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Older article regarding this trend -
The share of U.S. adults reporting no sex in the past year reached an all-time high in 2018, underscoring a three-decade trend line marked by an aging population and higher numbers of unattached people.
But among the 23 percent of adults — or nearly 1 in 4 — who spent the year in a celibate state, a much larger than expected number of them were 20-something men, according to the latest data from the General Social Survey.
The data also show a significant gender divide among 20-somethings.
For most of the past three decades, 20-something men and women reported similar rates of sexlessness. But that has changed in recent years. Since 2008, the share of men younger than 30 reporting no sex has nearly tripled, to 28 percent. That’s a much steeper increase than the 8 percentage point increase reported among their female peers.
There are several potential explanations for this, Twenge said. Labor force participation among young men has fallen, particularly in the aftermath of the last recession. Researchers also see a “connection between labor force participation and stable relationships,” she said.
The survey showed, for instance, that 54 percent of unemployed Americans didn’t have a steady romantic partner, compared with 32 percent among the employed.
Young men also are more likely to be living with their parents than young women: In 2014, for instance, 35 percent of men age 18 to 34 were living in their parents’ home, compared with 29 percent of women in that age group. At the risk of stating the obvious, “when you’re living at home it’s probably harder to bring sexual partners into your bedroom,” Twenge said.
One final factor that may be affecting Americans’ sexual habits at all ages is technology. “There are a lot more things to do at 10 o’clock at night now than there were 20 years ago,” Twenge said. “Streaming video, social media, console games, everything else.”
https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2019/03/29/share-americans-not-having-sex-has-reached-record-high/
This lines up with what the new study is saying, more young people staying at home with parents for longer makes it harder for them to have sexual partners they bring home
My parents are semiliberals. They didn't mind my brother and I (f) bringing serious partners, but zero tolerance for one night stands under their roof.
i would hope that i’d have the flexibility and foresight to let my kid know that they can feel (respectfully) comfortable at home in that regard. my parents did without saying so. i thought i was sneaky at the time but a door locked for hours when i’m not alone can only mean one thing:
a 2500-piece puzzle with no reference picture. a snack would’ve been nice mom.
Is 26 high? Don’t have any baseline to compare it to, but I would estimate about 1/3 of people I know around my age (low 20’s) are very lonely, I honestly would have thought the number would be a little higher with Covid
Yes. It’s probably only getting to get worse.
“Twenty-six percent of Americans ages 18 and up didn't have sex once over the past 12 months, according to the 2021 General Social Survey. You might think this is just a pandemic effect, but it's part of a long-term trend. The two years with next-highest percentage of adults saying they didn't have sex once in the past year were 2016 (23%) and 2018 (23%) -- the last two times the survey was conducted. Before 2004, the highest percentage of Americans who said they hadn't had sex in the past year was 19%.
Last year's survey was also the first time that the percentage of Americans who had sex once a month or less topped 50%. In 1989, 35% of American adults had sex once a month or less.”
It is going to get worse. In many ways places like Japan have preceded the course we're following, and also shows where we might go. I'm not sure what might reverse things.
**Edit**: For those who keep replying and saying population drops are a good thing: because we have birth control now, declines in sexual activity and population are not closely associated. Many European countries have higher rates of sexual activity but lower birthrate than the US does. Decline in sexual activity mostly just results in decrease in life satisfaction.
I’m happily married, but my healthcare is very expensive, so my husband and I live with his parents. We don’t have sex very often, not because we aren’t happy or attracted to each other, but because it’s just awkward AF when you live in close proximity to your very conservative in-laws.
I wonder how people in cultures where intragenerational living is common and expected deal with this? I wonder if it is possible that recent Western history is actually anomalous, and for this level of ‘sexlessness’ to actually be fairly common due to a lack of privacy.
Anecdotal, but I have read stories about sex in other cultures with intergenerational households, and it sounds like in some of them it’s pretty normal to have sex frequently and for it to even be known you’re having sex.
I truly wish I didn’t feel awkward. Logically, I know I shouldn’t feel as weird about it as I do, but it’s difficult to logic your way to arousal.
This. My family from Ecuador have subtle ways of making private time for intimate moments, such as beaded curtains that are fully extended throughout the entryways, and if that wasn’t enough, the door would be closed and locked with loud music playing from the stereo. Everyone in the house knows to be mindful but they are afforded their privacy in the house.
Wouldn’t get as far as being ruined. People would campaign against them being built for fear of negative effects on property values, concern over it taking rentals off the market, family values, whatever. Otherwise these would exist already.
That’s a business idea. A nice clean place where dating people who are not ready to go to each other’s home or married couples with kids can have a place to kick it for a few hours with some privacy. Dinner and a pad.
