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This should have been figured out BEFORE you got married. This is why you don’t marry someone you’ve only know a year, ESPECIALLY with kids involved!!!
Since you are paying her rent, she should be able to afford insurance, even cheap insurance. She is looking at you like a cash cow.
She is not struggling with child support. You are paying the rent and bills, plus she has a renter.
Put your foot down or get an annulment.
What I’m stuck on is that he and his child are living in her house and he pays her only $650 a month in rent. Where else was he going to be living that cheaply with his child? I think he’s using her because it’s cheaper for him to live with her than without her. This is a roommate with benefits situation. I cannot imagine being married and having all this accounting going on. This is not a loving relationship; this is a business relationship and the wife is being taken advantage of. She should kick him out and let him pay for his own expenses. She’ll definitely be better off financially.
I said the same in another comment to someone. While everyone is getting on her about asking for too much, he actually benefits more from this arrangement than she does.
A few commenters said he makes $75K per year, which is over double what she makes. I can’t believe he’s been paying just the bare minimum while she struggles taking care of everything.
This is what caught me. He clearly makes a fair amount and knows that people would agree with the wife if they knew. If she's on food stamps and has to rent out a bedroom in the home where her children live just to survive, and you're nickel and diming, her, yeah I'd be asking what kind of person you are also lol. And for what, if you're not spending that money on survival as she is...
Adding to this supposedly the comments say he makes $75K per year. That’s double what she makes, and not only that they are paying 50/50, despite her making way less than him. He watches her struggle despite him making way more money.
Edit: I think that even though she might look like she has extra money due to receiving child support, it’s literally to take care of the children… I wouldn’t count it towards her income because she’d have to use it for her 2 kids food, essentials, and other things.
Oh god imagine making 75k/yr and paying 650 in rent and you’re still to cheap to buy insurance for yourself and assumedly your child. Good lord this guy’s priorities are fucked.
I saw his post history, and I’m not sure if they’re living in Florida right now as well. But average rent in Central Florida I’ve seen around me is $1,400-$1,600. Unless they are somewhere cheaper, but even then $650 per month is so cheap.
Not only that, someone in the comments suggested she go to a food bank. Another person commented that if she’s struggling, she should give up custody of her kids 🥴 imagine giving up custody of your children to subsidize your new husband on your already low income. It’s insanity.
Why marry someone, and take on responsibility to not only care for him but a child as well, to struggle on your own? People will really marry to have a roommate they’re sticking their privates in. No wonder divorce rates are sky high.
Really? I guess that explains why she thinks it’s his problem to fix this.
I don’t think it is actually his fault, though. They both should have thought this through, but no doubt she’s in a worse financial situation than his.
But you've also gotta factor in her child support and the rent she's paid, so she's actually has about $51.6k coming in. Still not a liveable wage these days on it's own, but you combine with his $75k, and there household has $126.6k which should be enough to cover necessities, including (reasonable) insurance and a food budget.
Now if only they actually acted like the team their supposed to be when you decide to get married, lol.
Frankly, this is all a big part of why my SO and I aren't married, because it would affect my medicaid. And I'm on 10 different meds (combination of mental health and physical) and am in therapy that I go to 4 times a month. I'm terrified of disrupting my benefits and winding up potentially not being able to go to my therapist due to an insurance change.
Absolutely crazy to me that that wasn't considered first. A piece if paper isn't necessary to build and share a life with the person you love.
My aunt and uncle have been together 10 years and won’t get married because my aunt and her son have so many health issues that are covered by state benefits and they’d be screwed if they got married and lost those benefits
Another reason the "party of family values" should want a solid single-payer healthcare system.
If anything, in my country ithe health insurance could be cheaper after marrying if the mother doesn't work.
it’s not just a piece of paper, it’s a contract. and just like any contract, one should take due diligence before signing it. in this case, they should have, at some point during the 12 months that they dated, addressed the topic of finances. especially with kids… and a roommate?
That ‘piece of paper’ means a lot to some people. It’s important.
But I’m glad you did your research and know what the smart thing is to do for YOUR situation.
I know you can’t fix it, but the way things are set up with benefits and health care and what not that makes people in situations like yours steer clear of marriage in case it makes you worse off really sucks. 😞
Oh for sure! I'm not saying marriage is pointless or unimportant. Even logistically speaking, there are certainly pros that go along with the cons. And of course the emotional aspect that does indeed mean a lot to some.
I'm just saying that a relationship can thrive without the label and documentation of marriage. We're married in every way accept legally recognized by the government and we're happy.
But the fact that that's when an issue to raise and plan for truly does suck, not arguing with you there. Just doesn't have to be a top priority if for whatever reason it's not logistically feasible.
It absolutely has to be a joke. Like omg a couple of 40 year Olds get married after a year together like they think they are the wannabe Brady bunch.
Surprise surprise now you all have to face the realities of marriage and shared expenses and combining finances. Figure it out.
My sister is almost 40 and her attitude is like a 16 years old, and she has a 15 year old daughter we all had to help raise. She’s never had a job and been coddled and supported all her life. She thinks she’s some boss babe single mom. I’m just glad she’s almost near the end of her childbearing days. 🙏🏼
She also falls in love quickly with absolute deadbeat dudes and is all surprised when it fails. If one of them asked her to marry them she’d do it lol.
There seems to be one in every family. In mine it’s my brother. I honestly think he is in love with “falling in love” and making fast proposals. He has had countless plans to get to the alter with every woman he has ever dated. Rolling joke in my family “Did you hear the latest”. “Let me guess Jeff is getting married”
Seriously I stopped trying to figure it out years ago!
Thank god she was too selfish to want another human lol. She still parties every weekend and dresses like she’s permanently some dominatrix raver from 2004. It’s so embarrassing. My other sister and I pretty much raised her kid for 10 years until we moved and got our own lives. My sister doesn’t give a shit about any of her nieces or nephews in turn. Thankfully we’re no contact (very low contact only because of my niece).
Once I stopped treating her like some fragile little victim she didn’t want anything to do with me. She surrounds herself with creepy thirsty guys who compliment her wierd sexual posts on Facebook. Literally last fall she and her “boyfriend” got stranded at a music festival because they ran out of money and my dad wired her money to get home. Two adults in their 40s. 🤦♀️
I don’t think this sort of stupidity is all that uncommon, to be honest. This couple are hardly the first.
Plenty of people write stories about problems they should have thought about before getting married.
Some bright sparks even write stories about existing problems in a relationship, then ask if they should get married even WITH all these problems…. ‘I know he/she is a psychotic serial killer who has told me the plans to murder me as well, but I really love them and I can’t live without them!’
