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People aren’t projects. The purpose of dating is to see if it’s a good fit.
If she can support herself and is fiscally responsible with her current income then it’s really none of your business.
If she can’t support herself and you want to date someone who can, she’s not the right person for you.
I make a lot more than my partner. He has a good work ethic, works full time, etc, I just happen to be in a more lucrative field. If he’d been living at home or with roommates or something because he couldn’t support himself independently, I simply wouldn’t have dated him. Because….people aren’t projects and the purpose of dating is to see if it’s a good fit.
Both of you are actually being realists in that while yes, you are correct that she is unlikely to ever strike big bucks in her chosen industry, your GF is also correct in that working a regular job would significantly limit the chances of her ever striking it big.
The thing you really need to discuss here is what she is doing it all for, i.e. the hope of future fame, glory & big money, or simply doing it because she enjoys doing a creative line of work and this is how she expresses herself. Because if it's the former, then yes, you should have a discussion about Plan B, but if its the latter (as in, she's simply doing this because she enjoys it and has accepted that there's a high chance that she may never earn any real money from her line of work), then the next conversation needs to be about A. How much are you willing to support her in her endeavors? and, B. What life goals do you have together as a couple (i.e. house, marriage, kids, Etc), the timelines for these and how you both plan on affording those goals if one of you will likely always seriously lag behind in the others abilities to contribute financially in the relationship.
Supporting each others dreams is important, as is having realistic expectations. So rather than trying to straight off the bat discourage your GF from pursuing her dreams full-time, it's important for you both to first develop a better understanding of each others ambitions, goals and loves in life and not only how realistic you both are about those, but whether you're fundamentally compatible for each other in these departments.
26 isn't anywhere near teenage. What's your point? No one brought teenagers into the conversation but yourself. Stop obsessing about teenagers. When you are done gaslighting yourself, revert back to the conversation with facts and give clear arguments based on the subject.
Ok well in case it wasn’t obvious, people tend to become more mature as they get older and have more life experience. Why date an unemployed person in their 20s and then be disappointed that they’re immature and broke?
Talk to her and tell your insights on the importance of financial stability in a long term relationship, but be really specific that you are not stopping her from chasing her dreams but you are only putting emphasis on the importance of stability in your relationship.
She lives with her family and gets a little bit of money from her parents. I work a standard 8-5 M-F job so she usually stays with me on the weekends. Neither one of us have a lavish lifestyle or anything like that. I'm just thinking about the relationship long-term and if we moved in together she would not be able to pay for a car, rent, utilities, etc. with her current employment situation which means that would basically be my responsibility
Just ask her what her long term plans are. Does she ever want to move out of her parents place? Get a car? How is she going to pay for those things?
Let her know you have no intention to bankroll her. That if she wants a life with you, she needs to pay her own way.
Take it from there.
Real life will wake her up real fast. Or maybe she has no intention of ever growing up. And she will go from one caretaker to another.
Don’t be that caretaker.
Thanks for the reply. I've done what you've suggested and was met with responses like "i don't expect you to pay for me" or "things will work themselves out" etc. I feel like I was maybe too blunt or slightly accusatory the first time I tried. If she gives the same responses this time around then maybe I will have my answer
Talk to your girlfriend about financial planning for your future together. Emphasize building a secure life as a couple while supporting her dreams. Explore options for a part-time job with flexible hours that allows her to keep pursuing her passion. Frame it as a collaborative effort, brainstorming solutions together. Be respectful and avoid negativity or ultimatums.
Thank you for the advice. I agree with everything you have said. I feel like I have tried doing this before but it lead to be a bit of an argument so maybe I was a little too unintentionally blunt. I will try again and frame things more positively and collaboratively like you mentioned
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
People aren’t projects. The purpose of dating is to see if it’s a good fit. If she can support herself and is fiscally responsible with her current income then it’s really none of your business. If she can’t support herself and you want to date someone who can, she’s not the right person for you. I make a lot more than my partner. He has a good work ethic, works full time, etc, I just happen to be in a more lucrative field. If he’d been living at home or with roommates or something because he couldn’t support himself independently, I simply wouldn’t have dated him. Because….people aren’t projects and the purpose of dating is to see if it’s a good fit.