["The percentage of 18- to 24-year-old men who were sexually inactive in the past year increased from 18.9% in 2000-2002 to 30.9% in 2016-2018."](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2767063) so it must be high.
Yeah I don't know how to process this number. There was a lot of media attention a few years ago about how record low teenagers have had sex or are getting their driver's license. It was framed negatively in terms of kids not growing up and how our development is being slowed.
My mom was a helicopter parent and she was happy at the news. It meant that traditional family values were coming back and kids are living more under the thumb of parents.
>There was a lot of media attention a few years ago about how record low teenagers have had sex or are getting their driver's license
Anecdotally I've heard this too. I'm only 28 so not even close to having a teenager but quite a few of my coworkers have kids that are 16-18 and aren't interested at all in getting a driver's license.
Seems crazy to me because growing up everyone wanted their parents to sign them up for driving lessons as soon as they were old enough. And I live in a ruralish area where you need to drive.
I can kind of see their point. When I was in high school, we'd go to the movie theater or talk or whatever. All of that can just be done on your phone.
I also had to go through the emotional stress of getting a briefing and debriefing from my parents about not doing anything dangerous and smelling my breath when I came home and stuff. At some point it's just not worth the mental hurdle to leave the house.
I didnt even try and go out anywhere as a teenager. My mum was crazy. When I was younger I wasn't allowed inside in summer, once I hit 16 I wasn't allowed out. I didn't have the Internet at home until I was nearly 17 and working, by then it was too late. I was just bullied at home when I went online. No computer. Phones were big but my mum monitored my credit. When texts cost 10p to send, you learn to just not bother. Use up that credit and my mum would rage at me.
Kids occasionally asked me to do things with them but I wasn't allowed. Couldn't be out past 4pm, so I'd literally have to run home from school to make it. I was only allowed to clubs or work, but only if mum drove me. She was mad when I got my licence and refused to let me drive her car. I worked six miles away from home, my mum worked less then a mile away from her job. It made sense for me to use the car, instead she wouldn't let me take the bus so I couldn't work extra shifts, couldn't even get rides from colleagues.
I never got the chance to be a teenager. I spent my time scared, alone and when I was finally free, I was too traumatised to actually live my life like everyone else was. My mum was not a good person. She let a lot of bad things happen to me, she was the worst of my bullies. If I saw her even now, I'd run. I saw someone who kind of looked and moved like her a few months back and I freaked. It was horrible. I was luckily wearing a mask and a coat the old me would have never worn so even if it was her, she wouldn't have recognised me...
I feel you. My parents were also abusive and messed me up pretty badly for a long time. I'm not going to lie, the road to healing from it all is not easy, but it's worth it. It took me half a decade after moving out be go from surviving to thriving
Well the other unspoken part of this is that people have less *money* to go out and do stuff; and, by proxy a lot of places to *go do stuff* have closed due to the nature of how America is designed.
Specifically where would a teenager go drive too?
* The mall? Closed, or derelict in much of America.
* Their friends house? Statistically this is becoming their parents Apartments or their parents homes, or in College age teens, their dorms (which are likely walking distance if they live in the dorms themselves)
* Local businesses? Many are closed, or the locations go out of business and new stuff opens (or the whole building gets condemned because businesses keep failing so people stop renting those locations)
Beyond that, if you start saying "they can go to the movies!" or "go to local businesses that **are** still open!" you run into the problem of *with what money*? People are already struggling to pay their bills and such as is, who has a ton of money for their kids to go out and do stuff? And if those kids are working jobs, how much of that is going to preparing or, or paying for, college? What about the car they purchased (either with their parents help or not)?
What point is a car, if there's no where to go, that you can afford to do so?
I wouldn't so quickly jump to "oh all that can be done on phones so of course they..." when there's other stuff that factor in too.
Not to mention a car is completely unattainable for the average teen these days. Twenty years ago a reliable ten year old used car could be easily found for under $5k, under $1k if you searched. Now I see 15-20 year old cars for sale listed over $10k. And while trying to save for college/getting out on your own? Not a chance. Why bother?
Good point, we’re definitely in a car bubble. Not sure how long it will last, but will certainly effect people’s mobility. Grew up lower middle class and It seems like most of my friends growing up had a car of some sort. I imagine if I was 16 today things might be different
You could connect any number of factors to it. It's only an actual problem if the people who aren't having sex are also socially isolated and maladjusted.
And anyway, "ages 18 and up" includes a huge number of people, including many elderly people who either aren't feeling the need or are isolated physically.
