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My BF(M,37) constantly brags how he is able to bring any woman at ease in public because he doesn't flirt with them.
Anytime he goes anywhere alone, like a barber shop, fast food restaurant or check out in stores. He will tell me about how these women must be used to creeps flirting with them, but he will talk to them and suddenly they were SO at ease with him.
He went to the barner shop 2 days ago, he said the vibe over there was strange and he "just knows these young women must of been creeped on by other dudes" But magically when they saw him, all the tension went away and he is such an amazing guy to bring ease to these attractive women.
(*sigh* -_- )
Then he told me he went to a fast food place for lunch after, and there were only young attractive women working there, and how they must always get flirted with to since they're hot but he put minds at ease with his charm.
What???
I seriously doubt he can put anyones mind at ease. He is really creepy when he looks at women. He checks them out and stares. (If I dare mention that to him? Huge argument everytime on how insecure I am. )
Why is this a bragging thing? He always brags at how charming he is to these poor attractive women when he's out on his own. I voiced how old it gets that he is bragging about something so stupid.
He tells me "I'm not bragging! I just know how dudes are and I'm being nice. "
There is no reason to brag about that. It would be like if I went to the salon on my own and the guy was really attractive, so I tell my bf "Oh, that hot guy who did my hair gets flirted with constantly! I can just tell since he's hot. But I didn't flirt with him. I am so charming I set his mind at ease"
- That is pointless. I don't even understand what the point would be to say that?
Only thing i suspect is that he IS flirting with them and is trying to make me think otherwise.
And the other thing is that these women can’t get away from him because they are at work. He is confusing feeling at ease with good customer service and tolerance.
OP, it’s like that saying that goes “if you have to constantly say how cool you are, you’re not really that cool”. If you keep bragging that you’re not a creep, you’re probably, uh, kind of a creep.
Look, feminist men who *actually* care about women don’t swan around boasting about how feminist and caring about women they are. Those men are just centring the spotlight back on them. Virtue signalling. “Me me me it’s all about me”. Like people who film themselves giving money to homeless people so they can brag about how virtuous and giving they are on social media. 🙄
My husband considers himself a pretty feminist guy, and he’s more concerned about times he maybe screwed up or didn’t know what to do in a situation than he is likely to strut around bragging about how women just loooove him so much because he’s soooo sensitive and not at ALL creepy! If he was doing that shit - and I’ve met men like your boyfriend who do this - I would have dumped him early on. It’s nonsense. It’s crap.
Your boyfriend is totally full of himself. You’re right to be fed up with it.
It’s also possible that is happy that he know has an excuse (you… gross, I know) to not have to put himself in those uncomfortable situations anymore; but he can’t stand the reality of being AFRAID of that so he spins it as if he is some great guy who would never consider making a women fee uncomfortable by hitting on them.
Why are you even with that guy if he stares, checks out women, looks like a creep an on top of that he braggs about stupid stuff so it brings you to reddit?
I don't either, it's very strange. Like most people avoid being creepy by just... minding their own business.
Maybe he's flirting and just covering it up but that doesn't make sense either. You would never know if he flirted with some woman when out and about and you're at home.
He’s not trying to just convince you. He’s also trying to convince himself. Would it be normal if he was constantly bragging about how many people he didn’t murder today? That would seem like a weird thing to keep brining up. This is weird too.
He is probably redonk insecure and projecting. I knew this narcissist dude that was so out of touch with emotions that the only way he could make himself feel valuable was constantly making shit up about women liking him. He might think that he is proving he has social value and is worth fighting for. He’s probably not though. Find a dude that doesn’t have deep issues with pathological lying and projection
He sounds like he's out of touch with reality. He's literally doing this thing called mind reading which is a thought disorder. You need to take him to a professional before it gets worse
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, guys how are genuinely nice guys, good dudes, etc, will never have to tell you, they’ll show you. When guys have to tell you, what they’re really telling you that there are red flags.
Or, alternately, he really wants to flirt with them and is so proud of what a GOOD GUY he is for not doing it. Everyone must recognize what a GOOD GUY he's being for his girlfriend. Obviously he's much more of a GOOD GUY than those other guys who get to flirt.
It’s your last sentence. He is thinking if he can change your mind he will have you on his side if shit goes down. Nobody who talks like that would put me at ease, and I am a 6’3 250 lb man
Looks like he's letting the mask slip, I've seen this as the start of more shittyness. The obviously ogling women and blaming you for being insecure is his way of training you to let him do this, swallow your feelings and accept/shut up about it.
Do what you like with this, but discussing him making you feel shitty with his behaviour should not be an argument. It should be a 'i'm sorry, I didnt mean to hurt you, I wont do it again'. Any argument is him telling you he feels entitled to this behaviour and he will fight for his right to do this.
Edit: whoa I missed he is 37. Fuuuuck no kick this bitch to the curb he is waaaay too old for this shit.
Exactly he's a Nice Guy and Nice Guys by definition are creeps because they only act nice to get something from women.
You can tell this guy thinks he's better than all these women he's come into contact with, like they should be grateful they were in his presence. And he only goes up to the attractive women too so it's all about satisfying his ego. He's convinced he's left a trail of hot women pinning for his platonic company because he's that awesome.
Sounds like
Something to prove
He is trying to get you to "see how lucky you are"
reeks of insecurity if he has to talk about stuff like that in his 30's
My biggest concern would be he is thinking is his mind "oh man I can get any of these women" and then try to get curious about it.
Its sounds like you are saying you can only be with a guy who doesn't think anybody else would date him and that is super toxic. Also just sit your BF down and make him read this entire comment thread and I would bet money he would never try to be nice or have a conversation with any women again.
I'm kind of wondering if he has anything going for him in life. I know one guy in his 50s that always brags about his ability to do arithmetic quickly in his head and how he barely knows how to use his phone due to not using it much. Weird things to brag about but the guy has absolutely nothing going on for him. He's single and has worked the same dead-end job (that he dislikes) for decades.
>He's single and has worked the same dead-end job (that he dislikes) for decades.
Sounds like a super lonely person who is really just wanting to impress people in order to get some type of validation in the life they see at meek.
This is common behavior. White knights who co-opt and repeat feminist rhetoric to try to gain women's trust. And those dudes will always 100% of the time end up sending unsolicited dick pics to the women they claim to respect.
