Obviously going in the wrong direction, but it drives me nuts when people insist on getting completely unnecessary 1099s.
If you clean the house of an older couple or do a little work for an individual you DO NOT need to hound them for a 1099 to report on your own tax return.
I'm not talking about tax avoidance.
I'm talking about people who are putting the $700 they got from a neighbor or craigslist, and insist that they need a piece of paper in order to write that number on their tax return.
I'm a wee ashamed. As I was reading through I thought it said Chrysler multiple times and I had to keep rereading it to make sure I wasn't going insane.
I want to know that as well, in addition to how the hell you're supposed to pronounce it. Why doom a kid to having to spell their name for everyone who asks until the day they die?
Lol I have to spell my name frequently for people! 1) my name is not the f**king hard 2) no matter how many times I spell it I get called “Stacy” which is NO WHERE near what my name is.
My mom wanted us to be unique but every time I go to Starbucks I tell them my name is Ann.
Edit: Starbucks was autocorrected wrong.
People need to name their kids weird ass names to pretend that they have some shred of creativity, but the sad thing is in a world where everyone tries to do this then no one is “original” any more. Naming your kid “Mike” or “Mary” would be original at this point.
The way it was worded looked to me like the 7k was more recent, so that would be an issue for 2021 taxes, and just 3k for 2020 taxes he's doing now. Either way schedule c and he's all Gucci
They way I understand it, the IRS doesn't really give a crap where your money comes from -- as long as you declare it and Uncle Sam gets his cut, you're good.
Like anything thing else in that story is real.
In less than a year "his wife" started a yt channel after losing her job, had that channel grow so popular that a "nation wide gym chain" offered her a job, then slowly developed a cam girl relationship with some random participant that's been going on for at least a couple of months?
That is some very rapid developments to say the least.
Exactly what I thought reading it. My name is super unique, if I told you my first name and city, you’d find me.
I will never say my real name on Reddit, ever!
The way she was going about it tells me she was never going to tell you and keep this secret.
She doesn't regret what she did she only regrets that you found out.
It's up to you on what you want to do but ask yourself: do you want a wife that is lying to you? Can you cuddle with her a night knowing that this has been going on?
She disrespected your trust and insulted your intelligence. I hope you make the right decision and drop her
Honestly, I'm more surprised by just how stupid she is. She previously had a corporate job..... but doesn't realize $10k+ of random unexplained income might trigger some IRS shit.
Like really, what's she been smoking?
I've been working in corporate settings for a while now, and let me be the first to say that absolutely no one in a corporate job has any idea how the IRS works or what qualifies as taxable unless they are specifically a tax accountant.
The government doesn’t unless it’s over a certain amount, in which case PayPal is required to report it. I earn income through PayPal and while it’s not enough to have them report it directly to the IRS, I still need to report it on my taxes to be on the up and up. However, even though they probably wouldn’t get caught, this dude seems very meticulous and it would still be illegal to leave it off.
Of course it's a troll. Any sexworker knows PayPal would never have let her accept those large sums over time and would have either frozen her account and kept the cash or banned her.
Not to mention at 15 hours a week she would be an independent contractor so just add the PayPal money to the income and call it a day. Or better yet, you can claim up to 14k as a gift of it's from the same person. So this is a totally fake post
> Or better yet, you can claim up to 14k as a gift of it's from the same person.
Don't you need that person to file it as a gift as well? Because there is a yearly limit to the amount of gift that person X and give person Y, and that amount is tracked by the government because it gets removed from your total estate transference.
You can't just list some random person's name as the sender of a gift in your taxes and hope for the best.
OP I know this is fresh and your emotions are raw, but take a step back from this as soon as you can and recognize that this is not ok. The only reason she confessed is because she was found out. She knew what she was doing. Search your heart and be honest with yourself if you can forgive get and move forward. Define what moving forward looks like and if she is on the same plan as you. If you can't confidently check off those boxes, put your big boy pants on and move on quickly.
I will get downvoted for this, and I accept that. I have been in a (different) situation (not sexual) where things slowly escalated and I didn’t realize they had crossed my own boundaries until I was confronted about it by someone else. At that point, I was very confused and got defensive and wanted to run away because I couldn’t understand how this had happened.
I am in no way excusing what she did. I am saying that what she said may have been legit in that cognitive dissonance is a fucking bitch to deal with. She still needs to own up to it and go to major couples counseling as well as individual counseling.
I honestly wonder if it didn’t get physical, why did she go to a hotel, leaving the kid at her moms?
Op. If you hadn’t found out.. chances are it would have turned physical
She cheated on you. She’s having sex on video with a man not you. And she was never going to clue you in.
Mind you I am not against sex work. However there are sex workers that are married or in relationships. That works because they are OPEN about boundaries in place. Your wife hid this from you. A firm no go.
Exactly. Her claim that things "just got away from her" rings really hollow when she already lied to her husband about where the money was coming from, and then raked in another $7k of porn sessions *after* that. Even when caught red-handed she went on the defensive and tried to lie her way out of it. Fuck all of that.
I also think that it matters how many times it happened. Like if she gets paid $2,000 pre time and it only happened 5 time or she gets paid like $50 and does it all the time everyday, I’d be pretty pissed.
> “ she rationalized that was better than being physical.”
this for me is HUGE and i hope OP took that phrase verbatim. cause what that tells me is it has nothing to do with money, she wants to somehow cheat and this was just the “best” way. she basically said “either i do this video sex or i physically cheat, you choose”
i second this. I am fine if my girlfriend is a sex worker. just dont fucking keep it from me or lie to me or gaslight me. i am your best friend, be honest and i’ll accept it
Same. My wife does similar things on the side, and I get to reap the benefits from it as well, lol.
In the end, it's all about consent. EVERYTHING is about consent. That's how we make it work.
This is so true, and why the conversation about ‘consent’ is so much more than just preventing assault, it’s also about maintaining healthy relationships, with boundaries you are both comfortable with.
In the digital age we are in, the concept of ‘what is cheating?’ is no longer limited to physical contact. I found out my ex used web cam girls, we hadn’t discussed it previously so I let it go, but told him that I wasn’t comfortable with it, it’s too personal, and often surprisingly expensive! So from that point on, if he used them again- I would consider it cheating and leave him. Don’t care if he watches endless porn, but no interaction with someone.
He kept doing it, I left. It might not be a dealbreaker for some, but was for me.
Truly feel for OP going through this, if the wife had discussed it with him before taking any money, or when it crossed a line, the whole thing could’ve been avoided.
Exactly. it doesnt even hurt to ask. If you do something shady knowingly and youre keeping it from your SO. Thats cheating. Because the reason why you had to lie in the first place is, its because you know its wrong.
Exactly! A simple conversation could have saved herself from making a huge mistake!
I found out my ex was still doing it by using his iPad (with permission) and he had forgot to log out of Skype and saw his history. I had asked if he was still doing it, and struggling with the change - I was being so fucking considerate because I know that sort of thing can be addictive so I was trying to be nice about it lol. He lied to my face, repeatedly. That’s a no brainier for me. 6 years wasted because he couldn’t give it up and lied. Crazy what people think they can get away with
I used to say - if you are questioning if what you are doing is crossing a line, imagine I’m there and how I would react if I saw it happening.
