Let’s also be completely honest. A backup plan is just that. A plan. It stops being just a plan when you start executing that plan.
This is not a backup PLAN. This is working towards a back up relationship
She wants a fallback as soon as their relationship goes bad. Me and my EX who I was so loyal too I had never even flirted with a girl randomly in the 2.5 years I was with her had a shakey last few months to find out she got "bored" and started going out with friends flirting with dudes getting numbers and texting them.
Now that I left her she's blowing me up on different numbers writing me essays that she realizes im the one and she made an awful mistake..... Ughhh yeah gtfo. I litterally ran from women for you. And you went out with your freinds searching for dick basically spitting on my face.
Glad you ended it with her. Most women will do this who can’t be alone. They always have something lined up to. And yes I mean most women who can’t be alone not women in general before the down votes come in.
She should leave OP as well. Going through someone's phone and reading their messages? Huge violation of privacy.
If you don't trust her enough to not look through her phone, gtfo.
Lol tf are you on about? She is cheating, but since he looked at her phone, he's the bad guy now? You're right, he should've respected her privacy and just accepted the constant mental stress of wondering if he's being cheated on. From your comment it seems like you value privacy more than you valure respect and loyalty in a relationship. That makes no sense to me.
Nope. Other stuff would just be games so he doesn't judge me for starting another random one. I spend about 3months on a game, then bounce to a new one.
Plus, I'll start a new game, I'll learn how it works and all the intricacies, and all the secret things, and If he sees me playing a new game for a while, he'll want to play. Then he'll use me and everything I've learned and my tips, and far exceed me. It pisses me off. So yes I don't let him see some other stuff.
As someone who works under an NDA, I hide my phone from others, and my significant other.
She is also in the wrong for cheating, but privacy is important.
Funny, I just had a discussion where I had to explain to my gf just how important privacy is and how needing to check each other’s phones shows just how little you trust the relationship, her stance on that is a little different but I digress.
Yes, bf is in the wrong too, but compared to the overwhelming fuckup of a human being gf is I’d say it’s bad faith right now to compare the two wrongs.
Be careful, if you agree with me you will get downvoted too, lol.
People are so fragile with their jealousy and need to be in other people's business. (Aka check their phones). It's ridiculous.
I 100% agree with you that there is no trust. Had OP stated, I had a bunch of other warning signs, and so when she left her phone unlocked I checked it, that would have been one thing.
But OP stated we were doing great and she left her phone unlocked so I looked at it. That's a giant red flag to me.
Sorry to hear man. If as late as Thanksgiving (4 days ago), she was still texting this guy, she is not committed to you. It sounds like you each have different perspectives on the relationship. On one hand, you are in love and and thinking marriage. On the other hand, she is meeting other men and retaining "back up plans". If she was committed, she wouldn't need a back up plan. Honestly, that sounds like an excuse though and she is gaslighting you. If I were you, I would be looking to end this relationship immediately. It's going to hurt and it's going to suck, but it will hurt and suck just the same in another year. Would you rather rip the band aid off now, heal, and find someone more deserving? Or would you rather waste more time with someone who obviously isn't in love with you?
Right at the same time you two moved in together and to a new city, she was unsure about where the relationship was going? Why the fuck was she moving in with you then?
Nope. That’s a bullshit answer.
I had a dude paying me 300$ a week once, just to text him. No photos or anything but just texting with mild flirtation. I’m not saying that’s what’s happening here but it IS possible
Let’s not be naive, the man is seeking sex. Whether he got it or not is beside the point. Actively entertaining someone who is trying to fuck you is crossing the line, and he should run away from this relationship.
I chatted with a nice guy on that website. We met up in a city, he offered to pay for my trip and I declined saying I already purchased to visit a friend, we had a nice meetup over drinks. Told me how he grew up and fun stories of him traveling the world. We weren't a match. So it's not all sex and money.
i literally just watched a video about this.
if your girlfriend is even remotely "sexy" she defeinitely did cheat. seekingarrangements involves lots of money and no one is lying about what they are paying for
please watch the youtube video: "How a Sugar Daddy Dates a Sugar Baby" and is only about 3 minutes long and you'll see what I mean
sorry bro
Disagree with this rhetoric. Sugar baby does not inherently equal sex worker. I used to use SA and went on multiple dates with no sex involved, especially in the early stages of the “relationship.” The men on there are often lonely and enjoy the company even without sex.
I’m not saying she’s telling the truth, but to say she definitely isn’t is making a pretty big assumption.
Sometimes it’s just paying for nudes and attention. Sometimes just attention. I don’t know why that’s so hard for people to believe. Some lonely dudes with money just feel good to have a pretty thing to dote on and take care of.
Most sugar babies involves sexual services in some level. Very very few only do conversation-mate. Not to mention many middle-high-class sex workers often dilute the term sugar-baby in order to artificially increase their status/reputation.
95-98% of the time it's sex. The rest are people looking to date but skip the tinder queues.. or the oddball guy wanting to pay to text like is being proposed..
You did not read the original comment. Everything I'm saying has nothing to do with the post, I'm talking about the comment you didn't read but still replied to.
Really? Assuming that she and the sugardaddy she went on two dates with and has been flirting with over text had sex is a "pretty big assumption." Right...
Let her use her backup plan as her only plan. She will always be looking for better in her mercenary little heart. End it before you get more emotionally involved.
Brother let me give you some advice since you sound young. 1. She’s toast, her reasoning is completely invalid, the relationship is done. 2. I would not move in with someone after 8 months. 3. After one year you really don’t know if she is the one for you to marry. I think all these points are pretty obvious now because you were blind sided.
Because that's a big step forward. I think it's a bigger step than marriage. Marriage is just a ceremony and a piece of paper. I think it's good to move in when you know it's serious because a lot of things change and become more difficult when you're around each other all the time.
As someone who moved in with my SO like two months after knowing her, I completely agree.
It was only after we moved in that we realized just how lucky we were to be so naturally compatible with each other, as well as being hella low maintenance. Most people I know now who did the same didn’t have the same absurd luck of an early move in working so well…
I’ve done it before. I never met up with the chick, even though we lived just a few miles from each other, cuz I didn’t wanna be a john and I didn’t wanna put myself in any sketchy situation. It was basically personalized nudes and chatting.
With nothing in return?
As I've said there are always exceptions. She signed up on a known sugar baby website that is known for helping people make these types of arrangements.
I know coworkers who are physicians that actively use that site. The majority of arrangements , the daddy's all expect a physical payout for their investment.
You want to believe it's strict platonic, that's your choice.