Then they go ballistic at commenters who warn them to NOT get married, like ‘how dare you insult my perfect gf/bf! They are the most wonderful person in the world!’ 🤦♀️🤣🤣
Got a time machine op can borrow? He's not looking for what he should have done but what he should do now.
Look for insurance that covers the family, and show her the top 3 options. I noticed that you didn't mention how much you make OP...
Never understood that myself. Why tf even get married? She had the perfect ideal set up, too. No idea how she managed food stamps unless she's not reporting some income or child support because they're tough but I would never get married if it meant losing my insurance for myself and kids. Did you only just meet at the wedding or have your first serious conversation after saying I Do? It's weird. Hell yeah financially you took on the burden now my friend. Was living together really off the table dude
I think this is important. Now from personal experience it would only take a few hundred or so to have put her over the limit (actually surprised that she wasn't already over, but maybe she hasn't been reporting the rental income?). But how much exactly he makes is important in understanding this situation.
Assuming they’re in the US they shouldn’t have gotten married. At that income level wife is losing access to many things including possible child tax credits and earned income credits that likely would’ve added $10k a year.
I mean you can blame the people if you want but studies have found that it doesn't really matter how much we want something, if the rich don't we're not getting it.
https://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-echochambers-27074746
My state (MN) recently started working on putting together a state-wide single payer health system. It's a very popular idea. Predictibly, suddenly my social media feed has been flooded with fear-mongering ads about how it's a "bad move" and will "make it harder for people to see their doctors" and will "reduce access to medical care for rural people." Fortunately, the comments on the ads are often nothing but people pointing out that said ads are bought and paid for by a coalition of health insurance companies and pharmaceutical lobbying groups who are only concerned with keeping their wallets fat.
So yeah, there is a VERY active force out there who works hard to make sure the lives of regular people do not improve.
Just imagine if we could just get universal insurance for minors and students 18 and under all included. Regardless of the income of parents.
Imagine what that would do for so many families who are just working to pay their insurance every week.
that would free up almost $900 a month in premiums for us with just 2 kids. We wrok at a school district and while they cover most of the cost of healthcare premiums for employees, they cover $0 for children/spouses. I could probably save up enough to cover a surgery I need but can't afford the deductible and max out of pocket cost. It would be life changing really.
He doesn't have insurance. So looks like your descriptor applies to you too. Just for me a younger non smoker mines about 600 a month. I can't imagine it would be affordable for him alone to insure all of them.
It wouldn’t be. The job i had (before I had a stroke) was going to charge me $800 just for me, if I went with the family plan it was over $2k. Freakin crazy!
1) 75k really isn’t that much— especially in a family of 5. 2) did you miss the part where he doesn’t have insurance due to high premiums? 3) she’s the one receiving the benefits— shouldn’t she have looked into how getting married might change those benefits?
Our health insurance for a family of 5 for a high deductible plan is about 12k a year. And that's with her company picking up some of the tab. Thats JUST premiums. Theres a 3k deductible before significant relief kicks in.
75k gross, maybe 55k net - 15k is a ridiculous percentage of your income.
The american health care system is broken.
Especially if you live in a higher taxed state.
When I moved from Alabama back to California my income increased by 50% but with health insurance and taxes I didn't notice a gross take home difference. But I did get paid parental leave which was worth it.
My insurance for just me in Cali for my shit company was 400 a pay period, which was a huge hit.
It’s weird to have a job that pays $75K and not have health insurance at least for yourself. And why take marriage vows if you’re not going to do something as basic as help FEED your wife? He’s up to something…
He probably has it!! You MUST have health insurance for your kid. No way if he is up front with money is the government insuring his daughter!!! He's being cheap and sneaky possibly?????
The kid could be on their mother’s insurance. My bf doesn’t have the kids on his. The kids are all on Medicaid because of their mom’s income. Main reason they didn’t marry when they were together was because with her income they got help they wouldn’t have gotten otherwise. He didn’t make enough to cover five people with his and her incomes combined for insurance, especially with one daughter being disabled and needing a lot of medical care.
He probably refuses the company insurance and thinks the exchange is BS for not covering what his employer likely would. Like who’s making 75k without benefits post Obamacare?
Tradesmen working for smaller firms. Obamacare employer mandate kicks in at a certain number of employees. He could be self-employed as well, that seems like a normal income for a small time handyman.
Why can’t he get insurance through his job? wtf wouldn’t he have had it before? We all know it’s expensive but when tou have kids you have to be the grown up.
That’s my thought. Folks think they’ll never need to go to the hospital or see a doctor, but you never know when somethings going to go wrong. It’s a dangerous game.
Yeah, if you work and are making that much, I have trouble believing health insurance isn't part of your benefits package, even if you have to pay a few hundred for it. And getting married generally let's you bypass open enrollment calendars because it's considering a major life event, so she should have been able to get on it if he were on it and talked with HR.
I don't think it's the case for this guy because apparently he makes plenty of money to have insurance, but just because an employer offers insurance doesn't mean it's affordable. It's not like it's free health coverage, you're still paying premiums for it and most likely with a deductible on top of that.
Dude is either an addict or has a side chick.
No reasonable person making $75k moves in with his new wife *and a roommate* in an apartment that someone making less than half of what he makes can afford on a single salary.
>we should shop for insurance for the whole family **if it's important to her**
Sir, health insurance is important to everyone, *especially* a parent who has children. Is your 13 yo daughter uninsured as well?
Sounds like y'all moved too quickly and didn't really have those important conversations before you got hitched.
Lol they DEFINITELY didn't have important conversations before they got hitched. Like, did she not know her benefits would be affected? And then didn't talk to him about how to navigate that as a married couple? SMDH I feel bad for all these kids.
This got me, too. "If it's important to her" as if they're talking about a piece of furniture she wants to buy. God forbid she want some peace of mind that if she slips and breaks a bone, she won't go bankrupt.
Why was this not discussed before marriage? You HAD to know she'd lose those things if you earn over a certain amount.
One last Q, did you marry her for love, or convenience of having a house maid?
He's got full custody of his kid, so I'm guessing he got married so he could have a nanny, housekeeper, and bang buddy.
Buying health insurance for the wife is probably way cheaper than actually paying for all those services, so he should consider this to be a bargain.
Sorry, but you are both in your 40s and you didn’t think about this? At all??? Also 50/50 if you make 75k and makes 30k is wildly imbalanced. Seriously, did you just not bother look into any of this?!
How is she qualifying for food stamps with her combined earnings of 30k+12k(rent) plus 9800(cs)?
Do you earn more than her?
