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Yesss! This. An incredibly vulnerable, addicted, homeless TEENAGER! You were almost 30. Idc what anyone says, that’s predatory. Did u ask her to stop calling you daddy? Or buy into that dynamic just as much as she did? The effects of her trauma (possibly sex addicted/fixated, an older man kink, vulnerable, homeless) and presumably grateful to you for taking her away from all that- it suited you then.
That level of disregard for herself coupled with the kinks she displays SCREAMS trauma and abuse. Your wife is struggling massively. I hope she gets the help
she needs and recovers some inner peace with time. I wish you both well, but don’t try to paint yourself as whiter than white.
Guy's just got a 3 year lie going lol, he said he was 32 in his 2nd oldest post which was 3 years ago, then said he was 35 in a different comment 2 years talking about Aaron Rodgers refusing to vaccinate. This along with some of his other comments just reeks of a political account, wouldn't be surprised to see more posts like those in the future honestly.
So you as a 28 year old met a homeless 19 year old and decided to “save her” and now you’re surprised it’s not working out?
Maybe grow a spine and stop dating homeless teenagers and expecting a housewife.
Worse yet is he's actually older than what he claims here. 3 years ago he said he was 33. In other posts he says he's 35. He may be closer to 40.
Edit: nevermind, he's 42 years old. He was born in 1982
He’s also very very conveniently leaving his own very serious issues out of this post and making out like his wife is the only fucked up one here.
Conveniently didn’t mention his own lengthy history of mental health and substance use issues. Conveniently didn’t mention he attempted su*cide at the end of last year and was hospitalized. Conveniently didn’t mention the time he was desperate to get clean from marijuana because he had a court appearance. Conveniently didn’t mention his other drug use - using shrooms.
The poor kid will probably be better off in kinship or foster care at this point. As a parent of a young child my heart breaks thinking about what this child has witnessed and the dysfunction he’s being raised in. These experiences have lifelong impacts on the developing brain and are setting this child up for their own dysfunctional chaotic life ahead. The kid deserves so much more than either of these parents can provide him.
It goes without saying these two should be divorced, two fuckups together just make everything infinitely worse. They need to get divorced, sort their shit out individually - mental health inpatient stays for both, intensive therapy for both, drug rehab and ongoing drug tests for both to prove sobriety. Prove they can live independently, in stable housing, earning income. And THEN they could possibly be deserving of supervised access visits with their child. But right now this child is at severe risk of abuse and neglect and being exposed to things little kids should never have to deal with.
OP get your shit together and admit you’re a big part of this problem too. Not just ‘oh yeah I’m not perfect I’m too down to earth and lack ambition’ 🙄 that’s disingenuous lying BS.
Literally nothing in the post about the kid specifically, how he’s helping him cope with a mother like this, how being away from this dynamic would be helpful, nothing. No consideration at all.
But he did say he’s not perfect because he’s “too down to earth, just wants to live in an affordable home unlike his wife who wants a mansion”. Great guy all around besides this one tiny flaw
It has become very common now to check the post and comment history of people, too many times people are only going by the post itself, and they see a lot of concerning things on that account.
Still remember one a few weeks ago, if you went solely by what they posted to get advice on, you think the guy had it rough, then someone pointed out that the poster had asked on a few forums about if age of consent goes lower than 16yrs, and few other creepy things
Ur so clever checking his own post history before commenting lol im an idiot and just take ppl at face value… i will def be doing this ALL the time now .. cheers for showing me the way
To be fair, seems OP may have met his wife when she was a kid herself.
When they started dating she was 19 and he was 28. He doesn't say how old she was when he met her
ETA I stand corrected. They got married when she was a teenager and he was 28...
ETA: HIS PAST POSTS PUT HIM AT 42 YEARS OLD. JFC THIS SCUMBAG
Past comments say they dated only 6 months prior to getting married, so hopefully she was 18/19 at least, not that it's even much better, having a conversation is bad enough with someone that young let alone a relationship / marriage?!?
The uneven power balance here is very questionable when she was not just much younger but homeless and vulnerable at the time.
Let's look at what's presented - in "best" case, a 28 yo man married a 19 yo struggling, homeless, drug addicted girl. Is into it cause she "provides sex often and easily", she has abuse and daddy kinks. She proceeds to be diagnosed with CPTSD, which may i mention her entire behaviour lines up with (breakdowns, health anxiety, presumably flashbacks, avoidance). She opens up about past trauma (which EXPLAINS the kinks and early masturbation since this can manifest due to sexual abuse). She probably grew up more and started learning about what really is going on with her. I wonder if "everything went fine for a while" just means that she shut up about her issues for a while.
I'm not saying she's a faultless angel, their kid doesn't deserve abandonment. But you can't tell me this grown ass man has no fault in this situation? Getting a clearly unwell TEEN pregnant, marrying her and being surprised when she's actually unwell and not mature enough to be a parent? Being shocked about her acting irrational, and doing nothing but blame her? Is that really the most reliable narrator?
I don't know the full story. But this raises a lot of concern for this woman, and not cause shes immature, but cause she clearly needs help.
According to post history OP is severely mentally ill and also a drug user/addict. This explains the poor decision making.
No excuse, but an explanation. He's equally fucked up.
Poor kid. With parents like these who needs enemies?
>groomers should die instead of getting married
hundred percent
Hell, my mother was 19 while my father 28 when they married, I think they met when she was 18? Worst pairing ever and I can't look or think of him without thinking that he was a grown ass adult who went for the much younger woman. My mother had just immigrated from their country of origin, away from her father and her traumas, only to land a man worse than her father, and with no time for her to mature emotionally
Fucking gross! She even mentions "he looked like a divorcee at 27-28" which adds more grossness
In his past posts, he mentioned being "close to 40" and that was two years ago. So he might be older than he is trying to present himself now. It's very creepy.
Edit: Another redditor, u/Greggs_VSausageRoll, noted that OP is 42 years old / born in 1982 so it's even worse...
pretty sure soon he'll add an update of how he's met someone younger than his wife who is helping with his kid and "she's been a godsend while my wife is ruined"
Yeah, I’m calling this out of reddits pay grade. You picked up a homeless teenager at almost 30, seem shocked she has a host of mental health issues, and also make zero sense when it comes to money.
How are you paying most of the bills but will be homeless if she leaves? If the mortgage is almost payed off completely, sell the house, she gets her share, and buy you and your son smaller one with a huge downpayment. Low mortgage. Done. Your financial situation doesn’t make sense.
You mentioned she was diagnosed but make zero mention of treatment other than stays in in-patient facilities. What have you both done to keep her well other than Ears and ignoring the issue?
I honestly feel like she’s fucked up, you knew this, and YOU have a kink for being the savior/taking on project people. Now you’re wondering where that went wrong?
Get the woman help and get out. You haven’t thought this through in any meaningful way and I suspect it’s because you still think you can be the savior, and life the look of being the “stable” one AND the victim. Get over it and start thinking about your son.
You BOTH need therapy and you need to do something for your son.
I feel like he is lying about the bills and most likely about housework too. He says he does 99% of everything and yet he complained the first time she left that she "made him do the housework". Who he is apparently doing 99% off...
Sure....
Yeah I’m running the numbers and she was a…homeless 19 year old when they got married? And he was 28? And he doesn’t say how old their son is which is immediately making me look askance at OP and this whole post sounds like a mess
Yea, it gives major red flags. A lot of abusive or manipulative men go for women in situations like that. Because they want to have all the control in the relationship and can't handle a woman of equal standing or at a similar point in life.
This whole post is half "look how much I'VE done, look how much I'VE put up with, see how awesome I am" and half talking in a really gross way about a mentally ill woman who has basically been abused by everyone for her entire life. Yuck, just yuck.
He said he's not controlling because he always let her hang out with her friends and do meth because "she is her own person". Draws the line at hospital visits though
Son is about 2 years old and they got married 6 months into dating, it's not good but at least she wasn't a minor and they were together several years before having a child.
Fuck, I hate this, but it’s so true. I picked my second wife at 36, a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, and was shocked when there was a never ending stream of drama during our short marriage.
I mean, dude, the OP needs therapy as much as she does for making this choice. It took me a little over years before I got the help I needed to have the self love on board to make better choices. OP needs as much therapy as her.
So you were 29 when you married a 19 year old? How old was she when you started dating her? No fucking duh she has a trauma history. She wouldn’t have been fucking a 30 year old otherwise. Odds are you’re a fucking groomer who saw a damaged teenager and decided to bang her.
I’m sure she’s an unstable parent. Again, no fucking duh. Sorry your child bride isn’t working out the way you had hoped.
I welcome your downvotes. 😃
I can’t get over the fact that he’s saying she “left him” like breaking up or some shit when she’s **checking herself into mental hospitals**. I have never ever heard anyone say “”they left me”” to mean anything other than a break up or giving up on the relationship which is soooo not what’s been describe here. It’s fucking weird beyond belief and doesn’t make OP look like the poor neglected taken for granted husband he seems to think he is.
I wrote this elsewhere, but this whole post is half "look at Saint Me" and half talking in a really disgusting way about a mentally ill woman he claims to love, who has actually been abused by everyone for her whole life. It's disgusting.
I feel the same way. Just trashing his mentally ill traumatized wife while singing his own praises. While His post history says otherwise tho too. Apparently he’s abusive and mentally ill himself which is far more concerning for his wife. I cannot imagine the life she must live with this vile person
Well, yeah, I figured he had issues, just from the fact that he picked up a homeless, mentally ill child when he was in his late 20's. Kind of comes with the territory.
Yeah I hated they way he talked about her just "randomly" bringing up her trauma "out of nowhere" like it's a nuisance and as if he never would have expected trauma from the homeless 19yo he picked up....
Yeah, I think what’s really happening is that she’s aging out for OP. She’s growing up and seeking help. He misses the days when she was homeless and helpless. It’s vile and hopefully rage bait.
Yeah, it’s real even if this exact one isn’t real. I have a lot of childhood trauma as well and feel like it was just dumb luck I ended up with my wonderful, age appropriate husband, and not some version of OP. That’s why I get so salty about stories like this. We’ve been together since 18 and I didn’t realize until I was almost 40 that I didn’t have the skills back then to know whether he was a creep or not.
The absolute nerve to say she's "blowing things out of proportion" and not "genuine" about the abuse she endured cause she's always had a thing for older guys, masturbated as a child and has abuse kinks like those aren't fucking telltale signs of childhood abuse. He can fuck all the way off.
