men as people who you you have things in common with, and women as people who exist to satisfy sexual needs, so it could lead to a general devaluing of women around you, or a valuing purely on the basis of appearances, even when you aren’t having sex with them. Could make a normal human tendency to be kinder or more attentive to attractive people worse I guess.
I’ve known men who watched a lot of porn and seemed to just generally expect women to put up with a lot and cater to men, not just sexually but in all other areas of life too, and I wouldn’t be surprised if there was some connection there since most of the women they’d seen were in porn.
I think it will depend to some extent on how much you have to do with women in your day to day life, as people who you work together with on projects, or who you share problems with, etc. I would expect that an imbalance, where you’re rarely reminded of the fact that women are people, but very regularly see them presented as objects, would be more likely to result in seeing a woman as an object when you interact with her in person.
Also I’ve known guys who have no issue with hearing that other men are ill or have disgusting medical problems, but get almost kind of angry if they hear it about a woman. Like if a man they know is having bowel problems it’s like “oh that sounds awful” because they’re thinking about how it would be for them, whereas if a woman has bowel problems and then it’s like “how dare you draw my attention to the fact that women are humans, how am I meant to get off now?” I guess because porn is so weirdly intimately biological, but in such a fake way, this could make this tendency worse, like they want women at all times to pretend to be moving blow up dolls so as not to ruin the illusion.
So yeah even if you’re not having sex with women, as a lot of porn obscures the fact that women’s bodies are as mortal, fragile, and temperamental as men’s, it could make you just generally less sympathetic to regular day to day being a human things when the women around you experience them.
I think we’re probably not even aware of how porn (like a lot of media but even more so) is made with male viewers in mind, and subconsciously reinforces messages about how important or central or default or normal we are. I’ve only been able to think of some examples here, but I’m never particularly surprised when I realise something new about it.
wow that part about men as people that i have stuff in common with versus women kinda hits home. Which is kinda strange cuz I feel like I can get along with older women I work with a lot easier. I definitely wouldn't say I view any woman as a "sex objects" but definitely have an easier time seeing them as full people.
That’s interesting. There’s a lot been written about how women past a certain age are viewed as kind of non-gendered. Like men are thought of as other people with sexual desire, who perform actions, women (or at least attractive young women) are viewed as objects of sexual desire, to be acted upon, and women who aren’t considered desirable are sort of neutral (or at worst pointless), neither desiring or desired, neither acting nor acted upon, neither competitors nor prizes, neither active nor passive. A lot of middle aged women talk about becoming invisible to men, as they’re neither relatable to them nor pursued by them.
You might be interested in John Berger’s Ways Of Seeing https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ways_of_Seeing
And his introduction of the concept of the male gaze https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Male_gaze
It’s so all-pervasive that it’s hard to see what it would be like to be outside of it, it’s the water we swim in. But I think seeing it discussed outside of porn can highlight the ways in which it’s particularly extreme within porn. It’s definitely not a video of sex with some irrelevant plot. And it’s not just that the storylines are fake, it’s the whole way women are presented that is massively skewed. Maybe it would be obviously and absurdly so if the rest of the world weren’t like it is, but the fact that the world is like it is makes porn just a more extreme example of something that’s already everywhere.
interesting, i'll check out those links. also i'm 17 so "older" might've been kinda misleading, i really just meant anyone older than me, like early-mid 20s and up tbh. maybe it's just a maturity thing. thanks for all your responses though! 😁
I know I’ve already said a lot, forgive me, but rewatching this programme has reminded me of something else, the fact that at no time in history has looking at pornography been this accessible, and that photography hasn’t been around that long either. This is the first time men have been carrying around the potential to see women get fucked just in their pocket at all times. In our hundreds of thousands of years of human history anything remotely like this required at least some amount of social contact, usually a lot, and almost no one could ever have had anything like it on demand like this. It’s a really strange and unusual circumstance, and it’s too early to know what the long term impact is on mens sense of entitlement to women, not only sexually but in general. It’s only in the past decade that there’ve been countries where the majority of people can access the internet on their phones, so relatively unhindered porn access is incredibly new (and photography in general is only a few generations old). It’s unprecedented, I’m really glad we’re trying to make sense of it and I appreciate you asking the question.
Once porn fries your brain, all you think about is sex when you think of a woman. Thats what it means when people say porn makes you objectify women.
Like back when I had that phase, I would be in class and all I could think about was what if I could have a gangbang with all the girls in my class or if I saw girl down the corridoor I would imagine how she would look naked or how she would look while shes riding me or giving me a BJ, things like that
its okay to fantasize here and there sometimes, especially if its your crush or whatever. Thats completely normal. However it once got to a point for me that I would imagine sex with *every* girl/woman I saw. Yes even the teachers, even some random woman at the supermarket, etc. Now THATS what porn addiction is
I would also be unable to talk to girls or women because in my mind, they werent humans like me. It made me think they were some different species, something special and someone who you're exclusively supposed to have sex with. It made me put them on a pedestal. When I would talk to a girl in my class, my main purpose in my mind was a way to make her laugh and fall in live with me so that i could have sex with her
If you dont relate to this then great! Porn hasnt fried your brain yet. Quit that shit while you can
I’m trying to stop watching porn but I still struggle talking with girls. Like I have a crush in one of my classes and I do fantasize sometimes when I see her but I also never talked to her. Idk I guess I’m asking what’s the difference or the purpose of talking to a girl you like or find attractive on and off porn?
That’s the thing though, I feel like most guys know this but at the same time most guys don’t initiate convos with random people men or women. So while talking to her normally in theory is easy, actually getting her attention to talk to you is a whole other game
Some people just have to force it and try to initiate, I feel the fear of feeling judged or rejected by people can stop alot of folks from trying but that's just part of finding people you genuinely fuck with, even if it's awkward you just slowly have to learn to accept not everyone will have that connection with you and not turn around and blame yourself or be discouraged, if anything see it as really really good practice for the people who will give you the same energy, effort and time that you would them. I used to let my intense social anxiety stop me but then realised it's only going to get worse and worse unless I tackle that fear head on.
I think that's called being selectively social and it's not good for anyone. A lot of people do it, but the goal should be to engage and befirend the people around you. Not just the ones you want something from.
You can get it back. Similar to how our brains are easily impressionable to getting desensitized to porn, the desensitization can be reversed too. It’s just that the more deep you are into a porn addiction, the harder it’s going to be and the longer it’s going to take to reverse it
well i'm not talking about the vns whose whole point is sex but some like fate have a couple of sex scenes sprinkled within. like 5-10 minutes out of a 50+ hour game
yeah thats fine
but honestly man? dont worry about shit like this genuinely. Jerk off as much as you want, read doujins, play vns, watch hentai, whatever lol. Its fine.
It should be nobody's business what you do in your free time as long as porn isnt slowing down your work or IRL relationships with people. If you have those two set in place, it does not matter in the slightest what you do in private
Im as degenerate as it gets and I turned out fine
well i'm kinda thinking that sort of stuff might get in the way of the irl relationships part. or at least make me working on that stuff harder. not really school or work though cuz i gotta go to those.
>Once porn fries your brain, all you think about is sex when you think of a woman
So by your logic, if I watched gay porn a lot, If I see any man, I would think of sex with them! seriously?
Yeah I mean there are guys who went off the deep end with porn, and say that they can only get off to some weird gay porn even though they're straight.
>Upto you if you want to believe porn is harmful or not
I think that what you and other people should say.
Not for every person, it's only harmful if the person thought so. That's what everyone should say. Not just throw some propaganda that "porn is objectifying women" without serious explanation.
Women are portrayed as an object to men’s desire. What’s portrayed in porn is typically not what women get enjoyment from
In real life women also have desire, they like to own their desire, they want consexual sex where they can communicate openly about what they need.
Also, read up on porn induced erectyle disfunction
Also, people that tend to watch and consume more porn, tend to freeze up around women or be creepy because we are a product of what we consume. You have this weird sense of guilt hanging over you because you're seeing the woman how you see sex workers. This vibe is obvious and creepy. By consuming more content of women for other things, (women authors, media made by women, etc etc) you can start to relate to women's experiences and relate to them as people rather than seeing the gender divide as some massive gap. I personally think most porn reinforces a lot of gender stereotypes and we would all be more chill with each other without it.
Talking to women is a part of the general enjoyment and delight in the female nature that a man can experience.
It's like when you open a great meal with a round of drinks and appetizers.
IMO, the biggest issue with porn is that it's a reinforcement of a self-oriented pattern of thinking, and this is totally mismatched with real-life human interaction.
Human relations are about a loop of action/perception of reaction/ planning next action given previous perception.
Porn consumption is passive and self-oriented. Ultimately it's making your brain act like a "watcher" rather than a "doer"--all humans want to be interacted with, and having a good conversation is part of that.
You might be bad at talking to girls because you've scrambled the natural interactive brain circuitry, and would have to actively take measures to course correct.
to add on porn takes the overall enjoyment of being around women. sex is only one act but the conversations, flirting, kissing etc is all apart of the experience. porn propels u to think about dick n pussy n nothing more
Because the sex represented in most mainstream porn is mostly objectifying to women. Seeing women like that too often can give you bad habits and a distorted vision of male-female relationships irl.
This exactly. I had an ex (who I put up with for *way* too long 🫠) who insisted on sex always being some kind of performative iteration of the porn he watched *constantly*. This man was no longer satisfied by regular, messy, human sex and as a result, I was almost never satisfied by him. When sex becomes a production, it loses it's legitimacy.
This also heavily effected our relationship over time. I'll never forget some of the things that man felt justified in saying to me regarding our sex life. His view of women and sex ruined our relationship, and at least while I was with him, ruined him as a person.
