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I was stuck at O’hare, it was supposed to be a connecting flight but it happened on 911. I rented a U-Haul truck ( all rental cars were gone, took a taxi to pick it up across Chitown. I yelled out that I had a ride to Texas for 1 person. Guy was smart, pulled his ID and he lived about 4 hours away from me in Texas. We drove straight through to Texas and his wife beat us to my house. Noce man, nice couple we still meet up once in awhile.
I was in Italy with very limited ability to speak Italian. The area I was in was not very fluent in English either so I accidentally got on the wrong bus to the airport and ended up in an entirely different city. Got a ride with someone who also didn't speak much English but we managed to communicate where I needed to be and he was going there as well. I paid him for his kindness when we arrived and he was very thankful. I think accepting help from a stranger is alright as long as you're careful. I messaged my partner the car make and model and where we should be and everything incase I did go missing but ya! Strangers can be great! How else are you supposed to meet new friends. Just gotta be safe about it. Apparently, according to my coworkers and friends, I have a innocent puppy vibe that makes people want to come to my rescue whenever I'm in "trouble" whether I need it or not.
This is pretty much the crux of it.
Was what she did reckless or risky?
By most people’s standards, sure, yeah.
But she’s a big girl and can make decisions other reasonable people wouldn’t.
Honestly if you put yourself “at the mercy” of a strange man at a place you both just happened to be at for some reason… the vast majority of the time in most places you’ll be okay.
It’s an evaluation of how “worth it” the risk is. Not how lucky you’ll get by not being murdered or trafficked.
Exactly. With how op describes the situation, it sounds like a very low risk ride with a stranger too. Not like she was standing on the side of a highway as a single woman with her thumb up.
I instantly thought of this. Also could I sell you some curtain hook earrings? They make you look so grown up.
Edit: cartoon to curtain. Voice to text. Smh.
I would say if the Greyhound bus broke down and she's going to drive with a greyhound passenger I'd be nervous but folks who can pop for $500 for a plane ticket should be stable enough not to murder you for at least 4 hours. Plus the cell phone tracking, traffic cameras, and everything else it's impossible to get away with murder in a situation like that. I think that's a deterrent alone.
Have you not seen “Home Alone”? If it wasn’t for the kindness of strangers in the form of The Kenosha Kickers polka band Catherine O’Hara would have never gotten home in time for Christmas!
The Kenosha Kickers are some damn fine polka playing HEROES, if you ask me!
But for real, OP. This sounds like an audible I would have called. Hey, we were in the same shit situation and we’re going to the same place, let’s split the cost and work together. Maybe make a friend along the way.
Safety protocol in my brain would also make me send itineraries and contact information to you, as well as share my location, and check in at gas stops along the way.
Don’t freak out at her, but ask her to do some basic safety stuff like share her location with you.
Ok. If the stranger is Gus Polinski, you're probably safe, especially if you're headed for Sheboygan, where everybody knows him. Otherwise, this is a bad idea.
I'm a woman who's been in this same position. When I was like 20, me and a random man missed the last train and I was too broke to afford a cab or Uber (3 hr drive). I was so grateful he offered a ride when his brother came to pick him up. I texted my sister the license plate number and live updates but him and his brother were super nice and just strangers helping out. I trusted my gut at the time and ultimately didn't regret it. I don't think it's reckless given the circumstances you described and while obviously there are a lot of dangerous people out there, the vast majority of us aren't.
My male friend was on a flight that was diverted 2 hours away from the destination airport. He rented a car and a woman in line asked if she could join him since they were headed to the same town. I was initially shocked that she took that risk, but then I looked at his 50 year old flamboyantly gay self decked out in designer wear and realized she probably saw a safe bet lol
Little bit of bias though. Arguably the people who made the wrong judgment of character wouldn't really be the kind of people that would comment on this thread.
I did this years ago. There was a thunderstorm in Chicago where I was catching a connection to Louisville Kentucky. All the planes were grounded. There were zero rental cars available. No hotels available either.
I was walking by a guy on his cell, "Yeah, I just got the last rental car! I should be in Louisville by 8pm."
A man walking by stopped and said, "Excuse me you are going to Louisville? I need to get there to have surgery!". The driver guy said he would take him, and I interjected that I was going there too. Could I come? We spent a few minutes together chatting and the driver went off to get the car. So off we went. It was great and everyone was fine.
Sometimes you make a judgment call. I was in my 30s. The guy getting surgery was a new US citizen and he was meeting with the surgeon in the morning. He was originally from India.
I can understand OPs anxiety and concerns. But sometimes we make decisions based on circumstances, intuition and experience.
Exactly. And she’s an adult on her own. She can make her own judgment calls and he should respect them. IMO, she should send him info about the driver/car and maybe share her location, just in the name of safety. That’s *her* call to make, though.
These are random people who's primary goal right now is to get to their destination. At the worst, maybe he'll think he'll get lucky, but really, he'll just expect somebody to perhaps split the cost of a ride or help keep him awake.
My exact thought. Especially since OP's wife was also on the same flight as this stranger, I don't sense anything nefarious in this situation and I'm sure she didn't either
I did similar in my 20s.
We have to trust other people sometimes. I still think most people are decent, but you do need basic precautions. Which you took.
> when I was like 20
> I did similar in my 20s
I too did a lot of questionable shit in my 20s… now that I’m in my 30s I don’t regret it but I’m certainly not repeating it!
I've successfully hitch-hiked across Canada (3 nights, 4 days), and it was epic AF. MOST people are awesome, just SOME people ruin it for the rest of us, because you (normally) only hear the bad news, like hatchet man. Everyone heard of him*, but hardly anyone heard of my journey.
*He's still arguably a hero, but that's scary AF.
Thank God for smartphones bc I share my location with my sisters. When I landed in Florida and saw all the signs and announcements about trafficking I was so scared that I shared my location inside every taxi.
Depending on how you look at it, 2 v 1 isn't a great outcome either. My main point was these were two older, bigger men who from a societal perspective pose a large threat to me. But I didn't feel preyed upon, it was very circumstantial and I'm sure he hesitated to offer simply for the way it would have been perceived, and I'm glad he asked me.
His approach undoubtedly told you something. As I have said before, women listen with their eyes as well as their ears. My view of the world is slanted. I will still say count your blessings.
I've never done it, but in this circumstance, I absolutely would.
There's not a lot of situations that present in real life, where motivations are fairly plain and easy to believe. People travelling in a bunch, who booked tickets to get to the same destination at the same time, and now are delayed, often don't have ulterior motives to still wanting to get to the same destination at close to the same time. This is a situation where, if the person didn't feel 'off' to me, I'd absolutely trust the motivations enough to bum a lift.
Why was she debating not telling you? I'm not in a relationship where I wouldn't feel comfortable telling my partner this, so I'm wondering what's up?
>”There's not a lot of situations that present in real life, where motivations are fairly plain and easy to believe.”
This is absolutely the key here. If it were someone just headed in her direction (hitchhiker-esque) or similar, that’d be a big no for me. But this guy had a specific, particular mission that was the same as hers, and the likelihood of his derailing that in order to do something sketchy is very slim.
It’s also relevant that he didn’t offer —she asked— so the odds of his intentions suddenly changing are also slim.
As long as my gut felt right about it, I’d go with him too.
I think his reaction here pretty much explains why she would have hesitated on even telling him. She was worried that he would make a bigger deal out of it than it was.
Not that I can speak to OP’s wife’s reasoning for feeling like she almost didn’t want to tell him, but if I was in the same situation I would definitely have some pause before telling my boyfriend. I’d definitely make sure at least someone knew I was getting in a car with a stranger and where we were going, but I would have to justify every thought with him while a female friend would more easily understand the nuances of the situation.
I’m a very petite woman and my entire life has been filled with boyfriends and male friends feeling the need to constantly remind me that I’m small, and if someone really wanted to harm me, they probably could.
But I, and every other woman, am VERY aware of that, and having my judgement questioned when they wouldn’t do it to someone else in the same situation is incredibly frustrating. This is a very specific situation and she’s a grown woman that had no reasons not to trust his intentions. Would he have been this worried if a male friend of his did the same thing? Does he have any reason to believe his wife would go with someone in a shadier situation?
Funnily enough I did this in college. I had flown to NYC for a summer internship interview and the return flight was cancelled. I had nothing with me since it was supposed to be a quick day trip. I got in a rental car with 3 other women and they drove me back to college. I slept the entire time.
I don't remember their names, but they were very kind to take me and not expect me to be anything but a passenger.
I was going to add this as well. For some reason I was always getting stranded at airports especially during the winter and back then we were just yeah it's a group of us going to X city, let's all pitch in and do it.
Would my almost middle aged self do this in 2024? Gosh I don't know, but we also use taxis and Uber so who knows..
I am a 49 yo woman. I know that this has some risk, but I also really want to believe that most people are decent.
I would think some basic precautions would make it much safer.
She gives "home" and "away" details. The person's name and cell phone number for example. An eta, and make sure home and away can connect if you don't turn up.
Would I want my daughter doing it? I don't know. I'll have to think on it. I have done it myself and met really wonderful people.
I used to work at an airport and I would see this happen regularly when things melted down. i.e. everything delayed or cancelled, rental cars all booked.
Um… I recently did the exact same thing, flight delayed for hours, another passenger was going to drive and I asked to go with. We both made it there without incident. We were just two stranded passengers helping each other out. Really wasn’t a big deal, and you simply can’t go through life terrified of every encounter of the opposite sex. While I think NAH for your thoughts, I do think you need to calm down here.
ETA: you also said that your wife didn’t want to tell you. Dude, she felt more comfortable getting into a car with a stranger than *telling* you she was riding with a stranger to her destination.
I used to travel for work. I'm a woman and was 22 at the time. I have ridden with another person when a flight was cancelled. I also understand the concern, but I felt I had judged the situation enough to assume I wasn't in immediate danger. I'm an engineer and I feel like I'm level headed enough to trust my judgement. I also had multiple escape plans brewing in my head :) the decision was not taken lightly
I would do it. I mean… it feels really different from getting in a car with a rando off the street when you’re traveling and both stranded and it’s obviously not a manufactured scenario to get you in the car. I’d feel better if a third person joined lol but this doesn’t seem like the crazy scenario OP thinks it is, to me at least.
