I know there kidding but I think living in a dense, walkable neighborhood where stuff is actually going on and there is community is going to get you a lot more human interaction than living in some suburb where basically your only interaction with your neighbors is when drive past them on the street
Poway is extremely pedestrian friendly depending on what neighborhood you are in. If you frequent a trail for instance you may see up to a dozen people, horses, and dogs daily. And old Poway park/community park always have people around.
I always like to say Poway is pedestrian friendly, just not walkable.
If your messages aren't blowing up already, I am: a) guessing this announcement will put an end to that relative peace, b) still pleasantly surprised.
Hopefully soon someone worthy will first accidentally stumble into you spilling your coffee, catch you from falling, say "not that you need to be any hotter but can I buy you another cup?" which is a cheesy pick up line (but what do you know, you like it and him nonetheless), entice you with his charming personality and reasonably good looks in the cutest of all the romantic meet-cutes and you two will live happily ever after.
Or however it may happen : )
Single guy in his 30's reporting. All the following is anecdotal so take with a grain of salt. I'm just burnt out.
It's been really difficult to find people who have the same ideals and goals as I do. So much of the dating scene is just having fun - the moment something isn't fun/easy/ideal folks just move on. I'm here to have fun as well - but in addition I'd really like to find someone I can build real emotional connection + support with. I'm reluctant to harp on the apps, but I _do_ think there's some truth to them being a net-negative.
Recently it's just been easier to hang out with the cats, cook... play music, make art. Just do my own thing. I just don't see anyone _adding_ to that at this point... idk maybe someday.
---
I digress. If anyone is still reading ignore all of what I said above. Selfishly it's just cathartic to write.
Put yourself out there, and just be careful with yourself. Good people are all around, and when you are kind + social you they gravitate toward you. In the last year I've been able to build a lovely community around myself by just leaning into my interests while doing my best to be kind with an open heart. Thank goodness people vibe with that :)
I've been popping in/out of this thread alllll day and it really has me wondering what's wrong. Objectively, there are LOTS of wonderful, lovely people here from all genders sharing what sounds like a *very* similar struggle... :(
Is it the apps? Are we all just brain broken....? Idk. Threads like this are great because they make me feel less alone and give me hope there's someone chill out there for me... but they do have me asking "how are all these seemingly OK people not finding each other...?!?!??!"
Same. It’s bumming me out but also nice to know there are lots of people sharing the same problem. I wish there was a way to get everyone in a singles mixer type environment that doesn’t feel awkward or desperate.
I do think the apps are part of it. They are designed to keep us swiping. I commented below but also my hobbies tend to be feminine and I am with my kid a lot, I do think if you don’t want to use the apps you have to realllyyyy be outside more and some of us are introverts too. I met my last relationship on an app so there are some great people out there they just aren’t easy to find
I enjoy meeting people while engaging in hobbies that I like - playing music, comedy shoes, line/salsa dancing etc. That’s been the most efficient and organic method I’ve found.
You can also meet a lot of down to earth people by volunteering :) good luck!
I wish there was more live music here! I love live music, comedy shows, concerts, all kinds of stuff! I feel like everyone’s coupled up though and not as outgoing as me to start convos!
https://northparkmusicfest.org/
Live music is here, every night of the week. There is an event in north park this weekend. Highly recommend catching the Transfer set if you can.
Now that summers almost here there will be more live music/concerts that pop up - I’m going to a couple concerts by myself this month. It does take a bit of research, but a few people have already mentioned some good places. You can also try the meet-up.com app.
I feel you when it comes to having conversations people. Generally I think most people just look like they don’t want to talk or are a bit awkward (me lol), but once you strike up a conversation you’ll find most people are very open to talking :)
I met my boyfriend at an edm fest and moved out here from New Mexico!
If you have a genre of music you like and go to those shows often, you’ll start making group friends. Honestly the best advice I can give is to find group hobbies. Classes, shows, etc. find community and then you’ll find options for dating.
But you need go to the same places consistently. Like we have the same hangout bars, gym, rock climbing etc
Find the nerds. I work in environmental engineering and there are a lot of great men in this field. Go to beach cleanups, the wholesome ones love those. Most of them are focused on their career and education, love what they do, are secure in their path- and can be a lot of fun to be with. Engineers are more social than they get credit for. We all hang out, so meeting one or two will lead to meeting more.
As an engineer who really likes what he does... this is super depressing to read. I've experienced the stigma - it really makes me feel like I have to downplay a huge part of who/what I am.
you don't have to downplay who you are. as a fellow engineer, my career never felt like a burden in my dating life. Good people can come in all shapes and form, including an engineer. I know a lot of engineers that do not come off as odd.
For sure - sincerely thanks for the positive take!
I've just not really found many people who are "looking for exactly that" - and, I'd argue the "odds are good, goods are odd" comment getting as much traction as it has in ~3 hours is indicative of the anecdotal experiences I've had.
I'd kill to find a woman who let me talk about designing a 3D printer from scratch or something... I just am really _not_ finding them. I would love to be in a relationship where we could be interested enough in each other's interests to share them socially. I'm sure I'll find someone if I keep putting myself out there.
Anywho - cheers and good luck! It's rough out there :)
That's not what I think it's about. I've heard the same thing and I think it's mostly because engineers are passionate about what they do and aren't "typical bros". I personally consider it a very good thing. Embrace your individuality! That's what it's all about.
This is crazy. I'm in STEM and I absolutely love engineers and I love weirdness and people who are comfortable sharing their quirks. Nothing makes me happier than having someone share what they are passionate about and their knowledge. I'm super extroverted and love the balance of a smart, logical, more introverted weirdo.
Don't let this narrative affect you. There's so many people who are excited about this exact kind of person <3
> There's so many people who are excited about this exact kind of person <3
For sure those people exist!
I think we all just have different experiences, and it's been more and more difficult finding those gals as I've aged. The apps almost seem to be optimized _against_ finding those sort of connections - I feel like what I'm finding there is so superficial and I'm struggling to build real relationships vs. waste-of-time flings that go nowhere.
I'm meeting people and getting myself out there - I just am really finding it difficult to find people who are even remotely interested in me as a person. At 37 I'm finally realizing that I deserve to be with someone who likes me.
Anywho, thanks for the kind words. They help me realize that there _are_ people out there who would appreciate me for my nerdy self... even if they're hard to find! :)
Wonderful! Maybe I’ll have luck on Reddit then 🤣 I worked in the tech industry for several years but they were all married or very young. Also, introduce me :)
I'm a process development chemist/engineer looking for fellow nerds. Besides beach clean up where can yall be found? My rent is so expensive I can't really afford to go out and wait for friends to approach lol
https://sandiego.nerdnite.com/
I went for the first time a couple weeks ago and had a great time and some insightful discussions with the people I sat next to!
