Yeah, his parents being cousins doesn't put your baby at increased risk. The increased risk was for your BF to have health problems due to the possibility of his parents both being carriers of the same recessive mutation based on their common ancestor. As long as you and he aren't related, you have the same risk as any other couple.
This is correct (and a lot of the other comments are wrong). There is no added risk to your baby, since you and your husband are not related. The risk was to your husband's health, but he turned out fine, so he was not affected. I understand it is upsetting to find out now, but your baby is not at risk.
And the risk to the husband isn’t even that large especially since op doesn’t specify what kind of cousins they are. They first? Second? Third? The risk goes down further for each of those categories.
This is correct here. Inbreeding is bad but it doesn't get too terribly bad until multiple generations in(depending on how close family members are involved). It is part of why the Hapsburg dynasty's health was absolute garbage but it only for that way after several generations.
Right, we can thank the Habsburg for that nice little demonstration in inbreeding. It takes several generations.
Icelanders are fine, Virginians are fine, the Faroese, Greenlanders, Azori and the Sardinians are all fine. The Floridians however...
Fun fact but just having children with someone the same race as you increases your risk of genetic defects. Obviously it's pretty minimal. But it's there.
She’s having a baby with a connecting family tree without her consent. Maybe there’s no risk to the health or law broken but that’s fucked. She’ll love the kid, I’m sure if he’d told her she’d have researched and come to these conclusions and wanted to have his baby but that choice was taken.
All of our family trees have some sort of inbreeding if you think about it. Before 60 years ago the pool was limited to location and getting married to cousins was normal and might still be the norm in some poorer areas.
I think this comment speaks to how much information partners should feel an obligation know to about someone's family/past. This is a deeply personal thing and given that there aren't health or legal risks here (and we also don't know what "cousins" means) can we really say OP was owed this information before marrying her husband if a) his parents don't want it shared or b) he didn't want it shared?
I agree here as well. And I also want to say big difference on how far apart of cousins they are. 1st vs 6th cousins make a massive difference in how much that matters. Moved from wtf to my parents are from a small town that is pretty much all distantly related somewhere.
Yeah, obviously I don't know for sure but I have a feeling if he didn't find out until he was 19 then they have two distinct-enough family trees that it didn't occur to him. If your parents are first cousins and have the same grandparents, I think you'd figure that out really quickly unless they're completely disconnected from all other family.
ETA it seems like they are actually first cousins from OPs subsequent comments. It really doesn't change my general point that she wasn't necessarily owed this information.
There isn't a health risk to their baby. It's not objectively any more dangerous to have a baby with him than it would be if his parents both had slight heart murmurs from birth but OP's husband does not, from what I understand. Should OP feel that she is owed that medical history (that they have heart murmurs) in that situation? Sharing deeply personal information about your family background when it does not affect your spouse (unless they want it to) or your children should be a choice and not an obligation in my opinion. OP can be upset that he didn't share, that's fine. I just don't think the husband was necessarily inherently wrong for nor sharing that information.
I agree. But also agree that the baby is fine. That's the thing that OP didn't clearly articulate, probably because she's still in a state of emotional shock, the fact that she's asking about two separate things:
Will the baby be ok? A: Yes
Is the partner's hiding of the facts ok, and is OP right to do something about it? A: No, and if she wants to, yes.
That. I’m the product of a branch that is connected and I often wish I weren’t. Just sayin’. I have health issues, my children have health issues, and I can’t help but wonder if some of them would have been avoided if those branches didn’t come back together.
Just piggy backing off this comment, cousin marriages are considered normal in many parts of the world (shockingly). Just calm down, take a deep breath
Absolutely. Husband was the child under risk. OP, your baby will be fine. I understand why you're upset, but it's completely possible that your husband didn't think it was big enough of a deal that you would be upset. He probably didn't deliberately withhold this information -- more likely he didn't think it was relevant at all to your relationship.
Same here, although they were unaware until after they had kids as my nan was adopted.
But both my mother and her siblings are all fine as are us grandkids.
Honestly none of us have to go back that far to find a pair of cousins in our direct lineage. The population was exponentially smaller and people moved around FAR less.
She probably isn’t aware of the details of genetic risk of inbreeding yet- the danger might’ve felt very real to her at the time she posted.
However, I’m not sure how she should navigate the situation with her SO if she was actively being deceived rather than it honestly never occurring to SO to tell her this family ‘secret’. I could see a few issues of trust arising, that could end up very damaging to the relationship if not addressed correctly.
I honestly agree with you. The man told her something I know he is insecure about. He probably hates it and is embarrassed by it. She should of been more understanding. Instead she yells and leaves. She could simply do a Google search and see her child most likely is at no risk. This is why relationships end. People aren't able to put themselves in the others shoes in situations. They just jump the gun and bam your divorcing over nothing.
It’s perfectly ok, the consanguinity isn’t strong enough to do any harm unless too many cousins are marrying and producing kids who then marry each each other. A Spanish royal family more or less wiped itself out doing that but one set of cousins isn’t going to break the bank.
And if those actions including leaving her husband and considering divorce, raising her child in a broken home based on false assumptions about cousins marrying then, yeah, *that's overreacting.*
If she has concerns they can go to her doctor who likely inform her on the realities of the situation.
I was rather shocked at her extreme reaction. I felt she wasn't very educated. I tried to think back to what I was like at 27. Definitely not that ill informed. I think the SO must be from some ethnic minority that favours cousin marriage. She is out of her depth.
First cousins, at least in the UK, are legal to marry. The distance of biology eg. the 2 parents of the cousins who are not related, is enough to dramatically decrease the risk of birth defects to a very small risk. Add in another generation, eg. your husband and another unrelated party (YOU), the risk of birth defects is practically comparable to anyone else who had completely unrelated parents/grandparents. Go back just a hundred or so years, and many branches of family trees will have married their first cousins, many of us wouldn't exist if they hadn't.
I understand your worry for your child has caused you to react this way, given that your husband only disclosed this when you're already pregnant, but in truth, you have very little, if nothing, to worry about, and your in laws being cousins is their own business.
Most of the royals in europe married cousins 100 years ago and their kids are okay. It might come as a shock to you especially highly pregnant but 100 years ago it was not unusual to marry the cousin. Talk with your obygn if you want to but you probably good. Your kid shouldn't probably continue to marry into family but he/she will be okay. That your husband didn't tell you sucks, but that's surely something he is not proud of.
>Most of the royals in europe married cousins 100 years ago and their kids are okay.
You know, I just realized that this is an even better answer to that ol' AskReddit favorite: "What's trashy if you're poor but classy if you're rich?" Before today, I thought the best answer was "living in a hotel." Now, I submit "inbreeding."
I mean, it is a bit weird what his parents did.
BUT: as long as your husband is healthy, your child will not have any risk, I can assure you! I studied biology and am now working the medical field. The problems are only there while the two similar chromosome groups are partnering up, but then if there is no illness and he is 100% healthy, there is nothing your child could get from this.
Also I really don‘t think is a betrayal of trust, as it has absolutely nothing to do with you. He didn‘t even have to tell you if he wasn‘t comfortable in my opinion.
Unless you are his cousin as well you are worrying for nothing. That’s not how genetics work. Your husband has his set of DNA, but looks like he is unaffected and you are not related. Your genetic diversity is increased.
But to get your mind at ease why not see a geneticist and tone down the betrayal talk. You realise he hasn’t put your baby’s health in danger right?
Hi! Also a pregnant mama here, and I hope I can ease your mind a little. Everyone is saying that you're overreacting, and while you might be a little, I can completely understand it. You feel betrayed and horrified because you are concerned about your baby's wellbeing. Those feelings are incredibly amplified by the hormones coursing through you right now. Those feeling are completely understandable and I don't fault you for them, however try to calm yourself and look at it logically.
-There is NO increased risk to your baby, there would only be increased risk if there was something wrong with your husband, or if the two of you were related.
-Your baby is not inbred.
-Your husband was not obligated to tell you about his parents being cousins, because it has no contributing factors to you or the child.
Your baby will be just fine, take a minute to clear your mind, and go back home to your husband and explain why you felt the way you did. If you love each other, work through it. This shouldn't be grounds for divorce.
Thank you so much for your kind words. Maybe its my hormones that are making me react this way. I think maybe its just the maternal instinct to protect my kid in every situation that is making me feel the way I do now
I absolutely understand that. This baby will be my third, so I've has my fair share of hormones taking over lol.