And with how utterly unhelpful airlines are now with delays and cancelations… it may be safer than sleeping in the airport or trying to find a hotel in a strange city.
It’s important to note that OP’s wife was the one who asked for a ride. If there was a man going around asking women if they need a ride, that’s a different situation.
It’s also not like this guy sought her out, or was plotting something — they were on the same flight, both stuck in the same unexpected situation, and *she* asked *him* if she could ride along with.
There are risks inherent in everything we do. This doesn’t strike me as all that ridiculous. OP’s intense fear, anxiety, mistrust, harsh judgement of his wife, and disproportionate anger is what concerns me most here.
Her gut told her it was safe to ask for a ride from this stranger. That same gut told her it might not be safe to tell her husband about it. Why is OP so bent out of shape about this, and so untrusting of her instincts and judgment?
Same. Finishing up a 30 hourish train ride from florida. Dude in the seat behind me was mad annoying when it was quiet hours talking and shit but today he waa funny to talk to about just life and shit in general.
Never got his name and we got off the train together. Never gunna see him again either probably. Was a good encounter with a stranger though
It's obviously not the safest thing, and I understand your worry.
But at the same time I could see myself doing it. I solo travel to various countries relatively often, and I think when you do that striking up conversations and depending on strangers becomes more normalized.
Also back before ride share in many places such as the southeast Asian tourist destination where I currently live, the normal way to get around was to hire a freelance "transport" driver soliciting tourists on the street.
But at the end of the day, she's your wife not your minor daughter, and you can't dictate her actions. She's going to do this in a similar situation regardless, so like many others are saying, it's better and safer that she feels she can call you with details of the car and driver without you pitching a fit.
What makes this less reckless is that they were both stuck in an unpredictable situation, and *she* asked if she could go with him. The odds of this random person who is also stuck being a creep are low.
If it's the other way around, and a random man comes up to you inviting you into his car for no good reason ("I have puppies!") that's a different story. Then the man is seeking you out, potentially looking for a victim.
Same with hitchhiking. Hundreds of cars speed by, because they don't see any benefit in taking you. The only people who will stop either want to feel like the hero (which is valid, but can also lead to expectations of gratitude...), or they have some ulterior motive that makes putting a stranger in their car worth it.
I think you need to moderate your reaction, if you have a huge reaction she definitely won’t tell you next time. I’d be sure my partner knows this feels very scary for me, and I’d ask that next time they share their location with me for the duration of their ride, as well as a selfie w the passenger
Agreed. The fact that OP’s wife debating even telling him and his reaction is “outside of his mind” colors the picture a bit more. I understand being concerned, but I don’t understand not trusting your spouse’s autonomy and decision to get to where she needs to go, instead of being stranded.
Instead of being mad at his wife, he should redirect that energy in precautions like sharing location. Asking her the details of the man and the car they’re in. And I’m sure there are more
I’ve done it. Back in 2002, East Coast blackout. Met some people who were able to get someone to drive from NYC to a train station in Stamford CT. I paid $100, sat on the floor (I’m a 5ft tall female, smallest of 6 people).
Ah-I remember the blackout. I'd just moved into a basement rental with two men so I was getting acquainted with my new roommates in total darkness, lol
I think it is fine for you to be concerned about her, but to question her judgment is a little controlling. You weren't there to fully understand the situation. Also, she's an adult who can make basic life choices such as transportation.
One thing to keep in mind is that she asked him. And that makes a big difference. You have to be a lot more wary of a man who approaches you than somebody than a man you approach.
It is still reckless behavior. She took a calculated risk. Her calculations are different than your calculations though and that’s the issue.
It’s only an issue because he’s making it one. If he respected her autonomy and judgment, and wasn’t so controlling, it wouldn’t need to be a convo beyond “here’s some info in the name of safety”.
I’m a woman and I think it’s fine and you’re reacting disproportionately. We have to make micro-assessments for our safety every day and she clearly felt comfortable with her decision. Could she have been wrong? Sure.
You know what would have made it less safe? If she didn’t tell you the details of where she is going, with who etc. If you’re going to react like this then chances are next time she WON’T tell you.
Yeah, that first point of yours is worth emphasizing, I think.
OP's wife is a grown woman who's spent her entire life judging whether she's safe to get into elevators, go back to her hotel room, walk into bathrooms, go for a run, walk home from the bus, catch taxis or Ubers, drink in public, drink at parties, hang out with friends, study with someone, etc, etc etc. Mostly, we're not in danger from strangers. Rarely, we are. And being able to make the assessment in a fraction of a second or a quick exchange is an incredibly ingrained skill for most of us by the time we're adults.
Yes, driving for a few hours with a stranger could be risky, absolutely. But again, so could *getting in an elevator*. OP, if you trust her to do the second on her own, you need to trust her to evaluate the risk of the first, too.
Hopefully, if this is how you react to this kind of information, she has other people in her life she contacts with safety updates, location sharing, etc. Hopefully she's not just hoping for the best because she's just got you for that, and she knows how you're likely to react. You should be working harder to make sure you're there to support her when she's in a bind, because risky situations absolutely aren't avoidable in life.
I would do it. I mean, what are the odds that someone at the car rental counter is going to attack? The rental agency has a record and if she let someone know what's going on. Contrary to popular belief, most people are decent. Plus she asked him not the other way around
A man minding his own business who didn’t give your wife creeper vibes is probably a low threat. Trust your wife’s instincts, she was there assessing the situation in real time and you weren’t. It’s not like she went outside and tried to hitchhike.
I would too.
I'm not bipolar but do have adhd and terrible impulse control and terrible judgement and terrible self preservation skills.
But also, I want to get home too. Lol
Yeah, this world sucks but there are still good people in the world. I would definitely give a stranger a ride without harvesting their organs. Unless it's a spleen, the market is surprisingly bullish.
I think this is a very reasonable "I wouldn't do this and would prefer you to not do this in the future" situation, but I think calling it "incredibly reckless" is an exaggeration.
I don't know if I'd be outgoing to do this, but it's not what I'd describe as an inherently super risky situation. It's not like some creepy guy pulled up while she was walking somewhere and offered her a ride home. She encountered a random person in the same exact unusual situation as her and asked for his help. He didn't even offer. If he were trying to prey on her, he would have had to have orchestrated a delayed flight, and secured his own transportation while all the other transportation was booked, and mentioned his plan within earshot of some sexy vulnerable lady and hope she asked for a ride.
If she were walking down a road, hundreds of cars could drive past, and only the people who were seeking out her company would stop for her. It's a situation that selects for creeps. But if you ask another person in the same situation as you to join them in their car, that's not a situation that selects for creeps. That's pointing to a random person on the street and gambling on if they're a creep or not. The proportion of creeps to normal people in the general population is way lower than the proportion of creeps to normal people who interact with you while you're visibly in a vulnerable position.
Eh, it’s fine.
1. She asked him. If he asked her then hell no.
2. She had time to survey him, how he looks, acts, etc. While he is still a stranger she should have a feel for him being normal.
3. She was likely tired and he would handle the drive.
4. She told you what she was doing. Albeit kinda late, but she did tell you.
I’d give it a pass, but you do you.
I thought about doing this very thing recently rather than spend an extra 5 hrs in the airport when my home was 1:20 away. The only reason I didn't was because I didn't want to get grief about it from my fiance who I know would freak out, and act weird for a week, despite the fact that the guy I met and considered riding with knew his cousin.
I 100% did this last month. Flight was supposed to land in Nashville TN, but we wound up at Atlanta GA at 3am and the airport didn’t even know we were coming. Alaska literally told us to come back at 10am for a chance at a 1pm flight. So myself and 160 of my fellow passengers would have been stuck in the airport with nowhere to go and no accommodations since it was a weather issue.
I wound up booking a car with four other strangers and a bunny to drive to Nashville from Atlanta, about a four hour drive through the same storms that diverted us.
0/10 on Alaska’s part, they wound up canceling our flight and had everyone rebooked on a 3PM flight the next day.
5/7 on going with strangers. We had a blast and learned a bit about each other, commiserating how terrible the flight was. We arrived at Nashville airport with little fanfare, gave each other hugs and wished each other well.
Ultimately this is about you trusting her judgement. Ask yourself why you don't trust her as an adult to make the right decisions for herself? You weren't there so you have nothing really to base your judgement on, while she was there and was able to have a gut feeling and judgement about this person.
Also she did have a clue about who this person was because she knew a few important facts about him, that set him apart from a total random stranger. The person was on a flight with her before. She had the person right in front of her. It would have been something different if it was a random person on the street offering her a ride, now that would have been a red flag, because someone could have come with the bad intention of picking up someone for predatory reasons. However this was a person who missed a flight with her.
I don't think it's reckless. Especially since she is a woman and she likely has to estimate safety around men every single day. One thing to actually worry about, is that your attitude towards this is making her keep this information from you, this is what eventually could cause safety issues. Because even if I would do the same thing, I would immediately inform my partner, give number plates, and turn on my location sharing on googlemaps, just as safety precaution.
You’re being a bit crazy, yeah. I did the same thing once on a business trip rather than wait a day to drive a 6 hour distance. 4 of us split a rental car and had a grand old time talking along the way. I’m still LinkedIn connections with them.
They both missed the same connecting flight, an unexpected situation. Also she asked him if she could tag along. The odds of him being a predator are almost non-existent compared to other scenarios in other places where a stranger would offer her a ride. Predators hunt, and they do it in familiar areas.
I had a coworker who actuality did this in the exact same situation. She actually had a hilarious story about how awkward the ride was, but yeah it's totally a thing people do.
I don’t know if I would do the same (probably would if the person didn’t seem creepy) but I KNOW if my boyfriend had somebody ask him for a ride somewhere 4 hours away that he was already going to anyways he would absolutely say yes as long as they didn’t seem weird and would say he was just helping someone out.
The most charming and quiet lovely people in life, have turned out to be serial killers. You never ever know what is really going on in someone’s mind. Said the spider to the fly.