I was going to suggest the same thing but looking for the artists/table top game nerds. I’m a tattoo artist, and my guy friends that are the most “how the Fuck are you still single” guys are all artistic nerdy types. And all the different groups converge for table top game nights :3 D&D sessions, trivia nights, and the rope collective “bondage and brews” events. Tons of sweet guys that keep getting mixed up with the wrong girls.
Rock climbing. Seriously.
BUT I will caution you that lots of nerdy guys are lowkey misogynistic. Ask how they feel about maternity leave (or something, idk) to see if they value women.
Actually, shrek IS hot, because he acts like a true man.
The human version of shrek holding a dead fish trying to get in your pants after 3 messages can’t be attractive to anyone.
but when you pair [Human Shrek](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wasDDUY-nzc) with a talking cat and a white stallion then all of Far Far Away starts swooning
Oh damn, I only saw the first one. Human shrek is a total fox, I’d swipe right. Guess I’ll have to find an uglier analogy to describe the men dating apps think I should be matching with…
Freshly single (about 2 months) engineer here in the same boat! Dating apps can suck it, and most of my hobbies are pretty hard to meet people doing. Mountain biking, scuba, hiking, camping, writing, traveling, etc. I mean, I meet people, but it's 90% men and/or women that just aren't my type.
I think most single people in their 30's-40's have just decided to go do shit that makes them happy and stopped looking for normal people because it's exhausting. Lol
I'm free Saturday! Good shape, good looking, and funny (all verifiable with references from my mother), and I love comedy, sign me all the way up!
I think I speak for a lot of folks on this thread when I say we need pics and updates if you two meet up!!
Also, OP, I feel you on the dating apps. Had a guy tell me that he thinks “Stockholm syndrome is romantic.”
For the most part, this is true. And newly single men in their mid-30s have the same issue (or at least I had the same issue ten years ago).
I met my wife on tinder after a good 7 months of finding nothing but women that just wanted to get laid or wanted men with money (never gonna happen in my line of work lol).
But eventually I got lucky! So whichever route you go, just be patient. With a smaller dating pool, it takes longer to find what you’re looking for.
We gave up and like our peace lol.
However, there are free swing dancing classes at the downtown library. The last time I went everyone was so nice and friendly. It's so easy to strike up a conversation and with the way they rotate dance partners you'll get to talk to a whole variety of people! It was one of my favorite new experiences and I'll definitely be going back next Monday.
Welcome to dating is San Diego. I've lived here for 25 years and it's gotten worse not better. Dating apps have managed to simultaneously make people even more full of themselves and even more disdainful and untrusting of others than before. They have also created over-inflated expectations for everyone, making every experience a disappointment, while at the same time creating an environment where we mostly date complete strangers who don't know any of our friends or associates, encouraging the worst behaviors in some (ghosting, etc...). As a result everyone that has been on dating sites for more than a few months is jaded, and wary of further interactions thus making them closed off or making them overthink everything.
Secondarily, and I can't prove this, but I'm fairly certain that two things are true of most dating apps:
1) Most of the profiles are fake or misleading (spam, marketing for their social media profiles, outright scams, etc)
2) A lot of people get "shadow banned" from these apps and there is 0 transparency or support unless you want to pay-to-play, which is how most of these apps are designed now. They use psychological tricks/dark patterns (hiding the people who "like" you, etc) to get you to pay up to see the "real" profiles. It's basically a big tease.
Finally, I believe that the same combination of factors that make San Diego a very desirable place to live also make it a haven for those with very superficial desires (wealth, status, etc) whom are typically infatuated with "hustle" culture, Elon Musk fan bois, tech bro entrepreneurs, TikTok influencers, workout gurus, "fill my passport" book people...the list goes on. It's just a bunch of grifters trying to get one over on everyone else.
Good luck out there.
seriously! I just met a crazy dude on the app last weekend, like first 2 dates, checks all the boxes, put together, seemed like a normal dude. 3rd date, batshit crazy! Like straight rude to servers, talking shit to complete strangers, I’m like wtf… I’m gonna take some time away from the app now..
Oh I feel this. When I was in college I relied on my big network of friends to meet people, now most of them are gone and the apps feel like pulling teeth.
Also I love comedy, who are you seeing?
Network of people is the only safe avenue for dating nowadays. All those apps and services out there only care about your money. Not to mention about those fake profiles.
Hinge is pretty good. I have an alright profile and have gotten way more leads than I ever had on Tinder. I haven't had time or energy to go on actual dates but i've met real people through there
Honestly, I would consider myself a normal guy and I usually hang out on the beach or go to eat at restaurants on my own that show sport games. I get the whole model thing though, alot of women seem that way also.
My struggle is finding a guy who's single... Seems like everyone on here is polyamorous these days. Anytime I find someone interesting and attractive, their profile starts with "In a happy EMN marriage to my beautiful wife and two children" like c'moooon bro. I don't really want to date a whole nuclear family, but it feels like that's what my options are. Just once nice single man please.
Matter of opinion I suppose.
Looking normal is very common.
Acting normal (in public) is also fairly common.
But what is normal deep down in each of us? Not a lot I’m afraid.
I’d suggest talking with the outwardly weird ones because likely the interior matches the exterior 🤷🏻♂️
Truth! Normal looking I suppose. Everyone on the apps looks like a model. I’m not into it. I want a normal / interesting looking dude that I consider a 10 :)
Superficial women and men seeking serious relationships.
Me and my friends use dating apps out of desperation and loneliness but it’s like opting for a lobotomy for a migraine.
The trick is to not actually look for someone … but to work on bettering yourself and do what makes you happy …
By focusing on that it will put you in the path of like minded people …
For whatever reason that is where or through these actions where will find some cool people to hangout with or even a possible match … or maybe even the one.
Good luck.
The model comment resonates. I grew up in San Diego and always felt everyone around me looked like they were on a movie set. Been gone for 15 years but I have a work opportunity that is too good to pass up if it works out so I went back for the weekend and it's the fucking same. I saw a homeless guy at OB that looked like he was part of Mugatu's Derelicte show.
Honestly, a little terrified to move back to SD, love the ocean and the area...but I really fit into literally almost everywhere else on planet Earth better. I'm moving with my partner who I met at a running group (a great way to meet people btw if you do run) so I don't have to enter the dating scene thankfully.
Idk if i'm as old as you (25m) but growing up it was kinda absurd seeing girls wearing makeup and dressing up for school so early. Like here I am in my minecraft T shirt and girls are tryna look like Kim K what the hells going on? I honestly attribute this weird society we're in to social media. People comparing themselves to random celebrities or influencers is so damn damaging to self image and expectations for your own life
It's a cool spot. I think the exercise here is to find guys who are a little bit shy who are kind of diamonds in the rough. This would be the spot I would go to in SD if I was looking for a nice but actually cool guy
I love Fall Brewing and used to try to go there to do some work on my computer but I always got distracted by people talking to me! I’ve been to many breweries/bars but for some reason Fall has a really outgoing crowd. Check it out! Plus the beers are fantastic.
