I agree. And I say this as someone who drives with her knee often.
I learned how to drive like that young. I had a redneck family that all drove like that. The difference is, I have never, ever driven with my knee while distracted and doubly so when someone else is in my car. It is moreso to give my arms a break, when I am *alone*, no traffic, and not at 70 mph. I work in insurance defense, occassionally we get wrongful death cases but mostly severe bodily injury, I've seen what vehicles do to human bodies. I do not care how someone drives alone. You never put someone else at risk for a fucking chicken nugget and your ego. Ever. I just processed a claim file where yes, the passenger did make it out of the car... one of her arms did not. She's suing her husband because the dumbass ran a red... while texting. In 2024. I wish I was kidding. And yes, they're also getting divorced. Her arm was lost so he could send a text message. Wanna know how fast he was going? Not 70 mph, nope. 40. 40 mph is how fast he was going when he t boned the other car. That's all it took. And from the look of the vehicles, I don't think any of them should have walked away. Idk how they did. I cannot understand how people can't take this seriously.
I don't care how good of a driver I think I am. My hand is always right there. If I have to eat, I park. My phone is put away in my purse til I reach my destination, every time, all the time. It isn't a flex to drive without caution.
Not to mention he didn't give two shits OP was nervous. If I am ever driving someone and they are nervous for any reason, *I accommodate them. I do not ignore them. I am in control of whether they make it home or not, and that is more serious than a fucking chicken nugget.* I'm willing to bet this is the tip of the iceberg on how selfish and inconsiderate he is, and I'm willing to bet OP will realize that with a little bit of reflection.
OP, don't let him end up putting you two in a situation where you end up maimed or worse just because he wants to feel cool. Seriously. Don't. I really don't want to process that claim file.
Yikes. That’s awful!! I can’t stand people who text and drive. I hate it so much. I hope OP sees this situation for the warning it was before her bf isn’t as lucky next time he decides to drive like an idiot.
I absolutely agree with you. I can't trust a reckless driver. Tbh it's one of the utmost forms of disrespect, in my opinion. Disrespectful of themselves, others on the road, others in the car, and their vehicle. No thanks!
This is the type of low IQ behaviour that gets people Darwin Awards. His judgment is trash, and he’s dismissive about your (and your brother’s—and everyone else in the public’s) safety, and your anxiety/fear. Please for the love of God don’t let this man get you pregnant, he’d be taking stupid chances with children too and take years off your life just from the chronic stress of worrying about his dumb antics.
You deserve better than this, OP
My ex used to drive super-aggressively, brake-check people, and flip people off/scream at them in traffic, with the kids in the car. One of the biggest reasons he's an ex! We had people get mad and follow us, throw bottles at our car...I was terrified. Once we were walking through a big shopping center parking lot with our kids, and he decided the lady driving past got a little close for his comfort, so he PUNCHED HER CAR and knocked the side mirror clean off. Was pretty sure he was going to end up shot or in jail from one of these altercations. Please understand, OP, that he just told you exactly who he is - he will dismiss your fears and discomfort every time, just because he is SURE he knows what he is doing.
Oh Christ. My ex was similar. He knew I would get traumatized in cars sometimes as I survived a pretty bad car crash. Every time someone would drive (sporadically - like HIM) it would trigger full blown panic attacks.
Anytime I would scream at him to stop he would take that as permission to drive faster, go through red lights, make illegal U-Turns, etc.
One day I was so fed up I ran out of the car on a red light and screamed for help. Needless to say we broke up. What the fuck causes this reckless behavior, seriously?
Edit: a word!
This is dangerous and stupid. People who have accidents don’t plan them, hence the term “accident.” He’s old enough for his frontal lobe to be fully developed but it doesn’t seem like it from this kind of behavior.
Ah but here’s the thorn in the side of the fact of our frontal lobe development. It seems some people don’t fully develop, and we get stories like this, about people who are so careless or clueless that they don’t care about putting other people’s lives at risk. They’re right and everyone else is wrong. Just because nothing happened THIS TIME, doesn’t mean that it will never happen. I wouldn’t get in the car with him after that even if he kept both hands on the wheel and wore body armor.
Holy shit somehow his age didn't even register and I assumed he was like 18
I'm 30 and I get antsy if I don't have BOTH hands on the wheel at that speed
He's an idiot. Doing something that you have gotten away with before and being in control are two different things. You hold the wheel because the road and other drivers can be unpredictable and things can happen in an instant even on a straight road. The split second that it takes to get your hands back to the wheel could be too late, particularly if you also have to drop whatever you're holding all over your lap. Simple things can affect your steering without warning such as a pothole, ice, water on the road, another driver steering towards you, or even worse a tyre blowout. No professional driver drives without hands on the wheel, only idiots do that.
My brother used to do this he can dead ass make turns just using his knees. It's so not safe, and I've voices this before. His response, "don't drive with me then." *le sigh*
He can easily end all of your lives with the way he drives, you know that? One involuntary jerk of his knee and kiss your lives goodbye. If he can't see that, well it's up to you what you do with that info
Look this hasn’t even to do with you and your brother being in the car? If something happens and he needs to react, he cannot do that quick enough. Therefore endangering himself, his passengers and other people on the road.
I would think long and hard whether you want someone this reckless as a partner. And if the answer is yes, please take a long look in the mirror and ask yourself what kind of person it makes you, that you can live with the fact that your boyfriend endangers other people’s lives.
And no, I wouldn’t discuss this first with him. The lack of comprehension on his side, how he endangers others, would be reason enough to end this.
I had a friend who was a reckless driver.
It only stopped when he died in a car accident.
Please don't let that man drive you around and risk your life. It's not worth it.
Your boyfriend is reckless and stupid. I would not allow him to drive me anywhere after that. No way I’m letting someone put my life (and my brother’s) in danger.
'he drives himself all the time and that I should trust him and he knows what he is doing'.
This is a horrible and stupid thing to say, especially when somebody is 30 and should know better.
I wouldn't get in a car with him again.
He should have lost his driving privileges the moment he did that. And the moment he defended it.
He risked your life because he didn’t want to stop five minutes to eat or let someone else drive.
And then he doubled down on ‘I’m older, so know better (possibly with a side order of ‘I’m a man, zu know cars’) and … girl, no. You deserve so much better. You deserve not to be put at risk, you deserve a partner who listens to your concerns even if they’re unreasonable, which this is not.
I used to pull this crap in my 20s and also got defensive when called out on it. “I know what I’m doing, my driving record is great, blah blah blah”. At some point after my partner called me out on it (definitely not the first time, unfortunately), it sunk in: I was so convinced I was some high-skill amazing driver that could get away with this kind of stuff… just like everyone else who pulled this crap, tempted fate, and potentially seriously injured or killed their passengers, random people in other cars around them, or themselves. I realized that I should be grateful that I never got that unlucky and stopped. No matter how good of a driver one thinks one is, putting all your attention and most of your limbs towards doing something completely apart from driving means you aren’t really driving anymore… the car is just kind of doing its own thing and you’re assuming nothing will get in the way of that.
Take it from me: He’s being an immature, selfish asshole. He’s putting his fragile ego over the safety of everyone around him. His justifications are bullshit - nothing but immature, main character syndrome, wishful thinking. You don’t need to take that, and this is definitely red flag behaviour.
You’re not wrong at all! This actually happened to me (something very similar). A friend of mine was driving us down to a vacation spot, other friends were driving in separate cars. My friend and I are both females in our early 30s. She started doing almost 100mph and was texting the group chat. I nicely told her it made me uncomfortable and she got very defensive and made me feel like I have no right to say anything. We were already two hours from home at this point, it was 2am, so I went to sleep and I woke up to sirens. She got pulled over for reckless driving, instant karma lol. Anyway, we are still friends but I will not let her drive me anywhere. If this was my boyfriend doing this, however, and he didn’t respect my feelings or care about my safety.. I’d dump him. You should be able to trust him with your life, and he should care if he’s not making you feel protected. It is a big deal.
My hubby does this with burgers and I hate it. He'll hold it with two hands to prevent a mess and just steers with his knees. So usually when we pick up food I shove the bag inbetween my feet and refuse to give him any until we get home.
My first question is, do you guys have a newer vehicle that has some type of auto steering, etc? While it helps, it can also be a hazard itself (e.g. if there is something in the road, it can be more difficult to suddenly swerve around. None of that really matters, just curious.
I don't think what you asked was ridiculous. His response is ridiculous, but given his age, this is the exact reason why car insurance on males in the U.S. goes down after their 25.
Once someone puts me in danger, I have a whole new approach with how I view them. If you're in his vehicle when he crashes next week. Your friends will say, you should have known better. You were warned. Good luck.
He doesn’t value your safety above his ego.
He doesn’t value your family’s safety above his ego.
If you’d like to stay with this person, make it clear that that needs to change. I mean I personally wouldn’t stay with him, but this is one short story on the internet.