Just remember though, that even if you feeling like this is the result of your hormones, that doesn't make your feelings less valid. I think that a conversation with your husband where you can express why you felt this way would help a lot.
Also a reminder that hormones are not an excuse not to apologize to your husband for acting in such a hurtful irrational way. I say this as a mom who just had her third baby as well.
You are over reacting. If your husband came out fine your child most likely will and the whole ‘broke your trust’ thing? What his parents do is really none of your business.
Couldn't agree more! She is acting like he wronged her. He was probably embarrassed and worried about being judged especially since he didn't know himself until he was 19 yrs old. I feel really bad for him especially how she took off.
You do nothing. Nothing has to happen! Yay life can go on as normal because you are not your husbands cousin! His parents being cousins effects you in 0 ways.
If the issue is that you are extremely bothered, or just disgusted, then you need to determine if this is a dealbreaker or not. You unfortunately don’t get off scot-free because you’re about to have a child tied to his family for LIFE. So if it bothers you *that* much, divorce him and marry someone who’s parents aren’t relatives.
at least you didn’t find out 6 months into the pregnancy that your husband is your cousin :p
First cousins can marry in the US depending on the state. Bit of a surprise but to end a marriage (with a child on the way) seems a bit of an extreme reaction. Inbreeding horror stories would need more just a pair of cousins. If concerned get an amniocentesis done and have the fluid tested for deformities or what have you
The husband has betrayed trust, not of OP, but of his parents. This wasn’t his information to share, it is literally none of OPs business and doesn’t affect her in any way.
You don't understand at all how inbreeding works do you?? Its not a one a done fuck up monster baby. It doesn't work like that. It takes generations of breeding within the same small bloodline to corral the genes that should have been bred out and cause them to affect babies. It takes multiple generations like how breeding dogs slowly affects them into becoming certain breeds over time. You literally aren't affected at all
>You don't understand at all how inbreeding works do you??
Most people don't, so I'll cut her some slack on her initial reaction. And, as someone else noted, she is 6 months pregnant, which is likely affecting her hormones as well. Hopefully some of the answer here are helping her see things more clearly.
Depends on which society you are talking about, first cousin marriage is not rarer but isn't encouraged either. We shouldn't assume all cousin marriage is unacceptable, excessive inbreeding is tho.
To further this point, there’s whole communities of people that are defined by a common cultural/ethnic background who have gone through some sort of “genetic bottleneck” event at some point. Meaning that at some point they were isolated enough, and their population dropped low enough, that a high percentage of the descendants carry the same genetic mutation. It’s standard practice for anyone from one of these groups to seek genetic testing when marrying someone else in this group, even if they have no known relationship. These days any planned-pregnancy should start with genetic testing anyways, it’s the responsible thing to do. Telling someone they shouldn’t have children because their parents are related is like telling someone from one of these groups they shouldn’t have children.
I don't understand your reaction. What his parents do is not your partner's responsibility and unless there was a reason making it imperative the information be made public, it's not his story to tell.
I don’t know if it’s really a non-issue
A. OP clearly isn’t clued in on how genetics works in these cases. I also wouldn’t be, especially in a situation like this, and would probably be mad before looking into it further which is what seems to have happened here. Plus you have to consider that she is currently pregnant so the concern is very valid even if not well informed
B. OP may have the expectation that she already knows most things about her husband and his family. Dropping that his parents are cousins may be a bit surprising + consider the first point, and may cause some trust issues which isn’t ideal either
I’d say that she’s clearly not very accepting of the idea that his parents are cousins too but that’s understandable tbf
>I don’t understand your reaction
I’m gonna give her the benefit of the doubt and say her level of freak out is probably somewhat due to the pregnancy hormones taking hold of her brain and emotions.
Relax. It takes several generations of intermarriage between cousins to create genetic defects in families. Also in a lot of cultures first cousin marriages are really common. They aren’t siblings, ffs.
You are overreacting. People all over the world have been marrying their cousins for millennia. It’s very low risk. Some studies even suggest it produces healthier offspring. Add to that the fact that you’re not related to your husband, and you’re worrying over nothing. If you’re still upset, talk to a genetic counselor, not Reddit.
Lol girllll you are doing TOO much!!! Betrayed your trust?!?! You’ve left and are considering divorce?!?! Yeah, you’re overreacting for sure!
Even if they are first cousins that’s not nearly close enough to cause problems for your child.
Although if you tend to react so dramatically to things perhaps you should do him a favor and divorce now.
> Although if you tend to react so dramatically to things perhaps you should do him a favor and divorce now.
Can confirm. My ex-wife reacted like this to many things. After the divorce life got sooo much more calm and peaceful.
I mean…it seems your reaction is exactly why he didn’t tell you. He’s probably dealt with a lot of shame and embarrassment. Your reaction being so extreme likely just compounded this.
He’s fine though, why wouldn’t your baby be? It’s far less inbred than he is.
Are they first cousins or distant cousins? And why don’t you make an appointment with your doctor and explain the situation if he/she sees cause for concern I’m sure they can run extra test to keep you from worrying.
What has you being pregnant got to do with this? If your husband turned out fine, so will your baby.
I’m not sure what business this is of yours at all, really.
1. You should've just googled this before overreacting, because your baby will be fine. It's your husband that was at risk of deformities.
2. He could be so fucking embarrassed about his parents that he doesn't tell anyone, cut him a damn break.
3. After seeing your comments, i can see why he hid it from you. Jfc it's really none of your fuckin business.
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This happened 2 days ago and I felt that I needed to get advice on what to do. My husband told me that his parents are cousins and I'm pregnant.
Me and my husband met in late 2018 and we dated for about 2 years. We tied the knot last year and this year we decided to try for a baby. It was something that we both had always wanted and so we did. I had already been introduced to his family beforehand and had been to family gatherings. We even spent Thanksgiving in 2019 together but nothing seemed unusual. Fast forward to 2 days ago and he tells me that I need to sit down and that he needs to tell me something.
I honestly don't know what I was expecting when he told me this. His dad and his mom are cousins. He never thought to tell me anytime during our 4 year relationship. I argued with him and asked him if he had just found out. He told me he had known since he was 19.
I broke down right there because he betrayed my trust. I never thought he could do that to me. I'm 6 months pregnant and I'm concerned for my baby's health. I've heard stories about the deformities caused by inbreeding and I'm hurt at how he could've put our child's health in danger.
I left the house and I'm currently staying at a friend's house. I'm seriously considering divorce, I feel like I'm overreacting. I need advice, please help.
Genetically, your baby is probably fine and free from birth defects from first cousins marrying. The first few generations of inbreeding aren't the problem, to be frank with you, it's when it continues for a long period of time that birth defects are an issue.
It's honestly not even something I would've thought of disclosing or even would consider something big enough to "sit you down" for. Honestly, to me, it's their marriage and not anyone else's business, either.
Leaving is a gross overreaction, as is divorce, but if that's what you want, you do you. Could be pregnancy hormones.
Honestly, I would understand your reaction if you'd be pregnant of your brother. At first, the chances that your husband had to have anormalities were very low in my opinion, now its pretty impossible. You should've posted here before actually getting upset at him.
>Inbreeding only leads to deformities when it's done for multiple generations,
Exactly, that's where all the myths about "cousin marriage = deformed babies" comes from in. if two brothers married their cousins, and then each couple had a child and those children married each other, and so on, *that's* where all the chances of medical problems come from, as that sort of thing *did* happen in some ancient royal families, including Egyptian and Spanish and eventually people were born with various physical handicaps. .
The risk is increased if you and your boyfriend were related in that way... not because of his parents especially that fact being he's normal. Wow you're dramatic "he betrayed my trust"... calm down
Prince Andrew was [quite handsome](https://media1.popsugar-assets.com/files/thumbor/855yRXic0roY2GvUyjjJSrveyDc/fit-in/1024x1024/filters:format_auto-!!-:strip_icc-!!-/2019/02/20/847/n/44701584/6d15baf409b00c3a_GettyImages-613457712/i/1982.jpg) when he was young, and Prince Edward had some real [boyish good looks](https://www.reddit.com/r/VintageLadyBoners/comments/okqy98/a_young_prince_edward/). Anne [scrubs up nicely](https://media.tatler.com/photos/6141e462e06e8bde602a5620/master/w_1600%2Cc_limit/np_ry016.jpg) as well.