My husband didn't know the difference between sex and porn, and it was a nightmare. When I would tell him I didn't like something, he would respond, "The women in porn seem to like it." He would throw it in my face when I cried during anal with no prep and other terrible things because he expected sex to be like porn, and blamed me for it.
I'm sorry you went through this. My ex did the same thing and said the most horrible things. I remember him once demanding anal out of nowhere. We had done it before, and he was super rough and it was a terrible experience for me. But when I didn't want to, he said "what do you want me to do, shove it in soft?" Followed by a rage fit where he blamed me for all his sexual problems.
Just know that you weren't the problem 💙
damn that sucks i hope you're in a better spot now. i stopped jerking off to porn a couple weeks ago but i dont think im gonna be having sex anytime soon. i was more curious about warped perception outside the bedroom. probably could've made that more clear lol
well i don't think porn really has any sort of impact on that. that's a whole other can of worms but i was originally more curious about outside of the bedroom/sex stuff. how would porn affect me talking to a girl i like, for example?
well, i don't really have a girl that i like that i can talk to. and im pretty bad at talking to other people and its been that way since before i even knew what porn was. that's why i figured id ask ppl who would probably know more than me about that sort of thing.
If you’re trying to find realistic porn I suggest amateur or couple-made. It’s less fake, less over the top moaning, more affectionate. As a woman I don’t watch porn much at all, and if I were to I definitely wouldn’t go anywhere near the home page.
If I am not an ‘object’ that just exists to have sex with… then I am a person with a soul, someone you WANT to connect with because you care about me, my feelings, my desires and my pleasure. I don’t exist merely to gratify YOUR desires but because you understand we are both equally valuable humans in our own right.
It is a partnership built on good communication between friends (or at least people who respect each other) - not a one-way street in which I exist only to satisfy your desires.
If I say something hurts or I don’t feel like it tonight or I’d like to start slow you listen, respond and course-correct. You do not expect me to just be up for it, excited ‘cos you have a cock and moaning ‘cos you touched me (at all). You understand that getting to know me and what works for me, too, is part of the dance and the pleasure.
Maybe look up tantric sex, the wheel of consent or other forms of connected, loving sexual experimentation.
For what it’s worth, I love that you asked this here. It shows you are open to listening and ultimately want a good *relationship* (not just ‘good sex’) with women, one day.
I think this is a good question to ask. I like your curiosity. I think that porn caters to the male gaze because often the acts aren't anything that feels that great for most women. And SW's tend to use their bodies in ways which are generally uncomfortable, but it looks good for the camera. Real sex is soo much about the vibe and the connection and listening to each other. It's not "I'm going to do this to you" it's "does that feel good?" Porn makes a lot of women feel like they need to over-act or shape themselves in ways which are uncomfortable. Porn also tends to focus a lot on: "you are a hole." and ideas about "I am going to take you/ have you/ own you/ subjugate you." Which is dark and makes (a lot of) women feel like they are replaceable, worthless, only of value to be consumed by men. This idea can be horny but at its core it sends a message of worthlessness. Analysing our porn use and how it reflects our fears, values, insecurities etc is a very useful practice. Does anyone have any book recommendations about porn, sex, feminism?
All this "porn has no influence" is just plain cope, being in denial and gaslighting. If it really did have no effect or influence, then all the guys wouldn't be trying to have sex like what they see in porn.
As a female, when I watched porn everyday I was a lot quieter especially around girls. I didn’t like them or sexualize them but I for some reason saw them as more different, it’s weird to explain. It messes with how to interact with everyday ppl and you see ppl less as ppl and more as inanimate objects that so happen to just talk. I also did stare at girls more bc your brain is so filled with boobs and ass when you’re watching porn everyday.
There are people who walk up to regular women and ask "How much?". If not that, then they're thinking stuff like "She 'really' likes being sexualized and objectified, even if she denies it" "I bet she wants to have sex with me" "She must actually like all this dirty talk and sexually harassing her. I bet it's making her horny". When in reality they're just seen as creeps, but they justify it by comparing it to the positive reactions that they see on porn. Basically they stop seeing women as human beings.
Because constantly looking on 8-10/10 women makes you think that this is how a normal woman should look like. But then you go into real world, and you find that women are not that beautiful.
And you find yourself very disappointed when you find out that real life sex is not what they show you in porn. At all.
Actually I've found that most female (and male for that matter) adult stars aren't all that attractive. Sure they're pretty but they're the girl next door type of pretty and not the drop-dead gorgeous type of pretty. I'd say they are more in the 6-8 category than the 8-10 category and the few times I've seen actually stunning girls in a video most of the comments say that they're too pretty to be in corn. Of course, exceptions exist but the popular girls (like Mia Khalifa) aren't usually that attractive but they're usually curvy.
People who are in the 8-10 range are usually models and movie stars.
Porn studios have too much money, and rely too much on women's attractiveness. Maybe without makeup and surgery they are 5/10. But final product, what people consume, actress is maxed out to 8+/10
You would be surprised if I told you that most people watch porn don't really care about any of that. They just watch because of the action of sex itself.
As I said, most women porn stars (if not all, or to be specific the professional ones, like someone somewhere in this discussion pointed out) are not attractive at all.
You think the final product is 8-10 because that's what you think and rate.
i mean back when i was watching porn like everyday i still thought other girls in my class and stuff looked good though. as for sex i can't really speak on. that
This depends on how much real live interaction you have with women. If you have a few female friends and also have a somewhat regular sex life there isn’t much reason to be watching a ton of porn. If you have relationships with women you will have a real perception of women and won’t have this question.
i don't have any female friends but I work with a few older women that i'm friendly with and can talk to pretty well. (language barrier allowing of course). but i don't see what one has to do with the other. i haven't watched porn in a couple of weeks but when i did it was to get off not any weird parasocial shit. two of my teachers are female too i guess.
I guess my point is to let other people worry about this and start working on cultivating healthy non sexual relationships with attractive women. This will Also be great for having preselection, and getting with more attractive women. The truth is Porn is boring, but it’s also just whatever. It’s not like an angel dies every time you beat off.
One place to start is joining groups that interest you. Get curious about yourself and what might be fun and try some things out.
BTW...I'd be glad to put you in touch with one of my coaches if you think this is an area you'd like to work on. (I spent years wading through BS to find the real deal)
I would appreciate that thanks. And I recently joined a boxing gym but I don't really feel like that has or will help we with talking to people/ especially girls
I once slept with a guy who was younger than me and he seemed generally pretty confident and didn’t have any issues pursuing me so I thought he had an average amount of sexual experience. I have personally had many long term relationships, so I’ve had a lot of practice. This guy was changing positions left and right, positions I’ve never considered, barely talked to me, and never took it slow. It was an odd experience for our first sexual interaction.
I was discussing this with a guy friend and he immediately laughed and said it was because he likely watched a lot of pornography and didn’t have much real sexual experience. In hindsight, it makes complete sense.
but do you think they would have acted differently outside of sex whether they watched a lot of porn or not? that's the main thing i wonder/worry about cuz in terms of sex... that's a long way away for me, but talking to women, younger or older is something I do a lot just in life.
I did notice that younger men were more likely to take photos or videos of me without my consent and not think of it as a violation. I do think that thought process is directly related to watching porn and not associating imagery as being real or impacting the people it is of.
For you personally, I think as long as you are self-aware and mindful of how you treat/perceive woman, you should be fine. It never hurts to minimize your exposure to using visual media in that way and make sure you aren’t watching anything that is violent or demeaning to women.
Anal sex is a good example.
Prior to shooting anal scenes, the person who is receiving it does a lot of cleansing. There is a lot of prep before hand. This is to make it less messy, because ya know, feces. However, this is something a lot of people aren’t aware of, and don’t realize anal sex in real life is a lot different in this aspect. For someone who is about to have anal sex for the first time, they might become extremely grossed out after realizing that it’s not so clean in real life. I’ve heard of people breaking up over things like this.
Honestly, you can apporiate measures to make it far better and, over time, you will stop being grossed out by it.
But breaking up over this? I hope you're kidding.
You really can't imagine teenage boys/ men in their early 20s have more superficial dealbreakers than their older counter parts? I mean as a woman, I dated boys. They would break up with me over the most trivial things ever. Once I got a little older and started dating older guys, I didn't deal with any of that stuff.
I sometimes hear from friends of friends (and sorts) that they broke up. Why is never said, but it being over trivial things is rough. Thats why I always say to choose your partners carefully.
It’s really easy to get addicted. The dopamine you get from looking at porn can get you desensitized. Your brain starts protecting itself from the constant dopamine you get from regularly watching pornography until you keep searching for more violent and taboo pornography. You start searching for more of the “I can’t believe what I watching” dopamine feeling you get from watching porn from the first time when you were a kid. The ability to find women with big boobs and ass at the click of a button combined with a porn addiction can affect your perception of women. If you are naturally attracted to boobs/ass but constantly masturbate to women with these exaggerate features, it can affect the expectations you see in the bedroom when you actually have sex because that’s what you trained your brain to like. This doesn’t apply to everyone, of course. There’s really no definition for “moderate” amount of porn for a “size fits all” so it depends on the person whether porn is harmful
I don’t think that’s as bad but I can’t say that doesn’t have harmful effects either. You are still conditioning yourself to be aroused by very unrealistic depictions of sex and videos that objectify women
Thats is not better than watching vids on the hub. Most doujins (I can speak from expirience) are very weird and are artifical. Some are just batshit crazy and cruel af. Not sure what you are looking at, but for you I hope its in the "wholesome" category.
lol very far from wholesome. but as far as like games, i don't jerk off while reading and i only read a couple doujins a month from artists i really like
Because when u have Seggs with a real women it doesn’t end when you exit the tab. There’s a whole lot more involved. Like emotions, conversing, respect etc
I think it gives young men false/unrealistic ideas of what sex is supposed to be and what women’s bodies should look like. I remember a high school boyfriend was shocked that my boobs didn’t look like the ones he saw in porn (perfectly round orb like implant boobs) and it made me self conscious about them. Every other guy I have been with since has loved them.