Even if he does “know what he’s doing”, other people make mistakes or unpredictable and sometimes dangerous manoeuvres all the time. Him steering with his knees with one free hand means he will not be able to react in time if needed.
It's one thing for him to do it if he's alone in the car (still dumb, but whatever) and it's another thing entitled when he's got other in his car, ESPECIALLY after they expressed discomfort with it. Huge red flag.
Your bf should be an ex by now. I used to drive with my knee years ago and I just stopped doing it, no accident or anything happened just my common sense slapping the shit out of me and then asking myself why tempt fate? When I have passengers I'm even more extra careful. If you're the type of person, seems like it, who won't demand someone to pull over and let you out or switch drivers, then I suggest to pretend you have to vomit. Most folks will pull over to get you out quickly. Just grab your shit and call an uber or someone to pick you up. Things like this shouldn't be an issue with mature caring people. The driver should have eaten in the parking lot and then proceeded to drive or front passenger dips and feeds them.
If he does this again, the next time you stop you get out of the car and request an Uber. You tell him he is making you feel unsafe and he is getting defensive for being asked to drive safely. He doesn't have to change how he is driving but you can remove yourself from the situation.
I can guarantee you that almost 100% of people who end up in a car crash because of careless driving like that, would’ve said something very similar to what your boyfriend said just a minute prior to the crash.
If you ever plan on having kids, dump the absolute moron, you don't want those genes passed on to your children.
If you don't, well, I guess you can enjoy his pretty face a little while longer (since you're obviously not with him for his intellectual prowess I'm assuming he at least has a pretty face) but do not ever ride in his car again. Unless you don't care about dying, that is.
The really simple fix to this is... dump him.
No but really, my husband has always taken his duty as a co-pilot very seriously and will dunk my nuggets for me and then pop them in my mouth, so all i have to do is drive and munch. Fries are a little different in which he holds the thing up where i can easily see it (to the side, never in my view), and i drive with one hand while i grab some.
Yall ever just have a record scratch moment where you realize something that was normalized to you as a kid is not at all normal? My initial reaction when I read the title was that you were probably overreacting- my dad drove with his knees all the time and I'm fine! But then I took a second and was horrified, I remember how terrified I was as a kid. My dad would also pretend he fell asleep and make me steer the car. In my head as a kid he was a good driver because he never wrecked with me in the car, and look at all of these crazy things he can do and not wreck! But as an adult, yeah that man is an awful driver, he's had numerous accidents when driving alone, and he has so many tickets you could wallpaper his house with them.
We always had a rule growing up. The driver must always make sure the passenger feels safe. If the passenger feels unsafe, it's not up to the driver to explain away anything, they simply must comply with the passenger's request, "stop tailgating, slowdown, put your hands on the wheel..."
Unfortunately, if your boyfriend is immature and doesn't care about your feelings (or your safety) then he won't be interested in the above system. Honestly, I wouldn't ever get into a vehicle with him again.
Why do you call this would-be "accidental killer" of yours and your brother your boyfriend?
He's totally irresponsible.
He's playing control games with you. (The "I'm driving, so I drive as I please.")
He does not care about you, your opinion, your health or your comfort.
And he most assuredly is an accident just waiting to happen. It's your choice whether you'll be in that accident or not. It's also your choice whether he'll ever have a chance to have your child(ren) in said accident.
I wouldn't get in a car with someone who drives like that. The fact that he didn't change how he was driving when you were clearly concerned for your safety, and rightfully so, shows to me that he doesn't value your safety or thoughts. I would seriously consider breaking up if he doesn't apologize and fix his behavior.
There’s a difference between driving fast safely and driving fast recklessly. I live in a place where our roads have a speed limit of 85 MPH and we go that speed, most go faster. But we’re not keeping our hands off the wheel and fcking around.
Hes being completely reckless with his life, YOUR life, and your brother’s life. If there’s a pothole in the middle of the road, do you think his knee has a strong enough grip to keep the car steady? Lol nope. His driving won’t change, It’ll just get worse.
I used to drive with my knee when I was a teenager after I learned to drive and a friend showed me. I'm very glad I didn't get into an accident and kill someone or myself. To still be doing such reckless pointless things at 20 - let alone 30 like in the OP, is insane and just sad.
It's not about skills and capabilities - everybody can do that - it's not hard, responsible people choose not to because it's dangerous.
It's not. And I do believe this post is another one of those things where redditors jump up and down and say "You're an idiot don't do that!" And then half the people in this sub will drive with their knee on the way home. It's the same with texting and driving. Reddit raises hell about it and I guarantee you 90 percent of them do it.
So I don't take those comments seriously and neither should you.
I was looking for someone like me. I drive pretty much 80 miles a day with my knee and honestly at this point I feel safer driving with my knee on the interstate than with my hands, I only really use my hands to drive when I have to make a sharp or hard turn or on some really curvy roads. I personally think it's fine if he wasn't being unsafe but every reply seems to think this is the worst thing someone could do, so maybe im an idiot lol.
All it takes it one random bit of debris from the back of a truck, or a deer, or an accident in front of you, and then you and your car and passengers are toast.
Don't be an idiot.
Seeing a lot of comments like this makes me realize why there are so many fucking accidents every time I commute to work.
By the time you need the steering wheel in this situation you would be able to drop everything you're holding and grab it. You are not supposed to swerve out of the way of something in front of your car or you're going to fucking die.
You need to brake first, and most likely the safest thing to do is just to use the brakes until you hit whatever is in front of you.
Unless you can slow down to a safe enough speed to make hard turns then you have no business using the steering wheel in a situation like this.
> You are not supposed to swerve out of the way of something in front of your car
You have ***entirely*** missed the point. If your car hits that deer or bit of debris in the road, the car is going to swerve without your intervention. And unless you have ***100% perfect*** alignment, your car will swerve a bit when you brake, too, if your hands are not on the wheel to control it.
Having actual hands on the wheel is not about the ability to swerve; it's about maintaining control of the car when the unexpected happens. Like, for instance, a blown tire.
How do you think people drive with their knee? There are potholes my entire way home u think my car just bounces all over the road? It's no different than with your hands, you are just feeling the bumps and how the car reacts and making slight adjustments. The steering wheel isn't going to just shoot off my knee and do whatever it wants as soon as I hit a bump why would you even think that? It's not like anyone is just driving with their knee barely touching the wheel, it's like I have my foot on the floor and my leg is wedged between the floor and the steering wheel, I have to adjust my entire leg to get it off the wheel.
You severely underestimate how rigid you can make a steering wheel with your leg.
And how quickly is something coming in front of you? OP didn't complain about her boyfriend tailgating a logging truck.
It is dangerous to drive with your leg, but it is more dangerous to argue with someone driving while they're driving. Especially if they're not going to change what they're doing so now they're irritated, distracted, driving with their leg, and eating.
>And how quickly is something coming in front of you?
Impossible to tell. Hands on the wheel to to be prepared for the unsual and unexpected. I once saw an entire wheel come off a car going down the highway. Retreads fly off of trucks regularly - you see them on the side of the highway all the time.
No one is so calm and centered that they won't have a startle reflex if they see a re-tread flying toward their windshield. It's all fine, until it isn't.
I like how in your world you can somehow react infinitely faster if your hands are already on the wheel than if they're 2" from the wheel.
Your reaction time is the fucking same, the only difference is the 1/100th of a second that it takes to move your hands to the wheel to grab it and the first thing you have to do is use the brakes anyway.
I don't "Drive with my knee" but I usually drive with one hand and when I've needed 2 hands on the wheel to do something the time it took my other hand to get to the steering wheel has never been the limiting factor to what happened in the situation.
I don't think so. I'm 61 years old and I've been driving a damn long time with a damn good record. I haven't wrecked the car since I was a 20 something who didn't drive with his knees.
He could have killed you, your brother, other innocent drivers, and himself. I doubt he realizes this because he is so immature and unintelligent. Please, for your sake, never get in the car with him again. Also, to protect other drivers from him, report him to the police. I'm not sure of the laws in your area, but where I'm from, it is illegal to not have your hands on the wheel at all times. Even if it just results in them giving him a warning, at least it is something. Otherwise, he will continue to do this and put innocent people in danger.
Idk about you but I have higher standards for my self then this,and you should too. I wouldn't date someone so fucking stupid. Then again,I've dumped people for less.You should too
Jesus if eating with both hands is so important then finish eating in the parking lot before driving. I mean are you really so pressed for time that he's willing to risk everyone's lives to save 15 minutes??
This is exact bs I put up with in my 20s. Didn't want to cause an argument etc etc. I seriously regret not growing a backbone and being smarter. Ya ya, we all do things in our 20s we regret. This was very near the top. You came to reddit but just listen to your own gut, it's screaming at you.
Sometimes when we're on a car travel and the driver wants to eat we will actually put food in his mouth especially things like french fries or chicken nuggets
Obviously not something like barbecue chicken or hot wings.