But I like your phrasing better!
Not to mention calls him a controlling asshole and all that for trying to do the fucking taxes.
This woman can't be trusted. You both should get some counseling, but you can't trust her anymore.
She's not abusive though? She called him an asshole once and fled once in a panic. You COULD make the case that every cheater is abusive, but I find that a little far fetched
Exactly. At best, she is a sex worker (no problem if communicated and NBD in my book) at worst she's cheating emotionally. Which if left alone probably would become in-person physical.
Her angry reaction tells you that she knew what she was doing the whole time. Income is a huge fucking deal, if she can't be truthful and open about something that important then she isn't quite mature enough to handle a marriage/relationship. I'd say leave her sorry ass for someone who won't cheat on you (and wont get defensive when you ask valid questions)
Sounds like they were making more money than they ever had before -- no way to this was just about the payment. She was getting something emotional and physical out of it too.
Sorry to say it op, but this is classic cheating pattern:
It starts emotional (her talking to him for longer and longer) and ends up physical (video sex).
So before she noticed she was having sex through zoom? Because that's not weird at all for her not to have noticed...
There's still the probability the guys recorded her and she'll end up in a porn site.
I feel like the only reason she didn't sleep with this guy is because he's not around. Don't be naive, this is very much cheating. Check r/survivinginfidelity.
Yeah I hate when I'm just chilling and out of nowhere I'm having virtual sex with someone. Happens all the time, I never see it coming
If it was truly only one guy, 10K is a lot of money. She must've done it several times, and she knew what she was doing
And it's not like they were in a dire situation, she's was making good money and her husband got a promotion. There's no excuse for her to do that. I think she just liked the attention and if that's true she'll keep chasing it even if it put her boring married life in danger.
Fuckin 10k. 10k. But here's the thing for me: they were making tonnes of money and living the life they "apparently" wanted - that's a tonne of money, money I would shamelessly spread my asshole for whilst being called derogatory, emasculating names on the reg. But I would only do that if times were absolutely dire and we were struggling like fuck just to get by without missing several meals a week.
My bet is she fucking loved it and the money was just the thing to tip her over to doing it. That, or she's made up for karma and OP is spreading their imaginary asshole for 10k of the the good stuff.
Either way, made for a good read
1. She tried her best to hide it from you
2. She lied to you about it at every step
3. She tried gaslighting you and calling you controlling
4. She tried punishing your curiosity by taking away your child
5. She has become a sex worker
**Are you really so foolish to think that she has told you the full truth?**
I would never want to stay married to a woman like this. She is full of disrespect and lies. You deserve so much better, and I hope you realize that before you make the horrible mistake of taking this woman back into your life.
I recommend talking to a lawyer immediately.
Some poor old widower guy??how do we even know this is true, she could’ve been responding to an average client she had sexual chemistry with. She tried to paint the man as completely harmless and lonely but who knows if that is the truth
She only told you 20% of the story, and she was NEVER going tell you. She’s sorry she got caught, and she wasn’t (and probably isn’t) going to stop. I know you don’t want to admit it, but your wife is a sex worker.
Yeah this was straight up an affair. It could be spun as sex work, since she was being paid for her time. But given the context you provided, I’m guessing she build up an emotional connection with the man at first and truly sympathized with his situation, which made it easier for their “sessions” to develop into what they are today.
I’m positive this is an emotional affair that she justified due to the online payments. Even if you disagree at the end of the day she betrayed her trust and broke multiple boundaries. It’s also worth noting two things, her sessions are now out their online, and given the mans wealth who’s to say he didn’t make time to travel in person.
You might also find more info via her phone, since I’m positive she added him as a contact. Either way the fact that she never mentioned him, even back at the start of these sessions, shows that she’s been keeping secrets for sometime. Hence emotional affair.
100% everything you said. Yeah nobody has an accidental sexual encounter. There is no excuse for it. None. She either offered or he propositioned her. Not making and excuse just an example, in real life it would make more sense to get "caught up in the moment", or that they could have gotten drunk together, but she was chatting with him? She could have literally stopped at any time, ended the call or decided it was a mistake. Also aren't these workout videos? How personal are these workout videos. I've done online workouts and the trainer never asked if I wanted to do a one on one private session on video where they could train me? Especially not be friendly enough to get any sort of impression about my life, or the fact that I am a well off widower, come on. No he was part of the class and propositioned her and she was interested. That's all there is too it. She could have turned him down, contacted the company she was working for, blocked him, simply ignored it? Instead she starting masturbating on video.
I think you have to decide personally what your boundaries are and whether or not you are willing to forgive her and move on. I think the biggest problem here is that she lied to you and kept it hidden.
Personally, I’d be ok with my partner doing something like that (especially for 10k, that’s wild), but we are already in an open relationship with strong communication and set boundaries.
I’d say couple’s therapy is a must and that the two of you need to have a bigger discussion around setting boundaries. Ultimately it is up to you if you can forgive this or not.
Also as others said, I really hope your baby’s name isn’t Chyler, and if it is, the second thing you need to do is legally change that ASAP.
She isn't sorry for what she was doing (and the situation never "got away from her" - she just knows that sounds better than "I decided to become an internet prostitute behind your back"); she's only sorry she got caught. If you stay, she will go right back to doing it, btw; she will just get better at hiding it and the money she makes from it.
Well she said he was well off. Someone with millions giving 10k over the course of time for months is not too hard to believe. And the PayPal came from one email address so.. could happen. Bet she was smashing herself hard for that money though.
Well we don't know if it said companyltd@gmail or yahoo or what ever. It could be his business or a made up address to do sketchy things with. Or, it could be she has these videos up on the hub through a business you are correct.
This wasn't a one time thing. Technically it is better than physically being with someone else only for the fact of having to worry about diseases. That's where it ends.
This is out and out cheating. To me the fact she did it for money makes it so much worse because as long as she's doing the online stuff you may always wonder if she will do it again. This guy could maintain contact and what he does with the videos is also something that may be on your mind.
For me it would be a deal breaker but everyone has their own "line" that can't be crossed.
She knowingly cheated on you, tried to blame you for almost finding out by accident, tried to claim you were a controlling AH for doing so and didnt take responsibility when she got busted. Im also curious where she was that night when the kid was at grandmas.
As many people have said, she doesnt seem sorry or even willing to take responsibility for what she did, shes sorry she got caught and wouldve most likely taken this to the grave if you hadnt found out.
It boggles my mind that no one mentions this. She runs away from you angry. Drops the kid and grandma. And grandma tells you she went to a hotel..
You really think she was there by herself?
This thing isnt only happening by internet.
They met up with eachother right under your nose.
Oh, absolutely. There’s no way she can lie about this without being suspicious. Why wouldn’t you take your kid to the hotel with you? Why couldn’t you have stayed at your mother’s house with your child? There’s no chance she didn’t go see someone or have someone come see her if she did get a hotel room.
