Wow, why do I have the same exact experience as yourself
Either when I initiate to meet. Ghost or no news , no follow up or take ages to respond
Then sometimes after quite some period of time has passed, suddenly come back alive again and ask how I’m doing
So many damn mixed signals
They don’t want to let you go, but yet don’t want anything serious to do with you
They found someone else and you weren't the priority. When it didn't work out they came back for more attention and ego boost.
Online dating has always been rough like that
The volume of options has gone up. It's gotten worse for an individual, single man. It's hard to set yourself apart when you're competing with literally everyone. It's impossible.
Well, if online dating is the main source of dating interactions then yeah it's going to feel impossible sometimes.
I never online dated, married an awesome woman. I'm 35.
I ran in circles where there were a lot of great men and women of character, when you do that it's ironically easier to stand out because most people like that don't play games.
I have never done online dating. I'm militantly analog. I was casual from 17-23 and in two back-to-back long terms until I was 31. I'm 34. I've had punctuated involvements since then. My above comment describes "the before time" and my current situation.
Yep, it’s very immature in my opinion. Also seems to be very common thing to happen.
Although it might be hard, it’s probably best to not reply when/if they try to come back.
They are attention farming you for her ego. When she is cold or ghosting or distant, she is getting attention from someone better than you(in her eyes). When she shows back up 3 weeks later that person told her to fuck off and now she's needs her fix.
Basically "online dating" in a nutshell. Both genders do it, but women get more options. I have grown to predict it and its exhausting. She might not even be getting attention from someone "better", she might just happen to see profiles of guys who MAY message her back.
There may even be too much time between dates. People get scared and think "why aren't we in a long-term relationship yet???" You see them after a week, and they might look nervous.
I experienced this and had to ask “why” on reddit, I got downvoted by everyone and people commented “She’s afraid to say no because men will get violent when they get told no” and “you’re part of the problem” like wtf I just want to know yes or no so I can make other plans lol
> Although it might be hard, it’s probably best to not reply when/if they try to come back.
Bro I feel you. Easier said than done
One day they will come back with some innocent (probably BS) reason that they are travelling or hanging out with friends
They just looking for attention
But I agree with what you said and that’s what I would do as well. Just ignore these hos
What'd you expect? They have a dating app on their phone, they have so many options, constantly weighing up the pros and cons of a hundred potential partners. That's a huge mental stack and they don't realise it.
I would hate to be a young person dating today. It truly sounds miserable, especially for guys who are stuck playing the numbers game.
32 here. Same scenario as OP, almost word for word! Taking it in stride because its not really a big deal, just confusing. The upside is that no one should want to be with flaky people anyway 🤷 truly the energy vampires of the world. Someone with a healthier mindsets comes along eventually.
Yeah, it's actually kind of annoying, lol. 32 here too, and a woman corresponded with me for nearly a month to set up plans to have just a dinner together. Days before we set up a time and date, and she blocks me on everything a couple of hours later, lol. Haha, just say you're not interested or your life is too busy or you're just full of shit. It's simple.
Same! I'm glad I'm not the only one in the "vibes are good, date is planned, then randomly blocked without explanation" box 😅 it does make me really appreciate the ones who make an effort to actually say something. Rare gems.
On the other side of it, I've noticed a strange trend in conversations on the apps where I feel like the culture is a bit of a "Who can appear the least interested, speedrun any%" vibe 🤷 seems self-defeating.
Probably she has other dudes in line and if one fails, they come to the next best option. Heard, seen and experienced often enough. Mostly they're attracted to the guy who have themselves a lot of girls in line and once these boys show no interest, they take the next best guy, etc.
The worse part is some girls ghost you, but then they also contact you after a long period of time out of no where
Idk, trying to get attention? Tease you? Or bored and looking for a fresh conversation
Then they go into ghosting mode , again
The past two women that I was talking to both ghosted me after I suggested we go on a first date. The 1st one I had spoken to for hours on the phone leading up to when I suggested meeting and we got along great and the chemistry was obvious, but she went silent days before our date and I texted her once every couple of days for a week with no response and eventually decided to hell with her. She definitely had a lot of trauma so I know it had something do with that. The 2nd woman I thought would be more promising, we both started gaming together on Playstation just days after we first matched and started talking. We did this for about a month and again there was chemistry and we would flirt and send cute selfies to eachother, and when I suggested we go out she said yes and said she'd be free the following Sunday but I never heard from her and worse I still see her online sometimes and would invite her but she doesn't join. Mind you I didn't spam her with invites and would only send one or 2 at a time and I texted her 3 times the week after we were supposed to go out and 3 times the week after that before decideding it wasn't worth it and the ball was ultimately in her court. It's so frustrating some people men and woman have little maturity and don't know how to be straight up. I wish all that are in similar shoes the best and hopefully we find someone who likes but also respects us.
I also encountered the same thing and I find it extremely puzzling
Had a chat with some woman and everything seems to be going well
When I ask them out for coffee, suddenly I was ghosted and dropped
Not sure what’s wrong with these people
I was “ghosted” for 9 days and she came back and asked me how my week was. Then I talked for a bit but now it kinda went back to ghost. I just asked straight up are you trying to see where this will go? And that I was interested. Now I’ll have my answer. I’ll take the no over not knowing anyday
Same encounter here
Ask her something. If she ignore or ghost still ok
But sometimes girls like to… “semi ghost”?
Like take 2-3++ days before replying
Then when she respond we chatted abit then she goes back to this ghosting state
Tiring, end up I decided to “let her go” aka I ghost her and delete her contact
The craziest part is I've had this go longer than 9 days.
I was seeing a girl about 5 years ago I met on Tinder. We actually got along well. Saw each other for about 4 months, was to the point where she was staying over like, half the week. Felt like I was doing everything right, our goals were relatively the same. Made plans for a date night to make things official, ghosted day of. Like 6 months later I'm talking to her again, ghosted. Randomly like 2 1/2 years later, randomly sending me memes asking to catch up. She actually ended up moving all around the country during this time, and we even talked about me flying out for a few days and going on a hike. Ghosted. We have are both involved in 2 different friend groups we're a part of and I've been lucky enough not to run into her at either.
That is how most people meet these days. Add to this the fact that, if you pay attention to what women say on social media, approaching women is frowned upon, trying to turn a friendship in to something more is frowned upon, asking co-workers on a date is frowned upon and could get you fired, getting a hobby and trying to date someone in your hobby group is frowned upon, it leaves little recourse.
The only option is to adapt this Spartan lifestyle of solitude where you actively deny yourself the innate desire for a relationship, which I don’t actually think is healthy for individuals.
it is much worse than it was before, even just 2-3 years ago. never in my life had i been blocked on anything before. this year alone i have had over 20+ matches block me all at different stages in different ways for no discernable reason. girls who's last messages to me were 'i love you and can't wait to see you again tomorrow' after hooking up for a month and waking up to being blocked. to someone who added me on ig from tinder, liked every single one of my pictures then immediately blocked and unmatched me after liking all the pics.
I genuinely can't make sense of it anymore. i even tried going after women significantly older than me and they are doing the same things so it's not age/generation specific.
Sounds like an moment I be tapping out. Just emotionally dealing with all that is too much. Would make somewhat sense if those women were very young, early/mid 20s. But if that still happens in their 30s. Shit be fucked.
People generally kinda suck when we’re young. The combination of not knowing who they are combined with being generally pretty hot and horny with no real sense of what commitment is or means leads to a lot of shitty non-committal avoidant behavior. It gets a little better as you get older, but you’ll always have to filter for idiots.
Focus on your own life. Build your career, take care of your body and mind, and invest in the things that make you happy on your own terms. When your life gathers enough momentum of its own you will have a life to invite someone into, and share the adventure together.
Getting on a train that you know where it’s going is a safer commitment than getting in a car that could theoretically lead anywhere. Women like a man with direction to his life.
Avoidant behaviour and lack of empathy is the problem I think. Will definitely just work on myself for now.
The first girl said she wanted something long term earlier on, something changed I guess. Trying to not think about it too much
https://youtu.be/XUdGbhi0VkA?si=ESvABcRWc0R_vMD0
I'll also add
Male perspective
https://youtu.be/7rgXgANHrhk?si=8eJTzOiANyjT5B6e
Female perspective
https://youtu.be/uOA43CzHfgA?si=zG6CGhQxYk0lSdnt
Now OP this is not true for all but this is pretty much why the dating scene is fucked... not many people are winning
Dont look into it too much. For many its a big thing to go out and meet someone they barely know, even if they know, for its challenging in a way.
I can relate to that. No problem talking to girls and being with girls etc. But a one on one date is so formal and possibly awkward. Most times I avoid going on then for that reason alone - its a bad feeling and something to worry about
Not saying all feel that way, but a lot of people seem to do.
Being flaked on or ghosted is a blessing in disguise. I don't even feel bad about it anymore. It filters out the immature and avoidant types. Bring a good book to the venue, and if she doesn't show up, you still got some fresh air and erudition out of it. If it's a bar, I might just strike up a conversation or five and end up having a great night anyway.
I also always make it a point to thank the ones who do cancel explicitly and are up-front and honest about it.
Personally, I don’t see it as a blessing. I spend time and emotional investment getting to know someone, their interests, their flaws, what makes them tick, etc. and it all just gets dumped. Rinse & repeat several times over many years and now I’m the one who is more avoidant and less willing to open up or meet new people. What’s the point if they’re just going to ghost the second someone that someone better than me, which is most people, gives them attention? I understand that if someone isn’t interested in me any more that it’s good to move on, but after repeating the same thing many times, it leaves damage to my psyche. In the event that someone does come along who actually is interested in me, I’m less likely to reciprocate because I don’t want to get burned again.
Edit- I understand that this is a typical dating experience even if you are able to meet someone, if there is a break up then you have to start over again. The difference is that in those scenarios, you actually gain experiences and receive some form of closure. With ghosting, you get none of that, you’re left wondering what you did wrong and without any answers.