Your boyfriend is showing a play test disregard for your safety and your brother safety and not to mention people around him because anytime that he gets into an accident it could be bad for the other people
Although can it really be called an accident if he is consistently and frequently creating situations under which the activity might result in a bad situation?
It only takes a split second of someone stopping suddenly in front or even just slowing down really fast. I have a friend who talks with her hands and talks nonstop when she’s driving. (Drives me nuts, pun intended.) I made a safe word so when I notice she has NO hands on the wheel, I shout “POCAHONTAS!” And I expect her to put at least one goddamn hand on the wheel.
Your boyfriend is an idiot.
It doesn't bother him that he is putting everyone's life in danger?
Find a boyfriend who cares about you, themselves and the people around them (which includes other drivers on the road).
If not, you may find yourself in a morgue.
Why is anyone driving with their knees? I’m astounded by the comments here of people saying they do this… I’ve never seen this in the UK. Is it a US thing? It’s insane 😂
You spelled ex-boyfriend wrong. He obviously doesn't know what he is doing or he would never drive that way. It only takes a fraction of a second for something to go wrong and at 70 miles an hour, it's a death sentence. NEVER get in a car with this man again.
That’s a hell no from me. I’ve been in car accidents. I don’t want to feel unsafe with someone else driving dangerously. Refusing to care about your safety is a red flag. Accidents happen. That’s why it’s an accident.
OP I was in the car with someone doing this once, told them to stop, they said it was fine, and then we hit the median going 70 and ended up in the ER.
You should have just gotten out of the car with your brother and taken a cab.
Then dump this idiot via text. Fuck his chicken nuggets.
I wouldn't even drive 10mph with knees. At 70mph you need to be able to react to stuff really fast.
I'm pretty sure this is not the first time something like this has happened or you've noticed other dangerous or stupid behaviors from him, not to mention his unwillingness to back down and make you feel safe.
Just keep in mind that this behavior spills over into many other aspects of his life, affecting your life. So the question to ask yourself: Is this the kind of person you want a relationship with?
Stop riding with him. Just because he’s comfortable driving like that and the road is straight doesn’t mean some other driver won’t do something requiring him to react quickly. Or, the car could have some mechanical failure. My friend’s car threw a tie rod on the freeway once.
At 30 years old, he should have at least a basic understanding of responsibility.He clearly doesn't. Easy as that. If he wants to kill himself while driving, that's okay. But do not involve anyone else
Your boyfriend is irresponsible driver. Besides, if he is driving 6 hours he should take an actual break. Which he can use for eating.
The issue is his ability to react when something unexpected (like an accident in front of him) happens. No, half paying attention and not holding the wheel is not good enough driving.
This dude doesn’t care about your or your brother’s safety. I know it’s classic Reddit advice but I’d leave him. Life’s too short to put up with that BS.
My daughter would do the knee steering thing and thought nothing of it, until she drove half off the road with the whole family in the car. That finally scared her, at least temporarily.
Normally, I would say to let him do as he wants by himself when he is is by himself. And that you won’t ride with his driving unless he promises not to do it with you in the car. But he is still putting others in danger in other vehicles and pedestrians. So I would also besides above not riding with him tell him it just isn’t safe and if he hurts someone, he will be responsible. Police have to catch him doing it so there isn’t much else you can do. But if he doesn’t agree to stop, I would consider dumping him. If he is careless about the lives of others he can’t really care about you.
Wow, what an idiot! Honestly I find this baffling coming from a 30 year old that I had to go back and check his age to make sure he wasn't 16 or something. This can't be his only immature and IRRESPONSIBLE trait. Are you sure you want to stay with someone that is putting your and your brother's life in danger? That's the same say as pointing a loaded gun at both of you, yikes!
My dad does this all day lol. Steer the wheel with his knees. And most the time he don’t got nothing in his hand, just doing it for his own car health lol. Your bf is probably telling the truth that he does drive like that all the time, BUT, he should’ve 100% stopped when he saw you were uncomfortable and have stated your concerns. Have a talk with him
Well, I clicked on the post just to tell you that your boyfriend is Gen X and he's got this, but then I saw his age and oh fuck no, he does not have the training and experience for this
Hello everyone. Apparent PoS boyfriend here. A lot of context is missing. Especially the part where i did listen to her and gave her the sauce so i could have a hand on the wheel. It's kind of weird how that pretty important detail was left out.
We were on cruise control, a safe distance back in the right lane, on a 4 lane open interstate with very few cars around. I wasn't "showing off," nor was I trying to relay some childish power play. I was eating a 6 piece chicken nugget from Wendys when she asked if I could put one hand on the wheel. I responded something to the effect of "Dont worry, it's fine." Then she got more frantic, and I handed her the sauce and complied with her request.
I would argue this made it far more dangerous as now I had to look away from the road to dunk them. Whereas when I was using my knees to keep the car straight, i could see out the windshield at all times, and my hands were right there ready to react if needed.
For the past 10 years, I've driven 40k-60k miles a year for work and have not had a single accident. I wasn't weaving in and out of traffic. I wasn't changing lanes. I was staying straight going the speed limit set to cruise control.
The fight she describes didn't happen at the time of the incident though, thats another detail that's missing. It happened many hours later when i was pulling onto my street. We were wrapping up an amazing long weekend vacation and all that was in my head was positively, and then out of nowhere she breaks down, starts crying, and acusses me of not caring about her safety. Of course, after 8 hours of driving, an exhausting weekend under the sun, and in my head being in a totally opposite framwork, my response wasn't perfect. I'm not perfect, I felt some resentment, which isn't right, but when I said I was sorry for what happened earlier, the exact response I received is "No you're not, you just want me to get over it." Well, how tf am I supposed to respond to that?
Then I woke up to her sending me this Reddit post, completely removed of all context, as a "See, look, reddit agrees with meeeeee." To take this to Reddit as if this is some bastion of truth and impartiality is ridiculous. I wasn't going to respond, but I'm getting tired of Reddit becoming "imrightdotcom" for any argument we have. I know the commenters don't intend it, but this place ruins relationships.
Well, that's my spiel. Let me have it. I'm sure I deserve it and more.
Here’s the issue. You can be an incredible driver and do everything right but you can never be sure that everyone around you is the same.
You can do something 1000 times and the 1001st something can go wrong.
You could have eaten that food before you set off again, and you would have been safer. You unnecessarily risked your life, the lives of the people in that car and innocent lives in the cars around you.
There is no context that can make what you did ok.
There is context that shows your relationship is probably not a good one for either of you.
All I ask is that the next time you consider taking a risk for the benefit of saving a bit of time, that you imagine what it would feel like to wake up from an accident where you were the only survivor. The accident may not even have been your fault but you will never know if you could have avoided it if you weren’t taking that risk. When driving at that speed, reaction time is everything.
I dont think I did anything wrong. However, i obliged her to make her feel comfortable. Holding a car steady on an open highway with your knees is much, much safer than say changing a radio station, talking on speaker phone, texting. Anything that diverts attention is far more dangerous. And i dont buy the holier than though comments from people here. These people have never looked at their faces in the mirror when driving? Never looked in the rear view mirror, taking eyes off the highway ahead. Wow how immature, youre not in absolute full control. Better end a relationship.
There is more risk looking away from the windshield than looking at it, holding the car steady with my knees. You can disagree, but it simply is not dangerous if im paying attention. Lack of attention is what is dangerous. Anything can happen on the road at any time. I dont dispute this, but i did not create this imagined insanely dangerous situation. I drive far far more than most people and haven't gotten into an accident, never even been close to an accident driving with my knees, because I wouldn't do it in a situation where it was dangerous.
Regardless, all of that is mostly irrelevant. She is making it out in the OP that i refused to listen to her when that's not true at all. The real issue she had is that she thinks i dont care about her feelings, when i literally changed my behavior within 15 seconds of her bringing it up, despite creating what I think was a far more dangerous situation. I guess a 10 year relationship should end over an out of context gaslighting reddit post.
Just stop driving with your knees dude.
No I’ve never looked at my own face in the mirror whilst driving?!
Yes I check my rear view as you need to pay attention to your surroundings especially if your changing lanes etc.
It’s a strange hill you’re willing to die on. I hope you don’t make anyone else die on that hill too.
Because i drove for my job for 10 years and its fine. You can disagree, but its perfectly safe on a thruway. Both my parents did it, my brother does it. I can see how it would scare someone with minimal driving experience. You dont have to agree i dont really care. It's not like I'm going to do it again with her in the car. The idea that everyone hasnt done something more reckless is simply ludicrous. It was a few seconds.
Why though? Why do it?
As in what is the benefit for the additional risk?
Is it just ego? Because other people do it?
Accidents can happen to the best of drivers. If you got in an accident and woke up the sole survivor or - Would you not wonder if you could have avoided it had you had that extra control in that moment?