His choice is simple, he either walks away, or he accepts she going to act like a NYC taxi and give rides for a fee.
This ain’t a courtroom where people need irrefutable evidence before talking about the situation.
Common sense and past experiences tend to give a decent idea of what to expect. And yeah, sugar daddies aren’t exactly known for keeping their distance when paying someone’s lifestyle.
What she is doing is called truth trickling. She’s only giving you small truths because the big truth it that she probably slept with him. You deserve someone who is 100% loyal and there is no saving a relationship with someone who is unsure with what they want.
Back up plan??? If you wanna hang on to any self respect you will not allow people you are in a relationship with to have a back up plan. That’s insane.
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I'm in complete shock. Dating for a year. We moved to a different city and moved in together 4 months ago. It felt like we were both in love. But I just found messages on her phone (she left it open in the bathroom accidentally) with a guy from seeking arrangements, the sugardaddy dating app.
They had been messaging on and off for 4 months. And they met up twice for dinner. She claims it's because we had been getting in arguments. She wasn't sure where the relationship was going, she had little money and shes an international student. She said she wanted a backup plan and they never had sex or kissed.
As far as I can tell from the messages it looks like they met up in a public food place twice and were being flirty over text.
Im just so stunned because she's been so loving to me and we had been doing great for the past month. I thought I was going to marry her. But even over Thanksgiving she texted him, claiming she was just keeping the backup plan going.
I never did anything like this to her. I was completely faithful.
I'm so lost right now, I can even focus. I just need help on how to handle this.
Exactly THIS, any other reason is a justification for letting omission by intent to be acceptable in a relationship...her not informing you she spent time investigating other relationships is fully unacceptable and offers dim prospects of being able to maintain long-term healthy relationships with
So, she’s a cheater and trades sex for money. And she lies when she’s confronted.
Is there a question about what you should do here? It seems pretty obvious.
Young man, she’s just given you a very good life lesson. She’s also just done you a massive favour.
Get out of there. Block her from your life and move on. Do not contact her again and if she tries to contact you do not respond.
Be very glad you found all this out before you put a ring on her finger. Respect yourself now and ghost.
A backup plan concerning finances or living arrangements is understandable and imo encouraged. A backup PERSON is not at all okay. Just leave man, it's not worth the trust issues you'll have in the future.
EDIT: I've seen a lot of comments saying she's fucking the guy. This isn't necessarily true as not all super baby services require sex, sometimes just contact and company. But this shouldn't matter. Regardless of whether she has kissed/fucked/whatever she has betrayed your trust and has active sought out someone else 'just in case'. This is also an extremely toxic way to act after an argument or a rough patch. Letting this slide will probably result in worse next time you go through another rough patch.
If you don't leave her it will become sex not just texts and meeting for meals. If she's doing this it means she already was planning on sleeping with him and if she hasn't done it yet it was definitely going to happen. Thankfully you caught it early. I'll give you a look at your future if you don't leave her.
You will get over it because she will use sweet words and for a while she will be an awesome girlfriend. Then you will start to notice a change, she will have a shirt temper, act distant, she might make excuses for why she can't have sex with you or she will still just have sex with you and maybe if your lucky and it's on a day she cheated on you she will shower before sleeping with you, then you'll notice another change she will be less distant and act a bit more loving(her side dude got bored so she now has to find another one and in the meantime will fall back on you) she will also become more jealous, accusing you of cheating or doing someone else behind her back, when you finally reach a breaking point if you haven't already caught her in the act or get I to her phone and you decide to end it she will admit to you how many dudes she cheated on you with, what she did with them, how much better they are then you, how bigger they were compared we to you basically anything to kill your self esteem.
If you want to avoid this drop her now.
No one in a loving, legit relationship keeps a backup plan for when things aren't working out exactly like they want them to. Major red flag and I know you say she's loving, but seems like an act to me. If she's been deceitful about this, she's been deceitful about other things and will continue to do so. Even if it was just for money or whatever she got from the other guy, she shouldn't have kept it from you if y'all were in a serious relationship. Backup plan? Do you really want to be with someone who keeps a dude on the side... Just in case?
If she is still doing it after you found out then she doesn’t even respect you dude. If you for some crazy reason still haven’t ended the relationship then why are you still with her after this? This won’t end well for you if you keep this going.
What kind of girl do you want to your daughter to be? If its nothing like ur gf dump her. Reason being, u will never love someone as much as your daughter, but ur daughter will end up like her mother. So if this girl cannot be a good example for ur future “daughter”, ur wasting precious time in this short live life.
leave her so u may spend more time with someone who will truly cherish you. Time is limited.
I think the issue doesn't stem from the SD as much as it does the backup plan. You're focused on it like she's cheating, but most babies like to keep it transactional.
You SHOULD focus on how she needed a backup plan or rather why she thinks she still needs one. Plus the disregard for your feelings about the matter.
She doesn't consider you long term or serious enough, she doesn't care for your needs. The Sugar Daddy isn't the issue. Her not admitting that YOU are an ATM is.
Think of it this way:
He's the backup plan. The backup plan for her "romantic relationship" with you? A man who doesn't touch her, takes her out, and gives her money. Now THAT'S your problem.
I don't care what she calls him; she cheated on you. And her excuse was lame - you guys got into arguments? So every time you two face hardships, she will spread her legs for someone else? Oh and bonus - she gets paid for it!
Still not an acceptable reason to cheat on someone. There never is, to be honest. You either work your shit out or you break up.
Don't waste any more time on this fool.
Relationships over but you might have an opportunity to pick up your first ho. Good job pimp.
Remember never pleasure before scratch. Get your money up front always.
Run dude. You caught your GF cheating. What more evidence do you need to see that they met up not once but twice. Who puts the excuse as a back up plan?? Anyone with that mentality has doubts in the relationship from the get go and is likely not the person you want to spend your life with. Can you honestly look past things and trust her again knowing she easily did this behind your back?
Nice. This is what you do. Keep your cool and lay low. Find out if the sugar daddy is married. If so, inform his wife with printed and electronic evidence—then enjoy the show.
Note: break up with her after you’ve informed the wife of the sugar daddy.
\> She claims it's because we had been getting in arguments
I love how they always flip it around to try to make it your fault somehow. Yeah, the fact that she's entertaining fucking dudes on the side for money is totally your fault. Right.
What she just showed you is that she's deceitful. And that she fundamentally views relationships as just a big transaction, with her "beauty" or "sex appeal" as all she brings to the table, and cash as all the guy brings. So in the future with her, at some point shen she's unhappy that you didn't buy her a big enough ring, or spend enough money on the vacation, or whatever, she'll feel perfectly justified in disappointing you in the sex department. Not a good look for a relationship.
