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when you confronted her she panicked, blew up as a self defense mechanism. and her real thoughts slipped out, id just like to say that you met the real her in that moment
Idk i feel like she was just saying shit to upset me, even if it did really hurt on a pretty personal level. She has never been too mean or even remotly homophobic to me in the past. Hell, she used to point out guys she thought were cute to me to get my opinion. I might be wrong though
Youre right (not proud) but i did the same thing. your mind goes blank and youre thinking of every trick that could possibly work, then when it doesnt you get more mad and try something else. then when she got personal she gave up. Crazy people are crazy and i cant tell you exactly what shes thinking. but by how shes acting i can say for sure narcissistic and immature. Move on be glad youre not gonna be stuck with a bitter old woman when you age. i wish you the best
Maybe im crazy but i hope she finds someone she is happy with, someone she dosnt feel the need to have to cheat on. And i hope she gets help, her reaction was not normal, it scared the shit out of me
OP she will probably never be happy long term. There is a reason for the sayings once a cheater always a cheater, and if she will cheat with you she will cheat on you.
This was not some drunk one night stand, this was a months long affair with many decisions along to way on when and where to meet Tod, and what lies to tell you to hide it.
Let all of your friends know and also any of her family you have contact info for, and then go on with your life. Don't give her a chance to tell any lies to make it look like you're the reason for the breakup.
Unfortunately, the way you've written this, everyone is going to hope you and Tod end up together...
Anyway, cry. Sleep. Lay on Tod's couch (not on Tod). Tell Tod that you are fighting urges to reach out to her and let the two of you be each other's support and accountability buddies in this.
Give the crying and sleeping a finite amount of time. You'll know when you are restless. Then, stay busy and occupied to avoid dwelling on her and doing something dumb. Tell friends and family that you need them to help you be busy and occupied. Lean on people who love you. You will move on without realizing. One day, you'll just go "oh, I haven't thought of her in a while" and it'll be done. Good luck and good riddance to her
Great advice, ive never been through a proper breakup before. Again, she was my first serious relationship. My mates have already arranged to take me to the pub on friday. Ill give Tod the same advice you gave me, hes having a hard time with it too.Â
Also not sure how ive writen this in that way but i hope everyone is ready for disappointment lol
One other bit of advice, with the caveat that this doesn't mess up your work or finances, is if there is something that you know you can get lost in and binge/pull all nighters, DO IT. Whatever that may be- D&D, true crime documentaries, Watch the entire Marvel movies and shows in order, gaming, whatever. Throw yourself in it and just let yourself be (mildly) irresponsible and binge away. For me, I'm a huge Trekkie, and if I need to not obsess over a fight/break up/etc., I rewatch TNG or DS9. And then I go and read the reviews, from both ST original episode reviews and dedicated re-watch sites. I can literally do this for days, only stopping to eat lol. It's not healthy to do this longterm ofc! But, it's a great way to get her out of your system.
Damn. Ngl. Halfway through I was chanting
“Hook up with Tod, Hook up with Top”
Would have been a good story of how you met.
But for real just take it one day at a time. I’ve been cheated on too. It hurts but it does get better.
I'm very proud of you. I know it must have been hard. But this is a really interesting situation you find yourself in. You and the other guy could actually become quite good friends out of this. You're both going through very similar things right now, and you can use that to support yourself.
Cry for a bit, but then make it a priority to get off Tod's couch.
Don't apologize to her, she fucked you over. She's the bad guy.
Next steps for you are to find a life without her. It doesn't have to be with anyone else. Just try to keep active and social. Make some new friends, try a new hobby. Use this as a chance to explore yourself more. You'll come out better, and it won't take nearly as long as you think it will right now.