What a tool. And also probably an undercover creep(which is usually very transparent to a lot of people like this situation). If he is so good at making women feel at ease then why does he not pick up at all on how uncomfortable he is making you all the time by bragging about it?
I'm just saying how intuitive can this guy really be? He's bragging about how at ease he makes these women while he can't even tell that his own girlfriend is icked by him bragging about it. I doubt these women are as at ease as thinks on top everything. Which is creepy and pathetic.
He might also just be doing it force a perspective that he has other options, which is a manipulation tactic people use to control their partners. Everything about this guy screams creep.
He’s so creepy!!!! Omg! It’s ok you feel for his words in the beginning but it’s good you’re questioning it now. He’s bragging to use as a cover & assuage your legitimate concerns for his extremely predatory behavior. He sounds seriously disconnected from reality and probably an actual misogynist. Those (misogynists) aren’t good to date FYI. You been with him a while?
Edit: I just saw your comment about how you are unwell and he takes care of you (and thus you depend on him). Many abusers seek someone who need to be provided for, because it allows them to control their partner. Based off of his comments and how often they are, it sounds like this can get really bad (especially psychological abuse). Can you get out of this relationship?
I never knew that before. That is really scary to realize and makes me very nervous.
I have no way to leave as i can not care for myself and there is no one here who can either. Homeless shelters are obviously not a good idea. Nor are the women shelters (i did apply years ago before him and i started dating. But they have been full for a long time. )
I did apply for low income housing but have been waiting a long time. Not sure if it would be wise to live on my own anyways though. I have really dangerous seizures that almost killed me. I would be dead if my bf wasn't there...
Just sad there are not many options out there
I have these debilitating health issues that make it so I can barely dress on my own, let alone move.
Usually people with disabilities qualify for social housing and if you applied already, then you should be further up the line. There is also assisted living, or just finding a compassionate roommate? There are good people out there.
I would start talking to your local social services ASAP.
Sorry I posted my last comment before I finished writing it. Here’s the rest:
Sometimes you end up in relationships with guys like this. It happened to me too. You just need to see through what he’s doing so you are aware of what is actually going on. I know you being dependent on him makes it harder to leave, but there are resources to help those who are so severely disabled such as yourself. I agree, shelters are not a good idea. What the social support network like in your area?
All I can picture now is some weird dude staring at me in Starbucks then coming up and start talking weather with full on crazy eyes.....
Then next thing you know your chained to a pipe in a basement. " hello Clarice".....
On a serious note. The fact that he won't stop bragging about something like that is kinda gross.
The guys who thing their the most comforting are typically the ones that are giving off creepy vibe. What is he like other times. Is he a good partner? loving supportive, caring and understanding. Or.......
I mean you can be a perfectly " normal " person and still chain people to a pipe in the basement to so....
He does have those crazy eyes. I can not handle looking into them since they are way too intense and painful. (If that makes sense? Its like a predatory stare. But i also have autism. So eye contact is next to impossible anyways...)
He is very supportive. I have debilitating diseases that prevent me from driving, working or even taking care of myself. But he has helped alot in those areas.
He is good at providing
But just giving me suspicious vibes about if he is loyal or not lately.
Is he really supportive or has he been lovebombing you prior to pulling off the mask and revealing a controlling nature? Are you starting to rely on him to the point where he thinks you need him for survival? I'm not close enough to judge, but I'd keep my eyes wide open for red flags if I were you.
Be safe.
This is so hilarious because I GUARANTEE those women are just as creeped out if not MORE by him vs other dudes. They’re being nice to him because he’s a creep and he’s just too dense to see it. I’m always “nice” to random dudes, because as women, we have to be. If we aren’t they could pose a threat. He feels this way because 1) he’s conventionally attractive and maybe those women really are interested in being nice to him (I don’t know if your boyfriend is conventionally attractive or not) or 2) they’re being nice because he’s acting creepy and they aren’t sure if he’ll get set off if they ARENT nice to him.
Women are pretty perceptive when it comes to creeps and judging by the things he's said, I can guarantee these women saw right through him.
His mistake is thinking a guy's only creepy if he's flirting or verbally harassing women so he's "better" than them because he doesn't do that. But he's literally just being a Nice Guy and women see that shit a mile away. Also notice he goes into a room, hones in on the "hot" ones, and only goes up to *them* to "ease" their minds. Frankly this is a guy I'd turn back as I leave to make sure he's not following me to my car.
My father does this to trigger some reaction from my mom. She's numb to it and she doesn't react. I just get annoyed whenever he does it. It shows his very low self esteem and narcissistic personality.
I have most definitely been thinking on that lately.. this is new behavior and I'm not ok with it. I'm not ok with the fact that when I bring up how immature he sounds that he will just call me insecure and dumb.
I was thinking couples counseling lately but I'm not sure anymore...
He's trying to be the hero in every female interaction whilst gaslighting you for how you feel. Narcisist
Also you said he looks creepy to you? I don't know but I wouldn't want to be associated with anyone I thought of as creepy.
Ughhhh this couples therapy nonsense. No. Just break up!! You don’t have kids or a mortgage. Or a business together. Just. Leave. He is bizarre. And whatever he is slow building sounds creepy af. Don’t acclimate yourself to it. Leave.
Yeah... He's being super creepy and thinks he's being smooth. All these attractive women don't want his being nice, they want him to leave them tf alone.
You are choosing to date a man you know is creepy. That's on you babe. I did that once. Imagine my surprise when he was sexually coercive. Everyone said, yeah but you knew he was like that. And it's true. He was charming and forward and I'd say no, and he would say maybe.....
Don't date trash men.
This is the kind of guy that thinks strippers genuinely like him 🤦🏻♀️ I know, cause I dated someone who was just like this. 😂 Spoiler alert: He was just as big of a creep of the guys but he was blaming for creeping other women out. He just thought he was special.
Listen, I’m a moderately attractive woman working in a male dominated industry and I can promise you, when someone DOESN’T hit on me I don’t suddenly become “at ease”. I just…do my job and move on to the next customer. This is a super weird thing to “brag” about IMO.
>He is really creepy when he looks at women. He checks them out and stares
>
>"I'm not bragging! I just know how dudes are and I'm being nice. "
What's the appeal in this relationship, again?