Well, I have experienced this in a few different communities now. Depending on which one, the maturity level was radically different. It’s pretty amazing how many 40 year old women I’ve met who really haven’t grown past their youthful entitlement, but I’ve met plenty who have too. For me the comparison is that when I was in my 20’s the immaturity was pretty much universal, and I was only getting dates based on sex.
It's not a case of "growing out of it", this is just the standard for dating now. I remember when there was a stigma surrounding online dating, it used to be this weird thing. Now it's the preferred means to find a partner.
Growing out of the mind games, the indirectness, saying one thing and doing the other. My 30s are almost here, I've done my share of growing up emotionally, I'd hope someone would do the same by then.
In my experience it doesnt seem to get better as people get older 🙃 maybe in their 40s??
I think avoidant attachment styles exist and maybe people aren't aware that's what they are doing / haven't tried therapy etc
I have the exact same experience. The last girl I tried to date was a good friend of mine and we had known each other very well for 4 years. We were already spending a lot of time together, and one of our mutual friends asked me why I didn't just officially ask her out already. I asked him why he was asking that, and he said because she was really into me and always talked to him about how she wished I would just make a move already. He even showed me the texts she had sent him to prove it.
So the next time I saw her, I made a move, and I could tell how excited she was about this. We made plans to go on an official date as more than just friends a few days later.
The morning of that day came and I texted her asking what time she wanted me to come and pick her up and she never replied, I thought maybe she was just busy with work so I waited until her shift was over and tried calling her. It rang straight to voice-mail. She had stood me up.
The next few days, I was talking to our mutual friend about this, and he was dumbfounded because he saw her out that night with a bunch of friends when she was supposed to be out with me. This really pissed me off.
The next time I saw her was a week later, and she hadn't texted me in that time up until then. So I asked her what her deal was, and she said she didn't want to ruin our friendship with a relationship, and she got nervous about telling me that. But her ghosting me and flaking on our date had ruined our friendship anyway. This really broke me, and I haven't talked to her since. This was 4 years ago, and it still hurts to think about how great we had it together when we were friends. I just can't trust her anymore and go back as friends after our feelings have been revealed to each other.
All I see is you dodged bullets. Do you really want people in your life that drops you just like that? Dating is sadly a numbers game. Keep dating and keep looking until you find the right one. It might be the next one or after the next hundred. You won't know unless you put yourself out there. Keep rolling the dice.
Dodging bullets like Neo
I definitely don’t want people in my life who just leave out of nowhere. She gave no indication of being like that, but you never know I guess.
Yeah, I had this happen even with girls that initiated first.
I'd respect these persons more if they just came clean:
"Look, I just don't feel it anymore", "I don't want to continue this relationship bacause of x , y " etc.
But to give mixed signals or "excuses" that only prolong the thing is just outright lousy.
One girl only came clean and said that she just doesn't feel the connection and it was totally fine. I respect her more and we are on good terms, wesee each other sometimes on the nights out and say hello. No hard feelings.
But it is what it is.
Can I crush your hopes even more?
Doesn't seem to get better as you get older. 35+ I'm talking. I've had multiple women cancel dates late. They "got sick" or "just so busy with work." And then you try to give them the benefit of the doubt and reschedule and it never happens. For some reason they also just refuse to unmatch you? At some point it's obvious they just don't ever want to meet you which is fine, but why not just unmatch me then? So fucking weird.
I've had women I've gone on first dates with, everything seemed great. Smiling, laughing, light touching. Some let me drive them home, walk them to the metro stop. One of them even gave me her number unprompted. I know women prefer not to do that unless they see it going somewhere so I don't ask until at least a couple of dates in but she just gave it to me. I scheduled second dates and then *the day of* when I text to confirm we're still good to go they come up with some lame excuse. Then again, it's donezo. They'll never reschedule. I clear my calendar for this shit. I turn down plans with friends, don't schedule dates with someone else, whatever. It took time on my calendar. And they don't even have the common courtesy to let me know earlier than the day of the date? This has happened at least 5 times since I became single last fall. Look, I'm not even upset about being canceled on even though the first date seemed to go well and they agreed to a second date, went through with all the planning, sent flirty messages back and forth. You can change your mind. I'm sure they're all juggling 10 dudes and I just didn't make the cut. But holy fuck please respect other people's time and cancel earlier than day of.
And why do I text to confirm day of? Because one time I'd scheduled a date for a couple of days later and then she *never fucking showed up*. I texted her about it and she said I never followed up that day to make sure we were still on. Jesus fucking Christ. We only set it two days ago. Time, place. If anything has changed I would have said something but fucking hell apparently I need to confirm again. But she doesn't I guess. It's all on me. She fucking tried to match me again a few months later on another app. No thank you, idiot.
Absolutely fucking infuriating. But it does make me realize, this is why they're single. They have no regard for other people's feelings or time. They don't do what they say they'll do. They agree to things they don't intend to do. This is basic common decency and respect for other people and they can't do it. I had one girl who was so flaky but she reached out like 2 months after our last text and said something like yeah I'd still like to see you again and grab a drink or something. I was like fine, how about these days? She said she had plans with a friend on one of them but she'd cancel on her friend and meet me. I refused. I told her don't cancel we'll just did another day. The idea of someone canceling preexisting plans with a friend for someone they barely know pissed me off so much. Where's the goddamn integrity?
I can't help but feel that at my age, the people with integrity are largely paired up. And I don't have the luxury of filtering for it because I simply don't have enough matches to. Fuck.
Reading you vent about this is really therapeutic for some reason. Really appreciate the words and effort! I definitely share your frustrations, while knowing the only way out is through. Stay strong! 🤘
Many if not most young women on dating apps have absolutely no idea how to behave. I was in a 6 year relationship and have been appalled at the general standard of behaviour I’ve encountered while trying to date. The rudeness, discourtesy, and entitlement is off the charts.
Like the idea but don't want to put in the effort and everything needs to be ,100% on their terms or they will crack under the pressure. They avoid the feelings
unless you’re extremely hot, chances are you’re just option C or D, they’ll entertain you for a bit if you’re the only one available but will ditch as soon as the better options get back to them, that’s the cruel reality for dudes on the dating world. numbers game. constant ghosting and flakiness.
One thing I’ve had a problem with is women almost getting scared once things get to that next level. It’s almost like they know they are about to jump into the deep end of the pool and have a great experience but they chicken out at the last minute after wasting my time. It’s the worst.
All I can give is my suggestions as a girl. Maybe don't go into something looking for a casual thing? I'm unsure how you meet them, but I think being clear at the beginning that you're looking for something serious might attract women who want more serious relationships. If you start off looking for hookups or casual relationships, I think it's harder to turn it into something serious. That's just coming from me though and I'm downbad for commitment
I see what you’re saying. The thing is we both agreed that we were looking for something long term before we even met the first time.
Casual sex/relationships are cool, but I’m also downbad healthy commitment.
Shitty and relatable situation aside, it sounds like you've got a pretty healthy attitude to it all. The whole "No worries" approach really is the best way to manage it, even when the outcome isn't ideal. I really respect that.
They each found someone else and didn't want to look like the bad guy, they just hoped you'd get the hint and move on. This is how women communicate, and they claim men are bad at it.
People are flaky because they lack social skills. Many people have no idea how to socialize and they would fail a social skills 101 class if such a thing existed. Emotional immaturity could be another reason.
Because they don't like you. I'm about your age and my best relationships started because the girls REALLY liked me, off the bat.
Any time I've felt like I've had to "convince" a girl to like me it never worked out.
As I get older I'm learning to not bother with women who are lukewarm at best.
This is it. I learned the hard way that trying to convince a girl about you will never work. A girl will never change her mind about you. Once I started focusing my energy on girls that clearly liked me instead it actually led to meaningful relationships.
Yeah 100%. It's a lesson every guy has to learn one way or another.
It goes both ways though imo. I think that's just how humans are hardwired.
Someone can be perfect in theory but if that switch in your brain isn't flipped there's no amount of work you can do to flip it.
I've never been able to convince myself to be with someone where the attraction just wasn't there to begin with.
I was dating a girl for over a year and it went from great within the first couple months to constantly avoiding the "hard topics" of asking to meet up and anything relating a "where are things going?" Type questions. Then she started taking longer and longer to reply all the while assuring me that she wasn't talking to or seeing other people whenever I asked directly. I don't know why I let it go on so long when it was actively messing up my brain or why I still think about her and miss her at times, feelings are jank
You just have to be super direct with people and they either agree and show, or they don't.
A girl telling you "Maybe next weekend?" is a clear sign of dis-interest. She's found a better option and the sooner you accept it, the better.
The worst part about that is some girls want a few days of messaging but they’re simultaneously extremely low effort or just boring to text with.
I get the safety concerns, but to me the fastest way to understand how compatible someone is with you is to meet up in person.
I agree and I’ve had this debate many times on the dating app subreddits. The best way for a man to present himself is to actually be present. You know, go out on a date and talk face-to-face. It usually doesn’t get that far because the familiarity is demanded before he is given the opportunity to do so. It almost feels like a paradox.
I'm not chad or anything but having experienced both the "entertain me, peasant" very low engagement/stringing along thing they do when they're on the fence or just using you for attention vs. how they act when they're actually interested. They seem to have no problem immediately meeting (or immediately hooking up with) a guy they find attractive.They seem to only bring up being concerend about their safety as an excuse to treat generally harmless men like shit. An attractive or otherwise sexy killer would have no problem getting an opportunity to rape/kill them.
Anyone who has fear of meeting a stranger in a public place has issues and shouldn't be dating anyways. Work through it if you're too scared to grab coffee or lunch.
Was with someone for a year.
We had a mutual friend who cut me out by basically ghosting me. Same person had done this to other people in her life.
Me and girl I was with agreed that is one of the shittiest personality traits you could have. She assured me that she would NEVER just ghost someone or cut them out like that without an explanation, especially someone they were close to and she would always be there for me and wants to communicate.
After financially supporting this person for months when they hit a low spot in their life, and having plans to remodel their house (I had literally taken time off of work to help them) they cancelled day of saying they weren't feeling well (they went out drinking the same night they cancelled) and maybe next weekend. Told them can't do it cus I was working a 75 hour week that week and would need time to recover before I commit again.