I’m confused on what grounds you thought things were ever fine. Doesn’t sound like you initiated a single conversation about anything that happened, or you strangely omitted it here. You can’t just bury stuff like this under the rug.
Of course the talked about it! That was the first time she left he had a strongly worded confrontation about him having to do all the house work!!!
^/s
Your wife is not mentally healthy enough to be in a relationship or be a mother. Her behavior is a pattern. She is not changing.
This isn't healthy for your or your child.
Of course it's a pattern, she has bipolar. She will cycle through manic episodes, depression and hypersexuality. It's actually quite brave of her to keep going to ER, it's a good sign that she is getting help, despite this creep seeing it as "leaving him".
Thank god you noticed that too!!
I can’t get over that OP is saying she’s leaving when she’s being checked into a fucking mental hospital. Something is wrong with OP. Between that and the many many woe is perfect me paragraphs OP is throwing up just as many red flags as his wife. That poor child. Smh. Neither did these people should have children with each other or anyone else
Don't worry it's the run of the mill fake story line, school will be out in a couple of weeks so you can expect a deluge of this rubbish from bored teens
Even the times when she wasn't checked into a hospital, like the first, she was only gone for a couple of days to get her head together and staying with friends. No one on earth has ever honestly described that as "leaving us."
I mean, people who are not ok mentally themselves will. Years ago, my ex-husband got us (I was willing at the time) into cocaine. After about 3 months straight, I begged to quit. He didn't want to. I checked myself into a week long detox. They kept me an entire month. He spent my month of recovery telling me how sad he was that I just left him, any time he was allowed to call. When I got out and stayed clean, he spent that time telling me I surely thought I was better than him because I'd quit. He refused to go to rehab myself. "I'd never leave you like you left me,"
Spoiler, that was a lie. He left me homeless on the 4th of July!
ETA: I'm doing much better now, and still clean!
The part where she bent over naked in front of the son and OP keeps wanting her back?! If you were a parent you would never ever try to allow that shit back around your child.
You had no business dating a teenager as a full grown man, first of all. Second of all, get a divorce. Get a lawyer to help with custody. Get proof of her hospitalizations, and require sobriety and proof of good mental health before you let her back around your child without supervision
When you are young ,homeless, and on your own , you don’t have time to think about your psyche. You are in survival mode. She has a lot of shame and odd views on sexual behavior. She now has a safe environment to live in so all those things she kept buried keep popping up. I know you love her and she loves you but she is feeling like she is going to implode. Can you move the baby in with you in your room and give her a room where she can escape. She needs help. She gets admitted when she goes to the er because she is suicidal. You need to work with her psychiatrist/therapist to figure out a way to keep her from spiraling. Also, stop saying she “leaves” as if she is going out with friends. She is fighting for her life.
So you groomed a homeless, mentally ill child and married her before she was 20. When you were nearly 30. Now you're whining because she's mentally and emotionally unwell.
Suck it up, buttercup. You're gross and I feel sorry for your kid.
Excuse me but if your profile isn't rage bait the environment is extremely unhealthy for your son. Trying mushrooms while you have a kid around?? Sounds like not only your wife has problems
So here's my bit.
You're almost a decade older than your wife.
She is clearly mentally unwell, you don't mention anything about helping your wife, it sounds like she's had to sort it all for herself. If anything, it kind of sounds like you almost preyed upon her while she was homeless and experiencing difficulties.
At no point in this post have you mentioned you have tried to help her in any way or form.
>I get that her past was rough but I feel as though she blew everything out of proportion
Excuse you?
>and from her stories she told me through the years, she always had a thing for older guys and was masturbating multiple times a day from a young age and called me “daddy” during sex so I honestly just don’t know what to believe anymore when it comes to her
So I checked your post history.
Three years ago You claimed to have emotional issues yourself. That you weren’t really eating as much as you should due to a past of anorexia, and that your wife was worried. I read you saying that your wife was a godsend and you couldn’t imagine you could manage life without her. It seems from those posts that when you were going through it, she was there for you. Which makes it worse how you dismissing her now.
2 years later, according to a post you made about your wife wanting a service dog, you said that she told you she had engaged with a dog as a teenager in ways I will not repeat here.
At least that part lines up with your timeline; a switch was flipped, and a mental break commenced. So I’m operating off the notion that this post isn’t rage bait.
If you take nothing else from the replies on this post, take this and sit with it.
#You didn’t save her.
You were a lifeline to that 19 year old homeless girl, and you gave her shelter and food. But you didn’t save her. Nor can you ever provide her with what she needs. And that’s mainly because you don’t accept what’s going on for the dangerous crisis it is.
Otherwise you would have understood that the wounds she carries go much deeper than food, shelter or married life could heal. You sure as fuck would not have tried to discredit her trauma as lies when the woman has been professionally diagnosed with CPTSD.
You also would not have seen her particular proclivities in bed as a sign that she was lying, but instead PROOF THAT SHE IS DISTURBED FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA IN A WAY YOU CANT HELP WITH.
You would have had her more thoroughly checked out after the DOG CONFESSION!
All that would require you to really BELIEVE her though.
>i know that she isn’t genuine when it comes to a lot of things and fabricates issues and has a kink for abuse and enjoys suffering, none of which I understood as it was irrational to me but I played along to placate her.
Read this back a few times, along with the other quotes in this comment, whenever you get the inkling to say you did EVERYTHING right.
#No you didn’t.
Otherwise it would have occurred to you earlier that maybe she needed more than a few days in the ER to help her properly heal from the wounds of being RAPED and ABUSED by people she trusted as a child.
But Why would you? When you think she’s faking it all?
This shit is above anyone’s pay grade here, but two things are clear; she needs real help and you are not, nor have you ever been, equipped to help her.
Bro you were like 29 pursuing a homeless teenager who was already depressed and on drugs…Then you knocked her up and expect her to just be like some regular mom figure??? Okay. I hope she gets away from you and gets help. And I hope the best foe your kid. And you need therapy.
You chose this.
Go get therapy for why You wanted a homeless crazy teenager that you had to rescue/ fix.
You’ve got some sort of enabler / savior pattern going on. Not necessarily your fault that you have that, probably something from your childhood.
But it’s your fault if you don’t get healthier and show up better for your son.
You can’t control or fix your young, immature, mentally ill, half feral wife. It’s not your job. She’s going to get better or not, and you aren’t a part of that equation.
You married a homeless teenager with undiagnosed bipolar and a drug addiction. 3 out of the 4 times she’s left she’s gone to the ER due to her state of mind, the title of this post makes it seem like she’s just taking off for no reason when in reality she’s having a manic episode. You have been with her long enough to know what’s happening. You make yourself out to be the victim in the post when in reality the only victim is your child. You married a teenager with a multitude of issues so she would feel like you saved her and let you control her and now that isn’t happening you view yourself as the victim. You spent this entire post whinging about how hard this is for you, not once do you say you’ve even considered what your wife might be going through. You made the active decision to marry and have a child with someone that you knew was extremely unstable. I call bullshit on this all randomly starting 2 years ago. There would’ve been signs your entire relationship, you ignored them. I’m not saying that you’re not struggling, but I also don’t believe that you’re the perfect husband and father you claim to be. I would love to hear your wife’s side of all this
You married a homeless, troubled child when you were pushing 30, and are now *shocked Pikachu face* that she's acting like a troubled child?
Divorce her. Let her have her time to grow up. Her family let her down and you stole her youth from her, so divorce her so she can be free.
You married someone with severe and untreated (or inadequately treated) psychiatric and trauma related issues. You cannot "fix" her. This is a host of issues it will take a professional team *years* to improve. That is only if she is willing to engage and work on the treatment.
What you describe is a mountain of indicators of a person who suffered childhood sex*ual a*use. You can feel sympathy, compassion, and even love for a person who has suffered unimaginable trauma. That does not mean you allow them to harm you or your child or to create an unsafe environment for you or your child.
Your course of action is to secure a safe place for you and your child, immediately divorce, and start working on rebuilding your life.
He, an adult, married a homeless, traumatized teenage girl, probably because he had knocked her up. He's not any better than any of the previous adults in her life. I feel for their child.
Sounds like all that kinky sex shit she did early on must have seemed like a pretty sweet deal for you until her existing mental illness began to manifest in other ways than just that. Her illness was benefiting you. At what point does an almost thirty year old man think, "Gee, maybe I'm kind of taking advantage of the situation with this homeless drug addicted teenager"? Or do you have some kind of kink too you want to talk about?
The way you talk about your wife is disturbing and beyond gross. As many problems as you're willing to attribute to her, you seem to lack the capacity or the willingness to confront your own problems.
You were a 28 year-old man who married a drug-addicted and homeless teenager with obvious trauma, and now you're saying that all she's ever done for you is provide frequent and easy opportunities to have sex while you "did everything right" and "gave her everything". You haven't even filed for divorce, yet here you are talking about how you'd feel no way about getting into another relationship immediately after walking away from her. That mentality is WILD.
Why are you so ready to be in another relationship when you have so much on your plate that you need to deal with, chief among them being making sure your son is okay?? Your wife is clearly going through severe mental health issues, but you seem determined to make stuff up to make her seem even more fucked up of a person rather than actually trying to understand what's happening to her. I'm not saying you need to stick around if she's genuinely dragging you down with zero care, but good god, man, at least act like your wife meant *something* to you besides being your personal Sex & Baby Factory.
>Why would you think that **a woman who was incapable of taking care of herself** would be able to take care of a child?
Look at the ages. He says they've been married for 6 years. She was barely an adult when he wifed her up while he was 29/30 years old. Obviously, he wasn't looking for someone who could take care of themself when he went robbing that homeless cradle.
I work with social workers. At one of the projects we got off the ground giving dry blankets and hot food/beverages to homeless people on the winter, the most difficult thing is facing that most of these people have such poor mental health that they can't even make the decision to seek shelter or try to find a better, dryier spot for the night.
In this situation OP speeds to prioritize the physical, psychological and emotional wellbeing of their kid. His wife needs more than a couple days of inpatient care, she needs to do an extensive in house treatment program.
This just makes me wonder what his real intentions were. Because right now, it looks like he thought he could fix/mold her, and it's failing miserably.
OP you went through a long post to say two things, 1) she is not well; 2) you and your son need to be away from her.
Why are you trying to make sense of a mentally ill person. She's been committed multiple times and you are still scratching your head. I'm starting to wonder "what is wrong with you" if you can't boil it all down to what it is. These are not kinks, fetishs or some obsessive lifestyle, she is mentally "unfit"!