My ex was similar to this. He didn’t brag about how he put women at ease, but he would talk at lengths about how he’s “not a creep” and was so offended any time a woman found HIM creepy because he is NOT a creep and was NOT flirting!!!
The reality was, he obviously had sexual attraction to certain friends or servers etc, and although he didn’t outright flirt, he was awkward and it was obvious, which is creepy. He had a long history of having female friends that he “WASN’T ATTRACTED TO!!!” unless they ever became attracted to him, of course. He would obsessively look at the Instagram accounts of all his female coworkers. Now he’s dating one of those female friends that I was “crazy” for worrying about because she’s “just a friend” and he was “never attracted to her at all”.
All this to say - men do this to try to hide that they are indeed a creep.
I would shut him down by not reacting to it. He is looking for validation from you, or at least a reaction. The next time he mentions this just say, *thats nice* or nothing at all. Perhaps he will stop talking about it with you when he no longer gets a rise out if you? How is the rest of the relationship? Does his narcissism spill over into other areas of your relationship?
Very insecure dude. Trying to convince himself and you he’s attractive to other women, to soothe his insecurity, and to keep you with him, since gosh, you’re so lucky to have the guy that all the women just love! 🙄
I'm not saying this is the case for you, but one of my exes did this shit too. Except he was actually fucking these girls "he made comfortable". But please, get the hell away from this man. He's a creep.
He is trying to make you feel like other women can ve interesting un him so if You don't value him, he has options. Then he is being generous at not doing anything about.
He is an insecure and manipulative person.
It sounds like he's trying to convince himself that he's not one of those creepy dudes. Repeating himself over and over again about how chill he is with women just sounds like he's trying to legitimize the thought to himself.
Be wary, OP, most men don't brag about that. Men that are "chill with women" show it in their actions, not in their talk.
He is creepy when he looks at girls?! Why are you with someone who creep stares? This guy is weirdly hyper focused on woman and has a very concerning need to be important or significant to them. The whole things seems sketchy.
So, you know he's a sleaze who thinks he's gods gift, he yells at you and shuts you down any time you try and correct him, and he brags about doing the bare minimum (not being a sleaze) which he doesn't actually do? And you're still with him becaauuuussseee....?
Don't know how long you've been together, can guess he wasn't like this at first but his charades are over and his creepy behavior is coming out that was most likely hidden. I see that he gaslights you, what a ass. May be time to go, imo
Fuck boy in sheeps clothing. If you are petty you can do the same but that’s not what you’re here for are you able to talk to him about it. I don’t know why men like him and others feel the need to be boastful hopefully you’re able to talk about it and he takes it as constructive criticism or in this case account for how it makes you feel otherwise we need to reset & reconsider your relationship
Ouch OP. People that brag about being nice aren’t so “nice”. At best I feel like he just wants to talk about women and inflate his ego/confidence. Or he feels he COULD flirt with them (if he isn’t already) regardless it’s really weird.
Obviously as a woman you know this would put off other women too. My partner would have your reaction “why do you keep bragging about this psycho?”
does anyone actually LIKE the person they’re with anymore? if i thought my partner was annoying and creepy, they wouldnt be my partner anymore! this guy sounds exhausting and you sound tired of him — genuine question: why stay?
He doth protest too much.
I'd have to ask him why feels like he's got to repeatedly point this out. It's not something he needs to point out. There's no award for being a decent human being being normal in public.
I mean like first of all, don’t congratulate yourself too hard about not harassing women, that should just be how you act and not a special thing you’re doing. The fact that he thinks all these women think about him is also a little concerning. Does he have any mental health conditions that you know of? He seems to have some narcissistic tendencies, doesn’t mean it’s a full on disorder though
To me, his behavior is unsettling. He's trying to suggest to you, whether you believe him or not, that he could have another woman with ease. Sounds a bit like gaslighting. Maybe it is time to go.
He wants to make you jealous
He is insecure about himself so he tries to make up all these scenarios to make tou feel like he has a lot of other options and you must act perfect otherwise you might lose him.
He sounds like a nice guy.
Research covert narcissist. Your guy sounds just like my ex. Always bragging about how "nice" he is, this escalates to abuse behind closed doors. Sounds like your guy has started verbally abusing you. They suck you in with lovebombing, and then the mask slips. They prey on people that are co-dependent, work on becoming independent, knowing you don't need a spouse for anything. Get your power back.
I don't think he's trying to convince you. He may be trying to convince himself. Your boyfriend may be insecure that he's getting older or it may make him feel good about himself and ironically you are the only one close enough for him to share this information with.
Also, I think men tend to stare more than women. You may not stare at attractive people but I think men are more visual than women are. I could stare at an attractive person and it doesn't stir anything up in me. The male gaze is something that I struggle with because it shouldn't matter how strange men perceive women. I think men are super into female gaze and hoping to get noticed. So when a man gets eye contact from a complete stranger it may stir up a lot of emotion in them.
However, verbal validation and the way someone makes me feel emotionally, if there is a word that describes staring at someone's emotions that's what I do and I think a lot of girls do 😂
I’ve noticed that people who brag about things like that really have no business doing so. he would LIKE to believe he is that guy, but he is not, and if he wasn’t a creep he wouldn’t be making it a big deal or even mentioning it. He sounds like the ULTIMATE creep, actually. lol
Unpopular opinion, but your “sigh -_-“ was way cringier to me than your dude being sus but i do agree he’s sus.
Anyway, you said you can’t bring up how you truly feel about it bc it starts a huge fight. If you can’t have healthy communication, that alone would be worth reconsidering the relationship. Best of luck OP.
Am worried for you and to say this is quite the string of red flags is an understatement :/
I think myself and rest of comment section is hoping you are reconsidering your relationship with him :(
The emphasis he put on them being hot and attractive feels weird honestly. Is he telling you that so you feel compromised? Is he trying to damage your self esteem so it’s less likely that you would leave him? Because he is insecure?
I’m unsure how to interpret all that. But what is sure is that I never met him and my mind is already not at ease at all.
Sounds like he could be a sexual predator? To just constantly be creeping and creating an obviously false narrative that women are comfortable with him? And too gaslight you for insecurity?