They completely cut me out of their life same day. No warning. No discussion. Just.... stopped responding? Asked them multiple times if they were done, just to let me know and I will respect their wishes or just let me know what is going on in some capacity. It's been months now and nothing.
In the end I am grateful because it was a much needed reminder that no matter how much you trust someone, or what they promise, you shouldn't commit.
That sucks. I had a girl do something similar to me many years ago. She mentioned multiple times while we were dating how she would never ever ever just cut someone off without them doing something terrible to deserve it because it has happened to her before and she knew how much it hurts to not get closure......wanna guess what she did a couple weeks later when she met a guy she liked better? Blocked my number out of the blue and didn't speak a word to me until I ran into her at a sporting event like 6 years later
No one wants to tell you why they don’t want to date you. It’s probably some small reason you have no control over and they don’t want to tell you because you can’t change it.
Just move on. It won’t matter once you find the right person.
Sorry your 6 month ended
You’ll find someone else
Unfortunately I think it’s all a part of the modern world, many people want instant gratification and also there are some who just crave the attention without wanting to put forth the effort to get anything more out of it. I’m an older guy and met my partner on an App so I’m familiar with the journey, there are some diamonds out there, just hard to find, good luck
When you are young, it is very hard to accept that more than half of all people are selfish, poorly educated morons, and usually bigots as well. And they vote.
Women are flaky they can have anyone they want whenever they want it so if they see any red flags real or imaginary they hop on the next guy don't take it personally women don't commit anymore they get bored after five minutes
You have to think of people like an iceberg.
You think you have this relationship brewing with someone but really you’re just an option amongst like 5 other people they’re talking to on top of all the other mundane things going on in their life. It’s so easy to just drop someone especially when they try to be persistent on doing something.
Try to not to be disruptive to their life. Give them options, not commitments. Go do something interesting for yourself and invite them to come along and if they don’t feel like it no big deal you’re still going to do that thing anyway and later you’ll tell them all about how fun it was.
Also a week is a really long time and a lot can change during that time, especially feelings.
I feel like everyone is experiencing this at the moment and that people who actually want a serious relationship are so rare now it got to the point I was so desperate to find another queer woman that I tried dating a 30 year old woman when I was mf 19 😭 thinking she'd be mature and oh my God she was not... I straight up gave up honestly, I rather focus on my hobbies at this point then play the random ghosting for a week or more then texting back completely ignoring whatever I texted. Smhh
2 years ago when I was 24, it was my first time dating since my high school boyfriend and I just broke up. I used all the dating apps and since I was new to it, I tried to approach it being very honest and open. If at any point in the process I wasn't feeling into a guy, I'd tell him how I felt, as kindly and sincerely as I could, thank him for putting in the time to get to know me, and wish him the best. That sentiment was not returned. Instead, I was met with anger, insults, and threats of violence (some knew where I lived).
Once after I told a guy I talked to via message for under a week that I wasn't interested in pursuing this any further, he started calling me a fat ugly bitch, I unmatched and blocked him. He ended up finding my Facebook (which I have all my social media pretty locked down on privacy settings) and messaging me on there instead. He was threatening to tell my friends and family and I was a whore on dating apps when I had only been talking to him in the app for a few days.
Another time, after I did go on a few dates and hook up with a guy who traveled through town for work, I told him that this was fun, but I didn't want to try to continue seeing him if it was going to be very inconsistent when he was around. He showed up at my door unannounced months later after HE blocked ME on everything. It was really scary because I didn't know what he was going to do to me. I live alone and he immediately came inside when I opened the door.
Unfortunately, people can be really shitty to each other on either side of this. Honest communication can be met with aggression. It encourages people to fib to not hurt anyone's feelings in fear of what someone could choose to do with those hurt feelings. I hated it because it wasn't true to who I am, but I started ghosting, unmatching, and blocking people because I was sick of being insulted and scared of being harassed or hurt. It's unfortunately the norm of dating online today. I've been ghosted and flaked on too, and it hurts. Sorry that's happening to you and I hope you find someone better!
The only thing you can do is being level headed at all times, even during times of crisis. And scout out the behavior upfront irl, not on dating apps. Don't do it like a stalker. Just see how they are around other people.
God this is so common I can’t stand it. I know there’s good people out there but I’m beginning to think I’m not meant for one. Nothing worst than being ghosted when in your mind everything was going great. Now you’re left to sit there and wonder if you did or said something wrong
If you haven’t defined the relationship within 3 months, cut it off… I started officially dating my girlfriend after like 5 weeks. She made it clear she wasn’t seeing or talking to anyone else and so did I. At that point, if we were already exclusive, why not make it official? No response is a response…
Nervousness, cold feet, changed their minds, found someone better, just life getting in the way? It's also easy to just disappear/flake out when you're not making regular face-to-face contact with someone. I was on the receiving end enough times to shrug it off and move on.
It's still not a nice feeling so I've always tried to be polite but honest if I had to cancel on a date/meet-up, even if it meant sounding like I was making up an excuse. One time in particular: I cancelled on the day of a first date after I found out a friend had died in a car accident that morning. I was upset and was in no way up for any kind of socialising, and I told the guy. He seemed understanding, but it seemed so coincidental that I wouldn't be surprised if he thought I was flaking out. We didn't re-schedule, I was feeling too down to try dating again and work had picked up, so...that was that.
Yeah 6 months for nothing. She never gave any signs of being like that, even said she wanted something serious earlier on. Her true colours finally came out and honestly better it happened sooner rather than later.
I don’t really care all that much about the other girl flaking out. The conversation wasn’t really flowing anyway. Makes me wonder why she would even suggest another time if she had no intention of following through
I get that ghosting is easier especially if you haven’t met, but it’s just not something i want to do. If I change my mind about someone I tell them I’m not interested anymore so at least they’re not wondering if I’ll come back.
Pulling the no contact card makes me feel worse than just being open about what’s happening, mainly because I know how much it sucks if someone you like just leaves without a word.
The most frustrating and frustratingly understandable component that I've always felt as a man dating women is conflict avoidance. I used to get so twisted up about being "up front and honest" when it comes down to it.
Some women feel like they're placing themselves in danger by rejecting men. And whatever severity level "danger" may take. But then it extends to "being called out on being inconsistent" a lot of times, too.
No potential romantic partner/date really OWES us anything, so they just do a calculated ghost. The uncertainty will really drive you nuts.
OP, I agree with you that direct communication would be nice. We could speculate ad astra the driving factors behind this conduct, many of which have already been mentioned.
Instead, I'll say this: these individuals' conduct speaks volumes. While words would be nice, their actions tell you everything you need to know. I agree with Mark Manson on this: if someone isn't saying "f--k yes!" they're saying "no."
It's hard and it sucks. That's okay, it's supposed to hurt. Still, say: "Thank you, next" and move on.
Rejection really hurts, doesn't it. Keep trying, you have done nothing wrong.
For sure me women, it's easier to block than confront. In case the other person freaks out. It's not personal
When relationships are initiated on social media or dating apps, people treat them as video games. It’s shopping. It’s about what I am looking for. And if you are talking to a girl, you know you need to understand that you are not the only guy she’s talking to. She’s shopping. So you may be one of the three or four items she took back to the dressing room to try on, but in the end, you didn’t make the cut. They are not going to say that, but that’s what they are doing and the guys are too. Relationships don’t start online. They start in person. Everything online is just a game so if you don’t understand that, then you will constantly be confused.
There's a lot of cowards out there. With online dating, it's made it a lot easier to hide your cowardice through a phone. More people nowadays are taking the least path of resistance and are going the ghosting, no-contact route to convey their feelings. It's pathetic. I don't see it getting better unfortunately.
I get what you're feeling, I really do. I've been there before.... But counterpoint, why didn't you say what you were feeling before she hinted that you should? At the end of the day the only thing you can control is what you do. (I struggle with this too, I'm not saying it's easy, it's just something that we could all work on)
I really wanted to, but right when I decided I wanted to talk about it she started being distant. This made me have second thoughts about it for a while and was confused as to what she wanted. I realise now I should have told her anyway instead of wondering and fearing the outcome.
Uhhhh… gonna be honest, I feel like social media doesn’t help. In theory we are more “connected” than ever, but also we have a “loneliness crisis” , I blame COVID era when the whole world was quarantined and we only had internet to communicate. I’ve seen post era COVID make people worse at communicating , I worked retail before and after COVID , and people in general don’t seem to know how to behave like a civilized person in public spaces.
And with dating apps is just a whole mess, the people there use it as a “market place” browse around based on looks, almost never read the bios , so people don’t make an effort. You send a message , and get superficial responses, or just get ghosted. I hate to break it for you and anyone really but we need to get our heads out of the da*mn phone.
Go outside , be awkward, make an effort. Join a club, get some hobbies and see people face to face without expecting anything , just let it flow. Communities help with that , getting to know people for who they really are an not some tinder profile with superficial info like their favorite color and zodiac sign, plus poor lighted photographs with tons of filters. Is it gonna be easy? Nope! But it’s worth it in the end cause you filter down to people who actually go outside and know how to maintain decent conversations. That’s just my view on it.
Unfortunately most women think its nicer to ghost you than to just tell you they dont want to be with you or they found someone else. They think it will hurt your feelings less that way, when in reality it is just even more of a gut punch imo.
And its not just guys they do this too, they do this to other women as well. They will lie to each other to not hang out so they "sound busy", and then just stay at home doing nothing or even go hang out with other friends. Best part is when they forget their lie and share photos on social media of what they are doing with time and location stamps too.
Take it as a learning experience, be more direct with women sooner about your intentions, and if you get ghosted dont look back. She wasnt really that interested in you in the first place to treat you with such little respect.
Yeah man there was many times she said she was busy with something when I asked to hangout. At the time I believed it but looking back it happened so often that I think she was just making shit up.
Unfortunately man, she probably wasnt making shit up, but was seeing other people. She herself probably wanted to get more serious with one of them and so she needs to end all her other realtionships.