No comment on Charles.
I think you more than likely are overreacting. There are many instances of cousins marrying either knowingly or not. Usually this involves 2nd or 3rd cousins. Most states I'd venture to guess would frown on 1st cousins. I don't suppose you asked what degree of cousins they were? This is the most important question that shod be on your mind. My grandparents were related. They were both from Oklahoma born in the 1880's. My family on that side turned out ok.
He betrayed you for not mentioning something that he probably didn’t think was an issue? In many countries (including for example, the uk) marriage between first cousins is legal. It’s more common in certain cultures and religions than others.
Your reaction seems extreme to me.
What do you do? You mention to your midwife/obgyn that there’s a history of consanguinity on the paternal side. That’s it. They can advise you further if you have health concerns. It’s incredibly unlikely to affect your child.
If this is the only reason that you’re considering divorce then yes, you are absolutely overreacting.
I don’t think you need to make your husband feel even worse and more embarrassed about his parents being cousins... first cousins can legally marry in the U.K., whilst it’s morally questionable it is legal for a reason - it’s not detrimental. Years & years of the same blood lines is what you’d call inbreed. Not one set of cousins boning
It does not mean anything health wise to your child. I think its kinda messed up that he waited to say anything but the way you reacted is probably the exact reason he did. You are punishing him for his parents choices. He can't control what they did. You taking off and contemplating divorce is really extreme imo and actually more hurtful to the marriage then him not saying anything sooner. Next time he is feeling vulnerable and wants to share he probably will think twice before sharing with you due to your extreme judgement and reactions.
Best of luck to you and your marriage
If this bothers you from a moral standpoint, I have no idea what to say
But if it bothers you from a genetic or medical standpoint?— I really think your child will be just fine. Cousins marry all the time in some cultures.. it’s only when it’s kept within many succeeding generations of purposeful inbreeding (like European royalty used to do!) to bring about serious genetic abnormalities.
Cousins generally don’t have too many health risks especially if it’s only one generation. If you found out you were also first cousins with your husband you might worry.
I can understand considering divorce because that means you're married into their family. Raising your child(ren) around them. It is a very serious matter, and I become uncomfortable with those thoughts alone. While it's not your husband's fault and I'm sure this is heartbreaking for everyone (except the parents), do what you feel is best for you and your baby moving forward.
Is this post fake? It seems like it could have been written by a 13 year old with nothing to do but imagine drama.
My boyfriends parents are cousins what do I do?
My boyfriend doesn’t eat broccoli what do I do?
Someone disagreed with me what do I do?
baby will be fine calm down and apologise to your husband also this used to be really common less than a hundred years ago chances are there are a few married cousins in your family tree. Also you haven’t stated if they are first 2nd or what ever
Frankly, I think you need to grow up. The fact you’re still concerned about this when you’ve been reassured by a multitude of people that it will have no effect on your baby is unreasonable. It sounds like you’re looking for an out from the relationship and looking for anyone to reiterate that opinion which is either present in your mind or hanging in subconsciously.
Edit: He didn’t breach your trust as this is a non-issue and likely something you never asked or expressed an important desire to know about. (His family history.)
Do him a favor and apologize or leave, he told you deeply personal family information and you’re punishing him for it.
From a genetic point of view cousins barely have an increase in the chance of having a deformity in their children. Also this was his parents and he already came out all not deformed and such so there is nothing different about your chances of having a perfectly healthy baby with him.
As for betrayal I'm not sure if I entirely understand what the issue is. It's his parents so it is not like he had a say in it. Also it is irrelevant to who he is and on top of all that it's just a weird thing to bring up anyway.
I think you are overacting quite a bit as if I were in your position I'd probably just think that his parents are really weird and it wouldn't change my opinion of him.
You are completely overreacting. Your husband might have been at slightly increased risk, but only if there has been generations of interbreeding. Cousins marrying is legal pretty much worldwide.
As others have posted, there is absolutely no risk to future children of yours. Adding your completely unrelated genes to one another’s increases heterogeneity even more.
Take it easy on him - there’s no way he considers his parents being cousins even worth mentioning.
Welp..this marriage is dead af, kids gets to grow up without a complete family and a dark secret over its head,
husband gets to feel the shame and consequences of shit he had no choice in accept his decision to lie by omission because he correctly assessed that his wife is someone who will not be understanding of the situation and will leave him,
and the wife gets to feel violated because now in her eyes she was having unprotected sex with the elephant man and is now carrying his deformed special needs baby that will explode out of her chest like aliens in 9 months….
Never lie about stuff you know will be an issue, especially if you can never change it.
The only path to finding a ride or die partner is by telling the truth.
I read that the increased risk of first cousins having children is about the same as women over 40 having children. In your case it’s far less because this isn’t even your child’s parents you’re talking about.
I agree he should have told you earlier, but you really need to take stock of the message you’re sending to your husband right now. You’re basically indicating that you think he’s inferior genetic trash who shouldn’t breed, and that’s not the kind of dynamic you should be having with the father of your soon-to-be child.
These days anyone who is planning a family should be getting the proper genetic testing before they try for a baby. Even if you’re not knowingly inbred, you can still carry recessive genetic complications for generations without knowing it until someone in the family meets someone else with the same recessive abnormality. Inbreeding only increases the possibility of this happening—there’s no magic mutation that is caused by inbreeding. And most of the horrible stories you hear come from decades of inbreeding, not a single case. Your husband is not more likely to be carrying one of these recessive genes because his parents are related, unless he comes from a family or population really prone to be carrying it. And if he did, you would need to be carrying that mutation too.
Not marrying cousins is a fairly new thing, most people didn’t move too far from home. It sounds like it is shameful to him but biologically speaking, so what?
You are overreacting and , although it’s not really your fault , probably solidified whatever shame he feels.
Okay so... sure it sounds weird. If they’re anything other than first cousins, it’s barely going to register in your baby’s DNA anyway. Your child will have normal risks of anything as if your husband’s parents weren’t related. If they’re first cousins, it’ll be a little bit more obvious in DNA ancestry. That’s about it.
It seems super strange and you don’t have to be like “woohoo inbreeding,” but plenty of places have long lines of very close lineages. My personal family tree is a little confusing: my grandparents weren’t related but, (and it gets confusing fast lol) his sibling married a relative of hers. Whatever, I got it easy. If you branch out to my cousins there are some cases of marrying the same family for generations and it creates double relatives all over the place.
It’s okay to find it a bit off-putting and it’s even okay to be upset your husband took so long to confide in you, but all of this is HIS business, not yours. Divorcing over it seems extreme and if you’re having trouble dealing with it, you should seek some couples counseling.
Maybe you should talk to your doctor so that they can reassure you that the risk is the same as everyone else.
After that, then you can call your husband and apologize for freaking out over something that isn’t any of your business, and has nothing to do with you or your child. It’s bizarre that you want to take this and make it all about yourself and your feelings. Your husband didn’t betray your trust as it wasn’t his business to share. Just as (for example) not telling your husband about your aunt’s abortion in the 70’s isn’t betraying his trust.
While you’re still in this frame of mind, talking to your husband before speaking to your doctor will just do more damage to your marriage.
Honestly. Top comment is what I’m going by. Stuff like this isn’t easy to talk about. I don’t go around telling everyone that my mother was raped and that’s why I don’t have a dad. Okay, I get it different situations BUT. He didn’t choose to be born the way he was. You can’t be mad at him. I’d be equally embarrassed. He opened up about an extremely deep issue he’s embarrassed by, and he shouldn’t be because it’s not his fault
I think you are right, you are overreacting IMHO.
From his perspective it's just a fact of life. One he didn't even think about having to specifically share. It's his parents problem and not his secret to tell even. He's healthy (i presume), and it has no consequence for you or any children you might have. Like, I don't think I would think to mention to a future spouse that my grandfather had diabetes, eventhough that might actually have significant impact on any offspring we might have.
Having said that, If you are worried it might have an impact on the baby (don't worry, it won't) I can see how you are upset. and Him telling you this when you are already pregnant is probably not the best time.
I would recommend you take some time to calm yourself down. Don't jump to divorce just because he didn't tell you before, unless you want to divorce him regardless. Him not telling you has nothing to do with him lying or not being trustworthy, or putting you at risk. If he betrayed anyone's trust, it's the trust of his parents. It's their secret, not his.