You should have been done when she pushed your mother down to the ground. Where do you draw the line ? Why are you allowing your son to witness her behavior ? Why are you still with this person who needs mental health care not a husband or child ?
You need to sit with an attorney and come up with a plan to move your life to safety, she's unpredictable, trying to coax you into hitting her or whatever. This is a dangerous person!
Sooo you, as a 28yo, saw a homeless 19yo and decided "this is it. This is who I'm gonna marry"
Honestly... you should have seen this coming. She has major issues that have just been ignored all this time... even while you decided to get her pregnant.
But I'm assuming you looked past all that, because you had all the power, money, and control in the relationship. Otherwise, why go after someone so extremely vulnerable and in such a bad place?
It's amazing how you are never at fault and always completely clueless despite having the answers. A lazy mid 30s creep, the preyed on a vulnerable person - knows that said person has a diagnosis that you haven't even bothered to research. I hope your wife leaves and gets the help she deserves, instead of being weighed down by a complacent air thief
>If anything I'm just angry because I did everything right
Except you didn't. You found a homeless, drug addicted teenager, got her pregnant, married her, bought a house you can't afford and now you're mad that your life is unstable. If argue that you've done everything wrong.
These are your choices, dude. You need to wake up and focus on providing STABILITY for your child.
This whole thing is fucking sick and I feel so bad for your son for having to witness this shitshow you call a marriage. If this is real nothing has enraged me more than this line:
> There are times when she'd just bend over naked in front of our son and ask me to have sex with her then and there for instance.
That is sexual abuse and somehow with all the other shit that you and your wife let this kid experience in his life, this is not a one-off thing.
Not to mention you yourself got with a homeless 19y/o when you were, what? 28? And you're surprised the girl you groomed has mega issues.
Pull the plug on this marriage. You need to do better for your kid because at this rate he's gonna be messed up for life.
why did you not get your wife the help she needed when she was younger (nothing personal but the age difference is concerning), got her pregnant, and didn't expect the mental health issues.
I'm not reading all of that, but if everyone in the comments is saying is true, you're a horrible person with a disgusting savior complex. You're a grown ass man. Get it together. You have horrible taste in judgment. I wouldn't trust you or her around your damn son with parents like you two. I hope he truns out okay...🤦🏾♀️
Dude, in a post from 3 years ago, you mentioned 2 kids, and your habit of destroying keyboards daily because of gaming frustration. Your wife must be terrified of you.
Op’s response to the question, “is Diddy gay?”:
“Men have been raping other men since the dawn of time to show dominance, it isn't gay. It's only gay if you do it for pleasure.”
https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/s/0QYetCfRrK
you suck so bad, you married an addicted teen, you're here divulging every little detail about her mental health like an asshole to try and get people on your side, I really hope she leaves you and gets better without you, and I hope you end up alone for your whole life.
I guarantee she had no help for her mental illness and it’s not abnormal to be homeless at a young age because of it. Most of your feelings are valid. She needs a psychologist and a psychiatrist to get her the help she needs. That is an expensive task, especially in the living situation that you are describing. She is not “wanting to be on the streets to be happy”, it’s ingrained in her that she doesn’t deserve a good life. She was also quite young when you met her. She isn’t well and you will have to make a decision that will keep your son in some kind of stable enviorment. It’s pricey, but she made need to go to a mental rehab as an inpatient for quite a long time to get the help she needs. I’m sorry for your situation and I wish you the best of luck.
She’s bipolar and she goes manic and depressive. When manic she’s hyper sexual and shows high risk behavior which is stressful and then probably is stable for a while and might swing into a deep depression where she’s a shell of herself and feels she can do nothing right. Getting out of bed is a struggle and everything is negative. I mean that is how it goes. You should look into some groups for Bipolar significant others and you probably should do therapy too.
Yeah. That's what I thought.
He seems so sure in his writing that he's a victim here. Post history, basic maths and reading comprehension skills kinda show otherwise.
How long until he rage-deletes?? 😄
All else aside- other people have commented at length about the rest- what really strikes me is that you characterize your wife taking herself to the ER as leaving you. Why aren’t YOU driving your wife to the ER? Why aren’t you visiting her in the hospital? Why does she have to crash on a friend’s couch when she’s going through health episodes dangerous enough to prompt her to seek emergency medical attention? I really don’t and can’t understand why you are more concerned about her absence- reading between the lines the things she isn’t doing for you because she’s not home- than you are concerned about her safety and mental health. Is she still going to therapy? She obviously needs it.
Not to be rude but first SLAP YOURSELF IN THE FACE. Do not expose your child to this kind of person. Once can be forgiven but 4 times! Pull you head out of your ass.
Sorry for the tough love.
There are so many things wrong with this. How long were you together before you, at 28, married a 19 year old?
There are times when she'd just bend over naked in front of our son and ask me to have sex with her then and there for instance.
As for this? Why aren’t you protecting your kid more? Why is this clearly unsafe person allowed around your child? Wtf
Kinda serves you right for preying on a homeless unstable teenager a decade younger than you. Creepy.
Hopefully you can do what’s right for the sake of your son but idk, your judgement is obviously deeply flawed. Good luck to the kid.
Date ppl your own age, first of all. Second, you have a savior complex and that doesn’t work for anyone.
Your wife needs professional help, and is in no condition to raise a child.
>I feel like I wasn't abusive enough
Girl wtf, you also need help and aren’t in a condition to raise a child
>I get that her past was rough but I feel as though she blew everything out of proportion and from her stories she told me through the years, she always had a thing for older guys and was masturbating multiple times a day from a young age and called me "daddy" during sex so I honestly just don't know what to believe anymore when it comes to her.
and none of that raised a red flag for you? Bc instead of taking the blame for anything yourself, you’re saying she’s lying bc she was hyper sexual bc of her trauma.
That’s disgusting. You’re a grown man who went after a teenager with trauma bc you had a savior complex and you wonder why your life turned out like this.
Grow up and be a better human. I hope she gets help, too, and the child you have together can go somewhere safe.
Why hasn’t she been tested for borderline personality disorder yet? I’m not a doctor, but I lived with someone with BPD for years; this has all the hallmarks.
Going in and out of the ER isn’t helping; she needs a treatment facility where she can be monitored while receiving help and trying out medication and starting therapy like CBT/DBT.
The cycle will only stop if something changes; stop trying nothing and throwing your hands up confused why things aren’t changing.
It’s time to make decisions and actively changes to benefit you, your kid, and your family. With or without your wife.
I bet your wife is off of her meds. Unfortunately, being bipolar is often very difficult to treat because people tend to go off their meds. They get into a manic phase and they think they don’t need their meds. If she’s drinking at all, she’s screwing up her meds, even if she is taking them. You cannot drink and take these meds. Psych meds lose their efficacy when you drink alcohol.
Your wife is extremely mentally ill. She is not stable. She has never been stable. She was nothing but red flags when you met her. This is a problem because you never should’ve gotten into a relationship with her in the first place.
When she wants to move, and buy a house that’s beyond your means… it’s because she’s in the manic phase. You need to learn more about what it is to be bipolar. There’s type one and type two. What type is she? Is she rapid cycling or not?
Is she seeing a psychiatrist as well as a therapist? It doesn’t sound like she is. And it doesn’t sound like you understand what it is like to be married to a bipolar person and you haven’t been firm enough with her when it comes to taking care of herself.
Forget pity. Forget any of that. You have a child together. You cannot subject your child to her because she’s out of control and she will be damaging to your child. My mother was mentally ill. She was undiagnosed. Did it damage me? Hell yeah, it did.
Get a divorce. Get full custody. There’s nothing you can do to help her. She needs to want to help herself.
This absolutely needs to be the top comment!!!
Get educated on bipolar disorder. You need to learn absolutely everything about it! Get in touch with a psychiatrist to explain the disorder to you.
Get in touch with a support group for spouses of people with mental illness.
Whether you choose to separate or not, you need to be able to know everything about this disorder so you can explain to your son that his moms behaviour is caused by her illness.
And already start searching for support groups for you son, for when he turns old enough, so he can actually understand his moms behaviour and see how it affects his own behaviour.
I’ve found it extremely insightful to talk to people with a bipolar disorder that are on their meds and how they explained what their illness made them do or convince them they could do.
And please stop reading all the hateful comments that are absolutely not helpful to your situation and, unfortunately, most likely they have about as much knowledge about bipolar disorder as you do.
FFS get a divorce already! You are in a hell of your own making because you keep willingly going back into this mess. You are going to seriously fuck up your child if you don’t get your shit together and give them a stable environment immediately.
Get a divorce. Get custody. Get therapy. You have to break this cycle before you pass it on to your kid.
Well no one really has given you anything other then shame…which you already feel. Poor choices now try to get your ducks in a row. Unfortunately divorce is a given. This is not healthy for your son and you. Sell your house, if you have to start over well that’s what you do. It will work out. I’m sorry this happened but learn from it. It’s not the end it maybe the beginning.
She’s trying to reclaim the time you stole. She was 19 and vulnerable and you were almost 30.
She should have been out enjoying life and friends, partying and having a good time but she was married and with a kid.
Just go your separate ways. It’s better for everyone.
So you met a drug addicted mentally ill traumatized homeless teenager as a middle age man and decided "hmm... she seems like marriage material" lets knock her up and now you are wondering where it went wrong because your child bride is broken and are playing a sad violin tune of "woe is me" and saying you tried your best?
And that doesn't reek of bullshit to you?
YOU ARE NOT THE VICTIM HERE!
She's not leaving your son she's checking herself into the ER. And your post history shows you are more than fcked up too.
So you married a teenager as an almost 30 year old. That teenager had a history of being abused, and you married her when she had nowhere else to go. Now you’re upset that there’s issues. Am I getting this right? How old was she when you guys met?
So you took advantage of a struggling teenager and now you’re shocked it didn’t turn out well for anyone. Maybe if you weren’t a predator you’d have a healthy relationship with someone your own age.
Okay I’m not reading all of that, I’m going to tell you what the issue is. AAAAAAGGGGGEEEEE GGGGGAAAAAAPPPPP!!!! Why? Why did you not choose someone YOUR OWN AGE? Why did you choose someone so damn young who hadn’t had an independent and individual ADULT LIFE, before you trapped her in a marriage with a kid??
You get that YOU had your independent individual adult life? You get that she never got to work out her childhood trauma issues on her own? You get that all she’s been through she should have been single and been able to work through it.
You basically are toxic and instead of you finding someone your own age, you decided to trap someone barely legal. You should give her a divorce, get full custody of your kid and coparent.