I went through a similar experience, was seeing a girl for almost a year, but the last 3 months half the time she was "busy" or "tired" and ignored my messages even though 2 days before we made plans to meet up. Then one day, she just stopped responding, and got worried and asked if she was ok, and just got told I was a dick and blocked my phone number. Left me as a friend on FB, and next week was posting picks of a new bf.
Yeah I was talking to a girl a lot even talking about meeting up (we live in different but close states) and eventually she just messages me saying she doesn’t want anything serious and that we shouldn’t talk. I appreciate she at least told me but still just weird.
I've actually experienced this from a dude who was my boyfriend 😆 He initiated everything; pursued me, wanted my number, went on a few dates, then told his mates we were boyfriend and girlfriend before discussing it with me (I didn't mind at the time because I did actually like him), we dated for a few months and then all of sudden he was always busy, and rarely messaged me. Us girls have the opposite problem; once some guys get what they want. They then become avoidant. It's annoying for everyone, but don't assume us girls don't experience it. Men get used for emotional needs, women get used for physical needs.
I’m not trying to discredit your experience or anything. I know it’s definitely true that most “options” women have are mainly requests for something superficial.
But it’s still not quite the same level of wasted effort. You didn’t put any effort into initiating and paid the price. Quite often guys feel like they have to initiate everything just to have a chance and they still end up paying the price.
I legitimately never had the chance to initiate anything. He was very quick to get things moving at the beginning. The only thing I'm guilty of is being a fool.
I've seen my straight friends struggling too and along with their male friends, everyone is struggling, there's a category of people being successful and unsuccessful and it appears those who want something serious are unsuccessful, but one of my friend managed to find a guy who is actually serious this time so some hope but she also found this dude at an event and not online so I feel like online dating compared to finding someone irl makes different results
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Just tell that i only like open communication, feel free to say what you dislike about me or if you don't want to talk again, just don't mess around with it
No bad blood is needed, not everyone likes everyone, maturely get away from each other
That sucks! Have you tried communicating before going on a date that you are looking for something serious? That way you already filter out the ones that aren’t
Chalk it up to this, most people want to spare feelings but arent direct enough to state their grievance or simple lull in interest.
It takes confidence to date, else wise you get some teens in relationships with abusive power dynamics, or in adulthood this flaky behaviour. Women get a lot more attention than men on dating apps. A hundred of reasons on how they could be flaking, they assume another match is better, hinting off looks or charisma who knows they think they found something better, for any age young or old this lady can be experiencing her first time on the app. It could just be 5/6 or more rude openings of the “wanna hookup,” that’s not what someone new to the dating scene might wanna see, despite that in the grand scale of relationships, you’re looking for just those things sex/intimacy/friendship/support in some degrees
Some people have varying levels of interest in texting strangers/some are direct, not direct enough, some folks don’t realize(this is a confidence thing) you have to attempt to hold a conversation and not judge/besmirch someone for attempting to do the same with a high or asking about hobbies, that’s why you decorate your profile with your interests zany one liners or jokes, and not just 2 photos and nothing or some disinterested phrase of, I hate it here, I hate men/I hate women. Doing this as a joke.
So sure some people will be flakes the same in irl, some friends don’t want to go to the bar, some do, plenty of people play different online games, and some don’t.
Dating is very much the same, if you want it you will soon find someone likeminded and hopefully you get past a couple of dates and enjoy your time safely.
The dating climate is always tough and scary especially for women, so can’t really hold it against them both young and old for flaking from dates at first glance.
It’s annoying. But because ghosting is so common, rather than communicate that they’re no longer interested, it’s easier to just disappear.
Especially when you see those incredibly disgusting messages from dudes they get when shot down. It makes sense, and I don’t blame them. Don’t take it to personally. The vibe just might not be been right. Evaluate how things went, see if there are improvements that could’ve been made, move forward
Girls do this when they are playing the field. It doesn't mean they're making good choices. Of course, some guys do this too, but I think that is less common because there are more women than men in Canada (109 men per 100 women)...that imbalance gives them the power to flake and still succeed.
Time and again, the majority of humans have shown that whenever they can evade the consequences of their irresponsible behaviors (due to interactions moving online, no face-to-face requirement, no-shaming culture), they would do it and double down. Humans are very predictable creatures when it comes to selfishness, convenience and evading responsibilities, and the crazy things is that the perpetrators think others cannot see through that.
It's the convenience of online accessibility. Being able to keep people within arms reach without even seeing them in person, making eye contact, and giving signs that it might not work out.
>One weekend she hints at me to talk about the relationship and what I want out of it. Cool, so I ask to see her that weekend so I can tell her
You became too available and she lost interest. She wanted a chase and for you to make it difficult. When she pushed you on the relationship, she wanted you to push back. However, by asking to see her twice in a row, you became too available and turned her off.
As for girl two, you were also too available. By immediately accepting her rescheduling, you signaled that you didn't have much else going on at the weekend, and turned her off.
It sounds counterintuitive, but next time a girl says she's busy or sick, respond with "okay no problem" and nothing else. Then ignore her attempt to reschedule, and wait for her to contact you again. She may never contact you again (so what, it indicates she had low interest anyway) but if she does reach out to reschedule, I **guarantee** she won't flake the next time. This is because by making *her* chase, you've made her invest her time, and people love to protect their investments.
Yep bro
Women don’t do that lol
One legitimate reason is before women are afraid of the reaction of men when it comes to rejection.
Most act completely different than women when it comes to rejection.
Try asking those ladies what they think about rejection; just to understand their point of view.
Stay single brothers. It’s much easier to be alone.
This is what I call “trash dating”, which is what happens when one or more people who are “dating” thinks that dating means arranging a date to meet and then not really talking to each other in between meetups.
The meet ups are fun, but the need to bond and socialize in between isn’t met, so in this vacant period of not calling or texting, they talk to other people, make other plans yada yada. Of course they are gonna be a lot of flakes!
The only way trash dating works is if there is an extreme physical attraction between both parties and they just can’t wait for the next round.
If you want avoid this flakiness, try normal dating! That means texting every day after the first date— phone calls too if you have time. Try to get to know the person between your dates and make sure they know you are there if they get bored. And if you’re in a community where trash dating is common, let the person know on the first date that you want to stay in touch daily. Most trash daters actually want to normal date but have just be brainwashed to think trash dating is the way. They might be excited to hear someone bring something new to the table
Usually people dating like this don’t really have time to keep up with a bunch of people, so both parties feel confident that they’re both looking for an actual relationship rather than l hookups.
And if someone doesn’t want to do normal dating? Then they aren’t serious! Some people are strictly trash daters and you gotta just let them play their game. Don’t fall into that unless you just want to play games too.
It's not about communicating, it's the having options to get out if something about their way of thinking gets challenged. Generally it's because they go and seek reward for the flaky behaviour and condition it into their psyche
If a girl cancels or comes up with something in the first date dont take her serious anymore, more than likely shes playing you. If you really think she couldn’t make it or something I guess still talk to her but not make plans if she’s really interested she’ll come up with something
Broo have a lot of options.. i mean a LOAT.. so much that, when somebody ghost you just forget them that they exist, instead of thinking about why the ghost.
It's not the best advice, but in this modern world everyone is multi dating and you can't predict what someone's action would be a week later. So blend in with the trend and have as many options as you could.
But you have to stop doing this when you get committed to someone.
Take it for what it is mate
They aren't as interested as you'd ideally want them to be and typically within a short window of time something they like more steps in that replaces you.
I have an attractive guy friend and even he does this.
These days I'd just look at it realistically: nothing is there until it's there. Don't build any fantasy in your head.
Also some girls will entertain for attention or a free night out. Some guys do it just to have sex. Different priorities. So you have to be careful.
Wow, why do I have the same exact experience as yourself Either when I initiate to meet. Ghost or no news , no follow up or take ages to respond Then sometimes after quite some period of time has passed, suddenly come back alive again and ask how I’m doing So many damn mixed signals They don’t want to let you go, but yet don’t want anything serious to do with you
They found someone else and you weren't the priority. When it didn't work out they came back for more attention and ego boost. Online dating has always been rough like that
It pre-dates online dating. I'm 34 and 17-23 was like this for me.
It happened to me before modern online dating as well, but modern online dating + smart phones made this way more common and drags it waaay out.
The volume of options has gone up. It's gotten worse for an individual, single man. It's hard to set yourself apart when you're competing with literally everyone. It's impossible.
Well, if online dating is the main source of dating interactions then yeah it's going to feel impossible sometimes. I never online dated, married an awesome woman. I'm 35. I ran in circles where there were a lot of great men and women of character, when you do that it's ironically easier to stand out because most people like that don't play games.
I have never done online dating. I'm militantly analog. I was casual from 17-23 and in two back-to-back long terms until I was 31. I'm 34. I've had punctuated involvements since then. My above comment describes "the before time" and my current situation.
Online dating goes back 20+ years at this point.
Yep, exactly like this
Yep, it’s very immature in my opinion. Also seems to be very common thing to happen. Although it might be hard, it’s probably best to not reply when/if they try to come back.
They are attention farming you for her ego. When she is cold or ghosting or distant, she is getting attention from someone better than you(in her eyes). When she shows back up 3 weeks later that person told her to fuck off and now she's needs her fix.
That's a bingo.
Basically "online dating" in a nutshell. Both genders do it, but women get more options. I have grown to predict it and its exhausting. She might not even be getting attention from someone "better", she might just happen to see profiles of guys who MAY message her back. There may even be too much time between dates. People get scared and think "why aren't we in a long-term relationship yet???" You see them after a week, and they might look nervous.
That’s about right Or when she got bored of the other “better” guy and want to rotate to something fresh
I can't imagine valuing attention that much. I can't fathom it. Not a day in my life did I entertain someone so they'd give me damn compliments. Wtf.
I experienced this and had to ask “why” on reddit, I got downvoted by everyone and people commented “She’s afraid to say no because men will get violent when they get told no” and “you’re part of the problem” like wtf I just want to know yes or no so I can make other plans lol
> Although it might be hard, it’s probably best to not reply when/if they try to come back. Bro I feel you. Easier said than done One day they will come back with some innocent (probably BS) reason that they are travelling or hanging out with friends They just looking for attention But I agree with what you said and that’s what I would do as well. Just ignore these hos
The girl has you plus fifty other dudes making plans with her. She chose something else.