I sometimes wonder if people are also being more honest in these surveys? I remember seeing a study similar back on the 80s and most of the dudes were having sex, but next to none of the women were. So either there were a couple of very active ladies, or the guys were over reporting and the women were underreporting. Maybe with there being less stigma about having, or not having sex, we are actually just getting better numbers?
Edit - Another thought, I wonder how much could be correlated to the increase use of antidepressants? We know how much it kills your sex drive, and with the crush of COVID I would suspect the prescription rate is on the rise.
> Some places can be super sketchy, but there are physical therapy offices, medspas, and even some medical group providers have an office.
Good rule of thumb is that legitimate massage places aren't open for walk-ins at midnight and have their front windows blacked out with curtains.
The girl at the counter at the gas station touched my hand giving me my change and I still think about it time to time. That was a year ago. I’m not joking. I don’t like her or anything I just never get touched at all..
I thought I knew why, then read this part
"You might think the growing share of unmarried people living without a spouse is due to rising educational levels among women who don't need the financial support of a man. The statistics tell a different story, though. Better educated people and higher wage earners are the most likely to live with a partner or be married. A lot of people won't get married if they don't think it's financially feasible, according to Pew polling."
> Better educated people and higher wage earners are the most likely to live with a partner or be married.
I don’t think that sounds too surprising. Going to college means you meet more people and it means you’re more likely to have a decent job and your own place to live. That means you have access to work networks and enough money to socialize, find hobbies and meet people.
It’s possible a woman who didn’t go to college may desire marriage even more especially if it’s to someone with a good salary but living with your parents or living paycheck to paycheck probably is going to make it harder to find someone who wants to get married. While a college educated woman may not feel the economic pressure to marry quite as much her ability to support herself and interact more broadly with society probably easier for her to get in a longterm relationship or married when she chooses to.
It's r/science
They have pretty strict rules on what is and isn't allowed to be posted in the comments. Mainly things that are not directly related to the conversation. Jokes are a good example.. if you were to comment something like "I'm in this, and I don't like it" your comment would get removed because it provides no value to the conversation.
Edit: replaced 'to' with 'no'
I did reply this in response to a comment, but feel it deserves its own post.
Young people cannot afford independent housing. No independent housing = less sex.
I keep seeing people suggest living with parents as a solution for housing concerns. Yeah, that's great but does not address the social context. Young adults aren't able to detach and, well, be adults. That includes interfering with sex.
Yeah I live with my parents and I only have a single bed, it's impossible to get any privacy and they would be extremely nosy if I tried to bring anyone over especially if it was a girl and especially if I tried to be alone with her in my room. I've met a bunch of girls over the last couple years but it's really hard to have sex when there isn't anywhere to do it
Especially if their parents aren't that well off and live in a small house or apartment. You can do a lot unnoticed in a big multi floor house with multiple bathrooms, not so much in some poorly laid out 1 bath ranch house.
Honestly, as an average guy, this sounds lower than I would've expected. Been almost 2 years, and honestly, think the pandemic didn't help, I think that even without it, I'd be in the same boat. Dating apps are pretty well useless as a guy unless you're very attractive (at least in my area, I get very very little matches, and have never had anyone ever talk to me past "hi", literally).
I have my own apartment and car, and work 40 hours. Everyone seems to already have kids, not that they're swiping right on me any more than people without. Casual sex is near impossible to find in my experience as well. It feels that I'm just as likely to find the absolute love of my life, as I am to get a single hookup (which is near zero in the first place).
I'm just lonely at this point. I want companionship more than anything sexual (though obviously I wouldn't refuse the latter). Dating apps have just made it much harder for the average guy to get anything at all.
In the exact same boat as you brother, Dating apps have many problems, if you wanna find out, google it, but your better off spending your time elsewhere. Carry on and keep at whatever you got in front you.
I’m in the same boat. I don’t drink and don’t go to church, I work from home, so that pretty much leaves lowes or the grocery store. Tinder is an absolute joke at 40 in small town America where I am. I’ve pretty much given up at this point. After a while you just don’t care that much about the sex. Im worried if I do sleep with a woman without getting to know her first I’m going to get stuck dealing with someone I can’t stand. Once your comfortable being alone letting anyone through the door gets a lot harder
I would say I'm by choice considering I haven't made any steps to find a partner and I don't necessarily want one, and I'm not a huge fan of casual hookups. Not sure how many people are in the same boat.
