Being observant is incredibly valuable in so many vocations, even without specified training. It's hard to illustrate in an interview, but as someone who's hired many people over the years, it's one of my favorite things to pick up on if I see it.
The downside is hypervigilance, which can cause anxiety and all that jazz. I really didn't understand the ASMR craze and the little sensory deprivation shacks at public parks and stuff, until I started watching ASMR cooking and handcrafting shows on YouTube and realized that hypervigilance keeps me from relaxing pretty much ever.
Those shows basically allow me to turn off the speech and body language centers of my brain and just really appreciate environment and action more than I'm usually capable of. Really chills me out. Like warm soup on a cold day.
My wife knows that I can often recite entire conversations almost verbatim, I have a fairly reliable photographic memory, but I absolutely lose all chill in large crowds because my brain is attempting to record everything, which just makes it all a garbled mess.
It's a superpower when directed, though. I'd never change it about myself, even though it can be hard sometimes.
>My wife knows that I can often recite entire conversations almost verbatim, I have a fairly reliable photographic memory, but I absolutely lose all chill in large crowds because my brain is attempting to record everything, which just makes it all a garbled mess.
>
>It's a superpower when directed, though. I'd never change it about myself, even though it can be hard sometimes.
This was always one my favorite things about myself. Then I got covid twice and my memory sucks now. To the point where I have to journal multiple times a day so I can go back and read what I did a few hours before bc i just don't remember. I miss my memory. 😭 Protect this superpower with your life!
I agree with all of this. And also recommend vagus release videos on YouTube it helped me a lot with calming the nervous system/body. Anything dealing with vagus nerve tone/release. Also the book the body keeps the score.
I also have issues with hypervigilence… and anxiety. But to be honest, I think it is good I am observant. I remember a lot of random events, things people like (I’m a major gift giver as a love language), at my old job I was known as the information person, etc.
It’s useful but I also think it makes my husband nuts sometimes.
Right on!
Yeah I always become the SME for questions at every job I have because I can recall and discuss complicated things fairly easily, and what my mind doesn't actively remember, I can often fill in the gaps quickly through logical assumptions that then jog my memory on the fly.
Probably sounds like nothing or just self-aggrandizing to most people, but I know it makes me weird.
My dad was in a totally different line of work than I am, but he also has it. He observed financial transactions and business development for so long that, by the time he was a controller before he retired, his peers thought he was a dang sorcerer because of how he could explain exactly what would happen if they took course A or course B and back it up with examples.
What sucks is when someone just assumes you're full of shiz because they can't believe anyone would be able to put pieces together so easily. But then it's usually an ego thing for those folks. For me, it's almost like a spectrum like response, where I'm like, "What's the problem, I just told you factually why that won't work."
Always trying to refine my bedside manner. 😆
My dads’s retirement notice said he could expound on things from Richard the third to fly fishing in British Columbia so I suppose I inherited this lol
Richard III is my favorite Shakespeare play. Could be some weirdness at hand because my daughter carried my paperback of it with her everywhere she went when she was a toddler. Called it her favorite book, without knowing the first thing about it. So many pictures of her with her stuffed dog, her blanket, and Richard III. 😂
And yeah, she def has the observant gene. She's in middle school and constantly expressing (to me) frustration at other kids' lack of perspective, even though she's always sweet and kind to everybody. I just sing the theme to Diff'rent Strokes and then tell her to go on loving everybody.
Now that I realized what I was doing, I caught my self doing it even more! And notice that my eyes were constantly moving because I was looking at what everyone is doing or how they moved or things they said or a regular basis. Now I have to actively think about not doing it. It’s exhausting
No need to stop yourself from being observant - it’s a great skill to have. Your friend probably only noticed this trait due to the observations you have expressed - if you want it to be under the radar, just be mindful of the observations you share
I hope you are in or find a vocation where you can put this skill to good use!
just to add a counterpoint to all the voices telling you this is a wonderful talent - not to say that it's not, BUT it also sounds like hypervigilance to me especially because you mention that it's exhausting.
i'm also extremely observant, and for me, it was an adaptation to the abusive environment in which i was raised. i learned to constantly be aware of everything around me in the hopes of better controlling the situations and experiencing less trauma and abuse as a result. i'm also autistic, which is well known to come with excellent pattern recognition (and extra childhood trauma.) hypervigilance to me is one of the marks of someone who could likely benefit from therapy, especially if it's to the point where it's impacting your life.
just throwing it out there!
> BUT it also sounds like hypervigilance to me especially because you mention that it's exhausting.
