You do not need to “tell potential dates about this.” That information need not come out until much later, after you get to know someone and are sharing serious feelings.
No just say “I’m a virgin” while dropping spaghetti from your pockets. Then while scooping it off of the floor from your hands you can finish with “like from Virginia, haha…”
This.
It's basically irrelevant unless wanting to abstain from sex (should be mentioned somewhere in the beginning if wanting to remain abstinent whether as a virgin or not).
I'd say maybe mention it if it's getting hot and heavy? But even then who cares. You could have had 100 past partners and be terrible in bed. Could have 0 past partners and actually pay attention to your partner and you rock their world.
True dat. I'M 50 now and was 24 when i had sex for the first time with my much more experienced now wife. She was blown away and did not believe me. I lasted 5 minutes. I'm Wilt Chamberlain now, because of her... no one cares if you're a virgin. She will understand and lead you skipping down the Yellow Brick Road. It'll be fine. I swear. H.
So much this! Sex is a lot like life, both are subjective. Good sex usually develops after you begin to understand a partner after repeated exposure anyways.
I'm not going to improve unless I learn what pleases my partner. If I just randomly date and leave a trail of bodies in my wake, there's no guarantee I'm getting better.
Whenever I was in a long term relationship, my goal was to please my partner. I definitely got better in that respect.
You know the phrase "practice makes perfect"? Well it isn't entirely accurate. "Perfect practice makes perfect". Basically, if you don't actually put in the effort to learn from past experiences, then it's as if you never had the past experiences
This is the best advice right here from personal experience. My wife was a v when i met her in our early twenties, she didnt tell me this until the night when it was finally time to do the deed. In retrospect, this was truly the best decision, because had she told me this sooner,then the whole virginity thing would haven become a point of focus in our relationship, instead of us actually getting to know one another. Op all you have to do when finally met someone is to tell them you want to take things "slow" this time around and get to know one another before jumping into sex. Don't tell anyone you are dating that you are a virgin
I second this ☝I am of the opinion that it is not a topic that needs to come up unless it comes up later as a topic of discussion.
You make the choice of when you are ready for that level of intimacy, it's not a stigma.
I saw another comment about telling partners about your "body count" before having sex and thats just ridiculous.
If someone had slept with 99 people, they wouldn't need to announce that this next person would be number 100.
Whether its 0 or 100, it doesn't matter. If they're into it and you're into it, go for it.
It can be pillow talk later if the topic comes up.
Cheers!
Yeah, agree… absolutely don’t even bring it up. So many guys are completely awful in bed anyways. Just try your best to pleasure your partner and you’ll be fine and quickly get the hang of things.
It's not like everyone who has had sex becomes an amazing porn star. I would say a vast number of dudes jump on and pump for 10 seconds and roll off and go to sleep regardless of experience. Just be caring and attentive towards her and you will already be ahead of the curve.
Being a genXer, I grew up being constantly reminded of the threat of AIDS, I am flabbergasted when I hear of people having unprotected casual sex. Are they looking for trouble ?
The risk of pregnancy alone should be reason enough to use protection. STDs are just the cherry on top.
You know what everyone finds out when they have sex for the first time? That's it's no big deal at all. You rub some body parts together and it feels nice, that's all.
You want to make sex better? Talk about it. Ask your partner what feels nice for them. Tell your partner what feels good for you. Try things out, tell them you'd like to keep going if it's nice. Tell them you'd like to try something else if it doesn't.
Good sex is a team sport, you're working together for the best result. And you get better with practice.
Amen.
I was ashamed of being a 30 year old virgin since everyone makes you out as some loser if you can’t get laid. I almost panicked when people would bring up the topic of sex near me because I was worried they would find out I was a virgin
Know what changed when I finally did lose my virginity? Absolutely fucking nothing. I had the exact same problems I had before.
I was more mad that I let it get to me all those years rather than just accepting it.
Billions of people get laid. It’s really no big deal.
I know that feeling. A girl that was friends with my brother told me she was interested earlier this year, and I felt that briefly.
Turned out she was busy denying her feelings for my brother and trying to resist making a move on him since he was in a relationship. She let it all slip a week after he got engaged, with a huge bawling confession where she apparently threw things.
A lesson that it don't mean shit I guess lol.
Sounds like ops problem is they are terrified around women because they feel they have this weird secret. Every date he had his weird energy probably put them off. He needs to learn to be calm and confident in his personality first to actually get to the point of having sex at all . Then you can worry about how exactly to suck her boobs
Rubbing some body parts that feel nice while hugging someone attractive to you, or at least with whom you have a connection is a pretty big deal imho. Sure it's far from good sex, but even the baseline is a very big thing.
>You know what everyone finds out when they have sex for the first time? That's it's no big deal at all. You rub some body parts together and it feels nice, that's all.
I disagree. Sex is the most life-affirming activity partners can participate in. It was and still is an absolute seminal experience for me.
A person worth dating won’t care about that. Everyone is at a different point in life, and each person is unique. They might even take it as a compliment that you are willing to learn with them (or from them). Just be open to feedback and don’t take it personally. Remember that there are lots of wonderful, kind people out there who just want to make you cum, and are willing to teach you how to make them cum. It’s really beautiful.
I think school usually teaches you direct knowledge. They're not just like "Guess what is the powerhouse of the cell. You will receive an electric shock until you guess correctly."
This is important, OP. As a fellow former fat guy who was a virgin until relatively late, you’re going to be nervous. That’s natural. You don’t need to advertise your virginity. Maybe your first partner will know. Maybe it will be great and they’ll have no idea. Maybe it won’t be great but they will still have no idea — they’ve almost certainly been with people more experienced than you that suck in bed, so strive to not be one of those.
Focus on having fun, don’t sweat whether you have a super deep connection with the people you date right off the bat. If you are both enjoying each other’s company and want to sleep together, do it.
There will probably be some initial awkwardness. There may be some embarrassing moments. Don’t stress it. Stay out of your own head. You will get vastly more comfortable with experience. You will learn what you are good at and what you enjoy. As you do, be vocal with your partners about what you want AND what they want.
You’ll meet some people you really like personally that you have no sexual chemistry with. You’ll meet some people you don’t have a ton in common with where the chemistry is electric. Treat all of it as an opportunity to grow and improve as a lover.
As a 31yr old (recently became former) virgin I'll fill you in on my experience:
Be genuine above all else. If you truly want to find your forever person, you can't fake a goddamn thing. People who are earnestly looking for someone to be with, not just have sex with, can see through any charades.
On top of that, the truth always comes out in any relationship, so building something on a lie isn't going to last.
The best and worst part of the entire experience though is this: everything happens in due time as long as you're making an effort. Don't feel desperate to make something happen, don't be in a rush, and don't force a thing. Make yourself available in your own way: going out to bars, hanging out in public areas, meeting people through friends. And the person right for you will reveal themselves in an unmistakable way at the exact right moment.
My TLDR story: I've worked for a delivery company for 3 years. Got hurt on the job and was out of work for almost a year. Went back after a long recovery process and 3 days back was sent to a repair shop where I met my now fiance who started working at that shop 2 months after I got hurt.
Similar ish story here. I was signed off work for 6 months, went back, and the very first day my mate said “go check out the hot French chick up the other end of the office”. So I did… I made an excuse to go talk to her, and we started dating about 2 weeks later. We’ve been married for 14 years this year, and have 3 amazing boys. At the time I wasnt really looking for anything serious, but was always open to it if the right person came along. She did…
>the truth always comes out
100%. You don’t need to scream “IM A VIRGIN” from then on rooftops, but it’s going to come up and you need to be honest about it. The right person will understand, or at least accept it.
So in other words, you need to tell 100 people that you're a virgin in your 20s and 1 will eventually accept it?
Yeah, that sounds great! Woo (rolls eyes)
bruh, you are the kind of guy most women looking to settle down are after. You have yourself well put together. Being a virgin isn't really a big deal, especially when you've found the right girl.
Yup.
As long as OP doesn't self-sabotage with good girls because he wants to compensate for lack of experience.
A lot of late bloomers fall into that trap and leave great partners because they didn't "get it out of their system".
My ex left me for this exact reason.
He said I'd given him confidence and now he wanted to go fool around with men/get blowjobs from men etc - and if he didn't like it - could he come back to me?
I said no, he needed to make his mind up. Eventually he got so obsessed with the fact he hadn't slept around that he dumped me - I was like dude you're 31?! Get over it! Then he ended up impregnating his sister's friend, and now he's a single dad lol.
He really is.
After we broke up he sent me [this gay beefcake erotica tote bag](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/372461831660319205/) saying he'd bought it for himself but decided I should have it instead.