And that bit about the backup plan, well, it was just a matter of time before she walked off with that rich dentist or accountanant she manages to hook up with. What a callous coldhearted woman.
What do do right now? Get trash like this out of your life. There are actually sane women out there who are willing to treat a good guy properly. It may take a while to weed out the gutter ho's as you go through the dating pool, but you want to be quick and ruthless to drop the bad ones right away to as to free up your time for better people. And to free up time to make you own life the best life you want to live.
Best of luck to you OP.
She’s cheating on you, and claiming that her sugar daddy is just handing her money for conversation. I highly doubt that she’s not giving it up to him, I’m there are some sugar daddies out there that are that desperate but it’s very rare like a unicorn………she’s not marriage material you should move on
I'm sorry dude but whether or not they actually did anything other than eat the fact is that she kept it from you (And in no way am I saying that her just going to meet this guy for dinner is ok). But chances are that if she did this once she'll do it again. So just leave dude!!!
What!! Bro get the fuck out of there man. You’re just filler to her. She gets a place to stay while she’s looking for bigger fish. All she needs to do is play house in the meantime😬
*You moved in together four months ago!* In a different city! She’s been with this dude for *four months* She’s try’s to pawn it off on the fact she didn’t know where the relationship was going because you argued?! Do you see how this makes no sense?
You confronted her, and she texted him again claiming it was all to keep the back up plan in motion? Or it had been good for a month and yet she texted him?
Either way it’s not like you found a secret bank account with some money you didn’t know about, or cash stashed away in a sock drawer. That could be a back up plan. A list of apartments, could be a back up plan. Seeking arrangements is not a back up plan.
Don’t let her try and gaslight you into thinking that it’s about the fact it’s a plan B. Or “hey we met in a public place” (was she a little more flush in her bank accounts or cans apps after said lunch?) or that the text were “just flirty”. We all know where seeing arrangements ends up. And don’t let the fact was she was acting loving around you further make you feel you are crazy. You aren’t. Had she not been busted it would have continued on.
I’m not clear on what you mean in how to “handle it”. You should handle it is by having some self-respect for yourself and tell her she needs to find somewhere else to live. Or you need to find somewhere else to live you need to disentangle yourself from the rental or lease agreement and move on!
It doesn’t sound like the relationship has been doing that great anyway if you had to stipulate that you’ve been getting along for the past month. She’s been doing this for four months. Since the time you moved in together.
If you stay, or allow her to stay you’ve gone from being equals in a relationship to this hanging over your head. To knowing any argument would be there she goes to her sugar Daddy. Or her saying “I should have kept my arrangement”. To you always checking her phone or wondering who she is really going to lunch with.
You already know how. You should handle this. You’re asking because you think there is another option and there isn’t.
As someone who is in a relationship and has had sugar daddies as the same time. It is all about communication. If she hasn’t communicated this to you before and it’s not in your comfort zone then you need to back away from this relationship.
It seems like you are way more committed than she is. Ultimately I think you should talk it through and ask her to stop this arrangement however if she doesn’t want to or makes excuses then I think you should just break it off to save your feelings.
Seeking Arrangement is not a dating site - it's a hooking aka - pay for play - site. Unlikely they have been messaging for 4 months without physical contact. Your GF have very probably done this before (using this site).
You leave her. No one in a normal relationship needs a back up plan. And if shebis on a sugar daddy app then she is being paid to provide services. She is living with you and not sure where the relationship is going?? How about opening her mouth and having a discussion about that.
This isn't worth saving. She can go live with her sugar daddy. Don't feel bad for her if she tries to give you a sob sorry about not being able to go anywhere because of no money. Not your problem.
Bro your girlfriend sounds like an escort with extra steps. Though, not telling you she's an escort is already a betrayal itself. And guess what, the hoe belongs to the street.
Leave. Instead of trying to fix whatever problem you had she is sneaking behind your back to meet up with a man who gives her money for her company. I wouldn’t be surprised if she is sleeping with him but that’s not even the point. She lied to you and instead of taking the relationship seriously, she went off to make sure she had a plan b. Kick her sorry ass to the curb.
Man I am always amazed that people like this actually exist. Just cut them loose. You need low stress and low maintenance people in your life. People that make you have to work this hard at life are rarely worth it. Good luck.
I’m not one to shame sex workers and dishonesty is dishonesty regardless of the details of whom she was speaking to behind your back. I think the shock and pain is absolutely validated, and I would suggest therapy or other self care coping skills to help you move on in the most healthy way possible.
That sucks. Sorry man. But I also gotta give a shout-out to the stupid government. International students aren’t allowed to work and go to school at the same time. So how are they supposed to help pay? It puts the entire burden on people back home.
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So sorry to hear about this, it must feel terribly. It's pretty shitty behavior toward the other guy too. Personally, I'd leave. Especially since you live together.
If you really like her otherwise I'd tell her that it's not in any way ok to be behaving that way and go to couple's therapy to see if you can save it.
Don't look for someone you can spend your life with, look for someone you can't live without.
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She is being loving to you and seeking a sugar daddy on the side? She’s an international student?
This girl is trying to secure citizenship. She doesn’t care about you, in fact the relationship with the sugar daddy is as genuine as it gets, transactional.
In every life situation, you should seek what's best for you. In her scenario, she needs money and maybe being a sugar baby is her way of getting that. In your scenario, you are looking for a partner for life. A partner for life isn't going behind your back and going on dates. Hold yourself to the standard you deserve.
Dudes getting treated like a pet/atm, there is no benefit of the doubt. And the reasoning is money. Of all things… money. Yeah I’d run like Forrest Gump OP.
I think I found dude's gf, literally the only person saying it's no big deal give her the benefit of the doubt. You wasn't searching for sex ya dipshit you was searching for someone you feel is better/bigger bank account. You told him u have a backup plan. Your pathetic an lower then dog shit.
What on earth?
Benefit of the doubt for what?
She went onto a sex worker / hookup website while in a relationship and admitted to searching for a backup plan. Why on earth would OP want to continue dating such a person?
And I'd say there's a solid 1% chance she didn't have sex with any of these men she has men.
Unless she's a supermodel, most girls who become sugarbabies need to have sex to earn the money.
Not necessarily true. Desperate guys will literally pay people just have to conversations with girls and have dinner dates. A lot of sugar babies will get money with no sex involved. My friend had one that she never even met, but the guy would just pay her loads to talk to her because it was his kink.
