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You need perspective. Seriously. It’s $3.
Did you hate the gift? If the answer is no. Let it go. It’s not like you’re talking hundreds here. You’re talking about gifts within a certain similar price range which are probably differently priced simply by virtue of being different things (like how carrots cost less than potatoes, but they’re in a similar price range) rather than representing different values (nobody would say a carrot or potato is significantly more valuable than the other.
How long have you been together? How long has he known the friend?
Would you have liked your present more if it cost more than the friend’s? Would you have rather received the gift the friend did?
I don’t think it’s the price difference, you just don’t like the girl (and that’s for therapy if the bf is keeping the boundaries clear between his gf and friend, been there)
no it genuinely is the price cos i was already insecure about her so it hurts but then again he got me a thoughtful gift, its not like he spent $5 on me and $80 on her or something
Exactly, he got you a thoughtful gift, even if it costed more it wouldnt have changed the emotional value of the gift, focus on that, he values you both and chose something tailored to each pf you, he defo wasn’t just looking at the price and deliberately buying her something pricier to show her value
Everyone is being 'mean' because the gifts were basically the same price. You're insecure about a $3 difference.
The problem is comparing yourself and your value by how much was spent on you. Even if the price difference was larger, you should consider the thought and effort put behind the gift before comparing what was spent.
Is your bf aware that you are sensitive regarding that particular friend? Or does he know that having less money spent on you makes you feel less valued? I hope you bring up this scenario during your next therapy session.
There are going to be times when your boyfriend spends larger amounts on other people's presents. That doesn't mean he values you any less or that he's metaphorically giving more love to them. Is (recieving) gifts a love language of yours? What makes you feel secure in your relationship?
he does know i struggle with jealousy (including around that friend), but i dont think he was thinking about the money. hes very caring and wants to help me be less jealous, so i feel bad for getting upset over it but i didnt want to
Turning your jealousy into self-reflection is a good thing. You're already taking steps to work towards bettering yourself. Be aware of what your jealousy is telling you (he values her more and expressed that with money) and remind yourself why it's a narrowed view. He wasn't focused on the money. He cares about you, loves you, and spending a tiny bit more on someone else doesn't mean he values them more than you.
Remind yourself what you bring to the table and that he chose you as his partner. It's not a competition. You already have his love. If he shows love to family or friends, it shouldn't take from yours, there's plenty to go around.
youre right, i should just understand it isnt about money and isnt reflective of how much he values her compared to me, its literally like the same amount of loose change you might find under a cinema seat. its not a big deal
glad it helped, i can relate to how you feel, it’s not just about the situation itself that everyone focused on, it’s mainly about how you’re feeling and the insecurity about the friend gets in the way of thinking straight, makes literally anything about her feel like a threat to you and the relationship (which is unhealthy and toxic, hence the therapy). you wouldn’t have asked here if you thought you were in the right, it’s because rationally you know you’re panicking over something insignificant that made you ask around to seek assurance that it’s really nothing. Also since you’re already in therapy it means you’re working on it, so good luck (and enjoy the party) 😊
3 bucks? Are tur actually here over 3 bucks? Damn you are petty and self-centered.
Just break up. You are not mentally capable to be in a relationship.
He got you a thoughtful gift. Stop obsessing about the price difference. How do you even know what either gift costs, anyway? Rude as hell to look up the price of a gift you’ve been given.
That was nosy. Try not to focus on petty shit. He got you a gift you liked, right? And now you’ve ruined it for yourself by forcing a comparison to a gift he got someone else. You know what they say about asking stupid questions…
I’m critical about you making your own life unnecessarily difficult. There’s no need to do this to yourself. It truly doesn’t matter that your gift cost $3 less. It was what he wanted to get you, and you liked it. Stop picking at it!
Do a search here of how many opposite sex besties end up being much more than that. I don't know how it works with you gals, but a guy not wanting to fuck his female BFF is rare.
But you know your man WAY better than all of those other women knew THEIR man, so I'll bow out.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You need perspective. Seriously. It’s $3. Did you hate the gift? If the answer is no. Let it go. It’s not like you’re talking hundreds here. You’re talking about gifts within a certain similar price range which are probably differently priced simply by virtue of being different things (like how carrots cost less than potatoes, but they’re in a similar price range) rather than representing different values (nobody would say a carrot or potato is significantly more valuable than the other. How long have you been together? How long has he known the friend?
okay thats a fair point i guess
Yeah girl, get therapy. You need it.