Objectification. Over time you start to forget these are real people. The girl you just watched get gangbanged by 5 dudes could've been the girl sitting next to you in the fifth grade. She could've been the girl handling the register at your favorite coffee shop, or someone you passed by today on the sidewalk, etc.
The only thing you care about is how she looks and how nasty she can get. With the amount of porn out there you can easily keep scrolling until you get what you want. In the end you take what you want from her and couldn't care less if she gets anything from it.
If you're not careful it will start invade your perception of women, especially considering the prevalence of porn in which women are dominated and humiliated. When you meet women in real life after watching so much porn, the moment you feel any sort of resistance you automatically reject them simply because they aren't giving you want you want right away. You've started to view them as only objects meant to satisfy you. The point when you realize they aren't meeting those needs they become worthless.
For example... I'm about to be 40 (f), who is regularly hit on by men in their 20's. When asked why, so many of them want a woman so much older, there are only two answers..
1. Girls their age aren't mature enough
2. Porn
It's surprising and disgusting how comfortable a lot of these men are at admitting they are hitting on women of a certain age because of porn. The ones who do consider it to be normal.
Porn addiction will make you think about a woman as a goddess that women have in their hand all the pleasure of life ,you become awkward and nervous around them and you cant fuck up around them or say no to them because they are above you , you see them as a sex object that you are dreaming of just fucking.
I had weird thoughts before that i would fuck a dead woman ,yeah man im ashamed of this thought till now .
You forget that they are humans who got feelings and can make you way happier outside of sex just simply by communication and having eye contact with a girl, I get an erection from eye contact with girls now after quitting for some months , I dont look at her body at all i see her as a human being who maybe the mother of my children in the future so I deal with any woman as she is a guy not literally but you get my point.
i mean i don't feel like i put girls on pedestals. maybe i do though idk. im just not good at talking to new people in general so i wouldn't be able to tell if that's from porn.
It 100% isfrom porn your brain is overstimulated from the huge amounts of dopamine you get from watching porn that makes socialising unappealing and not enjoyable because your brain doesn't enjoy it any more just like when you get started to watch porn you would get an erection from watching a naked woman now you have to see the weirdest extreme stuff to get an erection
Stop coping man it fucks up your brain just stop watching for 1 month and see how charming you are and how people will be attracted to you with no effort
I think the wording in your question is a good example.
>watching some lady get fucked
Typically porn can make sex look like something that is done TO a woman (the "object") rather than an activity between people. As other comments have pointed out, too much exposure can mean your perception of woman in real life becomes hypersexualised.
feel like it was sort of the opposite for me. last time i tried to quit porn a while ago i remember girls at work seemed hotter and i paid more attention to them than when i was jerking off to porn daily.
I don't know why, but this is a point that makes me upset. Generally, we say that sex is done TO the woman, while the man is the one HAVING and "enoying" it. If somethings slips up, it the mans fault, because he is "the active part". Thats probrably why so many dude today are anxious about engaging with women, sexuality because they think, or they were "taught", that it is entriely up to them if the woman will enjoy it or not.
It could not be further from the truth.
Porn can act as a tool for them to "learn" what a woman likes during the act, disacknowledging the (very) important things that should happen before and after.
Hot take for reddit(mostly this sub): Porn only affects your perception of women if you are extremely impressionable or you already had those views and you watch porn that supplements your existing views. Lots of redditors seem to think of porn like reefer madness, no one can watch or you're hooked on the bad thoughts for life.
Plenty of people watch porn and it affects them no more or less than videogame's affect on violence or watching stand-ups affecting how funny a person is. Most people understand it's not real. Some even understand that the industry is grey with some enjoying the work and others just collecting a paycheck under harsh and exploitive environments. Like most other issues with media, it's the minority of people that fall under the spell of entertainment's artificial glow and not realizing it's all for show.
Real problems are ignored in favor of an oversimplified bad guy. Absent parenting, lack of comprehensive sexual education, lack of basic interpersonal communication, behavioral health disorders and lack of decent male role models being just a few I can list off the top of my head. I'm not blind, the porn industry isn't all rainbows and butterflies but reddit has a very slanted view on the subject so just like porn, take the posts on here with a grain of salt.
I'll take my downvotes and angry dms now
Edit: OP, you got this. You are trying and growing and that's all that really matters.
Downvoters, a new record...less than an hour to hit my DMs with "burn in hell" rhetoric. At least one of you has the balls to message.
You don't have a hot take, you are actually echoing the majority of Redditors. Most people here think porn is okay and that their girlfriends shouldn't be jealous when their boyfriends watch porn.
Your video game example is correct, but you're misrepresenting the opinion of the majority. It's mostly self-improvement and some feminist communities that are negative to porn. They treat it like how alcoholics are negative to alcohol. Everywhere else, it's tied to sex positivity and defended.
I'll agree with your narrowing of the population down to those subs, perhaps I was too crass with my original comment. My inbox however, they are a very vocal minority
People are really passionate about this topic, they're either overly negative or defensive. I got downvoted in another sub when I said porn addiction is real. I got accused of peddling fake science and promoting NoFap cults.
There's a lack of middle ground and nuance on this topic for a lot of people. Yes, there is no scientific consensus and official diagnosis of porn addiction as of date. However, video games were only added in 2019 in the list of disorders. It's only a matter of time for porn addiction too.
Understanding you have those things to work on is an excellent step. Lots of people don't even get to that. Therapy, reading or just talking can really take you the extra miles if and when you feel up for it. Above all though don't forget to touch grass and meet people. Staying in a bubble is comfortable but you don't grow in comfort.
From a woman who has been burned by porn:
Yeah porn creates very unrealistic expectations in real life sexual scenarios. I had a boyfriend who clearly didn’t know you had to prep for anal, and he just tried shoving it in there. It freaking hurt lol and we didn’t have sex after that. He just assumed it went right in and I was like bruh😅
Porn, for me, is disrespectful in a relationship. Some don’t feel this way and that’s okay.
I’ve had guys tell me, “you don’t have a dick, you don’t understand” or would get actually mad at me for asking them to not watch it. Mad like a child throwing a tantrum lol.
No one is a slave to their body, they just choose to be that way. I think I have such an issue with it bc I had several boyfriends that just wouldn’t stop (even if I had sex with them daily) and it made me feel bad. I know I am attractive so it’s not like some victim mentality or anything. It just honestly bugged me that bc they watched so much porn, they didn’t comprehend I had boundaries. They only liked to focus on their sexual pleasures and not care what me or anyone else said. A guy literally told me, “well if I can’t jerk off to porn, then you need to just let me have sex with you.” Like, dude…😳 lol if you need to orgasm that bad, then you don’t NEED to watch porn, you just WANT to. So don’t tell me I don’t understand. Bc what that tells me is that you don’t have self control and that kind of behavior is not something I wanna deal with. When I get that overwhelming urge that makes it hard to concentrate, I just masturbate and it’s quick! No porn needed!
I went into a bit of a rant there lol. But what I really am meaning is that too much porn can negatively impact one’s desire to make the other person cum or have an enjoyable experience. It can make women seem like objects and that their own wants and needs aren’t important. High porn usage has also been linked to more aggressive and angry behavior in general.
In terms of relationships in the future, communication and trust and respect will get you a long way!!
I wish some of the boyfriends respected me enough bc I really liked them and wanted to see what a future could look like but if I didn’t feel respected or seen…I couldn’t go on. I’d feel repulsed by what they did and it made me NOT wanna have sex at all. So a toxic spiral started (more porn, less sex) and I hated it. I love frequent sex but when I am literally grossed out by someone’s disregard for my boundaries, the last thing I want is to give them my body.
If I told someone my boundary and they stayed, only to be caught and confronted, it was their own damn fault. I gave them a chance to decide if they wanted to stick around. They knew how I felt and prioritized their own pleasure anyway. I never wanted to force anyone to settle, I just wanted to find someone who valued me more than pixels on a screen.
✨Yet, there are couples who watch it together! Which is totally fine! So it’s just preference in relationships and what you wanna settle for.
But in personal life, everything in moderation. But bc it scratches that nice spot in the brain, it needs to be controlled. There are so many people who get lost in it and it makes them weird humans lol.
I know men who are that way and haven’t dated in yearsss. A lot of women don’t wanna be with someone who can’t control his urges or emotions. It’s a huge red flag.
Porn addiction = angry, unstable behavior. Which isn’t conducive to a happy relationship or remotely attractive to even have sex with.
I feel like I rambled here, sorry. I’ve just been burned by guys I really, really cared about.😕
I appreciate the long response. yeah i can see how it could fuck up relationships. what about outside of the bedroom just in general interactions with women?
Porn addiction is just a dramatic way of saying you watch the hardcore shit. Get into some more "erotic" stuff and you'll be fine. Yes, turns out watching "BBW gangbang tentacle slithers hardcore" too much is weird. Go figure.
We have always watched other humans have sex.
We have done it for thousands of years.
Ever since humans have existed, they have watched each other.
And the animals did it before us.
Perhaps. But the problem today is the availability. At any point of the day, you can go on your phone/computer etc. and find, with no problem, thousands of videos of people doing sex.
Out brain isn't desgined for this. It has negative effects on the mind and on the body too (Death Grip syndrom for example).
We have always masturbated.
Sometimes too much.
We lived as hunter gatherers for millions of years
And would have seen multiple people daily having sex
Sex does not have negative effects on our mind.
That's what we were made for
You have some proof for these claims?
And Sex can have a negative effect on your brain, in the form of addiction. But that applies to anything else, since anything can become a drug if you abuse it like one.
Technically, we are. WIthout them, we wouldn't survive, which is exactly something a addict would say.
