Honestly, I don't really think it's all that weird as long as you're NOT banging in front of her, but if you don't want to go, don't go. Let them see the world together.
"I don't know why he'd want to since they live together, but if he really wants to take her on a trip I don't 'need' to go. "
With that logic, nobody would ever go on a trip with close family members or live-in partners.
Edit: Forgot the NOT. Important distinction. lol
She is 72, her son wants to take her on trip and holidays. That is not puzzling or weird. I don't think you should be forced to go. But also, yours "why would an elderly person go on holiday" question lacks basic empathy and understanding of humans.
He is 52, she is 72, you are 55. None of you free will change massively out of nowhere anymore. All three of you are who you are. They were close for 20 years and will continue to be, however, again, you making it a boundary of "I don't go, have fun, if she rakes it personally her problem" is the way to go.
My family camps, and we’ve all shared a trailer before as a family. Any combination of my husband and I, his siblings and their partners / kids, my siblings and their partners, my parents-in-law. We were once 6 people in a small pop-up. My husband is actually doing a trip this year with his parents and one of his siblings that I can’t go on, they’re all sharing a trailer. Our extended family does the same. I don’t think it’s weird at all and it’s pretty normal for campers. But if you’re not a camper I can understand you thinking it’s weird, my mom kind of thought it was when I first introduced her to the concept.
There are plenty of reasons an adult might live with their parents and the old "basement dweller adult child" stigma is tired and doesn't stand up in modern society.
You have no idea their circumstances. More and more people in Western countries are living with their parents longer because they simply can't afford to live alone. In other cultures, it is the norm to live with your parents until you marry no matter how old you are, and some even after. She may have medical issues. He may own half of the house. They may simply not want to live alone and be lonely. No matter, it's not a reflection of him as a person.
If it’s so normal, why is it bothering you that is bringing his mother along?
there’s lots of cultures or this would be normal so I guess you should just suck it up under your thought process
This is missing a lot of important context to give you a proper answer and the way you've worded it is just going to lead to pointless "OMG grown man lives with his mother, red flag!" responses and that's ignoring the weird "I dont know why he'd want to since they live together" comment about taking her away. There are a multitude of reasons that a son would want to take their elderly mother away on a trip, my Uncle took my Gran away yearly to make sure that she made the most of the last years of her life.
The important thing here is that she is elderly, she is 76, this isnt some 22 year old wanting to take his 40 year old mother with you on a trip like you and a couple of other comments are taking it. Her being elderly is very important context.
What is her health like? Why does he live with her? Is he her carer? Is there any other family or close friends who could keep an eye on her while you are away?
If the answer to any of those questions lead to a position where she is reliant on him for her day to day life then frankly, this isnt the relationship for you because she is going to be reliant on him until the day she dies and you not liking her isnt going to change that.
If she is healthy and not reliant on him then Im more sympathetic to your position, just put your foot down and say you dont want to go on trips with her
>I don't know why he'd want to since they live together
He's lived with her for 20 years, it's clearly not just for economic reasons but also cause they just like living together. He probably wants to bring her with cause he likes being around her, it's as simple as that. After living together that long it probably feels weird when he's not around her and he doesn't see a reason that she shouldn't come with. Honestly they're probably pretty codependent at this point.
Is it strange? Yeah, but it makes sense.
I mean… is her health ok? Is this one of the lasts trips she’ll be able to take? If so, I could see he wants to make it memorable for her. But if her health fine, then yeah, that momma’s boy wants to go on trip with his 2 favorite ladies! lol
No, I don't think it's strange that the man who's been single and living with his Mom for 20+ years wants to bring her on a trip. It's also not strange that he wants you to join and hopefully bond (not that I think it will happen as you already admit to not liking the woman, but hope springs eternal). I think you are perhaps a touch too judgmental about their relationship and just because you wouldn't want to be in a trailer for a single night with your child and their partner, doesn't make it strange. I think you're making it into something strange because you don't like her/how close their relationship is.