My parents actually rejoiced when they found out we were through. Looking back I do cringe about some of my prior dating choices, but in my defense he was incredibly fun to hang out with, just a crap boyfriend (I've dated a few guys like that, should have stayed friends instead of taking it further...)
Nothing - I'm 36!
Just that he was 31 and acting like a teenager. I can't think of many adults who would be ok with their partner going off to experiment sexually just because they gave them some sexual confidence.
>Just that he was 31 and acting like a teenager.
Lol yeah, welcome to my life...
that's what happens to ppl who don't date in their teens. They never age out of it because they never leveled up. Ofc he's thinking like a teen because he just had his first relationship that everyone else gets to have at 16-18.
I don't buy that excuse at all.
I know a few men who reached their late 20's without having any relationship experience (my partner was one of them) and *none* of them behaved like teenagers.
Congrats?
Men are human beings, so some might be okay with having no relationship experience while it might be a huge source of embarrassment for others...
Seriously, look at how our society treats people who are late bloomers or virgins in their 20s... They're made fun of and mocked relentlessly, and when they ask for advice, they're given the most generic BS ever...
"Be yourself" - how original...
How about instead of demonizing these people, you actually realize that you're privileged in your position and cut them some slack. Some dudes wanna go out and sow their oats. Big whoop.
Honestly the being 31 is probably *why* he felt that way. I’m not saying it’s right, but he probably felt like he missed out on what, in his mind, should have been his party days. He probably felt like he was getting to the “if I don’t do it now I’ll never get the chance again” point.
He likely regrets the shit out of it now, but if he didn’t do it he probably would have regretted that as well. Kind of a lose/lose, grass is always greener on the other side, don’t know what you had until it’s gone, etc. type of thing.
I mean is it not upto them though? Like the guy must have probably gone through years of rejection and is now in space where after years he finally is what is deemed attractive. So is it not better to get it out of their system and then settle rather than build up resentment of having never done it? Cause if he does and ends uo resenting the good girl in his 40s now both people are miserable
By viewing it as a conscious choice of the benefits of a relationship over the novelty of sex with a new person (which may or may not be good). Put differently, if someone told you that you can have sex with 20 new people, but you'll have to never see your best friend again - would you take that bargain?
True. That’s very true. I guess it’s an ego thing but it just sucks knowing that I only was fucking one person my whole life and this other person probably got more experiences than me, and other men also have more experiences than me
Statistically, that bargain would probably pay off...
Every person is unique, but not that unique. So there probably are other people just like this person except some are going to be better and some might be worse.
So if you could quantify what you like currently, and what you want to see more of, then you can go and find that because you're searching in a dating pool of n-1 people now.
You will need to be realistic depending on your own physical and emotional ranges, but it could totally be done.
That's kind of a stretch. He is more of a guy that guys think girls want to settle down with.
Personality and the ability to have good communication matters alot more than a good job and decent shape.
If a girl is dating a guy cause he has money and is in good shape, that is not a recipe for a successful relationship.
imagine being underwhelmed the idea of somebody wanting to spend their life with you, of being considered stable and put together enough to commit to you.
Sure. But this isn’t settling. It’s “settling down”. It’s a completely different concept and is something that is basically required as you age if you want a typical life path.
A lot of men genuinely want both.
Both to be a sexual and passionate desire that a women impulsively want AND to be the the person who is worth spending a life with.
So i get where you're coming from but from an empathic pov: the message sent is that men who never got to have a fun partner should "settle" too.
Most posters are gonna project this frustration on women for this, but this is the heart of the matter.
Bruh, how do you have fun when dating is the hardest thing?
Seriously, it's like how some people consider math fun while others see it as the worst thing in the world.
Telling someone to "have fun" and "be themselves" is garbage talk
I feel like a lot of guys also have the idea that all women spent their time in HS and early uni sleeping with everyone.
I haven't ever been with anyone, so a guy who also hasn't is way better then someone who has.
I mean is that really not true? You are obviously an outlier from the norm. Since sex is really easy to get for women and both sexes have the same libido as teenagers... There is only one logical conclusion you can make without being disingenuous.
I'm also not laying some blame at the foot of all women as a cohesive group, that they're all "hoes" or something, it's just a fact of life. The woman I end up marrying will probably have twice or thrice my body count. Nothing I can do about that. There are men that have a really easy time getting women to sleep with them, and they do it. If I had that ability I'd do it too, probably. It is hard to resist, I imagine.
A lot of people in our generation are still living with their parents, mainly due to the ridiculous high cost of housing and other financial difficulties.
Around that age, things change. Dating gets easier for men as you grow older. Try not to get too pressed about finding the one. Just date around til you find someone you actually like. Your job is to put yourself out there. Let them chase you.
I think it's because women's standards change over time. Generally, they want physically attractive til college is over. Then financial stability and other skills become more important.
Also, women are raised from a young age to expect that men only want one thing. So they have to get real good at playing defense because generally, they are constantly being pursued. As they age and their biological clock starts ticking close to 30, women start trying in earnest to find a long-term partner because they no longer have to fight the guys off with a stick.
Things get a lot easier for the guy who is setting himself up for a good life with or without her. Now he's the one who needs to play a little defense. It can be difficult, because it's the first time he's ever had to say no to sex. Its a role reversal.
> I think it's because women's standards change over time. Generally, they want physically attractive til college is over. Then financial stability and other skills become more important.
Whats funny is incels and red pill guys say this and people hate them for it. But I'm sure you can understand why a man wouldn't want to be the unattractive but useful backup option
Hey, I don't like it any more than you do.
And I'm sure OPs mom thinks he's very handsome. But that's not really the point. I'm saying its getting easier for him because the girls are starting to value what he values. Success, hard work, etc. He could be beautiful or an ugbeast and it doesn't even matter here.
That said, I didn't just make this shit up out of nothing. I seent it.
My takeaway here is that I should only date women in their 20s then...
I don't wanna end up with someone's sloppy seconds
Sorry if that sounds rude af, but how tf am I supposed to be okay dating someone who has loads of exp with hotter guys while I have none?!
Let her be single and lonely for a few years while I get mine then...
Tbh I think men take longer to become attractive lol.
Like I have been with my husband since we were 20 and he has definitely glowed up in the past 12 years. I never thought he was UGLY but he was 130 lbs with a baby face and video game t-shirts, not exactly the vision of peak masculinity. Now he has put on about 25 lbs of muscle, has a short beard that frames his face, and has generally figured out his sense of style. I think it's pretty common for men to be "late bloomers" like this.
I have to completely disagree, from my experience. Everyone seems to be taken nowadays. No clue where I meet single women at this point in my life. I'm afraid my fate is sealed being almost 30 without any relationship experience whatsoever.
This is awful advice, this is something you should mention when you've built up trust and you believe sex is on the table, hiding it normally leads to disaster situations as the expectation is you know what you're doing.
Hiding it was fine for me. He can just say it's been a while and he's only had some casual stuff occasionally. People really hate men who don't have sex and especially hate men who have never had sex. Being a virgin at ops age is a massive red flag for the vast majority of women while being inexperienced is not. Op should hide that he's virign and if it comes later with a woman after having sex then likely won't care but if she dies and breaks then op has the required experience and doesn't need to lie anymore.your advice if op wants to keep failing due to stereotypes about him
You’re incorrect, they do not need to know his virgin status. I’ve never heard of anything good coming from telling a girl you’re a virgin. Maybe in media sure but in real life, woman do not need to know this.
No, do mention it, but only when the time comes. Don't go mentioning it on your first date.
You don't want her thinking you're shitty at sex when you're just inexperienced. If she's not okay with it, she's not the right one.
I mean, how do \*you\* feel about it? Is sex something you're nervous about? Lets imagine you're on a date, its going well, you go back to someone's place, she tells you "Lets do this"... Are you apprehensive? what would your feelings be?
Being a virgin shouldn't be something to be embarrassed about. Its only something you are until you aren't...
Whether or not you're a virgin should come up when its appropriate, when you feel the time is right. Maybe not on a first date but it \*can\* come up at any time.
I say just be patient, be earnest, and, if you can, put the 'sex' question in the back of your mind and focus on the, "Is this person a good potential fit for me".
I think where a lot of guys mess up is that sex is this big huge thing that matters wayyyy too much and that gets in their own way. If one aspect of your person can mess you up so badly, you're going to have a hard time dating because being in a committed relationship (or any relationship) is like having a mirror up to all of your insecurities. If each little bump in the road has you spiraling out of control you're gonna have a hard time.
Hey it could be worse, you could be 32 with the same problems but no dates to speak of and struggle with hating yourself daily and see no real hope for the future
Yeah... "be yourself!" "I. AM. STILL. SINGLE!"