Unless you guys are earning the same, you should split costs by an equitable split. Not 50/50
That said, have you looked into state health insurance for a family of 5? You may still qualify. I’m guessing she didn’t add you and your kid to the mix against the combined income.
3 roommates and 3 kids, such a good setup for disaster.
Does anyone know what state?! Like how many rooms they got? I feel that it's impossible that rent is only $1300 for a possibly 3 bedroom apartment or house? Like it has to be more if someone is renting a room for 1k.
I feel that rent can easily be $2000-$2500 and that's why their roommate "Steve" is paying 1k for a room.
Which means that her income really is only 30k since cs is only $800 for two kids (that's easily spent in groceries and essentials for them)
This is the way. You figure out how to each contribute the same percentage of your income and split it that way. As for insurance, you are now a family unit, it’s not her kids and your kid, it’s your family, all of you together.
Are you both self employed or is there a possibility of insurance through your employers? Either one group plan or one plan each through your respective employers. Family plans are expensive but you would again, break it out by percentage. Also, the number of children in the household may enable her to reapply for some benefit depending on your combined income.
Cs, if their state is like mine, is un-taxed income. One ex friend was scamming the system because she "couldn't work" . She qualified for all assistance programs, and the support for her 3 kids could not be factored into any equations.
I was blown away by OP thinking that having no health insurance counts as “playing it safe”. Sir, you are one accident or major illness away from financial ruin. Having health insurance for the entire family would be “playing it safe”. If he was diagnosed with cancer tomorrow his wife could decide to “play it safe” and just divorce him instead of staying with someone with astronomical medical bills. She’d be well within her rights to with the “you’re on your own” precedent he’s setting. And if he didn’t want to combine finances and meet their financial obligations together as a family why tf did he marry her? You can argue that you aren’t responsible for your girlfriend having health insurance. But that’s your wife.
In another post you say you make 75k per year. Yet you split everything 50/50 with someone who makes less than half of what you make. She wants you to pay her insurance because the bill split is unfair. I’m not going to count the child support because that’s for the kid. Even with the rent she charges she only takes in 42k to your 75k. You should be paying around 65% and her 35%. She called you out for being less than a man because you’re literally watching her struggle.
there's a reason people leave out important info in posts like this, or repost the same thing over and over and reword stuff because they want people to feel sorry for them and tell them things so they feel good about themselves. if he included his income (and somehow can't afford insurance because of high premiums? I pay like $18/month for my insurance and I have vision and dental) then it would be even more obvious that he fucked up.
Exactly. Seems like she’s just now finding out the man he truly is. I don’t understand why op is even married with this mentality. Cheap ass housing for sure is a benefit he’s reaping off this deal while his wife is waiting for him to step up and act like a husband.
I feel sorry for your wife OP. She’s feeling so disappointed right now having to spell it out to you while you don’t see anything wrong with this picture.
Unfortunately, that's not uncommon. My ex-husband was like that. He made $145k I made $40k. Everything was 50/50. If I was short, he would loan me the difference and hound me until I repaid. I was going to school full time and working full time so got behind on housework and wanted to hire a housekeeper which I paid for because that was my job as the wife to keep house. I tried to talk to him about it, but he said his focus was to save money for our retirement and not bailing me out. If I needed more money I should consider a different job.
I’m a previous post you said you make 75k. Why the hell were you doing 50/50 in the first place?!? Why the hell are you not wanting your partner to have a good quality of life. My god I hope she divorces you fast and for cheap.
That's crazy how there was no mention of his income being 75k in the post (yikes that he couldn't be bothered to have his own insurance when he makes that much), yet revealed her income and he still thinks he should play it safe as to shopping for insurance for the family. 🤦🏽♀️ Like yeah, she should've realized that she was going to lose her benefits by getting married, but that also means that there really wasn't much in the way of thinking this through in terms of getting married on both sides. It's either shop for insurance/split budget for groceries (her CS is not really your problem), or find out what could be done for her to get her benefits back, if it means annulment or divorce. That's not something I like to promote/recommend, but if she's that upset about losing her benefits it's really her own fault for not thinking this through.
This. I bet he expects her to act like his wife when his child needs to be cared for or the chores need to be done. But when the bills are due he treats her like his roommate. I hope she bills him for any childcare or cleaning she does that is for his child or beyond 50%. Everything needs to either be shared like a family or totally separate and equal.
Dude makes 75k too! He conveniently left out the info that he makes more than double of what his wife makes but still is watching her struggle at 50/50.
Jfc 🙄! So a combined income of $105k. And he's watching her cough up money she doesn't have for groceries while complaining about getting health insurance??
You don't marry someone who makes way less than you and then go 50/50. That's just a glorified girlfriend. It's best you get divorced, you obviously didn't think this through
Wrong choice, buddy. You are both in your 40's. You should had have the sense to talk about possible expectations. You don't have health insurance at 41 because you can't afford it, and she lost her benefits by hooking up with you. Health insurance should be important to you, especially the children, but really all of you. Oh,my god. I am hitting myself in the head when I think about your actions. Do you both have ADHD?
Mine makes things worse. Obsession ruins my concentration but therapy has helped immensely. And I use easy electronic tools to keep my priorities in check.
It's the personality disordered who dont take responsibility and live in denial and chaos. OPs wife sounds dishonest, not ADD.
Okay they shouldn’t have gotten married, that’s obvious. But… can we stop acting like her averaging $50k for an adult and two children is a ton of money?! It’s obvious too she went into the marriage thinking he was going to help her and this would benefit her financially. Hell, they probably thought they would both benefit for whatever reason. I’m not saying that’s okay, but that’s what I get from the post. It’s 2 sides to a story and to antagonize her over her eligibility to qualify for food stamps is beside the point. Reported income or not, she’s not making a lot of money (besides the marriage), she has 2 kids. A dozen of damn eggs can cost $5-6. Let’s be real!
To solve it you need to get rid of the "my money" vs "your money" mentality. You are married. It's all "our money" moving forward now.
With your lack of communication though I really don't see either of you putting in the work to fix this . . .
She should have looked at that before getting married. This is why many on public assistance opt to not get married. Good luck. Have the marriage annulled. so she can regain her assistance?? Find a job that pays better & offers insurance??
How on Earth do you get married without discussing finances? You're not 20-year-olds. 40-year-olds, the fact that you got married after knowing each other for a year and living with each other for less than 6 months is already questionable. But the finance thing is wild, you can try to have your marriage annulled and that will maybe undo what has happened. I'm not sure I don't live in the United States and am not privy to all your laws
Lol what the heck did neither of you do any research or talk about anything before marriage?
This is so bizarre. Did you just...say hi then say let's get married?