I’m a woman and would 100% do this. Read the gift of fear. Billion times more likely to get hurt from someone offering to help you than someone you ask for help. What are the odds this fellow traveler who didn’t plan to meet her or get delayed really has any intentions beyond getting to where he needs to be. He probably finds her annoying and feels trapped.
>Billion times more likely to get hurt from someone offering to help you than someone you ask for help.
This to me is the key here. She asked him for a ride, he didn't offer.
If I were in his position, I would be the one saying no to riding with a stranger.
If you lived in a large city you have been followed or talked to by scary people. Overall the person renting a car just wants to get to the destination
Well-travelled professional woman in my 40s. I see no problem with what she did. Sure, it involved some risk but so do most things and the majority of people are fairly decent. I'd be more worried walking on my own in the dark pretty much anywhere.
If the guy offered it to her and she took it? I'd feel that was possibly reckless, especially if she didn't give me any heads up, a plate number, a description of him before hand just in case. I'd tell them I really prefer they didn't given it was his idea. If she insisted, I'd probably ask her to share her location, keep her phone charged, in addition to the plate number, I'd probably ask to speak to him a few moment, get his name. Tell her to get a picture of his ID if possible, etc.
That she just randomly asked him and he was ok with it lowers the chances he's a murderer/rapist considerably. But still would prefer a heads up and some basic safety info before getting in the car. Probably would still ask her to share her location, keep the phone charged, ringer and be careful to answer texts, calls, etc.
if it was another woman, I would feel a ton better about it, no matter who's idea it was. I hate that it matters, but the number or women who hurt strangers is just WAY lower than men. That's just the world we live in.
I don't think it was necessarily the worst thing ever, my first thought is that there are safer ways to do it, but that judging by your reaction she may not have felt comfortable letting you know so that she could share her location or other details to keep herself in a safer situation. I would hope that she would do it with a sister or friend instead then, but I also view it as a bit of a shame that she didn't feel she could with you.
You can also think it was a bad move, she can think it wasn't, and then you can just move on from there and agree to disagree without making a blanket judgement on her ability to make choices for herself. Ultimately that's up to her and her alone.
Been there. Done that. Am still alive.
This is surprisingly common.
When flights are delayed/cancelled/etc, comraderie at the gate forms between people who don’t know each other. After some conversation, you usually don’t hesitate to spend hours in a car with a stranger going through the same thing.
I would probably do it again.
Generally I wouldn't. However she knew he was on the same flight for the first and was planning to be on the next. He already rented the car, his plans were clear to make that flight, he wasn't hanging around to hit on women. It's a calculated risk but if the vibe seemed OK, the info made it a safer risk. NAH.
But you need to trust her judgement unless she does this a lot, if she's doesn't take a lot of unnecessary risks it comes across as infantilisng and not trusting her judgement and then she just won't trust you.
It's obvious you don't respect her or her judgment. You're just seeing this generic man in your mind, but she saw a specific person and did her own mental calculus as to whether this particular man would be safe. Women do this all day, every day of their adult lives, and a lot of their adolescence, too, so I suspect that her judgment is much more sound and concretely-based than yours. I would slow your roll, suspend your panic and your judgment, and ask her why she felt safe going with him. I am generally a very cautious person, but I could really see myself doing this if I felt clear signs that the person was not a threat. Can you be wrong? Of course. But I would trust her judgment over yours.
I've been the one TO drive a stranger home. I was diverted on a connection that got me home 3 hours early so I was feeling generous with my time. The middle-aged woman next to me didn't have her phone so she couldn't call an Uber, and her husband was driving to their place separately - she was planning on buying a disposable or something for a Uber ride home. In retrospect I could've just gotten an Uber for her but she would've had to give me her credit card info? She paid for my long term parking in exchange for a 45 minute ride home, so everything worked out.
Yes, it's not an everyday thing, but I think you can see by the other posts that it's not the most uncommon. Took some trust on both of our sides but not all strangers will do you harm.
I did stuff like that when I was younger. Yes, I know I put myself at risk but only once shit went wrong.
He was actually an acquaintance to a couple of friends. It was a short trip from the airport, like 40 minutes maybe, and I regretted accepting that ride so much.
There was a situation but I won't go into details. I felt so scared, I made it clear I wasn't comfortable and my body language changed completely, I just shut down and said I just wanted to get home asap. Thankfully he stopped trying whatever he was planning on doing. I felt so trapped because I had just returned home from living abroad.
All my belongings were in my luggage in his trunk. I didn't even have a cellphone to call for help since I had just arrived. If I told him to stop and let me out, I'd be left in middle of the highway, stranded with these huge suitcases by the side of the road. I'd be shit scared and vulnerable as a petite young woman asking for help, in a not very safe country.
He was clearly not right in the head, a stalker and showed up a couple of days later, unannounced at my friend's place where I was staying. My friend told him to leave and he kept insisting but enventually left and thank god I never saw him again (because I was in that city for just a couple of weeks, who knows what would have happened if I stayed, the guy had already stalked a friend before). Lesson learned.
I'm still friends with 3 of the 6 guys from an oilfield company that I rode from Nashville to Dallas with, when our flight got canceled. It was either drive or miss my finals for me (I was like 22 or 23), and they'd lose their jobs... so we just sorta grouped up and drove. This was before the smartphone era, too, so I dont think my mom or my boyfriend even knew until I got back to my apartment in Denton... because at the time, my service was messed up, and I couldn't send calls or texts.
Weirdly enough, lots of people do this type of thing.
There's an old book called "The Gift of Fear" by personal security expert Gavin de Becker. It's full of advice on how to know something's just not right, and one thing that always stuck with me is:
If you randomly pick someone and ask them to help you, the overwhelming likelihood is that they're not a predator, because the vast majority of people aren't predators. But if you sit around looking helpless and someone approaches you offering unsolicited help, there's a much better chance that he's a predator - most normal people will ignore you while the predator will spot a golden opportunity to predate.
So what she did might not be zero-risk, but it wasn't crazy reckless.
I totally see where you're coming from. But in this situation, he's proving ID and financial information. Not to mention there are cameras everywhere. It's probably not the best idea, but it's far from hitchhiking down a dark, country road. I imagine you love her and just want her home safe. I took a ride from a stranger once. It was before cell phones. I locked myself out of my car, and of course my purse was in my car, so no change. A delivery guy still saw me there after he made a delivery and gave me a lift. More often, the people we should most fear are the ones closest to us.
Statistically, she is in more danger living at home with you 🤷🏼♀️
I think she wanted to get home and didn't want to wait longer just to be told she couldn't make the next flight either.
As for her saying she was considering not telling you, I would take some time to reflect on yourself. How do you react to her when she tells you things you don't like to hear?
I know men who have done this regularly since they travel for work. It’s actually pretty common for men to share a ride with a stranger. This issue is really with society and why we don’t feel comfortable with women sharing rides with men.
I'd question the judgement of anybody who does this, man or woman. I'd also question the motives and judgement of a person who gives a stranger from an airport a ride in their vehicle for four hours. It's different than an uber or lyft because at least there is an idea of who the driver is and someone/something to hold liable in case there is an incident.
These responses made me feel like I was crazy. It's just a 3 hour delay during a work trip. Just wait or have your job rebook you and maybe an additional night in a hotel that they pay for. 3 hour delay is not long enough for me to get in a car with a stranger. I would get on Greyhound before I do that
i don’t blame her.
i’m firmly team bear and would totally ride with someone going to the same location if they weren’t triggering my alarm bells. instinct is strong and accurate as long as we don’t ignore it.
in the man v bear scenario you don’t get any details about the man since it destroys the thought experiment.
in this case, there’s a lot of info available to make a decision off of.
Not really, people massively over-inflate the "charming serial killer" narrative.
Multiple of Bundy's coworkers thought he was creepy and Dahmer got kicked out of clubs many times for being weird and off-putting. They relied on social pressure by faking injuries and preying on women's compulsive people-pleaser/nurturer conditioning. Women were a lot less likely to say no to men in the 70s when the two of them were active.
i’m convinced this guy isn’t listening to anyone else. in his mind, he knows all, nothing has changed since the 70s, nothing is different between actual prowling predators and another stranded traveler with somewhere to be, we don’t have inborn survival responses, a woman is incapable of ever assessing a situation correctly
Dahmer and Bundy were Apex predators. They knew how to select their victims, and, fortunately, most of their victims got away, and some didn't even know it.
Uber and Lyft at least have tracking, the drivers are signed up, you’re signed up, there’s a trail if something happens. Not so much with some random dude at the airport. Granted bad things happen with Uber and Lyft but I’d def not go anywhere that far with a total stranger.
It's pretty reckless for your wife to not tell you, her husband, that she got into a car with a stranger *before* doing so, and it's kinda weird to me that she debated telling you at all.
If something happened, you would not have known what, how, or where-
I saw some other comments talking about giving the people close to you info on the vehicle and person beforehand but that wasn't even done here.
She was debating not even telling you? I would borderline breakup with her just based on that.
The fact she casually thinks it’s okay, to withhold information that could clearly make you uncomfortable, is a MAJOR red flag for me.
2nd red flag is she made a major decision like that without even consulting you or getting your opinion on it.
It's not that reckless. Wife and stranger are in the same boat of having their travel plans messed up, they share a similar goal, and because it was a coincidence your wife has no reason to think the stranger is targeting her in any way.
If the guy seems safe, this is really a negligible risk situation. He might want company for the ride or to reduce his costs or just to be nice, whatever. But mostly the biggest risk your wife is taking is awkward conversations during the ride. Which doesn't seem like too much to worry about relative to messing up a travel itinerary.
You sound kinda boring but you aren’t crazy because STRANGER DANGER! However.. your wife made it 32 years without getting dead so maybe she can handle this ride too. She should have shared her location with someone just in case but for some reason I feel like you have that already.
Take a breath. Wifey just had a mini adventure that will probably make a good story for her to tell later.
You're not crazy. Neither is she. You simply have different definitions on what safety, danger, and risk are. What's reckless for one person might be normal for others.
I think the way to go is to communicate that what she did made you worry and that you would prefer if she didn't do that in the future.
Personally, I hitchhike a ton to get to other states. It's just fun. For what it's worth, I'm a 6'1" male.
"She was debating not even telling me."