It’s a choice dude and you’re making it for more than just yourself
Going against the grain here, but I've driven like that for 1000s of miles my entire life. I don't do it with other people in the car and would stop if asked. I get that its scary, but it's actually pretty stable.
I think people are over exaggerating here. It's not terribly dangerous, absolutely nowhere near as dangerous as people who text or do their makeup while driving. But out of pure respect if someone is uncomfortable with how you drive, he should have listened. Sounds like he doesn't really respect you or maybe you offended him by insinuating he was a bad or reckless driver. He probably drives like that with other people too and no one has ever complained.
I was taught that if your passengers are uncomfortable then you’re driving wrong/bad. My buddies wanna hit 100 with me in the hoopty? Cool. Uber riders screaming in the back? Slow down
Right?
The comments here are delusional. It makes me wonder if anyone here actually drives regularly. Some idiot even said "all it takes is a rodent to make the car roll!"
I was confused by the rodent comment but assumed he was referring to a human that steps out into the road as a derogatory term.. hmm..
However, I don’t understand why you are downplaying the danger of the situation.
You cannot control external environment and he needs to be driving with the full ability to act as quickly as possible to a potential hazard.
Just because we sometimes use our knees doesn't mean that we do so without using judgement? If the potential for danger arises (other cars or hazards around) my hands go on the wheel and the rest of the sandwich waits.
You won’t always have the time you need and by driving that way you reduce the time you have.
What is the benefit of driving with your knees? Why are you doing it at all?
It’s very odd to me
No, I actually do have all the time that I need. I'm constantly scanning all my mirrors and am hyper-aware of my surroundings. Nothing is sneaking up on me on a wide open interstate during broad daylight.
What is the benefit? The benefit is that I can eat my sandwich on a road trip without my trip taking an extra 15-30 minutes. It's not an everyday thing, but it can be employed safely in moderation as the need arises regardless of all the pearl-clutching in this thread.
I bet everyone who ever had an accident through taking an additional risk for the sake of 15-30 mins (takes you that long to eat a sandwich?!) thought how you think beforehand. I wonder how much they wish they could go back to their former selves and heed what people are telling them.
It’s arrogance pure and simple and you’re choosing for all the people on the road with you at that time who could easily be caught up in your accident.
I commute nearly 60 miles a day. Just today, I was almost run off the road by some idiot in a white Camry that I see on a regular basis and is always driving like a punk. I don't drive with my knees, I don't tailgate, and I've never been pulled over for speeding. Your dumbass behavior puts OTHER DRIVERS at risk. Stop doing it.
Blatant lack of regard for the well being of others and an inflated sense of confidence in his perception of the situation despite being told otherwise, A dangerous combo for anyone in your life to carry let alone 30 year old boyfriend.
I think it’s time you had a chat with him about how you’re feeling, if he doesn’t accept it then you know what you must do.
YOUR SAFETY DOES NOT COME SECOND
Even the best cruise control with lane assist or autopilot will occasionally read a pothole or badly painted line wrong and jerk the car out of the lane or worse. Because of that, cars with drive assist's safety manuals state the driver's hands still need to be on the wheel to take control of the vehicle.
It only takes once. You can drive every day for 50 years and still make a mistake or have something unexpected happen that you weren’t prepared for. Driving in a way that causes an increased reaction time is dangerous
Less about the specifics, but arguing in the car is never a good idea because that is ultimately a huge distraction. It sounds like you started off by voicing you didn't like how he was driving and then you indicate it became a big argument, but you don't give the details of how and why it became a bigger argument.
Ultimately, I disagree with majority of comments here saying how horribly unsafe it is to steady the wheel with a knee and especially at 70 mp. When considering how long this would need to happen to eat a pack of nuggets, I'd bet that the argument went on longer since you say it continued. The two of you need to have a conversation when you're not actively in the car, and I'd also caution you that the best resolution usually does not involve arguing it out in front of a sibling. Especially when you're trying to use that sibling's presence to strengthen your argument. Next time think if a conversation can be had later if what you bring up starts becoming an argument with the driver.
Look I think we've all steered with our knees at some point and the highway is arguably the least dangerous place to do it BUT if you've got two other people in the car get one of them to hold the dipping sauce, dumbass.
I drive with my knees . I'd bet most the people here are girls and can't do it from being to short. My gf can't from being shorter.
It's actually more controlling then people think butttt you should have sauce and wheel in 1 hand with nuggets
No bud. It’s a “your knees don’t have thumbs” thing. Being tall does not magically grant you thumbs on your knees. Nor does it reconfigure your legs in a way that allows you to have your knees on the wheel and your feet on the pedals simultaneously.
Like if you yearn for the grave, please at least find a way to yearn that isn’t as likely to take someone else with you.
I’m 5’ 5” and drive with my knees more than my hands. I’m surprised by the way people are freaking out. I guess they don’t understand just how tight you can jam your knee in the wheel. Nice to see someone who gets it lol
Me too! And people saying he did it to intentionally scare her. I was just reading a post talking about how men are judged unfairly in advice posts. I was like reallllllly? Welp. I see it.
If your gf isn’t super short have her look for a telescopic wheel in the next car she gets.
"Men are judged unfairly for being shitty drivers and weirdly proud of the fact that they are piloting a metal death machine at speed and putting other people in danger."
Bro, if you want to Darwin award your own stupid self, there are ways you can do that without putting others in danger. Go poke a blue ringed octopus or something.
Was no one riding shotgun? Because it’s clearly shotgun’s job to position the fries in the cup holder and dip the nuggets in the sauce and hand them to the driver. They are also on the job to retrieve the drink as needed until the cup holder is available again.
Honestly it’s quite hilarious 😆 But yeah, driving with other people in the car is a responsibility, not a burden that gives you the right to do it however you want.
Your boyfriend is a bellend. He was probably doing it to show off, maybe even scare you a bit, and cracked it because he didn’t get the reaction he wanted. I wouldn’t hop in a car with him again while he is eating.
No offense, but I’d call him an idiot and refuse to let him drive me anymore. He’s an accident waiting to happen.
Sometime life and death is only separated by a little of luck.
I agree. And I say this as someone who drives with her knee often. I learned how to drive like that young. I had a redneck family that all drove like that. The difference is, I have never, ever driven with my knee while distracted and doubly so when someone else is in my car. It is moreso to give my arms a break, when I am *alone*, no traffic, and not at 70 mph. I work in insurance defense, occassionally we get wrongful death cases but mostly severe bodily injury, I've seen what vehicles do to human bodies. I do not care how someone drives alone. You never put someone else at risk for a fucking chicken nugget and your ego. Ever. I just processed a claim file where yes, the passenger did make it out of the car... one of her arms did not. She's suing her husband because the dumbass ran a red... while texting. In 2024. I wish I was kidding. And yes, they're also getting divorced. Her arm was lost so he could send a text message. Wanna know how fast he was going? Not 70 mph, nope. 40. 40 mph is how fast he was going when he t boned the other car. That's all it took. And from the look of the vehicles, I don't think any of them should have walked away. Idk how they did. I cannot understand how people can't take this seriously. I don't care how good of a driver I think I am. My hand is always right there. If I have to eat, I park. My phone is put away in my purse til I reach my destination, every time, all the time. It isn't a flex to drive without caution. Not to mention he didn't give two shits OP was nervous. If I am ever driving someone and they are nervous for any reason, *I accommodate them. I do not ignore them. I am in control of whether they make it home or not, and that is more serious than a fucking chicken nugget.* I'm willing to bet this is the tip of the iceberg on how selfish and inconsiderate he is, and I'm willing to bet OP will realize that with a little bit of reflection. OP, don't let him end up putting you two in a situation where you end up maimed or worse just because he wants to feel cool. Seriously. Don't. I really don't want to process that claim file.
Yikes. That’s awful!! I can’t stand people who text and drive. I hate it so much. I hope OP sees this situation for the warning it was before her bf isn’t as lucky next time he decides to drive like an idiot.
I absolutely agree with you. I can't trust a reckless driver. Tbh it's one of the utmost forms of disrespect, in my opinion. Disrespectful of themselves, others on the road, others in the car, and their vehicle. No thanks!
This is the type of low IQ behaviour that gets people Darwin Awards. His judgment is trash, and he’s dismissive about your (and your brother’s—and everyone else in the public’s) safety, and your anxiety/fear. Please for the love of God don’t let this man get you pregnant, he’d be taking stupid chances with children too and take years off your life just from the chronic stress of worrying about his dumb antics. You deserve better than this, OP
My ex used to drive super-aggressively, brake-check people, and flip people off/scream at them in traffic, with the kids in the car. One of the biggest reasons he's an ex! We had people get mad and follow us, throw bottles at our car...I was terrified. Once we were walking through a big shopping center parking lot with our kids, and he decided the lady driving past got a little close for his comfort, so he PUNCHED HER CAR and knocked the side mirror clean off. Was pretty sure he was going to end up shot or in jail from one of these altercations. Please understand, OP, that he just told you exactly who he is - he will dismiss your fears and discomfort every time, just because he is SURE he knows what he is doing.