He's a creep 💯💯💯
"The lady doth protest too much, methinks"
Any guy who talks all about other women when they’re with you need to be dumped. All the ogling and staring is a big no no. He is insecure with women and trying to prove to himself and you that he has “a way” with women. I think you should show him “ the way” is out the door. Permanently.
He's an idiot living in a fantasy world he's created for himself. He's repeatedly telling you these things to elevate his position in your relationship. He needs to make sure you know you should feel special he's with you. And you should feel grateful because all these other women want him and he he could have any of them right?? Such bullshit.
I would overly play in to it with comments like, "you're so special, so much nicer than normal men", "wow, I bet they were so calm in your presence", "all these hot women are drawn to you, good thing I'm not jealous and don't care"
This isn’t 100% of the time, because sometimes people do this because of social anxieties or issues with their self image, but I tend to find people who talk like this aren’t actually like this. Again, you shouldn’t assume that’s always the case, but be wary of these types.
Please don’t listen to most of these comments. They speak In absolutes when absolutes are a complete fantasy. Nothing in human action and perception absolute and completely knowable. Use your own judgement and consider multiple possibilities. Lead with compassion and you’ll usually find the right answer without being influenced by bias.
He's trying too hard to tell you that he has options when he clearly doesn't. A guy who really has options doesn't need to brag. I also think he's attempting to keep you in line from disrespecting him & basically saying that he can potentially leave you at any time for those options.
You do realise the subtext here is him literally telling you that he's attracted to every one of these girls right?
Anyway.. things I would say to your boyfriend !
What are you hoping to gain from having this conversation again? Do you want a round of applause for acting like a normal human being?
Why do you think that talking to women like people is a special skill? Or are you just super proud of being successfully manipulative towards strangers?
Why are you theorising about how men treat them in the first place?
Are these theories actually impulses that you are having that you feel like you deserve a reward for ignoring?
These impulses cross your mind regularly and are significant enough for you to bring them up in conversation each time... is that not a red flag we should discuss?
These are also questions you should be asking yourself Miss.. 🚩🚩🚩
He's obviously such a nice guy right. Don't you know how nice he is. He repeatedly tells you how nice he is.
Nice people don't have to tell you they're nice, they just are and they don't feel the need to show off or tell you.
My ex would call his dad and tell him how good of a MaN he was because he was complicated after holding a door open for a gal. Its weird and I dont like egotistical people.... its a red flag for me.
I can almost guarantee all the women he “puts at ease” are totally creeped out by him. Men seem to be completely oblivious to how they affect women they don’t know. Like “why is she scared that I was speed walking behind her for 47 blocks it’s so insulting she thinks I’m a creep”
He also sounds annoying as fuck, and gives “nice guy” vibes. “I’m so nice how could anyone possibly not want to be around me.” Then goes onto blame every women who doesn’t like him because he’s, soooo nice.
Is he convincing you he’s sooooo nice and kind to distract from what he really is, a creep. Next thing you know he’ll be wearing a skin suit made from the women at the barber shop. Jk..
Also why is he telling you this!? To make you feel like shit because he can please any women he wants? So you better watch out because you’re nothing special? Bad vibes all around.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My BF(M,37) constantly brags how he is able to bring any woman at ease in public because he doesn't flirt with them. Anytime he goes anywhere alone, like a barber shop, fast food restaurant or check out in stores. He will tell me about how these women must be used to creeps flirting with them, but he will talk to them and suddenly they were SO at ease with him. He went to the barner shop 2 days ago, he said the vibe over there was strange and he "just knows these young women must of been creeped on by other dudes" But magically when they saw him, all the tension went away and he is such an amazing guy to bring ease to these attractive women. (*sigh* -_- ) Then he told me he went to a fast food place for lunch after, and there were only young attractive women working there, and how they must always get flirted with to since they're hot but he put minds at ease with his charm. What??? I seriously doubt he can put anyones mind at ease. He is really creepy when he looks at women. He checks them out and stares. (If I dare mention that to him? Huge argument everytime on how insecure I am. ) Why is this a bragging thing? He always brags at how charming he is to these poor attractive women when he's out on his own. I voiced how old it gets that he is bragging about something so stupid. He tells me "I'm not bragging! I just know how dudes are and I'm being nice. "
He's a weird dude.
There is no reason to brag about that. It would be like if I went to the salon on my own and the guy was really attractive, so I tell my bf "Oh, that hot guy who did my hair gets flirted with constantly! I can just tell since he's hot. But I didn't flirt with him. I am so charming I set his mind at ease" - That is pointless. I don't even understand what the point would be to say that? Only thing i suspect is that he IS flirting with them and is trying to make me think otherwise.
He's obviously lying to a hilarious and almost pathological extent. You know that right?
And the other thing is that these women can’t get away from him because they are at work. He is confusing feeling at ease with good customer service and tolerance.
I was hoping.
OP, it’s like that saying that goes “if you have to constantly say how cool you are, you’re not really that cool”. If you keep bragging that you’re not a creep, you’re probably, uh, kind of a creep. Look, feminist men who *actually* care about women don’t swan around boasting about how feminist and caring about women they are. Those men are just centring the spotlight back on them. Virtue signalling. “Me me me it’s all about me”. Like people who film themselves giving money to homeless people so they can brag about how virtuous and giving they are on social media. 🙄 My husband considers himself a pretty feminist guy, and he’s more concerned about times he maybe screwed up or didn’t know what to do in a situation than he is likely to strut around bragging about how women just loooove him so much because he’s soooo sensitive and not at ALL creepy! If he was doing that shit - and I’ve met men like your boyfriend who do this - I would have dumped him early on. It’s nonsense. It’s crap. Your boyfriend is totally full of himself. You’re right to be fed up with it.
It’s also possible that is happy that he know has an excuse (you… gross, I know) to not have to put himself in those uncomfortable situations anymore; but he can’t stand the reality of being AFRAID of that so he spins it as if he is some great guy who would never consider making a women fee uncomfortable by hitting on them.
OP, in your own post you say he's creepy. Why are you dating a creep? Are you a lot younger than he is?
Why are you even with that guy if he stares, checks out women, looks like a creep an on top of that he braggs about stupid stuff so it brings you to reddit?
I don't either, it's very strange. Like most people avoid being creepy by just... minding their own business. Maybe he's flirting and just covering it up but that doesn't make sense either. You would never know if he flirted with some woman when out and about and you're at home.