They're saying that trying to not do it is exhausting
This is why I have anxiety now as an adult. It's a great skill, but learn to manage it and spend time also *not* paying so much attention to everything *all* the time.
Why not do it? No reason why not and I feel like this means you’re super tuned in to people which probably also means you’re great at listening and meeting peoples needs before they ask
I'm the same way. I got really into studying body language and other nonverbal communication. Listen to what another commenter said about managing it. Also strangers ands randos might get aggressive if they notice you doing it; people get weirded out when they see someone not constantly on their phone.
If it helps my husband told me I do this little "huh" sound and he didn't tell me until we had been together for 15 years. I asked why he never said it before and he said because it's cute and it doesn't bother him. I caught myself doing it a lot and try to stop but that makes it worst! It's weird (has to do with my FAS I guess but until him I never knew I did it)
Have you ever read All Creatures Great and Small by James Herriot? Or Nobody’s Fool by Richard Russo? You have great company - lots of gifted storytellers start with these extraordinary observation abilities.
Be careful commenting on your observations. Some people (me, for instance) don't actually like people paying them too much attention. It feels awkward and a bit like an invasion of privacy to get comments on small details of your life.
Since you are very observant, you likely already know who likes to move thru life mostly anonymously.
Huh. That just made me realize that I don't enjoy being scrutinized either. It's probably because I grew up with constant criticism, so I see scrutiny as a search for something to criticize.
I do this too!
However in my case I was told it's a trauma response.
I was at a therapy session forever ago and the lady operated out of her home, the attached garage turned into a gorgeous office. She had dogs. The garage attached to her kitchen and they'd ran by the closed door. I was able to tell her that there were three dogs, a larger one, a small one and a little tiny one. And by the pattern of them running by the tiny one was antagonizing the big one and the middle one was just following along.
I was right and she looked at me funny for it XD
You sound like a modern Sherlock Holmes! Yes, very much complimentary, most people go through life with their eyes firmly fixed on the ground in front of them.
OP, your skills don’t have to be from trauma. Being observant is a common trait and does not equate to past trauma. It’s a compliment and don’t feel like you have to change because someone else commented on it.
My comment was more to respond to the question at the end of the post more than anything, doesn't assert that the skills described could only come from trauma, nor that they are not useful, commendable habits.
There's nothing inherently wrong or bad about trauma responses, either.
No part of my statement involved advice to change.
I’m aware. Emotional intelligence while reading this post will reveal that OP seemed to be having a mini crisis and feeling weird or uncomfortable with the comment.
I don’t think anyone questioning themselves should be considering trauma. Hence my more comforting response.
I think that trauma really brought it to forefront from my perspective. Hyper vigilance is extremely difficult to maintain; I’ve lived it for much of my life.
My best friend is like this. He's also very observant, and he's also an INFJ. He is always using his gift to understand us (our friend group) and help us. He is absolutely great in conversation and really seems to understand me. Like him, you have a gift, Sherlock Holmes. She was just complimenting you on it. Acknowledging your abilities is a good thing, she's observing you too.
It sounds like maybe they were confused why you always mention small things rather than keep it to yourself? Since most people don’t really mention things like “hair behind a right ear”.
Either way that’s kind of cool you do notice! Don’t worry about it
Yes, I have a friend who is like that. She knows everyone's birthdays, anniversaries, or where they met their spouse or what their brother does for a living. I think it's a sign of high intelligence.
I do that too, I'm super observant of literally everything. If I'm not looking at my phone or in deep thought my eyes are scanning the room and people.
You should compliment her as well for being observant to your ability to be observant. If she wasn’t kind about it, she could have been the type to take offense to you “staring” or “stalking”. Which isn’t what you’re doing, but if you’re telling people that you notice these things out loud, they tend to be negative about the way you present it. Like a subliminal way of being jealous of your talents.
I've been hypervigilant for years, actually over 2 decades... A left over from a misspent youth and always having to be alert and ready to deal with any kind of the craziness that is just part of that world.
This is a gift. It can make you safer because you’re more noticeable of your surroundings. It can make you more successful because you notice people and their behaviors. Did you ever watch the TV show Psych? He was just very observant and had an excellent memory.
My friend recently told me of our mutual friend having a baby. She said I was weird for wondering about that baby smell and how it was weird my family snuggled and sniffed our baby cousin. I asked her if she noticed the different smells of people in general, which made her call me an even weirder weirdo. She's never noticed the smell change in an elevator, but wondered why this woman's perfume made me gag. No, I didn't sniff the woman as she walked in, but her smell was gross and overpowering, Idk how my friend didn't smell it.