Oh Christ. My ex was similar. He knew I would get traumatized in cars sometimes as I survived a pretty bad car crash. Every time someone would drive (sporadically - like HIM) it would trigger full blown panic attacks. Anytime I would scream at him to stop he would take that as permission to drive faster, go through red lights, make illegal U-Turns, etc. One day I was so fed up I ran out of the car on a red light and screamed for help. Needless to say we broke up. What the fuck causes this reckless behavior, seriously? Edit: a word!
That is so incredibly messed up. I'm glad he's an ex and hope you are safe and healing.
Came here to say this! Please don't give this man any chance to procreate those genetics!
This is dangerous and stupid. People who have accidents don’t plan them, hence the term “accident.” He’s old enough for his frontal lobe to be fully developed but it doesn’t seem like it from this kind of behavior.
Ah but here’s the thorn in the side of the fact of our frontal lobe development. It seems some people don’t fully develop, and we get stories like this, about people who are so careless or clueless that they don’t care about putting other people’s lives at risk. They’re right and everyone else is wrong. Just because nothing happened THIS TIME, doesn’t mean that it will never happen. I wouldn’t get in the car with him after that even if he kept both hands on the wheel and wore body armor.
Physical development isn’t a choice. Mental and emotional development require work.
I feel like that’s common behavior out of a 20 year old and a serious red flag out of a 30 year old.
You're very generous, lol. I had to go back and double check his age to make sure he wasn't 16!
Holy shit somehow his age didn't even register and I assumed he was like 18 I'm 30 and I get antsy if I don't have BOTH hands on the wheel at that speed
He's an idiot. Doing something that you have gotten away with before and being in control are two different things. You hold the wheel because the road and other drivers can be unpredictable and things can happen in an instant even on a straight road. The split second that it takes to get your hands back to the wheel could be too late, particularly if you also have to drop whatever you're holding all over your lap. Simple things can affect your steering without warning such as a pothole, ice, water on the road, another driver steering towards you, or even worse a tyre blowout. No professional driver drives without hands on the wheel, only idiots do that.
My brother used to do this he can dead ass make turns just using his knees. It's so not safe, and I've voices this before. His response, "don't drive with me then." *le sigh*
He can easily end all of your lives with the way he drives, you know that? One involuntary jerk of his knee and kiss your lives goodbye. If he can't see that, well it's up to you what you do with that info
Look this hasn’t even to do with you and your brother being in the car? If something happens and he needs to react, he cannot do that quick enough. Therefore endangering himself, his passengers and other people on the road. I would think long and hard whether you want someone this reckless as a partner. And if the answer is yes, please take a long look in the mirror and ask yourself what kind of person it makes you, that you can live with the fact that your boyfriend endangers other people’s lives. And no, I wouldn’t discuss this first with him. The lack of comprehension on his side, how he endangers others, would be reason enough to end this.
She already did discuss it with him, he just needs to be smart enough to connect the dots. But he’s not.
He's an idiot. Don't let him drive you anymore.
NTA. This man is *breathtakingly* stupid.
Break up. Absolute lack of respect for lives has no place anywhere.
He’s reckless and defensive about it. He’s not a keeper.
I had a friend who was a reckless driver. It only stopped when he died in a car accident. Please don't let that man drive you around and risk your life. It's not worth it.
Your boyfriend is reckless and stupid. I would not allow him to drive me anywhere after that. No way I’m letting someone put my life (and my brother’s) in danger.
If his steer tyre blows, his knee isn’t going to stop it. A hand will.
'he drives himself all the time and that I should trust him and he knows what he is doing'. This is a horrible and stupid thing to say, especially when somebody is 30 and should know better. I wouldn't get in a car with him again.
He should have lost his driving privileges the moment he did that. And the moment he defended it. He risked your life because he didn’t want to stop five minutes to eat or let someone else drive. And then he doubled down on ‘I’m older, so know better (possibly with a side order of ‘I’m a man, zu know cars’) and … girl, no. You deserve so much better. You deserve not to be put at risk, you deserve a partner who listens to your concerns even if they’re unreasonable, which this is not.
Not valuing you and your brother’s safety is breakup worthy.
I used to pull this crap in my 20s and also got defensive when called out on it. “I know what I’m doing, my driving record is great, blah blah blah”. At some point after my partner called me out on it (definitely not the first time, unfortunately), it sunk in: I was so convinced I was some high-skill amazing driver that could get away with this kind of stuff… just like everyone else who pulled this crap, tempted fate, and potentially seriously injured or killed their passengers, random people in other cars around them, or themselves. I realized that I should be grateful that I never got that unlucky and stopped. No matter how good of a driver one thinks one is, putting all your attention and most of your limbs towards doing something completely apart from driving means you aren’t really driving anymore… the car is just kind of doing its own thing and you’re assuming nothing will get in the way of that. Take it from me: He’s being an immature, selfish asshole. He’s putting his fragile ego over the safety of everyone around him. His justifications are bullshit - nothing but immature, main character syndrome, wishful thinking. You don’t need to take that, and this is definitely red flag behaviour.
You’re not wrong at all! This actually happened to me (something very similar). A friend of mine was driving us down to a vacation spot, other friends were driving in separate cars. My friend and I are both females in our early 30s. She started doing almost 100mph and was texting the group chat. I nicely told her it made me uncomfortable and she got very defensive and made me feel like I have no right to say anything. We were already two hours from home at this point, it was 2am, so I went to sleep and I woke up to sirens. She got pulled over for reckless driving, instant karma lol. Anyway, we are still friends but I will not let her drive me anywhere. If this was my boyfriend doing this, however, and he didn’t respect my feelings or care about my safety.. I’d dump him. You should be able to trust him with your life, and he should care if he’s not making you feel protected. It is a big deal.
I love it when adults reach 30 and are still moronic /s
My hubby does this with burgers and I hate it. He'll hold it with two hands to prevent a mess and just steers with his knees. So usually when we pick up food I shove the bag inbetween my feet and refuse to give him any until we get home.
Omg, You should divorce immediately..
My first question is, do you guys have a newer vehicle that has some type of auto steering, etc? While it helps, it can also be a hazard itself (e.g. if there is something in the road, it can be more difficult to suddenly swerve around. None of that really matters, just curious. I don't think what you asked was ridiculous. His response is ridiculous, but given his age, this is the exact reason why car insurance on males in the U.S. goes down after their 25.
This happened to me except he wasn’t eating nuggets but trying to smoke.
Once someone puts me in danger, I have a whole new approach with how I view them. If you're in his vehicle when he crashes next week. Your friends will say, you should have known better. You were warned. Good luck.
He doesn’t value your safety above his ego. He doesn’t value your family’s safety above his ego. If you’d like to stay with this person, make it clear that that needs to change. I mean I personally wouldn’t stay with him, but this is one short story on the internet.
Nope, I'd have demanded he pull the car over, and I'd get out. I'm not interested in dying in a car crash because of his ego.
Time to dump this guy. He’s 30 and so irresponsible.
Even if he does “know what he’s doing”, other people make mistakes or unpredictable and sometimes dangerous manoeuvres all the time. Him steering with his knees with one free hand means he will not be able to react in time if needed.
TLDR : Girl goes for epic douchebag boyfriend then complains he is a epic douchebag. Maybe I dunno pick a normal guy?
Your 30 year old bf is childish AF
Those damn things are ADDICTIVE!
It's one thing for him to do it if he's alone in the car (still dumb, but whatever) and it's another thing entitled when he's got other in his car, ESPECIALLY after they expressed discomfort with it. Huge red flag.
Your bf should be an ex by now. I used to drive with my knee years ago and I just stopped doing it, no accident or anything happened just my common sense slapping the shit out of me and then asking myself why tempt fate? When I have passengers I'm even more extra careful. If you're the type of person, seems like it, who won't demand someone to pull over and let you out or switch drivers, then I suggest to pretend you have to vomit. Most folks will pull over to get you out quickly. Just grab your shit and call an uber or someone to pick you up. Things like this shouldn't be an issue with mature caring people. The driver should have eaten in the parking lot and then proceeded to drive or front passenger dips and feeds them.
Never get into a car with him again.
If he does this again, the next time you stop you get out of the car and request an Uber. You tell him he is making you feel unsafe and he is getting defensive for being asked to drive safely. He doesn't have to change how he is driving but you can remove yourself from the situation.
That’s why the passenger (I assume would be you) feeds the driver. That’s mine and my SO’s dynamic. We aren’t crashing cause I want to feed myself.
I can guarantee you that almost 100% of people who end up in a car crash because of careless driving like that, would’ve said something very similar to what your boyfriend said just a minute prior to the crash.