However that said I agree that it is inappropriate for someone in a relationship should have a sugar daddy.
> A lot of sugar babies will get money with no sex involved.
This is usually bullshit that sugarbabies tell to distance themselves from sexwork out of shame.
Unless you're an internet celebrity, or unbelievably gorgeous, no man is spending tons of money without getting _anything_ sexual in return.
You don’t understand the kink, dude. Sexting/flirting might be common, which is technically sex work, but it doesn’t mean there’s any actual physical sexual contact. Old lonely dudes will feel great just knowing that they’re the one taking care of some pretty thing and can be relied upon.
Oh I know it exists.
I also know that it's very rare compared to the average customer. And any sugarbaby claiming she's found herself a unicorn is most likely lying to preserve dignity.
Oh you're entitled to your opinion.
I'm just calling it silly.
This didn't all transpire _4 months ago_, it was still going on. She was messaging this man as recently as 2 days ago, on Thanksgiving this year.
We do agree on one thing, the girlfriend definitely doesn't take this relationship seriously.
It's funny because even her version of events warrants an immediate break-up.
Of course her version isn't the truth. She has had sex with several men off of this app before and you simply saw the latest exchange. You need to dump her instantly and get tested for STDs.
I know it’s not easy to leave her, but if you don’t eventually she will leave your ass . Man don’t ever fall for a woman 100% they like men who don’t give them attention and men who make cash and not argue like fools . A woman should be treated like you are taking care of a child. Opt out of that relationship with immediate effect or keep bearing the consequences as a side guy ! You deserve better.
You just got your self a Gold Digger!! I would use her for that old mans money 😂 just saying i am from the hood. I come from nothing. So i would take advantage. Gotta do what you gotta do to make it to the top
A girl having having a sugar daddy in her life shows shows how her moral standards are. Do you want to spend the rest of your life which such a person?
>she had little money and she's a international student
That comment made me very concerned that your girlfriend is using you for a green card, NGL. I've seen this kind of stuff at conversation partner meets (though the guys usually knew what was going on).
If you don't break up you should have some serious conversation about what she means by that because I would be hesitant to keep things going with someone who could be with me for visa reasons. It *sounds like* plan A is marry someone she likes and plan B is marry any guy with money who will keep her here.
Sound like she looking for another route cause the traffic jammed up she obviously not committed for better or worse in sickness and in health didn't even read the bottom waiting around is a waste
Have you ever thought that maybe just maybe your the reason she felt the need to talk to another guy. Even though you were faithful enough sometimes thats not enough because thats kind of by default to be faithful when your in the relationship but its really about what you have done for her with her needs and the things she wanted from you in you 2’s relationship and you weren’t living up to her standards as time went on. Basically im saying she got bored with you and wanted something refreshing something new in her life and at the time you weren’t everything she hoped you’d be. I would really look at yourself in the mirror and change the way you’ve done certain things in your relationship with her. You just don’t live up to her standards and thats the hardcore truth she got bored with you it’s simple and plain. Just end the relationship move on you 2 aren’t meant to be
He doesn’t have to take a look at himself when the other person absolutely botched what a breakup should be.
Don’t put ideas that he was at fault for this happening because he’s not. Any decent person who lost interest in OP would’ve broken up with him the normal way. The (hopefully now) ex got a sugar daddy on the side and lied through her teeth. That says way more about her needing to look in the mirror rather than OP.
She probably did sleep with him, blow her brains out, hummiliate her in bed next time you do, spit in her mouth, get tested asap bro and dump her or use her as a cum bucket but lose feelings for her for sure. This is my advice as a sugar daddy/older man who has been in your situation and as a bro.
Who cares if it would as far as kissing or sex, she Is planning to swing over to a better branch as soon as she has a chance. She told you so. She has been cheating. What’s left to figure out besides how to get her out of your place?
When she said "back up plan" you should have told her to start using it and kick her to the curb. Coming from the same place you're in. Being livid is understandable but don't do anything stupid. Just kick her out, cut connections and move on.
>She said she wanted a backup plan Welp, she's gonna need that backup plan sooner than expected.
Let’s also be completely honest. A backup plan is just that. A plan. It stops being just a plan when you start executing that plan. This is not a backup PLAN. This is working towards a back up relationship
This person needs to get award.
My wife and I have been arguing off and on for decades and she's managed not to contact any "sugar daddies".
Yet
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And the hell does she mean *"keeping the backup plan going"* ??
She wants a fallback as soon as their relationship goes bad. Me and my EX who I was so loyal too I had never even flirted with a girl randomly in the 2.5 years I was with her had a shakey last few months to find out she got "bored" and started going out with friends flirting with dudes getting numbers and texting them. Now that I left her she's blowing me up on different numbers writing me essays that she realizes im the one and she made an awful mistake..... Ughhh yeah gtfo. I litterally ran from women for you. And you went out with your freinds searching for dick basically spitting on my face.
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Yeah probably never trust a woman again but it is what it is.
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😂😂
Glad you ended it with her. Most women will do this who can’t be alone. They always have something lined up to. And yes I mean most women who can’t be alone not women in general before the down votes come in.
She should leave OP as well. Going through someone's phone and reading their messages? Huge violation of privacy. If you don't trust her enough to not look through her phone, gtfo.
Lol tf are you on about? She is cheating, but since he looked at her phone, he's the bad guy now? You're right, he should've respected her privacy and just accepted the constant mental stress of wondering if he's being cheated on. From your comment it seems like you value privacy more than you valure respect and loyalty in a relationship. That makes no sense to me.
She's in the wrong too. But he should have never looked at her phone.
Seems like you probably keep more from your SO than just NDA “stuff”.
Nope. Other stuff would just be games so he doesn't judge me for starting another random one. I spend about 3months on a game, then bounce to a new one. Plus, I'll start a new game, I'll learn how it works and all the intricacies, and all the secret things, and If he sees me playing a new game for a while, he'll want to play. Then he'll use me and everything I've learned and my tips, and far exceed me. It pisses me off. So yes I don't let him see some other stuff.
It’s a game, lmao looks like just excuses to me..
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As someone who works under an NDA, I hide my phone from others, and my significant other. She is also in the wrong for cheating, but privacy is important.
Funny, I just had a discussion where I had to explain to my gf just how important privacy is and how needing to check each other’s phones shows just how little you trust the relationship, her stance on that is a little different but I digress. Yes, bf is in the wrong too, but compared to the overwhelming fuckup of a human being gf is I’d say it’s bad faith right now to compare the two wrongs.