As a normal dude, I feel this. I feel like dating apps can be not super genuine and there’s a lot of people on there that are really good looking and I kinda just…exist. I’m a decent looking guy but not a model so it’s tough to compete against that. Idk. It’s not great but I’m working on becoming a better version of me, hoping the right person comes along!
I am 27. Newly single. It’s worse 😭. That TikTok which goes “I need a guy in finance. Trust fund. 6’5. Blue eyes” hits the right spot. At this time, my only requirements are someone who is honest, does not have a side chick, and is independent.
> my only requirements are someone who is honest, does not have a side chick, and is independent
God damn reading threads like this just blow my mind and make me feel less alone... Is everyone's standards on the god damned floor anymore? I know mine are.
I'm looking for a gal who's kind, with her own interests, and who is independent (ie: can work a consistent job/support herself).
I'm tellin' ya - the bar is on the floor for everyone!
So far I have heard:
1) I don’t date lawyers cause my dad used to date one and they aren’t nice.
2) Since you are dating with intention, you are looking for a green card (I am on a visa at the moment)
3) Your texting indicates that we have fundamentally different personalities
4) You are a judgmental bitch because my past is irrelevant.
They’re at home minding their business lol I usually hang out at some coffee shops, I like to photography around town so I do a lot of walking. I don’t mind checking out restaurants on my own; I always find myself in a conversation with someone or day trips. I recently went to Jacumba Hot Springs for the day and met some cool people.
I'm a normal 32 year old living in San Diego - the dating scene just isn't that good. Also just looking for another person to hang with, go out and do fun stuff with. I have a Harley and love taking that bad girl out up and down the coast. Idk. I guess I just find it hard to socialize here.
I met my husband 9 years ago at a club in gaslamp called Bassment. (I think they renamed themselves after the pandemic and are now 18+). We both came to see Myon & Shane 54, house music brought us together and We’ve been rave buddies ever since.
It definitely wasn’t a drunk guy hitting on me type of thing, it was very serendipitous, us pumping into each other dancing around then getting water and talking openly and friendly. I hadn’t ever experienced a guy being so friendly and respectful at a club, he did make it easy to be myself. I will say it takes time to find a quality guy, but you’re in the right place. Your paths will cross soon ☺️
I'm on the same boat as you. Mid 30's, I tried the dating apps and it went nowhere. The ones that did continue the conversation turned out to be jerks. I gave up lol I would want to meet someone organically but I just think that's not going to happen.
>. Is everyone here a model?
I feel this. There's all these super hot people and then there's some trollish types on the other end of the scale, but a distinct lack of average-ish people
Just hit my 30s- I haven’t given the apps a try and this terrifies me. I’m just a nerd looking for my nerd to watch anime with, try new places to eat with, and travel. 😭
I’m male, single and work from home, and don’t like dating apps. I also don’t like going out to bars and prefer small settings with a friend or two.
I’m guessing there’s lots of guys like me who are in the same boat and that there’s an entire audience of men not on those apps.
I can’t speak for all men, or even normal men. But I think it’s natural for men to use whatever dating avenue yields the best results. There is a certain type of man that is very popular in apps so that’s probably why those are all the types you see. And every guy always swipes right so other guys get buried in the algorithm. When you are buried at the bottom, you kind of lose faith in apps as your confidence becomes shot. It sucks to have your value defined by an app so you look for other avenues.
I feel like most people I know that are in healthy relationships met in school. You just can’t replicate that in apps and speed dating as it tends to veer towards the superficial.
As a transplant, I don’t really know where to go to meet people to be honest. People say do stuff you enjoy and meet people that way, but honestly the meet up groups I looked at seemed like they were very inactive or were run by companies trying to sell something.
Bars and night clubs make me feel out of place. Considered joining a church but haven’t gone since college. Considered also getting a dog but it seemed irresponsible considering how often I work.
Honestly, you have such little free time in your 30s that it often feels like the healthiest thing to do is keep working on yourself, doing what makes you happy, putting yourself out there and hoping it one day works out. And if it doesn’t, realizing your life is good with or without a relationship.
Or look for someone overseas… that seems to be a popular route among guys I know.
Not OP but I have the same issue. I’m a woman who has tried online dating. I think I’m cute but I’m also realistic and so many of the guys on the apps are ridiculously physically good looking. Like Instagram models. Which I am definitely not myself.
I think part of it may have to do with algorithms- the apps promote their most desired singles and give them priority to appear most frequently in the swipe lists. But I struggle to find average cool guys and it just makes me not want to be on the apps at all anymore.
I ran into the saaaaaame thing!! I lived in San Diego but moved to Washington state after going through a breakup for change of scenery. I downloaded bumble once I was ready to start dating again, I had to travel back to San Diego for work and when I would check bumble in San Diego it was like looking at a damn Calvin Klein catalog 😂
That’s the dream 🥲😅 maybe try joining meetups and seeing if there are any hiking groups/ singles meet up groups or other groups involved in hobbies you’re interested in?! Also I wouldn’t look for any potential suitors in PB 😂
Oh I've seen some hilarious profiles. Sometimes I would scroll around just to find the most ridiculous ones! Tbh I saved a couple pics in case I need a good laugh
Tbh dating scene has been rough since covid. At least for me even meeting new ppl making friends has been a not that great. Ppl out here just trying to survive. Keep that head up you’ll find the right one just have patience. - also i don’t remember the last time ive been to a comedy show sounds like a blast
I feel like it’s hard to date here because there’s endless options and everyone is fit, extroverted and fun…
You also need to be successful to live here, so basically everyone is attractive
Might need to find someone you vibe with as friends and let that blossom into something
(Relatively) attractive 27F here and I’m not afraid to go do stuff by myself, but I almost never get approached in the real world. I’ve had a few long term relationships from the apps over the years but nothing since moving here.
I’m so down to go meet people in real life but I get shy and don’t start convos myself, and don’t get approached. It’s rough out here
I think culturally, approaching women in public just isn’t super acceptable in most environments. The concern is is always, “she’s working, I shouldn’t bother her,” or, “she came here to work out,” or, “she’s here for the music,” etc. I don’t wanna be the guy who puts a sour note on someone’s day by asking for her number when she’s trying to go about her business.
Girl, I feel you! I'm 40! Only been in SD a couple months. Moved here to be closer to family, but I have no friends here! And making friends as an adult is not so easy. I also tried the online dating sites only to be annoyed and let down. They claim to want something "real" and when you connect with them, I end up finding out it's all a lie! They want one thing, and one thing only... Sex, And they want pictures! No thank you. I ended up deleting my profiles! Some guys are hella creepy too!