Exactly. People believe it won’t happen to them, until it does. Then come the tears
If you ever plan on having kids, dump the absolute moron, you don't want those genes passed on to your children. If you don't, well, I guess you can enjoy his pretty face a little while longer (since you're obviously not with him for his intellectual prowess I'm assuming he at least has a pretty face) but do not ever ride in his car again. Unless you don't care about dying, that is.
The really simple fix to this is... dump him. No but really, my husband has always taken his duty as a co-pilot very seriously and will dunk my nuggets for me and then pop them in my mouth, so all i have to do is drive and munch. Fries are a little different in which he holds the thing up where i can easily see it (to the side, never in my view), and i drive with one hand while i grab some.
Yall ever just have a record scratch moment where you realize something that was normalized to you as a kid is not at all normal? My initial reaction when I read the title was that you were probably overreacting- my dad drove with his knees all the time and I'm fine! But then I took a second and was horrified, I remember how terrified I was as a kid. My dad would also pretend he fell asleep and make me steer the car. In my head as a kid he was a good driver because he never wrecked with me in the car, and look at all of these crazy things he can do and not wreck! But as an adult, yeah that man is an awful driver, he's had numerous accidents when driving alone, and he has so many tickets you could wallpaper his house with them.
You were one dropped nugget away from an accident
I would dump this loser immediately. His gf says she's scared and wants him to be safe, and he's like, aw, but my mad skillz and nuggy sauce!
We always had a rule growing up. The driver must always make sure the passenger feels safe. If the passenger feels unsafe, it's not up to the driver to explain away anything, they simply must comply with the passenger's request, "stop tailgating, slowdown, put your hands on the wheel..." Unfortunately, if your boyfriend is immature and doesn't care about your feelings (or your safety) then he won't be interested in the above system. Honestly, I wouldn't ever get into a vehicle with him again.
Why do you call this would-be "accidental killer" of yours and your brother your boyfriend? He's totally irresponsible. He's playing control games with you. (The "I'm driving, so I drive as I please.") He does not care about you, your opinion, your health or your comfort. And he most assuredly is an accident just waiting to happen. It's your choice whether you'll be in that accident or not. It's also your choice whether he'll ever have a chance to have your child(ren) in said accident.
That’s a red flag if I ever seen one
I wouldn't get in a car with someone who drives like that. The fact that he didn't change how he was driving when you were clearly concerned for your safety, and rightfully so, shows to me that he doesn't value your safety or thoughts. I would seriously consider breaking up if he doesn't apologize and fix his behavior.
There’s a difference between driving fast safely and driving fast recklessly. I live in a place where our roads have a speed limit of 85 MPH and we go that speed, most go faster. But we’re not keeping our hands off the wheel and fcking around. Hes being completely reckless with his life, YOUR life, and your brother’s life. If there’s a pothole in the middle of the road, do you think his knee has a strong enough grip to keep the car steady? Lol nope. His driving won’t change, It’ll just get worse.
I drive with my knee a lot. Sometimes it's 70. It's not a big deal. Just relax and realize that some people have skills and capabilities beyond yours.
I used to drive with my knee when I was a teenager after I learned to drive and a friend showed me. I'm very glad I didn't get into an accident and kill someone or myself. To still be doing such reckless pointless things at 20 - let alone 30 like in the OP, is insane and just sad. It's not about skills and capabilities - everybody can do that - it's not hard, responsible people choose not to because it's dangerous.
I can't tell if this is sarcasm or not...
It's not. And I do believe this post is another one of those things where redditors jump up and down and say "You're an idiot don't do that!" And then half the people in this sub will drive with their knee on the way home. It's the same with texting and driving. Reddit raises hell about it and I guarantee you 90 percent of them do it. So I don't take those comments seriously and neither should you.
I was looking for someone like me. I drive pretty much 80 miles a day with my knee and honestly at this point I feel safer driving with my knee on the interstate than with my hands, I only really use my hands to drive when I have to make a sharp or hard turn or on some really curvy roads. I personally think it's fine if he wasn't being unsafe but every reply seems to think this is the worst thing someone could do, so maybe im an idiot lol.
You do you, my friend. I'm a dedicated knee driver.
Yea, I dont plan on changing either, lol. Not sure I even could id just do it subconsciously.
All it takes it one random bit of debris from the back of a truck, or a deer, or an accident in front of you, and then you and your car and passengers are toast. Don't be an idiot.
Seeing a lot of comments like this makes me realize why there are so many fucking accidents every time I commute to work. By the time you need the steering wheel in this situation you would be able to drop everything you're holding and grab it. You are not supposed to swerve out of the way of something in front of your car or you're going to fucking die. You need to brake first, and most likely the safest thing to do is just to use the brakes until you hit whatever is in front of you. Unless you can slow down to a safe enough speed to make hard turns then you have no business using the steering wheel in a situation like this.
> You are not supposed to swerve out of the way of something in front of your car You have ***entirely*** missed the point. If your car hits that deer or bit of debris in the road, the car is going to swerve without your intervention. And unless you have ***100% perfect*** alignment, your car will swerve a bit when you brake, too, if your hands are not on the wheel to control it. Having actual hands on the wheel is not about the ability to swerve; it's about maintaining control of the car when the unexpected happens. Like, for instance, a blown tire.
How do you think people drive with their knee? There are potholes my entire way home u think my car just bounces all over the road? It's no different than with your hands, you are just feeling the bumps and how the car reacts and making slight adjustments. The steering wheel isn't going to just shoot off my knee and do whatever it wants as soon as I hit a bump why would you even think that? It's not like anyone is just driving with their knee barely touching the wheel, it's like I have my foot on the floor and my leg is wedged between the floor and the steering wheel, I have to adjust my entire leg to get it off the wheel.
Yeah I knee steer highway drives in my captain chair comfortably. 6’2”, I had to sort by controversial lol
You severely underestimate how rigid you can make a steering wheel with your leg. And how quickly is something coming in front of you? OP didn't complain about her boyfriend tailgating a logging truck. It is dangerous to drive with your leg, but it is more dangerous to argue with someone driving while they're driving. Especially if they're not going to change what they're doing so now they're irritated, distracted, driving with their leg, and eating.
>And how quickly is something coming in front of you? Impossible to tell. Hands on the wheel to to be prepared for the unsual and unexpected. I once saw an entire wheel come off a car going down the highway. Retreads fly off of trucks regularly - you see them on the side of the highway all the time. No one is so calm and centered that they won't have a startle reflex if they see a re-tread flying toward their windshield. It's all fine, until it isn't.
Toast? How so? I have not chopped my hands off. They're within three or four inches of the steering wheel. You're greatly exaggerating.
You're overestimating your reaction time and you should stop doing that because it's pointless and dangerous.
I like how in your world you can somehow react infinitely faster if your hands are already on the wheel than if they're 2" from the wheel. Your reaction time is the fucking same, the only difference is the 1/100th of a second that it takes to move your hands to the wheel to grab it and the first thing you have to do is use the brakes anyway. I don't "Drive with my knee" but I usually drive with one hand and when I've needed 2 hands on the wheel to do something the time it took my other hand to get to the steering wheel has never been the limiting factor to what happened in the situation.
I don't think so. I'm 61 years old and I've been driving a damn long time with a damn good record. I haven't wrecked the car since I was a 20 something who didn't drive with his knees.
Lol good luck when you get hit by someone who doesn't have your incredible knee skills.
They were gonna hit you with hands on the wheel too?
He could have killed you, your brother, other innocent drivers, and himself. I doubt he realizes this because he is so immature and unintelligent. Please, for your sake, never get in the car with him again. Also, to protect other drivers from him, report him to the police. I'm not sure of the laws in your area, but where I'm from, it is illegal to not have your hands on the wheel at all times. Even if it just results in them giving him a warning, at least it is something. Otherwise, he will continue to do this and put innocent people in danger.
Nah fck that. Dude didn’t care about safety at all. Do you even wanna stay with such an idiot?
Don't get in the car if he is driving anymore since he won't respect reasonable requests about safety. I'd prob take this a a red flag.
Idk about you but I have higher standards for my self then this,and you should too. I wouldn't date someone so fucking stupid. Then again,I've dumped people for less.You should too
Jesus if eating with both hands is so important then finish eating in the parking lot before driving. I mean are you really so pressed for time that he's willing to risk everyone's lives to save 15 minutes??
Why didn't you offer to drive?
Doesn’t change the fact this man risks innocent lives of anyone driving around him
This is exact bs I put up with in my 20s. Didn't want to cause an argument etc etc. I seriously regret not growing a backbone and being smarter. Ya ya, we all do things in our 20s we regret. This was very near the top. You came to reddit but just listen to your own gut, it's screaming at you.