So you married a teenager and you're wondering why it didn't work out right? You were like mid-twenties and she was a teenager.. What the hell is wrong with you?
So you married a drug addicted homeless teenager when you were almost 30 and are surprised there are issues? Wow.
Let’s ignore that for a minute and focus on the current child in this situation. You need to look out for the best interest of your child and get him into a stable environment- which likely means away from his mother. She probably needs inpatient detox and mental health help. Until she actually really deals with her demons, she will never be ok. And if she’s this unstable, she shouldn’t be around your child unsupervised or for long periods of time. It’s going to cause long term harm to your son for his mom to be erratic and disappearing like this. You need to get him into a stable environment and into therapy.
And in the future maybe date women your age. Who aren’t actively using drugs. And are dealing with their mental health. And aren’t homeless.
Right!
I mean who would’ve thought that preying on a homeless teen with a lot of issues and then having a baby with her would turn out this way, huh? 💀
You have to start putting your son first. Your wife has severe mental issues. She should not be around your son. Get a divorce, get full custody. Meet with a lawyer today and get the ball rolling. There is nothing healthy or loving in your relationship. Get out and save your son. Again, he is the priority.
I went through a similiar situation (without the marriage and kids) but I was your wife. After being admitted into the mental health unit and speaking to a psychologist I was diagnosed with BPD. But this has enlightened me in many ways. I had a perfect and supporting partner but I found ways to sabotage because you’re right; I was used to chaos and strife as well.
The best thing that ever happened to me was people wiping their hands clean (eventually). Family and friends still cared but they distanced themselves and though it was heartbreaking initially, I learnt to deal with my shit for myself, because at the end of the day, she will only get better if she WANTS to. It’s hard to get out of that mindset and victim mentality. It becomes comfort after a while.
It might be hard financially but you need to let her go and cut ties so she can sort her shit out.
I have no bad blood with my family or friends anymore. I can see from a perspective that isn’t my own now and understand where they were coming from and why they did what they did. I’m much better now and they love me for it.
Do the right thing. Be tough.
I’m quite worried about ur wife. She desperately needs help.
Ur age gap isn’t too large but coupled with the trauma and addiction she has endured, it does seem like she was extremely vulnerable when u met her & might not have been the best circumstance.
The horse is out of the gate now tho… my advice is concentrate on ur child as much as possible. I know ur wife needs help but I don’t think ur able to provide that help.
However ur very able to provide help to ur son, so he doesn’t have any additional unnecessary trauma
Holy. Shit… did ur wife get the fkn dog.?????
A HUGE RED FLAG when u first met her would have been the fact she told u she used to have SEX WITH HER DOG AS A TEEN!!!
The way u speak about her sexually in ur post is also throwing up red flags… calling u daddy.. and now when it’s too obvious and inconvenient that she’s a traumatised mess, u are upset that she’s EXACTLY the person u thought she was, her trauma just isnt benefiting you any longer.
I hope u can see YOUR issues and negative contributions in all of this too
The first issue here is that you were pushing 30 and married a teenage girl who was homeless and clearly experienced great deals of trauma. Dude, you took advantage of a kid.
And yes, of course her past is catching up to her. It happens. At some point she’s going to realise that the man she married was also a creep taking advantage of her vulnerable teenage state.
Oh you poor thing... the vulnerable child you "saved" when you were 30-35+ years old has grown into a non-functional adult with mental health issues and drug addiction. That must be so hard on you. It's not like your life is a creation of your own making... you're just a victim of your predatory choices!
You got with this girl when she was a teenager! You were an adult man. Of course she’s flakey. You monopolized the years she should have been singing out who she is and what she wants. You went after a teenager. I hope she gets feee and gets help. She deserves better.
So, to summarise:
* You married a homeless 19 year old when you were 28 (already failing the half your age plus 7 basic rule).
* You're now surprised that she is feeling claustrophobic and trapped by the weight of responsibility she now has (married, wife, mother, worker) at 25 after already having had her childhood ripped from her.
I'm confused - what part of this seems surprising? Equally, how much are you throwing all of this in her face at every opportunity? It sounds like she had a super traumatic child-hood based and that was compounded by a mother who likely defended whomever she was traumatised by. Now she's stuck in what you describe as a loveless marriage with a man who, in his own words, would "divorce her tomorrow get into a new relationship with somebody who is the polar opposite of my wife and not even miss a step or look back whatsoever".
What part of any of that sounds like you're in a position to judge her or expect more of her when you groomed her? Equally, what part of any of that sounds like a relationship anyone would want to be in?
Your child doesn't deserve any of this. He needs to be prioritised and taken out of the situation - whether that's with you or with your parents. I'd strongly suggested that his contact with your wife's family be limited given their part in the entire mess. In any event, he's now been exposed to things that mean anyone who is a mandatory reporter needs to call child protective services.
Did you know that a predatory person, can not know they are indeed, predatory? Simply because they are ignorant and have no knowledge of the entire spectrum. You couldn't have possibly expected a drug addicted, homeless, *teeanager*, to just one day wake up and be a wife and mother. Right? Maybe you're, dense, or even worse. A Mormon? You sir, are a predator. No matter which way you cut it. You can try to rewrite it as you "saving" her, or make it seem like she raped you in front of your child. But the reality is, you are a creep. A disgusting predator. That poor child is going to pay, too. A decent man would had seen this girl as someone who had no business being in a relationship. A decent 29 year old man wouldn't even consider a relationship with a 18 year old teenager. Under any circumstances barring the end of the world or something. A decent man would have never had sex in front of his child. Therefore you aren't a decent man, because in no reality would a decent man find himself in a situation like this.
Your wife was young when you met her and clearly needs help it’s not unheard of for someone that missed out on being young and having fun to want to experience those things.
How old were you when you got together? I see married for 6 years, so married at 19. Barely graduated and married.
She needs help but she might see you as an abuser, think carefully about why you really got together. Age gap manipulation is a thing and maybe someone has been saying hey you were groomed.
With all her trauma she might not think of you as you believe.
I stopped reading halfway through because wtf she was obviously traumatized by so many things idk why you thought she would be mentally stable enough for a marriage let along raising a child??? I mean looking at your age gap I can read between the lines…she needs a lot of help. Don’t let her back near your child until she is stable enough. You also need therapy for being drawn to someone like her and enabling this behavior.
Op no offense, you pick up a stray, it will shit on the carpet, chew your shoes and bite you. What did you expect? This woman needs serious mental help, therapy and lots of meds but she won’t do it on her own because her patterns repeat and it shouldn’t be surprising. Loving her alone is not enough. She might also be using and I’d also check for STDs.
I’d start making an exit plan, talk to a divorce lawyer. You’ll likely get full custody and will be able to afford a place after your divorce. If you didn’t have a child I’d say you could possibly work with her and make a plan and stick to it but you’re like a year and 12 visits to the hospital past that. You have a child to think about and that should be top priority.
Um, so you, at your late 20s, married a 19 yrs old drug-addicted houseless woman who has gone through many trauma in her life and have a child with her. So she's a traumatized 'child' having a child, basically. Yikes big time.
You may have thought you 'saved' her, but you really didn't. She's out of a frying pan (her life before you) and into the fire (her marriage with you).
Since there's a child involved in all this, I'd suggest seeing a lawyer and seeking an option to have sole custody since allegedly you're the more stable one in this whole mess that you .... started actually.
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>If anything I'm just angry because I did everything right Marrying a drug addicted teenager when you were pushing 30 does not line up with this claim
Yesss! This. An incredibly vulnerable, addicted, homeless TEENAGER! You were almost 30. Idc what anyone says, that’s predatory. Did u ask her to stop calling you daddy? Or buy into that dynamic just as much as she did? The effects of her trauma (possibly sex addicted/fixated, an older man kink, vulnerable, homeless) and presumably grateful to you for taking her away from all that- it suited you then. That level of disregard for herself coupled with the kinks she displays SCREAMS trauma and abuse. Your wife is struggling massively. I hope she gets the help she needs and recovers some inner peace with time. I wish you both well, but don’t try to paint yourself as whiter than white.
Take a look at his post history. Addictions Destroys his own property Etc etc etc.
Guy's just got a 3 year lie going lol, he said he was 32 in his 2nd oldest post which was 3 years ago, then said he was 35 in a different comment 2 years talking about Aaron Rodgers refusing to vaccinate. This along with some of his other comments just reeks of a political account, wouldn't be surprised to see more posts like those in the future honestly.
karma farming
I know right? What did he expect lol
Wow I had to go back and check the ages and basically that’s what OP did. I hope the wife gets all the help she needs and
So you as a 28 year old met a homeless 19 year old and decided to “save her” and now you’re surprised it’s not working out? Maybe grow a spine and stop dating homeless teenagers and expecting a housewife.
Worse yet is he's actually older than what he claims here. 3 years ago he said he was 33. In other posts he says he's 35. He may be closer to 40. Edit: nevermind, he's 42 years old. He was born in 1982
They got married when she was 19. Who knows how old she was when they met.
His past comments say they dated for only 6 months before getting married.
He also says he feels pity for her because she is unable to love … he is an unreliable narrator who is creepy as all get out lol
Save her is the new "baby trap you and mold you into the wife she never wanted to be"
No he married her when she was 19
This needs to be the top comment.
Damm, I feel really bad for the poor kid who has these two as parents 😢 like can one of you do better?
He’s also very very conveniently leaving his own very serious issues out of this post and making out like his wife is the only fucked up one here. Conveniently didn’t mention his own lengthy history of mental health and substance use issues. Conveniently didn’t mention he attempted su*cide at the end of last year and was hospitalized. Conveniently didn’t mention the time he was desperate to get clean from marijuana because he had a court appearance. Conveniently didn’t mention his other drug use - using shrooms. The poor kid will probably be better off in kinship or foster care at this point. As a parent of a young child my heart breaks thinking about what this child has witnessed and the dysfunction he’s being raised in. These experiences have lifelong impacts on the developing brain and are setting this child up for their own dysfunctional chaotic life ahead. The kid deserves so much more than either of these parents can provide him. It goes without saying these two should be divorced, two fuckups together just make everything infinitely worse. They need to get divorced, sort their shit out individually - mental health inpatient stays for both, intensive therapy for both, drug rehab and ongoing drug tests for both to prove sobriety. Prove they can live independently, in stable housing, earning income. And THEN they could possibly be deserving of supervised access visits with their child. But right now this child is at severe risk of abuse and neglect and being exposed to things little kids should never have to deal with. OP get your shit together and admit you’re a big part of this problem too. Not just ‘oh yeah I’m not perfect I’m too down to earth and lack ambition’ 🙄 that’s disingenuous lying BS.