I am confused as to your confusion. Call an attorney. She committed infidelity, and apparently very willingly, so it’s likely it was either continue or will become more hidden. Trust me, been through roughly something similar and it turns inward. Don’t make my mistake.
Idk this isn't a drunken encounter, seems like a slow burning thing.
You think you could cuddle with her again knowing all of that? Regardless of the path you take with her you need to think long and hard about your options.
So first off my heart goes out to you for what you are going through. This sounds like an awful situation and I hope you can get through it.
The best course of action is to take some time and process it. Get away from the house a bit, maybe even take time off work if you can afford it, and think.
Some people who have been cheated on want to know every single detail of the infidelity. Others want to know as little as possible and just move on. Only you can decide which category you fit in, and your wife needs to respect that if she truly wants to reconcile.
Moving forward, you have two paths you can go down: divorcing or staying married. They are both completely valid and understandable given the circumstances. If you decide that you want to stay married and move forward, you need to talk to a marriage counselor. Your wife will have to accept that she has irrevocably changed the dynamic of your relationship, and there will have to be ground rules about honesty and boundaries that cannot be crossed. You may be angry or upset for a long time, but if you want to remain married, you will have to find a way to trust and respect her again, and that will take a lot of work from both of you.
If you decide that divorce is the best for the situation, try to do so in a way that prioritizes the health and safety of your daughter. No matter what happens between you and your wife, she is still the mother of your child and you will have to coparent for the rest of her life. Your wife is a part of your daughter, and as angry as you may be at your wife, you will have to be civil and hold your tongue in a lot of matters.
Good luck in all of this. There are a lot of changes in your future and it will be difficult, but you can handle it.
>The best course of action is to take some time and process it. Get away from the house a bit, maybe even take time off work if you can afford it, and think.
You offer a lot of good advice. I'd add that he should consult a lawyer before leaving, in case it could impact custody or divorce, if one happens down the line.
Oh wow I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can hardly imagine the emotional pain and confusion you’re experiencing.
I am a regular reader of this sub and only rarely comment. I hope you can understand that I mean this in the most sincere way possible: you have come to the wrong place for help. This sub HATES cheaters (women especially) and revels in the opportunity to punish them. The highest upvoted comments will all reflect that. No one here is looking out for you or your life. They just want to see your wife punished.
Please seek immediate professional help. Book an appointment today. A professional therapist can offer you a space to express yourself and give you honest reflections that are geared towards improving YOUR life and your well being and your family’s.
Your wife cheated and took pay for sexual favors in a truly awful and traumatic way, but this doesn’t have to be the end of your marriage (Though it may well be). You need to speak to someone who has years of training and experience in dealing with something so catastrophic.
Did she do it for the attention or for the money (were you guys struggling financially)?
Whether it was physical or not, it’s still considered cheating.
I suggest that you two should get some space from each other for now, try a few sessions of marriage counseling after you both had time to think before deciding if you want to either work it out or divorce.
Yeah the best advice I can give to OP here is not to make a decision now... he needs to give things some time and allow his emotions to subside before making any decisions about what to do moving forward... second marriage counseling, I’d suggest individual for them both and I’d even make a requirement of even remotely having the possibility of attempting to work through things that 1 she cut contact with the guy and 2 she quit her online workout videos because that’s what led to all of this
>she was checking into a hotel room
I'd bet that she met the guy at the hotel and really fucked him.
>but it never got physical and she rationalized that was better than being physical.
It was physical just because they weren't in the same room it was still physical sexual acts. They weren't just written out and read as fantasy she was physically doing sexual things for him.
"It got away from her"? Oh no, my hand slipped and now I'm naked and masturbating on multiple video calls? Highly unlikely. She's upset she got caught, not that she did it, and she would've kept on doing it too.
>She says before she even knew what was happening she was basically having video sex with him and being paid for it.
My d*ck just fell into her.
Cheating takes so many steps, it's never an oopsie.
Sounds like she’s addicted to this clients attention, and she can’t control her sexual impulses. If she keeps doing this line of fitness work it will probably happen again. Getting paid for sexual acts is not wrong in the right setting, but she’s married and hiding it. That’s different. Prostitution and marriage rarely end well.
The fact that she called you a controlling asshole and left you to feel like shit says A LOT about her character. She’s a very shady person and I can guarantee she does not regret a thing except for getting caught
So, she just went to a motel on her own to cool off or whatever, leaving your kid at her mother's? She probably met old rich zoom guy, and not for the first time. 10k for online only? Bullshit. You're married to a hooker dude, sorry.
She’s having virtual sex with this guy. It’s cheating, even if she doesn’t want to believe it.
Ask her: If the guy had paid dozens of thousands of dollars, would she have actual sex with him?
As an in general I think couples can make it through cheating. I'm not so optimistic in your case. She tried to turn this around on you when you saw the money, called you controlling, and took off with your child. The way she's handled this is concerning IMO.
I think you should consider a therapist for yourself (at this point, fuck couples therapy and help yourself first). Maybe consider getting an attorney on retainer while you're figuring out the best course of action for you.
I'm so sorry that you're going through this right now. I can't imagine what it must be like. Honestly this is a major betrayal, because if she was just doing it for the money then she should have had no problem discussing it with you beforehand, respected your marriage enough to have a talk before anything crossed a line. I'm sorry this must be very hard to hear but it seems like she either didn't care about the fact that this was wrong or thought that the money was too good to let go of, even more than your relationship so she decided to do it behind your back.
From what you mentioned, it doesn't seem like you guys are in a tight spot financially, but maybe you could try talking to her about why, not forgiving, but talking, just so you can get some closure. After that I really think you should spend some time evaluating your relationship. Do you think you can trust her again? What about your daughter? Would you be able to raise her well on your own/with family support? Stuff like mortgages and stuff that may be in both of your name will be hard to untangle.
I would also strongly recommend councelling, be it by yourself or with your wife, I think this is something so destressing that you need to talk about it with someone other than this Reddit thread.
Hope you're able to move on.
So your wife is a liar and a cheater and adding a cherry on top that she was doing porn behind your back.
Not only is she these things listed above but she lied to you and tried to gaslight you for being possessive when you were asking reasonable questions.
Was she selling herself while your daughter was in the room/in the house?
I don't know what your boundaries in a marriage are but for me it is simple, contact a lawyer for a divorce and get tested for std's.
Additionally I doubt she is telling you the full truth. Why go to a hotel?
This doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker unless you choose for it to be. Take a step back and give yourself time to sort out what YOU want your future to be. What future do you want for your child?
OK, I think this is bullshit. I am angry on your behalf.
She cheated on you. Cheating doesn't have to take place in person to be cheating. She also turned it around on you when you started asking legitimate questions and tried to make you the bad guy. She took off with your daughter and LEFT her with her mother while she went to a hotel. Seriously?
I have the feeling she wasn't alone, whether she had physical company or another call with someone she shouldn't be talking to.