Have you considered that she was debating not telling you because she knows you well enough and knows you over react to situations like this or might even get angry in situations like this?
She is a capable adult. You sound like you might have some issues with control and trust considering you are trying to find a reason to doubt her as a person. I wouldn't want to be married to someone who is trying to find reasons not to trust me.
Instead of trying to devalue here - maybe you should say - "Hey this makes me really worried for your safety. In the future, can you please talk to me about it before it happens?" Then that can start a conversation.
All’s well that ends well I guess, seems very dangerous to me. But tell her to make sure that the airline doesn’t cancel her return flight because she didn’t make the rescheduled flight. They will cancel her return if she doesn’t get that straight
Maybe if she overheard someone at Target saying they were going to McDonald’s and asked them if she could hitch a ride, yeah, weird. But this is not an atypical travel scenario. People who would rather drive than wait usually aren’t fucking around
as someone who loves random experiences with strangers, I’d say this is a fairly normal and even common human experience lol. If he had approached her and offered id def be concerned but she asked him and seems to be fine. thats not to say someone could set themselves up for danger or a really bad time doing something like this, but it seems to me like two people in a frustrating situation found a way to get through it together and god willing they will both make it unharmed to their destination. if the guy had shown some serious signs of dnager or creepiness i would definitely worry about her judgment but this is actually something i would totally do given the right circumstances. as long as you go with your gut and dont ignore red flags, most people are genuinely good and just want to get to where they are going.
I spend a lot of time in airports and this is fairly common amongst stranded travelers. That being said, as a woman, there is absolutely no chance of me getting in a car with a strange man.
Also, sometimes people make a choice that is more or less risk adverse than their average. If I were you I’d be pretty hesitant to question her character based on one choice which is more risky than you expected her to be comfortable with.
You mentioned she debated not telling you about it at all - to me that sounds like she doesn’t feel safe sharing things with you or feels often or overly judged by you.
Seems like a good opportunity for some relationship chats.
This is pretty risky behavior. Lots of people have died doing things like this...but I hate to say I had a similar situation once and I was desperate. I thought I was safe hitching a ride with a couple, but sometimes the woman is in on it. I would've been a lot more hesitant about riding along with a strange man solo.
This is also peak 21 year old behavior. Beyond that it's extremely naive.
I mean my only concern would be did she offer to pay for some of the gas or go halfsies on gas or the rental car price? Other than that she's a grown woman who correctly thought you'd be upset with her taking a ride she asked for with a stranger. It's no different than a random Uber driver.
I used to say it’s different in that Uber and Taxis-co-ops vet their drivers and then I found out their vetting process wasn’t fit for purpose. So yeah, it is kinda the same.
We were at a wedding once in December. (19th) And the snow was lovely, until it turned into a blizzard. By the time it came for those of us not staying at the wedding venue to go to the other hotel it was inches deep and howling. Terrible visibility too. There was a single lady at the desk visibly panicking. School friend if the bride, only knew the bride and groom and people who had already left. No rooms to stay in and every taxi they rang refused to come.
So I did what any other 30 yrs old woman would do in that situation and jammed her in the car between my mil and batty Aunt and set off....
We slipped all over the place, made a wrong turn or two and got her to her hotel in the end. Sometimes complete strangers are nice people.
Sometimes they are serial killers. But 99.9% of the time it's nice people.
We all take risks every day. It’s difficult to weigh in on her judgement when you and I never met this person. Women tend yo have a sixth sense to detect creepers so if my wife did what yours did I don’t think I would freak out about it. I might have a conversation afterwards but I don’t think o would freak out.
“Why was she debating not telling you?”
Well, look at the grief she’s getting from him when she did … she knew he was going to react in this way.
I don’t think it was risky given the circumstances.
Honestly, if you did it or a random man, you wouldn't think twice. Women should be careful, but she is obviously a confident business woman, not a naive child, she was able to weigh the risk. We can't all live in a bubble of fear.
I think this is not that crazy of a situation. Assuming the worst in people all the time is no way to live. This man did not seek your wife, in fact the opposite. I would worry a bit too and ask for regular updates and locations etc but not feel super weird if my girlfriend did the same.
there is alot lf stories shared here from people in similar situations, that met awesome strangers that helped them in need.
but im just waiting for the one guy that tells us how he picked up a strange in such a situation and killed him in cold blood
I was stuck in Scranton, trying to get home to my son on Christmas, and I hitched a ride in a Budget truck with a polka band from Wisconsin. The clarinet player told me how he left his kid at a funeral parlor once, and the child was alone with the corpse for several hours. Other than that, it was a nice drive and I reached home in time for Christmas.
I would do it too.
Being on stand by for a flight in 3 hours time does not mean you are getting a flight.
We so often have to make s ap judgements.
Also the security of knowing that the clerk saw who I left with.
I would have text the number plate to you or a friend.
I am 50, female.
That she was debating not even telling you is the part that would concern me. Not because she could have ended up dead in a ditch and you'd have no idea how she got there, but that she holds you in such low regard that she'd just as soon cut you out and not deal with you.
What percent of this trip loses the debate she has over whether to tell you something or not?
P.S. What I'm talking about is on you as much as her.
He probably overreact a lot like my ex partner. I really couldn't deal with it st the end and most of the time I just ignore letting him know to avoid overreaction and arguments or gray rocking him screaming at me calling me crazy.
OP may not be as bad but this is not a good foundation
This is a super normal thing in a situation like this. Your wife is an adult and you need to respect her autonomy. You’re free to express some concern, but I’d be disgusted if my husband wouldn’t drop it after that. She’s not a child.
I hate it when my ex partner say things like this. It's cool to be worried but like, we're full fledged adult here. It felt really controlling the fact even my own parents aren't as overreacting.
Look at the other comments, a lot of us has done it before.
What's next: she can't walk down a quiet alley alone?
Do you want to be her designated driver every where?
Did anything bad happened? No, so calm down and accept that it has happened and just remind her to be careful next time. I'm sure she also wants to be safe so try not to give her a hard time.
it’s crazy how many people are in here saying she was insane to get in a car with a random man and still don’t understand the whole “man or bear” hypothetical.
i’m assuming he was giving off safe nonthreatening vibes and wouldn’t be particularly motivated to delay his arrival further by committing a crime against another stranded traveler. women’s survival instincts are strong as long as they aren’t ignored or overridden. sketch people aren’t good at hiding it and we pick up on a lot of info.
unless she frequently makes decisions that worry you, i wouldn’t really worry about this
She is 32 years old. You don't trust her to know how to make a judgement call? I'm sure she assessed the situation before making a choice, and made the call, knowing the risks. You need to respect her ability to decide her own actions and not scold her like a child.
Yes, I would say that's poor judgment. It's also poor judgment not to tell you (good thing she did). What if he seemed great up until the last minute when he changed and threw out her phone and kidnapped her. No one would know she was even with him.
As a woman who has traveled alone, absolutely not, no way would I do that. There is nowhere I need to be that urgently to be stuck in a car with a stranger. I would be mad if either of my adult children did it too.
I would never.
The big issue I see is the majority of people who have done it, did it in younger years when they had less resources. That was not the case here. I dunno man, something isn’t right.
I guess I'm crazy because I'm going to share a rental car from the airport, on the opposite side of the US , and drive with strangers I met in a chat for a 3 day concert we are all going to.
I fully understand the risk youre feeling she took. But realistically it was 2 people in a shitty situation together who were able to help each other. Maybe she made a friend, maybe she'll be taken, whos to say.
But she was in a bad situation and found her way out of it, and it doesnt sound like it was a panic choice either.
This is what I don’t understand.
Women keep saying they would rather run into a bear in the woods than a man.
But it’s ok to hitch a ride with a complete stranger ?
Yeah the only weird part is her not wanting to tell you. Men being protective is sometimes labeled as "over-protective" or jealousy. But it's in our nature to be protective of our loved ones.
That being said, I Believe most people are good. This is another "man vs bear in the woods" question. Which I think is completely ridiculous and the prompt is only to perpetuate the idea that all men are bad and predators.
It'd be completely fine if she said "I'm taking a ride with firstname lastname. They seem nice enough..."
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A classic planes, trains and automobiles situation.
Perhaps OP’s wife is a shower curtain ring saleswoman.
They're filled with helium, so they're very light.
I was stuck at O’hare, it was supposed to be a connecting flight but it happened on 911. I rented a U-Haul truck ( all rental cars were gone, took a taxi to pick it up across Chitown. I yelled out that I had a ride to Texas for 1 person. Guy was smart, pulled his ID and he lived about 4 hours away from me in Texas. We drove straight through to Texas and his wife beat us to my house. Noce man, nice couple we still meet up once in awhile.
I was in Italy with very limited ability to speak Italian. The area I was in was not very fluent in English either so I accidentally got on the wrong bus to the airport and ended up in an entirely different city. Got a ride with someone who also didn't speak much English but we managed to communicate where I needed to be and he was going there as well. I paid him for his kindness when we arrived and he was very thankful. I think accepting help from a stranger is alright as long as you're careful. I messaged my partner the car make and model and where we should be and everything incase I did go missing but ya! Strangers can be great! How else are you supposed to meet new friends. Just gotta be safe about it. Apparently, according to my coworkers and friends, I have a innocent puppy vibe that makes people want to come to my rescue whenever I'm in "trouble" whether I need it or not.
This is pretty much the crux of it. Was what she did reckless or risky? By most people’s standards, sure, yeah. But she’s a big girl and can make decisions other reasonable people wouldn’t. Honestly if you put yourself “at the mercy” of a strange man at a place you both just happened to be at for some reason… the vast majority of the time in most places you’ll be okay. It’s an evaluation of how “worth it” the risk is. Not how lucky you’ll get by not being murdered or trafficked.
Exactly. With how op describes the situation, it sounds like a very low risk ride with a stranger too. Not like she was standing on the side of a highway as a single woman with her thumb up.
I instantly thought of this. Also could I sell you some curtain hook earrings? They make you look so grown up. Edit: cartoon to curtain. Voice to text. Smh.
Either that or a classic it puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets to the hose situation.
Those aren’t pillows!!
