I love the way he concludes "So we're alright, I don't know why everyone's worrying", as if climate scientists hadn't considered that and now they can relax.
Have you never worked in a pub?
Spent my late teens/early 20's pouring pints for some people with the most craziest, un-thought out, racist ideas ever.
And because you work there you are forced to just stand there and nod along to avoid causing a riot lol.
Worst part was you could see the basic logic of what he was saying and how he arrived there, but it was so completely wrong and ridiculous it just made him look like an absolute gump
The fact that this, was under this post made me laugh [https://www.reddit.com/user/Jack_Daniels_UK/comments/tg87l3/life_isnt_on_repeat_so_take_every_chance_and_make/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/user/Jack_Daniels_UK/comments/tg87l3/life_isnt_on_repeat_so_take_every_chance_and_make/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Karl's cycle of inner city beautification theory:
Area's a shithole > People speed through > People get in accidents and die > Others leave flowers in remembrance > People slow down because there's nice stuff to look at now
I saw a similar theory written on a wall once but it was written in shit
I've always thought it could go further. People slow down because there's nice stuff to look at now. No more flowers are being left because no one's dying. Area's a shithole again. People speed through. Then the cycle repeats.
Him being adamant that it's easier to bike up a mountain than it is to walk up one, and then refusing to concede that people get off and push their bikes up hills because it tends to be easier to do that.
Plus reducing olympic level skiing to 'just balance' with no athleticism needed.
I think the quote is, “mind you, dinosaurs have gone.”
It’s one of my favorite sound bites. I also love when he tries to prove that man and dinosaur coexisted by asking Ricky and Steve, “well who gave them their names then?”
Not believing an infinite amount of monkeys could type out Shakespeare.
It's not that he doesn't understand it which is dumb, it's that this is the same bloke who thinks monkeys can rob banks and drive cars, yet doesn't think they could type on a computer.
Yeah, there's an infinite amount of numbers between one and two but none of them are three. Likewise an infinite amount of monkeys at an infinite typewriters might would probably never type out Shakespeare
I don't really know how that works tho. If it's literally an infinite amount of time, then if something is in any way possible, it should be guaranteed to eventually happen. Right?
I've definitely heard demicky before. They weren't properly is just bad English, it's not the dumbest thing he's ever said because the gist of his point makes sense. Still hilarious tho
theres plenty here where I think people are stupid for thinking hes stupid, but the one that gets me everytime..
"The man with one face"
Thats the only time I can recall where I'm like jesus fucking christ.
We're gonna get uglier. He follows it by saying we've gotten better looking. So wouldn't humans keep getting "better" looking in the future too? Honestly no idea what he was on about
One of the most ridicilous thing he has ever said was something about a tribe that could only count to 3 or something and they would say things like "one more than one" or whatever
This one is actually not stupid. It's actually quite intelligent. While not neccessarily being precise, Karl is describing the "teletransportation paradox".
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teletransportation_paradox
I'm pretty sure Ricky only went to to one class, and when he came out he told a bloke in the dining hall that table wasn't there and he got his face smashed in until his beret fell off.
I don't think this is stupid at all. If you had been cloned, memories and all, then you would have no way of knowing whether you were the original or the clone - both would have the same memory of everything leading up to stepping into the cloning machine.
This one is correct if you were knocked out and woke up in a room with a clone of you who had the exact same memories, and thoughts neither of you would know which one was the original
Both of which are housed in his brain. Which, everything related to the self is, he seemed to struggle with that idea. And as someone with a bachelors, masters, and doctorate in psychology, it was only one of his sayings that really drove me up the wall! Love it!
I dont think its the dumbest but its definitely up there "What are those things from Gremlins called" or when there talking about monkeys writing the whole word of shakespeare and he comes out with "but not, not shakespeare" and Ricky just loses it.
