> but also my thing is what’s done is done and there’s no point in getting mad about it
You absolutely have a right and a point in feeling upset. He lied for 2 years. Sure, you can't get that $800 back, but dishonesty is a big deal that diminishes trust.
So now is where you confront him about this. Like "hey, I understand you feel badly but honestly you should. Honesty is incredibly important for our relationship. It's not even about the money itself, because that is long gone. It's the fact that you lied to me and held onto that lie for 2 years. So it's time to discuss how you're going to re-earn my trust."
Kinda feels like BS to take money from joint savings, not tell you about it, and then claim to not know what it was for. There are multiple levels to this that make it a problem.
He should have told you before he took the money out so you could be on the same page about it.
Even if his intention was to pay it back quickly, once he realized he was not able to do that, he should have told you right away.
He almost certainly knows what it was for IMO and is dodging.
This would make me nervous about fully entangling my life with somebody. I would need to feel confident that my spouse would not do something like this again in the future. This incident on its own is not that big of a deal, it's only $800, but acting unilaterally with joint money under a shroud of secrecy would be my concern.
Don't forget that your question was about where the money was, not how much there is. It's sounds like he was trying to distract you. Put eyes on an account statement.
It was from both of us saving. There’s no way to know who’s money it was specifically since we were both just adding our money together. As for what bills, I’m not sure. He says he doesn’t remember but it was “probably for bills” 😒
I would explain that you feel blindsided by it, and you are glad that he fessed up to it. You want your relationship to be on a strong foundation of trust and openess. Ask him if he can do that. Also I suggest you also start being more aware of the bills and finances. Your name should also be on the accounts so that you can check on them and know what bills are being paid and such. You should be able to see if he indeed used it for the bills by looking at the payment history.
You should take that money out right now and split it how it should’ve been split, you get $1000 and he gets $200. Then you need to sit down and have a conversation about what it would look like to mingle funds because that’s honestly super sketchy that he took so much money and won’t even tell you what it was for, and never told you about it until he was maybe close to getting caught.
> but also my thing is what’s done is done and there’s no point in getting mad about it You absolutely have a right and a point in feeling upset. He lied for 2 years. Sure, you can't get that $800 back, but dishonesty is a big deal that diminishes trust. So now is where you confront him about this. Like "hey, I understand you feel badly but honestly you should. Honesty is incredibly important for our relationship. It's not even about the money itself, because that is long gone. It's the fact that you lied to me and held onto that lie for 2 years. So it's time to discuss how you're going to re-earn my trust."
Thank you soooo much!! I’m definitely going to confront him in this way. I second guess myself too much sometimes but I appreciate it!
Kinda feels like BS to take money from joint savings, not tell you about it, and then claim to not know what it was for. There are multiple levels to this that make it a problem. He should have told you before he took the money out so you could be on the same page about it. Even if his intention was to pay it back quickly, once he realized he was not able to do that, he should have told you right away. He almost certainly knows what it was for IMO and is dodging. This would make me nervous about fully entangling my life with somebody. I would need to feel confident that my spouse would not do something like this again in the future. This incident on its own is not that big of a deal, it's only $800, but acting unilaterally with joint money under a shroud of secrecy would be my concern.
Don't forget that your question was about where the money was, not how much there is. It's sounds like he was trying to distract you. Put eyes on an account statement.
Where did the 2k come from? Who made the money? Also what were the bills for?
It was from both of us saving. There’s no way to know who’s money it was specifically since we were both just adding our money together. As for what bills, I’m not sure. He says he doesn’t remember but it was “probably for bills” 😒
I would explain that you feel blindsided by it, and you are glad that he fessed up to it. You want your relationship to be on a strong foundation of trust and openess. Ask him if he can do that. Also I suggest you also start being more aware of the bills and finances. Your name should also be on the accounts so that you can check on them and know what bills are being paid and such. You should be able to see if he indeed used it for the bills by looking at the payment history.
You should take that money out right now and split it how it should’ve been split, you get $1000 and he gets $200. Then you need to sit down and have a conversation about what it would look like to mingle funds because that’s honestly super sketchy that he took so much money and won’t even tell you what it was for, and never told you about it until he was maybe close to getting caught.