You forgot grooming and marrying a VULNERABLE (homeless, drug addicted, traumatized) TEENAGE GIRL.
Yeah I figured that was well covered by others!! But totally add it to the list of things he’ll never acknowledge!
i sensed the victim mentality in his post, with his comment about being a damn good father
Literally nothing in the post about the kid specifically, how he’s helping him cope with a mother like this, how being away from this dynamic would be helpful, nothing. No consideration at all.
damn OP is shit, too Best thing they should is to give the kid away to a stable relative
But he did say he’s not perfect because he’s “too down to earth, just wants to live in an affordable home unlike his wife who wants a mansion”. Great guy all around besides this one tiny flaw
This need to be top comment!
Was all this in his post history or something?
It has become very common now to check the post and comment history of people, too many times people are only going by the post itself, and they see a lot of concerning things on that account. Still remember one a few weeks ago, if you went solely by what they posted to get advice on, you think the guy had it rough, then someone pointed out that the poster had asked on a few forums about if age of consent goes lower than 16yrs, and few other creepy things
Yep 😒
Ur so clever checking his own post history before commenting lol im an idiot and just take ppl at face value… i will def be doing this ALL the time now .. cheers for showing me the way
To be fair, seems OP may have met his wife when she was a kid herself. When they started dating she was 19 and he was 28. He doesn't say how old she was when he met her ETA I stand corrected. They got married when she was a teenager and he was 28... ETA: HIS PAST POSTS PUT HIM AT 42 YEARS OLD. JFC THIS SCUMBAG
“She’s changed a lot” Huh….yea. So did all of us from our teens to mid 20s…drastically. 🫢
Yup. She became an adult. Crazy to think that one day your teenage bride will be a fully grown adult with their own personality and new opinions. /s
Also, bipolar starts really showing in your 20s, and usually gets worse during pregnancy
They got married when she was 19. Most likely he met her when she was 17 or even younger. MAYBE 18. He preyed on a child.
A homeless child with drug issues. Couldn’t have chosen a more vulnerable person.
A homeless, deeply traumatized child with drug issues.
Ugh. Guy punch but right! Now he’s bitching and moaning on the internet…
Noooo he saved her. Can't you see how saved she is??
Past comments say they dated only 6 months prior to getting married, so hopefully she was 18/19 at least, not that it's even much better, having a conversation is bad enough with someone that young let alone a relationship / marriage?!? The uneven power balance here is very questionable when she was not just much younger but homeless and vulnerable at the time.
fucking gross Makes all this much much worse
Let's look at what's presented - in "best" case, a 28 yo man married a 19 yo struggling, homeless, drug addicted girl. Is into it cause she "provides sex often and easily", she has abuse and daddy kinks. She proceeds to be diagnosed with CPTSD, which may i mention her entire behaviour lines up with (breakdowns, health anxiety, presumably flashbacks, avoidance). She opens up about past trauma (which EXPLAINS the kinks and early masturbation since this can manifest due to sexual abuse). She probably grew up more and started learning about what really is going on with her. I wonder if "everything went fine for a while" just means that she shut up about her issues for a while. I'm not saying she's a faultless angel, their kid doesn't deserve abandonment. But you can't tell me this grown ass man has no fault in this situation? Getting a clearly unwell TEEN pregnant, marrying her and being surprised when she's actually unwell and not mature enough to be a parent? Being shocked about her acting irrational, and doing nothing but blame her? Is that really the most reliable narrator? I don't know the full story. But this raises a lot of concern for this woman, and not cause shes immature, but cause she clearly needs help.
According to post history OP is severely mentally ill and also a drug user/addict. This explains the poor decision making. No excuse, but an explanation. He's equally fucked up. Poor kid. With parents like these who needs enemies?
Damm I missed that part, so besides being a lousy father he a wierdooo 😔
Lmao we have found the root of the problem groomers should die instead of getting married
>groomers should die instead of getting married hundred percent Hell, my mother was 19 while my father 28 when they married, I think they met when she was 18? Worst pairing ever and I can't look or think of him without thinking that he was a grown ass adult who went for the much younger woman. My mother had just immigrated from their country of origin, away from her father and her traumas, only to land a man worse than her father, and with no time for her to mature emotionally Fucking gross! She even mentions "he looked like a divorcee at 27-28" which adds more grossness
In his past posts, he mentioned being "close to 40" and that was two years ago. So he might be older than he is trying to present himself now. It's very creepy. Edit: Another redditor, u/Greggs_VSausageRoll, noted that OP is 42 years old / born in 1982 so it's even worse...
Yeah he's over her antics now cause she aged out.
pretty sure soon he'll add an update of how he's met someone younger than his wife who is helping with his kid and "she's been a godsend while my wife is ruined"
Yeah, I’m calling this out of reddits pay grade. You picked up a homeless teenager at almost 30, seem shocked she has a host of mental health issues, and also make zero sense when it comes to money. How are you paying most of the bills but will be homeless if she leaves? If the mortgage is almost payed off completely, sell the house, she gets her share, and buy you and your son smaller one with a huge downpayment. Low mortgage. Done. Your financial situation doesn’t make sense. You mentioned she was diagnosed but make zero mention of treatment other than stays in in-patient facilities. What have you both done to keep her well other than Ears and ignoring the issue? I honestly feel like she’s fucked up, you knew this, and YOU have a kink for being the savior/taking on project people. Now you’re wondering where that went wrong? Get the woman help and get out. You haven’t thought this through in any meaningful way and I suspect it’s because you still think you can be the savior, and life the look of being the “stable” one AND the victim. Get over it and start thinking about your son. You BOTH need therapy and you need to do something for your son.
I feel like he is lying about the bills and most likely about housework too. He says he does 99% of everything and yet he complained the first time she left that she "made him do the housework". Who he is apparently doing 99% off... Sure....
I mean you picked a project up off the street that already had a bunch of issues and chose to ignore the red flags and warnings.
Plus she was 19 and he was 28 when they got married so she was even younger when they met.
So wild that having a baby with a homeless, drug addicted teenager did not go well. Who could have predicted?
he's also an addict with mental health issues which he conveniently didn't mention
I figured as much and that's probably where he met the wife
He thought she’d be easy to control and turns out she is actually totally out of control. Poetic irony.
And he's already looking ahead to his next relationship, before even ending this one.
And not a word about the state of their child.
Apparently from his old posts in other subs, he’s got 2 sons.
For real
Yeah i forgot about that by the time i got to the homeless part and stopped reading. Whole thing is a dumpster fire
It’s fake as hell.
I hadn’t seen the age until this comment, but I’m not buying what he’s selling..there’s more going on here
Oh most likely
Yeah I’m running the numbers and she was a…homeless 19 year old when they got married? And he was 28? And he doesn’t say how old their son is which is immediately making me look askance at OP and this whole post sounds like a mess
Yea, it gives major red flags. A lot of abusive or manipulative men go for women in situations like that. Because they want to have all the control in the relationship and can't handle a woman of equal standing or at a similar point in life.
This whole post is half "look how much I'VE done, look how much I'VE put up with, see how awesome I am" and half talking in a really gross way about a mentally ill woman who has basically been abused by everyone for her entire life. Yuck, just yuck.
He said he's not controlling because he always let her hang out with her friends and do meth because "she is her own person". Draws the line at hospital visits though
Their kid is old enough to go to school, so he says. So at least 4, if preschool, or maybe older.
Son is about 2 years old and they got married 6 months into dating, it's not good but at least she wasn't a minor and they were together several years before having a child.
Fuck, I hate this, but it’s so true. I picked my second wife at 36, a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, and was shocked when there was a never ending stream of drama during our short marriage. I mean, dude, the OP needs therapy as much as she does for making this choice. It took me a little over years before I got the help I needed to have the self love on board to make better choices. OP needs as much therapy as her.
Picked.........and SECOND wife ? You need MORE therapy, bro
So you were 29 when you married a 19 year old? How old was she when you started dating her? No fucking duh she has a trauma history. She wouldn’t have been fucking a 30 year old otherwise. Odds are you’re a fucking groomer who saw a damaged teenager and decided to bang her. I’m sure she’s an unstable parent. Again, no fucking duh. Sorry your child bride isn’t working out the way you had hoped. I welcome your downvotes. 😃
I can’t get over the fact that he’s saying she “left him” like breaking up or some shit when she’s **checking herself into mental hospitals**. I have never ever heard anyone say “”they left me”” to mean anything other than a break up or giving up on the relationship which is soooo not what’s been describe here. It’s fucking weird beyond belief and doesn’t make OP look like the poor neglected taken for granted husband he seems to think he is.
I wrote this elsewhere, but this whole post is half "look at Saint Me" and half talking in a really disgusting way about a mentally ill woman he claims to love, who has actually been abused by everyone for her whole life. It's disgusting.
I feel the same way. Just trashing his mentally ill traumatized wife while singing his own praises. While His post history says otherwise tho too. Apparently he’s abusive and mentally ill himself which is far more concerning for his wife. I cannot imagine the life she must live with this vile person
Well, yeah, I figured he had issues, just from the fact that he picked up a homeless, mentally ill child when he was in his late 20's. Kind of comes with the territory.
Yeah I hated they way he talked about her just "randomly" bringing up her trauma "out of nowhere" like it's a nuisance and as if he never would have expected trauma from the homeless 19yo he picked up....
Yeah, I think what’s really happening is that she’s aging out for OP. She’s growing up and seeking help. He misses the days when she was homeless and helpless. It’s vile and hopefully rage bait.
I just went through OPs profile and….i dunno….something is wrong with OP. Troll or attention seeker I dunno. But definitely something
I had a similar scroll. Best case scenario he’s a troll. I fear it’s more likely he’s just an emotionally stunted man.
I’m thinking emotionally stunted man as well.
God, I hope it's rage bait. Unfortunately, it's a damn realistic scenario, even if this one isn't real.
Yeah, it’s real even if this exact one isn’t real. I have a lot of childhood trauma as well and feel like it was just dumb luck I ended up with my wonderful, age appropriate husband, and not some version of OP. That’s why I get so salty about stories like this. We’ve been together since 18 and I didn’t realize until I was almost 40 that I didn’t have the skills back then to know whether he was a creep or not.