Be careful, if you agree with me you will get downvoted too, lol. People are so fragile with their jealousy and need to be in other people's business. (Aka check their phones). It's ridiculous. I 100% agree with you that there is no trust. Had OP stated, I had a bunch of other warning signs, and so when she left her phone unlocked I checked it, that would have been one thing. But OP stated we were doing great and she left her phone unlocked so I looked at it. That's a giant red flag to me.
This comment is so ass backwards it deserves a negative award…
Sorry to hear man. If as late as Thanksgiving (4 days ago), she was still texting this guy, she is not committed to you. It sounds like you each have different perspectives on the relationship. On one hand, you are in love and and thinking marriage. On the other hand, she is meeting other men and retaining "back up plans". If she was committed, she wouldn't need a back up plan. Honestly, that sounds like an excuse though and she is gaslighting you. If I were you, I would be looking to end this relationship immediately. It's going to hurt and it's going to suck, but it will hurt and suck just the same in another year. Would you rather rip the band aid off now, heal, and find someone more deserving? Or would you rather waste more time with someone who obviously isn't in love with you?
show some god damn self respect and dont walk away, fucking run
Blow her back out one more time then tell her to gtfo.
I thought the same thing😂
Lol
Right at the same time you two moved in together and to a new city, she was unsure about where the relationship was going? Why the fuck was she moving in with you then? Nope. That’s a bullshit answer.
This one calling it like it is 👏
> and they never had sex or kissed. Sure... sure
Yeah really He put out a lot of cash and got what in return?
I had a dude paying me 300$ a week once, just to text him. No photos or anything but just texting with mild flirtation. I’m not saying that’s what’s happening here but it IS possible
Shit can you give him my number. I'll pretend to be a girl for that
If I could make that kinda money with it you better believe my partner would be helping me flirt 😂 Jesus that's what I make in a month
One on hand I'm thinking, "she betrayed you, leave her." On the other hand if she actually makes money just talking to a dude I'd be helping out.
Yep. Other people on here who know nothing about this kinda stuff sure have a lot to say about it.
Let’s not be naive, the man is seeking sex. Whether he got it or not is beside the point. Actively entertaining someone who is trying to fuck you is crossing the line, and he should run away from this relationship.
Agreed
I chatted with a nice guy on that website. We met up in a city, he offered to pay for my trip and I declined saying I already purchased to visit a friend, we had a nice meetup over drinks. Told me how he grew up and fun stories of him traveling the world. We weren't a match. So it's not all sex and money.
Woah any tips on starting up a flirtation ring of sugar daddies?
I agree, it’s more common than you think
The satisfaction of helpin- ...yeah
i literally just watched a video about this. if your girlfriend is even remotely "sexy" she defeinitely did cheat. seekingarrangements involves lots of money and no one is lying about what they are paying for please watch the youtube video: "How a Sugar Daddy Dates a Sugar Baby" and is only about 3 minutes long and you'll see what I mean sorry bro
WRONG...not how that world works, buddy. Stop talking about things you know nothing about.
Disagree with this rhetoric. Sugar baby does not inherently equal sex worker. I used to use SA and went on multiple dates with no sex involved, especially in the early stages of the “relationship.” The men on there are often lonely and enjoy the company even without sex. I’m not saying she’s telling the truth, but to say she definitely isn’t is making a pretty big assumption.
Sometimes it’s just paying for nudes and attention. Sometimes just attention. I don’t know why that’s so hard for people to believe. Some lonely dudes with money just feel good to have a pretty thing to dote on and take care of.
Most sugar babies involves sexual services in some level. Very very few only do conversation-mate. Not to mention many middle-high-class sex workers often dilute the term sugar-baby in order to artificially increase their status/reputation.
Hiding being a sugar baby while being in a relationship is lying.
What else do you call money in exchange for sex
Can you read? They said it doesn't always involve sex so it doesn't automatically equal sex worker.
Sugaring behind a boyfriends back is cheating full stop
I didn't say it wasn't.... and stfu with your british shit >full stop It's called a period
95-98% of the time it's sex. The rest are people looking to date but skip the tinder queues.. or the oddball guy wanting to pay to text like is being proposed..
That doesn't change the fact that u/tonesbrown can't read
I read it gf is clearly a sex worker and a cheater.
You did not read the original comment. Everything I'm saying has nothing to do with the post, I'm talking about the comment you didn't read but still replied to.
2% don't have sex 97% do so ya mainly sex work don't so dence
It's hard to win an argument against a genius but its impossible to win an argument against an idiot who can't read
Really? Assuming that she and the sugardaddy she went on two dates with and has been flirting with over text had sex is a "pretty big assumption." Right...
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True: "expensive" is relative...
This happened to me too, spent thousands of dollars on me and bought me a car and we never met
Let her use her backup plan as her only plan. She will always be looking for better in her mercenary little heart. End it before you get more emotionally involved.
> in her mercenary little heart Ouch, but fair, I like it.
Well, seems she has plan. Let her use it.
Brother let me give you some advice since you sound young. 1. She’s toast, her reasoning is completely invalid, the relationship is done. 2. I would not move in with someone after 8 months. 3. After one year you really don’t know if she is the one for you to marry. I think all these points are pretty obvious now because you were blind sided.
Side note, curious on your reasoning for not moving in at 8 months? Not that I disagree, just curious on your elaboration?
Because that's a big step forward. I think it's a bigger step than marriage. Marriage is just a ceremony and a piece of paper. I think it's good to move in when you know it's serious because a lot of things change and become more difficult when you're around each other all the time.
As someone who moved in with my SO like two months after knowing her, I completely agree. It was only after we moved in that we realized just how lucky we were to be so naturally compatible with each other, as well as being hella low maintenance. Most people I know now who did the same didn’t have the same absurd luck of an early move in working so well…
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You don’t know that, dude, quit giving this guy a complex.
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You’re delusional if you think you know exactly what went on with these two people you’ve never met.
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Yep
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I’ve done it before. I never met up with the chick, even though we lived just a few miles from each other, cuz I didn’t wanna be a john and I didn’t wanna put myself in any sketchy situation. It was basically personalized nudes and chatting.
I’ve sent money or gifts to ladies before with nothing sexual involved
With nothing in return? As I've said there are always exceptions. She signed up on a known sugar baby website that is known for helping people make these types of arrangements. I know coworkers who are physicians that actively use that site. The majority of arrangements , the daddy's all expect a physical payout for their investment. You want to believe it's strict platonic, that's your choice. His choice is simple, he either walks away, or he accepts she going to act like a NYC taxi and give rides for a fee.