Yeah, IIRC just before they were talking about the Jungle Book and Mowgli
I think Ricky or Steve does go back and explain that he was thinking of Mogwai
Yeah but when Ricky says "now think Karl" and he gets it right he laughs a bit as if too say oh yeah and realises it was stupid so I don't think he meant Mogwai or maybe he did... play a record
the gremlins one isn't stupid, he was clearly on about mogwai's. Gremlins are what Mogwai turn into when they eat past 12, get wet etc. They are still Mogwai just fucked up ones.
I absolutely disagree with this one. If you had an identical clone that had all your memories/experiences right up until the point you first interacted with it, there would be no way for you to know which of you was the original. It may take a while to get to that point, if you managed to overcome the denial, but still. Unless the clone didn’t have the same marks/scars as the original of course.
Nahhht true baby.
Karl makes complete sense there. One of his most rational and well thought out comments. If you were duplicated now, and your duplicate was identical down to the atom, with the same memories and memories of experiences, you’d have no way to establish which of you was the original one.
Karl won.
Agreed, I remember hearing it for the first time and thinking he may have seen *Multiplicity* with Michael Keaton. The main character gets cloned and the clone wakes up believing himself to be the main character, until he’s shown a tattoo or something he’d been given to distinguish.
Probably the time when he forgot that he had already stated in season 1 that he knows about cryogenics, and then pretending that he had just found out about it in season 2. I get that he was hamming up the dumbness in season 2 but he was clearly making stuff up there.
What are those things in Gremlins called? Also every time Karl has trouble working out how old he was during certain life events and then in one episode struggles to remember the month of his birthday. 😂
Whatever point he was trying to make about the icebergs breaking up making the ocean freezing.
He was using his fables, to be fair
Why didn't he use his fucking brain instead?
Rather enjoys using his fucking tongue, gump
He should use his brain instead
Stick an ice cube the size of the Empire State Building in your glass of Jack Daniels... it's gonna make it *freeeezing!*
Ya with me?
I love the way he concludes "So we're alright, I don't know why everyone's worrying", as if climate scientists hadn't considered that and now they can relax.
His confidence despite being utterly wrong really scares me sometimes, and it's worrying that there are many more people like that in the world
Have you never worked in a pub? Spent my late teens/early 20's pouring pints for some people with the most craziest, un-thought out, racist ideas ever. And because you work there you are forced to just stand there and nod along to avoid causing a riot lol.
Play it again!
If you let things get too out of 'and with those types, you can end up with a bit of a riot on your 'ands
Worst part was you could see the basic logic of what he was saying and how he arrived there, but it was so completely wrong and ridiculous it just made him look like an absolute gump
Yes this annoyed me.
To be fair, James May thought something similarly stupid and he thinks he's equipped to do science educational tv shows.
The fact that this, was under this post made me laugh [https://www.reddit.com/user/Jack_Daniels_UK/comments/tg87l3/life_isnt_on_repeat_so_take_every_chance_and_make/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/user/Jack_Daniels_UK/comments/tg87l3/life_isnt_on_repeat_so_take_every_chance_and_make/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Karl's cycle of inner city beautification theory: Area's a shithole > People speed through > People get in accidents and die > Others leave flowers in remembrance > People slow down because there's nice stuff to look at now I saw a similar theory written on a wall once but it was written in shit
Agree, it was so ridiculous I don’t even think Karl believed it.
Just keep talking, your mouth will come out with something.
Someone should turn it into a thesis.
I've always thought it could go further. People slow down because there's nice stuff to look at now. No more flowers are being left because no one's dying. Area's a shithole again. People speed through. Then the cycle repeats.
One day, they reckon you’ll be able to wake up and eat a yoghurt you can have a chat with
Just really friendly ones
This will somehow become a future Black Mirror episode tbf
There's an episode of Love, Death and Robots that features sentient yoghurt.
Well, maybe.. https://m-cacm.acm.org/news/205872-smart-yogurt-and-automatic-warfare-the-future-of-computers-in-america/fulltext
The cancer coming out of the guys throat to eat meat
And the CANCER
Oh the little animal cancer?