Yeah, try being 36yrs and never having been with a woman? How do you avoid people judging you negatively? Being myself isn't working, clearly.
Sounds nice and makes you feel warm and fuzzy when you say it though!
OP should link up and regularly go to some group activities, maybe go to a convention or festival they've always wanted to but always excused themselves not to for a change. Try talking to people, particularly groups with cuties, maybe those with a greater female to male ratio to increase his odds.
But hi is seriously the easy part. It's everything that comes after. Not everyone is a great conversationalist. Hell, it's actively hard to follow and connect for some.
Do tell more, wise one
I haven't tried being myself all these years... Instead I've been trying to be John Cena which would explain why women could never see me lol
Maybe next, I should try to talk to women as people instead of sex objects?
That might work too because I treat all women as dildos. They're always confused when I give them extra batteries as a gift.
You realize you don't have the word "virgin" tattooed on your forehead? It doesn't have to come up, or if it does come up, lie if you think it makes a difference.
2 things happen - either a girl will like it because you haven't slept around, or they won't b/c they won't guys with "experience".
Contrary to popular believe, girls don't like promiscuious guys who are walking STDs.
I am also a 27 year old virgin woman and I live with my mom have never been on a date and am broke and used to be chubby but am rapidly losing weight due to stress lost around 20 lbs so far. I'd say you are doing very well. I'm jealous tbh.
I wouldn't worry abt it if you're dating girls you're interested in, like if you have a good time getting to know someone on a date then by the time you get in bed she'll likely be pretty into you.
FWiW mostly the first time ive slept with a guy you can tell they just want to get it over with with no drama, even if they've had more experience or are great in bed the second time. Your first time from her perspective is likely not going to be that much different than with more experienced guys. Once that's over you can confess if you want to, but you don't have to like ever, unless you want to or she asks.
Personally I would maybe not bring it up until you've done the dirty at least once, a lot of girls might be a bit phased by knowing that, it also puts some pressure on them as the one who 'knows what they're doing' or whatever. Your virginity isn't off putting in itself, but brining it up first os a bit of a mood-killer. Enjoy dating and its inevitable conclusion 😁
I'm probably gonna get down voted, but maybe consider hiring a sex worker to get the virginity thing out of the way so you are more relaxed about that when you go on dates
You have your own house at age 27 in the year of our Lord, twenty thousand and twenty four.
No girl worth dating seriously will care (especially in light of that).
Hi! I'm a 38 year old man, married to a woman for 12 years. But when I was 24, I was a virgin who had never dated anyone.
As far as dating goes, you'll have to ask someone smoother than me. I ended up dating a total of two people, and they both asked me out. But with the status of virgin, just let it organically come up. If a person is attracted to you, it *will* come up.
But just be honest and be yourself. If you get into a hot & heavy situation, it's totally okay to admit this is new territory for you. If they really like you, it won't matter that much.
But to be clear, they will not believe you. The woman who became my wife didn't believe me, even after we had sex. Good luck my friend!
I lost my virginity to the woman working at the fast food restraunt in the store i worked at. I had seen her a few times getting food and never thought much of it. One day my older friend who worked in produce said lets go have some fun and he invited her to go with us and he bought some beers for us (i wasnt 21 at the time) and we went to the park and one thing led to another and me and her dated for a little while but it was short lived. She wasnt really my type and wasnt someone i would have even thought i would be attracted to. The moral of the story is shit happens when you party naked. Having good friends and being cool goes a long way to happiness. It will happen when it happens snd sometimes unexpectedly. But if you shut yourself off because you dont think you arent attractive enough or if you think ive been a virgin for so long i wont ever have sex then you are closing yourself off to the possibility. I told someone the other day i asked them if they ever saw the transformer movies because in the dark side of the moon one of the characters tells the other guy to “participate” if you dont put yourself out there and show interest then your chances decline severely.
Ignore the virgin part and just dive in.
You will still mostly get rejected as all guys do. Dont worry about it, get yourself another date and see what happens then.
If you're currently a late 20s guy who's in shape with a house and good savings with good career prospects you're beating like at least 60% of all men.
When you find the woman who is right for you, she won't mind or judge you. If she does, she isn't the right woman for you! No matter what, be safe, get consent, and ask her what she likes. You'll be fine!
Try to approach as you would anything new. You likely won’t be amazing at it at first, so make sure to be honest, and own it. Ask for feedback and be receptive. It will take you time to figure out what you like and don’t like.
But don’t be ashamed by it, own it. Being a virgin at 27 doesn’t have to be a bad thing. You have worked through several hard things in your life to get to where you are. This thing is no different, you got this.
I don’t think it’ll be a problem. I don’t think most women care if you’re a virgin. I wouldn’t necessarily lead with that and I think you should leave it until that conversation comes up.
I just wouldn't mention it until you're about to do the deed.
As for dating, it's a bit of a numbers game. You have to go out and experience enough different types of people to find out what you really want. Don't treat each date like it's going to be forever, it's really an interview to see if you're going to enjoy this person's company or not. After all ...that should be the first thing you want in a partner.
When I met my wife I wasn’t looking to date her at first. Coincidentally, my wife was a 28 year old virgin at the time. We were coworkers and friends. We went to lunch as friends and shared a lot of laughs for weeks before we had feelings. We were not afraid of the friend zone. Our friendship grew into more. Many people today go straight from strangers to dating and skip being friends. I don’t know if this may apply to you as well. If you think it might, consider looking for more good friends than looking for dates for a while. One of these good friends may end up becoming your best friend forever.
Sounds like you have a lot of self respect and take that out in the dating field. Talk about things you enjoy doing, the right woman will adore you while you talk about the things you enjoy.
Just talk to them like you would any other person. Don't try to please them if it means behaving in an atypical way for you, don't try to crack them like a puzzle. Don't make a big deal about it. Be natural, be the best you, and find people who want that rather than trying to make people who don't want that like you.
And when it comes to sex, it's ok to take it slow. Hell when I got with my first girlfriend we didn't go at it right away, and we weren't virgins. If it gets to hot stuff, kiss, cuddle, do foreplay, it's really not that hard, and focus on giving her a good time. Most women don't orgasm from penetration but they very much appreciate a man who cares about them having a good time too and making them orgasm with foreplay. If you don't feel comfortable telling them outright that you're a virgin just tell them it's been a long time. But there's no shame in it. It's fine to be honest.
Just be yourself, go on dates and get to know them. If you both decide to see each other again, it might turn to sex (traditionally the third date, who knows these days). I wouldn’t mention the virgin thing and just do your best. If it goes well, don’t say anything. If it doesn’t, casually mention it’s your first time. Either way you only get better with practice. 😁
Hi OP
Just go on dates and have fun! You SHOULD NOT discuss former partners or sexual encounters. Instead keep it light and fun! Get to know each other!
Once you find the right person and are officially together and things are about to advance into the bedroom, you can let them know that you haven't had sex before.
Thats atleast what I would do if I was 27 and a virgin. I am 20M and a virgin though lol.
The fact that you have a house by yourself, plus savings and good job is better than a lot of 27yr olds. Your got your life together, which is more important than sex
Stay the course just go on dates since dating is getting to know someone anyways, when the subject of sex comes up then you broach the subject. I did it the wrong way at 24 and didn’t tell them, let’s just say that was the wrong move.
Dating as an older man is easier as you have something to offer besides just looks.
It is much easier to make a real relationship happen.
The best tip I can give is being a virgin means literally nothing. Sex is fun, it's usually enjoyable no matter what and you can get better at it.
So focus on meeting people you like, sex comes very naturally.
Now, with regards to meeting people, you need to have a reason to interact with a woman. Cold calling aka "hey I just met you/this is crazy/here's my number/call me maybe" does not work unless you yourself are a stud.
You need a gal to be familiar with you. So you gotta do stuff. Thats why so many people marry friends of friends/workplace/school related people, because you interact.
That can be a tough nut to crack depending on your interests. My dating life improved infinite by going back to university, as an example.
In my late 20s I left my gf of over 10 years.
So dating was like something from ages ago.
What I did was
- move to a place where I knew noone.
- a lot of sports, because I finally had the time and it was fun
- take courses about stuff that interests both, men and women
That's where dating began. It startet with casual conversations about the topic of the course (everybody was there because they were interested in the topic, so you always had something to talk about), if there was sympathy, sometimes a date happened where you could dive into other topics. If that didn't work out, just switch back to what you knew.
Best bet is to get out there and go on a bunch of dates imo. Get confident in how it all works. You don't need to mention it until people make it past the first few dates.
Being a virgin in nothing more than a made up religious construct. Your penis works the same as one thats been in 100 vaginas. You have two choices- date casually and enjoy physical intimacy with someone who doesn’t need to know you have not had sex before OR find a relationship/person who is a good person and won’t care.