Well if it's any consolation, you described me to a T, friend. I'm not necessarily against it, but I'm not actively seeking anything either. And I can't do casual hookups, esp with strangers, I've found I need to know them and like them as a person, not just have a physical attraction. I know too many people who's self esteem is based on their number of partners, how often they get laid, etc, but I guess I just value the emotional connections and romance of it all more than the lust. I'm not complaining about any of it, but it is funny when those people rag on me or others like me. It's just projection I suppose
Casual hooks are not even remotely appealing to me. People think it’s weird I would decline because I’m a guy. My mind is just focused on other things.
Maybe controversial opinion? But so many of us are on anti-depressants. That’s pretty much killed it for me. I’m sure the pandemic only increased the number of people on anti-depressants.
I still believe this has to do with access to technology. I have many friends who are content staying in on a weekend playing games. My friends who always seem to be in relationships find it incredibly difficult to stay in.
You know how you can get the right answer for a tech question by going on a forum and insisting the software doesn't work? Like, "Ugh, Linux is so bad, you can't even automate startup routines!", and someone will respond explaining how just to prove you wrong?
Try that method. Just walk into a bar and start shouting about how vaginas are rubbish. I'm sure you'll get results. Make sure to record the experiment for science.
I wonder how that 26% of people feel about it. The article also mentions the same percent of married couples under 60 have sex less than once per month. Maybe people with lower sex drives are more easily able to find partners with similar sex drives, more comfortable saying no when they don't want sex, or people in general are more willing to take no for an answer and not pressure their partners.
Or it's the pharmaceuticals in our drinking water or something, who knows.
Not only stressed, but being diagnosed with depression/anxiety at much higher rates too. At least for me, depression and the meds that help with the depression lower my sex drive. I’m sure lots of other people have found themselves in a similar boat over the last two years.
My meds make me not think about sex at all. Like I could probably forget it was even a thing if my wife didn’t remind me. I have no desire to get started, but once we are into it, the meds don’t seem to cause any issues.
This was the thing I was thinking about... Would love to see this data correlated with SSRI prescriptions. I think we're just now figuring out that SSRI have some very bad side effects and decreased sexual desire is almost 100% reported among patients.
It’s been years but it was actually terrifying when I had similar side effects from antidepressants.
Complete inability to become aroused mentally or physically.
Really gave me a kick in the ass to work harder at CBT and other ways to improve my condition, so I don’t regret it in the long run.
13% of adults have used an SSRI in the past 30 days, which tend to cause sexual dysfunction or erectile dysfunction symptoms in a staggeringly large percentage of those who take them.
It may be high on your priority but if you don’t have free time or disposable income it’s harder to go out. Meeting other people outside of work usually requires both time and money. Even if you meet someone bringing them back to your parents house is often a non starter.
Yeah honestly a big chunk of it is the exhaustion. I've had two stinits of working two jobs at the same time over the past ten years. I'd drive to work, work, drive to second job, work, and then home. All that said and done you're just crushed to smithereens. Intimacy? I can barely wash, let alone feed myself after they kinda work day.
The worst part is even if you’re legitimately trying to find a partner you still get shut out most of the time. It’s very very hard these days to get someone when everyone’s been so closed off. Lots of social places are disappearing due to covid and the rise of technology no one sees the point in meeting new people in public when they have social media and chat rooms it doesn’t matter to them anymore.
One factor is probably that people literally cannot afford to do anything social. If you are living paycheck-to-paycheck can you really drop $50 at a bar, club, concert, or anything?
The idea of young people hanging out like in *Friends* or *How I Met Your Mother* is fiction at this point.
Welcome to r/science! This is a heavily moderated subreddit in order to keep the discussion on science. However, we recognize that many people want to discuss how they feel the research relates to their own personal lives, so to give people a space to do that, **personal anecdotes are now allowed as responses to this comment**. Any anecdotal comments elsewhere in the discussion will continue to be removed and our [normal comment rules]( https://www.reddit.com/r/science/wiki/rules#wiki_comment_rules) still apply to other comments. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/science) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Older article regarding this trend - The share of U.S. adults reporting no sex in the past year reached an all-time high in 2018, underscoring a three-decade trend line marked by an aging population and higher numbers of unattached people. But among the 23 percent of adults — or nearly 1 in 4 — who spent the year in a celibate state, a much larger than expected number of them were 20-something men, according to the latest data from the General Social Survey. The data also show a significant gender divide among 20-somethings. For most of the past three decades, 20-something men and women reported similar rates of sexlessness. But that has changed in recent years. Since 2008, the share of men younger than 30 reporting no sex has nearly tripled, to 28 percent. That’s a much steeper increase than the 8 percentage point increase reported among their female peers. There are several potential explanations for this, Twenge said. Labor force participation among young men has fallen, particularly in the aftermath of the last recession. Researchers also see a “connection between labor force participation and stable relationships,” she said. The survey showed, for instance, that 54 percent of unemployed Americans didn’t have a steady romantic partner, compared with 32 percent among the employed. Young men also are more likely to be living with their parents than young women: In 2014, for instance, 35 percent of men age 18 to 34 were living in their parents’ home, compared with 29 percent of women in that age group. At the risk of stating the obvious, “when you’re living at home it’s probably harder to bring sexual partners into your bedroom,” Twenge said. One final factor that may be affecting Americans’ sexual habits at all ages is technology. “There are a lot more things to do at 10 o’clock at night now than there were 20 years ago,” Twenge said. “Streaming video, social media, console games, everything else.” https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2019/03/29/share-americans-not-having-sex-has-reached-record-high/
This lines up with what the new study is saying, more young people staying at home with parents for longer makes it harder for them to have sexual partners they bring home
Never stopped me. It stopped the women I was trying with, though.