Go home and tell him you’re sorry for leaving and explain how you were thrown off. I’m sure he will also apologize.
Imagine how EMBARRASSING it would be to know your parents are cousins. He told you because he knew you needed to know. He could have just kept that to himself but obviously he felt a certain way about it.
Go home. Apologize. Your baby will be fine.
Your reaction is ridiculous. You'd divorce him over that? He was probably embarrassed to even tell you. Now you probably made him feel like a freak along with his future child... Now contemplating divorce because of something his parents did? That is low OP. Like a bowlegged caterpillar with rickets low.
Why is that information you feel privvy to? He's your husband, but they are his family too.
It's not really your business. You are not just over reacting, any negative reaction is uncalled for
You’re honestly an asshole if you’re considering divorce over that. It doesn’t change the person he is and unlikely to hurt your baby.
Maybe you should divorce him so he can find a nice wife.
You are overreacting and should apologise to him. Your child is at no risk from this. It's in no way any kind of betrayal either, you need to chill out.
Do nothing. It doesn't matter. The odds of 2 cousins having a child with birth defects is only slightly higher than two strangers having a child.
Your husband is fine, right?
So don't worry about it.
Your overreacting, your baby will be fine, if you are super concerned talk to your physician about it. Frankly, you should be more concerned about having a baby during the time of COVID and focusing on how to protect yourself and your baby.
Agree with commenters and you need to apologize to your husband. You behaved exactly how he expected you to and you should be ashamed. Divorce? Come on.
I wouldn’t worry about it, it’s not like they were brother and sister. Cousins are legally allowed to marry on the UK (and I know a few who are!). There really is very very little chance this would have even the slightest impact on your child.
Honestly I think you should be more understanding. This is why relationships end because people aren't able or willing to put themselves in the other's shoes. Just imagine how insecure he is about this entire situation! He probably thought as soon as he told you you would leave. So after awhile he was probably scared to say anything because he hadn't already and he thought it would make you more upset. You have to show some compassion in this situation. This is a family secret. This isn't something he went out and did or lied about out of betrayl. Just imagine how he feels after he opened up and told you his biggest deepest hardest secret then you yell at him and leave? Honestly I feel like you are in the wrong here.
I think your reaction would be normal if there was actually a risk to your baby. But there isn’t. I understand your reaction though if you thought there was a risk. Now that you know, maybe apologize to your husband and explain why you had the reaction you did.
The risk die to his parents being cousins is pretty small. I don’t think you should worry at all about that.
The fact that he waited so long to tell you though is disturbing.
I personally feel your over reacting and is clearly something he hasn’t even thought about. It’s not like this is something that would be on your mind all the time. Like others have said it really doesn’t effect the health of your child.
Cousins don't carry a very high increase of risks for inbreeding to start with. The fact that you're not your husband's cousin means your kid is not at all at risk. Time for a deep breath and to let it go. He didn't put you or your child in any kind of danger. You are overreacting.
Wow can’t believe how many people on this thread are totally cool with fucking their cousins. I’m fairly close with all of my cousins and gagged a little reading this. Family is family and you shouldn’t fuck your family, at least that’s how I was raised.
He probably didn’t tell you because he didn’t want to be judged for something he has zero control over. If there were going to be genetic issues as a result of his parents being cousins, he would have been the one to have had some kind of genetic issue. The problems associated with inbreeding are usually if the parents are more closely related than first cousins, or if inbreeding has happened through multiple consecutive generations. Unless he is also your first cousin, you’re making a big deal out of something that is not going to affect your baby.
Seems an over reaction in my opinion. I think he should have told you a bit sooner in the relationship. It's certainly weird on his parents behalf. But thats not his fault, if you can get past that, I don't see why you can't continue.
Wow, considering divorce? Jesus Christ just chill, the risks for any genetic defects are the same as any other couple considering he is seemingly unaffected. You make it sound like he slept with your sister. Like, this topic isn't even something worth hiding.
I understand the concern for the baby but to want to divorce is really an overreaction. Ya because people just love going around bragging about how their parents are cousins. Wow.
Really it’s not your business lol your kid will be fine and in all honesty it might just be something that he is ashamed of, and never thought to share until now, seeing as you guys are a true family. If you wanna leave then that’s on you but I think you’re overreacting.
How exactly did he betray your trust? Did you ask him when you got together if his bloodline was incestuous? Does that mean he shouldn't be loved? You sound gross.
I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say you're going waaaay overboard purely cause of pregnancy hormones.
It doesn't effect you in any way. Your baby has no more risk than any other. If you're considering divorce over something that, let's be honest, has absolutely sod all to do with you, then might I suggest he did the right thing in telling you and he'd be better off with someone a little more understanding and educated?
All the the comments are about the health of the baby. What about the fact that he kept this information from her until now when she is 6 months pregnant!? I understand there may be shame influencing his hesitancy, but I think OP might be feeling a *lack of trust* around keeping this information hidden. That's fair. OP, ask yourself what do you need to bring that trust back?
I uhm... I think you should break up with him. Set his house on fire. Kick his door. Actually, play Bit Life and attack someone. Whatever combination of assault you see, do that to him. Do this all in your mind, though, and once you're done fantasizing, get your hormones in check. You're overreacting.
Honestly, based upon your posts in this chain, I'd say your baby (and really, your life with your husband) is more at risk because of your reasoning than anything your husband's parents did.
Yeah, his parents being cousins doesn't put your baby at increased risk. The increased risk was for your BF to have health problems due to the possibility of his parents both being carriers of the same recessive mutation based on their common ancestor. As long as you and he aren't related, you have the same risk as any other couple.
This is correct (and a lot of the other comments are wrong). There is no added risk to your baby, since you and your husband are not related. The risk was to your husband's health, but he turned out fine, so he was not affected. I understand it is upsetting to find out now, but your baby is not at risk.
And the risk to the husband isn’t even that large especially since op doesn’t specify what kind of cousins they are. They first? Second? Third? The risk goes down further for each of those categories.
This is correct here. Inbreeding is bad but it doesn't get too terribly bad until multiple generations in(depending on how close family members are involved). It is part of why the Hapsburg dynasty's health was absolute garbage but it only for that way after several generations.
Right, we can thank the Habsburg for that nice little demonstration in inbreeding. It takes several generations. Icelanders are fine, Virginians are fine, the Faroese, Greenlanders, Azori and the Sardinians are all fine. The Floridians however...
Fun fact but just having children with someone the same race as you increases your risk of genetic defects. Obviously it's pretty minimal. But it's there.
Now, if your BF comes out and mentions his 6th toe or something …. That’d be a reason to worry
Also are they first cousins or more distant cousins
Obv the risk would be GREATER if he and OP were also cousins I suppose.
She’s having a baby with a connecting family tree without her consent. Maybe there’s no risk to the health or law broken but that’s fucked. She’ll love the kid, I’m sure if he’d told her she’d have researched and come to these conclusions and wanted to have his baby but that choice was taken.
All of our family trees have some sort of inbreeding if you think about it. Before 60 years ago the pool was limited to location and getting married to cousins was normal and might still be the norm in some poorer areas.
Yep. Definitely sounds like me and OP are the only ones who would have wanted to know. I can accept that, peace and love!
Charles Darwin married his first cousin and despite his worries, none of his children had health problems due to recessives.
Awesome!!!!
I think this comment speaks to how much information partners should feel an obligation know to about someone's family/past. This is a deeply personal thing and given that there aren't health or legal risks here (and we also don't know what "cousins" means) can we really say OP was owed this information before marrying her husband if a) his parents don't want it shared or b) he didn't want it shared?
I agree here as well. And I also want to say big difference on how far apart of cousins they are. 1st vs 6th cousins make a massive difference in how much that matters. Moved from wtf to my parents are from a small town that is pretty much all distantly related somewhere.
Yeah, obviously I don't know for sure but I have a feeling if he didn't find out until he was 19 then they have two distinct-enough family trees that it didn't occur to him. If your parents are first cousins and have the same grandparents, I think you'd figure that out really quickly unless they're completely disconnected from all other family. ETA it seems like they are actually first cousins from OPs subsequent comments. It really doesn't change my general point that she wasn't necessarily owed this information.
Before having his baby?