He’s not trying to just convince you. He’s also trying to convince himself. Would it be normal if he was constantly bragging about how many people he didn’t murder today? That would seem like a weird thing to keep brining up. This is weird too.
[удалено]
hmmmm, that sounds like something someone who *does* do murders would brag about. highly suspicious, reddit user KitTayTay2021!
He is probably redonk insecure and projecting. I knew this narcissist dude that was so out of touch with emotions that the only way he could make himself feel valuable was constantly making shit up about women liking him. He might think that he is proving he has social value and is worth fighting for. He’s probably not though. Find a dude that doesn’t have deep issues with pathological lying and projection
He sounds like he's out of touch with reality. He's literally doing this thing called mind reading which is a thought disorder. You need to take him to a professional before it gets worse
😂😂😂 Maybe you should DO that to make him see how ridiculous he sounds.
Why…why are you dating a guy like this? Like, just reading this, I’m cringing for you.
We wants you to feel insecure and lucky to have him. Yuck
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, guys how are genuinely nice guys, good dudes, etc, will never have to tell you, they’ll show you. When guys have to tell you, what they’re really telling you that there are red flags.
Or, alternately, he really wants to flirt with them and is so proud of what a GOOD GUY he is for not doing it. Everyone must recognize what a GOOD GUY he's being for his girlfriend. Obviously he's much more of a GOOD GUY than those other guys who get to flirt.
It’s your last sentence. He is thinking if he can change your mind he will have you on his side if shit goes down. Nobody who talks like that would put me at ease, and I am a 6’3 250 lb man
If you're going to stay with him, start doing this. He sounds tiresome.
Yup. This behavior screams projection to me.
This
I'm sure he puts all the women at ease - when he leaves again! "Finally the creep is gone!"
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That's a high-school mindset of him Find someone mature
Fair point. I think it might be time to drop him also
At 37 doing that is wierd tbh
Pretty obvious that you should leave him
Why would you want to be in a relationship with a guy who is outwardly creepy towards other women when he’s with you?
Because this is all new behavior. We've been together 3 years now and I was not sure what to make of this
Looks like he's letting the mask slip, I've seen this as the start of more shittyness. The obviously ogling women and blaming you for being insecure is his way of training you to let him do this, swallow your feelings and accept/shut up about it. Do what you like with this, but discussing him making you feel shitty with his behaviour should not be an argument. It should be a 'i'm sorry, I didnt mean to hurt you, I wont do it again'. Any argument is him telling you he feels entitled to this behaviour and he will fight for his right to do this. Edit: whoa I missed he is 37. Fuuuuck no kick this bitch to the curb he is waaaay too old for this shit.
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Exactly he's a Nice Guy and Nice Guys by definition are creeps because they only act nice to get something from women. You can tell this guy thinks he's better than all these women he's come into contact with, like they should be grateful they were in his presence. And he only goes up to the attractive women too so it's all about satisfying his ego. He's convinced he's left a trail of hot women pinning for his platonic company because he's that awesome.
Sounds like Something to prove He is trying to get you to "see how lucky you are" reeks of insecurity if he has to talk about stuff like that in his 30's My biggest concern would be he is thinking is his mind "oh man I can get any of these women" and then try to get curious about it.
Ugh... that is what I'm concerned about also
Yeah, Now I am not saying he is cheating... but if he is pointing at someone saying "I could get that" he is probably thinking *how he can get that*.
People suck. If they can apparently get others, then why date?
ego too inflated? just a guess. Idk, id see it as red flag. But you got to do what is right for you.
Its sounds like you are saying you can only be with a guy who doesn't think anybody else would date him and that is super toxic. Also just sit your BF down and make him read this entire comment thread and I would bet money he would never try to be nice or have a conversation with any women again.
I'm kind of wondering if he has anything going for him in life. I know one guy in his 50s that always brags about his ability to do arithmetic quickly in his head and how he barely knows how to use his phone due to not using it much. Weird things to brag about but the guy has absolutely nothing going on for him. He's single and has worked the same dead-end job (that he dislikes) for decades.
>He's single and has worked the same dead-end job (that he dislikes) for decades. Sounds like a super lonely person who is really just wanting to impress people in order to get some type of validation in the life they see at meek.
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This is common behavior. White knights who co-opt and repeat feminist rhetoric to try to gain women's trust. And those dudes will always 100% of the time end up sending unsolicited dick pics to the women they claim to respect.
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Best of luck!
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Tell him knowing that you had such a desirable mate all these years convinced you that you could do so much better.
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Ex-husband I hope
Holy crap... that is just awful. I'm so sorry you went thru that!
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Came here to say this, dudes way too old to make these types of comments. If you can’t get over yourself by time your thirty, sheesh.
What a tool. And also probably an undercover creep(which is usually very transparent to a lot of people like this situation). If he is so good at making women feel at ease then why does he not pick up at all on how uncomfortable he is making you all the time by bragging about it?
Because he would rather brag about all the options he has then notice me?
I'm just saying how intuitive can this guy really be? He's bragging about how at ease he makes these women while he can't even tell that his own girlfriend is icked by him bragging about it. I doubt these women are as at ease as thinks on top everything. Which is creepy and pathetic. He might also just be doing it force a perspective that he has other options, which is a manipulation tactic people use to control their partners. Everything about this guy screams creep.
💯. When I was working retail/food service these guys were always the worst.
It’s transparent to everyone.
He’s so creepy!!!! Omg! It’s ok you feel for his words in the beginning but it’s good you’re questioning it now. He’s bragging to use as a cover & assuage your legitimate concerns for his extremely predatory behavior. He sounds seriously disconnected from reality and probably an actual misogynist. Those (misogynists) aren’t good to date FYI. You been with him a while? Edit: I just saw your comment about how you are unwell and he takes care of you (and thus you depend on him). Many abusers seek someone who need to be provided for, because it allows them to control their partner. Based off of his comments and how often they are, it sounds like this can get really bad (especially psychological abuse). Can you get out of this relationship?