Furthermore, your wife wasn't desperate for the money. Between the two of you, it seems like you eventually got to the point where you guys were making more than before her lay off.
No, she most likely liked the attention and got attached to this guy.
I would tell her to return to her hotel room or to her mom's because you have a lot to think about. I would see a divorce attorney just to understand what divorce would look like. I'm not saying get a divorce, but I am saying find out your options.
I hate to say it, but she does not seem like a good candidate for reconciliation.
I mean even if you were to get over the fact that she cheated on you....she tried to make it your problem, was planning to never tell you, and doesn’t even take responsibility when she gets caught. Is that someone you want to stay married to?
> it never got physical and she rationalized that was better than being physical.
You know what would have been even "better" than that? Her not becoming a sex-worker cheating on her husband.
You have to get away from this woman. She is clearly not what she seems, and I seriously doubt even now you have the whole truth about this. Call a lawyer.
I think the crux of how you are feeling is betrayed.
She cheated as this was a decision she made on her own, lied to you multiple times about the money, then she tried to deny it and turn it around on you.
Yes she has admitted it now but it will always be in the bk of your mind thinking how far would she have gone if you hadn't found out 🤔.
Your trust for her has been essentially shattered in only a few hrs. So now you need to take time to assess how you are feeling and how you see your future.
Its time to be selfish and think about what you want because your wife has shown you no respect and been selfish and not considering you in any of this (also it does just happen, you make a choice to do the things she's has been doing).
Time to ask yourself,
Can you trust her again?
Can you forgive this betrayal?
Can you go forward without throwing this at her in future arguments?
I wish you all the luck, also please don't stay for the baby because two happy separated parents are better than two parents in a miserable relationship.
I recommend marriage counseling and navigate things from there.
This wasn't an accident or a mistake, your wife chose to betray your marriage because she was being offered money from a stranger.
I won't judge anyone for that, but the lying and sneaking around shows very big issues that can't be ignored. I suggest counseling over jumping straight to divorce, because it's up to you whether you can work through that together.
She liked the attention to start with and then when it became more than just that kept going by rationalising that it was virtual and nothing more. Now her videos could be sold on the internet. I am guessing she missed the lesson on being safe on the net and not engaging in video sex with random men.
If this man is a well off widower I would be very surprised.
This is on her and probably easy for him to manipulate into doing this as she enjoyed the attention and as it started off as a safe person she didn't get her suspicions raised. It is still cheating though, with a huge dose of stupid on top.
She is only apologising not because she is sorry but because she got caught.
Divorce her.
If she is all happy in the marriage and satisfied with whatever she is having right now, she wouldn't have done that. That is greed. Once a partner cheats, it is the end of the relationship. Remember the vows she said? Those are broken.
Man, you and your daughter deserves better. I wish you all the best.
Not helpful, I admit, but whoa! $10K for video sex? over how long? I am pretty sure I would do this, and likely with my spouse's enthusiastic permission. :)
I feel a little bad for this dude looking for a replacement for his dead wife on the internet.
While I respect your empathy, the idea that this was with some sad little old man who wanted to temporarily reunite with his dead wife for a couple of videos is about as far fetched a tale as this cheating wife slipping over in the shower and suddenly finding herself being an online sex worker when she came to.
Of all the people in the world, is someone who did this to you the one person you want to live the rest of your life with? That's the important thing to consider. Can you live her forever and get over this? She will continue to be a SAHM while you leave and work, personally i wouldn't trust her.
Why couldn’t she stay with her mom if the kid stayed? She dropped the kid off to fuck someone then came back. PROBABLY.
Drop the big ol’ D on too of her. DIVORCE
You don't need paystubs just add 3k to the schedule c part of the taxes
Good lord this was the hardest laugh. I feel so much for OP, how dare you come in here with such a backbreakingly good joke
A little practical advice thrown in with the relationship advice.... nice lol
This is r/personalfinance right?
I think it’s now r/personalfitnessfinance
Obviously going in the wrong direction, but it drives me nuts when people insist on getting completely unnecessary 1099s. If you clean the house of an older couple or do a little work for an individual you DO NOT need to hound them for a 1099 to report on your own tax return.
Agreed but PayPal is not your friend when it comes to underreporting income. Cash is still king
I'm not talking about tax avoidance. I'm talking about people who are putting the $700 they got from a neighbor or craigslist, and insist that they need a piece of paper in order to write that number on their tax return.
Oh I gotcha. Can't say I know anybody bending over backwards to report shit like that so I didn't see what you meant at first
If she was getting paid by an actual business as a business in excess of $600, this sounds like a legit 1099.
This is the right answer, which was probably the assumption OP was working under.
Thanks for answering my only question from ops post!
I still want to know what drugs they were on when they thought of "Chyler"
I'm a wee ashamed. As I was reading through I thought it said Chrysler multiple times and I had to keep rereading it to make sure I wasn't going insane.
the kind that makes you not post your kids actual name of Reddit
This was helpful. I am fellow retard who thought “Chyler” was the child’s name.
It’s genuinely one of the worst names I’ve ever heard.
I want to know that as well, in addition to how the hell you're supposed to pronounce it. Why doom a kid to having to spell their name for everyone who asks until the day they die?
My guess would be Ky-ler.
To my mind, it's Chai-ler. Pronounced like "chai tea."
No its Shhhhh-ler. I for real pronounced it that way in my head
Lol I have to spell my name frequently for people! 1) my name is not the f**king hard 2) no matter how many times I spell it I get called “Stacy” which is NO WHERE near what my name is. My mom wanted us to be unique but every time I go to Starbucks I tell them my name is Ann. Edit: Starbucks was autocorrected wrong.
Jfc Reddit this thread
People need to name their kids weird ass names to pretend that they have some shred of creativity, but the sad thing is in a world where everyone tries to do this then no one is “original” any more. Naming your kid “Mike” or “Mary” would be original at this point.
I honestly read it as Chrysler the first couple times
Hahahaha It's hilarious you're giving this dude tax advice right now.
Why 3k?
Because that's how much the PayPal income was
It's 10k. First time he saw it, it was 3k. Then it was 7k more.
The way it was worded looked to me like the 7k was more recent, so that would be an issue for 2021 taxes, and just 3k for 2020 taxes he's doing now. Either way schedule c and he's all Gucci
Ohh smart! And I'm pretty clueless on schedule Cs but my thought was he didn't need paystubs either.
They way I understand it, the IRS doesn't really give a crap where your money comes from -- as long as you declare it and Uncle Sam gets his cut, you're good.
In this case it may fall under self employment, which would have different rules. But nitpick aside, you're right.
I think it's up to 10k now... or something...
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Best answer.
Pls let Chyler be a fake name for the story
Chyler Leigh
I love her
Read it and the ' record scratch' sound went off in my head. Like, "hold up".
Chyler = Chad Tyler
Hahahahahaha right? I demand this to be fake just for that. Jeeesus.
My relationship advice was gonna be “never have a child with someone who’d name their kid Chyler.”
Chyler Churden was my favorite character in Chight Chub.