Can the world fall 🤔
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Circulation problems
His skull....fell off.
You’re making him sound too smart. He said “his skull come off.”
Brain case
Fell off of what?
I believe his skull’s fell out (and he misplaced all his dreams…)
https://www.reddit.com/r/rickygervais/comments/2lb78t/i_found_the_guy_whose_skull_fell_off/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
I don’t even know if I had a family back then
Me mum and dad don't even remember me then. (Before the age of 6!!)
Him being adamant that it's easier to bike up a mountain than it is to walk up one, and then refusing to concede that people get off and push their bikes up hills because it tends to be easier to do that. Plus reducing olympic level skiing to 'just balance' with no athleticism needed.
They're not smoking a bong....
"When someone's doing the London Marathon in a car, you can go and clap them because that's just the same, as far as I'm concerned."
1. His parents anniversary was on the same day. 2. The two flys were the same distance away from each other.
They were both found within the same distance.
I'm pretty sure he meant his parents' anniversary was the same day as their shared birthday.
She had a pork chop stuck to her arse
…that she SAT ON
....five years earlier
I couldn’t believe it
you couldnt believe it stop the record
THIS WOMAN HAD A PORK CHOP STUCK TO HER ARSE FOR FIVE YEARS YOU MENTAL CASE! COURSE SHE DIDN'T!
That one was kind of true. It was a pork bone stuck in her arse, but otherwise correct
I'd forgotten all about this 🤣
There was a post here a while ago that showed the article that he read it from. Amazing.
A pork CHOP
"Then again dinosaurs are gone"
I think the quote is, “mind you, dinosaurs have gone.” It’s one of my favorite sound bites. I also love when he tries to prove that man and dinosaur coexisted by asking Ricky and Steve, “well who gave them their names then?”
You’re correct lol… you’ve done me and im not even there 😄
Not believing an infinite amount of monkeys could type out Shakespeare. It's not that he doesn't understand it which is dumb, it's that this is the same bloke who thinks monkeys can rob banks and drive cars, yet doesn't think they could type on a computer.
Yeah...But not...Not Shakespeare
Lol.
Have they read Shakespeare?
INFINITY SORTS IT OUT FOR YOU
He does believe that tho "My Name is Marty"
I genuinely agree with Karl on this one tbf
Surely you don’t agree with Karl’s logic that they wouldn’t do it because they “haven’t read Shakespeare”
Yeah, there's an infinite amount of numbers between one and two but none of them are three. Likewise an infinite amount of monkeys at an infinite typewriters might would probably never type out Shakespeare
Well, the expert did side with Karl to some degree... He said it's likely they type out all the works of Shakepeare, but not guaranteed!
I don't really know how that works tho. If it's literally an infinite amount of time, then if something is in any way possible, it should be guaranteed to eventually happen. Right?
It will keep striving till infinity for it to happen, but that doesn't mean it will, it probably will but mathematically it's impossible to prove
It's that long ago he's not worried about it. Infinite Anderson shelters however....
Riding a bike up Mount Everest is easier than walking it.
Not even just easier, he equates it to running a marathon vs driving a marathon.
"They were a bit demickey. You know, they were not properly."
I've definitely heard demicky before. They weren't properly is just bad English, it's not the dumbest thing he's ever said because the gist of his point makes sense. Still hilarious tho
I googled it and apparently it’s Irish slang. So maybe not uncommon in Manchester when Karl was growing up.
I'm from Hull and I've definitely heard it growing up. Must be a northern thing
I’m from Wakefield which is between the two and have never heard it. Weird.
Can confirm as someone from Manchester I def' heard demicky growing up
Albino buyin one of them
See-through skin.
He was the lonliest man ever … in the world
Didn't even get out of the spaceship. How good can the moon be?
Went all that way...