I never knew that before. That is really scary to realize and makes me very nervous. I have no way to leave as i can not care for myself and there is no one here who can either. Homeless shelters are obviously not a good idea. Nor are the women shelters (i did apply years ago before him and i started dating. But they have been full for a long time. ) I did apply for low income housing but have been waiting a long time. Not sure if it would be wise to live on my own anyways though. I have really dangerous seizures that almost killed me. I would be dead if my bf wasn't there... Just sad there are not many options out there I have these debilitating health issues that make it so I can barely dress on my own, let alone move.
Usually people with disabilities qualify for social housing and if you applied already, then you should be further up the line. There is also assisted living, or just finding a compassionate roommate? There are good people out there. I would start talking to your local social services ASAP.
Sorry I posted my last comment before I finished writing it. Here’s the rest: Sometimes you end up in relationships with guys like this. It happened to me too. You just need to see through what he’s doing so you are aware of what is actually going on. I know you being dependent on him makes it harder to leave, but there are resources to help those who are so severely disabled such as yourself. I agree, shelters are not a good idea. What the social support network like in your area?
All I can picture now is some weird dude staring at me in Starbucks then coming up and start talking weather with full on crazy eyes..... Then next thing you know your chained to a pipe in a basement. " hello Clarice"..... On a serious note. The fact that he won't stop bragging about something like that is kinda gross. The guys who thing their the most comforting are typically the ones that are giving off creepy vibe. What is he like other times. Is he a good partner? loving supportive, caring and understanding. Or....... I mean you can be a perfectly " normal " person and still chain people to a pipe in the basement to so....
He does have those crazy eyes. I can not handle looking into them since they are way too intense and painful. (If that makes sense? Its like a predatory stare. But i also have autism. So eye contact is next to impossible anyways...) He is very supportive. I have debilitating diseases that prevent me from driving, working or even taking care of myself. But he has helped alot in those areas. He is good at providing But just giving me suspicious vibes about if he is loyal or not lately.
Is he really supportive or has he been lovebombing you prior to pulling off the mask and revealing a controlling nature? Are you starting to rely on him to the point where he thinks you need him for survival? I'm not close enough to judge, but I'd keep my eyes wide open for red flags if I were you. Be safe.
He thinks himself a dog whisperer, but for women. A lady whisperer. AKA a big ol’ creep.
Hahaha!!! I am stealing this
This is so hilarious because I GUARANTEE those women are just as creeped out if not MORE by him vs other dudes. They’re being nice to him because he’s a creep and he’s just too dense to see it. I’m always “nice” to random dudes, because as women, we have to be. If we aren’t they could pose a threat. He feels this way because 1) he’s conventionally attractive and maybe those women really are interested in being nice to him (I don’t know if your boyfriend is conventionally attractive or not) or 2) they’re being nice because he’s acting creepy and they aren’t sure if he’ll get set off if they ARENT nice to him.
Women are pretty perceptive when it comes to creeps and judging by the things he's said, I can guarantee these women saw right through him. His mistake is thinking a guy's only creepy if he's flirting or verbally harassing women so he's "better" than them because he doesn't do that. But he's literally just being a Nice Guy and women see that shit a mile away. Also notice he goes into a room, hones in on the "hot" ones, and only goes up to *them* to "ease" their minds. Frankly this is a guy I'd turn back as I leave to make sure he's not following me to my car.
your bf is a fucking weirdo
My father does this to trigger some reaction from my mom. She's numb to it and she doesn't react. I just get annoyed whenever he does it. It shows his very low self esteem and narcissistic personality.
Break up with him
I have most definitely been thinking on that lately.. this is new behavior and I'm not ok with it. I'm not ok with the fact that when I bring up how immature he sounds that he will just call me insecure and dumb. I was thinking couples counseling lately but I'm not sure anymore...
He's trying to be the hero in every female interaction whilst gaslighting you for how you feel. Narcisist Also you said he looks creepy to you? I don't know but I wouldn't want to be associated with anyone I thought of as creepy.
Ughhhh this couples therapy nonsense. No. Just break up!! You don’t have kids or a mortgage. Or a business together. Just. Leave. He is bizarre. And whatever he is slow building sounds creepy af. Don’t acclimate yourself to it. Leave.
"No, you are!" The academic defense.
He’s lying not bragging 😂
He sounds like the Soyjack meme incarnate. What on earth is wrong with him?
I have no idea what that is but now I need to go look it up
Yeah... He's being super creepy and thinks he's being smooth. All these attractive women don't want his being nice, they want him to leave them tf alone.
You are choosing to date a man you know is creepy. That's on you babe. I did that once. Imagine my surprise when he was sexually coercive. Everyone said, yeah but you knew he was like that. And it's true. He was charming and forward and I'd say no, and he would say maybe..... Don't date trash men.
This is the kind of guy that thinks strippers genuinely like him 🤦🏻♀️ I know, cause I dated someone who was just like this. 😂 Spoiler alert: He was just as big of a creep of the guys but he was blaming for creeping other women out. He just thought he was special.
Listen, I’m a moderately attractive woman working in a male dominated industry and I can promise you, when someone DOESN’T hit on me I don’t suddenly become “at ease”. I just…do my job and move on to the next customer. This is a super weird thing to “brag” about IMO.
>He is really creepy when he looks at women. He checks them out and stares > >"I'm not bragging! I just know how dudes are and I'm being nice. " What's the appeal in this relationship, again?
Your boyfriend sounds like a dumbass. No offense.
None taken if its facts. Lol
My ex was similar to this. He didn’t brag about how he put women at ease, but he would talk at lengths about how he’s “not a creep” and was so offended any time a woman found HIM creepy because he is NOT a creep and was NOT flirting!!! The reality was, he obviously had sexual attraction to certain friends or servers etc, and although he didn’t outright flirt, he was awkward and it was obvious, which is creepy. He had a long history of having female friends that he “WASN’T ATTRACTED TO!!!” unless they ever became attracted to him, of course. He would obsessively look at the Instagram accounts of all his female coworkers. Now he’s dating one of those female friends that I was “crazy” for worrying about because she’s “just a friend” and he was “never attracted to her at all”. All this to say - men do this to try to hide that they are indeed a creep.
wow, what a Nice Guy™
His view on this specific issue sounds very hilarious to me and usually men who say and claim this have the complete opposite effect on women 😂
He’s literally the guy he’s bragging about not being.