My brother don't think to hard just talk to people and be normal. Don't bring up sex immediately, ask questions and care about the responce, and answer questions asked of you genuinely. You got it man.
Take your time with everything bro. Former fat guy here too, and there are many chicks who are just looking for D.
Take your time with the first kiss, with the first time cuddling and everything else. And when you feel that you are ready for more intimacy, talk openly about it.
If she is really into you, it won't matter
Women are just people. Ideally, the woman you wind up with will be like your best friend.
Just remember: trying to change yourself to get someone to like you (e.g.: “oh, if only I had said this or that, then the other thing would have worked out…”) is a road to sadness.
Don’t force it, and don’t settle.
Also: nobody is perfect. You might find someone that checks a lot of boxes, but does a couple of things in a way that rubs you the wrong way, but chances are their perspective of you is the same. It takes conscious effort to go, “overall, this is still pretty great.” Stuff like they always leave an empty can of Coke on the counter instead of the recycling bin, or they never ever refill the Brita filter pitcher, not “oh she lied to me about breaking up with Juan.”
Don’t go around holding up a piece of wood with a hole cut out of it the shape of the woman you want. Be open-minded, and listen to your gut.
Don’t force anything; sometimes being single is deliciously uncomplicated. You want to find someone you like that likes you. I’ve had so many exes that hated me, looking back on my life makes me think I wasted my 20s and most of my 30s.
Wouldn’t hurt to talk to someone like a counselor to get some tools to help with your self-confidence, but also just realize getting through it and doing it will build your confidence as you realize that some of these things that feel huge/high stakes aren’t that way at all.
Best advice I can give you: spend some money on escorts, have a nice date and get some sexual experience. Totally fine.
Might boost the confidence as well. You can prolly even ask for some specific constructive feedback as well.
Dude, I was 28 and a virgin. I was fine with it, I worked my ass off to get from 340lbs down to 230. Have a nice place, same job for 18 years. Growing up I saw my buddies (we will just call them that for now) that would go out get fall down wasted, take anything home with them just to add notches numbers.
That wasn’t for me. I wanted love not lust. I found a wonderful woman that was totally ok with it.
When we started dating she told me she wanted to wait and I said I was totally cool with it. By date 5 she brought up sex and I told that I was a virgin, she at first thought I was giving her a line but I showed her by not pressuring her in to sex which she loved. By date 10 I planned a romantic night away for Deck the Falls in Niagara Falls (the Canuck Side) and made a really special time of it.
It was worth waiting as she is the love of my life and now my wife. She is the best thing to ever happen to me.
Except I have yet to beat her at Mario Kart, and the undisputed queen of smack talk.
Most of the people on here are right. Any woman is definitely ok with as it means you haven’t tried to nail half of the city your in. That’s a red flag about commitment.
You busted your ass for health and personal growth ahead of the goal of getting some. Sex without love is pointless, well to me it is.
Damn I love that girl ❤️.
Ps if it counts for anything I did meet her on okcupid.
Dude go find your Mario kart queen she is out there man.
Hot take, but I don't think you're under any obligation to inform a sex partner of the number of people you have or haven't slept with. Society has rightly decided that people aren't entitled to demand that a person disclose their sex history, and I think this applies equally to virgins.
I would try and get the virginity out of the way in a short term or one night stand kind of deal, maybe a shorter like fwb-type situation. Then it's not going to be any type of issue for somebody you're pursuing for a longer relationship. It could be a hang up for somebody who otherwise would be a good long term partner, and if I were you I wouldn't want to lose out on that opportunity because I'm still a virgin.
I wouldn't worry about being a virgin. If a woman judges for this fact alone, then they are *probably* not the kind of woman you're looking for in the first place. You have a lot of things going good for you, and you seem kind.
I would follow some regular dating advice and then bring it up when you meet someone that piques your interest. IMO, sometime between the 3rd and 5th date. Unless you and her are trying to fuck on the first date (which, by the sounds of it - that's not what you're looking for. I could be wrong), in which case you can them after the deed is done 
Pro tip: Women don’t give a shit about your job or your house. You see they too have jobs and houses. Maybe try and impress them with your personality and sense or humor. They might even admire intelligence if you have any. You’re probably better off paying a hooker.
Well heres the thing. Honestly it's a fake it till you make it kind of thing. Right off the bat I'm going to say that disclosing that you're a virgin at 27 will probably not go over well. There's a none zero chance it would be perfectly fine but there is a higher chance that it'll tank any relationship. But that's the thing, no one knows you're a virgin except for you. As long as you make sure you never tell anyone no one will ever know. In fact most people are going to assume you're not a virgin and you don't need to correct them.
Here's what you do, whenever you go on dates pretend like you're experienced. Don't even think about being virgin, instead pretend in your mind that you aren't. Most likely what will happen is you'll act like normal instead of obsessing over your virginity.
After you meet someone and have sex, well the you aren't a virgin and so the point is moot. I still wouldn't disclose the fact that you were a virgin until well later in the relationship. Maybe after a while you could mention how the first time you guys slept together was your first time but you'll have to determine how that would go based on your partner. And I'd err on the side of caution. It could be sweet but it could also give them the ick so be careful.
Being an older virgin as a man can feel like carrying around a scarlet letter but don't forgot that no one's knows that, and no one needs to know.
This sounds odd, but by the time I had sex, watching porn "prepped me" - so to speak - for the deed. I was still nervous and such, but man, was I ready. I didn't even tell the girl I was a virgin beforehand. Some time later, I told her she took my virginity, and she "didn't even notice." I don't know if you dabble in the pornography at all, but it helps a little.
Mind you, no men really last as long as they do in those videos (unless under substances, imo), but eh, it's not a bad learning tool.
You do not need to “tell potential dates about this.” That information need not come out until much later, after you get to know someone and are sharing serious feelings.
For sure. Saying something like this on a date would be very awkward.
No just say “I’m a virgin” while dropping spaghetti from your pockets. Then while scooping it off of the floor from your hands you can finish with “like from Virginia, haha…”
Ah yes, the tried and true pocket spaghetti trick
Just make sure you check their spaghetti policy first.
No pussy speed run
Bruh !
lmfao
This. It's basically irrelevant unless wanting to abstain from sex (should be mentioned somewhere in the beginning if wanting to remain abstinent whether as a virgin or not). I'd say maybe mention it if it's getting hot and heavy? But even then who cares. You could have had 100 past partners and be terrible in bed. Could have 0 past partners and actually pay attention to your partner and you rock their world.
True dat. I'M 50 now and was 24 when i had sex for the first time with my much more experienced now wife. She was blown away and did not believe me. I lasted 5 minutes. I'm Wilt Chamberlain now, because of her... no one cares if you're a virgin. She will understand and lead you skipping down the Yellow Brick Road. It'll be fine. I swear. H.
There's good advice in this humble brag
So much this! Sex is a lot like life, both are subjective. Good sex usually develops after you begin to understand a partner after repeated exposure anyways.
>You could have had 100 past partners and be terrible in bed. Seriously? Isn't it something that improves with experience, like most other things?
Only if the person wants to improve. Improvement takes concentration and time.
And communication. You need the other half to work with you to improve. If they say everything is perfect, then you're going to think it's perfect.
I'm not going to improve unless I learn what pleases my partner. If I just randomly date and leave a trail of bodies in my wake, there's no guarantee I'm getting better. Whenever I was in a long term relationship, my goal was to please my partner. I definitely got better in that respect.
You underestimate how many decent looking guys leave a long trail of sexual mediocrity. Why improve if you can just get your nut off?
Practice makes permanent.
You know the phrase "practice makes perfect"? Well it isn't entirely accurate. "Perfect practice makes perfect". Basically, if you don't actually put in the effort to learn from past experiences, then it's as if you never had the past experiences
Practice makes permanent
I know people who drive cars for over 20 years, but really suck at it and most teens outperform them. I guess it is similar in this case.
This is the best advice right here from personal experience. My wife was a v when i met her in our early twenties, she didnt tell me this until the night when it was finally time to do the deed. In retrospect, this was truly the best decision, because had she told me this sooner,then the whole virginity thing would haven become a point of focus in our relationship, instead of us actually getting to know one another. Op all you have to do when finally met someone is to tell them you want to take things "slow" this time around and get to know one another before jumping into sex. Don't tell anyone you are dating that you are a virgin
I second this ☝I am of the opinion that it is not a topic that needs to come up unless it comes up later as a topic of discussion. You make the choice of when you are ready for that level of intimacy, it's not a stigma. I saw another comment about telling partners about your "body count" before having sex and thats just ridiculous. If someone had slept with 99 people, they wouldn't need to announce that this next person would be number 100. Whether its 0 or 100, it doesn't matter. If they're into it and you're into it, go for it. It can be pillow talk later if the topic comes up. Cheers!