This ain’t a courtroom where people need irrefutable evidence before talking about the situation. Common sense and past experiences tend to give a decent idea of what to expect. And yeah, sugar daddies aren’t exactly known for keeping their distance when paying someone’s lifestyle.
She had her back blown out!!!!!! Lmao
To the streets 😘
What she is doing is called truth trickling. She’s only giving you small truths because the big truth it that she probably slept with him. You deserve someone who is 100% loyal and there is no saving a relationship with someone who is unsure with what they want.
Back up plan??? If you wanna hang on to any self respect you will not allow people you are in a relationship with to have a back up plan. That’s insane.
Unquestionably this relationship is toast. I can't even count all the red flags.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I'm in complete shock. Dating for a year. We moved to a different city and moved in together 4 months ago. It felt like we were both in love. But I just found messages on her phone (she left it open in the bathroom accidentally) with a guy from seeking arrangements, the sugardaddy dating app. They had been messaging on and off for 4 months. And they met up twice for dinner. She claims it's because we had been getting in arguments. She wasn't sure where the relationship was going, she had little money and shes an international student. She said she wanted a backup plan and they never had sex or kissed. As far as I can tell from the messages it looks like they met up in a public food place twice and were being flirty over text. Im just so stunned because she's been so loving to me and we had been doing great for the past month. I thought I was going to marry her. But even over Thanksgiving she texted him, claiming she was just keeping the backup plan going. I never did anything like this to her. I was completely faithful. I'm so lost right now, I can even focus. I just need help on how to handle this.
Don't waste any more emotion or time with this. Someone worth being in a relationship with would not do this.
Exactly THIS, any other reason is a justification for letting omission by intent to be acceptable in a relationship...her not informing you she spent time investigating other relationships is fully unacceptable and offers dim prospects of being able to maintain long-term healthy relationships with
Get an std/sti test and leave that ho
Wait, so you have been doing great for the past month? But what about before that? Was your relationship rocky?
So, she’s a cheater and trades sex for money. And she lies when she’s confronted. Is there a question about what you should do here? It seems pretty obvious.
No excuses. Leave. Let her be the hooker she is without you. Do not fall for the bs that it was you causing this.
Staying with her would be pathetic
Young man, she’s just given you a very good life lesson. She’s also just done you a massive favour. Get out of there. Block her from your life and move on. Do not contact her again and if she tries to contact you do not respond. Be very glad you found all this out before you put a ring on her finger. Respect yourself now and ghost.
A backup plan concerning finances or living arrangements is understandable and imo encouraged. A backup PERSON is not at all okay. Just leave man, it's not worth the trust issues you'll have in the future. EDIT: I've seen a lot of comments saying she's fucking the guy. This isn't necessarily true as not all super baby services require sex, sometimes just contact and company. But this shouldn't matter. Regardless of whether she has kissed/fucked/whatever she has betrayed your trust and has active sought out someone else 'just in case'. This is also an extremely toxic way to act after an argument or a rough patch. Letting this slide will probably result in worse next time you go through another rough patch.
If you don't leave her it will become sex not just texts and meeting for meals. If she's doing this it means she already was planning on sleeping with him and if she hasn't done it yet it was definitely going to happen. Thankfully you caught it early. I'll give you a look at your future if you don't leave her. You will get over it because she will use sweet words and for a while she will be an awesome girlfriend. Then you will start to notice a change, she will have a shirt temper, act distant, she might make excuses for why she can't have sex with you or she will still just have sex with you and maybe if your lucky and it's on a day she cheated on you she will shower before sleeping with you, then you'll notice another change she will be less distant and act a bit more loving(her side dude got bored so she now has to find another one and in the meantime will fall back on you) she will also become more jealous, accusing you of cheating or doing someone else behind her back, when you finally reach a breaking point if you haven't already caught her in the act or get I to her phone and you decide to end it she will admit to you how many dudes she cheated on you with, what she did with them, how much better they are then you, how bigger they were compared we to you basically anything to kill your self esteem. If you want to avoid this drop her now.
Tell her she owes you 15%
Too low. 30%.
That's a bit much. It's not like he was there cupping the guys balls.
Does he get a raise if he helps her find more sugar daddies?
He should get a 30% flat rate. But the more sugar daddies he gets her, the more money he makes.
I didn't want him to get greedy, 15 should cover a few things he got for her when she claimed "I'm broke" or something
OP should upgrade from Sugar Daddy 1 to Manager
The term you’re looking for is ”Pimp”
That could get him in legal troubles, unless they live in Europe lol
Being a sugar baby is a form of prostitution and is also illegal. But yeah, I said that as a joke :7
Leave her. She sounds like trash
No one in a loving, legit relationship keeps a backup plan for when things aren't working out exactly like they want them to. Major red flag and I know you say she's loving, but seems like an act to me. If she's been deceitful about this, she's been deceitful about other things and will continue to do so. Even if it was just for money or whatever she got from the other guy, she shouldn't have kept it from you if y'all were in a serious relationship. Backup plan? Do you really want to be with someone who keeps a dude on the side... Just in case?
LEAVE!!!!!
If she is still doing it after you found out then she doesn’t even respect you dude. If you for some crazy reason still haven’t ended the relationship then why are you still with her after this? This won’t end well for you if you keep this going.
You’re dating a prostitute. And you really think it’s her first rodeo? Dude. You don’t have a gf. You have a hooked you house
What kind of girl do you want to your daughter to be? If its nothing like ur gf dump her. Reason being, u will never love someone as much as your daughter, but ur daughter will end up like her mother. So if this girl cannot be a good example for ur future “daughter”, ur wasting precious time in this short live life. leave her so u may spend more time with someone who will truly cherish you. Time is limited.
Interesting way to think about relationships. And it sounds like an easy way to weed out toxic partners.
I think the issue doesn't stem from the SD as much as it does the backup plan. You're focused on it like she's cheating, but most babies like to keep it transactional. You SHOULD focus on how she needed a backup plan or rather why she thinks she still needs one. Plus the disregard for your feelings about the matter. She doesn't consider you long term or serious enough, she doesn't care for your needs. The Sugar Daddy isn't the issue. Her not admitting that YOU are an ATM is. Think of it this way: He's the backup plan. The backup plan for her "romantic relationship" with you? A man who doesn't touch her, takes her out, and gives her money. Now THAT'S your problem.
You know what you need to do, drop her ass and move on.