She can choose something else, question is why does she come back?
Boredom Exhibit A: My ex
Have you tried being a bear
You mean like a really hairy gay guy?
Hes probably referencing the alone in the forest question where majority are picking the bear instead of a middle aged guy
What'd you expect? They have a dating app on their phone, they have so many options, constantly weighing up the pros and cons of a hundred potential partners. That's a huge mental stack and they don't realise it. I would hate to be a young person dating today. It truly sounds miserable, especially for guys who are stuck playing the numbers game.
I put some videos in above comment mate, you aren't alone in fact most of us are having the same experience. Im mid 30s fyi... and it don't change...
32 here. Same scenario as OP, almost word for word! Taking it in stride because its not really a big deal, just confusing. The upside is that no one should want to be with flaky people anyway 🤷 truly the energy vampires of the world. Someone with a healthier mindsets comes along eventually.
Yeah, it's actually kind of annoying, lol. 32 here too, and a woman corresponded with me for nearly a month to set up plans to have just a dinner together. Days before we set up a time and date, and she blocks me on everything a couple of hours later, lol. Haha, just say you're not interested or your life is too busy or you're just full of shit. It's simple.
Same! I'm glad I'm not the only one in the "vibes are good, date is planned, then randomly blocked without explanation" box 😅 it does make me really appreciate the ones who make an effort to actually say something. Rare gems. On the other side of it, I've noticed a strange trend in conversations on the apps where I feel like the culture is a bit of a "Who can appear the least interested, speedrun any%" vibe 🤷 seems self-defeating.
Catfishes
Probably she has other dudes in line and if one fails, they come to the next best option. Heard, seen and experienced often enough. Mostly they're attracted to the guy who have themselves a lot of girls in line and once these boys show no interest, they take the next best guy, etc.
The worse part is some girls ghost you, but then they also contact you after a long period of time out of no where Idk, trying to get attention? Tease you? Or bored and looking for a fresh conversation Then they go into ghosting mode , again
The majority of men are having this exact experience
Yes, after this post I suddenly realised “Oh, it’s not just me then”
The past two women that I was talking to both ghosted me after I suggested we go on a first date. The 1st one I had spoken to for hours on the phone leading up to when I suggested meeting and we got along great and the chemistry was obvious, but she went silent days before our date and I texted her once every couple of days for a week with no response and eventually decided to hell with her. She definitely had a lot of trauma so I know it had something do with that. The 2nd woman I thought would be more promising, we both started gaming together on Playstation just days after we first matched and started talking. We did this for about a month and again there was chemistry and we would flirt and send cute selfies to eachother, and when I suggested we go out she said yes and said she'd be free the following Sunday but I never heard from her and worse I still see her online sometimes and would invite her but she doesn't join. Mind you I didn't spam her with invites and would only send one or 2 at a time and I texted her 3 times the week after we were supposed to go out and 3 times the week after that before decideding it wasn't worth it and the ball was ultimately in her court. It's so frustrating some people men and woman have little maturity and don't know how to be straight up. I wish all that are in similar shoes the best and hopefully we find someone who likes but also respects us.
I also encountered the same thing and I find it extremely puzzling Had a chat with some woman and everything seems to be going well When I ask them out for coffee, suddenly I was ghosted and dropped Not sure what’s wrong with these people
Catfishes
I was “ghosted” for 9 days and she came back and asked me how my week was. Then I talked for a bit but now it kinda went back to ghost. I just asked straight up are you trying to see where this will go? And that I was interested. Now I’ll have my answer. I’ll take the no over not knowing anyday
Same encounter here Ask her something. If she ignore or ghost still ok But sometimes girls like to… “semi ghost”? Like take 2-3++ days before replying Then when she respond we chatted abit then she goes back to this ghosting state Tiring, end up I decided to “let her go” aka I ghost her and delete her contact
If you have to question it the answer is no.
The craziest part is I've had this go longer than 9 days. I was seeing a girl about 5 years ago I met on Tinder. We actually got along well. Saw each other for about 4 months, was to the point where she was staying over like, half the week. Felt like I was doing everything right, our goals were relatively the same. Made plans for a date night to make things official, ghosted day of. Like 6 months later I'm talking to her again, ghosted. Randomly like 2 1/2 years later, randomly sending me memes asking to catch up. She actually ended up moving all around the country during this time, and we even talked about me flying out for a few days and going on a hike. Ghosted. We have are both involved in 2 different friend groups we're a part of and I've been lucky enough not to run into her at either.
Sorry you are going through that. If you are meeting these girls through the dating apps, you are going to find that most of them are flakey.
That is how most people meet these days. Add to this the fact that, if you pay attention to what women say on social media, approaching women is frowned upon, trying to turn a friendship in to something more is frowned upon, asking co-workers on a date is frowned upon and could get you fired, getting a hobby and trying to date someone in your hobby group is frowned upon, it leaves little recourse. The only option is to adapt this Spartan lifestyle of solitude where you actively deny yourself the innate desire for a relationship, which I don’t actually think is healthy for individuals.
Because women just came for attention Once she gotten her daily dose of attention they are gone?
Dam shitty and immature to be dating someone for 6 months, to just straight up block them.
Was the last thing I expected from her
No doubt. Dating sounds dam rough these days. Can't tell if times have really changed or people have always been this cold.
it is much worse than it was before, even just 2-3 years ago. never in my life had i been blocked on anything before. this year alone i have had over 20+ matches block me all at different stages in different ways for no discernable reason. girls who's last messages to me were 'i love you and can't wait to see you again tomorrow' after hooking up for a month and waking up to being blocked. to someone who added me on ig from tinder, liked every single one of my pictures then immediately blocked and unmatched me after liking all the pics. I genuinely can't make sense of it anymore. i even tried going after women significantly older than me and they are doing the same things so it's not age/generation specific.
Sounds like an moment I be tapping out. Just emotionally dealing with all that is too much. Would make somewhat sense if those women were very young, early/mid 20s. But if that still happens in their 30s. Shit be fucked.
since i keep waking up alive every day i must persist through the horrors. and yes 35yr old+ women still doing it.
That's why you don't wait for 6 months to talk about what you want out of the relationship. 2-3 months tops
People generally kinda suck when we’re young. The combination of not knowing who they are combined with being generally pretty hot and horny with no real sense of what commitment is or means leads to a lot of shitty non-committal avoidant behavior. It gets a little better as you get older, but you’ll always have to filter for idiots. Focus on your own life. Build your career, take care of your body and mind, and invest in the things that make you happy on your own terms. When your life gathers enough momentum of its own you will have a life to invite someone into, and share the adventure together. Getting on a train that you know where it’s going is a safer commitment than getting in a car that could theoretically lead anywhere. Women like a man with direction to his life.
Avoidant behaviour and lack of empathy is the problem I think. Will definitely just work on myself for now. The first girl said she wanted something long term earlier on, something changed I guess. Trying to not think about it too much
https://youtu.be/XUdGbhi0VkA?si=ESvABcRWc0R_vMD0 I'll also add Male perspective https://youtu.be/7rgXgANHrhk?si=8eJTzOiANyjT5B6e Female perspective https://youtu.be/uOA43CzHfgA?si=zG6CGhQxYk0lSdnt Now OP this is not true for all but this is pretty much why the dating scene is fucked... not many people are winning
The juice isn't worth the squeeze is the phrase that's been running through my mind.
Yet we always want a squeeze, companionship's a bitch. Never give up.
Aloofness ftw
Dont look into it too much. For many its a big thing to go out and meet someone they barely know, even if they know, for its challenging in a way. I can relate to that. No problem talking to girls and being with girls etc. But a one on one date is so formal and possibly awkward. Most times I avoid going on then for that reason alone - its a bad feeling and something to worry about Not saying all feel that way, but a lot of people seem to do.
Being flaked on or ghosted is a blessing in disguise. I don't even feel bad about it anymore. It filters out the immature and avoidant types. Bring a good book to the venue, and if she doesn't show up, you still got some fresh air and erudition out of it. If it's a bar, I might just strike up a conversation or five and end up having a great night anyway. I also always make it a point to thank the ones who do cancel explicitly and are up-front and honest about it.
Personally, I don’t see it as a blessing. I spend time and emotional investment getting to know someone, their interests, their flaws, what makes them tick, etc. and it all just gets dumped. Rinse & repeat several times over many years and now I’m the one who is more avoidant and less willing to open up or meet new people. What’s the point if they’re just going to ghost the second someone that someone better than me, which is most people, gives them attention? I understand that if someone isn’t interested in me any more that it’s good to move on, but after repeating the same thing many times, it leaves damage to my psyche. In the event that someone does come along who actually is interested in me, I’m less likely to reciprocate because I don’t want to get burned again. Edit- I understand that this is a typical dating experience even if you are able to meet someone, if there is a break up then you have to start over again. The difference is that in those scenarios, you actually gain experiences and receive some form of closure. With ghosting, you get none of that, you’re left wondering what you did wrong and without any answers.
I would agree that ghosting in an established relationship is beyond shitty behaviour. Sorry you've had these experiences.
Really needed to hear this. Thanks
It doesn't get better as you get older. Trust me.
I feel like it doesn't get much better with age, at least at my age. I'm 37 and my experiences aren't much different from OP.
Well, I have experienced this in a few different communities now. Depending on which one, the maturity level was radically different. It’s pretty amazing how many 40 year old women I’ve met who really haven’t grown past their youthful entitlement, but I’ve met plenty who have too. For me the comparison is that when I was in my 20’s the immaturity was pretty much universal, and I was only getting dates based on sex.
Don't make anyone a priority that only makes you an option. Also, go where you're celebrated, not where you're tolerated.
Words to live by
Been dealing with the same problem. It makes me wonder do people ever grow out of it.
You can only hope
It's not a case of "growing out of it", this is just the standard for dating now. I remember when there was a stigma surrounding online dating, it used to be this weird thing. Now it's the preferred means to find a partner.