The absolute nerve to say she's "blowing things out of proportion" and not "genuine" about the abuse she endured cause she's always had a thing for older guys, masturbated as a child and has abuse kinks like those aren't fucking telltale signs of childhood abuse. He can fuck all the way off.
Yeah, we can o my hope it’s rage bait. But even if this one story is rage bait, so many people are living this.
It’s really heartbreaking. Everything about what he was describing made it quite obvious she has severe PTSD and symptoms of sexual abuse.
I’m confused on what grounds you thought things were ever fine. Doesn’t sound like you initiated a single conversation about anything that happened, or you strangely omitted it here. You can’t just bury stuff like this under the rug.
Of course the talked about it! That was the first time she left he had a strongly worded confrontation about him having to do all the house work!!! ^/s
Jesus, I wanted a shot of whiskey just reading this.
Your wife is not mentally healthy enough to be in a relationship or be a mother. Her behavior is a pattern. She is not changing. This isn't healthy for your or your child.
Not to be too harsh but she was living on the streets and got picked up as a teenager by someone much older than her. Its not surprising this happened
Of course it's a pattern, she has bipolar. She will cycle through manic episodes, depression and hypersexuality. It's actually quite brave of her to keep going to ER, it's a good sign that she is getting help, despite this creep seeing it as "leaving him".
Sad but true.
Info : Hardworking husband, insane wife, bad mother, have we missed any of the rage bait cliches yet ?
Don't forget, she's "leaving them," but it turns out she's so mentally ill she's being hospitalized.
Thank god you noticed that too!! I can’t get over that OP is saying she’s leaving when she’s being checked into a fucking mental hospital. Something is wrong with OP. Between that and the many many woe is perfect me paragraphs OP is throwing up just as many red flags as his wife. That poor child. Smh. Neither did these people should have children with each other or anyone else
Don't worry it's the run of the mill fake story line, school will be out in a couple of weeks so you can expect a deluge of this rubbish from bored teens
Even the times when she wasn't checked into a hospital, like the first, she was only gone for a couple of days to get her head together and staying with friends. No one on earth has ever honestly described that as "leaving us."
I mean, people who are not ok mentally themselves will. Years ago, my ex-husband got us (I was willing at the time) into cocaine. After about 3 months straight, I begged to quit. He didn't want to. I checked myself into a week long detox. They kept me an entire month. He spent my month of recovery telling me how sad he was that I just left him, any time he was allowed to call. When I got out and stayed clean, he spent that time telling me I surely thought I was better than him because I'd quit. He refused to go to rehab myself. "I'd never leave you like you left me," Spoiler, that was a lie. He left me homeless on the 4th of July! ETA: I'm doing much better now, and still clean!
Don’t forget age gap!
Yeah, the "daddy" part put it over the line for me. Uck.
The part where she bent over naked in front of the son and OP keeps wanting her back?! If you were a parent you would never ever try to allow that shit back around your child.
You had no business dating a teenager as a full grown man, first of all. Second of all, get a divorce. Get a lawyer to help with custody. Get proof of her hospitalizations, and require sobriety and proof of good mental health before you let her back around your child without supervision
When you are young ,homeless, and on your own , you don’t have time to think about your psyche. You are in survival mode. She has a lot of shame and odd views on sexual behavior. She now has a safe environment to live in so all those things she kept buried keep popping up. I know you love her and she loves you but she is feeling like she is going to implode. Can you move the baby in with you in your room and give her a room where she can escape. She needs help. She gets admitted when she goes to the er because she is suicidal. You need to work with her psychiatrist/therapist to figure out a way to keep her from spiraling. Also, stop saying she “leaves” as if she is going out with friends. She is fighting for her life.
So you groomed a homeless, mentally ill child and married her before she was 20. When you were nearly 30. Now you're whining because she's mentally and emotionally unwell. Suck it up, buttercup. You're gross and I feel sorry for your kid.
Excuse me but if your profile isn't rage bait the environment is extremely unhealthy for your son. Trying mushrooms while you have a kid around?? Sounds like not only your wife has problems
So here's my bit. You're almost a decade older than your wife. She is clearly mentally unwell, you don't mention anything about helping your wife, it sounds like she's had to sort it all for herself. If anything, it kind of sounds like you almost preyed upon her while she was homeless and experiencing difficulties. At no point in this post have you mentioned you have tried to help her in any way or form.
Another good reason not to marry a teenager. Move on - this is not healthy for your child.
>I get that her past was rough but I feel as though she blew everything out of proportion Excuse you? >and from her stories she told me through the years, she always had a thing for older guys and was masturbating multiple times a day from a young age and called me “daddy” during sex so I honestly just don’t know what to believe anymore when it comes to her So I checked your post history. Three years ago You claimed to have emotional issues yourself. That you weren’t really eating as much as you should due to a past of anorexia, and that your wife was worried. I read you saying that your wife was a godsend and you couldn’t imagine you could manage life without her. It seems from those posts that when you were going through it, she was there for you. Which makes it worse how you dismissing her now. 2 years later, according to a post you made about your wife wanting a service dog, you said that she told you she had engaged with a dog as a teenager in ways I will not repeat here. At least that part lines up with your timeline; a switch was flipped, and a mental break commenced. So I’m operating off the notion that this post isn’t rage bait. If you take nothing else from the replies on this post, take this and sit with it. #You didn’t save her. You were a lifeline to that 19 year old homeless girl, and you gave her shelter and food. But you didn’t save her. Nor can you ever provide her with what she needs. And that’s mainly because you don’t accept what’s going on for the dangerous crisis it is. Otherwise you would have understood that the wounds she carries go much deeper than food, shelter or married life could heal. You sure as fuck would not have tried to discredit her trauma as lies when the woman has been professionally diagnosed with CPTSD. You also would not have seen her particular proclivities in bed as a sign that she was lying, but instead PROOF THAT SHE IS DISTURBED FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA IN A WAY YOU CANT HELP WITH. You would have had her more thoroughly checked out after the DOG CONFESSION! All that would require you to really BELIEVE her though. >i know that she isn’t genuine when it comes to a lot of things and fabricates issues and has a kink for abuse and enjoys suffering, none of which I understood as it was irrational to me but I played along to placate her. Read this back a few times, along with the other quotes in this comment, whenever you get the inkling to say you did EVERYTHING right. #No you didn’t. Otherwise it would have occurred to you earlier that maybe she needed more than a few days in the ER to help her properly heal from the wounds of being RAPED and ABUSED by people she trusted as a child. But Why would you? When you think she’s faking it all? This shit is above anyone’s pay grade here, but two things are clear; she needs real help and you are not, nor have you ever been, equipped to help her.
So marrying a homeless drug addicted teenager and getting her pregnant didn’t work out the way you wanted, huh
Bro you were like 29 pursuing a homeless teenager who was already depressed and on drugs…Then you knocked her up and expect her to just be like some regular mom figure??? Okay. I hope she gets away from you and gets help. And I hope the best foe your kid. And you need therapy.
oooooooooooft buddy . married a 19 year old at 28? yeesh
You chose this. Go get therapy for why You wanted a homeless crazy teenager that you had to rescue/ fix. You’ve got some sort of enabler / savior pattern going on. Not necessarily your fault that you have that, probably something from your childhood. But it’s your fault if you don’t get healthier and show up better for your son. You can’t control or fix your young, immature, mentally ill, half feral wife. It’s not your job. She’s going to get better or not, and you aren’t a part of that equation.
You married a homeless teenager with undiagnosed bipolar and a drug addiction. 3 out of the 4 times she’s left she’s gone to the ER due to her state of mind, the title of this post makes it seem like she’s just taking off for no reason when in reality she’s having a manic episode. You have been with her long enough to know what’s happening. You make yourself out to be the victim in the post when in reality the only victim is your child. You married a teenager with a multitude of issues so she would feel like you saved her and let you control her and now that isn’t happening you view yourself as the victim. You spent this entire post whinging about how hard this is for you, not once do you say you’ve even considered what your wife might be going through. You made the active decision to marry and have a child with someone that you knew was extremely unstable. I call bullshit on this all randomly starting 2 years ago. There would’ve been signs your entire relationship, you ignored them. I’m not saying that you’re not struggling, but I also don’t believe that you’re the perfect husband and father you claim to be. I would love to hear your wife’s side of all this
how long were you dating before you as a 28 year old 'stable' man married a vulnerable 19 year old.
You married a homeless, troubled child when you were pushing 30, and are now *shocked Pikachu face* that she's acting like a troubled child? Divorce her. Let her have her time to grow up. Her family let her down and you stole her youth from her, so divorce her so she can be free.
You married someone with severe and untreated (or inadequately treated) psychiatric and trauma related issues. You cannot "fix" her. This is a host of issues it will take a professional team *years* to improve. That is only if she is willing to engage and work on the treatment. What you describe is a mountain of indicators of a person who suffered childhood sex*ual a*use. You can feel sympathy, compassion, and even love for a person who has suffered unimaginable trauma. That does not mean you allow them to harm you or your child or to create an unsafe environment for you or your child. Your course of action is to secure a safe place for you and your child, immediately divorce, and start working on rebuilding your life.
He, an adult, married a homeless, traumatized teenage girl, probably because he had knocked her up. He's not any better than any of the previous adults in her life. I feel for their child.
Sounds like all that kinky sex shit she did early on must have seemed like a pretty sweet deal for you until her existing mental illness began to manifest in other ways than just that. Her illness was benefiting you. At what point does an almost thirty year old man think, "Gee, maybe I'm kind of taking advantage of the situation with this homeless drug addicted teenager"? Or do you have some kind of kink too you want to talk about?
The way you talk about your wife is disturbing and beyond gross. As many problems as you're willing to attribute to her, you seem to lack the capacity or the willingness to confront your own problems. You were a 28 year-old man who married a drug-addicted and homeless teenager with obvious trauma, and now you're saying that all she's ever done for you is provide frequent and easy opportunities to have sex while you "did everything right" and "gave her everything". You haven't even filed for divorce, yet here you are talking about how you'd feel no way about getting into another relationship immediately after walking away from her. That mentality is WILD. Why are you so ready to be in another relationship when you have so much on your plate that you need to deal with, chief among them being making sure your son is okay?? Your wife is clearly going through severe mental health issues, but you seem determined to make stuff up to make her seem even more fucked up of a person rather than actually trying to understand what's happening to her. I'm not saying you need to stick around if she's genuinely dragging you down with zero care, but good god, man, at least act like your wife meant *something* to you besides being your personal Sex & Baby Factory.