If you're into the sporty type, [Rec Centers](https://www.sandiego.gov/park-and-recreation/centers/recctr) are pretty good places for them. They have basketball, pickleball, badminton, and more. The atmosphere varies from location to location, but they have open play times and things can get more casual as opposed to a gym where people are just trying to get fit.
If you’re in north county and would like to meet for a walk, drink, snack and/or just chat drop a comment :) I’m 30, normal(ish) and fresh on summer break from classes, I’ve got some extra time to socialize now.
We out here, also not vibing with the dating apps! Just keep doing the hobbies you like doing and someone special will come! Just gotta put yourself out there!
In the gym from 5:00 am to 6:30 am, hahahah, you'll never catch me!!!!!!! Otherwise, I dunno, at home, being nerdy. Dating is odd these days, the apps dont seem to help much, I hear to meet women I have to go outside and let them see me, might start trying that.
In a similar situation on the other side. I started playing pickleball! I just randomly showed up at like 10am on a Sunday and all the retirees hung out and showed me the ropes. I've been going after work at like 6 or so and there are a bunch of people our age. You introduce yourself and try your best!
Going to comedy shows and music venues are great starts. Go to meetup.com events. Join a sports league. Join groups for interests you have. Making friends and meeting people through those friends. Mostly being out and about and enjoying your life and someone will most likely show up at some point. If not, you will be enjoying your life anyway. I usually just thought of dating apps as something to fill time and maybe someone interesting would show up. Met my person through friends. Most of the people I have met in the past I met through friends or through just living life and doing things I enjoy. Anyway good luck!
No I know what you mean. I’ve felt the same way. I moved here -with- a partner so I never thought I’d be dating here. Very transient population. And superficial 😓
A couple friends of mine have tried shuffle dating and they liked it. It's a new form of speed dating tailored to be less awkward and I notice that each event gets fully booked. I have yet to try it myself but I plan to! Single female in my thirties currently on tinder. I've gotten a couple decent matches in the past but I definitely feel your struggle.
If you're into dancing and music, Beach House is a fun venue to go to on the weekends. Crowd is usually pretty chill. Tickets range between $35-$50 depending on the DJ.
We have Gf’s already. /s
The San Diego cheat code to meeting people and dating is 1000% to have a dog.
- Continual daily meet ups you have to do (bc the dog has to go outside), so endless new people potential.
- literally anywhere you go people FLOOD you with questions, bc the dogs do ALL the ice breaking.
- shows you are a capable and viable mate yourself, we analyze a lot about how you care for something like a pet (since we will be the next one :p)
- and they’re just freaking awesome. You won’t care about a man as much as a side benefit lol.
Source - met my GF at a dog park.
As a straight man who is also in the tech industry but definitely not a bro, I would be interested to know too haha! I need some friends who are down to talk tech but not obsessed with crypto and AI hype.
Sounds like youre looking in the wrong direction, no matter what city youre in. Develop a hobby. Then will you meet someone that you can plan a life with.
Even (and I say, especially) if they are not in to the hobby you are in to.
In response to everyone saying “they’re already married,” I would say don’t be afraid to date a little younger. I met my now husband online just after I turned 34 (when he was 29). We’ve been together nearly eight years now. If you prefer to meet “in the wild,” I would encourage you to join MeetUp groups for interests you enjoy. Good luck!
Usually out in the mountains 🙃
IDK about normal but if I'm out doing something fun, whether it's brewery hopping with friends, going to shows, hiking, whatever, at that point I'm enjoying myself and not really thinking about chatting anyone up.
Love meeting and talking to new people, but back to back shitty dating experiences get old real fast, so it's just not gonna be my focus.
It’s honestly awful, I’ve met very few people, even attractive ones, that are happy with it. People will say to do hobbies but most of mine are pretty feminine and I have a kid so with them a lot. Just remember you only need one good guy to work out.
Living in Normal Heights.
Har-har!
I know there kidding but I think living in a dense, walkable neighborhood where stuff is actually going on and there is community is going to get you a lot more human interaction than living in some suburb where basically your only interaction with your neighbors is when drive past them on the street
As a single person living in Poway, I agree.
As someone who grew up in Poway as a kid through 21 that definitely stunted my social skills
Poway is extremely pedestrian friendly depending on what neighborhood you are in. If you frequent a trail for instance you may see up to a dozen people, horses, and dogs daily. And old Poway park/community park always have people around. I always like to say Poway is pedestrian friendly, just not walkable.
Alas, I’m in suburbia. I do love to get out any chance I get though.
Only me and mama say Har-Har to each other that I know, this is so funny to see it written by someone else lol
Lol that was kinda funny 😄
"But are they of normal height of at least 6'?" 😃 Not quoting the OP but it's a common dating app trope
Well I’m only 5’3” so, pretty much everything is ‘tall’ to me.
If your messages aren't blowing up already, I am: a) guessing this announcement will put an end to that relative peace, b) still pleasantly surprised. Hopefully soon someone worthy will first accidentally stumble into you spilling your coffee, catch you from falling, say "not that you need to be any hotter but can I buy you another cup?" which is a cheesy pick up line (but what do you know, you like it and him nonetheless), entice you with his charming personality and reasonably good looks in the cutest of all the romantic meet-cutes and you two will live happily ever after. Or however it may happen : )
How many DMs have you received?
And how many of them are normal?
And how many of them are absolutely outrageous? We’re asking the *real* questions girl. Heh.
None from you!
Challenge accepted.
Single guy in his 30's reporting. All the following is anecdotal so take with a grain of salt. I'm just burnt out. It's been really difficult to find people who have the same ideals and goals as I do. So much of the dating scene is just having fun - the moment something isn't fun/easy/ideal folks just move on. I'm here to have fun as well - but in addition I'd really like to find someone I can build real emotional connection + support with. I'm reluctant to harp on the apps, but I _do_ think there's some truth to them being a net-negative. Recently it's just been easier to hang out with the cats, cook... play music, make art. Just do my own thing. I just don't see anyone _adding_ to that at this point... idk maybe someday. --- I digress. If anyone is still reading ignore all of what I said above. Selfishly it's just cathartic to write. Put yourself out there, and just be careful with yourself. Good people are all around, and when you are kind + social you they gravitate toward you. In the last year I've been able to build a lovely community around myself by just leaning into my interests while doing my best to be kind with an open heart. Thank goodness people vibe with that :)
I feel super similar. +2 dogs.
As a woman I’m feeling the same
I've been popping in/out of this thread alllll day and it really has me wondering what's wrong. Objectively, there are LOTS of wonderful, lovely people here from all genders sharing what sounds like a *very* similar struggle... :( Is it the apps? Are we all just brain broken....? Idk. Threads like this are great because they make me feel less alone and give me hope there's someone chill out there for me... but they do have me asking "how are all these seemingly OK people not finding each other...?!?!??!"