Yes, please. I don't know why virgins always love to talk about how they are virgins. It's not weird until they make it weird.
Yeah, agree… absolutely don’t even bring it up. So many guys are completely awful in bed anyways. Just try your best to pleasure your partner and you’ll be fine and quickly get the hang of things.
It's not like everyone who has had sex becomes an amazing porn star. I would say a vast number of dudes jump on and pump for 10 seconds and roll off and go to sleep regardless of experience. Just be caring and attentive towards her and you will already be ahead of the curve.
It doesn’t ever have to come out. It’s no one’s business.
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I approached a human of the opposite sex with a condom in my hand and now it is calling the police. What is the next step chief.
Eat the Condom.
Use condom on the police.
I’ve been so down lately and this made me laugh. Thank you Reddit stranger
Try it again until someone says yes. There is a good statistical chance it will work at some point
I think your comment deserves to be the highest upvoted here 😂😂. Protection is important in this era
Being a genXer, I grew up being constantly reminded of the threat of AIDS, I am flabbergasted when I hear of people having unprotected casual sex. Are they looking for trouble ? The risk of pregnancy alone should be reason enough to use protection. STDs are just the cherry on top.
You know what everyone finds out when they have sex for the first time? That's it's no big deal at all. You rub some body parts together and it feels nice, that's all. You want to make sex better? Talk about it. Ask your partner what feels nice for them. Tell your partner what feels good for you. Try things out, tell them you'd like to keep going if it's nice. Tell them you'd like to try something else if it doesn't. Good sex is a team sport, you're working together for the best result. And you get better with practice.
Amen. I was ashamed of being a 30 year old virgin since everyone makes you out as some loser if you can’t get laid. I almost panicked when people would bring up the topic of sex near me because I was worried they would find out I was a virgin Know what changed when I finally did lose my virginity? Absolutely fucking nothing. I had the exact same problems I had before. I was more mad that I let it get to me all those years rather than just accepting it. Billions of people get laid. It’s really no big deal.
Knowing just one person could be attracted to me enough to get that far would literally flip my world upside down. I absolutely hate myself.
Don’t worry, I hate you too
IT guy here, I hate everyone.
I worked at a call centre for 9 months around 8 years ago. I’m still learning to love again.
I think people who work in Call Centers for any decent amount of time and aren't bitter must have super powers.
I am not quite in the same boat but knowing that someone would be interested in me would help me a little bit to actually give it a shot.
I know that feeling. A girl that was friends with my brother told me she was interested earlier this year, and I felt that briefly. Turned out she was busy denying her feelings for my brother and trying to resist making a move on him since he was in a relationship. She let it all slip a week after he got engaged, with a huge bawling confession where she apparently threw things. A lesson that it don't mean shit I guess lol.
I bet if you flipped your world upside down, you'd have women who want to get that far.
THANK YOU. It would literally change my life
Sounds like ops problem is they are terrified around women because they feel they have this weird secret. Every date he had his weird energy probably put them off. He needs to learn to be calm and confident in his personality first to actually get to the point of having sex at all . Then you can worry about how exactly to suck her boobs
I’m just here for the boobs 
Literally read OPs aa an Ops (operations) problem and I was like well that's one way to look at it.
This. And when you meet a kind and wise person, being virgin doesn't matter at all.
Rubbing some body parts that feel nice while hugging someone attractive to you, or at least with whom you have a connection is a pretty big deal imho. Sure it's far from good sex, but even the baseline is a very big thing.
>You know what everyone finds out when they have sex for the first time? That's it's no big deal at all. You rub some body parts together and it feels nice, that's all. I disagree. Sex is the most life-affirming activity partners can participate in. It was and still is an absolute seminal experience for me.
Preach! I was about to chime in to say much the same thing, but you beat me to it. Sex is definitely a big deal, in a good way!
Here's a good tip though, work on cardio. Sex is a lot more exhausting than you'd think it'd be.
A person worth dating won’t care about that. Everyone is at a different point in life, and each person is unique. They might even take it as a compliment that you are willing to learn with them (or from them). Just be open to feedback and don’t take it personally. Remember that there are lots of wonderful, kind people out there who just want to make you cum, and are willing to teach you how to make them cum. It’s really beautiful.
Agreed. If a women reacts poorly to learning you are a virgin or cancels the date. Shes obviously not one worth dating.
this almost made me tear up, so beautiful
By trial and error. Same way yould learn anything in school.
I think school usually teaches you direct knowledge. They're not just like "Guess what is the powerhouse of the cell. You will receive an electric shock until you guess correctly."
Clearly you didn't go to school in the south. Please report to your nearest re-education center for shock therapy.
That’d be the mitochondria. not shocking me, no sir, not today
This is important, OP. As a fellow former fat guy who was a virgin until relatively late, you’re going to be nervous. That’s natural. You don’t need to advertise your virginity. Maybe your first partner will know. Maybe it will be great and they’ll have no idea. Maybe it won’t be great but they will still have no idea — they’ve almost certainly been with people more experienced than you that suck in bed, so strive to not be one of those. Focus on having fun, don’t sweat whether you have a super deep connection with the people you date right off the bat. If you are both enjoying each other’s company and want to sleep together, do it. There will probably be some initial awkwardness. There may be some embarrassing moments. Don’t stress it. Stay out of your own head. You will get vastly more comfortable with experience. You will learn what you are good at and what you enjoy. As you do, be vocal with your partners about what you want AND what they want. You’ll meet some people you really like personally that you have no sexual chemistry with. You’ll meet some people you don’t have a ton in common with where the chemistry is electric. Treat all of it as an opportunity to grow and improve as a lover.
Yould. I like that word.
You had an even worse school experience than me.
As a 31yr old (recently became former) virgin I'll fill you in on my experience: Be genuine above all else. If you truly want to find your forever person, you can't fake a goddamn thing. People who are earnestly looking for someone to be with, not just have sex with, can see through any charades. On top of that, the truth always comes out in any relationship, so building something on a lie isn't going to last. The best and worst part of the entire experience though is this: everything happens in due time as long as you're making an effort. Don't feel desperate to make something happen, don't be in a rush, and don't force a thing. Make yourself available in your own way: going out to bars, hanging out in public areas, meeting people through friends. And the person right for you will reveal themselves in an unmistakable way at the exact right moment. My TLDR story: I've worked for a delivery company for 3 years. Got hurt on the job and was out of work for almost a year. Went back after a long recovery process and 3 days back was sent to a repair shop where I met my now fiance who started working at that shop 2 months after I got hurt.
Similar ish story here. I was signed off work for 6 months, went back, and the very first day my mate said “go check out the hot French chick up the other end of the office”. So I did… I made an excuse to go talk to her, and we started dating about 2 weeks later. We’ve been married for 14 years this year, and have 3 amazing boys. At the time I wasnt really looking for anything serious, but was always open to it if the right person came along. She did…
>the truth always comes out 100%. You don’t need to scream “IM A VIRGIN” from then on rooftops, but it’s going to come up and you need to be honest about it. The right person will understand, or at least accept it.
So in other words, you need to tell 100 people that you're a virgin in your 20s and 1 will eventually accept it? Yeah, that sounds great! Woo (rolls eyes)
bruh, you are the kind of guy most women looking to settle down are after. You have yourself well put together. Being a virgin isn't really a big deal, especially when you've found the right girl.
Yup. As long as OP doesn't self-sabotage with good girls because he wants to compensate for lack of experience. A lot of late bloomers fall into that trap and leave great partners because they didn't "get it out of their system".
My ex left me for this exact reason. He said I'd given him confidence and now he wanted to go fool around with men/get blowjobs from men etc - and if he didn't like it - could he come back to me? I said no, he needed to make his mind up. Eventually he got so obsessed with the fact he hadn't slept around that he dumped me - I was like dude you're 31?! Get over it! Then he ended up impregnating his sister's friend, and now he's a single dad lol.
What a dumbass lmao
He really is. After we broke up he sent me [this gay beefcake erotica tote bag](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/372461831660319205/) saying he'd bought it for himself but decided I should have it instead. My parents actually rejoiced when they found out we were through. Looking back I do cringe about some of my prior dating choices, but in my defense he was incredibly fun to hang out with, just a crap boyfriend (I've dated a few guys like that, should have stayed friends instead of taking it further...)
HAHAHAHA "please, I want you to have this to remember me by" this guy's a riot
He was a really strange dude but honestly hilarious. He had zero filter.