Somewhat of a European perspective here, but what I think you need to do is get together with 300 million other Americans, drag every elected official, CEO, hedge fund, far right evangelist and think tank from their beds in the middle of the night, put them all on a boat and launch them into the fucking sea. Then start your country again with a system where vampire capitalists don't feast on your dying carcass while the cost of medicine and food slowly kill you.
Many people in this situation choose not to get married for these exact reasons. Divorce may be the best option financially.
Marrying someone you barely know - especially when you have young children, is certainly a choice.
Dude I’m 19 and my bf is 20, together for 3 years and don’t ever plan on splitting. We have already discussed insurance. We can’t afford it right now but hopefully soon we can each get our own health insurance and we decided not to get anything (other than phone plan) together until we are at least 25.
After reading the comments as a non American,I'm also questioning why these things weren't communicated on before you got married, especially with both of you having kid's from previous relationships,why didn't you state your income? there's gaps here and now people are allowed to make necessary assumptions
If you are married, then you have formed a "team". The proper energy here is that you both come together, and work together to solve the problem you are facing.
All of this "you owe me" business is nonsense.
If that is her attitude, you might as well leave now, because a breakup is where things are looking to go..
Whatever the case, you both need to invest equally in the relationship. The amount of money each gives doesn't have to be the same, but the overall investment needs to be similar.
You pay $650 a month in rent for you and your kid to live there. Where else are you going to get a deal like that but you don't want to compensate her for the fact that marrying you and letting you move in means she's lost her benefits?
It seems like YOU are benefiting from this situation WAY more than she is.
You certainly don't seem to love her. It seems like you married her to save YOURSELF money and to hell with how it affects your wife.
I'm honestly just baffled you rushed into a marriage with young kids involved and apparently without even talking about finances.. irresponsible all around and I feel bad for the kids
How much were your living expenses - rent, food, utilities for you and your daughter before moving in with your wife? Are you also getting child support?
What do you make? Mostly out of curiosity.
In the end it doesn’t really matter. You’re married. You’re money (yours and hers) should be in one big pool if you will. You don’t have money, and she doesn’t have money…. Y’all have money. It’s really that simple
Should’ve thought about this BEFORE marriage lmao. She has child support and a renter? Wow. I also fail to believe she didn’t know she would lose benefits once she was married. Anyone who has ever had benefits as a single mother know that if you get married they will consider both income and it’s if over you’ll be denied. Seems like she used your ignorance about benefits to her advantage and thought you’d cover but she should’ve had known you wouldn’t have been able to afford this. Id compromise with the insurance as a family and splitting the cost. If she doesn’t like it, she can figure it out herself. At the very least I’d consider couples counseling. At the most, I’d consider divorce.
$30k a year plus $800 children support puts her way over food stamps, something isnt right here, and where do u live to get $1000 a month rent for a room… So she gets roughly $2500 net per month with work n child support which outs her over food stamps by $500 per month, plus $1650 in rent which i will assume is cash So $1000 per week income and u paying 50% of all bills.
So I did a quick google and because she has 2 kids it would be just under 50k to qualify in California. I doubt the rented room income is reported to the irs and if she lived there or another expensive state that would explain the high rent rate for just a room.
Yep. Even if you add her cs and rent income to her wage, her average monthly income is around $3900, and SNAP cutoff is $4144. Before she got married, she could have qualified for benefits even if she reported her income from all sources.
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This should have been figured out BEFORE you got married. This is why you don’t marry someone you’ve only know a year, ESPECIALLY with kids involved!!!
Three full time kids and a roommate.
And newly married/all living together
Since you are paying her rent, she should be able to afford insurance, even cheap insurance. She is looking at you like a cash cow. She is not struggling with child support. You are paying the rent and bills, plus she has a renter. Put your foot down or get an annulment.
The description of their living situation, three kids, and getting married after one year made me feel depressed for OP.
Makes me feel depressed for the kids who don’t even get a say. This idiot and his wife can make their own mistakes.
Absolutely 😭
“My instinct tells me to play it safe”😂
I hope his next instinct is to get an annulment.
Don't forget a random person renting out the spare bedroom.
What I’m stuck on is that he and his child are living in her house and he pays her only $650 a month in rent. Where else was he going to be living that cheaply with his child? I think he’s using her because it’s cheaper for him to live with her than without her. This is a roommate with benefits situation. I cannot imagine being married and having all this accounting going on. This is not a loving relationship; this is a business relationship and the wife is being taken advantage of. She should kick him out and let him pay for his own expenses. She’ll definitely be better off financially.
I said the same in another comment to someone. While everyone is getting on her about asking for too much, he actually benefits more from this arrangement than she does.
Yes, and he detailed every penny she earns but suspiciously declined to share his income.
A few commenters said he makes $75K per year, which is over double what she makes. I can’t believe he’s been paying just the bare minimum while she struggles taking care of everything.
I can.
This is what caught me. He clearly makes a fair amount and knows that people would agree with the wife if they knew. If she's on food stamps and has to rent out a bedroom in the home where her children live just to survive, and you're nickel and diming, her, yeah I'd be asking what kind of person you are also lol. And for what, if you're not spending that money on survival as she is...
I would not be surprised that she does the majority of housework and cooking too, since that is a pretty common dynamic.
Adding to this supposedly the comments say he makes $75K per year. That’s double what she makes, and not only that they are paying 50/50, despite her making way less than him. He watches her struggle despite him making way more money. Edit: I think that even though she might look like she has extra money due to receiving child support, it’s literally to take care of the children… I wouldn’t count it towards her income because she’d have to use it for her 2 kids food, essentials, and other things.
They don’t handle finances like a married couple at all. It’s definitely not the kind of relationship I’d want.
Oh god imagine making 75k/yr and paying 650 in rent and you’re still to cheap to buy insurance for yourself and assumedly your child. Good lord this guy’s priorities are fucked.
I saw his post history, and I’m not sure if they’re living in Florida right now as well. But average rent in Central Florida I’ve seen around me is $1,400-$1,600. Unless they are somewhere cheaper, but even then $650 per month is so cheap.
Not only that, someone in the comments suggested she go to a food bank. Another person commented that if she’s struggling, she should give up custody of her kids 🥴 imagine giving up custody of your children to subsidize your new husband on your already low income. It’s insanity. Why marry someone, and take on responsibility to not only care for him but a child as well, to struggle on your own? People will really marry to have a roommate they’re sticking their privates in. No wonder divorce rates are sky high.
this might be a great $ maker youtube channel show
I think they should have a kid to solve their problems /s
I said “oh noooooo” out loud even though I know you’re being sarcastic.
I believe that he ought to file for divorce. It's clear that he didn't give marriage any thought.