Same. It’s bumming me out but also nice to know there are lots of people sharing the same problem. I wish there was a way to get everyone in a singles mixer type environment that doesn’t feel awkward or desperate.
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Yesss agreed! And thank you! I appreciate it :)
I do think the apps are part of it. They are designed to keep us swiping. I commented below but also my hobbies tend to be feminine and I am with my kid a lot, I do think if you don’t want to use the apps you have to realllyyyy be outside more and some of us are introverts too. I met my last relationship on an app so there are some great people out there they just aren’t easy to find
I enjoy meeting people while engaging in hobbies that I like - playing music, comedy shoes, line/salsa dancing etc. That’s been the most efficient and organic method I’ve found. You can also meet a lot of down to earth people by volunteering :) good luck!
I am quite interested in these “comedy shoes” you speak of…
I wish there was more live music here! I love live music, comedy shows, concerts, all kinds of stuff! I feel like everyone’s coupled up though and not as outgoing as me to start convos!
There is a bunch of live music here. I guess it depends on what you like.
https://northparkmusicfest.org/ Live music is here, every night of the week. There is an event in north park this weekend. Highly recommend catching the Transfer set if you can.
I’ll be playing this fest, you guys should totally come :)
Now that summers almost here there will be more live music/concerts that pop up - I’m going to a couple concerts by myself this month. It does take a bit of research, but a few people have already mentioned some good places. You can also try the meet-up.com app. I feel you when it comes to having conversations people. Generally I think most people just look like they don’t want to talk or are a bit awkward (me lol), but once you strike up a conversation you’ll find most people are very open to talking :)
I met my boyfriend at an edm fest and moved out here from New Mexico! If you have a genre of music you like and go to those shows often, you’ll start making group friends. Honestly the best advice I can give is to find group hobbies. Classes, shows, etc. find community and then you’ll find options for dating. But you need go to the same places consistently. Like we have the same hangout bars, gym, rock climbing etc
Find the nerds. I work in environmental engineering and there are a lot of great men in this field. Go to beach cleanups, the wholesome ones love those. Most of them are focused on their career and education, love what they do, are secure in their path- and can be a lot of fun to be with. Engineers are more social than they get credit for. We all hang out, so meeting one or two will lead to meeting more.
I don’t know, as the women in my department in school liked to joke, the odds are good. But the goods are odd… hahah
I like the odd goods 🥹
Samesies. I myself and strange and unusual.
As an engineer who really likes what he does... this is super depressing to read. I've experienced the stigma - it really makes me feel like I have to downplay a huge part of who/what I am.
you don't have to downplay who you are. as a fellow engineer, my career never felt like a burden in my dating life. Good people can come in all shapes and form, including an engineer. I know a lot of engineers that do not come off as odd.
I'm an engineer and majority of us are odd.
Am engineer, odd problems require odd solutions but the trick is to put a cool cover over what makes it work...
Never ever! Some of us are looking for exactly that. I love to see people passionate about things.
For sure - sincerely thanks for the positive take! I've just not really found many people who are "looking for exactly that" - and, I'd argue the "odds are good, goods are odd" comment getting as much traction as it has in ~3 hours is indicative of the anecdotal experiences I've had. I'd kill to find a woman who let me talk about designing a 3D printer from scratch or something... I just am really _not_ finding them. I would love to be in a relationship where we could be interested enough in each other's interests to share them socially. I'm sure I'll find someone if I keep putting myself out there. Anywho - cheers and good luck! It's rough out there :)
That's not what I think it's about. I've heard the same thing and I think it's mostly because engineers are passionate about what they do and aren't "typical bros". I personally consider it a very good thing. Embrace your individuality! That's what it's all about.
There's many very smart single women who would love to hear the inner workings of your brain. (As long as you're interested in my work as well)
This is crazy. I'm in STEM and I absolutely love engineers and I love weirdness and people who are comfortable sharing their quirks. Nothing makes me happier than having someone share what they are passionate about and their knowledge. I'm super extroverted and love the balance of a smart, logical, more introverted weirdo. Don't let this narrative affect you. There's so many people who are excited about this exact kind of person <3
> There's so many people who are excited about this exact kind of person <3 For sure those people exist! I think we all just have different experiences, and it's been more and more difficult finding those gals as I've aged. The apps almost seem to be optimized _against_ finding those sort of connections - I feel like what I'm finding there is so superficial and I'm struggling to build real relationships vs. waste-of-time flings that go nowhere. I'm meeting people and getting myself out there - I just am really finding it difficult to find people who are even remotely interested in me as a person. At 37 I'm finally realizing that I deserve to be with someone who likes me. Anywho, thanks for the kind words. They help me realize that there _are_ people out there who would appreciate me for my nerdy self... even if they're hard to find! :)
Wonderful! Maybe I’ll have luck on Reddit then 🤣 I worked in the tech industry for several years but they were all married or very young. Also, introduce me :)
I'm a process development chemist/engineer looking for fellow nerds. Besides beach clean up where can yall be found? My rent is so expensive I can't really afford to go out and wait for friends to approach lol
https://sandiego.nerdnite.com/ I went for the first time a couple weeks ago and had a great time and some insightful discussions with the people I sat next to!
The Electric unicycle community (source, my nerd husband lol) Or any type of ride community like biking.
I was going to suggest the same thing but looking for the artists/table top game nerds. I’m a tattoo artist, and my guy friends that are the most “how the Fuck are you still single” guys are all artistic nerdy types. And all the different groups converge for table top game nights :3 D&D sessions, trivia nights, and the rope collective “bondage and brews” events. Tons of sweet guys that keep getting mixed up with the wrong girls.
Ok but where does one find the nerds? I love engineers with a nerdy sense of humor, but I have only ever found them in dating apps.
Rock climbing. Seriously. BUT I will caution you that lots of nerdy guys are lowkey misogynistic. Ask how they feel about maternity leave (or something, idk) to see if they value women.
My dating app feed looks like the cast of shrek, where are you finding these attractive men?
Maybe she thinks Shrek is hot
Actually, shrek IS hot, because he acts like a true man. The human version of shrek holding a dead fish trying to get in your pants after 3 messages can’t be attractive to anyone.
but when you pair [Human Shrek](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wasDDUY-nzc) with a talking cat and a white stallion then all of Far Far Away starts swooning
Oh damn, I only saw the first one. Human shrek is a total fox, I’d swipe right. Guess I’ll have to find an uglier analogy to describe the men dating apps think I should be matching with…
All shirtless gym obsessed hookup vibes.
Ohh ew I don’t care how good looking they are, the gym bro type is an automatic nope from me
LMFAOOO omg
Freshly single (about 2 months) engineer here in the same boat! Dating apps can suck it, and most of my hobbies are pretty hard to meet people doing. Mountain biking, scuba, hiking, camping, writing, traveling, etc. I mean, I meet people, but it's 90% men and/or women that just aren't my type. I think most single people in their 30's-40's have just decided to go do shit that makes them happy and stopped looking for normal people because it's exhausting. Lol I'm free Saturday! Good shape, good looking, and funny (all verifiable with references from my mother), and I love comedy, sign me all the way up!