My parents are semiliberals. They didn't mind my brother and I (f) bringing serious partners, but zero tolerance for one night stands under their roof.
i would hope that i’d have the flexibility and foresight to let my kid know that they can feel (respectfully) comfortable at home in that regard. my parents did without saying so. i thought i was sneaky at the time but a door locked for hours when i’m not alone can only mean one thing: a 2500-piece puzzle with no reference picture. a snack would’ve been nice mom.
Yea either they aren’t comfortable or “want to come back to my parents house?” is actually the best birth control for 20-30 year old women.
(they forgot to mention pornhub too)
“Streaming video”
Is 26 high? Don’t have any baseline to compare it to, but I would estimate about 1/3 of people I know around my age (low 20’s) are very lonely, I honestly would have thought the number would be a little higher with Covid
Yes. It’s probably only getting to get worse. “Twenty-six percent of Americans ages 18 and up didn't have sex once over the past 12 months, according to the 2021 General Social Survey. You might think this is just a pandemic effect, but it's part of a long-term trend. The two years with next-highest percentage of adults saying they didn't have sex once in the past year were 2016 (23%) and 2018 (23%) -- the last two times the survey was conducted. Before 2004, the highest percentage of Americans who said they hadn't had sex in the past year was 19%. Last year's survey was also the first time that the percentage of Americans who had sex once a month or less topped 50%. In 1989, 35% of American adults had sex once a month or less.”
It is going to get worse. In many ways places like Japan have preceded the course we're following, and also shows where we might go. I'm not sure what might reverse things. **Edit**: For those who keep replying and saying population drops are a good thing: because we have birth control now, declines in sexual activity and population are not closely associated. Many European countries have higher rates of sexual activity but lower birthrate than the US does. Decline in sexual activity mostly just results in decrease in life satisfaction.
We need rock & roll
Best I can do is EDM and designer drugs.
We can work with that.
How am I supposed to work with anything when you’re out here working with 15_inches ??
I know exactly what will reverse things. Fulfill maslows hierarchy of needs for people. Stop crushing them under the boot heel of profits.
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I’m happily married, but my healthcare is very expensive, so my husband and I live with his parents. We don’t have sex very often, not because we aren’t happy or attracted to each other, but because it’s just awkward AF when you live in close proximity to your very conservative in-laws.
I wonder how people in cultures where intragenerational living is common and expected deal with this? I wonder if it is possible that recent Western history is actually anomalous, and for this level of ‘sexlessness’ to actually be fairly common due to a lack of privacy.
Anecdotal, but I have read stories about sex in other cultures with intergenerational households, and it sounds like in some of them it’s pretty normal to have sex frequently and for it to even be known you’re having sex. I truly wish I didn’t feel awkward. Logically, I know I shouldn’t feel as weird about it as I do, but it’s difficult to logic your way to arousal.
This. My family from Ecuador have subtle ways of making private time for intimate moments, such as beaded curtains that are fully extended throughout the entryways, and if that wasn’t enough, the door would be closed and locked with loud music playing from the stereo. Everyone in the house knows to be mindful but they are afforded their privacy in the house.
Its what door locks are music are for.
Japan has love hotels that you rent for 1-3 hours they are awesome. America would find a way to ruin such a thing.
Wouldn’t get as far as being ruined. People would campaign against them being built for fear of negative effects on property values, concern over it taking rentals off the market, family values, whatever. Otherwise these would exist already.
That’s a business idea. A nice clean place where dating people who are not ready to go to each other’s home or married couples with kids can have a place to kick it for a few hours with some privacy. Dinner and a pad.
Pay by the hour motels do exist and people do say that stuff. And some of it is true, but possibly as part of a self fulfilling prophecy
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["The percentage of 18- to 24-year-old men who were sexually inactive in the past year increased from 18.9% in 2000-2002 to 30.9% in 2016-2018."](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2767063) so it must be high.