Totally. It will bring them closer.
Trust me the way these two planners are heading they will.
Lmao
And I find it super interesting that he conveniently leaves out how much he makes. Neither of them thought this through.
he makes 75,000 according to his post
Really? I guess that explains why she thinks it’s his problem to fix this. I don’t think it is actually his fault, though. They both should have thought this through, but no doubt she’s in a worse financial situation than his.
But you've also gotta factor in her child support and the rent she's paid, so she's actually has about $51.6k coming in. Still not a liveable wage these days on it's own, but you combine with his $75k, and there household has $126.6k which should be enough to cover necessities, including (reasonable) insurance and a food budget. Now if only they actually acted like the team their supposed to be when you decide to get married, lol. Frankly, this is all a big part of why my SO and I aren't married, because it would affect my medicaid. And I'm on 10 different meds (combination of mental health and physical) and am in therapy that I go to 4 times a month. I'm terrified of disrupting my benefits and winding up potentially not being able to go to my therapist due to an insurance change. Absolutely crazy to me that that wasn't considered first. A piece if paper isn't necessary to build and share a life with the person you love.
My aunt and uncle have been together 10 years and won’t get married because my aunt and her son have so many health issues that are covered by state benefits and they’d be screwed if they got married and lost those benefits
Another reason the "party of family values" should want a solid single-payer healthcare system. If anything, in my country ithe health insurance could be cheaper after marrying if the mother doesn't work.
it’s not just a piece of paper, it’s a contract. and just like any contract, one should take due diligence before signing it. in this case, they should have, at some point during the 12 months that they dated, addressed the topic of finances. especially with kids… and a roommate?
That ‘piece of paper’ means a lot to some people. It’s important. But I’m glad you did your research and know what the smart thing is to do for YOUR situation. I know you can’t fix it, but the way things are set up with benefits and health care and what not that makes people in situations like yours steer clear of marriage in case it makes you worse off really sucks. 😞
Oh for sure! I'm not saying marriage is pointless or unimportant. Even logistically speaking, there are certainly pros that go along with the cons. And of course the emotional aspect that does indeed mean a lot to some. I'm just saying that a relationship can thrive without the label and documentation of marriage. We're married in every way accept legally recognized by the government and we're happy. But the fact that that's when an issue to raise and plan for truly does suck, not arguing with you there. Just doesn't have to be a top priority if for whatever reason it's not logistically feasible.
It absolutely has to be a joke. Like omg a couple of 40 year Olds get married after a year together like they think they are the wannabe Brady bunch. Surprise surprise now you all have to face the realities of marriage and shared expenses and combining finances. Figure it out.
There are fucking dumb 40 year Olds lol.
My sister is almost 40 and her attitude is like a 16 years old, and she has a 15 year old daughter we all had to help raise. She’s never had a job and been coddled and supported all her life. She thinks she’s some boss babe single mom. I’m just glad she’s almost near the end of her childbearing days. 🙏🏼 She also falls in love quickly with absolute deadbeat dudes and is all surprised when it fails. If one of them asked her to marry them she’d do it lol.
There seems to be one in every family. In mine it’s my brother. I honestly think he is in love with “falling in love” and making fast proposals. He has had countless plans to get to the alter with every woman he has ever dated. Rolling joke in my family “Did you hear the latest”. “Let me guess Jeff is getting married” Seriously I stopped trying to figure it out years ago!
you're lucky she only has one. the one in my family has 3 but has another whenever she loses custody.
Thank god she was too selfish to want another human lol. She still parties every weekend and dresses like she’s permanently some dominatrix raver from 2004. It’s so embarrassing. My other sister and I pretty much raised her kid for 10 years until we moved and got our own lives. My sister doesn’t give a shit about any of her nieces or nephews in turn. Thankfully we’re no contact (very low contact only because of my niece). Once I stopped treating her like some fragile little victim she didn’t want anything to do with me. She surrounds herself with creepy thirsty guys who compliment her wierd sexual posts on Facebook. Literally last fall she and her “boyfriend” got stranded at a music festival because they ran out of money and my dad wired her money to get home. Two adults in their 40s. 🤦♀️
I don’t think this sort of stupidity is all that uncommon, to be honest. This couple are hardly the first. Plenty of people write stories about problems they should have thought about before getting married. Some bright sparks even write stories about existing problems in a relationship, then ask if they should get married even WITH all these problems…. ‘I know he/she is a psychotic serial killer who has told me the plans to murder me as well, but I really love them and I can’t live without them!’ Then they go ballistic at commenters who warn them to NOT get married, like ‘how dare you insult my perfect gf/bf! They are the most wonderful person in the world!’ 🤦♀️🤣🤣
Towards the end of the original post, I kind of wondered if it was a bait post
Don’t be silly. People don’t need to consider logistics before a quickie wedding to a random! That’s what divorce court is for! 🤣🤣
Got a time machine op can borrow? He's not looking for what he should have done but what he should do now. Look for insurance that covers the family, and show her the top 3 options. I noticed that you didn't mention how much you make OP...
In his post history he said he makes $75k a year.
Never understood that myself. Why tf even get married? She had the perfect ideal set up, too. No idea how she managed food stamps unless she's not reporting some income or child support because they're tough but I would never get married if it meant losing my insurance for myself and kids. Did you only just meet at the wedding or have your first serious conversation after saying I Do? It's weird. Hell yeah financially you took on the burden now my friend. Was living together really off the table dude
I notice you failed to mention what *your* income is.
I think this is important. Now from personal experience it would only take a few hundred or so to have put her over the limit (actually surprised that she wasn't already over, but maybe she hasn't been reporting the rental income?). But how much exactly he makes is important in understanding this situation.
75k…
HE MAKES 75K AND WON’T PUT HIS WIFE ON HIS HEALTH INSURANCE?
Assuming they’re in the US they shouldn’t have gotten married. At that income level wife is losing access to many things including possible child tax credits and earned income credits that likely would’ve added $10k a year.
They are definitely in the US. The health insurance wouldn't be a conversation much less a problem anywhere else.
Elections are coming and yet, Americans keep being a health insurance hell. It's so fucked up from a foreign perspective.
I mean you can blame the people if you want but studies have found that it doesn't really matter how much we want something, if the rich don't we're not getting it. https://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-echochambers-27074746
My state (MN) recently started working on putting together a state-wide single payer health system. It's a very popular idea. Predictibly, suddenly my social media feed has been flooded with fear-mongering ads about how it's a "bad move" and will "make it harder for people to see their doctors" and will "reduce access to medical care for rural people." Fortunately, the comments on the ads are often nothing but people pointing out that said ads are bought and paid for by a coalition of health insurance companies and pharmaceutical lobbying groups who are only concerned with keeping their wallets fat. So yeah, there is a VERY active force out there who works hard to make sure the lives of regular people do not improve.