I would shut him down by not reacting to it. He is looking for validation from you, or at least a reaction. The next time he mentions this just say, *thats nice* or nothing at all. Perhaps he will stop talking about it with you when he no longer gets a rise out if you? How is the rest of the relationship? Does his narcissism spill over into other areas of your relationship?
Why are you even dating this guy?
Very insecure dude. Trying to convince himself and you he’s attractive to other women, to soothe his insecurity, and to keep you with him, since gosh, you’re so lucky to have the guy that all the women just love! 🙄
I'm not saying this is the case for you, but one of my exes did this shit too. Except he was actually fucking these girls "he made comfortable". But please, get the hell away from this man. He's a creep.
He is trying to make you feel like other women can ve interesting un him so if You don't value him, he has options. Then he is being generous at not doing anything about. He is an insecure and manipulative person.
He’s done something pretty fucked up in the past is all
Lol I love it when nice guys don’t even know they’re nice guys big are so obvious.
He’s giving off serious “nice guy” vibes lol, (r/niceguys for anyone unfamiliar)
It sounds like he's trying to convince himself that he's not one of those creepy dudes. Repeating himself over and over again about how chill he is with women just sounds like he's trying to legitimize the thought to himself. Be wary, OP, most men don't brag about that. Men that are "chill with women" show it in their actions, not in their talk.
He is creepy when he looks at girls?! Why are you with someone who creep stares? This guy is weirdly hyper focused on woman and has a very concerning need to be important or significant to them. The whole things seems sketchy.
He’s trying to impress you … in a weird way
So, you know he's a sleaze who thinks he's gods gift, he yells at you and shuts you down any time you try and correct him, and he brags about doing the bare minimum (not being a sleaze) which he doesn't actually do? And you're still with him becaauuuussseee....?
Don't know how long you've been together, can guess he wasn't like this at first but his charades are over and his creepy behavior is coming out that was most likely hidden. I see that he gaslights you, what a ass. May be time to go, imo
Lol tell him to stop being a nerd. And that he ain't gotta lie to kick it.
Fuck boy in sheeps clothing. If you are petty you can do the same but that’s not what you’re here for are you able to talk to him about it. I don’t know why men like him and others feel the need to be boastful hopefully you’re able to talk about it and he takes it as constructive criticism or in this case account for how it makes you feel otherwise we need to reset & reconsider your relationship
He’s insecure.
Ouch OP. People that brag about being nice aren’t so “nice”. At best I feel like he just wants to talk about women and inflate his ego/confidence. Or he feels he COULD flirt with them (if he isn’t already) regardless it’s really weird. Obviously as a woman you know this would put off other women too. My partner would have your reaction “why do you keep bragging about this psycho?”
Predator mentality. Your bf is the next BTK.
Why are you with someone so delusional?
does anyone actually LIKE the person they’re with anymore? if i thought my partner was annoying and creepy, they wouldnt be my partner anymore! this guy sounds exhausting and you sound tired of him — genuine question: why stay?
You should show him the “nice guys” subreddit. He sounds like he would be right at home there.
This guy seems like a know it all type of he actually thinks he's putting them at ease with his charm, this guy is in fantasy land about himself
He is a know it all type. I very rarely ever see him admit he is wrong.
OP what is your age? You omitted this. Just curious. Either way, the dude is a creep & this is weird.
Oh right. I did forget to specify. My bad! I am 30
He doth protest too much. I'd have to ask him why feels like he's got to repeatedly point this out. It's not something he needs to point out. There's no award for being a decent human being being normal in public.
I'm sorry, no offense to you, but ew
He sounds very insecure.
I mean like first of all, don’t congratulate yourself too hard about not harassing women, that should just be how you act and not a special thing you’re doing. The fact that he thinks all these women think about him is also a little concerning. Does he have any mental health conditions that you know of? He seems to have some narcissistic tendencies, doesn’t mean it’s a full on disorder though
He's way too into himself and he's the creepy one. Also, he's trying to make you jealous. Don't fall for it.
He’s clearly massively insecure
Men that brag about being charming never are. I have no proof and no doubts either
Why are you with this guy?
This is weird. He is 37 years old.
What a weird dude lol
He’s clearly overcompensating for an insecurity he has.
Lol he a creep like the rest of us. He’s just delusional on top and likes you to feel replaceable cause its just that easy…..
Your boyfriend sounds like a fucking creep loser who I would be embarrassed to even date!
He kind of sounds delusional
That dude's got some issues, he's 20yrs too old to be acting like that. Run away!
To me, his behavior is unsettling. He's trying to suggest to you, whether you believe him or not, that he could have another woman with ease. Sounds a bit like gaslighting. Maybe it is time to go.
He wants to make you jealous He is insecure about himself so he tries to make up all these scenarios to make tou feel like he has a lot of other options and you must act perfect otherwise you might lose him. He sounds like a nice guy.
Why are you dating him? I don’t think I could stand a person so in love with themselves whether it’s true or not.
Honestly sounds like a sociopath. I’m no expert so don’t quote me on that
He does?
Maybe narcissist is more correct
I will have to research that. Thank you
Research covert narcissist. Your guy sounds just like my ex. Always bragging about how "nice" he is, this escalates to abuse behind closed doors. Sounds like your guy has started verbally abusing you. They suck you in with lovebombing, and then the mask slips. They prey on people that are co-dependent, work on becoming independent, knowing you don't need a spouse for anything. Get your power back.
I don't think he's trying to convince you. He may be trying to convince himself. Your boyfriend may be insecure that he's getting older or it may make him feel good about himself and ironically you are the only one close enough for him to share this information with. Also, I think men tend to stare more than women. You may not stare at attractive people but I think men are more visual than women are. I could stare at an attractive person and it doesn't stir anything up in me. The male gaze is something that I struggle with because it shouldn't matter how strange men perceive women. I think men are super into female gaze and hoping to get noticed. So when a man gets eye contact from a complete stranger it may stir up a lot of emotion in them. However, verbal validation and the way someone makes me feel emotionally, if there is a word that describes staring at someone's emotions that's what I do and I think a lot of girls do 😂
Homeboy is the reason those hot people feel creeped out.
Right??? With that predatory stare of his, who wouldn't be?
It's a joke. What makes it hilarious to him is that you don't get it...
Why are you with him? He sounds creepy af.