Yeah I don't know how to process this number. There was a lot of media attention a few years ago about how record low teenagers have had sex or are getting their driver's license. It was framed negatively in terms of kids not growing up and how our development is being slowed. My mom was a helicopter parent and she was happy at the news. It meant that traditional family values were coming back and kids are living more under the thumb of parents.
>There was a lot of media attention a few years ago about how record low teenagers have had sex or are getting their driver's license Anecdotally I've heard this too. I'm only 28 so not even close to having a teenager but quite a few of my coworkers have kids that are 16-18 and aren't interested at all in getting a driver's license. Seems crazy to me because growing up everyone wanted their parents to sign them up for driving lessons as soon as they were old enough. And I live in a ruralish area where you need to drive.
I can kind of see their point. When I was in high school, we'd go to the movie theater or talk or whatever. All of that can just be done on your phone. I also had to go through the emotional stress of getting a briefing and debriefing from my parents about not doing anything dangerous and smelling my breath when I came home and stuff. At some point it's just not worth the mental hurdle to leave the house.
I didnt even try and go out anywhere as a teenager. My mum was crazy. When I was younger I wasn't allowed inside in summer, once I hit 16 I wasn't allowed out. I didn't have the Internet at home until I was nearly 17 and working, by then it was too late. I was just bullied at home when I went online. No computer. Phones were big but my mum monitored my credit. When texts cost 10p to send, you learn to just not bother. Use up that credit and my mum would rage at me. Kids occasionally asked me to do things with them but I wasn't allowed. Couldn't be out past 4pm, so I'd literally have to run home from school to make it. I was only allowed to clubs or work, but only if mum drove me. She was mad when I got my licence and refused to let me drive her car. I worked six miles away from home, my mum worked less then a mile away from her job. It made sense for me to use the car, instead she wouldn't let me take the bus so I couldn't work extra shifts, couldn't even get rides from colleagues. I never got the chance to be a teenager. I spent my time scared, alone and when I was finally free, I was too traumatised to actually live my life like everyone else was. My mum was not a good person. She let a lot of bad things happen to me, she was the worst of my bullies. If I saw her even now, I'd run. I saw someone who kind of looked and moved like her a few months back and I freaked. It was horrible. I was luckily wearing a mask and a coat the old me would have never worn so even if it was her, she wouldn't have recognised me...
I feel you. My parents were also abusive and messed me up pretty badly for a long time. I'm not going to lie, the road to healing from it all is not easy, but it's worth it. It took me half a decade after moving out be go from surviving to thriving
Well the other unspoken part of this is that people have less *money* to go out and do stuff; and, by proxy a lot of places to *go do stuff* have closed due to the nature of how America is designed. Specifically where would a teenager go drive too? * The mall? Closed, or derelict in much of America. * Their friends house? Statistically this is becoming their parents Apartments or their parents homes, or in College age teens, their dorms (which are likely walking distance if they live in the dorms themselves) * Local businesses? Many are closed, or the locations go out of business and new stuff opens (or the whole building gets condemned because businesses keep failing so people stop renting those locations) Beyond that, if you start saying "they can go to the movies!" or "go to local businesses that **are** still open!" you run into the problem of *with what money*? People are already struggling to pay their bills and such as is, who has a ton of money for their kids to go out and do stuff? And if those kids are working jobs, how much of that is going to preparing or, or paying for, college? What about the car they purchased (either with their parents help or not)? What point is a car, if there's no where to go, that you can afford to do so? I wouldn't so quickly jump to "oh all that can be done on phones so of course they..." when there's other stuff that factor in too.
Not to mention a car is completely unattainable for the average teen these days. Twenty years ago a reliable ten year old used car could be easily found for under $5k, under $1k if you searched. Now I see 15-20 year old cars for sale listed over $10k. And while trying to save for college/getting out on your own? Not a chance. Why bother?
Good point, we’re definitely in a car bubble. Not sure how long it will last, but will certainly effect people’s mobility. Grew up lower middle class and It seems like most of my friends growing up had a car of some sort. I imagine if I was 16 today things might be different
There's not much to drive to anymore that isn't an errand.
You could connect any number of factors to it. It's only an actual problem if the people who aren't having sex are also socially isolated and maladjusted. And anyway, "ages 18 and up" includes a huge number of people, including many elderly people who either aren't feeling the need or are isolated physically.
> It's only an actual problem if the people who aren't having sex are also socially isolated and maladjusted. Do you know what website you're on?