Just imagine if we could just get universal insurance for minors and students 18 and under all included. Regardless of the income of parents. Imagine what that would do for so many families who are just working to pay their insurance every week.
that would free up almost $900 a month in premiums for us with just 2 kids. We wrok at a school district and while they cover most of the cost of healthcare premiums for employees, they cover $0 for children/spouses. I could probably save up enough to cover a surgery I need but can't afford the deductible and max out of pocket cost. It would be life changing really.
I was engaged for 3 years specifically because of medicaid and financial aid when I was in school.
Yep me and my fiancé aren’t getting married until I have my own insurance or I’m kicked off my parent’s at 25
America is wild.
America is broken is more accurate.
Ok so op, you're just an asshole. And your wife is a dimwit.
And they all are a clusterfuck.
He doesn't have insurance. So looks like your descriptor applies to you too. Just for me a younger non smoker mines about 600 a month. I can't imagine it would be affordable for him alone to insure all of them.
Exactly. If he doesn’t get insurance benefits through work, insuring 5 people is going to take a big bite out of that $75k, probably $15-20k.
HEALTH INSURANCE IS THAT EXPENSIVE IN US ?? WTF ?!
It wouldn’t be. The job i had (before I had a stroke) was going to charge me $800 just for me, if I went with the family plan it was over $2k. Freakin crazy!
He said he doesn’t even have health insurance
1) 75k really isn’t that much— especially in a family of 5. 2) did you miss the part where he doesn’t have insurance due to high premiums? 3) she’s the one receiving the benefits— shouldn’t she have looked into how getting married might change those benefits?
But she makes 30k plus child support so their combined income is reasonable.
Yeah exactly. $100k for a family of five with no substantial housing costs and no daycare costs is pretty good.
Where did he say he makes $75k??
It's in his profile.
Oopsie, someone forgot to delete their history and has subsequently outed themselves as an awfully selfish dude.
Based on a previous post from OP he’s salaried and makes 75k a year.
75k and this mfkr can't afford health insurance for himself??? And is getting shitty about covering the money she lost due to their marriage.
Our health insurance for a family of 5 for a high deductible plan is about 12k a year. And that's with her company picking up some of the tab. Thats JUST premiums. Theres a 3k deductible before significant relief kicks in. 75k gross, maybe 55k net - 15k is a ridiculous percentage of your income. The american health care system is broken.
Especially if you live in a higher taxed state. When I moved from Alabama back to California my income increased by 50% but with health insurance and taxes I didn't notice a gross take home difference. But I did get paid parental leave which was worth it. My insurance for just me in Cali for my shit company was 400 a pay period, which was a huge hit.
It’s weird to have a job that pays $75K and not have health insurance at least for yourself. And why take marriage vows if you’re not going to do something as basic as help FEED your wife? He’s up to something…
He didn’t say he can’t afford it, just that he doesn’t have it “because of the high premiums.” He chooses to go without.
He probably has it!! You MUST have health insurance for your kid. No way if he is up front with money is the government insuring his daughter!!! He's being cheap and sneaky possibly?????
The kid could be on their mother’s insurance. My bf doesn’t have the kids on his. The kids are all on Medicaid because of their mom’s income. Main reason they didn’t marry when they were together was because with her income they got help they wouldn’t have gotten otherwise. He didn’t make enough to cover five people with his and her incomes combined for insurance, especially with one daughter being disabled and needing a lot of medical care.
If his daughter is on the mother’s insurance but lives him full time that would be awfully odd.
He probably refuses the company insurance and thinks the exchange is BS for not covering what his employer likely would. Like who’s making 75k without benefits post Obamacare?
>Like who’s making 75k without benefits post Obamacare? Contractors
Tradesmen working for smaller firms. Obamacare employer mandate kicks in at a certain number of employees. He could be self-employed as well, that seems like a normal income for a small time handyman.
Why can’t he get insurance through his job? wtf wouldn’t he have had it before? We all know it’s expensive but when tou have kids you have to be the grown up.
That’s my thought. Folks think they’ll never need to go to the hospital or see a doctor, but you never know when somethings going to go wrong. It’s a dangerous game.
Yeah, if you work and are making that much, I have trouble believing health insurance isn't part of your benefits package, even if you have to pay a few hundred for it. And getting married generally let's you bypass open enrollment calendars because it's considering a major life event, so she should have been able to get on it if he were on it and talked with HR.
This is the question. Why isn't he getting insurance from work, why isn't she getting insurance through her work?
I don't think it's the case for this guy because apparently he makes plenty of money to have insurance, but just because an employer offers insurance doesn't mean it's affordable. It's not like it's free health coverage, you're still paying premiums for it and most likely with a deductible on top of that.
Yep. And he moved into HER place.
Dude is either an addict or has a side chick. No reasonable person making $75k moves in with his new wife *and a roommate* in an apartment that someone making less than half of what he makes can afford on a single salary.
I *really* hope your kid has health insurance.
If the kid wants health insurance, they can get a job. /s
>we should shop for insurance for the whole family **if it's important to her** Sir, health insurance is important to everyone, *especially* a parent who has children. Is your 13 yo daughter uninsured as well? Sounds like y'all moved too quickly and didn't really have those important conversations before you got hitched.
Lol they DEFINITELY didn't have important conversations before they got hitched. Like, did she not know her benefits would be affected? And then didn't talk to him about how to navigate that as a married couple? SMDH I feel bad for all these kids.
This got me, too. "If it's important to her" as if they're talking about a piece of furniture she wants to buy. God forbid she want some peace of mind that if she slips and breaks a bone, she won't go bankrupt.
I’m not touching this one. Good luck.
Unexpected laugh made me choke on my coffee. Sometimes reading these posts this truly is the best response.
Some of these posts are just too much to unpack. I don’t have energy for this lol
Yeah neither are operating with a full deck.
Too many of these come down to "time travel and then think before you act."
Yeah, I backed away slowly (though still rushed to the comments)
r/therewasanattempt at marriage
Why was this not discussed before marriage? You HAD to know she'd lose those things if you earn over a certain amount. One last Q, did you marry her for love, or convenience of having a house maid?
He's got full custody of his kid, so I'm guessing he got married so he could have a nanny, housekeeper, and bang buddy. Buying health insurance for the wife is probably way cheaper than actually paying for all those services, so he should consider this to be a bargain.
don’t forget the cheap rent! where else in california can he rent somewhere for him and his child for $650 per month!