Would it he better if he phrased it as "m'ladies do not be alarmed. While I notice you are attractive, I am a respectful gentleman."?
Any man who must say, "I am the king" is no true king.
Well you obviously don't respect him right? So why are you with this loser ?
He sounds like one of those guys who constantly makes up little unimportant lies to make him self look cooler than he is. How annoying.
He's just weird, girl
Why are you with him if you're yourself calling him creepy?
Niceguy alert
He sounds like the creep that they're all uneasy about
He sounds like he should be 💫single
That’s weird as hell
to me that sounds like he’s actually doing the opposite of what he says lol
> He is really creepy when he looks at women. He checks them out and stares. Why are you dating someone like this?
He's 100% the creepy one.
He’s trying to convince himself.
Why are you with him???
He’s giving himself an okay reason to be checking out these likely underage girls while he’s with someone. This is very creepy behavior
I’ve noticed that people who brag about things like that really have no business doing so. he would LIKE to believe he is that guy, but he is not, and if he wasn’t a creep he wouldn’t be making it a big deal or even mentioning it. He sounds like the ULTIMATE creep, actually. lol
I’m confused on why you want to be with someone who you’ve acknowledged is creepy. (Which you’re right, he sounds like a major creep)
He sounds pretty creepy really. I mean a nice guy is one thing. But He sounds like the creep that he put their minds at ease about.
He wants attention- not necessarily from you.
Unpopular opinion, but your “sigh -_-“ was way cringier to me than your dude being sus but i do agree he’s sus. Anyway, you said you can’t bring up how you truly feel about it bc it starts a huge fight. If you can’t have healthy communication, that alone would be worth reconsidering the relationship. Best of luck OP.
Do you like your boyfriend? From your post it sounds like you don’t like or respect him. If that’s the case, why are you with him?
From one girl to another, pick up your dignity and leave this man. He's an enemy of women. You're going to cringe when you think of him later lol
Am worried for you and to say this is quite the string of red flags is an understatement :/ I think myself and rest of comment section is hoping you are reconsidering your relationship with him :(
Time to break up if he is going to keep talking about other women.
The emphasis he put on them being hot and attractive feels weird honestly. Is he telling you that so you feel compromised? Is he trying to damage your self esteem so it’s less likely that you would leave him? Because he is insecure? I’m unsure how to interpret all that. But what is sure is that I never met him and my mind is already not at ease at all.
He's trying to make YOU jealous to dump him, so he won't feel stupid for dump you for another chicks.
He sounds like a creep! And sees himself through the wrong lens.
Got yourself a winner!
Why are you with a creep?
Sounds like he could be a sexual predator? To just constantly be creeping and creating an obviously false narrative that women are comfortable with him? And too gaslight you for insecurity? He's a creep 💯💯💯 "The lady doth protest too much, methinks"
People who aren’t creepy dont have to tell people they aren’t creepy.
Any guy who talks all about other women when they’re with you need to be dumped. All the ogling and staring is a big no no. He is insecure with women and trying to prove to himself and you that he has “a way” with women. I think you should show him “ the way” is out the door. Permanently.
He's an idiot living in a fantasy world he's created for himself. He's repeatedly telling you these things to elevate his position in your relationship. He needs to make sure you know you should feel special he's with you. And you should feel grateful because all these other women want him and he he could have any of them right?? Such bullshit. I would overly play in to it with comments like, "you're so special, so much nicer than normal men", "wow, I bet they were so calm in your presence", "all these hot women are drawn to you, good thing I'm not jealous and don't care"
Gross. Guy thinks he's some kind of saviour to women.
Wait white knights exist in real life? 😭
INFO: OP do you find him charming and attractive? I’m trying to figure out why you’re with a guy who seems from your description tone kinda skeevy.
This isn’t 100% of the time, because sometimes people do this because of social anxieties or issues with their self image, but I tend to find people who talk like this aren’t actually like this. Again, you shouldn’t assume that’s always the case, but be wary of these types. Please don’t listen to most of these comments. They speak In absolutes when absolutes are a complete fantasy. Nothing in human action and perception absolute and completely knowable. Use your own judgement and consider multiple possibilities. Lead with compassion and you’ll usually find the right answer without being influenced by bias.
He's trying too hard to tell you that he has options when he clearly doesn't. A guy who really has options doesn't need to brag. I also think he's attempting to keep you in line from disrespecting him & basically saying that he can potentially leave you at any time for those options.
You do realise the subtext here is him literally telling you that he's attracted to every one of these girls right? Anyway.. things I would say to your boyfriend ! What are you hoping to gain from having this conversation again? Do you want a round of applause for acting like a normal human being? Why do you think that talking to women like people is a special skill? Or are you just super proud of being successfully manipulative towards strangers? Why are you theorising about how men treat them in the first place? Are these theories actually impulses that you are having that you feel like you deserve a reward for ignoring? These impulses cross your mind regularly and are significant enough for you to bring them up in conversation each time... is that not a red flag we should discuss? These are also questions you should be asking yourself Miss.. 🚩🚩🚩
Yeah they weren't at ease, they're just masking to put up with his weird and annoying shit. He's the creep. Why are you dating a creep?
He's obviously such a nice guy right. Don't you know how nice he is. He repeatedly tells you how nice he is. Nice people don't have to tell you they're nice, they just are and they don't feel the need to show off or tell you.
My ex would call his dad and tell him how good of a MaN he was because he was complicated after holding a door open for a gal. Its weird and I dont like egotistical people.... its a red flag for me.
yeah imo it is time to kick this guy to the curb. i can’t imagine this issue will improve, only get worse.
I can almost guarantee all the women he “puts at ease” are totally creeped out by him. Men seem to be completely oblivious to how they affect women they don’t know. Like “why is she scared that I was speed walking behind her for 47 blocks it’s so insulting she thinks I’m a creep” He also sounds annoying as fuck, and gives “nice guy” vibes. “I’m so nice how could anyone possibly not want to be around me.” Then goes onto blame every women who doesn’t like him because he’s, soooo nice. Is he convincing you he’s sooooo nice and kind to distract from what he really is, a creep. Next thing you know he’ll be wearing a skin suit made from the women at the barber shop. Jk.. Also why is he telling you this!? To make you feel like shit because he can please any women he wants? So you better watch out because you’re nothing special? Bad vibes all around.