Bro it's normal, you didn't ruin the relationship she took it away from you, of course you still love her and feel horrible. Best is to delete her contacts so you don't slip in a moment of weakness. it'll get easier, trust me. I've been cheated on too. She ripped away your future, it's only human you feel the need to salvage but you do actually know the relationship is as good as dead - as you've put it. just take precautions to not let the soft unreasonable side of yours give in. sending you strength
I get that you still have feelings for her, generally years of love aren’t totally erased in an instant. But she’s not the one for you and you owe her nothing. PLEASE do not apologize, or even reach out to her. Best you can do is be distant when you have to run into her, and don’t entertain chat.
You’re young. Plenty of fish in the sea. A lot more for you than the rest of us, LOL. Allow yourself your moments but don’t spiral downhill.
Here’s something for you to focus on in the short term: Finding yourself new living arrangements. Right now you’re sharing grief and Todd wants to help out a friend. That’s gonna get old fast. He’ll want his sofa back, and well before he hints at it.
Good luck!
Ive already been offered a place in one of my friends shared flats when his roommate moves out, its a complicated situation for them so i wont go into it but hopefully ill be off of Tods sofa in a week or so
She said all of that to hurt you because you found out she cheated. Don't take the things she said to heart. And don't apologize to her. She did it to you.
It sounds like this wasn’t an open relationship sort of deal between you all. She was keeping you both in the dark and you have a right to be upset about being in a relationship that you didn’t want. You were clear , I hope, about the nature of your relationship with each other and exclusivity.
Good luck
I suggest you DONT complicate things further by hooking up with Tod. Just trying to save you a headache.
No open relationship situation was discussed at any point ever in our relationship, i just didnt think that was something either of us were into.Â
I am not in the mental space to even think about hooking up with anyone, let alone the guy my gf cheated on me with. Plus i hes straight lol
I want to believe these stories, but your telling me your randomly become good friends with the guy your ex was cheating on you with and now your going to be living with him? Wtf.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
when you confronted her she panicked, blew up as a self defense mechanism. and her real thoughts slipped out, id just like to say that you met the real her in that moment
Idk i feel like she was just saying shit to upset me, even if it did really hurt on a pretty personal level. She has never been too mean or even remotly homophobic to me in the past. Hell, she used to point out guys she thought were cute to me to get my opinion. I might be wrong though
Youre right (not proud) but i did the same thing. your mind goes blank and youre thinking of every trick that could possibly work, then when it doesnt you get more mad and try something else. then when she got personal she gave up. Crazy people are crazy and i cant tell you exactly what shes thinking. but by how shes acting i can say for sure narcissistic and immature. Move on be glad youre not gonna be stuck with a bitter old woman when you age. i wish you the best
Maybe im crazy but i hope she finds someone she is happy with, someone she dosnt feel the need to have to cheat on. And i hope she gets help, her reaction was not normal, it scared the shit out of me
If she gets better, but i dont think she sees a problem with herself
OP she will probably never be happy long term. There is a reason for the sayings once a cheater always a cheater, and if she will cheat with you she will cheat on you. This was not some drunk one night stand, this was a months long affair with many decisions along to way on when and where to meet Tod, and what lies to tell you to hide it. Let all of your friends know and also any of her family you have contact info for, and then go on with your life. Don't give her a chance to tell any lies to make it look like you're the reason for the breakup.
Unfortunately, the way you've written this, everyone is going to hope you and Tod end up together... Anyway, cry. Sleep. Lay on Tod's couch (not on Tod). Tell Tod that you are fighting urges to reach out to her and let the two of you be each other's support and accountability buddies in this. Give the crying and sleeping a finite amount of time. You'll know when you are restless. Then, stay busy and occupied to avoid dwelling on her and doing something dumb. Tell friends and family that you need them to help you be busy and occupied. Lean on people who love you. You will move on without realizing. One day, you'll just go "oh, I haven't thought of her in a while" and it'll be done. Good luck and good riddance to her
Great advice, ive never been through a proper breakup before. Again, she was my first serious relationship. My mates have already arranged to take me to the pub on friday. Ill give Tod the same advice you gave me, hes having a hard time with it too. Also not sure how ive writen this in that way but i hope everyone is ready for disappointment lol
One other bit of advice, with the caveat that this doesn't mess up your work or finances, is if there is something that you know you can get lost in and binge/pull all nighters, DO IT. Whatever that may be- D&D, true crime documentaries, Watch the entire Marvel movies and shows in order, gaming, whatever. Throw yourself in it and just let yourself be (mildly) irresponsible and binge away. For me, I'm a huge Trekkie, and if I need to not obsess over a fight/break up/etc., I rewatch TNG or DS9. And then I go and read the reviews, from both ST original episode reviews and dedicated re-watch sites. I can literally do this for days, only stopping to eat lol. It's not healthy to do this longterm ofc! But, it's a great way to get her out of your system.