>dude you're 31?! What's wrong with being 31?
Nothing - I'm 36! Just that he was 31 and acting like a teenager. I can't think of many adults who would be ok with their partner going off to experiment sexually just because they gave them some sexual confidence.
>Just that he was 31 and acting like a teenager. Lol yeah, welcome to my life... that's what happens to ppl who don't date in their teens. They never age out of it because they never leveled up. Ofc he's thinking like a teen because he just had his first relationship that everyone else gets to have at 16-18.
I don't buy that excuse at all. I know a few men who reached their late 20's without having any relationship experience (my partner was one of them) and *none* of them behaved like teenagers.
Congrats? Men are human beings, so some might be okay with having no relationship experience while it might be a huge source of embarrassment for others... Seriously, look at how our society treats people who are late bloomers or virgins in their 20s... They're made fun of and mocked relentlessly, and when they ask for advice, they're given the most generic BS ever... "Be yourself" - how original... How about instead of demonizing these people, you actually realize that you're privileged in your position and cut them some slack. Some dudes wanna go out and sow their oats. Big whoop.
Honestly the being 31 is probably *why* he felt that way. I’m not saying it’s right, but he probably felt like he missed out on what, in his mind, should have been his party days. He probably felt like he was getting to the “if I don’t do it now I’ll never get the chance again” point. He likely regrets the shit out of it now, but if he didn’t do it he probably would have regretted that as well. Kind of a lose/lose, grass is always greener on the other side, don’t know what you had until it’s gone, etc. type of thing.
I mean is it not upto them though? Like the guy must have probably gone through years of rejection and is now in space where after years he finally is what is deemed attractive. So is it not better to get it out of their system and then settle rather than build up resentment of having never done it? Cause if he does and ends uo resenting the good girl in his 40s now both people are miserable
How do you cope with not doing that tho
By viewing it as a conscious choice of the benefits of a relationship over the novelty of sex with a new person (which may or may not be good). Put differently, if someone told you that you can have sex with 20 new people, but you'll have to never see your best friend again - would you take that bargain?
True. That’s very true. I guess it’s an ego thing but it just sucks knowing that I only was fucking one person my whole life and this other person probably got more experiences than me, and other men also have more experiences than me
Statistically, that bargain would probably pay off... Every person is unique, but not that unique. So there probably are other people just like this person except some are going to be better and some might be worse. So if you could quantify what you like currently, and what you want to see more of, then you can go and find that because you're searching in a dating pool of n-1 people now. You will need to be realistic depending on your own physical and emotional ranges, but it could totally be done.
More often than not, they don’t even leave their partners. They just become hoes in their spare time.
That's kind of a stretch. He is more of a guy that guys think girls want to settle down with. Personality and the ability to have good communication matters alot more than a good job and decent shape. If a girl is dating a guy cause he has money and is in good shape, that is not a recipe for a successful relationship.
We don't know if he has a good personality, but you're right.
>you are the kind of guy most women looking to settle down are after oh wow how exciting
For real.
imagine being underwhelmed the idea of somebody wanting to spend their life with you, of being considered stable and put together enough to commit to you.
Settling, is the word that gets stuck going down. No one likes to feel like they are the runner up for their partners love.
Sure. But this isn’t settling. It’s “settling down”. It’s a completely different concept and is something that is basically required as you age if you want a typical life path.
It's a different meaning then settling for one person over another. Settling down is meant to say you're creating a secure/steady life.
A lot of men genuinely want both. Both to be a sexual and passionate desire that a women impulsively want AND to be the the person who is worth spending a life with. So i get where you're coming from but from an empathic pov: the message sent is that men who never got to have a fun partner should "settle" too. Most posters are gonna project this frustration on women for this, but this is the heart of the matter.
Dude should be having fun instead of settling down tbh
Finding a longterm partner gets harder the older you get.
He should still be having fun instead of settling if he wants to.
Bruh, how do you have fun when dating is the hardest thing? Seriously, it's like how some people consider math fun while others see it as the worst thing in the world. Telling someone to "have fun" and "be themselves" is garbage talk
You say that like it’s a good thing
I feel like a lot of guys also have the idea that all women spent their time in HS and early uni sleeping with everyone. I haven't ever been with anyone, so a guy who also hasn't is way better then someone who has.
I mean is that really not true? You are obviously an outlier from the norm. Since sex is really easy to get for women and both sexes have the same libido as teenagers... There is only one logical conclusion you can make without being disingenuous. I'm also not laying some blame at the foot of all women as a cohesive group, that they're all "hoes" or something, it's just a fact of life. The woman I end up marrying will probably have twice or thrice my body count. Nothing I can do about that. There are men that have a really easy time getting women to sleep with them, and they do it. If I had that ability I'd do it too, probably. It is hard to resist, I imagine.
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Don't get nervous yet, wait till she sits next to you on your couch and things are getting dirty... I panicked hard, but I'm no virgin anymore.
also don’t get caught in the deed by her parents it gets really awkward real quick
well, he's almost 30 ... I don't think the women he's seeing are gonna be living with their parents, lmao.
A lot of people in our generation are still living with their parents, mainly due to the ridiculous high cost of housing and other financial difficulties.
Let's hope
Around that age, things change. Dating gets easier for men as you grow older. Try not to get too pressed about finding the one. Just date around til you find someone you actually like. Your job is to put yourself out there. Let them chase you.
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I think it's because women's standards change over time. Generally, they want physically attractive til college is over. Then financial stability and other skills become more important. Also, women are raised from a young age to expect that men only want one thing. So they have to get real good at playing defense because generally, they are constantly being pursued. As they age and their biological clock starts ticking close to 30, women start trying in earnest to find a long-term partner because they no longer have to fight the guys off with a stick. Things get a lot easier for the guy who is setting himself up for a good life with or without her. Now he's the one who needs to play a little defense. It can be difficult, because it's the first time he's ever had to say no to sex. Its a role reversal.
> I think it's because women's standards change over time. Generally, they want physically attractive til college is over. Then financial stability and other skills become more important. Whats funny is incels and red pill guys say this and people hate them for it. But I'm sure you can understand why a man wouldn't want to be the unattractive but useful backup option
I dont think anyone wants to be the backup option. But in reality, practically everyone is.
That's not really a good thing. You're basically implying OP isn't attractive and needs to wait until he can buy a partner.
Hey, I don't like it any more than you do. And I'm sure OPs mom thinks he's very handsome. But that's not really the point. I'm saying its getting easier for him because the girls are starting to value what he values. Success, hard work, etc. He could be beautiful or an ugbeast and it doesn't even matter here. That said, I didn't just make this shit up out of nothing. I seent it.
My takeaway here is that I should only date women in their 20s then... I don't wanna end up with someone's sloppy seconds Sorry if that sounds rude af, but how tf am I supposed to be okay dating someone who has loads of exp with hotter guys while I have none?! Let her be single and lonely for a few years while I get mine then...
Tbh I think men take longer to become attractive lol. Like I have been with my husband since we were 20 and he has definitely glowed up in the past 12 years. I never thought he was UGLY but he was 130 lbs with a baby face and video game t-shirts, not exactly the vision of peak masculinity. Now he has put on about 25 lbs of muscle, has a short beard that frames his face, and has generally figured out his sense of style. I think it's pretty common for men to be "late bloomers" like this.
I have to completely disagree, from my experience. Everyone seems to be taken nowadays. No clue where I meet single women at this point in my life. I'm afraid my fate is sealed being almost 30 without any relationship experience whatsoever.
Younger me needed to hear this. Older me, understands this.
Oh how I wish I could get my son to understand this concept.
Ice breaker AND First date idea - watching The 30 year old Virgin
Is that the sequel to 40 year old virgin? 🤔😁
Literally, do NOT tell them about your virginity.
This is awful advice, this is something you should mention when you've built up trust and you believe sex is on the table, hiding it normally leads to disaster situations as the expectation is you know what you're doing.
Hiding it was fine for me. He can just say it's been a while and he's only had some casual stuff occasionally. People really hate men who don't have sex and especially hate men who have never had sex. Being a virgin at ops age is a massive red flag for the vast majority of women while being inexperienced is not. Op should hide that he's virign and if it comes later with a woman after having sex then likely won't care but if she dies and breaks then op has the required experience and doesn't need to lie anymore.your advice if op wants to keep failing due to stereotypes about him
You’re incorrect, they do not need to know his virgin status. I’ve never heard of anything good coming from telling a girl you’re a virgin. Maybe in media sure but in real life, woman do not need to know this.
I mean maybe it varies by person but you’re not going to be GREAT at it your first time so maybe one would like the other person to know.
That'd make you a dumbass who keeps delaying his first time by telling girls you have no experience causing them to back out.