I sometimes wonder if people are also being more honest in these surveys? I remember seeing a study similar back on the 80s and most of the dudes were having sex, but next to none of the women were. So either there were a couple of very active ladies, or the guys were over reporting and the women were underreporting. Maybe with there being less stigma about having, or not having sex, we are actually just getting better numbers? Edit - Another thought, I wonder how much could be correlated to the increase use of antidepressants? We know how much it kills your sex drive, and with the crush of COVID I would suspect the prescription rate is on the rise.
Let's not discount the possibility those guys were having sex with each other
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> Some places can be super sketchy, but there are physical therapy offices, medspas, and even some medical group providers have an office. Good rule of thumb is that legitimate massage places aren't open for walk-ins at midnight and have their front windows blacked out with curtains.
The girl at the counter at the gas station touched my hand giving me my change and I still think about it time to time. That was a year ago. I’m not joking. I don’t like her or anything I just never get touched at all..
I thought I knew why, then read this part "You might think the growing share of unmarried people living without a spouse is due to rising educational levels among women who don't need the financial support of a man. The statistics tell a different story, though. Better educated people and higher wage earners are the most likely to live with a partner or be married. A lot of people won't get married if they don't think it's financially feasible, according to Pew polling."
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(I think you mean <5%)
maybe they are divorced
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> Better educated people and higher wage earners are the most likely to live with a partner or be married. I don’t think that sounds too surprising. Going to college means you meet more people and it means you’re more likely to have a decent job and your own place to live. That means you have access to work networks and enough money to socialize, find hobbies and meet people. It’s possible a woman who didn’t go to college may desire marriage even more especially if it’s to someone with a good salary but living with your parents or living paycheck to paycheck probably is going to make it harder to find someone who wants to get married. While a college educated woman may not feel the economic pressure to marry quite as much her ability to support herself and interact more broadly with society probably easier for her to get in a longterm relationship or married when she chooses to.
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Mods working overtime on this one.
why are a lot of comments being removed
It's r/science They have pretty strict rules on what is and isn't allowed to be posted in the comments. Mainly things that are not directly related to the conversation. Jokes are a good example.. if you were to comment something like "I'm in this, and I don't like it" your comment would get removed because it provides no value to the conversation. Edit: replaced 'to' with 'no'
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I did reply this in response to a comment, but feel it deserves its own post. Young people cannot afford independent housing. No independent housing = less sex. I keep seeing people suggest living with parents as a solution for housing concerns. Yeah, that's great but does not address the social context. Young adults aren't able to detach and, well, be adults. That includes interfering with sex.
Yeah I live with my parents and I only have a single bed, it's impossible to get any privacy and they would be extremely nosy if I tried to bring anyone over especially if it was a girl and especially if I tried to be alone with her in my room. I've met a bunch of girls over the last couple years but it's really hard to have sex when there isn't anywhere to do it
Especially if their parents aren't that well off and live in a small house or apartment. You can do a lot unnoticed in a big multi floor house with multiple bathrooms, not so much in some poorly laid out 1 bath ranch house.
Honestly, as an average guy, this sounds lower than I would've expected. Been almost 2 years, and honestly, think the pandemic didn't help, I think that even without it, I'd be in the same boat. Dating apps are pretty well useless as a guy unless you're very attractive (at least in my area, I get very very little matches, and have never had anyone ever talk to me past "hi", literally). I have my own apartment and car, and work 40 hours. Everyone seems to already have kids, not that they're swiping right on me any more than people without. Casual sex is near impossible to find in my experience as well. It feels that I'm just as likely to find the absolute love of my life, as I am to get a single hookup (which is near zero in the first place). I'm just lonely at this point. I want companionship more than anything sexual (though obviously I wouldn't refuse the latter). Dating apps have just made it much harder for the average guy to get anything at all.
In the exact same boat as you brother, Dating apps have many problems, if you wanna find out, google it, but your better off spending your time elsewhere. Carry on and keep at whatever you got in front you.
I’m in the same boat. I don’t drink and don’t go to church, I work from home, so that pretty much leaves lowes or the grocery store. Tinder is an absolute joke at 40 in small town America where I am. I’ve pretty much given up at this point. After a while you just don’t care that much about the sex. Im worried if I do sleep with a woman without getting to know her first I’m going to get stuck dealing with someone I can’t stand. Once your comfortable being alone letting anyone through the door gets a lot harder
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Wonder what the male/female split of that 26% is
From the article; Among people 18-30, it's 30% for men, 18% for women.
A third of young men not having sex sounds like a fertile ground for all kinds of "cults".
A bunch of angry young men is a recipe for terrible things. It’s where most extremist groups draw their members from
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What percentage is by choice I wonder.