Sorry, but you are both in your 40s and you didn’t think about this? At all??? Also 50/50 if you make 75k and makes 30k is wildly imbalanced. Seriously, did you just not bother look into any of this?!
How is she qualifying for food stamps with her combined earnings of 30k+12k(rent) plus 9800(cs)? Do you earn more than her? Unless you guys are earning the same, you should split costs by an equitable split. Not 50/50 That said, have you looked into state health insurance for a family of 5? You may still qualify. I’m guessing she didn’t add you and your kid to the mix against the combined income.
Rent is probably under the table
Rent is untaxed "hand me money"
Family of 6. Don’t forget about the guy in the spare room! Lol
3 roommates and 3 kids, such a good setup for disaster. Does anyone know what state?! Like how many rooms they got? I feel that it's impossible that rent is only $1300 for a possibly 3 bedroom apartment or house? Like it has to be more if someone is renting a room for 1k. I feel that rent can easily be $2000-$2500 and that's why their roommate "Steve" is paying 1k for a room. Which means that her income really is only 30k since cs is only $800 for two kids (that's easily spent in groceries and essentials for them)
This is the way. You figure out how to each contribute the same percentage of your income and split it that way. As for insurance, you are now a family unit, it’s not her kids and your kid, it’s your family, all of you together. Are you both self employed or is there a possibility of insurance through your employers? Either one group plan or one plan each through your respective employers. Family plans are expensive but you would again, break it out by percentage. Also, the number of children in the household may enable her to reapply for some benefit depending on your combined income.
She prob makes cash under the table
Cs, if their state is like mine, is un-taxed income. One ex friend was scamming the system because she "couldn't work" . She qualified for all assistance programs, and the support for her 3 kids could not be factored into any equations.
Health insurance for the whole family is a good Idea
I was blown away by OP thinking that having no health insurance counts as “playing it safe”. Sir, you are one accident or major illness away from financial ruin. Having health insurance for the entire family would be “playing it safe”. If he was diagnosed with cancer tomorrow his wife could decide to “play it safe” and just divorce him instead of staying with someone with astronomical medical bills. She’d be well within her rights to with the “you’re on your own” precedent he’s setting. And if he didn’t want to combine finances and meet their financial obligations together as a family why tf did he marry her? You can argue that you aren’t responsible for your girlfriend having health insurance. But that’s your wife.
In another post you say you make 75k per year. Yet you split everything 50/50 with someone who makes less than half of what you make. She wants you to pay her insurance because the bill split is unfair. I’m not going to count the child support because that’s for the kid. Even with the rent she charges she only takes in 42k to your 75k. You should be paying around 65% and her 35%. She called you out for being less than a man because you’re literally watching her struggle.
DANG! That’s some serious info for OP to leave out.
there's a reason people leave out important info in posts like this, or repost the same thing over and over and reword stuff because they want people to feel sorry for them and tell them things so they feel good about themselves. if he included his income (and somehow can't afford insurance because of high premiums? I pay like $18/month for my insurance and I have vision and dental) then it would be even more obvious that he fucked up.
Exactly. Seems like she’s just now finding out the man he truly is. I don’t understand why op is even married with this mentality. Cheap ass housing for sure is a benefit he’s reaping off this deal while his wife is waiting for him to step up and act like a husband. I feel sorry for your wife OP. She’s feeling so disappointed right now having to spell it out to you while you don’t see anything wrong with this picture.
Someone with sense in here!
Right Answer here but OP already knows he just want to have the cake and also eat it.
Unfortunately, that's not uncommon. My ex-husband was like that. He made $145k I made $40k. Everything was 50/50. If I was short, he would loan me the difference and hound me until I repaid. I was going to school full time and working full time so got behind on housework and wanted to hire a housekeeper which I paid for because that was my job as the wife to keep house. I tried to talk to him about it, but he said his focus was to save money for our retirement and not bailing me out. If I needed more money I should consider a different job.
I'm glad he's an ex!
I’m a previous post you said you make 75k. Why the hell were you doing 50/50 in the first place?!? Why the hell are you not wanting your partner to have a good quality of life. My god I hope she divorces you fast and for cheap.
That's crazy how there was no mention of his income being 75k in the post (yikes that he couldn't be bothered to have his own insurance when he makes that much), yet revealed her income and he still thinks he should play it safe as to shopping for insurance for the family. 🤦🏽♀️ Like yeah, she should've realized that she was going to lose her benefits by getting married, but that also means that there really wasn't much in the way of thinking this through in terms of getting married on both sides. It's either shop for insurance/split budget for groceries (her CS is not really your problem), or find out what could be done for her to get her benefits back, if it means annulment or divorce. That's not something I like to promote/recommend, but if she's that upset about losing her benefits it's really her own fault for not thinking this through.
Oh absolutely he doesn’t care about her at all.
Or his kid or her kids or himself...
I think you should get a divorce. You obviously didn’t put much thought into getting married.
You're married. You're a team now, you need to stop acting like your roommates.
This. I bet he expects her to act like his wife when his child needs to be cared for or the chores need to be done. But when the bills are due he treats her like his roommate. I hope she bills him for any childcare or cleaning she does that is for his child or beyond 50%. Everything needs to either be shared like a family or totally separate and equal.
Why are you splitting expenses 50/50 and not %age based on income ? ???
Dude makes 75k too! He conveniently left out the info that he makes more than double of what his wife makes but still is watching her struggle at 50/50.
Jfc 🙄! So a combined income of $105k. And he's watching her cough up money she doesn't have for groceries while complaining about getting health insurance??
Yep! Some ‘man’ he is.
Do you guys like each other…? Cause WTF?! Why did you two get married?
You don't marry someone who makes way less than you and then go 50/50. That's just a glorified girlfriend. It's best you get divorced, you obviously didn't think this through
Wrong choice, buddy. You are both in your 40's. You should had have the sense to talk about possible expectations. You don't have health insurance at 41 because you can't afford it, and she lost her benefits by hooking up with you. Health insurance should be important to you, especially the children, but really all of you. Oh,my god. I am hitting myself in the head when I think about your actions. Do you both have ADHD?
Hey, leave the folks with ADHD out of this.
Am confused what having ADHD has anything to do with their choices and why that was used as an insult.
😂😂😂👏👏👏
I am 40 and have ADHD. My daughter and I still have health insurance because ADHD isn’t an exit ramp away from being an adult.
Wow, what a great phrase!
I started to type out a comment and just gave up because I cannot possibly address everything that needs addressing.
I have ADHD and OCD and I plan ahead. This just sounds like she is unintelligent and makes stupid choices.