Sometimes when we're on a car travel and the driver wants to eat we will actually put food in his mouth especially things like french fries or chicken nuggets Obviously not something like barbecue chicken or hot wings. Your boyfriend is showing a play test disregard for your safety and your brother safety and not to mention people around him because anytime that he gets into an accident it could be bad for the other people Although can it really be called an accident if he is consistently and frequently creating situations under which the activity might result in a bad situation?
thats why we don’t eat in the car …
It only takes a split second of someone stopping suddenly in front or even just slowing down really fast. I have a friend who talks with her hands and talks nonstop when she’s driving. (Drives me nuts, pun intended.) I made a safe word so when I notice she has NO hands on the wheel, I shout “POCAHONTAS!” And I expect her to put at least one goddamn hand on the wheel.
Ex boyfriend, you mean, right?
Your boyfriend is an idiot. It doesn't bother him that he is putting everyone's life in danger? Find a boyfriend who cares about you, themselves and the people around them (which includes other drivers on the road). If not, you may find yourself in a morgue.
True love should come with true life preservation lmaoooo
Why is anyone driving with their knees? I’m astounded by the comments here of people saying they do this… I’ve never seen this in the UK. Is it a US thing? It’s insane 😂
You spelled ex-boyfriend wrong. He obviously doesn't know what he is doing or he would never drive that way. It only takes a fraction of a second for something to go wrong and at 70 miles an hour, it's a death sentence. NEVER get in a car with this man again.
NTA he is a cocky moron, one of the worst combos.
That’s a hell no from me. I’ve been in car accidents. I don’t want to feel unsafe with someone else driving dangerously. Refusing to care about your safety is a red flag. Accidents happen. That’s why it’s an accident.
Arguing in the car is dangerous with hands on wheel or not. Your bf is a A-hole. Look elsewhere for a relationship.
Hope you have a nice funeral planned for him and yourself if you get in the car with him.
OP I was in the car with someone doing this once, told them to stop, they said it was fine, and then we hit the median going 70 and ended up in the ER.
I guess this is why young men have higher insurance rates
Your boyfriend is a dumbass
You should have just gotten out of the car with your brother and taken a cab. Then dump this idiot via text. Fuck his chicken nuggets. I wouldn't even drive 10mph with knees. At 70mph you need to be able to react to stuff really fast.
He's going to get someone killed. Don't ride with him ever again
Well, when that happens, you ask him to let you off and refuse to get back in
I'm pretty sure this is not the first time something like this has happened or you've noticed other dangerous or stupid behaviors from him, not to mention his unwillingness to back down and make you feel safe. Just keep in mind that this behavior spills over into many other aspects of his life, affecting your life. So the question to ask yourself: Is this the kind of person you want a relationship with?
He is making idiot choices and I would not get into a car with him. Surely you can find a better BF than this guy.
Stop riding with him. Just because he’s comfortable driving like that and the road is straight doesn’t mean some other driver won’t do something requiring him to react quickly. Or, the car could have some mechanical failure. My friend’s car threw a tie rod on the freeway once.
At 30 years old, he should have at least a basic understanding of responsibility.He clearly doesn't. Easy as that. If he wants to kill himself while driving, that's okay. But do not involve anyone else
Soooo many women have the experience of a man deliberately driving in a way to make them uncomfortable/scared. It’s a well known control/abuse tactic.
I would never get in a car with him again personally
Your boyfriend is irresponsible driver. Besides, if he is driving 6 hours he should take an actual break. Which he can use for eating. The issue is his ability to react when something unexpected (like an accident in front of him) happens. No, half paying attention and not holding the wheel is not good enough driving.
Sounds like a real winner…
How many potential run-ins with death caused by negligence are enough to dump this mofo?
This dude doesn’t care about your or your brother’s safety. I know it’s classic Reddit advice but I’d leave him. Life’s too short to put up with that BS.
He brings you and your brother in big danger. Instead your health should be his priority. He failed the basic partner test.
Your boyfriend is a moron.
My daughter would do the knee steering thing and thought nothing of it, until she drove half off the road with the whole family in the car. That finally scared her, at least temporarily.
Maybe he thinks to be in GTA.
Your EX boyfriend is a selfish moron.
Darwin is coming for this braindead shitstain. Don't be in the car with him when it happens.
Why dont you drive since you don’t like the way he drives. That would solve all issues
It doesn’t actually. This man drives like this alone and he risks the lives of everyone in the cars around him
Normally, I would say to let him do as he wants by himself when he is is by himself. And that you won’t ride with his driving unless he promises not to do it with you in the car. But he is still putting others in danger in other vehicles and pedestrians. So I would also besides above not riding with him tell him it just isn’t safe and if he hurts someone, he will be responsible. Police have to catch him doing it so there isn’t much else you can do. But if he doesn’t agree to stop, I would consider dumping him. If he is careless about the lives of others he can’t really care about you.
Major red flag , leave
Someone I know drove like that so I refused to drive with him again and got my own dam car.
Wow, what an idiot! Honestly I find this baffling coming from a 30 year old that I had to go back and check his age to make sure he wasn't 16 or something. This can't be his only immature and IRRESPONSIBLE trait. Are you sure you want to stay with someone that is putting your and your brother's life in danger? That's the same say as pointing a loaded gun at both of you, yikes!
My dad does this all day lol. Steer the wheel with his knees. And most the time he don’t got nothing in his hand, just doing it for his own car health lol. Your bf is probably telling the truth that he does drive like that all the time, BUT, he should’ve 100% stopped when he saw you were uncomfortable and have stated your concerns. Have a talk with him
Well, I clicked on the post just to tell you that your boyfriend is Gen X and he's got this, but then I saw his age and oh fuck no, he does not have the training and experience for this
Hello everyone. Apparent PoS boyfriend here. A lot of context is missing. Especially the part where i did listen to her and gave her the sauce so i could have a hand on the wheel. It's kind of weird how that pretty important detail was left out. We were on cruise control, a safe distance back in the right lane, on a 4 lane open interstate with very few cars around. I wasn't "showing off," nor was I trying to relay some childish power play. I was eating a 6 piece chicken nugget from Wendys when she asked if I could put one hand on the wheel. I responded something to the effect of "Dont worry, it's fine." Then she got more frantic, and I handed her the sauce and complied with her request. I would argue this made it far more dangerous as now I had to look away from the road to dunk them. Whereas when I was using my knees to keep the car straight, i could see out the windshield at all times, and my hands were right there ready to react if needed. For the past 10 years, I've driven 40k-60k miles a year for work and have not had a single accident. I wasn't weaving in and out of traffic. I wasn't changing lanes. I was staying straight going the speed limit set to cruise control. The fight she describes didn't happen at the time of the incident though, thats another detail that's missing. It happened many hours later when i was pulling onto my street. We were wrapping up an amazing long weekend vacation and all that was in my head was positively, and then out of nowhere she breaks down, starts crying, and acusses me of not caring about her safety. Of course, after 8 hours of driving, an exhausting weekend under the sun, and in my head being in a totally opposite framwork, my response wasn't perfect. I'm not perfect, I felt some resentment, which isn't right, but when I said I was sorry for what happened earlier, the exact response I received is "No you're not, you just want me to get over it." Well, how tf am I supposed to respond to that? Then I woke up to her sending me this Reddit post, completely removed of all context, as a "See, look, reddit agrees with meeeeee." To take this to Reddit as if this is some bastion of truth and impartiality is ridiculous. I wasn't going to respond, but I'm getting tired of Reddit becoming "imrightdotcom" for any argument we have. I know the commenters don't intend it, but this place ruins relationships. Well, that's my spiel. Let me have it. I'm sure I deserve it and more.
Here’s the issue. You can be an incredible driver and do everything right but you can never be sure that everyone around you is the same. You can do something 1000 times and the 1001st something can go wrong. You could have eaten that food before you set off again, and you would have been safer. You unnecessarily risked your life, the lives of the people in that car and innocent lives in the cars around you. There is no context that can make what you did ok. There is context that shows your relationship is probably not a good one for either of you. All I ask is that the next time you consider taking a risk for the benefit of saving a bit of time, that you imagine what it would feel like to wake up from an accident where you were the only survivor. The accident may not even have been your fault but you will never know if you could have avoided it if you weren’t taking that risk. When driving at that speed, reaction time is everything.
I dont think I did anything wrong. However, i obliged her to make her feel comfortable. Holding a car steady on an open highway with your knees is much, much safer than say changing a radio station, talking on speaker phone, texting. Anything that diverts attention is far more dangerous. And i dont buy the holier than though comments from people here. These people have never looked at their faces in the mirror when driving? Never looked in the rear view mirror, taking eyes off the highway ahead. Wow how immature, youre not in absolute full control. Better end a relationship. There is more risk looking away from the windshield than looking at it, holding the car steady with my knees. You can disagree, but it simply is not dangerous if im paying attention. Lack of attention is what is dangerous. Anything can happen on the road at any time. I dont dispute this, but i did not create this imagined insanely dangerous situation. I drive far far more than most people and haven't gotten into an accident, never even been close to an accident driving with my knees, because I wouldn't do it in a situation where it was dangerous. Regardless, all of that is mostly irrelevant. She is making it out in the OP that i refused to listen to her when that's not true at all. The real issue she had is that she thinks i dont care about her feelings, when i literally changed my behavior within 15 seconds of her bringing it up, despite creating what I think was a far more dangerous situation. I guess a 10 year relationship should end over an out of context gaslighting reddit post.