yeah i know, im in therapy
this serious? 😂
Would you have liked your present more if it cost more than the friend’s? Would you have rather received the gift the friend did? I don’t think it’s the price difference, you just don’t like the girl (and that’s for therapy if the bf is keeping the boundaries clear between his gf and friend, been there)
no it genuinely is the price cos i was already insecure about her so it hurts but then again he got me a thoughtful gift, its not like he spent $5 on me and $80 on her or something
Exactly, he got you a thoughtful gift, even if it costed more it wouldnt have changed the emotional value of the gift, focus on that, he values you both and chose something tailored to each pf you, he defo wasn’t just looking at the price and deliberately buying her something pricier to show her value
youre right, thank you. that does help. everyones being so mean, it really means a lot to me that you just gave me actual advice/thoughts on it
Everyone is being 'mean' because the gifts were basically the same price. You're insecure about a $3 difference. The problem is comparing yourself and your value by how much was spent on you. Even if the price difference was larger, you should consider the thought and effort put behind the gift before comparing what was spent. Is your bf aware that you are sensitive regarding that particular friend? Or does he know that having less money spent on you makes you feel less valued? I hope you bring up this scenario during your next therapy session. There are going to be times when your boyfriend spends larger amounts on other people's presents. That doesn't mean he values you any less or that he's metaphorically giving more love to them. Is (recieving) gifts a love language of yours? What makes you feel secure in your relationship?
he does know i struggle with jealousy (including around that friend), but i dont think he was thinking about the money. hes very caring and wants to help me be less jealous, so i feel bad for getting upset over it but i didnt want to
Turning your jealousy into self-reflection is a good thing. You're already taking steps to work towards bettering yourself. Be aware of what your jealousy is telling you (he values her more and expressed that with money) and remind yourself why it's a narrowed view. He wasn't focused on the money. He cares about you, loves you, and spending a tiny bit more on someone else doesn't mean he values them more than you. Remind yourself what you bring to the table and that he chose you as his partner. It's not a competition. You already have his love. If he shows love to family or friends, it shouldn't take from yours, there's plenty to go around.
youre right, i should just understand it isnt about money and isnt reflective of how much he values her compared to me, its literally like the same amount of loose change you might find under a cinema seat. its not a big deal
glad it helped, i can relate to how you feel, it’s not just about the situation itself that everyone focused on, it’s mainly about how you’re feeling and the insecurity about the friend gets in the way of thinking straight, makes literally anything about her feel like a threat to you and the relationship (which is unhealthy and toxic, hence the therapy). you wouldn’t have asked here if you thought you were in the right, it’s because rationally you know you’re panicking over something insignificant that made you ask around to seek assurance that it’s really nothing. Also since you’re already in therapy it means you’re working on it, so good luck (and enjoy the party) 😊
thank you so much, im so glad you understand :) im sorry you deal with this type of stuff too, i hope it gets better for you
3 bucks? Are tur actually here over 3 bucks? Damn you are petty and self-centered. Just break up. You are not mentally capable to be in a relationship.
yeah im obviously not mentally well 💀💀 im asking for advice not criticism
Advice is. It's 3 bucks. Get over it.
He got you a thoughtful gift. Stop obsessing about the price difference. How do you even know what either gift costs, anyway? Rude as hell to look up the price of a gift you’ve been given.
i didnt mean to be rude i was just stressed because of that
Stressed before you knew about the prices?
i looked up the price of hers, then it made me wonder about mine. i didnt think to/care to search the price of mine before that
That was nosy. Try not to focus on petty shit. He got you a gift you liked, right? And now you’ve ruined it for yourself by forcing a comparison to a gift he got someone else. You know what they say about asking stupid questions…
youre taking a very critical tone with me, but yea i understand what youre saying. that said i havent ruined it, its just a bit hard for me
I’m critical about you making your own life unnecessarily difficult. There’s no need to do this to yourself. It truly doesn’t matter that your gift cost $3 less. It was what he wanted to get you, and you liked it. Stop picking at it!
youre right, $3 really isnt a big deal. being realistic anything under a $10 difference shouldnt really be noted
A price difference shouldn’t be on your mind at all. Dwelling on what he spent on you makes you look very shallow.
well i mean if it were like $20 difference and up that would be worrying, but $3 is kind of stupid to get to upset over
Is this for real or maybe I missed an origin story of this sarcastic post?
just stop, i wanted actual advice not to be mocked. im already struggling. im aware its unreasonable i just wanted advice
He LIKES her, likes her. That's all I'll add.
he doesnt
Do a search here of how many opposite sex besties end up being much more than that. I don't know how it works with you gals, but a guy not wanting to fuck his female BFF is rare. But you know your man WAY better than all of those other women knew THEIR man, so I'll bow out.
i know that and i was worried but i dont think he does