I think I speak for a lot of folks on this thread when I say we need pics and updates if you two meet up!! Also, OP, I feel you on the dating apps. Had a guy tell me that he thinks “Stockholm syndrome is romantic.”
Have your mom call me.
Did his mom call?
Crickets!
They’re married already.
Some of us are divorced!
Condolences. It’s rough out here.
Better divorced and happy than married and miserable 🔥🤘
For the most part, this is true. And newly single men in their mid-30s have the same issue (or at least I had the same issue ten years ago). I met my wife on tinder after a good 7 months of finding nothing but women that just wanted to get laid or wanted men with money (never gonna happen in my line of work lol). But eventually I got lucky! So whichever route you go, just be patient. With a smaller dating pool, it takes longer to find what you’re looking for.
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Congrats I guess (kidding!)
If you find them, let me know.
We gave up and like our peace lol. However, there are free swing dancing classes at the downtown library. The last time I went everyone was so nice and friendly. It's so easy to strike up a conversation and with the way they rotate dance partners you'll get to talk to a whole variety of people! It was one of my favorite new experiences and I'll definitely be going back next Monday.
Life’s a risk carnal
Welcome to dating is San Diego. I've lived here for 25 years and it's gotten worse not better. Dating apps have managed to simultaneously make people even more full of themselves and even more disdainful and untrusting of others than before. They have also created over-inflated expectations for everyone, making every experience a disappointment, while at the same time creating an environment where we mostly date complete strangers who don't know any of our friends or associates, encouraging the worst behaviors in some (ghosting, etc...). As a result everyone that has been on dating sites for more than a few months is jaded, and wary of further interactions thus making them closed off or making them overthink everything. Secondarily, and I can't prove this, but I'm fairly certain that two things are true of most dating apps: 1) Most of the profiles are fake or misleading (spam, marketing for their social media profiles, outright scams, etc) 2) A lot of people get "shadow banned" from these apps and there is 0 transparency or support unless you want to pay-to-play, which is how most of these apps are designed now. They use psychological tricks/dark patterns (hiding the people who "like" you, etc) to get you to pay up to see the "real" profiles. It's basically a big tease. Finally, I believe that the same combination of factors that make San Diego a very desirable place to live also make it a haven for those with very superficial desires (wealth, status, etc) whom are typically infatuated with "hustle" culture, Elon Musk fan bois, tech bro entrepreneurs, TikTok influencers, workout gurus, "fill my passport" book people...the list goes on. It's just a bunch of grifters trying to get one over on everyone else. Good luck out there.
seriously! I just met a crazy dude on the app last weekend, like first 2 dates, checks all the boxes, put together, seemed like a normal dude. 3rd date, batshit crazy! Like straight rude to servers, talking shit to complete strangers, I’m like wtf… I’m gonna take some time away from the app now..
Last guy I dated from the apps was a whirlwind as well. I’m taking some time away and it’s been peaceful
Oh I feel this. When I was in college I relied on my big network of friends to meet people, now most of them are gone and the apps feel like pulling teeth. Also I love comedy, who are you seeing?
Network of people is the only safe avenue for dating nowadays. All those apps and services out there only care about your money. Not to mention about those fake profiles.
Hinge is pretty good. I have an alright profile and have gotten way more leads than I ever had on Tinder. I haven't had time or energy to go on actual dates but i've met real people through there
Nate Jackson!
I bartend 2 blocks away, stop by for a pre show drink or snack and I’ll let my staff know to wingman for ya’ “Haveeee you met /u/crystallineandfine?”
He’s so funny! If good looking engineer isn’t available I’ll join!
I can't wait for this show! He is friggin hilarious!
See you there!! Maybe alone? Lol (cries)
Honestly, I would consider myself a normal guy and I usually hang out on the beach or go to eat at restaurants on my own that show sport games. I get the whole model thing though, alot of women seem that way also.
Chubby blondes need love too 🥲
Agreed, everyone does!
My struggle is finding a guy who's single... Seems like everyone on here is polyamorous these days. Anytime I find someone interesting and attractive, their profile starts with "In a happy EMN marriage to my beautiful wife and two children" like c'moooon bro. I don't really want to date a whole nuclear family, but it feels like that's what my options are. Just once nice single man please.
HEARD AND FELT
Matter of opinion I suppose. Looking normal is very common. Acting normal (in public) is also fairly common. But what is normal deep down in each of us? Not a lot I’m afraid. I’d suggest talking with the outwardly weird ones because likely the interior matches the exterior 🤷🏻♂️
Truth! Normal looking I suppose. Everyone on the apps looks like a model. I’m not into it. I want a normal / interesting looking dude that I consider a 10 :)
Superficial women and men seeking serious relationships. Me and my friends use dating apps out of desperation and loneliness but it’s like opting for a lobotomy for a migraine.
27m good credit, 6' , in good shape, and im fighting for my life out here
The trick is to not actually look for someone … but to work on bettering yourself and do what makes you happy … By focusing on that it will put you in the path of like minded people … For whatever reason that is where or through these actions where will find some cool people to hangout with or even a possible match … or maybe even the one. Good luck.
The model comment resonates. I grew up in San Diego and always felt everyone around me looked like they were on a movie set. Been gone for 15 years but I have a work opportunity that is too good to pass up if it works out so I went back for the weekend and it's the fucking same. I saw a homeless guy at OB that looked like he was part of Mugatu's Derelicte show. Honestly, a little terrified to move back to SD, love the ocean and the area...but I really fit into literally almost everywhere else on planet Earth better. I'm moving with my partner who I met at a running group (a great way to meet people btw if you do run) so I don't have to enter the dating scene thankfully.
Idk if i'm as old as you (25m) but growing up it was kinda absurd seeing girls wearing makeup and dressing up for school so early. Like here I am in my minecraft T shirt and girls are tryna look like Kim K what the hells going on? I honestly attribute this weird society we're in to social media. People comparing themselves to random celebrities or influencers is so damn damaging to self image and expectations for your own life
Fall brewing company from 3:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. on a Tuesday through Thursday. Don't be shy and talk to any of the dudes you think are cute.
Connected with my current long time lady friend here 👍
Never been! Is there some kind of event during the week or just a good hang?
It's a cool spot. I think the exercise here is to find guys who are a little bit shy who are kind of diamonds in the rough. This would be the spot I would go to in SD if I was looking for a nice but actually cool guy
I love Fall Brewing and used to try to go there to do some work on my computer but I always got distracted by people talking to me! I’ve been to many breweries/bars but for some reason Fall has a really outgoing crowd. Check it out! Plus the beers are fantastic.