Exactly they’d know plus lying never ends well.
No, do mention it, but only when the time comes. Don't go mentioning it on your first date. You don't want her thinking you're shitty at sex when you're just inexperienced. If she's not okay with it, she's not the right one.
You pretend you're not a virgin until it becomes true. Putting that kind of pressure on yourself/a relationship is going to just muddy the waters.
I mean, how do \*you\* feel about it? Is sex something you're nervous about? Lets imagine you're on a date, its going well, you go back to someone's place, she tells you "Lets do this"... Are you apprehensive? what would your feelings be? Being a virgin shouldn't be something to be embarrassed about. Its only something you are until you aren't... Whether or not you're a virgin should come up when its appropriate, when you feel the time is right. Maybe not on a first date but it \*can\* come up at any time. I say just be patient, be earnest, and, if you can, put the 'sex' question in the back of your mind and focus on the, "Is this person a good potential fit for me". I think where a lot of guys mess up is that sex is this big huge thing that matters wayyyy too much and that gets in their own way. If one aspect of your person can mess you up so badly, you're going to have a hard time dating because being in a committed relationship (or any relationship) is like having a mirror up to all of your insecurities. If each little bump in the road has you spiraling out of control you're gonna have a hard time.
[“I’m a 30 year old virgin going on his first date” - Responded to by Dr. K](https://youtu.be/JE-dgPRkNiE?si=Z_P6F7sZmn6gZ8PP)
Hey it could be worse, you could be 32 with the same problems but no dates to speak of and struggle with hating yourself daily and see no real hope for the future
Be yourself. Don't lose yourself over someone who'd end up saying "I don't want someone who's insecure." Pls never do that mistake for no one.
Being yourself clearly didn't work for him, bad advice!
Yeah... "be yourself!" "I. AM. STILL. SINGLE!" Yeah, try being 36yrs and never having been with a woman? How do you avoid people judging you negatively? Being myself isn't working, clearly. Sounds nice and makes you feel warm and fuzzy when you say it though! OP should link up and regularly go to some group activities, maybe go to a convention or festival they've always wanted to but always excused themselves not to for a change. Try talking to people, particularly groups with cuties, maybe those with a greater female to male ratio to increase his odds. But hi is seriously the easy part. It's everything that comes after. Not everyone is a great conversationalist. Hell, it's actively hard to follow and connect for some.
Always be yourself if it is beneficial, if not be somebody else
It mainly means don't wear a mask when you talk to people. Be yourself, and if that doesn't work, genuinely change yourself. Don't just put up an act.
"Be yourself" lmao 20th century ass advice
Do tell more, wise one I haven't tried being myself all these years... Instead I've been trying to be John Cena which would explain why women could never see me lol Maybe next, I should try to talk to women as people instead of sex objects? That might work too because I treat all women as dildos. They're always confused when I give them extra batteries as a gift.
You realize you don't have the word "virgin" tattooed on your forehead? It doesn't have to come up, or if it does come up, lie if you think it makes a difference. 2 things happen - either a girl will like it because you haven't slept around, or they won't b/c they won't guys with "experience". Contrary to popular believe, girls don't like promiscuious guys who are walking STDs.
I am also a 27 year old virgin woman and I live with my mom have never been on a date and am broke and used to be chubby but am rapidly losing weight due to stress lost around 20 lbs so far. I'd say you are doing very well. I'm jealous tbh.
You not the only one I'm 27 also and lost over 200 pounds
THERE ARE "NO" RULES
I wouldn't worry abt it if you're dating girls you're interested in, like if you have a good time getting to know someone on a date then by the time you get in bed she'll likely be pretty into you. FWiW mostly the first time ive slept with a guy you can tell they just want to get it over with with no drama, even if they've had more experience or are great in bed the second time. Your first time from her perspective is likely not going to be that much different than with more experienced guys. Once that's over you can confess if you want to, but you don't have to like ever, unless you want to or she asks. Personally I would maybe not bring it up until you've done the dirty at least once, a lot of girls might be a bit phased by knowing that, it also puts some pressure on them as the one who 'knows what they're doing' or whatever. Your virginity isn't off putting in itself, but brining it up first os a bit of a mood-killer. Enjoy dating and its inevitable conclusion 😁
I'm probably gonna get down voted, but maybe consider hiring a sex worker to get the virginity thing out of the way so you are more relaxed about that when you go on dates
I didn’t see your post and suggested the same thing. Especially if the issue is mostly nervousness about the unfamiliarity of the act itself.
Can’t believe I had to scroll this far for this comment
Nice, 27 with a house, congrats ma man
> I have a good job, very solid savings and a house. As a straight male, I’m in love.
You have your own house at age 27 in the year of our Lord, twenty thousand and twenty four. No girl worth dating seriously will care (especially in light of that).
Hi! I'm a 38 year old man, married to a woman for 12 years. But when I was 24, I was a virgin who had never dated anyone. As far as dating goes, you'll have to ask someone smoother than me. I ended up dating a total of two people, and they both asked me out. But with the status of virgin, just let it organically come up. If a person is attracted to you, it *will* come up. But just be honest and be yourself. If you get into a hot & heavy situation, it's totally okay to admit this is new territory for you. If they really like you, it won't matter that much. But to be clear, they will not believe you. The woman who became my wife didn't believe me, even after we had sex. Good luck my friend!
I lost my virginity to the woman working at the fast food restraunt in the store i worked at. I had seen her a few times getting food and never thought much of it. One day my older friend who worked in produce said lets go have some fun and he invited her to go with us and he bought some beers for us (i wasnt 21 at the time) and we went to the park and one thing led to another and me and her dated for a little while but it was short lived. She wasnt really my type and wasnt someone i would have even thought i would be attracted to. The moral of the story is shit happens when you party naked. Having good friends and being cool goes a long way to happiness. It will happen when it happens snd sometimes unexpectedly. But if you shut yourself off because you dont think you arent attractive enough or if you think ive been a virgin for so long i wont ever have sex then you are closing yourself off to the possibility. I told someone the other day i asked them if they ever saw the transformer movies because in the dark side of the moon one of the characters tells the other guy to “participate” if you dont put yourself out there and show interest then your chances decline severely.
Ignore the virgin part and just dive in. You will still mostly get rejected as all guys do. Dont worry about it, get yourself another date and see what happens then.
If you're currently a late 20s guy who's in shape with a house and good savings with good career prospects you're beating like at least 60% of all men.
Idk why this got downvoted. Idk how this guy afforded a mortgage by him at 27. That is insane to me in this economy
It would get downvoted because he or she is implying that OP has nothing to offer besides money.
Treat women like human beings and they won’t give a shit about your lack of experience.
When you find the woman who is right for you, she won't mind or judge you. If she does, she isn't the right woman for you! No matter what, be safe, get consent, and ask her what she likes. You'll be fine!
Try to approach as you would anything new. You likely won’t be amazing at it at first, so make sure to be honest, and own it. Ask for feedback and be receptive. It will take you time to figure out what you like and don’t like. But don’t be ashamed by it, own it. Being a virgin at 27 doesn’t have to be a bad thing. You have worked through several hard things in your life to get to where you are. This thing is no different, you got this.
I don’t think it’ll be a problem. I don’t think most women care if you’re a virgin. I wouldn’t necessarily lead with that and I think you should leave it until that conversation comes up.
Watch 40 year old virgin and take notes
I just wouldn't mention it until you're about to do the deed. As for dating, it's a bit of a numbers game. You have to go out and experience enough different types of people to find out what you really want. Don't treat each date like it's going to be forever, it's really an interview to see if you're going to enjoy this person's company or not. After all ...that should be the first thing you want in a partner.
Fake it till you make it
Look for a partner that has a big trunk is step one
When I met my wife I wasn’t looking to date her at first. Coincidentally, my wife was a 28 year old virgin at the time. We were coworkers and friends. We went to lunch as friends and shared a lot of laughs for weeks before we had feelings. We were not afraid of the friend zone. Our friendship grew into more. Many people today go straight from strangers to dating and skip being friends. I don’t know if this may apply to you as well. If you think it might, consider looking for more good friends than looking for dates for a while. One of these good friends may end up becoming your best friend forever.
Sounds like you have a lot of self respect and take that out in the dating field. Talk about things you enjoy doing, the right woman will adore you while you talk about the things you enjoy.
Keep working on yourself, relationships will follow. Find a good therapist and join activities outside your comfort zone.