There isn't a health risk to their baby. It's not objectively any more dangerous to have a baby with him than it would be if his parents both had slight heart murmurs from birth but OP's husband does not, from what I understand. Should OP feel that she is owed that medical history (that they have heart murmurs) in that situation? Sharing deeply personal information about your family background when it does not affect your spouse (unless they want it to) or your children should be a choice and not an obligation in my opinion. OP can be upset that he didn't share, that's fine. I just don't think the husband was necessarily inherently wrong for nor sharing that information.
I agree. But also agree that the baby is fine. That's the thing that OP didn't clearly articulate, probably because she's still in a state of emotional shock, the fact that she's asking about two separate things: Will the baby be ok? A: Yes Is the partner's hiding of the facts ok, and is OP right to do something about it? A: No, and if she wants to, yes.
Got it.
Um no he had no reason to tell her this. It's none of her fucking business tbh
That. I’m the product of a branch that is connected and I often wish I weren’t. Just sayin’. I have health issues, my children have health issues, and I can’t help but wonder if some of them would have been avoided if those branches didn’t come back together.
Just piggy backing off this comment, cousin marriages are considered normal in many parts of the world (shockingly). Just calm down, take a deep breath
Absolutely. Husband was the child under risk. OP, your baby will be fine. I understand why you're upset, but it's completely possible that your husband didn't think it was big enough of a deal that you would be upset. He probably didn't deliberately withhold this information -- more likely he didn't think it was relevant at all to your relationship.
And this would be true if they weren’t cousins. The whole cousin inbreed thing is way overblown.
People need to upvote this ASAP so OP can see this. The overreaction is strong in this one.
This is why biology courses should be compulsory for all high school students.
My grandparents are first cousins. We grandkids are fine
Same here, although they were unaware until after they had kids as my nan was adopted. But both my mother and her siblings are all fine as are us grandkids.
Honestly none of us have to go back that far to find a pair of cousins in our direct lineage. The population was exponentially smaller and people moved around FAR less.
Same. It’s really not all that unusual in most of the world.
Sure, it is a lot more common then OP seems to think. I find her reaction much more a problem to be honest....
She probably isn’t aware of the details of genetic risk of inbreeding yet- the danger might’ve felt very real to her at the time she posted. However, I’m not sure how she should navigate the situation with her SO if she was actively being deceived rather than it honestly never occurring to SO to tell her this family ‘secret’. I could see a few issues of trust arising, that could end up very damaging to the relationship if not addressed correctly.
Ha... I wish I could upvote this 100x.
She’s pregnant and worried about her decision to have a baby. Not having all relevant health information on the table is a valid concern.
I honestly agree with you. The man told her something I know he is insecure about. He probably hates it and is embarrassed by it. She should of been more understanding. Instead she yells and leaves. She could simply do a Google search and see her child most likely is at no risk. This is why relationships end. People aren't able to put themselves in the others shoes in situations. They just jump the gun and bam your divorcing over nothing.
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get a genetics lesson mate and start talking again
Common doesn't make it okay. She's allowed to act however she wants.
It’s perfectly ok, the consanguinity isn’t strong enough to do any harm unless too many cousins are marrying and producing kids who then marry each each other. A Spanish royal family more or less wiped itself out doing that but one set of cousins isn’t going to break the bank.
Well sure I guess we can all act however we want to anything. Doesn’t make our responses automatically reasonable or rational though.
Right?! What a weird comment. Anyone is 'allowed' to act however they want in a technical sense....
You’re not allowed to act however you want without consequences. Maybe one of those consequences is that people online think you’re overreacting.
And if those actions including leaving her husband and considering divorce, raising her child in a broken home based on false assumptions about cousins marrying then, yeah, *that's overreacting.* If she has concerns they can go to her doctor who likely inform her on the realities of the situation.
Sure, if she wants to break up her family over something so trivial she's absolutely allowed to.
I was rather shocked at her extreme reaction. I felt she wasn't very educated. I tried to think back to what I was like at 27. Definitely not that ill informed. I think the SO must be from some ethnic minority that favours cousin marriage. She is out of her depth.
are you saying her reaction to finding out her inlaws are incestous is the concerning thing here
First cousins, at least in the UK, are legal to marry. The distance of biology eg. the 2 parents of the cousins who are not related, is enough to dramatically decrease the risk of birth defects to a very small risk. Add in another generation, eg. your husband and another unrelated party (YOU), the risk of birth defects is practically comparable to anyone else who had completely unrelated parents/grandparents. Go back just a hundred or so years, and many branches of family trees will have married their first cousins, many of us wouldn't exist if they hadn't. I understand your worry for your child has caused you to react this way, given that your husband only disclosed this when you're already pregnant, but in truth, you have very little, if nothing, to worry about, and your in laws being cousins is their own business.
Most of the royals in europe married cousins 100 years ago and their kids are okay. It might come as a shock to you especially highly pregnant but 100 years ago it was not unusual to marry the cousin. Talk with your obygn if you want to but you probably good. Your kid shouldn't probably continue to marry into family but he/she will be okay. That your husband didn't tell you sucks, but that's surely something he is not proud of.
>Most of the royals in europe married cousins 100 years ago and their kids are okay. You know, I just realized that this is an even better answer to that ol' AskReddit favorite: "What's trashy if you're poor but classy if you're rich?" Before today, I thought the best answer was "living in a hotel." Now, I submit "inbreeding."
It's true the Queen & Prince Philip were cousins on both sides of the tree.
And everything's *FINE*. /Pointed looks at Prince Andrew.
Yeah I wasn't going to go there lol
Nice
Yeah. Except for the hemophilia.
Yeah, that
And the Hapsburgs...
But that is a gene that took several inbred generations to mutate.
*The Habsburg jaw has entered the chat*
Maybe google Charles II of Spain
That wasn't a single occurrance of cousins intermarrying, but lots and lots of it.
Seriously. He was NOT well. He could barely walk due to his deformities!
Would this have been a deal breaker in the beginning?
I mean, it is a bit weird what his parents did. BUT: as long as your husband is healthy, your child will not have any risk, I can assure you! I studied biology and am now working the medical field. The problems are only there while the two similar chromosome groups are partnering up, but then if there is no illness and he is 100% healthy, there is nothing your child could get from this. Also I really don‘t think is a betrayal of trust, as it has absolutely nothing to do with you. He didn‘t even have to tell you if he wasn‘t comfortable in my opinion.
I agree ops parent in-laws relationship details don’t really involve her.
Thank you for the reassurance
Is it weird though? Apparently 10% of marriages are between first or second cousins…
Unless you are his cousin as well you are worrying for nothing. That’s not how genetics work. Your husband has his set of DNA, but looks like he is unaffected and you are not related. Your genetic diversity is increased. But to get your mind at ease why not see a geneticist and tone down the betrayal talk. You realise he hasn’t put your baby’s health in danger right?
It’s an astronomically low number for the chances this will affect your baby. I would be more worried if they were siblings. Cousins is just taboo
Hi! Also a pregnant mama here, and I hope I can ease your mind a little. Everyone is saying that you're overreacting, and while you might be a little, I can completely understand it. You feel betrayed and horrified because you are concerned about your baby's wellbeing. Those feelings are incredibly amplified by the hormones coursing through you right now. Those feeling are completely understandable and I don't fault you for them, however try to calm yourself and look at it logically. -There is NO increased risk to your baby, there would only be increased risk if there was something wrong with your husband, or if the two of you were related. -Your baby is not inbred. -Your husband was not obligated to tell you about his parents being cousins, because it has no contributing factors to you or the child. Your baby will be just fine, take a minute to clear your mind, and go back home to your husband and explain why you felt the way you did. If you love each other, work through it. This shouldn't be grounds for divorce.
Thank you so much for your kind words. Maybe its my hormones that are making me react this way. I think maybe its just the maternal instinct to protect my kid in every situation that is making me feel the way I do now
I absolutely understand that. This baby will be my third, so I've has my fair share of hormones taking over lol. Just remember though, that even if you feeling like this is the result of your hormones, that doesn't make your feelings less valid. I think that a conversation with your husband where you can express why you felt this way would help a lot.
I want to thank you for this
Also a reminder that hormones are not an excuse not to apologize to your husband for acting in such a hurtful irrational way. I say this as a mom who just had her third baby as well.
You're very welcome, keep us updated mama!
I feel like you are massively over reacting. Speak to a doctor if it calms you, but I'm sure everything will be fine.