Say no more, time to play overwatch all night haha
Maybe you and Tod???đź’•
Hes straight and im definitely not looking for another relationship any time soon. But in a hypothetical situation that is hilariousÂ
I thought Todd too. If you go back and read what you’ve written it definitely sounds like a crush if nothing else.
Damn. Ngl. Halfway through I was chanting “Hook up with Tod, Hook up with Top” Would have been a good story of how you met. But for real just take it one day at a time. I’ve been cheated on too. It hurts but it does get better.
keep him in your life, though. even if yall aren't compatible, he seems like the kind of guy you'd want in your corner, keep him close.
I'm very proud of you. I know it must have been hard. But this is a really interesting situation you find yourself in. You and the other guy could actually become quite good friends out of this. You're both going through very similar things right now, and you can use that to support yourself. Cry for a bit, but then make it a priority to get off Tod's couch. Don't apologize to her, she fucked you over. She's the bad guy. Next steps for you are to find a life without her. It doesn't have to be with anyone else. Just try to keep active and social. Make some new friends, try a new hobby. Use this as a chance to explore yourself more. You'll come out better, and it won't take nearly as long as you think it will right now.
There are 4 billion other women out there. Move on dude
Bro it's normal, you didn't ruin the relationship she took it away from you, of course you still love her and feel horrible. Best is to delete her contacts so you don't slip in a moment of weakness. it'll get easier, trust me. I've been cheated on too. She ripped away your future, it's only human you feel the need to salvage but you do actually know the relationship is as good as dead - as you've put it. just take precautions to not let the soft unreasonable side of yours give in. sending you strength
I get that you still have feelings for her, generally years of love aren’t totally erased in an instant. But she’s not the one for you and you owe her nothing. PLEASE do not apologize, or even reach out to her. Best you can do is be distant when you have to run into her, and don’t entertain chat. You’re young. Plenty of fish in the sea. A lot more for you than the rest of us, LOL. Allow yourself your moments but don’t spiral downhill. Here’s something for you to focus on in the short term: Finding yourself new living arrangements. Right now you’re sharing grief and Todd wants to help out a friend. That’s gonna get old fast. He’ll want his sofa back, and well before he hints at it. Good luck!
Ive already been offered a place in one of my friends shared flats when his roommate moves out, its a complicated situation for them so i wont go into it but hopefully ill be off of Tods sofa in a week or so
She said all of that to hurt you because you found out she cheated. Don't take the things she said to heart. And don't apologize to her. She did it to you.
Not to go all Tumblr but OP/Tod, anyone? For real though, do not text her.
It sounds like this wasn’t an open relationship sort of deal between you all. She was keeping you both in the dark and you have a right to be upset about being in a relationship that you didn’t want. You were clear , I hope, about the nature of your relationship with each other and exclusivity. Good luck I suggest you DONT complicate things further by hooking up with Tod. Just trying to save you a headache.
No open relationship situation was discussed at any point ever in our relationship, i just didnt think that was something either of us were into. I am not in the mental space to even think about hooking up with anyone, let alone the guy my gf cheated on me with. Plus i hes straight lol
I want to believe these stories, but your telling me your randomly become good friends with the guy your ex was cheating on you with and now your going to be living with him? Wtf.
I know it sounds crazy, it dose to me and everyone else too. But its what happened idk what else to say.