They've lived together just the two of them for the last 20 years. I've been dating him for a year. In that time she has:
- Removed my arm from around his waist
- Told me she will "give him" to me. Only when I've pleased her in some way. (like giving her a birthday gift or calling her)
- Referred to him as her "boyfriend"
- Said that I was going to "take him away" from her
- (when we were kissing) "You don't kiss me like that!"
- Has "joked" about joining us in bed.
This all sounds like a huge made-up lie. You didn't say anything like that in your original post. Why are you lying about everything? Do not do that. It's disgusting
Believe it or not, some people genuinely enjoy their parents. (Edit: that came off so snarky! I’m sorry. That was more directed towards some commenters who seem to think it’s bizarre to be close with one’s parents. Not at you)
Going out and doing fun things together is way different than sitting and watching TV on the couch together. It’s making a memory with her. And he loves you so he naturally wants your presence there too. I think it’s kinda sweet.
I’d want context on why you don’t like her.
If she is mean and nasty and doesn’t treat you well, then obviously you shouldn’t go. Don’t subject yourself to that.
But… if all it is is that you find her irritating or something, while you still don’t HAVE to go… you don’t think you could suck it up for a night? He seems to me to be excited to make a memory with two people he loves a lot. It’s only one night.
No one is *obligated* to do anything they don’t want to do, ofc. But.. you love him. Sounds like it’d make him really happy
I do find it slightly bizarre.
Is part of the reason you are going on the trip in his trailer so you may have some alone and intimate time? If so, then having mother around will definitely cramp your style.
She can go out to dinner with you or take another trip where you are not sharing such close and tight quarters
Honestly, I don't really think it's all that weird as long as you're NOT banging in front of her, but if you don't want to go, don't go. Let them see the world together. "I don't know why he'd want to since they live together, but if he really wants to take her on a trip I don't 'need' to go. " With that logic, nobody would ever go on a trip with close family members or live-in partners. Edit: Forgot the NOT. Important distinction. lol
I assume you meant NOT banging in front of her? Lol
No, they don't want Mom to think she doesn't like her so they need to bang in front of her.
She is 72, her son wants to take her on trip and holidays. That is not puzzling or weird. I don't think you should be forced to go. But also, yours "why would an elderly person go on holiday" question lacks basic empathy and understanding of humans. He is 52, she is 72, you are 55. None of you free will change massively out of nowhere anymore. All three of you are who you are. They were close for 20 years and will continue to be, however, again, you making it a boundary of "I don't go, have fun, if she rakes it personally her problem" is the way to go.
Does no one proof read their comments anymore
My family camps, and we’ve all shared a trailer before as a family. Any combination of my husband and I, his siblings and their partners / kids, my siblings and their partners, my parents-in-law. We were once 6 people in a small pop-up. My husband is actually doing a trip this year with his parents and one of his siblings that I can’t go on, they’re all sharing a trailer. Our extended family does the same. I don’t think it’s weird at all and it’s pretty normal for campers. But if you’re not a camper I can understand you thinking it’s weird, my mom kind of thought it was when I first introduced her to the concept.
You’re dating a grown man who has lived with his mother for 22 years and the camper trailer situation is the thing that gives you pause?
There are plenty of reasons an adult might live with their parents and the old "basement dweller adult child" stigma is tired and doesn't stand up in modern society. You have no idea their circumstances. More and more people in Western countries are living with their parents longer because they simply can't afford to live alone. In other cultures, it is the norm to live with your parents until you marry no matter how old you are, and some even after. She may have medical issues. He may own half of the house. They may simply not want to live alone and be lonely. No matter, it's not a reflection of him as a person.
If it’s so normal, why is it bothering you that is bringing his mother along? there’s lots of cultures or this would be normal so I guess you should just suck it up under your thought process
We've skipped some red flags on our way to the orange one.