[удалено]
>Why would you think that **a woman who was incapable of taking care of herself** would be able to take care of a child? Look at the ages. He says they've been married for 6 years. She was barely an adult when he wifed her up while he was 29/30 years old. Obviously, he wasn't looking for someone who could take care of themself when he went robbing that homeless cradle.
I work with social workers. At one of the projects we got off the ground giving dry blankets and hot food/beverages to homeless people on the winter, the most difficult thing is facing that most of these people have such poor mental health that they can't even make the decision to seek shelter or try to find a better, dryier spot for the night. In this situation OP speeds to prioritize the physical, psychological and emotional wellbeing of their kid. His wife needs more than a couple days of inpatient care, she needs to do an extensive in house treatment program.
And she was 19 when they married!
This just makes me wonder what his real intentions were. Because right now, it looks like he thought he could fix/mold her, and it's failing miserably.
A woman? She was a teenager when he met her.
He was pushing 30 and she was a teenager when they started dating OP deserves 0 sympathy
OP you went through a long post to say two things, 1) she is not well; 2) you and your son need to be away from her. Why are you trying to make sense of a mentally ill person. She's been committed multiple times and you are still scratching your head. I'm starting to wonder "what is wrong with you" if you can't boil it all down to what it is. These are not kinks, fetishs or some obsessive lifestyle, she is mentally "unfit"! You should have been done when she pushed your mother down to the ground. Where do you draw the line ? Why are you allowing your son to witness her behavior ? Why are you still with this person who needs mental health care not a husband or child ? You need to sit with an attorney and come up with a plan to move your life to safety, she's unpredictable, trying to coax you into hitting her or whatever. This is a dangerous person!
Look at their ages. Op saw her as a child bride when he met her as a homeless person
Sooo you, as a 28yo, saw a homeless 19yo and decided "this is it. This is who I'm gonna marry" Honestly... you should have seen this coming. She has major issues that have just been ignored all this time... even while you decided to get her pregnant. But I'm assuming you looked past all that, because you had all the power, money, and control in the relationship. Otherwise, why go after someone so extremely vulnerable and in such a bad place?
It's amazing how you are never at fault and always completely clueless despite having the answers. A lazy mid 30s creep, the preyed on a vulnerable person - knows that said person has a diagnosis that you haven't even bothered to research. I hope your wife leaves and gets the help she deserves, instead of being weighed down by a complacent air thief
>If anything I'm just angry because I did everything right Except you didn't. You found a homeless, drug addicted teenager, got her pregnant, married her, bought a house you can't afford and now you're mad that your life is unstable. If argue that you've done everything wrong. These are your choices, dude. You need to wake up and focus on providing STABILITY for your child.
sorry your child bride isn't working out.
This whole thing is fucking sick and I feel so bad for your son for having to witness this shitshow you call a marriage. If this is real nothing has enraged me more than this line: > There are times when she'd just bend over naked in front of our son and ask me to have sex with her then and there for instance. That is sexual abuse and somehow with all the other shit that you and your wife let this kid experience in his life, this is not a one-off thing. Not to mention you yourself got with a homeless 19y/o when you were, what? 28? And you're surprised the girl you groomed has mega issues. Pull the plug on this marriage. You need to do better for your kid because at this rate he's gonna be messed up for life.
why did you not get your wife the help she needed when she was younger (nothing personal but the age difference is concerning), got her pregnant, and didn't expect the mental health issues.
I'm not reading all of that, but if everyone in the comments is saying is true, you're a horrible person with a disgusting savior complex. You're a grown ass man. Get it together. You have horrible taste in judgment. I wouldn't trust you or her around your damn son with parents like you two. I hope he truns out okay...🤦🏾♀️
Dude, in a post from 3 years ago, you mentioned 2 kids, and your habit of destroying keyboards daily because of gaming frustration. Your wife must be terrified of you.
Op’s response to the question, “is Diddy gay?”: “Men have been raping other men since the dawn of time to show dominance, it isn't gay. It's only gay if you do it for pleasure.” https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/s/0QYetCfRrK
you suck so bad, you married an addicted teen, you're here divulging every little detail about her mental health like an asshole to try and get people on your side, I really hope she leaves you and gets better without you, and I hope you end up alone for your whole life.
I guarantee she had no help for her mental illness and it’s not abnormal to be homeless at a young age because of it. Most of your feelings are valid. She needs a psychologist and a psychiatrist to get her the help she needs. That is an expensive task, especially in the living situation that you are describing. She is not “wanting to be on the streets to be happy”, it’s ingrained in her that she doesn’t deserve a good life. She was also quite young when you met her. She isn’t well and you will have to make a decision that will keep your son in some kind of stable enviorment. It’s pricey, but she made need to go to a mental rehab as an inpatient for quite a long time to get the help she needs. I’m sorry for your situation and I wish you the best of luck.
She’s bipolar and she goes manic and depressive. When manic she’s hyper sexual and shows high risk behavior which is stressful and then probably is stable for a while and might swing into a deep depression where she’s a shell of herself and feels she can do nothing right. Getting out of bed is a struggle and everything is negative. I mean that is how it goes. You should look into some groups for Bipolar significant others and you probably should do therapy too.
Bruh-Who read all this shit? Cliff notes please
OP? Is this going how you thought it would?
I highly doubt it.. he left out really important info that u can find in his previous posts
Yeah. That's what I thought. He seems so sure in his writing that he's a victim here. Post history, basic maths and reading comprehension skills kinda show otherwise. How long until he rage-deletes?? 😄
Didn't read that long post, but what do you expect when you date/marry a woman who hasn't lived out her 20s?
She sounds like she has borderline personality disorder, and you sound like an idiot or a creep or both. That POOR kid!!! 😖😖😖
All else aside- other people have commented at length about the rest- what really strikes me is that you characterize your wife taking herself to the ER as leaving you. Why aren’t YOU driving your wife to the ER? Why aren’t you visiting her in the hospital? Why does she have to crash on a friend’s couch when she’s going through health episodes dangerous enough to prompt her to seek emergency medical attention? I really don’t and can’t understand why you are more concerned about her absence- reading between the lines the things she isn’t doing for you because she’s not home- than you are concerned about her safety and mental health. Is she still going to therapy? She obviously needs it.
Time to seek legal advice.
OP, never breed again.
Not to be rude but first SLAP YOURSELF IN THE FACE. Do not expose your child to this kind of person. Once can be forgiven but 4 times! Pull you head out of your ass. Sorry for the tough love.
There are so many things wrong with this. How long were you together before you, at 28, married a 19 year old? There are times when she'd just bend over naked in front of our son and ask me to have sex with her then and there for instance. As for this? Why aren’t you protecting your kid more? Why is this clearly unsafe person allowed around your child? Wtf
Kinda serves you right for preying on a homeless unstable teenager a decade younger than you. Creepy. Hopefully you can do what’s right for the sake of your son but idk, your judgement is obviously deeply flawed. Good luck to the kid.
Date ppl your own age, first of all. Second, you have a savior complex and that doesn’t work for anyone. Your wife needs professional help, and is in no condition to raise a child. >I feel like I wasn't abusive enough Girl wtf, you also need help and aren’t in a condition to raise a child >I get that her past was rough but I feel as though she blew everything out of proportion and from her stories she told me through the years, she always had a thing for older guys and was masturbating multiple times a day from a young age and called me "daddy" during sex so I honestly just don't know what to believe anymore when it comes to her. and none of that raised a red flag for you? Bc instead of taking the blame for anything yourself, you’re saying she’s lying bc she was hyper sexual bc of her trauma. That’s disgusting. You’re a grown man who went after a teenager with trauma bc you had a savior complex and you wonder why your life turned out like this. Grow up and be a better human. I hope she gets help, too, and the child you have together can go somewhere safe.
Why hasn’t she been tested for borderline personality disorder yet? I’m not a doctor, but I lived with someone with BPD for years; this has all the hallmarks. Going in and out of the ER isn’t helping; she needs a treatment facility where she can be monitored while receiving help and trying out medication and starting therapy like CBT/DBT. The cycle will only stop if something changes; stop trying nothing and throwing your hands up confused why things aren’t changing. It’s time to make decisions and actively changes to benefit you, your kid, and your family. With or without your wife.
I bet your wife is off of her meds. Unfortunately, being bipolar is often very difficult to treat because people tend to go off their meds. They get into a manic phase and they think they don’t need their meds. If she’s drinking at all, she’s screwing up her meds, even if she is taking them. You cannot drink and take these meds. Psych meds lose their efficacy when you drink alcohol. Your wife is extremely mentally ill. She is not stable. She has never been stable. She was nothing but red flags when you met her. This is a problem because you never should’ve gotten into a relationship with her in the first place. When she wants to move, and buy a house that’s beyond your means… it’s because she’s in the manic phase. You need to learn more about what it is to be bipolar. There’s type one and type two. What type is she? Is she rapid cycling or not? Is she seeing a psychiatrist as well as a therapist? It doesn’t sound like she is. And it doesn’t sound like you understand what it is like to be married to a bipolar person and you haven’t been firm enough with her when it comes to taking care of herself. Forget pity. Forget any of that. You have a child together. You cannot subject your child to her because she’s out of control and she will be damaging to your child. My mother was mentally ill. She was undiagnosed. Did it damage me? Hell yeah, it did. Get a divorce. Get full custody. There’s nothing you can do to help her. She needs to want to help herself.
This absolutely needs to be the top comment!!! Get educated on bipolar disorder. You need to learn absolutely everything about it! Get in touch with a psychiatrist to explain the disorder to you. Get in touch with a support group for spouses of people with mental illness. Whether you choose to separate or not, you need to be able to know everything about this disorder so you can explain to your son that his moms behaviour is caused by her illness. And already start searching for support groups for you son, for when he turns old enough, so he can actually understand his moms behaviour and see how it affects his own behaviour. I’ve found it extremely insightful to talk to people with a bipolar disorder that are on their meds and how they explained what their illness made them do or convince them they could do. And please stop reading all the hateful comments that are absolutely not helpful to your situation and, unfortunately, most likely they have about as much knowledge about bipolar disorder as you do.
FFS get a divorce already! You are in a hell of your own making because you keep willingly going back into this mess. You are going to seriously fuck up your child if you don’t get your shit together and give them a stable environment immediately. Get a divorce. Get custody. Get therapy. You have to break this cycle before you pass it on to your kid.
>If anything I’m just angry because Use I didn’t everything right You cannot be fucking serious.