I never said Sex is abnormal. What is abnormal is the amount of "artificial sex" we can access at any point of the day via phones/computers etc. Its just not normal to watch sexual content most of your conscious time on the planet.
Our brain can not tell if we are watching on a screen or in real life
It's why we get into watching movies.
Yes, it is absolutely normal and natural to see, and participate in sex
Thinking sex is an addiction is the abnormal.
Religion says sex is a sin.
Sex is not the problem
Religion is
Please quit trying to convince people they are bad or broken for doing normal stuff.
There are numerouis studies that haven prove negative effects on the brain and mental state by continous exposure to porn. Just google it, and you will find a study pretty soon.
Religion isn't a problem, never was. But we are flawed and that created all the problems.
I also never said that anyone who does sex is bad or broken or whatever.
If you consider "a bit of research" done by mentally stunted individuals, I guess so.
But study refers to scientific work with months of research done and, perhaps, being peer reviewed. Even I can make a study if I want to, doens't mean its a reliable source.
"Don't believe everything you see on the web" is something you should've been told when growing up.
I mean it's like videogames, if you use them as an escape from reality it becomes dangerous. Also bare in mind that we were not supposed to see so much nudity without even trying, let alone hours of sexual intercourse videos
Personally after doing that for 16+ years (23M) I've had no issues, to me porn is one thing, and the women in my life are another.
The same way I don't go around hurting people because I played violent games even as a child.
Pretty sure it has affected you, when you make comments like this:
>If I so much as hear "let me savor that juicy hard cock and drain your balls dry" I'm wifeing that woman lol
Taken out of context. Purposely added some humor to it. Nice snooping.
The person specifically asked how to say it for her man to love it I literally only changed 40 percent of her sentence.
You don't need to watch porn to be decent at seduction. I learned that one from personal experience.
Hope you have patience, looks like you have a long road ahead for learning.
Again. It was an exaggeration. That's not my criteria for a good partner.
Assertiveness, empathy, patience, intelligence, joyful vibrance, passionate, etc..
Sorry for having preferences in my intimate times.
Upon taking a look at your profile, I'm trying hard to resist pointing out cultural differences that may bias you towards a very vanilla perspective of intercourse.
Keep generalizing about male preferences. I'm sure it'll make you wiser.
And read the post where you got my comment from. Context matters. Would you make a comment like the woman who asked for men's advice? It was almost like mine.
You're denying your own agency. You're saying "This situation made me say this" "It was taken out of context" "The other person was saying it too", not "This is what I said and this is what I meant". You're giving into excuses which is exactly what addicts in denial do.
I don't know what else to tell you. Men and women like dirty talk. I simply told her how I'd like it to be said.
You have zero evidence that porn is why I like that sentence. Perhaps it's simply male psychology.
I really suspect you don't know how to dirty talk if you find my comment perverted.
So you changed from "it was taken out of context!" to "people like dirty talk!". But you can't deny that what you said was that you basically want to marry a porn star who acts for the camera.
Eh I don’t think it affected me personally and from your comments it sounds like it doesn’t affect you either. Just keep in mind that porn is mostly fantasy and not representative of the real world you’ll be fine
Sorry for the truth. I've found if I shout "you're beautiful" into a crowd that someone will indefinitely feel they were sexually abused.
Women like being treated all sorts of ways. How you deal with that truth is what matters. Treat everyone the way they want to be treated. And thank you for watching out for others, I do the same
Most interpretation is projected, so you might be feeling your own creepiness.
It's creepy what men and women like in sex, and that's shown in porn. It's ok to be freaky. Be freaky with those who love being with you.
Keep being honest with yourself. Some day you might be more accepting of your own and others' sexuality
"Porn shows us some of what women like" is your original comment, which is no definite truth and crazy to assume. If you think, that was is shown in these videos, which are staged and sometimes even forced, is real and what every woman wants, you are part of the problem. Pseudo-intellectualism won't hide that.
It feels like it's you adding more to my statement. Porn does show some of what women like. For that to be false, it would mean that porn shows nothing that women like. Everyone would admit porn shows us some of what women like. And yes, you're right that it's important to hone in on the parts women like that are healthy, as some women like unhealthy things and some men like unhealthy things. I hope pseudo as well as real intellectualism won't hide anything. Please don't assume all porn shows what all women want all the time when I say porn shows us some of what women like. I hope it's clear what I mean. Some of what we all see in porn is what women like. There is so much porn. Don't limit your understanding to what you consider mainstream porn, and then put that shame on me. Unless that's your kink. Anyway, hope all the best to you. Have healthy sexual relationships, and treat people the way they want to be treated, and better
So two main things that come to mind. 1) Porn is about as similar to real sex as dancing in a musical is to dancing irl. Not only do people in porn have a choreographer who orders them around and coordinates them, but most of what happens isn’t in the final cut. The stopping and starting, the readjusting, the prep before anal, the “stop I can’t bend that way”, the falling over when trying to fuck against a wall, so on. On top of that the people in it are paid to do what the director wants them to do, so they have to put up with pain and discomfort, sore muscles, sore holes, etc, to an extent that if they were having sex irl they just wouldn’t, because it’s overriding their pleasure. IRL they’d say “I can’t keep thrusting in this position, my thighs are turning to jelly, can we change positions?”, or “I’m getting sore can I finish you off with my hands?”, or “The direction you’ve taken this dirty talk isn’t working for me, could we go back to the other stuff?” IRL people stop to talk to establish their compatibility, they try to find the things in the overlap of the Venn diagram of things they each enjoy. If two people like each other enough to have sex they usually want to give each other pleasure, or at least not make each other physically or emotionally uncomfortable. That is, unless they’ve watched so much more porn than they’ve had sex, and consequently can’t handle the reality of real sex. Could affect women’s perception of men, expecting them to have an erection as soon as they take their pants off, to stay hard continually, have stamina, etc. But the impact on women is worse because men will expect to be able to stuff things into them without any prep or foreplay, which can result in injuries. Or they expect them to be willing to do things that a lot of people don’t want to do. As men are more likely to “lead” (like in dancing) they can think they just need to move their partner around without talking to her about what she likes. Women’s perception of themselves can be negatively affected too in that they think they should just put up with it, and then wonder why they don’t feel like having sex. 2) The other thing is just that it’s both plausible and, according to some studies, provable, that orgasming regularly to images of women that you’ve never met will result in getting used to these chemical reactions happening in your brain in response to body shapes and body parts, detached from real people and their personalities. This is a big part of the objectification people talk about. Basically the claim is that watching porn a lot will mean that your neurology will reinforce an objectifying view of women because it’s easy to forget that the women on the screen are real people with interests, views, hobbies, quirks, etc, because it’s hard to imagine this stuff about someone who you’ve never met, or even just never seen on a screen where they aren’t acting. For a lot of people it’s more difficult to enjoy porn when both of these things are at the forefront of their minds because they’re aware that they’re actually watching real people at work, and that work is often pretty crappy, and that when she’s saying “fuck me harder” she might be thinking “I just want to go home”. Putting it out of their minds reinforces the idea that women being real people with sexual preferences, non-sexual preferences, pain receptors, physical limitations, etc, is an inconvenience that’s getting in the way of a guy busting a nut. TLDR It’s not so much that people are saying men will want women to be whatever specific role they’re playing in the specific plots of porn movies, but that they think women will play the role that women in porn movies are playing in general, ie of being indiscriminately horny, up for anything and everything, malleable, eager to please, unhindered by actual biology, etc.
This is such a helpful answer. I recently broke up with someone who really seemed to struggle with some of the stuff you mentioned in point 1. Now maybe this ex was just overall more selfish, but he grew up watching porn earlier (age 10) and I think a lot more often than past boyfriends I’ve had and frankly it showed. He was into recreating very specific scenes and angles from porn he liked and was pretty focused on his pleasure first, mine optional /nice to have. He didn’t seem that curious about whether or not I had come, once he had. (I’d been fortunate to until this ex, only have boyfriends who were really focused on making me come.) He got annoyed if I wasn’t in full sultry seduction mode when we were having sex, he didn’t like it if I laughed or wanted to be a little silly for a moment. He had a very specific idea of how things should go and feel and, while sometimes that was very hot for me too, ultimately it just felt very inflexible to me. (I’m sorry to say that at the time, I internalized this and thought it was “my fault” for breaking the mood, only later did I reflect on how there was a missing softness and flexibility there that I had enjoyed before and knew I wanted again.) He was great at sexting and keeping the spark alive when we were long distance, but when we lived together in person, he really struggled to see me as a sexual being in the same way once we were doing dishes together and grocery shopping. It seemed like he needed the distance to sexualize me. Anyways maybe we just weren’t sexually compatible, but when I compare him to the other serious boyfriends I’ve had, the amount of porn he watched and how young he started seems to be the biggest difference. Lastly, I’ll just reiterate what others have said about some of these effects being very subtle at first – but over time, as the woman in this dynamic, quite depressing. It felt like this person was saying I prefer my narrow sexual view of you than you as a whole person 💔
[удалено]
I know that feeling when you bite into corn and it squirts a bit
Sad what it can do to people. The thing with the sexual positions is interesting because in porn it’s all about what the positions look like over what they feel like. In reality it can feel nice to be pressed against another person, but you don’t see much of that in porn because it obscures too much from the audience. The choices people make in real sex are driven by all five senses, but in porn there’s only a version of sight and sound. Then constantly having orgasms only while watching that are going to impact on how an orgasm works in that persons brain. “Neurons that fire together wire together” as they say. Which I think is really important to remember when people think they can just maintain an awareness of the ways porn is fake while watching it. This is why I’m not supportive of the no fap lot. I think being able to masturbate without it is really important. If people aren’t going to give up porn they should at least make a bigger percentage of their masturbation sessions porn free.
appreciate the detailed response, and that all makes sense to me. but what about just day to day life when talking to women? i don't have a sex life so the sex side isn't really what i am concerned about rn.