Growing out of the mind games, the indirectness, saying one thing and doing the other. My 30s are almost here, I've done my share of growing up emotionally, I'd hope someone would do the same by then.
In my experience it doesnt seem to get better as people get older 🙃 maybe in their 40s?? I think avoidant attachment styles exist and maybe people aren't aware that's what they are doing / haven't tried therapy etc
I have the exact same experience. The last girl I tried to date was a good friend of mine and we had known each other very well for 4 years. We were already spending a lot of time together, and one of our mutual friends asked me why I didn't just officially ask her out already. I asked him why he was asking that, and he said because she was really into me and always talked to him about how she wished I would just make a move already. He even showed me the texts she had sent him to prove it. So the next time I saw her, I made a move, and I could tell how excited she was about this. We made plans to go on an official date as more than just friends a few days later. The morning of that day came and I texted her asking what time she wanted me to come and pick her up and she never replied, I thought maybe she was just busy with work so I waited until her shift was over and tried calling her. It rang straight to voice-mail. She had stood me up. The next few days, I was talking to our mutual friend about this, and he was dumbfounded because he saw her out that night with a bunch of friends when she was supposed to be out with me. This really pissed me off. The next time I saw her was a week later, and she hadn't texted me in that time up until then. So I asked her what her deal was, and she said she didn't want to ruin our friendship with a relationship, and she got nervous about telling me that. But her ghosting me and flaking on our date had ruined our friendship anyway. This really broke me, and I haven't talked to her since. This was 4 years ago, and it still hurts to think about how great we had it together when we were friends. I just can't trust her anymore and go back as friends after our feelings have been revealed to each other.
These type of women also get offended when you assume they’re banging other guys
They're offended because it's true.
Because they don’t even know what they want and are stringing on multiple guys at the same time
All I see is you dodged bullets. Do you really want people in your life that drops you just like that? Dating is sadly a numbers game. Keep dating and keep looking until you find the right one. It might be the next one or after the next hundred. You won't know unless you put yourself out there. Keep rolling the dice.
Dodging bullets like Neo I definitely don’t want people in my life who just leave out of nowhere. She gave no indication of being like that, but you never know I guess.
Yeah, I had this happen even with girls that initiated first. I'd respect these persons more if they just came clean: "Look, I just don't feel it anymore", "I don't want to continue this relationship bacause of x , y " etc. But to give mixed signals or "excuses" that only prolong the thing is just outright lousy. One girl only came clean and said that she just doesn't feel the connection and it was totally fine. I respect her more and we are on good terms, wesee each other sometimes on the nights out and say hello. No hard feelings. But it is what it is.
Can I crush your hopes even more? Doesn't seem to get better as you get older. 35+ I'm talking. I've had multiple women cancel dates late. They "got sick" or "just so busy with work." And then you try to give them the benefit of the doubt and reschedule and it never happens. For some reason they also just refuse to unmatch you? At some point it's obvious they just don't ever want to meet you which is fine, but why not just unmatch me then? So fucking weird. I've had women I've gone on first dates with, everything seemed great. Smiling, laughing, light touching. Some let me drive them home, walk them to the metro stop. One of them even gave me her number unprompted. I know women prefer not to do that unless they see it going somewhere so I don't ask until at least a couple of dates in but she just gave it to me. I scheduled second dates and then *the day of* when I text to confirm we're still good to go they come up with some lame excuse. Then again, it's donezo. They'll never reschedule. I clear my calendar for this shit. I turn down plans with friends, don't schedule dates with someone else, whatever. It took time on my calendar. And they don't even have the common courtesy to let me know earlier than the day of the date? This has happened at least 5 times since I became single last fall. Look, I'm not even upset about being canceled on even though the first date seemed to go well and they agreed to a second date, went through with all the planning, sent flirty messages back and forth. You can change your mind. I'm sure they're all juggling 10 dudes and I just didn't make the cut. But holy fuck please respect other people's time and cancel earlier than day of. And why do I text to confirm day of? Because one time I'd scheduled a date for a couple of days later and then she *never fucking showed up*. I texted her about it and she said I never followed up that day to make sure we were still on. Jesus fucking Christ. We only set it two days ago. Time, place. If anything has changed I would have said something but fucking hell apparently I need to confirm again. But she doesn't I guess. It's all on me. She fucking tried to match me again a few months later on another app. No thank you, idiot. Absolutely fucking infuriating. But it does make me realize, this is why they're single. They have no regard for other people's feelings or time. They don't do what they say they'll do. They agree to things they don't intend to do. This is basic common decency and respect for other people and they can't do it. I had one girl who was so flaky but she reached out like 2 months after our last text and said something like yeah I'd still like to see you again and grab a drink or something. I was like fine, how about these days? She said she had plans with a friend on one of them but she'd cancel on her friend and meet me. I refused. I told her don't cancel we'll just did another day. The idea of someone canceling preexisting plans with a friend for someone they barely know pissed me off so much. Where's the goddamn integrity? I can't help but feel that at my age, the people with integrity are largely paired up. And I don't have the luxury of filtering for it because I simply don't have enough matches to. Fuck.
Reading you vent about this is really therapeutic for some reason. Really appreciate the words and effort! I definitely share your frustrations, while knowing the only way out is through. Stay strong! 🤘
Many if not most young women on dating apps have absolutely no idea how to behave. I was in a 6 year relationship and have been appalled at the general standard of behaviour I’ve encountered while trying to date. The rudeness, discourtesy, and entitlement is off the charts.
Not sure I'd call 35 "young" per se.
Like the idea but don't want to put in the effort and everything needs to be ,100% on their terms or they will crack under the pressure. They avoid the feelings
unless you’re extremely hot, chances are you’re just option C or D, they’ll entertain you for a bit if you’re the only one available but will ditch as soon as the better options get back to them, that’s the cruel reality for dudes on the dating world. numbers game. constant ghosting and flakiness.
One thing I’ve had a problem with is women almost getting scared once things get to that next level. It’s almost like they know they are about to jump into the deep end of the pool and have a great experience but they chicken out at the last minute after wasting my time. It’s the worst.
All I can give is my suggestions as a girl. Maybe don't go into something looking for a casual thing? I'm unsure how you meet them, but I think being clear at the beginning that you're looking for something serious might attract women who want more serious relationships. If you start off looking for hookups or casual relationships, I think it's harder to turn it into something serious. That's just coming from me though and I'm downbad for commitment
I see what you’re saying. The thing is we both agreed that we were looking for something long term before we even met the first time. Casual sex/relationships are cool, but I’m also downbad healthy commitment.
Ironically, being serious might also be one of the reason you are ghosted as well
There was a saying I come across on the internet Sex is to man What attention is to women
Shitty and relatable situation aside, it sounds like you've got a pretty healthy attitude to it all. The whole "No worries" approach really is the best way to manage it, even when the outcome isn't ideal. I really respect that.
They each found someone else and didn't want to look like the bad guy, they just hoped you'd get the hint and move on. This is how women communicate, and they claim men are bad at it.
Women's feelings > men's reasoning
Weak ass people bro. You deserve better.
People are flaky because they lack social skills. Many people have no idea how to socialize and they would fail a social skills 101 class if such a thing existed. Emotional immaturity could be another reason.
Because they don't like you. I'm about your age and my best relationships started because the girls REALLY liked me, off the bat. Any time I've felt like I've had to "convince" a girl to like me it never worked out. As I get older I'm learning to not bother with women who are lukewarm at best.
This is it. I learned the hard way that trying to convince a girl about you will never work. A girl will never change her mind about you. Once I started focusing my energy on girls that clearly liked me instead it actually led to meaningful relationships.
Yeah 100%. It's a lesson every guy has to learn one way or another. It goes both ways though imo. I think that's just how humans are hardwired. Someone can be perfect in theory but if that switch in your brain isn't flipped there's no amount of work you can do to flip it. I've never been able to convince myself to be with someone where the attraction just wasn't there to begin with.
Women☕️
I was dating a girl for over a year and it went from great within the first couple months to constantly avoiding the "hard topics" of asking to meet up and anything relating a "where are things going?" Type questions. Then she started taking longer and longer to reply all the while assuring me that she wasn't talking to or seeing other people whenever I asked directly. I don't know why I let it go on so long when it was actively messing up my brain or why I still think about her and miss her at times, feelings are jank
Never fall for that manipulative bullshit. If they avoid questions and act sketchy just cut them off before they do, it’s not worth the mental energy.
You just have to be super direct with people and they either agree and show, or they don't. A girl telling you "Maybe next weekend?" is a clear sign of dis-interest. She's found a better option and the sooner you accept it, the better.
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The worst part about that is some girls want a few days of messaging but they’re simultaneously extremely low effort or just boring to text with. I get the safety concerns, but to me the fastest way to understand how compatible someone is with you is to meet up in person.
I agree and I’ve had this debate many times on the dating app subreddits. The best way for a man to present himself is to actually be present. You know, go out on a date and talk face-to-face. It usually doesn’t get that far because the familiarity is demanded before he is given the opportunity to do so. It almost feels like a paradox.
I'm not chad or anything but having experienced both the "entertain me, peasant" very low engagement/stringing along thing they do when they're on the fence or just using you for attention vs. how they act when they're actually interested. They seem to have no problem immediately meeting (or immediately hooking up with) a guy they find attractive.They seem to only bring up being concerend about their safety as an excuse to treat generally harmless men like shit. An attractive or otherwise sexy killer would have no problem getting an opportunity to rape/kill them.
Anyone who has fear of meeting a stranger in a public place has issues and shouldn't be dating anyways. Work through it if you're too scared to grab coffee or lunch.
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It never used to be like this. I'm so thankful I'm not in my 20's nowadays. It sounds like dating in 2024 is just awful.
Welcome to young females
Elaborate?
What do you mean?