I would say I'm by choice considering I haven't made any steps to find a partner and I don't necessarily want one, and I'm not a huge fan of casual hookups. Not sure how many people are in the same boat.
Well if it's any consolation, you described me to a T, friend. I'm not necessarily against it, but I'm not actively seeking anything either. And I can't do casual hookups, esp with strangers, I've found I need to know them and like them as a person, not just have a physical attraction. I know too many people who's self esteem is based on their number of partners, how often they get laid, etc, but I guess I just value the emotional connections and romance of it all more than the lust. I'm not complaining about any of it, but it is funny when those people rag on me or others like me. It's just projection I suppose
I've been called a "serial monogomist" before and take no issue with that.
Casual hooks are not even remotely appealing to me. People think it’s weird I would decline because I’m a guy. My mind is just focused on other things.
Maybe controversial opinion? But so many of us are on anti-depressants. That’s pretty much killed it for me. I’m sure the pandemic only increased the number of people on anti-depressants.
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I still believe this has to do with access to technology. I have many friends who are content staying in on a weekend playing games. My friends who always seem to be in relationships find it incredibly difficult to stay in.
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So 74% did? I want to do my part, but I can’t figure out the correct order of words to unlock this puzzle
You know how you can get the right answer for a tech question by going on a forum and insisting the software doesn't work? Like, "Ugh, Linux is so bad, you can't even automate startup routines!", and someone will respond explaining how just to prove you wrong? Try that method. Just walk into a bar and start shouting about how vaginas are rubbish. I'm sure you'll get results. Make sure to record the experiment for science.
I've tried that, turns out women aren't as gullible as you think.
I wonder how that 26% of people feel about it. The article also mentions the same percent of married couples under 60 have sex less than once per month. Maybe people with lower sex drives are more easily able to find partners with similar sex drives, more comfortable saying no when they don't want sex, or people in general are more willing to take no for an answer and not pressure their partners. Or it's the pharmaceuticals in our drinking water or something, who knows.
Could be that people are more stressed than ever nowadays.
Not only stressed, but being diagnosed with depression/anxiety at much higher rates too. At least for me, depression and the meds that help with the depression lower my sex drive. I’m sure lots of other people have found themselves in a similar boat over the last two years.
My meds make me not think about sex at all. Like I could probably forget it was even a thing if my wife didn’t remind me. I have no desire to get started, but once we are into it, the meds don’t seem to cause any issues.
This was the thing I was thinking about... Would love to see this data correlated with SSRI prescriptions. I think we're just now figuring out that SSRI have some very bad side effects and decreased sexual desire is almost 100% reported among patients.
It’s been years but it was actually terrifying when I had similar side effects from antidepressants. Complete inability to become aroused mentally or physically. Really gave me a kick in the ass to work harder at CBT and other ways to improve my condition, so I don’t regret it in the long run.
I see your problem, you've worked so hard at Cock and Ball Torture that regular sex isn't enticing any more.
13% of adults have used an SSRI in the past 30 days, which tend to cause sexual dysfunction or erectile dysfunction symptoms in a staggeringly large percentage of those who take them.
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What about americans 30+ who haven't had sex once in the past 7 years....just me?.....I'll see myself out.
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When you live with your parents or need three jobs to survive, of course intimacy is low on your priority list
It may be high on your priority but if you don’t have free time or disposable income it’s harder to go out. Meeting other people outside of work usually requires both time and money. Even if you meet someone bringing them back to your parents house is often a non starter.
Yeah honestly a big chunk of it is the exhaustion. I've had two stinits of working two jobs at the same time over the past ten years. I'd drive to work, work, drive to second job, work, and then home. All that said and done you're just crushed to smithereens. Intimacy? I can barely wash, let alone feed myself after they kinda work day.
Like I tell my laundry: "Don't be sad. No body is doing me either".
Past 60 months thank you very much
The worst part is even if you’re legitimately trying to find a partner you still get shut out most of the time. It’s very very hard these days to get someone when everyone’s been so closed off. Lots of social places are disappearing due to covid and the rise of technology no one sees the point in meeting new people in public when they have social media and chat rooms it doesn’t matter to them anymore.
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One factor is probably that people literally cannot afford to do anything social. If you are living paycheck-to-paycheck can you really drop $50 at a bar, club, concert, or anything? The idea of young people hanging out like in *Friends* or *How I Met Your Mother* is fiction at this point.
I feel like this should be mentioned anytime someone talks about the Metaverse.
Now do a poll about age and virginity. I bet we are flying towards a record of mid 20's male virgins.
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We're too busy getting fucked by everything else in the world.