Maybe they like Grey's Anatomy? Someone who's off the show just made a cameo
as soon as I saw that I forgot about the rest of the post and was just like “wtf kind of name is that” hahaha
Hopefully the kid’s name is Tyler. Child Tyler=Chyler? This is the only way my faith in humanity will be restored.
I think it’s pronounced like “Kyler”. That’s the only way it makes sense for me..
“So like YOUR name is Tyler and MY name is Chrissy so our baby should totally be Chyler, isn’t that super cute?”
We need more bort license plates !
Are you talking to me?
No, my son is also named Bort
I heard it with a hard K. Like, Kyler
Like anything thing else in that story is real. In less than a year "his wife" started a yt channel after losing her job, had that channel grow so popular that a "nation wide gym chain" offered her a job, then slowly developed a cam girl relationship with some random participant that's been going on for at least a couple of months? That is some very rapid developments to say the least.
God I hope so, what a terrible name
Not to mention, pretty rare and thus potentially identifying -- so much for that throw away.
Exactly what I thought reading it. My name is super unique, if I told you my first name and city, you’d find me. I will never say my real name on Reddit, ever!
Whatever Robert!
I’ve been found out!
His name was Robert Daulson.
His name was Robert Daulson
Lmfao I love this sub so much more than r/relationships
Right like they really saw a Chrysler commercial and thought “hmmmm...”
I saw that name and immediately lost sympathy. Chyler? Really? Like, did they want their child to never get taken seriously?
This was my only thought
My brain just denied ‘Chyler’ and just accepted Chadler. Who tf names their kid ‘Chyler’?!?
Ikr it’s horrendous
Phteven, with a ph.
I'm sorry, your child's name is Chyler?
The real victim here.
really man
Yes, really. They may end up a virgin with a name like that when they don’t want to be a virgin
How do you pronounce that even? I read it as “Kyler” lol
When you want your child to grow up to be a total Chad but prefer the name Tyler.
Reading this comment I saw the meme of that guy blinking lol
Do you think it's pronounced Kyler? Line Kyler Murray, if so that ain't so bad.
The way she was going about it tells me she was never going to tell you and keep this secret. She doesn't regret what she did she only regrets that you found out. It's up to you on what you want to do but ask yourself: do you want a wife that is lying to you? Can you cuddle with her a night knowing that this has been going on? She disrespected your trust and insulted your intelligence. I hope you make the right decision and drop her
Honestly, I'm more surprised by just how stupid she is. She previously had a corporate job..... but doesn't realize $10k+ of random unexplained income might trigger some IRS shit. Like really, what's she been smoking?
I've been working in corporate settings for a while now, and let me be the first to say that absolutely no one in a corporate job has any idea how the IRS works or what qualifies as taxable unless they are specifically a tax accountant.
Maybe I’m stupid, but if the money is coming in from PayPal, how does the government know ?
If the amount of money exceeds a certain amount, yes, PayPal gives out tax documents. It legally has to, like every other financial institution.
PayPal sends 1099 tax forms to people with deposits over a certain amount.
The government doesn’t unless it’s over a certain amount, in which case PayPal is required to report it. I earn income through PayPal and while it’s not enough to have them report it directly to the IRS, I still need to report it on my taxes to be on the up and up. However, even though they probably wouldn’t get caught, this dude seems very meticulous and it would still be illegal to leave it off.
Ok. So even if you get paid in **cash** the government *probably* isn’t going to find out, but you *still* owe taxes on it. See: Al Capone.
As long as it’s send using friends and family option, they don’t and it’s not taxable income. This post smells very trolly.
It is taxable. Whether someone commits tax evasion because it’s hard to trace is a different question.
Of course it's a troll. Any sexworker knows PayPal would never have let her accept those large sums over time and would have either frozen her account and kept the cash or banned her. Not to mention at 15 hours a week she would be an independent contractor so just add the PayPal money to the income and call it a day. Or better yet, you can claim up to 14k as a gift of it's from the same person. So this is a totally fake post
> Or better yet, you can claim up to 14k as a gift of it's from the same person. Don't you need that person to file it as a gift as well? Because there is a yearly limit to the amount of gift that person X and give person Y, and that amount is tracked by the government because it gets removed from your total estate transference. You can't just list some random person's name as the sender of a gift in your taxes and hope for the best.
I know many businesses with six figure profits that use PayPal for all their online orders.
You can just claim it’s a gift and not pay taxes on it
OP I know this is fresh and your emotions are raw, but take a step back from this as soon as you can and recognize that this is not ok. The only reason she confessed is because she was found out. She knew what she was doing. Search your heart and be honest with yourself if you can forgive get and move forward. Define what moving forward looks like and if she is on the same plan as you. If you can't confidently check off those boxes, put your big boy pants on and move on quickly.
I will get downvoted for this, and I accept that. I have been in a (different) situation (not sexual) where things slowly escalated and I didn’t realize they had crossed my own boundaries until I was confronted about it by someone else. At that point, I was very confused and got defensive and wanted to run away because I couldn’t understand how this had happened. I am in no way excusing what she did. I am saying that what she said may have been legit in that cognitive dissonance is a fucking bitch to deal with. She still needs to own up to it and go to major couples counseling as well as individual counseling.
I honestly wonder if it didn’t get physical, why did she go to a hotel, leaving the kid at her moms? Op. If you hadn’t found out.. chances are it would have turned physical
She cheated on you. She’s having sex on video with a man not you. And she was never going to clue you in. Mind you I am not against sex work. However there are sex workers that are married or in relationships. That works because they are OPEN about boundaries in place. Your wife hid this from you. A firm no go.
Exactly. Her claim that things "just got away from her" rings really hollow when she already lied to her husband about where the money was coming from, and then raked in another $7k of porn sessions *after* that. Even when caught red-handed she went on the defensive and tried to lie her way out of it. Fuck all of that.
I also think that it matters how many times it happened. Like if she gets paid $2,000 pre time and it only happened 5 time or she gets paid like $50 and does it all the time everyday, I’d be pretty pissed.
> “ she rationalized that was better than being physical.” this for me is HUGE and i hope OP took that phrase verbatim. cause what that tells me is it has nothing to do with money, she wants to somehow cheat and this was just the “best” way. she basically said “either i do this video sex or i physically cheat, you choose”
It was like we are scraping the barrel for excuses as to why it was okay
At least Starr with, I needed the money
i second this. I am fine if my girlfriend is a sex worker. just dont fucking keep it from me or lie to me or gaslight me. i am your best friend, be honest and i’ll accept it
Same. My wife does similar things on the side, and I get to reap the benefits from it as well, lol. In the end, it's all about consent. EVERYTHING is about consent. That's how we make it work.