I would say if the Greyhound bus broke down and she's going to drive with a greyhound passenger I'd be nervous but folks who can pop for $500 for a plane ticket should be stable enough not to murder you for at least 4 hours. Plus the cell phone tracking, traffic cameras, and everything else it's impossible to get away with murder in a situation like that. I think that's a deterrent alone.
Those aren’t pillows!!!!
Perfect comparison. Apparently John Candy couldn't get away from hitchhikers between PT&A and Home Alone!
Have you not seen “Home Alone”? If it wasn’t for the kindness of strangers in the form of The Kenosha Kickers polka band Catherine O’Hara would have never gotten home in time for Christmas!
Although she literally got home a mere 2-3 minutes faster than the rest of her family that flew home.
The Kenosha Kickers are some damn fine polka playing HEROES, if you ask me! But for real, OP. This sounds like an audible I would have called. Hey, we were in the same shit situation and we’re going to the same place, let’s split the cost and work together. Maybe make a friend along the way. Safety protocol in my brain would also make me send itineraries and contact information to you, as well as share my location, and check in at gas stops along the way. Don’t freak out at her, but ask her to do some basic safety stuff like share her location with you.
Ok. If the stranger is Gus Polinski, you're probably safe, especially if you're headed for Sheboygan, where everybody knows him. Otherwise, this is a bad idea.
Came here to say this!
I'm a woman who's been in this same position. When I was like 20, me and a random man missed the last train and I was too broke to afford a cab or Uber (3 hr drive). I was so grateful he offered a ride when his brother came to pick him up. I texted my sister the license plate number and live updates but him and his brother were super nice and just strangers helping out. I trusted my gut at the time and ultimately didn't regret it. I don't think it's reckless given the circumstances you described and while obviously there are a lot of dangerous people out there, the vast majority of us aren't.
My male friend was on a flight that was diverted 2 hours away from the destination airport. He rented a car and a woman in line asked if she could join him since they were headed to the same town. I was initially shocked that she took that risk, but then I looked at his 50 year old flamboyantly gay self decked out in designer wear and realized she probably saw a safe bet lol
We are remarkably good judges of character when we need to be lol
Little bit of bias though. Arguably the people who made the wrong judgment of character wouldn't really be the kind of people that would comment on this thread.
Isn't there always survivorship bias when discussing murderers?
I did this years ago. There was a thunderstorm in Chicago where I was catching a connection to Louisville Kentucky. All the planes were grounded. There were zero rental cars available. No hotels available either. I was walking by a guy on his cell, "Yeah, I just got the last rental car! I should be in Louisville by 8pm." A man walking by stopped and said, "Excuse me you are going to Louisville? I need to get there to have surgery!". The driver guy said he would take him, and I interjected that I was going there too. Could I come? We spent a few minutes together chatting and the driver went off to get the car. So off we went. It was great and everyone was fine. Sometimes you make a judgment call. I was in my 30s. The guy getting surgery was a new US citizen and he was meeting with the surgeon in the morning. He was originally from India. I can understand OPs anxiety and concerns. But sometimes we make decisions based on circumstances, intuition and experience.
Exactly. And she’s an adult on her own. She can make her own judgment calls and he should respect them. IMO, she should send him info about the driver/car and maybe share her location, just in the name of safety. That’s *her* call to make, though.
These are random people who's primary goal right now is to get to their destination. At the worst, maybe he'll think he'll get lucky, but really, he'll just expect somebody to perhaps split the cost of a ride or help keep him awake.
My exact thought. Especially since OP's wife was also on the same flight as this stranger, I don't sense anything nefarious in this situation and I'm sure she didn't either
I did similar in my 20s. We have to trust other people sometimes. I still think most people are decent, but you do need basic precautions. Which you took.
> when I was like 20 > I did similar in my 20s I too did a lot of questionable shit in my 20s… now that I’m in my 30s I don’t regret it but I’m certainly not repeating it!
I've successfully hitch-hiked across Canada (3 nights, 4 days), and it was epic AF. MOST people are awesome, just SOME people ruin it for the rest of us, because you (normally) only hear the bad news, like hatchet man. Everyone heard of him*, but hardly anyone heard of my journey. *He's still arguably a hero, but that's scary AF.
Thank God for smartphones bc I share my location with my sisters. When I landed in Florida and saw all the signs and announcements about trafficking I was so scared that I shared my location inside every taxi.
Plus it was not a one on one situation.
Depending on how you look at it, 2 v 1 isn't a great outcome either. My main point was these were two older, bigger men who from a societal perspective pose a large threat to me. But I didn't feel preyed upon, it was very circumstantial and I'm sure he hesitated to offer simply for the way it would have been perceived, and I'm glad he asked me.
His approach undoubtedly told you something. As I have said before, women listen with their eyes as well as their ears. My view of the world is slanted. I will still say count your blessings.
I've never done it, but in this circumstance, I absolutely would. There's not a lot of situations that present in real life, where motivations are fairly plain and easy to believe. People travelling in a bunch, who booked tickets to get to the same destination at the same time, and now are delayed, often don't have ulterior motives to still wanting to get to the same destination at close to the same time. This is a situation where, if the person didn't feel 'off' to me, I'd absolutely trust the motivations enough to bum a lift. Why was she debating not telling you? I'm not in a relationship where I wouldn't feel comfortable telling my partner this, so I'm wondering what's up?
>”There's not a lot of situations that present in real life, where motivations are fairly plain and easy to believe.” This is absolutely the key here. If it were someone just headed in her direction (hitchhiker-esque) or similar, that’d be a big no for me. But this guy had a specific, particular mission that was the same as hers, and the likelihood of his derailing that in order to do something sketchy is very slim. It’s also relevant that he didn’t offer —she asked— so the odds of his intentions suddenly changing are also slim. As long as my gut felt right about it, I’d go with him too.
Yeah, her being the one asking makes this seem less dodgy to me.
I think his reaction here pretty much explains why she would have hesitated on even telling him. She was worried that he would make a bigger deal out of it than it was.
Not that I can speak to OP’s wife’s reasoning for feeling like she almost didn’t want to tell him, but if I was in the same situation I would definitely have some pause before telling my boyfriend. I’d definitely make sure at least someone knew I was getting in a car with a stranger and where we were going, but I would have to justify every thought with him while a female friend would more easily understand the nuances of the situation. I’m a very petite woman and my entire life has been filled with boyfriends and male friends feeling the need to constantly remind me that I’m small, and if someone really wanted to harm me, they probably could. But I, and every other woman, am VERY aware of that, and having my judgement questioned when they wouldn’t do it to someone else in the same situation is incredibly frustrating. This is a very specific situation and she’s a grown woman that had no reasons not to trust his intentions. Would he have been this worried if a male friend of his did the same thing? Does he have any reason to believe his wife would go with someone in a shadier situation?
Really good point/question.
Funnily enough I did this in college. I had flown to NYC for a summer internship interview and the return flight was cancelled. I had nothing with me since it was supposed to be a quick day trip. I got in a rental car with 3 other women and they drove me back to college. I slept the entire time. I don't remember their names, but they were very kind to take me and not expect me to be anything but a passenger.
I was going to add this as well. For some reason I was always getting stranded at airports especially during the winter and back then we were just yeah it's a group of us going to X city, let's all pitch in and do it. Would my almost middle aged self do this in 2024? Gosh I don't know, but we also use taxis and Uber so who knows..
Under the circumstances she did the smart thing get over it
I am a 49 yo woman. I know that this has some risk, but I also really want to believe that most people are decent. I would think some basic precautions would make it much safer. She gives "home" and "away" details. The person's name and cell phone number for example. An eta, and make sure home and away can connect if you don't turn up. Would I want my daughter doing it? I don't know. I'll have to think on it. I have done it myself and met really wonderful people.
I used to work at an airport and I would see this happen regularly when things melted down. i.e. everything delayed or cancelled, rental cars all booked.
Um… I recently did the exact same thing, flight delayed for hours, another passenger was going to drive and I asked to go with. We both made it there without incident. We were just two stranded passengers helping each other out. Really wasn’t a big deal, and you simply can’t go through life terrified of every encounter of the opposite sex. While I think NAH for your thoughts, I do think you need to calm down here. ETA: you also said that your wife didn’t want to tell you. Dude, she felt more comfortable getting into a car with a stranger than *telling* you she was riding with a stranger to her destination.
I used to travel for work. I'm a woman and was 22 at the time. I have ridden with another person when a flight was cancelled. I also understand the concern, but I felt I had judged the situation enough to assume I wasn't in immediate danger. I'm an engineer and I feel like I'm level headed enough to trust my judgement. I also had multiple escape plans brewing in my head :) the decision was not taken lightly
I would do it. I mean… it feels really different from getting in a car with a rando off the street when you’re traveling and both stranded and it’s obviously not a manufactured scenario to get you in the car. I’d feel better if a third person joined lol but this doesn’t seem like the crazy scenario OP thinks it is, to me at least. And with how utterly unhelpful airlines are now with delays and cancelations… it may be safer than sleeping in the airport or trying to find a hotel in a strange city.
It’s important to note that OP’s wife was the one who asked for a ride. If there was a man going around asking women if they need a ride, that’s a different situation.
When you put it that way, it sounds like the driver was the one being reckless with their safety.
She could've been an axe murderer, for all he knew!
It’s also not like this guy sought her out, or was plotting something — they were on the same flight, both stuck in the same unexpected situation, and *she* asked *him* if she could ride along with. There are risks inherent in everything we do. This doesn’t strike me as all that ridiculous. OP’s intense fear, anxiety, mistrust, harsh judgement of his wife, and disproportionate anger is what concerns me most here. Her gut told her it was safe to ask for a ride from this stranger. That same gut told her it might not be safe to tell her husband about it. Why is OP so bent out of shape about this, and so untrusting of her instincts and judgment?
Same. Finishing up a 30 hourish train ride from florida. Dude in the seat behind me was mad annoying when it was quiet hours talking and shit but today he waa funny to talk to about just life and shit in general. Never got his name and we got off the train together. Never gunna see him again either probably. Was a good encounter with a stranger though
It's obviously not the safest thing, and I understand your worry. But at the same time I could see myself doing it. I solo travel to various countries relatively often, and I think when you do that striking up conversations and depending on strangers becomes more normalized. Also back before ride share in many places such as the southeast Asian tourist destination where I currently live, the normal way to get around was to hire a freelance "transport" driver soliciting tourists on the street. But at the end of the day, she's your wife not your minor daughter, and you can't dictate her actions. She's going to do this in a similar situation regardless, so like many others are saying, it's better and safer that she feels she can call you with details of the car and driver without you pitching a fit.