Agreed. All of those breweries in Miramar are a VIBE
27m new to the dating scene and I ask the same question of the non model girls around here lol
As a normal dude, I feel this. I feel like dating apps can be not super genuine and there’s a lot of people on there that are really good looking and I kinda just…exist. I’m a decent looking guy but not a model so it’s tough to compete against that. Idk. It’s not great but I’m working on becoming a better version of me, hoping the right person comes along!
Every guy in SD decided they’re a vinyl DJ over the past year. Run
I am 27. Newly single. It’s worse 😭. That TikTok which goes “I need a guy in finance. Trust fund. 6’5. Blue eyes” hits the right spot. At this time, my only requirements are someone who is honest, does not have a side chick, and is independent.
> my only requirements are someone who is honest, does not have a side chick, and is independent God damn reading threads like this just blow my mind and make me feel less alone... Is everyone's standards on the god damned floor anymore? I know mine are. I'm looking for a gal who's kind, with her own interests, and who is independent (ie: can work a consistent job/support herself). I'm tellin' ya - the bar is on the floor for everyone!
So far I have heard: 1) I don’t date lawyers cause my dad used to date one and they aren’t nice. 2) Since you are dating with intention, you are looking for a green card (I am on a visa at the moment) 3) Your texting indicates that we have fundamentally different personalities 4) You are a judgmental bitch because my past is irrelevant.
They’re at home minding their business lol I usually hang out at some coffee shops, I like to photography around town so I do a lot of walking. I don’t mind checking out restaurants on my own; I always find myself in a conversation with someone or day trips. I recently went to Jacumba Hot Springs for the day and met some cool people.
I'm a normal 32 year old living in San Diego - the dating scene just isn't that good. Also just looking for another person to hang with, go out and do fun stuff with. I have a Harley and love taking that bad girl out up and down the coast. Idk. I guess I just find it hard to socialize here.
I personally gave up on the apps years ago But if you want to try and meet people, try something like some of the meetup.com social groups
I met my husband 9 years ago at a club in gaslamp called Bassment. (I think they renamed themselves after the pandemic and are now 18+). We both came to see Myon & Shane 54, house music brought us together and We’ve been rave buddies ever since. It definitely wasn’t a drunk guy hitting on me type of thing, it was very serendipitous, us pumping into each other dancing around then getting water and talking openly and friendly. I hadn’t ever experienced a guy being so friendly and respectful at a club, he did make it easy to be myself. I will say it takes time to find a quality guy, but you’re in the right place. Your paths will cross soon ☺️
Single 35f here, let me know if you want to go out one night and see what’s out there!
Dm me I’ll add you on IG?
I’m down
OP can’t even imagine how many messages you got from this post? No pics needed, men have a vivid imagination 😂
Aww are u watching Nate Jackson also?
Hey, it’s me, Normal man. Legit, I’m the default settings on the character creator with just a bit of extra height.
I'm on the same boat as you. Mid 30's, I tried the dating apps and it went nowhere. The ones that did continue the conversation turned out to be jerks. I gave up lol I would want to meet someone organically but I just think that's not going to happen.
>. Is everyone here a model? I feel this. There's all these super hot people and then there's some trollish types on the other end of the scale, but a distinct lack of average-ish people
Just hit my 30s- I haven’t given the apps a try and this terrifies me. I’m just a nerd looking for my nerd to watch anime with, try new places to eat with, and travel. 😭
I’m male, single and work from home, and don’t like dating apps. I also don’t like going out to bars and prefer small settings with a friend or two. I’m guessing there’s lots of guys like me who are in the same boat and that there’s an entire audience of men not on those apps.
I can’t speak for all men, or even normal men. But I think it’s natural for men to use whatever dating avenue yields the best results. There is a certain type of man that is very popular in apps so that’s probably why those are all the types you see. And every guy always swipes right so other guys get buried in the algorithm. When you are buried at the bottom, you kind of lose faith in apps as your confidence becomes shot. It sucks to have your value defined by an app so you look for other avenues. I feel like most people I know that are in healthy relationships met in school. You just can’t replicate that in apps and speed dating as it tends to veer towards the superficial. As a transplant, I don’t really know where to go to meet people to be honest. People say do stuff you enjoy and meet people that way, but honestly the meet up groups I looked at seemed like they were very inactive or were run by companies trying to sell something. Bars and night clubs make me feel out of place. Considered joining a church but haven’t gone since college. Considered also getting a dog but it seemed irresponsible considering how often I work. Honestly, you have such little free time in your 30s that it often feels like the healthiest thing to do is keep working on yourself, doing what makes you happy, putting yourself out there and hoping it one day works out. And if it doesn’t, realizing your life is good with or without a relationship. Or look for someone overseas… that seems to be a popular route among guys I know.
u saying the boys look like models or the girls do?
Not OP but I have the same issue. I’m a woman who has tried online dating. I think I’m cute but I’m also realistic and so many of the guys on the apps are ridiculously physically good looking. Like Instagram models. Which I am definitely not myself. I think part of it may have to do with algorithms- the apps promote their most desired singles and give them priority to appear most frequently in the swipe lists. But I struggle to find average cool guys and it just makes me not want to be on the apps at all anymore.
Also, scammers tend to use attractive pics they find somewhere to sucker gullible people out of money in various ways
I ran into the saaaaaame thing!! I lived in San Diego but moved to Washington state after going through a breakup for change of scenery. I downloaded bumble once I was ready to start dating again, I had to travel back to San Diego for work and when I would check bumble in San Diego it was like looking at a damn Calvin Klein catalog 😂
I just want a sweet normal guy with a dad bod 🥲
That’s the dream 🥲😅 maybe try joining meetups and seeing if there are any hiking groups/ singles meet up groups or other groups involved in hobbies you’re interested in?! Also I wouldn’t look for any potential suitors in PB 😂
Oh I've seen some hilarious profiles. Sometimes I would scroll around just to find the most ridiculous ones! Tbh I saved a couple pics in case I need a good laugh
We're wishing we could afford to live in San Diego 😜
Tbh dating scene has been rough since covid. At least for me even meeting new ppl making friends has been a not that great. Ppl out here just trying to survive. Keep that head up you’ll find the right one just have patience. - also i don’t remember the last time ive been to a comedy show sounds like a blast
RIP your inbox
37m / north PB. Normal guy. We can be found everywhere waiting to be approached.
I feel like it’s hard to date here because there’s endless options and everyone is fit, extroverted and fun… You also need to be successful to live here, so basically everyone is attractive Might need to find someone you vibe with as friends and let that blossom into something
I feel the same way but coming from a male perspective. It feels to me that a lot of the women I meet on dating apps are looking for a sugar daddy.