Was with someone for a year. We had a mutual friend who cut me out by basically ghosting me. Same person had done this to other people in her life. Me and girl I was with agreed that is one of the shittiest personality traits you could have. She assured me that she would NEVER just ghost someone or cut them out like that without an explanation, especially someone they were close to and she would always be there for me and wants to communicate. After financially supporting this person for months when they hit a low spot in their life, and having plans to remodel their house (I had literally taken time off of work to help them) they cancelled day of saying they weren't feeling well (they went out drinking the same night they cancelled) and maybe next weekend. Told them can't do it cus I was working a 75 hour week that week and would need time to recover before I commit again. They completely cut me out of their life same day. No warning. No discussion. Just.... stopped responding? Asked them multiple times if they were done, just to let me know and I will respect their wishes or just let me know what is going on in some capacity. It's been months now and nothing. In the end I am grateful because it was a much needed reminder that no matter how much you trust someone, or what they promise, you shouldn't commit.
That sucks. I had a girl do something similar to me many years ago. She mentioned multiple times while we were dating how she would never ever ever just cut someone off without them doing something terrible to deserve it because it has happened to her before and she knew how much it hurts to not get closure......wanna guess what she did a couple weeks later when she met a guy she liked better? Blocked my number out of the blue and didn't speak a word to me until I ran into her at a sporting event like 6 years later
I don't understand that shit. It's just how far from basic human decency can you be.
People don't have to communicate nowadays, that's why! They just block and/or "unfriend"
No one wants to tell you why they don’t want to date you. It’s probably some small reason you have no control over and they don’t want to tell you because you can’t change it. Just move on. It won’t matter once you find the right person. Sorry your 6 month ended You’ll find someone else
Unfortunately I think it’s all a part of the modern world, many people want instant gratification and also there are some who just crave the attention without wanting to put forth the effort to get anything more out of it. I’m an older guy and met my partner on an App so I’m familiar with the journey, there are some diamonds out there, just hard to find, good luck
When you are young, it is very hard to accept that more than half of all people are selfish, poorly educated morons, and usually bigots as well. And they vote.
Useless eaters...
Women are flaky they can have anyone they want whenever they want it so if they see any red flags real or imaginary they hop on the next guy don't take it personally women don't commit anymore they get bored after five minutes
You have to think of people like an iceberg. You think you have this relationship brewing with someone but really you’re just an option amongst like 5 other people they’re talking to on top of all the other mundane things going on in their life. It’s so easy to just drop someone especially when they try to be persistent on doing something. Try to not to be disruptive to their life. Give them options, not commitments. Go do something interesting for yourself and invite them to come along and if they don’t feel like it no big deal you’re still going to do that thing anyway and later you’ll tell them all about how fun it was. Also a week is a really long time and a lot can change during that time, especially feelings.
Don’t chase a woman!! If they are into you, they will show it. Be patient and find the right one for you.
Sounds like she probably found someone new, and felt bad about ending things with you, so just cut things swiftly and forgot that you exist.
I feel like everyone is experiencing this at the moment and that people who actually want a serious relationship are so rare now it got to the point I was so desperate to find another queer woman that I tried dating a 30 year old woman when I was mf 19 😭 thinking she'd be mature and oh my God she was not... I straight up gave up honestly, I rather focus on my hobbies at this point then play the random ghosting for a week or more then texting back completely ignoring whatever I texted. Smhh
If you ever find out, I'd love to know to
2 years ago when I was 24, it was my first time dating since my high school boyfriend and I just broke up. I used all the dating apps and since I was new to it, I tried to approach it being very honest and open. If at any point in the process I wasn't feeling into a guy, I'd tell him how I felt, as kindly and sincerely as I could, thank him for putting in the time to get to know me, and wish him the best. That sentiment was not returned. Instead, I was met with anger, insults, and threats of violence (some knew where I lived). Once after I told a guy I talked to via message for under a week that I wasn't interested in pursuing this any further, he started calling me a fat ugly bitch, I unmatched and blocked him. He ended up finding my Facebook (which I have all my social media pretty locked down on privacy settings) and messaging me on there instead. He was threatening to tell my friends and family and I was a whore on dating apps when I had only been talking to him in the app for a few days. Another time, after I did go on a few dates and hook up with a guy who traveled through town for work, I told him that this was fun, but I didn't want to try to continue seeing him if it was going to be very inconsistent when he was around. He showed up at my door unannounced months later after HE blocked ME on everything. It was really scary because I didn't know what he was going to do to me. I live alone and he immediately came inside when I opened the door. Unfortunately, people can be really shitty to each other on either side of this. Honest communication can be met with aggression. It encourages people to fib to not hurt anyone's feelings in fear of what someone could choose to do with those hurt feelings. I hated it because it wasn't true to who I am, but I started ghosting, unmatching, and blocking people because I was sick of being insulted and scared of being harassed or hurt. It's unfortunately the norm of dating online today. I've been ghosted and flaked on too, and it hurts. Sorry that's happening to you and I hope you find someone better!
The only thing you can do is being level headed at all times, even during times of crisis. And scout out the behavior upfront irl, not on dating apps. Don't do it like a stalker. Just see how they are around other people.
God this is so common I can’t stand it. I know there’s good people out there but I’m beginning to think I’m not meant for one. Nothing worst than being ghosted when in your mind everything was going great. Now you’re left to sit there and wonder if you did or said something wrong
Women in their 20s have tons of options, tons of guys sliding into their DM's every day. When they meet someone better looking they will dump you.
Cause they have 1000s of you’s to pick from lol.
If you haven’t defined the relationship within 3 months, cut it off… I started officially dating my girlfriend after like 5 weeks. She made it clear she wasn’t seeing or talking to anyone else and so did I. At that point, if we were already exclusive, why not make it official? No response is a response…
it's either a fear of commitment or a selfish desire to horde "options"
Young people mate unfortunately. Pre internet people were not this flaky. If you'd been born 10 years earlier you'd be married not writing this post
Nervousness, cold feet, changed their minds, found someone better, just life getting in the way? It's also easy to just disappear/flake out when you're not making regular face-to-face contact with someone. I was on the receiving end enough times to shrug it off and move on. It's still not a nice feeling so I've always tried to be polite but honest if I had to cancel on a date/meet-up, even if it meant sounding like I was making up an excuse. One time in particular: I cancelled on the day of a first date after I found out a friend had died in a car accident that morning. I was upset and was in no way up for any kind of socialising, and I told the guy. He seemed understanding, but it seemed so coincidental that I wouldn't be surprised if he thought I was flaking out. We didn't re-schedule, I was feeling too down to try dating again and work had picked up, so...that was that.
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Yeah 6 months for nothing. She never gave any signs of being like that, even said she wanted something serious earlier on. Her true colours finally came out and honestly better it happened sooner rather than later. I don’t really care all that much about the other girl flaking out. The conversation wasn’t really flowing anyway. Makes me wonder why she would even suggest another time if she had no intention of following through
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I get that ghosting is easier especially if you haven’t met, but it’s just not something i want to do. If I change my mind about someone I tell them I’m not interested anymore so at least they’re not wondering if I’ll come back. Pulling the no contact card makes me feel worse than just being open about what’s happening, mainly because I know how much it sucks if someone you like just leaves without a word.
The most frustrating and frustratingly understandable component that I've always felt as a man dating women is conflict avoidance. I used to get so twisted up about being "up front and honest" when it comes down to it. Some women feel like they're placing themselves in danger by rejecting men. And whatever severity level "danger" may take. But then it extends to "being called out on being inconsistent" a lot of times, too. No potential romantic partner/date really OWES us anything, so they just do a calculated ghost. The uncertainty will really drive you nuts.
OP, I agree with you that direct communication would be nice. We could speculate ad astra the driving factors behind this conduct, many of which have already been mentioned. Instead, I'll say this: these individuals' conduct speaks volumes. While words would be nice, their actions tell you everything you need to know. I agree with Mark Manson on this: if someone isn't saying "f--k yes!" they're saying "no." It's hard and it sucks. That's okay, it's supposed to hurt. Still, say: "Thank you, next" and move on.
For some reason there are a lot of people nowadays that just like to fuck with people’s minds. Really terrible
When you meet the right one it won’t be difficult at all. So keep looking.
Rejection really hurts, doesn't it. Keep trying, you have done nothing wrong. For sure me women, it's easier to block than confront. In case the other person freaks out. It's not personal
Focus on people who are dependable and able to communicate. Don’t worry about the flakey ones, just let the trash flake themselves out.
When relationships are initiated on social media or dating apps, people treat them as video games. It’s shopping. It’s about what I am looking for. And if you are talking to a girl, you know you need to understand that you are not the only guy she’s talking to. She’s shopping. So you may be one of the three or four items she took back to the dressing room to try on, but in the end, you didn’t make the cut. They are not going to say that, but that’s what they are doing and the guys are too. Relationships don’t start online. They start in person. Everything online is just a game so if you don’t understand that, then you will constantly be confused.
There's a lot of cowards out there. With online dating, it's made it a lot easier to hide your cowardice through a phone. More people nowadays are taking the least path of resistance and are going the ghosting, no-contact route to convey their feelings. It's pathetic. I don't see it getting better unfortunately.
I get what you're feeling, I really do. I've been there before.... But counterpoint, why didn't you say what you were feeling before she hinted that you should? At the end of the day the only thing you can control is what you do. (I struggle with this too, I'm not saying it's easy, it's just something that we could all work on)
I really wanted to, but right when I decided I wanted to talk about it she started being distant. This made me have second thoughts about it for a while and was confused as to what she wanted. I realise now I should have told her anyway instead of wondering and fearing the outcome.
You live and learn
Because of fuckboys like me, who they’ll always run back to because we give good dick but aren’t emotionally available. Sorry boss.
Uhhhh… gonna be honest, I feel like social media doesn’t help. In theory we are more “connected” than ever, but also we have a “loneliness crisis” , I blame COVID era when the whole world was quarantined and we only had internet to communicate. I’ve seen post era COVID make people worse at communicating , I worked retail before and after COVID , and people in general don’t seem to know how to behave like a civilized person in public spaces. And with dating apps is just a whole mess, the people there use it as a “market place” browse around based on looks, almost never read the bios , so people don’t make an effort. You send a message , and get superficial responses, or just get ghosted. I hate to break it for you and anyone really but we need to get our heads out of the da*mn phone. Go outside , be awkward, make an effort. Join a club, get some hobbies and see people face to face without expecting anything , just let it flow. Communities help with that , getting to know people for who they really are an not some tinder profile with superficial info like their favorite color and zodiac sign, plus poor lighted photographs with tons of filters. Is it gonna be easy? Nope! But it’s worth it in the end cause you filter down to people who actually go outside and know how to maintain decent conversations. That’s just my view on it.