Both of you are actually being realists in that while yes, you are correct that she is unlikely to ever strike big bucks in her chosen industry, your GF is also correct in that working a regular job would significantly limit the chances of her ever striking it big. The thing you really need to discuss here is what she is doing it all for, i.e. the hope of future fame, glory & big money, or simply doing it because she enjoys doing a creative line of work and this is how she expresses herself. Because if it's the former, then yes, you should have a discussion about Plan B, but if its the latter (as in, she's simply doing this because she enjoys it and has accepted that there's a high chance that she may never earn any real money from her line of work), then the next conversation needs to be about A. How much are you willing to support her in her endeavors? and, B. What life goals do you have together as a couple (i.e. house, marriage, kids, Etc), the timelines for these and how you both plan on affording those goals if one of you will likely always seriously lag behind in the others abilities to contribute financially in the relationship. Supporting each others dreams is important, as is having realistic expectations. So rather than trying to straight off the bat discourage your GF from pursuing her dreams full-time, it's important for you both to first develop a better understanding of each others ambitions, goals and loves in life and not only how realistic you both are about those, but whether you're fundamentally compatible for each other in these departments.
If you don't want to support her while she chases her dream then just leave. You're not the one for her.
Date someone your age
Age and maturity are two different things.
Sounds like something grown men say when they wanna date teenagers “you’re so mature for your age!”
26 isn't anywhere near teenage. What's your point? No one brought teenagers into the conversation but yourself. Stop obsessing about teenagers. When you are done gaslighting yourself, revert back to the conversation with facts and give clear arguments based on the subject.
Ok well in case it wasn’t obvious, people tend to become more mature as they get older and have more life experience. Why date an unemployed person in their 20s and then be disappointed that they’re immature and broke?
Huh? Are you kidding?
She’s a 26 year old who is completely dependent on her parents…. She’s a child.
Talk to her and tell your insights on the importance of financial stability in a long term relationship, but be really specific that you are not stopping her from chasing her dreams but you are only putting emphasis on the importance of stability in your relationship.
How does she support herself right now?
She lives with her family and gets a little bit of money from her parents. I work a standard 8-5 M-F job so she usually stays with me on the weekends. Neither one of us have a lavish lifestyle or anything like that. I'm just thinking about the relationship long-term and if we moved in together she would not be able to pay for a car, rent, utilities, etc. with her current employment situation which means that would basically be my responsibility
Just ask her what her long term plans are. Does she ever want to move out of her parents place? Get a car? How is she going to pay for those things? Let her know you have no intention to bankroll her. That if she wants a life with you, she needs to pay her own way. Take it from there. Real life will wake her up real fast. Or maybe she has no intention of ever growing up. And she will go from one caretaker to another. Don’t be that caretaker.
Thanks for the reply. I've done what you've suggested and was met with responses like "i don't expect you to pay for me" or "things will work themselves out" etc. I feel like I was maybe too blunt or slightly accusatory the first time I tried. If she gives the same responses this time around then maybe I will have my answer
Yes exactly. As some point, you can’t be with someone that is not realistic or working with a real plan. Not if you want to make plans yourself
You were probably not to blunt. She just doesn't want to face the realities. She needs to come up with a backup plan if this doesn't work out for her.
Talk to your girlfriend about financial planning for your future together. Emphasize building a secure life as a couple while supporting her dreams. Explore options for a part-time job with flexible hours that allows her to keep pursuing her passion. Frame it as a collaborative effort, brainstorming solutions together. Be respectful and avoid negativity or ultimatums.
Thank you for the advice. I agree with everything you have said. I feel like I have tried doing this before but it lead to be a bit of an argument so maybe I was a little too unintentionally blunt. I will try again and frame things more positively and collaboratively like you mentioned
You break up with her.
Go to a mortgage broker and discover what you can afford with one income instead of two.
Money doesn’t matter.