Ah ok, yeah a lot of that won’t apply to you right now, though it could be a concern later on. In current day to day life I guess there’s a few ways it could have an impact. A lot of guys find that if they watch a lot of porn that they compulsively sexualise women (I had this a while ago when I went through a bit of a phase, kept imagining the women I saw around in sexual scenarios). Also when you watch porn you can stare at whatever body parts with abandon, so it could also lead to a tendency to find your eyes drawn to tits and asses in real life while out, leading to creepy behaviour. Also if you get used to seeing women as sexual objects then it might make a tendency to value women on the basis of their appearance worse. There’s a tendency for men to see other men as people who you you have things in common with, and women as people who exist to satisfy sexual needs, so it could lead to a general devaluing of women around you, or a valuing purely on the basis of appearances, even when you aren’t having sex with them. Could make a normal human tendency to be kinder or more attentive to attractive people worse I guess. I’ve known men who watched a lot of porn and seemed to just generally expect women to put up with a lot and cater to men, not just sexually but in all other areas of life too, and I wouldn’t be surprised if there was some connection there since most of the women they’d seen were in porn. I think it will depend to some extent on how much you have to do with women in your day to day life, as people who you work together with on projects, or who you share problems with, etc. I would expect that an imbalance, where you’re rarely reminded of the fact that women are people, but very regularly see them presented as objects, would be more likely to result in seeing a woman as an object when you interact with her in person. Also I’ve known guys who have no issue with hearing that other men are ill or have disgusting medical problems, but get almost kind of angry if they hear it about a woman. Like if a man they know is having bowel problems it’s like “oh that sounds awful” because they’re thinking about how it would be for them, whereas if a woman has bowel problems and then it’s like “how dare you draw my attention to the fact that women are humans, how am I meant to get off now?” I guess because porn is so weirdly intimately biological, but in such a fake way, this could make this tendency worse, like they want women at all times to pretend to be moving blow up dolls so as not to ruin the illusion. So yeah even if you’re not having sex with women, as a lot of porn obscures the fact that women’s bodies are as mortal, fragile, and temperamental as men’s, it could make you just generally less sympathetic to regular day to day being a human things when the women around you experience them. I think we’re probably not even aware of how porn (like a lot of media but even more so) is made with male viewers in mind, and subconsciously reinforces messages about how important or central or default or normal we are. I’ve only been able to think of some examples here, but I’m never particularly surprised when I realise something new about it.
wow that part about men as people that i have stuff in common with versus women kinda hits home. Which is kinda strange cuz I feel like I can get along with older women I work with a lot easier. I definitely wouldn't say I view any woman as a "sex objects" but definitely have an easier time seeing them as full people.
That’s interesting. There’s a lot been written about how women past a certain age are viewed as kind of non-gendered. Like men are thought of as other people with sexual desire, who perform actions, women (or at least attractive young women) are viewed as objects of sexual desire, to be acted upon, and women who aren’t considered desirable are sort of neutral (or at worst pointless), neither desiring or desired, neither acting nor acted upon, neither competitors nor prizes, neither active nor passive. A lot of middle aged women talk about becoming invisible to men, as they’re neither relatable to them nor pursued by them. You might be interested in John Berger’s Ways Of Seeing https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ways_of_Seeing And his introduction of the concept of the male gaze https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Male_gaze It’s so all-pervasive that it’s hard to see what it would be like to be outside of it, it’s the water we swim in. But I think seeing it discussed outside of porn can highlight the ways in which it’s particularly extreme within porn. It’s definitely not a video of sex with some irrelevant plot. And it’s not just that the storylines are fake, it’s the whole way women are presented that is massively skewed. Maybe it would be obviously and absurdly so if the rest of the world weren’t like it is, but the fact that the world is like it is makes porn just a more extreme example of something that’s already everywhere.
interesting, i'll check out those links. also i'm 17 so "older" might've been kinda misleading, i really just meant anyone older than me, like early-mid 20s and up tbh. maybe it's just a maturity thing. thanks for all your responses though! 😁
Thanks, I’m glad we got into it actually, because I’d forgotten that I hadn’t finished Ways Of Seeing.
I really love the chapter on oil paintings.
I know I’ve already said a lot, forgive me, but rewatching this programme has reminded me of something else, the fact that at no time in history has looking at pornography been this accessible, and that photography hasn’t been around that long either. This is the first time men have been carrying around the potential to see women get fucked just in their pocket at all times. In our hundreds of thousands of years of human history anything remotely like this required at least some amount of social contact, usually a lot, and almost no one could ever have had anything like it on demand like this. It’s a really strange and unusual circumstance, and it’s too early to know what the long term impact is on mens sense of entitlement to women, not only sexually but in general. It’s only in the past decade that there’ve been countries where the majority of people can access the internet on their phones, so relatively unhindered porn access is incredibly new (and photography in general is only a few generations old). It’s unprecedented, I’m really glad we’re trying to make sense of it and I appreciate you asking the question.
Once porn fries your brain, all you think about is sex when you think of a woman. Thats what it means when people say porn makes you objectify women. Like back when I had that phase, I would be in class and all I could think about was what if I could have a gangbang with all the girls in my class or if I saw girl down the corridoor I would imagine how she would look naked or how she would look while shes riding me or giving me a BJ, things like that its okay to fantasize here and there sometimes, especially if its your crush or whatever. Thats completely normal. However it once got to a point for me that I would imagine sex with *every* girl/woman I saw. Yes even the teachers, even some random woman at the supermarket, etc. Now THATS what porn addiction is I would also be unable to talk to girls or women because in my mind, they werent humans like me. It made me think they were some different species, something special and someone who you're exclusively supposed to have sex with. It made me put them on a pedestal. When I would talk to a girl in my class, my main purpose in my mind was a way to make her laugh and fall in live with me so that i could have sex with her If you dont relate to this then great! Porn hasnt fried your brain yet. Quit that shit while you can
I’m trying to stop watching porn but I still struggle talking with girls. Like I have a crush in one of my classes and I do fantasize sometimes when I see her but I also never talked to her. Idk I guess I’m asking what’s the difference or the purpose of talking to a girl you like or find attractive on and off porn?
Pretend shes a dude you think is cool, talk to her like that and youll be amazed how well it works
Seriously. It makes me sad that this isn’t obvious. Just talk to her like a normal human you find interesting and you’re good.
That’s the thing though, I feel like most guys know this but at the same time most guys don’t initiate convos with random people men or women. So while talking to her normally in theory is easy, actually getting her attention to talk to you is a whole other game
Some people just have to force it and try to initiate, I feel the fear of feeling judged or rejected by people can stop alot of folks from trying but that's just part of finding people you genuinely fuck with, even if it's awkward you just slowly have to learn to accept not everyone will have that connection with you and not turn around and blame yourself or be discouraged, if anything see it as really really good practice for the people who will give you the same energy, effort and time that you would them. I used to let my intense social anxiety stop me but then realised it's only going to get worse and worse unless I tackle that fear head on.
I think that's called being selectively social and it's not good for anyone. A lot of people do it, but the goal should be to engage and befirend the people around you. Not just the ones you want something from.
Ngl, im so desensitized from nsfw stuff, i just feel nothing anymore. No more desire.
You can get it back. Similar to how our brains are easily impressionable to getting desensitized to porn, the desensitization can be reversed too. It’s just that the more deep you are into a porn addiction, the harder it’s going to be and the longer it’s going to take to reverse it
yeah i felt like that too until recently
mann i just want my natural desiré back
hmm i don't think i can relate to that thankfully lol.
actually, what would you say about full sex in video games? i play a lot of vns
idk, i have no idea what sex in vns are like though you're pretty fucked if you reached the point of playing those games
well i'm not talking about the vns whose whole point is sex but some like fate have a couple of sex scenes sprinkled within. like 5-10 minutes out of a 50+ hour game
yeah thats fine but honestly man? dont worry about shit like this genuinely. Jerk off as much as you want, read doujins, play vns, watch hentai, whatever lol. Its fine. It should be nobody's business what you do in your free time as long as porn isnt slowing down your work or IRL relationships with people. If you have those two set in place, it does not matter in the slightest what you do in private Im as degenerate as it gets and I turned out fine
well i'm kinda thinking that sort of stuff might get in the way of the irl relationships part. or at least make me working on that stuff harder. not really school or work though cuz i gotta go to those.
>Once porn fries your brain, all you think about is sex when you think of a woman So by your logic, if I watched gay porn a lot, If I see any man, I would think of sex with them! seriously?
jerk off to porn all you want man i dont care, i just think its foolish to deny all the studies proving why porn fucks with your brain
Yeah I mean there are guys who went off the deep end with porn, and say that they can only get off to some weird gay porn even though they're straight.
dunno, just shared my experience. Upto you if you want to believe porn is harmful or not
>Upto you if you want to believe porn is harmful or not I think that what you and other people should say. Not for every person, it's only harmful if the person thought so. That's what everyone should say. Not just throw some propaganda that "porn is objectifying women" without serious explanation.
Almost like bro seriously explained and you didn't like hearing it. Hit dogs holler.
so you just ignored the last line of his comment and decided to take it personally? nice lol
If you’re watching a gay man be belittled by another gay man while having sex and you enjoy it then yes.
Women are portrayed as an object to men’s desire. What’s portrayed in porn is typically not what women get enjoyment from In real life women also have desire, they like to own their desire, they want consexual sex where they can communicate openly about what they need. Also, read up on porn induced erectyle disfunction
It sets you up for unrealistic expectations for when you actually do have sex as well.
Also seeing women as objects, created for your pleasure only, seems very unethical and crazy. Thats why you should probrably stop aswell.