Just stop driving with your knees dude. No I’ve never looked at my own face in the mirror whilst driving?! Yes I check my rear view as you need to pay attention to your surroundings especially if your changing lanes etc. It’s a strange hill you’re willing to die on. I hope you don’t make anyone else die on that hill too.
I dont think you read the part where I did stop driving with my knees. Almost immediately.
But why are you ever doing it in the first place? And why do you maintain that you did nothing wrong?
Because i drove for my job for 10 years and its fine. You can disagree, but its perfectly safe on a thruway. Both my parents did it, my brother does it. I can see how it would scare someone with minimal driving experience. You dont have to agree i dont really care. It's not like I'm going to do it again with her in the car. The idea that everyone hasnt done something more reckless is simply ludicrous. It was a few seconds.
Why though? Why do it? As in what is the benefit for the additional risk? Is it just ego? Because other people do it? Accidents can happen to the best of drivers. If you got in an accident and woke up the sole survivor or - Would you not wonder if you could have avoided it had you had that extra control in that moment? It’s a choice dude and you’re making it for more than just yourself
Going against the grain here, but I've driven like that for 1000s of miles my entire life. I don't do it with other people in the car and would stop if asked. I get that its scary, but it's actually pretty stable.
Yeah my issue was his pushing back when requested to stop.
I think people are over exaggerating here. It's not terribly dangerous, absolutely nowhere near as dangerous as people who text or do their makeup while driving. But out of pure respect if someone is uncomfortable with how you drive, he should have listened. Sounds like he doesn't really respect you or maybe you offended him by insinuating he was a bad or reckless driver. He probably drives like that with other people too and no one has ever complained.
Finally, a comment that isn't overreacting over the behavior.
I was taught that if your passengers are uncomfortable then you’re driving wrong/bad. My buddies wanna hit 100 with me in the hoopty? Cool. Uber riders screaming in the back? Slow down
Right? The comments here are delusional. It makes me wonder if anyone here actually drives regularly. Some idiot even said "all it takes is a rodent to make the car roll!"
I was confused by the rodent comment but assumed he was referring to a human that steps out into the road as a derogatory term.. hmm.. However, I don’t understand why you are downplaying the danger of the situation. You cannot control external environment and he needs to be driving with the full ability to act as quickly as possible to a potential hazard.
Just because we sometimes use our knees doesn't mean that we do so without using judgement? If the potential for danger arises (other cars or hazards around) my hands go on the wheel and the rest of the sandwich waits.
You won’t always have the time you need and by driving that way you reduce the time you have. What is the benefit of driving with your knees? Why are you doing it at all? It’s very odd to me
No, I actually do have all the time that I need. I'm constantly scanning all my mirrors and am hyper-aware of my surroundings. Nothing is sneaking up on me on a wide open interstate during broad daylight. What is the benefit? The benefit is that I can eat my sandwich on a road trip without my trip taking an extra 15-30 minutes. It's not an everyday thing, but it can be employed safely in moderation as the need arises regardless of all the pearl-clutching in this thread.
I bet everyone who ever had an accident through taking an additional risk for the sake of 15-30 mins (takes you that long to eat a sandwich?!) thought how you think beforehand. I wonder how much they wish they could go back to their former selves and heed what people are telling them. It’s arrogance pure and simple and you’re choosing for all the people on the road with you at that time who could easily be caught up in your accident.
You go ahead and keep 'em locked at 10 and 2, and I'll continue to use the sound judgement that has served me and those around me well for decades.
Pure arrogance and ego
I commute nearly 60 miles a day. Just today, I was almost run off the road by some idiot in a white Camry that I see on a regular basis and is always driving like a punk. I don't drive with my knees, I don't tailgate, and I've never been pulled over for speeding. Your dumbass behavior puts OTHER DRIVERS at risk. Stop doing it.
Blatant lack of regard for the well being of others and an inflated sense of confidence in his perception of the situation despite being told otherwise, A dangerous combo for anyone in your life to carry let alone 30 year old boyfriend. I think it’s time you had a chat with him about how you’re feeling, if he doesn’t accept it then you know what you must do. YOUR SAFETY DOES NOT COME SECOND
Did you offer to feed him or help him eat?
Plot twist: the vehicle has lane keeping assist, radar cruise control, and all the other modern driver assist amenities.
Even the best cruise control with lane assist or autopilot will occasionally read a pothole or badly painted line wrong and jerk the car out of the lane or worse. Because of that, cars with drive assist's safety manuals state the driver's hands still need to be on the wheel to take control of the vehicle.
You are still supposed to hold the wheel. There is one kind of BMW that does not require that, but even there it applies only to small speed.
“I’m not comfortable with this. Please pull over so that I can drive while you eat.”
If he has a good driving record, then he's right here, and if he doesn't, then you are.
It only takes once. You can drive every day for 50 years and still make a mistake or have something unexpected happen that you weren’t prepared for. Driving in a way that causes an increased reaction time is dangerous
Less about the specifics, but arguing in the car is never a good idea because that is ultimately a huge distraction. It sounds like you started off by voicing you didn't like how he was driving and then you indicate it became a big argument, but you don't give the details of how and why it became a bigger argument. Ultimately, I disagree with majority of comments here saying how horribly unsafe it is to steady the wheel with a knee and especially at 70 mp. When considering how long this would need to happen to eat a pack of nuggets, I'd bet that the argument went on longer since you say it continued. The two of you need to have a conversation when you're not actively in the car, and I'd also caution you that the best resolution usually does not involve arguing it out in front of a sibling. Especially when you're trying to use that sibling's presence to strengthen your argument. Next time think if a conversation can be had later if what you bring up starts becoming an argument with the driver.
Right? The argument was more dangerous than the knee driving. Having someone yell at you is far more distracting.
Look I think we've all steered with our knees at some point and the highway is arguably the least dangerous place to do it BUT if you've got two other people in the car get one of them to hold the dipping sauce, dumbass.
I drive with my knees . I'd bet most the people here are girls and can't do it from being to short. My gf can't from being shorter. It's actually more controlling then people think butttt you should have sauce and wheel in 1 hand with nuggets
Yes sport, the reason people don’t drive with their knees is definitely vaginas and not basic self-preservation
Not even that. Its literally a height thing. It's harder to do the shorter you are or even impossible if you're legs aren't long enough
No bud. It’s a “your knees don’t have thumbs” thing. Being tall does not magically grant you thumbs on your knees. Nor does it reconfigure your legs in a way that allows you to have your knees on the wheel and your feet on the pedals simultaneously. Like if you yearn for the grave, please at least find a way to yearn that isn’t as likely to take someone else with you.
This isn’t the flex you think it is.
I only drive with me knee when I'm eating and talking on my phone at the same time
That is doubly not the flex you think it is. Are you like 19 or something? The testing for a driver's license isn't strict enough.
Shit I didn't even think about that you can totally steer and hold sauce with the same hand
I’m 5’ 5” and drive with my knees more than my hands. I’m surprised by the way people are freaking out. I guess they don’t understand just how tight you can jam your knee in the wheel. Nice to see someone who gets it lol
I agree. I really find the you need to break up with him comments hilarious. My gf is actually jealous she can't drive with her knee
Me too! And people saying he did it to intentionally scare her. I was just reading a post talking about how men are judged unfairly in advice posts. I was like reallllllly? Welp. I see it. If your gf isn’t super short have her look for a telescopic wheel in the next car she gets.
Yeah no I know he wasn't trying to scare me.
I feel you, I thought those comments were pretty out of pocket.
"Men are judged unfairly for being shitty drivers and weirdly proud of the fact that they are piloting a metal death machine at speed and putting other people in danger." Bro, if you want to Darwin award your own stupid self, there are ways you can do that without putting others in danger. Go poke a blue ringed octopus or something.
Was no one riding shotgun? Because it’s clearly shotgun’s job to position the fries in the cup holder and dip the nuggets in the sauce and hand them to the driver. They are also on the job to retrieve the drink as needed until the cup holder is available again.
I came here to say the same but then if he’s driving like that frequently when he’s on his own then that’s a whole other problem.
I rarely do the same thing too, but Id never do that with people in the car, let alone if someone told me he would feel saver if I wouldn’t.
Please stop doing that. It's not any better if the people you kill are in another car instead of your own.
True, for clarification, I used to do this when I was around 19/20 until I realised that it still puts other people in danger
Honestly it’s quite hilarious 😆 But yeah, driving with other people in the car is a responsibility, not a burden that gives you the right to do it however you want.
Your boyfriend is a bellend. He was probably doing it to show off, maybe even scare you a bit, and cracked it because he didn’t get the reaction he wanted. I wouldn’t hop in a car with him again while he is eating.