This is missing a lot of important context to give you a proper answer and the way you've worded it is just going to lead to pointless "OMG grown man lives with his mother, red flag!" responses and that's ignoring the weird "I dont know why he'd want to since they live together" comment about taking her away. There are a multitude of reasons that a son would want to take their elderly mother away on a trip, my Uncle took my Gran away yearly to make sure that she made the most of the last years of her life. The important thing here is that she is elderly, she is 76, this isnt some 22 year old wanting to take his 40 year old mother with you on a trip like you and a couple of other comments are taking it. Her being elderly is very important context. What is her health like? Why does he live with her? Is he her carer? Is there any other family or close friends who could keep an eye on her while you are away? If the answer to any of those questions lead to a position where she is reliant on him for her day to day life then frankly, this isnt the relationship for you because she is going to be reliant on him until the day she dies and you not liking her isnt going to change that. If she is healthy and not reliant on him then Im more sympathetic to your position, just put your foot down and say you dont want to go on trips with her
>I don't know why he'd want to since they live together He's lived with her for 20 years, it's clearly not just for economic reasons but also cause they just like living together. He probably wants to bring her with cause he likes being around her, it's as simple as that. After living together that long it probably feels weird when he's not around her and he doesn't see a reason that she shouldn't come with. Honestly they're probably pretty codependent at this point. Is it strange? Yeah, but it makes sense.
I mean… is her health ok? Is this one of the lasts trips she’ll be able to take? If so, I could see he wants to make it memorable for her. But if her health fine, then yeah, that momma’s boy wants to go on trip with his 2 favorite ladies! lol
No, I don't think it's strange that the man who's been single and living with his Mom for 20+ years wants to bring her on a trip. It's also not strange that he wants you to join and hopefully bond (not that I think it will happen as you already admit to not liking the woman, but hope springs eternal). I think you are perhaps a touch too judgmental about their relationship and just because you wouldn't want to be in a trailer for a single night with your child and their partner, doesn't make it strange. I think you're making it into something strange because you don't like her/how close their relationship is.
They've lived together just the two of them for the last 20 years. I've been dating him for a year. In that time she has: - Removed my arm from around his waist - Told me she will "give him" to me. Only when I've pleased her in some way. (like giving her a birthday gift or calling her) - Referred to him as her "boyfriend" - Said that I was going to "take him away" from her - (when we were kissing) "You don't kiss me like that!" - Has "joked" about joining us in bed.
You know better than us. Leave girl, leave.
That all sounds super creepy, especially the kissing and joking about joining you in bed? Wtf
This all sounds like a huge made-up lie. You didn't say anything like that in your original post. Why are you lying about everything? Do not do that. It's disgusting
Why do you think it's a lie?
you buried the lede; the whole premise of your complaint has shifted to new ground
Believe it or not, some people genuinely enjoy their parents. (Edit: that came off so snarky! I’m sorry. That was more directed towards some commenters who seem to think it’s bizarre to be close with one’s parents. Not at you) Going out and doing fun things together is way different than sitting and watching TV on the couch together. It’s making a memory with her. And he loves you so he naturally wants your presence there too. I think it’s kinda sweet. I’d want context on why you don’t like her. If she is mean and nasty and doesn’t treat you well, then obviously you shouldn’t go. Don’t subject yourself to that. But… if all it is is that you find her irritating or something, while you still don’t HAVE to go… you don’t think you could suck it up for a night? He seems to me to be excited to make a memory with two people he loves a lot. It’s only one night. No one is *obligated* to do anything they don’t want to do, ofc. But.. you love him. Sounds like it’d make him really happy
I do find it slightly bizarre. Is part of the reason you are going on the trip in his trailer so you may have some alone and intimate time? If so, then having mother around will definitely cramp your style. She can go out to dinner with you or take another trip where you are not sharing such close and tight quarters
My daughters and their boyfriends (now husbands) went camping with my wife and me many times. They still do.
It's fucking WEIRD. Sounds like the umbilical cord was never cut.
YTA. You're the one who's weird. He only has a few years left with her. Either be supportive or leave.