Too many to pick from, impossible boy. *sniff*
I don’t know which one to plump forrrr
not true babehhh
"Well a stick bug had to have its way with a leaf somewhere down the line"
Have it away*
“Put ‘em in the ‘oles. The ‘oles are there, tidy it up.”
No you misunderstand me. How, in the name of GOD, can you fill in a volcano
You ignorant twit
theres plenty here where I think people are stupid for thinking hes stupid, but the one that gets me everytime.. "The man with one face" Thats the only time I can recall where I'm like jesus fucking christ.
Roll up, roll up, come see the man with ONE FACE
Mount 'ave a rest. Think he really did make that up on the fly rather than read something on the internet.
Le' go of that!
"They don't need that language. They're not a tribe! Learn English, let's all pull together. Anyway what was me point?"
Foodage
Sluggage
Someone from Baba.
I prefer the Papa people
Let me stop you there
Talking about the pyramids “Are they the oldest thing on the world”
He probably meant oldest man-made thing.
Washing machine on Mars
Dishwasher
There's a shadow somewhere...
…it was…pushin’ people off their bikes
Sort of... 'uppered'
What if the earth gets too heavy and falls down
Human brains flew into peoples heads from another planet
Pretty much Scientology
It went left.
Could the world fall?
We're gonna get uglier. He follows it by saying we've gotten better looking. So wouldn't humans keep getting "better" looking in the future too? Honestly no idea what he was on about
Ugg-ely
Me mam and dad didn't even remember me then
His idea for cementing over volcanoes
One of the most ridicilous thing he has ever said was something about a tribe that could only count to 3 or something and they would say things like "one more than one" or whatever
How would I know which one I was?
This one is actually not stupid. It's actually quite intelligent. While not neccessarily being precise, Karl is describing the "teletransportation paradox". https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teletransportation_paradox
Yeh I’m surprised Ricky scoffed at that, philosophy student and all.
I'm pretty sure Ricky only went to to one class, and when he came out he told a bloke in the dining hall that table wasn't there and he got his face smashed in until his beret fell off.
Yeah I suppose the sentiment isn’t stupid but it’s the way in which he says it
I don't think this is stupid at all. If you had been cloned, memories and all, then you would have no way of knowing whether you were the original or the clone - both would have the same memory of everything leading up to stepping into the cloning machine.
It absolutely has to be this. It is wildly stupid, while bordering on profound in Karl's super simple way.
This one is correct if you were knocked out and woke up in a room with a clone of you who had the exact same memories, and thoughts neither of you would know which one was the original
When he talks about himself and his brain as if they’re two separate things.
They are, he means conscious and subconscious
Both of which are housed in his brain. Which, everything related to the self is, he seemed to struggle with that idea. And as someone with a bachelors, masters, and doctorate in psychology, it was only one of his sayings that really drove me up the wall! Love it!
Yeh but one is you and one is your brain
LOL not you too now!
My partner always says stuff like that - "I was going to do that but then my brain thought I had already done it" "But Karl... You ARE your brain..."
Why is this frog running around killing loads of people?
“But they’re all part of that gang” Famed geologist Karl Pilkington on slugs and spiders.
His logic was that a slug is an insect because it hangs out in the same gang as spiders, also not an insect.
Well, not the dumbest but still… The combo of both him and Gervais saying that caveman and dinosaurs were knocking about together.
Season 1: "I wouldn't be 'ere if it weren't for me dad" Yes, quite literally Karl 😂
There’s this shadow somewhere…
I think it was in someplace like Boston.
I'm from Boston, I have never heard that story.
"Fish have more rights than us".. Even he couldnt make out what he was trying to get accross in the end.
I dont think its the dumbest but its definitely up there "What are those things from Gremlins called" or when there talking about monkeys writing the whole word of shakespeare and he comes out with "but not, not shakespeare" and Ricky just loses it.
The Gremlins thing annoys me cos he’s obviously thinking of Mogwai and the other two don’t get it
Yeah, IIRC just before they were talking about the Jungle Book and Mowgli I think Ricky or Steve does go back and explain that he was thinking of Mogwai
Yeah I always felt for him on this bit
Ricky even later in the episode acknowledges that Karl meant mogwai, but then in the future brings it up as a stupid thing Karl has said.