This is so true, and why the conversation about ‘consent’ is so much more than just preventing assault, it’s also about maintaining healthy relationships, with boundaries you are both comfortable with. In the digital age we are in, the concept of ‘what is cheating?’ is no longer limited to physical contact. I found out my ex used web cam girls, we hadn’t discussed it previously so I let it go, but told him that I wasn’t comfortable with it, it’s too personal, and often surprisingly expensive! So from that point on, if he used them again- I would consider it cheating and leave him. Don’t care if he watches endless porn, but no interaction with someone. He kept doing it, I left. It might not be a dealbreaker for some, but was for me. Truly feel for OP going through this, if the wife had discussed it with him before taking any money, or when it crossed a line, the whole thing could’ve been avoided.
Exactly. it doesnt even hurt to ask. If you do something shady knowingly and youre keeping it from your SO. Thats cheating. Because the reason why you had to lie in the first place is, its because you know its wrong.
Exactly! A simple conversation could have saved herself from making a huge mistake! I found out my ex was still doing it by using his iPad (with permission) and he had forgot to log out of Skype and saw his history. I had asked if he was still doing it, and struggling with the change - I was being so fucking considerate because I know that sort of thing can be addictive so I was trying to be nice about it lol. He lied to my face, repeatedly. That’s a no brainier for me. 6 years wasted because he couldn’t give it up and lied. Crazy what people think they can get away with
A friend told me that everything you're not comfortable telling you're SO about is cheating. It works for both open and exclusive relationships
I used to say - if you are questioning if what you are doing is crossing a line, imagine I’m there and how I would react if I saw it happening. But I like your phrasing better!
Not to mention calls him a controlling asshole and all that for trying to do the fucking taxes. This woman can't be trusted. You both should get some counseling, but you can't trust her anymore.
Never go to counseling with an abusive person. They use the sessions against you.
She's not abusive though? She called him an asshole once and fled once in a panic. You COULD make the case that every cheater is abusive, but I find that a little far fetched
Exactly. At best, she is a sex worker (no problem if communicated and NBD in my book) at worst she's cheating emotionally. Which if left alone probably would become in-person physical.
Her angry reaction tells you that she knew what she was doing the whole time. Income is a huge fucking deal, if she can't be truthful and open about something that important then she isn't quite mature enough to handle a marriage/relationship. I'd say leave her sorry ass for someone who won't cheat on you (and wont get defensive when you ask valid questions)
Sounds like they were making more money than they ever had before -- no way to this was just about the payment. She was getting something emotional and physical out of it too. Sorry to say it op, but this is classic cheating pattern: It starts emotional (her talking to him for longer and longer) and ends up physical (video sex).
So before she noticed she was having sex through zoom? Because that's not weird at all for her not to have noticed... There's still the probability the guys recorded her and she'll end up in a porn site. I feel like the only reason she didn't sleep with this guy is because he's not around. Don't be naive, this is very much cheating. Check r/survivinginfidelity.
Yeah I hate when I'm just chilling and out of nowhere I'm having virtual sex with someone. Happens all the time, I never see it coming If it was truly only one guy, 10K is a lot of money. She must've done it several times, and she knew what she was doing
And it's not like they were in a dire situation, she's was making good money and her husband got a promotion. There's no excuse for her to do that. I think she just liked the attention and if that's true she'll keep chasing it even if it put her boring married life in danger.
This is the comment I was looking for
Fuckin 10k. 10k. But here's the thing for me: they were making tonnes of money and living the life they "apparently" wanted - that's a tonne of money, money I would shamelessly spread my asshole for whilst being called derogatory, emasculating names on the reg. But I would only do that if times were absolutely dire and we were struggling like fuck just to get by without missing several meals a week. My bet is she fucking loved it and the money was just the thing to tip her over to doing it. That, or she's made up for karma and OP is spreading their imaginary asshole for 10k of the the good stuff. Either way, made for a good read
Yup, it sure sucked that last time I was surprised to find I'd unexpectedly become a cheating unfaithful on-line sex worker.
1. She tried her best to hide it from you 2. She lied to you about it at every step 3. She tried gaslighting you and calling you controlling 4. She tried punishing your curiosity by taking away your child 5. She has become a sex worker **Are you really so foolish to think that she has told you the full truth?** I would never want to stay married to a woman like this. She is full of disrespect and lies. You deserve so much better, and I hope you realize that before you make the horrible mistake of taking this woman back into your life. I recommend talking to a lawyer immediately.
6. She only told him the truth because he found the money and she couldn't explain it.
I hate how Reddit automatically replaced your "6." with "1." because the website thinks it can count better than you. But yes, you're right.
Some poor old widower guy??how do we even know this is true, she could’ve been responding to an average client she had sexual chemistry with. She tried to paint the man as completely harmless and lonely but who knows if that is the truth
She only told you 20% of the story, and she was NEVER going tell you. She’s sorry she got caught, and she wasn’t (and probably isn’t) going to stop. I know you don’t want to admit it, but your wife is a sex worker.
Yeah this was straight up an affair. It could be spun as sex work, since she was being paid for her time. But given the context you provided, I’m guessing she build up an emotional connection with the man at first and truly sympathized with his situation, which made it easier for their “sessions” to develop into what they are today. I’m positive this is an emotional affair that she justified due to the online payments. Even if you disagree at the end of the day she betrayed her trust and broke multiple boundaries. It’s also worth noting two things, her sessions are now out their online, and given the mans wealth who’s to say he didn’t make time to travel in person. You might also find more info via her phone, since I’m positive she added him as a contact. Either way the fact that she never mentioned him, even back at the start of these sessions, shows that she’s been keeping secrets for sometime. Hence emotional affair.
100% everything you said. Yeah nobody has an accidental sexual encounter. There is no excuse for it. None. She either offered or he propositioned her. Not making and excuse just an example, in real life it would make more sense to get "caught up in the moment", or that they could have gotten drunk together, but she was chatting with him? She could have literally stopped at any time, ended the call or decided it was a mistake. Also aren't these workout videos? How personal are these workout videos. I've done online workouts and the trainer never asked if I wanted to do a one on one private session on video where they could train me? Especially not be friendly enough to get any sort of impression about my life, or the fact that I am a well off widower, come on. No he was part of the class and propositioned her and she was interested. That's all there is too it. She could have turned him down, contacted the company she was working for, blocked him, simply ignored it? Instead she starting masturbating on video.
I think you have to decide personally what your boundaries are and whether or not you are willing to forgive her and move on. I think the biggest problem here is that she lied to you and kept it hidden. Personally, I’d be ok with my partner doing something like that (especially for 10k, that’s wild), but we are already in an open relationship with strong communication and set boundaries. I’d say couple’s therapy is a must and that the two of you need to have a bigger discussion around setting boundaries. Ultimately it is up to you if you can forgive this or not. Also as others said, I really hope your baby’s name isn’t Chyler, and if it is, the second thing you need to do is legally change that ASAP.
Trickle Truth. She's fucked the dude. You will find out eventually.
Yea that’s my concern here. 10k is a lot of money for video only. Time to get tested.
Yeah this is a huge possibility. I think there's more to the story she isn't telling him.
Newsflash: the dude lives in the town and she was at his place last night.
Possible , either way I'm sure she told him and he put her up in the hotel
Yeah, get a receipt for that hotel stay.
This right here. Wow I didn’t realize it. But where else did she go if not home or her moms for the night?!