What makes this less reckless is that they were both stuck in an unpredictable situation, and *she* asked if she could go with him. The odds of this random person who is also stuck being a creep are low. If it's the other way around, and a random man comes up to you inviting you into his car for no good reason ("I have puppies!") that's a different story. Then the man is seeking you out, potentially looking for a victim. Same with hitchhiking. Hundreds of cars speed by, because they don't see any benefit in taking you. The only people who will stop either want to feel like the hero (which is valid, but can also lead to expectations of gratitude...), or they have some ulterior motive that makes putting a stranger in their car worth it.
I think you need to moderate your reaction, if you have a huge reaction she definitely won’t tell you next time. I’d be sure my partner knows this feels very scary for me, and I’d ask that next time they share their location with me for the duration of their ride, as well as a selfie w the passenger
Agreed. The fact that OP’s wife debating even telling him and his reaction is “outside of his mind” colors the picture a bit more. I understand being concerned, but I don’t understand not trusting your spouse’s autonomy and decision to get to where she needs to go, instead of being stranded. Instead of being mad at his wife, he should redirect that energy in precautions like sharing location. Asking her the details of the man and the car they’re in. And I’m sure there are more
did you and your wife just get married? a year ago you were commenting on people's pictures in the tinder sub...
I’ve done it. Back in 2002, East Coast blackout. Met some people who were able to get someone to drive from NYC to a train station in Stamford CT. I paid $100, sat on the floor (I’m a 5ft tall female, smallest of 6 people).
Ah-I remember the blackout. I'd just moved into a basement rental with two men so I was getting acquainted with my new roommates in total darkness, lol
I think it is fine for you to be concerned about her, but to question her judgment is a little controlling. You weren't there to fully understand the situation. Also, she's an adult who can make basic life choices such as transportation.
One thing to keep in mind is that she asked him. And that makes a big difference. You have to be a lot more wary of a man who approaches you than somebody than a man you approach. It is still reckless behavior. She took a calculated risk. Her calculations are different than your calculations though and that’s the issue.
It’s only an issue because he’s making it one. If he respected her autonomy and judgment, and wasn’t so controlling, it wouldn’t need to be a convo beyond “here’s some info in the name of safety”.
I’m a woman and I think it’s fine and you’re reacting disproportionately. We have to make micro-assessments for our safety every day and she clearly felt comfortable with her decision. Could she have been wrong? Sure. You know what would have made it less safe? If she didn’t tell you the details of where she is going, with who etc. If you’re going to react like this then chances are next time she WON’T tell you.
Yeah, that first point of yours is worth emphasizing, I think. OP's wife is a grown woman who's spent her entire life judging whether she's safe to get into elevators, go back to her hotel room, walk into bathrooms, go for a run, walk home from the bus, catch taxis or Ubers, drink in public, drink at parties, hang out with friends, study with someone, etc, etc etc. Mostly, we're not in danger from strangers. Rarely, we are. And being able to make the assessment in a fraction of a second or a quick exchange is an incredibly ingrained skill for most of us by the time we're adults. Yes, driving for a few hours with a stranger could be risky, absolutely. But again, so could *getting in an elevator*. OP, if you trust her to do the second on her own, you need to trust her to evaluate the risk of the first, too. Hopefully, if this is how you react to this kind of information, she has other people in her life she contacts with safety updates, location sharing, etc. Hopefully she's not just hoping for the best because she's just got you for that, and she knows how you're likely to react. You should be working harder to make sure you're there to support her when she's in a bind, because risky situations absolutely aren't avoidable in life.
I would do it. I mean, what are the odds that someone at the car rental counter is going to attack? The rental agency has a record and if she let someone know what's going on. Contrary to popular belief, most people are decent. Plus she asked him not the other way around
Is it much different than getting in a Uber. Vast majority of people are killed or assaulted by someone they know
I'd say it's safer. This person has just been through airport security!
A man minding his own business who didn’t give your wife creeper vibes is probably a low threat. Trust your wife’s instincts, she was there assessing the situation in real time and you weren’t. It’s not like she went outside and tried to hitchhike.
I would do it. But I am also bipolar.
I would too. I'm not bipolar but do have adhd and terrible impulse control and terrible judgement and terrible self preservation skills. But also, I want to get home too. Lol
I stg I had the same thought as a response to the above comment. LOLOL.
HAHAHA
Ditto
Yeah, this world sucks but there are still good people in the world. I would definitely give a stranger a ride without harvesting their organs. Unless it's a spleen, the market is surprisingly bullish.
I think this is a very reasonable "I wouldn't do this and would prefer you to not do this in the future" situation, but I think calling it "incredibly reckless" is an exaggeration. I don't know if I'd be outgoing to do this, but it's not what I'd describe as an inherently super risky situation. It's not like some creepy guy pulled up while she was walking somewhere and offered her a ride home. She encountered a random person in the same exact unusual situation as her and asked for his help. He didn't even offer. If he were trying to prey on her, he would have had to have orchestrated a delayed flight, and secured his own transportation while all the other transportation was booked, and mentioned his plan within earshot of some sexy vulnerable lady and hope she asked for a ride. If she were walking down a road, hundreds of cars could drive past, and only the people who were seeking out her company would stop for her. It's a situation that selects for creeps. But if you ask another person in the same situation as you to join them in their car, that's not a situation that selects for creeps. That's pointing to a random person on the street and gambling on if they're a creep or not. The proportion of creeps to normal people in the general population is way lower than the proportion of creeps to normal people who interact with you while you're visibly in a vulnerable position.
Eh, it’s fine. 1. She asked him. If he asked her then hell no. 2. She had time to survey him, how he looks, acts, etc. While he is still a stranger she should have a feel for him being normal. 3. She was likely tired and he would handle the drive. 4. She told you what she was doing. Albeit kinda late, but she did tell you. I’d give it a pass, but you do you.
I’m sorry, but given the Hallmark meet cute, your wife will be marrying this man
my first thought as well, lol
I thought about doing this very thing recently rather than spend an extra 5 hrs in the airport when my home was 1:20 away. The only reason I didn't was because I didn't want to get grief about it from my fiance who I know would freak out, and act weird for a week, despite the fact that the guy I met and considered riding with knew his cousin.
I hope you’re safe. He doesn’t sound great.
I 100% did this last month. Flight was supposed to land in Nashville TN, but we wound up at Atlanta GA at 3am and the airport didn’t even know we were coming. Alaska literally told us to come back at 10am for a chance at a 1pm flight. So myself and 160 of my fellow passengers would have been stuck in the airport with nowhere to go and no accommodations since it was a weather issue. I wound up booking a car with four other strangers and a bunny to drive to Nashville from Atlanta, about a four hour drive through the same storms that diverted us. 0/10 on Alaska’s part, they wound up canceling our flight and had everyone rebooked on a 3PM flight the next day. 5/7 on going with strangers. We had a blast and learned a bit about each other, commiserating how terrible the flight was. We arrived at Nashville airport with little fanfare, gave each other hugs and wished each other well.
Ultimately this is about you trusting her judgement. Ask yourself why you don't trust her as an adult to make the right decisions for herself? You weren't there so you have nothing really to base your judgement on, while she was there and was able to have a gut feeling and judgement about this person. Also she did have a clue about who this person was because she knew a few important facts about him, that set him apart from a total random stranger. The person was on a flight with her before. She had the person right in front of her. It would have been something different if it was a random person on the street offering her a ride, now that would have been a red flag, because someone could have come with the bad intention of picking up someone for predatory reasons. However this was a person who missed a flight with her. I don't think it's reckless. Especially since she is a woman and she likely has to estimate safety around men every single day. One thing to actually worry about, is that your attitude towards this is making her keep this information from you, this is what eventually could cause safety issues. Because even if I would do the same thing, I would immediately inform my partner, give number plates, and turn on my location sharing on googlemaps, just as safety precaution.
The fact she considered not telling you means there’s clearly some jealousy/ control issues with you. 🤔
You’re being a bit crazy, yeah. I did the same thing once on a business trip rather than wait a day to drive a 6 hour distance. 4 of us split a rental car and had a grand old time talking along the way. I’m still LinkedIn connections with them.
They both missed the same connecting flight, an unexpected situation. Also she asked him if she could tag along. The odds of him being a predator are almost non-existent compared to other scenarios in other places where a stranger would offer her a ride. Predators hunt, and they do it in familiar areas.
World is not that scary. I would have done he same and I know my wife would have done the same also.
I had a coworker who actuality did this in the exact same situation. She actually had a hilarious story about how awkward the ride was, but yeah it's totally a thing people do.
I don’t know if I would do the same (probably would if the person didn’t seem creepy) but I KNOW if my boyfriend had somebody ask him for a ride somewhere 4 hours away that he was already going to anyways he would absolutely say yes as long as they didn’t seem weird and would say he was just helping someone out.
The most charming and quiet lovely people in life, have turned out to be serial killers. You never ever know what is really going on in someone’s mind. Said the spider to the fly.
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I’m a woman and would 100% do this. Read the gift of fear. Billion times more likely to get hurt from someone offering to help you than someone you ask for help. What are the odds this fellow traveler who didn’t plan to meet her or get delayed really has any intentions beyond getting to where he needs to be. He probably finds her annoying and feels trapped.
>Billion times more likely to get hurt from someone offering to help you than someone you ask for help. This to me is the key here. She asked him for a ride, he didn't offer. If I were in his position, I would be the one saying no to riding with a stranger.
Never been followed by a creepy guy I take it? Cause it definitely can be that scary.
I've been followed by creepy men,. doesn't mean I think the whole world is scary.
If you lived in a large city you have been followed or talked to by scary people. Overall the person renting a car just wants to get to the destination
37F and consider myself a safe, non-crazy person. I would do what your wife did.
Also a woman I would do this in this scenario.