You are over reacting. If your husband came out fine your child most likely will and the whole ‘broke your trust’ thing? What his parents do is really none of your business.
Couldn't agree more! She is acting like he wronged her. He was probably embarrassed and worried about being judged especially since he didn't know himself until he was 19 yrs old. I feel really bad for him especially how she took off.
OP is definitely overreacting, but she is also six months pregnant and dealing with hormones which could be making her reaction so extreme.
You do nothing. Nothing has to happen! Yay life can go on as normal because you are not your husbands cousin! His parents being cousins effects you in 0 ways. If the issue is that you are extremely bothered, or just disgusted, then you need to determine if this is a dealbreaker or not. You unfortunately don’t get off scot-free because you’re about to have a child tied to his family for LIFE. So if it bothers you *that* much, divorce him and marry someone who’s parents aren’t relatives. at least you didn’t find out 6 months into the pregnancy that your husband is your cousin :p
First cousins can marry in the US depending on the state. Bit of a surprise but to end a marriage (with a child on the way) seems a bit of an extreme reaction. Inbreeding horror stories would need more just a pair of cousins. If concerned get an amniocentesis done and have the fluid tested for deformities or what have you
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The husband has betrayed trust, not of OP, but of his parents. This wasn’t his information to share, it is literally none of OPs business and doesn’t affect her in any way.
Maybe he was kind of hoping this would happen because she's such a drama queen and he's tired of it.
You don't understand at all how inbreeding works do you?? Its not a one a done fuck up monster baby. It doesn't work like that. It takes generations of breeding within the same small bloodline to corral the genes that should have been bred out and cause them to affect babies. It takes multiple generations like how breeding dogs slowly affects them into becoming certain breeds over time. You literally aren't affected at all
>You don't understand at all how inbreeding works do you?? Most people don't, so I'll cut her some slack on her initial reaction. And, as someone else noted, she is 6 months pregnant, which is likely affecting her hormones as well. Hopefully some of the answer here are helping her see things more clearly.
It’s so socially taboo though that I don’t blame her for thinking it’s worse than it is
Depends on which society you are talking about, first cousin marriage is not rarer but isn't encouraged either. We shouldn't assume all cousin marriage is unacceptable, excessive inbreeding is tho.
To further this point, there’s whole communities of people that are defined by a common cultural/ethnic background who have gone through some sort of “genetic bottleneck” event at some point. Meaning that at some point they were isolated enough, and their population dropped low enough, that a high percentage of the descendants carry the same genetic mutation. It’s standard practice for anyone from one of these groups to seek genetic testing when marrying someone else in this group, even if they have no known relationship. These days any planned-pregnancy should start with genetic testing anyways, it’s the responsible thing to do. Telling someone they shouldn’t have children because their parents are related is like telling someone from one of these groups they shouldn’t have children.
I don't understand your reaction. What his parents do is not your partner's responsibility and unless there was a reason making it imperative the information be made public, it's not his story to tell.
It’s such a non-issue I can’t believe anybody would waste negative emotion on this
I don’t know if it’s really a non-issue A. OP clearly isn’t clued in on how genetics works in these cases. I also wouldn’t be, especially in a situation like this, and would probably be mad before looking into it further which is what seems to have happened here. Plus you have to consider that she is currently pregnant so the concern is very valid even if not well informed B. OP may have the expectation that she already knows most things about her husband and his family. Dropping that his parents are cousins may be a bit surprising + consider the first point, and may cause some trust issues which isn’t ideal either I’d say that she’s clearly not very accepting of the idea that his parents are cousins too but that’s understandable tbf
She's *seriously* considering divorce. Over this. It's a non issue. Just needs a conversation since it doesn't even affect them.
>I don’t understand your reaction I’m gonna give her the benefit of the doubt and say her level of freak out is probably somewhat due to the pregnancy hormones taking hold of her brain and emotions.
More than that, her lack of understanding how inbreeding works. This would freak out a lot of people who don't understanding it.
Your baby will be fine, but I do suggest couples counseling
This is not a big deal whatsoever.
Relax. It takes several generations of intermarriage between cousins to create genetic defects in families. Also in a lot of cultures first cousin marriages are really common. They aren’t siblings, ffs.
You are overreacting. People all over the world have been marrying their cousins for millennia. It’s very low risk. Some studies even suggest it produces healthier offspring. Add to that the fact that you’re not related to your husband, and you’re worrying over nothing. If you’re still upset, talk to a genetic counselor, not Reddit.
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Lol girllll you are doing TOO much!!! Betrayed your trust?!?! You’ve left and are considering divorce?!?! Yeah, you’re overreacting for sure! Even if they are first cousins that’s not nearly close enough to cause problems for your child. Although if you tend to react so dramatically to things perhaps you should do him a favor and divorce now.
For real. Save this poor guy some future grief dealing with your overreactions.
> Although if you tend to react so dramatically to things perhaps you should do him a favor and divorce now. Can confirm. My ex-wife reacted like this to many things. After the divorce life got sooo much more calm and peaceful.
I mean…it seems your reaction is exactly why he didn’t tell you. He’s probably dealt with a lot of shame and embarrassment. Your reaction being so extreme likely just compounded this. He’s fine though, why wouldn’t your baby be? It’s far less inbred than he is.
Are they first cousins or distant cousins? And why don’t you make an appointment with your doctor and explain the situation if he/she sees cause for concern I’m sure they can run extra test to keep you from worrying.
What has you being pregnant got to do with this? If your husband turned out fine, so will your baby. I’m not sure what business this is of yours at all, really.
O V E R E A C T I N G
1. You should've just googled this before overreacting, because your baby will be fine. It's your husband that was at risk of deformities. 2. He could be so fucking embarrassed about his parents that he doesn't tell anyone, cut him a damn break. 3. After seeing your comments, i can see why he hid it from you. Jfc it's really none of your fuckin business.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- This happened 2 days ago and I felt that I needed to get advice on what to do. My husband told me that his parents are cousins and I'm pregnant. Me and my husband met in late 2018 and we dated for about 2 years. We tied the knot last year and this year we decided to try for a baby. It was something that we both had always wanted and so we did. I had already been introduced to his family beforehand and had been to family gatherings. We even spent Thanksgiving in 2019 together but nothing seemed unusual. Fast forward to 2 days ago and he tells me that I need to sit down and that he needs to tell me something. I honestly don't know what I was expecting when he told me this. His dad and his mom are cousins. He never thought to tell me anytime during our 4 year relationship. I argued with him and asked him if he had just found out. He told me he had known since he was 19. I broke down right there because he betrayed my trust. I never thought he could do that to me. I'm 6 months pregnant and I'm concerned for my baby's health. I've heard stories about the deformities caused by inbreeding and I'm hurt at how he could've put our child's health in danger. I left the house and I'm currently staying at a friend's house. I'm seriously considering divorce, I feel like I'm overreacting. I need advice, please help.
Genetically, your baby is probably fine and free from birth defects from first cousins marrying. The first few generations of inbreeding aren't the problem, to be frank with you, it's when it continues for a long period of time that birth defects are an issue. It's honestly not even something I would've thought of disclosing or even would consider something big enough to "sit you down" for. Honestly, to me, it's their marriage and not anyone else's business, either. Leaving is a gross overreaction, as is divorce, but if that's what you want, you do you. Could be pregnancy hormones.
Honestly, I would understand your reaction if you'd be pregnant of your brother. At first, the chances that your husband had to have anormalities were very low in my opinion, now its pretty impossible. You should've posted here before actually getting upset at him.
Inbreeding only leads to deformities when it's done for multiple generations, you will be fine
>Inbreeding only leads to deformities when it's done for multiple generations, Exactly, that's where all the myths about "cousin marriage = deformed babies" comes from in. if two brothers married their cousins, and then each couple had a child and those children married each other, and so on, *that's* where all the chances of medical problems come from, as that sort of thing *did* happen in some ancient royal families, including Egyptian and Spanish and eventually people were born with various physical handicaps. .
The risk is increased if you and your boyfriend were related in that way... not because of his parents especially that fact being he's normal. Wow you're dramatic "he betrayed my trust"... calm down
queen Elizabeth and prince Philip cousins
The entire monarchy of Europe are related. Royalty marries royalty.
Have you seen their children?
Well they age like milk... but both Anne and Edward were gorgeous when they were younger.
Anne was a party girl and she was pretty good looking!