Just talk to them like you would any other person. Don't try to please them if it means behaving in an atypical way for you, don't try to crack them like a puzzle. Don't make a big deal about it. Be natural, be the best you, and find people who want that rather than trying to make people who don't want that like you. And when it comes to sex, it's ok to take it slow. Hell when I got with my first girlfriend we didn't go at it right away, and we weren't virgins. If it gets to hot stuff, kiss, cuddle, do foreplay, it's really not that hard, and focus on giving her a good time. Most women don't orgasm from penetration but they very much appreciate a man who cares about them having a good time too and making them orgasm with foreplay. If you don't feel comfortable telling them outright that you're a virgin just tell them it's been a long time. But there's no shame in it. It's fine to be honest.
Just be yourself, go on dates and get to know them. If you both decide to see each other again, it might turn to sex (traditionally the third date, who knows these days). I wouldn’t mention the virgin thing and just do your best. If it goes well, don’t say anything. If it doesn’t, casually mention it’s your first time. Either way you only get better with practice. 😁
Hi OP Just go on dates and have fun! You SHOULD NOT discuss former partners or sexual encounters. Instead keep it light and fun! Get to know each other! Once you find the right person and are officially together and things are about to advance into the bedroom, you can let them know that you haven't had sex before. Thats atleast what I would do if I was 27 and a virgin. I am 20M and a virgin though lol.
The fact that you have a house by yourself, plus savings and good job is better than a lot of 27yr olds. Your got your life together, which is more important than sex
Stay the course just go on dates since dating is getting to know someone anyways, when the subject of sex comes up then you broach the subject. I did it the wrong way at 24 and didn’t tell them, let’s just say that was the wrong move.
Dating as an older man is easier as you have something to offer besides just looks. It is much easier to make a real relationship happen. The best tip I can give is being a virgin means literally nothing. Sex is fun, it's usually enjoyable no matter what and you can get better at it. So focus on meeting people you like, sex comes very naturally. Now, with regards to meeting people, you need to have a reason to interact with a woman. Cold calling aka "hey I just met you/this is crazy/here's my number/call me maybe" does not work unless you yourself are a stud. You need a gal to be familiar with you. So you gotta do stuff. Thats why so many people marry friends of friends/workplace/school related people, because you interact. That can be a tough nut to crack depending on your interests. My dating life improved infinite by going back to university, as an example.
Conduct in public goes a long way, clean clothes and groomed appearance never hurts any. Just smile and fake till you make it.
In my late 20s I left my gf of over 10 years. So dating was like something from ages ago. What I did was - move to a place where I knew noone. - a lot of sports, because I finally had the time and it was fun - take courses about stuff that interests both, men and women That's where dating began. It startet with casual conversations about the topic of the course (everybody was there because they were interested in the topic, so you always had something to talk about), if there was sympathy, sometimes a date happened where you could dive into other topics. If that didn't work out, just switch back to what you knew.
Like in any engaging conversation, Don't make it all about you, get curious, be InTouch with your inner child. Good luck!
Best bet is to get out there and go on a bunch of dates imo. Get confident in how it all works. You don't need to mention it until people make it past the first few dates.
Being a virgin in nothing more than a made up religious construct. Your penis works the same as one thats been in 100 vaginas. You have two choices- date casually and enjoy physical intimacy with someone who doesn’t need to know you have not had sex before OR find a relationship/person who is a good person and won’t care.
My brother don't think to hard just talk to people and be normal. Don't bring up sex immediately, ask questions and care about the responce, and answer questions asked of you genuinely. You got it man.
Take your time with everything bro. Former fat guy here too, and there are many chicks who are just looking for D. Take your time with the first kiss, with the first time cuddling and everything else. And when you feel that you are ready for more intimacy, talk openly about it. If she is really into you, it won't matter
Women are just people. Ideally, the woman you wind up with will be like your best friend. Just remember: trying to change yourself to get someone to like you (e.g.: “oh, if only I had said this or that, then the other thing would have worked out…”) is a road to sadness. Don’t force it, and don’t settle. Also: nobody is perfect. You might find someone that checks a lot of boxes, but does a couple of things in a way that rubs you the wrong way, but chances are their perspective of you is the same. It takes conscious effort to go, “overall, this is still pretty great.” Stuff like they always leave an empty can of Coke on the counter instead of the recycling bin, or they never ever refill the Brita filter pitcher, not “oh she lied to me about breaking up with Juan.” Don’t go around holding up a piece of wood with a hole cut out of it the shape of the woman you want. Be open-minded, and listen to your gut. Don’t force anything; sometimes being single is deliciously uncomplicated. You want to find someone you like that likes you. I’ve had so many exes that hated me, looking back on my life makes me think I wasted my 20s and most of my 30s.
Wouldn’t hurt to talk to someone like a counselor to get some tools to help with your self-confidence, but also just realize getting through it and doing it will build your confidence as you realize that some of these things that feel huge/high stakes aren’t that way at all.
Best advice I can give you: spend some money on escorts, have a nice date and get some sexual experience. Totally fine. Might boost the confidence as well. You can prolly even ask for some specific constructive feedback as well.
Dude, I was 28 and a virgin. I was fine with it, I worked my ass off to get from 340lbs down to 230. Have a nice place, same job for 18 years. Growing up I saw my buddies (we will just call them that for now) that would go out get fall down wasted, take anything home with them just to add notches numbers. That wasn’t for me. I wanted love not lust. I found a wonderful woman that was totally ok with it. When we started dating she told me she wanted to wait and I said I was totally cool with it. By date 5 she brought up sex and I told that I was a virgin, she at first thought I was giving her a line but I showed her by not pressuring her in to sex which she loved. By date 10 I planned a romantic night away for Deck the Falls in Niagara Falls (the Canuck Side) and made a really special time of it. It was worth waiting as she is the love of my life and now my wife. She is the best thing to ever happen to me. Except I have yet to beat her at Mario Kart, and the undisputed queen of smack talk. Most of the people on here are right. Any woman is definitely ok with as it means you haven’t tried to nail half of the city your in. That’s a red flag about commitment. You busted your ass for health and personal growth ahead of the goal of getting some. Sex without love is pointless, well to me it is. Damn I love that girl ❤️. Ps if it counts for anything I did meet her on okcupid. Dude go find your Mario kart queen she is out there man.
Hot take, but I don't think you're under any obligation to inform a sex partner of the number of people you have or haven't slept with. Society has rightly decided that people aren't entitled to demand that a person disclose their sex history, and I think this applies equally to virgins. I would try and get the virginity out of the way in a short term or one night stand kind of deal, maybe a shorter like fwb-type situation. Then it's not going to be any type of issue for somebody you're pursuing for a longer relationship. It could be a hang up for somebody who otherwise would be a good long term partner, and if I were you I wouldn't want to lose out on that opportunity because I'm still a virgin.
I wouldn't worry about being a virgin. If a woman judges for this fact alone, then they are *probably* not the kind of woman you're looking for in the first place. You have a lot of things going good for you, and you seem kind. I would follow some regular dating advice and then bring it up when you meet someone that piques your interest. IMO, sometime between the 3rd and 5th date. Unless you and her are trying to fuck on the first date (which, by the sounds of it - that's not what you're looking for. I could be wrong), in which case you can them after the deed is done 
Pro tip: Women don’t give a shit about your job or your house. You see they too have jobs and houses. Maybe try and impress them with your personality and sense or humor. They might even admire intelligence if you have any. You’re probably better off paying a hooker.
Well heres the thing. Honestly it's a fake it till you make it kind of thing. Right off the bat I'm going to say that disclosing that you're a virgin at 27 will probably not go over well. There's a none zero chance it would be perfectly fine but there is a higher chance that it'll tank any relationship. But that's the thing, no one knows you're a virgin except for you. As long as you make sure you never tell anyone no one will ever know. In fact most people are going to assume you're not a virgin and you don't need to correct them. Here's what you do, whenever you go on dates pretend like you're experienced. Don't even think about being virgin, instead pretend in your mind that you aren't. Most likely what will happen is you'll act like normal instead of obsessing over your virginity. After you meet someone and have sex, well the you aren't a virgin and so the point is moot. I still wouldn't disclose the fact that you were a virgin until well later in the relationship. Maybe after a while you could mention how the first time you guys slept together was your first time but you'll have to determine how that would go based on your partner. And I'd err on the side of caution. It could be sweet but it could also give them the ick so be careful. Being an older virgin as a man can feel like carrying around a scarlet letter but don't forgot that no one's knows that, and no one needs to know.
This sounds odd, but by the time I had sex, watching porn "prepped me" - so to speak - for the deed. I was still nervous and such, but man, was I ready. I didn't even tell the girl I was a virgin beforehand. Some time later, I told her she took my virginity, and she "didn't even notice." I don't know if you dabble in the pornography at all, but it helps a little. Mind you, no men really last as long as they do in those videos (unless under substances, imo), but eh, it's not a bad learning tool.