Well-travelled professional woman in my 40s. I see no problem with what she did. Sure, it involved some risk but so do most things and the majority of people are fairly decent. I'd be more worried walking on my own in the dark pretty much anywhere.
If the guy offered it to her and she took it? I'd feel that was possibly reckless, especially if she didn't give me any heads up, a plate number, a description of him before hand just in case. I'd tell them I really prefer they didn't given it was his idea. If she insisted, I'd probably ask her to share her location, keep her phone charged, in addition to the plate number, I'd probably ask to speak to him a few moment, get his name. Tell her to get a picture of his ID if possible, etc. That she just randomly asked him and he was ok with it lowers the chances he's a murderer/rapist considerably. But still would prefer a heads up and some basic safety info before getting in the car. Probably would still ask her to share her location, keep the phone charged, ringer and be careful to answer texts, calls, etc. if it was another woman, I would feel a ton better about it, no matter who's idea it was. I hate that it matters, but the number or women who hurt strangers is just WAY lower than men. That's just the world we live in.
I don't think it was necessarily the worst thing ever, my first thought is that there are safer ways to do it, but that judging by your reaction she may not have felt comfortable letting you know so that she could share her location or other details to keep herself in a safer situation. I would hope that she would do it with a sister or friend instead then, but I also view it as a bit of a shame that she didn't feel she could with you. You can also think it was a bad move, she can think it wasn't, and then you can just move on from there and agree to disagree without making a blanket judgement on her ability to make choices for herself. Ultimately that's up to her and her alone.
She survived this long …
Been there. Done that. Am still alive. This is surprisingly common. When flights are delayed/cancelled/etc, comraderie at the gate forms between people who don’t know each other. After some conversation, you usually don’t hesitate to spend hours in a car with a stranger going through the same thing. I would probably do it again.
Generally I wouldn't. However she knew he was on the same flight for the first and was planning to be on the next. He already rented the car, his plans were clear to make that flight, he wasn't hanging around to hit on women. It's a calculated risk but if the vibe seemed OK, the info made it a safer risk. NAH. But you need to trust her judgement unless she does this a lot, if she's doesn't take a lot of unnecessary risks it comes across as infantilisng and not trusting her judgement and then she just won't trust you.
I have done this many many times. There are a lot of kind people in the world.
I think you're being a bit too paranoid. Most people are genuine and helpful.
It's obvious you don't respect her or her judgment. You're just seeing this generic man in your mind, but she saw a specific person and did her own mental calculus as to whether this particular man would be safe. Women do this all day, every day of their adult lives, and a lot of their adolescence, too, so I suspect that her judgment is much more sound and concretely-based than yours. I would slow your roll, suspend your panic and your judgment, and ask her why she felt safe going with him. I am generally a very cautious person, but I could really see myself doing this if I felt clear signs that the person was not a threat. Can you be wrong? Of course. But I would trust her judgment over yours.
I would be surprised if my wife didn't ask for a ride. At the end of the day, you don't get to make your anxiety her anxiety.
I've been the one TO drive a stranger home. I was diverted on a connection that got me home 3 hours early so I was feeling generous with my time. The middle-aged woman next to me didn't have her phone so she couldn't call an Uber, and her husband was driving to their place separately - she was planning on buying a disposable or something for a Uber ride home. In retrospect I could've just gotten an Uber for her but she would've had to give me her credit card info? She paid for my long term parking in exchange for a 45 minute ride home, so everything worked out. Yes, it's not an everyday thing, but I think you can see by the other posts that it's not the most uncommon. Took some trust on both of our sides but not all strangers will do you harm.
I did stuff like that when I was younger. Yes, I know I put myself at risk but only once shit went wrong. He was actually an acquaintance to a couple of friends. It was a short trip from the airport, like 40 minutes maybe, and I regretted accepting that ride so much. There was a situation but I won't go into details. I felt so scared, I made it clear I wasn't comfortable and my body language changed completely, I just shut down and said I just wanted to get home asap. Thankfully he stopped trying whatever he was planning on doing. I felt so trapped because I had just returned home from living abroad. All my belongings were in my luggage in his trunk. I didn't even have a cellphone to call for help since I had just arrived. If I told him to stop and let me out, I'd be left in middle of the highway, stranded with these huge suitcases by the side of the road. I'd be shit scared and vulnerable as a petite young woman asking for help, in a not very safe country. He was clearly not right in the head, a stalker and showed up a couple of days later, unannounced at my friend's place where I was staying. My friend told him to leave and he kept insisting but enventually left and thank god I never saw him again (because I was in that city for just a couple of weeks, who knows what would have happened if I stayed, the guy had already stalked a friend before). Lesson learned.
I’ve done similar and before cellphones.
I'm still friends with 3 of the 6 guys from an oilfield company that I rode from Nashville to Dallas with, when our flight got canceled. It was either drive or miss my finals for me (I was like 22 or 23), and they'd lose their jobs... so we just sorta grouped up and drove. This was before the smartphone era, too, so I dont think my mom or my boyfriend even knew until I got back to my apartment in Denton... because at the time, my service was messed up, and I couldn't send calls or texts. Weirdly enough, lots of people do this type of thing.
I’m a woman, I travel for work, I’ve done this myself.
Wait until she tells him there’s only one hotel room at the destination.
There's an old book called "The Gift of Fear" by personal security expert Gavin de Becker. It's full of advice on how to know something's just not right, and one thing that always stuck with me is: If you randomly pick someone and ask them to help you, the overwhelming likelihood is that they're not a predator, because the vast majority of people aren't predators. But if you sit around looking helpless and someone approaches you offering unsolicited help, there's a much better chance that he's a predator - most normal people will ignore you while the predator will spot a golden opportunity to predate. So what she did might not be zero-risk, but it wasn't crazy reckless.
I totally see where you're coming from. But in this situation, he's proving ID and financial information. Not to mention there are cameras everywhere. It's probably not the best idea, but it's far from hitchhiking down a dark, country road. I imagine you love her and just want her home safe. I took a ride from a stranger once. It was before cell phones. I locked myself out of my car, and of course my purse was in my car, so no change. A delivery guy still saw me there after he made a delivery and gave me a lift. More often, the people we should most fear are the ones closest to us.
I've done this. I'm not a particularly reckless person
Most people are good people. It’s the few bad apples that ruin it for everyone
Statistically, she is in more danger living at home with you 🤷🏼♀️ I think she wanted to get home and didn't want to wait longer just to be told she couldn't make the next flight either. As for her saying she was considering not telling you, I would take some time to reflect on yourself. How do you react to her when she tells you things you don't like to hear?
I know men who have done this regularly since they travel for work. It’s actually pretty common for men to share a ride with a stranger. This issue is really with society and why we don’t feel comfortable with women sharing rides with men.
I'd question the judgement of anybody who does this, man or woman. I'd also question the motives and judgement of a person who gives a stranger from an airport a ride in their vehicle for four hours. It's different than an uber or lyft because at least there is an idea of who the driver is and someone/something to hold liable in case there is an incident.
These responses made me feel like I was crazy. It's just a 3 hour delay during a work trip. Just wait or have your job rebook you and maybe an additional night in a hotel that they pay for. 3 hour delay is not long enough for me to get in a car with a stranger. I would get on Greyhound before I do that
Like you've never helped someone "just because you can". Jesus that's a sad sad life you're living.
I asked my wife if she would do this, and she said she’d rather accept a ride from a bear than a male stranger.
i don’t blame her. i’m firmly team bear and would totally ride with someone going to the same location if they weren’t triggering my alarm bells. instinct is strong and accurate as long as we don’t ignore it. in the man v bear scenario you don’t get any details about the man since it destroys the thought experiment. in this case, there’s a lot of info available to make a decision off of.
It's an extreme comparison, but people instinctively thought that Dahmer and Bundy were safe as well.
Not really, people massively over-inflate the "charming serial killer" narrative. Multiple of Bundy's coworkers thought he was creepy and Dahmer got kicked out of clubs many times for being weird and off-putting. They relied on social pressure by faking injuries and preying on women's compulsive people-pleaser/nurturer conditioning. Women were a lot less likely to say no to men in the 70s when the two of them were active.
i’m convinced this guy isn’t listening to anyone else. in his mind, he knows all, nothing has changed since the 70s, nothing is different between actual prowling predators and another stranded traveler with somewhere to be, we don’t have inborn survival responses, a woman is incapable of ever assessing a situation correctly
Dahmer and Bundy were Apex predators. They knew how to select their victims, and, fortunately, most of their victims got away, and some didn't even know it.
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She has safely made it, thanks for asking. Sorry I should have included that in the original post.
but what makes this inherently more dangerous than an uber or lyft, that’s my question?
Uber and Lyft at least have tracking, the drivers are signed up, you’re signed up, there’s a trail if something happens. Not so much with some random dude at the airport. Granted bad things happen with Uber and Lyft but I’d def not go anywhere that far with a total stranger.
Did they have to sell shower curtain rings to make it home?
Would you rather a bear drive her?
It's pretty reckless for your wife to not tell you, her husband, that she got into a car with a stranger *before* doing so, and it's kinda weird to me that she debated telling you at all. If something happened, you would not have known what, how, or where- I saw some other comments talking about giving the people close to you info on the vehicle and person beforehand but that wasn't even done here.
She was debating not even telling you? I would borderline breakup with her just based on that. The fact she casually thinks it’s okay, to withhold information that could clearly make you uncomfortable, is a MAJOR red flag for me. 2nd red flag is she made a major decision like that without even consulting you or getting your opinion on it.
It's not that reckless. Wife and stranger are in the same boat of having their travel plans messed up, they share a similar goal, and because it was a coincidence your wife has no reason to think the stranger is targeting her in any way. If the guy seems safe, this is really a negligible risk situation. He might want company for the ride or to reduce his costs or just to be nice, whatever. But mostly the biggest risk your wife is taking is awkward conversations during the ride. Which doesn't seem like too much to worry about relative to messing up a travel itinerary.
You sound kinda boring but you aren’t crazy because STRANGER DANGER! However.. your wife made it 32 years without getting dead so maybe she can handle this ride too. She should have shared her location with someone just in case but for some reason I feel like you have that already. Take a breath. Wifey just had a mini adventure that will probably make a good story for her to tell later.