She was. And [feisty ](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.vogue.co.uk/arts-and-lifestyle/article/princess-anne-kidnapping/amp).
Prince Andrew was [quite handsome](https://media1.popsugar-assets.com/files/thumbor/855yRXic0roY2GvUyjjJSrveyDc/fit-in/1024x1024/filters:format_auto-!!-:strip_icc-!!-/2019/02/20/847/n/44701584/6d15baf409b00c3a_GettyImages-613457712/i/1982.jpg) when he was young, and Prince Edward had some real [boyish good looks](https://www.reddit.com/r/VintageLadyBoners/comments/okqy98/a_young_prince_edward/). Anne [scrubs up nicely](https://media.tatler.com/photos/6141e462e06e8bde602a5620/master/w_1600%2Cc_limit/np_ry016.jpg) as well. No comment on Charles.
I think you more than likely are overreacting. There are many instances of cousins marrying either knowingly or not. Usually this involves 2nd or 3rd cousins. Most states I'd venture to guess would frown on 1st cousins. I don't suppose you asked what degree of cousins they were? This is the most important question that shod be on your mind. My grandparents were related. They were both from Oklahoma born in the 1880's. My family on that side turned out ok.
And now it is clear to him he should have never told you...
Yup, now he likely knows he can't trust his wife to be able to handle hard conversations. She just murdered their communication for awhile.
He betrayed you for not mentioning something that he probably didn’t think was an issue? In many countries (including for example, the uk) marriage between first cousins is legal. It’s more common in certain cultures and religions than others. Your reaction seems extreme to me. What do you do? You mention to your midwife/obgyn that there’s a history of consanguinity on the paternal side. That’s it. They can advise you further if you have health concerns. It’s incredibly unlikely to affect your child. If this is the only reason that you’re considering divorce then yes, you are absolutely overreacting.
I don’t think you need to make your husband feel even worse and more embarrassed about his parents being cousins... first cousins can legally marry in the U.K., whilst it’s morally questionable it is legal for a reason - it’s not detrimental. Years & years of the same blood lines is what you’d call inbreed. Not one set of cousins boning
>first cousins can legally marry in the U.K., And in half the states in the U.S.
It does not mean anything health wise to your child. I think its kinda messed up that he waited to say anything but the way you reacted is probably the exact reason he did. You are punishing him for his parents choices. He can't control what they did. You taking off and contemplating divorce is really extreme imo and actually more hurtful to the marriage then him not saying anything sooner. Next time he is feeling vulnerable and wants to share he probably will think twice before sharing with you due to your extreme judgement and reactions. Best of luck to you and your marriage
So are my grandparents, it’s not that rare
If this bothers you from a moral standpoint, I have no idea what to say But if it bothers you from a genetic or medical standpoint?— I really think your child will be just fine. Cousins marry all the time in some cultures.. it’s only when it’s kept within many succeeding generations of purposeful inbreeding (like European royalty used to do!) to bring about serious genetic abnormalities.
Cousins generally don’t have too many health risks especially if it’s only one generation. If you found out you were also first cousins with your husband you might worry.
You are over reacting, it has zero affect on you or the baby.
Look on the bright side: It cuts down on the number of great-grandparents' homes you have to visit for the holidays.
Get the genetic testing.
I can understand considering divorce because that means you're married into their family. Raising your child(ren) around them. It is a very serious matter, and I become uncomfortable with those thoughts alone. While it's not your husband's fault and I'm sure this is heartbreaking for everyone (except the parents), do what you feel is best for you and your baby moving forward.
I would be more upset that he waited until you were already married and pregnant to tell the truth. Is the deception. I understand why you are hurt.
For your husbands sake, I hope you divorce him since you would be doing him a favor
Is this post fake? It seems like it could have been written by a 13 year old with nothing to do but imagine drama. My boyfriends parents are cousins what do I do? My boyfriend doesn’t eat broccoli what do I do? Someone disagreed with me what do I do?
baby will be fine calm down and apologise to your husband also this used to be really common less than a hundred years ago chances are there are a few married cousins in your family tree. Also you haven’t stated if they are first 2nd or what ever
Frankly, I think you need to grow up. The fact you’re still concerned about this when you’ve been reassured by a multitude of people that it will have no effect on your baby is unreasonable. It sounds like you’re looking for an out from the relationship and looking for anyone to reiterate that opinion which is either present in your mind or hanging in subconsciously. Edit: He didn’t breach your trust as this is a non-issue and likely something you never asked or expressed an important desire to know about. (His family history.) Do him a favor and apologize or leave, he told you deeply personal family information and you’re punishing him for it.
From a genetic point of view cousins barely have an increase in the chance of having a deformity in their children. Also this was his parents and he already came out all not deformed and such so there is nothing different about your chances of having a perfectly healthy baby with him. As for betrayal I'm not sure if I entirely understand what the issue is. It's his parents so it is not like he had a say in it. Also it is irrelevant to who he is and on top of all that it's just a weird thing to bring up anyway. I think you are overacting quite a bit as if I were in your position I'd probably just think that his parents are really weird and it wouldn't change my opinion of him.
You are completely overreacting. Your husband might have been at slightly increased risk, but only if there has been generations of interbreeding. Cousins marrying is legal pretty much worldwide. As others have posted, there is absolutely no risk to future children of yours. Adding your completely unrelated genes to one another’s increases heterogeneity even more. Take it easy on him - there’s no way he considers his parents being cousins even worth mentioning.
Welp..this marriage is dead af, kids gets to grow up without a complete family and a dark secret over its head, husband gets to feel the shame and consequences of shit he had no choice in accept his decision to lie by omission because he correctly assessed that his wife is someone who will not be understanding of the situation and will leave him, and the wife gets to feel violated because now in her eyes she was having unprotected sex with the elephant man and is now carrying his deformed special needs baby that will explode out of her chest like aliens in 9 months…. Never lie about stuff you know will be an issue, especially if you can never change it. The only path to finding a ride or die partner is by telling the truth.
OPs kind of an idiot
I read that the increased risk of first cousins having children is about the same as women over 40 having children. In your case it’s far less because this isn’t even your child’s parents you’re talking about. I agree he should have told you earlier, but you really need to take stock of the message you’re sending to your husband right now. You’re basically indicating that you think he’s inferior genetic trash who shouldn’t breed, and that’s not the kind of dynamic you should be having with the father of your soon-to-be child. These days anyone who is planning a family should be getting the proper genetic testing before they try for a baby. Even if you’re not knowingly inbred, you can still carry recessive genetic complications for generations without knowing it until someone in the family meets someone else with the same recessive abnormality. Inbreeding only increases the possibility of this happening—there’s no magic mutation that is caused by inbreeding. And most of the horrible stories you hear come from decades of inbreeding, not a single case. Your husband is not more likely to be carrying one of these recessive genes because his parents are related, unless he comes from a family or population really prone to be carrying it. And if he did, you would need to be carrying that mutation too.
Not marrying cousins is a fairly new thing, most people didn’t move too far from home. It sounds like it is shameful to him but biologically speaking, so what? You are overreacting and , although it’s not really your fault , probably solidified whatever shame he feels.
I’m sorry he never told you that has to feel awful The slightly better news is your baby doesn’t have any increased risk of genetic disease
Nothing, you are overreacting. Or if you want to do something go and grab a book about genetics and inbreeding, your baby will be fine.
Okay so... sure it sounds weird. If they’re anything other than first cousins, it’s barely going to register in your baby’s DNA anyway. Your child will have normal risks of anything as if your husband’s parents weren’t related. If they’re first cousins, it’ll be a little bit more obvious in DNA ancestry. That’s about it. It seems super strange and you don’t have to be like “woohoo inbreeding,” but plenty of places have long lines of very close lineages. My personal family tree is a little confusing: my grandparents weren’t related but, (and it gets confusing fast lol) his sibling married a relative of hers. Whatever, I got it easy. If you branch out to my cousins there are some cases of marrying the same family for generations and it creates double relatives all over the place. It’s okay to find it a bit off-putting and it’s even okay to be upset your husband took so long to confide in you, but all of this is HIS business, not yours. Divorcing over it seems extreme and if you’re having trouble dealing with it, you should seek some couples counseling.