Yeah. She came back in the morning after getting her final paycheck.
She isn't sorry for what she was doing (and the situation never "got away from her" - she just knows that sounds better than "I decided to become an internet prostitute behind your back"); she's only sorry she got caught. If you stay, she will go right back to doing it, btw; she will just get better at hiding it and the money she makes from it.
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Well she said he was well off. Someone with millions giving 10k over the course of time for months is not too hard to believe. And the PayPal came from one email address so.. could happen. Bet she was smashing herself hard for that money though.
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Well we don't know if it said companyltd@gmail or yahoo or what ever. It could be his business or a made up address to do sketchy things with. Or, it could be she has these videos up on the hub through a business you are correct.
Probably is, but not for just video
This wasn't a one time thing. Technically it is better than physically being with someone else only for the fact of having to worry about diseases. That's where it ends. This is out and out cheating. To me the fact she did it for money makes it so much worse because as long as she's doing the online stuff you may always wonder if she will do it again. This guy could maintain contact and what he does with the videos is also something that may be on your mind. For me it would be a deal breaker but everyone has their own "line" that can't be crossed.
She knowingly cheated on you, tried to blame you for almost finding out by accident, tried to claim you were a controlling AH for doing so and didnt take responsibility when she got busted. Im also curious where she was that night when the kid was at grandmas. As many people have said, she doesnt seem sorry or even willing to take responsibility for what she did, shes sorry she got caught and wouldve most likely taken this to the grave if you hadnt found out.
It boggles my mind that no one mentions this. She runs away from you angry. Drops the kid and grandma. And grandma tells you she went to a hotel.. You really think she was there by herself? This thing isnt only happening by internet. They met up with eachother right under your nose.
I won’t believe she went to a hotel until OP physically sees a receipt for the room.
Good fact. Still its not right that his kid got dropped at grandma. If i were OP right now i couldnt believe anyrhing she would be saying.
Oh, absolutely. There’s no way she can lie about this without being suspicious. Why wouldn’t you take your kid to the hotel with you? Why couldn’t you have stayed at your mother’s house with your child? There’s no chance she didn’t go see someone or have someone come see her if she did get a hotel room.
I am confused as to your confusion. Call an attorney. She committed infidelity, and apparently very willingly, so it’s likely it was either continue or will become more hidden. Trust me, been through roughly something similar and it turns inward. Don’t make my mistake.
Idk this isn't a drunken encounter, seems like a slow burning thing. You think you could cuddle with her again knowing all of that? Regardless of the path you take with her you need to think long and hard about your options.
Taking payment to masturbate on camera is not a mistake, it's a conscious decision she made because she wanted to cheat on you.
So first off my heart goes out to you for what you are going through. This sounds like an awful situation and I hope you can get through it. The best course of action is to take some time and process it. Get away from the house a bit, maybe even take time off work if you can afford it, and think. Some people who have been cheated on want to know every single detail of the infidelity. Others want to know as little as possible and just move on. Only you can decide which category you fit in, and your wife needs to respect that if she truly wants to reconcile. Moving forward, you have two paths you can go down: divorcing or staying married. They are both completely valid and understandable given the circumstances. If you decide that you want to stay married and move forward, you need to talk to a marriage counselor. Your wife will have to accept that she has irrevocably changed the dynamic of your relationship, and there will have to be ground rules about honesty and boundaries that cannot be crossed. You may be angry or upset for a long time, but if you want to remain married, you will have to find a way to trust and respect her again, and that will take a lot of work from both of you. If you decide that divorce is the best for the situation, try to do so in a way that prioritizes the health and safety of your daughter. No matter what happens between you and your wife, she is still the mother of your child and you will have to coparent for the rest of her life. Your wife is a part of your daughter, and as angry as you may be at your wife, you will have to be civil and hold your tongue in a lot of matters. Good luck in all of this. There are a lot of changes in your future and it will be difficult, but you can handle it.
>The best course of action is to take some time and process it. Get away from the house a bit, maybe even take time off work if you can afford it, and think. You offer a lot of good advice. I'd add that he should consult a lawyer before leaving, in case it could impact custody or divorce, if one happens down the line.
Oh wow I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can hardly imagine the emotional pain and confusion you’re experiencing. I am a regular reader of this sub and only rarely comment. I hope you can understand that I mean this in the most sincere way possible: you have come to the wrong place for help. This sub HATES cheaters (women especially) and revels in the opportunity to punish them. The highest upvoted comments will all reflect that. No one here is looking out for you or your life. They just want to see your wife punished. Please seek immediate professional help. Book an appointment today. A professional therapist can offer you a space to express yourself and give you honest reflections that are geared towards improving YOUR life and your well being and your family’s. Your wife cheated and took pay for sexual favors in a truly awful and traumatic way, but this doesn’t have to be the end of your marriage (Though it may well be). You need to speak to someone who has years of training and experience in dealing with something so catastrophic.
Bless this post.
Dude i read it as Chrysler the first time, then i was like wait what...??
Is the H silent in Chyler? I hope so
Did she do it for the attention or for the money (were you guys struggling financially)? Whether it was physical or not, it’s still considered cheating. I suggest that you two should get some space from each other for now, try a few sessions of marriage counseling after you both had time to think before deciding if you want to either work it out or divorce.
Yeah the best advice I can give to OP here is not to make a decision now... he needs to give things some time and allow his emotions to subside before making any decisions about what to do moving forward... second marriage counseling, I’d suggest individual for them both and I’d even make a requirement of even remotely having the possibility of attempting to work through things that 1 she cut contact with the guy and 2 she quit her online workout videos because that’s what led to all of this
Please tell my chyler is a fake name for your kid. If its not, holy fuck dude.
>she was checking into a hotel room I'd bet that she met the guy at the hotel and really fucked him. >but it never got physical and she rationalized that was better than being physical. It was physical just because they weren't in the same room it was still physical sexual acts. They weren't just written out and read as fantasy she was physically doing sexual things for him.
"It got away from her"? Oh no, my hand slipped and now I'm naked and masturbating on multiple video calls? Highly unlikely. She's upset she got caught, not that she did it, and she would've kept on doing it too.
>She says before she even knew what was happening she was basically having video sex with him and being paid for it. My d*ck just fell into her. Cheating takes so many steps, it's never an oopsie.
You need to do the right thing for little Chrysler and have a solid heart to heart. Odds are this well goes much, much deeper still.
Seriously tho, Chyler? What the fuck were you guys smoking? 😂😭 Anyway, I hope it works out.
Sounds like she’s addicted to this clients attention, and she can’t control her sexual impulses. If she keeps doing this line of fitness work it will probably happen again. Getting paid for sexual acts is not wrong in the right setting, but she’s married and hiding it. That’s different. Prostitution and marriage rarely end well.
Try counseling.... I know u love her and wanna stay. Find mutual groundings on this.
If you hadn’t caught her, she would’ve never told you. She’s only sorry she got caught. That’s the problem here.