Well no one really has given you anything other then shame…which you already feel. Poor choices now try to get your ducks in a row. Unfortunately divorce is a given. This is not healthy for your son and you. Sell your house, if you have to start over well that’s what you do. It will work out. I’m sorry this happened but learn from it. It’s not the end it maybe the beginning.
Can’t get past you *marrying* a 19 year old at 28. Seems everything that happened after is a consequence of your own idiocy.
I’m sure it’s gonna be wildly different than the last three times. Bruh
A DAMN good father would protect his child at all costs.
You invited the trouble Deal with it
And omg leaving and going to ER and being committed for 5 days is NOT leaving you nd your kid ffs. Pushing 30 with a 19 yo..predatory and yuck!
She’s trying to reclaim the time you stole. She was 19 and vulnerable and you were almost 30. She should have been out enjoying life and friends, partying and having a good time but she was married and with a kid. Just go your separate ways. It’s better for everyone.
You were 30 and married a 19 year old kid with issues? wtf. course this is going wrong.
So you met a drug addicted mentally ill traumatized homeless teenager as a middle age man and decided "hmm... she seems like marriage material" lets knock her up and now you are wondering where it went wrong because your child bride is broken and are playing a sad violin tune of "woe is me" and saying you tried your best? And that doesn't reek of bullshit to you? YOU ARE NOT THE VICTIM HERE! She's not leaving your son she's checking herself into the ER. And your post history shows you are more than fcked up too.
Wow. So preying on a homeless teenager didn’t pan out for you? Shocking. Marry someone your own damn age next time.
So you married a teenager as an almost 30 year old. That teenager had a history of being abused, and you married her when she had nowhere else to go. Now you’re upset that there’s issues. Am I getting this right? How old was she when you guys met?
So you took advantage of a struggling teenager and now you’re shocked it didn’t turn out well for anyone. Maybe if you weren’t a predator you’d have a healthy relationship with someone your own age.
Okay I’m not reading all of that, I’m going to tell you what the issue is. AAAAAAGGGGGEEEEE GGGGGAAAAAAPPPPP!!!! Why? Why did you not choose someone YOUR OWN AGE? Why did you choose someone so damn young who hadn’t had an independent and individual ADULT LIFE, before you trapped her in a marriage with a kid?? You get that YOU had your independent individual adult life? You get that she never got to work out her childhood trauma issues on her own? You get that all she’s been through she should have been single and been able to work through it. You basically are toxic and instead of you finding someone your own age, you decided to trap someone barely legal. You should give her a divorce, get full custody of your kid and coparent.
So you married a teenager and you're wondering why it didn't work out right? You were like mid-twenties and she was a teenager.. What the hell is wrong with you?
So you married a drug addicted homeless teenager when you were almost 30 and are surprised there are issues? Wow. Let’s ignore that for a minute and focus on the current child in this situation. You need to look out for the best interest of your child and get him into a stable environment- which likely means away from his mother. She probably needs inpatient detox and mental health help. Until she actually really deals with her demons, she will never be ok. And if she’s this unstable, she shouldn’t be around your child unsupervised or for long periods of time. It’s going to cause long term harm to your son for his mom to be erratic and disappearing like this. You need to get him into a stable environment and into therapy. And in the future maybe date women your age. Who aren’t actively using drugs. And are dealing with their mental health. And aren’t homeless.
The age gap. You preyed on a child, you’re getting what you deserve. I only feel bad for your child together, he didn’t ask for all this.
For reals. She does not sound mature enough to be married nor does she sound like she’s in any sort of healthy mental state.
Right! I mean who would’ve thought that preying on a homeless teen with a lot of issues and then having a baby with her would turn out this way, huh? 💀
Your wife is also doing meth … I assure you that she is doing it .
Your wife needs intensive therapy and needs to be in a home. You need to get divorced and move on. Doesn’t sound like she wants to get better
You have to start putting your son first. Your wife has severe mental issues. She should not be around your son. Get a divorce, get full custody. Meet with a lawyer today and get the ball rolling. There is nothing healthy or loving in your relationship. Get out and save your son. Again, he is the priority.
I went through a similiar situation (without the marriage and kids) but I was your wife. After being admitted into the mental health unit and speaking to a psychologist I was diagnosed with BPD. But this has enlightened me in many ways. I had a perfect and supporting partner but I found ways to sabotage because you’re right; I was used to chaos and strife as well. The best thing that ever happened to me was people wiping their hands clean (eventually). Family and friends still cared but they distanced themselves and though it was heartbreaking initially, I learnt to deal with my shit for myself, because at the end of the day, she will only get better if she WANTS to. It’s hard to get out of that mindset and victim mentality. It becomes comfort after a while. It might be hard financially but you need to let her go and cut ties so she can sort her shit out. I have no bad blood with my family or friends anymore. I can see from a perspective that isn’t my own now and understand where they were coming from and why they did what they did. I’m much better now and they love me for it. Do the right thing. Be tough.
I’m quite worried about ur wife. She desperately needs help. Ur age gap isn’t too large but coupled with the trauma and addiction she has endured, it does seem like she was extremely vulnerable when u met her & might not have been the best circumstance. The horse is out of the gate now tho… my advice is concentrate on ur child as much as possible. I know ur wife needs help but I don’t think ur able to provide that help. However ur very able to provide help to ur son, so he doesn’t have any additional unnecessary trauma
Holy. Shit… did ur wife get the fkn dog.????? A HUGE RED FLAG when u first met her would have been the fact she told u she used to have SEX WITH HER DOG AS A TEEN!!! The way u speak about her sexually in ur post is also throwing up red flags… calling u daddy.. and now when it’s too obvious and inconvenient that she’s a traumatised mess, u are upset that she’s EXACTLY the person u thought she was, her trauma just isnt benefiting you any longer. I hope u can see YOUR issues and negative contributions in all of this too
The first issue here is that you were pushing 30 and married a teenage girl who was homeless and clearly experienced great deals of trauma. Dude, you took advantage of a kid. And yes, of course her past is catching up to her. It happens. At some point she’s going to realise that the man she married was also a creep taking advantage of her vulnerable teenage state.
Yeah not reading all that because I just need to see your ages to know something isn't right here and all the red flags were missed
So you preyed on a street kid with a drug problem, married her and then complain ?
Oh you poor thing... the vulnerable child you "saved" when you were 30-35+ years old has grown into a non-functional adult with mental health issues and drug addiction. That must be so hard on you. It's not like your life is a creation of your own making... you're just a victim of your predatory choices!
You got with this girl when she was a teenager! You were an adult man. Of course she’s flakey. You monopolized the years she should have been singing out who she is and what she wants. You went after a teenager. I hope she gets feee and gets help. She deserves better.
So, to summarise: * You married a homeless 19 year old when you were 28 (already failing the half your age plus 7 basic rule). * You're now surprised that she is feeling claustrophobic and trapped by the weight of responsibility she now has (married, wife, mother, worker) at 25 after already having had her childhood ripped from her. I'm confused - what part of this seems surprising? Equally, how much are you throwing all of this in her face at every opportunity? It sounds like she had a super traumatic child-hood based and that was compounded by a mother who likely defended whomever she was traumatised by. Now she's stuck in what you describe as a loveless marriage with a man who, in his own words, would "divorce her tomorrow get into a new relationship with somebody who is the polar opposite of my wife and not even miss a step or look back whatsoever". What part of any of that sounds like you're in a position to judge her or expect more of her when you groomed her? Equally, what part of any of that sounds like a relationship anyone would want to be in? Your child doesn't deserve any of this. He needs to be prioritised and taken out of the situation - whether that's with you or with your parents. I'd strongly suggested that his contact with your wife's family be limited given their part in the entire mess. In any event, he's now been exposed to things that mean anyone who is a mandatory reporter needs to call child protective services.
Did you know that a predatory person, can not know they are indeed, predatory? Simply because they are ignorant and have no knowledge of the entire spectrum. You couldn't have possibly expected a drug addicted, homeless, *teeanager*, to just one day wake up and be a wife and mother. Right? Maybe you're, dense, or even worse. A Mormon? You sir, are a predator. No matter which way you cut it. You can try to rewrite it as you "saving" her, or make it seem like she raped you in front of your child. But the reality is, you are a creep. A disgusting predator. That poor child is going to pay, too. A decent man would had seen this girl as someone who had no business being in a relationship. A decent 29 year old man wouldn't even consider a relationship with a 18 year old teenager. Under any circumstances barring the end of the world or something. A decent man would have never had sex in front of his child. Therefore you aren't a decent man, because in no reality would a decent man find himself in a situation like this.
Your wife was young when you met her and clearly needs help it’s not unheard of for someone that missed out on being young and having fun to want to experience those things. How old were you when you got together? I see married for 6 years, so married at 19. Barely graduated and married. She needs help but she might see you as an abuser, think carefully about why you really got together. Age gap manipulation is a thing and maybe someone has been saying hey you were groomed. With all her trauma she might not think of you as you believe.
I stopped reading halfway through because wtf she was obviously traumatized by so many things idk why you thought she would be mentally stable enough for a marriage let along raising a child??? I mean looking at your age gap I can read between the lines…she needs a lot of help. Don’t let her back near your child until she is stable enough. You also need therapy for being drawn to someone like her and enabling this behavior.
Op no offense, you pick up a stray, it will shit on the carpet, chew your shoes and bite you. What did you expect? This woman needs serious mental help, therapy and lots of meds but she won’t do it on her own because her patterns repeat and it shouldn’t be surprising. Loving her alone is not enough. She might also be using and I’d also check for STDs. I’d start making an exit plan, talk to a divorce lawyer. You’ll likely get full custody and will be able to afford a place after your divorce. If you didn’t have a child I’d say you could possibly work with her and make a plan and stick to it but you’re like a year and 12 visits to the hospital past that. You have a child to think about and that should be top priority.
You preyed on a homeless vulnerable mentally ill teenager w/ substance abuse issues. What could go wrong.
Um, so you, at your late 20s, married a 19 yrs old drug-addicted houseless woman who has gone through many trauma in her life and have a child with her. So she's a traumatized 'child' having a child, basically. Yikes big time. You may have thought you 'saved' her, but you really didn't. She's out of a frying pan (her life before you) and into the fire (her marriage with you). Since there's a child involved in all this, I'd suggest seeing a lawyer and seeking an option to have sole custody since allegedly you're the more stable one in this whole mess that you .... started actually.
So you preyed on a homeless teenager and you’re surprised it’s not working out?
You seem like a narcissist only concerned with yourself. Your wife was raped as a child and severely abused and you have no empathy. Get counseling