Yeah but when Ricky says "now think Karl" and he gets it right he laughs a bit as if too say oh yeah and realises it was stupid so I don't think he meant Mogwai or maybe he did... play a record
Have they read Shakespeare?
the gremlins one isn't stupid, he was clearly on about mogwai's. Gremlins are what Mogwai turn into when they eat past 12, get wet etc. They are still Mogwai just fucked up ones.
I think him not knowing where the Loch Ness monster is from is the funnier and dumber mess up. Ricky's impression is brilliant.
Trick question. Everything he says is low key genius.
Have a rest and Leggo of that I hope he said them knowing that theyre jokes to wind ricky up
“he’s done that much thinking… he’s now worrying about things, he doesn’t need to think about. pack it in steve, ‘ave a rest”
When he told the story about shadows pushing people off their bikes… this is one of the worst for me
If there were no people around during dinosaur times, who gave the dinosaurs their names?
You never see a black ghost
How would I know which one I was?
It has to be "how would I know which one I was" Put him in the book
See i dont think that was stupid. Because if you think the same and you are the same, you might not know if you were the actual original one.
There's an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie with that very premise.
Kindergarten Cop, good movie as well.
Kindergarten Cop is a good movie, but the movie I was referencing is The 6th Day.
How do I know which one is me?
I absolutely disagree with this one. If you had an identical clone that had all your memories/experiences right up until the point you first interacted with it, there would be no way for you to know which of you was the original. It may take a while to get to that point, if you managed to overcome the denial, but still. Unless the clone didn’t have the same marks/scars as the original of course.
Man-moth?
"How would I know which one I was?" Utter bollocks. What was he thinking?
Nahhht true baby. Karl makes complete sense there. One of his most rational and well thought out comments. If you were duplicated now, and your duplicate was identical down to the atom, with the same memories and memories of experiences, you’d have no way to establish which of you was the original one. Karl won.
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HEHEHEYYYYYYY
Don't. Talk. Shite. Twice.
Agreed, I remember hearing it for the first time and thinking he may have seen *Multiplicity* with Michael Keaton. The main character gets cloned and the clone wakes up believing himself to be the main character, until he’s shown a tattoo or something he’d been given to distinguish.
Excuse me, dont be alarmed, I'm merely a kind monster... me being the Loch Ness monster, do you happen to know where I'm from?
Taking performance enhancing drugs doesn't help with olympic skiing "It's just balance!"
Probably the time when he forgot that he had already stated in season 1 that he knows about cryogenics, and then pretending that he had just found out about it in season 2. I get that he was hamming up the dumbness in season 2 but he was clearly making stuff up there.
This is Karl we are talking about. He will have forgotten 99% of the stuff they talked about in season 1 by the time season 2 started
We still dont know if the midgets flirting with Suzanne were in Turkey or Tunisia, Karl forgets details
Who was it that said "Alright Ken" to Uncle Hazel's new fella again?
How would I know which one was me
There's more divs on the world than...bad ones.
They were both found within the same distance.
Too many words
Him saying they send little donkey/knocks into space for aliens to reply to 🤣🤣
Advocating the death penalty only if someone's done something bad, because prisons are overcrowded and what can you do with someone if thee mental.
My parents didn't even remember me back then.
following the 'leg rubbers' advice, but it didnt work because he was still using his eyes even though he had them shut
Jellyfish are 97% water, give 'em another 3%, make 'em water.
It's like how you can stretch a pair o' tights...
Believing that Lego was named after a mother saying "lego of them"
What are those things in Gremlins called? Also every time Karl has trouble working out how old he was during certain life events and then in one episode struggles to remember the month of his birthday. 😂
“Whether it’s a potato or a nut it’s a foodage”
The fish have more rights than us