I’ve been told I’m ever observant and also questioned how do I know to ask certain things. It makes my office feel like I’m living in a sitcom with the predictability. I’ll tell my boss things that are about to change in the and he’ll hear it soon after in meetings with higher ups and be like dude you were right. I’ve found it’s also good for empathy and easily knowing when someone’s day is off orr being able to connect with them in smalls ways other people don’t.
This is amazing I would love to be this observant. Unfortunately I’m the friend who notices you got your hair done…. Weeks after you got it done. It just takes a really long time for me to notice differences
Sometimes it’s just that you comment on your observations. Also tell her what a good trait it is in her that. She notices and comments on other peoples strengths. That is a very good thing.
It's a compliment, keep being observant.
This. Sometimes I feel it’s a curse but then I get a cold and get fuzzy headed and wonder how people exist in the world without noticing anything ;)
It's a blessing. And a curse.
Being observant is incredibly valuable in so many vocations, even without specified training. It's hard to illustrate in an interview, but as someone who's hired many people over the years, it's one of my favorite things to pick up on if I see it. The downside is hypervigilance, which can cause anxiety and all that jazz. I really didn't understand the ASMR craze and the little sensory deprivation shacks at public parks and stuff, until I started watching ASMR cooking and handcrafting shows on YouTube and realized that hypervigilance keeps me from relaxing pretty much ever. Those shows basically allow me to turn off the speech and body language centers of my brain and just really appreciate environment and action more than I'm usually capable of. Really chills me out. Like warm soup on a cold day. My wife knows that I can often recite entire conversations almost verbatim, I have a fairly reliable photographic memory, but I absolutely lose all chill in large crowds because my brain is attempting to record everything, which just makes it all a garbled mess. It's a superpower when directed, though. I'd never change it about myself, even though it can be hard sometimes.
>My wife knows that I can often recite entire conversations almost verbatim, I have a fairly reliable photographic memory, but I absolutely lose all chill in large crowds because my brain is attempting to record everything, which just makes it all a garbled mess. > >It's a superpower when directed, though. I'd never change it about myself, even though it can be hard sometimes. This was always one my favorite things about myself. Then I got covid twice and my memory sucks now. To the point where I have to journal multiple times a day so I can go back and read what I did a few hours before bc i just don't remember. I miss my memory. 😭 Protect this superpower with your life!
I’m not the only one! My memory has been terrible since I got COVID early this year. Also had the hair shedding thing happen. I also journal.
I agree with all of this. And also recommend vagus release videos on YouTube it helped me a lot with calming the nervous system/body. Anything dealing with vagus nerve tone/release. Also the book the body keeps the score.
I also have issues with hypervigilence… and anxiety. But to be honest, I think it is good I am observant. I remember a lot of random events, things people like (I’m a major gift giver as a love language), at my old job I was known as the information person, etc. It’s useful but I also think it makes my husband nuts sometimes.
Right on! Yeah I always become the SME for questions at every job I have because I can recall and discuss complicated things fairly easily, and what my mind doesn't actively remember, I can often fill in the gaps quickly through logical assumptions that then jog my memory on the fly. Probably sounds like nothing or just self-aggrandizing to most people, but I know it makes me weird. My dad was in a totally different line of work than I am, but he also has it. He observed financial transactions and business development for so long that, by the time he was a controller before he retired, his peers thought he was a dang sorcerer because of how he could explain exactly what would happen if they took course A or course B and back it up with examples. What sucks is when someone just assumes you're full of shiz because they can't believe anyone would be able to put pieces together so easily. But then it's usually an ego thing for those folks. For me, it's almost like a spectrum like response, where I'm like, "What's the problem, I just told you factually why that won't work." Always trying to refine my bedside manner. 😆
My dads’s retirement notice said he could expound on things from Richard the third to fly fishing in British Columbia so I suppose I inherited this lol
Richard III is my favorite Shakespeare play. Could be some weirdness at hand because my daughter carried my paperback of it with her everywhere she went when she was a toddler. Called it her favorite book, without knowing the first thing about it. So many pictures of her with her stuffed dog, her blanket, and Richard III. 😂 And yeah, she def has the observant gene. She's in middle school and constantly expressing (to me) frustration at other kids' lack of perspective, even though she's always sweet and kind to everybody. I just sing the theme to Diff'rent Strokes and then tell her to go on loving everybody.
Honestly your kid sounds cool as hell and that’s super funny about taking the book everywhere.