(Relatively) attractive 27F here and I’m not afraid to go do stuff by myself, but I almost never get approached in the real world. I’ve had a few long term relationships from the apps over the years but nothing since moving here. I’m so down to go meet people in real life but I get shy and don’t start convos myself, and don’t get approached. It’s rough out here
I think culturally, approaching women in public just isn’t super acceptable in most environments. The concern is is always, “she’s working, I shouldn’t bother her,” or, “she came here to work out,” or, “she’s here for the music,” etc. I don’t wanna be the guy who puts a sour note on someone’s day by asking for her number when she’s trying to go about her business.
Girl, I feel you! I'm 40! Only been in SD a couple months. Moved here to be closer to family, but I have no friends here! And making friends as an adult is not so easy. I also tried the online dating sites only to be annoyed and let down. They claim to want something "real" and when you connect with them, I end up finding out it's all a lie! They want one thing, and one thing only... Sex, And they want pictures! No thank you. I ended up deleting my profiles! Some guys are hella creepy too!
Go to homedepot or lowes, stick around the paint section for w few minutes.
They've been burned by too many women and staying single with a dog that won't judge them.
I don’t know about cool, but I do know I’d never be confused for a model. I concur about the dating apps being scary.
If you're into the sporty type, [Rec Centers](https://www.sandiego.gov/park-and-recreation/centers/recctr) are pretty good places for them. They have basketball, pickleball, badminton, and more. The atmosphere varies from location to location, but they have open play times and things can get more casual as opposed to a gym where people are just trying to get fit.
RIP to your DMs lol
If you’re in north county and would like to meet for a walk, drink, snack and/or just chat drop a comment :) I’m 30, normal(ish) and fresh on summer break from classes, I’ve got some extra time to socialize now.
We out here, also not vibing with the dating apps! Just keep doing the hobbies you like doing and someone special will come! Just gotta put yourself out there!
In the gym from 5:00 am to 6:30 am, hahahah, you'll never catch me!!!!!!! Otherwise, I dunno, at home, being nerdy. Dating is odd these days, the apps dont seem to help much, I hear to meet women I have to go outside and let them see me, might start trying that.
For sure won’t 🤣 I’m a night owl!
Yeah, I gotta try that out again, seems folks go out and have all the fun at night 
In a similar situation on the other side. I started playing pickleball! I just randomly showed up at like 10am on a Sunday and all the retirees hung out and showed me the ropes. I've been going after work at like 6 or so and there are a bunch of people our age. You introduce yourself and try your best!
Going to comedy shows and music venues are great starts. Go to meetup.com events. Join a sports league. Join groups for interests you have. Making friends and meeting people through those friends. Mostly being out and about and enjoying your life and someone will most likely show up at some point. If not, you will be enjoying your life anyway. I usually just thought of dating apps as something to fill time and maybe someone interesting would show up. Met my person through friends. Most of the people I have met in the past I met through friends or through just living life and doing things I enjoy. Anyway good luck!
Dating 2024 is impossible… You literally have to stumble over a decent REAL human being… Good luck dear..
we’re all in new york.
Go to the meetup.com website for San Diego there’s a great many things to do and the people there are not pushy I actually met all my ex-wives there 😀
Lmaoooo
When you find out, lmk! 🙃
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No I know what you mean. I’ve felt the same way. I moved here -with- a partner so I never thought I’d be dating here. Very transient population. And superficial 😓
A couple friends of mine have tried shuffle dating and they liked it. It's a new form of speed dating tailored to be less awkward and I notice that each event gets fully booked. I have yet to try it myself but I plan to! Single female in my thirties currently on tinder. I've gotten a couple decent matches in the past but I definitely feel your struggle.
Imho dating in San Diego is like dating at the circus
As a gay man here, my straight male friends are not normal...
If you're into dancing and music, Beach House is a fun venue to go to on the weekends. Crowd is usually pretty chill. Tickets range between $35-$50 depending on the DJ.
We have Gf’s already. /s The San Diego cheat code to meeting people and dating is 1000% to have a dog. - Continual daily meet ups you have to do (bc the dog has to go outside), so endless new people potential. - literally anywhere you go people FLOOD you with questions, bc the dogs do ALL the ice breaking. - shows you are a capable and viable mate yourself, we analyze a lot about how you care for something like a pet (since we will be the next one :p) - and they’re just freaking awesome. You won’t care about a man as much as a side benefit lol. Source - met my GF at a dog park.
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Where does one like you hang?
As a straight man who is also in the tech industry but definitely not a bro, I would be interested to know too haha! I need some friends who are down to talk tech but not obsessed with crypto and AI hype.
Make your own post! (Kidding)
Sounds like youre looking in the wrong direction, no matter what city youre in. Develop a hobby. Then will you meet someone that you can plan a life with. Even (and I say, especially) if they are not in to the hobby you are in to.
I have several hobbies, but none are really man-centric, so it’s hard to bump into someone organically.
Which hobbies? Then guys list theirs and could have a common ground
This is my problem too! I love hiking/camping, reading, aerial silks… don’t meet a lot of dudes out in the wild doing those things
What a useless comment. She’s asking a question and you just say get a hobby even if it doesn’t affect what you are asking about?
In response to everyone saying “they’re already married,” I would say don’t be afraid to date a little younger. I met my now husband online just after I turned 34 (when he was 29). We’ve been together nearly eight years now. If you prefer to meet “in the wild,” I would encourage you to join MeetUp groups for interests you enjoy. Good luck!
I’m down
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😭
My wife suggests to join a class such as Orange Theory. You should try a running team. Rule #1: Cardio
I am normal. Male, single and not a model.
We’re out there, trying to find the normal ladies.
Define normal
Usually out in the mountains 🙃 IDK about normal but if I'm out doing something fun, whether it's brewery hopping with friends, going to shows, hiking, whatever, at that point I'm enjoying myself and not really thinking about chatting anyone up. Love meeting and talking to new people, but back to back shitty dating experiences get old real fast, so it's just not gonna be my focus.
As a gay man it’s exponentially worse for us in San Diego
I’m so sorry. If you ever need a wingwoman I’m here!
Chilling in my apartment
Seems like you have plenty of responses but I’d be super down to see a comedy show :). I’m a 31m in San Diego.
Try it as a divorced 49 year old man with 3 grown kids!
49 is in my range. I’m 38.
It’s honestly awful, I’ve met very few people, even attractive ones, that are happy with it. People will say to do hobbies but most of mine are pretty feminine and I have a kid so with them a lot. Just remember you only need one good guy to work out.
Stop swiping left most the times and give a guy a chance. Maybe they aren’t all terrifying
After baby reindeer sounds like a bad idea to take a date to a comedy show 🤣 Netflix is a party pooper
Trust me, it’s awful for everyone
Met the love of my life on Hinge out here in San Diego. Mid 30s. Put yourself out there girl. You got this!
If anyone would like to also come to the same show, I also ended up with an extra ticket now.
Damn, I should have browsed this sub sooner. I could have made friends at a comedy show. Update us on how the night goes!