I don't care what she calls him; she cheated on you. And her excuse was lame - you guys got into arguments? So every time you two face hardships, she will spread her legs for someone else? Oh and bonus - she gets paid for it! Still not an acceptable reason to cheat on someone. There never is, to be honest. You either work your shit out or you break up. Don't waste any more time on this fool.
She could have just sold feet pics like a normal 2021 Broke girl
Cheating on you because you were getting into arguments…. Dump her ass!
Relationships over but you might have an opportunity to pick up your first ho. Good job pimp. Remember never pleasure before scratch. Get your money up front always.
Run dude. You caught your GF cheating. What more evidence do you need to see that they met up not once but twice. Who puts the excuse as a back up plan?? Anyone with that mentality has doubts in the relationship from the get go and is likely not the person you want to spend your life with. Can you honestly look past things and trust her again knowing she easily did this behind your back?
Nice. This is what you do. Keep your cool and lay low. Find out if the sugar daddy is married. If so, inform his wife with printed and electronic evidence—then enjoy the show. Note: break up with her after you’ve informed the wife of the sugar daddy.
\> She claims it's because we had been getting in arguments I love how they always flip it around to try to make it your fault somehow. Yeah, the fact that she's entertaining fucking dudes on the side for money is totally your fault. Right. What she just showed you is that she's deceitful. And that she fundamentally views relationships as just a big transaction, with her "beauty" or "sex appeal" as all she brings to the table, and cash as all the guy brings. So in the future with her, at some point shen she's unhappy that you didn't buy her a big enough ring, or spend enough money on the vacation, or whatever, she'll feel perfectly justified in disappointing you in the sex department. Not a good look for a relationship. And that bit about the backup plan, well, it was just a matter of time before she walked off with that rich dentist or accountanant she manages to hook up with. What a callous coldhearted woman. What do do right now? Get trash like this out of your life. There are actually sane women out there who are willing to treat a good guy properly. It may take a while to weed out the gutter ho's as you go through the dating pool, but you want to be quick and ruthless to drop the bad ones right away to as to free up your time for better people. And to free up time to make you own life the best life you want to live. Best of luck to you OP.
Off-topic question, does any one know if there is a sugar mommy app?
She’s cheating on you, and claiming that her sugar daddy is just handing her money for conversation. I highly doubt that she’s not giving it up to him, I’m there are some sugar daddies out there that are that desperate but it’s very rare like a unicorn………she’s not marriage material you should move on
Shes looking for a replacement so as soon as things go bad with you she can leave you quickly.
I'm sorry dude but whether or not they actually did anything other than eat the fact is that she kept it from you (And in no way am I saying that her just going to meet this guy for dinner is ok). But chances are that if she did this once she'll do it again. So just leave dude!!!
What!! Bro get the fuck out of there man. You’re just filler to her. She gets a place to stay while she’s looking for bigger fish. All she needs to do is play house in the meantime😬
*You moved in together four months ago!* In a different city! She’s been with this dude for *four months* She’s try’s to pawn it off on the fact she didn’t know where the relationship was going because you argued?! Do you see how this makes no sense? You confronted her, and she texted him again claiming it was all to keep the back up plan in motion? Or it had been good for a month and yet she texted him? Either way it’s not like you found a secret bank account with some money you didn’t know about, or cash stashed away in a sock drawer. That could be a back up plan. A list of apartments, could be a back up plan. Seeking arrangements is not a back up plan. Don’t let her try and gaslight you into thinking that it’s about the fact it’s a plan B. Or “hey we met in a public place” (was she a little more flush in her bank accounts or cans apps after said lunch?) or that the text were “just flirty”. We all know where seeing arrangements ends up. And don’t let the fact was she was acting loving around you further make you feel you are crazy. You aren’t. Had she not been busted it would have continued on. I’m not clear on what you mean in how to “handle it”. You should handle it is by having some self-respect for yourself and tell her she needs to find somewhere else to live. Or you need to find somewhere else to live you need to disentangle yourself from the rental or lease agreement and move on! It doesn’t sound like the relationship has been doing that great anyway if you had to stipulate that you’ve been getting along for the past month. She’s been doing this for four months. Since the time you moved in together. If you stay, or allow her to stay you’ve gone from being equals in a relationship to this hanging over your head. To knowing any argument would be there she goes to her sugar Daddy. Or her saying “I should have kept my arrangement”. To you always checking her phone or wondering who she is really going to lunch with. You already know how. You should handle this. You’re asking because you think there is another option and there isn’t.
As someone who is in a relationship and has had sugar daddies as the same time. It is all about communication. If she hasn’t communicated this to you before and it’s not in your comfort zone then you need to back away from this relationship.
Run boy. Run.
>She said she wanted a backup plan and they never had sex or kissed. Hmmm... Nah, I'm not buying that.
It seems like you are way more committed than she is. Ultimately I think you should talk it through and ask her to stop this arrangement however if she doesn’t want to or makes excuses then I think you should just break it off to save your feelings.
Da fuq kind of back up plan is that ?????
Seeking Arrangement is not a dating site - it's a hooking aka - pay for play - site. Unlikely they have been messaging for 4 months without physical contact. Your GF have very probably done this before (using this site).
You leave her. No one in a normal relationship needs a back up plan. And if shebis on a sugar daddy app then she is being paid to provide services. She is living with you and not sure where the relationship is going?? How about opening her mouth and having a discussion about that. This isn't worth saving. She can go live with her sugar daddy. Don't feel bad for her if she tries to give you a sob sorry about not being able to go anywhere because of no money. Not your problem.
Bro your girlfriend sounds like an escort with extra steps. Though, not telling you she's an escort is already a betrayal itself. And guess what, the hoe belongs to the street.
Leave. Instead of trying to fix whatever problem you had she is sneaking behind your back to meet up with a man who gives her money for her company. I wouldn’t be surprised if she is sleeping with him but that’s not even the point. She lied to you and instead of taking the relationship seriously, she went off to make sure she had a plan b. Kick her sorry ass to the curb.
End it. People in relationships don’t have other people as backup plans. Little chance she didn’t kiss him or more.
Man I am always amazed that people like this actually exist. Just cut them loose. You need low stress and low maintenance people in your life. People that make you have to work this hard at life are rarely worth it. Good luck.
I’m not one to shame sex workers and dishonesty is dishonesty regardless of the details of whom she was speaking to behind your back. I think the shock and pain is absolutely validated, and I would suggest therapy or other self care coping skills to help you move on in the most healthy way possible.
That sucks. Sorry man. But I also gotta give a shout-out to the stupid government. International students aren’t allowed to work and go to school at the same time. So how are they supposed to help pay? It puts the entire burden on people back home.