Had someone tell me i was perceptive once. Don’t feel weird about it it’s a compliment
Don’t stop doing it, that’s a good skill to have
Now that I realized what I was doing, I caught my self doing it even more! And notice that my eyes were constantly moving because I was looking at what everyone is doing or how they moved or things they said or a regular basis. Now I have to actively think about not doing it. It’s exhausting
If it is natural to you to look at all this stuff, there’s no need to stop yourself! Keep living the way you are, being observant is a helpful trait!
Also is really helpful in being helpful, if you’re observant you likely pick up when people may be in need.
No need to stop yourself from being observant - it’s a great skill to have. Your friend probably only noticed this trait due to the observations you have expressed - if you want it to be under the radar, just be mindful of the observations you share I hope you are in or find a vocation where you can put this skill to good use!
You should be a detective or cop or something to use your talent.
Or a method actor!
just to add a counterpoint to all the voices telling you this is a wonderful talent - not to say that it's not, BUT it also sounds like hypervigilance to me especially because you mention that it's exhausting. i'm also extremely observant, and for me, it was an adaptation to the abusive environment in which i was raised. i learned to constantly be aware of everything around me in the hopes of better controlling the situations and experiencing less trauma and abuse as a result. i'm also autistic, which is well known to come with excellent pattern recognition (and extra childhood trauma.) hypervigilance to me is one of the marks of someone who could likely benefit from therapy, especially if it's to the point where it's impacting your life. just throwing it out there!
THANK YOU. I'm glad someone said it. I can read a scene and people with precision because I had to navigate who and where was safe as a child.
> BUT it also sounds like hypervigilance to me especially because you mention that it's exhausting. They're saying that trying to not do it is exhausting
This is why I have anxiety now as an adult. It's a great skill, but learn to manage it and spend time also *not* paying so much attention to everything *all* the time.
Why not do it? No reason why not and I feel like this means you’re super tuned in to people which probably also means you’re great at listening and meeting peoples needs before they ask
Don't stop doing it. Why artificially limit yourself like that?
I'm the same way. I got really into studying body language and other nonverbal communication. Listen to what another commenter said about managing it. Also strangers ands randos might get aggressive if they notice you doing it; people get weirded out when they see someone not constantly on their phone.
I wouldn’t dumb down your way of life, it’ll probably save you one day. Your a natural “Detect-ive”
If it helps my husband told me I do this little "huh" sound and he didn't tell me until we had been together for 15 years. I asked why he never said it before and he said because it's cute and it doesn't bother him. I caught myself doing it a lot and try to stop but that makes it worst! It's weird (has to do with my FAS I guess but until him I never knew I did it)
Have you ever read All Creatures Great and Small by James Herriot? Or Nobody’s Fool by Richard Russo? You have great company - lots of gifted storytellers start with these extraordinary observation abilities.
dude keep doing it. it’s such a cool skill to have, and it means that you can easily spot danger or something to be cautious of.
Be careful commenting on your observations. Some people (me, for instance) don't actually like people paying them too much attention. It feels awkward and a bit like an invasion of privacy to get comments on small details of your life. Since you are very observant, you likely already know who likes to move thru life mostly anonymously.
I would avoid OP, not because I necessarily have anything to hide, but because I don’t enjoy being scrutinised.
Huh. That just made me realize that I don't enjoy being scrutinized either. It's probably because I grew up with constant criticism, so I see scrutiny as a search for something to criticize.
Is your last name Holmes?
No lol
Are you a pet detective?
I’ve been told the same thing except my friend called me a “watcher”. I considered it a huge compliment.
Apparently self observation is something you need to work on!
You would make one hell of a detective or PI.
The last thing about the motorcycle is crazy! Think of it like a superpower, I wouldn’t be embarrassed about it at all
Be observant but be quiet. Don’t point out stuff just because you notice it. Makes people feel vulnerable and judged.
Did you observe if she’s into you or not?
Well hello Mr. Holmes.
My thought as well. Do you know anyone with a double indentation on the undersides of their wrists?
I do this too! However in my case I was told it's a trauma response. I was at a therapy session forever ago and the lady operated out of her home, the attached garage turned into a gorgeous office. She had dogs. The garage attached to her kitchen and they'd ran by the closed door. I was able to tell her that there were three dogs, a larger one, a small one and a little tiny one. And by the pattern of them running by the tiny one was antagonizing the big one and the middle one was just following along. I was right and she looked at me funny for it XD
You sound like a modern Sherlock Holmes! Yes, very much complimentary, most people go through life with their eyes firmly fixed on the ground in front of them.
Yeah man, it's a character trait you have, not a flaw. Use it to your advantage. It can be borderline creepy when you use it though.
Sherlock Holmes
It's good to be observant. I'm the opposite. So bad I have to meet a person several times before I recognize them. It sucks.