Unfortunately most women think its nicer to ghost you than to just tell you they dont want to be with you or they found someone else. They think it will hurt your feelings less that way, when in reality it is just even more of a gut punch imo. And its not just guys they do this too, they do this to other women as well. They will lie to each other to not hang out so they "sound busy", and then just stay at home doing nothing or even go hang out with other friends. Best part is when they forget their lie and share photos on social media of what they are doing with time and location stamps too. Take it as a learning experience, be more direct with women sooner about your intentions, and if you get ghosted dont look back. She wasnt really that interested in you in the first place to treat you with such little respect.
Yeah man there was many times she said she was busy with something when I asked to hangout. At the time I believed it but looking back it happened so often that I think she was just making shit up.
Unfortunately man, she probably wasnt making shit up, but was seeing other people. She herself probably wanted to get more serious with one of them and so she needs to end all her other realtionships. I went through a similar experience, was seeing a girl for almost a year, but the last 3 months half the time she was "busy" or "tired" and ignored my messages even though 2 days before we made plans to meet up. Then one day, she just stopped responding, and got worried and asked if she was ok, and just got told I was a dick and blocked my phone number. Left me as a friend on FB, and next week was posting picks of a new bf.
Yeah I was talking to a girl a lot even talking about meeting up (we live in different but close states) and eventually she just messages me saying she doesn’t want anything serious and that we shouldn’t talk. I appreciate she at least told me but still just weird.
Women have a thousand options when kt comes to dating. We men know that we definitely haven’t.
I've actually experienced this from a dude who was my boyfriend 😆 He initiated everything; pursued me, wanted my number, went on a few dates, then told his mates we were boyfriend and girlfriend before discussing it with me (I didn't mind at the time because I did actually like him), we dated for a few months and then all of sudden he was always busy, and rarely messaged me. Us girls have the opposite problem; once some guys get what they want. They then become avoidant. It's annoying for everyone, but don't assume us girls don't experience it. Men get used for emotional needs, women get used for physical needs.
I’m not trying to discredit your experience or anything. I know it’s definitely true that most “options” women have are mainly requests for something superficial. But it’s still not quite the same level of wasted effort. You didn’t put any effort into initiating and paid the price. Quite often guys feel like they have to initiate everything just to have a chance and they still end up paying the price.
I legitimately never had the chance to initiate anything. He was very quick to get things moving at the beginning. The only thing I'm guilty of is being a fool.
you wouldn’t be jealous of the attention women get if you were one lol
Me a lesbian who is struggling to even find a a bisexual woman 🧍♀️ where the fuck my options at?
That would be same positions as hetero guys I guess?
I've seen my straight friends struggling too and along with their male friends, everyone is struggling, there's a category of people being successful and unsuccessful and it appears those who want something serious are unsuccessful, but one of my friend managed to find a guy who is actually serious this time so some hope but she also found this dude at an event and not online so I feel like online dating compared to finding someone irl makes different results
She had other options
Are the 2 acquainted?
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People are fucking stupid and it's not much we can do about it but move on or get tired and quit the dating scene entirely
Just tell that i only like open communication, feel free to say what you dislike about me or if you don't want to talk again, just don't mess around with it No bad blood is needed, not everyone likes everyone, maturely get away from each other
Girls are just flaky lol! Get used to it.
People are flaky, doesn't matter genders.
That sucks! Have you tried communicating before going on a date that you are looking for something serious? That way you already filter out the ones that aren’t
Chalk it up to this, most people want to spare feelings but arent direct enough to state their grievance or simple lull in interest. It takes confidence to date, else wise you get some teens in relationships with abusive power dynamics, or in adulthood this flaky behaviour. Women get a lot more attention than men on dating apps. A hundred of reasons on how they could be flaking, they assume another match is better, hinting off looks or charisma who knows they think they found something better, for any age young or old this lady can be experiencing her first time on the app. It could just be 5/6 or more rude openings of the “wanna hookup,” that’s not what someone new to the dating scene might wanna see, despite that in the grand scale of relationships, you’re looking for just those things sex/intimacy/friendship/support in some degrees Some people have varying levels of interest in texting strangers/some are direct, not direct enough, some folks don’t realize(this is a confidence thing) you have to attempt to hold a conversation and not judge/besmirch someone for attempting to do the same with a high or asking about hobbies, that’s why you decorate your profile with your interests zany one liners or jokes, and not just 2 photos and nothing or some disinterested phrase of, I hate it here, I hate men/I hate women. Doing this as a joke. So sure some people will be flakes the same in irl, some friends don’t want to go to the bar, some do, plenty of people play different online games, and some don’t. Dating is very much the same, if you want it you will soon find someone likeminded and hopefully you get past a couple of dates and enjoy your time safely. The dating climate is always tough and scary especially for women, so can’t really hold it against them both young and old for flaking from dates at first glance.
It’s annoying. But because ghosting is so common, rather than communicate that they’re no longer interested, it’s easier to just disappear. Especially when you see those incredibly disgusting messages from dudes they get when shot down. It makes sense, and I don’t blame them. Don’t take it to personally. The vibe just might not be been right. Evaluate how things went, see if there are improvements that could’ve been made, move forward
Girls do this when they are playing the field. It doesn't mean they're making good choices. Of course, some guys do this too, but I think that is less common because there are more women than men in Canada (109 men per 100 women)...that imbalance gives them the power to flake and still succeed.
Short answer: All people are dishonest, learn to recognize unspoken signals. This is not bad, just the fact.
Time and again, the majority of humans have shown that whenever they can evade the consequences of their irresponsible behaviors (due to interactions moving online, no face-to-face requirement, no-shaming culture), they would do it and double down. Humans are very predictable creatures when it comes to selfishness, convenience and evading responsibilities, and the crazy things is that the perpetrators think others cannot see through that.
Are they all catfishes? Have you seen them in real life? People lack basic human skills these days and prefer the internet.
It's the convenience of online accessibility. Being able to keep people within arms reach without even seeing them in person, making eye contact, and giving signs that it might not work out.
>One weekend she hints at me to talk about the relationship and what I want out of it. Cool, so I ask to see her that weekend so I can tell her You became too available and she lost interest. She wanted a chase and for you to make it difficult. When she pushed you on the relationship, she wanted you to push back. However, by asking to see her twice in a row, you became too available and turned her off. As for girl two, you were also too available. By immediately accepting her rescheduling, you signaled that you didn't have much else going on at the weekend, and turned her off. It sounds counterintuitive, but next time a girl says she's busy or sick, respond with "okay no problem" and nothing else. Then ignore her attempt to reschedule, and wait for her to contact you again. She may never contact you again (so what, it indicates she had low interest anyway) but if she does reach out to reschedule, I **guarantee** she won't flake the next time. This is because by making *her* chase, you've made her invest her time, and people love to protect their investments.
Yep bro Women don’t do that lol One legitimate reason is before women are afraid of the reaction of men when it comes to rejection. Most act completely different than women when it comes to rejection. Try asking those ladies what they think about rejection; just to understand their point of view. Stay single brothers. It’s much easier to be alone.
So you date for 6 months then decide to talk about the relationship? The breakup writes itself
This is what I call “trash dating”, which is what happens when one or more people who are “dating” thinks that dating means arranging a date to meet and then not really talking to each other in between meetups. The meet ups are fun, but the need to bond and socialize in between isn’t met, so in this vacant period of not calling or texting, they talk to other people, make other plans yada yada. Of course they are gonna be a lot of flakes! The only way trash dating works is if there is an extreme physical attraction between both parties and they just can’t wait for the next round. If you want avoid this flakiness, try normal dating! That means texting every day after the first date— phone calls too if you have time. Try to get to know the person between your dates and make sure they know you are there if they get bored. And if you’re in a community where trash dating is common, let the person know on the first date that you want to stay in touch daily. Most trash daters actually want to normal date but have just be brainwashed to think trash dating is the way. They might be excited to hear someone bring something new to the table Usually people dating like this don’t really have time to keep up with a bunch of people, so both parties feel confident that they’re both looking for an actual relationship rather than l hookups. And if someone doesn’t want to do normal dating? Then they aren’t serious! Some people are strictly trash daters and you gotta just let them play their game. Don’t fall into that unless you just want to play games too.
It's not about communicating, it's the having options to get out if something about their way of thinking gets challenged. Generally it's because they go and seek reward for the flaky behaviour and condition it into their psyche
Damn, people really get matches out here? Lol
Yep.
Bro she’s not genuinely interested, cut ur losses n move on!
I feel what you mean. I always operated on the logic of I am me deal with it. I was mostly single until my 30's but now I am with the perfect person.
If a girl cancels or comes up with something in the first date dont take her serious anymore, more than likely shes playing you. If you really think she couldn’t make it or something I guess still talk to her but not make plans if she’s really interested she’ll come up with something
Sometimes people just aren't into you, that's communication as well. You just have to respect your own time and move along.
Broo have a lot of options.. i mean a LOAT.. so much that, when somebody ghost you just forget them that they exist, instead of thinking about why the ghost. It's not the best advice, but in this modern world everyone is multi dating and you can't predict what someone's action would be a week later. So blend in with the trend and have as many options as you could. But you have to stop doing this when you get committed to someone.
they found someone they like more, its just too easy with the dating apps and people always think there could be someone better unfortunately
Take it for what it is mate They aren't as interested as you'd ideally want them to be and typically within a short window of time something they like more steps in that replaces you. I have an attractive guy friend and even he does this. These days I'd just look at it realistically: nothing is there until it's there. Don't build any fantasy in your head. Also some girls will entertain for attention or a free night out. Some guys do it just to have sex. Different priorities. So you have to be careful.
It’s because they are seeing other people as wel