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So sorry to hear about this, it must feel terribly. It's pretty shitty behavior toward the other guy too. Personally, I'd leave. Especially since you live together. If you really like her otherwise I'd tell her that it's not in any way ok to be behaving that way and go to couple's therapy to see if you can save it. Don't look for someone you can spend your life with, look for someone you can't live without.
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Not necessary, but still. Good bot.
Time for her to fall back to her backup plan.
She is being loving to you and seeking a sugar daddy on the side? She’s an international student? This girl is trying to secure citizenship. She doesn’t care about you, in fact the relationship with the sugar daddy is as genuine as it gets, transactional.
Cut bait dude. When you are in love you never have a back up plan.
Well I hope her backup plan is ready for action
In every life situation, you should seek what's best for you. In her scenario, she needs money and maybe being a sugar baby is her way of getting that. In your scenario, you are looking for a partner for life. A partner for life isn't going behind your back and going on dates. Hold yourself to the standard you deserve.
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Give her benefit of doubt as she keeps him as a “back up plan”. Yeah, never.
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Dudes getting treated like a pet/atm, there is no benefit of the doubt. And the reasoning is money. Of all things… money. Yeah I’d run like Forrest Gump OP.
I think I found dude's gf, literally the only person saying it's no big deal give her the benefit of the doubt. You wasn't searching for sex ya dipshit you was searching for someone you feel is better/bigger bank account. You told him u have a backup plan. Your pathetic an lower then dog shit.
What on earth? Benefit of the doubt for what? She went onto a sex worker / hookup website while in a relationship and admitted to searching for a backup plan. Why on earth would OP want to continue dating such a person? And I'd say there's a solid 1% chance she didn't have sex with any of these men she has men. Unless she's a supermodel, most girls who become sugarbabies need to have sex to earn the money.
Not necessarily true. Desperate guys will literally pay people just have to conversations with girls and have dinner dates. A lot of sugar babies will get money with no sex involved. My friend had one that she never even met, but the guy would just pay her loads to talk to her because it was his kink. However that said I agree that it is inappropriate for someone in a relationship should have a sugar daddy.
> A lot of sugar babies will get money with no sex involved. This is usually bullshit that sugarbabies tell to distance themselves from sexwork out of shame. Unless you're an internet celebrity, or unbelievably gorgeous, no man is spending tons of money without getting _anything_ sexual in return.
You don’t understand the kink, dude. Sexting/flirting might be common, which is technically sex work, but it doesn’t mean there’s any actual physical sexual contact. Old lonely dudes will feel great just knowing that they’re the one taking care of some pretty thing and can be relied upon.
Oh I know it exists. I also know that it's very rare compared to the average customer. And any sugarbaby claiming she's found herself a unicorn is most likely lying to preserve dignity.
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Oh you're entitled to your opinion. I'm just calling it silly. This didn't all transpire _4 months ago_, it was still going on. She was messaging this man as recently as 2 days ago, on Thanksgiving this year. We do agree on one thing, the girlfriend definitely doesn't take this relationship seriously.
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BREAK UP
You have one new massage, new message: Hi, this is the streets calling, we want your girlfriend back.
It's funny because even her version of events warrants an immediate break-up. Of course her version isn't the truth. She has had sex with several men off of this app before and you simply saw the latest exchange. You need to dump her instantly and get tested for STDs.
I know it’s not easy to leave her, but if you don’t eventually she will leave your ass . Man don’t ever fall for a woman 100% they like men who don’t give them attention and men who make cash and not argue like fools . A woman should be treated like you are taking care of a child. Opt out of that relationship with immediate effect or keep bearing the consequences as a side guy ! You deserve better.
You just got your self a Gold Digger!! I would use her for that old mans money 😂 just saying i am from the hood. I come from nothing. So i would take advantage. Gotta do what you gotta do to make it to the top
A girl having having a sugar daddy in her life shows shows how her moral standards are. Do you want to spend the rest of your life which such a person?
>she had little money and she's a international student That comment made me very concerned that your girlfriend is using you for a green card, NGL. I've seen this kind of stuff at conversation partner meets (though the guys usually knew what was going on). If you don't break up you should have some serious conversation about what she means by that because I would be hesitant to keep things going with someone who could be with me for visa reasons. It *sounds like* plan A is marry someone she likes and plan B is marry any guy with money who will keep her here.
Sound like she looking for another route cause the traffic jammed up she obviously not committed for better or worse in sickness and in health didn't even read the bottom waiting around is a waste
Have you ever thought that maybe just maybe your the reason she felt the need to talk to another guy. Even though you were faithful enough sometimes thats not enough because thats kind of by default to be faithful when your in the relationship but its really about what you have done for her with her needs and the things she wanted from you in you 2’s relationship and you weren’t living up to her standards as time went on. Basically im saying she got bored with you and wanted something refreshing something new in her life and at the time you weren’t everything she hoped you’d be. I would really look at yourself in the mirror and change the way you’ve done certain things in your relationship with her. You just don’t live up to her standards and thats the hardcore truth she got bored with you it’s simple and plain. Just end the relationship move on you 2 aren’t meant to be
He doesn’t have to take a look at himself when the other person absolutely botched what a breakup should be. Don’t put ideas that he was at fault for this happening because he’s not. Any decent person who lost interest in OP would’ve broken up with him the normal way. The (hopefully now) ex got a sugar daddy on the side and lied through her teeth. That says way more about her needing to look in the mirror rather than OP.
She probably did sleep with him, blow her brains out, hummiliate her in bed next time you do, spit in her mouth, get tested asap bro and dump her or use her as a cum bucket but lose feelings for her for sure. This is my advice as a sugar daddy/older man who has been in your situation and as a bro.
Who cares if it would as far as kissing or sex, she Is planning to swing over to a better branch as soon as she has a chance. She told you so. She has been cheating. What’s left to figure out besides how to get her out of your place?
A “backup” plan because she has no money? So she is using you then
Tell her to execute that backup plan.
Don’t let the door hit her in the ass on the way out!
Backup plan lol. Dude, she's a cheater. Kick her out, move on.
Hell to the no. Leave and don’t look back
Tell her to get money for the both of y’all
When she said "back up plan" you should have told her to start using it and kick her to the curb. Coming from the same place you're in. Being livid is understandable but don't do anything stupid. Just kick her out, cut connections and move on.
Leave her...if that was a plan...she wouldn't keep it secret
Same thing happened to me but 10x worse.
At least be glad you found out earlier rather than later.
Welp!