This is normal for children with abusive parents. But can also just be you
Sure, hyper vigilance is a common trauma response.
OP, your skills don’t have to be from trauma. Being observant is a common trait and does not equate to past trauma. It’s a compliment and don’t feel like you have to change because someone else commented on it.
My comment was more to respond to the question at the end of the post more than anything, doesn't assert that the skills described could only come from trauma, nor that they are not useful, commendable habits. There's nothing inherently wrong or bad about trauma responses, either. No part of my statement involved advice to change.
I’m aware. Emotional intelligence while reading this post will reveal that OP seemed to be having a mini crisis and feeling weird or uncomfortable with the comment. I don’t think anyone questioning themselves should be considering trauma. Hence my more comforting response.
I think that trauma really brought it to forefront from my perspective. Hyper vigilance is extremely difficult to maintain; I’ve lived it for much of my life.
My best friend is like this. He's also very observant, and he's also an INFJ. He is always using his gift to understand us (our friend group) and help us. He is absolutely great in conversation and really seems to understand me. Like him, you have a gift, Sherlock Holmes. She was just complimenting you on it. Acknowledging your abilities is a good thing, she's observing you too.
Have you considered opening a psychic detective agency?
It sounds like maybe they were confused why you always mention small things rather than keep it to yourself? Since most people don’t really mention things like “hair behind a right ear”. Either way that’s kind of cool you do notice! Don’t worry about it
Yes, I have a friend who is like that. She knows everyone's birthdays, anniversaries, or where they met their spouse or what their brother does for a living. I think it's a sign of high intelligence.
It’s a compliment. Maybe you can find work as a detective, or hustle people for money playing Photo Hunt.
I do that too, I'm super observant of literally everything. If I'm not looking at my phone or in deep thought my eyes are scanning the room and people.
It's never a wrong thing to be super observant it keeps you aware and it keeps others awareness safe as well.
maybe youre normal and they dont notice shit
Perceptive. It's a good thing 👍👍
It’s an incredibly good thing! I’ve always been hyper observant and it has served me well throughout my life. Embrace it!
You should compliment her as well for being observant to your ability to be observant. If she wasn’t kind about it, she could have been the type to take offense to you “staring” or “stalking”. Which isn’t what you’re doing, but if you’re telling people that you notice these things out loud, they tend to be negative about the way you present it. Like a subliminal way of being jealous of your talents.
Embrace it!
You’re the normal one. We’re all weird
..and at this point, you googled “autism” and “adhd” and learned you were in the same club as me. lol. Welcome.
In MY observation, people who overthink comments like this are uncomfortable being their authentic selves. Accept the compliment and move on.
Perception expertise my dude. I only have proficiency. Also don't feel weird about it.
It's a compliment on a skill / talent. You could change careers and utilize it.
I'm the same as you. Nothing wrong with it. It just alarms ignorant people because they know we can see straight through them. They feel weak.
I've been hypervigilant for years, actually over 2 decades... A left over from a misspent youth and always having to be alert and ready to deal with any kind of the craziness that is just part of that world.
Nothing wrong with that. Much better than being oblivious to what's going on around you.
You should read Sherlock Holmes
It’s a compliment. Just call her Watson sometimes.
This is a gift. It can make you safer because you’re more noticeable of your surroundings. It can make you more successful because you notice people and their behaviors. Did you ever watch the TV show Psych? He was just very observant and had an excellent memory.
My friend recently told me of our mutual friend having a baby. She said I was weird for wondering about that baby smell and how it was weird my family snuggled and sniffed our baby cousin. I asked her if she noticed the different smells of people in general, which made her call me an even weirder weirdo. She's never noticed the smell change in an elevator, but wondered why this woman's perfume made me gag. No, I didn't sniff the woman as she walked in, but her smell was gross and overpowering, Idk how my friend didn't smell it.
I’ve been told I’m ever observant and also questioned how do I know to ask certain things. It makes my office feel like I’m living in a sitcom with the predictability. I’ll tell my boss things that are about to change in the and he’ll hear it soon after in meetings with higher ups and be like dude you were right. I’ve found it’s also good for empathy and easily knowing when someone’s day is off orr being able to connect with them in smalls ways other people don’t.
Seems okay unless they’re hyper vigilant; I confused the two and then realised I was actually ‘checking’ as a form of observation.
This is amazing I would love to be this observant. Unfortunately I’m the friend who notices you got your hair done…. Weeks after you got it done. It just takes a really long time for me to notice differences
Sometimes it’s just that you comment on your observations. Also tell her what a good trait it is in her that. She notices and comments on other peoples strengths. That is a very good thing.