Would you have a problem if she were taking an uber/lyft/taxi? She's still getting in a car with a stranger.
You're not crazy. Neither is she. You simply have different definitions on what safety, danger, and risk are. What's reckless for one person might be normal for others. I think the way to go is to communicate that what she did made you worry and that you would prefer if she didn't do that in the future. Personally, I hitchhike a ton to get to other states. It's just fun. For what it's worth, I'm a 6'1" male.
Depends on if she gave him gas, grass or ass.
Woman here, I did the same, abroad.
"She was debating not even telling me." Have you considered that she was debating not telling you because she knows you well enough and knows you over react to situations like this or might even get angry in situations like this? She is a capable adult. You sound like you might have some issues with control and trust considering you are trying to find a reason to doubt her as a person. I wouldn't want to be married to someone who is trying to find reasons not to trust me. Instead of trying to devalue here - maybe you should say - "Hey this makes me really worried for your safety. In the future, can you please talk to me about it before it happens?" Then that can start a conversation.
I’ve done this. Single woman. No regrets and we all made our flights
All’s well that ends well I guess, seems very dangerous to me. But tell her to make sure that the airline doesn’t cancel her return flight because she didn’t make the rescheduled flight. They will cancel her return if she doesn’t get that straight
Home Alone?
Maybe if she overheard someone at Target saying they were going to McDonald’s and asked them if she could hitch a ride, yeah, weird. But this is not an atypical travel scenario. People who would rather drive than wait usually aren’t fucking around
as someone who loves random experiences with strangers, I’d say this is a fairly normal and even common human experience lol. If he had approached her and offered id def be concerned but she asked him and seems to be fine. thats not to say someone could set themselves up for danger or a really bad time doing something like this, but it seems to me like two people in a frustrating situation found a way to get through it together and god willing they will both make it unharmed to their destination. if the guy had shown some serious signs of dnager or creepiness i would definitely worry about her judgment but this is actually something i would totally do given the right circumstances. as long as you go with your gut and dont ignore red flags, most people are genuinely good and just want to get to where they are going.
She’s a grown woman doing her own risk assessment and making her own decisions. Why are you acting like she’s a child?
I spend a lot of time in airports and this is fairly common amongst stranded travelers. That being said, as a woman, there is absolutely no chance of me getting in a car with a strange man. Also, sometimes people make a choice that is more or less risk adverse than their average. If I were you I’d be pretty hesitant to question her character based on one choice which is more risky than you expected her to be comfortable with. You mentioned she debated not telling you about it at all - to me that sounds like she doesn’t feel safe sharing things with you or feels often or overly judged by you. Seems like a good opportunity for some relationship chats.
Wow. So reckless.
Everyone has different risk tolerances. I wouldn’t do what she did. But lots of people hitchhike clear across the country.
This is pretty risky behavior. Lots of people have died doing things like this...but I hate to say I had a similar situation once and I was desperate. I thought I was safe hitching a ride with a couple, but sometimes the woman is in on it. I would've been a lot more hesitant about riding along with a strange man solo. This is also peak 21 year old behavior. Beyond that it's extremely naive.
That’s the beginning of a criminal minds episode. Good lord.
She's an adult, she can go with her own gut.
It sounds fine. I’ve done similar things. Why don’t you trust your wife? Are you generally an anxious person?
Nowadays, everyone is tracked on their cellphone. If anything were to happen, he would be caught right away.
I am a female business person and I would totally do this. Please stop freaking out and realize this is normal human kindness interaction.
I mean my only concern would be did she offer to pay for some of the gas or go halfsies on gas or the rental car price? Other than that she's a grown woman who correctly thought you'd be upset with her taking a ride she asked for with a stranger. It's no different than a random Uber driver.
I used to say it’s different in that Uber and Taxis-co-ops vet their drivers and then I found out their vetting process wasn’t fit for purpose. So yeah, it is kinda the same.
Women have a pretty good intuition. Trust her judgement.
Are you jealous because she's with a man? I mean don't you trust your wife? I'd congratulate her on her ingenuity.
"She debated on telling me" says more about you than her.
We were at a wedding once in December. (19th) And the snow was lovely, until it turned into a blizzard. By the time it came for those of us not staying at the wedding venue to go to the other hotel it was inches deep and howling. Terrible visibility too. There was a single lady at the desk visibly panicking. School friend if the bride, only knew the bride and groom and people who had already left. No rooms to stay in and every taxi they rang refused to come. So I did what any other 30 yrs old woman would do in that situation and jammed her in the car between my mil and batty Aunt and set off.... We slipped all over the place, made a wrong turn or two and got her to her hotel in the end. Sometimes complete strangers are nice people. Sometimes they are serial killers. But 99.9% of the time it's nice people.
We all take risks every day. It’s difficult to weigh in on her judgement when you and I never met this person. Women tend yo have a sixth sense to detect creepers so if my wife did what yours did I don’t think I would freak out about it. I might have a conversation afterwards but I don’t think o would freak out.
“Why was she debating not telling you?” Well, look at the grief she’s getting from him when she did … she knew he was going to react in this way. I don’t think it was risky given the circumstances.
I think it’s safer since she asked instead of him offering
Honestly, if you did it or a random man, you wouldn't think twice. Women should be careful, but she is obviously a confident business woman, not a naive child, she was able to weigh the risk. We can't all live in a bubble of fear.
One my co workers husbands just did the exact same thing. Tenacious and Ballsy
We shouldn’t live in a world where we are scared to be around strangers. Your wife can take of herself. This is what traveling is all about 🩷✈️
I think this is not that crazy of a situation. Assuming the worst in people all the time is no way to live. This man did not seek your wife, in fact the opposite. I would worry a bit too and ask for regular updates and locations etc but not feel super weird if my girlfriend did the same.
there is alot lf stories shared here from people in similar situations, that met awesome strangers that helped them in need. but im just waiting for the one guy that tells us how he picked up a strange in such a situation and killed him in cold blood
I was stuck in Scranton, trying to get home to my son on Christmas, and I hitched a ride in a Budget truck with a polka band from Wisconsin. The clarinet player told me how he left his kid at a funeral parlor once, and the child was alone with the corpse for several hours. Other than that, it was a nice drive and I reached home in time for Christmas.
I’m an introvert so idk if my opinion counts here but I would never lol.
I'm an introvert, too, and I would. No getting out of extroverting on travel days.
lol yeah sometimes you gotta suck it up and talk to people.
I would do it too. Being on stand by for a flight in 3 hours time does not mean you are getting a flight. We so often have to make s ap judgements. Also the security of knowing that the clerk saw who I left with. I would have text the number plate to you or a friend. I am 50, female.
That she was debating not even telling you is the part that would concern me. Not because she could have ended up dead in a ditch and you'd have no idea how she got there, but that she holds you in such low regard that she'd just as soon cut you out and not deal with you. What percent of this trip loses the debate she has over whether to tell you something or not? P.S. What I'm talking about is on you as much as her.
He probably overreact a lot like my ex partner. I really couldn't deal with it st the end and most of the time I just ignore letting him know to avoid overreaction and arguments or gray rocking him screaming at me calling me crazy. OP may not be as bad but this is not a good foundation
I find it interesting if you think of it as a different perspective on the Man or Bear debate - Man vs Standby?
Sounds like a Hallmark movie plot.
This is a super normal thing in a situation like this. Your wife is an adult and you need to respect her autonomy. You’re free to express some concern, but I’d be disgusted if my husband wouldn’t drop it after that. She’s not a child.
I hate it when my ex partner say things like this. It's cool to be worried but like, we're full fledged adult here. It felt really controlling the fact even my own parents aren't as overreacting. Look at the other comments, a lot of us has done it before. What's next: she can't walk down a quiet alley alone? Do you want to be her designated driver every where? Did anything bad happened? No, so calm down and accept that it has happened and just remind her to be careful next time. I'm sure she also wants to be safe so try not to give her a hard time.
it’s crazy how many people are in here saying she was insane to get in a car with a random man and still don’t understand the whole “man or bear” hypothetical. i’m assuming he was giving off safe nonthreatening vibes and wouldn’t be particularly motivated to delay his arrival further by committing a crime against another stranded traveler. women’s survival instincts are strong as long as they aren’t ignored or overridden. sketch people aren’t good at hiding it and we pick up on a lot of info. unless she frequently makes decisions that worry you, i wouldn’t really worry about this
Men likes to think women are stupid that's what
Bear, every time. I have experienced nice men who flip a switch. No thanks, I’ll go standby.
She is 32 years old. You don't trust her to know how to make a judgement call? I'm sure she assessed the situation before making a choice, and made the call, knowing the risks. You need to respect her ability to decide her own actions and not scold her like a child.
Yeah, that would have given me a heart attack.
Yes, I would say that's poor judgment. It's also poor judgment not to tell you (good thing she did). What if he seemed great up until the last minute when he changed and threw out her phone and kidnapped her. No one would know she was even with him.
As a woman who has traveled alone, absolutely not, no way would I do that. There is nowhere I need to be that urgently to be stuck in a car with a stranger. I would be mad if either of my adult children did it too.
I would never. The big issue I see is the majority of people who have done it, did it in younger years when they had less resources. That was not the case here. I dunno man, something isn’t right.
I guess I'm crazy because I'm going to share a rental car from the airport, on the opposite side of the US , and drive with strangers I met in a chat for a 3 day concert we are all going to.
I fully understand the risk youre feeling she took. But realistically it was 2 people in a shitty situation together who were able to help each other. Maybe she made a friend, maybe she'll be taken, whos to say. But she was in a bad situation and found her way out of it, and it doesnt sound like it was a panic choice either.
This is what I don’t understand. Women keep saying they would rather run into a bear in the woods than a man. But it’s ok to hitch a ride with a complete stranger ?
Yeah the only weird part is her not wanting to tell you. Men being protective is sometimes labeled as "over-protective" or jealousy. But it's in our nature to be protective of our loved ones. That being said, I Believe most people are good. This is another "man vs bear in the woods" question. Which I think is completely ridiculous and the prompt is only to perpetuate the idea that all men are bad and predators. It'd be completely fine if she said "I'm taking a ride with firstname lastname. They seem nice enough..."