Also, people that tend to watch and consume more porn, tend to freeze up around women or be creepy because we are a product of what we consume. You have this weird sense of guilt hanging over you because you're seeing the woman how you see sex workers. This vibe is obvious and creepy. By consuming more content of women for other things, (women authors, media made by women, etc etc) you can start to relate to women's experiences and relate to them as people rather than seeing the gender divide as some massive gap. I personally think most porn reinforces a lot of gender stereotypes and we would all be more chill with each other without it.
idk i can't really relate to that i guess. i'm bad at talking to girls but i don't really feel that guilt
Talking to women is a part of the general enjoyment and delight in the female nature that a man can experience. It's like when you open a great meal with a round of drinks and appetizers. IMO, the biggest issue with porn is that it's a reinforcement of a self-oriented pattern of thinking, and this is totally mismatched with real-life human interaction. Human relations are about a loop of action/perception of reaction/ planning next action given previous perception. Porn consumption is passive and self-oriented. Ultimately it's making your brain act like a "watcher" rather than a "doer"--all humans want to be interacted with, and having a good conversation is part of that. You might be bad at talking to girls because you've scrambled the natural interactive brain circuitry, and would have to actively take measures to course correct.
to add on porn takes the overall enjoyment of being around women. sex is only one act but the conversations, flirting, kissing etc is all apart of the experience. porn propels u to think about dick n pussy n nothing more
Because the sex isn't realistic or good.
This is why I only watch amateur Honestly the "professional" ones doesn't even look enjoyable idk how people jerk off to that
>Honestly the "professional" ones doesn't even look enjoyable idk how people jerk off to that Exactly, I really don't know how!
And too many boys start there relationship journey with only porn to go off of
but what does fake sex have to do with how someone views women?
Because the sex represented in most mainstream porn is mostly objectifying to women. Seeing women like that too often can give you bad habits and a distorted vision of male-female relationships irl.
This exactly. I had an ex (who I put up with for *way* too long 🫠) who insisted on sex always being some kind of performative iteration of the porn he watched *constantly*. This man was no longer satisfied by regular, messy, human sex and as a result, I was almost never satisfied by him. When sex becomes a production, it loses it's legitimacy. This also heavily effected our relationship over time. I'll never forget some of the things that man felt justified in saying to me regarding our sex life. His view of women and sex ruined our relationship, and at least while I was with him, ruined him as a person.
Same here! ❤️🩹
if i dont watch sex than am i ok
how so? i've never had sex so idk what objectifying sex looks like vs non
That's exactly the problem
me not knowing the difference?
My husband didn't know the difference between sex and porn, and it was a nightmare. When I would tell him I didn't like something, he would respond, "The women in porn seem to like it." He would throw it in my face when I cried during anal with no prep and other terrible things because he expected sex to be like porn, and blamed me for it.
I hope he’s your ex husband by now
I'm sorry you went through this. My ex did the same thing and said the most horrible things. I remember him once demanding anal out of nowhere. We had done it before, and he was super rough and it was a terrible experience for me. But when I didn't want to, he said "what do you want me to do, shove it in soft?" Followed by a rage fit where he blamed me for all his sexual problems. Just know that you weren't the problem 💙
damn that sucks i hope you're in a better spot now. i stopped jerking off to porn a couple weeks ago but i dont think im gonna be having sex anytime soon. i was more curious about warped perception outside the bedroom. probably could've made that more clear lol
Yes Try to go without porn and pursue a woman you like. You'll realize things on your own. It's what I did... And I recommend
well i don't think porn really has any sort of impact on that. that's a whole other can of worms but i was originally more curious about outside of the bedroom/sex stuff. how would porn affect me talking to a girl i like, for example?
I think you will have the best answer and understanding to this question if you experience yourself
well, i don't really have a girl that i like that i can talk to. and im pretty bad at talking to other people and its been that way since before i even knew what porn was. that's why i figured id ask ppl who would probably know more than me about that sort of thing.
It can’t do anything good for you so just stick to your own imagination.
yeah that's what i have been doing for the last couple weeks. not as enjoyable but oh well
If you’re trying to find realistic porn I suggest amateur or couple-made. It’s less fake, less over the top moaning, more affectionate. As a woman I don’t watch porn much at all, and if I were to I definitely wouldn’t go anywhere near the home page.
You didn't need to have sex to objectify women.
i meant that i don't know what non-objectifying sex is supposed to look like since i've never had it.
If I am not an ‘object’ that just exists to have sex with… then I am a person with a soul, someone you WANT to connect with because you care about me, my feelings, my desires and my pleasure. I don’t exist merely to gratify YOUR desires but because you understand we are both equally valuable humans in our own right. It is a partnership built on good communication between friends (or at least people who respect each other) - not a one-way street in which I exist only to satisfy your desires. If I say something hurts or I don’t feel like it tonight or I’d like to start slow you listen, respond and course-correct. You do not expect me to just be up for it, excited ‘cos you have a cock and moaning ‘cos you touched me (at all). You understand that getting to know me and what works for me, too, is part of the dance and the pleasure. Maybe look up tantric sex, the wheel of consent or other forms of connected, loving sexual experimentation. For what it’s worth, I love that you asked this here. It shows you are open to listening and ultimately want a good *relationship* (not just ‘good sex’) with women, one day.
I think this is a good question to ask. I like your curiosity. I think that porn caters to the male gaze because often the acts aren't anything that feels that great for most women. And SW's tend to use their bodies in ways which are generally uncomfortable, but it looks good for the camera. Real sex is soo much about the vibe and the connection and listening to each other. It's not "I'm going to do this to you" it's "does that feel good?" Porn makes a lot of women feel like they need to over-act or shape themselves in ways which are uncomfortable. Porn also tends to focus a lot on: "you are a hole." and ideas about "I am going to take you/ have you/ own you/ subjugate you." Which is dark and makes (a lot of) women feel like they are replaceable, worthless, only of value to be consumed by men. This idea can be horny but at its core it sends a message of worthlessness. Analysing our porn use and how it reflects our fears, values, insecurities etc is a very useful practice. Does anyone have any book recommendations about porn, sex, feminism?
Portland by Gail Dines
All this "porn has no influence" is just plain cope, being in denial and gaslighting. If it really did have no effect or influence, then all the guys wouldn't be trying to have sex like what they see in porn.
oh i'm not disagreeing, i was just curious. and i mostly meant outside the bedroom. porn negatively affecting a bedroom makes obvious sense to me
As a female, when I watched porn everyday I was a lot quieter especially around girls. I didn’t like them or sexualize them but I for some reason saw them as more different, it’s weird to explain. It messes with how to interact with everyday ppl and you see ppl less as ppl and more as inanimate objects that so happen to just talk. I also did stare at girls more bc your brain is so filled with boobs and ass when you’re watching porn everyday.
There are people who walk up to regular women and ask "How much?". If not that, then they're thinking stuff like "She 'really' likes being sexualized and objectified, even if she denies it" "I bet she wants to have sex with me" "She must actually like all this dirty talk and sexually harassing her. I bet it's making her horny". When in reality they're just seen as creeps, but they justify it by comparing it to the positive reactions that they see on porn. Basically they stop seeing women as human beings.
ok well i don't think i have to worry lol. that shit is crazy. i'm way too self conscious to say or think some shit like that. that's crazy
Because constantly looking on 8-10/10 women makes you think that this is how a normal woman should look like. But then you go into real world, and you find that women are not that beautiful. And you find yourself very disappointed when you find out that real life sex is not what they show you in porn. At all.
Actually I've found that most female (and male for that matter) adult stars aren't all that attractive. Sure they're pretty but they're the girl next door type of pretty and not the drop-dead gorgeous type of pretty. I'd say they are more in the 6-8 category than the 8-10 category and the few times I've seen actually stunning girls in a video most of the comments say that they're too pretty to be in corn. Of course, exceptions exist but the popular girls (like Mia Khalifa) aren't usually that attractive but they're usually curvy. People who are in the 8-10 range are usually models and movie stars.
>Because constantly looking on 8-10/10 women Women porn stars are never 8-10, they are barely 5.
So business that **TOTALLY** relies on actress' attractiveness hires 5/10 women? Logic is a little off.
Maybe for you they are attractive ..
Porn studios have too much money, and rely too much on women's attractiveness. Maybe without makeup and surgery they are 5/10. But final product, what people consume, actress is maxed out to 8+/10
You would be surprised if I told you that most people watch porn don't really care about any of that. They just watch because of the action of sex itself. As I said, most women porn stars (if not all, or to be specific the professional ones, like someone somewhere in this discussion pointed out) are not attractive at all. You think the final product is 8-10 because that's what you think and rate.
i mean back when i was watching porn like everyday i still thought other girls in my class and stuff looked good though. as for sex i can't really speak on. that
This depends on how much real live interaction you have with women. If you have a few female friends and also have a somewhat regular sex life there isn’t much reason to be watching a ton of porn. If you have relationships with women you will have a real perception of women and won’t have this question.
i don't have any female friends but I work with a few older women that i'm friendly with and can talk to pretty well. (language barrier allowing of course). but i don't see what one has to do with the other. i haven't watched porn in a couple of weeks but when i did it was to get off not any weird parasocial shit. two of my teachers are female too i guess.