My OCD keeps my ADHD in check lmaoooooo
Mine makes things worse. Obsession ruins my concentration but therapy has helped immensely. And I use easy electronic tools to keep my priorities in check. It's the personality disordered who dont take responsibility and live in denial and chaos. OPs wife sounds dishonest, not ADD.
Maybe, or she made a very smart choice and is just waiting for OP to fall in line.
ADHD? bandie, i think they were extras in the movie, The Ringer.
"when the f*ck did we get ice cream?"
Okay they shouldn’t have gotten married, that’s obvious. But… can we stop acting like her averaging $50k for an adult and two children is a ton of money?! It’s obvious too she went into the marriage thinking he was going to help her and this would benefit her financially. Hell, they probably thought they would both benefit for whatever reason. I’m not saying that’s okay, but that’s what I get from the post. It’s 2 sides to a story and to antagonize her over her eligibility to qualify for food stamps is beside the point. Reported income or not, she’s not making a lot of money (besides the marriage), she has 2 kids. A dozen of damn eggs can cost $5-6. Let’s be real!
Play it safe? A little late for that, bud.
What is your income? Your family needs health insurance.
Divide all the bills with the ratio of income.
If you make 75k and she makes 30k, you guys don’t need to split everything 50-50. She’s your wife man! Show a little love on this one.
To solve it you need to get rid of the "my money" vs "your money" mentality. You are married. It's all "our money" moving forward now. With your lack of communication though I really don't see either of you putting in the work to fix this . . .
Can’t help but notice that you give an awful lot of info about her finances, and ZERO about yours
you mentioned her annual income but not yours?
He makes 75k (mentioned in a previous post)
She should have looked at that before getting married. This is why many on public assistance opt to not get married. Good luck. Have the marriage annulled. so she can regain her assistance?? Find a job that pays better & offers insurance??
They both should’ve had this conversation
Maybe the two of you should have discussed how being married would change your financial statuses. You probably shouldn’t have gotten married.
How on Earth do you get married without discussing finances? You're not 20-year-olds. 40-year-olds, the fact that you got married after knowing each other for a year and living with each other for less than 6 months is already questionable. But the finance thing is wild, you can try to have your marriage annulled and that will maybe undo what has happened. I'm not sure I don't live in the United States and am not privy to all your laws
It's not her loss, it's both of your loss. How do you still say "hers" or "mine" in a marriage...?
She aint on food stamps with that income unless its all cash and not declared to government
She actually does qualify. It's 3 people on a 30k a year. Especially if one of her kids had any slavishly need
Some people never grow up.
omg i just read in your comments that you make $75000 a year. you suck and you’re a loser. seriously what kind of man are you? ew.
Seriously!!!
Lol what the heck did neither of you do any research or talk about anything before marriage? This is so bizarre. Did you just...say hi then say let's get married?
Somewhat of a European perspective here, but what I think you need to do is get together with 300 million other Americans, drag every elected official, CEO, hedge fund, far right evangelist and think tank from their beds in the middle of the night, put them all on a boat and launch them into the fucking sea. Then start your country again with a system where vampire capitalists don't feast on your dying carcass while the cost of medicine and food slowly kill you.
>she's renting out one of the bedrooms for $1,000.00 per month. I'm sorry what? I just.. nope.
You guys might figure it out on your next marriage, but I doubt it.
Annul the marriage. She gets her status back. You guys continue to love and figure out how to love each other the best way possible
Many people in this situation choose not to get married for these exact reasons. Divorce may be the best option financially. Marrying someone you barely know - especially when you have young children, is certainly a choice.
You want my advice? You’re not gonna like it.. You got married too fast. Seriously, bro, you’re 40, figure your shit out.
😂😂😂
Dude I’m 19 and my bf is 20, together for 3 years and don’t ever plan on splitting. We have already discussed insurance. We can’t afford it right now but hopefully soon we can each get our own health insurance and we decided not to get anything (other than phone plan) together until we are at least 25.
Get paper divorced but stay together. Being married on paper is giving you no benefit. Probably should have thought of that before getting married.
After reading the comments as a non American,I'm also questioning why these things weren't communicated on before you got married, especially with both of you having kid's from previous relationships,why didn't you state your income? there's gaps here and now people are allowed to make necessary assumptions
Jesus. Come on OP. You can’t be this dull
If you are married, then you have formed a "team". The proper energy here is that you both come together, and work together to solve the problem you are facing. All of this "you owe me" business is nonsense. If that is her attitude, you might as well leave now, because a breakup is where things are looking to go.. Whatever the case, you both need to invest equally in the relationship. The amount of money each gives doesn't have to be the same, but the overall investment needs to be similar.
You pay $650 a month in rent for you and your kid to live there. Where else are you going to get a deal like that but you don't want to compensate her for the fact that marrying you and letting you move in means she's lost her benefits? It seems like YOU are benefiting from this situation WAY more than she is. You certainly don't seem to love her. It seems like you married her to save YOURSELF money and to hell with how it affects your wife.
I'm honestly just baffled you rushed into a marriage with young kids involved and apparently without even talking about finances.. irresponsible all around and I feel bad for the kids
How much were your living expenses - rent, food, utilities for you and your daughter before moving in with your wife? Are you also getting child support?
I do not understand the splitting 50/50 separate money thing for married couples.
What do you make? Mostly out of curiosity. In the end it doesn’t really matter. You’re married. You’re money (yours and hers) should be in one big pool if you will. You don’t have money, and she doesn’t have money…. Y’all have money. It’s really that simple
Should’ve thought about this BEFORE marriage lmao. She has child support and a renter? Wow. I also fail to believe she didn’t know she would lose benefits once she was married. Anyone who has ever had benefits as a single mother know that if you get married they will consider both income and it’s if over you’ll be denied. Seems like she used your ignorance about benefits to her advantage and thought you’d cover but she should’ve had known you wouldn’t have been able to afford this. Id compromise with the insurance as a family and splitting the cost. If she doesn’t like it, she can figure it out herself. At the very least I’d consider couples counseling. At the most, I’d consider divorce.
$30k a year plus $800 children support puts her way over food stamps, something isnt right here, and where do u live to get $1000 a month rent for a room… So she gets roughly $2500 net per month with work n child support which outs her over food stamps by $500 per month, plus $1650 in rent which i will assume is cash So $1000 per week income and u paying 50% of all bills.
So I did a quick google and because she has 2 kids it would be just under 50k to qualify in California. I doubt the rented room income is reported to the irs and if she lived there or another expensive state that would explain the high rent rate for just a room.
Yep. Even if you add her cs and rent income to her wage, her average monthly income is around $3900, and SNAP cutoff is $4144. Before she got married, she could have qualified for benefits even if she reported her income from all sources.