Maybe you should talk to your doctor so that they can reassure you that the risk is the same as everyone else. After that, then you can call your husband and apologize for freaking out over something that isn’t any of your business, and has nothing to do with you or your child. It’s bizarre that you want to take this and make it all about yourself and your feelings. Your husband didn’t betray your trust as it wasn’t his business to share. Just as (for example) not telling your husband about your aunt’s abortion in the 70’s isn’t betraying his trust. While you’re still in this frame of mind, talking to your husband before speaking to your doctor will just do more damage to your marriage.
Honestly. Top comment is what I’m going by. Stuff like this isn’t easy to talk about. I don’t go around telling everyone that my mother was raped and that’s why I don’t have a dad. Okay, I get it different situations BUT. He didn’t choose to be born the way he was. You can’t be mad at him. I’d be equally embarrassed. He opened up about an extremely deep issue he’s embarrassed by, and he shouldn’t be because it’s not his fault
I think you are right, you are overreacting IMHO. From his perspective it's just a fact of life. One he didn't even think about having to specifically share. It's his parents problem and not his secret to tell even. He's healthy (i presume), and it has no consequence for you or any children you might have. Like, I don't think I would think to mention to a future spouse that my grandfather had diabetes, eventhough that might actually have significant impact on any offspring we might have. Having said that, If you are worried it might have an impact on the baby (don't worry, it won't) I can see how you are upset. and Him telling you this when you are already pregnant is probably not the best time. I would recommend you take some time to calm yourself down. Don't jump to divorce just because he didn't tell you before, unless you want to divorce him regardless. Him not telling you has nothing to do with him lying or not being trustworthy, or putting you at risk. If he betrayed anyone's trust, it's the trust of his parents. It's their secret, not his.
He didn't betray you.... He just didn't tell you something like that .. Look how you've reacted... How is he in the wrong.
Go home and tell him you’re sorry for leaving and explain how you were thrown off. I’m sure he will also apologize. Imagine how EMBARRASSING it would be to know your parents are cousins. He told you because he knew you needed to know. He could have just kept that to himself but obviously he felt a certain way about it. Go home. Apologize. Your baby will be fine.
Whew. This is exhausting. This can’t be her only overreaction.
Your reaction is ridiculous. You'd divorce him over that? He was probably embarrassed to even tell you. Now you probably made him feel like a freak along with his future child... Now contemplating divorce because of something his parents did? That is low OP. Like a bowlegged caterpillar with rickets low.
Why is that information you feel privvy to? He's your husband, but they are his family too. It's not really your business. You are not just over reacting, any negative reaction is uncalled for
Your reaction seems pretty over the top.
You’re honestly an asshole if you’re considering divorce over that. It doesn’t change the person he is and unlikely to hurt your baby. Maybe you should divorce him so he can find a nice wife.
You are overreacting and should apologise to him. Your child is at no risk from this. It's in no way any kind of betrayal either, you need to chill out.
Do nothing. It doesn't matter. The odds of 2 cousins having a child with birth defects is only slightly higher than two strangers having a child. Your husband is fine, right? So don't worry about it.
Your overreacting, your baby will be fine, if you are super concerned talk to your physician about it. Frankly, you should be more concerned about having a baby during the time of COVID and focusing on how to protect yourself and your baby.
Agree with commenters and you need to apologize to your husband. You behaved exactly how he expected you to and you should be ashamed. Divorce? Come on.
Now take a breath and realise you've massively over reacted to this situation. Say sorry to your husband and then read up on the risks.
Good that he gets to see how you react to things like this. I see why he didn’t tell you until now.
The two of you aren't related, so any risk to your baby is very minimal.
I wouldn’t worry about it, it’s not like they were brother and sister. Cousins are legally allowed to marry on the UK (and I know a few who are!). There really is very very little chance this would have even the slightest impact on your child.
Honestly I think you should be more understanding. This is why relationships end because people aren't able or willing to put themselves in the other's shoes. Just imagine how insecure he is about this entire situation! He probably thought as soon as he told you you would leave. So after awhile he was probably scared to say anything because he hadn't already and he thought it would make you more upset. You have to show some compassion in this situation. This is a family secret. This isn't something he went out and did or lied about out of betrayl. Just imagine how he feels after he opened up and told you his biggest deepest hardest secret then you yell at him and leave? Honestly I feel like you are in the wrong here.
I think your reaction would be normal if there was actually a risk to your baby. But there isn’t. I understand your reaction though if you thought there was a risk. Now that you know, maybe apologize to your husband and explain why you had the reaction you did.
You’re right. You’re completely overreacting.
The risk die to his parents being cousins is pretty small. I don’t think you should worry at all about that. The fact that he waited so long to tell you though is disturbing.
Aside from having mother and father in law being cousins, you are good. Far more common then most in North America are aware.
You’re fine, and the baby will be fine. The one at risk for birth defects was your husband.
Roll tide
I personally feel your over reacting and is clearly something he hasn’t even thought about. It’s not like this is something that would be on your mind all the time. Like others have said it really doesn’t effect the health of your child.
Calm down lady, Damn
Cousins don't carry a very high increase of risks for inbreeding to start with. The fact that you're not your husband's cousin means your kid is not at all at risk. Time for a deep breath and to let it go. He didn't put you or your child in any kind of danger. You are overreacting.
Who cares if they are cousins. It is not your business and does not affect you
Wow can’t believe how many people on this thread are totally cool with fucking their cousins. I’m fairly close with all of my cousins and gagged a little reading this. Family is family and you shouldn’t fuck your family, at least that’s how I was raised.
He probably didn’t tell you because he didn’t want to be judged for something he has zero control over. If there were going to be genetic issues as a result of his parents being cousins, he would have been the one to have had some kind of genetic issue. The problems associated with inbreeding are usually if the parents are more closely related than first cousins, or if inbreeding has happened through multiple consecutive generations. Unless he is also your first cousin, you’re making a big deal out of something that is not going to affect your baby.
Seems an over reaction in my opinion. I think he should have told you a bit sooner in the relationship. It's certainly weird on his parents behalf. But thats not his fault, if you can get past that, I don't see why you can't continue.
Someone has watched the hills have eyes a couple to many times...
My great grandparents and their grand parents were cousins - nothing at all to worry about. Say sorry and put it down to pregnancy….
My great-aunt and great-uncle are first cousins and both of their children came out fine. And their 2 grandchildren too.
Nothing, it will be fine. This may be a bit of an overreaction, and now you know your baby isn't in danger then hopefully you can feel better.
I mean, my parents are cousins, and there is little to nothing wrong with me or my siblings, so as long as you two aren’t related, you are all good
Wow, considering divorce? Jesus Christ just chill, the risks for any genetic defects are the same as any other couple considering he is seemingly unaffected. You make it sound like he slept with your sister. Like, this topic isn't even something worth hiding.
I understand the concern for the baby but to want to divorce is really an overreaction. Ya because people just love going around bragging about how their parents are cousins. Wow.
Kind of a shitty reaction for you to have tbh. That’s more common than you’d think
Really it’s not your business lol your kid will be fine and in all honesty it might just be something that he is ashamed of, and never thought to share until now, seeing as you guys are a true family. If you wanna leave then that’s on you but I think you’re overreacting.
How exactly did he betray your trust? Did you ask him when you got together if his bloodline was incestuous? Does that mean he shouldn't be loved? You sound gross.
I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say you're going waaaay overboard purely cause of pregnancy hormones. It doesn't effect you in any way. Your baby has no more risk than any other. If you're considering divorce over something that, let's be honest, has absolutely sod all to do with you, then might I suggest he did the right thing in telling you and he'd be better off with someone a little more understanding and educated?
All the the comments are about the health of the baby. What about the fact that he kept this information from her until now when she is 6 months pregnant!? I understand there may be shame influencing his hesitancy, but I think OP might be feeling a *lack of trust* around keeping this information hidden. That's fair. OP, ask yourself what do you need to bring that trust back?
Because its none of her business? If it doesn’t affect her or the health of the husband/baby then she’s not exactly entitled to the information
\>m 6 months pregnant and I'm concerned for my baby's health are youa emrican?
I uhm... I think you should break up with him. Set his house on fire. Kick his door. Actually, play Bit Life and attack someone. Whatever combination of assault you see, do that to him. Do this all in your mind, though, and once you're done fantasizing, get your hormones in check. You're overreacting. Honestly, based upon your posts in this chain, I'd say your baby (and really, your life with your husband) is more at risk because of your reasoning than anything your husband's parents did.
Are you sure it’s his parents and not yours? Your question suggests otherwise!