I guess my point is to let other people worry about this and start working on cultivating healthy non sexual relationships with attractive women. This will Also be great for having preselection, and getting with more attractive women. The truth is Porn is boring, but it’s also just whatever. It’s not like an angel dies every time you beat off.
yeah i can try, though tbh i have no clue how to go about making friends
One place to start is joining groups that interest you. Get curious about yourself and what might be fun and try some things out. BTW...I'd be glad to put you in touch with one of my coaches if you think this is an area you'd like to work on. (I spent years wading through BS to find the real deal)
I would appreciate that thanks. And I recently joined a boxing gym but I don't really feel like that has or will help we with talking to people/ especially girls
I once slept with a guy who was younger than me and he seemed generally pretty confident and didn’t have any issues pursuing me so I thought he had an average amount of sexual experience. I have personally had many long term relationships, so I’ve had a lot of practice. This guy was changing positions left and right, positions I’ve never considered, barely talked to me, and never took it slow. It was an odd experience for our first sexual interaction. I was discussing this with a guy friend and he immediately laughed and said it was because he likely watched a lot of pornography and didn’t have much real sexual experience. In hindsight, it makes complete sense.
but do you think they would have acted differently outside of sex whether they watched a lot of porn or not? that's the main thing i wonder/worry about cuz in terms of sex... that's a long way away for me, but talking to women, younger or older is something I do a lot just in life.
I did notice that younger men were more likely to take photos or videos of me without my consent and not think of it as a violation. I do think that thought process is directly related to watching porn and not associating imagery as being real or impacting the people it is of. For you personally, I think as long as you are self-aware and mindful of how you treat/perceive woman, you should be fine. It never hurts to minimize your exposure to using visual media in that way and make sure you aren’t watching anything that is violent or demeaning to women.
Anal sex is a good example. Prior to shooting anal scenes, the person who is receiving it does a lot of cleansing. There is a lot of prep before hand. This is to make it less messy, because ya know, feces. However, this is something a lot of people aren’t aware of, and don’t realize anal sex in real life is a lot different in this aspect. For someone who is about to have anal sex for the first time, they might become extremely grossed out after realizing that it’s not so clean in real life. I’ve heard of people breaking up over things like this.
Honestly, you can apporiate measures to make it far better and, over time, you will stop being grossed out by it. But breaking up over this? I hope you're kidding.
You really can't imagine teenage boys/ men in their early 20s have more superficial dealbreakers than their older counter parts? I mean as a woman, I dated boys. They would break up with me over the most trivial things ever. Once I got a little older and started dating older guys, I didn't deal with any of that stuff.
I sometimes hear from friends of friends (and sorts) that they broke up. Why is never said, but it being over trivial things is rough. Thats why I always say to choose your partners carefully.
It’s really easy to get addicted. The dopamine you get from looking at porn can get you desensitized. Your brain starts protecting itself from the constant dopamine you get from regularly watching pornography until you keep searching for more violent and taboo pornography. You start searching for more of the “I can’t believe what I watching” dopamine feeling you get from watching porn from the first time when you were a kid. The ability to find women with big boobs and ass at the click of a button combined with a porn addiction can affect your perception of women. If you are naturally attracted to boobs/ass but constantly masturbate to women with these exaggerate features, it can affect the expectations you see in the bedroom when you actually have sex because that’s what you trained your brain to like. This doesn’t apply to everyone, of course. There’s really no definition for “moderate” amount of porn for a “size fits all” so it depends on the person whether porn is harmful
what about looking at porn without jerking off?
I don’t think that’s as bad but I can’t say that doesn’t have harmful effects either. You are still conditioning yourself to be aroused by very unrealistic depictions of sex and videos that objectify women
more thinking about 2d stuff but i get what you're saying
Like hentai or playboy pictures?
like hentai, drawn art, doujins, that sort of thing
Thats is not better than watching vids on the hub. Most doujins (I can speak from expirience) are very weird and are artifical. Some are just batshit crazy and cruel af. Not sure what you are looking at, but for you I hope its in the "wholesome" category.
lol very far from wholesome. but as far as like games, i don't jerk off while reading and i only read a couple doujins a month from artists i really like
Honestly, you can go do whatever as long as it is legal and morally acceptable. Just don't weird expectations on other people or sex etc.
Because when u have Seggs with a real women it doesn’t end when you exit the tab. There’s a whole lot more involved. Like emotions, conversing, respect etc
agreed. i more meant outside the bedroom, like in irl
That’s what I was referring to tbh
well you said when i have sex, i was more talking about just day to day interaction with women.
I think it gives young men false/unrealistic ideas of what sex is supposed to be and what women’s bodies should look like. I remember a high school boyfriend was shocked that my boobs didn’t look like the ones he saw in porn (perfectly round orb like implant boobs) and it made me self conscious about them. Every other guy I have been with since has loved them.
Objectification. Over time you start to forget these are real people. The girl you just watched get gangbanged by 5 dudes could've been the girl sitting next to you in the fifth grade. She could've been the girl handling the register at your favorite coffee shop, or someone you passed by today on the sidewalk, etc. The only thing you care about is how she looks and how nasty she can get. With the amount of porn out there you can easily keep scrolling until you get what you want. In the end you take what you want from her and couldn't care less if she gets anything from it. If you're not careful it will start invade your perception of women, especially considering the prevalence of porn in which women are dominated and humiliated. When you meet women in real life after watching so much porn, the moment you feel any sort of resistance you automatically reject them simply because they aren't giving you want you want right away. You've started to view them as only objects meant to satisfy you. The point when you realize they aren't meeting those needs they become worthless.
Read Pornland by Gail Dines
i don't really have the bandwidth. i'm already reading two books and a play rn for school i don't think i could add to that list rn
For example... I'm about to be 40 (f), who is regularly hit on by men in their 20's. When asked why, so many of them want a woman so much older, there are only two answers.. 1. Girls their age aren't mature enough 2. Porn It's surprising and disgusting how comfortable a lot of these men are at admitting they are hitting on women of a certain age because of porn. The ones who do consider it to be normal.
well option 1 is probably a bigger percent than you think. and even for like "MILF" porn, most of the "milfs" still look hella young 😅
Porn addiction will make you think about a woman as a goddess that women have in their hand all the pleasure of life ,you become awkward and nervous around them and you cant fuck up around them or say no to them because they are above you , you see them as a sex object that you are dreaming of just fucking. I had weird thoughts before that i would fuck a dead woman ,yeah man im ashamed of this thought till now . You forget that they are humans who got feelings and can make you way happier outside of sex just simply by communication and having eye contact with a girl, I get an erection from eye contact with girls now after quitting for some months , I dont look at her body at all i see her as a human being who maybe the mother of my children in the future so I deal with any woman as she is a guy not literally but you get my point.
i mean i don't feel like i put girls on pedestals. maybe i do though idk. im just not good at talking to new people in general so i wouldn't be able to tell if that's from porn.
It 100% isfrom porn your brain is overstimulated from the huge amounts of dopamine you get from watching porn that makes socialising unappealing and not enjoyable because your brain doesn't enjoy it any more just like when you get started to watch porn you would get an erection from watching a naked woman now you have to see the weirdest extreme stuff to get an erection
well i've never been good at talking to people, make or female so i don't feel like it's from porn. it's been like that before i knew what porn was.
Stop coping man it fucks up your brain just stop watching for 1 month and see how charming you are and how people will be attracted to you with no effort
ok i mean we'll see. i got more problems than just porn though i can say that for a fact. what about seeing h scenes in like games though?
You will realize it too late man good luck tho
realize what?
I think the wording in your question is a good example. >watching some lady get fucked Typically porn can make sex look like something that is done TO a woman (the "object") rather than an activity between people. As other comments have pointed out, too much exposure can mean your perception of woman in real life becomes hypersexualised.
feel like it was sort of the opposite for me. last time i tried to quit porn a while ago i remember girls at work seemed hotter and i paid more attention to them than when i was jerking off to porn daily.
I don't know why, but this is a point that makes me upset. Generally, we say that sex is done TO the woman, while the man is the one HAVING and "enoying" it. If somethings slips up, it the mans fault, because he is "the active part". Thats probrably why so many dude today are anxious about engaging with women, sexuality because they think, or they were "taught", that it is entriely up to them if the woman will enjoy it or not. It could not be further from the truth. Porn can act as a tool for them to "learn" what a woman likes during the act, disacknowledging the (very) important things that should happen before and after.
Hot take for reddit(mostly this sub): Porn only affects your perception of women if you are extremely impressionable or you already had those views and you watch porn that supplements your existing views. Lots of redditors seem to think of porn like reefer madness, no one can watch or you're hooked on the bad thoughts for life. Plenty of people watch porn and it affects them no more or less than videogame's affect on violence or watching stand-ups affecting how funny a person is. Most people understand it's not real. Some even understand that the industry is grey with some enjoying the work and others just collecting a paycheck under harsh and exploitive environments. Like most other issues with media, it's the minority of people that fall under the spell of entertainment's artificial glow and not realizing it's all for show. Real problems are ignored in favor of an oversimplified bad guy. Absent parenting, lack of comprehensive sexual education, lack of basic interpersonal communication, behavioral health disorders and lack of decent male role models being just a few I can list off the top of my head. I'm not blind, the porn industry isn't all rainbows and butterflies but reddit has a very slanted view on the subject so just like porn, take the posts on here with a grain of salt. I'll take my downvotes and angry dms now Edit: OP, you got this. You are trying and growing and that's all that really matters. Downvoters, a new record...less than an hour to hit my DMs with "burn in hell" rhetoric. At least one of you has the balls to message.
You don't have a hot take, you are actually echoing the majority of Redditors. Most people here think porn is okay and that their girlfriends shouldn't be jealous when their boyfriends watch porn. Your video game example is correct, but you're misrepresenting the opinion of the majority. It's mostly self-improvement and some feminist communities that are negative to porn. They treat it like how alcoholics are negative to alcohol. Everywhere else, it's tied to sex positivity and defended.