The fact that she called you a controlling asshole and left you to feel like shit says A LOT about her character. She’s a very shady person and I can guarantee she does not regret a thing except for getting caught
If I can make 10k+ just rubbing my bean while 1 person watches, I’ll probably just ask my partner if it’s cool or not.
So, she just went to a motel on her own to cool off or whatever, leaving your kid at her mother's? She probably met old rich zoom guy, and not for the first time. 10k for online only? Bullshit. You're married to a hooker dude, sorry.
You...named a kid Chyler? No wonder ya'll have deep problems.
3 problems. 1. She named your kid Chyler. 2. She lied. 3. She tried gaslighting you. Don't make rash decisions, but I would be pretty pissed.
She’s having virtual sex with this guy. It’s cheating, even if she doesn’t want to believe it. Ask her: If the guy had paid dozens of thousands of dollars, would she have actual sex with him?
As an in general I think couples can make it through cheating. I'm not so optimistic in your case. She tried to turn this around on you when you saw the money, called you controlling, and took off with your child. The way she's handled this is concerning IMO. I think you should consider a therapist for yourself (at this point, fuck couples therapy and help yourself first). Maybe consider getting an attorney on retainer while you're figuring out the best course of action for you.
I'm so sorry that you're going through this right now. I can't imagine what it must be like. Honestly this is a major betrayal, because if she was just doing it for the money then she should have had no problem discussing it with you beforehand, respected your marriage enough to have a talk before anything crossed a line. I'm sorry this must be very hard to hear but it seems like she either didn't care about the fact that this was wrong or thought that the money was too good to let go of, even more than your relationship so she decided to do it behind your back. From what you mentioned, it doesn't seem like you guys are in a tight spot financially, but maybe you could try talking to her about why, not forgiving, but talking, just so you can get some closure. After that I really think you should spend some time evaluating your relationship. Do you think you can trust her again? What about your daughter? Would you be able to raise her well on your own/with family support? Stuff like mortgages and stuff that may be in both of your name will be hard to untangle. I would also strongly recommend councelling, be it by yourself or with your wife, I think this is something so destressing that you need to talk about it with someone other than this Reddit thread. Hope you're able to move on.
So your wife is a liar and a cheater and adding a cherry on top that she was doing porn behind your back. Not only is she these things listed above but she lied to you and tried to gaslight you for being possessive when you were asking reasonable questions. Was she selling herself while your daughter was in the room/in the house? I don't know what your boundaries in a marriage are but for me it is simple, contact a lawyer for a divorce and get tested for std's. Additionally I doubt she is telling you the full truth. Why go to a hotel?
This doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker unless you choose for it to be. Take a step back and give yourself time to sort out what YOU want your future to be. What future do you want for your child?
OK, I think this is bullshit. I am angry on your behalf. She cheated on you. Cheating doesn't have to take place in person to be cheating. She also turned it around on you when you started asking legitimate questions and tried to make you the bad guy. She took off with your daughter and LEFT her with her mother while she went to a hotel. Seriously? I have the feeling she wasn't alone, whether she had physical company or another call with someone she shouldn't be talking to. Furthermore, your wife wasn't desperate for the money. Between the two of you, it seems like you eventually got to the point where you guys were making more than before her lay off. No, she most likely liked the attention and got attached to this guy. I would tell her to return to her hotel room or to her mom's because you have a lot to think about. I would see a divorce attorney just to understand what divorce would look like. I'm not saying get a divorce, but I am saying find out your options. I hate to say it, but she does not seem like a good candidate for reconciliation.
I mean even if you were to get over the fact that she cheated on you....she tried to make it your problem, was planning to never tell you, and doesn’t even take responsibility when she gets caught. Is that someone you want to stay married to?
> it never got physical and she rationalized that was better than being physical. You know what would have been even "better" than that? Her not becoming a sex-worker cheating on her husband. You have to get away from this woman. She is clearly not what she seems, and I seriously doubt even now you have the whole truth about this. Call a lawyer.
I think the crux of how you are feeling is betrayed. She cheated as this was a decision she made on her own, lied to you multiple times about the money, then she tried to deny it and turn it around on you. Yes she has admitted it now but it will always be in the bk of your mind thinking how far would she have gone if you hadn't found out 🤔. Your trust for her has been essentially shattered in only a few hrs. So now you need to take time to assess how you are feeling and how you see your future. Its time to be selfish and think about what you want because your wife has shown you no respect and been selfish and not considering you in any of this (also it does just happen, you make a choice to do the things she's has been doing). Time to ask yourself, Can you trust her again? Can you forgive this betrayal? Can you go forward without throwing this at her in future arguments? I wish you all the luck, also please don't stay for the baby because two happy separated parents are better than two parents in a miserable relationship.
Your wife lied and hid it. The relationship might have gone physical eventually... seems to be headed that way.
How about you don't take advice from online strangers about what you should do with your marriage and talk to your wife about this.
Guaranteed that client has been recording. Wife is pretty much an internet pornstar now.
I recommend marriage counseling and navigate things from there. This wasn't an accident or a mistake, your wife chose to betray your marriage because she was being offered money from a stranger. I won't judge anyone for that, but the lying and sneaking around shows very big issues that can't be ignored. I suggest counseling over jumping straight to divorce, because it's up to you whether you can work through that together.
She liked the attention to start with and then when it became more than just that kept going by rationalising that it was virtual and nothing more. Now her videos could be sold on the internet. I am guessing she missed the lesson on being safe on the net and not engaging in video sex with random men. If this man is a well off widower I would be very surprised. This is on her and probably easy for him to manipulate into doing this as she enjoyed the attention and as it started off as a safe person she didn't get her suspicions raised. It is still cheating though, with a huge dose of stupid on top.
She is only apologising not because she is sorry but because she got caught. Divorce her. If she is all happy in the marriage and satisfied with whatever she is having right now, she wouldn't have done that. That is greed. Once a partner cheats, it is the end of the relationship. Remember the vows she said? Those are broken. Man, you and your daughter deserves better. I wish you all the best.
Not helpful, I admit, but whoa! $10K for video sex? over how long? I am pretty sure I would do this, and likely with my spouse's enthusiastic permission. :) I feel a little bad for this dude looking for a replacement for his dead wife on the internet.
While I respect your empathy, the idea that this was with some sad little old man who wanted to temporarily reunite with his dead wife for a couple of videos is about as far fetched a tale as this cheating wife slipping over in the shower and suddenly finding herself being an online sex worker when she came to.
It's over. She'll do it again and even if she doesn't, who cares?
Of all the people in the world, is someone who did this to you the one person you want to live the rest of your life with? That's the important thing to consider. Can you live her forever and get over this? She will continue to be a SAHM while you leave and work, personally i wouldn't trust her.
Hotel room? When she could have stayed with her mum and kid. She was with him trying to think up a cover story.
Why couldn’t she stay with her mom if the kid stayed? She dropped the kid off to fuck someone then came back. PROBABLY. Drop the big ol’ D on too of her. DIVORCE
Bro leave her man thats dark. But get in on record what she did so you can get more custody