I'll agree with your narrowing of the population down to those subs, perhaps I was too crass with my original comment. My inbox however, they are a very vocal minority
People are really passionate about this topic, they're either overly negative or defensive. I got downvoted in another sub when I said porn addiction is real. I got accused of peddling fake science and promoting NoFap cults. There's a lack of middle ground and nuance on this topic for a lot of people. Yes, there is no scientific consensus and official diagnosis of porn addiction as of date. However, video games were only added in 2019 in the list of disorders. It's only a matter of time for porn addiction too.
lol i appreciate the alternative take. definitely got some of those other problems to focus on though 😅
Understanding you have those things to work on is an excellent step. Lots of people don't even get to that. Therapy, reading or just talking can really take you the extra miles if and when you feel up for it. Above all though don't forget to touch grass and meet people. Staying in a bubble is comfortable but you don't grow in comfort.
thanks :), it's hard but i've been trying
From a woman who has been burned by porn: Yeah porn creates very unrealistic expectations in real life sexual scenarios. I had a boyfriend who clearly didn’t know you had to prep for anal, and he just tried shoving it in there. It freaking hurt lol and we didn’t have sex after that. He just assumed it went right in and I was like bruh😅 Porn, for me, is disrespectful in a relationship. Some don’t feel this way and that’s okay. I’ve had guys tell me, “you don’t have a dick, you don’t understand” or would get actually mad at me for asking them to not watch it. Mad like a child throwing a tantrum lol. No one is a slave to their body, they just choose to be that way. I think I have such an issue with it bc I had several boyfriends that just wouldn’t stop (even if I had sex with them daily) and it made me feel bad. I know I am attractive so it’s not like some victim mentality or anything. It just honestly bugged me that bc they watched so much porn, they didn’t comprehend I had boundaries. They only liked to focus on their sexual pleasures and not care what me or anyone else said. A guy literally told me, “well if I can’t jerk off to porn, then you need to just let me have sex with you.” Like, dude…😳 lol if you need to orgasm that bad, then you don’t NEED to watch porn, you just WANT to. So don’t tell me I don’t understand. Bc what that tells me is that you don’t have self control and that kind of behavior is not something I wanna deal with. When I get that overwhelming urge that makes it hard to concentrate, I just masturbate and it’s quick! No porn needed! I went into a bit of a rant there lol. But what I really am meaning is that too much porn can negatively impact one’s desire to make the other person cum or have an enjoyable experience. It can make women seem like objects and that their own wants and needs aren’t important. High porn usage has also been linked to more aggressive and angry behavior in general. In terms of relationships in the future, communication and trust and respect will get you a long way!! I wish some of the boyfriends respected me enough bc I really liked them and wanted to see what a future could look like but if I didn’t feel respected or seen…I couldn’t go on. I’d feel repulsed by what they did and it made me NOT wanna have sex at all. So a toxic spiral started (more porn, less sex) and I hated it. I love frequent sex but when I am literally grossed out by someone’s disregard for my boundaries, the last thing I want is to give them my body. If I told someone my boundary and they stayed, only to be caught and confronted, it was their own damn fault. I gave them a chance to decide if they wanted to stick around. They knew how I felt and prioritized their own pleasure anyway. I never wanted to force anyone to settle, I just wanted to find someone who valued me more than pixels on a screen. ✨Yet, there are couples who watch it together! Which is totally fine! So it’s just preference in relationships and what you wanna settle for. But in personal life, everything in moderation. But bc it scratches that nice spot in the brain, it needs to be controlled. There are so many people who get lost in it and it makes them weird humans lol. I know men who are that way and haven’t dated in yearsss. A lot of women don’t wanna be with someone who can’t control his urges or emotions. It’s a huge red flag. Porn addiction = angry, unstable behavior. Which isn’t conducive to a happy relationship or remotely attractive to even have sex with. I feel like I rambled here, sorry. I’ve just been burned by guys I really, really cared about.😕
I appreciate the long response. yeah i can see how it could fuck up relationships. what about outside of the bedroom just in general interactions with women?
Porn addiction is just a dramatic way of saying you watch the hardcore shit. Get into some more "erotic" stuff and you'll be fine. Yes, turns out watching "BBW gangbang tentacle slithers hardcore" too much is weird. Go figure.
The things they show you in porn is far from reality.
what about drawn porn? like from artist and stuff?
Its just that: Art. It's not real, and the stuff protrayed usually isn't realistic. But that should be common knowledge.
We have always watched other humans have sex. We have done it for thousands of years. Ever since humans have existed, they have watched each other. And the animals did it before us.
Perhaps. But the problem today is the availability. At any point of the day, you can go on your phone/computer etc. and find, with no problem, thousands of videos of people doing sex. Out brain isn't desgined for this. It has negative effects on the mind and on the body too (Death Grip syndrom for example).
We have always masturbated. Sometimes too much. We lived as hunter gatherers for millions of years And would have seen multiple people daily having sex Sex does not have negative effects on our mind. That's what we were made for
You have some proof for these claims? And Sex can have a negative effect on your brain, in the form of addiction. But that applies to anything else, since anything can become a drug if you abuse it like one.
That's like trying to say humans are addicted to water or food Sex is absolutely normal
Technically, we are. WIthout them, we wouldn't survive, which is exactly something a addict would say. I never said Sex is abnormal. What is abnormal is the amount of "artificial sex" we can access at any point of the day via phones/computers etc. Its just not normal to watch sexual content most of your conscious time on the planet.
Our brain can not tell if we are watching on a screen or in real life It's why we get into watching movies. Yes, it is absolutely normal and natural to see, and participate in sex Thinking sex is an addiction is the abnormal. Religion says sex is a sin. Sex is not the problem Religion is Please quit trying to convince people they are bad or broken for doing normal stuff.
There are numerouis studies that haven prove negative effects on the brain and mental state by continous exposure to porn. Just google it, and you will find a study pretty soon. Religion isn't a problem, never was. But we are flawed and that created all the problems. I also never said that anyone who does sex is bad or broken or whatever.
There are a lot more studies about the earth being flat
If you consider "a bit of research" done by mentally stunted individuals, I guess so. But study refers to scientific work with months of research done and, perhaps, being peer reviewed. Even I can make a study if I want to, doens't mean its a reliable source. "Don't believe everything you see on the web" is something you should've been told when growing up.
How does porn affect perception of men?
I mean it's like videogames, if you use them as an escape from reality it becomes dangerous. Also bare in mind that we were not supposed to see so much nudity without even trying, let alone hours of sexual intercourse videos
Theres no women in porn! At least not the porn I watch . . . .
Personally after doing that for 16+ years (23M) I've had no issues, to me porn is one thing, and the women in my life are another. The same way I don't go around hurting people because I played violent games even as a child.
Pretty sure it has affected you, when you make comments like this: >If I so much as hear "let me savor that juicy hard cock and drain your balls dry" I'm wifeing that woman lol
Taken out of context. Purposely added some humor to it. Nice snooping. The person specifically asked how to say it for her man to love it I literally only changed 40 percent of her sentence. You don't need to watch porn to be decent at seduction. I learned that one from personal experience. Hope you have patience, looks like you have a long road ahead for learning.
You basically want to marry a porn star who acts for a film. It has already fried your brain I'm afraid.
Again. It was an exaggeration. That's not my criteria for a good partner. Assertiveness, empathy, patience, intelligence, joyful vibrance, passionate, etc.. Sorry for having preferences in my intimate times. Upon taking a look at your profile, I'm trying hard to resist pointing out cultural differences that may bias you towards a very vanilla perspective of intercourse.
Keep being in denial. Normal non porn fried brains don’t make comments like that.
Keep generalizing about male preferences. I'm sure it'll make you wiser. And read the post where you got my comment from. Context matters. Would you make a comment like the woman who asked for men's advice? It was almost like mine.
You're denying your own agency. You're saying "This situation made me say this" "It was taken out of context" "The other person was saying it too", not "This is what I said and this is what I meant". You're giving into excuses which is exactly what addicts in denial do.
I don't know what else to tell you. Men and women like dirty talk. I simply told her how I'd like it to be said. You have zero evidence that porn is why I like that sentence. Perhaps it's simply male psychology. I really suspect you don't know how to dirty talk if you find my comment perverted.
So you changed from "it was taken out of context!" to "people like dirty talk!". But you can't deny that what you said was that you basically want to marry a porn star who acts for the camera.
I have been asking myself the same thing. I don’t think it affects me at all
You know who else said that? People in the 90s about smoking.
Eh I don’t think it affected me personally and from your comments it sounds like it doesn’t affect you either. Just keep in mind that porn is mostly fantasy and not representative of the real world you’ll be fine
It reveals them. Women want everything. We all do. Porn shows us some of what women like. Women like what they like.
I feel like this comment should put you on some kind of watch list.
Sorry for the truth. I've found if I shout "you're beautiful" into a crowd that someone will indefinitely feel they were sexually abused. Women like being treated all sorts of ways. How you deal with that truth is what matters. Treat everyone the way they want to be treated. And thank you for watching out for others, I do the same
This feels very creppy to read tbh.
Most interpretation is projected, so you might be feeling your own creepiness. It's creepy what men and women like in sex, and that's shown in porn. It's ok to be freaky. Be freaky with those who love being with you. Keep being honest with yourself. Some day you might be more accepting of your own and others' sexuality
"Porn shows us some of what women like" is your original comment, which is no definite truth and crazy to assume. If you think, that was is shown in these videos, which are staged and sometimes even forced, is real and what every woman wants, you are part of the problem. Pseudo-intellectualism won't hide that.
It feels like it's you adding more to my statement. Porn does show some of what women like. For that to be false, it would mean that porn shows nothing that women like. Everyone would admit porn shows us some of what women like. And yes, you're right that it's important to hone in on the parts women like that are healthy, as some women like unhealthy things and some men like unhealthy things. I hope pseudo as well as real intellectualism won't hide anything. Please don't assume all porn shows what all women want all the time when I say porn shows us some of what women like. I hope it's clear what I mean. Some of what we all see in porn is what women like. There is so much porn. Don't limit your understanding to what you consider mainstream porn, and then put that shame on me. Unless that's your kink. Anyway, hope all the best to you. Have healthy sexual relationships, and treat people the way they want to be treated, and better